Thread: Hell: The world can go to hell Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
I have decided that I'm sick of it. Nothing in particular, except far too many demands on my time as of late, but I'd gladly sacrifice a limb, a non-essential organ, or a Democrat to live somewhere far, FAR away from people and their crappy problems.

I hate people. They suck festering mongoose balls. And I'm a classic extrovert.

*sigh*

[ 18. June 2003, 23:53: Message edited by: Sarkycow ]
 

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Posted by Laura (# 10) on :
 
[sickening church auntie voice]
Erin, my dear. It is because we all suck festering mongoose balls that only Jesus could love us and why he died for us.
[/sickening church auntie voice]
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
You're on my list.
 

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Posted by kenwritez (# 3238) on :
 
<passes silver hors d'oeurves platter to Erin.>

Here you are, dear; festering mongoose balls on a stick. Do try the dip.


 

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Posted by JimT (# 142) on :
 
Erin, now you know why I sold my business in DC and moved to Corvallis to attend graduate school. The relative suck percentage here is far lower than the dreaded I-95 corridor on the East Coast. The only really sucky person I've met here is a Biophysics professor with no penis who tries to convince people that it doesn't matter because his brain is so big. In fact, his subatomic brain is smaller than his microscopic penis and he neither understands nor uses the mathematics he teaches to solve protein structures with NMR. He simply pieces information together like a geriatric doing a 5,000 piece puzzle of the base of Niagara Falls. To be frank, I don't like him.
 

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Posted by maleveque (# 132) on :
 
JimT:
How did you ever find out how big his penis is?

Erin:
Here's my mantra of the moment:
"I love mankind, it's people I can't stand."
-Linus
Do we need to send chocolate?
Anne L.
 

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Posted by JimT (# 142) on :
 
He was walking by the NMR one day and the technician accidentally shot a sample of his crotch. She immediately clapped her hand over her mouth to stifle the giggle and started engaging the zoom. At 32,000 times magnification she found a rod-like structure that did not show the characteristic chemical dispersion of E. coli. It is presumed that the structure in question was his penis and that it is no more than 1.5 microns in size.

Since you asked.
 

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Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
Erin you have to learn to see people with the eyes of Jesus.
 

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Posted by Wally (# 3245) on :
 
I work in the equities world, so I listen to people yell and say insulting things all day. No pit traders here, but lots of dickheads none the less. I think I'm used to it now, but I am in the I-95 suck corridor. My policy is to try and ignore everyone and keep people out of my office at all costs.
 

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Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :
 
Nightlamp, you realize Erin'll now be looking for a blunt spoon to do just that very thing! Though to avoid blasphemy, I suggest she tries it first with the eyes of the aforementioned Democrat.
 

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Posted by chukovsky (# 116) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Nightlamp:
Erin you have to learn to see people with the eyes of Jesus.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Erin:

I hate people.

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well, you are one of them, Or are you sub-human...Ok, silly question.

Neil
 

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Posted by golden key (# 1468) on :
 
Erin, I suspect this will suit your mood:

The Devil's Dictionary, by Ambrose Bierce

PS Check the entry for your avatar.

Note: this is a satiric dictionary. It is offensive, and is meant to be so.
 

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Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
I don't think you need any specific eyeballs to see people in a manner similar to the way Jesus was reported to have done. All you have to do squeeze your eyes shut, to avoid seeing all their stinking filthy flaws, and chant loudly "la la la la, I know you're all nice in some way".

I propose that the only way in which some people are nice is grilled, with pungent flavour-covering sauce.
 

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Posted by Clyde (# 752) on :
 
Cheer up Erin, there's sure to be some jumped up obnoxious Apprentice along shortly.
(I know that chewing relieves tension in Alligators)
 

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Posted by JimT (# 142) on :
 
Perhaps we should try the reverse of a process employed by Jack Nicholson's character in "As Good as it Gets." When asked how it is that he can write with such insight into his female characters he replies, "I imagine a man. Then I subtract reason and responsibility."

Perhaps we should imagine a typical asshole, then add reason and responsibility?
 

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Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by chukovsky:

quote:

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Originally posted by Nightlamp:
Erin you have to learn to see people with the eyes of Jesus.

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Except they might be a bit maggoty by now.

