quote:

---

Ariel
Shipmate
Member # 58

Posted 21 February 2002 13:03

I hate cats.
At work I am surrounded by cat people who are
ailurophiles of the worst kind.
One dated a man for two years before she brought him
home to meet the cat. She told me in all seriousness
that if the cat hadn't liked him, she wouldn't have
married him.
Another feeds her two cats solely on smoked salmon and
cream. Her office is full of photos, posters, pictures,
and things with a cat motif to the point of obsession.
Another one referred to another colleague whose cat had
been run over as her having "lost her little boy" and
advised us to be nice to her as she was "bereaved". A
month later, she was "ready to adopt".
Another one spends a large part of her weekend
travelling to different pet shops in different parts of
the county to buy the special food that her cats and
dogs like. We also had to cut lunch short one time
because she had to rush back home to see whether the
pets were all right without her. I have been told that
in a couple of years when they are old enough, she'll be
able to have lunch with me again.
I do not like cats, ever since I had a garden. If you
don't like cats, for whatever reason, this thread is for
you.

Posts: 1598 | From: A cloven pine | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Cuttlefish

Shipmate
Member # 1244

Posted 21 February 2002 13:33

Hope this doesn't derail your thread, but we have a
moggy who is on her last legs. I too will feel somewhat
bereaved when she goes to meet the big cat up in the sky
(which I expect to be in the next week or two). I do
have to say though that she has never prevented me from
having lunch or going on holiday or whatever.
And Ariel, if you had ever met our Cath, you would never
have written your OP, she is sooooo adorable.

Posts: 473 | From: 6 metres below sea level |
Registered: Aug 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Jane R
Shipmate
Member # 331

Posted 21 February 2002 14:31

Yay Ariel!
I used to be indifferent to cats, but after 12 years as
the only non-cat-owner in the street I am sick of
cleaning catshit out of the flowerbeds and removing bits
of dead bird and frog from the lawn.
However, what I really, really hate is the kind of
person who thinks that cats can Do No Wrong and that
anyone who even suggests otherwise is Beyond The Pale of
civilised society. We have someone like that at work,
who sincerely believes that any attempts to prevent his
cat from hunting would be 'upsetting the balance of
nature'. I have not asked if he believes in feeding his
cat, though I doubt the cat would stay with him if he
didn't, but I think it's a bit rich preaching to others
about upsetting the balance of nature when you've got
one finger on the scales yourself.
I see from the Radio Times that next week BBC2 are
airing a piece of anti-dog propaganda. In the interests
of balance, it would be nice if they did a follow-up
programme on 'The feline conspiracy', but I don't think
it's very likely. Being rude about cats is not
politically correct.
And Cuttlefish... I do like my friend's cat. But he
lives too far away to use my garden as a toilet.
Jane R

Posts: 84 | Registered: May 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Astro

Shipmate
Member # 84

Posted 21 February 2002 15:13

I hate cats when they try to chase us rabbits
But be warned we have long claws and big teeth too

--------------------
Only by grace ...

Posts: 924 | From: The Chiltern Hills | Registered: May
2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Campbellite

Shipmate
Member # 1202

Posted 21 February 2002 15:27

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cuttlefish:
And Ariel, if you had ever met our Cath, you would
never have written your OP, she is sooooo adorable.

---

Oh puke! There is NO SUCH THING as an adorable cat.
They are horrible evil creatures which are evidence that
God was truly having a bad day when he made them. I have
to contend with feral cats who roam my neighborhood,
kill birds and squirrels and leave the rotting carasses
in my yard.
Cats? No thank you.

--------------------
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.

- Groucho Marx

Posts: 502 | From: a cat-free home | Registered: Aug
2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

sharkshooter

Shipmate
Member # 1589

Posted 21 February 2002 15:32

They don't even taste good - or so I've read

--------------------
"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble
themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from
their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and
will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."

2 Chronicles 7:14

Posts: 532 | From: Ottawa, Canada | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Campbellite

Shipmate
Member # 1202

Posted 21 February 2002 15:38

quote:

---

Originally posted by sharkshooter:

They don't even taste good - or so I've read

---

They are tough, stringy, and you have to boil them for
hours to soften them up. And when you do, there is
hardly any meat on them.
Not worth the effort.

--------------------
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.

- Groucho Marx

Posts: 502 | From: a cat-free home | Registered: Aug
2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Moo

Host
Member # 107

Posted 21 February 2002 15:57

I would love to have a bird feeder, but I can't. There
are so many cats in the neighborhood that attracting
birds would result in wholesale slaughter.
Moo

--------------------
It's not easy being perfect, but somebody has to do it.

Posts: 1623 | From: Southwestern Virginia | Registered:
May 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Ham'n'Eggs

Ship's pig
Member # 629

Posted 21 February 2002 16:01

I keep a loaded SupaSoaker by the back door.
'Nuff said.

--------------------
Ham'n'Eggs posts nowhere else under this name

Posts: 1038 | From: Milan to Yucatán | Registered: Jun
2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

jedijudy

Shipmate
Member # 1059

Posted 21 February 2002 16:03

What I don't like are the folks who think they have to
have a cat, but let it roam (to be squashed by cars,
etc.) and don't neuter them. There is one female (my
next-door neighbors' cat) and two males vying for her
attention in my yard. They scream in the night, and
yesterday...peed on my car!!! I have two cats, which are
inside all the time, and are both spayed. They don't
bother others, and I don't worry about them getting
pregnant or killed.
I think a lot of the cat problem is an "irresposible
owner" problem.
jj

--------------------
I own a burial plot, but it's not necessary to use the
thing.

Posts: 732 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf |
Registered: Aug 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Cuttlefish

Shipmate
Member # 1244

Posted 21 February 2002 16:04

Ah yes, but you need at least one cat-lover to post on
this thread to stoke up the heat a bit. If I didn't do
it then one of you would have to pretend to like cats
just to wind the rest of you up.

Posts: 473 | From: 6 metres below sea level |
Registered: Aug 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

sarkycow

Shipmate
Member # 1012

Posted 21 February 2002 16:14

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jane R:

However, what I really, really hate is the kind of
person who thinks that cats can Do No Wrong and that
anyone who even suggests otherwise is Beyond The Pale
of civilised society.

---

What do you mean thinks???
I know that cats can Do No Wrong.
How do I know this? Because my two cats told me so
Viki

--------------------
"It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a
profoundly sick society."

"Maybe this world is another planet's hell."

Posts: 910 | From: On a mission | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Chorister

Shipmate
Member # 473

Posted 21 February 2002 16:18

My cat has chosen to live with me. I am highly honoured.
Now dogs on the other hand...... Why do they always foul
the MIDDLE of the footpath or pavement - never the edges
where they would miss my shoes?????!

--------------------
Above all else to thine own self be true.

Posts: 2016 | From: West Devon | Registered: Jun 2001 |
IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Karl
Shipmate
Member # 76

Posted 21 February 2002 16:21

jj - I do not think it is irresponsible to let the cat
outside.
Rather, it is possibly cruel to keep such an animal
indoors all the time.
Some cats might cope; others would suffer.

--------------------
Pussy Willow - down fir-lined avenues; brushing the
sleep
from her young woman's eyes
Runs for the train - see 8 o'clock's coming,
Cutting dreams down to size again
- Jethro Tull

Posts: 1495 | From: Sheffield | Registered: May 2001 |
IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Ariel
Shipmate
Member # 58

Posted 21 February 2002 16:24

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jane R:

However, what I really, really hate is the kind of
person who thinks that cats can Do No Wrong and that
anyone who even suggests otherwise is Beyond The Pale
of civilised society.

---

All the cat people I know are like that.
I just don't understand the logic behind their thinking.
Maybe there isn't any. If a human went round and dug up
someone's garden and left a mess in it, there'd be
fireworks and a court case, but because it's a cat,
apparently this is all right and one shouldn't complain.
It's the principle of the thing. Sewage is sewage
whatever animal produces it.
And I don't think cats are clean, and I especially don't
like visiting places where they leap up on kitchen
surfaces while their owner is getting the meal ready.

Posts: 1598 | From: A cloven pine | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

jedijudy

Shipmate
Member # 1059

Posted 21 February 2002 16:37

Karl, I have to admit my house is probably easier for a
kitty to be in than others, lots of sunny window-sills,
an iguana to watch, many cat toys, and one of my
fur-babies (Jasmine) is deathly afraid to go outside.
She's definitely a homebody. Belle, however (AKA Bad
Kitty) tries to sneak out sometimes, but chooses to stay
inside where it's dry and she has food available. Her
forays are more in the nature of a game, moving just
beyond me, then running a bit farther, and eventually
going into the garage as if to say "I'm ready to go in,
now...because it's MY choice". The neighbor's cat is out
in the rain, and does not have food available every day.
She will no doubt have kittens in a few weeks, which
will also be outside, and will have a hard time staying
alive.
Also, I don't like the smell of cat pee, and feel like
it is sticking to me, just because it's so strong on my
car.
For a different POV, see my Mom who lets her cats roam
at will, but they are fixed!

--------------------
I own a burial plot, but it's not necessary to use the
thing.

Posts: 732 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf |
Registered: Aug 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

bessie rosebride

Shipmate
Member # 1738

Posted 21 February 2002 16:49

My sweet cat, Fearless, stays inside at all times and
she loves it. She has her own private bathroom with a
garden tub and her own bedroom. She has sunny windows to
nap beside on my sofa or rocking chair all day while I'm
at work, Her "cat TV" is looking at all the squirrels
and birds outside. (When she sees the neighbor's 7 pound
dog outside, my cat runs and hides.)
In fact, she is so timid...a ladybug got in the kitchen
the other day and my cat was pretending like she was
helping me catch it; making those wistful cat
noises...when I did catch it, I held it out in a paper
towel so she could see it --and she hid behind the sofa!
She gets in no trouble while I'm away - just is happy to
see me come in, so she can have canned food for dinner
and then purr on my lap while I read...

--------------------
I never eat anything that comes when you call it.....
(Bobcat Goldwaith)

Posts: 375 | From: ni de aqui, ni de alla | Registered:
Nov 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Newman's Own
Shipmate
Member # 420

Posted 21 February 2002 16:52

I am Newman's Own's cat, Leonora - I never bothered to
establish my own user ID, since, being of a regal
nature, I was not about to register for anything when
the process involved clicking a button which read, of
all things, "Submit." (I have no interest in a theology
forum in any case. It is bad enough that, when Mums is
studying, I have to listen to her presenting theological
arguments allowed.) However, for all that the computer
keyboard is far from paw friendly, I thought that some
comment here from one of the feline community was in
order. (Please do not take this as some sort of crusade.
We cats are far too dignified and secure to have to
indulge in all sorts of human behaviour that is
basically self-defeating.)
First, some of you need quite a broadened perspective.
We kitties are quite accommodating (and actually very
loving, aloof though we are... the latter not an unusual
trait for Anglicans), but can only work with what our
humans provide. The cat who was screaming during the
night, for example, would not have made such a public
display of herself had she been provided with a suitable
bridal suite. And please do not have such a contempuous
view of cats who dig in gardens and leave "messes"...
associating us with humans who would do so is quite
unjust, since humans, unlike us, tend to have the keys
to the loo - not to mention that they are capable of
relieving themselves with neither the fear of falling
into the toilet nor of difficulty flushing. Please
accord us the same respect as you would to others with
handicaps.
As for the contention that cats are incapable of being
adorable, this only shows your limited scope of
experience. I am the most beautiful cat in the world,
and believe that you would find me quite adorable were
you to stop treating my species with such outright,
prejudicial contempt. If you behaved properly, I would
be quite likely to wrap my paw around your wrist. Nor do
I walk on kitchen tables (very crass, that!), largely
because, when I was a kitten, the first human word I
learnt was "Down."
Sigh! I occasionally lurk on this forum, and know, all
too well, the philosophical problems which can occur
when terms are not properly defined. Kindly do not knock
an entire species for the actions of a few, nor judge us
according to human standards. Our standards are far
higher.
Purrs,
Leonora, aristocat

--------------------
Cheers,
Newman's Own
"In successfully draining the swamp, one must accept the
inevitable point of being up to one's arse in
alligators." - Newman's Own on the Spiritual Life, Vol
II

Posts: 1312 | From: Walter Hilton's Scale of Perfection
| Registered: Jun 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Mrs Tubbs

Shipmate
Member # 440

Posted 21 February 2002 17:11

Ham n Eggs

quote:

---

I keep a loaded SupaSoaker by the back door. 'Nuff
said.

---

Shame on you! Shame
Tubbs

--------------------
"We can pray for the sun, Let it shine on everyone,
Sunshine brings love". Cosmic Rough Riders

Posts: 770 | From: Posting my life away | Registered:
Jun 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Ariel
Shipmate
Member # 58

Posted 21 February 2002 17:20

Leonora is clearly one of the more articulate cats of
this world, but none the less I feel I must pursue my
case. There is the little matter of spraying the
furniture. And dealing with the claw marks. And cat
hairs everywhere. And fleas. And headless birds.
No, I don't think these creatures are more than
superficially appealing.

Posts: 1598 | From: A cloven pine | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

bessie rosebride

Shipmate
Member # 1738

Posted 21 February 2002 17:25

quote:

---

Originally posted by Newman's Own:

Sigh! I occasionally lurk on this forum, and know, all
too well, the philosophical problems which can occur
when terms are not properly defined. Kindly do not
knock an entire species for the actions of a few, nor
judge us according to human standards. Our standards
are far higher.
Purrs,
Leonora, aristocat

---

Dearest Leonora,
This is Bess, speaking for Fearless.
Unfortunately I have failed her by not providing her a
computer for her intellectual stimulation whilst I am
away all day. I have already promised to rectify this
ASAP.
Meanwhile, she sends her deepest regards and gratitude
for the forthright manner in which
you so regally have defended the most supreme species
that God ever created. (That's a quote )

--------------------
I never eat anything that comes when you call it.....
(Bobcat Goldwaith)

Posts: 375 | From: ni de aqui, ni de alla | Registered:
Nov 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

UnShaggy

Shipmate
Member # 82

Posted 21 February 2002 17:50

quote:

---

Oh puke! There is NO SUCH THING as an adorable cat.
They are horrible evil creatures which are evidence
that God was truly having a bad day when he made them.

---

Campbellite spoke the truth. What I think should concern
us all is people playing God by cloning the !*%@ing
things. I mean, where will it end - mutant cats?

--------------------
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in
their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a
mile away and you have their shoes.

Posts: 218 | From: Somewhere near Daybreak | Registered:
May 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Ham'n'Eggs

Ship's pig
Member # 629

Posted 21 February 2002 18:29

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tubbs:

Ham n Eggs
Shame on you! Shame
Tubbs

---

You an' your pusse wanna make somfin of it?

--------------------
Ham'n'Eggs posts nowhere else under this name

Posts: 1038 | From: Milan to Yucatán | Registered: Jun
2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Newman's Own
Shipmate
Member # 420

Posted 21 February 2002 19:10

Leonora here.
Ariel, the problems to which you refer are not the fault
of us cats, but of the humans. For example, Mums had me
"done" as soon as I was old enough. Regrettably, one
difficulty is that people take on pets without wanting
the responsibility for them.
However, my point was that rather different standards
apply to cats and humans. It is, I understand,
acceptable amongst the less than regal to defecate in a
garden, have sex in the street (even if things become
noisy), and so forth... provided, of course, that one is
a cat.

--------------------
Cheers,
Newman's Own
"In successfully draining the swamp, one must accept the
inevitable point of being up to one's arse in
alligators." - Newman's Own on the Spiritual Life, Vol
II

Posts: 1312 | From: Walter Hilton's Scale of Perfection
| Registered: Jun 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Nunc Dimittis

Host
Member # 848

Posted 21 February 2002 23:44

Leonora, most excellent of fellow cats:
As a fellow feline, I have to agree with the banners you
raise...
We are very intelligent beings, truly. And if neutered
and locked up at night in our safe
laundries/beds/houses, pose little harm to other fauna.
Indeed, though I would not want to shame the feline
community by saying so, birds are sooo scary! My son
Ezekiel takes after me in that when the birds come down
and peck our food, we move out of pecking distance and
tell them to go away by rawrhing at them. Most of those
birds are far too scary to go near!
Rather consider the danger we Cats must face from day to
day when outside in the sun: neighbours with shotguns
(yes, I was shot by the next door neighbour as a kitten
- have a bullet hole in my back leg to prove it); big
dogs that can pick us up and shake us, bruising us badly
(Ezekiel had this happen to him last year and had to
stay at the - ugh - vet's place overnight); we have to
be careful not to curl up in someone else's garage, esp
as the door might be closed and not opened again for a
week.
Ezekiel and I are on the whole very well behaved (he
does have a spraying problem when stressed, but is ok
when life is balanced and regular)... Though I won't
mention the stovetop.
Silly humans. They getcross with me for relieving myself
on the stovetop, when it looks just like a suitable
place, being brown and having good drainage. When one
has to go, one simply has to go. Well, they've done the
sensible thing now, and cover it with a towel. Makes a
wonderful bed - though for some reason they don't like
that either.
I feel very sorry for one of my Mummies; she came down
to feed us this morning to find I'd been sick
everywhere. She wasn't very happy about me bogging into
breakfast, for some reason, and chased me away with the
hose, while she was cleaning up the laundry.
Anyway, I've just spotted a beautiful place in the sun,
and simply must go and sleep for a bit. *yawns
luxuriously*
Keep on Leonora darling!
*purrs*
Sandy (and Ezekiel - though I haven't asked him what he
thinks)

Posts: 1575 | From: All Saints | Registered: Jul 2001 |
IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Nightlamp

Host
Member # 266

Posted 22 February 2002 00:20

I believe if you own a pet then you should simply take
responsibility for it's actions. If a cat damage other
peoples gardens then the owner is duty bound to repay
the owner of the garden.
Dog's don't mess in my garden they are on leads so why
should cats mess in my gardens why are they not on
leads?
When dogs go for walks the owners should pick up the
mess due to the health risk of shit then why don't the
owners of cats do the same.
Explain why I should allow my neighbours cat in the
garden?

