Thread: Heaven: Miss Molly Revelations Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Saint Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
It grieves me to report this (no really, I'm in tears as I type!)but I feel I must be share the truth in the spirit of Christian love and charity, that you may all join me in rebuking her with love. She eats kittens.

Oh, yes, my friends, I've seen the signs:

(1)Kettle O' Kitties fondue set
(2)kitten fur and bones in the trash (she tried to pass it off as dust-bunnies and quail bones, but I didn't just come down with the rain)
(3)Dr. Felinia's Homeopathic Remedies: Gatita Tailitas ("tasty jerky-like treats! Good for what ails ye!"). I know enough Spanish to know that Gato/a is "cat" and adding "ita" to anything means little!
(4)sobbing children wandering the environs of Molly's apt weeping and crying piteously, "Kitty? Here Fluffy! Here little kitty!"
(5)a receipt from as Asian web "grocer" called "Cat Chow"
(6)I'm almost positive I heard plaintive mewing from her cubboards, but she hustled me out before I could investigate.

These are dark times we live in.

[ 03. April 2003, 17:29: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
 

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Posted by Motherboard (# 54) on :
 
Saint (and I use the term loosely) Seb,

This had better be a joke!
How dare you spread those filthy rumors about our Molly. I could have you hung from the yard arm for this!
Now, you go and apologize to Molly this INSTANT!
On your knees, mister! Grovel!

I know where you live! Remember that!

A not happy Motherboard
 

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Posted by Saint Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
Mother, Mother! Again I reiterate how deeply grieved I am to be forced by conscience to relay these TRUTHS. I do so ONLY out of Christian LOVE and OBLIGATION! I think there are demonic forces at work!

As if an untrue, unkind word would EVER pass these lips!
 

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Posted by Motherboard (# 54) on :
 
OH, NO, you can't get away with an obvious prevarication!!! Don't try that Christian Love on me. I know who the devil is here and you see his face in a mirror daily, mister.

I won't, I repeat, WON'T have you telling tales about Molly. <stamping her foot on the main deck>

I'm going to look in the 10 commandments for this infraction!

Mother
 

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Posted by Saint Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
Oh my! Such testiness! YOU'RE not part of the Kittie Culinary Cult are you? Is that why the revelations upset you so? Well, in fear of the lives of my beloved cats, I retract and renounce my accus. . .revelations. (But I saw what I saw)!
 

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Posted by Saint Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
Drat! I've got to stop leaving this workstation unlocked! I go out for a cigarette and my evil coworker disguises himself as me and boards the ship! As anyone who knows me will testify, I'm the soul of gentle Christian humility and tact and other Christian things and would never ever say such terrible things about Miss Molly. (Especially since she's learned to use that oxygen cord like a bullwhip). I'm sure she would never knowingly eat kittens!
 

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Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 


(all I know is - I'm sleeping with Fearless under the covers tonight...after I bolt the door...Miss Molly knows my cat's name ....and has a picture of her.)

 

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Posted by Timothy L (# 2170) on :
 
St. S--

Maybe you saw this link to 578 cat recipes on Molly's computer.

Wiggle your little finger and Rufus will let up on the pressure point enough for you to croak out "yes, my mistake, sorry."
 

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Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
The Reverend Campbellite, in his continuing zeal to convert me to his misguided beliefs, did send me the link to cat recipes. I have been wrestling with my conscience ever since. Do I simply continue my gentle and loving efforts to reform him, or do I turn this link and its sender in to the police?

I wept when I saw what Bessie had written. The idea that she might feel it necessary to hide the wonderful Fearless from me breaks my heart. I look at that dear feline shipmate's photo on my bulletin board every day, and am always cheered by her presence. Traducing my good name is one thing, St Sebastian; separating me from beloved friends is another, and quite unbearable.

I have been told that Rufus, St Sebastian's splendid little cat, and a special friend of mine, attempted to defend my honor last night by reasoning with his master. The argument he employed was using his small body to block St Sebastian's breathing, in hopes his master would come to his senses. In no way do Rufus or I want St Sebastian harmed or even inconvenienced, but he may not besmirch my reputation without retaliation from my other friends.
 

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Posted by multipara (# 2918) on :
 
Dear Miss Molly,

Signor Farinelli and I know that you would never Never NEVER eat kittens.

best regards, Albert ( quivering with horror at this hideous slander and the credulity of some cats).
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Silly boy! What you saw Miss Molly eating was a Kit Kat! A different taste entirely, I assure you.......
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
I know dear Molly well and feel sure she would never dream of cannibalism, Chorister. Fancy even suggesting she would eat a fellow shipmate!
 

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Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Miss_Molly:

I wept when I saw what Bessie had written. The idea that she might feel it necessary to hide the wonderful Fearless from me breaks my heart. I look at that dear feline shipmate's photo on my bulletin board every day, and am always cheered by her presence.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Chorister:
Silly boy! What you saw Miss Molly eating was a Kit Kat! A different taste entirely, I assure you.......

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Reports of my ingestion have been greatly exaggerated.

But just the same I might spend the night at your place, Bessie, if that's OK. Just in case, you know. And perhaps we should invite jedijudy over?
 

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Posted by duchess [green] (# 2764) on :
 
St. Seb...I think it is YOU WHO EATS CATS...and to disguise your quist for eating the kitty-cats...you point your finger at Molly! Well, Mister...one finger pointed at her...but looky here...THREE ARE POINTED BACK AT YOURSELF! SO THERE! HUMPH!!!

STINK POT!
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Well, Kit Kat, if you will insist on naming yourself after a chocolate bar, what do you expect?! Never, ever, wrap yourself in tinfoil and red paper, or I will not be answerable for the consequences.
 

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Posted by Stephen (# 40) on :
 
I am horrified.I didn't realise I'd eaten a shipmate this morning
Thought the piece of KitKat tasted a bit funny too.....
 

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Posted by Kit Kat (# 3244) on :
 
That's right - blame the victim. "She was wearing tinfoil and red paper so obviously she was ASKING FOR IT"

I don't like the way this thread is going. Am thinking of changing my name again. Perhaps to Violet Crumble or Polly Waffle.
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Maybe, KitKat, but having experienced what happens to people who dress up in tinfoil at Ship events (see party thread), I am only warning you to be careful..........
 

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Posted by Saint Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
I reiterate again that it was the Evil Coworker who spread those terrible lies and not my saintly self. So really, you needn't resort to name calling, Duchess.

You big doo-doo head.


 

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Posted by Motherboard (# 54) on :
 
AHEM!!!

Host Hat ON!

"stink pot" and "doo doo head" are fighting words, you two. I suggest if you wish to escalate the battle, you go elsewhere. I'ts bad enough that the evil co-worker started something and got away with all kinds of nasty insinuations about our lovely Molly, but bad words of the saints will not be contenanced. Be nice!

Host Hat OFF!

Motherboard
 

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Posted by Nunc Dimittis (# 848) on :
 
Tudor Bonnet ON

This thread is more Heavenly in nature; All Saints is more a message board for prayers, progess reports and the like. St Sebastian, I really think that accounts of Molly's "real actions" involving cats belongs in Heaven... minus the fighting, in which case this thread will be horsemeat in no time.

Tudor Bonnet OFF
 

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Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
To St Sebastian's co-worker (*wink, wink*).
Just letting you know that the gentle and humble Miss_Molly is defended by her Jedi sisters.
Also, just in case you might be wondering, I will guarantee Miss_Molly's sincerity as a lover and protector of kitties.

Knock off the funny business!