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Ok so you don't believe in the ressurection so maybe I should have the resurrected eyes of Jesus.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
(Refraining from joining the "maggoty eyes of Jesus" debate. This has got to be the most macabre derailment I have ever seen.)

Erin, I have a recurring fantasy of moving to a remote Alaskan plain, where I can stand on my front porch and gaze at miles of nothing between me and my closest neighbor, fifteen miles away.
But then I'm an introvert.
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
You people are some sick motherfuckers.

I, too, am on the I95 suckage corridor. And now I'm even more seriously bummed out cause my Cinco de Mayo fiesta got cancelled. However, I made the dulce de leche, and I think I'm going to eat the whole can with a spoon.
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
And golden key, I may just make that my next signature.
 

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Posted by chukovsky (# 116) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
(Refraining from joining the "maggoty eyes of Jesus" debate. This has got to be the most macabre derailment I have ever seen.)

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quote:

---

Originally posted by RooK:
I don't think you need any specific eyeballs to see people in a manner similar to the way Jesus was reported to have done. All you have to do squeeze your eyes shut, to avoid seeing all their stinking filthy flaws, and chant loudly "la la la la, I know you're all nice in some way".

I propose that the only way in which some people are nice is grilled, with pungent flavour-covering sauce.

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quote:

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Originally posted by duchess:
come to Jesus, heathen.

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quote:

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*sigh*

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quote:

---

Shortly after you posted that, I had this warm feeling deep down inside.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Erin:
However, I made the dulce de leche, and I think I'm going to eat the whole can with a spoon.

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quote:

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Originally posted by chukovsky:
Yes, you can, if it's the right kind of can. That's how you make banoffee pie too.

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Oh no - NOT banoffee pie
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
My God, woman, don't you know you're not supposed to leave it in the can! It can explode in the oven.

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Only freaks put it in the oven. Mine was boiled all to hell in a big ol' chili pot.
 

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Posted by The Queen (# 4489) on :
 
erin, have you ever thought of suicide?
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
Go fuck yourself, your highness. Please and thank you!
 

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Posted by Mad Geo (# 2939) on :
 
I think the Queen passed the flexible stage of fucking herself, around 50 years ago.....
 

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Posted by thegreent (# 3571) on :
 
erin - just thought youd like lots of hugs

(((((((erin)))))))) and

tee hee
 

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Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
Sweepstake anyone?

Bags I have May the 11th.
 

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Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
("anad" is obviously a typo for "anal")
 

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Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Ham'n'Eggs:
Sweepstake anyone?

Bags I have May the 11th.

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Having taken a quick look-see at "view recent posts" my money is on the 7th.
 

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Posted by The Queen (# 4489) on :
 
erin, I'm sorry you don't find the human race to your taste. But there again it might be your attitude towards other people rather than the people themselves at fault.
 

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Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
Why doesn't The Queen just smear herself with barbecue sauce?
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by RooK:

quote:

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Originally posted by duchess:
come to Jesus, heathen.

---

Shortly after you posted that, I had this warm feeling deep down inside.

It was gas.

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Get behind me SATAN! Now to Rook, you know YOU WANT THIS! Give in to the feelings and lay off the fiber for awhile, you farting-pagan-troubadour or you will explode like the little explosive cherry bomb you are!
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by The Queen:
erin, I'm sorry you don't find the human race to your taste. But there again it might be your attitude towards other people rather than the people themselves at fault.

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quote:

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Originally posted by RuthW:
I want the 8th, but only because the 6th and 7th are taken.

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Happy birthday to ME!
 

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Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
I think that effectively bumps up the odds for the 8th...
(Trying not to imagine how Erin would be in a "festive" mood.)
 

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Posted by sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
I believe the decorations involve heads on pikes, intestines strewn about like streamers, and necklaces of teeth, fingers and toes adorning various pillars and walls.

Should be fun
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
I hope the subject of this pool isn't what I think it is.

(Fingers axe-handle with all the restraint she can muster. Marie Antoinette was a queen,too, honey.)
 

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Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Are there any Democrats left? I was under the impression that they had all rolled over and died.

Reader Alexis
 

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Posted by Zealous Convert (# 1996) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by The Queen:
erin, I'm sorry you don't find the human race to your taste. But there again it might be your attitude towards other people rather than the people themselves at fault.

---

Queenie honey, are you joking? Are you? Because if you're not you are seriously in the wrong place, and messing with the wrong person (Erin, that it).