--------------------
Instead of spa, we'll drink brown ale
And pay the reckoning on the nail;
No man for debt shall go to jail
From Garryowen in glory.

From Garryowen

Posts: 1131 | From: at a meeting place | Registered: May
2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Papa Smurf
Shipmate
Member # 1654

Posted 22 February 2002 00:31

I'm with the anti-moggy brigade on this one.
I'm allergic to them too.

--------------------
Store in a cool, dry place

Posts: 575 | From: A small, untidy, yellow walled room |
Registered: Nov 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Campbellite

Shipmate
Member # 1202

Posted 22 February 2002 00:51

You cat people are all insane! Those minions of the Evil
One have lulled you into a false sense of security, and
deceived you into thinking they are *ugh* cute *ugh*.
There is nothing "cute" about the spawn of Satan. They
are the very embodiment of the Father of Lies. Their
sole purpose is to be worshipped, leading you "cat
fanciers" into violating the very first commandment!
No one "owns" a cat. The cat OWNS you! It is a life of
slavery to the servants of Beelzebub. Flee from the
wrath to come!

--------------------
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.

- Groucho Marx

Posts: 502 | From: a cat-free home | Registered: Aug
2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Pig
Apprentice
Member # 1919

Posted 22 February 2002 00:58

Cat people can be annoying, I admit, but give a break to
the bereaved one. Even if it is just an animal, a living
thing that's been sharing your home for years becomes
part of your family. Who could help grieving when it
dies?

Posts: 20 | From: scenic southern Ohio | Registered: Dec
2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Louise

Host
Member # 30

Posted 22 February 2002 01:41

Mea Culpa - I posted this on the other thread in heaven
too - but it struck me that some people might find it to
be the epitome of Hellish.... It all depends on your
point of view really - I'm such a relativist
Here you go folks -Random Kitten Generator [URL lost in copying]
God's lovely kittens! Just the thing Reverend Gerald
would like all us nice single Christian women to be
thinking about instead of sex!
Enjoy.
Louise

--------------------
"There are people who do not love their fellow man and I
HATE people like that!"
- Tom Lehrer

Posts: 719 | From: Scotland | Registered: May 2001 |
IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Newman's Own
Shipmate
Member # 420

Posted 22 February 2002 02:27

Leonora here once again (we're nocturnal animals). Has
it ever occurred to any of you what we cats must endure
from humans? For example, Mums is forever harping on the
Middle Ages.. a time during which those of my species
were thought to be agents of the devil... and now to see
such thoughts revived on the Ship!
Since I have noticed other kitties lurking, I must pass
along a folk story from Asia, which I always included
when I taught kittengarten.
Once there was a man who was trying to find a name for
his cat, whom he loved very much. So proud was he of his
kitty, and so convinced of its extraordinary qualities
(but, of course!), that he decided to name it Sky.
One day, a friend said to him, "Permit me to point out
that there is something stronger than the sky - the
clouds, which hide it." The mandarin saw his point, and
changed his remarkable cat's name to Cloud.
Shortly afterward, another mandarin, who was sharing a
pot of Earl Grey with the cat's "master", questioned why
said kitty bore the name of Cloud. "There is something
much stronger than the clouds," he said, "and that is
the wind that scatters them." And straight away the
cat's name was changed to Wind.
But not a week had passed before the mayor, whom the
mandarin had invited home for a snack, commented that
Wind was an inadequate name for a creature so
remarkable. "The wind daily meets its master in the wall
that it cannot penetrate!" So kitty was subjected to yet
another name change, this time to Wall.
Not long after, a great scholar commented to the
mandarin that the name of Wall remained
inadequate for the exquisite cat. He remarked that even
a wall can be conquered by the mouse who can nibble a
hole through it. Is it any surprise that our friend was
then re-named Mouse? (Oh, the indignity of that!)
Just then, the gardener's little son happened by.
"Mouse!", exclaimed the child, "I know of
something much stronger! The cat that eats him up!"
The mandarin then realised his folly, and gave the
remarkable animal the most noble name he felt he could
bestow - that of Cat.

--------------------
Cheers,
Newman's Own
"In successfully draining the swamp, one must accept the
inevitable point of being up to one's arse in
alligators." - Newman's Own on the Spiritual Life, Vol
II

Posts: 1312 | From: Walter Hilton's Scale of Perfection
| Registered: Jun 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

i and i
Shipmate
Member # 2189

Posted 22 February 2002 04:18

i've heard coplaints by people of cats making little
holes in the garden, so i'm going to complain about
people making big holes in the garden to build houses
with cat toilets front and back surrounded by fences.

--------------------
And God said, Behold, I have given you every herb
bearing seed, which is upon the face of the earth

Posts: 189 | From: here | Registered: Jan 2002 | IP:
Logged

---

quote:

---

Sophie Aubrey

Shipmate
Member # 2339

Posted 22 February 2002 06:52

Leonora, of course all of your species' admirers know
that what we call each cat is
not its name, but just an agreed upon salutation. As
that great sage, aome of whose poems were made into the
musical "cats", observed, each one of you has its own
ineffable secret name.
By the way, forces of felinedom, aren't we doing a dandy
job of hijacking this thresd.
Keep up the good work, everyone, and we can shortly ask
for this thread to be moved to its true home in heaven!

--------------------
"Behavior controls off! Just call me badass."

Crichton

Posts: 570 | From: between the salt water and the sea
strand | Registered: Feb 2002 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Ariel
Shipmate
Member # 58

Posted 22 February 2002 07:17

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sophie:

Keep up the good work, everyone, and we can shortly
ask for this thread to be moved to its true home in
heaven!

---

Not while I'm around.
I agree about the allergic to cats bit. Every time one
of the evil beasts rubs against my legs (which is not to
show affection, it's to leave its scent and mark its
"territory") I come out in a rash.
I've had to look after cats in various landladies'
absence and there's no way I'd have one. They are
spoilt, ungrateful, unreliable, unclean beasts that
expect to be waited on hand and foot and cleared up
after. One pair of cats I got lumbered with would wake
me up at all hours of the night wanting to go out, and
if I didn't get up immediately, would do it on the
carpet outside my door. And because I wasn't their
landlady, they wouldn't eat their meals, and I had to
put platefuls of revolting cat food down the toilet
every day while they looked smugly at me from on top of
the fridge. I've had that from more than one set.
No, I am not convinced that cats are a good thing.
Campbellite is right. They are evil.

Posts: 1598 | From: A cloven pine | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Gill B
Shipmate
Member # 112

Posted 22 February 2002 12:19

My garden has a sign, invisible to humans, but glaringly
obvious to cats, which says 'Cats' toilet'. Cat-lovers
refuse to believe that the little beasts defecate on the
lawn and on top of plants and claim that they only go on
the soil and always cover it up ('oh, they are such
clean animals' - well of course they are perceived as
clean because they do not crap in their owners'
gardens). I blame them for an enduring skin infection
which I have had since 1996 and has even led to months
of leg ulcers. When I was diagnosed, the dermatologist
asked me three times during the consultation 'Have you
any pets? Cats or dogs? .... Are you sure you haven't
any pets?' and I can only blame contact through infected
grass clippings in the days when I did my own gardening.
I also feel somewhat disconcerted when visiting
cat-owning friends and see the cats walking on the
dining table and eating out of mainstream family
crockery instead of out of their own bowls.
And the crowning irony of it all is that cats can smell
out cat-haters and make a fuss of them. The number of
times I have been fawned over by friends' cats wrapping
themselves round my legs and their owners say 'Oh, I can
tell you're a cat person' and I haven't the heart to say
no, I can't stand the little b***ers.

Posts: 253 | From: Manchester, England | Registered: May
2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Ginga
Shipmate
Member # 1899

Posted 22 February 2002 12:41

There is a cat down the road from my parents called
Chloe. Her owners believe her to be the loveliest,
snuggliest, most wonderfullest little kitty in the
world. However, given the amount of time "she" spends in
my parents' garden chasing birds and guinea pigs, and
spraying everything that doesn't move, I suspect she's
actually one of the viciousest toms I've ever met.
Poor thing gets ever so confused though: she runs a mile
every time she sees the bottle for a certain brand of
washing-up liquid, a response learned over years of
being attacked by jets of water from said bottle (or
similar). However, whenever mum is at her owners' house,
all of a sudden the scary ginger ogre with the water
bottle becomes a doting visitor, all stoking and smiles.

Both psychological and physical attack; my mum doesn't
much like cats in her garden

--------------------
Friends without Faces, and odd little names (lmw)

Posts: 205 | From: London | Registered: Nov 2001 | IP:
Logged

---

quote:

---

Ariel
Shipmate
Member # 58

Posted 22 February 2002 13:25

quote:

---

Cat-lovers refuse to believe that the little beasts
defecate on the lawn and on top of plants and claim
that they only go on the soil and always cover it up

---

Mostly, they don't bother to cover their tracks.
However, I came out one morning to find that the lobelia
I had planted the day before was at a strange angle.
Close examination revealed that some blasted cat had dug
it up, left a mess in the hole, then kindly tried to
replant the lobelia back on top of it.
I wasn't fooled. I excavated the hole and flung the
offending contents at the nearest passing cat. The only
thing I regret about this is that I missed.

Posts: 1598 | From: A cloven pine | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Ham'n'Eggs

Ship's pig
Member # 629

Posted 22 February 2002 14:14

Curses! I can't find my copy of "A Hundred And One Uses
For A Dead Cat".
One of my favourites was the salad bowl utensils...

--------------------
Ham'n'Eggs posts nowhere else under this name

Posts: 1038 | From: Milan to Yucatán | Registered: Jun
2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Mrs Tubbs

Shipmate
Member # 440

Posted 22 February 2002 14:47

quote:

---

You an' your pusse wanna make somfin of it?

---

Well Ham ... I think that Polly could take you on
Tubbs

--------------------
"We can pray for the sun, Let it shine on everyone,
Sunshine brings love". Cosmic Rough Riders

Posts: 770 | From: Posting my life away | Registered:
Jun 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Eldo

Shipmate
Member # 1861

Posted 22 February 2002 14:54

On the intelligence of cats, I would like to point out
that the evil little doom machine that is kept by my
parents should learn what a lit cigarette is!
As my habit had banned me from the house for a quiet
respose by the pond in the back garden, the stupid thing
decided to come and be friendly. Of course sitting
behind me near the ashtray and trying to play with my
smoke is not a clever idea.
Grilled and washed in one easy motion. I did like that.
But I'm quite annoyed that the splash got me.

--------------------
Eldo the slightly minty

Posts: 132 | From: Sutton/Woking (depends when!) |
Registered: Nov 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Campbellite

Shipmate
Member # 1202

Posted 22 February 2002 15:23

Here are a few uses for a dead cat. [URL lost in copying]
(Not that I would want one of those vile things around,
even a dead one.)
I have a friend who has two cats - stuffed and mounted
over his mantle!

--------------------
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside of a dog, it is too dark to read.

- Groucho Marx

Posts: 502 | From: a cat-free home | Registered: Aug
2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

jedijudy

Shipmate
Member # 1059

Posted 22 February 2002 17:19

Dearest Campbellite and others who hate me, my human mom
gave me permission to use her computer, because I was so
very distressed at the very idea that there are those
who don't like cats! My HM has tried to shelter me and
my sister, but now it's time for me to become a little
wiser in the ways of the world. My first response to you
is to win you over the way I won my HM over at the
shelter when she rescued me: I would put my paws around
your neck and kiss your face. Then I would apologize for
what ever offenses my kindred have given you. I'm so
very sorry! I don't even know this Satan guy! I'm sure I
wouldn't like him, and would probably defend my HM
against him if he would come calling.
My very best wishes to you and yours,
Your humble servant:
Belle (Also Known As Bad Kitty)

--------------------
I own a burial plot, but it's not necessary to use the
thing.

Posts: 732 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf |
Registered: Aug 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

sharkshooter

Shipmate
Member # 1589

Posted 22 February 2002 18:23

quote:

---

Rather consider the danger we Cats must face from day
to day when outside in the sun: neighbours with
shotguns (yes, I was shot by the next door neighbour
as a kitten - have a bullet hole in my back leg to
prove it);

---

Too bad he missed.

quote:

---

I am the most beautiful cat in the world,

---

Not saying much.

quote:

---

Who could help grieving when it dies?

---

Me.

quote:

---

I would put my paws around your neck and kiss your
face.

---

How disgusting! Keep the pest away from me! Or I'll have
to try out some of the 101 things to do with a dead cat.

--------------------
"If my people, which are called by my name, shall humble
themselves, and pray, and seek my face, and turn from
their wicked ways; then will I hear from heaven, and
will forgive their sin, and will heal their land."

2 Chronicles 7:14

Posts: 532 | From: Ottawa, Canada | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

mother hubbard
Shipmate
Member # 640

Posted 22 February 2002 19:19

A colleague of mine now has six cats in her house. My
children refuse to enter her home…surely I don’t need to
expand? However, I am rapidly becoming fond of next
doors cat. It provides hours of entertainment for our
rabbit that not only chases said feline, but has also
begun a life-long ambition to dock the cats tail
completely. Next door did complain, but, as I pointed
out to them, the cat can climb the fence, the rabbit
can’t. If they want their cat to have a long tail, then
keep it out of my rabbits play area!
btw, can i join you with those supasoakers?

--------------------
i know God has a sense of humour, its just that we laugh
at different things

Posts: 104 | From: essex | Registered: Jun 2001 | IP:
Logged

---

quote:

---

Ariel
Shipmate
Member # 58

Posted 22 February 2002 19:22

Baked Cat
1 medium cat
1 pkt stuffing
red wine
garlic, herbs
olive oil, salt
Stuff cat (remove stuffing from packet first). Place in
baking dish, sprinkle with olive oil and salt, bake
until done. Throw away garlic and herbs which you have
forgotten to put in, drink red wine while waiting.
Serves as many people as there are portions.

Posts: 1598 | From: A cloven pine | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

daisymay

Shipmate
Member # 1480

Posted 22 February 2002 20:08

Campbellite,
Doesn't have Huck Finn's/Tom Sawyer's use of dead cat to
get rid of warts. Something like burying it in a
churchyard at midnight with a scrape of the wart?

--------------------
"My druid is Christ, the Son of God,
The Son of Mary, the Great Abbot,
The Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit."

Posts: 675 | From: Capital City of Hell | Registered:
Oct 2001 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

JoyfulNoise

Shipmate
Member # 2049

Posted 22 February 2002 22:19

Past treacle along the top of your garden wall or fence
to keep those moggys out. They hate getting their paddy
paws dirty.

--------------------
Stand genst da devil+da devil wil run frm u Jms 4:7 (txt
msgs frm God)

Posts: 290 | From: CAMBRIDGE UK | Registered: Dec 2001
| IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Louise

Host
Member # 30

Posted 22 February 2002 22:35

quote:

---

I have a friend who has two cats - stuffed and mounted
over his mantle!

---

Campbellite,
Couldn't he just have had them shaking hands?
Louise

--------------------
"There are people who do not love their fellow man and I
HATE people like that!"
- Tom Lehrer

Posts: 719 | From: Scotland | Registered: May 2001 |
IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Sophie Aubrey

Shipmate
Member # 2339

Posted 23 February 2002 01:51

Our black cat, Mahalia, wishes to offer
a musical selection to all of you out there, especially
the lonely, cat-deprived ones.
Hit it Mahalia!!
#People, people who need pussies,
Are the luckiest people in the world...

And yes, you scoffers out there, she really
does sing, in the key of Cmajor

--------------------
"Behavior controls off! Just call me badass."

Crichton

Posts: 570 | From: between the salt water and the sea
strand | Registered: Feb 2002 | IP: Logged

---

quote:

---

Toadpipe
Apprentice
Member # 1688

Posted 23 February 2002 14:15

quote:

---

Originally posted by i and i:

i've heard coplaints by people of cats making little
holes in the garden, so i'm going to complain about
people making big holes in the garden to build houses
with cat toilets front and back surrounded by fences.

