• F**kwit on Board
  
• Ben Elton's suggestion: My wife and I have not yet been blessed with offspring, but we'd still prefer not to die in a road traffic accident. Thank you so much.
  

 

---

Posted by sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
Actual bumper sticker, currently stuck to my car

Want a taste of religion? Bite a minister.

Do I get bonus points for having parked outside:
a. The vicarage - Vicar + wife both laughed.
and
b. Church - before the main service, so everybody saw it.

Viki, who's considering taking it to HTB Well, it's for the alternative Alpha...
 

---

Posted by ej (# 2259) on :
 
..a few my old youth group kids came up with to help advertise the church... can't claim copyright on all them though:

"Get saved now. Ask me how."
"Jesus loves me, but everybody else thinks I'm a wanker"
"Who's your Daddy?"

and this one hearkens from the Simpsons, but i still love it:

"He knows what you did last summer."
 

---

Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
*A-hem*

Returning to the spirit of the Original Post, I dedicate this one to the yuppie lady who recently was tailgating me while talking on her cell phone and looking in the mirror while using her "free" hand to fuss with her hair:

LOOK MA! NO HANDS!
(Steering is for Wimps)
 

---

Posted by Ultraspike (# 268) on :
 
See in Texas (quelle surpris):

"Keep honking, I'm reloading."
 

---

Posted by auntbeast (# 377) on :
 
I was once driving along and just about crashed laughing at a simple question adorning the bumper of the car in front of me

"would you drive any better with your cell phone stuffed up your as*?"

I also get great reactions to my home made bumper decor... I have a Darwin fish and a Jesus fish nose to nose with a big silver heart painted over their noses. Gets me in hot water in almost any parking lot.

Anyway the original post was ones they SHOULD display and to get back on topic my suggestion would be:

"I picked all my Jesus stickers off because my shitty driving is a bad witness"

.. I makes me absolutely crazy when people with the cheesy Jesus stickers all over their car drive like idiots... I guess they figure if they can scare me bad enough I might have a conversion experience looking at their bumper.

All good things,
Auntbeast
 

---

Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 
About 15 years ago, I knew a guy who used to create those cheesy Christian sticker.

He 'wrote' a series about what Christians do. He could not understand why hardly anyone anted to buy

"Christians do it on their knees".

When we explained to him how people would read that he looked aghast, and repremanded us for being so tained by the flesh.

bb
 

---

Posted by Cuttlefish (# 1244) on :
 
BB, does your friend still make those stickers? Can I order one? Maybe he's got a lot left in stock so I can get one half price.

Cuttle.
 

---

Posted by Inanna (# 538) on :
 
God loves me - but he's keeping the receipt just in case...
 

---

Posted by 7 pillars (of wisdom) please (# 2629) on :
 
I've often thought of creating a bumper sticker at Christmas time saying

Jesus is for life not just for Christmas.

What does everyone think? Has it already been thought of? Is it cheesy?
 

---

Posted by Holy-Stone (# 2900) on :
 
The Church of England had an advertising campaign last Christmas where it put up loads of posters saying, "The Church is for life not just for Christmas."

Close to your idea. I suppose you could argue your theology is better though! (or is Jesus for eternity and the church just for life?)
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by auntbeast:
I have a Darwin fish and a Jesus fish nose to nose with a big silver heart painted over their noses.

---

Love it!

Alan
(still disappointed that the Darwin Fish is the wrong dimensions for an avatar )
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
'I don't have any fish on my bumper, only chips'

There used to be one years ago saying 'honk if you love Jesus' - fortunately for the noise abatement society, not many people did!
 

---

Posted by splosh (# 2743) on :
 
One that should be on a lot of drivers bumpers is:

Should I have stopped at the zebra crossing (especially as those school kids were trying to cross!)

Do not appreciate people attempting to knock me over as they are going too fast in a built up area
 

---

Posted by madgeo (# 2939) on :
 
Heres a few (some more arrogant than others):

Conspiracies aren’t.

Other people sometimes embrace their limitations. Let them.

Never mix up your areas of misunderstanding.

Government is the result of the worst properties of two parties.

My perception is your reality.
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
I had a nice fish which actually says "N Chips" inside it, on my back bumper, but I broke it off in a car wash. Gotta get me a new one. Got lots of great feedback.

Reader Alexis
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
And I have a fish shaped carrot (in bright orange and green) on my bumper which says "Go Veg" inside.

