Ship of Fools: Hell: Get out of my queue, sister

Thread: Hell: Get out of my queue, sister Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

Supermarket shopping is a complete drag at the best of times, but at least our local has a "Ten items or less" express line, to make those smallish expeditions less painful. The alternative is a 20 minute queue with the full-trolley crowd.

"Ten Items or Less" means just that. From one to ten, but no more than ten shall ye take through this checkout. Of course plenty of people push the envelope, by taking eleven or twelve, or possibly even 15 (giving others in the line the complete shits). Any more than that and the checkout operator invariably tells them they have to go to the normal checkout and wait with everyone else. That gives enormous satisfaction for others, because it means that the defaulters have to start again in a new queue.

But one woman at our local supermarket makes a habit of standing in the Ten Items or Less queue with a trolley full of stuff. I've seen her there THREE times now in the past month. Last night, as I stood there with my three items, she was there again, and the handy little thingy on the cash register informed us all that she had 97 items. NINETY-SEVEN! Last time I saw her there, she had something in the 50s.

No one tells her off. Nope. She could buy the whole store and take it through the Ten Items or Less counter and no one would say a thing.

BECAUSE SHE'S A BLOODY NUN. Done up to the nines in a habit and looking so fucking scarey that no one will say, "Sorry sister, shove off to the long queue over yonder where you belong". I asked the checkout operator last night, why someone didn't tell her where to go. "Oh, we couldn't do that to a nun".

Why not? She does it deliberately, so far as I can tell. It pisses me off. Blatant use of position. [Mad]

Well, I'm a heathen and next time Sister The Rules Don't Apply To Me makes the rest of us wait while she uses her so-called position to get preferential treatment, I think I'll crash tackle her and roll her to the floor and shove her tinned sardines somewhere painful.

I couldn't give a shit if I end up in Hell.

So, sister, watch your pious back.

[ 09. September 2005, 12:53: Message edited by: Sarkycow ]

Posted by Viola (# 20) on :

Since this is Hell, I'd just like to say:

'Ten items or fewer'

I know it probably doesn't say that in your supermarket, but it should.

Thank you!

K.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

When I am being held pending arrival of the local constablary, after assaulting the said Servant of God, I shall mention the inappropriate use of language to the proprietors Viola. Many thanks.

Posted by chive (# 208) on :

Am I the only one who finds myself zealously counting the items in the basket of those in front of me in the queue? Irrational but incredibly annoying.

Posted by seasick (# 48) on :

I think that the tills on "10 items or fewer" check-outs should be specially programmed to add an extra charge of £50 (say) to the cost of the eleventh and each subsequent item. That would quickly solve the problem...

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

I always count. [Paranoid]

And I think a 50 pound/$100 overcharge would be entirely reasonable, especially if the store donated the fees to the local food pantry.

[ 28. July 2005, 23:01: Message edited by: Lyda*Rose ]

Posted by Louise (# 30) on :

Just sidle up to her and tell her the difference between a priest and a pimple. [Snigger]

Posted by Charis (# 206) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
So, sister, watch your pious back.

Rather than physical assault, I find it immensely satisfying in similar circumstances (assuming this is one store of a chain of stores) to drop a very polite note to the home office of the company asking why they don't adhere to their stated policy.

The higher up suits will almost undoubtedly focus the attention of the store level management on the need to consistently apply the rules across the board.

And I avoid jail for battery.

Failing that, it sounds like you've pretty well scoped her out. Her vehicle, I presume, is unattended in the parking lot?

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Charis:

Failing that, it sounds like you've pretty well scoped her out. Her vehicle, I presume, is unattended in the parking lot?

Hey, I'm up to assault and battery, but stalking goes a bit far, even for me.

But maybe one day .....

Posted by Suze (# 5639) on :

This drives me up the wall - I always obsessively count what's in everyone else's basket and growl in a very passive-aggressive way until I'm served. The only reason I growl in that way is because my hubby knows this:-

quote:
I think I'll crash tackle her and roll her to the floor and shove her tinned sardines somewhere painful.

is what I'd rather do and has made sure I understand he would consider that kind of behaviour grounds for divorce!

[doh! it's count [Hot and Hormonal]

]

[ 28. July 2005, 23:09: Message edited by: Suze ]

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

I don't actually count how much people have in their baskets, because the handy thingy on the cash register displays the number as the goods are put through. Most people watching grumble if the number goes too high.

If I have my children with me, I say things like, "Some people were not very good at school and didn't learn to count properly" and do lots of eye-rolling.

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :

>Sniff< Shoot the bitch.

Corpus
[who can't bear people misusing the wimple]

Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :

What a dastardly nun. Though given all the sisters I have met are wondrous, I suspect this 'nun' may in fact be a lay person who bought the costume for a fancy dress party and is now using it for nefarious purposes.

I too count. And silently fume when they are over. As I do when people take out their credit card to buy an 80c pack of tic tacs.

Our local Big W [big spender I am!] has a "three items or [fewer]" queue; there a number of people who constantly [yes, I remember them!] sidle up with 6 or 7. ARGH!!!

[ 29. July 2005, 00:13: Message edited by: Ian Climacus ]

Posted by Sienna (# 5574) on :

LATA, if you're willing to involve your doubtless adorable children, you could coach them to go up to the nun, tug on her sleeve, and in the loudest, most piercing little voices they can muster, say something along the lines of:

"Excuse me, sister, you're in the wrong line - you have too many things. Do you want me to help you move your cart?"

You, of course, are then free to shrug helplessly, smile pseudo-apologetically, and then treat the kids to ice cream. [Devil]

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

I am happy that your nun experiences to date have been good. But let me tell you, young Ian, there are some who are not so wondrous as you think. Most of my Cathlick friends have horror stories of teachers in habits, who whacked them and did other awful stuff to them.

But maybe you are right. Perhaps it is a layfolk-in-nun's-clothing. But I doubt it. It's hardly high fashion, after all, and it would be a big effort to make, just to get a better queue.

Besides, she wears no make-up, and we all know, anyone who dresses up in costume for acting purposes, always wears make-up.

I am interested to hear that K-Mart has three items or less (fewer). But I think such a low number is just asking for trouble.

ETA: Sienna, my children HATE me doing anything that draws attention to the fact that I am a crabby old bag. They would never consent to do such a thing, which is a pity. What's the point of having offspring, if you can't use them for such purposes?

[ 29. July 2005, 00:18: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

Posted by Sienna (# 5574) on :

Well, exactly, LATA. Perhaps you could borrow some dramatically inclined children for your shopping trips.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

Actually, if I were to go to my local fancy dress boutique and get one adult and three child sized costumes of a useful variety , my queue waiting days would be over. Ian has hit on a very good idea. And no one would dare challenge me, or my children, about the appalling behaviour usually exhibited by my children in shops.

[ 29. July 2005, 00:27: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :

(I have yet to mention LATA's boobs here. Just so you know.)

LATA, do you have any dramatic skills? Can you fake a seizure or heart attack a moment after you loudly exclaim, "That nun! She's got too many items for her lane!"

Posted by Puppycat (# 4941) on :

I have been known to use the ten items or fewer check out in the supermarket when I have had a trolly full of shopping on occasion. Before you all reach to hurl clods of dung at me let me say that it has been done when I have been out grocery shopping at 6:30am (great time to grocery shop, no one around) and it has been the only register opened therefore leaving me with no choice but to use it. Otherwise I would never ever commit such a heinous act.

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :

Very creative writing, LAtA. The "97 items" was a specially nice touch.

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :

No, sorry. Several responses to the offending nun have been suggested, but only one sensible suggestion remains.

Deck her.

If she's a real genuine nun, she needs a lesson in humility. If she's a fancy dress nun, she just needs decking to prove that a habit is not an easy life.

I've considered every other response sensibly and I come back time and again to the same response.

Alright, I'm easing off the shooting bit just in case. But deck the bitch. Even nuns can count.

Corpus

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :

Being a very task oriented person as I am:

She is wearing a particular coloured habit and will have the medal of her order pinned to it. Pay attention next time, you will be able to tell which is her order from those.

Alternatively, there cannot be too many convents in a 1km radius from the shop - another clue to which order she belongs to. (You can do a little drive past to check if there are other similarly attired nuns loitering outside).