And there are still Democrats left! I'm one..

[sanctimonious voice]and if it is my Christian duty to sacrifice myself so Erin can feel better, I'll be glad to do so [/sanctimonious voice]
 

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Posted by sophs (# 2296) on :
 
Please can someone tell me that Queen didn't tell erin to consider suicide..
please?

Because if she did then she would deserve to be brutally murdered by the hell hosts or erin herself!
It would be a kindness to the human race.

Listen Honey, you don't suggest suicide to people, cos if they are pissed off with humanity they may already want out, and decide to take your advice.
So, in the words of the mighty Erin, Shut the Fuck Up. and next time think before you post.
Asshat.

And Re: the actual topic of the thread... Humanity is so screwed up that God has given up on it. He saw how fucked up he made it and then looked at the world and laughed. Humanity is pure shit, and a nuclear bomb would improve it.

(and yes i am in a bitter and cynical and twisted mood,Oh and Queen, i have considered suicide!)
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Right on, sophs, that pissed me off, too. And not in a "My, isn't this hellish!" kind of way, either.Erin might have the grace to tell Queenie to talk to the hand, but I think that remark was fucked up. Potty-mouth though she is, I can't remember Erin saying anything that cold to anyone.

I guess the difference is where your heart is.
 

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Posted by The Riv (# 3553) on :
 
Too much of life is having to deal with people and not being able to enjoy them.
 

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Posted by golden key (# 1468) on :
 
Queenie-poo:

Ditto what Sophs and Kelly said.

You should never, ever say that to anybody.

You're way off base.
 

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Posted by Nunc Dimittis (# 848) on :
 
Erin, remind me what your favourite favouritest chocolate is?
 

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Posted by The Riv (# 3553) on :
 
Oh yeah, and Emperess (a.k.a. Queen)?
You're wearing no clothes.
 

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Posted by sophs (# 2296) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Nunc Dimittis:
Erin, remind me what your favourite favouritest chocolate is?

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Erin likes Green and Blacks White Choclate.

but i think i should get some for telling you this
 

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Posted by sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
Hey y'all. Tis a certain lady's (I use this word loosely ) birthday soon, and I think a troll is always a nice present.

So quit with the slapping, and leave it to... Erin.

Viki
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
*sigh*

It's my fault, I suppose, for letting up on my daily practice of beating the everliving shit out of newbies just because I can. I don't really have time for this right now, but I am willing to make the sacrifice for the sake of the Ship.

In some other thread, our current Village Idiot told a long-time member that "we didn't need any Nazi supporters around here". Remind me who the fuck you are, and when I gave you permission to pass judgment on who we do and do not need around here. I'll let you know when you've put in enough time to spout off with those sorts of things. Until then, the syphilitic goat carcass is in need of servicing.
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
Viki:
 

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Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 
Let's see.

The Queen has made seven posts and two of them have been very far out of line.

I think that's some kind of record.

Moo
 

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Posted by Scot (# 2095) on :
 
That's it?

Some people have the staying power of a fart in a whirlwind.

I'm looking at a full day of dealing with asshats, and I had planned to deal with it by mentally tossing them into the pit with Erin. Unfortunately her last meal seems to have succumbed quickly, leaving her laying in the sun, semi-comatose, while she digests.

Now what am I going to do for a safety valve? Someone's going to get hurt today.
 

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Posted by Moth (# 2589) on :
 
I first read this thread not long after the OP yesterday. 'Right,' I thought, 'I have a spare 15 minutes, what can I post to cheer Erin up?'. I thought long and hard about hugs and kindly meant advice, but my asbestos wings are at the cleaners, and I'm not the stuff of which martyrs are made.

So I thought I'd post her a nice link to a Dilbert cartoon, the one where he says he hates everyone - even tiny babies he's never met are just weasels. But it's not in the archive any more, so that plan failed.

Next, I rememembered a nice little news item I'd heard on Radio 4 about crocodile-eating toads, but I couldn't find it on the website, and maybe I just imagined it. I was half-asleep when I heard it, and naturally enough, alligators haunt my nightmares, as I'm sure they do every shipmate's. So that idea went the way of the first. (But I did discover a type of bell-ringing called 'erin sextuples' . That worried me a lot...).