And one I've seen that trumped all those horrid "My child is on the Honor Roll at Blah, Blah, Blah Elementary School" was:

"My child is in Detention at the Youth Camp"
 

---

Posted by maleveque (# 132) on :
 
My latest favorite bumper sticker, spotted on Michigan Ave, just next to the Catholic University of America:

What would Scoobey-Doo?
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Maleveque, that's priceless.

Reader Alexis
 

---

Posted by Ann (# 94) on :
 
I was following a white van with a 'WWJD' fish. Underneath it was a sticker saying "Keep your distance."
 

---

Posted by aj (# 1383) on :
 
So...has no-one else seen:

"My karma ran over my dogma" ?
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
Simon Mayo used it in a late night BBC programme a few years back. Wish I could remember the name - it was trying to be a bit like SoF on the telly. His sign-off was 'Goodnight - and don't let your karma run over your dogma'.
 

---

Posted by makesachange (# 2424) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Holy-Stone:
The Church of England had an advertising campaign last Christmas where it put up loads of posters saying, "The Church is for life not just for Christmas."

Close to your idea. I suppose you could argue your theology is better though! (or is Jesus for eternity and the church just for life?)

---

Actually the CofE poster last Christmas ran:
"The Church is for Life not just for Christians".
We thought about doing Christmas, but Christians seemed to make the point even better.

There were three others (which we took a lot of stick for):
"Asylum Seekers ? Jesus, Mary & Joseph. Happy Christmas".

"Life Goe to pot ? Made a Hash of things ? Things not too E-asy? Love is the Drug".

"Body Piercing ? Jesus had his done 2,000 years ago".

We managed to get hate mail from as far away as New Mexico for that last one, especially given that we only produced a couple of hundred of the posters and they never went up anyweher else other than Birmingham.

Needless to say the target audience were "unchurched" youth, but a large number of Christian people (almost all outside the age range of the target audience)were very offended.

Getting back to car stickers I think there should be one for the elderly couple who refused to do above 15 mph on a 40 mph road, but just so happened to be in front of me this morning:

"My other car's a Zimmer frame".
 

---

Posted by Beethoven (# 114) on :
 
The driver we nearly 'encountered' last night should have had 'Just because I flash my lights at you doesn't mean I'm actually giving way'


 

---

Posted by Bonzo (# 2481) on :
 
When I die, I want 'Just Dead' on the back of the hearse and a few tin cans of course!
 

---

Posted by Astro (# 84) on :
 
When the RSPCA were running their "A dog is not just for Christmas" campaign I saw
"God is not just for Christmas"
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
I always wanted a bumper sticker that showed a crucified plush bunny with a circle-and-slash and the legend, "The Easter Bunny Did Not Die For Your Sins." But I lacked the guts to make one.

Reader Alexis
 

---

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
Mousethief - did you see The Onion's Easter bunnies childrens cut outs ( I think from last year ). They featured a fluffly bunny nailed to a cross, and a duck ginig out eggs - with a cross over its other shoulder. Very good.

If you want the files ( .gif's ) then drop me a line.
 

---

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mousethief:
I always wanted a bumper sticker that showed a crucified plush bunny with a circle-and-slash and the legend, "The Easter Bunny Did Not Die For Your Sins." But I lacked the guts to make one.

Reader Alexis

---

This is heresy!

The Easter bunny is not made of plush. If he were, how could he hop around delivering all those eggs?

Moo
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Moo, I figured crucifying a REAL bunny would be a little traumatic, either on me, the bunny, or both (for one thing their arms just don't move that way).

Reader Alexis
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
True story

On Good Friday a few years ago I looked out of the kitchen window to see one of the farm cats come into the garden with a rabbit between its teeth. We all spent an anxious couple of days waiting to find out if it had been the bunny.

But back to bumber stickers. Is there any bumber sticker more utterly pointless than the one which say "Caution, show dogs in transit". Like, I'm not going to drive in to the back of you because I might upset your pampered pooch, whereas the idea that I might kill myself wouldn't stop me doing it.
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
I think, Chapelhead, the point of the "caution show dogs in transit" sticker might be to let you know that, should the car roll over and the doors pop open, you should keep your distance.

Alexis
 

---

Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
Ok ok the one I the one I hate second most of all

Baby on board

The one I really hate

Small person on board

what am I meant to do? drive close so I can see it!
Or is the whole reason to put a big sticker so you can't see out the back so you can cause an accident.
Stupid people
 

---

Posted by DaveC (# 155) on :
 
I once saw a dragster, looking like a formula 1 racing car but stretched to at least 20 feet long, with huge rear wheels, an enormous spoiler on the back, and a massive engine inside. As well as various sponsor's logos, it bore a sticker saying "my other car is a Skoda". The Skoda was parked nearby to confrim this fact.
 