---

or faeces. I had to put that in
Seriously though,I have two cats and they're fine. But
I like to keep a level head about them. Magazines like
'Your Cat' are so sentimental about them that it it
vomit making. I'm sure people can own a pet without
being soppy about it. I think this sort of soppiness
indicates a kind of mental imbalance or emotional
insecurity.
I await your flames, oh soppy ones

Posts: 8 | Registered: Nov 2001 | IP: Logged

---

[ 10. March 2003, 00:41: Message edited by: Erin ]
 

---

Posted by nicolemrw (# 28) on :
 
only one word, ham n' eggs:

WHY???
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
One hell of a nice animal. Frequently mistaken for a meatloaf. --B. Kliban
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
But, Nicole, surely it is far better for these cat-hating individuals to have this thread to vent their spleen and present their wicked ideas regarding cats, than to have no outlet other than deeds in the Big Blue Room?

Here, Jedi and myself, with assistance as needed from other allies, can deal with their hateful notions. We cannot be everywhere, but we can patrol this thread effectively.
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
Unfortunately, my dear, I, too, get to patrol this thread. It is difficult to describe the degree of quivering anticipation I am experiencing over that prospect.
 

---

Posted by texas.veggie (# 2860) on :
 
I s'pose the avatar pretty much says it all for me.
 

---

Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by nicolemrw:
only one word, ham n' eggs:

WHY???

---

Wrong thread, m'dear!

WHY???
 

---

Posted by sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
tomb, just send it to Dead Horses, you know you want to....

Oooh, just had an interesting thought. Before Dead Horses, the traditional place to dump a thread that was dire was in Hell...now it's Dead Horses. Do we need to rework Dante's circles of Hell to fit this in?

Viki
 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 
NO...NOOO....NOOOOOOOO

and I thought it was gone for good!

OK Tomb - I guess you had better put it back where it was

Yours aye ... Tonyk
The Dead Horses Host
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
Well, if Pork Loin there had been doing the job right, each of the posts would be in their own separate little window. Bad show, H&E.

And Tony, I do appreciate your charity. If I appreciated it more, I would behave like a Christian and keep the damn thread.

Going so contrary to my nature, however, might cause me to have an Episode.

So I'm sending it your way. Felis felix and ta-ta and all that.

I'd I'll expunge this from hell before I go to bed tonight. 'Bout 3 in the morning GMT, as if anybody cares.
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
Honorable Tomb and Tony, would it be possible to have this thread moved to the board which I am thinking of purchasing? Then you two would be off the hook as far as hosting duties.
 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 
Sophie Aubrey - please don't take personally my comments on the 'Cats' thread - it's just that I have a certain public personna to maintain

Actually I'm a closet felineophile (in my youth - now many years ago, alas - I was the proud part-'owner' of a beautiful silver tabby). I am perfectly happy to let the thread remain in DH where it clearly gives pleasure to many.

However, if you do set up a private board, and if it is technically possible to transfer a thread from a public board to a private board, then I see no reason why it should not be transferred.

Of course, you might then have to let both the felineophiles and felineophobes have access!!
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
Aspirin. I need Aspirin!
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
Thanks Tony. We will see how it goes here for a few posts. Of course, if I set up a board the whole point will be to provide a place where the forces of evil can be combatted by the forces of righteousness.
 

---

Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
England 1 - Brazil 2

Where's a cat when you need one?
 

---

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :
 
We dyslexics know that, although the world may be filled with the wretched things, there are, thankfully, no cats in heaven.

Dog wouldn't allow it.

Corpus cani.
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
How fortunate that in our Father's house are many mansions, including a Doghouse!
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
Hmm-What a clever idea of rhe Jedi's! First she arranges to cloud the minds of the hosts so that they delete the thread, then she arranges for it to once again be hidden in Dead Horses. No one seems to be noticing it here; this permits us to enjoy our kitties, not stand guard all the time.
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
Mahalia wishes to sing for her many admirers, in celebration of several halcyon days here under the kindly auspices of TonyK.

"The bells of hell go ting-a-ling-a-ling,
For you but not for me.
For me the angels sing-a-ling-a-ling!
They've got the goods for me.

Oh, Death, where is thy sting-a-ling-a-ling?
Oh, Grave, thy victory?
The bells of hell go ting-a-ling-a-ling,
For you but not for me!"
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
Now that she is being so noisy I know where she is.

(Time to grind up the aspirin to mix with the cat food )
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
Hell's bells and buckets of [cat] blood!

Greta
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
*cuddling the dainty feline diva*

Patience, Mahalia! Keep singing! We will lure them all down here. In their impetuous desire to harm you, and the rest of our beloved kitties, they will not notice the many traps around the Jedi Temple...
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
Sophie,

Don't you know anything about the foul creatures that run and ruin your life? They don't understand a word you're saying, and even if they did, they wouldn't do your bidding. If your cat stops singing, you need only rewind the tail. Keep cranking unitl the tail won't turn any more.

Greta
 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sophie Aubrey:
<snip> ... kindly auspices of TonyK.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sophie Aubrey:
All I know is that kitty treats have appeared morning and evening on the steps of the Jedi Temple.

---

I hope you are not implying that I am in any way responsible!!

I don't even know where that edifice is.
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
Perhaps it is simply Providence.
 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sophie Aubrey:
Perhaps it is simply Providence.

---

What - like the manna in the wilderness you mean?
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
Saints deliver us! Multiple personalities now! We have said all along that these cat people are unstable. Does Miss Molly have more sensible views on the feline menace? I trust she doesn't dwell in a laser temple in Rhode Island.

Greta
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
And why would God not send manna to his beloved cats? It is a little known fact of exegesis, brought to my attention by the Very Reverend Garrison Keillor, that many passages in the Bible which refer to cats are mistakenly translated "sheep". What makes more sense as the Lord's charge to Peter: "feed my sheep" or "feed my cats"? There were some peculiar looking treats however (made in Ontario, Canada), which on analysis proved to contain acetylsalicylic acid, a deadly poison to cats. These were summarily disposed of!

Oh, and CorgiGreta? I am crazy but I am not up for grabs! Treats will be analyzed and kitties defended from malefactors on my watch.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Oh, dear! Aspirin-laced goodies from Ottawa, as well! I fear I must remove the safety crossings over the Pit of the Sharp Knives....
 

---

Posted by The Mid (# 1559) on :
 
I find it difficult to believe that after all this time there are still things to post about cats.

By the way, what happened to my dogs thread, hmm??

 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Age cannot wither, nor custom stale, their infinite variety! (surely W Shakespeare would not mind his words being applied and altered as to number; cats are every bit as beautiful as his Egyptian queen.)
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
<huff**puff> I got here as quickly as I could! <looks around>
Miss_Molly! You have done an admirable job here! I was afraid that my delay at the Wedding Feast would cause you distress, but I see all is better than well!

Miss_Molly, you have the sensibilities and the heart of a Jedi, so please accept this lightsaber, which you can use in the defense of kitties everywhere!

Oh...just to caution you, there are non-Jedi footprints at the Temple steps. I fear evil is afoot. Be wary. The dark side will cloud the minds of those who would, under other circumstances, be cat-lovers. I sense the dark side to the far North.

Jasmine and Belle send catly greetings to you and yours.
jj
 

---

Posted by Ann (# 94) on :
 
It's a terrible thing when my liking for cats is in opposition to my sense of humour.
And someone else's
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Resist the Dark Side, Ann. Go towards the light!
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
Ann,

Quote: "It's a terrible thing when my liking for cats is in opposition to my sense of humour."

A liking for cats is also in opposition to the following senses:

Smell
Taste
Sight
Hearing
Common
Good

Greta
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Well, CorgiGreta, I have never tasted a cat, so I don't know about their gustatory qualities. As far as smell goes, all of my cats have a nice clean smell, even when wet, unlike your namesake anklebiters! Perhaps you are referring to their toilet facilities? Well, if those have an unpleasant aroma it is because their human companions are lazy.

As for sight, it was Leonardo da Vinci IIRC , who opined that the smallest feline was a "work of art".

In terms of sound, Mahalia does sing. Her companions make more conventional feline noises. They make these noises to obtain their needs from humans and to communicate with each other. The noises are never unpleasant. Caterwauling occurs when unspayed animals are being sought after by other unspayed animals. Again, this is the fault of humans.

Against good sense and good taste? Well, I can think of marriages I know that were made against both! No one tried to say the brides or grooms should be squeezed for oil, skinned in support of the Canadian fur industry or otherwise wiped off the face of the earth.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
Perhaps you are referring to their toilet facilities? Well, if those have an unpleasant aroma it is because their human companions are lazy.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
As for sight, it was Leonardo da Vinci IIRC , who opined that the smallest feline was a "work of art".

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
In terms of sound, Mahalia does sing. Her companions make more conventional feline noises. They make these noises to obtain their needs from humans and to communicate with each other. The noises are never unpleasant. Caterwauling occurs when unspayed animals are being sought after by other unspayed animals. Again, this is the fault of humans.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
Against good sense and good taste? Well, I can think of marriages I know that were made against both! No one tried to say the brides or grooms should be squeezed for oil, skinned in support of the Canadian fur industry or otherwise wiped off the face of the earth.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
Dear Sharky--I have missed you.

---

Miss Molly... get practising so that your aim improves !
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Smudgie, with that lightsaber I gave Miss_Molly, her aim should improve quite considerably!

jj ...just wanted to use the new little smilie!
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Outwit, outplay, outlast.......
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Relaxing in the extra-large hammock, with several kitties resting nearby.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Lovely evening, nice breeze! The cats and I are having a relaxing stroll.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
Cats don't stroll! They stalk or prance, but they do not stroll.
 

---

Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
They do if they are superglued to a stroller...
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
I hear from Eggs Benedict that after Ham and Eggs did a test with a toy cat, he had to be taken to the local casualty ward to have his trotters unglued from the stroller! His trotters are a bit raw now, but I will trust the lesson has been learned: cruelty redounds on the cruel.

Thank you dear Sharky, for encouraging me to elaborate on how entrancing the kitties are out walking. The cats do pounce on butterflies and walk proudly, tails high. Occasionally, one asks to be carried for a bit, as well.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:


Thank you dear Sharky, for encouraging me to elaborate on how entrancing the kitties are out walking. The cats do pounce on butterflies and walk proudly, tails high. Occasionally, one asks to be carried for a bit, as well.

---

Entrancing - it seems they have you in a trance.

Your cats murder poor little innocent beautiful butterflies!?!? How could they? How could you let them?

They "ask" to be carried? Like when my father used to "ask" me to clean my room.
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
Ham'n'Eggs,

Quote: "They do if they are superglued to a stroller".

Very helpful hint! Now people won't have to use a nail gun.

Greta
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by sharkshooter:

They "ask" to be carried? Like when my father used to "ask" me to clean my room.

---

With this important difference, dear Sharky! I am quite willing to carry them. I presume you were not so willing to do what your estimable parent directed.

CorgiGreta, please be careful. They have only recently begun to allow you to have scissors and tableknives again. You would not want your privileges revoked for an attack on cats, which all mentally healthy people adore. Please see also the result of Ham and Eggs' experiment with superglue. Eggs Benedict tells me his trotters are healing nicely now, but I am sure your little pads are more tender than a pig's trotters.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
CorgiGreta, staple guns work, too.

Miss_Molly, I will continue to pray for your release from the spell under which you find yourself. "Be heeeeaaaaled!"
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
I can't believe they revived this thread.


 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
I have never carried a cat! The closest I have come is draging a body-bag full ot them back home after a successful cat hunt. My dogs are small so they can only carry one cat each. They always hold it high, proud of their trophy. I'd be happy to post pictures of some of the bigger catches if anyone is interested.

Greta
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
I can't believe they revived this thread.

---

quote:

---

We need Morse on this one, but alas, he is no longer with us.

---

Morse used to be a shipmate? Nothing would surprise me.

Of course, he wasn't a cat lover, which is probably why he died suddenly. I can see it all now. This reminds me very much of the Bond movies, where the evil Blofeld, whose aim is world domination, is never seen without his fluffy white Persian cat. Those of us who don't like cats are all on a List, and when we least expect it, will be suddenly grabbed from behind and disposed of. Who will be next? Is Ham'n'Eggs being fed to the piranhas in Blofeld's pond, or merely chained upside down in a dank cave with water dripping on his head, until he gives in and promises to like cats?

You're right, CG, what we need is a famous dead detective to investigate it.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
It is not I or the Jedi who are responsible for Ham 'n' Eggs' disappearance. The kitties are wearing black collars in mourning; the Jedi and I observed ten minutes' sad silence when we read the news that our shipmate had departed.

I myself believe it was a fiendish, master criminal, doomed to a low cholesterol diet, and envious of those who may partake of the really good things in life, who is responsible for our loss. I have heard that one of Dr Moriarty's descendants' suffered a coronary a few years back and since then has evangelized for the no eggs, no meat crowd.

I wonder if the great Sherlock Holmes left any genetic material in the world? Perhaps he had warmer relations with Irene Adler, (the Woman), than Dr Watson, a Victorian gentleman, felt it right to record.

In the meantime, wherever our shipmate is, our warm wishes are with him, Eggs Benedict, and Poached and Scrambled Eggs.
 

---

Posted by Ultraspike (# 268) on :
 
I'm sure ya'll will be delighted to know there's now a channel for cats: Meow TV
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
ummm, NO!
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Yes, if it means they shove off and spend their spare time watching it, that's fine with me.
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
Thanks Ultraspike. That press release was one of the most hilarious things I have read in a long time. I especially liked the woman who said that cats were her role model when growning up. Does she relieve herself in a litter box?

Greta
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
I expect she goes round digging holes in other people's gardens when she feels the need.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Oh, I imagine she modelled herself on their grace and independence of nature!

By the way, I will be unavoidably ashore for about a week or ten days. I know I can rely on your honor to leave the kitties be until I am back to defend them!
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Miss_Molly, rest and heal. I am staying in the background, watching over our dear kitties. I am also looking for any who are trying to harm the ones we protect the kitties against. I may not agree with them, but I will protect them to the death!

I hope they are well, and only taking a little vacation, or some such.

jj
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
By the way, I will be unavoidably ashore for about a week or ten days. I know I can rely on your honor to leave the kitties be until I am back to defend them!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel: If I'm still around, we can resume. Does anyone think cats might look better if they shaved?

---

No!!! Neither would I, but that's another story.

jj...singing a chorus of "Hair"...
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
I wasn't just thinking of the whiskers. More a sort of all-over shave.

The ideal pet should have feathers or scales - or come with a year's supply of batteries.
 

---

Posted by The Wanderer (# 182) on :
 
It is well known that a love of cats is a sign spiritual enlightenment. If cats were good enough for Neffertiti, they're good enough for me.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
And look what happened to her.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Greetings to all,

Alas, I have not been able to access the Ship regularly since the upgrades. I fear that my antique coal fired difference engine (aka my five year old computer) is not up to handling the new features very well.

In any case, I did want to report one bit of local news which may interest the group. Our local county supervisors have FINALLY adopted a law requiring persons enslaved to felines to have the mangy beasts vaccinated against rabies. (At last!) They have even authorized the local constabulary to enforce the law by trsansporting the furry demons to the animal shelter where they can be observed and if found rabies free, vaccinated at the owners expense. (US$250). Personally, I think they are getting off cheap.

Perhaps now if we can only so something about those evil feral cats.... The only good thing to be said for them is that they have not yet managed to enslave any unsuspecting humans for their demonic purposes.

Still in possession of my faculties and my fireplace poker, I remain your most faithful servant,

Campbellite
 

---

Posted by The Wanderer (# 182) on :
 
It is a little known fact that Cleopatra had a pet cat, who died trying to defend her mistress from the attack of an angry asp. Just goes to prove that cats are loyal and kind - as well as spiritually sensitive.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Not sure that cats are a sign of spiritual enlightenment - Sycorax (head of section) is potty about them and is pretty definitely an atheist.

I have a lot of sympathy for the asp, which I think was much misunderstood. How would you feel if you were shut up in a dark basket for days on end, then stuffed face first into someone's busty substances, as Peter Cook put it?

OK, it takes all sorts, but it's not my idea of fun.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Wanderer:
...Cleopatra had a pet cat, who died trying to defend her mistress...

---

quote:

---

Sharkshooter told us:
Another reason not to have a cat (as if you need another) - they make useless body guards.

---

Imagine a little five-pound creature having the fortitude and bravery to defend his/her human. Of course they can't do much! The size difference puts them at a huge disadvantage, but that same difference doesn't cause them to cower in the face of death.

What would you do if a being 30 times your size and weight would attack one of your loved ones? Would you run and hide? Even if that being used a deadly snake against your child, parent or spouse? No! You would try! Even failure is an honorable outcome, if what you do, you do out of love and/or loyalty.

So there.

jj
 

---

Posted by Blue (# 3067) on :
 
Oooh! How lovely! A thread to share my delight in my beautiful Russian Blue, Boris. I wonder if I can take some photos to show everyone how gorgeous he is. Mmmm, I just love the way he nuzzles up to his daddy. Who loves his daddy-kins then? Bowsey-wowsy, of course! Adorable!

