Thread: Heaven: Ship of Fools does Eurovision Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.


To visit this thread, use this URL:
http://forum.ship-of-fools.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=11;t=000506

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
It's that time again. In little over a month it will be that pan European cultural musical fesival that we all know and love. Do we want to have a ship one again this year or have we done that now. Personally I don't mind if we do.
Any takers?


[Title edited per OP request]

[ 18. June 2005, 16:14: Message edited by: KenWritez ]
 

---

Posted by Pânts (# 4487) on :
 
(Did you see Jordan (or Katie Price as she now likes to be known)? )
 

---

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
Musical yes but "cultural"? We get a school folk-dance group for half-time entertainment. I reckon Britain is voted down every year in a Europe-wide effort to keep Morris Dancing off the telly.

How would this competition be run? Are there any "Christian" websites in Europe to provide competition? Un Bateau du Fou for example.
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pânts:
(Did you see Jordan (or Katie Price as she now likes to be known)? )

---

I did - out of tine, out of place and out of luck.

I think I've heard the winning song before? Sounds rather like last year's winner.

They should sue
 

---

Posted by Gremlin (# 129) on :
 
Hugal, if you have a game in mind, please suggest some rules, if you're looking for more of a discussion or story-telling thread, I think you might be better off in Heaven - alongside the previous Eurovision threads

Gremlin, Circus Host.
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Does this mean Kylie Minogue won't be there?
 

---

Posted by Pânts (# 4487) on :
 
Why would she be?
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
We've done this a couple of times now. Basically Shipmates choose a country, write a song and describe what happens. Then we can all vote.

And of course someone gets to be Terry Wogan.

Was it Jack the Lass who came up with 'All kinds of everything, but most of it's crap' last year? That's my preferred version now!
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Sorry I din't make my self clear Gremlin. Yes my wife (Gill H) is as ever right. A shipmate picks a country (see Eurovision web site) and one person gets to be Terry making intresting comments. I usually play as France and if no one has any objection I would like to claim it this time.
The representative of each country posts the song lyrics (can use a known tune if they wish) and decribes the action on stage (skirts falling off, Isralie entry falling over and being protected by big guards sort of thing).
Usually the name of the on stage hosts are decided by Terry as the action comences. Each country does their owen intro and exit. After all the acts have perfomrmed then each country posts it's votes. The usual system applies. 1 is the lowest 8,10 and 12 the highest, Cyprus always give Greece 12 points etc.
Some nice person usually comes forth to sort out the scores. We have had a lot of fun with this in the past few years. So pick a country.
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
By the way there is not semi-final so when we get a good amount of entries we will start properly.
Hope that is all clearish.
Hugal
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
Here's the website, with the list of countries taking part.

Eurovision entries

The countries are in the European Broadcasting Union, which explains (or not) why people like Turkey and Israel are in it.

Non-UK shipmates - have a look at the site if you want to figure out what the heck we're talking about. But you don't have to know much about Eurovision to play the Ship version.

I'm sure there will be a Heaven thread on the real contest nearer the time (Nanny Ogg is probably sharpening her pencil already), so let's restrict this one to the Ship version.

So, anyone else want to pick a country?
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
May I be Terry Wogan?
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 
***Tangent alert***

Has anyone clicked on the mulitmedia lounge to view the actual contestants?

Take a look at the Norwegians and you'll see what we're up against in the Ship contest!

And the Swiss are in leather
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
I don't really want to feel her flow... I'm amazed at how much the Swedish I took at university helped me with the Norwegian: their lyrics are much better than Janine's.
 

---

Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gill H:

Was it Jack the Lass who came up with 'All kinds of everything, but most of it's crap' last year?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg:
And the Swiss are in leather

---

quote:

---

cool vibes why don’t you thrill me
cool vibes – why don’t you kill me

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg:
Take a look at the Norwegians and you'll see what we're up against in the Ship contest!

---

-- Eurovision at its finest!
 

---

Posted by Not Too Bad (# 8770) on :
 
Can I please be the Russian entrant please?
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
I'll take Turkey, please.

BTW your entry doesn't have to be anything like the real one. This is an imaginary version. Although you'd have difficulty being more outrageous than some of these guys.
 

---

Posted by Tom Day (# 3630) on :
 
hostly clown shoes on

Although there are remnants of a game in this thread, I think it is more heavenly in its appearance and aims. So, hang on until Eurovision reaches its heavenly home. (And I don't think you'll even hear Terry say that )

Tom Day
Circus Host
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Ok Tom I bow to your hostly judgment.
So far;
Hugal.......France
Sir Kevin.....Terry
Gill H.......Turkey
Not too bad....Russia
Dragon........Eukraine.
Who is next
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
OOOhhhh! I was wondering it someone would take up the baton this year. Merci beaucoup, Hugal.

Now...I was Sweden last year, and Switzerland the year before. Any suggestions this time round?

Hold on a minute. I'll be back.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Right! I'll be Austria, if that's OK with you, Hugal.


*strolls off hummming happily to herself* 'The hills are alive.....'
 

---

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
Can I take Malta please. Already in the final and with a good track record without actually winning (as far as I know).

They are a bit early in the show but I'll take Chiara to knock a few judges out. She may wear the kind of costume that wouldn't have gone down so well with the national audience
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
Sioni Sais - just to clarify, this isn't a sweepstake on the real Eurovision. The Ship version will be entirely fictional. You can invent a character and make up a routine.

(Could a host change the title to 'Eurovision - the Ship version' or something similar, please, to avoid confusion? Thanks.)
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
I presume each country is allowed a promo video? Those can be more fun than the entry itself.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg:
***Tangent alert***

And the Swiss are in leather

---

Ah! Shades of Helmuth Alpenhorn from Mr Miff's Swiss entry a while back! I suppose I could resurrect him (Helmuth, not Mr Miffy) for Austria's contribution. From what I remember of the IRL contest, the entrants do tend to hop around around from country to country , after all. Or should I stick to my Sound of Music theme? I rather like the picture of this year's lot. A fair amount of skirt ripping potential there I reckon.
 

---

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gill H:
Sioni Sais - just to clarify, this isn't a sweepstake on the real Eurovision. The Ship version will be entirely fictional. You can invent a character and make up a routine.

(Could a host change the title to 'Eurovision - the Ship version' or something similar, please, to avoid confusion? Thanks.)

---

Thanks Gill.

I have read the other posts and decided to leave Chiara to whup the opposition in the real competition.

The Maltese entry on is by Pelli and Marika and is titled "Water Polo Boy".

We are good Catholic people here so the lyrics (sponsored by CISK™) and choreography (sponsored by Kinnie™) will follow shortly, but not before the weekend.
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 
I will be the Uk entry (for my sins)
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
From the looks of the real Austrian entry, they're not taking the contest too seriously either.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gill H:
I'll take Turkey, please.

BTW your entry doesn't have to be anything like the real one. This is an imaginary version. Although you'd have difficulty being more outrageous than some of these guys.

---

After looking at the Austrian and UK entries, I'm inclined to agree.
 

---

Posted by angelica37 (# 8478) on :
 
so that will be the 'hedgehog song' will it Nanny?
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by angelica37:
so that will be the 'hedgehog song' will it Nanny?

---

Or perhaps the Wizard's Staff
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Femminem are ever so much prettier than Eminem...

 

---

Posted by Manda (# 6028) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
Femminem are ever so much prettier than Eminem...

---

Is it just me who thinks that sounds like a feminine hygiene product?
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 
***Tangent alert (again)***

A friend of mine is on a "treasure" hunt to obtain CDs of all 39 Eurovision entries.

If you can help in any way pm me and I'll put you in contact with the euro nerd.

He will pay for the CDs(of course) - and yes he actually wants the original CDs not downloads

The friends I have - honestly I don't know how I cope
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Dear host I started this thead in The Circus to make sure everyone understood it was a game. could a nice hostly person please change the title to Ship of Fools Does Eurovision or something simmilar. Thank you.
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
Tonight, Hugal, I'm going to be the Federal Republic of Germany.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Hugal, are there going to be deadlines for registering/singing your entry etc. I know that some folks' net access is limited to certain times.
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Thanks Miffy we do need a date to register by. Lets say all entries have to be in by next Wednesday at the latest. We could then start the compertition at the weekend may be.
Hugal
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Ok new entries are:
Miffy...........Austria
Sioni Sais.....Malta (If you still want to be)
Nanny......Uk.
Along with:
Hugal......France
Gill H.....Turkey
Not too bad.....Russia
Dragon......Eukraine
and Sir Kevin.....Terry.
Yes Miffy we can have a promo.The usual format is that once the onstage hosts have been decided by Terry, Each country has them introduce their entry, then each entry describes their Promo film, then the performance.(the funnier the better). I have already mentioned the scoring system.
Hugal
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Thank you hostly person vey much.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
You know, I'm going to have my work cut out to top anything the IRL Austrian entry can produce. Have a peep at Global Kyrner's site. Four folk clad in nothing but strategically placed musical instruments. I ask you!
 

---

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 
The Estonian entry is once more ready to be loosed on an unsuspecting world...
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Ok Marvin......Estonia
Gill H just mailed me and asked me to make myself clearer and if she doen't understand me after nearly 10 years of happy marriage no one will.
Ok Wednesday is the closing date for people to claim a country and to register. Then everyone works feverishly on their entries and we pick a date that is best for everyone to have the actual compertition. I hope that has cleared any problems.
Ta very much
Hugal
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
OK Hugal. That's fine. FWIW, I seem to remember that last time round the actual performances were spread out over several days. (Whether by accident or design, I'm not sure!)Speaking for myself, I'm often away visiting family of a Saturday daytime, and Sunday is taken up. Evenings are generally easier though.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
What would you associate with Austria? 'The Sound of Music? Mozart? Vienna Boys' Choir, Freud? Arnie? How on earth do I incorporate all that lot into a song? Help me someone!!
 

---

Posted by Holy Stone (# 2900) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg:
I will be the Uk entry (for my sins)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miffy:
What would you associate with Austria?