---

Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Moo:
This is heresy!

---

I love it. The Original "Orthodox Guy" is accused of heresy.

happybear
 

---

Posted by CJ (# 2166) on :
 
Nightlamp, you might like the one I saw recently, done up to look just like those evil yellow diamond shaped 'Baby on Board' ones

Bored with F****** Babies


 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
I had a friend who when we happened upon a car displaying the 'Baby on Board' diamond, would turn to me, and I to her (almost simultaneously). Then we would nod, and say: 'Ram it'.
 

---

Posted by Beenster (# 242) on :
 
Did anyone see Louis Theroux and his tour of religious folk and how he hooked up to a group who did "bumper sticker evangelism". The bumper sticker included a freefone number where the letters were something like the numbers for JESUS SAVES or other meaningful stuff. Anyway - there were about 37 people driving around evangelising in this way - and so the leader decided to have a rally of all these good evangelising folk.

I think about 2 cars were present

scary stuff.
 

---

Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Nightlamp:
Ok ok the one I the one I hate second most of all

Baby on board

The one I really hate

Small person on board

what am I meant to do? drive close so I can see it!
Or is the whole reason to put a big sticker so you can't see out the back so you can cause an accident.
Stupid people

---

Most people seem to be unaware of the actual purpose of these signs (but then most UK drivers appear to be stupid full stop).

In the case of an emergency crew approaching a mangled heap of wreckage, they will normally be on the lookout for adult casualties. The presence of these signs alerts them to the fact that there is probably a small body (possibly alive) to account for, so they need to take extra precautions with cutting gear etc.

(Actually, this has just highlighted incipient egocentrism on the part of all shipmates who think that these signs are addressed to them! )
 

---

Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
(Damn - too subtle again! For those who may have missed it, the last sentence of the previous post was self directed irony.)
 

---

Posted by Monty Moose (# 2964) on :
 
Seen in a bumper-sticker sale in the US:

The Christian Right is neither.
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ham'n'Eggs:
The presence of these signs alerts ,the emergency serices> to the fact that there is probably a small body (possibly alive) to account for, so they need to take extra precautions with cutting gear etc.

---

And in the case of the 'show dogs' signs, to take very special care to avoid mussing up the delicate bouffant hair-dos of the pampered pooches - these are show dogs, after all.
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
Typos, typos, typos - and I haven't even opened the wine yet.

Sorry folks.


 

---

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :
 
A few of my favs from Northernsun:

"Doing my part to piss of the religious right"

"That was zen, this is tao"

"Jesus is a liberal"

"Speak your mind even if your voice shakes"

"Eve was framed"

"Well behaved women rarely make history"
 

---

Posted by Miss Dree-Saint (# 2777) on :
 
I brake for tailgaters.
 

---

Posted by locust-eater (# 2940) on :
 
Thoughts worth thinking can't fit into this

-le
 

---

Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
Ham n Eggs, with all due respect, those signs appeared before my kids were born, which means they date back 20 years or so. While they might have accrued the emergency use you describe in some places, I have never heard of this.
 

---

Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
Sorry for the nonsequitor. I hit reply witout realizing that there was a second page.
 

---

Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
Yes, I am aware that the meaning has probably been hijacked, which was precisely why the last sentance of my post was intended as irony.

Unfortunately, whilst I found it utterly hilarious, I guess that it will have completely mystified everyone else.

Doh! I should have stayed in my own head...
 

---

Posted by Louise (# 30) on :
 

quote:

---

"Well behaved women rarely make history"

---

Or write it!

L.
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
Seen on the freeway in Colorado Springs, Colo. (the home of that notorious right-wing organization, Focus on the Family):

Focus on your own damn family.
 

---

Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by tomb:
Seen on the freeway in Colorado Springs, Colo. (the home of that notorious right-wing organization, Focus on the Family):
Focus on your own damn family.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by mysticlisa:

quote:

---

Originally posted by tomb:
Seen on the freeway in Colorado Springs, Colo. (the home of that notorious right-wing organization, Focus on the Family):
Focus on your own damn family.

---

Where can I get mine!! LOL

---

Here.
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
If only it weren't so damned grammatically embarassing I might order one.