Thank you for your kind attention.

jj
 

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Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
(Staying very, very quiet as tears of laughter roll down his cheeks! And grateful that Miss_Molly liked all those lovely recipes.)
 

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Posted by duchess [green] (# 2764) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Saint Sebastian:
I reiterate again that it was the Evil Coworker who spread those terrible lies and not my saintly self. So really, you needn't resort to name calling, Duchess.

You big doo-doo head.

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Um, that's YOUR GRACE, when adressing me, cat-meat-spread!.I mean St. Seb.
 

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Posted by Timothy L (# 2170) on :
 
From the first, this thread had me thinking of "The Pickwick Papers."

quote:

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"Weal pie," said Mr. Weller, soliloquising, as he arranged the eatables on the grass. "Wery good thing is weal pie, when you know the lady as made it, and is quite sure it an't kittens; and arter all though, where's the odds, when they're so like weal that the wery piemen themselves don't know the difference?"

"Don't they, Sam?" said Mr. Pickwick.

"Not they, sir," replied Mr. Weller, touching his hat. "I lodged in the same house vith a pieman once, sir, and a wery nice man he was--reg'lar clever chap, too--make pies out o' anything, he could. `What a number o' cats you keep, Mr. Brooks,' says I, when I'd got intimate with him. `Ah,' says he, `I do--a good many,' says he. `You must be wery fond o' cats,' says I. `Other people is,' says he, a winkin' at me; `they an't in season till the winter though,' says he. `Not in season!' says I. `No,' says he, `fruits is in, cats is out.' `Why, what do you mean?' says I. `Mean?' says he. `That I'll never be a party to the combination o' the butchers, to keep up the prices o' meat,' says he. `Mr. Weller,' says he, a squeezing my hand wery hard, and vispering in my ear--`don't mention this here agin--but it's the seasonin' as does it. They're all made o' them noble animals,' says he, a pointin' to a wery nice little tabby kitten, `and I seasons 'em for beef-steak, weal, or kidney,' cordin' to the demand. And more than that,' says he, `I can make a weal a beef-steak, or a beef- steak a kidney, or any one on 'em a mutton, at a minute's notice, just as the market changes, and appetites wary!'"

"He must have been a very ingenious young man, that, Sam," said Mr. Pickwick, with a slight shudder.

"Just was, sir," replied Mr. Weller, continuing his occupation of emptying the basket, "and the pies was beautiful. Tongue; well that's a wery good thing when it an't a woman's. Bread--knuckle o' ham, reg'lar picter--cold beef in slices, wery good. What's in them stone jars, young touch-and-go?"

"Beer in this one," replied the boy, taking from his shoulder a couple of large stone bottles, fastened together by a leathern strap--"cold punch in t'other."

"And a wery good notion of a lunch it is, take it altogether," said Mr. Weller, surveying his arrangements of the repast with great satisfaction. "Now, gen'l'm'n, `fall on,' as the English said to the French when they fixed bagginets."

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Discuss: the use of the "sidekick" in Dickens and Tolkien or Sam Weller vs. Samwise, who's the better bumpkin?
 

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Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
I humbly heg the reverend and dear Campbellite's pardon. I saw cat recipes, and immediately thought they were culinary barbarities such as he threatens to prepare down in Dead Horses. They are not; on examination, I find they are recipes for perfectly acceptable dishes.

I therefore will not inform on my dear cousin-in-faith just yet. Jedi Judy, Dolphy, and I will continue our attempts to convert him with love and the beauty and charm of God's favorite creatures, the cats.
 

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Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
What about Sweeny Todd ?

"Mrs Mooney has a pie shop ... using only pussycats and toast/and a pussy's good for six or seven at the most..."
 

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Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Gnaedige Fraulein Molly,

While amused by the OP's suggestion that you were a secret member of the "Kitty Culinary Cult", I have never suggested such myself. I have simply offered my services as a means of sharing with you an alternative view of the Spawn of Satan (tm).

In point of fact, all the recipes I have shared have been ones which I have tried out and found most satisfactory. [see note below] I offer them to you for your experimentation and approval.

It warms my heart to see that the saintly Mr. Dickens wrote so fondly of fellow cat "lovers". Truly this is further evidence of their Makers genius, that cats are so versatile, serving as more than adequate substitutes for both beef and "weal" (and, I might add, chicken.)

Campbellite
Cat: the other white meat.

[note: Cats are rather agile and difficult to catch without bruising the meat, and are rarely available in one's local Safeway/Food Lion/Tesco, etc. Therefore in [most of] my recipes I have been forced by circumstances to substitute chicken or beef with generally satisfactory results. Your mileage may vary.]
 

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Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Reverend and dearest Sir! I fear I must report you to the Logic Police at any rate. How can cats be "the Spawn of Satan [tm]", which would make them his offspring, and he the only Archangel to have offspring, and at the same time the creations of our beneficent Creator?
 

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Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Alas, Miss_Molly, I was perhaps a bit ambiguous. When I spoke of their "Maker", I was not necessarily referring to God.
 

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Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
*shaking her head in sorrow*

Reverend and dearest Sir, it is a tenet of faith that only God can be the Maker. Even the cloned animals which have appeared recently are at best, only rearrangements of what the Lord made.
 

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Posted by Equinas (# 2907) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
*shaking her head in sorrow*

Reverend and dearest Sir, it is a tenet of faith that only God can be the Maker. Even the cloned animals which have appeared recently are at best, only rearrangements of what the Lord made.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Campbellite:
Gnaedige Fraulein Molly,

While amused by the OP's suggestion that you were a secret member of the "Kitty Culinary Cult", I have never suggested such myself. I have simply offered my services as a means of sharing with you an alternative view of the Spawn of Satan (tm).

]

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Oi!

Lay off my poor little kitty!
 

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Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
*shaking her head in sorrow*

Reverend and dearest Sir, it is a tenet of faith that only God can be the Maker. Even the cloned animals which have appeared recently are at best, only rearrangements of what the Lord made.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
*shaking her head in sorrow*

Reverend and dearest Sir, it is a tenet of faith that only God can be the Maker. Even the cloned animals which have appeared recently are at best, only rearrangements of what the Lord made.

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Then I suppose we must concluded that cats are evidence that even the Almighty can have a bad day.

He made garden slugs, too. but you don't see anyone getting all mushy over them.
 

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Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Reverend and dearest Sir, I can only conclude this is some sort of pop quiz to check my orthodoxy.

God does not have "off" days! While we might not know now why there are (insert creature you dislike the most), they all have a place. I am sure you are familiar with the hymn "Farther along". "So cheer up my brother, live in the sunshine! We'll know all about it, one day by and by.
 

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Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Ooh! Molly! One of my favorite gospelly-type songs! May I sing harmony with you? Dear Rev. C. would surely come to understanding through the melodious message!

(If anyone casts anymore aspersions your way, just let me know, and I shall cleave said aspersions neatly in two with my trusty lightsaber.)

jj
 

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Posted by Timothy L (# 2170) on :
 
Let's all sing along!
 