Then I recollected to myself a charming little song ShadoK sings around the house from time to time, entitled 'People ain't no good', originally by, apparently, as I discovered on enquiry to him, a popular beat combo known as 'The Cramps'. I looked for a nice link to the lyrics or music on the web and... you've guessed it, no such link could I unearth. I did learn a lot about menstrual cramps, though.

So that was 15 minutes wasted and no post.

However, I see a nice troll came trip-trapping by for you to play with, so maybe you won't mind!

So I posted this to let you know I did try. I am just a miserable failure at keeping you happy, just like everyone else!

 

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Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
Do ya think the troll has gone or has been eaten?
 

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Posted by Merseymike (# 3022) on :
 
This is more like it. Erin back to normal. I was starting to get worried.
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
Don't you worry, Mikey, normal service will resume as soon as the Ark is over.

And while I do appreciate the efforts to cheer me up (and I am SO THANKFUL for the troll y'all gave me as an early birthday present), I'm just PMSing. As soon as I medicate myself with chocolate and salt I'll be mellow again.
 

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Posted by heathen mama (# 3767) on :
 
Yesterday a motorist died on I-95 after hitting a cow. Sarky, the effort you put in to cheer Erin up is truly impressive!

For my part, I have sent a 5lb box of Chocolate-Covered Salty Trolls and a Michael Dukakis chew toy.

HM, who is currently strapping on her Republican-proof chain mail and heading to colder climes.
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Scot:

Some people have the staying power of a fart in a whirlwind.

---

[Kansas long haired dude] Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind....ooooohhhhhh whoooooaaaa oooohhhh... [violin solo]
 

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Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
(Refraining from joining the "maggoty eyes of Jesus" debate. This has got to be the most macabre derailment I have ever seen.)

---

I could...

No, better not.

David
has no intention of posting links to Uruk-hai slash fiction, here or anywhere else. Barf...

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Wonderful Nanny Ogg:

quote:

---

Originally posted by chukovsky:
Yes, you can, if it's the right kind of can. That's how you make banoffee pie too.

---

Oh no - NOT banoffee pie

---

I remember banoffee pie. Man, that was weird. Weirder still was that it was called "American style banoffee pie." (As you may guess, banana-toffee flavour is... utterly unknown in the US.) I did not, alas, get to taste it. But the concept sounded pretty odd.

Oh, and sophs: Well said!

quote:

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Originally posted by Scot:
Some people have the staying power of a fart in a whirlwind.

---

quote:

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Originally posted by Scot:
Now what am I going to do for a safety valve? Someone's going to get hurt today.

---

You know, this has got to be the gassiest thread I've seen on the Ship.

... OH! I just figured out what people are betting on! How long till the Queen is eaten!

I'm really slow.

Erin, you have whatever hugs I am permitted to give here, for what it is worth.

David
 

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Posted by sophs (# 2296) on :
 
Has The Queen gone? I was looking forward to some more dumb ass comments so i could practice insulting people

i wanna play with a troll
 

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Posted by Mad Geo (# 2939) on :
 
Damn, and I almost went for May 5th.....

Always a pleasure to watch Erin service new trolls.
 

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Posted by Moth (# 2589) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by sophs:
Has The Queen gone? I was looking forward to some more dumb ass comments so i could practice insulting people

i wanna play with a troll

---

This is the most shocking thing on this thread so far. I remember Sophs when she was a Really Nice Girl, and scz used to rush about pming us in the cafe to remind us how young and innocent she was!

Who could have corrupted her so?
 

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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by ChastMastr:
has no intention of posting links to Uruk-hai slash fiction, here or anywhere else. Barf...

---

You know, until just now I had no idea there was such a thing as Uruk-hai slash fiction. And I could have LIVED A LONG TIME WITHOUT THIS KNOWLEDGE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!
 

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Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Moth:
Who could have corrupted her so?

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It was a community effort.

Moo
 

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Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by duchess:
[Kansas long haired dude] Dust in the wind, all we are is dust in the wind....ooooohhhhhh whoooooaaaa oooohhhh... [violin solo]

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by RuthW:
You know, until just now I had no idea there was such a thing as Uruk-hai slash fiction. And I could have LIVED A LONG TIME WITHOUT THIS KNOWLEDGE, THANK YOU VERY MUCH!!!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by RooK:
I don't think you need any specific eyeballs to see people in a manner similar to the way Jesus was reported to have done. All you have to do squeeze your eyes shut, to avoid seeing all their stinking filthy flaws, and chant loudly "la la la la, I know you're all nice in some way".