Alexis
 

---

Posted by Chapelhead (# 1143) on :
 
The author probably doesn't give a dam about the grammer or spelling.
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Moron's the pity.
 

---

Posted by The Mid (# 1559) on :
 
Whilst stuck behind a green panael van going about half the speed limit the other day, I thought of lots of potential bumper stickers (very pissed off I was).

However, I managed to keep my cool by reading the bumper stickers already on display. After seeing the usual ones, "Lost your cat? Check under my tyres" and "If this van's a-rockin' don't come a-knockin'" I saw the funniest one I had ever seen before. At the risk of ruining the thread, I have to share it with you.

"It's all fun and games until someone loses a hymen"

I apologise profusely for my extremely poor taste (and gutter sense of humour )
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
Well, chastmastr, the bumper sticker I saw was white lettering on a solid red background.

I suspect the one you saw had been, er, tarted up for the audience.

And Mid, why the Thoreau quotation? Given your profession, I should have thought

quote:

---

I must go down to the sea again!
To the lonely sea and the sky.
And all I ask is a tall ship
And a star to steer her by....

---

would be more in your line of work.

Not that I really give a damn about symmetry when it comes to 19th century American romanticism, mind you....
 

---

Posted by aj (# 1383) on :
 
Seen on an old Toyota van:

"God made shit and Mazda made it move"
 

---

Posted by Ian M (# 79) on :
 
Ham'n'Eggs, whatever its origins the popular understanding of 'Baby on Board' signs (ie. to warn off following traffic) is backed up by the full text of the one I saw last night on my way to a meeting at church:

Baby on Board - Keep your distance

Oh, maybe I should add that the sticker was from Mamas and Papas (the current in-vogue baby goods manufacturer) and the car was a very clean VW Golf V5.

Having a young baby myself, can I just say I wouldn't be seen dead with such a sticker - and yes I do mean that. Surely the hulking great child seat should be a fair indicator to emergency services?

Ian
 

---

Posted by Ags (# 204) on :
 
"I may be indicating left, and I may be going to turn left, but I'm going to swing out waaay to the right in front of you before I do so!"

(Swap the lefts & rights if you're in the US)

Love Ags

 

---

Posted by simon 2 (# 1524) on :
 
I thought somebody would have posted a link to the SUV sticker site.

I am helping to change the climate, stop me and ask how
 

---

Posted by Iestyn (# 2422) on :
 
A small construction/scaffolding company on the south coast of England used to have a bumper sticker on all its vehicles which said "satisfaction with every erection"
 

---

Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
There must be easier ways to start an urban myth...
 

---

Posted by Astro (# 84) on :
 
Not a sticker but
there was a removals firm Patel & Patel
whose slogan was
You've tried the Cowboys now try the Indians
 

---

Posted by The Mid (# 1559) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by tomb:

And Mid, why the Thoreau quotation? Given your profession, I should have thought

quote:

---

I must go down to the sea again!
To the lonely sea and the sky.
And all I ask is a tall ship
And a star to steer her by....

---

would be more in your line of work.

Not that I really give a damn about symmetry when it comes to 19th century American romanticism, mind you....

---

Have you ever tried to navigate a ship by astro-navigation? It's a real bugger, I can tell you. Give me a good old GPS any day!!!
 

---

Posted by The Mid (# 1559) on :
 
My ex has a sign on the back of her car saying,

"You call me a bitch as if it were a bad thing"

Kind of appropriate sometimes.....(hehehe - I gave it too her)
 

---

Posted by Ann (# 94) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Iestyn:
A small construction/scaffolding company on the south coast of England used to have a bumper sticker on all its vehicles which said "satisfaction with every erection"

---

Not to mention the Removals Company from Maidenhead ...
 

---

Posted by Ann (# 94) on :
 
The number of times I've had to follow cars needing the bumper sticker, "I can't afford to replace my indicator bulbs until the recession's over."
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Seen recently in Bournemouth:

Thank you for parking so f*****g close; next time please provide a tin opener.


 

---

Posted by Dr. C (# 3302) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ham'n'Eggs:
The presence of these signs alerts ,the emergency serices> to the fact that there is probably a small body (possibly alive) to account for, so they need to take extra precautions with cutting gear etc.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dr. C:
pretty much anyone can pop out a baby - it's really not that special.

---

ANYONE??
 

---

Posted by kenwritez (# 3238) on :
 
Look here: InternetBumperstickers

ROFLMAO....
 