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Posted by Not Saint Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
Well, Molly has sent the worn-out shell of her parents home after wringing every last bit of usefulness out of them. People, I'm telling you, she Is Not What She Seems. Do you know she made me wash her dishes 7 count them 7 times the other night?? She kept screaming "You missed a spot! Can't you see it?! WASH IT AGAIN!!". And if she lashes me one more time with that oxygen tube...
It was while I was sanding her bunions tonight and pouring her 4th glass of absinthe that I decided to try and open your eyes once more. At great personal risk, I might add, as she has used my weakness for furry Latinos to trick me into a compromising photo-shoot which she threatens to publish on the web. Would a gentle-woman such as she purports to be use her aged father as a footrest? Well I saw it with my own eyes! Do you know what she uses that government-funded oxygen for? An Illegal oxygen bar! She's got the old wheezers in her building hooked. Now for a hit she makes them comb out her mink-trimmed nighties and shine her tassles! Yes, I believe that's where the ship's donations went! Extravagant lingerie!! She. . . oh no, she's back from her joyride with one of the boys from the park. And I haven't finished the kittie curry caserole! Gotta go. Don't tell her I was here, though I think her absinthe-muddled mind will be fooled by my alias...
 

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Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Not Saint Sebastian:
And I haven't finished the kittie curry caserole!

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Not Saint Sebastian, whoever you are, I MUST have your recipe! Feel free to try any of the ones I have posted in the Dead Cats,er, Horses forum.

The Lord in His wisdom
made the fly,
and then forgot
to tell us why.
- Ogden Nash
 

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Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Now, now children. This is all getting out of hand. I can assure you that my beloved sister Molly does not, will not and never has eaten a Cat. She is one of the nicest and most kind and loving people I have ever had the pleasure to call a friend. I suggest very strongly that St. Seb is really talking about himself and his own sordid life style.

Fear not dear Molly - jj and I are protecting your reputation.
 

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Posted by St. Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
Sordid lifestyle?! Moi?? Here I am working my halo dim and this is what I get? Accusations of sordidity? Yet, Dolphy, I don't hold it against you. I have seen how That Molly Person can warp and bend people to her will until they would believe her if she said the sky was plaid. Why, she has somehow persuaded (blackmailed?) the doctor into giving her a veritable Mexican pharmacy. Which, I might add she peddles for a tidy profit to the children in the park. She dips the dexedrine in chocolate! Then sends the hyper-active children home and later makes more money selling valium and quaaludes to their parents!

Still, I see that I am a voice crying in the wilderness. I fear for your souls. . .
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
ST Seb... fear not. I know the truth!
 

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Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Molly, dear, who are these people, and what did they do with our shipmates? Dolphy and I were on our way to visit you, and lo and behold, there were these folks who acted like aliens!!! I swear! I am not making this up!

Let's just close and lock the door. If we don't watch them, they'll get bored. (Like little kids, they need an audience!)

Here, have some of the cookies zandolit made for us!

jj
 

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Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Thank goodness you are here, my dear Jedi sister! St Sebastian has denied me nourishment, saying once I am hungry enough I will eat the monkey brains and once I am thirsty enough, I will drink the absinthe. He has also taken away all of my gentlewomanly linen underwear and respectable and modest nightgowns and replaced it with this flimsy garb with the label "Frederick's of Hollywood"!

May I just borrow your outer Jedi robe? I am freezing! And pardon me, this is so rude, but I am really very hungry. May I have a cookie immediately?
 

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Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Dearest Molly - here have my outer robe since jj is off the Ship at the moment. Here's a sandwich for you, some peeled grapes and a bottle of our favourite Champagne!!!

I am saddened to say that I have heard a rumour that St.Seb also indulges in butter and lard sandwiches!
 

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Posted by Gambit (# 766) on :
 
"Cookie, cookie, lend me your bones!"

Stephen King, 'It'
 

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Posted by St. Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
Well if THIS don't beat ALL! I scour the valley for monkey brains, finally forced to deal with some sordid back alley butcher of MM's acquaintance and this is the thanks I get?? She gathers the strength to hurl sushi at me (causing a bad case of Wasabi Eye) because it "is nearly room temperature you verminous clod!" and then falls back on that wretched lavender velvet chaise demanding curried monkey brains! So I meet this one-eyed tatoo-fest of a butcher at 3 a.m. down by the docks and now am accused of FORCING the monkey brains on her??? Not to mention absinthe??? Could this be the same absinthe that a certain "invalid" ordered in bulk with ship donations??

And don't get me started on her lingerie! The woman had me sewing sequins onto hemlines for 7 hours this weekend after one of her legendary bachannals! But I am a Good Christian and have accepted this servitude as Holy Discipline. Do I complain when she has me leave work and drive over there to change channels because her soap is coming on and she hurled the remote at one of the maids and finds it out of reach? No, I do not!

(sebastian stalks off muttering about "bunyon buffing" and "room temperature my ass")
 

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Posted by duchess [green] (# 2764) on :
 
St. Seb., you lost some points for the monkey brain subject mater.

 

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Posted by St. Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
Excusez-moi, but t'was not I who introduced monkey-brains into the thread (nor onto the menu!). I declare, I am beset and besieged from all directions.
 

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Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Dearest Molly, sorry I had to sneak off to w*rk. I'm so glad Dolphy let you borrow her robe. After w*rk today, I sewed you your own set...see, I made them green because that color looks so good on you!

I am so sorry to disturb your prayers. Forgive me, but I couldn't help overhearing that you were praying for St. Sebastian. Poor dear. Is he getting any therapy? On his good days, one would never guess that he is so "disturbed".

Oh, I'm so embarrassed! Jasmine and Belle have made your socks all furry from loving on you! Oooops. I hope you don't mind too much.

Ah! Here's Dolphy and a bunch of our other friends carrying plates of cookies and fruit...and, can that be champagne? It is!

jj
 

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Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Oh, you shouldn't have! Let's just set aside a nice plate for St Sebastian for when he finishes sulking.

Cat fur, by the way, is the finishing touch to any elegant item of apparel.
 

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Posted by Motherboard (# 54) on :
 
And speaking of recipes.....

I have a Kitty Litter Cake recipe (no cats included) that will be just the trick to make you all smile. If you need the recipe, send me a PM or e-mail. It sounds delicious! Too many calories for me, sadly.

Motherboard
 

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Posted by St. Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
Loathe as I am to interrupt this tedious Moll-Fest, I thought you might be interested in a website I found in Molly's "Favourites" as I was meticulously cleaning each and every key "three times!!! Once with Clorox, Once with Fantastic and once with PineSol!!! Three times you idiot!!".

A site Molly has visited 7,314 times in the last two months
 

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Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Motherboard:
I have a Kitty Litter Cake recipe (no cats included) that will be just the trick to make you all smile.

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Thank goodness for no cats in the cake.....but kitty litter?

For real?
 

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Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by St. Sebastian:
A site Molly has visited 7,314 times in the last two months

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Oh dear, oh dear! I was just about to share this Champagne with you Saint Seb. but after having seen this web site I retract the offer. I am sure that the other shipmates would like to know that it is in fact a web site that you yourself have designed. How you could ever even imagine that someone as wonderful as Miss Molly would use that sort of web site is beyond me!
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
(you sick psycho) St. Seb

Go tie a millstone round your neck
 

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Posted by St. Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
Dolphy, Dolphy! The Molly's powers of delusion are boardering on the diabolical if in the face of this irrefutable evidence of her depravity you insist upon seeing tarnish on MY halo! I'm afraid I've not time to try to break the evil hold she has on your psyche as she is shrieking from the next room that she needs the page turned in her magazine and where is her toddy.
))sigh((
 

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Posted by Motherboard (# 54) on :
 
Yes, Bessie, The Kitty Litter Cake recipe is for real! Just in time for Halloween!