---

Skiing and Midge Ure.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
*bump* in the hopes that folk coming back from the pub will stumble across this thread and sign up.
 

---

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 
Contestants! We need more contestants!

Eurovision could be just the thing to kick-start a music career. It's happened at least once before, so why not again
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miffy:
What would you associate with Austria?

---

Skiing and Midge Ure.

---

Of course! Vienna

Took me 2 days to puzzle that one out. Must be my age...
 

---

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Miffy:
Took me 2 days to puzzle that one out. Must be my age...

---

Wow. I thought you were just ignoring the joke ...
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Hello I'm back. Been over to my inlaws in Wales. While we were there we went to the final of the 'Voice of Musical Theatre', and to a show about Evan Roberts and the Welsh Revival call Amazing grace. Both excellent.
Well Miffy is right we do need more contestants. Sorry if I have missed anyone off a list. If you have claimed a country it is your.
Do we want to extend the registration time?
While we are waiting does anybody want to post a preview or two for the competitionl, to start the build up, creat excitement and generally keep us going while we wait.
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
Taking a crash course in the E.S.C.

I'll take Greece (natch) thanks.
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
(P.S. Yes, do extend the rego time)
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Firstly Gill H says hello from her bed of Heavey Cold.
The contestants so far are:
Callen......Federal Republic of Germany (are you caught in a time warp?)
Miffy.....Austria
Sioni Sais......Malt
Nanny..........Uk
Hugal........France
Gill H (sniff sniff)......Turkey
Not too Bad........Russia
Dragon......Eukrain
Marvin....Estonia
Holy Stone....Andorra
Coot.....Greece.
Ok the date for entries has been exstended to Friday 15th (this Friday) that way we should be able to write our entries over the weekend and startr posting on Monday. Sir Kevin can kick us off as Terry and then we roll out.
Is that ok with everyone?
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
Originally posted by Hugal:

quote:

---

Callen......Federal Republic of Germany (are you caught in a time warp?)

---

No - unless, I'm mistaken the official title of Germany is Federal Republic of Germany. The Democratic Republic of Germany ceased existence in 1990 and those territories previously comprising it became part of the Federal Republic.

Here endeth the history lesson. I knew I should have decided to plump for Slovenia.

Oh, and it's Callan, btw.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
That's fine, Hugal - as I've not got much time this week, but will try to think up a press release or promo video for Austria meantime.
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
We need more entrants
Sorry Callan I am moderately dylexsic you will have to forgive me. Geography was never my strongest subject sorry again.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Aaaagh! In the words of the great Victor Meldrew: I do not believe it!! Every time I think of something suitably daft for my Austrian entry, the flipping country goes one better.

* Message from Vienna*

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mesdames et Messieurs, Damen und Herren. Greetings from Austria, land of culture, and Europe's most unspoiled holiday destination.

Might I say how honoured we are to be granted a place in this year's contest. We are deeply conscious of the responsibility this entails, and are, even as we speak, auditioning the creme de la creme of the country's bright young talent in order to produce an entry that will pass into the annals of history.

We look forward to meeting you on the night, but meanwhile, who better to give you a taste of wonders yet to come but "two seekers who, on their long journey around the world, have finally found the end of all their yearnings: Austria. A land full of cultured, intensive and untainted experiences and impressions."

Ladies and Gentlemen, Damen und Herren, Mesdames et Messieurs, the Austrian Tourist Board proudly give you... Joe and Sally
 

---

Posted by Rangatira (# 8232) on :
 
OK, and what are penguins doin' in Austria???
 

---

Posted by Rangatira (# 8232) on :
 
Ooops, k, got it now... Man, I really thought I missed something at school
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rangatira:
OK, and what are penguins doin' in Austria???

---

No idea; other than they seem to be some kind of ambassador for their country. This site tells you more about them.
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Bump. We need more competitors may be I started to early. If we do not have a full count by Friday (tomorrow) We should start on Monday anyway. Last chance to enter this weekend.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Hmmm I trust would-be competitors are not being diverted to the Vote Pyx_e thread.
 

---

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Just because Gill H is a big bully...

This is Ireland calling!

( I must be mad!)
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
Ha! I knew my subtle mix of threats and bribery would work on someone. (Maybe I should promise my signed photo of Gina G to the next entrant - or maybe not ...)
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Dolphy, my darling wife is not bully. I thought I had bettern say that otherwise she might hit me.

Hello from France. Once again the tallented duo Thiery and Practice will reprisenting us this year. After their effort last time it was either that or the Bastile. Anyway bon chance mes amis (you will need it we are going to win this year and if not we will sulk like TATU only worse, so there).
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
I was strongly tempted to borrow Joe and Sally the penguins for the Austrian entry, but given that I don't wish to have the Ship done for infringement of copyright, I've reconsidered. Helmuth Alpenhorn has emerged from the enforced hospitalisation caused by his antics in the 2003 Ship's Eurovision,and having been hounded out of Switzerland by the Swiss Society for Prevention of Cruelty to Cows(purple or otherwise), has decided to try his luck over the border. Gunther, his conductor will not be joining him, as he has remained behind in Bern to help the Swiss police with their enquiries. However, you'll be thrilled to learn that Helmuth's backing group the Swiss Miss Belles have accompanied him, and will no doubt be displaying their considerable talents to full advantage on the big night!
 

---

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Good evening from Ireland.

We are pleased to announce that the talented singer/songwriter Togs will be representing us on this wonderful Eurovision occasion.
 

---

Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
Gill H has got to me too...

Ladies and Gentlemen, announcing Iceland's entry: Dagfinnur and Sigmundsdóttir Pétursdóttir, a husband and wife team!
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
All Greek men look like this. And Dimitris Cootis is no exception. He wouldn't allow a filmed interview before the event in case of people 'putting the eye on him'.

Please stay tuned as we will endeavour to find a radio segment done earlier in the year.
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
Interviewer: We spoke to Greek God and rising star vocalist, Dimitris Cootis at his home.


Mama Cootis: Have a biscuit. You must eat something. Don't you like my biscuits?!

Interviewer: Really, they're absolutely lovely. But I've had 5 already.

Dimitris: Ella, Mama. Leave the gentleman alone.

Mama Cootis: He doesn't like my biscuits!!!

Interviewer: Are we on air?!

Interviewer: Dimitris, tell us about your latest song.

Dimitris: Ahh. My latest song is about a boy, and a girl, and love. And the evil Imperialist Capitalist Americans who are trying to rape our culture. Also the Orthodox Church which is the only thing that stops this country being sold out. Excluding those Bishops currently involved in embezzlement and bribery of the judiciary.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
*Message from the Viennese Tourist authority*

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mesdames et Messieurs, Damen und Herren, we are unable to bring you an interview with Helmuth at the moment, as he is busy cleaning his horn and fine tuning his bells. However, in his absence we are proud to bring you just a glimpse of the inestimable charms of our wonderful country.
 

---

Posted by Pendragon (# 8759) on :
 
Can I please preety please slip in under the wire as Italy-I haven't been on the ship whilst at home so I'm catching up.
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
Last call for entrants! Any more joiners?

If not, let's move on to the promotional videos.

Turkey's promo should be with you tomorrow - just having a few problems getting it through customs. The customs officers are ensuring they watch the belly dancers extremely carefully to ensure they aren't smuggling illegal substances.
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
I thought I wouldn't make it so Gill started it all off for me. Ok lets go.
 

---

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Will whichever contestant who has stolen the keg of Guniness from the Irish dressing room please put it back immediately.

The Irish promo should be with you tomorrow, I am just waiting for a certain gentleman to visit my dressing room with one of his most sort after sweatshirts.
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Ok Pendragon Italy is yours. Sir Kevin Start when your ready.
Lights, Cameras, Ship of Fools does Eurovision.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Ahem...Sir Kevin, where are you? I am raring to go, and bursting out all over. (As no doubt, is Helmuth Alpenhorn, judging by his past Eurovision record).

OK, in the absence of Terr..Sir Kevin, I shall announce myself. This may take a few posts, so bear with me:

The conductor raises his baton, and, as the camera zooms over rolling hills and snowy mountain peaks, the orchestra breaks into a spine – tingling rendition of… The Hills are alive…with the sound of…. cats being strangled as
a grim faced Viennese Euro official removes the score. Sounds of discord follow before they grudgingly embark on a Strauss waltz.

[Voiceover]
Ladies and gentlemen, Mesdames et Messieurs, Damen und Herren, on behalf of the Austrian tourist board, we are proud to welcome you to our country. Austria, land of culture. Let your heart thrill to the genius of Mozart, dance under the stars to a gay Strauss polka, marvel at the beauties of our magnificent scenery as you gaze around you at ‘Your Favourite Things…??’ OK, who has been interfering with the script?
(as the orchestra, delighted, launch into the old song). There is a brief skirmish between the conductor and GFVEO. He wins, and the instrumentalists are again forced to play something more suited to the tone of the event – this time the Rondo from Mozart’s Serenade in B Flat Major, K361 ‘for thirteen wind instruments.’ With the emphasis on the ‘wind.’)

The announcer continues:

So, tonight we invite you all to follow the yearnings of your heart, join us in that lifelong search to express the inexpressible, to nurture that delicate seed which dwells within each person … Come with us on our Euro mission to….Climb Evr’y….?? What the ??
…as the camera cuts to distant view of line of penguins climbing serenely up the mountain pass into a bank of cloud. He searches around for help, but on catching sight of GFVEO being stuffed head first into a tuba decides that discretion is the better part of valour.

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mesdames et Messieurs, Damen und Herren – please give a big hand for the original Lonely goatherd - Helmuth Alpenhorn, his Cheeseymen, and, of course the beautiful Swiss Miss Belles! Tonight we are proud to sing for you: ‘My lonely heart is yearning.’

To be continued....
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 
Damn - I knew I'd forgotten something!

The promo

Nevermind - just get a few shots of the wonderful me in front of a few London landmarks and 2012 Olympic campaign flags.