---

quote:

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Originally posted by sophs:
Erin likes Green and Blacks White Choclate.

---

Erin likes green things. Green (and Black) chocolate, green emeralds, greenbacks (but only in large quantities). She also like green bugs, cos you can suck out the green goo, and then they taste like chicken!

bb
 

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Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
His personal Jesus, of course!

Perhaps a trade in for a better model is overdue?
 

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Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
Sounds OK, just so long as the new one doesn't clash with the black leather upholstry of my car.
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Any Jesus at all would be an improvement in Rook's life. He secretly wants to be SAVED BY THE BLOOD OF THE CROSS...COME TO JESUS HOCKEY PUCK. HE WANTS YOU SO BADLY.

(Erin, the chocolates you got today make you overlook my continue prophesizing of the heathen. I hope my bribe was tasty).
 

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Posted by kenwritez (# 3238) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by duchess:
(Erin, the chocolates you got today make you overlook my continue prophesizing of the heathen. I hope my bribe was tasty).

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by RooK:
There seem to be some very serious misconceptions floating around this thread.

The worst of which being the assumption that I have not found Jesus. I have. He was on the Crowsnest Highway (#3) heading West. Gave him a lift, and converted him to Platypusism. Boy, did he feel silly after I explained to him how the universe really worked.

---

After which you left him behind the sofa for someone else to find?
 

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Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
Duchess, I would get a refund on that stalker's correspondance course.

I think that you will find a dart-gun to be the correct tool for the job.
 

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Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
Duchess you could practice on RooK.
 

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Posted by Mad Geo (# 2939) on :
 
Kenwritez

Do you think she she meant to prophesize to the proselytized?
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
duchess says to self..Darn spell checker...better do a cya here...

NOTE:I must address all these concerns...

kenwritez - I meant to say I am predicting the future here. Yeah, that's it...that's what I meant. He already is looking for Jesus in his idol...THE CAR

Ham'n'Eggs - I can stalk him secretly in California. I am too darn lazy to drive up to Portland/Newberg/Salem...whatever the ex-pat hockey puck lives in OR and use a dart gun. I would instead beat him over the head with a bible, a more painful weapon for heathen hockey pucks.

Joyeux - He finds Jesus in his idol...THE CAR. He may have the sofa as another idol but I don't know. Let's deal with Rook's idols one at a time (besides that's my idol...I like sitting on my fat-a*& and watching movies).

Nightlamp - See above, in Ham'n'Eggs answer/reply.

Mad Geo - YES YES I did. TEE-HEE.

Rook - Good boy. Use the force, leave the dark side. Jesus is waiting for you. Shine Jesus Shine.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by madkaren:

quote:

---

Originally posted by RooK:
I don't think you need any specific eyeballs to see people in a manner similar to the way Jesus was reported to have done. All you have to do squeeze your eyes shut, to avoid seeing all their stinking filthy flaws, and chant loudly "la la la la, I know you're all nice in some way".

---

Which jesus are you talking about RooK honey??

madKaren

---

(wanders in feeling suicidal.)

RooK, I'd think you of all people would be grateful that some people operate this way.



And Erin? I thought PMS made you nice.



(wanders off to tightrope walk the yellow line on a freeway.)

(P.S Happy birthday to St. Erin of the Everglades)
 

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Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
ACK!
Axe-blade in the back! Et tu, Bunnius?
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Sorry, dude, axe was on auto pilot. Anyone got any paper towels?
 

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Posted by The Queen (# 4489) on :
 
erin if you are feeling suicidal go and see a counsellor. keep away from heroine and drugs like that because those things wont help your depression. i shall pray for you. sounds like you need jesus.
 

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Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
Is anyone else waiting for Rod Serling to walk on-camera and explain what the fuck happened to The Queen's brain?
 

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Posted by golden key (# 1468) on :
 
IMHO:

Either The Queen is a diehard troll wearing a thick asbestos suit

or

She's serious.

For everyone's sake (hers included), I hope it's the former.
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
You know, when they added that damn, smilie,



I pointed out to the Powers the Be that it looked like an axe murder happening. Ex-cyouse me, but Luv isn't a bunch of red hearts drifting down on your head. Thems are blood spatters, people.