Once you have the order and convent address, write to the Mother Superior/Abbess (Eccles may be able to help you out with correct honorifics) relating the rudeness of the said sister. You may wish to mention that this behaviour is bad Christian witness.
[Angel]

Come on dearie, don't just tell us, tell someone who can do something about it.

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

What's the big deal? No need to send the children on an embarrassing assault. Proclaim loudly and in a commanding voice:

"Excuse me, sister!! This is an EXPRESS LINE meant for TEN ITEMS OR LESS!! We are all in a big hurry here. Don't take advantage of the fact the cashier respects your habit, I DON'T! Please take your cart load to the proper line!

...or just casually crowd in front of her. What's she gonna do? Smack ya with a ruler?

I'll bite the bullet on a few items over the limit but not a freakin' cart full. [sheeesh, the nerve]

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :

quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
there cannot be too many convents in a 1km radius from the shop

I'd be surprised if there were any.

Posted by Living in Gin (# 2572) on :

LATA could simply dress as a bishop. (Or find an elderly male friend to do it if gender is an issue.) [Snigger]

[cross-posted]

[ 29. July 2005, 01:08: Message edited by: Living in Gin ]

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
Being a very task oriented person as I am:

She is wearing a particular coloured habit and will have the medal of her order pinned to it. Pay attention next time, you will be able to tell which is her order from those.

Alternatively, there cannot be too many convents in a 1km radius from the shop - another clue to which order she belongs to. (You can do a little drive past to check if there are other similarly attired nuns loitering outside).

Once you have the order and convent address, write to the Mother Superior/Abbess (Eccles may be able to help you out with correct honorifics) relating the rudeness of the said sister. You may wish to mention that this behaviour is bad Christian witness.

Come on dearie, don't just tell us, tell someone who can do something about it.

OK, let me just start by saying that I am not going to walk up to this woman and start examining her breast to check her medals. She wears a grey uniform. She is about 65 and she will never look any other customer in the eye which is a sure sign that she knows that she is doing wrong.

Good suggestion re tracking down the convent. I checked the White Pages and see that there is The Convent of Mercy not too far away from the supermarket. (So there, Sine. I don't live in no heathen area). She might be from there. Otherwise, she could be from the School that backs on to the supermarket car park. It's run by some obscure order. I will get in the Altarmobile and do a drive by. God help them if I see a grey-clad nun out front.

But speaking to the Mother Superior? Coot, that is dobbing, and therefore UnAustralian. There are only two solutions that befit our National Identity. One is to bitch on endlessly to everyone, but do nothing. The other is to deck her. Or, being inner-city-multi-cultural Melbourne, do a drive-by shooting.

Sine:

quote:
Very creative writing, LAtA. The "97 items" was a specially nice touch.

I am grateful to modern technology that the makers of cash registers have seen fit to include that facility which shows all shoppers how many items they, and others, have purchased. It is even better at Coles supermarkets, where not only is the number of items displayed, but pictures of each thing bought. There's no hiding your condom purchase among your vegetables at a Coles Supermarket. No sir.

Posted by Presleyterian (# 1915) on :

Not to turn this into Mornington Crescent, but in the context of the "10 Items or Fewer," could LATA comment on the legality of:

The Catfood Corollary, i.e., Shopper in Front of You (hereinafter SiFoY) steps up to the register with thirty identical cans of cat food and nothing else; and
The Tuna Fish Variation, i.e., SiFoY steps up to the register with nine miscellaneous items and three cans of tuna fish which are priced at 3 for $2.00.

Is that kosher or may one "crash tackle her and roll her to the floor and shove her tinned [cat food and/or tuna fish] somewhere painful"?

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

[Roll Eyes]

Examining breasts again, I see.... [Disappointed]

Posted by Duo Seraphim (# 3251) on :

I avoid supermarkets. I'm sure I've mentioned that the local Coles has a Hellmouth behind the dairy fridge.

Twice I have been coldly angry in a supermarket queue. The first was when a woman with more than 15 items asked if she could go ahead of me because she was in a hurry. "Only if you ask all the people in the queue behind me too." I said. They glared and she skulked to her rightful place at the end of the line at another till.

The second time was when someone's eight year old reached into my shopping basket, rummaged about and extracted a carrot, which she ate. Her mother seemed to think this was OK. I disabused her of this fantasy.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

quote:
Not to turn this into Mornington Crescent, but in the context of the "10 Items or Fewer," could LATA comment on the legality of:
The Catfood Corollary, i.e., Shopper in Front of You (hereinafter SiFoY) steps up to the register with thirty identical cans of cat food and nothing else; and
The Tuna Fish Variation, i.e., SiFoY steps up to the register with nine miscellaneous items and three cans of tuna fish which are priced at 3 for $2.00.
Is that kosher or may one "crash tackle her and roll her to the floor and shove her tinned [cat food and/or tuna fish] somewhere painful"?

Thank you for the opportunity to comment, Presleyterian.

The former shits me to tears. I've not seen it done so much with cat food (although I have observed that once or twice). However, I have often observed it with Coca Cola, or some other soft drink. By this method a person (usually monstrously overweight and with bad teeth) takes two trolleys, each laden with five cases of soft drink to the counter. Never mind that this has to be put through as 120 items (because the boxes themselves do not scan). If anyone says anything, the offender will smugly count "One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten" boxes. I pray that they will suffer irreversible health problems. This is just as grave as the Nun Offence. A coke bottle up the nose is appropriate.

The second I can live with. It is only a minor infraction and one that I'd sometimes be tempted to pull myself. I think that this should be punishable only where the line is very very very long.

[ 29. July 2005, 02:56: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
[...] But speaking to the Mother Superior? Coot, that is dobbing, and therefore UnAustralian. There are only two solutions that befit our National Identity. One is to bitch on endlessly to everyone, but do nothing. The other is to deck her. Or, being inner-city-multi-cultural Melbourne, do a drive-by shooting.

Uh, that's three. Since you're obvious tactic is to bitch and do nothing, this whole rant is for entertainment value only. Either confront her directly or shaddup.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

Yeah, you're right. It's a bit like making up a story about having an incurable erection to start a thread. Pathetic, huh?

[ 29. July 2005, 03:07: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :

Mm. Well, curious Coot, I had to do a little Google, I doubt Nun In Question is a Mercy Sister (they don't usually wear their regalia any more and have a distinctive cross - believe me, I sing with one and they show no mercy), but you might be right about the obscure Catholic Order.

My bet is she is a Maronite sister. Praps she doesn't speak/read English? See if you can learn the Lebanese for: "You're in the wrong queue, female spawn of a dog".

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

Yes, yes, yes! The school behind the supermarket is run by a Lebanese order. But she teaches little Aussies, so she speaks English, Donna you worry abouta that.

{ETA I am the mother of little Italians, so I can use that kind of language}

[ 29. July 2005, 03:10: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
Yeah, you're right. It's a bit like making up a story about having an incurable erection to start a thread. Pathetic, huh?

At least I didn't envolve stirring up animosity for some beleaguered nun with arthritis who was just trying to get back to the convent with supplies.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

She isn't arthritic. She is as sturdy as an Ox.

Hey, we all have supplies to take home to those who share our table. But if we don't play nice, someone gets mightly shitty. I fail to see why a nun, arthritic or not, should get preferential treatment over all the other arthritic, busy, tired, fed-up people who use the supermarket.

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
She isn't arthritic. She is as sturdy as an Ox. [...]

Ah! That explains why you're too cowardly to confront her. Afraid she'll drop ya to the floor and put a choke hold on you?

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

Well, I am only 5' 2", you know. Actually, I think I said in the OP that I intend to crash-tackle her next time. Now that I've been told by the staff that they don't intend to tell her that she can't use that queue for her mega-shops, I intend to point her in the right direction, if I ever see her do this again.

So shuddupa your face, tin boy.

[ 29. July 2005, 03:28: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

Yes, M'am. [Frown]

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

That's more like it. Now come to mama and I'll oil your springs.

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

Thank you, M'am. They're hermetically sealed and don't require servicing.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

That's what you think. You'll sieze up one day. Probably in a supermarket queue and you'll have to spend the rest of your life watching people pass you by with their tins of sardines.

Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :

My how this thread has moved on...

Duo: I was sure you'd get a better class of customer in the East. Apparently bad manners are universal.

