quote:

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Originally posted by starbelly:
I do not want to join your friends network.
I do not want to share photos with you.
I do not want to tell you my birthday so you can update your contacts list.
Thank you, now leave me alone.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
I like being miserable with my inadquate sex organs, small house, old television without connection to porn channels and my complete and utter lack of savings.

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Take my life. You'll be ecstatic.

When asked, who the Hell do you expect to please with that pathetic appendage, the only possible answer is 'Me'
 

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Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Telemarketing has, so far at least, failed to appear over here. For this I am truly grateful.

I do, however, feel some sympathy for the cold claers as it must be a pretty tough job.
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
Duchess I heard it said that if you're really not going to be interested, the best thing you can do for a telesales person is to hang up on them, because if they ever let a prospective customer go voluntarily without infinite efforts to keep them talking they're likely to be fired, any truth in that?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Pure as the Driven Yellow Snow:

quote:

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Originally posted by Left at the Altar:
I like being miserable with my inadquate sex organs, small house, old television without connection to porn channels and my complete and utter lack of savings.

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Take my life. You'll be ecstatic.

When asked, who the Hell do you expect to please with that pathetic appendage, the only possible answer is 'Me'

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quote:

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Originally posted by RooK:

What I want is a third route I can shunt callers into. My standard "no answer" message, my blunter "busy" message, and another one. One to use if I recognize that I not only don't want to talk to the person but also that I don't want them to want to talk to me.

RING RI-
"FUCK OFF AND DIE!"
-click-

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quote:

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Originally posted by starbelly:
I do not want to join your friends network.
I do not want to share photos with you.
I do not want to tell you my birthday so you can update your contacts list.
Thank you, now leave me alone.

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I regularly get friends network/photo/contact update emails from people I knew many moons ago in an MSN "Christian" community.

It was a hotbed of raving fundies, psychopaths, goldiggers, compulsive liars and the insane.

Should I ever wish to have my savings stolen, my faith crushed or catch a strange disease I'll be in touch. Until then, they can bog off.

[ 28. October 2006, 08:24: Message edited by: Cartmel Veteran ]
 

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Posted by Flubb (# 918) on :
 
Telemarketer payback :>

I want to do this
 

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Posted by starbelly (# 25) on :
 
Telemarketers I can hang up on without worry, spam mail in general I have learnt to live with.

It is people I know, and have met, and I thought had a life who are sending me all these annoying requests to waste my time. Friends network? I am already your fucking friend, do you really need a list of friends to make you feel better (all this goes for frigging MySpace as well... stupid idea that is)
 

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Posted by Arabella Purity Winterbottom (# 3434) on :
 
I do not want to purchase SKY. I don't have a television. So why do you ring me every three weeks or so?

I don't understand why I haven't been taken off their list. I've asked.
 

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Posted by Ophelia (# 3136) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
Telemarketing has, so far at least, failed to appear over here. For this I am truly grateful.

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Which is ironic, as the last 4 cold calls I've had have all been from there!


I do not want to read your "forward, forward" email.
I do not want to send it on to 10 people to make my wish come true.

Your are an intelligent proffesional. How can you belive this stuff? It is bollocks. Stop plaguing me with it.
Thank you.
 

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Posted by Meg the Red (# 11838) on :
 
I do not, ever again, want to hear "Oh, I got finally get to talk to a real person!"

I hear it 14 times a day.

What in High Holy Hell do you want me to say in reply, O Ye With the Brains of A Moribund Gopher?

I understand that you do not like the the automated phone system. I understand that a person of your phenomenal importance expects the the planets to freeze in their courses when you decide to lift the receiver. I understand that you expect my vastly underfunded workplace to pay a stable of otherwise redundant employees to spend 8 hours a day gazing longingly at their telephones in the fervent hope that you will contact them to ask a question of stunning inanity.

I understand this. Rest assured that it would not be so if I ran the universe.

Tragically, I do not run the universe. Because, if I did, you would be dropped on your head from a height, repeatedly and with considerable vigour, for bitching at those of us who have no control over our employer's choice of communication systems.

Thank you for your call. Have a nice day.
 

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Posted by *Leon* (# 3377) on :
 
Has anyone tried this?
 

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Posted by Late Paul (# 37) on :
 
If you're in the UK, sign up to this service. It's free and it works.

Duchess - it's sounds like you're in the wrong job. Not only because I think anyone who does that is but because you get upset when someone is rude or hangs up, which would seem to be an occupational hazard.
 

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Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
I do not want to check $200.00, $400.00 or $1000.00. I do not want to give you any money at all ever again. I'm so sorry about the first time I could kick myself. Quit filling my mail box with sob stories about the children that will die today, if I don't fork over. Instead, I've dedicated my charity money to those shoe boxes full of Christmas toys -- I'd like to see the soldiers in Iraq use that!

Particularly the pink dress-up outfit with the jeweled tiara.
 

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Posted by Hazey*Jane (# 8754) on :
 
If you are my friend, why are you sending me an email that, if I don't forward it to fifteen people in the next five minutes, will curse me to bad luck. Eh?
 