---

Posted by mt_tomb (# 3012) on :
 
I've just read through this whole thread hoping to add my 'The Christian Right is neither' contribution to find I'd been pipped to the post. Ho hum, story of my life...

Anyway, welcome Monty Moose! I found it funny too.

I saw one today that said: Got a problem? Just try Jesus.

It left me wondering whether it was offering advice or the 'one upping' type of consolation that only really annoying people can manage.
 

---

Posted by mt_tomb (# 3012) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jlg:
Sorry for the nonsequitor. I hit reply witout realizing that there was a second page.

---

quote:

---

.. I makes me absolutely crazy when people with the cheesy Jesus stickers all over their car drive like idiots... I guess they figure if they can scare me bad enough I might have a conversion experience looking at their bumper.

---

They're just getting you ready for the Rapture!
 

---

Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
My daughter put

There are three kinds of people in the world:
those who can count and those who can't

on her car when she was in high school. She reported that none of the guys she worked with at the grocery store understood it.
 

---

Posted by Sauerkraut (# 3112) on :
 
I know this is commenting on a post from a while back, but I wasn't a member then.
This is one to answer all the "My child is on the honor role of ..."

My Kid Can Beat Up Your Honor Student
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
"In case of rapture, can I have your car?"
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
My last car had a TOGS sticker on it. I am no longer young.
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
Create Your Own Bumper Stickers

Another Place To Create Your Own Bumper Stickers

Yet Another Place To Create Your Own Bumper Stickers

David
I live to serve
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
[host hat on]

Let's keep URL references to a minimum, shall we? If I have to go to another web site to get the joke, it tends to disrupt the conversation of the thread. Threads such as this are about sharing things we find humorous, not providing resources.

Thanks.

[host hat off]
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
Sorry...
 

---

Posted by Sauerkraut (# 3112) on :
 
I thought of another one:

Some people are so open-minded that their brains leaked out.

Credit that one to Steve Taylor.
 

---

Posted by Lady A (# 3126) on :
 
I used to have this just stuck in my back window:
"Grace Happens"
Seemed an optimistic counter to the **** happens
 

---

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 
I once saw a VW Beetle being towed by a good-sized truck.

There was a bumper sticker on the Beetle which said,
I'M PUSHING

Moo
 

---

Posted by Saint Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
I had this made for a friend of mine who's a priest (yes I made it up my own self!):

IN THE EVENT OF THE RAPTURE THIS CAR WILL CAREEN
INTO THE UNSAVED.
 

---

Posted by Raspberry Rabbit (# 3080) on :
 
This is already a long thread and forgive me if I didn't read this earlier but I saw a version of the traditional "baby on board' sign which read

Wife in trunk

Raspberry Rabbit
Montreal, QC
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
My other car is ALSO a piece of sh*t.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals

I would apologize for the double post but this is Hell so I don't hafta.
 

---

Posted by Zeke (# 3271) on :
 
The best bumper sticker I have ever had said:

Jesus is coming--Look Busy.

I don't have that car anymore, and have looked in vain for another sticker like that, giggled at by both religious and nonreligious alike.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Bad theology, I know, but this IS hell and I found it amusing:

Jesus is coming - and boy is he pissed! ("angry" for all you Brits).
 

---

Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 
[UM warning]

Seen on a Rolls-Royce "My other car is a Porche."

[/warning]

bb
 

---

Posted by sophs (# 2296) on :
 
On the back of a Volvo

You do it safer in a Volvo
ANd it had a cheesy lipstick kiss next to it as well
 

---

Posted by Foxy (# 2409) on :
 
I drove for several miles behind "Visualize Whirled Peas" snerking with laughter the whole way.
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
In case of the Rapture,
can I have your car?

--Reader Alexis
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
I used to have one from the local independent radio station:

KRCL Radio Free Utah

Utah is frequently referred to by its Gentile population as being behind the Zion Curtain.
 

---

Posted by sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
Saw a sticker I WANT!!!

www.getoffmyass.com

Viki

[Please note, this is not a web link, it is thw actual text of the bumper sticker.]

[ 13. October 2002, 23:38: Message edited by: sarkycow ]
 

---

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
Utah is frequently referred to by its Gentile population as being behind the Zion Curtain.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Iestyn:
A small construction/scaffolding company on the south coast of England used to have a bumper sticker on all its vehicles which said "satisfaction with every erection"

---

It still does - I was behind one in Muswell Hill (North London) the other day
 

---

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