quote:

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Originally posted by pimple:
Is there a maximum number of lines? (I've got this really cute little 26-verse number in cod-Latin....)

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Is cod-Latin anything like pig Latin? That is a language I know well.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Not quite. Pig-Latin flies off the pen. Cod-Latin runs swimmingly

Another query. Are we allowed more than one attempt?
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
As many as you like, dear Pimple.
Poems need to either be submitted in English, or with a translation, like so.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
What a wonderful sight! (I think I'll stick to English, on second thoughts...)
 

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Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
(With apologies to Browning and Carroll)

Half a post, twenty more, another bunch thundered
Across all the boards, and scattered at random,
On the Post Count Thread went the mark of six hundred.
Posts to the right of them, posts to the left of them,
Posters behind them marvelled, or chundered
Or laughed fit to burst, or swore and then cursed
Or scrolled past muttering "I wish s/he would first
Think before posting. Whose ideas have they plundered?"

They that had posted well came through the flames of Hell,
All that was left of them, left of six hundred.
When can their glory fade? O the wild posts they made!
All the world wondered.
Behind shut the shops, the lights sank to rest,
Not a word to each other; they kept the great pace
To see who could first take the lead in the race
And into the midnight they posted abreast.

At Aerschot, up leaped of a sudden the sun,
And against him the cattle stood black every one
"Where’s Aerschot?" cried bystanders, "what’s with each cow?"
Came the reply, "Google’s your friend! Don’t bother us now!"
It was then that an admin and then that a host
Sat up and took notice of who posted the most.
For they had a theory that one posting as Snark
Was none but a troll from the days of the Ark.

And now it was seen there were contenders three
For the coveted spot that many could not
Reach right at the top of the Directory;
The hosts checked to see if there was just one IP.
Dirck posted, Snark posted and Joris and he
Went head to head through some closures of thread
While in hostly bosoms was a stirring of dread,
For they had now found what they’d hoped not to see.

And into the boards rode the admin and host
Awaiting the moment when Snark would blunder
And lo and behold, then Snark happened to post
A post that left shipmates sitting in wonder:
In the midst of Snark’s laughter and trolling and glee
In the midst of the word he was trying to say,
He was softly and suddenly vanished away –
For the Snark was indeed a sock puppet, you see.
 

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Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on :
 
This bark of Simon, ten long years or more
Has sailed the seas of Christian malcontent
From round the globe, the Gator's folk were sent
In search of strangers' worship - so we saw
Reports about some most peculiar lore.
To seek the weird, the wondrous and to dent
The pompous and the odd their vowed intent
(In secret, so they weren't kicked out the door).
But over time, their Odyssey became
A greater enterprise than first was thought
For fluffy bunnies climbed aboard and then
Tired horses were not safe, small krill fair game
The Trolls got planked whenever they were caught
Long live the ship, for ever and amen.
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Comet has kindly offered to be the judge. But don't worry if you are not a poet Laureate. Enter for the fun of it - multiple entries allowed! - let's celebrate what we have enjoyed about the Ship over the last 10 years.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
There once were a number of fora
Frequented by Fritz and Aunt Dora,
Which purported to be
Part of Chris Channittee,
But agnostics and geeks had their quora...

(To be continued)
 

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Posted by footdoc (# 4389) on :
 
Apologies to anyone and everyone who ever put pen to paper to write a pome.

Part One

.................The Ship ..................


In days of old when nights were cold
And nothing much on telly
One man woke up in alarm
His knees shaking like a jelly.

He dreamed of a ship called 'Restlessness'
Adrift on the cyber sea
Which battled controversial waves
And cries of "Heresy"

Glad I'm not on 'That' said he
That wouldn't be my plan
Then God tapped him on the shoulder (saying)
"Simon! - Just the man!"

God handed Si the Captains log
And blessed him as he said
Your mission is to boldly go
Where Angels fear to tread.

He rowed alone the stormy sea
He asked for a navigator
But God was slightly deaf that day
And sent an alligator.

They fixed a light atop the mast
For every fool to see
He played Kumbaya to her (she sang)
Shine Jesus Shine to he.

How soon to the light like moths they drew
The lost, confused, the motley crew
Friendship soon became the measure
Turning driftwood into treasure
And in the sky an Angel sings
Bless this ship of foolish things.

To be continued...........?
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
O, goody, we could make this one last....and last!

2) They spoke of their Masses and Meets;
They boasted their thurifers' feats;
But their pride and their preening
Were not over-weening
When counting the bums on their seats...

(tbc)
 

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Posted by footdoc (# 4389) on :
 
...................Part Two.......................

Sings (oh no it doesn't) to the tune of
"My Favourite Things"

Posts that are thoughtful, clever or funny
Hell hosts with pitchforks.. A soft fluffy bunny
High Church or no Church each person brings
Something unique to these foolish things.

Heavenly topics where nobody clashes
Hell is the place where hot temper flashes
Eccles will tell you how a choir sings
Adds to the total of these foolish things

In Gadgets for God theres all kinds of wonders
There's seriously weird stuff in sign and blunders
Mystery Worship with all sorts of hymns
These are just more of some foolish things

When real life bites
When your knee stings
When your feeling sad
Just simply remember I.T.T.W.A.C.W.S.
And then you will feeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeel (hold it)
- Your mileage may vary!- So glad.
 

