Thread: HELL: Flame Filius Luciferi: The proper care and feeding of a troll Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.


To visit this thread, use this URL:
http://forum.ship-of-fools.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=11;t=000625

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 
Before I was so rudely terminated by the stiffs:

Doublethink:''(BTW, re your sewage outlet crack, you do realise women ooze bloody mucus outta that orifice you might one day manage to put your cick in ?)''

I see you're obviously suffering pre and post M.T. DT... Just like my missus and she's just a bad-tempered harpie on the one week in four when she isn't....

D.T.:''Oh, apparently I find the thought of your genitals too unpleasant to want to spell any of them - oh well never mind.''

That's OK ... I don't do charity work for double-baggers like you anyway, so you're as safe as houses.

PeteCanada:''Gad, is this another BNP type? If so, we can just let him hang himself. Shouldn't take long at the rate he's going.''

Yes! I am 'well-hung' already Pete!

[ 20. June 2007, 18:56: Message edited by: RooK ]
 

---

Posted by kentishmaid (# 4767) on :
 
Oh. Dear.
 

---

Posted by dogwonderer (# 12169) on :
 
Oh, boy. This is gonna be good; I'm so glad it's not me in the shit.

The kettle's on, and I have a whole packet of chocolate Hobnobs.

Let the massacre commence...
 

---

Posted by the giant cheeseburger (# 10942) on :
 
Hmmmmm, apprentice + Hell OP = big target on back

Bad move.
 

---

Posted by Wesley J (# 6075) on :
 
Whereas a nicely fried cheeseburger... mmmmh!
 

---

Posted by J Whitgift (# 1981) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Filius Luciferi:
Before I was so rudely terminated by the stiffs:

---

Hmmm, insulting the Hosts, always a good start, especially in Hell. Wonder how long it will be before we get flame grilled Filius.

Anyone got any popcorn, this could be good.
 

---

Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
I was just going to post itne the styx how we don't get the loonies like we used to and hey presto one appears.
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 
No, no ... you misunderstand, I've been around awhile. I've also been around a bit too and got a good few miles on my clock (this is not a typo BTW but it would still hold true if it was)
And banned from more liberal-diseased, stiff-infested, fora and fawners than I care to remember. But it's all water off a duck's arse to me.

quote:

---

Originally posted by dogwonderer:
Oh, boy. This is gonna be good; I'm so glad it's not me in the shit.

The kettle's on, and I have a whole packet of chocolate Hobnobs.

Let the massacre commence...

---

No problem......

A 'whole packet of choccie hobnobs' eh DW? I'll bet you're 'good with colours' too duckie....

As for being in the shit ... this is an ongoing situation for me ... only the depth I'm in the ordure varies.

 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by J Whitgift:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Filius Luciferi:
Before I was so rudely terminated by the stiffs:

---

Hmmm, insulting the Hosts, always a good start, especially in Hell. Wonder how long it will be before we get flame grilled Filius.

Anyone got any popcorn, this could be good.

---

Fuck me! I see you're from Croydon J.W.! You should have a word with Ken Frost over at Nannyknowsbest who also lives there ... and he thinks the place is a shithole too. You're not on the local council by any chance?

 

---

Posted by dogwonderer (# 12169) on :
 
So, since you’re so long in the tooth and worldly wise about these things, what exactly are you hoping to achieve here? You must know your miserably tedious attitude will only incite derision, and you’ll just end up looking silly. Are you searching for some sort of affirmation here? If so, here it is: you’re a wanker. There, does that hit the spot? Or are you just after a cheap thrill? A little fight, to stir you out of the deep ennui of your pathetic insignificance? Really- you’ve got me all curious, despite myself.
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by the giant cheeseburger:
Hmmmmm, apprentice + Hell OP = big target on back

Bad move.

---

How so? I may be a natural target ... but you have yet to prove your aim is good.

''The host of his Persian Majesty, Xerxes, is innumerable and their arrows shall surely blot out the sun''

Dienekes:''Then we shall have our battle in the shade''
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 
Little refresher course D.W.

4. If you must get personal, take it to Hell

If you get into a personality conflict with other shipmates, you have two simple choices: end the argument or take it to Hell.

So I've come to the right place. I like it here already........

5. Don't easily offend, don't be easily offended

Disagreement is normal here. Try not to nurse hurt feelings, and, conversely, if you know you've stuffed it up, cop to it without excuse. We've all had to at some point.

I'm certainly not easily offended and only apologize when I'm caught red-handed wiping my dick on the mother-in-law's curtains. Read on Macduff..

''You must know your miserably tedious attitude will only incite derision, and you’ll just end up looking silly.''

I can achieve that quite easily (as can most people) after a night on the piss.

''Are you searching for some sort of affirmation here?''

No, just looking to pop a few liberal balloons.

''If so, here it is: you’re a wanker.''

Yes, this has been said and I admit to the occasional lapse into the sins of Onan. What about yourself? I take it your Widow Palm and her five lovely daughters remain celibate then?

''There, does that hit the spot?''

Not my G-spot that's for sure.

''Or are you just after a cheap thrill? A little fight, to stir you out of the deep ennui of your pathetic insignificance? Really- you’ve got me all curious, despite myself.''

See? I've roused you from your tedious humdrum personality and made you think that maybe you ARE as morally superior as you think you are. Just pissing up your back for a while here of course.