That should do the trick

(Thinks - how little dress should I wear and where should they photograph a strategically exposed nipple?
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Nanny, might I draw your attention to Euro Directive VIII, sub section B, re dress code at European Cultural Events.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Terry, where are you? This is all very well, but how do contestants cope with the different time zones? It's getting near my bedtime too. If Helmuth has to wait to sing his song, it'll lose impact!
 

---

Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
Komið þið sæl, Hello, from Iceland!

[ Various photos cycle in the background]

Iceland. The land of contrasts. The land of volcanoes. The land of hot springs. The land of an unintelligible language.

And the land of Dagfinnur and Sigmundsdóttir Pétursdóttir. Yes, they may not be spring roosters, but they connect with all ages.

Scoring a massive 62.34567% of the vote, this couple will delight Eurovision with their new-age song, "Magma [is what your love's like]", set to traditional Icelandic rythyms.

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome Iceland!
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
The Turkish promo video has finally arrived!

"Hello, this is Haza Rakh greeting all my lovely European friends. Here I am at the customs office of Turkey's largest airport. I had hoped to show you a beautiful panorama of our country, but perhaps allowing our dancers to travel in costume was a mistake. The customs officers insist on giving them all very thorough body searches for some reason.

Hello also from my good friend Sheikh Yabouti. He is resting right now as he was taken ill last night. He ate 25 kebabs and was suddenly seized with a raging desire for a pint of dodgy lager.

I must go now as the immigration officer says he wants to punch my ticket. Farewell - and did I mention we love Greece?"
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
I gather that Terry is resting in the Emerald Green Room after having supped one too many Guinnesses with the Irish entry. Let's hope he's back on his feet soon.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Let's hope he recovers soon. Helmuth, too, is gathering himself after one too many pre-contest schnapps. He should, if all goes well be able to perform his entry sometime tomorrow night. It's worth waiting for!
 

---

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 
The screen goes blank.

It fades into a series of images of beautiful scenery, classic architecture, weird outfits and funny houses.

As the audience are reeling from this visual assault on their senses (well, vision anyway), a single word appears in the centre of the screen:

ESTONIA

The screen goes blank.
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
There is an announcement from the BBC.
'We regret that Terry Wogan has not yet appeared this evening. Were you on the Ship Eurovision site on Monday the 17 April, did you see the Nations favourite DJ, let us know and please don't have nightmares'

The French promo.
Open on the streets of Paris. The tower, the water, the pleasure beach. voice for the gallery 'Which commedian switched the pictures of Paris for their home video of Blackpool'.
Blank screen.

Open on the streets of Paris, the tower the water, the pleasure beach. 'This is not funny get the right pictures now'
Blank screen.

Open on the streets of Paris the tower, the water the pleasure..... 'If those pictures of Paris are not on that screen in 10 seconds I will come over there and personally cut off your....' Loss of sound.
Blank screen.

Open on the streets of Paris. The tower, the water, the little street cafe where we find Thiery and Practice. They get up and are mobbed by hordes of screeming fans. They dash past the Musee d'orcy. They sprint past the Arc de Triumph.In desperation to get away from their fans they climb the tower. At the top they jump off and....land in the studio. They wave the lights go down.
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Terry Wogan wanders in, on crutches, with a bandage on his left ear...

Just kidding - I worked alot the last few days but was off sick yesterday and didn't post (except on the Pope Benedict XVI thread in Purg)

Ready, steady, go!
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Terry thanks Dolphy for the two pints of Guiness and points out her keg under the bar...waits for Miffy, Hugal ,Nanny, Cootis
 

---

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Roll tape...

*very quiet and croaky voice speaks*

Hello.. (cough, splutter) and welcome to my (sneeze, cough ) bedroom.

*from somewhere beneath a mound of used tissues, soft toys, a phone, a TV remote control, a king sized duvet, Vicks vapour rub, menthol sweets, a packet of penicillin and a dolphin-shaped hot water bottle, Togs waves to the fans*.

my apologies for being (cough, sneeze) late with the promo video (cough) but, as you can see I am not well. (sneeze)

*the video then zooms in on a signed photograph above her bed and then all goes quiet*.

(cough) (cough)

[there is a difference between quite and quiet ]

[ 21. April 2005, 16:35: Message edited by: dolphy ]
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
...continued from last post:

Ladies and Gentlemen, Mesdames et Messieurs, Damen und Herren – please give a big hand for the original Lonely goatherd - Helmuth Alpenhorn, his Cheeseymen, and, of course the beautiful Swiss Miss Belles! Tonight we are proud to sing for you: ‘My lonely heart is yearning.’

The audience bursts into rather desultory applause, as do Helmuth’s leiderhosen buttons (all that hospital food obviously agreed with him). Attempts to bound onstage are greatly hampered by having to hold onto his straps with one hand and his alpenhorn with the other. The crowd brightens up, though, at the sight of his four cheeseymen, decked out in snappy white suits, dark glasses and clutching trumpet, trombone, sax and accordion. However, the biggest ovation of all is reserved for the Swiss Miss Belles, whose manic smiles are distinctly at odds with their demure, national dress. But enough of this. The night is young, and the air is full of an indefinable yearning, a common purpose, that invisible thread that binds all here tonight together as one…united in their quest for world peace, love and fluffy bunnies. As the clarinettist weaves a plaintive melody, a single spotlight falls on Helmuth as he gazes soulfully (and short-sightedly) into the distance and sings:

I could come on all symphonic with the Vienna Philharmonic
I could stroll beneath the starlight with a Strauss.
I could even get sublimer with the lied of Gustav Mahler,
Or go flirting at the ball ‘Die Fledermaus.’
(sound as of an elephant with stomachache as the others join in)


But I would rather go….

Boom bang a bang,
Ding, ding a dong
Tra la la la!

Boom bang a bang
Ding, ding a dong
Tra la la la!

Boom bang a bang
Ding ding a dong
Tra la la la!
Bang bang Bang
Oom pah pah pah!

As Helmuth lauches into a long alpenhorn solo – it’s obvious that he’s fighting a losing battle with his lederhosen. Luckily, one of the ever enterprising Swiss Miss Belles produces a needle from her apron pocket. Cotton? Looking round - she spots a loose thread hanging from a fellow Belle’s skirt. One quick yank, and she’s able to effect a nifty repair on the errant straps as Helmuth sings manfully on…

I could hammer down the Hahnenkamm with champion Frantz Klammer,
I could go rondoing with Mozart in the bar,
I could dance the Tritsch-Tratsch Polka with a Spanish Lipizanner,
Or sing 'Edelweiss' with Viennese Boys Choir.

But I would rather go…
(sound like two cats mating as the accordionist catches himself in his instrument. Not to worry, the Euro orchestra gives it all they’ve got as they gather themselves for the refrain…

Boom bang a bang
Ding ding a dong
Tra la la la!

Boom bang a bang
Ding ding a dong
Tra la la la!

Boom bang a bang
Ding ding a dong
Tra la la la!
Bang bang bang
Ooom pah pah paaaaahhhhhhhhh!!!

There’s a thunderous burst of applause at the sight of GFVEO as he’s shot out of the tuba and disappears up and out over the heads of the audience. Though on reflection it might be directed more at the scene onstage, where, one of the Belle’s skirts appears to be falling down. The Cheeseymen are puzzled but delighted. They don’t remember this happening at rehearsals. Undaunted, (if Bucks Fizz can do it, so can they), they leap up - and within minutes a riot has broken out. The remaining Belles are made of sterner stuff than their sister, so retaliate in kind. The audience roar their approval. Sadly, the powers- that- be are not amused (See Euro Directive VIII, sub-section B 1976 re dress code at cultural events). Whilst Helmuth staggers away to the green room – a broken man, his colleagues (with strategically placed instruments to spare their blushes) are escorted off the premises by Grim Faced Euro Officials.

Ladies and gentlemen, Mesdames et Messieurs, Damen und Herren. This concludes the Austrian entry.
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As Terry:
I give it a 59. It has a good beat and I can dance to it. The jury's still outon the choreography, however.
 

---

Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on :
 
Miffy
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Balaam, have you an act to present?
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
If so, he'll have to wait his turn, because the Turkish entry is mounting the stage (and I use that word advisedly - I've seen the dance routine.)

Haza Rakh is a lady of obvious charms, who clearly has great things in front of her, as her costume makes clear. Sheikh Yabouti is dressed in MC Hammer-style purple baggy trousers, and a t-shirt with the words 'Turkish Delight' on the front and 'Go Fig' on the back. The dancing girls are suspiciously modestly clad in large red silken tents. Some seasoned Eurovision observers suspect these will not make it to the end of the song.

The music starts - an annoyingly catchy blend of Britney's 'Toxic' and the 'Fry's Turkish Delight Theme' (coughjavine-rip-offcough).
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
I'm your Turkish honey, baby
There's no fig leaves on me
Make your heart go pita patter
Make you feel so chili
What I need is a big kebab
Ooh so hot and spicy

So let's get mezze, baby
Get mezze with me
There's a hot spread waiting on the table
Take all you want for free

(The dancers suddenly shed their tents to reveal a few strategically-placed bits of chiffon. They launch into an energetic belly-dancing routine, which manages to stay just the right side of that pesky dress code. Sheikh Yabouti begins the obligatory rap interlude.)

All you European guys say YO!
Sheikh Yabouti, go man go!
To all the countries we say PEACE!
Specially our friends in Greece
Haza Rakh sets you all on fire
But a mouthful of Greece is her desire
She don't mean something covered in lard NO!
But a tasty Greek dish - that's stifado!

(Haza sings again)

Let's get mezze, let's get mezze
Let me feel how hot is your chili
WE LOVE YOU GREECE! HEY!
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gill H:
Sheikh Yabouti is dressed in MC Hammer-style purple baggy trousers, and a t-shirt with the words 'Turkish Delight' on the front and 'Go Fig' on the back...

---

Good to see a fellow afficianado of the late Frank Zappa and his music here!


As Terry:
It's got a good beat and I can dance to it. I give it a 67!