Is it safe to let him exercise here?

--------------------
Cabinboy Blue
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
(Several piranhas, circling the ship, sit up and take notice, as they are about to be fed a tasty young cabinboy.)

I still don't understand this fascination with cats. I mean, once you've seen one, you've seen them all. They all look alike, and they all behave alike. You can spot them a mile off.

And really. What have cats ever achieved? What plays have they written, or what scientific advancements have they made?

Give me 10 reasons why I should change my mind and like them. Go on. I bet you can't even find 2. And don't mention cute appearance, that cuts no ice with me. I don't choose my friends for their looks.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Blue:
I wonder if I can take some photos to show everyone how gorgeous he is.

---

No!!!
 

---

Posted by DonnaPatricia (# 3017) on :
 
Hi,

received this on another list, and I make no apologies for passing on this useful tidbit of information. I apologise unreservedly to cat lovers, but it did strike me as very funny.

HOW TO BATHE A CAT

1. Thoroughly clean the toilet.
2. Lift both lids and add shampoo.
3. Find and soothe cat as you carry him/her to the bathroom.
4. In one swift move, place cat in toilet, close both lids, then sit on top so cat cannot escape.
5. The cat will self-agitate, producing ample suds.
(Ignore ruckus from inside the toilet. Cat is enjoying this.)
6. Flush toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides "power rinse," which is quite effective.
7. Have someone open outside door, stand as far from toilet as possible, then quickly lift both lids.
8. Clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and outdoors, where your now-clean pet will air dry.

Yours in Christ
Donna Patricia
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Blue, of course your precious little Boris can exercize with the kitty clan! Just make sure to have a Jedi escort through the secret, non-lethal route to the Jedi temple...where kitties of all kinds romp in a cat-hater-free environment.

Ariel, if I give you 10 reasons, will you change your mind? Will you like kitties?

1. God loves kitties.
2. They eat mice, rats and other vermin.
3. They lay on your feet to keep them (the feet) warm on cold nights.
4. They are very entertaining to watch as they cavort together in play.
5. Some cats can be very sensitive to their human's needs and illnesses. (Remind me to tell you the True Story of Mike the Siamese).
6. Unlike dogs, cats will use the litter box, and cover their business (if kept properly indoors).
7. They are fairly inexpensive to keep as pets.
8. They are smart enough to recognize a cat-hater in their home, and will nicely sit on that person's lap. (Either as a tease, or to try to make friends...I'm not quite sure which.)
9. Cats' purring is a soothing sound...for most people.
10. Cats have traditionally been on ships for ages, and I think they are most appropriate here!

As an aside, I also think there are cats that need not to be near people. There are some rotten apples in the feline world, as much as in the human one.

jj
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
Nice try, jj, but I have heard more persuasive arguments from people who insisit that their 20- foot boa constrictor is a cuddly little angel.

Compared to a cat, a boa is in fact a vastly superior pet. A boa doesn't stink, snarl, spray, scratch, or screech. There is no need for a putrid, malodorous, fly-infested litter box.

You won't have to spend a small fortune on little cans of slimy fish-slaughter by-product. Simply toss a cat to the boa once or twice a week, and the boa is in pig heaven. I tink you would enjoy watching the boa "cavort" with the cats.

Greta
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
Ariel, if I give you 10 reasons, will you change your mind? Will you like kitties?

---

Not just any 10 reasons, JJ, you have to convince this jaded, unsentimental old cynic in a way I can relate to. Telling me that God loves cats isn't going to do much for me. God also loves rats, politicians, and everybody I don't like. I'm going to disagree with your next 6 points, as they can be proved factually inaccurate and don't hold true for the species as a whole.

> 8. They are smart enough to recognize a cat-hater in their home, and will nicely sit on that person's lap. (Either as a tease, or to try to make friends...I'm not quite sure which.)

True. They usually make a beeline for me, which I don't want, and climb up my leg with claws out, when I am holding a cup of tea, or suddenly leap onto the back of my neck. I have stopped visiting friends who own cats for this reason.

> 9. Cats' purring is a soothing sound...for most people.

OK, true. Ditto the sound of a peacefully ticking clock and the pulse of the ocean waves, but if you like these things you can buy tapes of them.

> 10. Cats have traditionally been on ships for ages, and I think they are most appropriate here!

Yup, I agree with this, provided there aren't too many. I would say this place also needs at least one Ship's Rat, to balance things out, and give the Ship's Cat something to do.
 

---

Posted by Blue (# 3067) on :
 
(nervously waits for Jedi escort, and ponders quite what Cat Rancher will be posting on this thread?)

--------------------
Cabinboy Blue

dreaming of dubloons!
 

---

Posted by Beethoven (# 114) on :
 
I have to agree with jedijudy on this. Dogs? pah - smelly, overenthusiastic creatures with no dignity ro self-respect. Cats, on the other hand

When I am feeling down, one of my cats will always come and look after me. Not demanding - just being there in case I want her to sit with me. The other one wisely steers clear! There is nothing on this earth so soothing as sitting with a purring cat curled up on my lap. Or having a cat snuggle up beside me on the settee. And the free entertainment we get from watching them trying to catch flies, bees etc. in the garden - well, it's better than anything on the TV! (not that that's difficult, I admit! )

I can't answer for all felines everywhere, but I have to say I would not be without mine for the world.

Smelly litter tray? Not at all. When they have a tray it's cleaned regularly - and with a good cat litter there's no smell anyway.

They're a huge benefit to us, particularly in autumn with all the windfall apples on the lawn. Our landlady warned us that they cause a bad mice problem unless they're picked up quickly. Strangely enough, we've never bothered clearing the apples unless the lawn needs mowing, and we've not had any problem with mice at all

Cats? Heaven sent
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
Ariel, if I give you 10 reasons, will you change your mind? Will you like kitties?

---

jj, don't bother. The doctrines of Christianity notwithstanding, some folks just are not redeemable.

Cats, of course, are wholly redeemed, a sign of God's Kingdom here upon earth:

For I will consider my Cat Jeoffry.
For he is the servant of the Living God duly and daily serving him.
For at the first glance of the glory of God in the East he worships in his way.
For is this done by wreathing his body seven times round with elegant quickness.
For then he leaps up to catch the musk, which is the blessing of God upon his prayer.
-Christopher Smart, Jubilate Agno
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
CorgiGreta, boas can be fine "pets", even though I find them to have no intelligence. They do have a particular fault in that they could eat small children...which cats are incapable of doing. My other pet is a reptile, but iguanas are Much more intelligent than snakes, and are fun to watch.

Ariel, I think it very strange that a cat would waste energy by climbing up your legs when a little jump and a soft landing are so much more efficient. You should come see my kitties...especially Jassy who has never bitten or scratched anyone.

Blue, consider yourself escorted! Would you care for a cup of Earl Grey...hot?

Thanks Beethoven and RuthW! With Miss_Molly away and unable to use her lightsaber with me in kitty-defense, we need to stand shoulder-to-shoulder and remain vigilant in our sacred duties.

jj
 

---

Posted by ChristinaMarie (# 1013) on :
 
To the Shipmates who hate cats,

The Lion of Judah is coming after you!!!

Christina
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
> (Beethoven) And the free entertainment we get from watching them trying to catch flies, bees etc. in the garden - well, it's better than anything on the TV!

Yes, I've heard about nightlife in Didcot - I'm told the other form of entertainment in the evenings is going out to watch the traffic lights change.

> (Ruth W) Cats, of course, are wholly redeemed, a sign of God's Kingdom here upon earth

Oh, come on. Cats have no souls, and won't go to Heaven. They can't, because they haven't been baptized.

> (Jedijudy) They [boas] do have a particular fault in that they could eat small children...which cats are incapable of doing.

The only thing that stops cats eating small children is the logistics. If cats were twice the size or children half the size, we'd have a serious problem, and they'd treat children the way they do birds and mice. I think cats should be bred for smallness, then once they were the size of mice, life would be a lot easier all round.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Oh dear, oh dear!

Clearly I have been away far too long, and the inmates have taken over the asylum.

It grieves me to the bottom of my soul that there remain among our most beloved shipmates so many poor benighted souls who are even yet in the evil clutches of the feline, fur-bearing demons.

Alas for you, ensnared victims of the spawn of Satan, Alas for you have been deceived by their cunning and insideous ways. They come as cute and seemingly "innocent" kittens, and when they have their victims fooled into thinking that they are harmless, they have you enslaved to do their bidding.

Flee! Flee from the hell-born felines! They are not your friends. They are not "pets", they are the leading edge of Hell's assault on the souls of the redeemed! Repent and be saved!

Campbellite
(Sharpening poker, stoking coals in the barbecue pit)
 

---

Posted by Beethoven (# 114) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:
Alas for you have been deceived by their cunning and insideous ways. They come as cute and seemingly "innocent" kittens, and when they have their victims fooled into thinking that they are harmless, they have you enslaved to do their bidding.

Flee! Flee from the hell-born felines! They are not your friends. They are not "pets", they are the leading edge of Hell's assault on the souls of the redeemed! Repent and be saved!

---

I haven't gone back and checked my previous posts, but I would be surprised if I've ever claimed (or implied) innocence on my cats' behalf. I know they own me, not the other way round. I am fully aware that I am there to satisfy their every whim (in their opinions anyway), and that I have failed in my duty every time that I do not fulfil this function.

However, they are not hell's creatures. Indeed, an evening spent with a cat or two purring on one's lap is a glimpse of heaven
 

---

Posted by Alaric the Goth (# 511) on :
 
I did not used to like cats. But for about 8 years we have had Barney (we had Fred AND Barney for a while). Barney is blackish-brown, fairly furry/fluffy, lazy and v. large., with a little bit of white fur on his belly.

When the weather is cooler/cold he spends most evenings on my lap.

I will take my Visigothic vorpal sword and stand shoulder-to-shoulder with the lightsaber-wielding jedijudy and her allies to fight the Feline-hating fraternity (well there must be only one or two such Misguided Ones).
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Beethoven:
I know they own me, not the other way round. I am fully aware that I am there to satisfy their every whim (in their opinions anyway), and that I have failed in my duty every time that I do not fulfil this function.

However, they are not hell's creatures. Indeed, an evening spent with a cat or two purring on one's lap is a glimpse of heaven

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Beethoven:
I know they own me, not the other way round. I am fully aware that I am there to satisfy their every whim (in their opinions anyway), and that I have failed in my duty every time that I do not fulfil this function.

---

Doesn't this worry you in any way? The first paragraph could apply just as well to one's employers. But at least they pay you for what you do, and you can have time off and company perks, and your head of section doesn't come and sit in your lap or mountaineer up your leg whether you like it or not. At least, I hope s/he doesn't, for your sake.

---

Company perks??? What are they then? Oh, you mean reading the boards all day because they can't be bothered to give me anything to do! But I know which is more enjoyable out of my relationship with my cats and my relationship with my employer! Felines every time

I suppose the difference is that I choose to be in the relationship with my cats, and that the rewards they give me are much more meaningful and enjoyable than just money. Sure, the money's needed, but the cats add fun, amusement and companionship - all to do with quality of life.
 

---

Posted by Cuttlefish (# 1244) on :
 
Here's a site which might appeal to those strange people who don't like cats:

Mr. Johnson

By the way, does anyone know what happened to the esteemed thread starter, Ham'n'Eggs. Is it a sore or touchy point? Is it poor form to ask about that sort of thing? Just wondering.

Cuttle.
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
You must have missed the thread where we talked about this, Cuttle. Due to personal reasons he has chosen to take a break for a while. I am in touch and will pass on your concern. Please PM me if you would like to
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Cats, cats, blasted cats. I was all right when I started the original thread but now I HATE CATS. I hate their fur and the way they yowl, and the way they smell, and the hairs they leave everywhere, including in my tea, and the rash they give me when they rub up evilly against me which they only do because they KNOW I come out in lumps.

And I particularly mistrust the strange way they warp people's minds. Cats are not an ecological necessity. They were beamed here from another planet by a species of particularly vindictive alien. Now they're all over this website. This website needs help. Fast.

If only Ham'n'Eggs was here, or sharkshooter or someone else who still had a normal perspective on life and whose brain hadn't been taken over by furry aliens from the planet Zog.
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
If only Ham'n'Eggs was here, or sharkshooter or someone else who still had a normal perspective on life and whose brain hadn't been taken over by furry aliens from the planet Zog.

---

A normal perspective on life???
 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:

If only Ham'n'Eggs was here, or sharkshooter or someone else who still had a normal perspective on life and whose brain hadn't been taken over by furry aliens from the planet Zog.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:

And I particularly mistrust the strange way they warp people's minds. Cats are not an ecological necessity. They were beamed here from another planet by a species of particularly vindictive alien. Now they're all over this website.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cat Rancher:
Dogs are cute and omnipresent, but how can one dominate by begging for a belly-scratch and drooling?

---

Well I disagree with you Cat Rancher (welcome to the Ship though!) I have a rather nice Dog who doesn't drool, smell or want her tummy scratched.. In fact I'm rather worried about her since over the last three and a half years, she has fallen in love with a rather nice Ginger Tom. Is there no end to the way these cats are taking over?!!! My dog has even started washing herself like a cat!!! I bet she'll learn how to purr before too long! Please save us from these hissing, furry, mice loving killers!!!!
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cat Rancher

---

 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
WOOF! WOOF! WOOF!!!

I am off to chase Cats!!!!

Signed from the Dolphy's Dog, who sends a big waggy tail to Ariel. (wot, no doggy smilie?!!!) I am a super hero Ariel, and will save you from these feline creatures... well, aside from a certain Ginger Tom who I like... unless I have been brainwashed!!!

Forgive my intrusion but Dolphy Mummy is making a cup of tea so I thought I'd get my paw in while I can!!!
 

---

Posted by Cat Rancher (# 3122) on :
 

quote:

---

Is there no end to the way these cats are taking over?!!! My dog has even started washing herself like a cat!!!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dolphy:
Is there no end to the way these cats are taking over?!!!

---

Hopefully not! Why would anyone want to put an end to their domination? The more friendly, purring felines in the world, the better.

quote:

---

My dog has even started washing herself like a cat!!! I bet she'll learn how to purr before too long!

---

If only dogs were cats, the world would be a better place, and there'd be less arguments. (Dreading the day we have a bigger house so I can't use that as the reason for not having a bouncy, smelly, drooling creature with no self-restraint. A husband is bad enough )

quote:

---

Please save us from these hissing, furry, mice loving killers!!!!

---

And right up to that last bit, I'd thought you were a Nice Person!
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Aha, so at last the true Dolphy is coming out. I always knew there was something dodgy about a friend who would steal a Smurfs CD while I was on holiday, and now the truth is revealed. She's even attempting to prevent her canine from bettering himself by adopting a feline role model.
Ariel, have you ever thought that it might be a washing powder allergy?
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Smudgie:
Ariel, have you ever thought that it might be a washing powder allergy?

---

No, why? Does washing powder yowl and dig holes in your garden and puke on your flowerbeds when you don't want it to?

All of which are excellent reasons for not having cats - or small children.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
[QUOTE]Originally posted by Ariel:
Cats are not an ecological necessity. [QUOTE]

Oh, I don't know, Ariel, they do make excellent violin strings.


Beyond that, however, your post is spot on. They are clearly not part of God's plan for the universe, and were put here by some other sinister force. Their mission is clear - to subvert otherwise sane and intelligent God-fearing people and turn them into mindless moggy-slaves.

How else do you explain tuna flavoured cat food? Did you ever see a cat reeling in a tuna? No! Of course not!
What of beef flavoured cat food? Did you ever hear of a house cat bringing down a cow? Ridiculous!

If the humans were in charge, rather than the feline fur-bearing demons, they would fend for themselves, and if some misguided human wanted to offer food to the misbegotten spawn of Satan, it would be something more natural like guppy flavour or perhaps songbird. That is, after all, what the hell-beasts eat when we are not looking.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:
How else do you explain tuna flavoured cat food? Did you ever see a cat reeling in a tuna? No! Of course not!

---

Your post has inspired me to start a counter movement of my own. I am fed up with the prominence cats get at the expense of other creatures. Nobody cares about fish or sea creatures. Nobody campaigns for fish liberation or fish rights. There is no Royal Society for the Protection of Fish. It is time the fish started fighting back. I am going to start lobbying pet-food manufacturers for cat-flavoured tuna food, and little cat-shaped treats for sardines, and so on. Fish (and other sea creatures), your day is at hand.
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
Let's feed sharks the real thing. If sharks had their bellies full of cats, they would leave humans alone. Let's send the fishing fleets out filled with cats as a peace offering to the sharks.

Greta
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
Hmmmm. Cats as shark food - I just felt I HAD to add to that concept!

Shark fishermen (although I really don't know why anyone would want to kill a shark ) could use cats as bait - they would be less gooy than putting a worm on a line.