 

---

Posted by J Whitgift (# 1981) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Filius Luciferi:

quote:

---

Originally posted by J Whitgift:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Filius Luciferi:
Before I was so rudely terminated by the stiffs:

---

Hmmm, insulting the Hosts, always a good start, especially in Hell. Wonder how long it will be before we get flame grilled Filius.

Anyone got any popcorn, this could be good.

---

Fuck me! I see you're from Croydon J.W.! You should have a word with Ken Frost over at Nannyknowsbest who also lives there ... and he thinks the place is a shithole too. You're not on the local council by any chance?

---

That the tomb of my namesake can be found in Croydon does not mean I live there. And if you think I'm going to tell you who I am IRL then you have another thing coming ...
 

---

Posted by Horseman Bree (# 5290) on :
 
Beyond throwing a few schoolyard words around, and being able to throw a quote or two, does this OP'er actually have anything to say? I haven't seen a real rant yet!
 

---

Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
He really just wants to show of his loony credentials by using a few rude words. Probably a very young lunatic.
 

---

Posted by the coiled spring (# 2872) on :
 
Having seen Tullah Bankhead in full flight for 2 days,I must be honest young Filius Luciferi you are not that good at this game. She was brilliant and her aim was true. Just because lesser mortals gang up to slap you down does not make you good and to be honest they are not winning.
They lost the hunger for rimming Rook and others for to long.

[ 19. June 2007, 10:24: Message edited by: the coiled spring ]
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 
The rude words are purely for RooK's delectation, he says that looking at them makes him automatically flob his jizz on the keyboard. Good job I don't use boldface Arial then or his conkers might explode and make a nasty mess of his hard-drive.

What would you like me to rant about? Immigration? That's always a good one for ruffling the liberal plumage, especially of the Corvine variety eh RooK? So fire away my little chickadees.
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 
BTW. I have taken the liberty (staying with a nautical flavour here being an ex-matelot myself o|--) of inviting around a few of my old muckers from www.thebollocks.com (sadly now defunct)

They are both of them nasty, spiteful, vicious racists and possibly vote BNP and shave their heads as well. Most unlike myself and my cheery brand of racism and venom. I do hope they'll RSVP.
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by the coiled spring:
They lost the hunger for rimming Rook and others for to long.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Filius Luciferi:
That's always a good one for ruffling the liberal plumage, especially of the Corvine variety eh RooK? So fire away my little chickadees.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by the coiled spring:
Having seen Tullah Bankhead in full flight for 2 days,I must be honest young Filius Luciferi you are not that good at this game. She was brilliant and her aim was true. Just because lesser mortals gang up to slap you down does not make you good and to be honest they are not winning.
They lost the hunger for rimming Rook and others for to long.

---

I am preening myself over the 'young' bit C.S., (I am in fact a 'coffin-dodger' according to my 'charges' They do say I'm a nonce, a paedophile and a nasty, bald-headed little cunt as well which gives me great mirth ... I'm not bald-headed BTW) however, to quote another nautical gentleman:''I have not yet begun to fight''
 

---

Posted by the coiled spring (# 2872) on :
 
Young Filius Luciferi, I also said you are not very good at this game, even though Ms Bankhead is dead, there are still many taught by her out there. Sadly not on Ship-of-Fools.
 

---

Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :
 
FL, what exactly is your point?
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Figbash:
[QB] [QUOTE]So this is all about annoying the nasty libruls is it? /QB]

---

I'm sure all our liberal friends are ardent and passionate in their misguided beliefs. They are also sure that anyone who disagrees with their dogmatic idiocy is wrong/racist/Neo-nazi/Anti-Semitic/homophobic blah blah, choose your epithet.
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 
Right, sun is almost over the yardarm ... time for some ale! o|--)
 

---

Posted by Figbash (# 9048) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Filius Luciferi:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Figbash:
[QB] [QUOTE]So this is all about annoying the nasty libruls is it? /QB]

---

I'm sure all our liberal friends are ardent and passionate in their misguided beliefs. They are also sure that anyone who disagrees with their dogmatic idiocy is wrong/racist/Neo-nazi/Anti-Semitic/homophobic blah blah, choose your epithet.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Filius Luciferi:
...just looking to pop a few liberal balloons.

...I've roused you from your tedious humdrum personality and made you think that maybe you ARE as morally superior as you think you are. Just pissing up your back for a while here of course.

---

quote:

---

I would like to clarify that when this angry chap said he was an 'ex-matelot', he is trying to convey that he used to serve in the Royal Navy.

---

Maybe he was a rear admiral.
 

---

Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :
 
I represented a matelot once who went down for murder (he confessed to it). But he was a nicer individual so it can't be FL...
 

---

Posted by WalsinghamNut (# 12673) on :
 
His profile raises an interesting conundrum.

Can an agnostic be the Anti-Christ? And if so, or not, could he reside in Hades?

Interesting he chose hades and not hell. Raises lots of interesting issues.
 

---

Posted by rufiki (# 11165) on :
 
Depends on your definition of Anti-Christ. I believe that some would hold that the Anti-Christ is one who would replace Christ, i.e. elevates him/her/itself to receive the power and adoration that belongs to Christ.

Didn't some people think the EU was the Anti-Christ?
 

---

Posted by WalsinghamNut (# 12673) on :
 
Come on. The EU! Not even the devil could be that sort of a disorganised mess. I am sure if he heard you, his feelings would be very hurt.
 