[Fascinating lyrics - go to LA and some local recording artist could probably make it into a salable rap!]
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
Never knowingly heard any Zappa, sorry - you'll have to explain that reference!
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
News from the French dressing room. Thiery and Practice have been slightly delayed due to a small problem with the costumes. As the song is called Birthday Suit, the French authorities insist that they go on naked. The boys are refusing on the grounds that they may not be safe if the women in the audience see there er pecs. Once this problem has been sorted the French entry will begin.
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As Terry: Wot became of the UK entry? We won in 1969 (Lulu), and takes another sip of his single malt Scotch, not sure wot we've done since...
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Further news from French dressing room. Thiery and Practice have agreed terms and will go on. There have been no further revalations as to there costumes or other wise. They will appear soon.
 

---

Posted by Pendragon (# 8759) on :
 
The Italian entry will also be delayed as the Sistine Choir (Eurovision unit) need singing lessons. A search of our fair country is being made for possible repalcements in case their appearance is vetoed.
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Perhaps a shipmate could step in and provide singing lessons for the Italian; do they play any instrments? If the French go on (dressed) as planned, they shall be scored harshly and there will be no TV feed: good thing I am only running a radio show.
As Terry
 

---

Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :
 
A great deal of noise is coming from the basement. Several people dressed as Roman gladiators and holding very large horns are trying to make their way down the stairs. It does not help that one of them is leading a horse.

Some of the noise sounds like stamping; other of the noise sounds like screaming. Heavy rock is definitely going on in the background.

A person dressed as the Pope comes up to explain that the Ukrainian team is making their promotional video...
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As Terry:
Percussion, cool!
I give it a 51. It has a good beat but I cannot dance to it. Who is it? Could it be the British entry?
 

---

Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :
 
*promo for Ukraine (with song to follow)*

A very fast and rhythmic series of melodic cadences begins, with the screen completely dark. Suddenly there is a burst of light as a torch appears on screen. "Hey!!" rises a great shout, and a line of dancers run very fast into camera.

They are wearing little skirts of flippy leather and calf boots. On their upper halves they sport an interesting combination of breastplates and gauntlets and bits of elaborately worked leather that take up a lot of space without covering very much. As they run and spin and twirl in the torchlight they swivel their hips and flip their long blonde hair in time to the beat, while shouting "Hey!" The effect is very fetching, as they are perfectly toned - and I would say perfectly made up - and that is just the men.

There is a shot through the door of a tent and we see, framed against the backdrop of a gothic castle, horns, which blast into the music. The female singer rides on horseback, smiling, towards the camera, flanked by a cardinal on each side. She is wearing a leather corset with a lot of fringes and a metal studded bra, mini shorts and thigh high boots. She precedes a litter on which the Pope is being carried. She leaps athletically from the horse and everyone yells "Hey!!!" and stamps their feet and there is some general somersaulting to the accompaniment of some crazy guitar music.

And then the Pope arrives on his litter to some wild horn blowing and torchlit rose throwing and everyone bows...

[ 26. April 2005, 05:24: Message edited by: welsh dragon ]
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Somebody's up early in the WD and Dave household...
 

---

Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
Ladies and gentleladies, Messieurs and Herren, Dagfinnur and Sigmundsdóttir Pétursdóttir representing Iceland.

A lone cowhorn blows as the centre of the stage begins to glow in light. Dagfinnur looks longingly up at the sky.

A the cowhorn continues to blow -- accompanied by several stray cats who have managed to sneak in (and who hold a tune better than the fellow blowing the horn) -- as his wife, Sigmundsdóttir, dressed in traditional garb, is lowered on a trapeze.

The horn blows harder...the cats yell louder. A drum begins to beat in the background. Dagfinnur begins to sing...

Many years ago, in nineteen sixty three,
The sea rumbled, and became quite bubbly.

[it does not escape the crowd's notice that Dagfinnur's trousers might be a tad too tight, as he seems to reach notes unknown to any man after puberty -- the unsightly bulge at the front is also a give-a-way]

From the depths of the earth broke free
The brand new volcanic island named Surtsey!

[this song is nothing if not a history lesson]

Dagfinnur reaches for Sigmundsdóttir, to pull her off the trapeze, but she hasn't unbuckled herself. Her dress rips down the side, revealing a pair of of Bridget Jones style grannie underwear. The crowd goes into raptures, believing the song will begin to get a bit more exciting -- they are in for disappointment beyond their wildest dreams.

Sigmundsdóttir, to a loud toot of the horn, screeches -- sending the cats in all directions:

Magma! [Dagfinnur: is what your love's like]
Bubbling up under the surface
Trying to break free...e-e-e-eeeeeee
Magma! [Dagfinnur: is what your love's like]
Till it erupts in an explosion
Engulfing you and me.

[Unfortunately Dagfinnur and Sigmundsdóttir haven't been to the local dancehall since 1945, and thus their dance moves aren't exactly the latest moves. The two foot shuffle features prominently].

Dagfinnur resumes...however the cats have returned and hover around his feet, making his shuffle dancing more erratic.

There are times when we are dormant;
And it seems that our love has gone cold.
But wait around a few years
And in an eruption [Sigmundsdóttir: an eruption!]
Our love [Sigmundsdóttir: our love!]
Will explode [Sigmundsdóttir: will explode!]

Magma! [Dagfinnur: is what your love's like]
Bubbling up under the surface
Trying to break free...e-e-e-eeeeeee
Magma! [Dagfinnur: is what your love's like]
Till it erupts in an explosion
Engulfing you and me.

They push their bodies together. An unwary cat, trapped between them, screeches. The horn player drops his horn and the drummer loses his sticks. With Dagfinnur's tight pants against Sigmundsdóttir's, a smile crosses her face.

They release, and bow and curtsey.

[ 26. April 2005, 06:20: Message edited by: Ian Climacus ]
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As Terry: I give it a 41. It has no dicernable beat and even the Icelanders have trouble dancing to it...factoring in the native costumes, I raise it to 51.
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
[OOC: help a ESC virgin... are we doing promos now or the real thing or bits of both?]
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
Time zones are funny things. I think if you haven't done your promo yet, feel free to go ahead.
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Things do seem to have gotten a little mixed up but it is fun. An entry must show a promo before they sing. In this version they need not next to next.
Futher news from the Frech dressing room. It appears that Thiery and Practice have decided to go on wearing cloths. Once they are on who knows what will happen.
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
Cloths or clothes?

Cloths sounds more fun. Some dusters, perhaps.
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As Terry Wogan, speaks to his technical director for television: 'Right then, have the camera ready when the French are'.

Anyone else going to introduce an act?
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
Ach, Ja.

The German entry: 'Germany Calling' will soon be ready to give you their toe-tapping hit of the night: "Also, Sprach Cardinal Ratzinger".

[IRL: Prolly tomorrow but maybe late tonight].
 

---

Posted by Pendragon (# 8759) on :
 
Italian Promo (with the genuine articles)
The screen starts showing a satelite view of Italy. We then zoom in to focus on Rome, whereup we switch to real life footage that swoops onto the roof of the Sistine Chapel. The screen fades into a picture of the chapel roof, then as we focus on Adam's face, that of our dearly beloved Pope. As the camera then pans to show a group of young choristers dressed in white hooded robes, it is noticeable that the dry ice machine is over producing.
[aside]Help with the Choir is still much appreciated. I believe that a Wurlitzer has been wheeled into the building. Oh, and someone's nicked the empty watercooler bottle from the dresssing room[/aside]
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Cloths, Clothes what is the differnce, they easy to take to off, I mean mix up. The French entry is coming tomorrow.
 

---

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 
*Emergency Press Release from Ireland*

We are sorry that Togs has not performed her outstanding entry as yet but she has been unwell. We can assure you that her performance will be with you within the next 24 hours. She is recovering well and we can assure you that her virus induced husky voice will add to the sexy atmosphere of her song.

Togs would like to thank you all for the get well cards, flowers, throat sweets and offers to rub Vicks Vapour Rub into her chest. She also thanks a certain Irish gentleman for the dedication on the radio and for also sending her the sweatshirt she has been longing for.

*End press release.*
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As Terry:
Glad to hear that our TOGS in Eire is on the mend. Looking forward to the German and French acts also. I'll be out of the studio after 6.30 for about nine hours, but will check in before I leave...
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
notes that the Italian act sounds very promising also...
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
The French entry.

Thiery and Practice enter.
An R&B beat starts. Guitar, piano.

Song.
Ooooo baby, yeeeeeah.

(T) I love you girl when we wake up
in the morning side by side.
(P) I love you girl when were in my car
going for a ride.
(T) I love you girl 'cause you beaudeeful
and pretty and so cute.
(P)But most of all I love you ohhhhhh
In your birthday suit.
Chorus
(T&P) You look good in your birthday suit
I can't get enough of you.
I love you in your birthday suit
espically when I'm in my birthday suit too.

Verse (During which a lot of girls in bikinis wander past and dance with T&P. Some of them are on stilts)

(T) Other girls may charm me
with FCUK'
(P) Some use Jasper Conran
to lead me astray.
(T) I don't need no lable
on dresses, skirts and boots
(P) I just need to see you Yeahhhh
in your birthday suit.

Rap.
(T&P) Thiery and Practice on the prowl
Thiery and Practic hear us howl.
We can have any girl we cast our eye on
but girl you know you don't need an iron.
(T&P start to remove pieces of clothing)
Thiery and Practice love the chicks
Thiery and Practice Know all the tricks.
Thiery and Practic are never pipped
when Thiery and Practice are totally stripped.
(They remove the last piece of clothing. A momment to late two EBU logos appear on screen, covering their embarressment).

Chorus repeat.

(T&P) I love you girl. Ohh I need you girl. I need to see you in your birthday, birthday suit

(improvise)

(T&P) In your birthday suit.

End
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
The technical director got an eyeful, but having used her good judgement, the cameras remained focused above the navels, primarily on the faces of the two performers.

As Terry:
Typical US-style crunk hip-hop. It had a good beat, but (being a middle-age white guy) I couldn't dance to it. I give it a 63.
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gill H:

Sheikh Yabouti, go man go!