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Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 
(With apologies to Lord Byron)

It sails in chaos, like a night
Of caffeined highs or drunken lows,
And all that's worst of trivia slight
Within its pages often goes;
Yet fortunately Reason's light
In valiant struggle also shows.

One whine the more, one snark the less,
Would half impair the balanced poise
Which emanates from artful stress
And supersedes the strident noise
That any dogma will express;
What clever means its crew employs.

And on the articles or posts--
Jejeune, outré, or eloquent--
The Authors, Editors, and Hosts
Have much in time and talent spent;
And thus, despite financial ghosts,
Through ten years Ship of Fools just went.

[ 31. March 2008, 21:23: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Tubbs has offered to be the second judge.
Meanwhile, there's plenty of time to keep those creative phrases flowing.....
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Can't compete with the posh guys. Going for quantity rather than quality -

3. There were boards where they played Snakes amd Ladders;
A pit - full of scorpions and adders;
While the more intellectual
Sought for effectual
Theses to cheer up the sadders.

(tbc)
 

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Posted by Mostly Noble Pixels (# 8783) on :
 
What a friend we have in Simon,
All our heresies to bear,
What a privilege to post deep thoughts
On a Ship's forum anywhere!
Oh what arguments we forfeit,
Oh what jokes we all could share,
We can all find true fulfillment
When our cyber-thoughts we share.

Have you trials and temptations?
Spew about them on the Ship.
Just respect the Hosts and Admins,
They won't tolerate your lip.
Can we find other friends so faithful,
Who our creativity won't clip?
They will answer even troll posts,
Should our wisdom one day slip.

Do your friends despise, forsake you?
Screw 'em! Come to Ship of Fools.
In their cyber-arms they'll shield you,
Here, where unrest always rules.
Play The Circus, dance in Heaven,
In All Saints you can cry pools,
In Purgatory you can be stubborn,
It is frequented by mules.

There! That oughta do it! Did I win a treadmill?
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
4) There were questions and answers galore:
Was it forty days' raining or more?
Did He write in the sand
With His own - or God's - hand?
What exactly are Archbishops for?

(tbc)

[ 26. March 2008, 17:45: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
5) There were some with quite literal minds,
Who spoke, not with mouths, but behinds;
But the spiritual leaven
Worked wonders in Heaven
With blessings as varied as Heinz'

6) There were people called Admins. And Hosts
Who kept a keen eye on the posts:
"Now don't be a jerk,
For you don't have the perk
Of your own private unholy ghosts..."

(tbc - er, how much time have I got?)
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
7) And they usually took it quite well -
The ones who were roasted in Hell;
For they hopefully reckoned
That Charity beckoned
(For some, even chocolate as well )

[ETA tbc]

[ 27. March 2008, 11:24: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
8) And some tried pure logic as levers
To topple the faith of "receivers"
And some who were planked
Claimed divine right - the sanct-
ification of all true believers.

[You will, I hope forgive the generous portion of poetic license I am affording myself. I utterly refuse to pronounce "levers" as "levvers", though]

[tbc]
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by pimple:


(tbc - er, how much time have I got?)

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big clue: look at the OP
 

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Posted by Ancient Mariner (# 4) on :
 
Grateful thanks to Chorister for starting a great thread and competition.

I can confirm that Ship of Fools will send a Bobblehead Jesus to the winner.



 

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Posted by Pânts (# 999) on :
 
(Haiku just in case anyone was wondering!)

Ship of fools. What is
The line we so love to hear?
ITTWACW.

 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
9. There were some who ignored the OP,
And got totally lost by page three;
But the hosts reined them in
With the sly suggest-chin
That their shipmates were taking the wee...

[Edited to replace redundant rhyme. See

[ 27. March 2008, 19:50: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
10) There were serious issues. A wealth of.
The Church. The Republic. The health of.
And how the worst Trolls
Infiltrated their dolls
(AKA their Sock-Puppets). The stealth of.

(tbc)
 

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Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on :
 
there once were some fools and their ship
who thought they were terribly hip
but Il Papa said "well,
I shall see them in hell
for their rudeness and impious lip"
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
11) There were some who refused to mature,
And were always (like children) so sure
Of their prodigy status,
Their mental hiatus
Was painful (behind) to endure.

12) But then others were worthy and wise,
Who could see things with other folks' eyes,
And on matters like Trinity,
Love, and Infinity,
Said "Baby Jesus, too, cries..."

(tbc)
 

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Posted by Autenrieth Road (# 10509) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by pimple:
I utterly refuse to pronounce "levers" as "levvers", though

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There once was a Shipmate named pimple
Who explained, with a mischievous dimple,
"In this endeavour
I'm the humble recevver
Of a gift for poetry. Simple!"

Then up popped Autenrieth Road
To question what she'd been told.
"Are you sure you never
Pronounce the word lever?
For your rhyming, what does this bode?"

Replied the industrious cyst,
"I'll explain it if you insist.
I break out in a fever
Unless I hear lever.
Your pronunciation will hardly be missed."

At this the inquisitive street,
Taking a comfortable seat,
Fell into a reverie
On the word lever. She
Wouldn't admit she was beat.