---

Posted by rufiki (# 11165) on :
 
Google "EU antichrist".

You will either laugh or cry. Or both.
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 
A Bedtime Story To Frighten The Kiddies......

At home with the Cons ... A short modern day morality tale.
By Bro.F.Luciferi. 1st Church of Satan The Misunderstood.

Julian: You know what dwarling, this place is getting more like Notting Bloody Hill every day, they'll be holding a damned carnival next wot?

Hermione:Yes, but we moved here at your insistence as the local sitting MP will very soon be collecting his free bus-pass and you're in very good standing with the local Conservative Association, so there's every chance that your moniker would top the list of local candidates now that idiot Camoron has been forced to do a volte-face on wimmin, ethnics and gays-only shortlists.

J: Yes dear, but that was before the area started going completely to the canines! Look, we were both tickled pink when that foreign Johnnie, whom we both thought was some sort of Middle East potentate, bought Bunty and Pip's stately pile, I wasn't to know that Prince Naseem Hamed wasn't some bloody member of the House of Saud until he moved in and started tear-arsing up and down the cul-de-sac in his Ferrari Testicles or whatever it's called, at all hours of the night and throwing bags of cocaine out of the windows whilst the inept bloody flat-feet were trying to catch them was I? I mean he's supposed to be a Muslim but he gets drunk more often than the Bishop of Bloody Southwark. Apart from which, he's an ex-pug for God's sake!

H:Yes dear, but didn't you say that having a few 'coloureds' in the neighbourhood would better establish our PC diversity credentials and possibly garner the ethnic vote in the area?

J:Yes that was fine when we only had Dr.Orishagbeme of Zimbabwe who's a consultant pox-doctor at St.Cake's Hospital after gaining his medical degree at the University of Upper Volta, oh and there was of course that nice Asian family who lived further down until they decided they didn't like their daughter holding hands with her classmate and promptly carved her up with a chainsaw for bringing shame on the family. Now THEY knew what morality really means even if they are all serving 15 to life!

H:I'm sure you're right dear, why only last week we had that horrid Mr.Prescott to tea down at the W.I. and the cad tried to frottage me when he was standing behind me in the queue for the vol-au-vents and Earl Grey!

J: He did, did he? The commie swine ex-bar steward! Why for two pins I'd give him a sound thrashing but I understand he can get a bit violent even with members of the general public and fights back. No wonder all the giro louts and chavs vote NuLab with that sort of example when they can be kept off the White Lightning long enough to be cajoled or carried to the polling booth and persuaded into putting their X in the NuLab slot with a quick backhander to help them on their merry way down to Netto for a few preprandial bottles of Dynamite and a half oz of the Golden Virgin before their Findus Crispy pancakes or whatever muck it is the common herd eat these days! If they're not gerrymandering they're off around collecting postal ballots from the Altzheimers brigade at the Aged Person's Home, aided and abetted by the Marxist hit-mob from the local Poly. I did consider a move to Connaught Sq. so we could get the twins Algie and Tarquin into the Oratory but the bloody Blairs haven't moved out yet and the appalling Cherie woman has a face like a freshly smacked bottom. It would be more than I could stand to have to clock her ugly fizzer every day as she goes out to collect the milk and pick up Euan from the doorstep where he'd been sleeping off yet another bender. I suppose we could always move to Corsham and stand for the BNP couldn't we dear?

H:Yes, and that nice Mr.Griffin is EVER so attractive since he stopped wearing jack-boots and leather trench-coats.......
 

---

Posted by rufiki (# 11165) on :
 
Could we have the abridged version please?
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 
Figbash:''PS There's a coding practice thread in Styx. Use it.''

Shove it up your Styx.

CatA:''Oh well, he probably didn't get enough attention as a child..............''

I didn't get ANY attention as a child mate, which suited me down to the ground and I left the Andrew before they started allowing gobblers and wrens to go to sea.
 

---

Posted by Adrienne (# 2334) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Filius Luciferi:
... only apologize when I'm caught red-handed wiping my dick on the mother-in-law's curtains.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by rufiki:
Could we have the abridged version please?

---

Jesus Christ! You mean we have ADHA wallahs here as well as loony libs?

Here's the condensed version for those who have less than the attention span of the average koi carp:

VOTE BNP!
 

---

Posted by WalsinghamNut (# 12673) on :
 
Abridged Version?

Sorry, but hands up all who understood what that pointless post was about. I think writing the US Constitution in Afrikaans would be more constructive. I am sorry, but if you're the Anti-Christ. Well, I'll just sit here and have a G&T. And a biscuit.
 

---

Posted by Cat A (# 12013) on :
 
Yawn, zzzzz, oh did I miss a post?, I am sorry, I must have dozed of....

quote:

---

Posted by MB:
I represented a matelot once who went down for murder (he confessed to it). But he was a nicer individual so it can't be FL...

---

Was that the one who killed his wife and said burglars did while he was in the shower? or was it the one who killed quite a few sailors on foriegn trips?

Well, glad to see Mr Angry back. It seems he doesn't like the middle classes either and has to resort to stereotypes to make his point.
I knew his type when I was in the Navy, people who disliked you just because you were an Officer, usually those Ratings who'd be too thick to pass the Admiralty Interview Board even if they had a chance.

