Thread: Circus: Taking offence where none was intended... Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.
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Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on
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I mean, really! It's been awfully quiet around here recently. What have you got to say for yourselves? Hmmm?
[ 21. November 2012, 00:46: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Since when do we have to report our innermost thoughts to you, Big Brother? Your parental tone offends me.
Posted by Meg the Red (# 11838) on
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Kelly, as someone who has no biological children, I am offended by your use of the term "parental". I can be just as annoyingly overbearing and directive as anyone who's actually given birth.
[ 04. April 2012, 15:01: Message edited by: Meg the Red ]
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on
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Oh dear, oh dear. Meg, as a non-annoyingly overbearing and directive parent, I take great exception to your broad statement. My children will tell you that I am never offensive. Hmmph.
Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on
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And who says that your children are the final arbiters of all that is Right And True™? Do you think the rest of us don't have a brain? Or that we're blind to what is going on around us? Disgraceful!
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
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Are you suggesting I'm visually impaired?
I'll have you know I'm not in the least bit blind to what is going on around me. I simply choose not to pay it any attention.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
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I see how you mock people with attention disorders. Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?
Posted by fletcher christian (# 13919) on
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When did you kiss my mother?! You home wrecker!
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
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Well someone has to kiss your mother, seeing how neglectful you are. ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
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Vie En Rouge, can you begin to imagine what it's like for the visually impaired to go through life having to endure repeated usages of "seeing" as a metaphor for "knowing"?
Thank God this site isn't translated into braille.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
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You numpty - How dare you be so patronising to people with VI? They are perfectly capable of understanding that seeing is knowing.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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Whereas you, Sir, may be capible of seeing, but it is plain that knowing escapes you.
Posted by Oferyas (# 14031) on
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I am offended that one who accuses others of not knowing things seems not even to know how to use a spell-checker. I thought this was an English website?
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
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English? So you would deliberately exclude American, Aussie and whatever-else from the ship?! Offended? I'll say!
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
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How could you possible use "whatever" when speaking of persons? Treating them like mere objects instead of saying "whoever"?
(Aside to Stetson: when I first started hanging out with blind people in number, I felt very uncomfortable when they used "I see" to mean "I understand." Wisely I didn't mention it.)
Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on
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So you think it is appropriate to use asides on a public board like that? How do you think that makes the rest of us feel? We feel excluded, that's how we feel. Clearly you and Stetson are the in-crowd, but the rest of us can't help not being so in. So, please be so kind as not to have private conversations on a public board, sir!
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on
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In crowd? There's an In Crowd? Gwai, I thought you were my friend! Why haven't you told me about this before?
I am shocked, shocked, I tell you. I think I'll just go have a little bit of a lie down. And a cool rag on my poor aching head.
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
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Oh that's right - you just take the cool rag! Don't worry about us, we'll be fine, you just go right on ahead.
A little word called "please" wouldn't hurt, you know.
[ 04. April 2012, 19:52: Message edited by: Stejjie ]
Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on
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I find it offensive that you are attempting to impersonate my mother. Particularly with that moustache, Stejjie.
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on
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Oh, so you have a problem with facial hair now? That is sexist and beardist. I am sick to death of those who don't appreciate the care and attention we have to lavish on our faces each month.
Posted by Meg the Red (# 11838) on
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Sexist? SEXIST? Do you have to scrape or burn off or rip your hair out by the roots on a regular basis to satisfy unrealistic expectations promoted by fashion media? Please - when do I get to lavish attention on my leg hair?
Posted by The Weeder (# 11321) on
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How dare you boast about your wealth of facial hair! Some of us wept when we were children, and discovered how difficult it would be for us to grow decent facial hair, simply because we were female.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
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I can't believe you'd follow a cross-post like that, and then not either go back and delete, or change your post to respond to the cross-poster. What were you thinking?
Posted by piglet (# 11803) on
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[tangent ON]
Was this thread started to give Mousethief a leg-up in his quest to reach 100,000 posts?
[/tangent OFF]
I'll go now, because I'm just not all that easily offended.
Goodbye. **waves**
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Well, lah-di-freaking-dah, Ms Superior Aboveitall. I guess the collective whines of the less evolved bruises your tender ears. I'm sorry we mere mortals don't measure up.
[ 05. April 2012, 02:46: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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Mere mortal? Look hon, I think you have to evolve beyond the primordial ooze—you know, show some signs of life—before you can claim that title.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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OK, Mr. "Wander onto a Game Thread and do as I damn well please", where is your offense? Where? If you have been quivering with the pent-up desire to randomly smack me with a wholly undeserved and wildly inaccurate put-down, you know where Hell is.
Sorry, my Circus friends, I know that I shall be sniffed at for "junior hosting" but my offense at this blatant rulebreaker knows no bounds.
Also-
quote:
Primordial ooze
Your mama.
Pfft. At the very least I'm a simple vertebrate.
[Outrage makes me fuck up my code. All your fault, jackass.]
[ 05. April 2012, 06:36: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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My Dear Ms Alves, please don't use such language, some of us have tender ears and even more tender constitutions, you know - at least you admit you are, and I quote, simple, which is, I suppose, partial reparation.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
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Hey, man, don't you go dissin' my sister - and don't be tellin' her what language she can and can't use, neither. Tender ears? You got too damn many tender ears by the look of you.
Freak.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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Offended by the sheer lack of attention to detail. You're not here for the fun of it, mate.
a) He's not a man but a three-swollen-headed god or something
b) he has no ears asfaIcs. This oversight and the quality of your avatar painting suggest you should kindly join the queue for the blind and stop barging in on this gathering of sensitive verte brats, whatever that may be, a kind of Easter bunny presumably.
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
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quote:
Originally posted by Sylvander:
You're not here for the fun of it, mate.
Fun? Fun? None of us are here for fun! How dare you suggest that anyone could consider something as serious, worthwhile, important and meaningful as the Ship in general and this thread in particular could be considered as mere fun. We're pouring our souls out into these posts, you know.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Well, this side of the Pennines we know what fun is and I was having fun reading it till you popped up from t'other side.
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
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quote:
Originally posted by justlooking:
Well, this side of the Pennines we know what fun is and I was having fun reading it till you popped up from t'other side.
[Tangent]The irony of which is, I was born in Grimsby and lived in Sheffield, so I am actually from the right side of the Pennines...[/tangent]
... which makes it all the more offensive that you would assume that just because I live here, I am from the wrong side of the Pennines.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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I have assumed only that in responding with a serious nowt-to-laugh-at approach you are either a native or have successfully assimilated.
(At least you acknowledge that it is the wrong side)
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I am offended that you should post so rapidly that my carefully thought out and erudite post, as you'd expect from me, should have to be deleted and replaced with this tosh!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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I will post as wapidly as I wish Woderwick. I am offended that you should assume precedence.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I am offended that you should assume I seek precedence - all I seek is a fair crack of the whip!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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I am offended you should assume that I am the assumer. My point is about your assumptions. I have not assumed. I have pointed to your assuming precedence, not seeking it.
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
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I am offended by your pointing out assumptions. It is rude to point.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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I am offended by your judgmental attitude in pointing out othrs' faults.... Surely we should just go about forgiving folk for their stupidity and rudeness but tactfully not point it out....
Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on
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Look here, pal. The Assumption of Mary is a most wonderful and blessed feast in which we celebrate the passing of our Dear Lord's mother bodily into heaven. It is a very sombre and reverential day. So for you to casually call out 'assumptions' and suggest that any one of us takes them less than seriously is really quite horribly offensive.
[Cross-posted with Rowen. Oops. ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
]
[ 05. April 2012, 12:24: Message edited by: Imaginary Friend ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I'm offended that when you crossposted with our Reverend Sister you didn't delete your post and write a new one - lazy or what?
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
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That's a bit rich coming from a self-proclaimed feckless layabout.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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Can it, Frenchie. You can talk when you move somewhere you have to actually work eight hours a day and can't spend August lazing about.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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OK, first off, French-baiting is so Bush-era.
Second, the bitter spite and envy saturating your last post condensed on my monitor, dripped down the screen, and corroded my computer desk. I think $347.95 ought to cover it-- note I have thoughtfully calculated tax and shipping for you.
Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on
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You patronizing so-and-so! Who made you god to decide which courier service and taxation jurisdiction to use for the replacement of your desk? Huh? Perhaps FedEx is a better choice than UPS. Maybe USPS beats them both! How do you know? Not only would inquiring minds like to be enlightened about how you got to your conclusion, they demand to see justification for your assumed ability to make such a judgement in the first place.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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I have an enquiring mind and I don't give a monkey's about Fedex or whoever. I want to know about the desk. Where's the proof it was damaged? Is it really worth what's being claimed or is it actually a cheapo self-assembly job from Argos? What about contributory negligence in failing to cover the desk with a bile-protector? These are the things that exercise an enquiring mind.
I am offended that you make assumptions about the direction of my enquiries.
[ 05. April 2012, 22:00: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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What's this about proof it was damaged? Don't try to deny that your reference to proof is a sly secularist dig at supposedly benighted religious believers. We can tell.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Well! Talk about paranoid!
For your information Daffy religious believers don't have to accept whatever they're told. Being gormless and gullible does not make you a better person.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
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Excuse me - I have to tell you that followers of the great Daffy do, in fact, have to accept exactly what we're told and I take great exception to your use of words such as gormless and gullible in this context. Daffy is a duck - in fact He is The Duck - and the mention of any kind of gull in the same sentence is... oh damn
- now look what you made me do.
[ 05. April 2012, 22:32: Message edited by: QLib ]
Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on
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Well now, I thought we were living in more enlightened times than to be so disrespectful to the deeply-held convictions of animated aquatic birds. Come back and talk to us when you've learned to coexist with others of all religious persuasions and none.
[Bollocks! Another cross post - two in a day! Damn you, QLib for not only beating me to the punch but for having the same punch line!]
[ 05. April 2012, 22:32: Message edited by: Imaginary Friend ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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QLib and IF - I am offended you do not recognise that 'gormless and gullible' is meant in a kind, caring and Christian way - I am merely Speaking the Truth in Love.
And in that same spirit I suspect you are party to the computer-desk scam.
Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on
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That's just insane. How dare you speak the truth in love, when you could just as easily speak flattery in love? Nobody asked for your "truth."
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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And who are you to make judgements about sanity? As a Geek you will of course have a vested interest in such matters but this does not qualify you to make judgements.
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on
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Geeks in vests? Are you smoking loco weed? The only geeks in vests I see are in big box stores. And many of them are pseudo geeks.
Please check your facts before posting for all the world to see.
Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on
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You want facts? That's Pandora's Box well and truly blown open. Shame on you.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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IF, that is just staggeringly insensitive. We all know that jedijudy has so, so much to be ashamed of, but do you see us rubbing it in her face? No, you don't. That's because some of us understand the meaning of charity.
I suggest you dust off your pocket New Testament and give it a long overdue read. Start with Romans 13. ![[Tear]](graemlins/tear.gif)
[ 06. April 2012, 02:50: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on
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Oooooh, get her. The Bunny is proof-texting!
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I'm offended, Mama, that you should poke fun at the bunny like that - at least she is proof-texting, which shows there are mental skills there that we never knew she had!
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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Oh Look. Bunny can open a Bible and pick out random verses; 3-headed monster is impressed.
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
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Well aren't you the hoighty-toighty one, speaking for everyone else as if you could read their minds.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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And you can't? Oh, right, you just act like you can. Nevermind.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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{Psst, AA, you're supposed to act like he offended you somehow, not just thumb your nose at him.]
[How pitiful is it that I have to remind a circus Host of the hallowed rules of Offense, given it is in the actual title. And as if I haven't enough things to do. ]
[Braces self for AwkwardArtless insult.]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I'm offended, but frankly not much surprised, you should parenthesise your whole post but then it means that you haven't said anything - and you haven't!
Well done!
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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Well, well, well, any shipmate called FRANK would be mightily offended by your random use of his or her name in your post (above). Not that I know or indeed care if we have a poster by that name... But it is the principle that matters.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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So, the Franks of this world are beneath your notice. It is a decent and honourable name and I am saddened that you would use it merely as a means of reproach.
Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on
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quote:
Originally posted by justlooking:
So, the Franks of this world are beneath your notice. It is a decent and honourable name and I am saddened that you would use it merely as a means of reproach.
Hmph! Crawl back to polish your mirror, you narcissistic fool. I am here to speak up for all two pages of Franks in the membership directory, especially this
prolific poster of happy memory.
Buttinski!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Put your glasses on you myopic fool! I was also speaking up for the Franks if you'd bothered to read.
[ 06. April 2012, 09:48: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I'm a vegetarian so object most strongly to any comments on Franks, even though they have no discernible meat in them!
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
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Vegetarians! Why are vegetarians like Wodders thought to be sooo sensitive to living things but no one thinks of the slaughter of plants: slashed down by giant grain harvesters, pulled up by the roots, or viciously pruned. My feelings are bruised at every single meal by the thought of my culinary atrocities. I'm offended by Wodders' thoughtlessness.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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You still manage to eat the planty things though in spite of the ![[Waterworks]](graemlins/bawling.gif)
I am offended by Crocodile tears!
[ 06. April 2012, 13:20: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
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You want poor Wodders to starve, I suppose?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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La vie en rouge, whilst I am touched by your concern I don't remember appointing you as my counsel in this matter and your obvious assumption that I need your support is downright offensive.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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I really do think that people who speak wanton French are just showing off....
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Yeah, all we needed was for Rowen to show up to drag us right down the Smut Highway. Who do you think you are, woman, introducing the subject of wantons? And don't you think Wod has been called that enough for one lifetime?
Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on
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What's wrong with Smut Highway? The view is... um... stimulating, so your prudishness is quite ironically offensive.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Just exactly what do you mean by "ironically," Imaginary I Thought You Were My Friend?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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Kelly, can I recommend you acquire, by some means that we'd better not discuss, a dictionary? I am sure you will find it helpful so you no longer have to ask people what they mean all the time in that offensive manner.
[ 07. April 2012, 03:13: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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Are you suggesting to our innocent little bunny that she might acquire a dictionary in some ignoble way? She would not even know how to plan such a deed... shame, sir, shame....
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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Rowen, whilst I applaud your attempt to defend our sister Bunny I am offended and appalled by your lack of perception of her real character as it has been so clearly demonstrated on these boards.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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I am not so much offended by the desperate crushes you all seem to have on me-- y'all just can't seem to climb down off the Bunny-- but it is kind of making me uncomfortable. I like you all, but I don't like like you. Please don't take it personally.
Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on
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Kelly, what an exalted opinion of yourself, to even *suggest* that others need a ladder to climb down off you. That you should, literally, belittle your fellow shipmates is shockingly arrogant. I am appalled, yea, appalled.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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An accurate assessment of one's self worth is hardly arrogance, hon. Why should everyone enjoy my spectacular fabulousness but myself? I resent your attempts to hinder my personal growth.
(Holy God, I just channeled Miss Piggy.)
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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Kelly, many of us are wiser and more experienced in life... You need to let us help you instead of shutting yourself away from our pastoral care and support...
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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"..... more experienced in life". Are you calling me old?
I may be entering upon my golden years but that doesn't mean I have nothing better to do than offer pastoral care to a rabbit.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
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I find your use of the word 'old' almost as offensive as your assumption that it's an undesireable label. Those of us who are temporally challenged prefer 'mature' or 'seasoned'.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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"us" you say? Do you presume to speak for the whole of the older generation? Your own preferences of 'mature' and 'seasoned' are entirely adequate but cannot encaspulate the breadth of experience of the world's elders. Indeed, redolent as they are of wine and cheese, they betray a narrow and very possibly privileged experience of life.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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I find your implied references as to who may or may not be an alcoholic on the ship to be rather distressingly offensive... Even to those who are addicted to eating too much cheese. These people need to be helped, not judged, implied or otherwise
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Too much cheese? Who, pray, are you to say how much cheese a body should consume? There's far 'too much' of this sort of thing nowadays. Please stop it immediately.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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The Bean is back! Still dictatorial I see and bossing people about but then what did we expect?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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What do we expect? Posters now have to conform to your projections of them?
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on
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![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Nobody told me we were going to be projected! How offensive that someone has made a slideshow of shipmates, and they will make sure the whole world sees us.
I stomp my foot at you.
Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on
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You're only going to bother to make a sideshow? I had assumed that 'projection' was referring to the full cinematic treatment - CGI and everything - to be displayed at full size on the silver screen. A mere slideshow is offensively paltry by comparison.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Times are hard. Who are you to scoff at the humble pleasures of the poor? Let me tell you, a nice slideshow followed by a glass of light ale and a packet of pork scratchings constitutes a good night out for many.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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Light ale and a packet of pork scratchings? Aren't we la-di-da? I suppose you think asking for a light ale and a packet of pork scratchings makes you one with the people. There are some people who would count themselves lucky if they got even one pork scratching.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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You folk clearly don't understand the need to eat healthy food. Yes, folk like you are a drain on the nation's underfunded health system, with your poor choice of ale and scratchings.
Why don't you eat apples or something?
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on
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I beg your pardon. Apples? Really? Have you ever seen what apples do to my tender tummy? Obviously not, or you would do everything in your power to keep them away from me. Why don't you suggest something like, oh, shrimp and crab legs? Or maybe a nice tenderloin?
Some people.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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Some people, indeed - particularly those that mention the eating of rotting flesh from our four legged friends!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Oh right, then. Only the four legged friends? Anti-crustacean.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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And none of you have had the grace to mention God's own liquid.... glorious, clean water... Free, healthy, beautiful....
No, all of you want processed unhealthy things in your sickly bodies...
Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on
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quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
And none of you have had the grace to mention God's own liquid.... glorious, clean water... Free, healthy, beautiful....
No, all of you want processed unhealthy things in your sickly bodies...
What do you have against beer? God's gift to man!
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
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Yeah, like water is never processed. ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
I got news for you, baby - pretty much everything is processed, including the spelt loaves in the wholefood shop you no doubt frequent. All this anti-processed stuff is just another form of elitism. A device to keep the working classes in subjection.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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I am offended by this over-simplifying The 'working classes' want work, even work in a poncy wholefood shop will do. There is no subjection - the worm is turning.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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Some folk have worms as pets and garden aids... How can you use an image like that, and hurt their feelings so?
Honor worms, for their sakes.
[ 08. April 2012, 09:34: Message edited by: Rowen ]
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
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quote:
Honor worms
Look, I don't know what spelling schematum gets used in the land that traces its genetic and cultural ancestry to criminal deportees, but in places where people rightfully cherish the imperial apron strings, we render "honour" as you see it written there.
Sheesh. I'll bet you scofflaws don't even appreciate Benny Hill or Black Sabbath.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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It never occurred to you that this was not my fault. My new iPad self-corrected.
I am a newb at this iPad thing and now I feel that all my trying is in vain, when people come out and yell at me.
Don't shout at me. Blame Apple.
And now I am going off to cry....
I am ofended
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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Typical female ploy to use tears to control and emasculate!
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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What's wrong with that? Tender tears need manly consolation so I am usually all for female plays. But I am offended that just as this thread is promising to take its overdue turn to smut and fun, along comes our clean-conscience veggie gobbler and puts an end to it. Emasculate indeed!
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on
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Sylvander, I thought this was a Christian website. (Or for folks who have never seen the spelled out version: ITTWACW.)
I come here for love and uplifting language and fluffy bunniness. How dare you to shatter that precious image I have of the Ship. Nobody is ever mean to another Shipmate. Until now.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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I weep copiously . The smallness, the narrowness, of your vision. I too TTWACW and therefore inclusive of all and reaching even unto the depths of the smut-seekers.
[ 08. April 2012, 17:44: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Have you all ever noticed that whenever I leave this thread for a few hours, the tone begins a slow creeping descent? Must I be the moral Atlas around here? Can't I shrug once in a while?
Reaching out to the smutty, indeed, justlooking. I know where that hand is going. And where you're looking,as well.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Wash your mouth out with soap!
And as for your shrug: I fail to see the relevance of your knitwear but you are clearly very attached to it.
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
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has it ever occurred to you, Kel, that when you leave this thread, we all breathe a sigh of relief and talk about you behind your back. We all know *it's different for girls* but really, Shrug You, girlfriend! **
** jocular post in the spirit of the game - Kel's a mate, really! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Shrug you?
SHRUG YOU????
...(never heard of that one.)
OK, so quit showing off your superior knowledge of slang and wallow down here with the rest of us mortals, Miss Thing. It's not like you suddenly learned how to speak Etruscan.
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
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I learned Etruscan when you were just a twinkling in the eye of your alien daddyfromalphacentauriwifanaxe. Pshaw!
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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I am concerned when people see aliens in every corner. It speaks of an unhealthy fear, or worse, an alienism that may come to rival sexism, racism and similar.
Everyone should be accepted, regardless of country or universe or planet of origin.
Kelly, rejoice in your alien roots.
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
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yeah, Rowen, but then are Teh Daleks!! ![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif)
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Now, see, this is how gossip begins. And gossip, as any eight year old knows*, is a sin. Have you forgotten that? Has it really been that long since you two have examined your poor, iniquity-sodden souls, or do you just conveniently re-frame gossip as "concerned speculation"? it would be interesting to live inside your heads.
* that one's for the Calvinists.
(also, what planet I may or may not hail from is nobody's gardam business but my own.)
[ 08. April 2012, 23:16: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Really? You are giving morality lessons? The mind boggles at the temerity.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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Frankly, I am mighty offended by the virtuous turn this is taking under the guidance of our self-anointed moral atlas. Can't you think of sins that are more fun than eight-year old gossip?
And please refrain from information about your garden business. It isn't ladylike, even for an extraterrestrial rabbit.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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Sylvander, Sylvander, I speak on behalf of my poor neglected colleague lilbuddha who may be li'l but isn't so li'l as to be totally negligible. Are you telling me you really failed to find anything objectionable or offensive in her post. I am well aware that Kelly is the paragon of offensiveness, but I am shocked and disappointed that you allow her to eclipse your fellow shipmates who are easily despicable in their own rights. Be less dismissive in future, please.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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Ah pingu has arrived and is posting - if she is offended just how does she think the rest of us feel about her horning in on OUR thread?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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First you wish to determine how others may post, now it is advanced to who may post? The circus is not your bailiwick, WW. On behalf of myself and the hosts hereabout, I tender our offense.
[ 09. April 2012, 06:54: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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YOU are tendering MY offense? How dare you! Go sit in the corner and play with your little JuniorHost kit you sent away three boxtops for while the Real Hosts keep doing Real Work.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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The word was 'hosts', and not 'Hosts'. The meaning might have been better rendered by 'hordes' or 'multitudes', nonetheless the essential thrust of the little one's message is clear and you have ignored it.
Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on
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Messages? You mean there are subtle Messages being sent here? I AM offended. I thought this was a thread about giving and receiving OFFENSE. And now you tell me there are MESSAGES?!!!
Well, really. How very pseudo-intellectual of you, when I came here for a bun-fight. (it is Easter, after all.)
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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quote:
Originally posted by Banner Lady:
How very pseudo-intellectual of you, when I came here for a bun-fight.
'Bun' is an offensive and sexist term. 'Sweet roll' is a better term that is not degrading to anybody.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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I resent your supposed ability to judge breads and rolls and so forth. This must surely be an insult to bakers everywhere, who have studied for years- to do just that.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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Don't we all judge bread and rolls and, indeed, everything in our lives, on a constant basis - surely not to do so would be to neglect our God-given abilities in discernment. Wouldn't to suggest otherwise be not only offensive but heretical?
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on
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Once more boasting of your God-Given gifts of discernment, making those of us without such gifts feel unwanted and neglected. Thank you WW, I feel so much better. Not.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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You know why you feel unwanted and neglected, SC?
It's because you are unwanted and neglected. Now shoo fly, don't bother me.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Wow, man. Scalding. Just cut right to the heart of someone's basic psychological health. What a bold and callous gesture. You must be so proud.
I remember when you were a fresh faced, innocent Circus host, just bubbling over with the desire to put smiles on everyone's faces. What happened?
[Heartache makes me typo.]
[ 09. April 2012, 16:58: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Posters like you happened, Kelly. Eviscerating a poor, hapless noob without the ability to defend himself. Look where he hosts, not like they put competent people here. You steal lollys from infants and call yourself tough. Shameful.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Infants with lollies are a sign of irresponsible parenting. Kelly's actions may seem a little high-handed but they are well-intentioned. It starts with lollies but before you know it they're smoking spliffs.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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What a callous attempt to condemn sections of the population. Been reading the Daily Mail, have we?
[ 09. April 2012, 19:13: Message edited by: Dafyd ]
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on
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You edited your post and still left that offensive mention of the D**** M***. What shit did you take out? Please moderate your language on these boards.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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I find your jibes at those poor unfortunates who suffer from chronic diarrhea to be rather tasteless, and so am offended...
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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You are unclear here - are you offended by the jibes or the subject of the jibes? The whole point of language is communication and I find your inability to do so clearly quite offensive.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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On your high horse again. Pretending you don't understand lavatorial references. Communication involves receiving as well as transmitting.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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OK, so what have you got against high horses? As far as I am aware, horses are actively encouraged to use grass. Maybe riding them when they are in that state is foolhardy, but to be honest, possibly safer than when they're feeling less laid back.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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I would have thought you, of all other dwellers here, would see the inherent heightism in "high" horses. Please do not pander to the overactive pituitary cases. We normal sized folks need to stand firm.
Posted by Meg the Red (# 11838) on
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Firm? You whippersnapper, could you be any nastier? As a woman of a certain age, I am sick and tired of hearing the virtues of firmness expounded by those who don't know what it's like to bulge or sag. Just wait 'til you're old enough to need full-body Spanx ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on
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*ppppsssstt* Meg! You shouldn't tell the whippersnappers about bulging and sagging. This is supposed to be our little secret, don't you know? It's embarrassing and offensive to air our dirty laundry...so to speak...all over the intertubz!!!
Don't make me haul out my cane...
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I'm offended that you might not want to haul out your cane, some of us might enjoy it if you did! Do you wear leather, too?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Your post would be offensive, WW, if it were not so darn precious. Leave the lascivious and lewd to the professionals.
Oh, Kelly...
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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You know, I resent the implication that I can't do lascivious and lewd just as well as anyone else. The fact that I just do it in my free time rather than being paid shouldn't mean a thing.
Honestly. Whatever happened to respect for focused and determined amateurs?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I am offended that anyone would even consider that I would understand lascivious and lewd when I am just as innocent as a snowdrop!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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I like snowdrops.
They are pure and pretty and a sign of good things to come.
And thus, I do not appreciate their reputation being sullied by comparison to a weasel. ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
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That is just typical of outdated and bigoted attitudes towards small carniverous mammals. They are the last group it is acceptable to hold unfounded prejudice about. What did the weasels ever do to you?
Rights for weasels!
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
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I take Exception to your arrant Mockery of the Rights Agenda. In doing, so you have openly allied yourself with the forces of Reaction. And against Voles.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I'm offended that you only mention voles in your post, what about consonants?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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I was initially offended by the bad pun, however I have reconsidered. That was a fairly decent effort, considering the resources you are working with.
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on
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How dare you mention Wodder's resources! Who made you the resource sheriff of the universe? Just because his are widely known to be minuscule, doesn't give you leave to shout it out for all to hear. (Or see, in this case.)
Hmmph.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
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He's not a sheriff, but you're not a police person, so don't go telling folk what they can and can't shout about. You know what you can do with that light sabre of yours.
Posted by The Weeder (# 11321) on
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What gives you the right to criticise wielders of light sabres? Where would we be without them, I would like to know!
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
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There's little that's more offensive than someone assuming that just because they need a light sabre, we all do.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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I think we would have understood your emphasis perfectly well even if you hadn't decided to patronise us by using italics.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Italics do more than create emphasis, they help delineate patterns of speech. They add character as well. Ooops, think I identified your problem.
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
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That's all we need, a wannabe Shakespearian actor thinking that if they put the emphasis in bizarre places, it suddenly becomes all meaningful.
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
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They didn't seem bizarre to me. Have you got a thing about actors? If you just have to quibble, you could have complained about the dreadful misspelling of "oops".
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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And what's so dreadful about Miss Pelling? Do you have any reason to be so offhandishly prejudiced against her? She may not conform to your standards of right and wrong but everybody has her merits. She for instance may well be lewd and lascivious. Which makes me even more offended that you have not introduced her to me yet. She may be shy and hence hesitant to talk to strangers.
Kindly hasten to mend that oversight.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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What makes you think that Miss Pelling wants to be introduced to you? Perhaps she already has a full and interesting life among her friends and neighbours in Oops. Even is she hasn't, even if she's bored to tears with the goings on of Oops' folk, it doesn't mean she'd welcome an introduction to any old letch.
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
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Having met Sylvander, I can assure you that he isn't just 'any old letch'. However, discretion does not permit me to elaborate further...
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I'm offended that you haven't been explicit about being offended - are the instructions too complicated for you, perhaps?
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
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Could you not tell that I was offended by justlooking referring to Sylvander as 'any old letch'? And that it was in fact such an offensive description that I was unable to say more?
And is now doubly offensive that you required me to spell it out explicitly. (And the concept of explicit letching is offensive enough in its own right )
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
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So people are supposed to know what you think when you type .... ? Is that arrogance or egotism? Or what?
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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You can use .... or **** or whatever you like. It doesn't make it any better. It's still foul language.
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
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no it isn't Dafyd - to the pure all things are pure, including ellipses and asterisks. It's your dirty mind that is filling in the blanks here.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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And what, pray, is wrong with having a dirty mind? I think a dirty mind can be a great comfort, particularly when getting on a bit.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Did the world really need to know that? What the hell is that, a subtle advertisement for lanolin-based hand lotion?
Jeez, Wod, just seeing your name in the recent visitors list is offending me right now. Get out of my sight before I smack you out.
[ 14. April 2012, 04:34: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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Here is a perfect example of a Bunny [remember Hefner, anyone?] as a neophyte Phelpsian demanding that everyone adhere to her rather bizarre moral code - and she didn't even off to use a riding crop!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Knock off the naughty talk, like a couple of preteens you are. Not even doing it well. Besides, you'll cause Sylvander apoplexy.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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You should be ashamed of yourself, setting standards beyond what poor Kelly and Weasel are able to achieve. Just because they are chronologically far far far beyond being pre-teens does not mean that their level of maturity has kept apace. We should not reprimand them, we should show them true Christian pity and help them make the tiny tiny steps which will slowly but surely bring them to a level of social acceptability, thus keeping Sylvander safe, not by apportioning blame, but by reducing risk.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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Oh yes, it's all about reducing risk now. We can't type a post without Health and Safety all over it. Why can't we decide to take some chances now and then? Live a little?
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
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Oh, I am so sick of people bemoaning the Health and Safety culture. Do you want to live in a world in which children still gather fluff from under weaving machines? Do you - huh?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Those of us from dark-satanic-millshire know what you're on about QLib but most folks around here haven't a clue. They know it's grim up north but they don't know why. You're talking a foreign language.
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
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I'm offended that you would form your own little coterie of misery based on your place of origin. Hello? We all speak English here, and a few words of explanation on most subjects- particularly subjects such as industrial history would keep us all involved. But, noooo, the rest of us couldn't possibly understand. Pah!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Littlecoterie of misery!. There's nothing little about it. Not the coterie. Not the misery. We don't faff around putting a brave face on things, being all chipper and chirpy like some we could mention. Oh no! We embrace misery. We wallow in it. Why do you think people still go to Morecambe?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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Don't you diss Morecambe - it is a very exciting place - particularly on Thursday when the traffic lights change!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Yes, I can picture you sitting in the garden, waiting for the light to change. Yelling "Get off my lawn!" at the neighbor children. Ah, the joys of dotage, erm, old age, I mean being experienced. Very, very experienced.
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
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All this talk of an English seaside resort, and you have to spell "neighbour" the American way. It's just wrong.
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
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How very non-U to mention our colonial cousins' non-U-ness
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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The shame of it! Polite people would have ignored this. Intelligent people would have deduced that my iPad has an American dictionary* and is constantly fighting me. Oh, my bad, I just realized who I was addressing.
*The perils of reconditioned goods.
[ 14. April 2012, 17:36: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Oh, how did I know that this was going to turn into some stupid pond war. And Guess Who started it.
Look, two hundred and thirty two years is a hell of a long time to be crying over spilled milk, and as far as I can tell, the sun has been setting on Your Majesty's realms for a hell of a long time, so when y'all perform the historical equivalent of downing shots of Grey Goose and weeping over your junior prom pictures, it's kind of pathetic. Not so much offensive as really, really pathetic.
I'm sorry if that sounds harsh, but real love is tough love. ![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
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I find your cultural imperialism frankly offensive. We didn't have junior proms over here until about 15 years ago, when the arrival of multi-channel TV brought an attendant tsunami of schmaltzy US teenybop sitcoms. Since then, our kids have been nagging to be allowed to get all dressed up for an evening of life-blighting emotional trauma too.
I expect you'll be commanding us to get all dewy-eyed about trick-or-treating next? This used to be a harmless evening of unconditional vandalism called 'Mischief Night' until the the world's leading free-market capitalist hegemony gave victims the chance to buy their way out of trouble and the young perps a learning exercise in socially sanctified extortion.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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"I expect you'll be commanding us to get all dewy-eyed about trick-or-treating next? This used to be a harmless evening of unconditional vandalism called 'Mischief Night' until the the world's leading free-market capitalist....
No! How can you be so wrong ? Don't you know your own heritage?
Mischief Night is the night before Bonfire Night and commemorates the mischief of Guy Fawkes and the other plotters. The 'Trick or Treat' carry-on is what Amercians have made of Halloween. Mischief Night doesn't involve extortion, it's just unbridled vandalism pure and simple.
[ 14. April 2012, 18:59: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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I suppose it's way too late in history to get all Lynne Truss-ish and be offended at 'Halloween' when it ought to be 'Hallowe'en'. But, what the hell.
[ 14. April 2012, 20:47: Message edited by: Bean Sidhe ]
Posted by Paddy O'Furniture (# 12953) on
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quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
I suppose it's way too late in history to get all Lynne Truss-ish and be offended at 'Halloween' when it ought to be 'Hallowe'en'. But, what the hell.
I'm offended at your name. I don't know enough Irish to know if you're being witty or what and that disturbs me. Bean Sidhe... hmmm... are you a Bean? Faery Bean or Human Bean?! Really, what are you?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Oh, don't get her started.
And by the way, Miz Siddy, I know where to put a stinking apostrophe, thank you very much.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
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I'm offended that you sided with Patio against the Bean. And evidently you aren't all that sound on the subject of apostrophe's - odoriferous or otherwise.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Nice. Now please explain to me where the phrase "apostrophe is" fits in the above sentence.
[ 14. April 2012, 22:03: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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You've missed out the possessive use - what could be belonging to the apostrophe?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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You think you're so damn smart.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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No, darling, you've [that's you have to you] got it completely wrong - I KNOW I'm smart!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Well, lah de freakin' dee dah dah-- I guess everyone has the right to be COMPLETELY WRONG.
I only wish you didn't see fit to exercise that right so often. It get very tiresome for the rest of us.
[ 15. April 2012, 06:14: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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Fit? Exercise?
How could you use such foul language on a Christian Website? And on a Sunday too, which every Godfearing person knows is a day of rest.
Shame on you, Alves. Shame on you.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
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How dare you impose your so-called 'Godfearing' nonsense on the rest of us sane, well-balanced human beings?
Anyway, Sunday is First Day - so it's Saturday that's the day of rest.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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I resent your implication that I am sane and God-fearing?. How do you know my mental and spiritual state? Or presume to know, and judge likewise? Surely this is just between me, Good and my pyschiatrist?
[ 15. April 2012, 10:27: Message edited by: Rowen ]
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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The use of 'judge' in a derogatory sense is discriminatory against senior legal professionals and members of the bench. Please consider using 'negatively assess'.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Here's a book for you, Dafyd. And can I just say I am surprised and appalled that you would advocate the dumbing-down of our fine language.
And yeah, you heard me, I said OUR.
[ 15. April 2012, 15:38: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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Heard? In a visual medium? I think not, bunny-girl! I'm not sure what sort of lax standards are allowed over there but where I come from we can only hear auditory stuff!
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
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Would you mind not subliminally sneaking the word 'Tory' into your posts?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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I think you're labouring the point there.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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To be fair WW, hossenfeffer is from San Francisco. She may well hear things she sees. Probably hears and sees all sorts of manifestations. This is fairly apparent in her posting style...
ETA: Enough with the poor wordplay, kanchuko and justlooking! Get thee to a punnery.
[ 15. April 2012, 17:05: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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That's it. We're taking you out back to be shot. Planking's too good for you. Banning's too good for you. Burning's just a waste of good wood.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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Violence.
*shudder*
No more than I have come to expect from you, but offensive just the same.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
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Kelly recommends a book on cutting through the Bull**** and Wodders pontificates on "lax standards?" Perhaps "lax" might be short for laxative. Might clear the whole thing up! Well, maybe not "clear it up" so much as "clean it out." I guess it depends on how "lax" it gets.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Are you in some kind of time-warp there in Buffalo? That was five posts and about five hours ago.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Shame on you! Poor uffda is doing the best he can, probably took him those 5 hours to manage the reply.
There, there, uffda. Did the mean person upset you? We are very proud of you.
quote:
Originally posted by AristonAstuanax:
a waste of good wood.
As if you'd know.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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lilbuddha, in all seriousness, I am starting to realize what a truly black hearted, purely mean human being you are. I am becoming terrified of you.
I also see that you are being particularly mean to AA, which tells me... someone's got a crush! someone's got a crush!