But think of poor comet and Tubbs,
Reading these sonnets in pubs.
'Gainst writing as hackneyed
As Road's, they thought acne'd
Made fewer poetical flubs.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Hmmm. "Ship's Industrious Cyst"? Wonder how that would look under a new avatar?

[ 28. March 2008, 13:16: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

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Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on :
 
The Ship and the crew
As any fule gnu
Were divided from fo'c's'le to aft
Heathens said "lo!
they are bonkers, you know
and apart from that all of 'em's daft"

The ship's cat, meanwhile,
Could not hide a smile
At these antics of standing and kneeling.
He purred and he grinned
As the crew cried "we've sinned"
And he lolled as he watched from teh Ceiling.

The fools waved and danced
And some were entranced
And their amalgam fillings turned gold
But Ceiling said "look -
I has gived u a book
It tells all there is to be told"

So the fools read the verse
Which made everything worse
They argued of rho, tau and sigma.
Each one of them said
"You are lame in the head
For mine is the only kerygma"

Some stayed in teh Basement
With toasters and raisins
Some chanted in long or short metre.
Some squabbled all night
As to who had the right
To call themselves heirs of St Peter.

Then Ceiling Cat mewed
"You has all got ur fud
Now kindly sits down and share
Mi kitteh is yours
He will help with the chores
Of your lifes so no need to despair"

The shippies said, "true
We should all be like you"
And on this they were all of one mind.
When the Last Day arrived
They found they'd survived
And nobody got Left Behind.

Teh moral, mi frendz
Is that when it all endz
And we meet at the Heavenly Table
We all have a place
Through the goodness and grace
Of the love which is more than a label.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 

 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
13) "Religion and politics mix" -
An assumption not banned in the Styx,
For all subjects mundance,
Whether pi or profane,
Were allowed. So were jokes. So were pics.

14) Thirteen thousand and more signed their names
To the right to be shot down in flames
(Metaphorically speaking) -
Shout "Jump! The Ship's leaking!" -
Share recipes, sob, or play games...

(tbc)
 

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Posted by Gort (# 6855) on :
 
The Ship, I'm told, is swift and bold, her sails rigged taught and abled
The crew on deck appear a wreck but truth be told, they're fabled.
Pirates all, both big and small, toothless grinning pedants;
Jaunty hat and brocade tat with crucifix resplendent.

No sailors ere have sailed the Mare with fervor more intent
Their keyboards brandished much like swords with awesome Hellish bent.
No subject mean or droll, it seem, avoid the pirate ire
Though brought to knee by monstrous sea our crewmen never tire.

What? Hey! You say, Gort never plays his sword against sin mighty!
He shuffles dancing on the deck, drunk footwork, shallow flighty.
N'er mind, dear friend, what goal attend this shipmate crass and callow.
The buxom maid in fo'c'sle splayed, her field unfurrowed fallow.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Encore!

15?)When a Shippie insulted the 'gater,
A Host said "I'll speak to you later!"
And had prompt recourse
To a vicious resource -
The Biblical Curse Generator.

{Last kli9ne shuid be in blu or pink tp indicate a l;inkx but the thin g seems to have dissappeared off hte faeces of the Erth....

[tbc when the Chateauneu8f de Pa[pe wearsw oddfdff}]
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by pimple:


hte faeces of the Erth....

---

Pimple, dear, are you sure this shouldn't have been posted on the 'Most unfortunate typo competition' thread, instead?

 

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Posted by the pilgrim (# 13263) on :
 
The Captain says, "Let us put to Sea,
"And cross to the other side."

So, with a crew of fools to man the oars,
They leave with the evening tide, - that night,

You should see how they row 'gainst the tide.

The wind comes up and the waves grow rough
On their way to those further shores.

But the Captain says only, "Peace, be still."
To the wind and his fools at the oars, - that night.

Speaking peace to those fools at the oars.

But the fools don't listen to their Captain's voice,
They continue to struggle in vain.

The water is calm now, the breeze just a balm,
While their oars they keep thrashing in vain, - that night.

The fools just keep thrashing in vain.

So the Captain just smiles, and goes back to sleep
And lets them thrash merrily on.

He knows that the shore will still be reached
With the coming of the dawn, - that night.

Yes, He'll bring them all in with the dawn.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
16) I fell off the wagon in Lent.
I repent. I repent! I REPENT!
(Now they'll hand me out forfeits,
And say "If your paw fits,
Please wear this lead glove we have sent.")

17) Well, I'm sorry, Taff, Jock and O'Farrell,
For the lull in this beautiful carol.
When the wit goes adrift
I must gird up my shift
And go scrape from the base of the barrel...

(tbc)

[ 31. March 2008, 18:49: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

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Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Sail on then, O Ship of Fools
Vessel of our choice;
Chanteys of high praise we raise,
Sailors of one voice.
Admiration, thanks and joy
From our hearts do flow;
Thirteen-thousand strong, we throng thy
Decks, above, below.

Plowing through the mount’nous waves
Rolling to and fro –
Making many-a sailor sick;
Curses freely flow!
“Why’d I ever get aboard this
Crazy, stinking skow?
I thought this was a Christian Ship
But I know better now.”