 

---

Posted by WalsinghamNut (# 12673) on :
 
Sorry. Hate double posting, but anyway.

You needed that long diatribe for a "Vote BNP".

They must be more desperate than Cher is for plastic surgery.
 

---

Posted by rufiki (# 11165) on :
 


Well I've no idea what the American Dental Hygienists' Association has to do with anything, but I read the first few paragraphs of your story and I'm afraid I found it rather dull. Not much happening, ya know?

Thought a condensed version might be a bit more snappy.
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Adrienne:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Filius Luciferi:
... only apologize when I'm caught red-handed wiping my dick on the mother-in-law's curtains.

---

Surely dear Sadista could have a quiet word with her ma?

---

Wouldn't do any good Adi, they're both as deaf as bloody posts which is handy ... for me.

BTW. Where did you drag 'Sadista' up from? I haven't used her persona since my 419er days blagging the 'Lads' Happy days! I may give it another whirl, it's fun having some Nigerian/Zimbawean con artist trolling halfway round the bloody country visiting every Western Union Office in West Africa. The Rt.Reverend Jocelyn Cholmondeley-Smythe may also do a repeat performance too
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by WalsinghamNut:
Abridged Version?

I think writing the US Constitution in Afrikaans would be more constructive.

---

Fill your boots pal. It won't make the best-sellers list ... even in R.S.A.
 

---

Posted by the coiled spring (# 2872) on :
 
The Young Boy Wonder Filius Luciferi will be much better next week after his been ordained at St Paul`s and become a deacon.
 

---

Posted by J Whitgift (# 1981) on :
 
One wonders whether Filius Luciferi's strings are being pulled by another, or whether he is chanelling another. Is anyone knowingly missing some socks ...
 

---

Posted by Adrienne (# 2334) on :
 
I'm shocked - Revd JCS was such a luvley librul man, he reminded me of someone ...
 

---

Posted by WalsinghamNut (# 12673) on :
 
Now this really does push it, but I have to know: without using pointless invective, ad hominem, or some random glib phrase, please answer this:

What was the purpose of your post? Even more to the point, what is the purpose of your existence? I know this is hell and all, and it's great to have a forum to flame people, even if I don't do it, but what are you contributing to anything which resembles a conversation?

And I don't get your comment. Fill my boots?! With what? For what purpose? How does that tie into anything I said. You are obviously oblivious to the skills of constructing an argument.
 

---

Posted by mummyfrances (# 8635) on :
 
Cake anyone?

I have chocolate, victoria sponge or yummy fudge brownie squares.

and, loath as I am to feed him:

Bro F.L.: blimey you are egotistical to call YOURSELF to hell. demanding a flaming is like running around naked in the streets shouting "look at me look at me please give me love give me attention look at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
 

---

Posted by dogwonderer (# 12169) on :
 
Don't talk to him, WN- that's what he wants. Attention.

And according to the 10 Cs, he's in breach of C1: Being a jerk.

Read this.
 

---

Posted by WalsinghamNut (# 12673) on :
 
Well, in that case:

What are people's favourite biscuit?
 

---

Posted by J Whitgift (# 1981) on :
 
Possible uses for missing socks:

#1: Sockmonsters!

#2: Sock Dog!
 

---

Posted by DaisyM (# 9098) on :
 
Merrily we troll along, troll along, troll along
Merrily we troll along
All the live long day!

Ta Da
 

---

Posted by Cat A (# 12013) on :
 
So who do we think the troll is?

And why has he gone so quiet?, I do hope he isn't writing another long, dull story.
 

---

Posted by J Whitgift (# 1981) on :
 
Cat A, if he is I hope he makes his paragraphs shorter, I don't think my eyes can cope with 10-15 lines of small text.
 

---

Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cat A:
Yawn, zzzzz, oh did I miss a post?, I am sorry, I must have dozed of....

quote:

---

Posted by MB:
I represented a matelot once who went down for murder (he confessed to it). But he was a nicer individual so it can't be FL...

---

Was that the one who killed his wife and said burglars did while he was in the shower? or was it the one who killed quite a few sailors on foriegn trips?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by kentishmaid:
Good grief! The man makes John Prescott sound lucid and articulate.

---

There's a vital distinction to be made: John Prescott has been ill while F. L. is just plain sick.
 

---

Posted by Sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
Mmmmm, jammy dodgers

I've just had two choc ices - a kind colleague bought a box cos it's hot in the office, so we all had some icecream.

That's the best bit about summer - ice cream
 

---

Posted by DaisyM (# 9098) on :
 
I rather think ice cream goes with any season, but definitely it's a primary food group in summer....and sorry to be unitiated but what is a "jammy dodger"?
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sarkycow:
That's the best bit about summer - ice cream

---

quote:

---

sorry to be unitiated but what is a "jammy dodger"?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sarkycow:
That's the best bit about summer - ice cream

---

There is nothing better to the ears than the sound of a bovine scream

That, and the crunching of gator teeth.

[ 19. June 2007, 16:45: Message edited by: dolphy ]
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by mummyfrances:


Bro F.L.: blimey you are egotistical to call YOURSELF to hell. demanding a flaming is like running around naked in the streets shouting "look at me look at me please give me love give me attention look at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

---

You seem to know an awful lot about me mummy ...

You weren't by any chance on the Canadian Forces Families beach in Bermuda 1978 and witnessed the mass streak by 3Ez mess?