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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Just like you to poke fun at the punch I made for my party.... Crushed ice, crushed pineapple, loads of juice, a touch of champers..
What 's wrong with fancy drinks, I'd like to know?
[ 15. April 2012, 22:26: Message edited by: Rowen ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Call that a punch? A fancy drink? Fruit juice and a 'touch of champers'. Was it for children?
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
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justlooking: you would punch children and then go drinking‽ I am aghast! I am appalled!
Posted by Paddy O'Furniture (# 12953) on
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no prophet: I'm petered out by your being appalled.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
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On behalf of all Peters everywhere, I object to this casual abuse of their name.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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And it would take a smug little cat like yo to think you can just toss out flip remarks about abusing peters and get away with it. Oh, the nightmares I shall have tonight.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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You want locking up you do. Menacing that sweet little QTip with your offensive weapon. Shame on you!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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Don't you realise that the prison population is already too large in this country? We cannot afford to continue the populist policy that the only way to deal with offenders is to lock them up.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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OK then how are we going to protect ourselves? Do you realise QLib is barricaded into her house trembling in fear? How about transporting all the axe-carrying bunnies to Australia? We've done it before.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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As an Australian, I am appalled by your suggestion that you ship undesirables here. Shocked. Once was bad enough, but not more. Heaven help us.
I need a drink
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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So axe-wielding bunnies are undesirable, are they? Poor Kelly. I am sure somebody finds her desirable. Maybe not for her looks, but certainly for her ability to fell small trees or chop firewood. And bunnies do at least taste good.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
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Its all too easy to take out your feelings on poor Kelly and all the other bunnies of the world now that Easter is over. No Jelly Beans and Chocolate Eggs for you next year!
And, BTW, Buffalo is not in a time warp. Anyone who knows me knows I'M happily warped!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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One I again, I remain the center of conversation for eight hours. Not that this is unusual, but it would be more of a compliment if it wasn't you lot.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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OK, who screwed with my post? You assholes.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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You've scared everyone now..
This is everyone scared .. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
This is you ..
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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No need to fear Kelly. Sooner rather than later, she'll leave herself wide open. It is her default position.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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(unlatches safety on axe.)
Oh, there you are. Lucid dreaming is a beautiful thing, is it not?
However, most people have learned by--oooh, age 13 or so--- that there are certain more torrid extravagazas of the imagination that one should just keep to their cotton-pickin' self.
Also--I 'll give you a bye on this, because clearly you don't know-- there is a licensing fee applicable toward the use of my image in-- well, I don't want to know what you're using it for. But the standard fee applies.
So just have your girl talk to my girl and we'll sort this out in a neighborly fashion.
[ 16. April 2012, 19:24: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
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I'm offended, lil B, that you make such a wide open opportunity for Sylvander, with such a comment. He doesn't need YOUR help!
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
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And now cross-posting with the bunny herself. Her posts multiply as fast as any rabbit, that's for sure!
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
Madam, it really shouldn't require someone of the penised fraternity to remind you that, by referring to (presumably adult) female subordinates as 'girls', you are setting back the cause of feminism by 50 years.
Posted by Paddy O'Furniture (# 12953) on
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Ugh! Kankucho, I am offended by your term "penised"! I don't care if you play piano or play the skin flute, just don't disgust me with your inappropriate slang or off to a PENAL colony with you!
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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*WHEEEEEEEEET!*
Unfunny use of pseudo-sexual punning!
Fifteen yard penalty.
Third down.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I'm offended by the use of pseudo-sporting gibberish - how often must I tell people that if it doesn't refer to cricket then it doesn't mean anything?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Doesn't mean anything to you isn't the same as doesn't mean anything. Cricket has clearly become an obsession for you and is controlling your mind - get help before it's too late.
[ 17. April 2012, 09:06: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
So, pretending to be a person who is knowledgable about psychology are we now.... Telling us to go get help before we are all totally crazy.
Pot, kettle, black....
Casting the first stone.
Hmmmmm?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I see you're from Australia - 'nuff said.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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Surely making a blanket condemnation of a whole nation is a noxious thing to do - I am sure there must have been good and honourable Australians sometime in history - how about the inestimable Sir Les Patterson?
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
I am sick and tired of seeing the word 'blanket' used as an adjective to such negative concepts as banning and condemnation. When do you ever hear of 'blanket' praise and encouragement, eh? Lets not forget the sterling service that blankets have given us in times of war. And, in peacetime, our hospitals and care homes simply couldn't function without them.
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
:
And what about sheets and pillows and quilts? What about hot water bottles? Do they have no place in your hierarchy? Do you favour only blankets?
Prejudice, even of inanimate objects, is never clever.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
But are sheets and pillows and quilts subject to the same abuse as the poor blanket? Some positive discrimination is needed to restore the blanket to a place of dignity.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Excuse me, but how does someone like you purport to know anything about dignity?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Surprised, WW, that you even know the word.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
This foregrounding of the even all the time discriminates against the odd.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
And I understand why this would upset you.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
There is a certain maxim about glass houses that really applies here, but I fail to see why I should be the one to point it out.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
That your best?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I would be insulted if I hadn't reminded myself to glance over your previous two posts. Pitiful.
You need a lie down and a cup of hot coffee, dear. I'm concerned.
[ 18. April 2012, 00:06: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Yes, those posts were pitiful. Lack of a real challenge here, I suppose. If only there were a worthy competitor...
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
(sigh) much too tired to type this all out again, so just read for review: quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
{Psst, AA, you're supposed to act like he offended you somehow, not just thumb your nose at him.]
[How pitiful is it that I have to remind a circus Host of the hallowed rules of Offense, given it is in the actual title. And as if I haven't enough things to do. ]
[Braces self for AwkwardArtless insult.]
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Kelly dear, your shameless junior hosting is causing offense. It's hard to take offense at lilB, the posts are so pathetic, that the thread ought to be renamed "Taking pity where none was intended..." Perhaps lilB could have a practice thread in Styx where the lil one could learn the difference between offensive and pitiful.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I don't know which is more offensive - your patronising attitude towards the skull-headed one or you using the term "junior" to refer to the old bunny. Whichever it is, consider yourself to have offended me muchly.
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
I'm fast running out of places, both real and virtual, where I can persuade people to call me 'Junior'. From what I recall of a brief IRL encounter with the bunny, we're of a similar age, and I'm sure she'll share my umbrage that you should consider 'Junior' to be a disparaging term. One day, when you're old enough, you'll come to appreciate what I mean, young lady.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
All this vague and ladylike talk about "certain age" offends me and makes me confused (what we need is facts and figures, less decorum and much less modesty, gals!).
And the frequent mention of bunnies, young ladies and favourite positions leaves me dizzy. May I requesa t quick a repose on lilB's settee cum hot chocolate + sweet things so kindly offered to and scorned by Miss Kelly? I should be much obliged (and willing to prove it).
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
:
This thread keep coming back, doesn't it. And every time, you come back with it. With the same old repetitive flirting. It's tedious, don't you know that? Oh I know the ladies humour you, but why can you not see that's all it is?
And no, the above is not shorthand for "every time this thread come back I feel older and tireder and less virile and more envious of people like that clever clogs in the big hat."
And I'm not angling for sympathy either. I know that's what you're thinking.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Why exactly are you so keen to disassociate yourself from fishermen? Do you think fishing is shameful?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Jesus H! Christians and fishermen references.
There are other POVs on this board.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Oh Dafyd, you are so offensively sexist - what about all the sweet fisherwomen? The mermaids and sea cows (or whatever you call them in English). And such an oversight from you, a Scot, to boot - haven't ye heard of
this lovely lass ?
pimple, I know you're envious rather than offended but being a one-trick stallion beats being an angler hands down ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
And you, lil young 'un, weren't you supposed to be bringing me some hot chocolate rather than barging in with a crosspost?
[ 18. April 2012, 15:09: Message edited by: Sylvander ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that you should refer to lilblister as "young un" - did you not know that he is actually a doddery 93 year old mother superior from a rather strange order of religious [sic] sisters?
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
And now you're outing people on my board, WW? Why is it that I think that's against the rules?
Oh, that's right, because it is. You should be ashamed of yourself—a host of the place where people come to vent their innermost feelings and secrets, casually exposing the abbess of Our Lady of Unforced Spontaneity, Belau Wood, MI like that?
For Shame!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
(OK I hate to backtrack, but I never scorn not chocolate. NEVER. Which means it was never offered, SYLVANDER, and you are just blatantly manufacturing anecdotes about me to score prestige points. Understandable, but also despicable.)
(Try me. If there is chocolate involved I can be amazingly forgiven, deserved or not. )
And AA, as a fellow host, may I say how distressing I find it to see you constantly tromping all over protocol. Issues of Ship policy belong in (say it together, kids!) The Styx.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I am deeply offended (and not just by your grammar - there's clearly been too much liqueur in those pralinés). After all I have done to for my horrific image here you come and blow away my hard-earned reputation by mentioning my name and "score prestige points" in the same sentence.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
Listen, you grammar nazi, you - you should be so lucky as to have your reputation blown away. If anyone around here needs a slate wiping clean...
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
:
Drat! Couldn't you hold fire a sec? I've just noticed where Big'ead is, and I'm going there next month. Was thinking of a Teutonic Meet perhaps. But now you'll have offended him so much he'll go off sulking for, oh, hours at least. I'm peeved at how over the top you were with your criticism. Huh.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
[game face off]
Sylvander's right; I was typing with my glasses off and missed a whole lotta typos. "Not Chocolate." "I can be very forgiven" Yeesh.
[/game face on]
Quit trying to horn in on my chocolate, pimple. Seriously, does someone named "pimple" really need chocolate? I'm just trying to be a friend, hon.
[ 18. April 2012, 18:02: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
:
Really. I always thought you were kinder than that, Kelly. Do you know how damaging to one's body-image it is to be afflicted by pimples? And here is pimple brave enough to face down his affliction with humor, and you undo it all in one fell swoop. Tch.
Posted by Geneviève (# 9098) on
:
Lyda, I get very tired of people who use strange phrases to indicate precise actions. Just what is a "fell swoop?" Would any self-respecting swoop want to be designated as "fell"?
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
Really this nit-picking is very tiresome, especially when the use of a dictionary would resolve the problem. It might have been more to the point to comment on the use of tired old cliches, but never mind. No use crying over spilt milk.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You mentioned nits. You mentioned nits. Now they will jump from you to me and I'll be itching and scratching all night until I give in an use chemical warfare on my head and make all my hair fall out. Then I shall be bald, and it will be all your fault. How follicly irresponsible
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Primarily I am offended that aquatic birds are allowed to post but I am also offended that they should be allowed to place blame quite so blatantly - have they never heard of taking responsibility for their own actions?
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Birdist!
I mean, why should we aquatic birds take responsibility for our own actions when nobody else does? I mean, do you? For your actions, I mean, not for mine.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Nah, personal responsibility is for the birds!
eta: ...and I am offended you should imply otherwise!
[ 19. April 2012, 08:34: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Honestly, we simply can't get the quality of posters that we used to have on this thread. That your post was originally a simple rejoinder and you had to edit it in order to append an exceedingly weak and insipid statement of offendedness is an offense not only to me but to all of the others who diligently hone their sensitivities here.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am offended that you should point out my inadequacies to the whole world in such a blatant fashion!
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Wodders, is your command of the English language so poor that you have to use the word blatant in two consecutive posts? I'm offended that you don't have a thesaurus near at hand to bring more eloquence to this offensive discussion.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
But he didn't - not consecutively. A false allegation. You can be had up for that.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
Judge, jury, executioner next! What right have you to judge that poor soul so?
To call out " false allegation".... What right have any of us to determine true thusly?
[ 19. April 2012, 12:28: Message edited by: Rowen ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
You anarchists are all the same. No respect for loranorder. I am offended you denounce in such terms my defence of the falsely accused.
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
On behalf of all anarchists, I take offence at your declaration that we are all the same.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
On behalf of all anarchists? That is so arrogant, nay imperial, even a non-anarchist must take offence.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I feel it is unfair for the judgemental term 'arrogant' to be used to describe that minority of the population who have above average self-esteem.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
I am offended you would purport to represent us.
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on
:
"Us" ? How dare you assume a collective personality! Which of these implications did you mean: that you are Borg (horrifying), royal (treasonous), or Legion (demonic)?
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
I find it offensive that you allude to the Word of God in the same sentence as references to sci-fi nonsense.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
'Legion' is not the Word of God! My offendedness knows no bounds. The word 'shit' is in the bible. Does that make shit holy?
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
Just because you can be vulgar doesn't mean you have to be.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Using a word so loaded with snobbery as 'vulgar'? Tut. If something is 'vulgar', that is, of or pertaining to the crowd or the people, it should be celebrated as such.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
It is disgusting that in a world that has emerged from the modernist contructs that limited words to prescribed pools of meaning you should deign to impose bourgeous hermeneutic strictures once again
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
If you're going to use all those pretentious long words, you might at least attempt to get your punctuation right. Sentences end with a full stop, for goodness' sake.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Goodness has nothing to do with it. I fear Zappa's lack of punctuation means more emerging modernist constructs will be forthcoming. Prepare to be offended!
[ 20. April 2012, 13:45: Message edited by: uffda ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am offended on behalf of the late and much lamented Mae West that you should pinch one of her better lines!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Late, lamented? Damn, I though you were May West.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
How can I possibly find offence in a compliment?
[ 20. April 2012, 16:16: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Please don't let your inability to play the game spoil the game for the rest of us.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
How rude! Give him a moment to bask in the compliment, it is not likely he gets very many.
Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on
:
I hardly no where to begin: First, for no reason at all, you just have to bring up the problem of the Basque people into the discussion (or the Basque Complement as you would call them if your spelling were somewhat better) but then you have to gloat about how there are not many of them! How insensitive!
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
It its utterly offensive that you (erinaceous one) so bowdlerise the Queen's English that a verb of knowledge is transformed into non-existence and a fine capricious (or perhaps capric) noun is, with a vertical pen-stroke, transformed into a declaration of presumed superiority.
[ 20. April 2012, 22:44: Message edited by: Zappa ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Well, well. Look who got word of the day toilet paper.
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
:
Hmph. Thus rubbing it in that some of us can only afford toilet paper from Dollar Tree. Thanks. A bunch.
Posted by Geneviève (# 9098) on
:
Well, LB, you should get "Celebrity of the Day" toilet paper, and then you might learn to spell names properly, as: Mae West.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Geneviève , I'm offended I didn't think of that first.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Bunny, I'm offended that you should even think of thinking - c'mon now, you know that that isn't your strength - but then, what is?
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Weasel, I am shocked that you talk in such a way, demeaning our beloved wabbit and suggesting there is nothing strong about her. She may not look strong but she certainly smells it.. Is that what I meant to say?
Regardless, please show dear Kelly a little more respect. Were you never raised to respect your elders and betters?
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Before talking about wabbits could we pause to think of people who aren't familiar with Looney Toons and will be excluded by such in-jokes?
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Now I am offended.
How do you know that I didn't pause for thought before decisively choosing to make a comment about wabbits, regardless of the sensitivities of those who misspent their youth ignoring the influence of Elmer Fudd? Look at the time difference between the two posts. I spent plenty of time pausing for thought, thank you very much. Unlike some people I could mention who dash in to take random offense with no thought at all other than beating others to it.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Ah Smudgie, I am disappointed. Not only are you calling for violence, you are championing a heightest cartoon. We of normal stature should not encourage the oversized. I thought better of you than this. Not much better, but.....
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I am muchly offended that you force me to point out the obvious, dear:
There is nothing to suggest "normal" and "we" go together in your mouth. If in doubt, please feel free to borrow my pocket mirror: You have no hair. Christian mercy (yes, tiaCw) forbids me to say more.
[PS: Someone referring to my place of abode floated the idea of a Titanic meet, but I forgot who it was. Please apply within and disclothe your identity. Thank you.]
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
Why diss the previous shipmate's hair?
Good looks are subjective... And people can't help not looking as good as the rest of us!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
So, all the snide comments that people round here make about my head plumage and nothing. lilbuddha's bald top gets mentioned once and you come rushing to the defence. Talk about favouritism!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh, cry me a river, Bird, all Iv'e been hearing is bunny bunny bunny since the thread started. You included, sweets.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Cry you a river?
Don't you know there's a drought in this country?
If I could cry a river, I would - it would be my Christian Duty and a Very Good Thing. It'd mean I could stop sharing my bath water with the entire street and could use a hosepipe to wash the Smudgemobie rather than simply spitting on it and rubbing with my hanky.
So it is downright cruel and offensive of you to suggest that such a thing might be within my capabilities - with the implied insult that I am too mean with my tears to do so.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
Clearly you have a hard heart.... Us more compassionate folk find it easier and lovelier to cry... We acknowledge the pain of the world.... But not you perhaps? You just can''t cry....
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
:
It offends me that you demand "rivers of tears" from our dear penguin, an unreasonable demand btw, while your own copious tears are likely of the crocodile variety.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Are we supposed not to notice that crocodiles, unlike penguins, are found in North Africa, and therefore negative references to crocodiles are clearly jabs at the Arab Spring and the democracy movement there? Are we supposed to let this subtle propaganda for dictatorship pass uncommented upon?
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
Yes. There is such a thing as over-reading and I find it offensive that you use such a feeble excuse to ride your favourite hobby horse all over this thread.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I have never seen Dafyd's hobby horse, but apparently you have. I happen to be rather partial to them. What colour is it? Does it have a fluffy mane and sparkling glass eyes? How dare you imply he should stop riding it when some of us haven't caught a glimpse yet.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
I think it is bad form for the shipmate to own a horse. They should be allowed, instead, to roam free and happy across the valleys, mountains and plains, instead of being cooped up in pens and suchlike.
How cruel.
Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on
:
Roam free?!? Roam free? Such anarchistic sentiments may prevail in the dis-utopian horror where you live, but in civilized society we understand that certain restraints are necessary for the common good.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
So Hedge--while you are rambling on about dis-utopia, you should have been offended, as I was, by Rowan's poor use of the English language. It's clear from his words that he wants the shipmates to roam free, he doesn't give a damn about the horses!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Not sure you lot are safe roaming free, unsupervised. As is amply demonstrated by your posts.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Are you calling my fellow Lutheran a horse, sunshine? Smile when you say that.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
I would never call any of you a horse.* Insult to equines it would be.
*Perhaps you are merely used to a similar sounding word.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Again the insult is about me being a slut. I guess you have no problem portraying yourself as a sexist jerk; one would think you would have enough pride not to be a stereotypical sexist jerk.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Hoarse dear Kelly, hoarse.
I am sure you are as pure as the driven snow. Perhaps even by choice.
BTW, I am not typical, either in stereo or mono.
Posted by Geneviève (# 9098) on
:
You say that as if it something to be proud of, lil bud. I'm offended by such casual arrogance.
[ 23. April 2012, 05:23: Message edited by: Geneviève ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm not at all sure that not wishing to be typical is necessarily arrogant - granted it probably is in the case of lilpestilence. I have no particular wish to be typical either and yet I am a perfectly humble man.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Sorry, WW, not sure if it counts as humility if you've nothing of which to be proud.
I am offended by your comment, Geneviève. My arrogance is not casual.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Be compassionate, you two, somebody is working out their Madonna/ Whore complex. And in front of all of us, too. Think of the trust that takes.
{ETA: Can't you give it a rest for five seconds?]
[ 23. April 2012, 06:05: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Give what a rest? I am unclear what you mean here - are you unable to write clear and correct English? Even clear and correct American would help.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Wodders, your equation of clear with correct English is offensively facile. The clearest English is not necessarily correct.
Ask any writer. For example - how would you indicate, in writing, an upward inflection at the end of a spoken statement? Most effectively, and clearly, with a grammatically-incorrect question mark or query as in: 'He was so weird?'
Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on
:
Beanie, how dare you encourage the populace at random to pester hard-working writers with such silly questions? The muse is a fleeting thing and easily lost by distractions such as you propose.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Bean didn't specify only the hard-working writers, she included all the bone-idle ones too. They welcome such distractions, they call them 'research'. Bean was being generous and inclusive and you've gone and spoiled it now.
Posted by Geneviève (# 9098) on
:
Justlooking, you are coming across like the kid who goes, "Waaa, you've spoiled everything!" This is an adult forum, if you need reminding.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
And we all know what you mean by 'adult'. There's way too much of that sort of thing.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
What's wrong with Thing? I'm appalled by this disgusting prejudice against disembodied hands.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
How very one-sided is your indignation!
No mentioned whatsoever, I notice, of disenhanded bodies. And as a body with a rather noticeable lack of hands, or even fingers, for that matter, I take umbrage at your neglect of my plight.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
How I wish that hands and fingers were to cover the full extent of your shortcomings! I'll forgo the opportunity to mention the others, some for reasons of Christian mercy and the rest because of male chivalry.
I do wonder, though, seeing you have no hands what you'd do with umbrage in the unlikely event that you'd manage to grab some.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
How offensive that you extend Christian mercy to only some of Smudgie's shortcomings. Christian mercy embraces all. Male chivalry, as perhaps your post concedes but if not, I have to tell you, is applied somewhat patchily. Typically to someone more alluring to the masculine eye than a penguin.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
Even a penguin has a right to respect and privacy, instead of being forced into a starring role in a forum like this.
For shame, outing penguins thusly!
Posted by Geneviève (# 9098) on
:
I would imagine penguins would prefer to be out, rather than confined, as I have seen them, in small zoo areas with teensy pools.
Have you no care for God's creatures, rowen?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
God's creatures? What about the rest of us?
Not surprising, but offensive none the less.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
And, what, pray, if we don't believe in God.
Whilst I may be clergy, I worry about many others here, whom you have just disenfranchised, with your God talk.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Disembodied? Disenhanded? Disenfranchised? This is getting so boringly dull I'm getting disenchanted!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
You do realize you just dissed everybody here. That's impressive, as far as breadth and scope.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
Common slang, like "dissed" is welllll... Plainly common.
We should all try to use better words and phrases- and our language has many beautiful examples.
Unless of course, one is unable too, due to one's problems...
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I think, my dear friend, that we have had enough of your problems recently - have you thought of writing to Cosmopolitan about them? Or how about seeing a therapist? You might find one that will take you on pro-bono as a research study into the bizarre.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
quote:
That's impressive, as far as breadth and scope.
I'm offended, Kelly, that you would discuss my halitosis problems without asking my permission.
Scope, indeed! I'm a Listerine man, myself!
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
uffda, surely you're not ignoring wodders contribution immediately above your post are you? That's most offensive.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
As are you in butting in between uffda and I - we have an arrangement whereby I completely ignore her/him and s/he completely ignores me.
It suits us both.
Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on
:
Please keep your suggestive butt to yourself, Wodders.
[ 25. April 2012, 16:33: Message edited by: Banner Lady ]
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
We'll have none of that filthy talk about suggestive butts here, thank you very much. This is a decent thread.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
*cough, sputter* What?! Decent? I'll not have you malign my efforts so.
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on
:
Kindly remove your sputum from this thread.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
What sort of a statement is that?
If I don't spit on the end of the thread, how on earth am I going to get it un-frayed enough to get it through the eye of a needle? You seem to bear no consideration whatsoever towards those of us with poor coordination and weakening eyesight. Licking the end of the thread has always been seen as a perfectly respectable part of sewing and I don't know where you get off, coming in all heavy handed and telling us off in such a manner.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh, I suppose you prefer passive-aggressive, sideways comments instead of direct statements of offense. It so makes sense that you would prefer that, actually, but some of us like things in plain black and white, thank you.
And no I'm not talking about your feathers.
Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on
:
Oh, that's just fine! Sure, go ahead and flatter those with feathers. Did it ever occur to you to say even one nice word about those of us with quills? No, of course not, you speciesist! And what is so plain about black and white? If you were paying the slightest bit of attention to the real world, you would know that a black and white film was awarded Best Picture at the Academy Awards. There is nothing "plain" about black and white.
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
What sort of gull chased pretend list of offenses is this anyway, when offense is spelled more bettery with an s than that self-righteous pointing of both of it's letter legs all to the neo-conservative discreditable right pointing direction with the awful letter c. All of you have offended the better balance of this thread and the letter s which points its top to the right and its bottom to the left. For shame!
[ 26. April 2012, 03:43: Message edited by: no_prophet ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Jeez Louise, the world is your fucking proofreader nowadays. Must be nice to be perfect.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
There is a what??! proofreader on board? Small wonder then no one is willing to marry me any more. How short lived feminine affections are nowadays.
But veeery well, just please yourselves, gals. I'll go and sit in that corner for some fine sulking.
There!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Those of us who work with infants and toddlers become very quickly immune to pout, so aim that face elsewhere, honey.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
I.wish.some.shipmates.would.understand.that.the.object.of.this.thread. is.to.take.offence.not.to.give.it. I'm not even going to bother saying that I thought this was a Christian website - I am just
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Um*, was I not clear that I don't appreciate manipulative pouting? Do. I. Have. To. Speak. Slowly?
*You know what I mean.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
I feel heart- broken that you so cruely mock those of us, who due to achieving middle age, need you to speak just a little slower. If you truly cared about us... About me, your sister in Christ's family, you would take joy in speaking slower and with more clarity...
But what care you young things about us.... Just a little older.
I shall go away and sob.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
I shall go away and sob.
Oi! This corner's taken. I booked it yonks ago. Now take your sobs over there.
And don't make 'em so offensively loud!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Oi! was it you who sent that blubbering woman over here? This is my small corner, the one Jesus bids me shine in. How can I shine like a little candle burning in the night when you keep sending weeping women to smother this little light of mine with bucketsful of tears (albeit crocodile tears? You are clearly trying deliberately to undermine my shininess in this world of darkness and that is offensive in the extreme.
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
Your pejorative use of the term 'crocodile tears' is highly offensive to sufferers of Bell's Palsy, actually. You're heartless! Just... Heartless!
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am offended that you didn't also castigate pingu for not closing her parentheses!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I am offended you draw attention to a lady's parentheses. A gentleman wouldn't have noticed.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You think the Weasel has the capacity to be gentlemanly? I am offended at you setting poor Weasel a target beyond his capabilities.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
I am offended that you can judge a person's fiscal state so easily.... Is the man poor? Or rich? Surely most of us prefer that our finances are a private matter. But here you are, publicly discussing a fellow shipmate's monetary standing.
Like, what if you do that to all of us?
I should hope not.
[ 26. April 2012, 20:59: Message edited by: Rowen ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I am not impressed, madam, at your importing phraseology from that common-as-much website "Facebook" here. We have never wanted a "like" button, we have never needed a "like" button and we never intend to have a "like" button. Are you trying to make poor ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
redundant or something? Buzz off back to Facebook and leave the rest of us to enjoy our far classier website in peace.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Classier? How on earth can you tell?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
So, we're back to class again. This 'posher than thou' attitude may impress some people but not as many as you think.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
How do you know how many people Weasel thinks?
It is a miracle that he thinks at all, so berating him for think too many people a little cruel, don't you ...er... think? Give the small furry creature some credit.
Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on
:
Tsk! I am offended that you would suggest credit, Smudgie! It is the overuse of credit that has destroyed the world economy--people buying things they can't afford with money they don't have, resulting in foreclosures and bank collapses and stock market crashes. No wonder you consider the Weasel poor--you probably caused it with your insistence on the use of credit! Hmph!
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Please do NOT take the name of the late, great Hmph in vain - as an avid ISIHAC fan I still miss him.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Quite offensive to use an acronym to exclude the Clueless colonials. Though points scored for managing to combine arrogant and twee.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Well, Wodders, obviously, it's time to let go of your sentimental feelings for Hmph and get on with life.
Perhaps someone could introduce you to OMG and her sister Golly Gee!
Lil' B could you please stop the offensive cross-posting? It's clear that you've mastered that art.
[ 27. April 2012, 14:46: Message edited by: uffda ]
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
Uffda, have you not yet learnt that it is considered offensive to refer to anyone as Golly?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh,my God, you went there. You actually went there. Here we all are settled in for a nice, friendly game of offenSe (certain shit-stirrers aside) and you toss a cherry bomb in the middle of the works. Do you fart at the dinner table as well?
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
'Cherry'? Do you think we don't know what that's a euphemism for? And cherry bomb? I dread to think. Are we advocating the mass deflowering of virgins?
Where's an internet petition got up against these things when we need one?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
[game face off]
We're being a bunch of freaks lately. Spring is really in the air.
Dafyd, that image genuinely freaked me out -- can I count that as a game move?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Shit-stirrers? Offensive phrase and accusation. So much for friendly offense Miss Foo Foo.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
What is all this about shit-stirrers? These are hard times. People have to make a living, and we can't all be sampling for Chanel or delivering bouquets for Interflora. The last thing these poor souls need is you lot walking by with a metaphorical peg on your nose.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
(game off) Sorry if I crossed a line. (/game off)
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
Do you fondly imagine people who deliver bouquets for Interflora lead some kind of charmed existence? Your assertion that workers in the horticultural distribution sector are somehow less worthy than effluent agitation operators indicates an offensive lack of solidarity, comrade!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Dafyd:
(game off) Sorry if I crossed a line. (/game off)
Not at all, man I was going "method" on you. (Note smilie.) You gotta admit, that was a specatular image you came up with.
I should have said {game face on} or something, but what I was mostly feeling was awe at that moment, not offense.
Feel the sting of my bitter jealousy at having been smacked speechless.
[ 28. April 2012, 03:13: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Kelly, I'm seriously offended you broke the flow of the game by being conciliatory. Furthermore, the fact that you are going about introducing new faux-HTML tags is just Wrong. The world has enough aids for people whose language is insufficiently nuanced; it doesn't need you encouraging them.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
There you go berating fellow shipmates again - and this time it is poor deluded, sorry I meant pure, virginal, saintly Kelly.
Posted by Sir Pellinore (ret'd) (# 12163) on
:
Perhaps, Wooders, we all need to realize, mutually and simultaneously, if at all possible:
(a) We are not always guilty, whatever the charge.
(b) Life will go on.
(c) Most of us are clinging to part of the wreckage thereof.
As T. S. Eliot said:
"Human kind can stand very little reality".
And now, before the Shade of Bodhidharma (not Bodhidharma in Shades, for latter please do relevant literature search, which might result in finding 0 items) gongs me on my noggin (which is mere illusion) I go, I go. ![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Ah sir P, many roads lead to the Path and you have picked two: Pretension and boredom.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Surely you meant Sir P with the upper case S - it is quite important even if I am a Quaker and so don't hold with elitist titles like that.
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on
:
Are you not the very same person who so frequently refers to HWMBO ? You seem to be excessively fond of elitist capitalized titles!
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
And again, with the spelling... I am offended when even Americans use American spelling. Capitalised, with an S, not a Z. Jeeze, you people set out to offend us proper spellers with determined intent, every time you write things down.
Have you no shame?
No desire to improve yourselves?
No respect for the Queen?
[ 28. April 2012, 22:50: Message edited by: Rowen ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Jeeze? Jeeze?! What kind of mangling of the tongue is that when it's at home?
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
'Jeeze' is clearly an appeal for dairy-based comestibles by someone who has their tongue caught in a mangle. I'll thank not to make mock of the hazards to life and limb suffered by people who are obliged to use outmoded domestic laundry equipment.
[ 29. April 2012, 01:08: Message edited by: kankucho ]
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Honestly luv, your English is so offensively idiomatic that I only get the gist but not the details of what you have been up to. Tbh, though, I don't really want to know just where you've been putting your tongue and what kind of household appliances you've been using.
But if you ever want to try the real thing, go and see our multi-talented proofreader.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
May I just point out that proofreading is a job that requires attention and concentration, and it's quite thoughtless to advocating interrupting proofreaders while they're hard at work.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
They're 'hard' at work? What exactly are they being obliged to read? And for the sake of their immortal souls, why haven't you put a stop to it? Most remiss.
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on
:
I think they're being forced to read what the rest of us are. Frankly, my mind is still going back to effluent agitation operators.
Miss Bean, please give it a rest!
Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on
:
Oh, Judy, Judy, Judy. Nostalgia is all very fine in its proper place and time, but I am offended that you would interrupt the flow of the game for a trip down memory lane.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Hey, spiny urchin, leave poor jj alone - she lives totally in the past these days, you can't expect anything else!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Speak for yourself. The rest of us are able to expect anything that we want to expect.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Speak for yourself Dafyd. I would like to expect to win the lottery but don't feel able to rise to more than a fleeting hope.
Posted by Val Kyrie (# 17079) on
:
Fancy bringing up the lottery! I wonder how many gambling addicts you have now set back on the road to destruction?
Posted by Geneviève (# 9098) on
:
Well, Val, "wonder" is all you can do with your vague statement. I'm sure the bona fide gambling addicts aren't even bothering to read this thread--they are out there gambling. Duh.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Picking on noobs, are we? Step up from stealing infant's sweets, I suppose.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
So you'd recommend leaving infants to rot their teeth with lollipops and sweeties and toffees and suchlike? What sort of a recommendation is that? Unless you're an out-of-work dentist, of course.
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
:
Talk about rudeness to dentists! How dare you say they'd imperil the teeth of little children? Dentists ceaselessly preach the gospel of good oral hygiene, steering patients away from the need for expensive procedures. If patients would only listen; if they'd only floss.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Talk about rudeness to dentists? I'd rather not, if you don't mind. I'm in a fragile mood today, any talk about rudeness is only going to upset me. But now here I am talking about it! Thank you, Lyda. Thank you so much.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
My problem is that the OP talks about taking offence where none was intended but I have problems with the notion of the Old Bean posting anywhere without intention to offend!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
[off game] Not my intention, I'm sorry you feel like that. I'm just having fun and trying to give scope for whoever follows me to do likewise. I suppose I do have quite a robust sense of humour. If anyone agrees with Wodders, please pm me. [/off game]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Forget above post, a misunderstanding. Play on! Last post was Wodders.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I just read that and thought you said:
Last post was FOR Wodders
- I was so worried I had to check my pulse!
Please consider my age and infirmity before posting such things again..
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh yes, plead age and infirmity. Your black heart will be beating longer than those of we more pure folk. If only the good die young, you shall last forever.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
And it is highly offensive, WW, that you post and take shore leave.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Nowhere near as offensive as the suggestion that he stick around instead! ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh, oh, OH! You are all full of sass and gumption now that he's safely on a plane, aren't ya, Bird? I bet you shout insults out the train window as it is pulling out, too.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
They let Wodders on a plane? I'm sorry that's not just offensive, it's downright frightening!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Danabit, oof old boy! How dare you ruin a perfectly good line by posting your drivel. You escape this time, wabbit.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Rabbits again.
lilbuddha, your [unrequited] love for me is so precious, it almost makes it impossible for me to find you truly offensive. Luckily your laissez-faire approach to personal hygiene takes care of that.
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
Enough with the 'personal hygiene' slurs! You are grotesquely undermining my fantasies of female shipmates getting all sapphy with each other.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I don't remember getting a check from you, either.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
(Sorry, reference point.)
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
How very dare you, madam! I've never paid for it in my life!
Except emotionally.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
You've never paid to licence an image? You steal them then? Steal music as well, likely. We creatives deserve to be paid as well.
Yes, I realize what you thought. Typical, sex-obsessed male. Wait, that is unfair. Not all men are pigs, 99% of you give the other 1% a bad name.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
That's so clearly anti-porcist it's hardly worth commenting on. Your attitudes are the kind of attitudes that lead to bacon.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
And I suppose that we're just going to presume that there are no Muslim or Jewish folk participating in this thread, and that we can just toss trayf willy-nilly anywhere we want. Well done, you guys.
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on
:
Ha! Look who appointed herself Queen of Religious Correctness! Listen, Your Highness, you can take your offended-on-behalf-of-others schtick and schtick it.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Don't you realise that Kelly doesn't get sarcasm? You go around calling her "Your Highness" and she'll start believing it. Or continue believing it. Or believe it even more than she does already.
I am so offended that your thoughtless actions lead to unknown horrors of a swollen-headed, power-crazed bunny who just happens to be wielding a lethal weapon.
Twit!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
That's plain prejudice. How many incidents have there been of rabbits being irresponsible with lethal weapons in the past five years? None. So there is clear evidence that rabbits with lethal weaponry consistently handle it responsibly. Yet you're ignoring this clear evidence and prejudicially going on about the dangers of rabbits with axes or chainsaws. Look to your own species.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You have manipulated the truth to your own advantage, yet again, Welshman. Here is the evidence. Need I say more.
Honestly, I find it so offensive how often people prooftext the internet and world news and simply ignore the bits which don't fit in with the point they want to make.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Dafyd, while I am touched by your defense of me, I assure you that the penguin's bitter jealousy at my fabulousness will prove an unsurmountable barrier to the delicious hot plate of truth you are serving up.*
I'm not just offended Smudgie, I'm hurt. Deeply hurt.
*[gamefaceoff] Ever know that person who acts like an utter asshole and writes off anybody's feedback about it as "jealousy"?
[ 04. May 2012, 15:56: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Is this a BOGOF? I am offended that you respond to more than your fair share of posts, especially in a time of recession when so many struggle to respond to just one.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I can be offended by any number, Justlooking. To prove which, Dafyd, do these guys look responsible? Or this one?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
In which case I shall summon a Huff and go off in it.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
How selfish is that? You don't invite any of us along for the ride.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I am offended you should jump to such conclusions. If you had taken the trouble to check you would have discovered that a Huff is licensed to carry one passenger only.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
All the more reason to summon an Uff . Everyone can come along for the ride, even penguins.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Ok, can I just pause rhe game to reamrk that
1. There are some very disturbed people out there in the InterWorld.
2. And they all seems to have a thing about bunnies.
I need some support. I need to be held and protected from these psychos, and you'd think I could count on my dear Shipmates--particularly my partners in offense.. And all you can do is exchange snide remarks about offensive minutiae.