Delirious, I was carried down
By many helpful hands.
Offered GIN and tea and wine
By folks from many lands.
Th’ Ship’s Café is where I stayed
Content to laugh and play;
Occasionally stepping out
T’go upside and pray.

Religious arguments broke out
Pitting church ‘gainst church.
Pleas for calm and kindliness were
Drown’d by gaudy mirth.
Onlookers cheered as tempers rose, and
Blows and kicks increased,
When a great shadow fell across the
Door, and shouting ceased.

“See ye this rusted anchor, huge, I
hold above your heads?
Its NOT your heads that will receive it
Its every sailor’s dread!”
The crowd dispersed, the strife was o’er.
Admiral Simon swore;
“Scurvy lot of travelers here –
Criminals and whores.”

Next I wandered to a spot
And, quite serene, it be.
Three Munx of Adoration had a
Place where you could see
Th’Holy Host, upon display;
But golly, it was tough
T’be quick enough to get a look
‘Fore the Munk said, “That’s Enough!”
.

To spy a living Munk became
Our daily chore on board.
Each day we watched and hoped and prayed
For our desired reward.
Then Hallelujah! Evidence was
Showed to one and all.
Pictures of Munkly goings-on, in
That plain cement-block hall.

One day the Captain of their squad
Asked for the keys and said
You’re outta here, and packed them all
In a dinghy – thus they fled.
In fact there have been other ‘men’,
(that means ‘a person’, friend)
Who’ve been put off the Ship of Fools
Their sailing days thus end.

And to an end this pome of praise
Must come unto a close.
Hoist glasses high and Bless our Ship
From which all blessing flows.
Ten more at least of sailing years,
Smooth seas without an end,
Be giv’n to our ador-ed Ship-
World without edge, Amen.
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
I have another little prize on offer, as well as the bobble-headed Jesus, but I'm sorry I can't tell you about it yet.

You'll just have to trust me that it will be worth it.

And 'Happy Ship's Birthday' to all the poets!
 

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Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 
Ship of Fools is Ten today;
But if the cash turns up to pay
Each monthly bill without delay,
It should just go on anyway.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
18) You can cruise on the Ship for a song,
And to stowaway free is not wrong;
But when Shippies are flush,
Let the coffers just mush-
Room (and then we won't have to sell Spong)
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
19) What can anyone give to a child
Who is beautiful, carefree and wild?
Try a dollar or ten
(For each year - and more then!)
And vast plaudits ecstatically piled!

(tbc more moderately.... 0
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
This poem by Dyfrig, in the style of EJ Thribb - Private Eye, is to be included:


So, Ship of Fools,
you are ten.

Mystery Worship, that is your thing
and you have a bulletin board.

You are edited by Simon Jenkins
(no, not that Simon Jenkins,

the one who writes for the Times -
the other Simon Jenkins).

But I'm leaving – no, don't try and stop me.
I'm definitely going now.

It's all too much.
No, I'm not coming back.

I've had enough.
Hello, everyone – did you miss me?
 

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Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 
Chorister has asked me to copy my post from the "Happy Ship Day" thread in All Saints to this one. So I will

quote:

---

Happy 10th Birthday, old friend.

To the good times and the bad,
to the prayer warriors and the trolls,
to port and starboard,
to port and whisky for that matter,
to liberal and conservative,
to orthodox and nonconformist,
to apprentice and shipmate,
to and ,
to and ,
to witty posts and shitty posts,
to friends we've met and not met yet,
to Heaven and Hell (and all the other boards!),
to posting and hosting, boasting and roasting,
to games and flames and changing names,
to horses dead and trolls well-fed,
to threads for dating, threads for hating,
to threads for verbal masturbating,
to the last 10 years and the next 10 years,
to captain and crew,
to me and to you,
I raise this toast.

CHEERS!

Marvin
...and all who sail in her!

---

Marvin
Honoured, I'm sure!
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Riff Raff has agreed for his haiku to be included:


Happy 10th birthday Ship of Fools!

A decade of Fools
talking of God and being
silly. Praise the Lord.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
20) In the days of gestation and berthing,
Were there doubts in the breeders' self-worthing?
"Are the principles sound?
Will the Ship run aground?
Do our hopes need drift anchors? Or earthing?"

21)Were there times in the earliest days
When women were slammed? And were gays?
Well, by popular choice
A more liberal voice
Consigned puerile 'phobes to The Maze.

22)You're allowed (?say the rules) to convert.
But I have to say I'm pretty cert-
Ain that Catholics true
Never penetrate through
A real Quaker or Orthodox shirt.

23)For while beauty's skin-deep, faith is deeper -
Immune to both Hector and creeper:
You can preach, you can teach;
Only true-love can reach
All those parts that defy the Grim Reaper!

[getting there...]

[ 03. April 2008, 13:39: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

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Posted by the pilgrim (# 13263) on :
 
The people at the church
Across the street from me
Have very rockhard notions about
Christianity.

They don't think so much
Of people who don't see
Eye to eye with rockhard views. To stay,
You must agree.

Not that they are bad,
I feel no need to flee,
I only want more elbow room, with faith
A bit more free.

And so I took a trip,
In fact I put to sea,
To see if there were folks with faith
Reflecting sanity

And that is how I came
On this strange ship to be,
And found the mates who will tolerate
Another fool like me.
 