Ever since Coles put in the picture-display registers, I feel rather bored when I'm at Woolies. Nothing to capture the imagination.

However, I have news. The cry has gone out. I visited the Woolies closest to work to grab some fruit and vegies at lunch. As I walked in, a woman with a trolley stacked with items was preparing to enter the "8 Items or Less" section. The woman at the checkout said, "Um...I don't think so. You've got more than 8. Go up there [pointing to the 'standard' queue]." Hoorah for small victories.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

Hooray! I'm coming to your Woolies next time, Ian.

Actually, Duo, I think the solution to the child-eating-your-carrot problem, is to reach into her mother's trolley, take something scrumdiddlyumptious from that, and nibble away. Then say to the checkout operator, "My friend will pay", pointing towards the brat's mother.

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :

One of my friends observed a woman open a jar of honey and dunk her kid's dummy in it (gave to child to suck) then put it back on the shelf. My friend asked her: "Are you going to buy that?" but the woman ignored her and walked off.

Thereupon my friend picked up the jar of honey, waited til the woman had gone to the checkout and was having her things put through. My friend placed the jar with the woman's other things and said to the checkout operator: "This lady is going to buy this jar of honey, because she opened it and dipped her child's dummy in it".

The woman look absolutely mortified and paid for it without a word.

[Angel]

Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :

[Killing me]

Wonderful.

On the topic of supermarkets, I've recalled a time a friend and I went to Woolies to grab some chocolate and crisps to sneak into the cinema [I'm not paying $5 for a Violet Crumble, no matter how nice they are!]

The queue for a normal aisle opened up so we went there. My friend pointed to a sign above the aisle saying, "Confectionery Free Aisle", and said, "We can't use that." I was [Confused]

. I then clicked that she thought you couldn't use it if you had confectionery! [Killing me]

She was rather embarrassed. I asked if she thought Woolies had installed lasers to destroy any chocolate people tried to sneak through the "Confectionery Free Aisle"!

Posted by Back-to-Front (# 5638) on :

Ooooo! And let's not forgrt those cunning people who count exactly ten items, get to the front of the queue, and, while their items are being cheked through, decide to pick up that "Hello" magazine, or packet of gum. "Sorry luv, that's eleven. On yer bike!"

I might challenge someone who does that one day just for fun.

[ 29. July 2005, 05:14: Message edited by: Back-to-Front ]

Posted by Skew (# 9885) on :

As I currently work at Woolies, it's quite funny just observing some the people that come through and the stupid things people say. I work mainly on Saturday and I'd like to have a dollar for everytime somebody says to me "I wonder why it's so busy today?" or "Man you guys need to open up more registers, the lines are rediculous", here's a thought...

Don't go shopping on a Saturday and expect any of the registers to be free, the only reason it's busy is because you and everyone else in here decided to go shopping today!!!

Thinking about it, I have actually told customers that, particularly if they are whinging to me about it, I also tell them that the only way you'd get me into Woolies on a Saturday is if I'm working behind the register.

Well either way, lots of social experiments are to be had within the walls of shopping centres. [Cool]

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
One of my friends observed a woman open a jar of honey and dunk her kid's dummy in it (gave to child to suck) then put it back on the shelf. My friend asked her: "Are you going to buy that?" but the woman ignored her and walked off.

You wonder how often she'd done that or similar things in the past, don't you.

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Back-to-Front:
[...] I might challenge someone who does that one day just for fun.

No, you won't. You'll stand there with a flacid, blank stare on your face and wait your turn just like all the other hapless drones in line.

...and here's a hypnotic suggestion: While you are standing there in helpless frustration, you will remember me mocking your ineffectual protestations on this thread.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

The other thing that pisses me off is the person who stands with a small basket of things in a queue looking just like anyone else. Usually a woman. Because she does not have much, you decide to join the queue she's in, because you'll have less time to wait than if you join another queue.

Then, 5 minutes later, her husband rocks up with a full trolley and nudges in with her. [Mad]

I usually say "Well, that's nice, isn't it?" But maybe I'll be more aggressive, just so I can face Gort.

[ 29. July 2005, 06:00: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Idea:

Take a rosary to the grocery store with you. If stuck behind the Nefarious Nun*, pull it out and quietly--but ostentatiously--pray it. See how many times you can get through it. Occasionally give the sister Meaningful Looks.

[Two face]

*Doesn't that sound like a Perry Mason episode?

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

If only I had the faintest clue of how to pray to a rosary, I'd do it. But I'd probably be struck down by a bolt of lightning.

Skew, I feel the need to say Welcome, even though this is Hell, where welcomes are few and far between (you are very brave, having your first two posts in Hell. I see great things ahead for you). So Welcome, fellow inhabitant of the supermarket.

Do you have any tips for crabby shoppers, apart from "Don't do it on Saturday"? Actually, Sunday at 6pm is infinitely worse.

ETA. Coles' queues are MUCH worse than Woolies'.

[ 29. July 2005, 06:22: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

Posted by Pure as the Driven Yellow Snow (# 9397) on :

Personally, I would slip a packet of nice bright ribbed condoms into her trolley when she wasn't looking... [Devil]

Posted by Foaming Draught (# 9134) on :

It's possible, of course, that she's got another 97 items concealed under her habit. I know people who do that sort of thing with library books.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

FD, I am quite happy for her to steal 97 items, as long as she only checks through ten or less.

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
Take a rosary to the grocery store with you. If stuck behind the Nefarious Nun*, pull it out and quietly--but ostentatiously--pray it. See how many times you can get through it. Occasionally give the sister Meaningful Looks.

*Doesn't that sound like a Perry Mason episode?

No. It sounds more like a failed episode of Myth Busters.

Posted by Duo Seraphim (# 3251) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pure as the Driven Yellow Snow:
Personally, I would slip a packet of nice bright ribbed condoms into her trolley when she wasn't looking...

A creative solution. Don't forget the lube.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

And a pregnancy Home-test kit.

Posted by Pure as the Driven Yellow Snow (# 9397) on :

Family Planning Brochure?

Posted by Cusanus (# 692) on :

If the supermarket that LATA refers to is the one I think it is, I wouldn't dare confront anyone about the number of items they have. There used to be some seriously scary people pushing trolleys round that place. What if she's some sort of hit-nun?

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

I wouldn't call it that scary. I've been in scarier company. But there are weirdos there. She is sturdy, but hardly a killer. At least, I think she's hardly a killer. But perhaps her family sent her here until the publicity about the string of hits she performed back home dies down. [Ultra confused]

Maybe someone confronted her in a Beirut supermarket and she blew his head off and then went on a killing rampage through the aisles.

That would explain a lot.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Don't your jars of honey come with tamper-proof seals? I'm suddenly glad most of them do.....

It's all the fault of the Laugh Judgement board - when I read the OP, I had a mental image of the nun in the checkout queue with 97 zucchinis in her trolley [Eek!]

Posted by welsh dragon (# 3249) on :

Nuns don't usually have husbands, in my humble experience.

Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Foaming Draught:
It's possible, of course, that she's got another 97 items concealed under her habit. I know people who do that sort of thing with library books.

I can't imagine who you mean!

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :

Occasionally virtue is its own reward. Having had my eyes opened by other shipmates some time back, I now buy only free-trade and organic items at the locally owned health food store on the corner. Aside from my cigarettes which I get at the convenience market.

I have never seen a nun in either place. Of course I'm still not convinced that LAtA has either. And nobody buys 96 items. They couldn't afford to at those prices.

Posted by Charis (# 206) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
The other thing that pisses me off

The individual stands in line until their turn, stands there until all their items are rung up, all the while with thumb up bum utterly oblivious that their part of the transaction is producing money.

When the cashier has totalled the items and states the amount due, it comes as a surprise.

Once the shock wears off, they begin to scrounge through their bag for their checkbook, and then for their pen, and eventually begin the process of writing it out.

This is the unforgiveable sin, I'm sure.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Interesting. I don't think I've seen anyone write cheques in supermarkets for a few years now. It's either plastic cards or cash, or else if you do have a cheque book the till will print the details on your cheque for you.

Posted by Jengie Jon (# 273) on :

Actually putting condoms in hubby's trolley would work nicely as well, provided there were none before. [Two face]

Jengie

Posted by Charis (# 206) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
I don't think I've seen anyone write cheques in supermarkets for a few years now.