That being said, people, I think it's time to shower the Queen with luv luv luv.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Ah, screw Queenie. I'm having a lot more fun playing with duchess and RooK.

Duchess, did you experience on "Since you Axed" teach you nothing about thread derailment?

(Sighs, reaches for leg cuffs. Sorry, RooK......)
 

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Posted by kenwritez (# 3238) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Queen:
erin if you are feeling suicidal go and see a counsellor. keep away from heroine and drugs like that because those things wont help your depression. i shall pray for you. sounds like you need jesus.

---

Yeah, I smell a troll. To paraphrase Terry Pratchett, he's wearing wet copper armor while standing in a metal footbath on the highest peak during an electrical storm and shouting, "All gods are bastards!"
 

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Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
RooK things are looking up you have a fan club.
 

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Posted by Clyde (# 752) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Clyde:
Cheer up Erin, there's sure to be some jumped up obnoxious Apprentice along shortly.
(I know that chewing relieves tension in Alligators)

---

Do you think that I've got the makings of a good Prophet.
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Queen:
erin if you are feeling suicidal go and see a counsellor. keep away from heroine and drugs like that because those things wont help your depression. i shall pray for you. sounds like you need jesus.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Erin:
and (b) I find a sex slave to keep in the basement.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Queen:
erin if you are feeling suicidal go and see a counsellor. keep away from heroine and drugs like that because those things wont help your depression. i shall pray for you. sounds like you need jesus.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
it's litter box

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by kenwritez:
duchess, my precious NoCal poppet, I entreat you to grab your dictionary and look up the words "prophesy" and "proselytize."

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Queen:
keep away from heroine

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
(Sighs, reaches for leg cuffs. Sorry, RooK......)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Erin:
Only if you pray that (a) I win the lottery and (b) I find a sex slave to keep in the basement.

---

quote:

---

Posted by ChastMastr:
if you need some good resources for the latter, just let me know...

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
David, do you have anyone on your list who also vacuums? If so, please pm me price and availability.

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
But duchess, does it turn itself on and vacuum with no human assistance whatsoever? That's the model I'm waiting for.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

quote:

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Posted by ChastMastr:
if you need some good resources for the latter, just let me know...

---

David, do you have anyone on your list who also vacuums? If so, please pm me price and availability.

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quote:

---

Posted by Chastmastr:
I don't want to use people that way.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by golden key:
IMHO:

Either The Queen is a diehard troll wearing a thick asbestos suit

or

She's serious.

For everyone's sake (hers included), I hope it's the former.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by RuthW:
You know, until just now I had no idea there was such a thing as Uruk-hai slash fiction. :

---

It gets worse. I just ran across (yes, wholly unexpectedly, it must be a gift) ...

Jar Jar Binks/Gollum slash.


 

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Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
I was really excited about that auto-vac thing, imagining the fun I'd have watching the cats freak out while it roved around cleaning, but then I read the bit about picking up everything and getting cords off the floor. Rats. If I have to spend two days clearing up all the clutter before the little robot-vac will condescend to work, I may as well do the vacuuming myself. Sounds worse than getting a kid to help!
 

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Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jlg:
but then I read the bit about picking up everything and getting cords off the floor. Rats.

---

No, just cords. Rats are on the other thread, "Friggen stupid cat."
 

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Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by jlg:
I was really excited about that auto-vac thing, imagining the fun I'd have watching the cats freak out while it roved around cleaning, but then I read the bit about picking up everything and getting cords off the floor. Rats. If I have to spend two days clearing up all the clutter before the little robot-vac will condescend to work, I may as well do the vacuuming myself. Sounds worse than getting a kid to help!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by jlg:
I was really excited about that auto-vac thing, imagining the fun I'd have watching the cats freak out while it roved around cleaning, but then I read the bit about picking up everything and getting cords off the floor. Rats. If I have to spend two days clearing up all the clutter before the little robot-vac will condescend to work, I may as well do the vacuuming myself. Sounds worse than getting a kid to help!

---

Here we are entering the brave new world where robotics will advance as fast as computer chips in the 1970s and people are complaining about it not picking up their crap too.