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Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Our Anniversary

Number Thirty soon
We married very young then:
Both in our 20s
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
24) It all started (on line) with a spoof
About courses for seekers of troof.
Hoi polloi had the laugh
Of their lives in the baugh,
And the pudd'n, ate up, got its proof.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
25) Then came "Gadgets for God" - and a zone
For the sweet-toothed Apocalypse-prone,
Who were eager to capture
Their last careless rapture
In thousands. They're still on the 'phone...
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
26) A Mystery Worshipper then
Checked a church for its Hail and Amen.
I won't mention its name
(But I'll LINK all the same -
For it only got 2 out of 10).
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
27) Then Joanne took the oceans by storm
(She was blessed with more spleen than the norm)
So they had to shut down
Every Shipmate and Clown,
And make filters, and rules, and reform.

(tbc)
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
28) After that, you could share - no complaints -
Your artistic delights in All Saints;
You could laud David Ockney
(In Strine or in Cockney)
But not say "...that old b*gg*r who paints."

29)And you'll know, if you've seen Kerygmania,
That some of our shippies are brainier
Than others, who read
The Good Book at great speed,
And interpret, poste-haste, a tad zanier.

30) There were antics in "Eccles" (for short)
Of the ritely extravagant sort,
Where the clergy took chances
And Crucifer's dances
Were read, not as drama, but sport.

31)To discuss the pet bee in your bonnet,
You'd to Purg. and wax lyrical on it.
But beware the Socratic -
Likewise automatic
Responses like "B*lls!" (Cap fits? Don it.)

ETA tbc

[ 13. April 2008, 18:38: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
32) There was Hell. There was Heaven. And Styx -
Where old newbies learned clever new tricks,
Or argued the toss
With each liberal boss
Who refused to put bats after bricks.

(tbc)
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
This competition is now half way through, and as you can see there have been many entries already. But there is plenty of time left for people who haven't entered at all to get creative. For a good cause - fun and foolishness!

There are now three prizes, all ship-related, for the winners; but also the fun of writing about the ship and what it means to you - a worthwhile activity in its own right, as I'm sure you'll agree.

There once was a thread on the Ship.....
 

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Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 
A sonnet:

Be it Caption Competition
Or an Ark or UBB Boards,
There has been no tendency towards
Base recycling sans contrition.

Some things fly and some things plummet--
Wasteful folly or a proud risk?
Outcomes range from just a loud tsk
To a flight up Satire's summit.

All in all, Success is reigning;
Ship of Fools is ten years sailing.
Almost finished with regaling,
I've one point before abstaining:

Failures expunged--is it duplicity
Or just a sign of effective publicity?

[ 16. April 2008, 18:48: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
 

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Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
I do so much admire all these creative posts.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
[For SusanDoris]

33)Some expressions were quite Ship-of-Fooly -
Misheard, they caused spats, quite unruly:
"That I meant what I said,
You can take it as read,
But I'm sure you misquoted me, truly."

(tbc)
 

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Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Ship’s business is fought out in the Styx
Heaven: the source of ideas and tricks,
Inspiration and the (very) odd joke.
Purgatory’s debates often provoke,
Others find Hell their ideal venue.
Forthwith to All Saints, all ingénues
Flummoxed by the Bible, seek Kerygmania
Off to Ecclesiantics for tat zanier,
Of games and quizzes the Circus a source is,
Lost causes linger in Dead Horses
Special threads are forever held in Limbo

The whole Ship of Fools its bounty bestows

Not convinced by this though ...
 

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Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Lament for the Unexamined Faith

I thought it was a Christian website,
It shined with such holy light.
But they swear when annoyed, and atheists speak,
Heathens are tolerated - it as if they seek,
Entertainment, debate and the disputation of dogma.
In desperation I have told them the proper and right law -
Yet they mock my blessed crusade.
They say I've broken the rules that they made.
I don't understand, but I repeat the truth I tell -
And ride the gator's back -
Down into their own private Hell.

[ 18. April 2008, 20:45: Message edited by: Doublethink ]
 

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Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Here's to the Ship now at ten years old
Here's to admins who keep her afloat
Here's to the hosts whose labours untold
Ensure that it stays a shipshape boat.

So let the toast pass,
And let's raise a glass
To the one and only Ship of Fools!

Here's to the mag and Gadgets for God
(Many of which have given delight)
All a good read (if some of it's odd!),
Sometimes irreverent – never trite.

So let the toast pass,
And let's raise a glass
To the one and only Ship of Fools!

Here's to the Captain and to his crew
And here's to the Ship's coming ten years!
Here's to the lurkers and shipmates true
Here's to the boards and the fun – and cheers!

So let the toast pass,
And let's raise a glass
To the one and only Ship of Fools

That out of the mass
Stands in its own class –
That's the one and only Ship of Fools!
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
34) There are things human beings can't fathom.
There are things human beings can't rhyme -
Like orange and purple
(A shy little burp'll
Distract from you fault - for a thyme);

(tbc)
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
35) But there's hardly a subject that's banned,
So there's no need to be underhand -
Your OP should be plain
(This avoids the terrain
of the Troll/the Inquisitor's land).

