quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:

**Note to non-US Shipmates: Even if you don't celebrate Thanksgiving, you can still help! Just make sure you have equal amounts of leftover desserts in your home.

---

Oh help! All I have is an apple crumble in an oval dish, with two spoons-full taken out.
I can't do the maths!
 

---

Posted by Zach82 (# 3208) on :
 
Leftover pie?

Zach
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Roseofsharon:
Oh help! All I have is an apple crumble in an oval dish, with two spoons-full taken out.
I can't do the maths!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Zach82:
Leftover pie?

Zach

---

I'm having trouble with this concept as well.

There is never "leftover" pie--just pie I haven't eaten yet. At the moment, there isn't any of that, even.
 

---

Posted by Clint Boggis (# 633) on :
 
Point of Information: In the US does "pie" always imply something sweet?

Here 'pie' is always preceded by what it contains; eg apple pie, cherry pie, chicken and mushroom pie, steak and kidney pie.

I have no rotationally divisible desserts in the house, so I can't help save the world.

Sorry, world.
 

---

Posted by Zach82 (# 3208) on :
 
I'd say that, for the average American, pies are necessarily sweet- otherwise a qualifier has to be provided, such as in the cases of shepherd's pie or chicken pot pie.

Zach

[ 30. November 2008, 23:50: Message edited by: Zach82 ]
 

---

Posted by Clint Boggis (# 633) on :
 
So, sweet by default but may be qualified.

Thanks Zach.
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
I suggest you put any leftover pie into a postal packet and address it to: John Prescott Esq. The Ministry of Pie Consumption. United Kingdom.
That should take care of your problem nicely.

(The only pies we ever have in our house are small ones. I also have a husband who loves pies. Ergo, they rarely last longer than one day.)
 

---

Posted by Redolent Spilogale Putorius (# 8783) on :
 
Listen, I just found 5 chocolate Easter eggs, 150g each, in the back of the pantry cupboard.
They have a best before date of May, 2007.
Should they be eaten to keep the world safe?
Is it okay to eat Easter eggs during Advent Season?
They didn't teach us this stuff in seminary.
 

---

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :
 
Dear Uncle Ken,
can you help me with a cake problem? After the weekend I have five different sorts of cake left. But they are in no way symmetrical. I have put the three large fruit muffins, several small spicy cupcakes and 4 rectangular slices of date loaf and sultana cake into one square cake container. But the single slice of chocolate mudcake needs to stay in the fridge. Can you help me reconcile this frighteningly unbalanced mess? I do not want to be responsible for making others fall off the edge of the world.
Thank you.
 

---

Posted by Zach82 (# 3208) on :
 
Oh leftover pie- the pie made out of leftover pot roast, leftover peas and carrots, and leftover gravy in a pie shell.

Zach
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
We have done some serious pie triage at the Mamacita household today. Our son ate half the remainders of the pumpkin pie for breakfast prior to hitting the road back to college. The slice that was left went into a square tupperware bowl, of which it took up exactly half, and is being saved for my husband who is on a liquid diet today in anticipation of some nasty procedure you don't want to hear about. As for me, I dined on approximately one-third of the pre-Thanksgiving leftovers of a Costco™ chicken pot pie. This was necessary in order to transfer the remainder into a smaller storage bowl. It may be dodgy by tomorrow night. We'll see. I don't know if this is a useful response to the OP, but it's all I have at the moment.
 

---

Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 
I fear that I am not a useful person is this fight to save the world from desatbilisation.

We are not a 'pie' household. Commerical pies are normally far too sweet. However, we did have a veggie pasta bolongaise with a cheese sauce over the top. I suspect that there will be 1/6th of that left over. My intrepid husband will carry it off to work and consume it for lunch.

The birthday cake made on Saturday is bound to be eaten already. There are a number of tiny cakes (two bites and its gone), but they are all nice and round, and showing now signs of throwing the world off kilter.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
I have a square pie, of the steak and mushroom variety. It was rectangular to start with but being of precise mind I cut a slice off to make it into an exact square.

What do I do now that the pie is perfectly square - do I leave it like this, eat it in one go, or post it to Kenwritez?
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
No no Ariel, post not your pies to me. Such an act could potentially further destabilize the Earth.

Savory pies, like meat pies, while technically pie, are on a lesser quantum energy level as sweet pies, hence they are exempt from the dreaded Pie Equalization Precipitate. Good idea, tho.