Nobody cares! Nobody cares!
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
I'm offended that you've ignored the ministrations of your fellow Host. After all I've done for you, Kelly, you act like you've been abused! For Shame!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I knew it. I knew the subject of the in crowd would come up again. Fellow host indeed. What about the rest of us poor minions, doing our best, struggling to make our voices heard? But no, a hostly offense to a bunny is ranked far more important than the rest of us working our socks off to offend her.
Well that put me in my place, didn't it?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Seems to me, Smudgie, you're getting a bit in-crowdish yourself. Have you even noticed Uffda? There he is, uffing and huffing his little heart out, and do you lot pay him any attention? Shame on you.
As for you, Uffda - and you too, Justlooking, don't think I haven't seen you sloping off, hoping I haven't noticed. What's all this 'summoning'? You think you can snap your fingers and have those poor huffs and uffs come running, when they spend their days scurrying hither and thither with the likes of you on their backs? Just coz we're governed by a bunch of posh twerps who've been waited on hand and foot all their lives, we don't have to be like them you know.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Well! that just leaves it for me to TWOC a High Dudgeon and them as wants can join me in it.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Take a ride in a twocked Dudgeon? No thanks, high or low. A Merc or a BMW, maybe. A Lexus at a stretch, though definitely not a stretch Hummer. If ever there was a mobile oxymoron...
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
For cross-pond comprehension, twocking means stealing a car. Taking Without Owner's Consent - what you're charged with here.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Then there are honest people everywhere not familiar with criminal cant.
Of course, this would occur to you dear Bean.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Listen, if anybody needs good Christian forgiveness for a shameful, sordid, unspeakable, shocking, atrocious past, It's Beane. Please respect.
(And what does the "k" stand for? Huh? Do we always leave our acronyms dangling like that?)
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
The 'k' was me attempting to turn an acronym into a grammatically functioning English verb. I'm a teacher. I have to try (sigh).
LilB, pace the above, surely you realise someone has to educate these villains. I once taught a rather small 13-year-old with a penchant for 'twocking' Ford Granadas, their biggest UK model at the time. He could barely see over the dash. One lunchbreak, he was parking his latest outside the school when a police car went by. We didn't see him for some time after that.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Granadas? No accounting for taste, I suppose. Hope they were at least Cosworths. But Kelly is correct, this time. (Broken clocks and all that.) I should apologise for pointing out one of your many shortcomings.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I'm just offended you limited yourself to one. Tell all or say nowt, that's my motto.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Oh, we've got a motto, have we? How very posh. Do you really think that everybody has a motto, or were you just implying that those of us who aren't posh enough to have a motto don't count?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
You are being too free with your accusations of poshness Dafyd - she probably got it from a Christmas Cracker.
ETA - a cheap one.
[ 06. May 2012, 19:19: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
On behalf of all the non-Christians here, I am offended by your mention of Christmas.
(I came into this a bit late. Is the C-word the Offence-game equivalent of saying 'Mornington Crescent'?)
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
You came into this a bit late? I'm offended that its taken you 10 pages of offense before you found us! And let's not mention 'Mornington Crescent" over here. After all, we're easily offended!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I am offended you should think we are all easily offended. Being offended doesn't come easy to me. I have to work at it.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Excuse me.
This isn't Hell, you know.
No four letter words here.
If you have to use offensive vocabulary, then sanitise it somewhat by careful use of punctuation.
"W*rk" is narrowly acceptable - the explicit version is not at all so.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Smudgie:
Excuse me.
This isn't Hell, you know.
No four letter words here.
Show me where it says that in the 10C's. Go ahead, show me, Seriously, show me. No I mean it, DAMMIT, SHOW ME!
Gotta lotta damn nerve making up rules like that. Who do you think you are, George S. Patton? Or PeteC?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Swearing because you can, how droll.
Picking on a poor, defenseless, delusional, deranged, fishy-smelling, flightless foul; offensive and shameful.
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
:
Good grief. Cutting and pasting nearly a column out of a thesaurus and then blowing the distinction between foul and fowl. Pah. For while our little Smudgie may be fowl, I'm offended that you consider her foul.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Less of the "little".
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Any littler, Smudgie, and we'd think you were an empty pixel. Could we fatten you up a bit?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Planning to consume her, are we Bean?
And Lyda, shame on the heightism.
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
And where are you getting the idea from that penguin is not an acceptable foodstuff? I bet you're one of those militant vegetarians.
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on
:
Madame, living as you do in the land of ortolan eaters, you will kindly spare us your disdain for militant vegetarians.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Living as she does? I haven't a clue how La Vie lives, and couldn't give a hoot. Do you? Such impertinence, go slap yourself with a leafy vegetable.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Oy! Bean! Just cos you're not a leafy vegetable doesn't mean that this is appropriate behaviour to inflict upon our more verdant friends. Besides which, everyone knows it's a wet kipper that you're supposed to do that with.. (always remembering to throw a couple in my direction once you've finished)
Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on
:
Oh, shameful! Blatantly begging for kippers! I thought such self-serving fund-raising-type activities were frowned upon here!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Don't be so prickly! The penguin is simply avoiding waste by recycling the kippers. Once they have served the purpose of battering vegetarians they can still be put to good use amongst disadvantaged penguins. Throw in five loaves and everyone's happy.
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
Don't be so prickly?!?!? What's this - denigrate the hedgehogs week?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Off game a moment, did anyone see on the news about the real-life Hangover? Three Welsh guys got hammered in Australia, woke in the morning, there was a penguin in the apartment. Thoughts, Smudgie?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Woah, Smudgie! Three Welshman at once. Shame on you for outdoing Kelly. She doesn't have much going for her.
And you, Bean. Didn't your mum teach you about tattling?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
You know, your puerile little jibes say a lot more about you than they do about me, honey. And I guess I need to put this bluntly-- you persistent obsessing over my sex life is bypassing exasperating and creeping into-- well, creepy.
Granted, you seem to have no sex life at all(otherwise you would be ruminating on that, right?) but that doesn't mean mine is the thrill-a- minute escapade you seem to think it is. Unless you mean by comparison. But there would be nowhere to go but up, right?
[ 09. May 2012, 01:09: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
And I guess I need to put this bluntly-- you persistent obsessing over my sex life is bypassing exasperating and creeping into-- well, creepy.
That's clearly anti-creeping things. Don't you know that so many of the small invertebrates dismissively called creepy-crawlies benefit humanity in so many ways. But perhaps you do. But it's not just creepy-crawlies you're denigrating. Doesn't Christopher Smart say of his cat Jeoffrey 'And he can creep'? Your remark is also denigrating cats. Are you prepared for the wrath that shall be unleashed upon you?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I have no particular rapport with cats and am not owned by one, however, those cats of my acquaintance would I feel sure be deeply offended by the allegation that they engage in something so undignified as creeping.
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
:
To boast that you have no particular rapport with cats is an effrontery not to be - not to be - not to be anything. It is just not to be. Oh, I am speechless with effrontedness. Go and wash your hands.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You used the "eff" word. How offensive!
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
I'm offended, dear penquin, that after rightly castigating pimple for the use of the "eff" word, you did not promote the use of the "uff" word, always acceptable in mixed company and on Christian Websites!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
But you have left us with no examples! I find myself bereft of 'uff' words. Instead, 'eff' words insinuate themselves - **ort, **luent, **icacious.
[ 09. May 2012, 18:52: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
How about eff uff?
See what you made me do? Some people just bring out the devil in me.
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
:
Shame on you! Uffington would have got you uff the hook - simply crawling - oops - bobbing with bunnies, too. If I had a week to copy the URL I'd link it, but I think you should do it as a forfeit. So there!
[ 09. May 2012, 19:03: Message edited by: pimple ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I'm offended by this casual, cavalier abandoning of the task in hand. How long does it take to copy a link?
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Now that's the spirit, JL.
Those "eff" words can be so insinuating as to put one in the near occasion of sin, such as our dear Bunny, who had the devil brought out of her by telling me to eff uff!
Of course, the Brits on the board with their silent "h" might well uff and puff and blow the house down! I know you easily take offence, but please don't go off in an uff!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Do you mind? Not all Brits drop their h's. If I dropped an h, my mum made me pick it up and put it back in my mouth. Brung up proper, I was.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
You picked it up off the floor and put it straight back in your mouth? And you call that being brung up proper? What impression of us Brits does this create among them what lives Abroad?
And, another thing, can we expect people brung up to speak foreign, like uffda, to understand proper language? (From urban dictionary - "uff da" A multi use exclaimation. Comes from immigrants from Scandinavia during the early part of the 20th century. If you are surprised you say "Uff da", if you are disgusted you say "Uff da", over worked? "Uff da")That's like being called "Oh Dear", or "Good Gracious", or "Well I Never" or " ![[Projectile]](graemlins/puke2.gif)
"
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
I certainly hope you've cleaned up that emoticon retch. I'd be offended if dear Bean slid and fell. Though, if Bean did slip and fall, a lovely "UFF DA!" would be appropriate.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
May I say, dear uffda, that I find your user name entirely appropriate? As well your avatar. The look of mild confusion perfectly represents your posts.
Rather offended by your fixation with the Bean falling. She cannot afford any more knocks to the head.
[ 10. May 2012, 19:39: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I've no idea what knocks to the head cost these days but I am offended there should be public comment regarding anyone's ability to afford such things. Ms Bean, as someone what was brung up proper, will of course not demean herself by responding. However, I feel it my duty as someone with nothing better to do to rise to her defence.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You have no idea what knocks to the head cost these days? Don't you do your market research before coming on this thread and spouting your opinions? This cavalier attitude is not to be endured.
Posted by The Weeder (# 11321) on
:
You think no one else researches before responding to posts! Why do you think it has taken me 10 pages of posts to respond? And phrase your response to me carefully, or I will have to spend even more time checking things out before I reply.
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
"This cavalier attitude is not to be endured"?!?!?!? You'd have us all be killjoy puritans, perhaps? Well, on your own round head be it.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh right! First Bean gets all hoity-toity with pronunciation, now you are tossing historical thingies into your posts. How posh we are now.
We salt of the earth types find this rather offensive.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
As a long-standing member of the Fair-Do's-All-Round Party I must express my disquiet at the way Shipmate Weeder's post has been overlooked. It may be that insistence on a carefully worded response has proved too challenging for some. However, that is no excuse for ignoring it in favour of the easy target of round-headedness.
[ 11. May 2012, 15:12: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
J'accuse! To take a poster to task for ignoring another while doing the very same in your post! The nerve! And a far worthier post you ignored at that. Fair do indeed.
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
If there's one thing I can't stand, it's people who don't read the rules. Aren't you aware that this is an English language website?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Hmmph! If the rest are going to butcher the language, I do not see harm in adding a bit of barbarism myself.
Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on
:
"The rest"? How dare you lump me in with the other language butchers! I will have you know that my language is never butchered. It always dies a completely natural death.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You are clearly ignorant of the trades guilds and their influence on general small businesses. It is highly offensive to lump butchers and barbers into the same catagory in such a reckless manner. While it is is true that both are involved in hacking and you could go to either of them "for a chop", they are two very distinct trades and should be respected as such.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I take grave offence at the reckless allegation that the noble trades of butchery and barbery are involved in hacking. Has the Leveson Enquiry got wind of this?
Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on
:
I'm sure that if they are a British official group of some kind, they've got plenty of wind. So much for your Feckless Allegation, Just.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Even if you do think that British official groups have a greater consumption of beans and lentils than the rest of the population, you do not need to inform us of the consequences quite so blatantly.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
So, you're advocating secrecy, are you? Just because they're officials, the public doesn't have a right to know. What else would you have them conceal?
Posted by Fidei Defensor (# 17105) on
:
I am perturbed that you fail to give credit to Dafyd for his bravery in revealing to us (albeit in code) the hitherto cloaked statistic concerning bureaucrats' ingestion of flatulence-friendly substances.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
In these times of great austerity, I am quite offended that you think that a penguin of limited financial means should feel obliged to give credit.
(Welcome to the game, by the way - it's good to have you playing with us, however offensively ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
)
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
How can you carp about 'limited financial means' when a penguin has so many other advantages? If I want orange feet, I have to get them spray-tanned. Do show some proportion.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
And yes - welcome Fidei!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Are you suggesting that I'm not perfectly proportioned?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
That you are perfectly proportioned is indeed the correct answer. For what, though, is the question.
And yes, Fidel, welcome to the asylum.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Fidel?? Can't you even scroll up a bit and get our new friend's name right?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
I do apologise Fedei. No fault of anything but lack of attention on my part.
As for you Bean, you presume too much. Not only in correcting me, motes and planks and such, but in your categorization of our relationship. Much as I adore you poor, benighted, challenged little dears, the distance is too great for friendship. Can one be friends with a hamster, beloved though it might be? Well, you could...
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I think the presumption is yours, lilB. If a banshee calls someone 'friend' and imagines that a dessicated bovine remnant might do the same, that says nothing about her concern for that poor empty skull. Indeed, she will likely be too busy with those still approaching such a condition.
Mind you, I love the horns ![[Axe murder]](graemlins/lovedrops.gif)
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Shame on you, Bean, for flaunting your horniness before us. You've been hanging out with Sylvander no doubt. And don't worry, lilB, just sharpen those horns. The rest of us will take note of it.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
And don't worry, lilB
I still haven't gotten over Bea Arthur. How-- how could you? And with such a poor comparison?
[ 12. May 2012, 21:46: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I am offended by this public parading of private emotions. Where is your brave face - the one with the stiff upper lip and the steely eyes?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I'm not British, OK? I am a tree-hugging, patchouli-wearing, support=group -loving Californian, and I have FEELINGS! thank you. Big,ripe luscious feelings that need EXPRESSING, preferably with a box of tempera paints and a cafe wall. So please don't expect me to rein in the passionate nature that comes, um, naturally to me. You stiff.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
I'm not British,
And we make allowances for that. But cafes are places for refreshment, for reading newspapers or having quiet, civilised conversation. This is not possible if emotionally expressive internal decorators cannot control themselves.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I... why...you...
(Grabs brush and begins furiously attacking a blank wall.)
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
( Walks in, looks at walls. Shakes head, mutters about toddlers and finger paints. Gets tea, sits down. Takes picture to message to psychiatrist friend. "Hey John, think you can get a paper published from this." Finishes tea, another head shake and saunters off. )
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Walls have to be painted. I accept that. And so long as the painting is done in private with consenting adults then I have no objection to the free-expression method. But it's got out of hand. Everywhere you go these days there's some wild-eyed interior decorator with a 'mood chart' ranting on and on. There's too much of this laissez-faire - it's time it was put a stop to.
[ 13. May 2012, 06:45: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
While mandatorially offensive, I believe, JL, that you have brought out a new dimension of Kelly's personality: axe in one hand, brush in the other. Definitely an interesting combination!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
uff-da! If your interest is merely academic it fails to address the underlying issue of public safety. Not to mention the fundamental freedom of the British Public to enjoy light refreshments in peace.
(message to Kelly: magnolia's a nice colour - very calming)
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Listen, you lot. California is a fantasy island floating in the sky. Even other Americans don't get them. And Kelly is in... California! Our cafe walls are safe! So do lay off the poor tree-hugger.
Posted by Fidei Defensor (# 17105) on
:
Look my little banshee, it doesn't matter whether or not California is a real place (although I thought that I had worked in Mountain View for a while, but I must have imagined it), there will still be consequences if Kelly splashes paint around, even if those consequences are for figment folk. "If a tree falls in the forest and there's no-one to observe it" holds a lesson for us, I forget what that lesson is, perhaps I never knew it in the first place, and we would do well to heed it.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Again with "little" thrown out as an epithet. Rude and not very gracious. Amazing what some people think they can get away with. Though perhaps I should be less harsh, from what I've obsereved in your postings, Mountain View must be the name of an asylum. And "worked" a euphemism for having been an inmate..
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Again with "little" thrown out as an epithet. Rude and not very gracious.
This is a valid point of offendedness. However, I take exception to its blanket application. There are situations where "little" is not only appropriate but indeed kindly. I feel "little banshee" was meant in such a way.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
from what I've obsereved in your postings, Mountain View must be the name of an asylum.
(I worked there for a while,too, just to build your thesis...)
Anyway, it figures someone would take exception to blankets when I so clearly need a blanket. And a binkie. And a teddy bear. And a hug.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I don't mind 'little'. Would that it were true. 'Banshee' I couldn't contest. But 'My' little banshee? ![[Ultra confused]](graemlins/confused2.gif)
Kelly, you sound like you need a mindfulness group.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Bean! Kelly is not crazy. She merely could benefit from assistance from the mental health community. Massive amounts of assistance. I suggest you attend as well. Not that you are as looney as la conejita...
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
How dare you! I go to a mindfulness group and I may wail a bit but I am not ![[Paranoid]](graemlins/paranoid.gif)
and I don't even live in California. Of course, some have an empty space where their mind should be. Apparently no nasal membranes, either.
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on
:
Really? You claim to attend a mindfulness group, and yet you post this... this... mindless drivel? On behalf of Buddhists everywhere (not that I am one) I am hurt and shocked at your abusive appropriation of a central tenet.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
So, Leaf, now you are speaking for the Buddhists.
Is that because you have been permanently banned from speaking for whatever it is you ARE? Sort of a roving spokesperson, one step ahead of the banning police? Next thing you know, you'll be attempting to speak for me!
[ 15. May 2012, 11:02: Message edited by: uffda ]
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
Speaking as a Buddhist, I'm perfectly capable of speaking up about people speaking on my behalf, thank you. Quite the little bodhisattva, aren't you! However, I would not dare to take offence for, in thus practising the bodhisattva way, you are certain to attain Buddhahood.
[ 15. May 2012, 16:42: Message edited by: kankucho ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
We're not all slaves to fashion. I have no desire to attain a buddahood. Two of my coats have hoods which come in very handy if the weather turns nasty. I also have a bathrobe with a hood for when I've washed my hair. Academic hoods can be useful for poncing around in. As far as I'm concerned hoods are functional objects and I see no purpose in being unnecessarily hooded.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Again non-Christians and their beliefs are slighted here. Hardly surprising, but still offensive. You must be BNP.
Posted by The Weeder (# 11321) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Again non-Christians and their beliefs are slighted here. Hardly surprising, but still offensive. You must be BNP.
You think we limit our slights to non-Christians? Read with more care, and give us credit for the range of our offensive behaviour, please!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
During this recession, caused by excessive and careless lending by the banks, I think it's extremely tasteless to be asking for credit.
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
:
Like I come to cavort in the Circus, only to be reminded of the dire straits of the economy. Thanks bunches, Dafyd.
Posted by Mullygrub (# 9113) on
:
Lyda*Rose, I thank you not to take the name of the Lord in vain.
Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on
:
That's all it takes to get thanks around here??? I've been not doing that for ages and nobody has ever bothered to thank me for it! Congratulations, you have ALL offended me now!
Posted by Mullygrub (# 9113) on
:
Hedgehog, your confusing syntax is an affront to my sense of grammatical decency.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Good to know you have some sense of decency, even if it is only grammatical.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
That was uncalled for. There's too much of this sort of thing. For all we know Mullygrub may have achieved levels of decency most of us can only dream of. She may have medals for it.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
why does she deserve medals? I'm the decentest penguin on these boards and nobody's ever given me a medal. Anti-penguin discrimination yet again.
Posted by Fidei Defensor (# 17105) on
:
You're the only penguin on these boards. It hasn't escaped our attention that you don't exactly live in a colony like you're supposed to. I think we can draw our own conclusions about why you were banished to live among cyber-sailors like a spheniscid out of water.
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
:
Wait a minute! You should be praising Smudgie for not huddling away in segregation and rather sharing the riches of her penguinosity. Birds of a feather don't have to flock together. That I'd see the day when I was sharing the boards with a segregationist...
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I see, I see. Now you are calling upon us to praise that waddling dwarf stuck in the age of black and white? Without feathers? With no hood? No mouth to speak of (which would be a mercy if some do-gooder hadn't taught it to type). AfaIcs its only redeeming feature is the fact it ain't wearing no clothes. But the smell!
And anyway who are you to thus boss us around? I'll give praise to whomever I likes. And MY praise, I'll have you know, Madam, will be strictly limited to the feminine side of things around here. Pingus and axed bunnies don't qualify.
Unless they are free for a coffee or beer some time around the Jubilee when I am in London.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I am mightily offended now... indeed, I hardly know where to begin. I mean... classing me in the same catagory as an axe-wielding maniacal bunny. I, Sirrah, am in a class of my own.
Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on
:
What class is that? Oh, wait:
Sings:
She's Barnacle Bill the Sailor
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
Barnacle Bill? The Navy's maintenance budget is of no concern of anyone in this thread. Kindly try to stay on topic.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
I cannot believe you bring up that song! Neither version, with lyrics most foul or merely misogynistic, should appear on any decent website. Nor should it even be referenced.
Truly though, I should not be surprised, given who first referenced it. And you, kankucho, encouraging the dirty beast.
[ 16. May 2012, 14:31: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I.LOVE. That song.
So, you want to purge our collective cultural heritage of time-tested folk songs just because they have a naughty, naughty word or two? Or because they express ideas and tropes that reflect the times in which they evolved? Why stop there? WHy not burn a BOOK or two because it has harsh language or contains explicit references to sex. Like, oh, for instance, GOD'S HOLY WORD.
Tut, tut, and again I say tut.
[ 16. May 2012, 22:38: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Dear Kelly,
the convention on the internet is that posting in all caps indicates shouting. Most people reading it find it just as annoying as if you started shouting in a real life conversation. Please find less irritating ways to convey emphasis in future.
yours helpfully,
Dafyd
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Dafyd! You're a dear, sweet, upright member of our community, but clearly have no idea what we'd be in for if Kelly wasn't allowed to shout once in a while. Please! Have a care.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Allowed you say? Allowed? By whom? On what authority? Has the appropriate licence been issued? I don't recall any public notice of an application to be exempted from the rules of civilised conduct, giving 21 days notice for submitting any comments and/or objections to the Licensing (civilised conduct) Sub-Committee. This offends my sense of fair-do's.
[ 17. May 2012, 06:18: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
You two would allow a maniacal creature to roam at will just as long as it emits properly permitted shrieks? It is only through the benefit of its sheer incompetence that we are safe at all.
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on
:
Incompetence is ugly enough. Sheer incompetence is unspeakable.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Now, Leaf, it's offensive when you jump the gun like that. You see when, lilB speaks of sheer incompetence, that's closely related to shear incompetence, which is what lilB got with his last haircut. A little too close to the skull, eh, lilB? But, take comfort, Leaf, imagine if we had to look at a hairy beast!
[ 17. May 2012, 23:44: Message edited by: uffda ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Now that is offensive behaviour. If you must make your posts on this thread so funny, you ought to preface them with a computer-health warning. Now my laptop is full of caffeine and it doesn't even seem to be making it hyperactive. To have to mop one's monitor at 7.40 a.m. whilst trying to digest one's breakfast is utterly beyond what any decent penguin should be made to do. Such irreponsible behaviour on your part, Uffda. You should be ashamed of yourself.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
All this wouldn't happen if you didn't get up at such an ungodly hour, and to consume drugs, too, I gather. ITTWACW and hence officially wish to put my offendedness on record.
Now you be a good bird and go back to your nest to slumber on. Or "Getcher ass in the bed!" as Barnacle Bill would put it.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
No hour is ungodly, Syllie ![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif)
[ 18. May 2012, 07:29: Message edited by: Bean Sidhe ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
That was the best you could manage? Even by your standards, that is rather weak.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
You have to work with your material, responding to Syllie that's always a problem.
But then, there's a virtue in economy. In your stripped-bare state, perhaps you should reflect on that.
I still love the horns. Minds me of a well-endowed faun I once... no, I'm not going there.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
What on earth made you feel the word at large really needed that image in their heads?
Brain bleach is just an expression, it doesn't actually exist. So, thanks to you, I'm going to shudder every time I look at a lawn ornament today.
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
:
Couldn't you wait, Kelly, dear? And how many pages do I have to wind back to discover what on earth you're talking about? It's confusing, and confusing short-sighted old duffers is really, really offensive. And you made no attempts whatsoever to alleviate the offence in the previous post with its geographical conundrums. For the sake of us Limeys, where on earth is the Striped Bear State?
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Really now? Do they no longer teach you how to use Google in schools? Is it really that hard? Granted, I knew where it was before even looking it up, but that's just because I'm better than you. I realize that it's hard not being me, but honestly, if you can't even be bothered to try and follow my example, I suppose I'm perfectly within my rights to be rather irked at you.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I believe Google is a registered trademark. Please do not use it as a generic noun referring to any web search engine regardless of brand. The Ship does not need snippety letters from lawyers defending Google's trademark rights.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Language is not fixed Dafyd. It develops to reflect changing circumstances. And circumstances have changed since you were a lad. Google has become like the brand of vacuum cleaner called Hoover. 'Hoovering' is now a recognised verb, at least this side of the pond, and 'googling' has developed in the same way. We may 'hoover' with a Dyson and we may 'google' with Windows Internet Explorer but so long as we all know what we're doing there's no need to be pernickety about it.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
![[brick wall]](graemlins/brick_wall.gif)
If you are going to chastise, please attempt to keep your own errors to a minimum. Google is a search engine, Internet Explorer is a web browser. A better sentence would be "and we may 'google' with Bing..." Just a guess, but you are older aren't you? Bet you are at least 30.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
LilB, that offends me. Don't ask how or why, I couldn't say. Just don't do it again.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Beane, anything that sits at the bottom of a popular thread like this for a day and a half without comment is clearly the object of speechless offense. I don't know how you think you are helping Horny by not pointing that out.
I myself was intending to maintain "Coventry" for a few more hours, just to teach a lesson.
[ 21. May 2012, 21:09: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
That expression is highly offensive to those who, through no fault of their own, have to live in Coventry. Thousands of people are born like that, you know. A golden opportunity was missed after it was all but obliterated by Adolf Hitler, when some damn fool went and rebuilt it.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Thank you [NOT!] for bringing to my mind that terrible old joke about Coventry Climax - it is not an image I really needed at this hour of the morning!
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
:
And thank you -not- Wodders, for getting me wondering about, uh, Coventry-Climax-whatever-it-is just as I'm trying to settle for the night. Just what I need, a tantalizing riddle, possibly involving a double entendre, to buzz about my brain at midnight. Hmph!
Posted by The Weeder (# 11321) on
:
Really, Lyda, what are you thinking of! You KNOW we all had the secret memo about not encouraging Wodders, and you go and let the side down. Just not good enough!
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm deeply offended that you didn't realise I wrote it!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Wodders, to break the rules for once, I must tell you thast I am NOT OFFENDED. Please believe that WE DO UNDERSTAND. Breaking a lifelong, or at least shiplong habit of offensive posting, must be a frightening challenge. You have recognised the problem. WELL DONE! However, sending covert memos in the hope that others will solve it for you is not the answer. PM me. I can point you to a group which I found... I mean a friend found... most helpful. Be brave!
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
PM me.
That is bad English, you young fool. It should be "I am PM". Which is untrue, silly impostress.
So to sum up, in just two words you manage to show yourself as
a) linguistically challenged
b) lying
And c) You confess to not even being offended.
What you think you doin here, posting so slackishly, huh? Charm does not make up for everything, don't you know. I kindly request you to take this game more seriously.
And in order to bring home the point and engender genuine contritio cordis I shall not propose to you today!
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
Two things, young man:
a) This is an English language board.
b) Just because you lack sufficient charm to make up for anything*, don't assume the rest of us are similarly hindered. I assure you that some of have quite enough charm to make up for anything.
*ETA there's a reason why your marriage proposals never get anywhere, you know.
[ 23. May 2012, 09:18: Message edited by: la vie en rouge ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am offended on behalf of all the charm-impaired here on the Good Ship SoF - that is pretty much all of us, I reckon!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I am heartily offended, nay, cut to the quick by the fact that, yet again, you refer to the in-crowd and leave me excluded and isolated. Not that I want to be part of your gang, it's just that you keep rubbing it in that I'm different.
ITTWACT
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Now, now, Smudgie. Your being different is not the reason you are shunned. It is for who you are, not what you are.
Feel better now?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
'Now, now, Smudgie'?? How heartless do you get, Lil'B? That poor, fishodorous creature can only survive in a state of fantasy. Push her into the 'now' and she'll fall apart. If you can't manage soft tissue, do at least try to grow some insight.
Posted by Fidei Defensor (# 17105) on
:
And what's wrong with smelling fishy? I'll have you know that my ancestors clambered out of the primeval oceans and made their own way in life over the aeons, they weren't fussed about the odd piscine pong, and neither am I, I'm proud of what they achieved to give me a good start on the land which they worked so hard to waddle onto, them having just fins and all.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Yeah for you! Keep evolving and one day you may walk upright.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I am offended that you found nothing directly offensive about FD's post.
Not only is this not in keeping with the game, which shows a total disregard for the sensitivities of your fellow players who get all hot under the collar about this sort of thing (and getting hot under the collar can cause horrible rashes if you're not careful with personal hygiene like some people I might mention) but also, as if that weren't enough, it shows that you didn't read FD's post diligently enough as it was brimming with offensive material. Play smarter - and stop making offensive comments about evolution when your contribution to this grand creative force is obviously over!
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Of course you found lots to be offended at in FD's post - after all aren't you the one that gets offended at the colour of a man's hat?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Great!
I had remained in blissful ignorance after missing the occasion when Her Fishy Lowness, The Pingu, made a derogatory remark about my hat, the colour of which I had hitherto not even noticed. Thanks a lotly for drawing my attention to this slight and making me feel miserable!
On the other hand, I guess a man in my position can count himself lucky and feel elated when critical attention is limited to his hat.
I am offended however at the many derogatory remarks about the smudge. Granted, the wee one smells bad, behaves worse and causes a constant risk of tripping for every decent person here, i.e. me.
However we should not overlook her merits. She 's the cutest pingu on board which I wouldn't mind if we were stranded on a floe together. Should that emergency arise I am almost sure she'd also prove to make a good football to practise my keep-in-the-air abilities. And she makes a good i-dot. I think that's about it. Not much but more than some I could mention...
I am almost tempted to propose to her, but I remember she once almost accepted and I'm running out of excuses at the moment.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Right. I am chastised for writing offense instead of being offended. I am most offended by the lot of you, offering me so
Much material to work with and expecting me to ignore it. Just look at Syllies post. Massively full of material to use. Of course, it is massively offensive as well.
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
I share LB's umbrage at the waste of all this fine material. It's simply scandalous that so much material gets wasted around here when there are clearly people in desperate need of a nicer hat.
[ 25. May 2012, 16:39: Message edited by: kankucho ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I'm offended that you ascribe desperation so lightly. If I stood under some gushing downpipe, or maybe Niagara, I might be in desperate need of a hat. But for a nicer hat? We're not all fashion victims, you know.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
If that isn't a clear case of blaming the fashion victim I don't know what is. As Christians (*) we should stand alongside all victims, fashion or otherwise. Even under the Niagara falls if required.
(*) Or other kinds of unrestful people.
[ 25. May 2012, 18:36: Message edited by: Dafyd ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Some misfortunes are self-inflicted and I take offence at the suggestion we should stand alongside those with excessive fondness for fancy hats and the like. It can lead only to corruption and ridiculous headgear - just look at the bishops.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
You look at the bishops if you want. I'll avert my eyes until they're not all men. Offended? Believe it.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
I'm highly offended at the casual reference to Niagara Falls, one of the natural wonders of the world and just up the road from Buffalo. Of course Buffalo itself is a wonder of sorts. And my bishop, dear Bean, is a woman. So there!!!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Now I am offended! Simply because I am sweet and innocent, it does not follow that I am also ignorant. I know what you mean by the code word "bishop" and am shocked by all your wishing to look at men's bishops. And you, uffda, wishing to involve buffalo. BTW, aren't the American versions more properly called bison?
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Clearly you are implying that the other four tastes are guilty. Do you have evidence that bitter or sour have been committing crimes? If not, please give your pro-sweet prejudice a rest.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
So, sir, you clearly advocate that people should be bitter or sour, asserting that such behaviour is not a crime against our sensitivities? I mean, you only have to look at some posters on this thread to see what bitter and sour grumblers they have become and the way that their malevolence seeps into the general ambience of the thread, offending adorable and pure little creatures such as me and... er... well, me.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
You mean, it is all about you, penguin?
Offense! We exists as well, dear! We asks that you takes us into accounts as well, before speaking off of your own penguinie "authority" next time!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Excuse me. You clearly did not read for understanding. I did consider you as well, and am mortally offended that you should think otherwise. I considered you quite considerably before concluding that you probably weren't an adorable and pure little creature. Indeed, I considered each and every contributer to this thread and discovered that each one did not fit at least one catagory. There were pure little lumps of bone like LilB who could not be described as creatures, there were little creatures like Weasel who could not be described as adorable, there were adorable little creatures like the bunny who's not exactly .. er.. well, you get my drift. So don't accuse me of ignoring you - you were very well-thought-of.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Amidst all that offensively inane drivel I am offended still further that you utilised the world's most offensively tautologous cliché
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I maintain my right to use offensively tautologous clichés each and every time I choose to and am offended that you try to curtail my rights in such a highhanded way when I am so relatively short.
Posted by Fidei Defensor (# 17105) on
:
Look here penguin, I'm trying to contain the resentment swelling up within me at your offensive post. When you say that you are relatively short, this is relative to what? Polar bears? (there aren't any at your Pole). To relatives? Like, your relatives are short or you are short relative to your relatives?
The Bible teaches that we are family. Am I short because I'm your spiritual relative? Is this something which you know by physical observation or by revelation disclosed to you by the Spirit or by your minister or by the East Cheam Gazette? Ought you to be letting this information out on a public forum?
I remain
Your height-challenged brother in Christ
but offended nonetheless
FD
[ 26. May 2012, 13:07: Message edited by: Fidei Defensor ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
I am very offended by your falling in with heightest attitudes! You are not height-challenged, you are normal sized. Unlike all these pituitary cases surrounding us. Do not fall for their propaganda! We shall not be intimidated, we shal stand tall, um, proud. we shall stand proud.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am offended you couldn't even spellcheck your post - and if you do stand proud will the rest of us notice you unless we trip over you?
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Please do not encourage overreliance on spillchuckers. People should read through their posts for themselves before posting rather than fondly assuming that a piece of software will do your thinking for you. The spelling on this thread is bad enough already.
Really, are you on commission for each spillchucker sold?
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
I'm really offended that you should suggest we read through our own posts. I have enough trouble reading through everyone else's posts!
Of course, some small posters,human or animal, though not suffering from small egos, might be in favor of your proposal, believing their own posts are the only ones worth reading!
[ 26. May 2012, 15:52: Message edited by: uffda ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I am most offended that you suggest that we more-perfectly-heighted members of the population should limit ourselves to reading posts. We truly are capable of reading more than just a bit of grain and a few knots. I don't intend to sit on the fence on this matter. I demand more stimulating reading material.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Demand indeed! Are you incarcerated somewhere? Incapable of making your own way to the municipal library? There's too much of this demanding going on. Post-reading is just an excuse for wasting time IMHO.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Smudgie I'm so offended that you didn't include me in any of the above. If you think you are the only adorable little one here you clearly put me in the 'out' crowd of infinity minus one, indeed so unadorable that I'm not even worth telling so. Well, ya boo and sucks to you.
[ 26. May 2012, 18:40: Message edited by: Bean Sidhe ]
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
o rite! did yewe re-reed ur poast two check weather i was included in "annie off the above"? becoz i wasn't, c? u really aught 2 lissen to wot is sad above & cheque ur posts b4 poasting them.
i have an exqueues to neva re-read my posts. becoz i get so mighty offhanded at them it pisses me of no and.
o migh, it's l8, time 4 bed. tata.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Sylvie, that abomination pretty much offends every aesthetic, moral, and common sense I have. I dare anyone to be offended at my offense, because, for once on this thread, it's justified.
Really. How Could You?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Because he could. That's Syllie for you.
Can I be offended if you don't see that? I suppose I must!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
I am offended that you were offended by AA being offended by Syllie's post which was clearly offensive. The implication that one should not be offended by his posts simply because he cannot post other than offensively is offensive and outrageous!
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
I am not only offended, but besmirched, befuddled and bemuddled by your overwrought utlization of assonance in an allegedly English asserveration of offence.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Say what?
Are you deliberately trying to confuse me? Just like you.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
How else do you expect people to offend you if not just like themselves. They're less likely to offend you like somebody else, aren't they? Stands to reason. And yet you expect them to go around imitating others instead of bringing their own individuality to the thread. I mean, where would we be if everyone posted like, say, Sylvander?
(I shudder to think!)
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
All you do anymore is lecture me, Smudgie.
It didn't used to be that way. I remember those long, lovely days sitting on the Larson Ice Shelf sharing a can of Monty's Mackerel Snax and having a good chuckle. Now it's nothing but criticism and carping and scolding.
And you don't bring me flowers anymore.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended by you expecting an Antarctic dweller to bring you flowers - sorry but they don't grow down there in the cold and the dark like they do in Tennessee or Arkansas or wherever it is you live!
[ 27. May 2012, 08:54: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
WW, KA is from San Francisco or thereabouts. Where they smoke banana peels and wear flowers in their hare. Um, hair. She has mentioned this. Though it is difficult to be offended by you, you cannot help the decrease of your already limited capacities brought by your increasing dotage.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Isn't Kelly in LA? Dunno, but even a banana dream of a fantasy must have a location of sorts.