1 spice or German chocolate cake mix
1 white cake mix
i package white sandwich cookies
1 large package vanilla instant pudding mix
12 small tootsie rolls
1 NEW (never used) litter box
1 NEW pooper scooper
Green food coloring

Prepare cake mixes according to directions (any size pans) Prepare the pudding and chill until ready to assemble. In a blender, crumble white sandwich cookies, small batches at a time (they tend to stick, so scrape often!) RESERVE 1/4 cup for later. When cakes are baked and cooled to room temperature, crumble into a large bowl. Toss with half of the white cookie crumbs and chilled pudding. (you probably won't need all of the pudding, just mix in enough so it is moist)
Put mixture into NEW litter box. Put 6 Tootsie rolls (3 at a time)in a microwave safe dish and heat until soft and pliable. Shape the ends so they are slightly curved. Bury these in the mixture! Add to the reserved 1/4 cup cookie crumbs, a few drops green food coloring and mix using a fork or shake in a jar. Scatter the green crumbs over the top to look like chlorophyll in kitty litter. Heat the remaining Tootsie Rolls (3 at a time) in the microwave until almost melted. Scrape them over the top of the cake and sprinkle with cookie crumbs. Place the box on a newspaper and sprinkle around a few of the cookie crumbs. Serve with the pooper scooper!

Happy Eating!

Love and yummy hugs, Motherboard
 

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Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
I must say, I am at my wit's end what to do for Sebastian. In the South, we really don't talk about people's mental aberrations as aberrations, our friends and kinfolk are just eccentric or more eccentric, or at worst, slightly "touched".
 

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Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Motherboard! Thanks for reminding me of the Kitty Litter cake recipe! I have it in my file right next to the Dirt Cake recipe. (Daughter-Unit's favorite for her birthday.)

Molly! Did you see St. Sebastian just now???

Is that a whale bone corset that he's wearing???

Goodness. He is touched. Bless his heart.

jj
 

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Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Saint Seb I am so very sorry. Please accept my most humbled appologies. You have been right all along... Miss Molly is not the woman we thought she to be. I am so desperately sorry for everything I have ever said against you dearest Seb. It is true , not only does Miss Molly eat cats, she also was the one to start the aforemetioned web site with her own cooking skills. I am in fear for both my cat and dog right now. She is also partial to rabbit stew!!!!
Not to mention the way she drinks Gin! - forget the tonic, she drinks it neat... in pints!!!

Forgive me St. Seb... please!!! I have now seen the light... I am so sorry for upsetting you.
 

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Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
Motherboard! Thanks for reminding me of the Kitty Litter cake recipe! I have it in my file right next to the Dirt Cake recipe. (Daughter-Unit's favorite for her birthday.)

jj

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Oooh! Dirt cake! Do you make yours in a clay flower pot and add the gummy worms???

It sounds and looks disgusting, but the kids LOVE it!
 

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Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
I am a little concerned that Miss Molly finds a gold lamé two-piece appropriate attire when posting to this thread (if nothing else, it Doesn't Go With The Hat).
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
Motherboard -

The Kitty Litter Cake recipe is hilarious. My granddaughter's birthday is this Thursday. I have to make this for her and her friends. I can't wait to see it, myself. What a treasure. This'll be a sensation.
 

---

Posted by St. Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
Dolphy, no apology needed. I understand full well her evil ways. When I arrived at her house this morning to take her to church, she hollered out the window as I stood shivering in the pre-dawn cold, "oh never mind, Seb. Stayed up late with the park-boys and I'm going to bed as soon as I come down. Besides, God knows where I am if He wants me! Run along now!". Then she hurled beer bottles at my car until I was out of range.

Clearly JJ has been sharing meds with Molly if she thinks she saw me in whale-bone!

Which gold-lame, H&E? If she thinks I'm cleaning that mini-skirt again before she goes trolling for boys Friday she can just think again.

We have an expression for her type in the South:

"No better than she outta be".
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Poor St Seb... I now realise what has been going on... she has tried to bribe me with offers of peanut butter and jelly sarnies but now I see the light; I realise they were nothing more than lard and butter sarnies topped with shredded cat.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Thank God for Brandy and Jessie! They have just succeeded in gnawing me free from the bonds that Sebastian placed. He had me tied up in the bottom of my linen closet, cramped into a most undignified position, with not a smidge of food or sup of liquid available.

Dolphy, I forgive you for your recent delusional posts. Brandy and Jessie, terribly worried for you, tell me it is the strain of PhD work, coupled with some questionable pub grub in Oxford. Please, dear Cetacean, sit down, take some deep breaths, and eat something wholesome.

Ham and Eggs, gold lame twopiece? Oh, no! I knew I should not have left St Sebastian alone in the sacristy! That was the state and festival dalmatic, pride of the tat collection of one of our priests. And Saint Sebastian has cut it in half and remodelled it, no doubt for a friend of his, who, rumor has it is not even as good as he ought to be.

In the meantime, I find I am in serious trouble with the residents' committee. St Sebastian's predawn, inebriated drive-by beer can tossings are disturbing their rest. Indeed, St Sebastian, God knows where I am, and more to the point, knows where you are, every hour of the twenty-four. Should you really be spending so much time with your little friends in the park, especially when they leave so many cans in your car?
 

---

Posted by St. Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
Oh, the woman has CHEEK! I did NOT leave her tied in the linen closet. I found her there, where she had fallen in a wormwood-induced daze. Her struggles caused her to wrap her oxygen cord around her feet. Apparently she went there in search of food, having forgotten where the kitchen was (no small feat in a studio apartment).

Also, I feel certain that even the ultra-liberal ECUSA does not endorce gold lame vestments so that lie refutes itself!

Finally, Madame, the sordid implications of your final paragraph are beneath even a woman of your dubious fame.

Now if everyone will excuse me, I must return the canisters of laughing gas that The Molly ordered and get some actual oxygen. I'd let her laugh herself into Glory except that she'd do it my expense.

The long-suffering and and humble and compassionate,
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:
ooh! Dirt cake! Do you make yours in a clay flower pot and add the gummy worms???

It sounds and looks disgusting, but the kids LOVE it!

---

Dearest Reverend Sir! Yes indeedy, I put gummy worms in the dirt cake. However, I use a mauve-colored plastic pot to hold the confection. It is served with a 15-inch trowel after removing the lovely silk pink and mauve flowers. (The birthday girl usually gets to lick the flower stem. Special treat, you know.)

St. Sebastian, do I have to come over there and have a little "Come to Jesus" meeting with you? I declare, you are having way too much fun picking on poor Miss_Molly. Now, eat your vegetables, and take that silly corset off.

jj
 

---

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :
 
I would have visited this thread earlier but was worried I might get eaten. Am I safe???



(Worried Kitten)
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
Dear Worried Kitten,

There definately could be a problem.

I'd advise you to stay a good distance away from your monitor. I know for a fact that Miss Molly can place cats and kittens in trances, lure them, capture them and ....then, bye, bye - you're in Salt Lake City on her lunch platter surrounded by onions, carrots and potatoes.
 

---

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :
 
Eeeeeek!!

I'm off
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
Dearest Reverend Sir! Yes indeedy, I put gummy worms in the dirt cake. However, I use a mauve-colored plastic pot to hold the confection. It is served with a 15-inch trowel after removing the lovely silk pink and mauve flowers. (The birthday girl usually gets to lick the flower stem. Special treat, you know.)

---

quote:

---

St. Sebastian, do I have to come over there and have a little "Come to Jesus" meeting with you? I declare, you are having way too much fun picking on poor Miss_Molly. Now, eat your vegetables, and take that silly corset off.

jj

---

By "vegetables", I take it you mean "chocolate"?

Chocolate is made from cacao beans.
Beans are vegetables.
Therefore, chocolate is a vegetable!
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by bessie rosebride:
Dear Worried Kitten,

There definitely could be a problem.