You with multiple different pies in one container, there is a solution. I warn you, while simple, it is dire, drastic and will call for the deepest reserves of inner strength, determination and perserverence in the face of opposition.

I speak, of course, of Pie Energy Transfer.

Please! Please! Calm down! Mothers, please quiet your crying children. My assistants are passing around smelling salts for those who need them.

Pie Energy Transfer. Yes, it frightens me as well. But it is the only hope for you who have different desserts in one container.

You must eat all leftover pie in your container, thus transferring the summed energy levels in the desserts into your body, thereby temporarily lowering the existing quantum pie energy state which allows the Earth's gravitational field to reassert itself over the pie and/or dessert energy state as your body digests the sweet.

I didn't say this would be easy, but your fellow humans cry out to for help, and surely no price is too high.
 

---

Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on :
 
I have to say that I do appreciate KenWritez' efforts to prevent the earth from spiraling into the sun. It was already getting a bit hot in here. Thank you!
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by KenWritez:
Savory pies, like meat pies, while technically pie, are on a lesser quantum energy level as sweet pies, hence they are exempt from the dreaded Pie Equalization Precipitate. Good idea, tho.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chorister:
I suggest you put any leftover pie into a postal packet and address it to: John Prescott Esq. The Ministry of Pie Consumption. United Kingdom.
That should take care of your problem nicely.

---

quote:

---

(I also have a husband who loves pies. Ergo, they rarely last longer than one day.)

---

So have I. We had a Quebec veal & pork pie for supper tonight which was, KenWritez will be relieved to learn, the second half of the one we started on Saturday. Very nice it was too. We now have no pie. Does raisin cake count? I promise it won't last very long.


 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Sorry to double-post, but

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
... So, pie r squared = OK.

---

 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
We have an uncut pizza pie: does that count? Must we cut it in fourths?
 

---

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :
 
I wonder if you couldn't either simply roll it up and take it in hand & bite it like a burrito, or cut it in pretty spiral slices like a pinwheel cake?

What saith ye, Deep Pie Chopra?
 

---

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :
 
Ken, I officially hate you. In obedience, I quaffed superfluous amounts of dessert substances. I am therefore several kilos heavier. My skin has broken out. Other people in the house now hate me ("What happened to the CAKE?").
I hope the planet appreciates my supreme self-sacrifice. Sorry, have to go - feel sick...
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
Oh schizenhower. There I was happily whiling away my day believing that all that there was to worry me in the world was the threat of globally warmed polar bears and Pakistan and India on the brink of nuclear war again when I reached into the fridge and oh bugga-me-aunty there's one eighth - one friggin' eighth - of a shepherd's pie.

Like Rose of Sharon I am numerically ... well 'challenged' doesn't exactly describe my state of innumeracy. I would eat the remnant myself but I have reverently consumed a massive dose of nuclear hot lamb vindaloo this evening. This leaves no capacity for consumption, reverent or otherwise of shepherds or their pies.

Still ... as we don't really do desserts in chez kuruzapp, am I let off the hook? Or must the savoury pie be consumed in equal proportions by the kuruzapp k9s? If so should I divide the remnant in proportion to their respective weight - or, since one is a fat labradoodle and one a skinny border collie, in inverse proportion to their optimum weight - or by a formula related to the disparity between their optimum and actual weights.

I need help here. Just as Barack and Hilary have begun their love-in am I now to destroy all global equilibrium? Should I just have another bad cardboard merlot and hope it will all go away?

Oh me oh my. What's a poor simple bloke to do?
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
Zappa, fret not! Per my response to Ariel:

Savory pies, like meat pies, while technically pie, are on a lesser quantum energy level as sweet pies, hence they are exempt from the dreaded Pie Equalization Precipitate.
 

---

Posted by Joan_of_Quark (# 9887) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
We have an uncut pizza pie: does that count? Must we cut it in fourths?

---

Yes, and quickly. Haven't you heard the song, "When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie"? That stuff is dangerous!
 

---

Posted by eeGAD (# 4675) on :
 
Ken, I did as you asked. The Earth is safe due to my valient efforts with the pumpkin pie, chocolate frosted brownies, and sugar cookies, and vanilla bean ice cream.

However, much like Banner Lady, I feel quite unwell. Are there any dire consequences to the planet if we actually upchuck?

eeG
 

---

Posted by Low Treason (# 11924) on :
 
Without wishing to further endanger Civilisation As We Know It, or threaten to unbalance the equilibrium of the Universe, nevertheless I have the grave duty of placing this new dilemma before you.