Well, it does stand to reason these people aren't on the cutting edge of currency technology.

But even some 'cash only' types wait til the last minute to dig out fistfuls of coins and sling them onto the counter for the poor cashier to sort through.

Posted by Pânts (# 4487) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ian Climacus:
What a dastardly nun. Though given all the sisters I have met are wondrous, I suspect this 'nun' may in fact be a lay person who bought the costume for a fancy dress party and is now using it for nefarious purposes.

We have an enormous fat 'nun' who sits in her wheelchair thing in town and sings hymns very loudly. Rumour has it that she isn't a real one.

The supermarket near me has the sign 'about ten items'. How dumb is that? Someone might argue that 97 items is 'about' 10 items (when compared to 7408 items).

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pânts:
We have an enormous fat 'nun' who sits in her wheelchair thing in town and sings hymns very loudly. Rumour has it that she isn't a real one.

Tangent alert: If she is the one they nickname the 'Flying Nun', she is NOT a real Nun. She also has a keyboard that she sometimes carries and plays on the scooter-thingy while singing hymns. She also shops in Tesco's - however I have only ever seen her in the 'more than ten items' queue. <End tangent>

Posted by Skew (# 9885) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:

Do you have any tips for crabby shoppers, apart from "Don't do it on Saturday"? Actually, Sunday at 6pm is infinitely worse.

Coming from a place where the shopping week ends at 4pm on Sunday, 5pm Saturday for me is pretty bad, particularly when that shopper that believes that since the doors shut at 5pm, if they can get in while the door is shutting that it's fine to go through the shop and fill their trolley.

And yeah, crabby shoppers might want to stay away from my register as well, particularly if they are annoyed that they are going to miss their bus, and feel that it is my problem that they couldn't organise their shopping on a day that wasn't busy. I really don't care, and quite frankly I actually slow down. As much as they're absolutely ticked off with the service they are receiving from Woolies, they are the people that will be back next week, with the same bus that they are running late for.

Posted by HopPik (# 8510) on :

Round about 4am on a Saturday is good. The shelves are mostly stacked and there's still hardly anyone around. Mind you I only ever made it that early when I was working nights.

Posted by ken (# 2460) on :

quote:
Originally posted by HopPik:
Round about 4am on a Saturday is good. The shelves are mostly stacked and there's still hardly anyone around. Mind you I only ever made it that early when I was working nights.

That's not early! Its late.

Posted by ken (# 2460) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Cusanus:
If the supermarket that LATA refers to is the one I think it is, I wouldn't dare confront anyone about the number of items they have. There used to be some seriously scary people pushing trolleys round that place. What if she's some sort of hit-nun?

Someone got kicked to death for being rude in the queue in our local Tesco's.

Posted by Tigerlily (# 9782) on :

Ah yes the dipshit that loves to get in the “express lane” with a full trolley o’ crap.

When I was a student, I worked for a supermarket in one of Sydney’s less genteel areas. We were often told about robberies and hold ups and what-not. But honestly what I was more afraid of was what we called "trolley rage"

We had security come break up a few incidents. The minor ones were just entertainment. The not so minor ones... *shudder*

Now I am grateful for the occasional bout of insomnia that co-exists with a local 24hr supermarket. Okay, I might have to step over a few boxes but it's often very empty and a bit twillight zone-esque. Very nice. [Snigger]

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

I confess that I will often get into the "Express" line at my local supermarket when I have a few more than the allowed number of items. But I will never try to sneak in with a whole shopping cart full of stuff. That is thoughtless and inexcusable, and the perpetrator should be marched out to the parking lot and roundly pelted with everything that was in the cart.

The person who annoys me the most, though, is the customer who forces the cashier to stop and do a price check on some item because the customer thinks it is on special when it is actually not on special and the customer would know this if he/she actually stopped to READ the notices properly. Everybody in line behind this person has to wait several minutes while someone goes back and checks the price of the item. Of course, many times the customer then decides he/she doesn't want the item, and the cashier has to take even more time to void it.

Supermarket shopping is a pothole in the road of life.

Pax

[ 29. July 2005, 18:29: Message edited by: Pax Romana ]

Posted by Spiffy da Wonder Sheep (# 5267) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Gort:

quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
Take a rosary to the grocery store with you. If stuck behind the Nefarious Nun*, pull it out and quietly--but ostentatiously--pray it. See how many times you can get through it. Occasionally give the sister Meaningful Looks.

*Doesn't that sound like a Perry Mason episode?
No. It sounds more like a failed episode of Myth Busters.

Everyone knows that an episode of Mythbusters must include something catastrophically exploding.

Hmmm, now there's an idea of how to take care of the line-monkeys. Install some M-18 Claymores. FIRE IN THE HOLE! *pokpokpokkaBOOM!*

Posted by HopPik (# 8510) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Spiffy da Wonder Sheep:
Everyone knows that an episode of Mythbusters must include something catastrophically exploding.

Indeed. I gave up on Mythbusters after they blew up a sheep's stomach (sorry Spiff) to test the story that a kid had exploded after swallowing a vast amount of Space Dust (the fizzy crackly stuff) followed by several cans of Coke.

Posted by nomadicgrl (# 7623) on :

Ahhh...supermarket lines...I've never dealt with nuns there, but I did have an encounter with a person in front of me who looked like your typical SWOL (Sweet Wee Old Lady) but was most certainly short on the sweet that day. After her items were on the belt I put down one of those little bar things that separates people's groceries, and was starting to put down my items. She took great umbrage to this. Glaring at me she hissed "too close too close!" grabbed the grapefruit I had put down and threw it back in my basket....
Maybe she was a nun.

Posted by Ultraspike (# 268) on :

Checkout line rage is often a serious thing here in NYC where patience is always in short supply. I saw a woman almost get throttled to death the other day when she butted into a line with a cart full of stuff. She had apparently gotten out of line (with her cart) to make a cell phone call and then tried to get back in at the same place. Several people had gotten in line while she was away and when she barrelled right up to the front without so much as a howdy-do, you can imagine the reaction. I and a few others had gotten into that line thinking it was the shortest one with the other people ahead having just a few items in their carts, then she butts in with her 97 or so items. "I had to make a call to my son and couldn't get any reception in line" was her excuse. I have never seen such cajones on a woman in my life. She managed to stand her ground despite the barrage of abuse she got from several people, including me. And the checkout lady refused to get involved. [Mad]

Posted by Spiffy da Wonder Sheep (# 5267) on :

quote:
Originally posted by HopPik:

quote:
Originally posted by Spiffy da Wonder Sheep:
Everyone knows that an episode of Mythbusters must include something catastrophically exploding.
Indeed. I gave up on Mythbusters after they blew up a sheep's stomach (sorry Spiff) to test the story that a kid had exploded after swallowing a vast amount of Space Dust (the fizzy crackly stuff) followed by several cans of Coke.

'sokay, I'm attempting to explode my own stomach today, however I'm using a rather large plate of yakisoba and oatmeal cookies. Urp. 'scuse.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Ultraspike:

quote:
And the checkout lady refused to get involved.

I wasn't a check-out line clerk, but worked at times at a jewelry counter in a discount department store. I learned early on to say, "Who's next?" rather than assume I'd remember the right order of arrivals. I'd let them stare down each other until a winner emerged. I didn't get paid enough to put up with that kind of crap.

My favorite instance was when I worked in a small store, often alone. A woman came in and shopped around, asked me few questions. Another woman came in, knew what she wanted and took it ip to the register. I excused myself from the first woman, went and rung up the lady at the counter. Afterward the first lady chastised me. "You should have rung me up first [not that she was ready at that point] since I came into the store first." I politely explained that store policy was to check out whoever comes up to the cash register counter first. She wasn't convinced and evidently considered me the height of boorishness. [Roll Eyes]

Posted by Foaming Draught (# 9134) on :

Woolies and Coles give vouchers for 4c per litre off petrol if one spends $30 or more. A problem in the 10 items or fewer checkout is getting the basket up to $30 worth of groceries. When the cashier says, "$29.65", I have to climb back out of the waiting queue to find a chocolate elephant or something for 35c.

Posted by Mertseger (# 4534) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Gort:
No. It sounds more like a failed episode of Myth Busters.