---

quote:

---

Does this mean Kylie Minogue won't be there?

---

quote:

---

Why would she be?

---

I know you won't believe me, but honest to god it's true that Kylie was recently voted greatest living welshwoman!

Apparently Lebanon have pulled out as the state TV wouldn't show Israel's entry.
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
Finally, the moment you've all been waiting for. The German promotion...

A Haydn string quartet plays in the background. We see shots of Bavarian scenery, people drinking beer outdoors. Men in Lederhosen slapping their thighs.

Suddenly the music screeches to a halt and the band break through the screen.

“Hallo, I am Theodor, the lead singer”
“I am Max, electric guitar”
“I am Herbert on bass”
“I am Jurgen on drums”

Theodor: And we are Germany calling. Most years we have shared with you our country’s culture. But tonight I want to share with you the events that have rocked our rock community in Germany.

Caption: Kiel – six months ago.

The band are on stage singing a very grungy version of Nicole’s “a little loving” to a half empty bar filled with bored sailors. Suddenly a skinhead leaps on stage and punches Theodor. Immediately a classic bar room brawl breaks out with glasses, chairs and tables being broken over people’s heads. The police charge in and arrest everyone.

The scene cuts to a red faced judge repeatedly banging his gavel and pointing at the band. The scene then cuts to the band in prison wearing uniforms with arrows on them.

Theodor: Guys, we’re going to miss the regional heat for Eurovision. That means we’ll miss out on meeting Nicole.
(The band promptly burst into tears)

Caption: Two months later

A boy band are standing in front of a theatre waving at an adoring crowd. A car pulls up and someone fires a machine gun at them, throws a bottle in the general direction and drives off. The camera focuses on the broken bottle. There is a note inside. It reads: ‘Keine Europop’

Cut to a news studio:

News Anchor: After the German Eurovision entry were massacred by a group calling itself the ‘Baader-Meinhof Faction for Musical Standards’, no-one has shown themselves willing to come forward and uphold the honour of Germany. Karl-Heinz Stockhausen has been taken in for questioning. This is our darkest hour.

Someone hands the anchor a piece of paper.

News Anchor: Well yes, apart from the Second World War and the 1966 world cup final. That goal should never have been allowed. In a shock development, Nicole appealed to the nation this evening.

Nicole: In 1982 I won the Eurovision song contest with ‘A little loving’. There is no loving in Germany tonight. Only fear. Who will come forward and contest the sacred laurels of Eurovision on behalf of Germany?

Cut to the band who are breaking rocks. A prison guard comes over and Theodor hands him a note. He goes and talks to another guard, who takes the note and talks to another guard who takes it to the governors office. The governor opens the note. It reads ‘we’ll do it’. The governor snatches up the phone:

Governor: Get me Nicole!

Cut to shot of the band emerging from prison to a cheering crowd. Nicole comes over, presents Theodor with a huge bunch of flowers and kisses him. The cheers of the crowd grow even louder and people start throwing flowers at the band who look suitably modest. A Wagnerian rendition of ‘A little loving’ swells in the background. Cut to two music executives in the crowd.

1st executive: Is this wise?
2nd executive: They can’t do worse than Gemini.

Ende.
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
And now [drum roll] the German entry. Germany Calling with 'Also Sprach Benedict XVI'.

The band come on. They all wear black leather trousers, red ‘Cardinal Ratzinger fan club t-shirts’ and improbable moustaches a la Freddy Mercury circa 1984. Resemblances to Queen's 'One Vision' are purely coincidental.

One man one goal one mission
One truth one Rome one inquisition
One Mass one light yeah one God one vision

One Church one hope
One true religion
One voice one Pope
One real decision
Gebt mire ein Leitbild

You’re wrong I’m right
Because I see the world in black and in white
No sin no sex
All we need is one world wide vision

One Church one hope
One true religion
One voice one Pope
One real decision
Gebt mire ein Leitbild

(Cut to screen showing Hans Kung – who says the next words)

I had a dream
When I was young
A dream of sweet illusion
The spirit of Vatican 2
And visions of one Church union
But a cold wind blows
A dark rain falls
And in my books it shows
Look what they’ve done to my dreams

(Cut to shot of Pope Benedict XVI laughing manaically)

(Back to the band)

Give me your hands
Give me your hearts
I’m ready
There’s only one direction
One Church one teaching
Yeah one vision

No hate no fight
Just consecration
All through the night
It’s concelebration
wowowowo yeah

One Church one hope
One true religion
One voice one Pope
One real decision

Gimme one Christ
Gimme one Pope
Just Gimme
One man one man
One mass one right
One day hey hey
Just gimme gimme gimme
Ein Lietbild
 

---

Posted by Gordon Cheng (# 8895) on :
 
Really good Callan. We need a letter somewhere between 'j' and 'y' to help us understand how the Chermans say 'immediately', our alphabet lacks this.
 

---

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 
*The lights dim, the audience is silent. A softly lit spotlight focuses on a sexy male guitarist sat on a stool to the right of the stage. As he begins to strum his acoustic guitar softly, another spotlight appears on the left side of the stage showing an even sexier saxophonist. He licks his lips and begins to play a very haunting melody.

Centre stage, a softly lit and coloured spotlight focuses in on Togs. She is perched on a stool, microphone in hand, wearing dark blue jeans, bare feet and a blue sweatshirt, sleeves pushed up to her elbows, with the words: "Is it me?" in white across her chest.

She reaches into her pocket, pulls out a signed black and white photograph, rips it into shreds and throws it into the audience.

The music becomes more sensual as Togs moves the microphone to her lips. She runs her fingers through her soft, dark hair and begins to speak in a low and husky voice...*

Ladies, gentlemen, judges and others,
I also speak to all of your mothers.
There was a man I used to love,
He was a gift from God above.

He was there every morning a long time ago,
Speaking and laughing through my radio.
Playing me songs I wanted to hear,
Coming in softly and pleasing my ear.

*the accompanying music becomes more intense*

And so to this man I decided to write,
Words of my love from my soul, dark as night.
I'd added my address and a photo of me,
Knowing when he saw it he would 'RSVP'.

*back of stage now lit with stars and a crescent moon*

The weeks past and nothing, not even a note,
So I took to my bed with a very sore throat.
He still was there talking through my radio,
I knew that he loved me, I knew this was so.

*music becomes urgently intense*

Then one day the doorbell it rang loud and clear,
I got out of bed with a pain in my ear.
I opened the door, and there I did see,
The postman with a parcel, a gift just for me.

I ripped the thing open and out fell a pic,
It was in black and white, I nearly was sick.
Not only a photo but a blue sweatshirt too,
And a small piece of paper saying 'compliments to you'.

Was that all that this man could deliver to me?
Not so much as a kiss, so I fell on one knee.
Terry I love you, Terry I cried,
It was at that point I realised that something had died.

No longer would I set my radio to 'Two',
I was lost and alone but what could I do?
I knew I would miss him, for he was my man,
Did he not see me as his greatest fan?

*The music slows, the spotlights on the saxophonist and guitarist fade. All that remains is a soft, white light on Togs. She gets off her stool, walks to the front of the stage. She wipes a tear from her eye, kneels on the stage and whispers in a heartbreaking voice*...

My love was rejected,
So typical of men.
But my heart it now lies
With Classic FM.
 

---

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Callan - I give the Germans a 49, no discernable beat, and I wouldn't wish to dance to it.

Dolphy - great presentation! I give it a 68; it has a good beat and I really can dance to it, slowly and melodically...
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Ireland leads thus far.

As Terry: Where's my tabulating clerk?
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
Dimitris Cootis walks onto the stage. As a tribute to Newman's Own, he is wearing a batik caftan of latte brown and antique wash tones with the odd umber and burnt sienna highlight. The caftan has a nehru collar open in a 3 inch long V. This admits a pleasing ruffle of dark, wild, curly chest hair and a heavy gold chain to be visible.

The stage is hidden from view by a foot of billowing smoke from a smoke machine, which obviates the problem of what footwear and how much calf to show with the caftan. There are no unridiculous solutions to both issues.


Dimitris Cootis raises one (moderately bling-bling covered) hand to the heavens...

A hidden bouzouki quartet plays rembetika-style in a tribute to Mediterranean passions. With closed eyes he starts to sing:


My love goes shopping


You are my love
You are the one that kills me
Tears my heart out with a knife
Put your arms around me, O sweet death!


Come back to me
I love you
You are my essence
My darling, my sweetheart
I will hunt you down and make you pay

[Bouzouki riff]

This clock, this clock, this clock-oh o o o -ock
is singing my funeral song
As I count the minutes til you return from the shops

[Bouzouki riff]

And if, and if, and if-i-i i-i-if
you thought they were unfaithful
I would not let my lips even touch a glass of water


Come back to me
I love you
You are my essence
My darling, my sweetheart
I will hunt you down and make you pay
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As Terry:
Good presentation for the Greek entry. It has a good beat and I can dance to it: I rate it a 66.
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 
News from the UK entry.

Due to technical faults we are unable to bring you the performance due to an accident with the hemline.
 

---

Posted by Pendragon (# 8759) on :
 
The Italian entry should be with you this evening, once the costumes are fixed, and the special guest star has found her fedora.
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As Terry:
I'm very much looking forward to the UK and Italian entries. Perhaps sanity, good taste and good music will prevail, not that it as been wholly lacking in the others, but......
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
As Terry:
I'm very much looking forward to the UK and Italian entries. Perhaps sanity, good taste and good music will prevail, not that it as been wholly lacking in the others, but......

---

You cannot be serious
 

---

Posted by Pendragon (# 8759) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
As Terry:
I'm very much looking forward to the UK and Italian entries. Perhaps sanity, good taste and good music will prevail, not that it as been wholly lacking in the others, but......

---

quote:

---

Pendragon:
.
.
[Outrageous Mardi Gras like choreography and costuming goes here]
.
.

