Ship of Fools: Circus: Should I challenge Chorister to a Duel?

Thread: Circus: Should I challenge Chorister to a Duel? Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by dyfrig (# 15) on :

I feel deeply insulted.

Here Chorister clearly directs her hurtful "nee nar" in my direction. Not just "neenar", which I could cope with, but "nee nar", that pause in between filled with venom and contempt.

It is more than a man can stand.

But I am vexed - is my honour best served by merely telling her to piss off, or is this matter only that can only be resolved by one party ending up dead?

I call on you fine people to assist me in this dilemma.

Should I challenge Chorister to a Duel?

[ 03. May 2011, 13:32: Message edited by: Chorister ]

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

As with most polls - including political elections - my choice isn't there.

My answer?

"Yes"

[Smile]

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

I can't really advise you one way or another because the decision has to be yours but I would ask whether or not you think it is seemly for someone British to act in such a way?

Certainly Foreigners might act in such a manner and, to an extent, one has to allow this as they weren't brought up any better but surely we Britishers should be setting an example.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
I can't really advise you one way or another because the decision has to be yours but I would ask whether or not you think it is seemly for someone British to act in such a way?

Certainly Foreigners might act in such a manner and, to an extent, one has to allow this as they weren't brought up any better but surely we Britishers should be setting an example.

Pshaw. FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

If any of us can figure out what the @#$% the Code Duello is for MAAN, I'll gladly be your second!
Chorister, you are officially a . . . well, I'm not sure if a man of honour like myself should be using that sort of strong language in mixed company. [Disappointed]

Posted by Scarlet (# 1738) on :

I tried to vote, but couldn't pick just one answer. This issue is so multiple choice.

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :

I'm with lil Buddha.

FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT!

Posted by Timothy the Obscure (# 292) on :

You should keep in mind that the person challenged gets the choice of weapons. It might be wiser to provoke her into issuing the challenge, since I believe she is a soprano (if I'm mistaken and she's an alto, go right ahead).

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

I voted for Hell. I'm in the mood for a dogpile, just not Silver Faux's.

I'm just not saying who I'd land on. [Two face]

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

Heavens, yes. When does hosting the Circus get anyone flak? GO FOR IT!!!

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

She killed the Thread of Pointlessness we had a while back before I'd won. Take Her Down! Kill! Kill!! KILLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [Mad]

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

I'm not sure about this. Is it really Gentlemanly to challenge a lady to a duel? As WW implied, it doesn't seem Quite Cricket.

[pedant alert ON] You don't drink cream teas, you eat them. [/pedant alert OFF]

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

Did you actually mean "Cad" and "Bounder"?

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by piglet:
I'm not sure about this. Is it really Gentlemanly to challenge a lady to a duel?

Well...

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

quote:
Originally posted by piglet:
I'm not sure about this. Is it really Gentlemanly to challenge a lady to a duel? As WW implied, it doesn't seem Quite Cricket.

No?

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

I'm with you on this, LR! A duel is a duel regardless of gender.

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

Need I mention I have met both LR and MT and know them well!

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

I should very much like to see Chorister have a fight in a boutique. You go, girl. Squash Dyfrig down to a size 8 in purple and leave him on the reduced items pile.

Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :

Is that a euphemism?

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Imaginary Friend:
Is that a euphemism?

I didn't know we had a brass band.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Is this the time to mention I wasn't directing nee nar at Dyfrig (who is the unneeniest nar I could ever wish to meet)?

No, thought not.

Posted by The Rogue (# 2275) on :

Who will choose the weapons? The challenger or the challengee? What weapons would those blood-thirsty shipmates who want a duel like to see used?

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

How about cursing in Svenska (Swedish)? Or in German? Du ar inte fran Sverige? (You're not from Sweden?) Or French?

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Option 7-- "Please challenge her! Pretty please! I can't wait to see her wipe the floor with you!"

[Snigger]

Posted by Angel Wrestler (# 13673) on :

quote:
Originally posted by piglet:

[pedant alert ON] You don't drink cream teas, you eat them. [/pedant alert OFF]

[tangent alert] Really???? [Eek!]

Cream tea isn't tea with cream in it???? [/tangent alert]

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

Mais non. It's a scone with lovely thick clotted cream and home-made jam*, and is v.v. yummy.

Tea with cream in it?????? [Ultra confused]

* or if you're in Essex, Tiptree jam, which is the next best thing. [Smile]

[ 18. October 2010, 01:32: Message edited by: piglet ]

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

quote:
Originally posted by piglet:
Mais non. It's a scone with lovely thick clotted cream and home-made jam*, and is v.v. yummy.

Tea with cream in it??????

* or if you're in Essex, Tiptree jam, which is the next best thing.

A sone? Don't you mean several scones?

It is actually accompanied by a pot of tea and is best served in a farmhouse where they make the clotted cream on the premises.