 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by RuthW:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sarkycow:
That's the best bit about summer - ice cream

---

I was at a monastery over the weekend where they served the most fabulous dessert after Sunday dinner: vanilla ice cream topped with stewed plums. Yummmmmmmmm.

---

Talking of stewed plums get a load of this:


Woman jailed for testicle attack

Moral ... lay back and think of England lads!


[Deleted copyright material and added url. Do not quote an entire article next time FL.]

[ 19. June 2007, 20:38: Message edited by: Sarkycow ]
 

---

Posted by dogwonderer (# 12169) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Filius Luciferi:

quote:

---

Originally posted by mummyfrances:


Bro F.L.: blimey you are egotistical to call YOURSELF to hell. demanding a flaming is like running around naked in the streets shouting "look at me look at me please give me love give me attention look at meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"

---

You seem to know an awful lot about me mummy ...

You weren't by any chance on the Canadian Forces Families beach in Bermuda 1978 and witnessed the mass streak by 3Ez mess?

---

Oh, I'm sorry. Did you think someone was talking to you?
 

---

Posted by dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Anyone up for flame grilled troll tonight?

Help yourselves to wine, cider and beers...

The salad is in the fridge, there is also a good movie on the TV...

ETA: Sorry, it seems that the movie is a repeat.

[ 19. June 2007, 16:57: Message edited by: dolphy ]
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by dolphy:
Anyone up for flame grilled troll tonight?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mostly Noble Pixels:
Filius Luciferi, please pay close attention to what I am about to say to you.
Juniper bush.
Garden shovel.
Carton of chalk.
Now try very hard to remember these three items, but do not write them down.

Now - go back to page 1 of this thread, and re-read the first 20 posts.
Then try to recall the three items that I mentioned above.
If you can not recall them, and especially if you can not recall any of them, please, please see a health care professional who deals with early-onset dementia.
If you can recall all three easily, then relax and carry on; you are simply a moronic asshole.
All the best!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by lady in red:
other news, I had some Jammie Dodgers on import a couple of weeks ago. But you can't have any because I ate the whole packet all by myself. So there.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
There's a vital distinction to be made: John Prescott has been ill while F. L. is just plain sick.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by mountainsnowtiger:
Can't say I have, dogwonderer.

As a coeliac, my current favourite biscuits are Trufree Chocolate Nobbles - hideously expensive, but very well worth it.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by dogwonderer:
Has anyone else tried a custard profiterole?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Filius Luciferi:
(irrelevant crap)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by dogwonderer:
this thread is now about biscuits and ice cream.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Trin:

quote:

---

Originally posted by dogwonderer:
this thread is now about biscuits and ice cream.

---

Apparently its now the done thing to combine the two. Ben and Jerry's cookie dough flavour is where its at.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by dolphy:


The salad is in the fridge, there is also a good movie on the TV...

ETA: Sorry, it seems that the movie is a repeat.

---

Dolphy, you Heretick - it's Shrek on BBC3 tonight which contains the wonderful Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright - this is not just a *repeat* this is Another Fabulous Chance to See ....

I have no biscuits but I've got some chilli doritos.
 

---

Posted by Izzybee (# 10931) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jahlove:
Dolphy, you Heretick - it's Shrek on BBC3 tonight which contains the wonderful Hallelujah by Rufus Wainwright - this is not just a *repeat* this is Another Fabulous Chance to See ....

I have no biscuits but I've got some chilli doritos.

---

Which reminds me, I really have to find a copy of that tune - apparently Brandi Carlisle (my hubby's #1 crush at the moment) sings a good version of it too.
 

---

Posted by davelarge (# 186) on :
 
Ooo - a savoury option. Now we're talking

By the way, what was this thread about again? Oh yeah - not feeding trolls: All this food is far too good to waste on the likes of them.
 

---

Posted by Amazing Grace (# 95) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Nightlamp:
He really just wants to show of his loony credentials by using a few rude words. Probably a very young lunatic.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by mountainsnowtiger:
Can't say I have, dogwonderer.

As a coeliac, my current favourite biscuits are Trufree Chocolate Nobbles - hideously expensive, but very well worth it.

---

Haw! Haw! I'll bet you're an absolute hoot at the Friday night Colonic Irrigation club old bean!
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by DaisyM:
....and sorry to be unitiated but what is a "jammy dodger"?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Filius Luciferi:

quote:

---

Originally posted by DaisyM:
....and sorry to be unitiated but what is a "jammy dodger"?

---

One who avoids the pink and pots the brown instead during Red Flag week.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Izzybee:
]Which reminds me, I really have to find a copy of that tune - apparently Brandi Carlisle (my hubby's #1 crush at the moment) sings a good version of it too.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Cat A:
So who do we think the troll is?

And why has he gone so quiet?, I do hope he isn't writing another long, dull story.

---

No relax CatA ... went for a kip before the night shift and had to wash my Herman Gelmet as someone insinuated in a previous post that I might be suffering from dangleberries and bell-end brie. However, I have finally got over my nasty yeast infection but remain an irritating kunt nonetheless.
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 

quote:

---

FL on Paris thread
I still don't stick my dick up sewage outlets though, M or F. It's not hygienic... And God wouldn't like it either (apparently) See Leviticus.