I'd advise you to stay a good distance away from your monitor. I know for a fact that Miss Molly can place cats and kittens in trances, lure them, capture them and ....then, bye, bye - you're in Salt Lake City on her lunch platter surrounded by onions, carrots and potatoes.

---

Hmm... I wonder if Miss_Molly needs a cook? I have quite a few lovely recipes.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Kitten, dear, I suggest you ask Fearless regarding my habits towards cats. Our dear Bride carrying fragrant roses has apparently been led into the evil cult that St Sebastian is forming.

Not content with warping the minds of strangers, he refines his cruelty by turning my dear Shipmates against me.

Has he told you his plans, dear friends? This is not about cats. This is about sending you into the streets to sell wilted flowers and badly reproduced propaganda. He will stay home in his lavish bedroom, where the oft-mentioned lavender velvet chaise resides, drinking absinthe (hadn't you wondered why this harmful beverage leapt to his mind?) and eating bonbons, whilst you toil in all weathers, not permitted to return to your bare little rooms until you have acquired a certain amount of cash from passersby.

On days when you cannot sell enough, you will be afraid to return. His shrieks of rage are terrifying, and of course, he plans to hold your pets hostage. You might have to sell blood, or part with a last precious memento of your homes to a pawnshop to satisfy his demands.

So far, I have kept all our dear animal friends out of his reach, but his malevolence knows no bounds. In fear, his own Margaux and Rufus have sought sanctuary at an undisclosed location 'twixt the Glades and the Gulf.

Please, dear Shipmates, consider carefully.
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Indeed, Miss_Molly speaks the very truth. In fact, dear Shipmates, I have seen the legal papers that St. Sebastian has had drawn up to add "Satellite" to the end of his name. (It seems the synonym has been taken.)

Kitten, dear heart. You are as safe with Miss_Molly as you are in the arms of Jesus. However, if St. Seb is frightening you, please feel free to take sanctuary in the Jedi Convent, where Belle and Jasmine and Snuffy will make you feel at home with all the other small furry creatures (and scaly ones, too) who have come for refuge.

After checking Miss_Molly's cupboards and recipe files (at her request, as a referrence) I am prepared to affirm that she has no recipe that calls for "cat", "kitten" "feline", or any variation of that species of mammal.

She does, however, have tea and cookies.

Thank you for your kind attention. (And Campbellite, thank you for reminding us that chocolate is indeed a vegetable, and a part of every healthy diet.)

jj
 

---

Posted by St. Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
Oh Puh-Leeze! I don't even know where to begin! I think, however, I will begin with the excerpt from Molly's diary (yes, wretched harridan, I found it!) which I secreted out and photocopied as she lay drooling on her chaise. You will find the entry in Hell. The thread will catch your eye immediately.

(this is NOT a corset. It is a medically prescribed device for the hernia I've developed lugging Molly's besotted self to bed from wherever she's passed out!)
 

---

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :
 
Are you sure its safe for me to venture back. I do like tea and cookies - in a saucer of course.

(Timid Kitten)
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Here, Kitty Kitty!
 

---

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :
 
Help, Campbellite is scaring me.And I'm only little.
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Saint Seb., Brandy and Jessie are on your side too... sadly Miss Molly has again had far too much Champagne and far too many sarnies filled with peanut butter and jelly. It is her overindulgence in all things gratuitous that makes her imagination run riot! Fear not St. Seb, you can find refuge here with me.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Never fear, dear Kitten; see the Cats! thread in Dead Horses.

I think certain people need to make a visit to the Phantom Zone! You know who you are...
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Well I am totally shocked and horrified! I am just about recovering from being subjected to what Miss Molly called 'singing'.... If she ever asks you if you want to hear her sing - Just say NO! She threatened to lock me in the cupboard and whip me with her oxygen tube if I did not let her indulge in, so called musical activities. Personally I'd rather hear a beginner on the violin than ever hear Molly sing! And as for the things she has told me about jedijudy, I am shocked! You should have heard the sounds of Molly sharpening her horns - it was truly frightening. She has threatened that if I divulge this information she will take all the cats from the ship and boil them alive - I fear for us all. I feel it is my duty to tell you all this - so lock up your cats and never, I repeat never let her sing to you.
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
Boiled alive!

*sigh* Fearless, this means you must not have access to the living room, the desk or the computer while I'm at work today.

It's back to the kat kondo for you, sweet one.

Of all the insanity....
 

---

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :
 
Thanks for the warning Miss Molly.

I'm not at all tasty, I'm sure I would taste discusting and my fluffy fur is sure to be very indigestable.
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Goodness.

Goodness, goodness, goodness.

Does someone have a bonfire of "wacky weed" burning somewhere?

Here, Kitten, come sit with me. Don't let Rev. Campbellite bother you, honey.

(((Molly))) Sister, dear...can I get you anything? A plate of biscuits and gravy? A mug of tea? A rope to tie up St. Sebatian?

(((Dolphy))) Sister, dear...let's take a little walk under the avocado trees. There are certain things I must inform you about so-called "Saints".

jj-proud to be one of the Jedi sisters
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
(((Dolphy))) Sister, dear...let's take a little walk under the avocado trees. There are certain things I must inform you about so-called "Saints".

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
Motherboard! Thanks for reminding me of the Kitty Litter cake recipe! I have it in my file right next to the Dirt Cake recipe. (Daughter-Unit's favorite for her birthday.)

---

I think you need to share that with us.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Gently prods Kitten with fireplace poker. Hmm... Nope, not enough meat on those bones... yet.

Would kitty fancy a saucer of cream?
 

---

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :
 
Ow what was that?

Mmmmm cream. I like cream

puuurrrrrrrr
 

---

Posted by zephirine of the roses (# 3323) on :
 
re: kitty litter cake.

tootsie rolls will never be the same!

for more tasty treats

yum yu----ulp!
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Campbellite, you give me that poker right now, young man! There is no fireplace here and no use for this implement. Someone might get hurt, and that someone will be you if you don't quit scaring poor kitten.

Fearless, I know you are so worried about Bessie. I will figure out a way to help her. In the meantime, just don't let her know we can communicate telepathically.

While Dolphy and Judy are walking, if Campbellite is prepared to behave himself, we can bake some fresh cookies. I think cherry winks would be good. The reverend and dear sir can use his energies crushing corn flakes and chopping dates.

What is this on the table? It has a strange glow! Oh dear, this explains all! It is the kind of kryptonite that makes people from that planet behave in out-of-character ways. I wondered why my hitherto super shipmates were turning on me. I shall carefully wrap it in lead foil and place it in this leadlined box. Every well-equipped home should have at least one. The kryptonite of course had no effect on me as I am from Missouri, nor on Judy or the Campbellite (who, alas is just naturally evil in intentions towards felines) as they, too, come from Planet Earth. I had long had my suspicions regarding the Bride of roses, St Sebastian and the Dolphin. Now they are confirmed--from Krypton one and all.

It should not be too long now before Judy and Dolphy return from the illuminating walk and talk. Soon, I will see Dolphy her usual sweet and super self. Dear Bridie will be well soon, too. I just need to have someone search for kryptonite in her home.
 

---

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :
 
What are Cherry Winks?

Are they nice?

Can I have some when I've finished frisking in the autumn leaves?
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Kitten, cherry winks are a delicious cookie, made with the usual egg, flour, sugar, etc, but with the addition of chopped dates for richness and crushed cornflakes for crunchiness. They are topped with a maraschino cherry bit, the "wink".