I wouldn't think that it's possible to have a failed episode of Myth Busters since, from what I can tell, there's never any footage that they shoot that they don't actually use. And Kari's a babe, so there's that too. Of course, most of the time we locals are just trying to figure out exactly where the antics were shot on each week's episode. If the Wayanses actually do construct their In Living Color themepark at the old naval station in Alameda, who knows where Mythbuster's will be able to shoot their major stunts.

OT: any one know the exact wording on Trader Joes' express lanes? It's something like "10 items. A few more, a few less, no big deal." Gah! It makes me want to weep every time I see it. What's the point of having such a lane if you're not even going to try to set some limits?

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mertseger:
OT: any one know the exact wording on Trader Joes' express lanes? It's something like "10 items. A few more, a few less, no big deal." Gah! It makes me want to weep every time I see it. What's the point of having such a lane if you're not even going to try to set some limits?

Someone here has control issues, I'm thinking.

Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :

[Tangent]Fans of Myth Busters: feel free to join the Aussie thread Monday/Tuesday when some of us talk about it. Great show![/Tangent]

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

Another irritating supermarket dweller is the aisle-blocker, who parks his/her trolley in such a fashion that nobody can get past, while s/he spends 10 minutes deciding which branch of tomato paste to buy. If you say, "Excuse me, could I get past please?", they glare at you.

Maybe I ought to think about on-line shopping.

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

Try this trick, next time you want to clear out the queues: Park your cart by a cash register that is closed; preferably one far from the busy ones. Somewhere near the cash register (usually hanging on a vertical support) you will see a phone.

Pick it up and look for the Public Address button. Announce in happy voice, "Attention shoppers!! For the next 10 minutes only, Beef Ribeye Steaks at the meat counter are free!! We're clearing our stock! Next 10 minutes only!!"

Casually push your cart up to the suddenly empty check out stand. Simple, huh?

Posted by Living in Gin (# 2572) on :

Back in high school, I spent the better part of a year working as a cashier at a Winn-Dixie supermarket in Jacksonville, Florida. The only thing more obnoxious than the customers were my fellow employees. 13 years later, I still remember them:

Jane, the surly cashier whose beehive hairdo reached halfway to the ceiling, and Helga, the cashier who'd scream for a price check over the PA with a shrill German accent. Jane and Helga always worked the same shift, and always got checkout lanes next to each other.

There was Judy, the evangelical born-again Roman Catholic who made Ratzinger look like Jack Spong, and who would never miss any opportunity to tell us how wrong we were about everything.

Our co-manager Ray, who despite being skinny as a rail, had a reputation for running down and tackling shoplifters out in the parking lot. He also sounded exactly like Huckleberry Hound when he spoke.

There were many others... But the Monarch of Wierdness was Jerry, our store manager. The stories I could tell about him:

He looked exactly like King Vitaman.
He once worked for the corporate headquarters across town, but got caught getting head from a young subordinate and was demoted to store manager. (Only reason he didn't get fired was because he owned so much stock in the company.)
He constantly drank Winn-Dixie brand mouthwash in the office because they wouldn't let him bring booze into the store.
He always had very fresh breath.
He once clipped off a bagger's mullet in the store office, against the bagger's will.
He was a notorious cheapskate, and insisted that the baggers fit three two-liter bottles of soda per plastic bag, to save money on bags.
He once broke the arm of the Breyer's ice cream vendor over a dispute about melted ice cream.
He would sing along with Gordon Lightfoot's Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald whenever it came on the muzak system, often encouraging other employees to sing along with him.
Nobody knew for sure, but there were regular rumors that he was shagging our very sexy head cashier (no pun intended).

I could go on, but you get the idea... We (the baggers and cashiers) even had a secret King Vitaman cult in the stock room which entailed elaborate rituals for new hires involving boxes of King Vitaman cereal and cardboard Burger King crowns.

Apparently he passed away a few years ago, Winn-Dixie is now bankrupt, that particular store has been closed, and Quaker has re-designed the King Vitaman cereal box. Life just ain't the same... [Waterworks]

[ 30. July 2005, 00:54: Message edited by: Living in Gin ]

Posted by The Geezer (# 5521) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
Another irritating supermarket dweller is the aisle-blocker, who parks his/her trolley in such a fashion that nobody can get past, while s/he spends 10 minutes deciding which branch of tomato paste to buy.

A remedy: "Send" the offending wagon as if "sending" a croquet ball. All the better if the "sent" wagon crashes into a canned goods display which then cascades to the floor.

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
Another irritating supermarket dweller is the aisle-blocker, who parks his/her trolley in such a fashion that nobody can get past, while s/he spends 10 minutes deciding which branch of tomato paste to buy. If you say, "Excuse me, could I get past please?", they glare at you.

Maybe I ought to think about on-line shopping.

At our local supermarkets, it's not the shopping carts that block the aisles as much as the boxes and stacks of items that the employees store there, probably figuring this way they can load the shelves without having to go to the storeroom every time.

This turns almost every aisle into an obstacle course.

We have all more or less learned to cope with this in an amazingly polite way, considering that we are New Yorkers.

But it would be great not to have to skirt around piled-up boxes of fruit juice, cat food, laundry detergent, toilet paper, tuna fish and whatever else every time we want to roll a shopping cart down a supermarket aisle.

The trouble is that New Yorkers have no concept of space and how to use it. To a New York business person, empty space is just one more place to put something. If you are even remotely claustophobic, this is not the place to go shopping.

Pax Romana

Posted by The Riv (# 3553) on :

Some unhellish thoughts: why not ask your store manager to change the qualification of the express lanes to "Single Hand Baskets Only -- No Carts, Please. Thank you." Quantify the groceries by cubic volume, not number of items. You wouldn't have the need to obsess about items 11+. You could rest in the knowledge that the people in front of you would progress at a reasonable pace, surely some quicker than others, but none longer than the time needed to empty one hand basket. And, the store could narrow that queue enough so that a push cart would not fit.

[spelling Q]

[ 30. July 2005, 16:13: Message edited by: The Riv ]

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :

I hate to say this, but that's a fabulous idea, The Riv! Solves the problem in a simple but elegant way.

I think I shall now go have a little lie-down. I'm feeling a bit woozy.

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :

It sounds good, but as soon as you get one person in a wheelchair who wants to buy three small items and can't get through the aisle of the express lane, the store is in trouble.

Posted by cocktailgirl (# 8684) on :

Lots of checkouts in the UK are 'baskets only'. Do they not have those in the States?

Sign me up as another whose blood boils over '10 items or less' signs. FEWER. It's not hard.

And I confess that the last two times I've been in supermarkets with my dog collar on, only buying a couple of items, people have let me ahead in the queue. Should I feel I am abusing my position (I didn't ask if I could queue jump) or just bask in the warm feeling that my compatriots are simply Lovely People™?

Posted by Peronel (# 569) on :

Except some people - my grandmother for one - cannot manage to carry a basket, but can push a trolley.

A thousand curses on the officious idiot who yelled at her as she stood in the baskets only queue, with a trolly with two items in it. Let him try being elderly and frail and see how he likes it.

Peronel.

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pax Romana:
The trouble is that New Yorkers have no concept of space and how to use it. To a New York business person, empty space is just one more place to put something. If you are even remotely claustophobic, this is not the place to go shopping.

It's not a New York thing. Grocery stores in the spacious west are just as bad.

cocktailgirl: No, the express lanes don't say "baskets only," it's all done by the number of items you've got. And they all say "or less" and it makes me nuts. Someday I'm going to go to the store with a permanent marker and edit all the signs.

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by cocktailgirl:
And I confess that the last two times I've been in supermarkets with my dog collar on, only buying a couple of items, people have let me ahead in the queue. Should I feel I am abusing my position (I didn't ask if I could queue jump) or just bask in the warm feeling that my compatriots are simply Lovely People™?

They're proponents of Works Righteousness. If it makes you feel good to take advantage of their heretical leanings, have at it!

Posted by The Riv (# 3553) on :

Hmm. How about a store policy that requires that feeble, infirm, or physically challenged shoppers pass directly to the front of the queue? Or that they use a special queue? Or that the store provide young, teen-aged shopping companions for the same?

Work with me here, people.

Thanks, MT!

[ 30. July 2005, 16:33: Message edited by: The Riv ]

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :

The obvious solution is for her to put a hand-basket inside her trolley and only buy what fits in the hand-basket. Then when she gets to the head of the line, ask somebody to lift the basket onto the conveyor belt and ditch the trolley.