---

quote:

---

FL on this thread
One who avoids the pink and pots the brown instead during Red Flag week.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Doublethink:
GOLF BRAVO INDIA ZULU !

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Otter:
Oh dear, my tummy won't allow me to indugle in ice cream. But I've brought some nummy mango sorbet, and wouldn't mind some cookies to go with it. Anyone fancy a trade?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by RuthW:
When I want to make my friends go weak at the knees, I serve them brownies made from scratch still warm from the oven, topped with ice cream.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by rosamundi:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Otter:
Oh dear, my tummy won't allow me to indugle in ice cream. But I've brought some nummy mango sorbet, and wouldn't mind some cookies to go with it. Anyone fancy a trade?

---

I made scones. Proper English scones, to my grandma's recipe.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by dogwonderer:
Chocolate HobNobs are the ideal antidote to threads like this, especially dunked in tea. For American people, these are available from here.

---

MMmmm. I like those with raisins and walnuts in them (rather than covered in chocolate) and fresh from the oven. I've also been on a peanut butter cookie binge.

As for ice cream: Cherry Garcia. And an ice cream I can no longer find ( ), vanilla with ribbons of fudge, divinity, and caramel.
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
I think FL is a wannabe Chuck Palahniuk.

(It is literature, but probably not work safe.)
 

---

Posted by DaisyM (# 9098) on :
 
Cherry Garcia= yummy!. Also one of the Baskin & Robbins flavors: Pralines and Pecans
 

---

Posted by rosamundi (# 2495) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Otter:
Oooh, sounds good to me! Now what would be the proper beverage to accompany scones & sorbet? Cider? It keeps the S-sound theme...

---

Since my grandma is a devout Primitive Methodist, it's a nice cup of tea. Or coffee.
 

---

Posted by Sarkycow (# 1012) on :
 
Peanut butter cookies are yum yum

Especially when they are gooey and warm....

I tried some once with choocolate chips in them, and they weren't quite as wonderful. Might have been the recipe though. Anyone else tried them?
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Best recipe for instant chocolate chesscake whilst doing something stressful - like exams.

quote:

---

One packet double choc chip cookies
One packet of plain philadelphia cream cheese

Spread cheese on cookie, and eat, not too many now ...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sarkycow:
Peanut butter cookies are yum yum

Especially when they are gooey and warm....

I tried some once with choocolate chips in them, and they weren't quite as wonderful. Might have been the recipe though. Anyone else tried them?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by rosamundi:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Otter:
Oh dear, my tummy won't allow me to indugle in ice cream. But I've brought some nummy mango sorbet, and wouldn't mind some cookies to go with it. Anyone fancy a trade?

---

I made scones. Proper English scones, to my grandma's recipe.

---

I made some last week but they turned out a bit flat, despite using s-f flour and extra baking powder. Still quite edible tho'. I always defy the recipe and add as many ounces of sultanas as flour that the proportion calls for.
 

---

Posted by kentishmaid (# 4767) on :
 
If you believe Nigella, the secret is to use Cream of Tartar.
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
There are some interestingly similar international version of this dish - such as Umm Ali.
 

---

Posted by MouseThief (# 953) on :
 
Yes, the B&R "Pralines and Cream" (that's what they call it in these parts) is simply divine. But to add other things to -- fruit, gooey toppings, that sort of thing -- give me vanilla every time.

As for biccies/cookies, hmm. I like oatmeal-raisin cookies because carmelized raisins are divine, but I'd have to go with a really chewy chocolate-chunk cookie as my fave.

We have some "shortbread" wheat-free cookies at the local supermarket. They're nothing like shortbread, but considered just as a cookie, they're not bad. Sadly they don't dunk well.
 

---

Posted by MouseThief (# 953) on :
 
Dang. Wanted to add that a really gingery ginger-molasses cookie is right up there with the best chocolate chip ones. Sadly most of the ones you get at the store are too wimpy on the ginger.
 

---

Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on :
 
and let us all enter the seventh heaven in contemplation of tirimasu
 

---

Posted by MouseThief (# 953) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jahlove:
and let us all enter the seventh heaven in contemplation of tirimasu

---

You know, I must not have ever had any good tiramisu, because all that I've had has left me kind of unimpressed. Actually a lot unimpressed.

Jah, how about you fly over here to Seattle and whip up some of the good stuff? You can use the spare room and we'll feed you all the other parts of the meals besides dessert, and even take you around to see the sights, as work allows.
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Parkin is gorgeous if made well, but here in the heathen south you can't buy it

But my mum makes damn fine parkin
 

---

Posted by rosamundi (# 2495) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jahlove:
I made some last week but they turned out a bit flat, despite using s-f flour and extra baking powder.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by kentishmaid:
If you believe Nigella, the secret is to use Cream of Tartar.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by rosamundi:
Anyone who wears floaty sleeves and flowing hair in a kitchen is not to be trusted, if you ask me. And for the love of God, woman, stop licking your fingers, it's not hygienic.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by MouseThief:
Yeah, you don't know where else that tongue has been!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by rosamundi:

quote:

---

Originally posted by kentishmaid:
If you believe Nigella, the secret is to use Cream of Tartar.

---

You do that. If you like your scones to taste ever so slightly of soap, that is.

Anyone who wears floaty sleeves and flowing hair in a kitchen is not to be trusted, if you ask me. And for the love of God, woman, stop licking your fingers, it's not hygienic.