36) The history of faith is a wonder -
Of healing - and hearts torn asunder.
Let the Ship's able surgeon
Quite stuff you with sturgeon
(And laughter may lighten the thunder....)

[tbc]

[ 23. April 2008, 05:29: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
To avoid an unnecessary Hell-call, may I add that the link above is to both of Gort's long posts. You need to scroll down to see the point.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
37) This site of unrest is a haven
For rook and for jackdaw and raven:
"Nevermore! Nevermore"
"Caw-caw-caw! Caw-caw-caw!"
[My intentions are good. And are pavin'.... ]
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
38) The Ship takes all sorts, and no berth
Is allotted according to worth;
For the currency's strange -
Though your sea-dog has mange,
She may yet be the Salt of the Earth!

39) If my own salt is lacking in savour,
I would ask all good shipmates a favour:
Take a beer or a gin
And toast Syme 'n' Erin -
May their hands on the ropes never waiver!

[one to go]

[ 27. April 2008, 05:04: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
That's my penance of poems - full forty;
Some, er, cute; some, er, trocious; some haughty.
Please accept, with best wishes,
These loaves and these fishes,
And share them - with good guys and naughty!

[fin]
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Three more days to go: what a wonderful collection of shiply poems already! But time for just a few more if you're quick.

Here are the prizes (winner gets to choose first):

1. A genuine Bobblehead Jesus - a much-sought-after Ship of Fools prize.

2. A genuine working tin steam ship, to remind you of your travels on the Ship even when your computer is turned off.

3. A genuine box of Creamtealand fudge.

(sorry, no zebras - genuine or otherwise.....)
 

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Posted by Belisarius (# 32) on :
 
The month of April, as everyone knows,
Is but three days before its close;
But it's inevitable, I suppose
That still this contest thread here grows.
So thus the local poet goes
To strike one more aesthetic pose
(And try to supersede Average Joes),
Hoping that his bitter foes
Don't slip into disdainful doze.
This growing set of textual rows,
To which the topic barely tows,
Won't be to the mind, as to the nose,
Is caught the latest-blooming rose
(Within a garden which one mows
And ploughs and prunes and often hoes);
But before its impetus slows
And is wrapped up nice with ribbons and bows,
This poem will make one mention of those
Who've persevered through highs and lows:
Have many more years with very few woes.

[ 28. April 2008, 17:59: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
 

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Posted by Mertseger (# 4534) on :
 
Apparently, I wrote the following on July 12, 2004 (before Mystery Worshipper became Ecclesiantics), and completely forgot about it until this morning when I was looking through my hard-drive for some information for another thread. Everything still applies, as far as I can tell. I give you "SOF Psalm 23":

I am God's sock-puppet;
I shall not rant.
He maketh me to argue in Purgatory:
He leadeth me to call my fellow shipmates, one by one, to Hell.
He restoreth the peace thereafter:
He leadeth me in the paths of Mornington Crescent, for Heaven's sake.
Yea, as I click through the strangely off-topic pages of The Mystery Worshipper,
I will drink more Gin:
For Thou art with me;
Thy hosts and Thy administrators they abuse all of us
..... equally
..... and that's fair, I think.
Thou preparest absurd yet profound debates before me in the presence of mine opposites:
The intricacies of the reasoning, stabs my head with aches;
My sentences runneth on.
Surely reloading the board to see what's new shall occupy all the days of my life:
And I will post in the Ship of Fools for ever,
..... or until I get bored and drift to some other board,
..... or someone pisses me off and I leave in huff with the inevitable "I'm leaving now" post,
..... or I actually discover I have a life,
whichever comes first.
Of course,
..... no matter what,
..... I'll be back and as addicted as ever six months later,
..... so I guess I was right when I said "for ever" in the first place.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
[Appendix XXIX to the Tenth Anniversary Lecture: A Sensitive Response to the Charge of Playing God.

Playing God? Of course I'm playing God!
I love playing God. So do you. Admit it.
So does everybody. The nicest thing about playing God
is that you don't have to look at the facts
or say or do anything rational - it's not
expected of one. One is above all that.
One says "let be" and lo, it is. And if you say
it's not, that's rude, and blasphemy,
and I'm allowed to smite thee with many smites.
I, qua God, am allowed - nay, verily, expected to be rude. I can threaten
whom I lke with what I like. What I like best,
qua God, is exposing the nakedness of naughty
women. And men. But I turn my face from those
who collect firewood when they should be
singing psalms, or leave their poo uncovered
in the desert. Also certain tribes are nasty,
and if you do not utterly obliterate them -
men, women, children, dogs and budgies -
I shall sulk. And my sulks are worse than my
smites. When I sulk, the sun and the moon
go out. You may not get drunk, argue with Dad
(even if he is ), or propogate
your vines from root cuttings. What did I
give them sex for? Well, if I did clone
Eve from Adam, that's my prerogative, and you
may not infringe my copyright. Finally,
I may say, without fear of contradiction,
that I love you all; that I am merciful,
forgiving and generous to a fault, and desire
nothing in return but your unquestioning
subservience and everlasting praise.