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Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :
 
I have recently changed my email options so that any email message that I receive from a person I know quite well, goes straight to my Junk Mail folder.

I am so sick of the shite that she sends me. Chain letters, virus hoaxes, "lovely" prayers for this or that. Blerrr.

Silly cow.
 

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Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
tps works - we had signed up for it, then we moved. We started getting a lot of calls again, so we signed up again, and they stopped, largely.

I do feel sorry for tele-marketing people. It must be such a soul-destroying job - which probably explains why it is run by Satan. I realise that the people doing it are often just doing a job, even if the job sucks.

And even if I did want a penis enlargement, what are the chances I would let an organisation with the sort of morals to randomly spam people anywhere near my member? Less than zero.
 

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Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
The only thing TPS doesn't work against are the automated taped American voices selling holidays that ring you back if you hang up too quickly - and leave messages on the answerphone.



But any person who calls just needs telling that they should check TPS and they go away.
 

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Posted by St. Punk the Pious (# 683) on :
 
If you do not reply to this post and forward to 100 people in 10 minutes, you'll have bad luck for ten years. Then your head will explode.
 

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Posted by basso (# 4228) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by starbelly:

I do not want to tell you my birthday so you can update your contacts list.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Cartmel Veteran:
[I regularly get friends network/photo/contact update emails from people I knew many moons ago in an MSN "Christian" community.

It was a hotbed of raving fundies, psychopaths, goldiggers, compulsive liars and the insane.

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NOT like SoF then!!
 

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Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :
 
As mentioned by RuthW on another thread ... I do not want to hear your unsolicited advice. Please just take it and shove it up your ass sideways. Thank you. Goodbye.
 

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Posted by Telepath (# 3534) on :
 
I do not give a stuff about the Drongo virus, or whatever other virus hoax you are propagating this week. That's because I know how to use my PC, which is more than you seem to be willing to bother finding out.

I do not want to forward some sappy, misattributed poem to 150 of my closest, soon-to-be-ex friends so that you can kid yourself that the American Cancer Society will get three cents every time I do this.

I also do not want to politely and discreetly draw your attention to the Snopes page which explains, very patiently, why chain letters like this force the American Cancer Society to divert resources to answering queries about hoax chain letters - resources which would otherwise go to actual kids with actual cancer.

That's because, when I sent you the Snopes page about the Drongo virus hoax, you replied, "well other people have said that to me, id rather send it to everyone and, have it be nothing than not tell anyone and have it turn out to be real!!!"

You had all the resources to find out whether the glurgey poem was real, without wasting a single electrical impulse out of your vacuous, attention-seeking head, and you chose not to use them, so that we could all see what a sentimental drip you are and how much you reeely, reeeellly care about fictitious kiddywinks with cancer of the hemistich.

And while we're at it, it was very nice of you to take the trouble to handwrite that letter declining my party invitation, but that does not mean I want to cancel my party so I can instead go to your charity fundraiser the same night. Much as the prospect of dining on half a room-temperature pre-baked Lidl potato enchants me, especially against the background of a lively Trivial Pursuit game, it would be a dishonour to my guests to let them know I've better fish to fry and that everybody who is anybody will be playing Twister in your living room in hopes of winning the single cheese straw that your hostessly largesse has spread upon the groaning board. Plus I'm not too keen on parties where I have to bring my own drinking water, especially when I've got to stump up for the entrance fee as well.

Against all of that, your apology for the quality of the writing paper was a nice touch. Stylish.
 

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Posted by Henry Troup (# 3722) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by *Leon*:
Has anyone tried this?

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
The only thing TPS doesn't work against are the automated taped American voices selling holidays that ring you back if you hang up too quickly - and leave messages on the answerphone.

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quote:

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Originally posted by ozowen:
At work we have frequent bouts of Indian tele marketers sho have been poorly trained to talk to Australians.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Scholar Gypsy:
I do not wish telemarketers to call me by my first name and repeat it constantly throughout the conversation to demonstrate that they've remembered it.
I do not want BT, or anyone else, to send me bills addressing me by my first name.

We do not know one another, we have never met.
I am corresponding with you soley for business purposes.
I am your customer - you are (supposedly) providing a service for me, for which I am paying you. End of story.

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And don't call me 'love', or 'darling' or even 'pet'. I am none of these to you, and instead of endearing you to me, you are only pissing me off further.

I find TPS works quite well too, although call centres in India still get through. When they can't pronounce my last name (which is mildly Welsh and EXTREMELY commonly found), it's a bit of a giveaway.
 

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Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 
I simply find that "Hello, Mr. Papio, my name is Pointlessdrone and I'm calling to enqu.." "Fuck Off" *SLAM* works pretty well.

Call me old fashioned but I find the idea that people are entitled to call me when I am at home and try to flog me some hideous piece of crap that I don't want is fucking outrageous. The companies that can't even be arsed to get a real person to do the calling are the fucking pits. "Hello Mr. Papio. This is a robot from Shoddy and Shite calling to see if you want double glazing. Press 1 to hear a list of our prices. Press 2 to book an appointment".