---

Thankyou for that insight into the stuff your fantasies are made of! Fantastic, made me wish I was there!
]
 

---

Posted by Pendragon (# 8759) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by The Coot:
[OOC:

quote:

---

Pendragon:
.
.
[Outrageous Mardi Gras like choreography and costuming goes here]
.
.

---

Thankyou for that insight into the stuff your fantasies are made of! Fantastic, made me wish I was there!
]

---

Coot: Can you tell what sex I am?!
Anyway, someone's got to do it, afterall, this is the competition that produced ABBA, and the Vatican has a nice line in tat!!!!
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As Terry: May we have the next contestant please?
 

---

Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :
 
We are rehearsing the choreography for the Ukraine entry; we should be online with it within 36 hours...(some of the maneouvres are quite complex, especially with the horse...)
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Just got back to work after being on church weekend over the holiday. I am catching up but great so far.
Dolphy very funny.
 

---

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 
A single spotlight illuminates a single man, sat on a single stool on the stage. He has an acoustic guitar, and is dressed all in black. Clearly the Estonian Eurovision Committee has splashed out yet again.

Ølaf Ålaff (for it is he) launches into his song with the gay abandon of a civil servant on Tuesday morning...

The Higher Purpose

We sing, and we dance
But what's it all for?
You cavort and prance
But what's it all for?

Who are we trying to impress?
Why can't you stay inside your dress?
It's all so very very pointless....

the music swells. A screen lifts to reveal some backup musicians - not quite a whole orcestra but not far off. Maybe they did shell out a bob or two...

But there's a higher purpose
There's a greater call
When you get the invitation
From the greatest of them all
You'll see.
It even happened to me...

You vote, and we hope
Who will you vote for?
We win, or we don't
It's all that we hope for.

What are we trying to achieve?
What's wrong with blouses that have sleeves?
It's all so very very pointless....

For there's a higher purpose
There's a greater call
When you get the invitation
From the greatest of them all
You'll see.
It even happened to me...

Ølaf plays a short solo on his guitar. The orchestra plays a rather longer one, showing to the fullest extent the literally seconds of practice that were put into this performance.

Ølaf looks a tad peturbed, but controls his annoyance with the consumate professionalism of a circus chimp and continues the song.

Who are we trying to impress?
Why are we making such a mess?
It's all so very very pointless....

For there's a higher purpose
There's a greater call
When you get the invitation
From the greatest of them all
You'll see.
It even happened to me...

Yes, it's a higher purpose
And that is why I'm here
For I got the invitation
Now this is my greatest year.
And this higher purpose
For I'm sure you want to know...

The music approaches a crescendo...

I got an invitation
to appear on the new-look Muppet Show!

Ølaf grins for the first time, raises his guitar in what could pass for triumph on a foggy day in Tallin, and strolls off the stage.

The other musicians look slightly bemused, before trooping off in various directions.

The screen descends just as the first of them disappear. On it is the Estonian flag, superimposed with a picture of a certain frog puppet.

Fin.
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Am I right in thinking that there are only 2 left to sing. The UK and Ukraine. If this is not the case can someone post the true number.
Hugal.
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
[OOC:

quote:

---

Pendragon:
Coot: Can you tell what sex I am?!

---

Well I thought you might be male, a bit on the festive side with the odd bet each way. But now that I think of it, I am certain I saw you once mention you were female, in spite of the handle]
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As Terry: I could almost sing along with the Estonian entry and I like the muppet. It has a good beat and I can dance to it. I give it a 61.
 

---

Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :
 
Lots of dry ice. Heavy guitar riff. Wild dancers run on, followed by male singer dressed as the Pope, wearing a papal tiara, open neck cassock revealing a hunky hairy chest, and a gold medallion of the Immaculate Conception. He sings, to the tune of PUPPET ON A STRING

POPE: I wonder if one day that, you'll say that, you care
Will you say you love me madly, I'll gladly be there
Like that popelet on a string

Pah pah pah pah pah pah pahpah pah pah pah tiddle-iddle-um

The backing singers come on. There are 2 of them and they are dressed as cardinals, though with similarly open neck cassocks and medallions, this time of the sacred heart. Wogan comments in a rather baffled way that the Ukraine boasts the only city with 2 catholic cardinals, apparently. This seems to be an occasion of national pride…

POPE: Life is just like a vale of tears
Chock full of mis(e)ry and sin
One day you might feel life is ok
Then all the guilt will begin
Is your life full of fun?
Tomorrow you might be gone…

I wonder if one day that, you'll say that, you care
If you say you love me madly, I'll gladly be there
Like that popelet on a string

I held sway when the last pope was ill
Then they voted me in
Now folk say that I cannot be wrong
Seems I was destined to win
I’ve got lots of power over you
But where am I leading you to?

I wonder if one day that, you'll say that, you care
If you say you love me madly, I'll gladly be there
Like that popelet on a string

I’m Big Boss at the Vatican now
Things get run in my style
But people would rather have John Paul two
Cos they don’t care for my smile!
Will they love me that amount?
Ah well…what they think doesn’t count …

Enter female singer, dressed in leather bra with little gold tassles, leather gladiator-style mini skirt and thigh high boots.

FEMALE SINGER: Some…people say you’re gloomy

POPE: Who? Me?

FEMALE SINGER: and square
That your policies are sadly
Quite badly
Impaired
Just like that popelet on a string….

The stage is flooded with inflated condoms used as balloons…and female singer’s leather skirt falls off to reveal a gold G string with a strategically placed piccie of JP II hanging from it (with a little holy water stoop).

FEMALE SINGER: Just like that popelet on a..... string

Crescendo of heavy rock ooompah finale

LOTS of dry ice…
 

---

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Pendragon (# 8759) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by dolphy:

---

I can't say any better
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As Terry: Yes and the two Ukrainian cardinals liked the music, although theire vision and hearing is a wee bit impaired. They thought it might be blasphemous, but were not quite sure, as they did not record it for later analysis. Oh, and Welsh dear, dry ice is not used in that sort of enviironment anymore: any reputable theatrical supply house would be happy to rent you a fogger or fog machine for your next performance. I give it a 71. It has a good beat and I can dance to it.
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 
Th UK entry is almost ready as soon as Christie 'n' Faith have got their act together.

There is some some debate as to how many dancers they can have on stage - what with assorted men dressed as commandos and firemen cluttering up their dressing room
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 
The UK entry “Christie ‘n’ Faith” take to a darkened stage. They are both wearing black full length robes in a cassock style and are holding rosaries in their hands.

The first verse is sung acappella. It is slow are stately – rather like a processional hymn.


We’re gonna say our prayers, and then we’re gonna to praise the Lord
Because we believe that in God’s love we’re pure
And free from satan’s lure
But there is more to a child of God
Than being Holy.


The lights come on and the tempo speeds up – sounding not unlike a previous Eurovision winning entry.


We’re gonna hit the town, we’re going down the pub
We’re gonna to show that there’s more to Christian life
Than just a holy club
We’re gonna chat up all the guys
And still be holy.


Don't let your first impressions think of us as fools
Free you inhibitions, we have come out on the pull.

Disco lights shine on the stage and two hunky men wearing army fatigues dance on stage and join Christie ‘n’ Faith centre stage. The two singers grab hold of a man each and begin to swing.

So now we turn the volume up
And throw ourselves into their arms
There’s no escape from our loving ‘cos we’re frustrated
We’ll keep you up all night
And you will see that there’s more to us.
Than being holy.

Two more guys dressed as firemen come onto the stage and dance up to Christie ‘n’ Faith, pushing the commandos out of the way (they continue dancing in the background.)

So you can see we don’t care less
In fact we don’t give a damn
We’re both out for a good night out
And you’re the men we’re looking for
And when we’ve worn you out tonight
We won’t be holy

Both the firemen and the commandos grab hold of the girls and their robes are pulled off revealing that the girls are wearing red leather mini skirts, black corsets, stiletto boots and fishnet tights.

The song continues:

Don't let your first impressions think of us as fools
Free you inhibitions, we have come out on the pull.

So come on if you’re man enough, and big enough to take us on
Cos we’re in need of a good night out
And we both want to play around
As you can see there is more to us.
Than being holy.

So come on if you’re man enough, and big enough to take us on
Cos we’re in need of a good night out
And we both want to play around
As you can see there is more to us.
Than being holy.

Than being holy.
Than being holy.
Than being holy.


The music stops and both girls fall into the arms of the big strong hunks either side of them whilst the commandos hold their weapons on high!
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Nanny!
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Nanny!
As Terry:
I give it a 71. It has a good beat and you can dance to it. A tie with the Ukranians...
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
So is that all the entries?

Of course we all know that Terry's scores don't mean anything, do they? And as impartial voters, we will not be swayed by them, nor by the geographical proximity of the countries we vote for, nor whether they went to war with us in the past or not. We will all vote completely fairly and impartially on the song itself.

(But Coot would do well to check out the fine and honourable tradition of Greece and Turkey giving each other the maximum 12 points every year.)
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
I thought that was Greece and Cyprus with Greece and Turkey giving one another 'nul point'.

There wouldn't be some discreet lobbying going on would there?
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Ok. Thank you Terry for you imput. I'm sure that your scoring will be big help for the voters.
If we could voter from now and over the weekend we could present the prize on Monday.
Could someone who has better access to the web than me, I only have it at work, keep score please. It might be fun to vote in English and French.
Does anyone feel like doing the entertainment that traditionanlly goes here?
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
Duh - yeah, you're right. I meant Cyprus. Hence the desperation of the Turkish entry.
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Ok remember the singualarly strange Eurovision scoring system.
Your lowest score is of course Nil Points.
Those you wish to give a mark to are scored as follows.
In single marks from 1 to 8. Then 10 and finally 12. I do not know why they score like that but they do.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Ladies and gentlemen, mesdames et messieurs, damen und herren, bonsoir et le voila les resultats du jury D'Autriche:

France - 1 point

L'Estonie - 2 points

Le Grece - 3 points

Icelande - 4 points

L'Irelande - 5 points

L'Allemagne - 6 points

L'Italie - 7 points

Le Royame-Uni (UK) - 8 points

Ukraine - 10 points

Turkey - 12 points

That concludes the voting of the Austrian jury.
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
(BTW what happened to Malta, Andorra and Russia?)