Where you have a beach and there might be sharks in the area, you could attach cats to poles around the perimiter, so that the sharks would eat and not bother with the humans.
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Enough with the sharks already - let them pick on animals their own size!

Ok, so you think that Cats are the best... Beets and Smudge, you have obviously never had a life and realised that Dogs are wonderful loving friends... as for cats... well... humph. OK A certain Ginger Tom is ok... but as for the rest of the feline race... let them be made into Dog Food!!!!
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
Some cats are nearly as big as sharks - what with getting carried around all the time and doing nothing but eating and sleeping. The only exercise they get is moving their jaw up and down to eat and make horrible noises.

Oh, by the way, I don't like dogs (but that is a totally different thing(.
 

---

Posted by Beethoven (# 114) on :
 
Right, that's it! Jedijudy, I think we need a fresh batch of lightsabers over here.

And while we're thinking of suitable food for sharks, hmmm... now let me see... dolphins are usually in plentiful supply?

*grumbles* cats as shark food, I really don't know.
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Sorry Beethoven but Dolphins are protected for ever being used as cat food!!! Mind you, minced cat with pasta is beginning to sound rather good for tonight's meal, perhaps with a little cheese and deep fried cat's tails!

Bring on the sharks!!!!
 

---

Posted by Lux Mundi (# 1981) on :
 
Cats: Evil creatures , should all be shot, or turned into Dog food .
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
Dolphy,

I didn't mean to slight dolphins in my suggestion that we feed cats to sharks. There are pleanty of cats to go around. You must admit, though, that it would be much more amusing to watch the unique table manners that the sharks would display during their cat feast. I think it would be a hugely-attended aquarium show.

Greta
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
*ahem*

<jj moves hand through air in what is commonly called "the Jedi mind trick">

You don't have to love kitties, but you will not do them harm. Yes, feeding cats to sharks is considered "harm".

True cat story: Mom's cat Lucy loved to eat fish. Especially fresh caught out of the canal in their back yard. Once, when she didn't get a fish during a period of non-fishing, she went down on the bank of the canal, and swiped one out for herself.

I have a lightsaber, and I'm not afraid to use it.

jj
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
You don't have to love kitties, but you will not do them harm. Yes, feeding cats to sharks is considered "harm".

---

quote:

---

True cat story: Mom's cat Lucy loved to eat fish...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:

I have a lightsaber, and I'm not afraid to use it.

---

Woof! Woof! Bring it on JJ !!!
 

---

Posted by Timothy L (# 2170) on :
 
I got two little sweet little adorable little kittens tonight! 6 1/2 week old boys, littermates. The bold one yellow, the shy one black.

They're hiding behind the hot water heater right now, but I hope we will all become good friends.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Timothy L:
They're hiding behind the hot water heater right now, but I hope we will all become good friends.

---

• what they want
• how they want it done
• when they want you to do it
• as quickly as they want it done

quote:

---

what they want
how they want it done
when they want you to do it
as quickly as they want it done

---

quote:

---

If kept indoors, they will destroy furniture, carpets, and drapes. They will make the place smell like an ammonia factory. They will harrass, annoy, and drive away friends. They will disturb one's sleep, and ultimately cause one to go insane.

---

quote:

---

If they are let outside (an irresponsible if not illegal and certainly immoral thing to do), they will upset the ecological balance in the area. They will leave once beautiful gardens in ruins. They will disturb the sleep of the entire neighborhood. They will sire untold numbers of progeny to further perpetuate the cycle of horrors.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chorister:
My cat is ancient and venerable and knows it. If he is not fed the best cat food, and carried around the house being cuddled and stroked, he threatens to die. Works every time!

---

I know the feeling, Chorister! Wretched animal's not been in the house 24 hours and already he's running rings round us all.

Oh and..err.. how do you put it? Are um..ah 'deposits' meant to be that smelly?!
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
I thought the fish were voting around here! How else can we explain our (in)famous Florida voting?

I sure hope sharks aren't endangered! They taste so good!

Shark....hmmmm. Kitties! Let's get some fish for supper!!!

jj
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
This is a public announcement I retract every comment I have ever made anti-cats. Yes, yes I am a dog lover and owner but I have to admit that a certain aforementioned ginger Tom has won me over... Cats are cool! This does not mean that I love my dog any less than before but if she can accept a cat as a friend then so can I. End of public announcement.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
Dolphy, it's time for your medication. You know the that you say things you don't mean when you miss it.

Timothy, remember, I said

quote:

---

Oh, by the way, I don't like dogs

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dolphy:
Cats are cool!

---

Traitor. What happened to my superhero?

I saw a cat the other day. It was rolling around on its back in the middle of the road, in the way that cats do. So I left it there.
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
I have not been brainwashed... I mean every word... CATS ARE THE BEST
 

---

Posted by Beethoven (# 114) on :
 
*stares suspiciously at Dolphy to make sure this isn't some sort of wind-up*

*checks to make sure lightsaber is easily to hand, should it be needed*

There you go, Dolphy - I knew you were a nice person really and that you'd eventually come to your senses!

Cats rule
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Beethoven:
*stares suspiciously at Dolphy to make sure this isn't some sort of wind-up*

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dolphy:
This is a public announcement I retract every comment I have ever made anti-cats. Yes, yes I am a dog lover and owner but I have to admit that a certain aforementioned ginger Tom has won me over... Cats are cool! This does not mean that I love my dog any less than before but if she can accept a cat as a friend then so can I. End of public announcement.

---

I was unaware that Dolphins were suseptible to jedi mind tricks. Shame on you Judy!
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Dolphy..I love you! I knew you would warm up to kitties if you just gave them a chance! It takes a big-hearted person to admit publicly that they have had a change of heart! (Dolphins are known for their great intelligence.)

Sharkshooter, are you a Toydarian? Maybe you should put that under you avatar!

Rev. Mr. Campbellite. Dolphy obtained wisdom on her own. I didn't have to help at all.

Beethoven, our numbers are growing!

The right kitty will come along for Ariel, too. Someday! You just wait!

jj <giving Dolphy big hugs>
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
The right cat might come along? I might meet one that's sensible, intelligent, an interesting conversationalist with a good sense of humour, runs itself regular baths, isn't too hairy, and has no interest in gardening? Will it take me out to dinner and remember my birthday, that's what I want to know!
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
For those not quite as fimiliar with alien species:

quote:

---

Toydarians are about 2-3 feet tall, and they have little wings on their back. They have some kind of gas in their stomach, that they could fly easier. A weird thing in toydarians, is that their immune to the Force.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by CorgiGreta:
Speaking of gas, dogs seldom if ever are flatulent.

---

quote:

---

This is what CorgiGreta said!:
As for a truce with cat lovers, you would be more likely to make an advantageous contract with the devil.

---

The Devil you say!!!!

jj ...waving lightsaber in figure eights...for what ever reason.
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Molly? Oh Molly!!

Molly!

Where are you?
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
<Shaking hands with Ariel>

quote:

---

This is what CorgiGreta said!:
As for a truce with cat lovers, you would be more likely to make an advantageous contract with the devil.

---

The Devil you say!!!!

jj ...waving lightsaber in figure eights...for what ever reason.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:
Cats are EVIL! They are the servants of Lucifer and will destroy hope you have for salvation.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
Dolphy..I love you! I knew you would warm up to kitties if you just gave them a chance! It takes a big-hearted person to admit publicly that they have had a change of heart! (Dolphins are known for their great intelligence.)
Rev. Mr. Campbellite. Dolphy obtained wisdom on her own. I didn't have to help at all.
jj <giving Dolphy big hugs>

---

Let's just say that I had a change of heart Ok, I admit that I am a dog lover by nature but I really have warmed to some cats... However, not all of them! Not the horrid, long haired, fur-ball excuse for a feline that has moved in two doors down... That's an insult to felines! He's horrid, evil and has been sent from the devil. I really do not appreciate his little gifts of dead mice and poo being deposited in my front garden.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Ahhh, there's hope for you yet.


 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Ariel, Dolphy was just speaking truth. Believe it or not, there are cats that even I don't like! Some kitties have bad tempraments, and are just plain rude!

My mother had a cat (Tiffany) that would love on you and purr, then suddenly tear you to shreds with her claws and teeth...out of the blue! She was not a nice cat. I did not like her at all!!

Believe it or not...there are even some people that I don't like!!

Dolphy, you have good taste, trust your instincts...stay away from the bad kitty!

jj
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
My mother had a cat (Tiffany) that would love on you and purr, then suddenly tear you to shreds with her claws and teeth...out of the blue

---

Yes - that does seem to be a common feline trait. But then it isn't unknown in human beings either, she added sourly.
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Nasty naughty kitty, smelly viscious feline.. you are an insult to all things good. (I feel better for that now) I am very cross with it, it is tormenting our wonderful Ginger Tom and picking on him. Even my dog is growling at the aforementioned feline... maybe this cat will have to be cooked in order to save the rest of the wonderful kitties in our street.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
...Some kitties have bad tempraments, and are just plain rude!
...
jj

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:


Cats are EVIL! They are the servants of Lucifer and will destroy hope you have for salvation.
Do not me fooled by their "cute" outward appearance, nor by their soothing purrs. This is but part of their scheme of deception to lull you to defencelessness before they murder you in your sleep.[/QB]

---

Yes, this thread may offer some opportunities for saintly forgiveness (or suggest other good ideas, such as murder by night)

 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dolphy:
Nasty naughty kitty, smelly viscious feline.. <snip>maybe this cat will have to be cooked in order to save the rest of the wonderful kitties in our street.

---

I believe it is common knowledge on this thread that I have recipes and am willing to share. I like mine barbecued slowly over an open pit and served with a nice spicy tomato and vinegar sauce. Shred the cooked cat and mix in the sauce, serve on a bun with cole slaw on top and baked beans on the side.

YUM!
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Runs lightly over the safe passageway between the spike pits surrounding the Jedi Temple and gives Campbellite (whom she has sorely missed) a warm hug and kiss.

Reverend and dear Sir, I know you have these recipes, but you know I will never permit you to try them.

I do however, have some yummy pork barbecue. How good to know you favor coleslaw on your sandwich too! Will you join me in a meal? The kitties, are of course, safe with Jedi Judy while we dine.
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Miss_Molly, would you mind bringing some of that BBQ pork to the Jedi temple after your meal with the Rev. Mr. Campbellite? The kitties and I think it smells divine!

(All of the kitties are here, they are very safe!)

jj
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Setting the table for her Jedi sister with barbecue, coleslaw, baked beans, buns and fruit salad.

Placing cat-sized helpings of barbecue on little plates for all the kitties.

Bon appetit, dear Judy and sweet kitties!
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Threads like this make me want to find the nearest cat and boot it across the road, hurling dishes of coleslaw at its retreating form.


 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Just try it, Ariel!

Thanks Molly! That was ***urp*** (excuse me) delicious! Here, I made a Banana Pudding. Would you like some?

After we finish, let's hide the kitties in the temple, then I can show you my new plans for thwarting the evil attempts by these misguided cat-haters.

Don't you just love the word "thwart"? Rolls nicely off the tongue.

jj
 

---

Posted by Scot (# 2095) on :
 
scot comes in and notices jedijudy, Miss Molly and Campbellite sitting at the table eating - spam cats!?! He quietly goes into the next room and rounds up a dozen felines.

{chomp}

{chomp}

{chomp}

Growing annoyed with the fur in his fangs, scot decides to follow Sarkycow's advice. He gathers up the remaining nine cats and heads down to the lava pit.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
Don't you just love the word "thwart"? Rolls nicely off the tongue.

jj

---

That is also what it sounds like when you drop-kick the cat across the road.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Scot, you would not have "fur" on your fangs if you would brush them occasionally.

In trying to leave the Jedi Temple with the cats, he does not notice the thin wire placed at neck height. He runs right into it, dropping the kitties and nearly decapitating himself. Fortunately, the denizens of hell have remarkable healing properties. After a brief rest in the Temple's dispensary, Jedi Judy and I guide him safely to the outer world and reset all protective devices.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
What can this be at my feet? It looks just like a football with fur.
 

---

Posted by Ship's Cat (# 3244) on :
 
Nice work mm and jj!
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
jj, I only arranged a truce with you. This isn't one of your furballs.

Anyone feel like a game of football? We just have to lob it in between the pillars of the jedi temple to score.
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Miss Molly and jj I have some more food for us all here, if I would be allowed to join in your little feast... I have also brought along my favourite ginger tom (and my little dog too who has promised to keep guard over those mates who are anti-cats)... Shall I pour the wine?....
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
But of course, dearest cetacean shipmate! And Jessie is most welcome, along with Brandy. Ariel, I believe what you have there is a toy that Scot, unable to hurt our kitties, bought to assuage his frustration. We would enjoy watching your punting technique.
 

---

Posted by Equinas (# 2907) on :
 
Is it potluck? I make a mean Chicken Marsala. Sharkshooter sent over some prime chicken cuts and I whipped it up, should be delicious. Funny-looking chicken, though...hmmm.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Riddle for the day:

How do you make a cat go, "woof!"

Douse it in gasoline and toss it into the fireplace.

"Whoof!"
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
Ariel, I believe what you have there is a toy that Scot, unable to hurt our kitties, bought to assuage his frustration.

---

quote:

---

We would enjoy watching your punting technique.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
<Takes all cat lovers to secret meeting place where new and improved cat-protection devices will be distributed and plans discussed.>

jj...the ever vigilant

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
What can this be at my feet? It looks just like a football with fur.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
I would appreciate cautious use of Freddie as well.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
May I have another glass of wine, Dolphy?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by CorgiGreta:
Jolly good sport!

Greta

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:
Just as a point of clarification, dearest JJ, but are not cats well and truly equipped with "protection devices" of their own? It seems to me that, unless they have been forcibly mutilated, they are armed with both claws and fangs? (Not unlike the esteemed Tomb, though minus scales.) Their Father Below has provided well for their defence.> snip

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by CorgiGreta:
The Most Reverend Dr. Campbellite,

I tried your recipe, and it was quite delicious. I modified it a bit however by adding lots of garlic.

---

quote:

---

Also, I find it extremely loathsome to touch a cat, dead or alive, so I used a whole cat. I think it makes for a very lovely presentation (especially with an apple in its mouth), and someone can have the great honor of carving the animal.

Also, my dogs enjoy knawing on the bones afterward, and it keeps their teeth nice and clean.

Greta

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dolphy:
She assures me that she will turn into a killer dog if anyone harms the little fluffy mew mews.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
Attempting, not too successfully, to restrain Jessie. Finally throws herself between Sharkshooter and the dog, shielding him with her body.

---

So sorry Molly, Jessie got carried away there! I suppose we do have to protect these shipmates no matter what their feline views are! jj, worry not, all the little kitties are quite safe. Jessie is back on guard!
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
Thank you, Molly and Dolphy, for your concern for my well-being. Alas, it was not necessary. I could have punted the dog, too (they just don't usually go as far).
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
Unfortunately, as highly esteemed as you, Sharkshooter, Ariel and CorgiGreta (and others) are among us, we will not permit any punting of any kind, BBQing or harm of any nature to the kitties.

---

I will jolly well punt in any way I see fit if I feel like it. If I choose to spend my afternoons drifting down the river at a leisurely pace, you are not going to stop me. I don't care who you think you are. And if any cats, or cat owners, leap into my punt in a warlike or appallingly cute and winsome manner, I shall not hesitate to brain them with the punt pole and then throw them overboard. I will then moor somewhere further down the bank and if I feel like a barbecue I shall have one with whatever I feel like barbecuing at the time, whether it is cats, cows, goats, frogs, toads, bats or shipmates I don't like. So there.

(Propels six more cats through the pillars of the Jedi temple into a bubbling lava pit. Because I can.)
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Jessie - go fetch the kitties and make sure they are all ok.

Molly, jj, Smudgie.... need your help here!!!
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
AntiCats 8 - ProCats 0.


 

---

Posted by Lux Mundi (# 1981) on :
 
Cats
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
Dolphy,

I'm afraid that your dog is exhibiting the classic symptoms of catatonia, an extreme form of psychosis usually only seen in humans who own cats.

The aggression, babbling nonsense, identity confusion, and use of deranged cat-like noises are straight out of a psychopathology textbook. There is little hope for humans (and even less for dogs) afflicted with this disorder. The key to cure generally involves reviving a normal hatred for the wretched beasts. Punting, poking, pitching, hunting, cooking, and cursing cats are often useful treatments.

Greta
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
The Most Reverend and Honorable Dr. Campbellite,

Would you happen to have a good Thai recipe? I have several Siamese cats in the freezer.

Greta
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
*sighs*

It seems all of you cannot live without venting your pathological tendencies on some living creature.

May I suggest your hostile feelings would be equally well relieved in hating, hunting, and harming alternative victims?

I have some candidates for you. For instance, when I was in nursing school, the woman teaching us microbiology assured us, that, if nothing else, we would emerge from her class hating flies. Equally useful targets for your wrath (from a disease prevention and benefit to humanity standpoint), would include mosquitoes and for big game thrills, rats.

In the meantime, the cat defenders remain on guard.
 