Actually the banana skins were a fantasy. 'They call me mellow yellow'? Nauseous yellow was my experience. Sooo upset that you've brought that back to me.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
Isn't Kelly in LA?
Someone hold back my axe arm. I'm gonna kill'er. I'm gonna kill 'er.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
Isn't Kelly in LA?
Someone hold back my axe arm. I'm gonna kill'er. I'm gonna kill 'er.
I am mortally chilled and slightly uncooled , man, that, just as we were starting to share love and mungbeans and bed partners, you've brought your violent dysfunctional predispositions into this. Is your surname Reagan or summat?
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
I'm offended that you would suggest we would ever condescend to sharing "bed partners," Dweezil. I'm not about to share my copy of Searle's Making the Social World with any of you louse-ridden ne'er do wells—such a lovely, dense tome is mine, and mine alone.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
And there you are, posting dense-reading-matter porn for the whole world to see. Are you not familiar with the two-click rule for that sort of thing?
Some of us have jobs, you know, and might suffer all kinds of recriminations if we were caught yelling "OH GOD YES!" at the luxurious, salacious description of a thick nonfiction tome. Think of others, please.
[ 28. May 2012, 07:46: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Excuse me? Some of us are paid to shout "Oh God yes" Sunday by Sunday. I am mortally wounded that you fail to think of us poor struggling clergy.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh yeah, that's right, play the clergy card. Because the rest of us just don't measure up. Nobody forced you to put on that turned-around collar, Reverend Whinesalot. Suck it or open a coffee shop.
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
Oh, so 'coffee shops' are this kind of human rubbish bin for failed clerics? What a slap in the face for hard-working barristas who've never darkened a church door in their lives?
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
I resent that slur on the thousands of hardworking parish volunteers who give of their valuable time and painting skills to maintain their church door in an appropriately sombre colour.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
I'm offended, kank, that you would divert thousands of hardworking laity from their proper mission in the world to paint your church door.
It must be one hell of a door to require the work of thousands!
Posted by snowgoose (# 4394) on
:
I am deeply offended by your sneering attitude toward our church door, which has been a proud symbol of our church for years. Just because you don't like it doesn't mean that others can't admire its beauty and symbolism!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Pride is a sin, snowgoose, and should have nothing to do with a church door. Paint it out immediately!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
What sort of a way is that to welcome a long lost and extremely offensive old frien.. er.. fri... er.. poster back to the fold? The old goose may be proud and sinful but there is no reason to herald her arrival by broadcasting it to all and sundry. Let them form their own conclusions about her nature - welcome her with open arms and don't ruffle those feathers and send her off in a strop. After all, we don't want to end up in a wild goose chase, do we? The weather's far too hot for that. (Apart, of course, from Sylvander who's never too overheated to chase the birds).
[ 29. May 2012, 05:42: Message edited by: Smudgie ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Smudgie! Speak not of the floppy hatted one for fear of summoning him. Most offensive that you would seek to torment us so.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Now, really! The things one has to suffer from the young female skull these days! In my time things WERE different! So, please: There is nothing floppy about me, even the feather is as stiff as a stiff feather. It is bad enough that the dwarf calls me overheated (as if the inhabitant of a floe could judge), but you are about to ruin all my bad reputation.
[As it happens, pingu, funny you should mention it, but on Monday I had a slight heat stroke because the idiots in my club thought it was a good idea to do heat training in preparation for a midday race next weekend. So we ran 9 miles in open fields and bright sunshine at 27° ... Afterwards I was tempted to borrow that axe from the bunny, if I hadn't been too exhausted. And there was not a shred of wooing left in me. But - I hasten to add - that is over now and I am ready to take new appointments. Or rendez-vous as it reads in my diary. The PM button is in the bottom right hand corner ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Sylvander, it really doesn't surprise me that you think the entire world is consumed with curiosity as to the status of your turgidity, but really. NO.
Posted by Mullygrub (# 9113) on
:
What she said.
And, Sylvander, "The PM button is in the bottom right hand corner"??? No it isn't! What kind of subterfuge is this? You're a liar. A liar and a drunk.
(I'm leaving Kelly to someone else. Bunnies have always *concerned* me, let alone bunnies with axes within easy reach and a point to prove)
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
You are afraid of Kelly? Sure she is homicidal, but she is from San Francisco; between love-ins and drug fests, she'll not have the time or energy to swing her axe.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
(Kelly takes a hit off her bong and glowers intensely, as her feelings are damaged beyond words.)
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Oh, like you have any right to be offended, Stonedbunny? Come now, after all the offense you've been dishing out to the rest of us, you'd think you could take it by now! Go glower with your water pipe and tell yourself it's good for you because, like, it totally is, maaaan.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Oh, because one needs the RIGHT to be offended now, does one? And presumably it is you who bestows it, Most Humble One?
No really, some people lack all sense of modesty and proportion!
Like the crazy wee bunnie who, while no doubt excellently proportioned otherwise, labours under the illusion that she is the entire world, no less, just because she takes an intense interest in my turdigity (I dread to look up what that word means, does your mummy know about this?).
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Syllie, this is turgid.
My offence at needing to post this goes without saying.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
You are offended? You post that and you are offended? No, BS, let me give you a lesson in language; you are offensive.
Top it off, you've left Syllie excited and Kelly jonesing for a fix.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Thank you. This thread is enlightening me no end. And there I was thinking turdigity was something dirty.
I am most deeply offended at having to say thank you to a Bean. Now I shall look up "jonesing for a fix" which is also no doubt something I would not expect in the mouth of the fine, decent and god-fearing people populating this thread.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Beano, I have to click every single link on this board.
What has been seen cannot be unseen.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Well I am part microbiologist, that image has been with me since college. And the smell... attracts flies, you see, to carry the spores.
Syllie, you 'jones' for our attention, does that make things clearer? English is a slippery tongue, you need to keep up.
Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on
:
Beanie, while I applaud you making a passing allusion to a Gracie Allen quip, I find it offensive that you did so without proper attribution. The accurate quote, of course, is:
George: Hold your tongue!
Gracie: That slippery thing??!?!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Well, there's an image for everything, sad really that you couldn't find one for yourself.
Posted by Mullygrub (# 9113) on
:
All this talk of tongues and flies and smells and slippery things is making me nauseous. And uncomfortable, which is unrelated to the nausea, just to be clear.
Since when is this the place for sciency/medicalish/mathsy people to wield their bizarre and mysterious alchemy over all of us decent, laws-of-nature-abiding contributors?
Posted by Mullygrub (# 9113) on
:
[missed the edit window]
Bean! That's godawful!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Mullygrub! Bean shares an image of herself, and that is brave. (scary, but brave) you should not criticize. She rarely takes the sack off. Understandable though that is, we should fight back the rising bile, control our gag reflex and applaud.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
This one
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Sorry for the double post. I happened upon a little haven for all us easily offended folk
Just try This One
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Really Beanie, I may be fixing for a jones but after having a look at your link, may I be so bold as to suggest that at least some people would rather have the image of me, myself and I plus my hat in their heads than your tongue... That picture will give me nightmares no end! (Which means waking hours by night which means more posts - see what you've done).
Oh, and uffda, it is alright to post self-portraits like Beanie, but linking to a disadvantageous portrait of me with a philosophical exhortation to honesty is just not on.
[ 31. May 2012, 09:20: Message edited by: Sylvander ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I am so upset that anyone would imagine that was my tongue, which is an object of unparalleled gorgeousness. As are my teeth - not like those teeth at all. Sometimes I lay awake at night, just gazing at them in their glass by my bed.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Your narcissism astounds me, Side Legume. Really, like I'd ever look at a girl's teeth, much less think them good? Only someone who stared obsessively in the mirror would do that.
Get a life, hon.
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on
:
I cannot honestly believe I have ever seen such a blatant case of the pot calling the kettle black, or in this case, life-less.
Do thou get thyself a life first, young Ariston Astuanax, and then perhaps thou mayest presume to advise thy betters.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Leaf,
I am offended you would admonish poor AA simply because you've had sooooo much more time to get a life.
Edited for bolding. Oh yes I did.
[ 01. June 2012, 04:21: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Honey, grab a dictionary, because bold and completely obnoxious are two different things.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Can you be arrested for inciting other people to theft? If not, then you should be, 'cos it'd downright offensive. How am I going to gett my speeling write now that lillyboodwa has nicked my dikshunry?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Such a blatant insurance scam does not surprise me. Sadly it is indicative of the way this thread has been taken over by the Ship's underworld. Drugs, sexual fetishisms, random violence and corruption of every kind. I thought I'd seen it all. But pretending to own a dictionary just so you can claim it's been stolen How much lower can anyone sink?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by justlooking:
this thread has been taken over by ... drugs, sexual fetishisms, random violence and corruption of every kind. I thought I'd seen it all.
I haven't. Which is very offensive. It's all been going on behind me back, you squirrels.
quote:
Originally posted by justlooking:
How much lower can anyone sink?
I'll try to attend a shipmeet in September. Maybe that's your chance?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Oh blimey. Scoundrels, not squirrels.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I am offended that you present yourself as an innocent bystander. You may have deleted from your quote my reference to "the Ship's underworld" but I know who you are, and you know who you are, and I know that you know that I know who you are. And so do you.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
I'm offended, jl, that you seem to have software to know who I am. I can assure you that I not only do not know who you are, I don't even know what you are, to say nothing of where you are.
BTW some have commented that they are glad I don't really look like my avatar. When choosing my avatar years ago, I tried to get one that would actually improve my appearace. Quite a good job, don't you think?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
I am truly and utterly offended, uffda! In the history of straight lines that has to be one of the most blatantly simple. Have you no respect for us? * Next time please use as much effort as your limited capacity will allow.
*Well, for me. The rest, obviously none needed.
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
Did you really need to bowdlerise the history of lines so blatantly? Gay lines have an equal place in the anals of history, you know.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Anal history is perhaps a neglected discipline- how many historians will have surgical gloves and lubricants in their desk drawers? Or am I naive? I'm most offended if something has been kept from me here.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
Anal? Lubricants?? Outrageous!! I am deeply mortified that you should besmirch my vision with these obscene and pornographic words! But this pales into significance when I think of how you patronisingly spelt ‘naïve’. So you don’t need the umlaut, oh no! Too clever for that, are you? Helpful foreign accents are beneath you, eh? Disgraceful!
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
"pales into significance"??
oops.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
And such a promising start. Plebeian.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
I am mortally offended that you have taken and downgraded the status of land-owning citizens. I was full of pride when I was a child and letters arrived addressed to Frank Zappa (Sen) esquire - indicating that my father was a worthy member of the landowning or plebian caste. And you dare, dare I say, to trample on my pride.
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
Oh, for heaven's sake Zappa, man up! Prides are quite capable of looking after themselves - as anyone who has accidentally trodden on a lion will know.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
Outrageous! Encouraging us to picture a bloodbath, are you? I'm appalled at this uncalled for discomposing of my serene perambulation around the Circus!
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Serene? The Circus? This isn't Ecclesiantics, and the Circus rats aren't tat queens who play vestment Mad Libs (really, replace the word "fiddleback chasuble" with "cassock alb" or "stole and tippet" at random, see if you can tell a difference between the threads); if you want peace and serenity, go about anywhere else. We do our best to encourage chaos, and, if you didn't realize this beforehand, well, that's your own damn fault.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Oh my life... this isn't ecclesiantics? And you drop this on me right in the middle of my Saturday shopping? How could you?!b
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
:
You think you can get away with that? You think because my eyes water at this time of night I won't notice that little 'b'? You think I don't know it's rude? You think I'll name it and then accuse me of jumping to conclusions?
Ooooh, Bean! How could you?
[ 02. June 2012, 19:47: Message edited by: pimple ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You knew it was rude and yet still you repeated it? Shame on you!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
If I can't drop a little 'b' while I'm juggling groceries in Sainsbury's, I think that's a Bad Show. Anyone disagree?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Are you actually admitting to all gathered that you do not commit your full attention to offense. as the rest of us hard-working offenderatti do? Well, now don't I feel like a chump.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Well, now don't I feel like a chump.
One can only take offense when one sees an experienced poster like Kelly falling prey to her delusional mind. It really doesn't matter whether you feel like a chump, does it?
A chump is as a chump does. And you do it well. Very well.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I got something you can chump on right heah, lutefisk-snapper.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Oh dear, oh dear.
Kelly, dear Kelly, please read the OP again - this thread is about perceiving offence where none was intended - it seems really tough to read your post and think there was no intention to offend. I realise that you are at an enormous disadvantage playing this game against greater minds than your own but please, do try to keep up.
I say this to you in the spirit of pure Christian charity.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I make one little mistake and everyone picks on me. Way of the world. Anyone else can careen around the world like the marauding baboons they are, and nobody bats an eyelash (WOD) but I make one little misstep and it's broadcast on the Times Square billboard.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh, sure, bring on the waterworks. As if that isn't an offensive attempt at manipulation. And such a weak attempt at that. Look at Wodders, he gives all his dottage will allow. And uffda, well we need give him points for appearing, but that is the most he can manage.
Surely someone as masterfully offensive as yourself can manage a better pretense at being offended. Yes, much of your offensiveness is your mere existsnce, but still...
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Look, you horny little... skull, you have been on my ass like a huge pulsating boil since this game started. I don't know what I did in a past life to deserve you, but surely I must have worked through it by now. So kindly work your what- sadly- has-to -pass-for- charm on someone else.
[ 03. June 2012, 06:47: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Welease Woderwick has spoken in his capacity as a Relevant Authority. It is incumbent upon us all to heed those words and I take offence at the continued disregard of Regulations and Procedures. Many long and tedious hours will have been spent in their forumulation in order to ensure Fair Play, in order to protect the weak and vulnerable and provide equal access for all. Are we going to allow all this noble endeavour to be tossed aside? I name no names but the tossers know who they are.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
And what, precisely, do you have against all those who throw frisbees and the like? Is this not a free country? Is frisbee and ball throwing to be cause for reproach? Next you'll be suggesting that it is wrong of people to toss fish in the direction of poor starving aquatic birds and I see nobody who is directly or indirectly inconvenienced by that - with the possible exception of the fish.
So stop casting nastertiums. Aha - even caught you out in hypocrisy, you see. You yourself are, indeed, a tosser.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
You misunderstand me. It is the manner of the tossing I take offence at. We all need to toss, even nastertiums when they have passed their use-by date. I have no objection to frisbees being tossed so long as the tossers toss in a reasonable manner and with due regard to public safety. It's this reckless tossing aside and trampling upon that I take offence at. It is not Reasonable Conduct as defined in English law by those hard-working travellers on the Clapham Omnibus.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
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All this talk about throwing things makes me want to throw up, quite frankly.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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It is so annoying when people don't write for comprehension. Who is Frank? How, precisely, does he throw up? In what respects was your experience only 'quite' frankly? Shipmates have clearly been pondering these questions for 24 hours now, and yet still you remain silent!
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
I haven't been pondering, Bean, I've been trying to clean up the mess, and now you're lighting into EE or Frank or whatever he/she is calling him/herself these days. And for goodness sakes, EE, please use a recepticle, a plastic bag, or the local toilet if you feel called upon to retch again. I tell you it's offensive, and my shoes are still sticky!
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
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You're encouraging me to use a plastic bag?! I mean a PLASTIC BAG! You want me to hide Frank's generous and wonderfully biodegradable recycling in a ..... (oh, I'm coming over all faint... I can hardly say the words....)
(Unless, of course, I do the responsible thing and re-use the bag! Yep. I'll do that. Planet saved for another day... )
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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My apologies, uffda, I had thought you an old codger. It seems apparent you and EE are a pair of prepubescent guttersnipes.
I am utterly offended by the depths to which you will sink for such a pale attempt at humour.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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On behalf of prepubescent guttersnipes everywhere, and especially on behalf of my good friends Sylvander and Weasel, I take offence at the comparison you draw. They're not as bad as that, surely?
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
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Don't forget, dear Smudgie, that lilB can be a bit thin-skinned at times. My humor is always beyond the pale, as lilB should know by now.
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
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Ha! "Thin-skinned" and "My humor is always beyond the pale, as lilB should know by now." The last defense of the thrower of jibes that are truly humorless. Pathetic.
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
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So how about throwing a funny one yourself? Afraid it'll give offence? Overcaution is miuch, much worse. Go fir it, lady.
Hey! Our sigs should get together sometime...
[ 04. June 2012, 20:32: Message edited by: pimple ]
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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Go fir it? Why aren't yew asking her to spruce it up? I pine for the day when we have representation for all coniferous trees.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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Honestly, Dafyd, your contribution to this thread contains more than enough material for a fence. But I am a little concerned about the fact that there was only one post. A fence with only one post is bound to be taken very quickly. The title of this thread is "taking a fence where none was intended". What I need to know is, did you intend a fence or not? Maybe that is the reason why there was only one post - what you actually intended was the raw material for a bonfire. In future, please do not use such inflammatory material.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
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"only one post". What a truly upsetting phrase that is! And you mention it three times!!! Talk about rubbing salt in the wounds. I mean, I know Royal Mail has gone down the chute over the last few years, and the halcyon days of slitting envelopes open over a full English are but a fond and wistful memory, but do you really have to? Next you'll be torturing us with such goobledygook as "waiting patiently for a Parcelforce delivery..." Oh purleease...!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by EtymologicalEvangelical:
.. the halcyon days of slitting envelopes open over a full English are but a fond and wistful memory,..
Very lah-di-dah aren't we? No doubt you used your monogrammed silver paper knife. Most people don't have time to linger over a full English. Most people never did because by the time you got going on your halcyon day they'd have been toiling away at some menial labour for hours, sustained only by strong tea and porridge or bread and dripping. And what about the poor postie? Tramping up the sweeping drive of your manorial home twice a day just to make sure you get some junk mail to open with your breakfast.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
The postie may be poor at the moment but he or she will be a damn sight poorer if he or she is laid off because the Royal Mail has gone under. Don't we care about unemployment? About delivery at equal price to all addresses in the land? I suppose you think the Barchester novels, brilliant as they are, are a sufficient legacy for Anthony Trollope?
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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Who are you calling trollop?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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A deliberate misreading because of your feelings of inadequacy and thus projection on to others is understandable in your case - but still highly offensive. Please try to restrain yourself and come to terms with your, albeit paltry, existence.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
Oh dear, oh dear.
....... please read the OP again - this thread is about perceiving offence where none was intended - it seems really tough to read your post and think there was no intention to offend. ...
You read the OP again.
Meanwhile I will take offence at smudgie's spoiling-for-a-fight tone. No good can come of it smudgie. Do you really want Dafyd to reel off a list of all those he dismisses as trollops? Wars have been started for less. Rise above it dear.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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Look, will you stop picking on me just because I am a penguin? Just how, precisely, do you expect me to rise above it? Have you not read your "Young Ornithologist's Guide to Significant Features of Aquatic Birds"? Did you not notice the very first sentence: "These extremely attractive and intelligent black and white birds, despite being extremely agile and proficient swimmers in water, are in fact flightless"? What do you suggest, then? Stilts?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Nobody, I assure you, is picking on you just because you are a penguin!
Others may be picking on you because you are just a penguin but there is an important linguistic difference.
I, of course, am not picking on you at all as, as always, my behaviour is above reproach.
[ 06. June 2012, 13:37: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
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"...of course..."? Why "of course"?! I feel seriously put out that you should claim to be able to read my mind. It's not obvious to me that you wouldn't pick on poor little Pingu. What outrageous impertinence! And anyway, you don't "pick on penguins" you ...*sigh*..."pick up penguins"!! Such a basic linguistic faux pas!
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
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EE, I've never been more offended at such a blatant come-on. Offering our poor Smudgie a day at the amusement park. Offering to pick her up!
Is that all she is to you, a casual day's amusement? Then what? I know, you'll be tossing her aside like you toss your cookies!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Why oh why do we have to put up with these Americanisms? Cookies indeed! They are biscuits. British biscuits. They have given unflinching service to this country for 80 years, in peacetime and in war. Whenever a wrapped chocolate biscuit was needed they were there. A cup of tea and a Penguin has revitalised many a weary body and flagging spirit. Newer and flashier biscuits may now fill our supermarket shelves but these trusty stalwarts remain among them, faithful and true servants of British biscuitry.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Now it is very offensive that you do not clarify your statements.
A cuppa and a biscuit or a cuppa and Smudgie? Very different things you know. Not that I am judging, but I think there are laws against at least one of those options.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Listen carefully, I will say this only once. Smudgie is not a penguin. And even if she were a penguin she could not be confused with a Penguin because AFAICS she has no chocolate coating or chocolate cream filling.
I don't hold with all this modern pandering to penguin fantasies. Where would we be if everyone went around claiming to be a penguin? Who'd drive the buses?
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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Shh, dear, don't burst the Penguinie's bubble. I for one think it exceedingly rude that you make too much out of somepenguin's eccentricities. After all, since it's not hurting nobody, and she's not doing it in the streets and frightening the horses, it seems a bit offensive to censor her for being her own sweet flippered self.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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SWEET?!?!?!
I can't work out if that is offensive or just plain egregious?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Oh dear, Wodders. Bold, italics, multiple punctuation... one of your days, is it?
Try a nice, calming mug of nettle tea.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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Excuse me.... I wish you lot would stop encouraging each other to dunk me headfirst into cups of coffee and debating whether I am coated in chocolate. If there's coffee to be had, it goes into me. thank you very much.
And as for that weaselly fellow over there, you would think he would take care using words of more than two syllables so's not to confuse them so. I think the word he was looking for was "endearing". It'd be offensive, his malapropism, if it weren't so sad to see him in his decline so.
OH, and Beanie, would you mind waiting until I've finished battling with flood control before posting your inanities in future.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Smudgie,
It is offensively ungracious of you to mention Wodder's decline.
1. A loss of faculty is perfectly normal for one born in his epoch.
2. While his mental abilities may be plummeting faster than a lead block, in reality he never had much to lose. So barely noticeable then.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Flood control is there to stop spammers and other people with too much time on their hands (like some I could name) from dominating these boards and crowding out the rest of us. Show it some more respect and let it do its work.
Are there any other changes you'd like to make to the way the Ship operates? Abolish private messaging? Fold All Saints into Ecclesiantics?
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
(Looks like a post on the wrong board here, but anyway...)
... So what exactly do you have against people "with too much time on their hands", eh?? Workaholic are we?
And as for your prejudice against crowds: coming out in sympathy for little Zacchaeus, are we? So sorry that we haven't laid on a conveniently placed Sycamore tree for you! I mean, you could always shin up a lamp post (but I suggest you get some practice in first - for the sake of your manhood. You have been warned!).
[ 07. June 2012, 10:11: Message edited by: EtymologicalEvangelical ]
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
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I fail to see how Dafyd's manhood might conceivably benefit from being squashed up against a lampost. There's always someone who has to lower the tone by raising sordid below-the-waistline references, isn't there?
[ 07. June 2012, 10:43: Message edited by: kankucho ]
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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In any case I don't see what he needs a manhood for, seeing all he apparently wants to mount is a lamppost.
And, not to be accused of disrespect for the rules laid down by HM QE II (who is, it seems, responsible for all the good this country has ever achieved) I am offended that you think that there is something inherently "raising sordid" about manhood as such. Raising yes. Sordid no.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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respecting the delicate nature of the male ego; lilbuddha bites tongue, backs away from keyboard and closes browser
Posted by The Weeder (# 11321) on
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I have been away from my computer, but that is NO excuse for people to continue posting. It was MY turn about 10 posts ago.
Don't let it happen again.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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So we're meant to sit here twiddling our thumbs (or flippers in the case of our feathered compatriot - mustn't call her a friend apparently) while YOU swan around ignoring us? Well bums to you, with brass knobs on.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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You want to hand out Burns? Here goes. (I am offended you don't make an effort to provide some Burns yersel, tho. Does everything have to fall on me?)
And there's a hand, my trusty fiere
And gie's a hand o'thine
And we'll tak a right gude willie-waught
for auld lang syne.
Maybe the pingu is ok with calling it fiere rather than friend?
I want it noted that I skipped all the sordid manhood-and-femaleness-extolling poetry of The Bard. It's all up here where other people keep their brains. And I refrained. ![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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I am offended that you claim to be improving the moral tone of this thread simply by refraining from any gender specific references in Burns' poetry. Surely the Great McGonagallis a more fitting example of morally improving verse? And indeed a more fitting standard of poet for this thread? There is no need to fear what McGonagall makes of maleness when he presents such a fine example of the species in his moving story of Annie Marshall the Foundling
quote:
One day Matthew asked Annie if she would be his wife,
And Annie replied, I never thought of it in all my life;
Yes, my wife, Annie, replied Matthew, hold hard a bit,
Remember, Annie, I’ve watched you grow up, and consider you most fit.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
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Males are a species, are they (or should I say, are we)? I'm gobsmacked! Next you'll be saying it's perfectly alright for spouses to call each other "pet" (and really really mean it): "Oh, I'm just going to talk the wife for a walk..."
So which "species" are we then? Frogs? Snails? Puppy dogs (with particular reference to the posterior region)?
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by EtymologicalEvangelical:
"Oh, I'm just going to talk the wife for a walk..."
Don't just talk about taking a walk with the wife, get out there, man! Good exercise will make you Trim! Perky! Peppy! Less offensive!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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We need to know, Uffy dear, your take on the implication she'd be on a leash. Would you be shocked and appalled, or suggest adding a muzzle? Waiting eagerly!
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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Old Bean I am shocked - SHOCKED, I tell you!
You may well have a "thing" for "Uffy dear" but do you think it is acceptable to broadcast this all over the interwebby thing?
Tut, tut!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I can't be doing with all this vagueness and coyness. Speaking plainly and not to put too fine a point on it, are we to understand that Bean is enamoured of uffda? And has so far forgot herself as to openly set her cap at him?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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That, surely, is a HUGELY offensive suggestion, jl - I am appalled!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Don't start getting all hoity toity with me sunbeam. It was you started it with your "thing".
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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The less I have to hear about Wodders' "thing," the better. Please don't bring it up. Mmmkay?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Try as I might, I can find no possible way to be offended by your statement, AA. Not certain how you managed that.
[ 10. June 2012, 16:28: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Well, isn't it nice to know that you have reached a state of pure Zen serenity. Which makes your presence on this thread a hindrance to the rest of us. Go be unoffended somewhere else.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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and the calm is gone
Kelly! Good news, you do have a purpose in life! You are the anti-Buddha.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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How unbelievably arrogant! - to think that being your Auntie could constitute anyone's sole purpose in life.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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So why haven't you two met yet? If Kelly's the anti-Buddha, and you're just the lil' Buddha, then we might get a softened, tamed Kelly, and no you. I'm offended you two haven't decided to make the world a better place and shake hands already.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Blasphemer! Don't you know that if God is good, this must be the Best of All Possible Worlds?
As for 'Uffy dear', he seems a sweet guy but I must confess, I was trying to make Syllie jealous.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
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Well!!! I've been used and abused by better Beans than you! ::goes off in an 'uff::
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I'm offended that you should think there is a better Bean than Our Old Bean - sure they may be other beans, younger, more intelligent - but BETTER?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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AfaIk all human beans are born free and equal, so kindly control your comparational impulses.
AND you mention age, the unspeakable word in the presence of a lady, you ruffian!
Come here, my wee Beanie. You're just as young and pretty as you always have been. It just takes a little longer in front of the cruel morning mirror to get there.
There, there. Bit better now?
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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How offensively patronising.
I am... I am.. speechless.
Bean doesn't have to spend hours in front of a mirror to make herself attractive to you. You should value her for her inner being, her personality, her character, her soul (hmm.. is it going too far to attribute a soul to a bean?) The fact that she looks decrepit should not even register in your consciousness. She should not be pitied but rather venerated for her years of experience.
Patronise her not or I shall be speechless again.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I am offended that you weren't completely speechless in the first place! When you are it is indeed a blessing to us all!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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You're both being very harsh. Sylvander meant well and was doing his best. I'm sure Bean is familiar with his blandishments and probably enjoys them. It's too early for harshness, I've not had my third cup of coffee yet.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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Now you've done it. I had managed to be awake for three whole hours without a cup of coffee and now you have me craving caffeine as a result of your throw-away remark. Which means, of course, that I now have to get up. I'll go into the kitchen and see that last night's dishes are still waiting to be washed and will be forced to resort to h**s*w*rk before I am at liberty to put the kettle on. Then I'll have to go shopping later because I'll have used the last of the milk. And thus my allocated "lazy-morning" has been completely ruined and it's all your fault.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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It is typical behaviour of an addict to blame others for their inability to get their fix but it is offensive to blame a shipmate when you could so easily blame a Smudgelet - in fact why don't you use the cattle-prod then send him to buy the milk?
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
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Excuse me? Application of the aforementioned electronic equipment is (a labour of love to some, bit this is a Christian Website) a labour of necessity - that is to say, obviously, those in the cattle industry. But of course you weren't thinking of them, were you? Poor sods, inflicting pain on the animals they love so dearly as they despacth them to the pearly portals of bovine perpetuity.
[ 11. June 2012, 10:49: Message edited by: Zappa ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Oh, now cows get their own heaven whilst non-Christian humans are relegated to burning in Hell?
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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And you really think humans are so much better than cows? After all, every cow knows that something good is going to come out of their death—how many hungry people will you feed when dumped in the hole?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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So who skipped logic class? By saying it is better the cow died so that humans may eat an uneccesary source of protein is implying humans are better than cows.
You also imply worms are inferior to people, given your existence, this theory appears to have holes.
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on
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...holds up holey theory, admiring sunlight shining through...
And please don't tell me you were going to throw out that theory just because of a few holes. Didn't your mother or aunt or granny teach you how to do mending?
Just like the youngsters of today, instant gratification, instant tossing of things that could be fixed.
Duct tape! You could use that, you know!!!
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
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...instant tossing of things that could be fixed.
Ah, I get it! Let's all sew up our clothes, so that all those little people in the clothing industry can have a wonderful and relaxing long holiday on the dole.
I mean, if only we could appreciate how our economy is supposed to work. We manufacture crap, it then breaks, rips, blows up etc... after a few months, and then we keep people in work by buying more crap. It really is appalling that we can't all cooperate with this profound and creative theory of consumerism!
But there's always someone who puts a spanner in the works, isn't there? Eeh, I don't know...
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
You obviously didn't live through the Second World War EE. Neither did I but that's beside the point. I can just about remember when sweets came off the ration and that qualifies me to blather on about " make-do and mend" and "Dunkirk spirit". People made stylish little hats out of holey stuff. Apparently this is how we won the war.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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No we didn't!!! Gut grief, män, can you not read ze ship's 10 commandments? It specifically says Don't mention ze war! Now I äm offended beyond repair. I'll go and sulk ferry mutch. Änd you know what comes of it when we sulk! We start invading our neighbours. And it'll be all your fault. Sometimes of course we settle for winning a football tournament instead. So may be just lucky.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Please do not indulge your heretical Fawlty Towers quoting here. It is well known that when two or three are gathered together in the name of Cleese they shall first perform the parrot sketch.
'It is a ex-parrot.'
'It has ceased to be.'
Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on
:
[Graham Chapman voice] Don't give me that, you snotty-faced heap of parrot droppings! Shut your festering gob, you tit! Your type really makes me puke, you vacuous, toffee-nosed, maloderous, pervert! [/voice]
I mean, what has Monty Python ever done for us?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
You lot aren't fit to wipe a Python's spotty behind, much less
invoke them in quotes. Please desist. You may use quotes more fitting, such as Benny Hill.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
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A very special salute to you, lilB for your continued offensiveness!
[ 12. June 2012, 22:59: Message edited by: uffda ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I do find it offensive the way that you edit your posts, Uffda, without any explanation as to what it is that you've changed. Although I can guess what it is you've changed. You made some disparaging remark about penguins, like you usually do, and then deleted it before I could see it and pretended to be all offended at lil's innocent post instead. Clandestine offence is offensive in the extreme. Desist.
[ 13. June 2012, 06:43: Message edited by: Smudgie ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I am offended, Pingu, that you should consider it to be all about you when EVERYONE knows it is really about ME!!
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
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I am deeply offended, Wel, at your delusions of grandeur. Not that I am jealous, of course. Oh no! If you want to build a castle in the sky, that's up to you. Go ahead and live in it. But just make sure you keep the leylandii trimmed. Some of us like a little chink of light once in a while, even if only to brighten up the mirror!
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
You do realise that this is lunchtime for some people, don't you? The last thing anyone wants to be thinking about over their meal is what you see when you look in the mirror.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
How rude! Harping on the negative. One should accentuate the positive, however little their may be.
Speaking of which, love your work in the Notre Dame bell tower, say hello to Esmeralda for me.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Now then, lB, just because the lady is stoned out of her mind as she lets it all hang out and makes funny faces at the tourists is no reason to be rude. Really, how would you feel if people called you "ugly gargoyle" all day long?
Posted by Niminypiminy (# 15489) on
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Really, Mr Aristuanax, if you can't say anything pleasant, you shouldn't say anything at all. Gargoyles, indeed!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I think gagging AA completely is totally unfair and not a little offensive.
Although, on second thoughts....
Nah, sorry for the interruption. Carry on.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
And who are you to tell people to carry on? Vera Lynn, perhaps? Or Babs Windsor? Scuttle back to your ice floe, little Pingu.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
That's crass stereotyping. Just because Smudgie is a penguin doesn't mean that she resides on an ice floe. Of the many species of penguin only three live on ice flows routinely. Others live on the sea shores all around the Southern Hemisphere. The Galapagos Penguin lives in the Tropics.
ed. for speling.
[ 13. June 2012, 18:29: Message edited by: Dafyd ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
While we're on the subject of rude behavior, how polite is it to publicly highlight someone's pitiful lack of geographical/ zoological knowledge? Why not just rent a billboard that flashes neon: "Qlib doesn't know a penguin from a Hobnob!"* True as it may or may not be, it's not very kind to broadcast it to the world.
* I rule.
Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on
:
Who gave you the right to rule over anyone else. I do not recognise your authority, bunny. Back to your burrow.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
And who let you tell the faux-British bunny what to do, hypocrite? I mean, sure, gratuitous references to British culture to make yourself seem not American may be all the rage these days, but come now. Don't nobody tell nobody what to do 'round here but me.
Yes, I am better than you. Glad you've all realized it.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I don't think I'm British, I just like freakin' Hobnobs. Shoot me. Haven't you got a Cost Plus in your area? Just because YOU are culturally deprived doesn't mean I have to be. Nor do I have to share my cookies with you, asshole.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that you should call yourself a freak just because you like Hobnobs - I can think of many other ways in which you qualify for freak status - if I listed them all we could be here all day!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh, you have made your feelings abundantly clear on that matter, fear ye not. You might think your passive-aggressive little digs are sailing right by a moron like me, but I assure you many a night I have wept myself to sleep, thinking "Wod hates me! Wod thinks I'm a freak! Glass houses!"
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
.... a moron like me...
Be that as it may, it's no excuse for adding yourself to the long list of shipmates who don't know what passive-aggressive means.
Maybe I don't know a Penguin from a Hobnob (ha,ha) but at least I can tell a hawk from a handsaw when the wind is nor' nor' west.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by QLib:
.....at least I can tell a hawk from a handsaw when the wind is nor' nor' west.
I can't but that doesn't make me a Bad Person. So long as I can tell a bird from a chainsaw when the wind's all over the place that's good enough.
Posted by Taking the Peace (# 17155) on
:
I am saddened by the drift away from the pursuit of excellence in contemporary life. "Good enough" is not good enough. I thought that this was a Christian website, that justllooking would be familiar with Oswald Chambers' maxim My utmost for His highest. It seems not.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
"Good enough" is not good enough", eh? Ah, so you are playing mind games with us, are you? I really am deeply disturbed by this.
If "good enough" is not good enough, then it follows that something else must be considered "good enough", which is better than justlooking's "good enough". But if the new thing is then deemed to be "good enough", then, according to your logic, it's not really good enough, because "good enough" is not good enough! So that means that some new thing has to replace the new "good enough" in the hope that that will be "good enough". But then if it is "good enough" we are back to the problem of it not being good enough, as you have decreed. And so on ad infinitum. Oh despair! Will we ever attain to "His highest"??
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
You know, for most of us, that emoticon is figurative. In your case, however...
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
Oh, so you speak on behalf of most people, do you? How very insulting to all those little people, whose minds you can read.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I suppose lilBuddha, being confessedly little, has some authority to speak for little people. Why don't you get exercised about all the big or middle-sized people s/he patronised?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
As for you, lilB, I do hate posts that end with a hanging sentence. It's just so...
Quote from an ancient comedy show:
'My name is Mungo. They call me Mungo the Contradictory.'
'Do they?'
'No.'
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
If there's an excuse for that brazen double post, I for one am not seeing it. Stop hogging the thread and let someone else play. Aren't you old enough to have learned how to share?
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
I take strong objection to your implication that selfish behaviour is childish - and then using that as a way of denigrating another. Did not Our Lord Himself tell us to become as little children? So naaaaaaah!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I object to your deliberate misunderstanding of Our Lord's injunction: what he meant was "seen, but not heard". So, dear Q, how about you set about trying to achieve perfection. You can sit quietly in that corner there and try to be good.
Posted by Taking the Peace (# 17155) on
:
Oi my spheniscidate friend, you're sailing close to the same Pelagianist wind which so afflicted Mrs Alexander when she wrote And try his works to do. We cannot try to be good, we are weak, sinful creatures prone to wickedness and vice, it is only by God's grace, not any effort of our own in a corner or out in wide open spaces, that we are accounted good.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Welcome to the game ttp!