I'm feeling nearly as smart as The Riv!

Or is that something to crow about?

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :

I find a cassock is a great way to skip the queues - yer average person can't wait to get me out of the shop and I get sent to the front of the queue almost every time.

If I wore a cassock to the supermarket deliberately, it would be a grave sin... [Roll Eyes]

Corpus
(Mind you, everybody has a good scan of my trolley as I pass, so it's not a good way to bulk buy gin or condoms...)

Posted by The Riv (# 3553) on :

Perhaps, MT, more accurate feelings re: me are to be found on a nearby Hell thread? I believe the current phrase is "regularly scheduled prejudice." You've been PMing with ken again, haven't you.

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :

Oh, and I should add...

My local Sainsbury has express lanes with pictures - it has hand baskets and little trolleys with hand-basket-sized baskets. The express lane shows pictures of both so that those unable to carry their basket can have a little trolley and still use the express queue.

Cc

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by The Riv:
You've been PMing with ken again, haven't you.

Not hardly. I don't agree with him much more often than I agree with you, truth be told. He just isn't as much of a nitwit, usually. No offense.

Posted by The Riv (# 3553) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Corpus cani:
Oh, and I should add...

My local Sainsbury has express lanes with pictures - it has hand baskets and little trolleys with hand-basket-sized baskets. The express lane shows pictures of both so that those unable to carry their basket can have a little trolley and still use the express queue.

Cc

That's great and a partial solution, but unfortunately, most wheel chairs are as wide or wider than a typical grocery cart.

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :

Ah, but we also have wider 'wheelchair-friendly' lanes, where such users have priority, and trolleys designed to be pushed by wheelchair users.

My giddy aunt - sounds like Trumpton might be in the forefront of supermarket trolley technology! Who'd have thought it possible?

Corpus

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :

So what it all boils down to, is that if grocery stores want to prevent queue rage, they should actually ENFORCE the rules they already have in place.

If they don't, I'm all in favor of vigilante queue justice. Everybody in line behind the rule-breaker could mob their trolley and throw items out onto the floor until it's down to the maximum number allowed. It would never happen, I'm sure, but it makes me feel better to contemplate it. [Snigger]

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :

I have been in a queue at a standard checkout and heard someone mutter to her husband about the woman at the front of the queue in a wheelchair who was taking so long to get through. "Gaw, we'll be 'ere al-f**king-day - she's supposed to use that checkout."

"That" check-out (the wheelchair friendly one)was full of dumb bimbos with boyfriends wearing just shorts, sizeable (and visible) muscles and heavily laden but easily lifted baskets.

Since her husband/spouse/lover/significant other was about twice my size all over, and his semi-clad state made clear the tattooes on his rippling muscles (and he had rippling muscles in places I don't have muscles at all) I nailed my colours firmly to the fence and said nought. [Hot and Hormonal]

Corpus

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :

...but I did "tut" loudly when they were out of earshot.

Cc

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Corpus cani:
...but I did "tut" loudly when they were out of earshot.

Cc

That showed 'em.

Posted by Living in Gin (# 2572) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:

quote:
Originally posted by Pax Romana:
The trouble is that New Yorkers have no concept of space and how to use it. To a New York business person, empty space is just one more place to put something. If you are even remotely claustophobic, this is not the place to go shopping.
It's not a New York thing. Grocery stores in the spacious west are just as bad.

You've obviously never shopped at Fairway or Zabar's, then. [Smile]

[ 30. July 2005, 18:39: Message edited by: Living in Gin ]

Posted by dorcas (# 4775) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Corpus cani:
I find a cassock is a great way to skip the queues - yer average person can't wait to get me out of the shop and I get sent to the front of the queue almost every time.

If I wore a cassock to the supermarket deliberately, it would be a grave sin...

Corpus
(Mind you, everybody has a good scan of my trolley as I pass, so it's not a good way to bulk buy gin or condoms...)

Posted by saysay (# 6645) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mertseger:
OT: any one know the exact wording on Trader Joes' express lanes? It's something like "10 items. A few more, a few less, no big deal." Gah! It makes me want to weep every time I see it. What's the point of having such a lane if you're not even going to try to set some limits?

OMG! Someone figured out how people actually use the Express Lane and decided to describe it accurately. DOOMED, I tell you, we're all DOOMED!

Posted by Sine Nomine (# 3631) on :

A woman once ran over my foot with a heavily loaded shopping cart in her effort to get into the checkout line ahead of me and the friend I was shopping with.

My friend, not a shrinking violet, said "stupid bitch" in a carrying tone of voice and pushed our cart in behind said bitch, trapping her in the checkout line. Whereupon he continued along the lines of "Can't believe that woman. How rude. Who does she think she is? Are you alright?" etc.

She had her back to us but you could see her neck was beet-red. I'd like to say it was very satisfying but actually, being of a shy and retiring disposition, it was rather embarrassing.

This was in a rich part of town and you could tell she was shocked that trash would talk that way to People Like Her.

She probably also parks her SUV in the No Parking lane along side Starbucks in the same part of town. I call it "the No Parking except for SUVs lane".

Posted by Corpus cani (# 1663) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sine Nomine:
...being of a shy and retiring disposition..

[ 30. July 2005, 19:28: Message edited by: Corpus cani ]

Posted by The Bede's American Successor (# 5042) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mertseger:
OT: any one know the exact wording on Trader Joes' express lanes? It's something like "10 items. A few more, a few less, no big deal." Gah! It makes me want to weep every time I see it. What's the point of having such a lane if you're not even going to try to set some limits?

In Everett, TJs solves the problem by making us use small carts. After you place your case of Two (Three) Buck Chuck in it, there isn't much other room. Besides the keep enough people working there to keep the lines moving.

Instead, the signs on the checkouts at TJs are named after various major streets in Everett, like Rucker Avenue, Colby Avenue, Hewitt Avenue, and—our favorite—Everett Mall Way. I think even Marine View Drive made it into the mix.

Posted by The Bede's American Successor (# 5042) on :

quote:
Originally posted by The Riv:
Some unhellish thoughts: why not ask your store manager to change the qualification of the express lanes to "Single Hand Baskets Only -- No Carts, Please. Thank you."...And, the store could narrow that queue enough so that a push cart would not fit.

You've never had to work a grocery store in one of the provided electric carts because you and your crutches can't handle a cart, have you? The ADA is a wonderful thing.

(I guess I should return my key to Fred Meyer's now that I don't need it any more.)

Posted by The Bede's American Successor (# 5042) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Peronel:
Except some people - my grandmother for one - cannot manage to carry a basket, but can push a trolley.

One reason why I don't need an electric cart to shop anymore is that the cart takes the place of my cane: provides enough steadying so I can walk around in crowds.

I'm learning that having a cane around can help you sidestep some rules at times, though. [Snigger]

LATA, you might consider shopping with one. You can also use it to keep your kids and any nuns in line.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Bede:

quote:
I'm learning that having a cane around can help you sidestep some rules at times, though. LATA, you might consider shopping with one. You can also use it to keep your kids and any nuns in line.

You know, that's a thought. There's something about a cane being shaken in admonishment that strikes terror in the heart of all. [Eek!]

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :

One problem with a 'baskets only' policy is that you can fit a very large number of small items into a basket, and each has to be rung up separately. I'm thinking of things like spices.

Moo

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

...Or tins of sardines. I reckon I could fit about 70 tins of sardines in a supermarket basket.

I have no problem with letting anyone with one or two things go ahead of me if I have a full trolley. I'm most likely to do this with elderly folk, pregnant woman or people with a tribe of toddlers.

Clergy can wait (unless old, pregnant or with a tribe of toddlers). Sorry folks, but here in Multi-cultural inner Melbourne, by the time I let through all the nuns, priests (Orthodox), priests (non-Orthodox), Imams, monks and I don't know who else, I'd never get through myself.

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :

...The Tribe of Toddlers are a mysterious, secretive clan, given to strange eating habits, unintelligible guttural mutterings and unpredictable hygienic practices. Approach with caution.

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Living in Gin:

quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:

quote:
Originally posted by Pax Romana:
The trouble is that New Yorkers have no concept of space and how to use it. To a New York business person, empty space is just one more place to put something. If you are even remotely claustophobic, this is not the place to go shopping.
It's not a New York thing. Grocery stores in the spacious west are just as bad.
You've obviously never shopped at Fairway or Zabar's, then.