Good evening, and here are the results of the Turkish jury:

Italy - 1 point
Iceland - 2 points
Estonia - 3 points
Austria - 4 points
Ukraine - 5 points
Germany - 6 points
Ireland - 7 points
France - 8 points
UK - 10 points
Greece - 12 points

Goodnight to all our friends, particularly the Greek ones who we love so much, and who we hope will break with the shackles of tradition and resist giving 12 points to Cyprus this year.
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
Guten Abend, here are the results of the German jury.

UK - 1 point
France - 2 points
Estonia - 3 points
Ireland - 4 points
Italy - 5 points
Ukraine - 6 points
Turkey - 7 points
Greece - 8 points
Iceland - 10 points
Austria - 12 points
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
And the scores so far:

Estonia - 8
France - 11
Germany - 12
Italy - 13
Ireland - 14
Iceland - 16
Austria - 16
UK - 19
Turkey - 19
Greece - 23
 

---

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Good evening, here are the results from the Irish Jury:

Iceland 1 point
Germany 2 points
Greece 3 points
Estonia 4 points
Turkey 5 points
Austria 6 points
France 7 points
Ukraine 8 points
Italy 10 points

and 12 points goes to the United Kingdom.
 

---

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 
Austria - 1
Iceland - 2
Greece - 3
UK - 4
Turkey - 5
Italy - 6
Ukraine - 7
France - 8
Germany - 10
Ireland - 12


I appear to be succeeding in my ambition to finish last again

[ 06. May 2005, 11:29: Message edited by: Marvin the Martian ]
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
Current Scores:

Estonia - 12
Iceland - 19
Austria - 23
Germany - 24
Ireland - 26
France - 26
Greece - 29
Italy 29
Turkey - 29
UK - 35
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Callan:
Current Scores:
...UK - 35

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Callan:
Current Scores:

Estonia - 12
Iceland - 19
Austria - 23
Germany - 24
Ireland - 26
France - 26
Greece - 29
Italy 29
Turkey - 29
UK - 35

---

I think you've missed the Ukraine scores
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
Current scores (including Ukraine this time!).

Estonia - 19
Iceland - 21
Austria - 29
France - 30
Greece - 30
Italy - 32
Turkey - 34
UK - 35
Germany - 36
Ireland - 36
Ukraine - 44
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
[Cof cof, will someone help the ESC virgin again, how does the point scoring work? 1 mark of 0-12 to each country with no repeat marks? Marks 9 and 11 have been missing]
 

---

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hugal:
Ok remember the singualarly strange Eurovision scoring system.
Your lowest score is of course Nil Points.
Those you wish to give a mark to are scored as follows.
In single marks from 1 to 8. Then 10 and finally 12. I do not know why they score like that but they do.

---

There you go Coot

[ 07. May 2005, 12:10: Message edited by: dolphy ]
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
For your interval 'entertainment' and for those of you who are outside the Eurozone and who don't know what on earth we're going on about...

[/URL=http://www.bbc.co.uk/radio4/progs/listenagain.shtml#e]Eurovision: The Politics of Pop[/URL] Click on E and then scroll down to the programme.
 

---

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
Eurovision: The Politics of Pop

Sorry! Wretched dog asked to be let out at the vital moment.
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Using 'standalone Realplayer' I actually got it to play!
 

---

Posted by Pendragon (# 8759) on :
 
Turkey: 1
France: 2
Ukraine: 3
Iceland: 4
Greece: 5
Germany: 6
Austria: 7
Estonia: 8
Ireland: 10
UK: 12
That concludes the Italian votes.
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 
OK - who's left?

I wonder whether this would be refelctive of any results on the 21st?
 

---

Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
Ze Scores from Iceland:
[since we have no Scandinavian friends, we'll have to look to our next-nearest-neighbours... ]

Italy - 1 point
Greece - 2 points
Ukraine - 3 points
Estonia - 4 points
UK - 5 points
Turkey - 6 points
France - 7 points
Austria - 8 points
Germany - 10 points
Ireland - 12 points

[ 09. May 2005, 07:00: Message edited by: Ian Climacus ]
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Ok here are the results of the French Televote.
Ukrain - 1 point
Germany - 2 points
Greece - 3 points
Austria - 4-points
Estonia - 5 points
Italy - 6 points
Iceland - 7 points
Ireland - 8- points
Turkey -10 - points
Uk -12- points
That concludes the voting for the French televote.
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Is that everybody. If so we can work out the final scores. We need some one to present the trophy, it should be Terry I think.
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As Terry: I'm a wee bit busy presenting my program just now, but when the tabulations are finished, I shall be happy to hand out the trophies!
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
Current scores:

Iceland - 32
Estonia - 36
France - 39
Italy - 39
Greece - 40
Austria - 48
Turkey - 49
Ukraine - 51
Germany - 54
UK - 64
Ireland - 68

Greece and the Ukraine have still to vote. Athens, Kiev - where are you?
 

---

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 
Estonia hereby officially concedes
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
[Sorry a bit overwhelmed at the mo - will respond soon]
 

---

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Hugal:
We need someone to present the trophy, it should be Terry I think.

---

That could be an interesting moment if Ireland wins!
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Are we ready for the presentation yet?????
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
Not until Greece and Ukraine have voted!
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Callan:
Not until Greece and Ukraine have voted!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by welsh dragon:
Estonia - 10

---

Noooooooo!!!

All my hard work gone to pot. How shall I finish last now?
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As Terry: HUH! I had the UK and Ukraine tied. What happened?
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
As Terry: HUH! I had the UK and Ukraine tied. What happened?

---

Tactical voting
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
Current scores after the, er, interesting Ukrainian vote:

Iceland - 44
Estonia - 46
Italy - 46
Greece - 46
France - 47
Ukraine - 51
Austria - 53
Turkey - 53
Germany - 57
UK - 66
Ireland - 69

We await the verdict of the Greek jury. Calling Athens, Calling Athens...
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
I suspect the Athens jury are still trying to escape from Haza Rakh's very special kind of 'persuasion' over the voting.
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
No! We are here! Sorry I have been host and board lite - and will be for the next few weeks.

[Driving home from dropping off my assignment which has consumed most of the last 24 hrs, I was listening to the Greek radio station... oh dearie dearie, I kid you not, there were a series of songs with which the Greek entry would have been right at home. Some special lines: Song 1 - "Sorry, I have found a boy that's better... I am no longer yours. Find someone else" Song 2 - "She is hard, she is cold... I will be dynamite to her body"

Briefly relaxing, I was inspired to review the entries again: most made me laugh and those that didn't sounded like they really were those sort of songs . I was sorry to have to give some low scores but here they are (and without checking to see if it will make a difference) ]
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
There is confusion around the Greek panel. Turkey gives them 12 points! This must mean something... there has obviously been some major diplomatic breakthrough that the panel is unaware of, something of the magnitude of: Turkey about to pull out of Cyprus... The Greek panel feel obligated to give Turkey 12 points in turn.


Herete! Χαίρετε! (Waving with ouzo-fueled happiness) Be happy!

The scores from the Greek panel:
Turkey 12
Germany 10
Italy 8
Iceland 7
Ukraine 6
Austria 5
UK 4
Ireland 3
Estonia 2
France 1

Ya sas! 'γεία σας! Your health!

(Announcer is dragged off to dance, hanky in one hand, ouzo in the other)
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
[Oh yes, going for a triple. I have to confess, that over the last few weeks since I read the Iceland entry, the phrase: "Magma. Is what your love's like" has popped into my head at random moments. Fantastic. Really caught my imagination. I mean, we're talking hot. Like liquid rock, hot. From now on, when I think 'Ian', I will think 'Magma! Is what your love's like'.]
 

---

Posted by Callan (# 525) on :
 
Ladies and Gentlemen: The final scores [drum roll]

Greece - 46 points!
Estonia - 48 points!
France 48 points!
Iceland - 51 points!
Italy - 54 points!
Ukraine - 57 points!
Austria - 58 points!
Turkey - 65 points!

In third place - Germany - 67 points!

In second - UK 70 points!

The Ship of Fools European winner is.... [fanfare]

Ireland on 72 points!

Well done Dolphy! Well done all! Where's Terry?
 

---

Posted by Leetle Masha (# 8209) on :
 
<sighing deeply, listening to my lovely new Mario Frangoulis recordings....>


Leetle M.
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Well done everyone hope to see you all next year in er the same place it was this time. Enjoy the real thing, semi on Thursday (in UK on BBC3) and the final on Saturday (in UK BBC1)
Hugal
 

---

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Callan:


The Ship of Fools European winner is.... [fanfare]

Ireland on 72 points!

Well done Dolphy!

---

Togs rushes onto the stage, hastily straightening her wig and sporting her new Classic FM sweatshirt and sings her winning song to an empty auditorium. Finishes song, on hearing no spontaneous applause she looks at the rows of empty seats
Opps, did I miss my cue?
Togs then gives gushing speech congratulating the losers smug in the knowledge that SHE won.
 

---

Posted by The One and Only Nanny Ogg (# 1176) on :
 
So the semi final has come, and it has gone.

Our hosts for the evening were Pasha and Masha (yes, honestly!)

The programme started with some traditional Ukrainian dancing, followed by some contemporary Ukrainian dancing. We were then treated to some Ukrainian soldiers singing and a dominatrix and her slave.

We couldn't have made that up if we tried

Paddy O'Connell was the commentator on BBC3 and looks likely to step into the well worn shoes of Terry Wogan with his quotes - some of which I've noted for your delight and entertainment.

"The first of many pipes we'll see this evening" - he was not just referring to musical instruments.

"Look for the Grandmother with the drum and the rocking chair."

"Chilli peppers meet Saga"

"They've played together since they were two"

"From Norway - the country with the most 'nul pounts' "

"Ruby Wax and the angle grinders"

"She cacn't get enough of men in uniform"

"Nothing like a spot of naked marching"

"He could have dressed up for th night"

"I think the drummer was in a different song"

Not one nipple but two"


It remains to be seen what the final is like on Saturday evening.