I am enjoying this! Playing God.
Would you like to play too? It's my game,
so you can't actually be God. But you can
be a prophet if you like. That's God's
mouthpiece, so you can say more or less
what you like, like me. And if some rotten
spoilsport proves you wrong,
you can always say God's changed his mind.
Oh, and you get first go at the lamb stew.
It's not a bad part, but I wouldn't go for
method acting. Prophets habitually get notted,
which is little more than some of them deserve.
So watch it.
 

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Posted by BillyPilgrim (# 9841) on :
 
Fool-ship, Simon-skippered,
Troll-haunted, sock-puppet-stalked,
Spam-storm-tossed, tosser-tossed too:
Hail to her ten-years-ago-launching on web-waves!

Afloat on Life-Sea we
Crew our craft, or passenger at pleasure,
Nor hearing nor heeding Captain’s voice
Warning of wreck.

Ship of Fools, Ship of Life:
God be her Captain,
Christ at her helm,
Spirit fill her sails.

Saint Simeon, Holy Fool, pray for her.
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Bravo, Gerard Manley Pilgrim!
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
So, time for our judges to do their stuff.

Check back here soon to see who are the winners.
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Clairvauxant has agreed for his poem - submitted through the main page link, early on in the competition - to be posted on this thread:

The Ship of Fools is rightly thrilling
Philosophers eight pence to shilling
Half mad, half drunk and half aboard
Trying just to find discord
In what we can only say
Or think or do to find our way

And so the Ship with members filling
In two by two in heaven chilling
In Purgatory we have a spate
At theological debate
But should a member come to rile
To Hell they must firstly exile.

Through this life, confused but willing
The Ship, our boat, the waters stilling
Ideas abound; our mind our sword
However blunt we’ll come on board
The organ fund we choose to pay
So the ship can sail another day


Date: Mon Apr 7 00:59:59 2008 GMT
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
I have it on good authority that the judges are having sleepless nights trying to thrash out who are the winners.

So to the judges - and good luck!
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Well, I just hope they distribute prizes on sound Christian principles, awarding first to she who most needs a nodding Jesus.
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
I'm not supposed to comment too much, but am letting you know that much discussion has gone on behind the scenes and a decision really, really is being made soon......

(are you getting impatient yet?)
 

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Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
April was the cruellest month,
Breeding poems like lilacs out of the dead land
Mixing metre and rhyme,
Stirring dull brains into life to create.
May kept us warm, covering
Us in forgetfulness and sunlight,
Feeding our hopes with a few short posts.

We who were writing
Are now living
With a little patience.
For we have discovered
Other threads to post on
While we wait.
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
March onward towards the Ship's 10th birthday
April showers of poems descend
May the best one win!
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Real life (what's that?) is intruding for the moment, folks. But rest assured that your creative talents haven't been forgotten.
 

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Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
Thank you all for being so patient as the judges battled it out behind the scenes. The decisions involved in picking the best of the poetry contest were harder than we expected. The Ship has a very talented collection of writers.

first, we have some honorable mentions. these are poets who were in the running for the top three positions, but in the end did not quite make it. all of them are brilliant!

Honorable Mentions:

Belisarius - A Sonnet
Marvin the Martian - Happy 10th Birthday, Old Friend
Ariel - Toast
Mertseger - SOF Psalm 23

Brilliant work, all of you!

now...
Third Place in the Ship of Fools Poetry Contest:

Jahlove's Ceiling Cat on the Ship of Fools

Excellent meter, reads aloud very naturally. the combining of both the Ship's lore and the language and lore of LOLcats was very clever, and worked very well - and it was a risk! such a concept could have bombed in any but the most deft hand. Bravo!

Second Place in the Ship of Fools Poetry Contest:

(and should the first place winner in any way be unable to fulfill his/her duties as Poetry Champion of the Ship, you will be expected to step into that role...)

Dyfrig in the style of EJ Thribb - Private Eye

Clever use of modern verse. It can be hard to pay homage to another's style without appearing to make fun of it. This poem walks that line very carefully and naturally. Nice minimalism, while still managing a nice 'in-joke' for the crew. Well done.

and...

Drum Roll...

...

The Winner of the Ship of Fools Poetry Contest is...

BillyPilgrim for his Prayer to Saint Simeon, Holy Fool

***applause, applause, applause***

Excellent work! well written, simple without appearing to try. No syllable is wasted in this piece, and from the very first few words visuals are immediately evoked for the reader. It combines some tongue in cheek 'unrest' with serious faithfulness and love. (One might think this really is a Christian Website after all...)

Despite lots and lots of discussion and negotiations behind the scenes by the judges and the peanut gallery, BillyPilgrim's piece was the one we all agreed on as the winner with very little need for discussion.

BillyPilgrim:
Congratulations!
 

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Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
further, We have selected some 'best of class' awards:

the Humphrey Lyttelton Memorial "One Poem to the Tune of Another" award
it's a tie!
Mertseger's SOF Psalm 23 and
Belisarius' Lord Byron spoof

As our dearly departed Humph might say: we expect submissions of great quality and professionalism. We hope for verse that will bring us to tears and laughter and grant us great moments of insight. Until then, we have these interesting submissions...



the Most Prolific Limericist Award goes to...

Pimple! Amazing! With that kind of dedication you'll either produce a book shortly, or be slapped by various young ladies at dockside taverns! Bravo!

and Best Haiku...

it is no surprise
our star of minimal verse:
exotic Wiff Waff.