---

It could be worse. Take Martha Stewart. Please.

I look at most the dishes she demonstrates that are so labor intensive and so unappealing and amateur and ask, why? Any don't even get me started on her crafty concoctions.
 

---

Posted by MouseThief (# 953) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
It could be worse. Take Martha Stewart. Please.

---

She got sent to prison, but even they didn't want her, and sent her back. Or was that Paris Hilton?
 

---

Posted by DaisyM (# 9098) on :
 
Oh, I'm with MT on the ginger-molasses cookies. Actually, Trader Joe's sells some that I thought pretty good--hadn't found except in bakeries up till then.
And MT is also right that the B&R is "pralines and cream". I knew I had something wrong in the title...guess I was salivating too much to think straight.
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
You like ginger, you should definitely try parkin.
 

---

Posted by MouseThief (# 953) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by DaisyM:
Oh, I'm with MT on the ginger-molasses cookies. Actually, Trader Joe's sells some that I thought pretty good--hadn't found except in bakeries up till then.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Doublethink:
Parkin is gorgeous if made well, but here in the heathen south you can't buy it

But my mum makes damn fine parkin

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by DaisyM:
Cherry Garcia= yummy!. Also one of the Baskin & Robbins flavors: Pralines and Pecans

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by MouseThief:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jahlove:
and let us all enter the seventh heaven in contemplation of tirimasu

---

You know, I must not have ever had any good tiramisu, because all that I've had has left me kind of unimpressed. Actually a lot unimpressed.

Jah, how about you fly over here to Seattle and whip up some of the good stuff? You can use the spare room and we'll feed you all the other parts of the meals besides dessert, and even take you around to see the sights, as work allows.

---

One of these days, hon, I may shift my arse to get a passport etc. In the meantime, I cannot believe we are speaking of the same thing - for tirimasu is the, well, what shall we say, wondrousest of wonder puds to tempt any Dessert Father offn his Pole
 

---

Posted by Spiffy da WonderSheep (# 5267) on :
 
One of Alton Brown's Good Eats programs this week was homemade 'energy bars'. Therefore, in the fridge, I currently have:

Honey-Almond Granola Bars
Cherry Vanilla Puffed Brown Rice Krispie Treats
Peanut Butter Protein Bars

Come and git'em!
 

---

Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :
 
No cookies to share but I have lots of boneless, skinned chicken, fish fillets, rice and veggies.

[damned clogged arteries]
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
Keep at it, Gort. A friend of mine had a heart attack over the weekend. Because of the wonder of angioplasty clearing up her 70% blocked artery, she's going to be okay, but the doctor said another 30 minutes and she'd have been a goner.
 

---

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
fish and veggies can be very tasty!

(just thought I'd add to my horrible hellhost reputation. EAT YOUR SPROUTS!. okay, carry on.)
 

---

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gort:
No cookies to share but I have lots of boneless, skinned chicken, fish fillets, rice and veggies.

[damned clogged arteries]

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jahlove:

quote:

---

Originally posted by MouseThief:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jahlove:
and let us all enter the seventh heaven in contemplation of tirimasu

---

You know, I must not have ever had any good tiramisu, because all that I've had has left me kind of unimpressed. Actually a lot unimpressed.

Jah, how about you fly over here to Seattle and whip up some of the good stuff? You can use the spare room and we'll feed you all the other parts of the meals besides dessert, and even take you around to see the sights, as work allows.

---

One of these days, hon, I may shift my arse to get a passport etc. In the meantime, I cannot believe we are speaking of the same thing - for tirimasu is the, well, what shall we say, wondrousest of wonder puds to tempt any Dessert Father offn his Pole

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by RuthW:
When I want to make my friends go weak at the knees, I serve them brownies made from scratch still warm from the oven, topped with ice cream.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sarkycow:
Peanut butter cookies are yum yum

Especially when they are gooey and warm....

I tried some once with chocolate chips in them, and they weren't quite as wonderful. Might have been the recipe though. Anyone else tried them?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by babybear:

quote:

---

Originally posted by RuthW:
When I want to make my friends go weak at the knees, I serve them brownies made from scratch still warm from the oven, topped with ice cream.

---

That sounds like a wonderful combination. I am in need of a good brownie recipes might you PM me with the recipe?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Doublethink:
I think FL is a wannabe Chuck Palahniuk.

(It is literature, but probably not work safe.)

---

Erm .... No. The only 'pegging' I engage in is on the crib board.
 

---

Posted by Trin (# 12100) on :
 
I've genuinely enjoyed reading this ice cream thread. I'm cooking tonight. I now have a couple of ideas for desert. Thanks for starting it. It was a good idea. Weird title though.
 

---

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
Flame Bro.F.L.

It probably involves brandy- like baked Alaska.
 

---

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by MouseThief:
Dang. Wanted to add that a really gingery ginger-molasses cookie is right up there with the best chocolate chip ones. Sadly most of the ones you get at the store are too wimpy on the ginger.

---

You know the saving grace of my middle school years were the insanely good, chewy ginger molasses cookies the cafeteria cooked at least once a week. Mmmmmmm. Almost made up for those damned dances where I didn't dance.
 

---

Posted by dogwonderer (# 12169) on :
 
What a wonderful thread this is, in so many ways.

It should be a benchmark.