I don't know if a kitten would like them. I do know a cat who loves ginger cookies, so if you don't like the winks you may try a gingersnap.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Looks over Kitten. Still too skinny. Needs to be fattened up a bit yet. After all, it worked on Hansel

Yes Kitten, DO try the winks! They are quite tasty, and I am sure you will LOVE Miss_Molly's cooking.

More cream?
 

---

Posted by St. Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
Thank heavens I can type to you all instead of having to speak. I can't speak, as it happens, because my throat is sore and swollen. I had dinner at Miss Molly's last night and she served me a deceptive piece of beef which lodged in my throat. I was finally able to cough it up after much acking and gesticulating. The entire time Molly stared at the tv with a slight smile and kept turning up the volume. . . .
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
I'd be glad to share, chukovsky!

Dirt Cake

materials:
8" plastic (or clay..per Campbellite) flower pot
1 dirt scoop

Crush and set aside:
1 (20 oz.) pkg. Oreo cookies

Cream together:
4 tablespoons butter
8 oz. cream cheese
1 cup confectioner's sugar

Mix:
3 1/2 cups milk
2 packages instant french vanilla pudding
12 oz. Cool Whip

Add together creamed mixture and pudding mixture. Place Cool Whip lid in bottom of pot (May need to be trimmed.) Beginning with layer of crushed cookies, alternate layers of cookies and pudding mixture, ending with layer of crushed cookies. Refrigerate overnight. Garnish with artificial flowers (and gummy worms) and serve with dirt scoop.

Yummy!

Campbellite! Please quit teasing Kitten with that gummy worm!

Dolphy, dear, may I have another glass (or two) of that very nice wine? Thanks! Now, repeat after me..."St. Sebastian can't help it that he's talking nonsense. He needs his meds adjusted." There! See! Miss_Molly, your sister, is as gentle and sweet as she has always been!

jj
 

---

Posted by St. Sebastian (# 312) on :
 
OH DEAR LORD???!!! What sort of devil has possessed me??? Dear shipmates, I just can't . . . I don't. . . It's all so . . . (Sebastian breaks down and weeps piteously)

I can't believe I ever wrote these horrible lies about the Mistress! That fount of all good things, that dear brave soul, she of the delicate sensibilities, of the great, huge generous heart!!
(Sebastian breaks down again. much wailing and gnashing of teeth)

I will labor 'til my dying day to try and atone for the wrongs I have done her! She is the greatest, sweetest soul! I am not worthy to eat her bunyon shavings! (breaks down AGAIN. More wailing, gnashing and some clothes rending to boot)

I got all woozy and sick feeling today and had to lay down. I'm not sure how long I lay there, drifting in and out of consciousness when it hit me: Molly IS a living Saint!

We are blessed, fellow shipmates! That I could have mistaken the Uncreated Light that surrounds her for tawdry bordello lamplight!! I am lost to Mercy, but I know, through the prayers of the inimitible Molly, I have hope of salvation.

If anyone would like some of her Holy Relics, let me know: I have hair samples, bunyon shavings, fingernail clippings and hair. I have a half-eaten sandwich bearing her sacred teeth marks.
If you would like more substantial relics, such as digits or perhaps ears, PM me. Perhaps near the. . .the . . . Sobs uncontrollably in a frankly unseemly and tiresome manner) as the time of her departure for Glory approaches and the morphine begins to flow, I can arrange something...

In Abject Repentance,
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 

Poor St. Seb

he really does need his medications adjusted...
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Let in by Fearless while Bessie Rosebride is out shopping, Miss Molly searches diligently for the kryptonite, finally locating it in the briefcase containing work the diligent Bessie has brought home. The kryptonite is a fine dust in this example, carefully distributed in small quantities on each piece of paper. The technology to crush and spray kryptonite is beyond the reach of non-scientists, and requires sophisticated knowledge to use. Who could be responsible?
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
Bringing home some more canned cat food for Fearless, more cat litter, decaffeinated coffee, cherry strudel, cinnamon crunch cookies, paper towels, fizzy water.....

Fearless, what happened to the house today? Were you playing in Mommie's briefcase? There are papers missing...did you shred them up and eat them? Not a good cat, Fearless!

Bessie suddenly feels ... happy and light as a feather.
The gloom, suspicion, fear and evil thoughts have vanished.

As she walks to her icon corner, she notices gifts. Fearless??? Hey, baby girl, what are these and how did they get here? ...
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
St Seb... could we go into partnership? I could run the UK branch of the business
 

---

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :
 
Just so he doesn't start of her Anti-Cancer Crusading Nibbly Bunnies of Health.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by St. Sebastian:
OH DEAR LORD???!!! What sort of devil has possessed me??? Dear shipmates, I just can't . . . I don't. . . It's all so . . . (Sebastian breaks down and weeps piteously)

I can't believe I ever wrote these horrible lies about the Mistress! That fount of all good things, that dear brave soul, she of the delicate sensibilities, of the great, huge generous heart!!
(Sebastian breaks down again. much wailing and gnashing of teeth)

I will labor 'til my dying day to try and atone for the wrongs I have done her! She is the greatest, sweetest soul! I am not worthy to eat her bunyon shavings! (breaks down AGAIN. More wailing, gnashing and some clothes rending to boot)

I got all woozy and sick feeling today and had to lay down. I'm not sure how long I lay there, drifting in and out of consciousness when it hit me: Molly IS a living Saint!

We are blessed, fellow shipmates! That I could have mistaken the Uncreated Light that surrounds her for tawdry bordello lamplight!! I am lost to Mercy, but I know, through the prayers of the inimitible Molly, I have hope of salva

---

*Miss Molly carefully leaves kryptonite-contaminated papers a safe distance away from her apartment, decontaminates herself according to approved methods, (she always carries a kit in her bag--doesn't everyone?) then comes in and retrieves the leadlined box, in which she places the dangerous missives. She once again cleanses herself and enters her humble abode, thinking, "I believe I could bear his character assassination better than this caterwauling!"*

For heaven's sake, Sebastian, buck up! You can get glad in the same clothes you got sad in, as my grandma used to say. Wipe your nose, wash your face, and I will pour you a glass of milk and give you a cherry wink if the Campbellite left us any.
 

---

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :
 
May I have the Cherry winks and the Ginger snaps please? I've got all this nice cream to wash them down with.

Its a good thing that I'm a naturally skinny kitten and never put on any weight, it must be all thr frolicking and playing I do
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Of course you may, dear Kitten.
 

---

Posted by Columcille (# 1384) on :
 
WARNING: It has come to my attention that the Shipmate known as Kitten is not, in fact, a Kitten. Instead this individual is an out-of-work actor called Jeff who is paid a great deal of money by Miss Molly to create the illusion that Molly is on friendly terms with the feline community, so that kittens are lured into the trap.

Of course, Miss Molly does not actually eat the kittens. She sells them for scientific experiments.
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
You mean Miss Molly is really Cruella de Vil?!
 

---

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :
 
Off course I'm a kitten - a ginger one

Purr purr
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
Dolphy, dear, may I have another glass (or two) of that very nice wine? Thanks! Now, repeat after me..."St. Sebastian can't help it that he's talking nonsense. He needs his meds adjusted." There! See! Miss_Molly, your sister, is as gentle and sweet as she has always been!
jj

---

Oh Sister jj, she has obviously got you under her evil spell too... maybe she has laced the wine.
Kitten please do not drink any of that milk - there is no telling what Molly has put in that.
And dear Saint Seb. get a grip on yourself... Molly told me she is putting things in your food too.
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Rest assured, dear Dolphy, that there is nothing *unseemly* in the food or drink (at least as far as Kitten is concerned).

