quote:

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The hearing in York also heard an allegation made by another woman, who claimed she was "mesmerised" by Mr Brown's legs as he pressed against her on a settee in the vicarage

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[ 10. March 2003, 01:09: Message edited by: Erin ]
 

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Posted by Ultraspike (# 268) on :
 
Now why can't I ever have a vicar like that?
 

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Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
Mesmerised by his legs, eh? I've seen the photo in the paper, and would have supposed an old-fashioned pocket-watch would have been more successfully mesmerising.

Now I am trying to imagine the Revd. Mr. Brown sitting on the settee, swinging his legs backwards and forwards rhythmically, and saying "You are getting very sleepy."

I notice that it is the Bishop of Carlisle (he of the rectal demons) who has removed Mr. Brown from his post.
 

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Posted by IanB (# 38) on :
 
Obviously not a BCP parish then. Otherwise she would have known that "the Lord delighteth not in any man's legs" (Ps 147)

Ian
 

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Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
Doesn't say she delighted in them, Ian. It says she was mesmerised by them. He could have had elephantiasis and been mesmerising. "My dear! I just couldn't take my eyes off them!"
 

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Posted by Arietty (# 45) on :
 
Graham Dow aka + Gramsis Carionsis wrote a Grove booklet about demons etc implying common or garden demons can crop up anywhere.

Maybe he suspected it was demons infesting Mr Borwn's legs which were doing the mesmerising, and removed the legs from office as an alternative to exorcising them.
 

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Posted by Siegfried (# 29) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Amos:
I notice that it is the Bishop of Carlisle (he of the rectal demons) who has removed Mr. Brown from his post.

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Rectal demons?

Sieg
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
As a matter of record, might I note that this is the second thread that we have had on the Ship of Fools dealing, at least passim with Vicars' legs?

What is it with you people and the extremities of Church of England clergy?
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Oh so holy, Tomb - would you be so holy if we were talking about female priests here?
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
I wasn't aware that one examined limbs to sex the creature, unless one is referring to roaches.
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Do you really mean to say you cannot tell the difference between male and female legs?
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
I can tell the difference between masculine and feminine legs, but that is, conceivably, an different matter, entirely.
 

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Posted by Arietty (# 45) on :
 
Where is the first thread? I want to read it!

Well a couple of weeks ago we had a lot of threads on Mormon doctrine, now it is vicar's legs. Obviously these things come in waves.
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Arietty:
Where is the first thread? I want to read it!
...

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I probably erased it. Silly me; who wudda thunk that there existed on the Ship such a reservoir of presbyter limb fetishists.
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Bunch of horny toad women who ought to get a life . The priest should have present another witness everywhere he goes since these women all want his body.

Yes, women can be depraved too. If he were ugly and short, would she have been so captivated by his legs?

I hope he gets the sense not to travel around anymore by himself till he is close to 80 (or even not then!)

The women should be scorned...I think they are drinking too much wine or smoking too much crack.

I never said I was fair or didn't make rash judgements...but that is how I feel after reading the article, my 2 cents.
 

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Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by tomb:
who wudda thunk that there existed on the Ship such a reservoir of presbyter limb fetishists.

---

PLF is a serious malady and it doesn't help the sufferers any for you to make fun of them, Tomb. Shame on you.

Reader Alexis
 

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Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
Siegfried, I am reliably informed (i.e. by a source besides Fr. Fiddleback) that +Graham has opined that male homosexuality is caused by an infestation of rectal demons.

I imagine he must be virtually alone among CofE bishops in holding this opinion.
 

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Posted by Arietty (# 45) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Amos:
I am reliably informed ........that +Graham has opined that male homosexuality is caused by an infestation of rectal demons.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Arietty:
Maybe he suspected it was demons infesting Mr Brown's legs which were doing the mesmerising, and removed the legs from office as an alternative to exorcising them.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by duchess:
Yes, women can be depraved too. If he were ugly and short, would she have been so captivated by his legs?

---

Depends on your tastes, doesn't it. I've never found tall men with long legs attractive. I like men to be a reasonable height, not look like a bloody spider. And no I don't mean that I don't like them to have more than 2 legs, although that is true.
 

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Posted by Pheonix (# 2782) on :
 
Just for the sake of equality shouldn't we have a thread discussing legs of the female clergy?

 

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Posted by Arietty (# 45) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
I misread this at first owing to a late night and thought you were referring to amputation as a possible cure, which led me to think that if I see any legless vicars around I will know why.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
I've never found tall men with long legs attractive. I like men to be a reasonable height, not look like a bloody spider. And no I don't mean that I don't like them to have more than 2 legs, although that is true.

---

quote:

---

Mr Brown said: "I remember the occasion, but I don't remember her being mesmerised by my legs.

"I'm 6ft 3ins with long legs, the couch was small."

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quote:

---

Mr Brown is appealing against the revocation of his licence before the Archbishop of York, Dr David Hope in what is believed to be the first hearing of its kind for a decade.

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quote:

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Siegfried, I am reliably informed (i.e. by a source besides Fr. Fiddleback) that +Graham has opined that male homosexuality is caused by an infestation of rectal demons.