So, do I press 3 if I want you and your company to rot in hades for all eternity but only after I have informed you that I would rather decapitate myself with a rabid weasel then buy anything whatsoever from you under any circumstances that it would be possible for you to elucidate? Do I press 4 if I wish to point out that disturbing me and trying to flog some dreary piece of shite to me when you can't even be arsed to hire a real person to talk to me makes me slightly less inclined to buy your worthless product then I would be to attempt to remove my own innards with a teaspoon?

If I wanted you 10nth-rate product, and shitty customer "service" and obviously piss-poor attitude and general fuckwittedness and thorough-going incompetance, I would be asking you for it. The fact that I haven't is therefore a clue as to whether I am interested in doing buisness with you or not. Now fuck off and die, worthless scum.
 

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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
I don't want to receive another taped call from Al Gore, Bill Clinton, Arnold Schwarzenneger, a nurse, a teacher, or a police officer urging me to vote for ... I have no idea, because I hang up or delete the message.
 

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Posted by St. Punk the Pious (# 683) on :
 
I don't want you to call me only to immediately put me on hold. What? Do you want me to hang up?
 

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Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :
 
I have a name which people who don't actually have any dealings with or knowledge of me, are likely to get wrong. It's a very useful filter.
 

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Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :
 
I am a woman. I do not take Viagra. So stop trying to sell it to me.

I do not need a penis enlarger, for the same reason.

I don't want any of your crazy stock tips. If I want stock tips, I will go to a real stockbroker and get some real advice.

The next time you send me one of those stupid good-luck chain letters, I am going to send it back to you telling you that you have to send it to 500 people within the next 30 seconds or all of your fingers and toes will fall off and your eyes will bug out of your head.

The next time you get the urge to forward something that looks suspiciously like an urban legend, CHECK IT OUT BEFORE YOU SEND IT TO ANYONE. If you don't know how to do that, here is a good resource: Snopes.com.

This includes virus hoaxes. I have good virus spyware protection on my PC and I know how to be careful. I don't want to be warned about something I don't need to be warned about.

Now I feel better.

Pax Romana
 

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Posted by OliviaG (# 9881) on :
 
Dear francospammer,

My French sucks. But it doesn't suck so much that I can't tell that you're phishing en francais. I don't have an account with Caisse Desjardins. I've never even set foot in Quebec. Tabernac! OliviaG
 

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Posted by mertide (# 4500) on :
 
OliviaG: I'll swap your French spam (which I might at least understand a little) for my Portuguese (where I only understand Viagra). Somehow I got on a Brazilian spammer mailing list.
 

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Posted by Papio (# 4201) on :
 
I just missed a call, dialled 1471, and was told by some woman in a tone of voice which suggested extreme annoyance with me, world weariness and hinted at deep ingratitude on my part that I "was called today by homeserve. We will call again later".

Fuck Off. I don't want you to call me at all, you morons, and I esp don't want you to call me and then leave patronising messages in a tone of voice that suggests that you are doing me some wonderful favour and going out of your way to be really nice to me by calling me and that I ought to be more grateful. Fuck you.

[ 13. November 2006, 19:01: Message edited by: Papio ]
 

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Posted by Derf (# 2093) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by starbelly:
Telemarketers I can hang up on without worry, spam mail in general I have learnt to live with.

It is people I know, and have met, and I thought had a life who are sending me all these annoying requests to waste my time. Friends network? I am already your fucking friend, do you really need a list of friends to make you feel better (all this goes for frigging MySpace as well... stupid idea that is)

---

What really bemuses me is why people who are my friends on bebo (I signed up as a way of keeping in touch with a friend who moved across the pond and look at her blog and stuff occasionally) also want me to be their friends on myspace, facebook and who knows what else. How many sets of friends does one person need?! (especially when they're all the same...)
 

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Posted by Zingara (# 12068) on :
 
on the whole telemarketing thing...
i LOVE it when they call to ask you about having a conservatory installed... and they talk for ages and you really get them going, and they think they're about to make their sale of the day... and then you let slip that actually you live on the 9th floor of a high-rise building... you can actually HEAR their little hearts breaking!
 

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Posted by Emma. (# 3571) on :
 
And you find the time to do that?!
 

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Posted by My Duck (# 11924) on :
 
Phone call last night at the usual inconvenient time... "Mr Duck, as you are such a valued customer of XXX we are offering you this special unmissable deal on home insurance.."

Me "but I already have home insurance"

Them "but this is a special deal which you will find.."

Me (interrupting) "but I already have home insurance"

Them "but.."

Echoes of slammed down phone
 

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Posted by Malin (# 11769) on :
 
I have to say I enjoyed my chat with the salesperson trying to get me to take a hot drinks machine for an outdoor centre with no road access and no electricity ...

'...but does it require electricity?'
'It uses very little power ...'
'We don't have electricity.'
'...it uses very little electricity'
'We don't have ANY electricity'
'??? You have no electricity???'
'None. By the way ... do you deliver by boat?'

She sounded so confused I didn't have the heart to tell her my organisation had a policy of buying nothing from Nestle anyway.
 

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Posted by Zingara (# 12068) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Emma.:
And you find the time to do that?!

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