Tiptree jam is of the Gods - but then I am an Essex boy. It was also available in Liverpool if you knew where to look.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

All this talk of dueling and, as of yet no blood on the sand. The only *duel* so far in MAAN came to naught but apologies. So dreary... sigh

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

I am so sorry.

Next time I will commit seppuku, just for you.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
All this talk of dueling and, as of yet no blood on the sand. The only *duel* so far in MAAN came to naught but apologies. So dreary... sigh

Given the way it has been talked up by its instigators, that appears to be what they want.

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

And looking at this thread, I see a lot of people clamoring for Chorister's blood without being willing to lay their own on the line.
Come on, you yellow-bellied pantywaists! The hosts have practically begged for some off-kilter personalities to have it out at ten paces.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

Isn't it up to the duellists to choose their seconds (and maybe their thirds, fourths and fifths) or are we back to talking about cream teas again?

Scones at 10 paces perhaps?

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

Now there's a good idea!
Hmmm . . . fruit or cheese, though?
This sounds like my kind of duel!

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

AA, well, if they had to use one of MY scones, it would be entirely possible to do permanent damage. I think they would still have to choose their weapons very carefully, even if it WAS scones!

Now as to location....hmmm....the coffee & chat room perhaps?

Posted by dyfrig (# 15) on :

The various contributions above are all terribly interesting. Of course, as "interesting" posters do tend to get banned from the Ship, I don't think I should rely on any of your opinions, so as to avoid guilt by association.

As the duel rules have yet to be clarified, it seems premature to act on the outcome of the vote, and anyway I am rubbish at iambic pentametre. Once the form, nature, purpose, effectiveness, potentiality and essence of the duel system have been fully enunciated and systematised, we will be in a better position to determine the best course of action.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

This Cream Tea was tucked into into by shipmate number 1613, who declared it delicious, as I recall. (Note, if you will, how the cream is spread liberally on top of the scone and a dollop of strawberry jam placed strategically on top.) However, it is well-known in Creamtealand that scones more than two days old make excellent weapons, being harder than cannonballs as a rule.

Dyfrig has been extremely kind in giving me a jewel, him being a proper Diamond Geezer, an' all. I shall wear it with pride and call it 'Beryl'.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Banner Lady:
AA, well, if they had to use one of MY scones, it would be entirely possible to do permanent damage. I think they would still have to choose their weapons very carefully, even if it WAS scones!

Now as to location....hmmm....the coffee & chat room perhaps?

Ah, I see you are a specialist in dwarf battle scones. I trust the hold up for many years. [Big Grin]

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

Lo, for many years have I been aboard this Ship, and after all this time, even though ITTWACW it appears I am mistaken. Shock. Horror.

Chorister, can I be your second? [Snigger]

I can contribute a batch of donuts my mom made which were weapons in disguise.

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

I like Chorister very much.

Can I challenge Chorister's duellists to a duel?

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

As Harry Hill would say, I like Dyfrig, and I like Chorister, but which one is better.....

There's only one way to find out.........

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Chorister's all right (sometimes). I'm contributing a vat of cold porridge for her defence.

(This was the stuff that in medieval days they used to pour over the ramparts onto the enemy, fire at them from trebuchets, etc. It clogged up their armour, seized up their joints and extinguished the will to live.)

Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :

<Ariel, I expect that in your version of 1984, the cage strapped on to your face would contain porridge creeping slowly toward you.>

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Tortuf:
I am so sorry.

Next time I will commit seppuku, just for you.

Boring! Isn't about the blood, but the action. Don't care whether is a sword or these silly things.
Challenger: I challenge you to a duel! Except not really, I am so very sorry for my part in creating the perceived need for a duel.
Challenged: I accept! Also not really and I apologize for my behaviour as well.
sigh

[ 18. October 2010, 19:11: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

Lyda Rose, indeed, I am a specialist in battle scones. But they are nothing compared to my rock cakes. Those things really take the biscuit.

And Ariel, I will pit my bread pudding against your porridge any day. I have been known to make it to the consistency of plaster. A much sweeter and claggier death will ensue.

BL. Culinary armourer to the needy and desperate.

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

You know, I think this is turning into a better duel than anything on the real Field of Hono(u)r.

And BL, I see you your Killer Bread Pudding and raise you a batch of "We're out of baking powder, so let's just use soda" fruit scones. If your throat doesn't dissolve, it must be made of steel.

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

I can also contribute concrete fudge upon request.

Perhaps MAAN should have been in the Circus all along? [Two face]

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Oh, man, I haven't seen good cement fudge in years. I had a friend who could make it come out like obsidian. I always wanted to see if you could knap it into spear points. [Cool]

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Banner Lady:
And Ariel, I will pit my bread pudding against your porridge any day. I have been known to make it to the consistency of plaster. A much sweeter and claggier death will ensue.

Right. I'm unveiling the super-weapon - Traditional British Christmas Fruitcake. Baked by old ladies who survived the war, any amount of German bombs and what Hitler could throw at them, and outlived most of their families, there is nothing to compare with this cake. Weighing approximately 1 ton, each cake comes encased in thick, rock-solid, tooth-shattering white icing, for which special equipment is needed to cut it. Inside, the cake, which according to tradition will have been left in a dark place to grow in strength and power over the months, will have a frighteningly solid consistency, interspersed with grit.