I'll be at the London meet that evening but Gill H and Hugal, in whose company I watched this evening's show, have invited me over to watch a recording on Sunday afternoon.

How will I stop myself from laughing?

And whatever happened to the dom & her slave - they disappeared from the set...

[ 19. May 2005, 22:22: Message edited by: The One and Only Nanny Ogg ]
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
(Copied from iGeek thread)

I'm glad the world has a chance to see Norway's Darkness-esque entry. However, they will miss out on Austria's oompah-meets-salsa song and Belarus's 'I will survive' song (3 costume changes, and men with gigantic ruffs!)

Shall we keep this thread going for comments and reactions from the real Eurovision?
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
As himself, listening to Wogan
Yes, please do!
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
Yes the semi-final was well up to the Eurovision standards we know and love. I voted for Israel because the song and the artist are both quite good.
Controvercy already. The Lebbanon have withdrawn or been banned or somthing because they wante to show adds during the Jewish entry. Makes Greece and Cyprus look a lot less political.
Can't wait till Saturday or Sunday in our case.
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
Comments from our party on the lucky 10 from last night:

Croatia: Chris de Burgh-style balladeer, accompanied by Ade Edmondson on kettledrums. Near the end, the drummer wandered off and did a handstand for no apparent reason.

Denmark: Slightly camp singer from the Will Young school of singing down your nose. Song included the lines 'I'm talking to you through my heart'. Our opinion was that he was actually talking through something else entirely.

FYR Macedonia: Song was called 'Make my day'. It didn't. The cameraman ensured we got several glimpses of underwear from the backing singers, and the singer attacked the kettledrums (what is it with kettledrums this year)? Lots of singalong 'lai la lai la's'.

Hungary: A female singer who couldn't sing in tune, and hoped that having one trouser leg shorter than the other would distract us from that. The backing dancers in their sparkly black outfits tried to do some Riverdance, but they were so camp it was more like 'Hello Dolly'.

Israel: one of several entries featuring a woman with long blonde hair dressed in a gold curtain. Sounded a bit like Dionne Warwick.

Latvia: two pretty boys sitting on stools with guitars singing a peace anthem. In the second verse they went for a walk, and in the last chorus they used sign language, so that the hearing impaired didn't miss out. Nice of them.

Moldova: one of the looniest entries of the night. Features a grandma in a rocking chair beating drums while a punk band plays. We called it 'ethnic thrash' . The commentator called it 'Chilli Peppers meets Saga'.

Norway: Wig Wam singing 'In My Dreams'. They were Darkness clones screaming out a rock anthem. Costumes included silver spandex and military uniform. So over the top they were half-way down the other side. Apparently their nicknames are Glam, Teeny, Sporty and Flash.

Romania: Belting female singer meets the cast of Stomp, doing wild percussion with oil drums and bits of machinery. Very clubby song called 'Let Me Try' - will probably be heard in many a Romanian club this summer. Commentator called them 'Ruby Wax and the Angle Grinders'.

Switzerland: a group called Vanilla Ninja, trying to be tough girlz and failing. The drummer dropped a stick half way through, but it didn't appear to make any difference. Some of the daftest lyrics of the night: "Cool vibes, why don't you thrill me/Cool vibes, why don't you kill me". About as tough as a bar of Milka.

And I should also mention some of the honourable losers:

Austria: A salsa singer and an oompah band. Hmmm. Yodelling hasn't traditionally been a feature of salsa music, and this song showed us why.

Belarus: The female singer wore a gold tent, which later ripped off to reveal a sparkly dress with a big bustle. Towards the end, this too was removed to show a sparkly gold catsuit. She was still upstaged by the boy dancers, who wore denim outfits with huge Adam Ant-inspired ruffs. This was gloriously camp - the song even ripped off 'I Will Survive'.

Shock of the night was Ireland not getting through. The song was pretty dull, and not even a bit more Riverdance could spice it up.

The commentary was superb - BBC3's Paddy O'Connell could be a worthy successor to Terry one day. Roll on the final!
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Rather a contrast from our little contest here. Sorry, Dolphy!
 

---

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
Here's some comments from the final:

The hosts, Mascha & Pascha, were back. Mascha (the girl) was dressed in a 70s mauve satin creation. 'Mauve and dangerous' indeed. Despite wearing a head microphone, she shouted every line. Pascha was more subdued. Terry nicknamed them Ant and Shriek.

The opening number included last year's winner Ruslana, this time dressed in a Flash Gordon-inspired silver costume and cheekily caressing a large flame-thrower which occasionally shot out flames.

Hungary kicked things off with their sparkly riverdancing, as seen in the semi.

UK: Javine's costume had plenty of bling, and she sang the heck out of the song and managed to keep her dress on this time.

Malta: Chiara was Malta's answer to Alison Moyet. The song was standard Pop Idol fodder, but she certainly has a decent set of pipes.

Romania: Ruby Wax and the Angle Grinders again.

Norway's Wig Wam deserve special mention for being so completely Spinal Tap. At the after-show party the lead singer was kissing the feet of the female host and shouting 'Hey, rock and roll revolution!' at every opportunity. Apparently they are big in Plymouth. They're also pretty big in Spandex. Be warned - they plan to tour the UK soon. You better beware, you better take care.

Turkey: a trip to the bazaar, complete with a costumed drummer who Terry described as 'Archimandrite the High Priest of the Bongo'.

Moldova: still completely crackers, with their drum-banging grandma in her rocking chair (described by Terry as 'a mobile commode'). It was like the Pogues meeting the Chilli Peppers at a ragga concert in an old folks' home. Sample lyrics: "She's flying into trance like an Indian shaman'. And I'm sure at one point he sang 'We're coming into Hammersmith'. Grandma stole the show, though.

Albania: sang 'Tomorrow I Go'. Shame it wasn't today. She sang flat when she wasn't singing sharp. Another Eastern-flavoured number with dancing violinists and the obligatory folk drummer, who wrapped them all in red ribbon at the end.

Cyprus: no, not more Eastern drums! Gary Rhodes clone singing 'come baby, come baby' while everyone thrust their hips and a white-robed woman wailed.

Spain: Three ladies in flamenco dresses singing The Ketchup Song 2. Occasionally interrupted by a man with severe throat problems.

Israel: A welcome moment of calm from the Mariah Carey lookalike.

Serbia & Montenegro: kettledrums (again) and a weird time-signature, plus some chaps on a stag night doing some folk dancing. Terry commented 'I could have sworn I heard a fiddler on the roof'.

Denmark: still talking to me through his heart - or not.

Sweden: sang 'Las Vegas' but it looked more like an ad for Pontins.

FYR Macedonia: the dreaded drums again. Three writhing girls, and two middle-aged men shuffling uncomfortably in the background.

Ukraine: The home team sang the song of the Orange Revolution, backed by dancers in handcuffs which broke at the end. Maybe you had to be there.

Germany: Terry said this was 'unashamed pandering to the raincoat brigade' as a scantily-dressed female screamed her way through something which reminded me of Four Non-Blondes' song 'What's Up', only without the tune. Afterwards Terry commented 'Has nobody here ever heard of a vest?'

Croatia: Scarborough Fair with kettledrums and bagpipes. The song was called 'Wolves Die Alone' for some reason.

Greece: more Eastern bling with a singalong chorus and some Zorba dancing. The song was called 'My Number One' and the boys lay down to form a figure 1. This turned out to be a prophetic act.

Russia: rock chick whose tuning matched her grasp of English.

Boznia-Herzegovina: Femminem (yes, really) doing a supposed Abba tribute. Not as much fun as that sounds.

Switzerland: Vanilla Ninja again, with their 'Cool Vibes' trying to be tough.

Latvia: the 'two refugees from a boy band' with their peace anthem again.

France closed things with a vaguely Latin beat and no discernible tune.

The interval act included - yes, more ethnic drums, plus a contortionist, another appearance from Ruslana and a bunch of transvestites in red robes (a new BBC ident?)

As for the voting, as usual everyone voted for their best mates. The Balkans and Baltics supported each other, Greece and Cyprus gave each other the obligatory maximum points, and virtually everyone ignored the UK. We were the last country off the block, and only Ireland, Malta, Turkey and Cyprus gave us any points at all. We finished 3rd from last with a measly 18 points. Greece had been the bookies' favourites, and won convincingly.

Interesting the traditional Eurovision heavy-hitters were all at the bottom - France and Germany occupied the last two places. Maybe we should get together and declare war on somewhere unpopular.

Ah well, here's to next year in Athens.
 

---

Posted by Legodude_uk (# 5671) on :
 
My favourite line has to be from Terry's opening remarks...it went something along the lines of:

"Welcome to Kiev, swear word amongst chickens!"

With that and the Norwegian entry I had tears roling down my face!!!
 

---

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :
 
The Norwegian entry Wig Wam are apparently famous across Europe. They are also very popular in Plymouth so says Paddy O'connel (Terry in Waiting). Wig Wam are apparenly touring Britain soon. Did anyone see the lead singer on the BBC3 program after the event. I thought they were a joke at first but they are real.
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
I can't believe we don't get this over here in the States! I haven't even seen any of it and I'm already a fan just from having read Gill's descriptions.

(It's even given me a comeback for those loons who tirelessly accuse the US of cultural imperialism: "Moldavian drum-beating grandma.")

I found this on the Eurovision website: They assured that this Grandma is a real Moldavian peasant, without any cheating.

Yeah, none of those *fake* Moldavian peasant grandmas here! I'm sure last year's contestants all had them.
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
I liked Javine's video.
 

---

Posted by Barnabas62 (# 9110) on :
 
Prophetic utterance - the UK wont win Eurovision until we give up our EC rebate and get out of Iraq, then vote yes to the new EC constitution, then join the Euro. So next year .......

Missed it this year so I dont know whether Wogan got smashed (again) - and by which song.
 

---

© Ship of Fools 2016


UBB.classic^TM 6.5.0