Where are you? Not in my timezone, I'll warrant. Here I am, yawning on my way to work, and you dump 'spheniscidate' on me. Even my predictive text was stumped, so that proves it. Worse, I'll now have to look it up, which I'm sure will give my torpid brain even more grief. Thank you so much.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Assuming that you have now taken advantage of google or some other random source of information, you will understand why I am shocked, yes and offended too, that you did not instantly recognise my formal title, the one I use in sophisticated company.
Ah, I retract that. The minute I typed the word "sophisticated", I realised that it was a little unfair of me to take umbrage at you not being familiar with my family name.
Just ignore me (like you usually do).
(Edited to add a welcome to Ttp who is clearly going to fit in here far too well )
[ 15. June 2012, 11:14: Message edited by: Smudgie ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Oh yes, we certainly TRY to ignore you but then there you are wandering about at about knee height begging for fish - have you any idea how offensive that can get? We are trying to have intelligent, adult conversation and there is this little brd-like thing constantly begging for food and attention - AAAAARRRRRGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Oh, you have something against beggars? I suppose you believe those stories in the gutter press about all the beggars having Rolls Royces parked around the corner.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
And why should a beggar not have a Rolls Royce? If they are that good, they should be able to spend as they wish. You sir, while pretending to care about beggars, are still classist. Which is a rather curious statement considering your total lack of the same.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Precisely! Poor chaps, can't even have garages.
And I am upset, miffed, upset that someone would send a lovely creature of vice and wickedness, sinful and weak like QLib into a corner to be good. What use is that? Send her over, I say. The more vice, sin and weakness, the greater the grace to be imparted on her later.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Syllie--Perhaps you need a new pair of spectacles. Paul tells us (Rom.6:2) that we are to die to sin, not die in sin.
But, putting it charitably, perhaps we should summon an exorcist to drive out that demon that has hardened your...your... your heart?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
From what I can deduce, the pair of you are a spectacle.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
And you're offended by that?
If uffda and Sylvander want to make a spectable of themselves they are within their rights. I know of no law forbidding such a practice. Decency and public order must be maintained but this still gives wide scope for anyone to make a show of themselves. It's free entertainment.
ETA don't be such a spoilsport.
[ 16. June 2012, 06:07: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Justlooking, everybody also has the right to be themselves, and you are asking way too much of lilbuddha.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
With all this talk of just looking, spectacles and sights it is too easy to forget that it is the [i]doing[\i] that counts as fun, not the watching. May I request permission to be offended by this oversight from everybody?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
You dorked up your code on purpose just to annoy the rest of us.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
No, Kelly, it was just Syllie's pathetic attempt to take a swipe at me, for trying to use the tools I have been given to make my posts more interesting. That same pathetic nature may be the reason why so many of the Ship's ladies have rejected him so firmly! Offense taken!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Someone who is lucky enough to be given special tools shouldn't be using them to make the less fortunate feel bad about having only basic tools.
We haven't all got fond relatives whose greatest pleasure is to shower us with nice presents from the special tools' shop. Some of us have to make do with what we've got from our own efforts. And there's no shame in that.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Your proclivities for kinky showers are offensive, and no-one's business but your own, juste-voyeur
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Ex-hippies always become the biggest prudes. You've had all your fun and we cannot be allowed any, is that it? The trampers of the fences of morality become their staunchest proponents in their dotage. Yes, I know, I am getting off your lawn.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
And just what is wrong with big prunes? They keep you going, if nothing else.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Notvall, they haven't. There was one lovely lass, iwhose name I am not at liberty to divulge, in the last century, who accepted. When I wriggled my way out she complained she'd already buried her husband in the backyard. She almost insisted I keep my prolise. Women are funny likep that.
I am offended you have forgotten about this as you were on that thread.
And for the record: I cannot dork up code, as i dodn't no what the word means. Just you try posting from a mobile!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
The above post has absolutely nothing to do with prunes. This is not in keeping with the spirit of the game. Hard as it may be to find anything offensive about prunes we are nonetheless obliged to try.
The thing I take exception to with a prune is that it's so uncompromising. It makes no effort to adapt. It comes at you as a dried fruit, very sweet and rather chewy, or as a stewed fruit, even sweeter and not chewy at all. We all know the essential worth of the prune but I feel it basks on its laurels a bit. It won't do duty in a fruit salad, or mix with apple like a blackberry for blackberryandapple pie. No. It takes the attitude of, "I know you need me and you know you need me, so why should I bugger about with fancy recipes." This is what irks me with the prune.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
The above post has nothing to do with prunes, eh? Oh how difficult that must be for someone so obsessed with the rules of the game. I find it deeply unsettling that our posts should be monitored by one so bureaucratic. Next you'll be crying "offside" when one of us scores the most beautiful of goals. No, legalists like you just can't appreciate the noble trajectory, the subtle flick, the cheeky backheel or the sublime curve. No there just has to be some infraction of the rules, hasn't there? I mean, I know Sylv's post had nothing to do with prunes, but who cares? I myself appreciated the morbid tale of burial and the eccentric spelling, and prunes were really far from my thoughts. But if you want to throw the rulebook around in defence of the much-maligned prune, then I'm happy for the poor shrivelled little chappy. Someone has to champion the cause of a laxative, I suppose!
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Nothing to do with prunes, eh? And why is that? Because someone flipped a page without telling me. So that I didn't come to stand nicely below uffda as intended. And now I look like someone not paying attention because I am allegedly always in pursuit of ladies who'd bury their husbands and hook up with me. Which is hurtful and offensive to me. And possibly the husbands, too.
And anyway, what's all this talk about prunes 'n apples? It is a date I want, not a prune!
[ 17. June 2012, 16:50: Message edited by: Sylvander ]
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
You didn't come to stand below uffda because someone flipped a page?
Is that what they're calling it now? Regardless, I think that was too much information.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
And is this too little information?
Is there no concern that Sylvander had to go to bed, get up again and have his breakfast before depositing his offendedness. Apparently without noticing all the others who'd made an effort to add their contribution in the proper curmudgeonly way?
Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on
:
Not everyone is that interested in other people's opinions. However, those who have prunes for breakfast should, in the interests of general harmony, broadcast the facts.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
So, we are to rely for the facts on those who are in need of some sweet but chewy laxative fruit in order to prevent constipation, are we? Are they the only ones to be believed? Why are they licensed to broadcast (according to the law of Jahlove, she who must be obeyed, that is)and the rest of the world whose bowels work without such encouragement, are not?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh, dear holy God, I am trapped in a Jamie Lee Curtis commercial. Can we please talk about something else? Anything else?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Seconded. Much as it hurts (and of course offends) I have to agree wit K.A. on this.
I even have. A suggeszion, kel. How abou stamps?
PS. Sometimes on this mobile tze the keyboard remains but the text disappears. Itcs like a night flight by nightt for a blind bat.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I am disgusted at this blatent attempt to turn the conversation back to your favourite subject.... you. It doesn't take long, does it? The minute you stop being the centre of attention, you chime in with some fatuous excuse for changing the subject so that once again it's all about the bunny.
The rest of us have egos too, you know.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
May I just add that it is much too much pressure to be the center of everyone's thoughts. Understandable as it is.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I suppose it is a bit like the old saying that there is no such thing as bad publicity, isn't it?
Here we have Kel and, yes, everyone is giving her some of their attention and to her it doesn't matter that for the majority that attention is of the variety:
quote:
Is she really like that?
Don't the neighbours complain?
Has anyone notified the police the Community Mental Health Team?
Do you think we better do it?
Sad really, innit?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Do you think we better do it?
... waitaminute, WHAT??!!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
I am so offended I can barely type this. You lot, with your constipated claptrap, have put me in the side of the homicidal bunny and the sex-obsessed fop!
BTW, Wodders, KA has her own personalized straight jacket. Not that it does any good, she can chew through the straps faster than Houdini.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
That's just confusing. If she has chewed through the straps how can she have a straitjacket? Surely she has a defunct or broken straitjacket. Unless you're saying that she hasn't chewed through the straps yet, in which case how do you know she can chew through the straps.
Could you please be more precise about whatever state of affairs you are describing in future.
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
This place goes downhill by the minute. I do NOT wish to read about affairs on a Christian website.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
And what is so very wrong with going downhill? For those of us with short legs and webbed feet it is a sight easier than going uphill, I can tell you, especially when the slope is covered with snow and ice. Or perhaps you want the thread to go uphill for the very purpose of preventing us waddlers from participating. Let's face it, if I struggle to get uphill, then lilB stands no chance at all.
And, as if that weren't enough, you're one of those people who think that Christianity has nothing to do with current affairs. I am doubly offended by you sitting there in your ivory tower at the top of the hill.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Well, I'll ask the obvious question:
On which kind of website DO you wish to read about affairs?
Personally, I think it's offensive of you to suggest that the rest of us have to adapt our website to suit your tastes.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Smudgie, will you please stop cross-posting while I'm thinking up my clever replies?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Has no-one explained to you uffie that you are expected to delete your post pronto if someone's got there before you? In the interests of the wider community and the higher good. It is indeed galling to be superceded by those we may consider less curmudeonly than ourselves but did not the LORD himself say "I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden - so STFU" or something like that?
As to affairs - what else does the Church of England get excited about?
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
Uffie has to delete his post?! Outrageous. I rather liked his reminder that penguins should stop cross-posting (and perhaps implying that they should start calm-posting instead). After all, it is rather unseemly for penguins to vent their anger - or should I say "get in a flap" - when their obvious wobbliness unsettles those of us who are trying hard to concoct a stream of narcissistic persiflage.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
You are clearly in the wrong place. This is the place for the easily offended, for the takers of exception and umbrage to get some practice in and hone their skills. I have no objection to a bit of persiflage in its rightful place but scattering it around here is an act of sabotage.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
That's no reason to delete them, you know. Come on, there's room below.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I am not offende. No. I am irate that four people posted while i was writing my response to uffda. Just becuase I was, erm... getting distracted half way through doesnot mean you can simply play on. Who was it said: the last shall be first? How will they if you guys don't wait?
Hmph!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I count two people between you and uffda. It's possible that a small child could read this thread and as a result become horribly confused about arithmetic. And then if they grew up to be a nuclear engineer, think what the consequences could be!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
It is not just a matter of counting, it is far more serious than that. The concept of taking turns, or of following a sequence is missing and the consequences are among us.
Whatever happened to the bus queue? People just surge forward now all willy-nilly and without so much as by-your-leave. It's a disgrace. I blame the town planners. They have one bus stop for four different services and no-one knows who's queuing for what. And when a bus comes, those of us who were taught about turn-taking start ushering others forward and by the time we've sorted out who was first half a dozen ruffians, who weren't even waiting when we got there, have all barged on.
It's no good making light of it and talking about nuclear whatsits in the future when people need an orderly queue today.
[ 19. June 2012, 06:32: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
You've forgotten to provide a translation for foreigners. Queuing means forming a line to wait for something. Forget cricket, queuing is the true national pastime in Britain..
If two or more people stand still for long enough, a queue will form behind them even be there no apparent reason to do so. Part of the DNA.
[ 19. June 2012, 07:02: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
When I saw you'd been skull-king about I knew you were being offensive and this time about queueing, which is a Truly Civilised Pastime - such a shame we didn't pass this on to the rest of the world along with Cricket - which we only passed on to those parts of the world civilised enough to understand it!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Cricket is what happens when an Englishman tries to understand golf.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Enough of this Scottish superiority over their national game of golf - if you really knew your stuff you'd know it came from the Romans.
(If I'm going to be attacked for offensiveness I may as well play this @lilbuddha and Welease Woderick)
[ 19. June 2012, 13:13: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
howls of outraged offendedness
Roman?! That is a vicious untruth. As bad as the Canadian attempted theft of curling. Not Roman, Chinese nor Dutch. Been reading Wikipedia again, have we? Truly accurate, that. Very offensive, CK.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Does it matter who invented it?
According to a reliable source: "curling has become widely known as the second most boring sport to watch on television, narrowly losing to golf". I can't understand why TV companies even bother. I suppose it's cheaper than putting something good on.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
So come on then: name and shame this so called "reliable" source.
I happen to be one of those very few "interesting" people for whom the cracking of curling stones one on another is truly mesmerising, and I am deeply chagrined that this anonymous source of yours should belittle this unforgettable experience.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
I can't help but think that your "reliable source", Justlooking, is not so reliable. This is the great white north at its best. And I agree wigh EE that it is completely mesmerizing.
Here in Buffalo we are treated, from time to time, with a Saturday or Sunday afternoon match, via television from Canada.
So needless to say, I took great offense at your disparaging remarks. Now take soccer or tennis. No, please, take them. I'd take an afternoon of curling to them anytime!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
It's an outrage that men think they have the right to act as spectators as women have their hair curled. Just because hair curling is not considered 'posh' this isn't considered a problem. We should all stand together with the sisterhood against the male peeping tom culture.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
While I do realize this is a humour thread, there can be no tolerance for such frivolity regarding curling. I've reported you to the authorities and they've begun deportation proceedings.
The police will be 'round to collect you just as soon as they are done at the pub.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
This is outrageous. I shall throw my curlers at them.
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
And my 40 lb rock at you, and if this continues, then you're getting a wicked brooming!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Have some propriety, sir! Not that I could imagine what you mean.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Enough you two! There is a dating thread in Hell, take it there.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
lilbud, I'm a bit offended you'd have that poor thread diluted even more than it already is. Here I was, ready to set the planet on fire, ready to let my bitterness and bile free, and Kelly threatened to set the puma on me. The last thing it needs is those two virtually snogging in front of the Hellions.
Don't encourage them.
Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on
:
Fie upon you, AA. You obviously are one of those who stand at your window, hose in hand, just waiting for a chance to douse the passionate ones who pass by with cold water. Take your hand off it, sirrah, and try not to be such a pathetic spoilsport.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
That post was offensive on so many levels that I don't know where to start in expressing my disgust. Actually I do know where to start. I will start by finding where I put the brain bleach because I think I need a hefty dose of it right now.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Well I don't know where to start expressing my disgust at what you appear to see in that entirely innocent post. Pouring cold water is a time-honoured way of dealing with overheated passions. Mary Whitehouse, that shining example of the art of taking offence, made a career out of it. She would have your brain categorised as pornographic and not fit for public display.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I am shocked that you would suggest that I might want to display my brain* in public as though this were some sort of freak show. I mean, I know this thread has its fair share of freaks, but I am not to be numbered amongst them.
*Any comments about bird brains or even lack of brains will be treated with the utter contempt that they deserve.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am deeply hurt that you would think that any of us here on the Ship would hit you at your weakest point!
Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on
:
I have just stumbled across this thread for the first time, and frankly I'm upset at how difficult it is to understand what the blazes is going on.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Huh - you blame us for your inability to look where you're going? How offensive is that? And you trod on my flipper, too. Brute!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Dolphins are larger than humans are and indeed seem to enjoy giving rides to humans. I think you should consult your Flipper on his wishes before opining about whether he's hurt by human feet on his back.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
May I express my disgust on behalf of Orfeo at your callous and inconsiderate assumption that he is human. Is this board not open to those who are subhuman too, that you so thoughtlessly catagorise him thus? All are welcome here, Dafyd, even you and Orfeo.
Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on
:
I don't need your welcome, thanks very much. I'm entitled to come here of my own choosing, whether I'm welcome or not.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
I was initially offended by your lack of courtesy, however I have reconsidered. One shouldn't hold others to standards beyond their capabilities.
Oh dear! This missive is likely beyond poor Oreo's comprehension. Not sure i can leap the gap of intellect. Perhaps we need to take this in steps down the intellectual chain. AA, can you explain this to KA? Then KA to uff and uff to Orfeo?
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
His name is Orfeo, not Oreo. I take offence at this arrogant misspelling of people's names. I mean to say, although many of his posts do take the biscuit, I do not like being reminded so blatently that I am on a diet.
Besides, everyone knows Penguins are the biscuits of choice
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
You've done it again! You have mentioned something to with chocolate whilst being fully aware that some of us are rather seriously allergic to the vile stuff - I was going to ask "Have you no sensitivity?" but then the answer is blindingly obvious!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
What?! You dare insult CHOCOLATE?!
This "sir" serves to prove you are indeed an evil, foul creature undeserved of the appellation of human. Your "allergy" is the divine in the chocolate rejecting your body. You are not an ex-pat, you are an apprentice of Namuche.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
Block capitals ... and ... bold type ... and... italics!!
This is truly an outrageous and impertinent example of orthographical bullying.
We know that you are a fully paid up member of the chocolate Taliban, but really, do you have to terrorise us by screaming the name of the (admittedly alluring) substance before stuffing it in our faces?
We can read, ya know!
Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on
:
Accusations of orthographical bullying by the chocolate Taliban?? This is scurrilous warmongering designed to pit those who like Oreos against those who simply don't. We can clearly see what EE is doing here and it is deeply offensive to those of us who live to have freedom of choice when it comes to chocolate. If that freedom is threatened, then chocoholics of the world may have to unite against EE and those of similar ilk.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Banner Lady:
We can clearly see
Can we indeed! I can't. Not without contact lenses. Plus reading glasses if it involves reading. You didn't think of that did you? Didn't give a thought to all those whose early lives were blighted by myopia and hideous national health glasses. My joy at seeing the world clearly, at seeing how amazingly separate bricks are, was short-lived. Wearing glasses apparently entitled other children to mock and call me names. This kind of thing leaves scars. And you've just re-opened the wounds.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Separate bricks, I do not get. I mean separate beds are pretty amazing when the other-half's girth has passed a certain threshold, usually accompanied by much sweaty heat and snoring. Separate bank accounts are purest joy, but separate bricks? Do you write your names on them? Chisel them out and take them with you if you leave? Minds could boggle at the legal complications, there must be lawyers stashing a fortune offshore on the proceeds. Amazing indeed.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh, now you are adding legal complications to Boggle are you? Bad enough you were adding nonsensical words...
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
How is the English language supposed to grow and flourish if we do not invent new and exciting words? Your attitude is cramping.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Cramping, cramping? you dare to summon up that vile spectre of pain and misery?
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
And what precisely have you got against Bean posting on this thread? Hmmm? Even vile spirits of pain and misery are welcome here.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
He's tiresome and puerile is what's wrong with him. Rowan Atkinson hasn't done anything funny since Blackadder.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
"Funny ha-ha" or "funny peculiar"?
It's most tiresome that you haven't specified which one. I, for one, feel most affronted at being kept in the dark on a matter of such import.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh, so now. We must classify and discriminate everything? What is so horrible about being both? Or, in Mr. Atkinson's case, not being either?
Granted, most here are simply peculiar, (perhaps simple and peculiar) does not limit others from achieving more.
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
Oh so now we're insulting actors? First Atkinson and Hugh Granted? What, there's not enough shippies to insult?
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
As has been pointed out, this is not the insult thread. Insults are in room 3A; this is 3B. This is being offended. Please try to keep up.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Nor is this the admonitions thread. Very offensive, AA.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Well somebody needs to say something when people from 3A keep wandering in to chat to their friends. Even when they're not coming in they're texting those hooligans on the back row. It's just a battle against constant low-level disruption. Who's supposed to be in charge of 3A? or 3B for that matter? It's poor classroom management that's what it is and I am not best pleased.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
And that's effectively offended all the teachers on the Ship - well done
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
I take exception to your suggestion that teachers are that easily offended. Any fule kno that you need rhinoceros hide to be a teechur. I'm surprised at you. And disappointed.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
I'm not sure whether I should be offended. If that is your attempt at seeming hip or if you are tying to be humourous, I am offended. If that is instead some Middle English variant spelling from your youth, I apologise.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
Oh, so you apologise to QLib, but what about "sorry" to all the other people you have so wantonly offended?
I'm positively outraged at this flagrant and unconscionable act of discrimination!
Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on
:
Oh, please. I'm astonished that EE thinks anything said in the last post is remotely offensive. You're just not trying hard enough people. You obviously need a few more Australians in here. Perhaps Orfeo and I could give you some lessons.
[ 22. June 2012, 06:45: Message edited by: Banner Lady ]
Posted by tomsk (# 15370) on
:
Thanks a million Banner Lady. Australian's Reputation Strengthening England, a campaign to remind everyone over here that Australians aren't boorish has just been put back to square one.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
You have to thank a million Ladies?!? Admittedly the Banner version is of the more amenable and sweet variety but even I, despite my famous modesty, don't claim I could cope with that number.
I think you are just the typically offensive, swashbuckling Ozzie braggard.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
And what do you have against The Three Musketeers? If we had more of them around we wouldn't have so much selfish individualism. One for All and All for One!
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
But honestly, picking on individualism just means you've added the Americans to the Australians in your range of insult. They both have roots as pioneer nations that relied on their rugged individualism.
Posted by iamchristianhearmeroar (# 15483) on
:
Pioneer nations?! Exploiters of indigenous populations you mean!
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I am amazed, appalled, offended someone would claim The Three Muscledeers were Australian. Does this minnow head-down-feet-up-walking nation's self-aggrandizement know no bounds of truth and decency? Everybody knows they were German with big hats (see left) and Lederhosen (not pictured, after all TIACW).
And as for "pioneers with roots" the notion seems utterly self-defeating. You don't get very far in pioneering terms dragging your feet with a few hundred feet of roots attached, do you?
Can we agree that we shall try and use common sense and logic as far as possible and always give the Germans due praise where appropriate?
There's a good boy!
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
And there you come with your effortless German superiority - offending everyone by your total disregard for the rest of Europe and your treatment of Greece and their economic problems, when we all know you cheat to take over the summer beaches with your towels and not let anyone else get a look in.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
The rest of what?
In any case this is offensively inaccurate. Everybody knows that over half of the populace are very welcome to look in under my beach towel. And the exclusion of the remainder is not by nationality, I assure you. There a even a few Greeks who would be welcome.
What you probably meant to say is that we will not allow a single Greek to set foot in our penalty box tonight, even if they fielded all their virgin goddesses. Out of spite we might even field our beloved chancellor whom they threatened to kick out of the stadium, the ruffians.
(For all those less well endowed - i.e. limited to cricket, rugby and baseball - than we in the Old World I should explain that we have a European Championship on and that the quarter final later tonight will be Greece-Germany. As the competion is not "Squandering, splashing out and chilling on the beach" the latter are firm favourites).
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Do I want to look into Syllie's towel? I most certainly do not. Grievously offended at the mere suggestion.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
At least Sylvander knows where his towel is. If the Earth is destroyed to make way for an intergalactic bypass I hope you find some consolation when he gets a ride and the rest of us don't.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Cross posted with the man himself, but the comment holds.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
By my sense of duty I feel compelled to let you know that sometimes your replies almost sound like they were not imbued with the milk of human kindness. Were I not to know that this is entirely unintentional, I would have to be offended.
Fortunately the present age will cease to be on 21 December 2012 and a new era of Aquarius, harmony, understanding and free love with Mayan mummies will ensue. I have no intention of hitch hiking anywhere then, thank you.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
But how can you mention milk? Lactose intolerance is enough of a challenge without you insisting on mentioning milk at every opportunity.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
He mentions necrophilia and you are offended by milk? This just became stranger than I thought possible. And more offensive.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
lilB, I think it's Mayan descended, very-much-alive mamas of which he speaks. Shockingly of course, but hardly in the same bracket as your rather literal understanding. Let's give the guy at least a teensy break. He has, after all, spared us his lederhosen all this time.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You want LilB to give Sylvester a teensy break? You are advocating violence on this thread? I am appalled. Sylvester might deserve a tiny fracture or two but we don't directly incite violence towards our fellow shipmates, no matter how irritating they are.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
You are indirectly inciting violence then? More offensive than the Bean, as you are attempting to disguise your intent.
I would never harm Syllie, as that would necessitate a closer proximity than I ever intend.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Where to start? with the offensiveness of making it clear that you find Sylvester so offensive that you wouldn't touch him with a bargepole or the way you're imputing incitement to violence to others and refusing to recognise it in yourself. Tschk
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
It appears we think bargepoles are the lowest of the low. Flagrant discrimination against the working classes that is. Bargepoles are fine upstanding members of the waterway community.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Far too majy bargepoles around already. Should we not reserve those jobs for the bargebrits?
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
Oh, so you are in a position to "reserve jobs" for people, are you? Well bully for you!
Hey, all you little people: make an orderly queue and wait your turn for the "job" that Sylv will so graciously and condescendingly grant to you...
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Thanks for being so helpful, EE. Order is de rigoeur in allocating work to others, so your support is much appreciated, you offensive wee busybody. Just last night some of us over here allocated new jobs back home for a bunch of unshaved Greeks, lounging about on the lawn. They are now in a position to work and thus raise the GNP of their homeland (to the benefit of everybody else in Europe).
We intend to render the same service to a dozen or so Englishmen next Thursday evening, queue or not.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
I am shocked and saddened that you seem to be reserving all the Schadenfreude for yourself and your compatriots, when, in fact, we Englishmen will be tucking into some of that delicious pie in the very near future.
[ 23. June 2012, 16:37: Message edited by: EtymologicalEvangelical ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
And what about Englishwomen? Don't we get any of the pie? We probably baked it anyway, or at least went to M&S and bought one.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I don't think shock and sadness can be coexistent, EE, given the melancholic nature of sadness - though you might be shocked then saddened as you recovered your equilibrium (such as it ever is). It might benefit us all, including yourself, if you expressed your feelings more coherently - don't you think?
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Where is this pie everyone is talking about? Personally, I enjoy a good piece of pie, but it is very offensive to bring up the subject of pie without inviting everyone over for a piece. I thought perhaps it was on the previous page, but all I found was bargepoles.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I am offended at the suggestion that Sylvander should provide pie to those who are capable of obtaining it for themselves. This kind of attitude undermines the very fabric of society.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
And I am offended that people should want to gorge themselves on fat laden pasty surrounding a pie.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
The pie-eating habits of others interferes with your life how exactly?
Pies are personal and we all make our own choices. You are fully entitled to choose the pieless way of life but it doesn't make you a Better Person.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
This is how the other half lives? Personal pies, custom made by your personal baker I suppose.
'Four and twenty blackbirds, Madam?'
'Just three and twenty today, I think.'
Some of us, I can tell you, have to grab a Greggs and be happy with it.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
If you have managed to acquire a personal Greg [instead of a temporary but superior Syl] AND are happy, you should be content. Referring to him as "it" will, I assure you, seriously jeopardize the chances of a long duration of that blissful state of affairs. As a mail I am also offended by such sexism.
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
I don't think shock ...?
It is not a shock to us, dear, but routine. We have seen you come aboard and assumed thiswas the way the good Lord wanted to make you. We then conducted a great service of repentance, asking him not to thus chastise us again. He has not seen fit to deliver us from that particular burden but he granted us patience to bear it and to me the magnanimity to embrace it even more intensely. So feel free to play on without thinking about ut ever again.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I find your latest method of preying on unsuspecting young (well, any age, really) females offensive in the extreme. You've now taken to masquerading as a letter (well, probably a bit more likely to be junk mail) and sneaking in through the letterbox. The sordid insinuations in that are beyond thinking!
To be frank, I think this sort of behaviour needs stamping out, post haste.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
I am offended that you think you are Frank. The late great Mr Zappa was franker.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
And that's another thing. Punctuality. I find it tremendously offensive that punctuality is a thing of the past and people find it morally acceptable to stroll up as and when they feel like it. The late Mr Zappa is a case in point. And, Mr Zappa, I see you strolled up some time after this thread had started too. Show a bit more respect and don't be quite so late next time.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I would like to point out that couples with children cannot get out and about and run errands at all conveniently without the help of strollers. The problems are even worse for single parents. Anti-strolling contributes to a climate of discrimination against single parents.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
A good person attempts to unify people, to find the common rather than the divisive. And here you are attempting to start a fight between parents and those smart enough to use protection.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
lilBuddha, I can't believe you've been so offensive as to say that all parents are stupid! You have parents, without parents you wouldn't have existed - although the way you feel about parents, that might not have been such a bad thing.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
The theological implications are staggering.
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
I am deeply offended that you are against staggering which means you are against drink, and probably against social gatherings and having fun. Thus I am offended that fun offends you!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I am now hiding under the bed saying the Serenity Prayer. Thanks heaps.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Terrific! Now I shall jot be able to sleep for fear of an axe wielding maniac under my bed. Thank you Kelly.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
It doesn't surprise me that you are jotting down notes on people. It offends me, but it doesn't surprise me.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Let's face it, honey, after the life you've lived I'd be shocked if anything did surprise you!
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Honey? Breakfast time, yummieeee!
Offended am in advance that just when it's deliciously spread out over my be..., toast, it'll start wriggling, giggling and crawling away, causing me grief and frustration.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
I'm not quite clear what image Sylvander wants to conjure up, he's omitted enough words to make his meaning unclear, but I'm offended that he should want to impart the bizarre imaginings of his obviously disordered brain.
[ 25. June 2012, 07:30: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that you should pick on Sylvander's obviously disordered brain - he's a Shipmate, what do you expect?
Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on
:
I resent the suggestion that the Ship has low standards! We expect Shipmates to be of the highest quality and have all their mental faculties intact! We don't let on any old riff-raff you know.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
How dare you, sirrah! They let ME in - QED
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
How offensive of you to be so lacking in inclusivity to use an abbreviated Latin tag. I'm offended on behalf of all those who will be find that this excludes them.
[ 25. June 2012, 08:47: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Curiosity Killed--
don't be too hard on Wodders, he was merely celebrating his inclusion in the Extraordinary Form of celebration, now perfectly able to stand alongside the Ordinary Form which most of us use.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I am deeply offended anyone can think of celebrating while I am mourning, wailing and gnashing my teeth at all this rejection I meet with. Why, I feel like an England centre forward. Alwayis running and getting myself in promising (or is is it compromising?) positions without ever scoring.
PS; for the record: if my brain's deranged it isn't because I am a shippie. I was always like this. I am a born and bred German.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Bred?! I am offended that anyone would breed humans as one would animals and that their apparent methodology would be so shoddy.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
lil Buddha, you really do seem to be embarrassed by any suggestion of sex or sexual reproduction. how can you be so squeamish about such a intrinsic and natural function of life, without which there would be no living things.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Don't you realise that the vast majority of living organisms are bacteria and other single-celled animals that do not reproduce sexually? Without them the biosphere of the planet would completely collapse? And here you are passing over them entirely. Blatant favouritism of multicellular organisms, that's what it is.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
'Bacteria and other single celled animals'??? Bacteria are not animals at all. Neither are algae, which give us a sizeable proportion of the oxygen we breathe. Also, as long ago as my college days, the term 'acellular' had largely replaced 'single celled', on the grounds that a cell is essentially a division of a greater whole, in which case 'single celled organism' becomes oxymoronic.
Dear me, there's so much to explain!
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
without sex there would be no living things.
Precisely! I am half dead already and I think as an act of Xian charity you ought, you know...
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
Xian?
What on earth has the capital of Shaanxi Province in China got to do with anything being discussed here?
What is this "charity" associated with the city of Xian? And what has it got to do with sex? Are you trying to insult the good people of Xian?
I find it quite unsettling that you should introduce such confusion at this juncture.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh, only concerned about the "good" people of Xi'an are we? Never a thought for the bad people when it is they you should be warning. Especially with Syllie chasing after them.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Surely you meant to say "warming", not "warning". They need lots of warming. Especially the bad ones.
Beanie for instance is so badly self-centred she calls herself "dear". It's inexplicable.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
And have you ever thought that she might actually be a deer? Of course not. Your lack of open-mindedness is your downfall, forester.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Me a deer? How insultingly offensive (or offensively insulting, I've not made up my mind). I am a fully paid up harbinger of really bad things, if you please. Though I have known a few fauns.
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
I am offended that you don't know the words of the song. It is "Doh a deer [a female deer]" not "Me a deer..."! It is from the Sound of Music, which offends me for other reasons.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
How deeply offensive that you should come on here laughing your head off. Some of us need a bit of peace and quiet as we construct our complaints, and this hideous cackling just does not set the right tone. Indignation is a serious business, you know! Hmmphh!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
And how is your ranting and raving any less eardrum-lancing than Beane's inane cackling?
Both of you, shut up. I'm trying to find my Happy Place. Far away from here, obviously.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
What's wrong with ranting? Sheer discrimination against evil overlords that is.
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
You are against sheers? As in flimsies? See-throughs?
Does mincing, prancing walk around the room wearing what? (I'll never tell!) The hills are alive!
And now has offended himself.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
It seems to me that self-offense is an abuse of this thread. If you are taking offense where none was intended, you must be self-referentially inconsistent to take offense at yourself. I won't presume to speak for others (they can take offense at whatever they wish) but I find your self-offensiveness offensive. So there!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
NP lets of a stream of consciousness that is offensive to sanity itself and you are worried about form? You should be calling the CMHA.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
And you're not being offensive by diagnosing mental health issues from post on an Internet bulletin board?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
What?
Are you telling me this is not my personal MHIDPB (Mental Health Issues Diagnosis Practice Board)? A thread where I am the only human among a horde of folk who think they are penguins, maniac bunnies, skulls, cats, flags, windows, blops, logos, multi-headed ogres, sculptures, fairies, guys who don't know whether they are frank, franker or furter and even one who thinks he is an inane grin? What is this then? An expressionist zoo?
I must have taken the wrong turn a full nineteen pages ago and none of you told me. Referee! Please note: "Sylvander registers offence."
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
So you get to register your fence, do you? What about the rest of us? Are our fences invalid simply because we haven't completed the necessary paperwork in triplicate three months in advance? Do you want to tie everything up in red tape? Typical German!
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
Get your stereotypes right please. If anyone's going to be wrapping stuff up in bureaucracy for months, it'll be the French.
Typical Germans, muscling in on our patch.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended you should keep up the pretence that there's a difference - French, German, British: you're all ex-Imperialists!
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
Only "ex"-Imperialists?
Perhaps some of us haven't yet retired!
[ 28. June 2012, 16:20: Message edited by: EtymologicalEvangelical ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh right! Another should be pensioner staying in a job far past your usefulness when it should be available to younger people. How can I get my turn at Imperialism if you won't move on?
[ 28. June 2012, 16:54: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Haven't you read your post-colonial theory? I'm offended by your provincialism! Really now, the fact that anyone would be thinking of empire in this neo-post-Marxist day and age is just shocking! Horrifying, even! I ought to forcibly annex wherever you live just for saying such things!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
According to my researches, this is John Wesley's birthday and Queen Victoria's coronation day, not to mention Soviet Occupation Day in Moldova - but neo-post-Marxist day? That's pre-post-erous.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Sylvander,
While your last post is no less coherent than is typical, no words leave little to be offended by. Which is very offensive in itself.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
You aren't trying hard enough, you slacker.
quote:
Originally posted by Sylvander:
What's with the odd sad face in the middle of the waterworks? Are you faking it? If you really were as heartbroken as you claim to be, wouldn't you be waterworks across the board? I have a feeling I am being took. Hoodwinked. Bamboozled. Led astray. Run amok.
There you go, Buddhette, see what you can do when you apply yourself?
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Dear Kelly,
I find it offensive that you single out the lone blue face among the slightly more purple ones for special notice. After all, I can't imagine you can't sympathize with being the one person not crying while everyone else is sobbing at nothing. I'm offended that you think everyone should sob at once, rather than at their own discretion.
Insincerely,
AA
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm shocked you should use a word like discretion when we have no debate on whether or not free will exists - if it does some of our shipmates may be in real trouble in the next life!
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
So Will exists. Oh, really! That's a bit thin!
We want more information. Where does he exist? With whom? How long for so far? Does he work? What's he look like? Is he an upstanding member of the community or an Italian? Is he happy? Does he cut his toe nails regularly? Is he a shipmate? Who cares? That kind of stuff. More effort, please.
PS: If anyone ever again suggests that my sobs where for NOTHING he may yet come to experience the extent to which the unpredictability of my free will extends! I may not know Alesia but I bitterly resent someone else saying it doesn't.
PPS: I forgot to include one inhabitant in my personal expressionist zoo inventory (seeing where we are, should I say Ark?). That's because the Frog 'n Flower had been hiding in her den for over a page. Doesn't affect the human-weirdo ratio, of ccourse.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
All these efforts to undermine Will's privacy. I'll remind you that the Ship has a policy of not outing shipmates. You'll be trying to hack his phone next. Will's privacy is his own business and he may release details of his private life or not as he so wishes.
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
Reminding people of Ship policies eh? Made a close study of them have you and think the rest of us don't have the decency to adhere to them? Who made you a junior host?
Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on
:
Well, that's rich, coming from a newbie like you.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
There you go, offensively jumping to the wrong conclusion again. Just because Lucia doesn't babble on, with something to say on every subject, you assume she's a newbie. She's been around a long time (much as she tries to hide the wrinkles, I think someone ought to have a word with her about the brand of rejuvenating creme she uses!). Yes, she neglects her duty to post on this thread, but she's not likely to do so if you act so utterly offensively towards her, is she?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
"Offensively jumping"? Can one jump to conclusions inoffensively? I must ask an ex-teacher friend that one but I don't think so.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
With all due disrespect, when YOU jump do you take the Zimmer frame with you? Your words betray pure envy at those of us who can make impressive jumps of half a yard on a good day. No wonder you only have ex-friends left to ask.