Excellent job everyone! We're very proud of you all!

Comet and Tubbs, Poetry Contest Judges

(with help from the Peanut Gallery)
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Nice job, everyone!
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
To the big winners, well done. I'm honoured just to be on the same thread with you! To the judges, well, after that, is there anything you cannot do? Bring accord to the General Synod, resolve to the United Nations? Well done to you, too. I hope there's another one in ten year's time (though where I'll watch it from, somebody only knows)!
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Congratulations to all the winners, who will between them soon be enjoying bobblehead Jesus, working steam ship and clotted cream fudge. They may even have time to post here and accept congratulations. If you're lucky.

Many, many thanks to our judges, Comet and Tubbs, who have been boldly thrashing out decisions about the winning entries whilst simultaneously trying to juggle with real life - never an easy task!

So, thanks to all who entered into the fun of the competition - and three cheers for our winners, runners up and judges:

Hip, hip!

Hip, hip!

Hip, hip!
 

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Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on :
 
Ooooh, I just noticed I has won an prize . May I take this opportunity to thank God, my sponsor, my friends and relatives, my window-cleaner, my hairdresser, the bloke in the corner shop and all who have supported me through the dark turmoil of the soul to produce this offering which hath found favour in thy sight.

Cheers
 

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Posted by Ancient Mariner (# 4) on :
 
Wonderful stuff all - and a worthy winner to boot. Billy, stand by to receive your Bobblehead.


 

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Posted by Wiff Waff (# 10424) on :
 
Haiku; Best of Class
What an honour! I'm deeply
touched - what can I say?
 

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Posted by dyfrig (# 15) on :
 
So, Ship of Fools
you have sent me

a tin steam ship
in the post.

Thank you very much -
the postman left it

in the coal bunker
because it was too big for the letter box.

I haven't tried it yet -
I'll let you know

if it really is
a working steam ship.
 

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Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :
 
The winners were really rather good weren't they?

The sheer range of poetic styles amazed me.
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
There has been a long history of good poetry writing on the Ship, which is partly what prompted me to launch the competition. I sometimes wonder whether we often take the quick, easy option and fire off simple rhymes and posts without thinking. The quality of many of the competition entries showed that the spirit of good writing, which has been a feature of the ship over the years, is still alive. It just needs tempting out occasionally.
 

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Posted by BillyPilgrim (# 9841) on :
 
(Emerges shyly from wings, clutching Bobblehead Jesus. Shuffles self-consciously towards centre-stage, blinking in the unaccustomed spotlight.)

Er, hello. I’m BillyPilgrim.

(Fumbles in pocket for notes. Drops notes. Stoops to pick them up. Looses spectacles. Retrieves them. Gentle, sympathetic laughter.)

I’d just like to thank God, the judges, my partner (without whom etc.), my mother, my dog, and clowns, the Returning Officer, and the vicar for the use of the hall.

And a very special thank-you to…
(Aside, to Admins.)
Is it OK to refer to another web-site?
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Huh. Quick and easy option...easy rimes...without finkin...fink I don't know who she's getting at? Fink I's stoopid, or summat? FKLOUNCE!!

[ 16. June 2008, 06:55: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

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Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
P.S. My "Gerard Manley Pilgrim" (half a page back) was not only a bit of a back-handed compliment but also way off mark. A reference to R.S. Thomas would have been more appropriate. But I believe B.P. won because (a) he has his own authentic voice and (b) every word counted, and there was not one superfluous syllable. Flouncing back to take my hat off to you, Sir!

[ 16. June 2008, 07:38: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by pimple:
Huh. Quick and easy option...easy rimes...without finkin...fink I don't know who she's getting at? Fink I's stoopid, or summat? FKLOUNCE!!

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Typical diva - it really is all about you, isn't it?

May I take this opportunity to say how much I enjoyed reading all those first-rate posts in the Circus. Even clowns like us can manage a bit 'o' quali'ee from time to time!

The report of the poetry competition is now up on the front page of the magazine, for your reading pleasure.

[ 16. June 2008, 08:37: Message edited by: Chorister ]
 

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Posted by BillyPilgrim (# 9841) on :
 
(Whisper whisper. Whisper. Whisper whisper whisper.)
A very special thank-you to Abi on Making Light, whose Norse-epic poem welcoming Haydn to Amsterdam
inspired me to attempt something similar in the style I have come to think of as Early English Horizontal. (It turned into a warning to non-West-Country persons against drinking local cider!) I was still in that literary mode when I stumbled upon this competition.
Thank you again for this great honour. Kidding aside, I really mean that. Thank you. And God bless Ship of Fools and all who sail in her. May all who are only partly fools, become Holy Fools.
(Applause. Exit singing “I will cherish my Bobblehead Jesus…”)
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Now that all the winners have made their appearance to accept awards, praise and rotten tomatoes (surely not?), this thread is winging its way to a well-deserved place in Limbo, where deserving threads go to await the final trump.

May I commend to you the other Ship's 10th Anniversary challenge still running - Walking around the World. (Sailing around the world gets so boring after a while.) The trusty plodders are already almost a third of the way round - a tremendous achievement - and are well on the way to achieving their challenge before the year is out. Do join them and encourage us all towards the goal.
 

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