<However there is the little matter of fattening Kitten up. Kitten is still too skinny to be of any use yet - no meat on those bones.
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Molly, dear? Did you find all the kryptonite? I believe there is red and green hidden around. If we could just find out who was in Smallville last, we'd have a good idea where the confounded things are. Any idea? Bet Fearless would know.



jj
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
little do they know I have it all
 

---

Posted by zephirine of the roses (# 3323) on :
 
good golly, miss molly

where did you go?
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
*Arriving from the train station, carrying a large carpet bag*

Hello, dear Zephirine! I have been sleuthing in Smallville.

Does it occur to anyone that Dolphy's avatar is looking a bit different? Slightly domier and shinier on the head? There is a good reason for this!

The person passing himself off as Dolphy on this thread is actually Lex Luthor! Never fear, I have entrusted him to the tender care of the Smallville Penitentiary, released the real Dolphy from this- *produces a bottle habitat, made by the evil genius in imitation of Kandor*-and sent her home to the loving ministrations of Jack, Jessie and Brandy. Her poor family were deluded by the kryptonite as well!

The kryptonite I have destroyed. I have no patience with those who say we always need some for study!
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
oohhh, what happened to me? My head hurts...
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
I believe Fearless had also to the correct conclusions about Sister Dolphy. What a perceptive being!

Molly, did you check all those cornfields with that kryptonite detector you have? I understand there were some deposits away from the original impact "footprint" because of some deflection through the atmosphere.

Thanks for singing to me, Molly dear! It's amazing that with all this extra bother you've had with the kryptonite poisoning, that you still have the time and inclination to sing for us!

jj...waving her lightsaber in salute and joy at seeing Molly and the real Dolphy...
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
I believe Fearless had also come to the correct conclusions about Sister Dolphy. What a perceptive being!

---

Fearless is smiling smugly at your remark. It's a lucky thing she has chosen to be my cat. I'll never figure out how she managed to sound the alarm to Molly that my home had been poisoned with kryptonite.

Due to Fearless' cunning plan to get Molly to North Carolina and Molly's sacrificial loving deeds to gain my freedom from the effects of the poison, I am once again in my right mind.

I'm repentant of the suspicious, accusational , and hurtful things I said while under delusion. I'm free!
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Bessie rosebride, thank Heavens you are your sweet, un-kryptonited self again! I know Fearless must have been sick with worry, and is grateful to have you back to normal.

Revelation time! I believe I heard that Miss_Molly is taking time away from her many consultations with "W", and has met with the Pope in order to ask the Vatican to have a special "Come to Jesus" meeting about getting Sebastian's Saintliness polished up some. I understand John PaulII even asked the Dali Lama for his assistance (humming during the prayers, special incense...stuff like that) because the kryptonite poisoning seems to have a very extreme effect on Saints.

Molly is far too humble to tell y'all about her efforts on St. Seb's behalf. Therefore, I shall "toot her horn".

jj
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Humility is necessary when you realize you have requested assistance from the wrong Patriarch! Saint Sebastian falls under the spiritual sway of the Patriarch of Antioch, so I am on my way to beg his help.
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
I am sorry if I have said anything out of order in the last few weeks. The doctor says that the effects of the nice blue sweeties I found in Molly's handbag will wear off soon. Wonders where Molly gets them made
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Molly

Do you see this /\ angelic personage?

Now. who could even think she's capable of any harm? I think not!

So there.

jj
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dolphy:
I am sorry if I have said anything out of order in the last few weeks. The doctor says that the effects of the nice blue sweeties I found in Molly's handbag will wear off soon. Wonders where Molly gets them made

---

It is quite sad that the average medical practitioner does not recognize the effects of kryptonite poisoning. However, there are few of your race on planet Earth, Dolphy, so we must forgive them and arrange for inservices. Perhaps dear Bessie could arrange them?

I really don't recommend the blue tablets, though. They are disinfectant for the truly nasty toilet facilities I encounter in my travels.

The Patriarch of Antioch is checking to see which liturgy might be appropriate to deal with St Sebastian's case. I expect to hear very soon.

And now, I am off once again to Smallville, as Lex Luthor has expressed a desire for counselling. I shall also, according to Sister Judy's perspicacious request be examining the local corn fields.

In the meantime, I have left food for Kitten if someone will dispense it? And I am putting Campbellite on his honor.

[Fixed quote]

[ 31. October 2002, 13:10: Message edited by: Stoo. ]
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
Of course, inservices will be necessary and beneficial.... perhaps I know someone, as well, who could write an article for the medical journals.

Kitten! Here, come have some food Miss Molly has left you. I think the coast is clear....no Campbellite in sight......
 

---

Posted by Wandering with Hope (# 3431) on :
 
It has come to my attention that perhaps bessie & fearless have been subjected to kryptonite poisoning....perhaps this is why sweet fearless is so fearful

And all this time I thought it was me


I shall have to monitor more closely
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Please beware!!! Dame Molly has told me today that she has now manufactured the nice little blue sweeties and they are selling in every supermarket around the world! Please beware!!!!
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dolphy:
Please beware!!! Dame Molly has told me today that she has now manufactured the nice little blue sweeties and they are selling in every supermarket around the world! Please beware!!!!

---

Gads! I'm so confused!

quote:

---

Origianlly posted by Wandering with Hope:
It has come to my attention that perhaps bessie & fearless have been subjected to kryptonite poisoning....perhaps this is why sweet fearless is so fearful

---

Perhaps this is why Fearless was suspicious of the different kind of cat food I bought her and that she refused to eat!!
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
Well, I had no idea shipmates would be looking for sweeties in the soap, detergent, ammonia, and disinfectants aisle!

If you are such sweet tusks, I promise to make you some divinity when I get back from Smallville. Luther's counselling seems to be going well, by the way, but I am too old a hand at this to be sanguine too soon.

Bessie, I am sorry to hear Fearless is jumpy. You might try treating her to baby food. Many cats love the meat baby food, veal or lamb or turkey, and will eat this when all else fails. I am sending her special lovies.
 

---

Posted by Wandering with Hope (# 3431) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss Molly
Bessie, I am sorry to hear Fearless is jumpy. You might try treating her to baby food. Many cats love the meat baby food, veal or lamb or turkey, and will eat this when all else fails. I am sending her special lovies.

---

Miss Molly - do not be fooled by Fearless, she is simply picky, (and jumpy by nature)my Spudz ate her rejected food with delight. btw. Hello, nice to meet you.
 

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Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
Oh, posh!
Fearless will be overjoyed to be served baby food meats. Especially when she hears that her hero, Miss Molly, prescribed it for her.

Now, then --- on to other matters at hand. Where is Kitten?? Has anyone seen our baby cat lately? Are you sure Campbellite has been behaving?
 

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Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
The very dear Reverend Campbellite has to behave. My lightsaber is much faster than his fireplace poker.

I brought nutritious treats for the kitties. (Not for fattening them up, in case someone is interested.)

Oh! Look! Here's a picture in today's paper of Miss_Molly winning the Nobel Peace prize for her efforts to end the kryptonite poisoning!

jj
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Decides to pop some of the little blue sweeties in Fearless' baby food
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
*Discovers the mind ray machine hidden in Lex Luthor's girlie magazine, confiscates, and uses to clear Dolphy's mind of these wicked thoughts. Destroys machine, despite Luthor's cunning pleas that she might use it to achieve world peace, universal freedom from hunger, and respect and love for all feline creatures. God does not work by mind control, and neither does Miss Molly. Labors in prayer with Lex, then leaves to inspect the last cornfield that might have been infected.*

Bessie, there is a sale of the baby meat going on at the A and P.