And what's the point of me making a fine list if there are constantly new creatures appearing? The flag hasn't said boo for yonks of years and now there is a stowaway eye nobody knew anything about. Before posting can't you report to the Registration Office and get form G76b (Ammended form 26/8/1964) "Bureaucrat Employment Initiative for the Complication of Simple Processes", fill in three copies in pink, green and gray and file it in the big drawer marked "bin"? You guys are about as well organised as the German Mighty Headless Chicken Defence against Italy. Frankly, if you don't pull yourselves together I shall never marry you.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
You certainly have a way of making newcomers feel welcome Someone gathers the courage to open the door and edge in hoping for a word of welcome, an encouraging smile, just some little spark of acceptance. And what do they get? I'll tell you what they get. They get scorn and derision, they get to be the butt of some feeble 'joke', they get to feel they've committed some kind of crime just for wanting to join in. You may have jumping skills, you may wear a big hat, but you've got no heart.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
It's the way everyone who takes part has to be accounted for, on the right list and ticked off. It all just smacks of Germanic pseudo-efficiency, but really that officiousness that needs to put everything in tidy boxes.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
When I try to put every thing in a tidy box it ain't right.
When I try to put every body in a tidy bed it ain't right.
Some things are really hard to please ...
Isn't it time for an "I am offended" smiley? Because I am yet again.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
So it's untidy boxes for you then, is it? Some of us may not wish to be put in messy, disorganized boxes. Indeed, some do not like being put in boxes at all! No light, gets a bit stuffy and one tends to get excluded from conversation when stuck in a box. Not to mention the practical jokes. Knock knock Who is it? Hello? Is no one out there? All very distressing.
ETA: And Sylvander! a gentleman waits before cross posting.
[ 29. June 2012, 12:51: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
So, 29 smilies not enough for you, eh? As if our hosts and admins didn't have enough to do keeping the rabble in line without responding to your every whim smilie-wise. You didn't even offer to send them chocolate as a bribe/incentive. (If you want to practise this practice, feel free to practise on me, by the way).
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
ETA: And Sylvander! a gentleman waits before cross posting.
Clearly no gentleman, then, are you lil? Nor a lady-in-waiting. Your cross-posting has resulted in this very cross post!
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am offended, dear Smudgiekins, that you consider yourself capable of discerning who is, or is not, a gentleman!
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
Diminutives can express smallness, youth or unimportance. And the suffix -kins forms intentionally childish or twee diminutives of nouns. So I can only suppose your putting down of Smudgie by using the diminutive "Smudgiekins" just serves to bolster your flagging ego by making you feel superior. And calling her "dear" just further enhances the passive-aggressive way in which you are doing it!
[ 29. June 2012, 13:32: Message edited by: Lucia ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Well, I am small and I am young, so I don't know who died and made you my personal umbrage-taker. If there is any umbrage to be taken, I am perfectly capable of taking it myself (despite my smallness of stature and youthfulness). If Weasel wishes to pander to me with endearments, then that is only to be expected, adorable as I am. So keep your offendedness to your own issues and stop muscling in on mine.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
No, no, Smudgie, this is not the alter ego thread.
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
Why should I wish to alter my ego? Can you not accept me as I am?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
If you were but a bit closer to acceptable, perhaps....
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
You know, Mousethief is gonna come down here with guns blazing if you try to take his one-liner crown away, Buddhette. Just sayin'
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
Why do some people always want to resort to firearms as their first option at the slightest provocation? What's wrong with having a calm discussion about the issue?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I agree, using a silencer makes life so much easier for everybody. Think of the neighbours when you are having the discussion by night for instance.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
A silencer? How disgusting. You may like to stick a dummy in your neighbour's mouth when having a discussion with the poor soul, but really, do you have to lower the tone of this sublime thread with such an image?!
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
What is this disparaging assessment of the worth of a neighbour's soul? Your the sort who would pass by on the other side, aren't you ... this soul's too poor to bother me.
Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on
:
There's little that's more offensive than confusing "Your" and You're"
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Life must be very sweet in Urmston if there's little more to offend you than someone writing 'your' when they mean 'you're'. You need to get out more. Go to Halifax, Leeds, Rotherham, or even, if you have the nerve for it, Barnsley. You'll find grocers' apostrophes everywhere, people saying 'of' when they mean 'have' and supposedly educated people writing about the need to be 'focussed'.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
I'm really quite incensed. For someone born on the correct side of the Pennines, it is really quite appalling that we should have to endure this Yorkshire self-promotion. I mean, if you really must indulge in white rose narcissism, then at least put in a word for Donny (yes, that's Donny, for you heathen you haven't yet heard). Eeh, I remember them days...
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Eeeh EE you do carry on. Look again, carefully this time. You will see the point I am making is hardly in favour of the white rose. I am contrasting the grimness of this county with the merely mild offensiveness of Urmston.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
Be that as it may... I am still incensed.
It's sly Yorkshire promotion by irony.
Yep. That's it.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Stop flaunting your piety at us, will you? Can't you remember what Jesus had to say about people making a big song and dance about letting people know they'd been praying? I suppose you still being incensed does have the benefit of making you smell a bit sweeter, but there's no need to advertised the fact that you've only just come from praying. You think that'll gain you promotion? You are sadly mistaken. It's us sinners who will make it in the end.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that in your own case you didn't put mega- in front of sinners but then you may be living in a world of make-believe.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh, now what is wrong with the world of make-believe? What is so special about reality in any case? In make believe , the world is so much more pleasant. One can, withinin limits, imagine great improvement on others. For example, in make believe, KA is very nearly sane, you are just shy of tolerable, Sylvander is only slightly repulsive, Smudgie reeks only a little of halibut, uffda has at least three brain cells to rub together, etc. I interestingly, I do not change at all.
ETA: even imagination does not improve my typos.
[ 30. June 2012, 13:32: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
...withinin...
ETA: even imagination does not improve my typos.
I'm offended that even editing time doesn't correct them either!
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
And I'm offended by the level of nit-picking on this thread, nay, even inaccurate pedantry. Both Chambers and Fowler cite "focussed" and "focused" as valid in English, although Fowler comments on the irregularity of the formation.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Nit-picking? I'm all for it. Nasty, itchy little buggers. I still have an electric comb that used to fry the kids' (please note the terminal apostrophe).
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Really, Bean, I've heard children referred to as "rugrats" or "curtain climbers", but "Nasty, itchy little buggers?" And frying them is no answer. Perhaps a nice family could be found to take them off your hands.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Gratuitous ignoring of terminal apostrophes is a crime to punctuation second only to inappropriate application of same. Beanie specifically asked you to take due consideration of her application of said punctuation and you deliberately chose to ignore her sage instruction. Fie, sir. Fie.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Smudgie, I'm quite staggered that uffda suggested that Bean Sidhe wasn't a suitable parent to her children and all you can pick up on that he ignored some pettyfogging punctuation issues.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I am offended that you think I should spend my leisure hours thinking about children. Isn't it bad enough that I should have to think about them in my working hours? If I want to fog pettily, I shall.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
A penguin not thinking about its children? Leaving them to fend for themselves for weeks on end? How typical!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by EtymologicalEvangelical:
A penguin not thinking about its children? Leaving them to fend for themselves for weeks on end? How typical!
Typical speciesism. Can you imagine swimming for hours through freezing water searching for food just to feed your kids? I'll bet you can't. Mind you, I don't think Smudgie could either. Rumour has it there's an organic gourmet wet-fish superstore just down the road from her, but that's not the point! You're a human, she's a penguin. QED.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh now fine assumption then isn't it? EE has not identified what species s/he is and, judging by her/his reasoning ability, it is not likely human. But then, you did use your reasoning to the best of your ability, so...
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Oh here we go ... the worst of humanism. You know ... like sexism (believing that sex is nasty), racism (antagonism towards equine or motrine sport), humanism (dislike, albeit warranted, of the human species). If Beanie wants to apply the inadequacies of human reason to the questions of avian aquatics what's it to you? Huh?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Zappa, you'll set me off wailing at this rate. You of all people should get it that human reason, inadequate or whatever, has zippo application to anything on this thread. Least of all from me.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Uhhuh. So you're saying you're being intentionally irrational? How are we supposed to have a reasoned discussion with you, then? These are discussion boards, are they not? Stick to the purpose and conform to the norm, please.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Who is this Norm of whom you speak? How would you expect me to conform to him (an ambiguous entreaty if ever I heard one) when I know nothing about the man? And you talk about rational discourse??
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Shame on you Bean! Asking AA to speak of rational discourse is akin to asking a vegetarian to rate burgers. Poor dear has not the equipment.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
But has he the ability to write in complete sentences?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Wod, will you kindly piss of to the Asking Random Questions That Don't Pertain To Anything Being Said thread?
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Well Kelly, we don't have that thread. Feel free to start it in Heaven, though, where it will be closed promptly.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I am mortally offended, AA, that you see fit to continue this tangent of "forgetting to be offended"ness where a whole series of people, creatures and inanimate objects blatently ignore the rules of the game. I could expect it from them, but from you, whom I hold in the highest esteem (well, the highest of the lot of 'em who post here, which isn't saying much) have brought me gross disappointment this morning. I thought better of you. And I was proven wrong.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
All that is very true, Smudge, but note he was also picking on me, and you said nothing about that. And here I always thought you had my back, What a dream world I live in.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
And just what, pray tell, is wrong with a dream world? The real one can be a bit shabby at times, living in a dream world is luxury. And you not appreciating your circumstance.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
The dream world is all very well for those who can afford it. Haven't you heard there is a Recession, or possibly even a Depression? Reality may be shabby and devoid of luxury but it has many superior qualities - I can't think of any right now but I'm sure they're there.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that you should give us hope and then dash it so abruptly!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
What's wrong with dashes? There's plenty of room in between commas and parentheses. Instead they're relegated to the lands of ignorance and even confused with hyphens. That's not fair on either dashes or hyphens, which have their own useful job to do.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
As my carefully-crafted - and meticulously-punctuated - posts will - in the unlikely case that you actually read them - demonstrate, I have an apparently-inexhaustible supply of dashes. Indeed - so far as I can tell - they seem - constantly - to be dropping out of nowhere, like the under-appreciated detritus of another world. Are you suggesting - or even asserting - that I'm in a land of ignorance? How very dare you.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
In the land of ignorance? I assumed you were its queen! To be fair, all evidence was pointing to this conclusion. In fact, I am incensed and offended that you dropped clue and hint nearly everywhere that this was the case and now reveal it was a ruse. Though a splendid ruse it was; most convincing.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Whoa ... let us not slip into disparagement of queens. Some of my best friends are queens. Besides these days it's illegal to stereotype others on the basis of innate proclivities.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
And just who have you decided to label as having "innate proclivities"? That vocabulary comes from the same phrase book as "local yokel" and other put downs and is so offensive as to be off the scale.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Dash it all- just what are these "innate proclivities everyone seems to be talking about? What local yokel has them? And if we are allowed a gaggle of geese and a murder of crows, what in the world is wrong with a disparagement of queens? Ultra-hyper-sensitivity to offense is itself offensive!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
What is all this negativity towards the yokel?
While yokeling might not be my favourite form of musical expression, one can respect the control such vocal manipulations require.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
The local yokel crack came from my father when some poor lad phoned me up from school, just because he had a gentle Dorset burr. I really, really don't know how you managed to mix that up with yodelling - or even could describe yodelling as pleasant, have you been in any inside space with someone yodelling?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
You've the brass nerve to call ME the 'queen of ignorance', when you don't even know a yokel is one who tells yokes for a living?
[ 03. July 2012, 07:35: Message edited by: Bean Sidhe ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
All this messing about with the Queen's English is offensive to one as well-brung-up as I. It is clear that the expression in quesion is not a single-worded noun but rather a greeting to a very special member of the crowd of offensive posters on this thread.
"Yo! Kel!" (I'd use the little waving smilie but we don't have one)
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Smudgie:
All this messing about with the Queen's English is offensive to one as well-brung-up as I.
I think you'll find that should be "as well brung-up as *me*". And you have the effrontery to criticise other people's English. Hypocrite.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
It is offensive enough to correct someone in such an imperial manner, doubly so when your correction is incorrect. You've been too long amongst the French, poor thing.
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
One can never be too long among the French.
But I wouldn't expect hoi polloi like you to understand.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I find it difficult to find anything to cause offence in your post, apart from the minor detail of you forgetting to complete your first sentence before appending the full stop.
Let me be of assistance:
"One can never be too long among the French... without coming out smelling of garlic"
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
'Hoi poloi' comes from ancient Greek, meaning simply 'the majority' who - while not guaranteed to be right, or even sensible - are nonetheless not to be sneezed at. Suggest you grab some tissues, La Vie.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
What do you mean by Ancient Geek? Just because I'm, erm, marginally past my prime and understand something about new technology there is no need to call me names!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Oh, that's right. Ignore the penguin, why don't you?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Well, we all try but sometimes she get's so offensive that it's difficult!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
[tangent]
[/tangent]
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Once again, pengu, we have a topic for discussion, stick to it! Tangents, especially ones involving icons and references to other threads, are most offensive. Is that really too difficult to understand, or must we throw you a rotting fish or two to make you behave?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Rotting fish? What's wrong with offering fresh fish? Has she no feelings? No intrinsic worth?
[Let me think about those questions a while, I'll get back to you?]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
You need to think about the intrinsic worth of a penguin? Ballast, that's what they're good for. If all the penguins left the Antarctic, the world would turn upside down. And then what???
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Forgetting the legacy of the Diggers and Levellers and the World Turned Upside Down? Or do you in fact remember and are contemptuously dismissing it?
I thought this was a website for Christian Unrest.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh, who died and made you offical manipulator of the tagline? Have you notified Simon about this?
Oh and before I dash to class...
Smudgie, you backstabbing bitch. Just like you to insult me THIRTEEN POSTS AWAY from my last contribution and then STUFF your PM box so I can't savage you in the manner you deserve. You and your angelic little smiley face.Both of them.
You think you got the world fooled? Think again, sweetie.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
[tangent]
[/tangent]
or should that be
[tangent]
![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif)
[/tangent]?
I am simply offended that you took this long to notice
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Hmmph Smudgie, totally offensive behaviour making this thread all about you. Are there no others here to get offended on their own, if not your, behalf?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
How can anyone possibly be offended on behalf of a penguin? We all know they have no feeling - and who could blame them or their feet would feel very cold!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
No feelings?! She spends all her time on the thread complaining that her feelings have been hurt. That you pay so little attention, can you not spare one of your heads for this?
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I am offended that you should refer so flippantly to the fate of Saint Charles King and Martyr.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
As I recall from my schooldays, King Charles only had the one head. That he so generously donated it to history is, of course, commendable - but hardly relevant to lilB's injunction to Wodders who, self-evidently, has a surfeit in that department. Perhaps he should donate the one he inhabits when he posts here? I doubt he'd miss it.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I was not notified that one had to pay for the privilege to be offended here. I therefore solemnly declare that I have areputation for not paying attention, hard earned on the various mafia threads, and I have no intention of throwing it in doubt by doing so here. My only currency are kisses.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
I'm totally offended by the thought that you think your kisses are acceptable currency.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
CK, I am shocked to think that you have sunk so low as to flaunt your materialism here. Is not love more than money?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Not to take sides-- OK, I'm taking sides-- but we're not talking about love, we're talking about kisses. I don't know about CK, but my standards are pretty high in that department. So if someone is going to go around claiming their kisses match the gold standard, I want to see about 10-12 letters of reference to back this claim up.
[ 04. July 2012, 21:03: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You really do think I'm an idiot, don't you, Alvesy? You demand 10-12 letters of reference and don't think a penguin can count up and realise that the word "reference" actually only has nine letters. How precisely do you expect anyone to fulfil a challenge which simply cannot be done? Hmmmm? Even a double-letter-score doesn't exactly double the number of letters, you know.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Smudgie:
You really do think I'm an idiot, don't you, Alvesy?
You're deliberately baiting me.
If there's not something in the 10c's about that, there should be.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that in over 7 hours nobody has found Kelly offensive - not only is that amazing, I am sure that it is also statistically impossible!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Laziness, laziness, laziness, pervades our society.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Judging us by your failings, dear heart?
Some of us have lives to lead. Some of us were sleeping, resting from our labours.. Some of us have far better things to do than hover over our keyboards. Granted, not many of those on this thread, but some of us.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Dear Heart? Dear Heart!?!?
Do I have a rival in seeking Kelly's affections or are you being sarcastic?
Either way, sirrah, [water]pistols at dawn!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Another hiatus. I suppose they're asleep in California. Kelly (dearheart? sweety-pie? Nah, you don't have horns) I'm concerned for your blood pressure. I have a repeat prescription for Atenolol 50mg if you're interested.
As for you, three-heads, I'm so upset that you want to give poor Dawn a soaking. Do we know her? Some poor unsuspecting innocent who's stumbled into this den of offence all unawares, I imagine. Shame on you, sir.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Yaknow, Beano, some of us were slaving away over a hot term paper all freaking morning, and just didn't have the time to worry about what nasty, rotten, despicable insinuations the putrid lot of you were making. When I gave it a moment's thought, I just told myself "the usual" and went on with life.
Must I always be here to hold the hand of the collective group consciousness?
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Kelly, if you're not going to try harder, I don't see why we should keep going. When this all falls apart because of a lack of Bunny, we're all going to be quite miffed at you, rather than just me.
Get with the program already!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Is this a Leporidaean conspiracy, AA? You mention the Bunny, then say miffed. And we all know Miffy's avatar is a bunny. Even though she claims to be the ship's elephant... Hmmmm, part of the conspiracy or are all rabbits simply mad? Confusing and therefore even more offensive!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
As a penguin who fulfils the role of the ship's barnacle, I am offended that those of us who multi-task and take on extra responsibilities on this ship of ours are not given more respect... to say nothing of more pay.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that you should mention money on a thread like this when some of us are here out of sheer and simple wish to share our genius with those less fortunate than ourselves.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
And then I am offended that you have to this point withheld said genius.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am offended, but not in the least surprised, that you [and so very many others] possess insufficient wit to recognise it when it is so boldly displayed!
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
How offensive of you to boldly display yourself. Can you not comport yourself with dignity?
(and we don't need pistols at dawn for today's soaking, the heavens are doing that pretty offensively)
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Speak for your own continent. Or does the weather in the Colonies not matter?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
No, and not just the weather!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Pond wars are both contemptible and offensive. Usually start with motes and planks and devolve into childish name calling. I thought dignity was called for from people of your advanced age. Erm, experience, advanced experience.
BTW, don't you live in a former colony? One lost when the might of the Empire faced a skinny, bald man in a toga?
Hmmmm. One wonders if you were, rightfully, banished there.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh, no she didn't.
(Quietly dawns hand-spun cotton and gathers sea salt in solidarity.)
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I know that the ancient and derelict like WW can expect no particular respect around here. But that doesn't mean the fact he's still not incontinent needs a special mentioni. Really.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
How come he gets a mentioni and I am left without any fancy icecreams? And besides, isn't he incontinent? I thought he was inAsia.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
You, on the other hand are merely inSulting and inSufferable. Haven't you got a mackerel to snarf?
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
As a relatively new shipmate, I am frankly insulted that no-one had the decency to notify me of the existence of this thread. It shows an appalling lack of common courtesy.
I expect my gilt-edged, hand-written invitation to be delivered forthwith - either by a liveried footman or, if necessary, a small penguin.
Yours flouncingly, Starbug.
[ 06. July 2012, 18:54: Message edited by: Starbug ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I like your style.
I mean-- who the hell do you think you are, strolling in here like the Queen of France, telling us how to conduct game protocol?
You WERE notified. The homing pigeon we sent last week insisted that it dropped its message on your car for us. If you can't read rune, that's your problem.
[ 06. July 2012, 19:04: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Is that what it was? I couldn't read the second line as the rain had washed some of it off by the time I got back to the car.
And how very dare you? Homing pigeon indeed! At the very least, one expects important messages to be delivered by thoroughbred greyhound.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
OK, if anyone else quotes that dumb Catherine Tate sketch again, I will immolate myself. And it will be all your fault.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Well Kelly, if you're going to make references to things we haven't the faintest clue about and haven't seen, then I don't see why we shouldn't be offended!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
We here at Let's Offend expect a certain level of cultural facility. If you are going to bound around with the big dogs, make sure you got your bird in the hand and not two on a leash.
If you don't understand that, it's entirely your fault.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
I'm offended that this thread has been overtaken by the My Word thread, which is all very clever albeit very offensive in the use of puns, but that's incidental, not the purpose.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Curiosity Killed, why don't you just make peace with the fact that we will never, ever, ever live up to your precious standards? You'll sleep better, trust me.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Wait a moment, who was arguing for standards not two posts back? Kelly, Even for you this is
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Blatant use of tu quoque.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Put that away, you foul thing. Decent folk use toilet paper.*
(*Joke stolen from high school best friend, daughter of Pentecostal minister.)
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
So, you're too lazy or disinterested to work out some well-constructed and thoughtful offended (and offensive) riposte of your own; we are only worthy of second-hand, borrowed toilet humour? Kelly, I thought better of you!
[tangent] Typing this without being able to see the keyboard very well, I misaligned my hands with the laptop keyboard and accidentally mistyped Kelly as Jrkky! Makes you wonder [/tangent]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Laugh it up, penguin. Has Pyx_e paid you to harass me?
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You dare suggest I would harlot my hounding (penguining?) skills to that nasty little man? My expressions of offence are all my own work and copyright.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
I leave this thread or a few pages, what with starting a new job and all.... I come back here to see the above poster selfishly claiming her own expressions... Now some might see that justified, her having created them.... BUT what gets me is that she seems to be openly boasting about it all.
Tsk Tsk.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Me too! Fkn 'ell, I leave you guys to your own devices awhile, being preoccupied with other things an' all, and come back to find all Hell has broken out here. I am so offended that you guys can't hold it together here while my back's turned. Get a grip!
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Well, if you will go off doing your own thing and leaving Smudgie and Rowen and all unsupervised what can you expect?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Hah!! And before the inevitable complaint about junior hosting, does anyone here - in their wildest imaginings - think I'd want to take responsiblity for you lot????
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
But I do love y'all
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Now I AM offended - I can understand you loving me, everybody does, but how can you possibly love them?
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
Be careful, Wodders, don't come on too strong with Bean, or you may find yourself stalked! Bean stalked! Get it!
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that I thought that post was going to be funny - and was bitterly disappointed.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Make sure the door doesn't hit your Rs on the way out, Woderwick.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Hey, bug boy, mind your Ps and Qs if you want to be welcome on this thread!
Edited to add:
Hmmm.. just realised that it was Wodders' Rs you were castigating. Carry on - just ignore me - misplaced offendedness.
[ 07. July 2012, 21:46: Message edited by: Smudgie ]
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
I'm a girl! I'm a girl, but you called me a boy! Now i really AM offended!
And why, pray tell, should I mind any Ps and Qs when they don't belong to me? Look affter your own extraneous letters!
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
Thank God I am not fixated by letters of the alphabet, like the above poster. That is so so letterest.
Me? I believe in equality with both letters AND numbers.
But then I am open, accepting and loving like that.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
...But then I am open, accepting and loving like that.
Sorry it has taken me so long to get offended by this but I was just laughing too hard at the very notion!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I didn't know we were being timed. This is taking things too far IMHO. Sometimes I need to get a round tuit before I can muster the energy to be offended. I feel you are creating unnecessary workplace stress and I shall be consulting my union forthwith.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
So, it was you who stole my tuit was it? Since you purloined that, I have been unable to achieve anything and have been forced to sit around procrastinating instead. I bet you sold it on, too - "take and fence" seems to be your watchword.
And star bug? I had a sneaking fear you might be a girl Somehow "bug girl" doesn't have quite the same ring to it as "Bug boy" and can be too easily misheard. Couldn't you have a sex change or something?
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
What is wrong with fencing? It's a noble olympic sport with a long pedigree. I suppose you prefer beach volleyball or bog snorkelling?
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
So, we judge the merits of a sport purely by the quality of its parentage? What about the poor mongrel sports, the second-class citizens of the exercise world? I am no chum of pedigree, myself, and would far rather have one of Heinz's 57.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Why are you dragging my friend Heinz into this discussion? As far as I know he is not even a Shipmate so kindly cease and desist!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
I am offended!
I would tell you why I am offended, your blatant J_____ H______, but then I would be guilty of J_____ H______. Though the real hosts... (No, that does not work. Calling them "real" lends them a gravitas not fitting here. The picture of AA laying unconscious on the floor, red nose askew. Size humongous blue and yellow shoes pointing at the ceiling, where he fell in an intoxicated stupor after his nightly binge of candy floss and circus peanuts, takes away any dignity he might have otherwise had. I have heard the other two are even worse.)
Though the actual hosts of the circus might be offended by such and the last thing I wish is to offend anyone on this thread.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
THOSE PICTURES NEVER HAPPENED.
And anyway, how did you get them? I told her I'd . . . look, nevermind, I did what she asked, those weren't to exist, and now! NOW!
You saw nothing, you can't prove anything, I don't care what you say, those were doctored and you know it.
[ 08. July 2012, 18:31: Message edited by: AristonAstuanax ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Listen, gimp-- uh, AA-- if you're going to make insinuations you may as well name names. And you know what will happen if you name names.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
So; KA and AA, references to the squirmiest scene in Pulp Fiction, a clown outfit, incriminating photos and veiled threats.
Don't you get tired of the same thing everyday, Kelly?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
You young folk just don't understand the concept of "dedication" nowadays.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
So, you're tacitly suggesting that we old folks are the only ones who have to show any dedication? That's it: wear the old ones out first.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Boy, does that ever sound like the complaint of someone who has been stuck with supplying coffee hour for the third week in a row. If you can't set boundaries, don't come crying to us.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
It is so so utterly offensive of certain bunny wabbits to go nosing at certain penguins's diaries without so much as a by-your-leave and thank-you. How do you know I got landed with the coffee rota again? I wouldn't mind, only it's darned difficult to handle that urn with these tiny flippers and the cheap instant coffee and chocolateless rich tea biscuits are an abomination.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
If you are just going to leave certain books lying around under the box springs where anyone can find them, don't blame certain bunnies. Personal responsibility is the hallmark of adulthood.
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
Speciesist or what? You bunnies and penguins are just so elitist. I think I speak for Arthropoda everywhere when I say you are nowhere near the top of the phylum.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Arthropoda, eh? And where does that leave the poor, maligned agnathions? Even your much-vaunted bones and exoskeletons can't produce twice your own volume in mucus, much less terrify ichthyologists with rows upon rows of teeth surrounding a flesh-rasping tongue, can they?
I didn't think so. Next time, think of the jawless fishes, okay?
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
I am revolted by the casual conversation about mucus.
Please keep your bodily secretions to yourself in the future.
Thankyou
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Whoa! No one so far has gone so far as to suggest AA is so disgusting that he ought not reproduce. That is thoroughly contemptible and offensive!
psst! and completely necessary, not even Kelly has so low a standard.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
How dare you mention Kelly in such a manner - poor girl is doing her best, you know - you must remember the old quote that applies so well to her
quote:
Sets herself impossibly low standards, and fails to live up to them
But she is trying...
...boy, is she trying!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
You are the walking definition of "trying," you triple-headache.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
1) You did it again. Try being offended, for once, instead of just offensive. I'm sure that somewhere under that tough-but-fluffy exterior there must be a heart with feelings to be hurt. Surely. Somewhere?
2) Walking? Since when have you seen Weasel walking? Didn't you know he employs a whole host of people to push him around in his bathchair and spends the rest of his time lounging in colonial opulence in the shade? Haven't you ever noticed his repeated references to "He Who Must Be Oppressed"? Do not further undermine the value of his personal staff by ignoring the great burden he puts upon them.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Wodders has personal staff? PERSONAL STAFF?! My egalitarian heart is pierced to the quick. How can it be we weren't told?
As for the bunny, however, nothing would surprise me.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
Why are you dragging my friend Heinz into this discussion? As far as I know he is not even a Shipmate so kindly cease and desist!
How dare you suggest that dear old Heinz is a greater friend to you than to me? Why, I've known him since that - well, let's call it the incident way back when.
And as for the barnacle-covered penguin - after you with the sex-change, my dear! Although in your case, frankly no-one would notice!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I thought maybe 'personal staff' was merely an unfortunate choice of words. But a personal staff that's piercing an egalitarian heart? For shame. And not even a not safe for work warning?
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
:
!! The W word on these fair boards? That's crassness on par with the F word and the N word. Mighty offensive.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
Just because you (evidently) never soil your hands with an honest day's toil, there's no need to take that high-handed tone with those of us who do. If we can't mention w*rk here, where can we talk about it.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I was summoned and when I dutifully arrive what do I find bit mayhem! Snog borkelling, fencing, f- N-- and W- words in liberal usage, sex changes, Kelly, Pingu and other disgusting staff. I really wish you'd misbehave with more orderliness. Is that expecting too much?
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Disgusting staff? And since when did I become your staff? Sir, if you're going to call me "staff," you should at least have the common decency (which, I'm not shocked to note, you don't) to offer up Appropriate Payments.
Chocorrit will do nicely, thank you for offering.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
OK, Miss Game Cop Smudgie, here is AA, bringing up chocorrit. How in God's name am I supposed to be offended when someone quite rightly reminds the ever-ungrateful steerage class that gifts of chocorrit are in order? Why aren't you jumping on HIM?
[ 09. July 2012, 23:08: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
The same way I'm supposed to be offended with you for reminding the rabble that they owe me big time. Here I was hoping for biting sarcasm and a razor wit and all I get to work with is that? Come on, bunbun. I expected more from you.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
THAT IS ENOUGH!
How dare you base knaves profane the name of CHOCOLATE with your pathetic, cutesy names.
You pathetic consumers of "Hershey's" and "Cadbury," what do you know of chocolate? Greedy children, can you detect percentage by the faintest aroma? Can you discern plantation as it melts slooowly on your tongue?
Chocolate which renders the mighty to pleading, whimpering. Chocolate which brings down the indomitable Titans! It was not "fire" which Prometheus stole from the Gods, but chocolate!
You think your selves worthy of consuming this elixir? You are not. You think you crave chocolate? If humans contained but one molecule in each their bodies, I would happily rend the entire species for a taste.
"chocorrit" indeed.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
1. You're not the only person on the Ship who knows exactly where the chocolate shop with 700 different bars is. Don't act like you are.
2. You have an issue with "chocorrit," you can take it up with RooK. Warn us ahead of time so we can hide from the Smite Ray.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
1. As a Washingtonian, you know the location of the Library of Congress; this does not excuse that you only read comic books.
2. Hide behind Rook's trouser leg, will you? This is CHOCOLATE! bring it baby.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
And now you're insulting my comic books! Look, Maus won a Pulitzer, the work of Joann Sfar is a masterpiece of Franco-Jewish culture, and Habibi is a nice symbolic exploration of damn near well everything. Oh, and Scott Pilgrim? Well, when you've tried to date as many women with ex issues as I have, getting just a tad Medieväl* (and Canadian!) sounds oh-so-very-satisfying.
So take your condescension elsewhere, or I'll have to see if Deadpool's advertising on Craigslist again.
*Oh, and software? I'm offended that you read "medieval" as "eval" before a parentheses, a forbidden HTML tag. Get it sorted out, mmkay?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Okay, miss snooty pants literary allusion show off:
1. Why are we bringing Titans and Prometheus into the picture when everyone worth their salt knows that it was Quetzalcoatl who descended from heaven on a beam of the morning star carrying a cocoa tree stolen from paradise, and it was the goddess Ixcacao who taught us to pound it into tasty wafers and brew it into a delicious beverage. How did the freaking Greeks get into this?
2. If you bring RooK down here to chew on us, I will never, ever, ever forgive you.
[ 10. July 2012, 06:02: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
ETA: ITA about the comics, man, but get the hell out of my way when I'm ranting, bozo.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Excuse me, wabbit, but I believe I was the one in proper ranting position before you butted in out of turn—and not even responding to the proper offensive statements! We all expected more from you, Flopsy, but, once again, you've let us down.
Typical.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
I am surprised and disappointed to see such stereotyping of our lapine friends on this site. What is the Ship coming to?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
What am I, twelve? Don't you think I can speak for myself? Do you think I sit quivering in a corner waiting for SuperQLib to come swooping down from the sky to rescue me?
No chocorrit for you.
[ 10. July 2012, 06:39: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
I am offended on behalf of those UK shipmates who've been educating the across ponders in the delights of proper chocorrit, and I don't mean Cadbury's. How do you think Erin and RooK got their Green and Black's chocolate habits, without the help of us over here?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
That's xocolātl to you, Old Worlder. Y'all didn't even know what chocolate was until the 1650's. Don't make Mama Ixcacao angry.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Green and Black's is, acceptable, I suppose. As a base level. For beginners.
ETA: To Kelly: some of the best chocolate in the world is still from the New World. From south of the equator, though, farther than the sepent ever treaded.
[ 10. July 2012, 07:39: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Green and Black's is, acceptable, I suppose. As a base level. For beginners.
And who are these arbiters of what is acceptable? Hmmm? Some self-appointed elite you dare not offend? Well, you may be in thrall to a supposed higher order of confectionery which demands your sneering at the humble Cadbury's Fruit'n'Nut but I care nothing for your disdain and will continue to make my own choices.
[ 10. July 2012, 09:29: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I am sorry that you denigrate the virtue of humility by misusing humble to mean lacking in any redeeming features.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
You are all so academic in your choice of words... What happened to the good old days when we used words of one syllable... And yet were happy ....
Even you, Dafyd... "denigrate".... Hmmmmmmmm
[ 10. July 2012, 11:54: Message edited by: Rowen ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Hy- po- crit. How many syllables are there in "academic" then? Even "happy" has more than one.
You're one of those old folk who'd have us believe that things were so much better, so much purer, so much less complex in the "good old days" but gloss over the grime, slime and general lack of sanitation of their formative years.
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
What a load of ageist claptrap! I suppose you think that all older people should be confined to residential homes and prevented from speaking to the younger generation to ensure there is no danger of them passing on their 'outdated' wisdom.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that Lucia should reply to Pingu before I did - she is so obnoxiously offensive that she is always the easiest to be offended by.
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
Only wanting to reply to those who don't require any effort of you.
Feckless layabout indeed
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
And you seem to think that you're worth some effort, I suppose? That in itself is offensive, which means it's quite easy for me to be offended—so really, if you're going to complain about other people taking easy pot shots, don't draw a target on yourself, missy.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I don't think you should be accusing people of taking shots of pot or any illegal drug on these boards. Even if people are doing it, we don't need to talk about it. Think of the kittens.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
You are accusing kittens of using illegal drugs? How dare you! All they want is a cheeseburger, which is not yet illegal. Though, if New York has its way, they might soon be. In which case, the kittens will be criminals. Is this what you are advocating? Arrest the kittens now on trumped up charges as they may break the law at a future date? How very Minority Report of you. Which is plagiaristic and offensive.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Now there's an offensive thought: what will Flickr do if it can't take you to the kittens* when images are too offensive? Surely crime busting kittens will be seen as offensive in their own right.
* really, truly - you get an opt in bar to click on saying "Take me to the kittens" if the photos are flagged. And it takes you to pictures of kittens and cats.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
First chocolate, then pot and now cheeseburgers. I leave out kittens, which I do not believe are either fattening or mind-altering, though I am prepared to be corrected.
What are we coming to?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Hmmm, I suppose it depends on whether they are free-range kittens or factory farmed kittens...
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
I am offended that you are suggesting eating any kittens, free range or not. There is far too little meat on them. They should be allowed to grow first and then we will consult Campbelite for recipes...
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
As if he knows all the best recipes.....
Hmmmmmph. You ignore the rest of us gourmet cooks, as if we never cooked kittens or guinea pigs, or brussel sprouts or envy thing before.
How dare you.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
envy thing? Your outrage would be more effective if you could but manage a proper sentence. Though, given your native tongue is likely something akin to Liber Linteus, it is quite an achievement that you manage as well as you do.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I find very little to take offence to in the above post. Which in itself is most offensive. I mean, I come on here at silly-o'-clock in the morning, seeking some solace before making my weary way to work, and am prevented from posting on my favourite thread by a dollop of naked bone who breaks away from the norm and says something impossible to take offense to. Such lack of a generous spirit! Shame on you, bone-head.
(I take issue with the statement that kittens are not mind-altering. Many's the time I've gone storming into a room, bursting at the seams with anger, only to be met by a miniscule bundle of fluff with eyes and claws who is in the process of ripping the curtains to shreds. And what happens? It sends out mind-altering telepathic beams and turns my brain to cooing mush!)
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am more than offended - surely the word 'brain' cannot be sustained in any post in which Pingu refers to herself!
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
I am offended that you are outing Pingu's gender, by referring to her as SHE.
Now she may well be a she.
He may be a he.
For all i know, the ol' P may be an IT... But really only Pingu should out their own gender.
You just walk in and take over.
Poor little P.
[ 11. July 2012, 07:33: Message edited by: Rowen ]
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
But any fule kno that the Pingu of the TV series is male. How can you all get it so wrong?
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
There is enough sloppy spelling in this world without you setting a bad example. I thought you were supposed to be a teacher!
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
You know, it's people like you who attack any spelling error they can find to discredit someone else's argument, all the while committing an informal logical fallacy, who make me sick. Attacking the incidentals of the form in a casual, offhanded way to make yourself seem smarter, all the while ignoring the actual rules of argument and logic? Next time, try to actually be the smarter, more reasonable one, rather than just quote from the dictionary.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
it's people like what cause unrest
AA, dear, if you had but a miniscule amount of the intelligence you think you do, you would not point out Lucia's spelling Nazi position. But rather her inability to discern CK's intent.
CK seems to be attempting to relive her youth with her intentional misspellings, though I doubt she was one of the cool kids anyhow.
Three offensive things in three posts, I think that is a record! Typically you provide soooo many more...