---

Posted by Timothy L (# 2170) on :
 
Okay, who brought the catnip brownies to the picnic? I know it's fun (alright...it's hilarious!) to see Campbellite, Corgi, Sharkshooter and Ariel out there on the grass kicking at phantom cats, but it's still a bit of a cruel joke. Those cool ship-cats should only turn on when and where they choose, dig?
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Equally useful targets for your wrath (from a disease prevention and benefit to humanity standpoint), would include mosquitoes and for big game thrills, rats.

---

Oh, come on. Have you ever tried kicking a fly through a set of goalposts? And rats are all right. Rats are intelligent and have personalities, whereas cats are all just clones.

I'm sticking with fish. They don't mew, dig holes or shed fur, and they know the secrets of the sea. Vote for fish now.
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Excellent idea - bring on all the fish you want; big meal for all the kitties tonight!!!
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
All we need is fatter cats!
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Dear Sharkshooter,
How much you have to learn about these cats - they are not greedy and will not get fat. They deserve a little treat from time to time so I vote for the fish.

Fish supper all round!

(Molly, Jessie has asked Brandy to help her on Cat guard since he is feeling much better now )
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

They deserve a little treat from time to time so I vote for the fish.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
[QUOTE](Bribes Jessie with large helping of her most favourite dog treat, and a slice of roast cat)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
Cats can and do fish.

---

Well, esteemed Judy, I cannot picture how a cat might go about canning fish. They have no opposable thumbs. How are they able to screw on the lids?

As for doing fish, I don't even want to go there.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Reverend and dear Sir, may I see your certificate attesting to your M.Div.? I have long taken it on trust that you have one, but your incomprehension of basic English as contained in Jedi Judy's sensible post makes me wonder if you did actually graduate from seminary.

"Can" in this context means "possess the ability to".

"Do" in this context means "perform the action in reality".

Since I desire to be charitable at all times, and have a sneaking fondness for you, I am going to assume your difficulties with English arise from your brilliance in and mental saturation by, Biblical Hebrew and Koine Greek.
 

---

Posted by Equinas (# 2907) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dolphy:
Dear Sharkshooter,
How much you have to learn about these cats - they are not greedy and will not get fat. )

---

Hmm. Perhaps I should bring my tiger Jason, aka Felinus Maximus and MobyCat, to Camp Jedi for .
 

---

Posted by Equinas (# 2907) on :
 
Then again, he has a natural resistance to being punted.
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
Aaarrrr, yonder punt is looking to be cannonballed, methinks. Aaarrrr.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
"Can" in this context means "possess the ability to".

"Do" in this context means "perform the action in reality".

---

<Emily Letella voice on>
Oh... Never mind.
</Emily Letella voice off>

Alas, my dearest Miss_Molly, as a New Testament major in Seminary, I never took Hebrew, but did have training in Koine Greek. And in college I took two years of German.

<tanget> One of my college classmates is now suffering for Jesus in the same church in Denver as Tomb!</tanget>
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
retrieves the cats from the cannons, puts them all back safe under the close guard of Jessie and reloads the cannons with the secret Jedi power!
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Please forgive my negligence in posting but I have been unable to find any Thai recipes. I suspect that some unnamed Jedi has been rummaging through my card files.

In any case, I have a recipe for Kitty Sate (pronounced sah-tay ). It is a lovely sweet and spicy Indonesian dish, but I must alert those allergic to peanuts, not to try this at home.

Prepare one to one and a half pounds kitty, cut into strips. Place strips between waxed paper and with kitchen mallet, pound it out flat.

Marinate in mixture of soy sauce, molasses (or honey), tabasco (accept no substitutes!), lemon juice and crushed garlic. (Don't skimp on the garlic!) Marinate for at least 30 minutes, preferably overnight.

Soak bamboo skewers in water (to prevent burning).

Thread marinated kitty onto skewers. Grill until done and there is no pink showing. Keep warm until ready to serve.

Prepare dipping sauce by adding one quarter cupvery hot water to one half cup peanut butter and a tablespoon of lemon juice. The water must be just this side of boiling for this to work. Quickly stir until sauce is smooth.

Presentation:

On each plate place one half cup white rice (cook it first, silly!). Place three to four skewers of kitty on rice. Give each guest a small bowl of dipping sauce. Serves four.

Note to JediJudy and Miss_Molly, if kitty is unavailable, you may substitute chicken. It won't have the same ambience, but I offer the option for your delicate sensibilities.

Bon appetit!
 

---

Posted by Clyde (# 752) on :
 
When talking about food in connection with cats,
I seem to recall reading somewhere that cats don't have a good sense of taste. Can anyone comment on this.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Well, Clyde, some cats have the good taste to stay away from me. The rest (when properly prepared, of course ) taste good.

So I guess the answer to your question is, "yes".

Campbellite
Never trust a skinny cook.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
You went to Transylvania University, Reverend and dear Sir? This explains a great deal....
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Exactly what I was going to say Sister Molly. But, did you notice how the Rev. Sir was concerned about our sensitivities concerning his * shudder * recipe? I believe he is coming to the understanding that we do not appreciate such things. Halleluia!

Sister Dolphy, did you load the cannons with the newest armaments? They will do no harm to people, but will surround those who are fired upon with a feeling of warmth and love for all God's creatures, including cats! (However, I'm afraid they will sink punts.)

jj
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
That is correct, Miss_Molly, I am an alumnus of Transylvania University. We never had any problems with associations with vampires until that novel by Bram Stoker came out in 1895. By then we had been using the name "Transylvania" for 115 years! (founded in 1780).

Oddly, when I was a student there, the most popular class was only offered at night, and was titled "On Death and Dying". It included a field trip to the local funeral home.

No kidding!

With the name Transylvania, and as old as the college is, you just KNOW that there must be some good ghost stories. I will tell you some time if you wish.

PS to Judy, I defer to your sensibilities here. In hell, that would have been poor form, you know.
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
The Reverend Canon Dr. Campbelite,

I should think our dear cat people would be quite sympathetic to vampires, since their beloved beasts share so many of the sinister attributes of those sordid blood-sucking monsters.

Both vile groups are nocturnal. Both attack innocent, defenseless victims. Both take a perverse pleasure in dislpaying their blood-stained teeth. Both come from the very bowels of Hell.

God fearing, and therefore cat-hating, people should keep a crucifix, stake and hammer at ready. I believe garlic is also efficacious.

Greta
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Well, Greta,

The stories DO involve crypts and sarcophagi, and a rather effective curse, but no vampires or cats. There is a side story about birds, however.

Honor to whom honor is over due.
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
*putting a cushion on the floor, sitting, and wrapping a nice comforter around myself*

I'm waiting for some of those ghost stories, dear Rev. Campbellite!

jj
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Campbellite takes a seat in an old comfy wingback chair. Takes out well worn pipe, fills with a quality blend, tamps it down lightly and lights. After a few gentle puffs it is burning well. A gentle aromatic whisp floats about his head like, well, a halo. <Don't get too carried away by this, Campbellite>

Well, dearest Judy, since you insist... (I thought you would NEVER ask ) I will tell you the tale. It is rather long and involved, with several detours along the way (as all good stories do, you know.) What sets this story apart, however, is that evey word of it is the absolute truth.

Part the first.

Transylvania University is the oldest college in America west of the Allegheny Mountains. It is, if I am not terribly mistaken, the sixteenth oldest in the country. It was founded in 1780, in the middle of the Revolutionary War, when the region which is now Kentucky was still part of Virginia. The school charter was signed in 1780 by the governor of Virginia, Thomas Jefferson.
Transylvania was one of the original names used for the area, and when the Commonwealth was admitted to the Union in 1792, the new legislature, by only one vote, chose the name "Kentucky" over "Transylvania".
Are you relieved by that? Don't be too hasty. The name "Transylvania" is from the Latin and means "Through the Forest" which is, of course, how you got there from the rest of Virginia. "Kentucky" on the other hand, is from a native American phrase meaning "Dark and bloody ground", because it was where they hunted and waged war. So I ask you, which is the better name?
 

---

Posted by Timothy L (# 2170) on :
 
Campbellite, when were you at Transy? I sold steamed hotdogs out of a push cart behind the Lexington-Fayette County Courthouse circa 1983-84. If you were a hungry student then, we've probably met!

BTW, Transylvania University used to be (don't know about now) one of the best ranked liberal arts institutions in the country.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Timothy,

I graduated in 1976, and then went on to Lexington Theological Seminary across the street from UK. I moved to Virginia in 1980, so I just missed you.

Honor to whom honor is over due.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Takes puff from pipe. Savors the aroma and resumes his story.

Part the second

When Transylvania was founded in 1780, the first president was also the rector of what was later to become Christ Cathedral (ECUSA). By the 1830's Transylvania has passed into the control of the Presbyterians who made up the majority of the Board of Trustees.

This decade was a "Golden Era" for Transy (as we fondly call alma mater), and much of the research in the newly settled West was done from there. It was, in fact, second only to Harvard in academic reputation in those days. Even now, the official school colors are black and Harvard crimson, the only school Harvard allows to share their colors.

Although the college was run by the Presbyterians, they had hired as the new president, a Unitarian from Massachusetts named Horace Holley. Holley was a first rate academician, and this was more important to them than the orthodoxy of his religion. Holley's wife, was the sister of Stephen Austin, later hero of the Texas revolution for whom the city of Austin TX was named. (That last fact is not relevant to our story, but I thought it was interesting.)

One of the non-Presbyterian trustees was Henry (I would rather be right than be President) Clay AKA "The Great Compromiser". Clay was a member of the aforementioned Christ Cathedral. They have a bronze plaque on the wall marking his box. (South wall, about one third back from the transept.)
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
< ...jj, sitting transfixed, elbows on knees, chin resting on palms, oxygen mask on face...you know how asthma is with pipe smoke... >

This is great! Can you imagine having the states of Pennsylvania (my birth state) and Transylvania near to each other?

Keep going Rev. Sir!

jj-holding purring cat in her lap-
 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 
Ahem!
<reaches for 'Host Mode Activate' button but desists>

Not even my fiercest critics can deny that I am laid-back and easy-going (though they may, indeed, criticise me for the selfsame qualities).

However, I do feel that this thread may have, ahhh, deviated from its subject matter.

I am reluctant though to cry 'Tangent' on two grounds:-

a) That I cannot ask Campbellite to open a new thread in DH on the subject of his 'alma mater' (it is technically impossible!) and I cannot realistically ask him to start it on another board (which one would be relevant??)

b) And that it seems that he is being encouraged by at least one other poster to continue in his reminiscences.

But I have to be seen as acting in a hostly manner!

I am therefore inclined to be merciful and to allow Campbellite to continue, unless I have requests from other regular posters on this thread to the contrary.

It would, of course, help if at least passing reference could be made to the thread's subject - other than in the sig!
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Note to Judy, since this is virtual smoke, I rather doubt the asthma will be adversely affected. I haven't used the real stuff in over 20 years!

Duly noted, Host Tony K. I will find some way to work in a cat or two if you feel that will help.

Part the Third.

During the 1830's, Transylvania University was the premier research facility for the flora and fauna of North America. This was still the "Wild West" in those days. One of the top researchers in the field of botany was a professor at Transy named Constantine Samuel Rafinesque. Rafinesque was born of French parents in the city of Constantinople (now Istanbul).

Prof. Rafinesque was a quiet scholarly sort, not given to much socializing. Shy and withdrawn, he preferred the company of his beloved plants and would spend days in the field searching for new and unknown specimens. He identified, classified and named many of the native plants of the American Mid-west.

<Gratuitous reference to cats>
Cats.
</Gratuitous reference to cats>

He was a close aquaintance of John Jay Audubon (the bird expert). They were researching the same areas, and often compared notes. Many of the birds painted by Audubon are shown with plants classified by Rafinesque.

Audubon was far more outgoing than Rafinesque, and was something of a practical joker. On one occasion, Audubon painted a real bird, but made up the plant. He asked Rafinesque if he could classify it from the painting. Rafinesque excitedly speculated about this wonderful new discovery, while Audubon was laughing himself silly over the joke. On another occasion, Audubon "honored" his friend by naming a species after him... Not a bird, mind you, but a small brown bat whose Latin name is "rafinsqueii".

Honor to whom honor is overdue.
 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:
<snip>
Duly noted, Host Tony K. I will find some way to work in a cat or two if you feel that will help.

<snip>

<Gratuitous reference to cats>
Cats.
</Gratuitous reference to cats>

<snip>

---

Thank you, Campbellite. It is good to see that my comments do not go un-noticed

Though perhaps a little more subtlety might be nice?
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Did you notice the purring cat on my lap?

jj
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
*seats herself gracefully on the leather chesterfield*

And I have brought several cats with me!
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
<Warmly welcomes Miss_Molly.> My dear, so glad you could join us! Since we are in story hour, your cats are welcome to stay so long as they remain by your side and do not interrupt our proceedings. Since they are *your* kitties, I will give them the benefit of the doubt. <for now...>
Tamps and re-lights virtual pipe. After a few moments, it glows softly and fills the room with it's gentle aroma.>

Now where were we...? Oh yes,

Part the Fourth.

We now have the stage set with most of our major characters. It is 1830's Kentucky. The premier research University in the West is headed by President Horace Holly. Constantine S. Rafinesque is the rather eccentric and somewhat anti-social botany professor.

Prof. Rafinesque was far more interested in his research then he was in teaching. He would traipse through the woods and fields of Kentucky for days at a time, neglecting his classes. This did not sit well with President Holley. But the level of his research was such that Holley kept Rafinesque on the faculty.

There was no doubt to his brilliance. His papers, still in the Transylvania archives show that Rafinesque had developed a theory of evolution decades before Darwin. In fact, in the Origin of Species, Darwin made many references to Rafinesque's work.

There was other cause for friction between Rafinesque and Holley. When Rafinesque was not gathering specimens or teaching classes, he would play the piano. Shy sort that he was, he would not play for an audience of more than one. That one was a woman who felt pity for the odd little man. There was never any reason to think that their relationship was more than purely platonic, but it became a bit of a scandal that Rafinesque played piano only for Mrs. Holley.

Honor to whom honor is overdue.
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Mind if I join you now that I am back? (Opens a bottle of wine and curls up on the sofa)

jj, the secret weapons are still loaded and awaiting your command. Jessie and Brandy are keeping watch over the kitties and all is well.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 
Good idea, Campbellite! Now that they have brought all the cats here, bore them to death.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Shouldn't be difficult, just make them read the gushier postings on this sickening thread.

TonyK, is there any chance of renaming this board Dead Cats, and changing the graphic at the top to a smiling man sitting up in bed holding at least one up by its tail?
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Motions to Dolphy to have a seat.
Welcome my dear Dolphy! As I mentioned to the most gracious Miss_Molly, your cats are welcome so long as they behave themselves and leave me alone. (I have a fireplace poker, and know how to use it. ) And now...

Part the Fifth.*

In those days, colleges were not the massive operations they tend to be today. The student body often numbered in the dozens rather than the tens of thousands. Even in the Golden Era of the 1830's Transylvania had no more than a couple of hundred students and faculty altogether. (Today the total student population is only 1100.)

With such numbers, the entire University was housed in a single building in downtown Lexington, KY, about a block and a half from Christ Cathedral and three blocks from city hall.

Classrooms, student housing and faculty offices were all together. Married faculty lived in the houses which were to either side of the campus, while single faculty were offered rooms on campus. Prof. Rafinesque had two rooms, one for living quarters and one for an office/ research lab. This was unusual because with the growth of the school in the decade of the 1830's, space was at a premium.

President Horace Holley had been in a slow burn over Rafinesque, as he spent so much time looking for his beloved plants and so little time actually *teaching* which is what they paid him to do. (And there were those nasty rumors about Rafinesque and Mrs. Holley, though there has NEVER been any evidence of inappropriate behavior.)

Holley decided to kill two birds with one stone by waiting until Rafinsque was out on yet another expedition. He then had some students move all of Rafinesque's belongings into one room, and gave the other to the students for housing.

When he returned, Rafinesque was livid. He stormed into President Holley's office and demanded an explanation. Holley blew up and said, "You're fired!" Rafinesque replied, "You cannot fire me. I quit!" And with that, he invoked "The Curse" on the school in general, and on President Holley in particular.

Honor to whom honor is ovcerdue.

*Is it true what they say? Wherever you have four Episcopalians, you will always find a fifth?
 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
TonyK, is there any chance of renaming this board Dead Cats, and changing the graphic at the top to a smiling man sitting up in bed holding at least one up by its tail?

---

Sorry Ariel - as host on this esteemed Board my authority is restricted to ensuring that posters observe the 10Cs, and to officially welcoming newcomers to the Ship.

I think I can blow my nose without further permission, but anything more critical has to be dealt with by a higher authority

I do have to say though that I consider it unlikely that your request (should you choose to push it up to the bridge) would receive official blessing

And now ... back to the Transy tale....
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Thank you kind hostly Sir TonyK. I understand that your hands are tied in this matter, but I must admit that Ariel has made what seems to me a reasonable request. Alas, we cannot always have things our way though, can we?