I suppose 10-inches is too short too.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Posted by Mad Geo:
I suppose 10-inches is too short too.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Erin:
(b) I find a sex slave to keep in the basement.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Queen:
I want to apologise to erin and anyone else if i have cause offense. english is not my first language and i thought erin was being serious wanting help. Reading the writings more closely i think i have misread what he/she wrote.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Queen:
english is not my first language

---

Huh? So much for the Queen's English!

What is it then, German?
And is Philip's pillow-talk in Greek, or Anglo-Saxon?
 

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Posted by The Queen (# 4489) on :
 
I have someone here helping me with my grammer and spelling . She doesn't help me all the time because she is too busy doing other things.
 

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Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
Your grammer? That would be Queen Mary, then?
 

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Posted by Mad Geo (# 2939) on :
 
<Camera fades from screenshots of Twilight Zone to Scenes from the Wizard of Oz back to Twilight zone>
 

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Posted by The Queen (# 4489) on :
 
Hamneggs. I do not understand.
 

---

Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
It is a fried breakfast dish, made from the ova of a fowl, and sliced dead pig. High in cholesterol and enjoyment.
 

---

Posted by The Queen (# 4489) on :
 
sounds very tasty but what his it to do with Queen Mary.
 

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Posted by Ham'n'Eggs (# 629) on :
 
Either:

a) nothing, or

b) they both appear on this thread.

And the correct answer is a). Why do you ask?

Can we get back to the subject of Prince Phillip? How does he measure up in the middle leg department?
 

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Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
'The queen ' if indeed you first language is not English can I suggest you read some of the other threads and start in the nicer parts of the ship ie don't come to Hell until you get the hang of this place.

Nightlamp
Hellhost
 

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Posted by caz667 (# 3026) on :
 
Ham'n'Eggs.....


 

---

Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sine Nomine:

quote:

---

Posted by Mad Geo:
I suppose 10-inches is too short too.

---

Sine thinks to self: I have no idea what that's supposed to mean, but it was addressed to Jennifer, so we'll just let her handle it. Uh, take care of it. Uh, deal with it. Whatever.

---

Whispers back to Sine: I think it would be best to just leave it there and pretend we never saw it.
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Dang, a new spin on things..."please don't take me seriously since I suck at English".
Nope, telling Erin to commit suicide really was you saying "Have a nice day, read your bible".

Ahuh...yeah right. Not buying it.


 

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Posted by Mad Geo (# 2939) on :
 
jlg and/or sine,


 

---

Posted by sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
Duchess, please remember that apologies are treated as genuine and warmly accepted unless shown not to be genuine. And seeing as you are not telepathic, I fail to see how you can divine whether this apolgy is genuine or not.

Viki, hellhost
 

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Posted by Viola (# 20) on :
 
[Admin hat on]

The Queen,

I would be grateful if you could contact me or one of the other admins to confirm that this is your only identity on board this Ship. I strongly suspect that you ran from trouble on this thread . Please note that multiple identities count as sockpuppeting and are in violation of the 10 Commandments of this site. If your original identity is not working, do let us know. Do not set up another without reference to the first.

Thank you.

Viola.

[Admin hat off]
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
A whiny little sock. Figures.

Some of you will be quite amused to learn that at supper tonight I got accused of buying into the "liberal agenda" because I thought W should either produce the WMD or admit that he had other reasons for going into Iraq.

NOTE: I reserve my right to abuse my administrator privileges if anyone starts yapping about the President, the United States, the Prime Minister, Iraq, terrorism, Israel, weapons of mass destruction, or any other grown-up topic on this thread and ban you from Hell forever. I just wanted to comment on the sheer whatthefuckness of ME being accused of having bought into the liberal agenda. And how I thought y'all would all get a laugh.
 

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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
Admin hat on

Night shift taking over. It turns out that The Queen is a sockpuppet for Sootypuss. You twice agreed to abide by the ship's 10 commandments - and both times they said sockpuppeting is not allowed.

Both registrations are disabled pending Viola's review of your actions.

Admin hat off
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Erin:
I just wanted to comment on the sheer whatthefuckness of ME being accused of having bought into the liberal agenda. And how I thought y'all would all get a laugh.

---

You can't have the liberal agenda, Erin, it's mine, all mine! Well, and Karl - Liberal Backslider's, too. But it's not yours! And you can't have it!
 