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Ah, well, I guess the reason none of you are fully educated in the world of Molesworth is yet another sign of your ignorance and youth with the inherent casual ageism.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Why should I care what a mole is worth? What I care about is the callous way in which penguins are shown such immeasurable disrespect. Penguinsworth is the question, and you lot seem to think the value of that is negligible.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
I am deeply offended that you such take such umbrage at the way penguins are shown disrespect. Are you suggesting that a famished leopard seal should forgo dinner just because of your sensitivities? If the poor creature wants a good nosh up then so much the better! I'm happy for him...
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Who is this Leopold Seal of whom you speak? And why, pray, is he famished? He should have brought sandwiches like the rest of us! And he had better not assume that he can have any of ours. I was not informed that this was a Bring and Share picnic - if I was, I would have brought quiche in true Methodist fashion.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Isn't that just like the Methodists - trying to appropriate the common heritage of all Protestants for themselves alone. Next thing you'll be appropriating weak tea.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Are you insinuating that Methodism is not the one true religion? You're not telling me that any other church, protestant or otherwise, observes the true liturgy of the tinned fruit salad? I am heartily offended that you clump us in with those whose interpretation of scripture is twisted to meet their own ends.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Fissiparous lot, aren't you. My church is far from Methodism, but we follow the liturgies of Quiche, Weak Tea and Fruit Salad with rigour and dignity, also those of Warm White Wine and Bean Salad - and of course Pilates Class, which I must confess I have never attended. I don't wish to fly a plane, and (AA please note) if I did, no way would I trust an instructor who couldn't spell what he does for a living.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
How on God's green earth can we have this conversation without bringing up tuna hot dish? I ask you!
ETA and I bet you are the kind of heathens that use French's Fried Onions instead of Lay's.
[ 12. July 2012, 03:26: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
I'm offended that you should think we know anything about commercially bought fried onions or a "hot tuna dish". Next you'll be telling us that no pot luck is one without jello. But over here, we have bring and share meals, without hot tuna, fried onions and salads made with jelly.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
(Uhm, no, hun, it's tuna hot dish. Hot tuna dish is something completely different. )
(What mollifies my offense somewhat is the thought of how mortified you would be, if only you knew!)
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that you feel the need to be mysterious when we are all friends here...
...well, except for those that aren't, of course.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
How could you remind Kelly that she has no friends here? I think that was very offensive, especially when I am pretending really hard.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am offended by your use of projection!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Could you please specify which projection you are objecting to? Mercator or Gall-Peters? Are you an old-fashioned imperialist or a new-age nutcase?
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
As a new-age imperialist, with old-fashioned nutcase tendencies, I am offended that you oh-so-casually ignore me in your little exclusive list.
But then, you were always like that, weren't you.... Excluding us different people..... Just because we are multi-faceted.
[ 12. July 2012, 10:25: Message edited by: Rowen ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that you should use a posh term like multi-faceted when the good, old fashioned two faced fits just as well.
(Really Wodders? Really? You've been here how long and still need me to fix your code? Shame!)
[ 12. July 2012, 15:32: Message edited by: AristonAstuanax ]
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
But you're three-faced, aren't you. So you're perpetuating an inaccuracy, and that's not at all desirable!
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
p.s. an apology to the Hosts - one day I'll learn to check my coding
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
Yes, that also offended my sense of order, but decided to let it pass quietly as a friendly host would no doubt tidy it up for you.
Posted by Enigma (# 16158) on
:
I'm offended that WW apologises only to the hosts for rubbish coding. What about the rest of us who have to suffer the consequences? Are we not worthy to be asked to forgive also?
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
I'm offended that with all the suffering in the world Enigma demeans the concept by counting a paltry bit of stuffed up coding as suffering.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
A small computing error could send a nation to war, Lucia. How many lives could hang on a host's alertness? No wonder they crave chocolate. We must all be very careful. Very, very careful. Very, very careful indeed.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Oh If Only You Knew . . .
Now then, I'm still waiting on that chocolate. Where is it, pray tell? You all keep talking about it, but I've yet to see any appear during my Hostly Tenure. I mean, I even have to bail out Wiffy the Weasel up there—something, I note, only friendly Circus Hosts are required to do—and what do I get? Talk of potential-but-never-actual chocolate.
Welp, you lot are useless. Thanks for nuttin'.
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
For one who makes a virtue of being friendly and tidying up someone else's code, it's a pity you didn't preview your own post to make sure it was also correct. What was that line about removing the plank from your own eye?
It is of course possible that you wished to refer to me as a whelp, and that the offending word wasn't a typo for well. Being your senior by (I judge) a number of years, I do not take kindly to being referred to as a whelp.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Being that old and decrepit, I would expect you to have familiarized yourself with a variety of colloquial folk expressions, or at least have access to a good four-volume leatherbound set where you could look them up. If you can't be bothered to research my highly nuanced use of dialect, then I shall have no other recourse but to register my umbrage with the proper authorities.*
*You know, the same ones you go to when you register your car, your dog, your ravenous puma named "Fluffy" who has jealousy issues . . .
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
A good four-volume leatherbound set, eh? So what, may I ask, is wrong with a good four-volume hardback set? Or perhaps even a single volume? And dare I use bad language by being so audacious as to utter the word "paperback"?! Honestly, no wonder the book trade is in the doldrums when the market is full of people with such "nuanced" sensitivities! Why don't you try "un-nuancing" yourself sometime?!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Form follows substance and as all you lot lack any real substance you've a long way to go before form matters.
And, AA; a four-volume, leather bound, limited edition set of Chuck Norris Karate Kommandos hardly counts as a literary reference set.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Does this Norris person know that you are planning to chuck him? I am offended on his behalf! Surely you cannot even consider picking him up without a full risk assessment? The whole idea is fraught with potential dangers.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
You presume that Norris is a person? What is a person? Philosophers have debated and disputed the question for centuries. Who are you to attribute, so glibly, personhood to this entity of which lilB speaks? I have no knowledge of, or acquaintance with Norris and neither, I'll warrant, do you. Speak with certainty of that which you know, please, and no more.
Posted by Janine (# 3337) on
:
Not to mention, anything "kommando" usually refers to going without one's underwear. So, apparently, not only are these foolhardy people planning to toss Chuck Norris as if he's a politically un-hip Little Person, but they'd better hope he's not wearing kilts.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Now that had never occurred to me? Thanks Janine, so offended that nobody 'raised this' before!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Fie on you! Fie!
You hussies speaking of walking around without your unmentionables will likely summon the Syllie one.
Speak of the salacious, and he shall appear.
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on
:
Dear God, I hope so. I'm offended for salacious people everywhere. (And with some of the sweltering weather going around this July, I'd bet some Circus denizens are going the ultimate in Kommando right now. )
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
That's right. Assume it is hot, when any fool only needs to look outside my window to know it is mid- winter and bl##dy cold.
Obviously you are either weather - challenged and unable to describe conditions, or you come from the other, wrong side of the world.
Either way, I feel sorry for you, and yet you offend me.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Excuse me but did I ask you to feel sorry for me? No, I didn't recall doing it.
Are you just being patronising?
Don't you know that to some people neglect is better than patronisation?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Thinking only in terms of Northern and Southern, are we? What of those from Equatorial climes? Never a thought for them. Sir or Madam: I do not like your negative latitude.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
I do not like your negative latitude.
Oh for the love of sweet buttered rum. do you honestly think people of our level of sophistication (some of us, anyway-- look away, Sylvander) will be bought off with a cheap pun like that?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
sophistication
You use that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.
And I would rather not speculate how easily, or for what purpose, you may be bought.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
That's right. Rub it in. Just cos you've actually got a summer and it seems to have mostly bypassed the UK this year. Here we are up to the ankles in rainwater - some of us even higher than the ankles, for that matter - and you talk sweltering sunshine, the like of which is beyond the power of our imaginations to ,,er.. imagine.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
That's right.... Excite us all by a wanton mention of ankles. A Christian website like this is surely the wrong place in which to immodestly paint pictures of such body parts.
If you cared about our souls, or indeed your own, you would cultivate modesty, humility, purity and innocence...
But you have chosen otherwise.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
That's because you just don't know Smudgie.
Which leads me to my point, and thank you for being offensive enough to allow me to make it-- are we not a community? Are we not supposed to know one another? The fact that you don't know that Smudgie is a ankle -flashing harlot just speaks ill of your commitment level to the ship's culture. It takes a village to raise a penguin, you know.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Oh right, promoting the soul-crushing conformity of the Village.
We are not numbers. We are free men, and women, and penguins, and other living and non-living beings.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Speak for yourself.
You may be free.
Some may be cheap (mentioning no names).
Me, I'm bloomin' expensive.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
And you're equating sophistication with being expensive?
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
Oh, I see.... My apologies to Smudgie, who is, I am sure, a fabulous ankle-flashing harlot. If I had known that, I would have not been so free with my words.
I am interested, that in this increasingly free-wheeling society, Smudgie has found such joy and hope in her vocational choice.
And how lovely that Kelly is her pimp.... Um. I mean, supportive friend.
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
That's because you just don't know Smudgie.
Which leads me to my point, and thank you for being offensive enough to allow me to make it-- are we not a community? Are we not supposed to know one another? The fact that you don't know that Smudgie is a ankle -flashing harlot just speaks ill of your commitment level to the ship's culture. It takes a village to raise a penguin, you know.
[ 13. July 2012, 08:52: Message edited by: Rowen ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Excuse me, I am a Friend, several other shipmates are Friends but I am not at all sure that Kelly is In Membership of any Yearly Meeting anywhere on this planet.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Hold. On a moment: you state you are a friend, but you mention not to whom. Is it because they do not exist? And why have they no names? How very rude! I am offended for your imaginary friends that you do not chosen to give them names. Though I am not surprised even imaginary people don't wish to see you more than once a year...
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
But lilBuddha, you have quite clearly forgotten our very own shipmate, Imaginary Friend. Surely it is he to whom Wodders refers.
And, to add offence to forgetfulness, IF is a circus host and has The Power to shut this game down. Apologise immediately. Please.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
I feel deeply distressed and unnerved by this threat of IF possibly closing down this game. I come on here wishing to have a nice peaceful moan and I find myself quite unsettled by this attack on my tranquillity. Most traumatic...
... and disturbing.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
You come to the Ship to be tranquil? You must need your head examining. we're not obliged to provide you with that kind of ambiance - especially if all you want to do is moan. I get enough of that at w*rk at the moment.
P.S. quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
... I am not at all sure that Kelly is In Membership of any Yearly Meeting anywhere on this planet.
Perhaps the original idol of Blue Idol was to a rabbit god?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
All this talk of moaning and fertility gods! Once again you pernicious tramps turn talk towards the prurient.
I understand standards are low here, but....
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Who are you calling a tramp? Unlike the Penguin, I am not a fan of the short skirt and ankle bracelet. Far from it - in these chilly times, I remain well-trussed against the elements.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
When the hell did this turn into a fashion blog? and do you honestly think we are missing the subtle--instructive tone in your post, as if we need you to tell us that sitting in our jammies* with bunny slippers** on won't put us on the cover of Vogue.
Trinni Woodhall's sock puppet.
*They're comfy, OK?
** as if I'd wear anything else
Posted by Janine (# 3337) on
:
Note to Starbug:
I wasn't aware that people still wore trusses. So sorry to hear about your hernia.
Is it at least a fashionable color?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Janine, you skipped the bunny's post! You risk the safety of those around her if you waken her rage at being ignored. She has footwear made from the skins of her own kind! And she carries an axe. Granted, her lack of competency mitigates some of the danger, but she lives in San Francisco. Which means she is surrounded by drugged hippies in a torpor from their last orgy. They will not know what hit them.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Last orgy?
Who said it finished?
It is a constant and has been going, with a slight change of cast, since 1967, and Kelly has been there from the beginning - if I remember right she's the one that started it all!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
OK, I was born in 1968. That's just gross.
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
OK, I was born in 1968. That's just gross.
Well just get a previous life will you!? I'm offended that people don't yet have previous lives!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
What's this? ITTWABW? Try somewhere else for your reincarnation theories.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
A mere theory or a matter of faith for countless millions across the globe? Have you no respect for the beliefs of other faith groups? No, of course you haven't, you're a penguin!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
you're a penguin!
Hmm... the tone of voice suggested that I should find that offensive. But... I am not sure quite how to take offence at such a delightful compliment. I mean, it's about the only compliment you've ever paid me and I'm so overwhelmed that I cannot manufacture some false sense of offendedness just for the sake of complying with the game rules.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am offended [but, given the size of the avian brain, not surprised] that you took a pejorative comment as a compliment!
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
And is that offensive dig at the size of an avian brain supposed to suggest that you have treble the endowment of cerebral material? Surely as a representation of an imaginary god, any brain power is equally imaginary?
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
CK, pick your own battles. If WW wants to insinuate that I am featherbrained, then I merely put it down to jealousy. I am perfectly able to rise above it (even if I am flightless, I can sort of jump a tiny bit) and don't need you to come rushing in like some sort of avenging angel to right the wrongs by meeting like with like.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Hmmph, so you want to keep this thread to just you and Welease Woderick, do you? How exclusive of you.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
It really is quite rude to insinuate that the weasel and I are using this as our own private room. Please credit me with some taste.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Well, we know you have a taste for raw fish, something very few of us share, and many of us find, erm, difficult.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Difficult?? Totally impossible to me or anyone else from round here I reckon. But then Smudgie chooses to live in this neck of the woods where, correct me if I'm wrong, one rarely encounters a penguin outside a zoo - unless it's been stolen by drunken revellers. Which may or may not have happened to our waddling Antipodean friend, perhaps she could enlighten us on that but what I would really like to know most is, does she retain her species' predilections in the cook or not to cook department? Or does she partake in surreptitious fry-ups? We need to be told.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Hang on a minute there - since when are we into spying on our fellow shipmates? Next thing you know someone will be encouraging children to betray their own parents - THIN END OF THE WEDGE!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Thin end of the wedge?! have you eaten the rest of it? Was it cheddar? Or perhaps a nice, smoked Gouda. Not very nice for you not to share. Would have been a lovely chaser for the Venezuelan chocolate I was just nibbling.
Meanie.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Spying? Not a bit of it. I just want to know that if I detect a fishy odour, which I often do around these insalubrious parts, could it mean Smudgie's in the neighbourhood? Should I keep a couple of raw herring in my bag to throw to her? I need to be informed.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
Throw to her?? Well I hope you don't ever think about running a restaurant, because I tend to think it's a good idea not to throw food at customers - even if those customers are penguins. Ever heard of the word "give"? No, I didn't think so!
(Ah, silly me. I get it! Pinga's in a zoo, and you're not allowed near her in her enclosure. Yep, that must be it. Throw the food then. I didn't think you could be so callous and condescending, so that must be the reason....)
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Tut-tut, fancy ignoring lilB like that, have you no heart?
...mind you, we all try to ignore him but rarely succeed!
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Insalubrious parts? Well, really, you only have yourself to blame for that. Some of us are working hard to bring the neighbourhood up.
[ 14. July 2012, 16:00: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Thin end of the wedge?! have you eaten the rest of it? Was it cheddar? Or perhaps a nice, smoked Gouda. Not very nice for you not to share. Would have been a lovely chaser for the Venezuelan chocolate I was just nibbling.
Meanie.
But have you offered to share your chocolate? WW may have fancied a bit but since none was forthcoming he ate all his cheese instead. There's a parable in there somewhere - both of you wanting a bit of the other but neither willing to share. The parable of the Two Meanies.
OTOH chocolate with cheese is not normal so why should WW encourage deviance?
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
I am offended that you expect anyone on here to share their food. Think of the hygiene issues! While I, of course, maintain scrupulous levels of cleanliness, I remain unconvinced that everyone else here has washed their hands. As I mentioned earlier, this is not a Bring and Share, so hands off my Green & Blacks!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Green and Black's? You may keep your peasant's chocolate, but I thank you for the offer.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
I may offer to share the Green & Black's, but not the Hotel Chocolat! That stays firmly under lock and key.
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
I cannot believe that people lock up food! That is offensive to the point of reminding of poor Oliver Twist asking "please sir, I want some more." How dare you!!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Have you no sensitivity no-prophet? Can you not read between the lines and see a tormented soul struggling with temptation? Many of us fool ourselves that chocolate which comes our way as a gift has no calories. Nicking it from hotels is just another step along that delusiory path. At least keeping it locked away shows an effort to exercise a little self-control.
Instead of condemning this poor sufferer why not offer to help by taking some of it away?
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
I did NOT steal the chocolate! It was a gift. I am most offended that you assume I'm some kind of petty crook. How dare you? There may be the odd tea-leaf on this site masquerading as regular shipmates, but I am not one of them.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
How offensive, expecting people to "read between the lines". OK, so you are a "subtle" and "nuanced" type who can see things others can't see. Bully for you! Pity us mere mortals who call a spade a spade, or even call it a shovel! Go on, Freud, read between my lines! What can you see?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Boy, two on one. Real classy. You two stop jumping on justlooking.
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
And who are you to pass judgement if they want to make it a threesome? Some people can be so blinkered and narrow minded.
[ 14. July 2012, 20:40: Message edited by: Lucia ]
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
... as for that, the inclusion of blinkers in a menage is, I'm told, most edifying and enriching - and it's hardly your place to cast aspersions.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
and giving such visuals as to occasion the need for buckets of brain bleach isn't offensive, Zappa?
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
Oh my! One of you is casting aspersions, and other bleach. Can't you be less messy?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
They're casting 'Aspersions and other bleach' and haven't asked me to audition? What is my agent doing on her fat arse all day? I am so... (screams and slams door)
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Have you seen the time? Well, have you? What sort of a time is this to go slamming doors when honest penguins are (or rather, were sleeping the sleep of the righteous and other, possibly less honest, shipmates were sleeping the sleep of the spectrum-of-righteousness too. Slamming doors is bad manners at any time but at this hour in the morning it's downright offensive.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Nice of you to thing of the honest penguins. Were you sleeping as well as they?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
How dare you suggest that our own dear Smudgiekins is anything less than upright!
Except when she has been at the GIN, of course, which might any time after she wakes up.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
And so now you choose to exclude all drinks except gin, and force your views on us all.
What if I, or Smudgie, or anyone, want a cold white, or a pear cider, or a rum and coke, or, heaven forbid, plain water?
No, we must drink gin.
Hmmmmph.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
(One day at a time, One day at a time, One day...)
[ 15. July 2012, 06:47: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Wow! so many assumptions bound up in that response, Kelly. Do you really think everyone posting on this thread has a problem with alcohol?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I think pointing out to Kelly that she is projecting her own insecurities on to the rest of us is a pretty unkind thing to do when she LIKES living in her own little world.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
The amateur psycho- babble again.
When Kelly needs help, I am sure she gets it from a professional counsellor...
How can you consider forcing poor little Kelly, stuck in her own little world,, to take heed of your oh- so- wise words.
What training do you have, Sir?
[ 15. July 2012, 09:59: Message edited by: Rowen ]
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
Ah yes, of course ... a professional counsellor. We little people are not allowed to have an opinion, are we? Unless we have the right bit of paper. How very elitist, not to say deeply offensive!
[ 15. July 2012, 10:20: Message edited by: EtymologicalEvangelical ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that you should dismiss qualifications so lightly - when I had an operation I was pleased to see the surgeon had an appropriate qualification!
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
How dare you question my right to dismiss qualifications in psychobabbleology?! And using an invalid comparison (unless of course you had an operation on your mind?)!!
[ 15. July 2012, 13:18: Message edited by: EtymologicalEvangelical ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Psychobabbleology? The study of your ramblings?
Do not belittle WW's desire for qualifications! Think of how much worse he might be had the lobotomy gone wrong? And the professional care he has received since. He could have wound up a drooling idiot. Or worse.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
How dare you compare me to that...
that...
that...
Circus Host!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Oh dear.
This thread has descended into psychobubble.
That was not a typo.
I must rescue this thread.
Please offend me.
This is not a sexual thing.
Well maybe not.
Offend me as you will.
I shall respond appropriately.
Which might be with very sharp teeth.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
How dare you say it is not a sexual thing when we are all sexual beings - remember that life itself is both sexually transmitted and terminal!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I'm offended by the emphasis on sex. Some people can't seem to talk of anything else. And on a Sunday too!
The observant may have noticed attempts to steer the conversation in a more seemly direction but this obsession with sex gets in first and Circus etiquette requires the deletion of said seemly posts. And of course it requires a standard of seemliness to observe such etiquette.
[ 15. July 2012, 15:29: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I must tell you, I am still waiting to be offended.
Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on
:
I'm sick of your nagging, Bean. So just zip it!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Well that's nice. Here I am, trying to provide a little harmless diversion on a wet Sunday afternoon, and I get told to zip it! Some people may be sunning themselves on patios, firing up barbecues, here we're battening down the hatches. A little harmless entertainment might be in order? All I get is a penguin skulking around the neighbourhood, flashing her harlot ankles and smelling of raw herring. Well thank you very much.
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
Weather envy is it now? I tell you I have had enough of sweltering for the summer now. Why does everybody have to assume wall to wall heat, sun and blue skies are always a good thing? Being bathed in a pool of sweat day and night is not my idea of fun.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Depends on why you're sweating.
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
Horses sweat. Gentlemen perspire while ladies glow, as anyfule kno.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Don't dismiss the work of people who are forced to work in sweatshops under conditions that are tantamount to slave labour like that. Do you know who makes your clothes?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Quite! There is an offensive amount of clothing around here. Take it off and send it back to India, Vietnam and Timbuckedtwo where you got it from. This strictly applies to all glowers only, perspirers please refer to to your tailor for a new outfit.
Now heed Beanie's polite request and offend her with sex. It's Sunday and plenty of time.
And the next person complaining of heat shall be strapped to my bike rack and will be dragged on a two week cycle trip in the rain. It's whatyours truly has just had for a holiday. We r not amused.
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
I am offended that some places celebrate Wet Sunday and Nearly Naked Sunday, and not both at the same time!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
no_prophet, there are hundreds of sites-- thousands, I'm sure-- where you can share your wet nekkid reveries to anyone who cares to listen for hours on end. This is not that kind of site. Google away, and be sure you set your search preferences to something permissive.
(I just added nekkid to my spell check dictionary. Kenwritez, you are ever missed. )
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
Oooh, censorship! I thought this website allowed discussion of pretty much any topic under the sun. I am offended at you trying to restrict no-prophet's freedom of speech and trying to lure him away to one of these hundreds (nay thousands!) of 'nekkid reverie' websites that you seem to be so familiar with as to be sure of their numbers.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
How I make a buck and what I choose to inflict on the boards are two different things, Lucia. Some of us have boundaries. Sad to see you aren't one of those people.
Kindly go plant some candles on you head and dance off somewhere else.
[ 15. July 2012, 22:00: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I'm really offended nobody got my Lucia joke. Feet of clay, y'all.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Joke?
Lucia....google...st. lucia....wiki...candles on head... ooooh, I see
Nope, still not funny.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Excuse the hell out of me, sunshine, but this isn't the Unsolicited Opinions thread, it's the-- what is it, kids? say it with me!--- The OFFENSE thread!
Now that we have reminded everyone of the for the thirty-fifth time, can we get back to the game, please?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Right. The fact that your "joke" was the opposite of funny is offensive enough. That you then begged for laughter is but further offense.
Your insulting me simply makes me cry.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
How offensive is it when women use the ultimate passive-aggressive cop out of tears? Really, can't argue or offend people properly, so turn on the waterworks? How typically female!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I am offended by this unwarranted maligning of our police force. I accept there will be a few bad apples, that can happen in any line of work, but it is unfair to suggest that passive-aggressive cops are such a commonplace that one can speak of the 'ultimate' among them.
A little more respect for the 'thin blue line' please.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
As a newly appointed police chaplain I am insulted that you seem to be indicating that I should not be allowed to be a bad apple if I so choose.... What if I darn well want to be? Police-type persons should have the right to be free of all aspersions, including apples.
I am not saying I want to be bad, though I might want... I am offended that the above poster is denigrating apples, willy-nilly.
[ 16. July 2012, 08:59: Message edited by: Rowen ]
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
You slick city-dwellers are deplorably and offensively out of touch with nature. Apples are so last year. At the moment all you can be is a bad strawberry or cherry.
And the phase when we discussed willies is a few pages back. Please grow up.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
Knowing nothing about you, I can truthfully say I live in one of the most isolated parts of the nation, in a very rural region, and regularly run over kangaroos let alone cherries....
So, I can say anything about you in return but will choose to ignore you instead, as you are beneath even my notice.
Ignoring people who are different to me is soooo small rural townish. Thus proving my point exactly.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
You run over kangaroos?! Crazy, irresponsible driver, giving a bad name to Australians and motorists everywhere. Willy-nilly striking sweet animals with your vehicle. Reprehensible!
Did you know when you strike an animal with a car, you are likely to rupture their internal organs, thereby rendering the whole thing inedible? Not to mention tire tracks on the fur. Best thing to do is sneak up behind them and hit them with a stick.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Beware! If it's Sunday and you hit them with a rhythm stick it might lead to dancing, God forbid. "Dancing with Kangaroos" - the new Hollywood blockbuster starring Kevin C and LilB. An idea more offensive to good taste than even I can fathom.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Oh - you know what kangaroos taste like do you? It's bad enough what the meat industry already does to cows, sheep, pigs (as intelligent as dogs), and chickens. Now you want them to coop up and fatten kangaroos, that should be bouncing gayly over the plains of Australia.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
If they are bouncing gay-ly then how, pray, do they reproduce? Are you saying they are all gay or only some of them? Are they allowed to self-identify or are you just making an offensive blanket comment?
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
I'm offended by the comment about blankets. They keep us warm, and they definitely need a patron saint.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Sylvander:
Beware! An idea more offensive to good taste than even I can fathom.
Syllie, you find nothing offensive to good taste. Despite all our educative efforts, this remains the problem.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by no_prophet:
I'm offended by the comment about blankets. They keep us warm, and they definitely need a patron saint.
I am offended by this ploy of ignoring the work and dedication of blanket-makers by ascribing their good intentions to the product. It is the blanket-makers who need a patron saint, along with fair wages and safe working conditions.
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by justlooking:
I am offended by this ploy of ignoring the work and dedication of blanket-makers by ascribing their good intentions to the product. It is the blanket-makers who need a patron saint, along with fair wages and safe working conditions.
I have offended myself by my putting of Things before People. I am also offended that you pointed it out and that I now feel rotten.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
I am offended on behalf of the poor, defenceless blankets. They didn't ask to be made, folded up and stuffed in a cupboard or under the divan. They should be flapping about freely on a clothes line somewhere, not cooped up in mothballs. Free the blankets!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Free the blankets?! Kangaroos first. Then blankets.
Obviously, when we support kangaroos we also express solidarity with all oppressed Australian marsupials.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oppressed kangaroos? You shouldn't oppress kangaroo, makes it all thin, tough and stringy-like. Just cook it on the grill, like rabbit.
Posted by uffda (# 14310) on
:
I was wondering about baby roos Are they like veal? Do you club them before grilling? I look forward to your responses.
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
I'm shocked that you could encourage such unprovoked malicious violence towards a innocent and much loved character such as Roo. Shame on you.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
And what about Kanga? You can't separate the two. Just don't bring Tigger - he's too bouncy.
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
"Shame on you" ?
I would have said it was more a case of "More fool you" if you're suggesting or even considering violence against RooK. Though why I'm offended is anyone's guess, since he's more than capable of defending himself. Guess I just don't like bloodshed.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
Well, if you know you don't like bloodshed, why get involved in the discussion in the first place? Why don't you keep your lily-livered, namby-pamby thoughts to yourself, instead of coming over all self-righteous about it?
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on
:
Hey! kingsfold has every right to express an opinion here. Who died and made you queen of the thread?
Posted by RuthW (# 13) on
:
Some of us live in a republic, I'll have you know. No need to foist your monarchist nonsense on us all.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Good God almighty, Ruth, when did you become a Republican?
(Off to sob quietly into pillow. It just can't be.)
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Republicans are wonderful! They make Brits much less embarrassed by the BNP.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
And why should the BNP embarrass the British? Have the French no right to have their own banking system or does the Nationalised Bank of Scotland want to take over the world?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
The RBS, thank you. Hadn't realized just how long ago you had been booted from the old Blighty. Did Vicky herself sign the warrant?
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
Your inability to address a (admittedly long deceased) British Monarch by a respectful and fitting title can only mean that you are one of the worst kind of British republicans who cannot bring themselves to rise even to the level of common politeness when it comes to the Royal family.
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
I don't know where you're getting the idea from that LB must be a Brit. This is the worst kind of ethnocentrism.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Well I admit I presumed Brit, but then I presumed male, then female, then wasn't sure... which is fine, first forum I ever went on was severely down on asking such picky guestions. And for my part, those horns...
Thing we need to know, lilB, is just how offensive are you? Can you blow our socks/knickers/whatever you like off? The clock is ticking.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Stripping now? I don't know whether to be more offended because stripping demeans women or because if God had wanted us to be naked he wouldn't have made us wear clothes.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Stripping demeans men far more than women. Men have knobbly knees.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Hmmm... I can handle a knobbly knee if pressed. But no! Stripping is offensive! Take it away, immediately.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Bean, you can't go around pressing people's knees! That's just not right. There are laws against it - or, if not, there should be!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
You know, just set your own rules for yourself, hon. Not everyone is as repressed about physical affection as you. Knee-pressing is a time-honored mammalian kinship display, right up there with lice- grooming and nose- bumping. I know because I read it in one of Dian Fossey's lesser known field journals. Argue with THAT.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh, more laws we need, is it? What's the use of new laws when no one can seem to follow the bloody old ones?
How offensive can I be, oh gaseous one? Not offensive in the slightest. I would not know where to begin to author an offensive thought.
I find only the most odious of people find fault in me. Jealousy, I think it might be.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh fine, just act like I'm not there. Join the club.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
I have major probs with people using capital letters in a perfectly normal sentence.... Like the above poster.
It is as if she is shouting out that word at us.
Shame.
We are not deaf.
Kelly, don't yell at us.
You will get on much better, in life, if you behave, and use your indoor voice, dear.
Edited by me to say my post was referring to a few back by
Kelly.
[ 18. July 2012, 06:30: Message edited by: Rowen ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
As if we need a hippie rabbit to give us lessons on what we should rub together. Planet is over populated as it is.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
WHAT EXACTLY IS YOUR MAJOR MALFUNCTION, ROWEN? DON'T TELL ME HOW TO TYPE!
[ETA: and as for you, lilbuttinski...]
[ 18. July 2012, 06:32: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
I thought Kelly was being most kind speaking a bit more loudly given the odds that much of this crowd might benefit from amplified audio.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I am confused as to by what laws we are supposed to be governed here (I know we are all governed by fear of the killer rabbit; she's the ruler, but what are the rules?). Are we supposed to be offended by the post before last like lilBud? Or the post fourth from bottom as Rowen thinks? Or by ourselves like no_prophet (frankly, my friend, I do NOT think this is the place to play with yourself, especially as I so devotedly offer to lend a hand). Or are we just supposed to moan at being ignored like our ruler?
It is also unacceptably confusing that on this thread people (if that's the word I want) undergo sex changes and others leave us in doubt as to whether they are male, female or Angela Merkel. Take an example from Starbutt who within three posts of arriving made a statement of exemplary clarity and concision which left nothing to be desired. Or rather: a lot.
And here's to the rule nazis: Confusion counts as offence. Mine does anyway.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Sylvander, I couldn't believe all the innuendo about your proclivities, but you've just suggested you want to help no_prophet fondle himself. How offensively inappropriate. Just think of all those anti-gay Christians on board.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I simply cannot believe you dare to accuse me of la dee dah innuendo! Bluntness, fine. Grossness, ok. But innuendo, possibly even subtle? That's offensive. Next you'll start accusing me of being a gentleman.
I did not no_prophet was a man (how did you find out?), and you may think I am not known for being particular (beggars can't be choosers, what?). But what on earth made you fantasize about gay activities and people fondling themselves? no_prophet was playing with himself, laying patiences I guess. And I was suggesting chess or draughts with me instead.
You seem to have a smutty mind.
Any plans for tonight yet?
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Always making it about yourself I wasn't accusing you of innuendo, I was saying I hadn't believed the way the others on this thread had denigrated you. However, you're proving that all their imputations and snide comments are true.
[ 18. July 2012, 12:58: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
StarBUTT??? My name is StarBUG, thank you very much! May I interest you in some adult literacy courses, as you appear to be having difficulty reading.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
How dare you imply that Western culture is superior to societies that do not have literacy and use writing? You are denigrating their rich and diverse oral traditions.
Posted by RuthW (# 13) on
:
Adult literacy?!?!? I thought this was a Christian website!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
With all due respect, Ruth-- and you must know it is considerable-- throwing out "ITTWACW" is just as pathetic, pitiful, and uninspired as using "How very dare you!" as if nobody's heard that one hundred and forty thousand times.
Oh, and as a reminder, anyone who uses the latter is on my personal axe list, unless they actually are Catherine Tate, in which case-- be my best friend?
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
So sickening the way some people always want to suck up to those who are famous and treat them differently from the rest of us mere mortals. Don't you realise that we are all of equal worth in the sight of our creator?
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
You'll notice that whenever someone says 'with all due respect', the words that follow usually contain no respect at all. A crime far worse than quoting the great St Catherine of Tate.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Starbuggie, please refer to Sylvander's excellent post regarding thread protocol.
If the two of you are angling for a threesome the going rate is $200 USD.
Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on
:
I'm offended now that you ignored my post and responded to Kelly. Just because I'm not one of the 'In Crowd'.
ETA cross posted with Kelly - See I am usurped a second time...
[ 18. July 2012, 20:41: Message edited by: Lucia ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh, welcome to my world, honeybunch, and stop stealing my complaints.
And nobody has noticed my cute new sig.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Oh, I noticed your sig when you tried it out on the UBB coding thread in the Styx - and didn't think it was at all cute sucking up to Sylvander. Are you hoping he's going to ask you out tonight instead?
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Kelly's Rabbits Habits are no business of yours, even if you continue to be curiouser and curiouser. Get a life. Watch Days of our Lives or something. Who shot J.R., anyway?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Zappa:
Watch Days of our Lives or something. Who shot J.R., anyway?
Please tell me you're joking.Please tell me that you don't think J.R. was on Days of our Lives. Please tell me that before my eyes literally fall out of their sockets from my weeping.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
Kelly, dear.... JR wrote "The Hobbit" and similar. I am offended that you do not know even t most fundamental of moden English lit. But then, you are American.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
GOD.DAMN. RIGHT I AM.
Posted by RuthW (# 13) on
:
Lee Greenwood? Are you kidding me? When you could have linked to a real American: John Wayne.
What is this country coming to?
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
I am offended that you lot are blithering around in fits of nationalistic pique at a time when offence - none of that silly liquide penultimate sibiline consonantal stuff thank you - is meant to be taken at far greater matters - like countinental tectonic drift that means that what your country is coming to is, roughly, Sierra Leone. Or Lusitania.
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Zappa:
countinental
Pedant, be ashamed of thyself.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
That's right, Leaf. Use old-fashioned, out-dated language, long gone from our tongue, in a vaun attempt to prove yourself educated and superior...
"thyself "
Hmmmmph, not cool, man.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am appalled that you should call Leaf "man" when she is a lady!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
It is very offensive to assume, WW. It is also very offensive to fail to pay attention.
Leaf is female.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Sweeping assumptions about the offensiveness of assumption are, shall we say, offensively assumptious. Or, since that word has not yet been invented, presumptuous. Either way I would have thought the wobbly bits of an offended speciperchild of hu-per-child-ity is no-one's concern but theirs.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
What's wrong with old words, I prithee? Thou dost not t like being reminded of thine youth, my dear lady?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Hey, I post from an old mobile which I salvaged as booty at Waterloo! Kindly wait for my reply beforge barging in with 3 (in words: three) crossposts, you clowns!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I only ever got to go to the circus once in my childhood. I wanted to go so much. And so when I got there I was so happy and pleased, watching the harmless antics of the clowns. And now you're using the word 'clowns' as a cheap insult demeaning my childhood pleasures.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Excuse me, but some of us are afraid of clowns! There's a proper name for it, which escapes me at the moment...
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
The word for which you're looking is Coulrophobia. But I note you just couldn't be bothered to look it up for yourself and left it to others to finish the job. Pah.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Sloth is very offensive, Starbug. Lazy, lazy person, for your punishment, we will send in the clown.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
And here I am, fresh from God's Country, and I have to deal with you again? I'm only going to say this once, so pay attention: I'm not the Circus Host who once had the terrifying clown avatar. If you can't be arsed to remember IF's last H&A day pic, then I don't see why you should be allowed to call me the clown.
Also, I envy you. Thing was seriously creepy.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
The first link generated an extremely dodgy-looking 'click here' pop-up saying I'd won a free ipad. The only way to shut it down was to delete all my history and cookies. I don't think I'll click on the second link, thanks all the same.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
All I can say is karma.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that that clearly isn't true! There are thousands upon thousands of posts on these boards where you rabbit on about nothing related to karma at all!
Remember: Silence is Golden!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
.
You gotta lotta damn nerve.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
And why do you consider lilB's nerves any more damned than your own? Have you no sins that would condemn you?
If not, why not?
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
People bring God and sin and stuff into everything these days. It's offensive. Next you'll have us all toddling off to Westboro Baptist Church.
[ 20. July 2012, 08:41: Message edited by: Zappa ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
There exist a thread already for discussing those vile people, I suggest you take yourself there.
This thread is for offense; be it sleazy, mean, cruel, disgusting, evil or rude. Not for anything as low as Westboro.
ETA: for some here, the conjunction in the second sentence would more properly be and.
Hello bunny.