<Campbellite takes a few moments to puff on his virtual pipe and gather his thoughts. He then resumes his tale, every word of which, of course, is the gospel truth.>

Part the Sixth

Before we recount to you the events which resulted from "The Curse", we should perhaps note the subsequent denoument of Rafinesque's life. It was a rather sad conclusion to a most illustrious career. He left Kentucky and travelled on to Indiana. He continued his research of the indigenous flora, keeping meticulous journals. These he would send to his only remaining friend at Transylvania, another professor (also French as it happened) named Bonfils. Prof. Bonfils dutifully filed these journals, and they remain in the Transy archives today.

Given the public nature of his parting from Transy, no other university would hire him. He continued his travels, eventually ending up in Pittsburgh, PA, where he died penniless. He was buried there in a paupers grave.

Honor to whom honor is overdue.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Ah, reverend and dearest Sir, the moral cannot have escaped you? Those who wish evil to others end their lives isolated and sad. I know you will take this to heart, and expunge from your heart any hateful feelings, whether to people or to cats.
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
I don't usually come here... but I wondered if any of the cat lovers could explain my cat's behaviour. It's a bit of a personal matter. You see, my black cat (age 15) takes the opportunity to lick me when I come out of the shower, usually when I am about to retire. Like any decent person I push him away, but don't want to shout as he is of a rather delicate disposition. While I am snoozing on my bed, he quite purposefully comes and licks my armpit (to my shock and horror). He also licks droplets of water off my arms. I have noticed him doing the same with droplets of water on the shower and bath walls. I provide ample clean drinking water at all times.

Is there some explanation for this behaviour, or should I just resign myself to owning a deviate fetishist cat and buy an electric cattle prodder?

Thankyou,
Coot.
(My white cat grooms my hair extensively while I am asleep, but the black cat's habits need more urgent attention)
 

---

Posted by Clyde (# 752) on :
 
Dear Coot,
Can't really give you any answers but you might be interested to know that a cat of 15 years old is equivalent to a 76 year old person.
Also cats only do things that they like to do, so maybe you taste rather nice.
Regards
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Right. That does it! Who has stolen all the cat food?
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Smiles sweetly to Miss_Molly
But my dear, I don't hate cats at all. In point of fact, I LOVE cats. (With a little salt and pepper.) Besides, there's more to the story. Read on.
Turning to Dolphy
Cat food? I thought cats were food!

Part the Seventh

Trouble began almost immediately for President Holley after the departure of Prof. Rafinesque. You will recall that Holley was a Unitarian, while the University was run by the Presbyterians. This had not been a problem at first, but in time they felt that his unorthodox position was no longer acceptable. Thus after almost a decade as University President, Holley was asked to resign and he made arangements to return to his native Massachusetts.

Holley and his wife went to Louisville where they took a steamboat to New Orleans. From there they booked passage to Boston. Not long after setting sail, Holley came down with Yellow Fever and died. Because the disease is so highly contageous, they were forced to bury him at sea.

The Curse, of course, was not confined to Holley alone, but included the whole University. It was not long before it's effects were to be felt.

Honor to whom honor is overdue.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Campbellite observes JediJudy, Dolphy and Miss_Molly waiting in rapt anticipation of the next installment of his tale.

Part the Eighth

Shortly after President Holley's departure and unfortunate demise, The Curse made itself known on the college campus. As you will recall, the whole college was housed in a single building.

Last one evening, it happened. Henry (The Great Compromiser) Clay had a nephew, Cassius Clay who was a student at Transylvania. This was before the "Era of Great Unpleasantness" which some wrongly call the Civil War. (But that is a story for another time.) Young Master Clay had a servant who, in his sleep, inadvertantly knocked over a lamp, which started the fire.

Despite the heroic efforts of students and faculty, the building was a complete loss. They were able to salvage many of the books from the library, as well as many of the priceless medical and other "philosophical" i.e. scientific equipment, and there was miraculously no loss of life. Nevertheless, it was a severe blow to the University.

Much of this early equipment is now displayed at the University museum. One such piece is a twenty foot diameter orrery showing the solar system as understood in the 1830's. It is a marvel of early 19th century mechanics. Only one other original orrery like this exists, in the Smithsonian. Their's does not work, and the glass globe representing the sun is broken. Transylvania's is completely intact, and works as smoothly as the day it was made.

Thanks to the generosity of Charles C. Morrison, however, Transylvania was able to rebuild, moving across the street to the present location. The building, now known as Old Morrison, today serves as the Administration building. The architect for it also designed the Kentucky state capitol building in Frankfort.

Morrison is on the National Register of Historic Buidlings. It was completed on time, under budget, and in the middle fo the worst cholera epidemic in the history of Lexington.

Honor to whom honor is overdue.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
*doing her duty, as always, by introducing a cat related tangent for Tony K's benefit*

By the way, reverend and dearest Sir, why would a cat come when you or a similarly inclined person calls it? They didn't come down in the last shower, you know. (despite the phrase raining cats and dogs)
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Coot:
Is there some explanation for this behaviour, or should I just resign myself to owning a deviate fetishist cat and buy an electric cattle prodder?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
By the way, reverend and dearest Sir, why would a cat come when you or a similarly inclined person calls it? They didn't come down in the last shower, you know. (despite the phrase raining cats and dogs)

---

This is why naming the fur-bearing beasts is such an exercize in futility. As a footnote, I understand the French speak of raining picks and shovels But then, they ARE French, so there's no explaining them.

Back to our tale.

Part the Ninth.

Many thought that The Curse was done with the Fire. But alas, that was not the case. A fight between the members of the medical school faculty and the administration led them to pack up and move to Louisville, where they were later joined by the faculty of the Law School. This became the nucleus of what is today the University of Louisville. (I think they play basketball there.)

The War of Y*nkee Atrocities led to a general decline in all institutions of higher education. Transylvania was reduced to little more than a high school in the early 1860's. Faculty and students went to fight for the defense of hearth and home against the Northern invaders, but to no avail.

Transylvania University was re-born in 1865 by the Morrell Act (signed by Lincoln) which established the "A&M" colleges. There was a bit of irony in this, as Transylvania was the alma mater of Jefferson Davis, President of the Confederate States.

In a bold move, the old liberal arts college (Transy) was combined with the new federal funded Agricultural and Mechanical College, and a new "College of the Bible". The result was re-baptised "Kentucky University" (This was when we Campbellites gained control of the University from the Presbyterians).

Needless to say, someone screamed bloody murder about the joining of "church and state" and this grand experiment was dissolved, but not before reviving the old school. The original Transylvania remained on it's own campus, with the new College of the Bible occupying one building. The A&M College was moved across town and renamed, "University of Kentucky" (I think they play basketball there, too.)

Honor to whom honor is overdue.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
I am having horrible visions of Transylvanian cats with three inch gleaming fangs which they then sink into your neck. And you turn into something out of the Rocky Horror Show.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Shhh.... Ariel, you're getting ahead of things.
 

---

Posted by Timothy L (# 2170) on :
 
To bring the subject firmly back to cats, two points:

Here is a Union political cartoon (on an envelope) of Jefferson Davis, one of Transy's most illustrious grads, being mean to a cat.

The University of Kentucky, once yoked to Transy, is home of the Wildcats. You can see a picture of their kitty (named "Blue") here.

And lest folks get the wrong impression, let's remember that Kentucky as a state did not leave the Union during The Late Unpleasantness.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Campbellite, this has something to do with having spent a horrible night in Exeter recently. Apart from staying in a most unpleasant guesthouse where I was eyeballed at breakfast by a huge ginger cat on the windowsill next to me which fixed me with a malevolent eye and opened its mouth to reveal a set of three inch gleaming fangs, I then went for a walk and found myself going through an underpass painted with vampires, ghosts and black cats. I cut my stay short and left. And I have no intention of ever revisiting Exeter again. Devon is obviously a seriously weird place.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Ariel,
I am so sorry to hear of your recent misfortunes in Exeter. I have a spare fireplace poker if you think it would help.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Timothy L:
And lest folks get the wrong impression, let's remember that Kentucky as a state did not leave the Union during The Late Unpleasantness.

---

quote:

---

I got the impression living there that KY did not leave the Union until after the War, and has been fighting it ever since.

---

quote:

---

Also, please note that Confederate General John Hunt Morgan was from Lexington.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by TonyK:
I am therefore inclined to be merciful and to allow Campbellite to continue, unless I have requests from other regular posters on this thread to the contrary.

---

Er, right. I see we have now got as far as 1910, and without wishing in any way to be unkind, I'd quite like to get back to the original cat-related subject of this thread, myself. However if other people are enjoying this I don't in any way wish to spoil it for them, and will go and post on other threads instead.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Dearest Ariel,

I share your concern regarding the Spawn of Satan (tm) and will be returning us to our regularly scheduled cats shortly. My tail, er, tale is at the request of the gracious JediJudy and Miss_Molly, and I would not wish to disappoint them.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Campbellite scans the room and notices a few nodding off (taking a cat nap, perhaps?)

Sharky and Ariel, I DID say at the outset this was a long tale, didn't I? And every word of it is the gospel truth.

Part the Eleventh

It was commonly believed that the re-interment of Professor Rafinesque and the honor bestowed upon him, however belated, would be sufficent to stay The Curse. However, in the late 1950's, a group of students (pre-ministerial, naturally!) realized that there was no honor in forgetting about the dear departed honoree.

Thus was born the unofficial annual celebration of Rafinesque Day. The students checked the inscription on the stone and discovered that Constantine Samuel Rafinesque was born on the last day of October, so in honor of his birthday, this was chosen as the day to celebrate.

The celebration begins with a bonfire, and the members of the Rafinesque Society (in masks, to protect the guilty) induct the new members. Singing (bawdy) songs and offering libations are also part of the occasion. (Hey! It's an excuse for a party, OK?)

Honor to whom honor is overdue.
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
I wish to move a vote of thanks to Campbellite, ever reverend and dear to me despite his invincible ignorance of the correct attitude towards cats, for his interesting and educational story.
 

---

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :
 

(peeking to see if the story is over yet - but thinking there is more...)

(I haven't had this much sleep in a long time)
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Campbellite notices that his pipe has gone out. He tamps it down, re-lights, and savors its aroma.

Thank you dearest Miss_Molly. Despite your falling for the deceptions of the Evil One regarding his demonic minions, I appreciate your vote of confidence. We are now drawing near to the conclusion of our tale.

sounds of cheering from Ariel and Sharky

Right. Enough from the peanut gallery!

Part the Penultimate.

The celebration of Rafinesque Day retained it's un-official status for about a decade, until 1968. For those whose late entry into this world prevents them from remembering those days, 1968 was Not-A-Happy-Year. There was a war raging in Vietnam and on the streets at home. The civil rights movement following the assassination of MLK, Jr. took a nasty, violent turn. The riots of the summer of 1968 had everyone on edge.

Thus the administration of Transylvania took the (well intended) precaution of cancelling any large gathering of students which did not have official university sanction. Rafinesque Day was not to be observed that fateful year.

This proved to be a Bad Decision. After all, the whole purpose of Rafinesque Day was to honor the one to whom honor was overdue, in order to hold off The Curse for another year.

In January 1969, the lights went out on Old Morrison.

Honor to whom honor is overdue.

[Code fixed as requested]

[ 11. October 2002, 10:03: Message edited by: TonyK ]
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Oops! Would some kind hostly type person please fix my code error?

Thanx!
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Fascinating!

Rev. Campbellite, sir! You amaze me! Such a mind to remember minute details from a story such as this! And I have no doubt that this is historical fact!

Excuse me while I fluff up my cushion a bit.

Look! The kitties are sleeping! Awwww, aren't they cute?

Continue, dear sir.

jj
 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 
Campbellite
As the only host in this neck of the woods, I have fixed your code - and also deleted an errant apostrophe before the fearsome Tomb (hell host and Apostrophe Crusader) spotted it
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Campbellite's pipe is nearing the bottom of the bowl. He savors the last of the aroma as he begins the thirteenth and final installment of his tale.

Part the Thirteenth and Last

The lights went out on Old Morrison one cold snowy night in January 1969. Some students were walking back to their dorms about midnight when they noticed smoke and flames rising from the administration building and notified the fire department. The 150-year-old structure was soon engulfed in fire and there was very little the authorities could do.

The chapel inside had recently been remodeled, and they were able to salvage the newly installed stained glass, but the building was otherwise completely gutted. All that remained was the masonry exterior (four feet thick at the base). The wooden interior, five stories counting the finished basement, was completely consumed by the fire.

When the fire inspectors examined the smoldering remains, they found one thing that defied any explanation. The crypt containing Professors Rafinesque and Bonfils - with its open iron gate - did not even suffer smoke damage! When the structure was rebuilt (now with a steel structure within the original masonry walls) they did not touch the crypt. I have seen it myself.

Needless to say, Rafinesque Day was added to the official University calandar, and has been observed faithfully ever since. They say that if the lights ever go out again on Old Morrison, some great evil will befall the University. For good measure, there is today a heavy steel door separating the crypt from the rest of the restored Old Morrison.

Every word of this is the complete and absolute truth. You can go there re today and see the crypt for yourself.

Honor to whom honor is overdue.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Ariel? Sharky?

There's a tasty looking kitten in the Revelations thread in heaven. Don't make any sudden moves or loud noises. We might be able to sneak up on....

Oh, Hi Miss_Molly! What's that?

Oh nothing, just out for a little <ahem> stroll.

Whew, that was close.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
*putting away her lightsaber*

Hello reverend and dear sir! Cup of sleepytime tea, perhaps! No trouble to make it!
 

---

Posted by starbelly (# 25) on :
 
We got a cat today, hurrah!

Neil
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
What is your new cat called, Starbelly?

We used to have a cat called Jinglebelly (really Jingle, but she got very fat).
 

---

Posted by starbelly (# 25) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chorister:
What is your new cat called, Starbelly?

We used to have a cat called Jinglebelly (really Jingle, but she got very fat).

---

Jasmine (not our choice! we think it sounds a bit posh)

Neil
 

---

Posted by nicolemrw (# 28) on :
 
you could call her "jazz" for short, thats nice and snappy.

have i ever mentioned on this thread that my three cats are fafhrd, fluffy, and spyder?
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
No. You have a spidercat? I don't think I like the sound of that any better than I liked the idea of the vampire cats from Transylvania.
 

---

Posted by nicolemrw (# 28) on :
 
spyder is actually more akin to a mobile plush toy. i have wondered if he is in part the breed known as a "ragdoll" cat. read about ragdolls here.
 

---

Posted by The Mid (# 1559) on :
 
A dog thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... They must be Gods!
A cat thinks: Hey, these people I live with feed me, love me, provide me with a nice warm, dry house, pet me, and take good care of me... I must be a God!
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
We may have had this posted at some time in the past, but it bears repeating:

How to give a cat a pill:

1) Pick cat up and cradle it in the crook of your left arm as if holding a baby. Position right forefinger and thumb on either side of cat's mouth and gently apply pressure to cheeks while holding pill in right hand. As cat opens mouth pop pill into mouth. allow cat to close mouth and swallow.

2) Retrieve pill from floor and cat from behind sofa. Cradle cat in left arm and repeat process.

3) Retrieve cat from bedroom, and throw soggy pill away.

4) Take new pill from foil wrap, cradle cat in left arm holding rear paws tightly with left hand. Force jaws open and push pill to back of mouth with right forefinger. Hold mouth shut for a count of ten.

5) Retrieve pill from goldfish bowl and cat from top of wardrobe. Call spouse from garden.

6) Kneel on floor with cat wedged firmly between knees, hold front and rear paws. Ignore low growls emitted by cat. Get spouse to hold head firmly with one hand while forcing wooden ruler into mouth. Drop pill down ruler and rub cat's throat vigorously.

7) Retrieve cat from curtain rail, get another pill from foil wrap. Make note to buy new ruler and repair curtains. Carefully sweep shattered figurines and vases from hearth and set to one side for gluing later.

8) Wrap cat in large towel and get spouse to lie on cat with head just visible from below armpit. Put pill in end of drinking straw, force mouth open with pencil and blow down drinking straw.

9) Check label to make sure pill not harmful to humans, drink glass of water to take taste away. Apply Band-Aid to spouse's forearm and remove blood from carpet with cold water and soap.

10) Retrieve cat from neighbour's shed. Get another pill. Place cat in cupboard and close door onto neck to leave head showing. Force mouth open with dessert spoon. Flick pill down throat with elastic band.

11) Fetch screwdriver from garage and put cupboard door back on hinges. Apply cold compress to cheek and check records for date of last tetanus jab. Throw Tee-shirt away and fetch new one from bedroom.

12) Ring fire brigade to retrieve cat from tree across the road. Apologise to neighbour who crashed into fence while swerving to avoid cat. Take last pill from foil-wrap.

13) Tie cat's front paws to rear paws with garden twine and bind tightly to leg of dining table, find heavy duty pruning gloves from shed. Push pill into mouth followed by large piece of fillet steak. Hold head vertically and pour 2 pints of water down throat to wash pill down.