Fearless, I know you are far to wise a cat to push your good luck too far.

Pleased to meet you, Wandering. My best regards to Spudz.
 

---

Posted by Eanswyth (# 3363) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miss_Molly:
Bessie, there is a sale of the baby meat going on at the A and P.

---

Oh no! Miss Molly has revealed her dark side. Sure, she doesn't eat cats. SHE EATS BABIES!
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
INCOMING!! (ducks and covers, preparing for the onslaught of

• Austin Powers "Fat B*st*rd" .wav files
• references to "A Modest Proposal"
• Doctor Who jokes)

 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
No! Miss_Molly does not "eat babies"!!! Goodness. Unless of course you're talking about baby peas, or baby corn (yummy...Chinese stir fry!), or certain forms of BBQ ribs. Not human babies. I repeat... "Goodness"!!!

Aww, look at this newspaper article. Molly's Nobel prize money is being put to good use. She's using part to clean the environment where the kryptonite impacted. The rest she is using for mental and physical rehabilitation for the victims of Mr. Luthor. Such a humantitarian! I salute my wonderful Jedi sister.

< jj, waving lightsaber in high arcs to honor Molly >
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
For Miss Molly, Nobel Prize winner, and for her humanitarian deeds:


 

---

Posted by Eanswyth (# 3363) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
No! Miss_Molly does not "eat babies"!!! Goodness. Unless of course you're talking about baby peas, or baby corn (yummy...Chinese stir fry!), or certain forms of BBQ ribs. Not human babies. I repeat... "Goodness"!!!

---

Thank you for the correction, Your Jediness. I see now. Well then, who is the baby meat for? Bessie? Fearless? This is all quite troubling.
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
It means meat for babies, not of babies.

And the baby in question is Fearless, kitty cat baby. She was off her feed and Molly suggested I give her baby food meats.

(No babies or cats were harmed in the posting of this statement.)
 

---

Posted by Eanswyth (# 3363) on :
 
[Roseanne Roseannadana voice]

Ohhhhh.
Nevermind.

[/Roseanne Roseannadana voice]
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
My head is spinning and my tongue has gone bright blue.... what IS going on? Molly, jj, help me, help me....
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Dolphy, we're all here. Did Daughter-Unit give you one of those Pixy Stix left over from Hallowe'en? They will turn your tongue colors.

Tsk Tsk Daughter-Type Person! You are so grounded!!!

jj
 

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Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
I have just returned to this thread after a weekend camping trip with our local Boy Scout troop (really!)

I was absolutely SHOCKED to hear about Miss_Molly and the baby food! (So glad that was finally cleared up, btw) One question remains, though. How many babies to you have to squeeze to get a pint of baby oil? Just wondering.
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
Campbellite,

How nice of you to drop in.

One question remains for you, too.

There's this little matter of our poor missing and lost Kitten. The very one you were fattening up and prodding with the fireplace poker....seen 'er lately, have you?
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:
I have just returned to this thread after a weekend camping trip with our local Boy Scout troop (really!)

I was absolutely SHOCKED to hear about Miss_Molly and the baby food! (So glad that was finally cleared up, btw) One question remains, though. How many babies to you have to squeeze to get a pint of baby oil? Just wondering.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by bessie rosebride:
Campbellite,

How nice of you to drop in.

One question remains for you, too.

There's this little matter of our poor missing and lost Kitten. The very one you were fattening up and prodding with the fireplace poker....seen 'er lately, have you?

---

I haven't seen Kitten in days.
Really.
I haven't!
Honest.
 

---

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :
 
Hi

I'm back from frolicking and frisking in the gales in Norfolk and in the mist on Dartmoor.

Did anybody miss me?
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Oh Kitten, thank God you are back... here is a saucer of milk for you.

Rushes off to find Miss Molly
 

---

Posted by bessie rosebride (# 1738) on :
 
Kitten!
Hurray, you're ok.

<hugs and loving stroking of fur>

(just like a cat to wander off without a word to anyone....and here I was suspecting Campbellite..not without some just cause, since he'd been making threatening overtures....)
 

---

Posted by Columcille (# 1384) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kitten:
Hi

I'm back from frolicking and frisking in the gales in Norfolk and in the mist on Dartmoor.

Did anybody miss me?

---

Frolicking and Frisking? I don't think so.

You've been meeting with your animal-experimenting paymasters and have returned to assist Miss Molly in her wicked plans to lure innocent kittens to their doom. Your kitten costume doesn't even fit properly. And I can see the label poking out at the collar.
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Kitten! Yes we missed you! Don't listen to Columcille, all these aspersions being cast about are being swept up and put into the dumpster.

Molly, did you see Dolphy? She was looking for you. Bessie rosebride has taken care of Kitten's needs, and I think you should come with me. We have hot chocolate and Girl Scout Cookies! (No, Rev. Mr. Campbellite, sir..they are not made out of Girl Scouts!!)

Also, we need to talk about getting tickets to go to all these nice movies that are opening soon! We do want to go opening day, don't we?

jj
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
I need to tell y'all about Miss_Molly's pasties!!!

Bet that got your attention!

As the fearless manager of JediDragon, Miss_Molly has come up with a special cheer.

Here is a direct quote from the lady herself:
"(I) have pompoms attached to my chest so they wave as I sleep".

And there is a time frame involved:
"24/7 coverage"

There you have it folks, a vote of confidence from our very own, Miss_Molly!

jj
 

---

Posted by golden key (# 1468) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kitten:
Hi

I'm back from frolicking and frisking in the gales in Norfolk and in the mist on Dartmoor.

Did anybody miss me?

---

Of course, Kitten! But if we'd known you were on Dartmoor, we would've been so worried! You see, there's this big hound that hangs out near the Baskervilles' place...
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
This situation is getting out of control! I was chatting to Dame Molly on MSN earlier and she said: "I must go, I need to eat myself".

I am so concerned for our safety. She eats human flesh!
 

---

Posted by golden key (# 1468) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Dolphy:
This situation is getting out of control! I was chatting to Dame Molly on MSN earlier and she said: "I must go, I need to eat myself".

---

Hmmm...that does seem rather self-defeating!


 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jedijudy:
We have hot chocolate and Girl Scout Cookies! (No, Rev. Mr. Campbellite, sir..they are not made out of Girl Scouts!!)

jj

---

Oh that is SUCH a relief!

Does that mean it is safe for us to eat Brownies?
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:
Oh that is SUCH a relief!

Does that mean it is safe for us to eat Brownies?

---

Reverend and Dear Sir, I think maybe in your case it would be safest to not chance it. One never knows, does one?

jj...standing between Campbellite and all kitties and small children...
 

---

Posted by Campbellite (# 1202) on :
 
Ya know, if I were a "tetchy" sort of person, I might think you didn't appreciate my culinary skills.

Never trust a skinny cook!
 

---

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :
 

quote:

---

Of course, Kitten! But if we'd known you were on Dartmoor, we would've been so worried! You see, there's this big hound that hangs out near the Baskervilles' place...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Campbellite:
Ya know, if I were a "tetchy" sort of person, I might think you didn't appreciate my culinary skills.

Never trust a skinny cook!

---

Now, are you cooking blue-green meat?

Otherwise, my taster and I trust you implicitly.

jj
 

---

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