---

The story I heard (amazing what one learns at theological college) was that the Bishop held a clergy study day which, with monotonous predictability ended up being a lecture on the evils of homosexuality. The Bishop ran through the gamut of arguments against homosexual practice from the sophisticated to the crude to the plain bizarre ending with the supposition that during homosexual intercourse demons can enter the body through the "rectum". At which point a camp voice was heard to opine: "Oooh, so that's what it is".
 

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Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :
 
PLF is much less of an affliction than Presbyter Buns Fetishism (or bottom if you're not into the vernacular). I can say no more - it's all too horribly painful....

I noticed in the BBC article that 'accused vicar' 'couldn't remember' trying to French Kiss a female parishioner. Reminds me of a few parties I've been to in my time...... Though as a tried and tested pastoral visiting technique it probably leaves something to be desired.
 

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Posted by Arietty (# 45) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Anselmina:
PLF is much less of an affliction than Presbyter Buns Fetishism

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Arietty:
As a precautionary measure, I would beg everyone reading this to be very wary of your vicar's legs and pray over them and sprinkle them with holy water if you feel the slightest stirring of an unhealthy fascination with them.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Amos:
I always notice the legs of my fellow clergy insofar as I am able seeing that so few of them have been either defrocked or debagged.

---

quote:

---

Is this strictly an Anglican thing? Do others need to be wary? Does it only effect Rev.s or has it been know to effect local preachers as well?

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Naturally limbic demons would only infest the legs of the Anglican clergy and other members of the Church Catholic (i.e. those with the historic episcopate). For, as has been observed, the Prince of Darkness is a Gentleman which rules out the possibility that he is also a dissenter. Even the minions of Beelzebub have standards.
 

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Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Nunc Dimittis:
Debagged?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Professor Yaffle:
Naturally limbic demons would only infest the legs of the Anglican clergy and other members of the Church Catholic (i.e. those with the historic episcopate). For, as has been observed, the Prince of Darkness is a Gentleman which rules out the possibility that he is also a dissenter. Even the minions of Beelzebub have standards.

---

quote:

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Originally posted by Amos:
I notice that it is the Bishop of Carlisle (he of the rectal demons) who has removed Mr. Brown from his post.

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quote:

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Originally posted by ChastMastr:
If Mr. Brown has such mesmerising legs, I'd think he wouldn't need such artificial stimuli, and I guess the Bishop would want it back to deal with his own demons.

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No, no David. No.

You are talking about removing a post from Mr Brown, not Mr Brown from his post.

[All that UBB, and just one mistake ]

[ 08. September 2002, 13:10: Message edited by: sarkycow ]
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
O.M.G.

I make a clever little comment, and it gets turned into a syndrome.
 

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Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Arrietty:

quote:

---

Originally posted by ChastMastr:
If Mr. Brown has such mesmerising legs, I'd think he wouldn't need such artificial stimuli, and I guess the Bishop would want it back to deal with his own demons.

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No, no David. No.

You are talking about removing a post from Mr Brown, not Mr Brown from his post.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by tomb:
O.M.G.

I make a clever little comment, and it gets turned into a syndrome.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Bagpuss:
The vicar sat next to me in the pew this morning as his curate presided at the Eucharist and I must admit to being mesmerised by his lovely scented self - aftershave/deoderant who knows but he smelt yummy

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Arietty:

quote:

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Originally posted by Anselmina:
PLF is much less of an affliction than Presbyter Buns Fetishism

---

Presumably this is when you are mesmerised by your vicar's rock cakes?

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Whatever sails your boat, honey...!

Frankly, I always believed that at the moment of ordination, The Grace of Desexualization came into operation, whereby everyone who viewed you thereafter was unable to see you in any way as a sexual human being?
 

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Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
How long did it take you to discover that you were wrong?
 

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Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :
 
Actually, Amos, I felt, rather ruefully, like adding the final comment 'well, it worked for me!'

I am sure there are many good reasons why I'm not a bloke-magnet; but being a member of the clergy is pretty high up on the list. At times, it's all I can do to remind people that I wasn't born a Revd!

[Did you want to rolleyes? I don't care you are now]

[ 07. September 2002, 22:01: Message edited by: Nightlamp ]
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Arrietty:

.... How on earth are any of us to think of our spiritual lives while they waft fragrantly about the church on their stork-like legs mesmerising people?

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Arrietty:

<snip!>This is just the sort of statement that shows why men should not be ordained. Far too distracting. How on earth are any of us to think of our spiritual lives while they waft fragrantly about the church on their stork-like legs mesmerising people?

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Arrietty, you have killed me here! LOL! I picture John Cleese walking his silly-walk walk...and we all can not listen to any sermon since we are so fascinated by his stork-like legs? Watch out for the spider men! Hehe.

[your UBB sins are dealt with and forgiven]

[ 08. September 2002, 23:03: Message edited by: Nightlamp ]
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Oh gosh...I forgot to preview my code...pls forgive me!
 

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Posted by Sarajane (# 1642) on :
 
So just what is it about vicars, girls?