14) Get spouse to drive you to the emergency room, sit quietly while doctor stitches fingers and forearm and removes pill remnants from right eye. Call furniture shop on way home to order new table.

15) Arrange for SPCA to collect cat and ring local pet shop to see if they have any hamsters.

How to give a dog a pill:

1) Wrap it in bacon.
 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 
Following the recent postings, I add this for your delectation.... (Rather long, I'm afraid)

Additional verses from Genesis

And Adam said, "Lord, when I was in the garden, you walked with me every day. Now I do not see you anymore. I am lonesome here and it is difficult for me to remember how much you love me."
And God said, "Not a problem! I will create a companion for you that will be a reflection of my love for you. Regardless of how selfish and childish and unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourself."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam. And it was a good animal. And God was pleased And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and he wagged his tail. And Adam said "But Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and all the good names taken and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, "Not a problem! Because I have created this new animal to be a reflection of my love for you, his name will be a reflection of own name, and you will call him Dog."
And Dog lived with Adam and was a companion to him and loved him.
And Adam was comforted...
And God was pleased...
And Dog was content and wagged his tail...
After a while, it came to pass that Adam's guardian angel came to the Lord and said, "Lord, Adam has become filled with pride. He struts and preens like a peacock and he believes he is worthy of adoration. Dog has indeed taught him that he is loved, but no one has taught him humility."
And the Lord said, "Not a problem! I will create for him a companion who will see him as he is and will remind him of his status."
And God created Cat to be a companion to Adam.
And Cat would not obey Adam. And when Adam gazed into Cat's eyes, he was reminded that he was not the supreme being. And so Adam learned humility.
And God was pleased...
And Dog was happy and wagged his tail...
And Adam was greatly improved....
And Cat did not care one way or the other.
 

---

Posted by da_musicman (# 1018) on :
 
I like that TonyK. Do you think we can get it in the Canon?
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Try this!!!!

Cats Rule!

(just hope it works!!!)
 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by da_musicman:
I like that TonyK. Do you think we can get it in the Canon?

---

I'd like to think so - but doubt we would succeed.

Actually I wouldn't know where to start!!
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Just checking to make sure no cats are being harmed.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
(Inspired by Campbellite's reminiscences about Transylvania, I thought we might get a serial going:)

Jeff looked at the cat, and the cat looked back at him. He'd never liked them much as a species and the feeling was clearly mutual, but he had inherited it from his elderly Aunt Jane together with a legacy that had come just in time to pay off some of his bills, and he felt obliged to look after it. It was, he understood, a Transylvanian Blue and its name – he looked at the letter again but Aunt Jane’s handwriting was sadly illegible. "She answers to her name," she'd said. "If she gets a bit naughty, just call her by it and she’ll stop."

Jeff read through the instructions. The cat seemed fairly easy to cater for, and usually liked to fend for itself and to be out a lot. "Just one thing," Aunt Jane had added. "She doesn't like garlic."

"Well," said Jeff, folding up the letter and putting it away, "I'm hardly likely to feed you garlic. Pity I can’t read your name, but I'll call you Blue until I find out what it is." He supposed he might as well try to build up an amicable relationship with it as he was stuck with it, and awkwardly bent down to pet it. As he did so a shower of coloured sparks shot out of its fur, and he thought he caught a glimpse of gleaming three inch fangs. It was then that he remembered that Aunt Jane had been, as one might say, a little peculiar.

(Please feel free to continue)
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
LOL, Ariel!

Jeff, (AKA St. Sebastian) hadn't realized how strong a static electricity charge can feel while standing on a new carpet. (Well, he had the inheritance, didn't he? Might as well get something nice for his hovel.) The vision of the fangs bothered him, as he wasn't quite sure how badly he had been shocked. Was that a vision? Or was he going to have to < gasp! > see a doctor for strange hallucinations?

Jeff picked up Blue, wondering if Auntie's neighbors had any clue of the cat's proper name. He then put the pretty red and green rocks his Aunt had also left to him in a small velvet bag.
 

---

Posted by grunthel (# 3466) on :
 
All right - another cat lover here. My cat Jeter, however, is extraordinary. He's a baseball fan and a great cuddler. He has the world's best purr. He kills all the huge Florida cockroaches that enter the house. He also terrorizes my housemate's cat (which totally cracks me up). He keeps my feet warm at night and wakes me up in the morning. He greets me when I come in the door after work. With a cat like him, who needs a husband - not me!
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Good grief! I have to patrol for kryptonite down here, too?
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Jeff looked doubtfully at the red and green rocks, and picked up the smallest green one. It felt surprisingly light and rough in his hand. He had no idea what it was, or whether it even was really a rock. He became aware that Blue was staring at him with undivided attention, its eyes glowing a sudden luminous green. He sniffed the piece of rock, and found that it smelt fruity, and on impulse, popped it into his mouth, and discovered that it was a misshapen, slightly fuzzy, lime flavoured boiled sweet.

It was at that point that he noticed the cat beginning to grow rapidly in size. The green eyes fixed him with a malevolent stare, and an evil voice said in his mind, "I am your master, and I will have what is due to me!"

This time, there was no mistaking the three inch gleaming fangs, nor the way they felt as they sank into his neck. Jeff passed out, and when he came to, he was alone and the cat had gone, leaving him with a pain in the neck and a bag of ancient, fuzzy, boiled sweets.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:

Jeff passed out, and when he came to, he was alone and the cat had gone, leaving him with a pain in the neck and a bag of ancient, fuzzy, boiled sweets.

---

Ariel, that's no way to describe our Miss Molly!
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Quick question... was it ok to give the cats those brightly coloured treats? They seem to be acting very strangely.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Given the normal behavior of cats, what would constitute "strange"?
 

---

Posted by ChrisT (# 62) on :
 
Strange behaviour for cats - playing chess and drinking brandy late into the evening, contemplating on how modern life is rushing by at such a rate, and its effects on the younger generations appetite for a good ramble.
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Actually, cats play chess very well indeed!! They just don't use the same pieces that we would. However, I don't recommend brandy for cats, unless it is used as a kitty name.

Molly, your good work seems to be neverending. Blessings on you, sister!

Kryptonite candy. What will they think of next?

jj
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
The cat didn't come back that day or the next, and Jeff gladly readjusted to life without it. As far as he was concerned he had done his bit. Feeling rather more cheerful at the thought of not being burdened with an unwanted pet, he came downstairs the next morning to breakfast to find that it was back, and what was more, had dumped a couple of dead sheep on his doormat as a present for him.

Jeff skirted warily round the carcasses, and managed to extricate the newspaper and the letters underneath him. The first headline he saw in his paper was:

"Mysterious Black Beast strikes fear into local farmers. Two sheep missing, in horrible circumstances."

He looked at the cat, who eyed him back, and felt suddenly very afraid.

(Feel free to continue.)
 

---

Posted by Kit Kat (# 3244) on :
 
Afraid? Of a little bit of lamb stew?
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:
Ariel? Sharky?

There's a tasty looking kitten in the Revelations thread in heaven. Don't make any sudden moves or loud noises. We might be able to sneak up on....

Oh, Hi Miss_Molly! What's that?

Oh nothing, just out for a little <ahem> stroll.

Whew, that was close.

---

We just happen to be missing this Kitten from the Miss Molly Revelations thread. Anyone seen our baby? Not mentioning anyone in particular here, but just wondering rather strongly..


Generous reward offered for safe return.
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
From JJ:

"I don't recommend brandy for cats"

Well then how on earth do you prepare puss flambe' or cat Suzette? I'm sure our resident gourmand and esteemed theologian, Dr. Campbellite, would recommend nothing less than a fine French brandy.

Greta
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Our cats name is Brandy said Dolphy, as she popped another little blue sweetie into her mouth that Molly had kindly sent her.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by CorgiGreta:
Campbellite would recommend nothing less than a fine French brandy.

Greta

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dolphy:
Our cats name is Brandy said Dolphy, as she popped another little blue sweetie into her mouth that Molly had kindly sent her.

---

*administering the baking soda and table salt gargle to Dolphy, via a funnel, while holding her nostrils shut.

After Dolphy feels better, gives her a plate of cherry winks and divinity, suggesting that she share with the other people down here.

Leaves to search for Kitten.*
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Cherry Winks for everyone and plates of food for all the cats!!!

passes Molly a bottle of champagne in thanks for saving her from the evil blue sweets
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Oh yes, feed the kitties. We wouldn't want skinny kitties. They're not much use if they are all skin and bones.

Anyone seen Kitten lately?
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
TICTH (yes I am in the right thread for this) CATS!

I washed my car, after not being able to due to a severe drought, and the very next day there are CAT PRINTS! all over the roof!

I *want* to round them all up and have a barbecue, but I would not wish to offend my dear sister Jedijudy. (I fear not her light saber. It is out of Christian charity that I choose not to offend the weaker brethren/sistern.)

Failing a roaring big cookout, what do you misguided lovers of those infernal fur-bearing beasts recommend I do to keep their flea-bitten paws off my vehicle? (Buckshot would risk damaging the paint, so that's already ruled out.)
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Ariel's Weekend

Friday. Evil cat tried to trip me up as it shot round a corner fleeing from well deserved pursuit.

Saturday. Evil cat got into dustbin. Rushed down there to try to shut it in, but found it had gone, leaving bag of rubbish strewn on pavement.

Sunday. Evil cat set off car alarm that lasted for 2.5 hours (it was the car next to the dustbin, so obviously coming back for a second attempt). Am not sure that evil cat did not also ring my doorbell 3 times that night and scarper, giggling, before I could kill it.
 

---

Posted by TonyK (# 35) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:
<snip> what do you <snip> recommend I do to keep (cats) paws off my (car)?

---

?? Sell the car??

Ahhhh - the power of selective quoting
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
Highly exalted Dr. Campbelllite,

The best way to "keep their flea-bitten paws off [one's] vehicle" is to remove the paws with a chain saw.

If you insist on a kinder, more gentle approach, a large bowl of fresh cat's blood on the roof of your car will be a deterrent to all but vampire cats.

Speaking of vampire cats, several of my neighbors and I had our lovely annual Halloween bonfire to which we always add vampire cats, demon-possessed
cats, feral cats, and notorious cat harborers. Unfortunately, most of this last group must be burned in effigy due to legal technicalities.

Greta
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Alas, those pesky technicalities! Reminds me of the saying, "The only reason some people are alive is that it is against the law to shoot them."

The idea of fresh cats blood has appeal. It would serve a double purpose of deterring the cats from my car, and the efforts to secure said cats blood would not only be entertaining, it would "decrease the surplus population". (apologies to Mr. Dickens.)

Do you suppose that by securing a sample of their fur, I might be able to fashion a suitably effective voodoo doll? Wouldn't want to overlook any workable solutions.
 

---

Posted by Timothy L (# 2170) on :
 
Campbellite, haven't you ever heard the old saying

quote:

---

Hang an eidolon of owl here
Never a cat shall go near

---

Let him who has ears hear.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Monday. Have revised opinion of evil cat that set off car alarm in the light of Campbellite's posting. Evil cat was clearly trying to break in, steal car and drive away at high speed. Suggest Campbellite electrifies his car.
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
"Suggest Campbellite electrifies his car."

Yes, and please post photos or video of cat on a hot tin roof.

Greta
 

---

Posted by Kit Kat (# 3244) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 
Don't know if this link has been posted yet:

My Cat Hates You
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
At least twice but thanks anyway, all contributions that show cats in their real light are gratefully received.
 

---

Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 
[Orginally posted by DMarie]

This is for cat lovers only, everyone else will thinks it's sappy. Someone emailed me this link and it is sooo cute.
An explanation for cat behaviour (in rap music by a very cute cat)

http://www.cutestuf.com/flash_0902/kitty_hiphop.cfm

I don't really know how to insert a link so I hope this works. I'll try it anyways.
 

---

Posted by Columcille (# 1384) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Timothy L (# 2170) on :
 
DMarie, welcome to the Ship, but beware of some posters to this thread. Some, I fear, have irrational, pathological aversions to the noble and lovable feline. Never fear, major pharmaceutical companies are going all-out in quest of a cure. Once developed, it will be introduced into the drinking water, similar to floridization. Go to sleep with a pathological aversion, wake up happily petting a cat on the lap!

Enjoyed the link but didn't let my kittens watch it. They'd be dancing all night!

It is also a good lesson in cat-pragmatics. Note that though a confirmed cruncher of little skulls, the rapper-cat refrains from crunching the little rodent who spins his disks. That kitten knows which side of the toast his royalties are buttered on!

Cats--the Common Sense animal!
 

---

Posted by anglicanrascal (# 3412) on :
 
DMarie, allow me to illustrate Timothy's point about fellow posters to this board:

In the gospel according to St AnglicanRascal:

CATS= .
AMEN!
 

---

Posted by blackbird (# 1387) on :
 
thanks, belisarius, my cat hates you brightend my morning!
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
It upset my head of section.
 

---

Posted by DMarie (# 2267) on :
 
Thanks for the welcome, Timothy! Although I can't understand these poor misguided souls who don't appreciate these wonderful creatures, I'm glad to be here and appreciate the company of you, Miss Molly and the other cat lovers on the ship.

I hope the pharmaceutical companies hurry!

[Edited by TonyK to fix a name typo]

[ 14. November 2002, 18:22: Message edited by: TonyK ]
 

---

Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
I see the nutte.., er, cat people are having a field day. I had hoped that after their last and ill fated picnic turned cat punt, they had decided to stay indoors (would that their disease-spreading, sleep disturbing, indiscriminate-breeding, car-thieving savage beasts did the same}.

A few minor points:

1. This is not a thread about the alleged (and patently unfounded) virtues of cats. That thread was started once in Heaven and had a life span of little more than a day (would that the same were true of disease-spreading etc.)

2. Keep cheering the pharmaceutical companies on (a nice bunch of trustworthy allies there). I am a Southern Californian, and if it were discovered that I drink tap water, I would deported (back to Grand Rapids, a fate third only to death and Kalamazoo). My dogs and I only drink filtered water.

3. The real welcome should be extended to AnglicanRascal, who hails from the home of the dingo, a wonderful animal that helps keep Australia safe from the cat menace. Compared to the dingo, our noble So. Cal. coyotes are rather inefficient terminators. Perhaps Dr. Campbellite and Ariel could borrow a pack of dingoes to restore law and order to their neighborhoods.

Greta
 

---

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :
 
Anyone seen this web site
 

---

Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 
And for Blackbird and Ariel, a reprise of another link.
 

---

Posted by blackbird (# 1387) on :
 
(mew)
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Belisarius:
And for Blackbird and Ariel, a reprise of another link.

---

quote:

---

DMarie, welcome to the Ship, but beware of some posters to this thread. Some, I fear, have irrational, pathological aversions to the noble and lovable feline. Never fear, major pharmaceutical companies are going all-out in quest of a cure.

---

quote:

---

Kitten: What kind of a web-site did you link us to? The firewall at w*rk blocked it because of "adult content" - now I may get an enquiry by our IT-cops. Perhaps your screen name should have clued me in to your mischievousness!

---

Its the Cat-Scan website, just pictures of cats that people have scanned into their computers
(That is, the cats have been scanned - not the pictures)
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Um, apart from the one of the Dutch woman, which is probably what got it blocked.

Whatever next.
 

---

Posted by DMarie (# 2267) on :
 
Sorry, saw this and couldn't resist

WEATHER FORECASTING
To tell the weather, go to your back door and look for the dog.If the dog is at the door and he is wet, it's probably raining. But if the dog is standing there really soaking wet, it is probably raining really hard.If the dog's fur looks like it's been rubbed the wrong way, it's probably windy.If the dog has snow on his back, it's probably snowing.Of course, to be able to tell the weather like this, you have to leave the dog outside all the time, especially if you expect bad weather.

Sincerely, The CAT
 

---

Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 
Both pro- and anti-cat people will like this link:

The Punk Band Litterbox

Warning: though this link's OK,.... [second link deleted as requested. I think Bel wanted me to say that it wasn't suitable!!

Bel - if I've got this wrong (and I've just come back from the firm's annual dinner-dance!!) let me know!!]

Edited by TonyK as requested by poster

[ 07. December 2002, 00:00: Message edited by: TonyK ]
 

---

Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 
[D'oh! Have sent request to remove second link ]
 

---

Posted by blackbird (# 1387) on :
 
i just played it for my dogs and they're freaking out looking for the intruder.

that growl made the hair stand up on the back of my neck. reminds me of a tomcat i used to have. he was found in a garbage can and swaggered like john wayne. he was all white with a black spot on his side that i used as an on/off switch. for some reason i couldn't resist poking, prodding, tweaking, pinching etc. etc. that spot.

then one day while he reclined by my side and i was pretending my hand was a little ninja closing in on the spot, his ears moved back a bit, the eyes closed to a slit, the tail flicked and POW...he gave me a black eye with his right paw. (no claws because he loved me )
 

---

© Ship of Fools 2016


UBB.classic^TM 6.5.0