The Treason household has two members currently in residence. Yesterday four chocolate muffins entered said household. One was consumed, leaving three outstanding. One member of the aforementioned household detests chocolate muffins (I am reluctant to confess that it is me).

How is disaster to be avoided?

Answers to be written in green pencil on one side of the paper, using words of no more than two syllables please.
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
Eat

Them

All
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by piglet:
Sorry to double-post, but

quote:

---

Originally posted by Ariel:
... So, pie r squared = OK.

---

---

My pies r round.
 

---

Posted by Apothecary (# 3886) on :
 
Ken, I have a part jar of homemade lemon curd in the fridge. It is not a pie but it is sweet. Is its existence possibly hastening the apocalypse?

Do I need to eat it?
If so is it better to do so straight from the jar with a spoon- which I am willing and able to do immediately, for the sake of humanity's future, you understand. If it is necessary to share it between an equal number of slices of toast I shall have to delay until the college sliced bread and toasters reappear for breakfast tomorrow, when I would be forced to share my delicious lemon curd with other people, sorry I mean additional volunteers could assist me.
 

---

Posted by KenWritez (# 3238) on :
 
Hmmm, an interesting question. Pity ken's not around to help answer it.

We simply can't take the risk. I realize this is sacrifice for you, especially so close to the holiday season, but some prices must be paid.

Eat the lemon curd now. Why take chances with the future of humanity over a jar of lemon curd?

And to all the Shipmates who've nobly and ably assisted in this crucial effort--I thank you, your children thank you, your children's children thank you, even unto the fourth generation, yea.
 

---

Posted by Drifting Star (# 12799) on :
 
Would it not be acceptable for Apothecary to eat the lemon curd until the surface of the lovely yellow stuff is smooth and flat? That's the approach I tend to take to things that come in jars and live in fridges. Have I been imperilling the world?
 

---

Posted by Alan Cresswell (# 31) on :
 
Deep within the Particle Physics community there is a closely guarded secret. Almost as closely guarded as the Da Vinci Code or the crashed alien spaceship stored in Boxhill Tunnel. In fact, it's not entirely unrelated to the spaceship in Boxhill Tunnel.

What, I hear you ask, has this to do with pies?

Simple, the secret is that exotic fundamental particles are abundant within common foodstuff. There's no need to build expensive particle accelerators and detectors to study them. The whole of experimental particle physics is an elaborate scheme to get money out of governments so that physicists can play with that spaceship in Boxhill Tunnel. Of course, the Americans patented Velcro and use that income to fund playing with their ship in Area 51, so they didn't need to fund the Super Conducting Super Collider.

But, the secret is coming out in a rapidly advancing new field of theoretical physics. Quantum Electrodynamics (QED) explains the interactions of charged particles, and Quantum Chromodynamics (QCD) explains the interactions of colored particles. Likewise, the new field of Quantum Gastrodynamics (QGD) explains the interaction of flavoured particles within food.

Of particular relevance to this thread are the predictions of QGD in relation to pions (aka pi mesons) that are the major fundamental constituent of pies. QGD shows that there are strong symmetries within the mathematics of pion behaviour, that maintain the Fermi-Dirac statistical properties of the whole. But, when broken, these same symmetries can lead to parts of the whole adopting Bose-Einstein statistical properties allowing these parts to collapse into Bose-Einstein Condensates. In most situations there's a limited amount of symmetry breaking, with the small B-E Condensates often mistaken for crumbs. But, in the event of really serious symmetry breaking these B-E Condensates can form much more easily with the resulting precipitation of heavy particles potentially coallescing into matter with some truly extraordinary properties. Some of the more common examples of such materials include various cloaking super-fluids that allow things to remain hidden in the back of the fridge for months, even years. Theoretically, in cases of extreme symmetry breaking over a large area these materials could endanger the entire planet. Of course, as we're still here, such theoretical possibilities have yet to be realised. It's probably best, as Ken has informed us, to adopt a precautionary approach to avoid any such civilisation-ending effect.
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Apothecary:
Ken, I have a part jar of homemade lemon curd in the fridge. It is not a pie ...

---

It would be if you made lemon-meringue pie out of it.
 

---

© Ship of Fools 2016


UBB.classic^TM 6.5.0