The only vicars I know are either a) a nice old codger but distinctly unfanciable or b) female and complaining about the effect being a vicar has on their love life. Tell me- what delights are we Friends missing out on? Haven't had a mesmerising leg for years, darlings!

Sarajane
 

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Posted by Nunc Dimittis (# 848) on :
 
You mean, you are missing out on the droolable curates who wear Hawaiian shirts and shorts on their days off? Who turn out to be gay... *sigh*
 

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Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Nunc, just a word of advice from my own experience. When you meet a man you like, always assume he's married, gay, or in a celibate holy order. Or possibly all three. Especially if he is kind, caring, sensitive, witty and fun to be with. It saves time.
 

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Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
When you meet a man you like, always assume he's married, gay, or in a celibate holy order.

---

Unless, of course, you're gay, in which case the reverse applies. And in my case, not in a celibate holy order, but requiring a specifically sexual relationship, which lets me out.

(Actually, I've only met a few gay priests via online personals ads thus far, but I'm very happy to have left personals ads behind for the most part as it wasted my time utterly. And sorry to say, but the clergy I met via those ads were every bit as unreliable and flaky as all the other people I met via those ads.)

David
isn't making any of this up
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
[modified version...he-he]

He's got legs, he knows how to use them.
He never begs, he knows how to choose them.
He's got a dime all of the time,
stays out at night movin' through time.
Oh, I want him, said, I got to have him,
the vicar's alright, he's alright.


 

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Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :
 
So is this the real reason for having priests vested up then? to hide their mesmerising legs under their surplices or cassocks? So is that why our clergy have to dress up as 1st century Romans (always seemed strange to me). I think we ought to be told.
 

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Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
Welsh Dragon I think we have found the real reason why we still have robes for clergy we don't want the congreagion distracted by the mesmerising legs during worship.

I supect high church clergy legs are more mesmerising because they have more robes.
 

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Posted by Merseymike (# 3022) on :
 
I assume that +Graham Dow (Carlisle) was chosen to ensure that the Episcopal bench had at least one certifiable lunatic, hence displaying the breadth of contemporary Anglicanism.

Being serious, what the hell is a fool like that doing as a Bishop ?

 

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Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
In what way has he been foolish in this instance?
 

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Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :
 
Ah... being a generic American Christian, I don't get to see clergy-types in robes. 'Cept on TV. Seems, though, if the fellow doing the preaching would stay tamely behind a podium or altar, whatever y'all use, it wouldn't matter if he was naked from the waist down, you'd not know...

So then, do the troubles come in the end from the holy-makers coming down to earth to interact with the pew peons?
 

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Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Merseymike:
I assume that +Graham Dow (Carlisle) was chosen to ensure that the Episcopal bench had at least one certifiable lunatic, hence displaying the breadth of contemporary Anglicanism.

Being serious, what the hell is a fool like that doing as a Bishop ?

---

I am becoming seriously worried by this as it was Graham Dow (pre-episcopal) who married me - sorry, married me and my spouse. Could this be why I dreamt one night about my vicar preaching wearing a black corset, suspender belt and black stockings, a la Tim Curry in Rocky Horror show? Oh no, that was before I got married... what good luck I was never in Revd. Brown's parish.
 

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Posted by Raspberry Rabbit (# 3080) on :
 
Tsk - what a nasty group of people you are for mentioning Bishops opining about 'rectal demons' and then fail to provide adequate references for the fact. *Did* a bishop, in fact, come forth with something about anal intercourse and its presumed connection with 'rectal demons' or was it a matter of 'he said she said' - in other words, an anecdote.

Enquiring minds want to know

Raspberry Rabbit
Montreal, QC
 

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Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
The said Bishop comes from the extreme end (terrible pun) of the charismatic spectrum. He is often credited with believing in rectal demons but whether he actually believes in them is another question.

Long before he became a Bishop I heard him say that demons were quite common. I heard him once when he was an Area Bishop and he seemed to have have become more moderate in his theology.
 

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Posted by sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Nightlamp:
Long before he became a Bishop I heard him say that demons were quite common. I heard him once when he was an Area Bishop and he seemed to have have become more moderate in his theology.

---

Or he has been warned to keep his gob shut on the more outlandish aspects of his beliefs?

Viki
 

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Posted by Esmeralda (# 582) on :
 
Perhaps he has been warned to keep everything shut... Seriously, I have known Graham for thirty years and never heard him mention demons, not even in our marriage preparation. I am quite fond of Graham and don't wish to see him maligned - I think we ought to give him the benefit of the doubt (or would that be the benefice of the doubt? And no, I've never seen his legs except in trousers.
 

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Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
I have obviously been hanging out in the wrong diocese. The only time I have been mesmerized by any member of the clergy was during a Eucharist being celebrated by a curate in her last month of pregancy. I was terrified lest her alb and chasuble make her trip on the marble steps of the altar.
 

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Posted by Arrietty (# 45) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Esmeralda:
I have known Graham for thirty years and never heard him mention demons

---

He wrote a Grove Booklet about deliverance in which demons featured quigte heavily, I don't recall any mention of rectums though!
 

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