It is a test of manhood that any British male will be given, and expected to eat without protest, at least one large slice of this every Christmas and expected to be complimentary, or at best, show no signs of distress. That, and the porridge, will be my contributions.

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :

I am so disappointed at the lack of a duel. I've been watching this just to gear myself up:

Bunfight at the OK Tearooms

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

Look, your fruitcake may be quite useful as a defense (and as a test of Young Eligible Men seeking Paternal Approval), but honestly? Lifting one of those things, much less using it in combat, is nigh-well impossible. It reminds me of the Nazi V-3 cannon project; sure, giant guns are useful, so long as you can aim them . . .

Instead, I'll be arming myself with some of the greatest Terrors of Trail Food: jalepeno squeeze cheese (think EZ Cheez with bits of jalepeno, all packed into a giant ketchup packet), cans of ham (beware, the edges of those lids are sharp!) and . . . PEMMICAN BARS.
Think of British Fruitcake in bar form, but without the cherries or icing. It's like eating lead, and a trip through the human body doesn't change a thing.

To all would-be opponents: You Have Been Warned.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

Keep your heavy cakes and breads an I shall use my sister's chocolate chip biscuits, made without the called for leavening agent. They were like shuriken.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

I want to see a duel 'tween the Host
And Dyfrig, brave if pot valiant, 'tis said.
The reason noxious, cruel and unavenged
Is that she killed my quatrains thread stone dead.

I want to see her dodging cement scones,
Leaden fruitcake, porridge poured by tons.
Not necessarily hit by them, but made to skip a little.
Though it won't change her hosting style by one small jot or tittle.

Fight, fight, fight!

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

Don’t you think it’s a tad infra dig
That Chorister’s attacked by Dyfrig;
She’s a saint of a host
Much kinder than most
And for conflict she don’t care a fig!

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
I want to see a duel 'tween the Host
And Dyfrig, brave if pot valiant, 'tis said.
The reason noxious, cruel and unavenged
Is that she killed my quatrains thread stone dead.

If I needed a reason not to waste any joules on Dyfrig, then here it is.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
I want to see her dodging cement scones,
Leaden fruitcake, porridge poured by tons.
Not necessarily hit by them, but made to skip a little.
Though it won't change her hosting style by one small jot or tittle.

Alas the porridge poured by tons
Is not for Chorister, nor the cake:
'Tis designed to land on the very ones
Who will fight for Dyfrig's sake.

So armed with pots of mighty oat
Chorister's forces await the fray;
One spoonful of this, ye shall not float
But rather wobble, groaning, away.

The cake awaits a daring foe
With teeth of steel and cast iron tum;
Brave, who cuts a slice to go,
And eats the icing, every crumb!

Posted by Benny Diction 2 (# 14159) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
I want to see a duel 'tween the Host
And Dyfrig, brave if pot valiant, 'tis said.
The reason noxious, cruel and unavenged
Is that she killed my quatrains thread stone dead.

I want to see her dodging cement scones,
Leaden fruitcake, porridge poured by tons.
Not necessarily hit by them, but made to skip a little.
Though it won't change her hosting style by one small jot or tittle.

Fight, fight, fight!

Posted by Pax Romana (# 4653) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
I can't really advise you one way or another because the decision has to be yours but I would ask whether or not you think it is seemly for someone British to act in such a way?

Certainly Foreigners might act in such a manner and, to an extent, one has to allow this as they weren't brought up any better but surely we Britishers should be setting an example.

My Dear Welease Woderwick:

As a Foreigner, I stringently object to your classification of me as someone who was not "brought up any better." Just because I prefer coffee to tea doesn't mean that I am lacking in seemliness. I will even refrain from using gutter language, just to show you how seemly I am.

Personally, I would love to see Chorister challenged to a duel. We women are just as capable of dirty fighting as any man, and we should be given the opportunity to use our talents to the fullest.

So there!

[Razz]

Pax Romana

[ 08. November 2010, 18:38: Message edited by: Pax Romana ]

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pax Romana:

quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
I can't really advise you one way or another because the decision has to be yours but I would ask whether or not you think it is seemly for someone British to act in such a way?

Certainly Foreigners might act in such a manner and, to an extent, one has to allow this as they weren't brought up any better but surely we Britishers should be setting an example.
My Dear Welease Woderwick:

As a Foreigner, I stringently object to your classification of me as someone who was not "brought up any better." Just because I prefer coffee to tea doesn't mean that I am lacking in seemliness. I will even refrain from using gutter language, just to show you how seemly I am.

Personally, I would love to see Chorister challenged to a duel. We women are just as capable of dirty fighting as any man, and we should be given the opportunity to use our talents to the fullest.

So there!

Pax Romana

Yes, I see what you mean.

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