I've never heard of Fairway, but I've seen Zabar's in the movies, and my local Trader Joe's looks more crowded with stuff.

Posted by Living in Gin (# 2572) on :

Fairway makes any aisle at Trader Joe's look like an airport tarmac.

(That said, I absolutely love Fairway... Talk about sensory overload. One of the few things I actually miss about NYC, even if I rarely spent a dime there.)

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
Sorry folks, but here in Multi-cultural inner Melbourne, by the time I let through all the nuns, priests (Orthodox), priests (non-Orthodox), Imams, monks and I don't know who else, I'd never get through myself.

I'm just trying to imagine what your supermarket must be like with hordes of clergy in their traditional outfits wandering round it with baskets and trolleys, all blatantly disregarding the "Five Items or Less" sign, and presumably outnumbering the regular shoppers. I virtually never see any clerical people of any description in any supermarket.

It is quite an interesting thought though that there is this vast niche market that supermarkets aren't tapping. Maybe they could have an aisle of religious things aimed at the clerical shopper. You could get your pound of onions, bottle of gin, and a six-pack of fluorescent holy statues all in the same shop.

And if you can now do weddings in supermarkets (there was a couple who got married in Asda last year) why not other things? It would make a lot of sense to have (for example) an in-store confessional. Obviously something like this would have to be coin-operated, but once you'd put money in the slot to get in, you could then tell the priest how guilty you felt about squandering the housekeeping on gin.

Posted by Erin (# 2) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Living in Gin:
Back in high school, I spent the better part of a year working as a cashier at a Winn-Dixie supermarket in Jacksonville, Florida.

Well there's your problem right there. Other than the mega-mart in Ponte Vedra, every W-D store I've ever been in is a shithole.

quote:
There were many others... But the Monarch of Wierdness was Jerry, our store manager. He once clipped off a bagger's mullet in the store office, against the bagger's will.

Every single one of his offences can be forgiven on the basis of this alone.

Viola and others will be happy to know that the preferred supermarket in this area, Publix, changed their express lane signage a long time ago to read "10 Items or Fewer". So there is at least one marketing department that employs people who've passed sixth-grade English.

Posted by Grits (# 4169) on :

Try grocery shopping with a kid in a wheelchair. He immediately becomes "The Human Grocery Cart". I put one of the plastic baskets in his lap, and use it for lightweight items, like chips, bread, cereal, etc. It doesn't take much like that to fill it up, however. Anything heavy, like milk or detergent, gets wedged in beside him, or under him, or on the back handles. It's pretty hilarious. I tell folks I know it's time to stop when I can't see him anymore! Then we go through the self-checkout line for any size order, which I love. I fill the bags, give him one or two light ones to carry in his lap, then hook the rest of them on me or the chair. We've never had any trouble with other shoppers or store personnel. It's all about attitude. [Smile]

Posted by LutheranChik (# 9826) on :

Interestingly, lately I've had an inordinate number of fellow supermarket shoppers invite me to take cuts in line because I only have a few items in my basket. (I tend to run in for this or that on a daily basis.) At first I thought people were in a particularly neighborly mood, but now I worry that I appear somehow challenged , and that they're taking pity on my affliction. [Biased]

Posted by Linguo (# 7220) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
And if you can now do weddings in supermarkets (there was a couple who got married in Asda last year) why not other things? It would make a lot of sense to have (for example) an in-store confessional. Obviously something like this would have to be coin-operated, but once you'd put money in the slot to get in, you could then tell the priest how guilty you felt about squandering the housekeeping on gin.

Asda introduced chaplains in some stores a couple of years ago.

Posted by Rat (# 3373) on :

I was in Marks & Spencer's this morning, and noted that the express line in their food section is marked '10 items or fewer'.

There's quality for you.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:

quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
Sorry folks, but here in Multi-cultural inner Melbourne, by the time I let through all the nuns, priests (Orthodox), priests (non-Orthodox), Imams, monks and I don't know who else, I'd never get through myself.
I'm just trying to imagine what your supermarket must be like with hordes of clergy in their traditional outfits wandering round it with baskets and trolleys, all blatantly disregarding the "Five Items or Less" sign, and presumably outnumbering the regular shoppers. I virtually never see any clerical people of any description in any supermarket.

You should pop in one day. We have the lot. There's all the Cathlick and protty joints within a couple of blocks of the supermarket (including the aforesaid Mercy and Maronite Convents), a mosque not too far away at all (complete with The Imam that our Prime Minister saw fit to slag off last week in the press), a Kingdom Hall, and lots of Orthodox churches. There was a Sikh temple too, but that burned to the ground. I don't see many Buddhists though.

quote:

It is quite an interesting thought though that there is this vast niche market that supermarkets aren't tapping. Maybe they could have an aisle of religious things aimed at the clerical shopper. You could get your pound of onions, bottle of gin, and a six-pack of fluorescent holy statues all in the same shop.

In a multi-cultural area, that would be asking for trouble. There'd need to be a new code to deal with all the punch-ups as they congregate and get all uppity at what's on offer for the rival group. Imams, for example, probably would not approve of the sale of Gin in the same aisle as the Koran.

"Code 666 in Aisle 14. Assistance required".

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :

Can you imagine what would happen if pork sausage from Rev. Smith's basket accidentally fell into Rabbi Stein's basket? Or if Sister Mercy's tequila bottle touched Imam Wali's tangerines?

Everyone, of course, would be surreptitiously checking Fr. Brown's basket for condoms.

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Living in Gin:

quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:

quote:
Originally posted by Pax Romana:
The trouble is that New Yorkers have no concept of space and how to use it. To a New York business person, empty space is just one more place to put something. If you are even remotely claustophobic, this is not the place to go shopping.
It's not a New York thing. Grocery stores in the spacious west are just as bad.
You've obviously never shopped at Fairway or Zabar's, then.

... OR Food Town, OR C-Town, OR Key Food OR Gristedes or any other New York City supermarket. Free space in the aisles = some other place to put boxes of stuff so that it's hard for people to pass by or to reach some of the things on the shelves.

Add to this the usual supermarket stupidity that one encounters everywhere, and food shopping in New York City becomes a major annoyance.

Praise God for all those little corner grocery stores that we have all over the place here. When you can't deal with the thought of going through a supermarket line just to pick up a few items, the corner store can be a lifesaver.

Pax Romana

Posted by Living in Gin (# 2572) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Erin:

quote:
Originally posted by Living in Gin:
Back in high school, I spent the better part of a year working as a cashier at a Winn-Dixie supermarket in Jacksonville, Florida.
Well there's your problem right there. Other than the mega-mart in Ponte Vedra, every W-D store I've ever been in is a shithole.

I worked at the location at Baymeadows Road and Southside Boulevard. It was actually one of the nicer locations in the chain (I'll grant that Winn-Dixie sucks in general), but we still couldn't hold a candle to the large Publix store in the same shopping center that was consistently cleaner, better stocked, friendlier, and presumably not managed by a mouthwash-swilling nitwit.

Posted by Living in Gin (# 2572) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pax Romana:
Add to this the usual supermarket stupidity that one encounters everywhere, and food shopping in New York City becomes a major annoyance.

Agreed... I dreaded my bi-weekly trip to the neighborhood C-Town. Imagine the contents of a typical west coast Safeway crammed into a space roughly half the size of one. [Eek!]

Posted by Amorya (# 2652) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Rat:
I was in Marks & Spencer's this morning, and noted that the express line in their food section is marked '10 items or fewer'.

There's quality for you.

Tesco's just says "10 items only"! It makes me wonder if you're actually OK going in with only three items...

Posted by Foaming Draught (# 9134) on :

Two elderly retired phone men are pushing their carts around Walmart when they collide. The first old guy says to the second guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The second old guy says, "That's OK, It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The first old guy says, "Well, maybe I can help you find her. What does she look like?"
The second old guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big busted, and is wearing short shorts. What does your wife look like?"
The first old guy says, "Doesn't matter, let's look for yours."

Posted by The Dumb Acolyte (# 1158) on :

quote:
Gin sez:
You've obviously never shopped at Fairway or Zabar's, then.

My favorite part of the Lunatic Fairway Market on Broadway is the minute elevator! to the second floor organic department.