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Posted by Siegfried (# 29) on :
 
Gonna need another troll....

Sieg
 

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Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
OK, this must be the afterlife, right? Why doesn't it look any different? Erin posted something political that I would have said, so obviously the world has come to an end. I expected lightning and earthquakes and such. Is this really all there is?

Yo! GOD! Did You see what Erin posted? Surely these are the End Times? Why doesn't it look any different?
 

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Posted by Erin (# 2) on :
 
BTW... May 8 was the winning day! I actually feel sorry for her highness, in a "wow, you are a pathetic loser" sorta way. I think, Queenie, that you should demand a new set of testicles, as yours are obviously defective.
 

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Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
I call foul!
RuthW had the 8th, and she zapped The Queen! Conflict of interest!
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
That looks bad, doesn't it?
 

---

Posted by Mad Geo (# 2939) on :
 
Well done Ruth, Well and truly done.

 

---

Posted by golden key (# 1468) on :
 
Ruth, 'fess up: Her Royalness was *your* sock puppet, so that you could gain prophet points by successfully predict her demise.


 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Yeah,I so smelled Ruth all over that one.
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
Sorry about that Kelly. I'll try to shower more often.
 

---

Posted by kenwritez (# 3238) on :
 
Ken holds up his extra-large size bottle of "Janitor in a Drum" and carefully spritzes RuthW.
 

---

Posted by Viola (# 20) on :
 
[UK morning admin again]

Good morning Queen / Sooty Puss.

As you will see, both your accounts have been disabled. 'The Queen' is disabled forever (it's not often you get to use a sentence like that), and Sooty Puss, as your original identity is suspended until two things have happened:-

• You explain and apologise for your sockpuppeting
• You deal with the hot water that Sooty Puss got into on the aforementioned Friendly Fire thread

quote:

---

Originally posted by Erin:
I just wanted to comment on the sheer whatthefuckness of ME being accused of having bought into the liberal agenda. And how I thought y'all would all get a laugh.

---

ROTFLMAOPIMP!!!!!!!!



Who the hell accused you of that? Attila the Hun? Ghengis Khan?

I owe you one for this - you've made my day!

Anyway, your Communist Party membership card's in the post, honorary member.
 

---

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Erin:
Some of you will be quite amused to learn that at supper tonight I got accused of buying into the "liberal agenda" because I thought W should either produce the WMD or admit that he had other reasons for going into Iraq....I just wanted to comment on the sheer whatthefuckness of ME being accused of having bought into the liberal agenda. And how I thought y'all would all get a laugh.

---

Would whoever has stolen Erin's identity please give it back. (Either that or it is true that the pesticides from the citrus groves are getting into the drinking water.)
 

---

Posted by OgtheDim (# 3200) on :
 
If Erin is suffering from liberal creep, is the spritzing sex slave "janitor in a drum" the antidote?
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by RuthW:
You can't have the liberal agenda, Erin, it's mine, all mine! Well, and Karl - Liberal Backslider's, too. But it's not yours! And you can't have it!

---

Mine too! So there!

Oh, what the heck, Ruth, surely we have an extra toaster to send her? ... No, wait, that's the gay agenda. I got a blender when I signed up for the liberal agenda. My mistake!

David
PS: HAPPY BIRTHDAY ERIN!!


----------
|............|
|............|
|............|
----------

(Cake)
 

---

Posted by Laura (# 10) on :
 
Erin,

I bear a personal telegram from a Mr. G. Khan, from the afterlife:

Ms. Gator.

Very disappointed at your having been accused of buying into liberal agenda. Messenger will be arriving shortly to repossess staff and magic stones. Recommend immediate un-liberal posts in order to stave off permanent striking from the rolls of the greats.

G. Khan.
 

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Posted by Scot (# 2095) on :
 
Mr. Kahn's out of his depth. She's just going to eat the messenger.
 

---

Posted by JimT (# 142) on :
 
Dear Erin,

Thanks for choosing to join "the Dark Side" as I've heard it called by some of my friends who served so well on the other side of the aisle. I'll be looking forward to your helping to count my Florida votes correctly next time.

Warmest Regards,
Al
 

---

Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
I feel real bad that I was so nice to 'the Queen' and PMed them to advise them they were being stupid. Maybe I should be nasty to all newbies until it is proved they are not a sock puppet or a troll.
 

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