 

---

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
It probably involves brandy- like baked Alaska.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pure as the Driven Yellow Snow:
Thornton's Treacle Toffee is just amazing.
If there are any shippies who'd like a cultural exchange, please pm me. I can't get the toffee at home.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by comet:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
It probably involves brandy- like baked Alaska.

---

HEY! none of that crazy talk.

it's hot enough up here. I think I'm going to burst into flame at any moment. and too many of you would like that.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Doublethink:
Parkin is gorgeous if made well, but here in the heathen south you can't buy it

But my mum makes damn fine parkin

---

Parkin' isn't that what one does with a car?

Just as a barm cake is a mad person or baps are, well ... I'll leave it to your imagination.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
HWMBO makes an excellent cookie, it goes very well with Uncle John's Pista or Butterscotch ice creams.

Rhubarb Crumble is of the Gods! I had some during my recent sojourn in UK:

"Do you want custard, cream or ice cream with that?"

"Yes."
 

---

Posted by rufiki (# 11165) on :
 
I don't think the ADHA would approve of this thread now.

But if you like ice cream and ginger, then you need Loseley Honey and Ginger (made with fresh double cream) ice cream. I would link, but their website is under construction.
 

---

Posted by Tubbs (# 440) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by rufiki:
I don't think the ADHA would approve of this thread now.

But if you like ice cream and ginger, then you need Loseley Honey and Ginger (made with fresh double cream) ice cream. I would link, but their website is under construction.

---

That stuff is fabulous! Mmmmmm, ice-cream.

Tubbs
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I once ate in a Vietnamese restaurant beneath the YHA in Seattle and their [home made, I think] ginger ice cream was fabulous! That would go very well with rhubarb.
 

---

Posted by JonahMan (# 12126) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by rufiki:
I don't think the ADHA would approve of this thread now.

But if you like ice cream and ginger, then you need Loseley Honey and Ginger (made with fresh double cream) ice cream. I would link, but their website is under construction.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by rufiki:
I don't think the ADHA would approve of this thread now.

---

Just remember to brush your teeth well after eating all of the sugar.

And floss of course...
 

---

Posted by Cat A (# 12013) on :
 
Where's the angry troll gone?

Does he have any favourite cakes or sweets that he'd like to share?
 

---

Posted by Filius Luciferi (# 12571) on :
 
Bed ... Just got up and making a Findus crispy pancake sarnie. Yummie!

And my fave cake is definitely not of the 'navy' variety either, before you ask. o|--)
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by rosamundi:
Oooh, you've just reminded me. Many, many moons ago, the fish restaurant we used to go to used to serve the most amazing deep-fried ice-cream. dipped in batter and then dropped in the fryer just long enough to cook the batter and start the ice-cream melting.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Filius Luciferi:
[QUOTE]

VOTE BNP!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by dogwonderer:
Resist, dolphy! Remember Ohm's Law: resistance is the potential difference over currants.

---

And currants are in cakes
 

---

Posted by Triple Tiara (# 9556) on :
 
Interesting sequence of posts:

CatA: Where's the angry troll gone?

Next post: Bed ... Just got up and making a Findus crispy pancake sarnie.

Admission of guilt?
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
If you are ever in Lydney in the Royal Forest of Dean the craft place just to the west, whose name I cannot now remember but just near the roundabout thing, sells great ice cream including one enriched with Baileys that is supposed to be stunning.
 

---

Posted by Mostly Noble Pixels (# 8783) on :
 
Okay, here is real thread-kiler - a recipe in hell!
This is for snore bars, wich taste lot like a commercial chocolate bar with a similar sounding name.

Take a cookie sheet, and line with aluminum foil, shiny side down.
Cover it with soda crackers, salted side down.
(Yes, moron, they only salt one side!)
Mix half a cup of butter with half a cup of sugar, and melt the mixture together.
Dump it on top of the soda crackers, and heat in the oven at 350 for 15 minutes. It will then resemble sidewalk concrete.
Take a bag of chocolate chips, dump it onto the cracker mix to melt, schmear it around with a spatula, a stick it in the refrigerator.
An hour later, place it onto the counter, remove the cookie sheet and aluminum foil, and crack it into pieces using a bowling ball, broom stick, or rolling pin.
Serve with a creme brule coffee mix with hot chocolate powder added to the coffee carafe.
Probably not the day before you have your cholesterol checked.
 

---

Posted by kentishmaid (# 4767) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by DavidthesPecial:
When you're as hungry as me this thread is torturous...
I recently discovered some lovely banana and strawberry smoothie ice-lollies - I hope I can get some more, but I haven't seen any since then.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
If you are ever in Lydney in the Royal Forest of Dean the craft place... sells great ice cream including one enriched with Baileys that is supposed to be stunning.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Triple Tiara:
Interesting sequence of posts:

CatA: Where's the angry troll gone?

Next post: Bed ... Just got up and making a Findus crispy pancake sarnie.

Admission of guilt?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Teufelchen:
Is this thread about anything even remotely Hellish?

I don't think so, but you've got a little while to show me, one way or the other, before I shut it down.

Teufelchen, Hellhost

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Triple Tiara:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Teufelchen:
Is this thread about anything even remotely Hellish?

I don't think so, but you've got a little while to show me, one way or the other, before I shut it down.

Teufelchen, Hellhost

---

I think your question was just answered for you

---

© Ship of Fools 2016


UBB.classic^TM 6.5.0