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by The Dumb Acolyte:
My favorite part of the Lunatic Fairway Market on Broadway is the minute elevator! to the second floor organic department.

Is that minnit as in how long it takes, or mynoot as in how small it is?

Posted by Living in Gin (# 2572) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:

quote:
Originally posted by The Dumb Acolyte:
My favorite part of the Lunatic Fairway Market on Broadway is the minute elevator! to the second floor organic department.
Is that minnit as in how long it takes, or mynoot as in how small it is?

I'm familiar with the elevator in question, and it's certainly the former... Minutes tick by, the sun crosses the sky, basketball seasons come and go, civilizations rise and fall, and galaxies are created and destroyed in the time it takes this elevator to travel the distance of roughly fifteen vertical feet.

Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on :

I loved reading this thread. Hugs all around! [Axe murder]

I was immediatley struck by the irony of LATA's "Mother Superior" moniker and her nun-ly avatar. Surprised nobdy else had fun with that.

But, I'm a rather un-hellish person always looking for a joke.

Bye, now...

Posted by sharkshooter (# 1589) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pax Romana:
...Praise God for all those little corner grocery stores that we have all over the place here. ...

where you can pay twice as much for prodcuts near or past their "best before" date.

Posted by Trini (# 7921) on :

At one supermarket chain, they've mostly solved this problem by making the "10 items or fewer" line a cash-only line as well. This helps a lot as most people don't seem to carry enough cash to pay for more than 10 items anyway.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

quote:
Originally posted by sharkshooter:

quote:
Originally posted by Pax Romana:
...Praise God for all those little corner grocery stores that we have all over the place here. ...
where you can pay twice as much for prodcuts near or past their "best before" date.

Ain't that the truth. Which is a real pity, because I like the idea of supporting my local small-business-person without cheeky tarts in tat* butting into my lane, but I'm truly over off-butter.

Has anyone tried on-line shopping? Is it as satisfying having a big truck pull into your driveway and unload a few bags of goodies?

*unsure if this is correct use of the term "tat", but you know what I mean.

[ 05. August 2005, 11:01: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

Posted by babybear (# 34) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
Has anyone tried on-line shopping? Is it as satisfying having a big truck pull into your driveway and unload a few bags of goodies?

Yup, I used to do most of my food shopping online (Iceland), but when we moved the only store that would deliver is Tesco. In all of our time with Iceland (about 5 years) we only had a couple of problems and those were very minor. When that happened I phoned the store and they were very apologetic and sorted the problem straight away.

Shopping online with Tesco has been a totally different box of cookies. Every single order was incomplete or wrong. We were charged for things we didn't receive. Stuff went missing. The worst it got was when I was charged about £14 extra. I got totally sick of speaking to their centralised helpdesk. I think that if I had be able to speak to someone in the shop the customer service would have been much better.

So, the short version of the story is: I no longer buy my food online. The only company that provides that service doesn't understand the word 'service'.

Posted by Choirboy (# 9659) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:

Has anyone tried on-line shopping? Is it as satisfying having a big truck pull into your driveway and unload a few bags of goodies?

On-line shopping is fairly new to the Midwest USA. We've used it pretty frequently. In our case, the service is impeccable and the produce is fresh, however it is somewhat more expensive (just a hair more than the top of the line 'brick and mortar' markets).

We do find we save money because shopping online tends to cut down on impulse purchases and forces you to plan the meals a little more completely.

We then used our neighborhood stores to supplement, when e.g. the milk has run out. Cuts out the big markets entirely.

Lately, we've done less of this and gone back to buying staples (esp. paper goods) at the big markets and fresh items from our local neighborhood stores. Our neighborhood stores seem to be better than those reported elsewhere on this thread. We just can't get our act together to plan the meals that far in advance to deal with the on-line shopping right now. Maybe when the weather gets colder and we're home more.....

Posted by kentishmaid (# 4767) on :

We get a weekly organic fruit 'n' veg box from an online company based nearby which is excellent. They also sell meat, dairy etc and we occasionally take advantage of that. Most of the rest of our meat comes from the butchers van at the market.

This thread reminds me of one of the reasons I avoid supermarkets as much as possible. (The other being that much of their buying behaviour seems, to me, to be ethically dubious at the very least. For further information, Joanna Blythmann's excellent book 'Shopped' should fill you in nicely). Basically I treat them as corner shops, and get the rest of my shopping from as many independent places as possible.

And, although in many instances these corner shop type places are a little more expensive, in other cases they are often cheaper and much of the food is a lot nicer!

Posted by HopPik (# 8510) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Left at the Altar:

Has anyone tried on-line shopping? Is it as satisfying having a big truck pull into your driveway and unload a few bags of goodies?

We tried online shopping a couple of years ago and stopped again almost immediately. It was fresh produce that was the problem. I want meat to have just enough fat to make it tasty but not too much. Broccoli with a hint of yellow? Forget it. Celery, leeks, I'll pick the bunch with most white in it. Avocados I'm going to squeeze. Etcetera.

The store claimed to employ "trained shoppers" to select goods but twas a joke. When I phoned after the first delivery they confessed that most of their "trained shoppers" were school leavers who had never shopped for a family in their lives. They wanted to attract "mature women" for the job but no luck so far. Nuff said.

Posted by mummyfrances (# 8635) on :

wrt the online shopping issue: i have found it to be a godsend when trying to shop for a brownie (girl scout) pack holiday: cooking for twenty to thirty people for a weekend means a lot of food, so getting someone else to do the trolley/queuing part for you rocks. [Yipee]

not so sure for everyday use however.

Evidently correct use of the "10 items or less" (YES: i did scowl. a lot.) line has not reached cheam yet... i was enraged in tescos last week when a man with two full baskets of bread rolls (maybe twenty packets) and his wife, carrying another full basket, joined the line, pushing in front of me. AND they had the cheek to stand whining about someone else who was taking a while due to being a solo adult with small children and shopping to pack. [brick wall]

Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :

Until recently I ordered my housebound mother's shopping on line at Tesco. There were occasional blips, wrong items delivered etc, or substitute items she didn't want, and of course it's not as good as being able to select your fruit and veg for ripeness exactly as you would want, but we found it a godsend, especially for routine, packaged, bulky or heavy stuff like detergent, soap, loo paper and the like.

Posted by Sinisterial (# 5834) on :

Last Friday night - I went to Woolworths. Thinking that I would be buying several items, I took a trolley. I ended up selecting nine items.
When I went to the checkout I had the choice of two regular aisles with many full trolleys waiting to be served and three "express checkouts - handbaskets only" aisles. I considered transferring all of my purchases to a handbasket and leaving the trolley in the store - but to be nice I thought I would take the trolley back to the entry for them so I did not do this.

When I got to the checkout girl I was told - "I'm sorry, this is a handbasket counter only" I persisted with "But I only have nine items." She insisted, but by that time I had already unloaded and my girlfriend had taken the trolley back.

Am I in the same league as our habited friend?

Posted by Pure as the Driven Yellow Snow (# 9397) on :

quote:
When I got to the checkout girl I was told - "I'm sorry, this is a handbasket counter only" I persisted with "But I only have nine items." She insisted, but by that time I had already unloaded and my girlfriend had taken the trolley back.

Am I in the same league as our habited friend? [/QB]

Generally No because you upheld the spirit of the law, but if it were the Hilton Woolworth's then I'm afraid you are going to burn in Hell.

Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :

Sinestrial from Adelaide writes:

quote:

Last Friday night - I went to Woolworths. Thinking that I would be buying several items, I took a trolley. I ended up selecting nine items.
When I went to the checkout I had the choice of two regular aisles with many full trolleys waiting to be served and three "express checkouts - handbaskets only" aisles. I considered transferring all of my purchases to a handbasket and leaving the trolley in the store - but to be nice I thought I would take the trolley back to the entry for them so I did not do this.

When I got to the checkout girl I was told - "I'm sorry, this is a handbasket counter only" I persisted with "But I only have nine items." She insisted, but by that time I had already unloaded and my girlfriend had taken the trolley back.

Am I in the same league as our habited friend?

I think not. Your local Woolies does seem a tad beaurcratic. Write to the store manager and move your business to Coles or IGA.

[ 15. August 2005, 06:32: Message edited by: Left at the Altar ]

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