[Get your feckin' code right, or I'll revoke your satori privileges. -AA, CH]
[ 20. July 2012, 20:15: Message edited by: AristonAstuanax ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
You know, it's hard to take offense at someone who has such an obvious crush on me. Hard, but not impossible.
There are enough stinking rules-lawyers on this thread to make it look like half-time at a D&D marathon. Can someone somewhere make an effort to be genuinely offended at something real, please?
[ 20. July 2012, 19:25: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Yes—your assumption that D&D is filled with rules-lawyers. As everyone knows, the object of barracks lawyering is to work the rules in your favor, while the object of D&D is to defeat, break, and crush your ancient enemy, the rules (and, if possible, the DM in charge of enforcing them). For someone who claims to have even a smidgeon of nerd cred, your ignorance of this fundamental point is shocking and disappointing.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I disbelieve.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I disprehend.
At least when the thread was seedy, llow and garish, I understood what it was about. Now that the colonials have wrested control from us, no more. What, pray tell, isDM and D& D? Surely even in the land of organised madness you do not give the size of each cup separately?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Is it really my job to coddle the willfully ignorant? Or did someone break your Google finger?
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Kelly, surely you're missing something. I'd say it was a sign™ of Sylvander's age and crustiness if he knows nothing of D&D. D&D was around when I was at university and my daughter has found a club to join next week. So if Sylvander really knows nothing of RPGs and D&D, his only possible excuse is extreme decrepitude and old age. If he isn't ancient as Methuselah he must have fewer brain cells to rub together than I had imagined even at my least charitable.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I must interject, though old as Methuselah myself [but younger than PeteC], and say that jargon, as in the use of acronyms, really is rather bad form.
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
"Really rather bad form"? Since when was this game meant to be about politely pointing out the errors of others?
Work up some proper outrage, for goodness' sakes.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Oh dear dear Kelly, it is only now I see what thou hast done! I was going to be incensed that you do not know that men cannot googgle with just a finger but need a whole hand and both brain cells for it.
And I was going that you fail to give any credit that I spend my time and mobile's data traffic limit to get offended here, leaving no room for visiting other educational websites.
But now all this seems vain, hollow, petty and unimportant, I am so , sigh, moved
... dizzy ...
What to say ....
stut...tut...tut...stutttata...er
...
Oh, if my dear old mother ... sniff ...
only could see ... I've done something with my life after all...
...
immortality beckoning...
fame's sweet tentacles ensnaring me softly...
Of course fame isn't everything, as you well know. One cannot eat it, can one?
My lawyer will be preparing a nice wee copyright suit shortly, so I can add wealth to stardom. Which court do you want it filed at? Thanks for your co-operation.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
What on God's green earth are you babbling about, Sylvander?
Please try to be coherent. Most of us don't speak gibberish.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Speak for yourself. I am fluent in gibberish, particularly after an encounter or two with the spirit. Hmph. I find your marginalization of my experience demeaning and offensive. In fact I think I shall pout.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
You shall pout? If you had any common decency then, having some spirit, you would pour.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
I am offended that only spirits have been provided. I was expecting my customary lager shandy. Or at the very least, a diet coke with ice, lemon and little paper umbrella.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I am offended that only spirits and lager are on offer. Where are the wines? A lightly chilled white wine spritzer wouldn't go amiss right now.
Posted by Paddy O'Furniture (# 12953) on
:
just looking: Enough with your wining! Reds, whites, Zinfadels, infidels... fah! Everyone who is ANYone knows that Bailey's Irish Cream is the only alcoholic drink that matters.
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
What about the dairy intolerant? Didn't think of them, did you?
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Or the more weak-willed of us who can't resist drinking the whole bottle of Baileys. Hic!
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Give me strong whisky and weak women
Everything's going just fine.
Give me weak whisky and strong women
You'll kill this heart of mine.
I'm offended, hmmm ... offended by ... er.. . offended that this website does not allow me to post a recording of me merrily singing this most fitting ditty at this juncture.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
I am offended that you are offended at that at which the rest of us are relieved.
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
I'm offended at the thought of having to listen to Sylvander's (drunken) singing, it really doesn't sound an enjoyable experience.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I am pleased that I apparently am able to foster such unanimty and hearty agrrement between my fellow crew members! In fact this maketh me so cheery and lighthearted, I think I'll have to let it out in a song. Zinzendorf's "Herz und Herz" vereint zusammen" sounds like just the right choice.
Feel ye all free to join in. I suspect, however, that some of you who wouldn't recognize artistic genius when it crawls up their backs and gives them a haircut, can't tell the difference between "join in" and "run away".
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
So, now, apparently, some drunken sot tells us we may need haircuts. How wold he know? Just by our typing here?
Ridiculous.
I am offended to my hair, right now,as of tonight is not good enough.
Hmmmmph
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
I am offended at the implicatipn that I may neeed a haircut twhich happens to be true, but how rude to say it!) I am even more offended by the idea that some artistic genius might give me a haircut against my will!. My hair is my property and not to be touched!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Property is theft. Use teabags.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Oh dear ladies, please do not take offense! Never would I be so discourteous as to make suggestions re your haircuts like other men do. In fact, fair maidens, your golden curls are exquisitely beautiful and far dearer to me than all the silver on Salomo's temples.
No, your hair is perfect, shiny and altogether just the way it ought to be, if it wasn't for that offensive baboon who used tea bags trying to dye it (I know this is customary in Auld Reekie, Dafyd, but here we are in civilised territory).
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Golden curls? Old habits die hard, yes?
And as to subjecting a rodent to human grooming policies, this borders on animal cruelty. I shall report you to the RSPCA. Or to the variant used by you barbaric Teutons.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Die Hard? I remember Bruce's vest but not the golden curls. Am I getting (slightly) premature dementia, or have you got the wrong movie? How thoughtless to get me worrying like this. What is it I'm worrying about? Those horns look familiar. Have you thought of having them curled?
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
I am offended that you have used the word 'horns' and the correct term is 'antlers'.
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on
:
You know this game requires players to read what was written, and not simply employ the scroll bar, right? Yet knowing that, you decided to inflict some insane ramblings on the next unlucky player. What am I, a Host, that I must actually spend seconds of my life reading this dreck?!
[I am offended to have crossposted with no prophet.]
[ 24. July 2012, 15:01: Message edited by: Leaf ]
Posted by no_prophet (# 15560) on
:
I am doubly offended now! Cross posted! Good gravy! And then told this is a game? Trifling with my feelings by labelling this as a game! Crossed and trifled. What next?!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Gravy on trifle?!! Is nothing sacred?
Trifle consists of sponge, sherry, jelly (that is, jello for those of you across the pond), custard and cream. You don't go mixing up the meat course and the dessert.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Quite, especially as in the desert what you need is not meat but beer!
But I see that after a short lull you are all back to your customary offensive behaviour. I think I should quickly regain more decent company. Anybody feeling a bit antlery? I have theatre tickets for tonight.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Dafyd:
Trifle consists of sponge, sherry, jelly (that is, jello for those of you across the pond), custard and cream.
Proper trifle consists of sponge, sherry, fruit, custard and cream. The jelly is a substitute for sherry if the trifle is for young children. Jelly is OK - I am not dissing jelly as such - but it can never be a definitive ingredient.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Jelly is not OK in a trifle even for children, just as bad manners are not. Teach the little buggers what is proper from the beginning, else they become hooligans.
BTW, Syllie, I am not certain you would recognize decent company. Granted, there is no surfeit of it here.
No, I am not advocating sherry in children's trifle. Alcohol consumption in children is dangerous and leads to bad choices, like becoming a Circus Host.
[ 24. July 2012, 17:45: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
Get you, lil Buddha - just one offhand swipe and offensively denigrate all the participants on this thread as not decent company
(and for cheating and removing your suggestion that children should be fed alcohol)
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
You've never changed a post on second thoughts, CK? Common decency requires that one responds to the final draft, not speculate on what ill-considered or, in lilB's case, more likely execrable and scandalous thoughts might have been edited away. Most remiss.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Scandalous thought, BS? You cannot handle a scandalous thought.
CK, are you advocating alcohol for little ones? Do the words Circus Host not terrify you as a parent? Just a wee bit of drink, you say. Harmless you think. That is how it starts. Next the rattle is discarded for a squeeze-bulb horn and they can only be put to sleep by the sound of a calliope. Later you find clown magazines tucked under the mattress and they leave the flat dressed normal but with baggy dotted trousers, big shoes and greasepaint stuck in their rucksacks. Oh then they'll want a Messershmidt and tell you it is to save petrol and that it is cute. But as soon as they get 'round the corner, they will stuff in 10 of their friends then drive in circles whilst scrambling in and out. Then they end up hosting silly games and naming themselves after refridgerators. Is this what you wish for your children?
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on
:
lil Buddha, I'm quite staggered you should know the consequences of feeding children alcohol in quite so much detail. I have no idea what would have happened had I fed my daughter on alcohol - she's a teetotal engineering graduate!
You've totally misinterpreted my comment. I was hoping to take you to task on your irresponsible attitudes and knowledge but you withdrew your comment
[ 24. July 2012, 22:23: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
my daughter ...is a teetotal engineering graduate!
Good grief! Is this the result of your upbringing? The poor girl, have you no shame so brazenly admitting child abuse? Teetotal after years at university!
And would you please stop communicating about posts which are no longer there? It is bad enough as it is that I have to communicate with people who aren't quite there.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Now Sylvie, the fact that Curious Kitten has been abused doesn't mean that it was parental abuse; in fact, if you'd just stopped to look, the words "engineering graduate" would have identified the agent of abuse quite plainly—the Kitten herself. If you're going to go throwing around such weighty allegations, we'd prefer that you put some of your brain to work rather than flirting with the peanut gallery.
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Then they end up hosting silly games and naming themselves after refrigerators. Is this what you wish for your children?
If I've told you once, I've told you . . . well, once, the name's Greek. Or a common one for Italian hotels. I have no idea why you lot pay attention to clothes washers and fridges.
Finally, to the lot of you: this thread is meant to register offense. It is serious, not at all funny, and not meant for your shameless flirting. If you continue with these disgusting displays of barely concealed sexual tension directed at people who aren't me, then I'm not sure what I'll be forced to do, but you won't like it. I may just have to post old school My Little Pony videos. Don't let it come to that.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
AA,
I can neither be offended nor offer offence at your post. I can only offer my sadness at your, erm, frustration and apologies if we have driven you to such depths as this.
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
I can see why I don't visit this thread very often: the undercurrent of saccharine cuteness would make anyone throw up. The coy yet flagrant hinting at synthetic pink fur and spangles is beyond perverted.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Look, you've seen my avatar. I am cuteness penguinonified. I resemble your remark.. Just because I go for black and white instead of nauseating pink doesn't mean I am not saccharine sweet. I'm as sweet as a saccharine coated in honey and kipper-flavoured jam and I'd thank you to treat me with more respect.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Smudgie, how could you? I was addicted to kipper jam. It took years to get it out of my system and now you've brought it all back - that counterpoint of smoky fish and sweetness, the bones in the back of my throat... now I must risk life and limb, prowling the Walworth Road all night, looking for a shop open that has it. How could you!!!
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
Typical you..... Expecting poor shop assistants to work day and night... On minimum pay too, I imagine.
Yes, that's right. Shops MUST be open 24-7, and damn the consequences.
People like you make unions mandatory.
Shame.
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on
:
And why shouldn't the shops be open 24-7, may I ask? Won't someone think of the poor shift workers? How fortunate for you that you can accommodate what used to be called "bankers' hours".
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Frankly, madam, it strikes me as odd that you work from midnight to seven. What sort of company have I got myself into?
And why don't you work 8.5 hours a day like the rest of us? Greek, uh?
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
The contempt in he last post for decent, hardworking owls is contemptible. If it wasn't for us you'd be overrun - overrun I say - with voles and dormice.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
(PTSD intake of breath.)
Speaking as a rabbit, I can tell you from personal experience that owls are not the peaceable, serene guardians of the wood they seem to be. Anybody that would so breezily speak of them as role models has never spent for or five hours diving in and out of hedgerows trying to keep the hell away from them.
Just--I can't even.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You can't even? Well, you can certainly odd.
We were having a sensible conversation here about the low availability of kipper jam and you go and take the thread off at a tangent about playing hide and seek in the hedgerows. You rabbits are all the same - not that you have a reputation of playing hard to get!
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
Typical, poke fun at those of us who want rabbits badly..... And enjoy them as a delicacy ... Roasted, stewed, whatever.... Yum.
Now Smudgie tells us that rabbits should be protected, hard to get, and so forth.....
Hmphmfp.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Excuse me, if kipper jam is hard to get, then why shouldn't rabbit be the same. I mean, it doesn't exactly tickle the cultured palate, does it? Not unless you leave that cottonball of a tail on, anyway Who would want to eat a rabbit when they've got a bucket of nice fresh fish to eat?
I haven't seen you petitioning on behalf of those of us who struggle to purchase the finer foods
Posted by Enigma (# 16158) on
:
So now we've got a suggestion from a penguin that rabbits eat fish That would certainly make for interesting fayre - serverd with kipper jam I assume. I am so offended I feel somewhat
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
There are some things that should just be kept private. Couldn't you at least have vomited in privacy of your own office, rather than spewing publicly all over this thread?
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
Ooh yes. We all wanna know the physical state of someone's tummy. NOT.
Messy physical complaints like that should not be discussed on a public board like that, where other folk may be eating supper, or attaching tv or something cosy....
And then you came along.
Sigh.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Excuse me Rowen, as a biologist I find the inner goings-on of other people's bodies a matter of constant fascination, and rarely meet anyone without enquiring after their bowels. How are yours today?
Please don't generalise so presumptuously.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
I am most offended that you have never enquired as to the state of my bowels! Why are Rowan's more fascinating than mine?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Because he-s the ABC, you pretty young airhead. I think you'll need to go out to dinner with me so I cqn enlighten you on a few points about RL out there. Tomorrow ok?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
All this talk of bowels is very moving,* but this kind of fixation on the nether extremities is exactly what distracts people from proper oral health. Do you floss?
*( )
[ETA: Syl, shuddup while I'm pontificating.]
[ 26. July 2012, 19:54: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
'Pretty young airhead'! If I wasn't so offended, I'd find that funny! You, sir, need to go to Specsavers!
No, I don't floss. I find that the dentures don't need it.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Oh, what offensive stubbornness of youth! At your age, I know, one thinks one has all the answers. But no! You are not to correct me in matters of time. Beauty and age are in the eye of the beholder, i.e. me, so I am always right. Quite simple really. You'll indubitably get it eventually.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
And you, pretty bunny (pretty terrifying that is), I suspect you are lurking in the bushes each morning, waiting for me to post, then jump out menacingly swinging your axe, accusing poor innocent me of crossposting and shout: "Curse on you, Silly! May you turn slightly yellow in hue!". mY fINgerss termBLe whHen i tH*nk ABOUt ititititit
But I warn you: I am known for my bravery and strength, especially in my fast legs.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I am not a bunny, I am a penguin. I don't lurk in bushes and I don't jump. I do, however, take offence at people with dual personalities (you even made blatant reference to the "innocent you") thinking that this entitles them to double post.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
By " double post" I can only assume you are now demanding that the postman visit you twice a day.... Probably more, if you are honest....
This game is taking a decided turn wherein shop assistants and postal staff are abused left, right and centre. Typical really.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Silly Rowan, it would be the murderous rabbit, not the penguin, who would wish the postman to ring twice.
Posted by Enigma (# 16158) on
:
I am offended that those who have doorbells want them to be used so copiously. Bear a thought for those of us who have none - for whom the postman cannot ring at all but has to knock instead or shout through the letterbox.
And bear a thought for the poor postman then!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Poor postman? Getting to shout through letterboxes? Haven't we all wanted to do that?
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Our house has a fully functional doorbell, thank you very much. We have no need for shouty deliverypersons. Please keep your loud obnoxious tendencies to yourself.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Loud? Of course... look up my monicker if you don't know what it means. But obnoxious? How dare you. I am a sweet-natured and kindly soul, wouldn't harm a fly. Well actually would, indeed have harmed several these last sweaty days, but you know what I mean. Kindly keep your unwarranted presumptions to yourself.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Re harming flies, we have this thing like a small electrified tennis racket, splatters and fries them, just to make sure. Bought it in a pound store, it's very effective.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Have you never heard of ahimsa? Think of the damage you are doing to the souls of those poor flies when you fry them like that! I'm offended that those of us of sensitive dispositions should be forced to read of such cruelty!
[but isn't it great when mosquitoes go POP!!]
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
On behalf of my clients, Snap and Crackle, I must protest that their contract clearly states that all three members of the band get equal airtime on all occasions.
yrs,
Mr Runn
(Grabbit & Runn)
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
A fair point Dafyd, however I believe a more careful reading of posts is called for. As far as I can see Snap, Crackle and Pop are equally implied in the splattering and frying process. Also, you will note that WW makes reference to the satisfaction obtained in the final demise, as signified by Pop. This is following the correct sequence which relies on Snap and Crackle having already played their parts.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am grossly offended that you don't appear to be offended at all by Dafyd's post, justlooking - have you not read the rules?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Have you not read the post? I was offended by Dafyd's lack of care in reading your post and therefore missing the implicit equal air-time. I found Dafyd's post fairly low on the scale of unintended offence and my response was proportionate. It is not always necessary to erupt in spluttering outrage, personal insult or desparate vulgarity to express being somewhat miffed.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Such offensive adjectives. I never splutter, however outraged. My insults are for everyone, and there's certainly nothing desperate about my vulgarity.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
You make spluttering sound degrading. What an insult to those of us who have head colds.
Have you no sympathy for our condition, you heartless beast!?
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
How dare you belittle the plight of people waiting for organ transplants for their beloved pets?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
You think anyone would wait for a beloved pet's needs? If one of my cats needed a transplant I'd be scouring the country for roadkill. Make a nice stew out of the rest of it, too. Wait indeed.
[ 30. July 2012, 12:50: Message edited by: Bean Sidhe ]
Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on
:
Oh, and those of us with some patience are to be mocked as uncaring? Why not just steal the neighbor's cat and butcher it live for your precious felines if you're so blasted impatient?
(geeze, it's hard to do this even in jest!)
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Hard to do, is it now? Of course, dear, I clearly saw it was said only with tongue in cheek (my English being but rudimentary I can only hope that this is the correct idiomatic expression for the German "satanisches Grinsen"). I am offended you think it necessary to reassure us on that point.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Do you know it's really offensive that you need Tom's assurances about any of his points. Tom's points are Tom's business.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I'm sorry that you feel the need to introduce this laissez faire business can be left to look after itself without government interference political ideology into this Circus thread.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Left to look after itself? No interference? Is this a challenge to the enlightened despotism that holds sway on this board? It'd better not be, or you'll soon get a few very . . . interesting . . . pictures that lilB sent me thinking they were blackmail.
As if.
Still, for the weak-eyed amongst you, just remember: what has been seen cannot be unseen.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
As for the weak-minded among you I can reassure you: In my experience any sensible thought that has been put before you is generally un-thought again in under a second.
And what's wrong with government interference, Dafyd? The offensiveness on this board has got so out of control that neither reason (me) nor threats (our venerably host AA) can keep it at bay and some action by HMG seems seriously called for. 13,000 military personnel with anti-offense missiles on the surrounding rooftops is all it takes, I reckon.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Ahem! I am most put out that you tried to prevent me from responding to your post by addressing it to everybody else on this thread apart from me.
As a strong-minded penguin, I might have wanted to engage with the subject matter of your post. (Though, on second thoughts, I have read your posts before... maybe I am getting all indignant about nothing!)
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Now listen, you cute young upstart (I've been on board this madhouse ages before you):
You've been reading my posts before? Well, I cannot see any improvement in your behaviour as a result. Like accepting my charming proposals for instance.
Please read more carefully in future. It might help if you didn't read while gobbling fish with both your grabbers at once. Probably stains all the saucy bits, so you can inconveniently ignore them.
[And why the heck is my sig no longer visible? Are you all offending AND conspiring against me? That is very offensive and I shall ... I shall ... I shall ... be mighty offended indeed. So there! And now I want my sig back]
[ 31. July 2012, 10:38: Message edited by: Sylvander ]
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
And just what is wrong with eating fish, I'd like to know?
Gobbling fish, indeed.
Insulting us fish-eaters.
Personally, I like sardines.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
..... Personally, I like sardines.
I find this disturbing. I don't think its possible to get to know individual sardines and develop personal relationships with them.
There's too much of this indiscriminate emotionalism around. I blame the govenment, the media and modern society generally, plus Prince Charles and certain sections (they know who they are] of the CofE.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Frankly, justlooking, I find your spelling appalling. CofE or what? It is either spelt coffee or café. If the former you're talking gibberish and if you meant the latter we'd like to know which café it is you are frequenting. Well, I'd like to know anyway. You'll soon find out that a certain section of that café is occupied by a very charming gentleman and appears much more appealing than at present Better than sardines in any case.
And as I am at it.: Kelly, are you off your rocker?
I go to the UBB practice ground to look for my lost sig on the LO thread and what do I see two inches above my practice session? Well, who but YOU blurting out our most private secrets! PLEASE! Some things are just between you and me. Also "wise" is not quite the word. Instead try "unforgettable" "heavenly" or "breath-taking".
Sincerely yours, your personal senior (very!) Lecturer in Creative Writing
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Sylvander:
Frankly, justlooking, I find your spelling appalling. CofE or what? It is either spelt coffee or café. ....
It is spelt in full as Church of England as the entire English-speaking world knows. As far as I can understand your post you appear to imply that something may not be entirely right with the CofE's coffee. I have news for you. The CofE doesn't care about its' coffee. Tea is another matter. The theology of tea and its' place in life of the Church is well established. We know where we are with tea. Coffee, however, is another matter. Coffee is Modern and the CofE has no clear position on the issue. It has therefore allowed a laissez-faire attitude to develop. It is ultimately an episcopal responsibility, so if you experience inadequate coffee the proper procedure is to inform the bishop.
ETA the rest of your post
[ 31. July 2012, 12:49: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
What are you kissing the wall for?
Especially seeing the wall is no longer in existence this strikes me as a modern deviation or simply daft. Have you sought episcopal licence? Or else medical advice?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Sylvander:
What are you kissing the wall for?
.....
I like walls. You got a problem with that? Does it interfere with your life in some way? Hmmm?
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
So, you wall-liker.... What about those of us who yearn for the simple life? A tent, a backpack, the open road?
No, you condemn us all to the four walls of a conventional building. Just like you, to do that.
Me? I like the openness of open spaces....
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Four walls? Four walls? You're right, four walls are confining, but the gall in assuming all rooms have four walls is offensive to rooms like my current one! Do you know how much time it takes to console a reasonably-sized but geometrically complicated 17-walled room?
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
why on earth would you want to console a wall, let alone 17 of them? Everyone knows that walls are not sentient beings! Oh, the humanity...
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
"There there, left dormer wall, it's just a silly game, they don't really mean that . . ."
You may not think your walls are sentient, but they know differently. You know the expression "the walls have ears?" Or "if these walls could talk?" Well. Just think about them for once. Just once. Think. Of the walls.
It's not hard. Now show some consideration for all the support they've shown.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
he talks to walls lilBuddha wonders if the walls can hear AA through all that padding....
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
Why does it always have to be about walls? Why does nobody think about the floors? No, they just walk all over us.
Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on
:
Oh, my, my ! Poor wittle fwoors! Ceilings and roofs get no respect, and who keeps the weather off of you! A floor could be dirt and still work, a roof has to be sturdy! And do they ever get caressed by a dust mop, or carefully cleaned, and polished and waxed? NO! Some respect for ceilings and roofs here, people!
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
I feel you are being heightist. As a short person with - shall we say - 'ladder issues', there is no way I could even venture up to a roof, let alone caress one. *shudders*
[ 01. August 2012, 21:48: Message edited by: Starbug ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
You feel Tom is heightist? Is he or isn't he? Come off the fence, you'll get splinters.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
I am nowhere near the fence! it's far too high!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh must we ruin a perfectly good thread with heightism? Now I must post on this, and posting on this is difficult as English is an inherently heightist language. So now I continue my campaign to change the built-in height prejudice of idiomatic English.
I look up my nose at those pituitary cases* among you who impugn the character of those of us of normal height. I am in low dungeon regarding the offenses committed by the over-tall.** I call on all the up-trodden people to stand low, to stoop to the battle call and downhold our rights. So let us march to the lowest depths and sing loud our battle cries.
So, denizens of the Circus, choose your cause. Do you get Down with ours or Up Yours?
* Before anyone become too upset, I realize it is not your fault. It is the background radiation. Think about it. What was the average height prior to WWII? And now? What is the difference? The atomic bomb and subsequent atomic/nuclear research. Is it a coincidence that Scandinavians are tall and that is where the Germans went for their atomic research? That, prior to their atomic tests, there were no Chinese basketball players and now there is Yao Ming?
** Those over 1.6 metres, for men and 1.4 for women.
[ 02. August 2012, 17:04: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Your fence is high! Have you no shame? This is a Christian website and not the place to be advertising your familiarity with dealing in unlawfully acquired goods and controlled substances.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Speak for yourself, please. Some of us could use that information.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
lilB, why have you only now told us you're in a dungeon? And a low one too - is it a bottle dungeon? How awful. How long have you been there? Do you know where you are? Do they want a ransom? Fear not, the Ship will look after its own. We must send a Blondel to search for you, is there a minstrel on the ship? However long it takes, twenty years at least I should think, we will find you. I'm a tad pissed they've given you WiFi, mind. Some of us have to pay for it.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
I'm a tad pissed
This is hardly something that needs to be broadcast to the world.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Justlooking, how rude! If you were a terrible hag, only fit for wailing at funerals, you'd be well in your cups by now too. Though, come to think of it, mahap you best get started.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
You know, with all the horrific psychological repression we westerners subject ourselves to, you'd think that at least at funerals we'd let people wail if they want.
I get the whole "detachment" thing, lilbuddha, but that's ridiculous.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I'm sorry - but that's just silly. On a globe everywhere, except for the poles, is west of somewhere else. By saying that we are westerners as if other people aren't is you seem to be claiming that the centre of the world runs through about Greece. Is this part of an insidious campaign to move the International Date Line to Athens? Well, we're not having it. The date line stays at Greenwich where it belongs.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Dafyd, it's all about Mercator's Projection, isn't it.
As for you, lilB, do try to know what you're posting about. I wail for those soon to die. By the funeral, I'll be off on the next assignment.
I'm ignoring the hag bit.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Mercator, hmmmph. The cool kids use Dymaxion.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
The 'cool kids' shouldn't be using anything stronger than coffee. If their adults allow an occasional lager or similar that's OK, so long as they are around to supervise, but it is definitely not 'cool' to be popping these 'M's' or 'D's' or whatever.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Dymaxion, huh? Cool kids, huh?
Enjoy going home alone to your geek cave, then. Here, you might want to do some reading that will help you appreciate the Robinson, you Philistine.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I'm afraid that your prejudice against immigrants to the Middle East is not going to help the cause of world peace. The Philistines had a culture of their own, you know.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
With the recent move of the date line to Greece, those immigrants from the Middle East will all be Americans. I am just trying to think of what's wrong with being prejudiced against Americans, that you seem to want to speak out so loudly against it. I've been prejudiced against Americans all my life and still the world is full of peas.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
It may be full of peas where you are but they're in short supply in other places. Some people haven't seen a pea for months. There's way too much complacency in the pea-rich countries. America has plenty of peas but are they being distributed fairly?
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
The use of coconut shys, ferris wheels, and other carnival attractions is no way to distribute vegetables among the population. I hope you are just clowning around. You wouldn't suggest distributing beef circusly? The lions would eat it.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
So you are one of these people who advocates cruelty in circuses are you? The RSPCA will hear about you, sirrah, with your plot to prevent circus lions getting decent protein in their diet. They are carnivores, when all's said and done. Why shouldn't they be fed beef?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Think of those poor, lovely cows - and when there are so many Christians and so few lions wouldn't it be a good idea to bring back Circus-style martyrdom?
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Your hyper-exaggeration (nay hyper-inflation if you'll forgive the parenthetisation) of the Christian population indicates gross exaggeration of the real situation and discounts sensitisation of rationalization, thereby generating offencitivation of this culmination.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
What a hideous concatenation of obfuscation.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
You appear to have killed this thread with your long words, Bean. I wasn't aware that I had to buy a thesaurus in order to take part.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
You mean you don't already own one? I'm astonished anyone should venture onto these boards without the essentials - Bible, Dictionary, Thesaurus, and Complete Works of Shakespeare.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Some people bring the bible into everything, these days
Posted by Enigma (# 16158) on
:
I am deeply offended that thare are those taking part in this thread who does not speak English like what I do speak. Enough with the confusing words peopleages.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I - am - quite - miffed - in - fact - most - vexed - that - you - want - me - to - write - in - words - of - one - (anyone got a monosyllabic synonym for the last bit?)
Though Shakespeare made good use of monosyllables...
To - be - or - not - to - be - that - is - the - (Ah, he had the same problem.)
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
If it was Shakespearean times wouldn't it be two syllables i.e. miff-ed and vex-ed?
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Oh, so now it's all iambic pentameter and slashed doublets? This is just TOO much!
*flounces off stage left (hopefully not pursued by a bear)*
Posted by RuthW (# 13) on
:
You know, bears have other things to do. They have fish to catch, families to feed, naps to take -- they aren't all always pursuing people. But one playwright writes one silly stage direction, and the entire ursine community is stigmatized for hundreds of years.
Posted by QLib (# 43) on
:
One playwright? One playwright? Shakespeare is not just "one playwright" - he is the greatest English-language playwright ever and if he wants to have bears pursuing people, who are you ro criticize? Besides, he comes from the county whose symbols is a chained bear, so perhaps he felt bears should get their own back. He wasn't necessarily being species-ist.
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
That's it - ignore the inestimable contribution of bears to literature. They're just nameless nonenties good for a bit of slapstick chasing in your book (or play). What about Paddington? And Pooh? And Rupert?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
And who are you to presume they've never chased anyone? Cute and cuddly they may be, but I never met a bear who didn't enjoy a good pursue. OK, I never met a bear of any sort, but I'll bet those guys have had a laugh or three when nobody's looking.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Pixar's new film Brave is its first to have a female protagonist. The repeated failure of anyone to mention the film while on the subject of bears is clearly an attempt to get rid of female protagonists. You're all plotting to relegate female characters back to the sphere of love interest or sidekick to the boys.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
No, Dafyd, what you mean is beavers, not bears. Please keep this thread focused, once it seems to have found a topic that is clean (albeit potentially unhealthy. I wouldn't want to know what would happen to a bear devouring a giant Bean).
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
And what is wrong with good old beans, I'd like to know.
Nothing better than a plate with a healthy helping of beans on it, for dinner.
So, now we are being told what not to eat?
Hmmmmph.
Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on
:
I really must protest your detestable hmphing. If you are not articulate enough to voice your offense, perhaps you could resort to a smilie? A selection is provided nearby for your convenience. Otherwise kindly cease and desist from that horrible throat-snorting noise.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Do we really have to suffer the tautology of "cease and desist"? It is a bit superfluous and is a massive waste of electrons who might otherwise be running my washing machine.
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
:
Oh come now. I thought everybody knew about reading the charges against you in both Ango-Saxon and Norman French. "Cease and desist," like "assault and battery," is perhaps the earliest example in English of inclusive language, and you want to put an end to it? Even Billy the Bastard was more enlightened than that back in 1066.
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
It's William the Bastard, I'd have you know. What right have you to be so over-familiar with 11th century warlords?
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
Right, pick upon the bastards.
Why mention their birth circumstances? Poor innocents. They can't help their lack of wedded parents.
No need to baldly state what is what....
Le us just be pleasant and polite, ok?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
Le us just be pleasant and polite, ok?
I urgently request the installation of a faint! smiley. Plonk!
Remember: You should be offended, not deliberately gross, you dis-brained tadpole!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
....No need to baldly state what is what....
Le us just be pleasant and polite, ok?
So bald people are unpleasant and impolite? Is that what you're saying? I have certainly come across a few deeply unpleasant baldies but have encountered the same degree of unpleasantless among those with abundant hair. Hair has nothing to do with it IMHO.
(I've skipped the above post because there's no unintended offence in it - it's all intended to give offence)
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
You stick up for bald people, then call them 'baldies'?? Hoist by your own, I'd say
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Hoist by your own what? Certainly not by your own hair if justlooking is sticking up for bald people. Finish your sentences, please. Are you expecting us to guess what you're trying so unelequently to say?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
I am offended anyone on these boards wouldn't know the word 'petard' and what is being refered to in the well-known (to some) saying of being hoist by one's own petard. This is what comes of not having a thesaurus and complete works of Shakespeare to hand.
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
What makes you think I need a thesaurus or the complete works of Shakespeare? I'm already quite familiar with the phrase "hoist by one's own petard."
There are many things of which I'm ignorant, but I can really do without you ascribing to me more ignorance than is my due.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
How much ignorance are you due, Kingsfold? I mean we're all ignorant of so much, as Socrates well knew, but it's rather strange to think one has a quota of ignorance by right. Do you wake up some mornings and think 'I'm entitled to more ignorance'? What do you do about it? Take brain-damaging quantities of class A drugs? Stick a hatpin up your nose and try to knock out some relevant neurons? Stay drunk all the time? So awful of you to encourage such things.
Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on
:
I could scream like a banshee at Bean Sidhe's post! Assuming I'm ignorant of sooooo much! And trotting Socrates out to boot, so taking the pedantic and self-abasing route at the same time! "See how much I know! We're all so ignorant - except me, of course because I know Socrates!"
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Speak for yourself, TomOfTarsus - I am entirely ignorant of Socrates!
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Yeah, I haven't met him either. Isn't he dead or something? All these assumptions are offensive.
Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on
:
I am truly deeply offended that you think I'm dead. Does a dead man type so eloquently?
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
What's offensive about being dead? This is discrimination against vampires, zombies and mummies.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Now I am confused. ![[Confused]](confused.gif)
Shakespeare is a zombie? Tom of Taursus claiming to be The Bard? What do vampires have to do with our mums?
Side note to ToT: if you are Shakespeare, I now give full credence to those alternate theories.
And apologise to their proponents. I have called them fools; classless, classist moronic dweebs; nimrods with naught but two brain cells, incommunicado; a picnic minus a sandwich, blanket and picnic; etc. And now I must, well no, I do not rescind any of that, it is all true. But I must concede they might be broken clock correct. Unless! Unless zombie Shakespeare's brain has deteriorated to the point of writing such drivel as Tom's....No! Not possible. Nothing deteriorates that far.
[ 10. August 2012, 17:28: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on
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Socrates! Not Shakespeare!
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
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I am offended on behalf of dead people whose names don't begin with 'S'. All this talk of Shakespeare and Socrates is discriminatory - other initial letters are available!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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I am offended, sirrah, that you have hacked into the SOF servers to change the several posts preceding mine so as to discredit me. You are indeed a base knave.
Posted by Enigma (# 16158) on
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On behalf of many of those afloat on the ship I am mightily offended at any suggestion of hacking in these safe waters. Whatever are you thinking??
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I am aghast at the implication that Shipmates should think before posting - you only have to look in Hell to see that this rarely occurs!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Now you're condemning us to Hell for simple mistakes? I shall no longer refer to you as a kindly duffer.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I'm offended/disgusted/distraught [delete as necessary] that you ever did!
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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Well, THANK YOU.
I tried to do as instructed and delete as appropriate but could not access your post without hacking. Now look at the mess I made of my screen!
It's not offensive, it is shocking.
Next time you want us to "delete or tick as appropriate" please post your PW, too.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Please don't shout, Syllie, even if it is to offer a very necessary 'thank you'. It's late, I've been drinking red wine and now you've given me a headache.
Does anyone have paracetamol?
[ 11. August 2012, 23:56: Message edited by: Bean Sidhe ]
Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on
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A hangover is its own reward, Beanie. Consider the wrath of the grape part of your just deserts for being a lush. I'm offended you would pass up such an excellent reminder that vices bring about their own rewards, but would instead ask for us to bail you out. I think I'm going to need another caipirinha to deal with the outrage.
Oh, and no posting while drunk.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Did I say I was drunk? The nerve of you! I can hold my liquor. AND I made Mass at 8am this morning.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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You made Massachussetts in a morning before 8 a.m.? Not bad, seeing other folk take seven days for a world.
But what was the lovely place around Boston, full of scenery which I visited a few times in recent years? It was there long before this morning... I suspect you were bragging about nothing, making it up, inflating your achievements (you probably made a mass of breakfast cereal or so). yeah, outright lying even, thinking we provincial Old Worlders wouldn't notice. I am offended you should think us so stupid. Go back to Mass and apologise.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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As another Old Worlder (though hardly provincial), your inability after all this time to pick up which side of the pond I'm on shows me how little notice you take of my posts before you decide to offend me. All about you, isn't it.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I'm devastated that you, dear old Bean, haven;t yet realised that it is really all about humble little ME!
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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Oh, what a blow you have dealt me here, Beanie! How could I take note of your erudite, poetic, incomparable post when I am busy looking at ... erm .... at ... at your shapely wrists!. I had, based on experience, assumed that there was only one logically feasible explanation for a beauty bean like you consistently spurning my invitations to a date: you lived too far away and were afraid you'd miss the last train home. And now you tell me you live in the vicunity??! Never have I bean so disappointed!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Why is it always 'humble little me'? What does height have to do with humility? Are shorter people expected to be more humble? Some of the most arrogant bastards I know are on the short side. If you are laying claim to humility please don't confuse the issue by pretending to be little with it.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Oh now short people are arrogant and of dubious paternity?
I'll have you know all the worst characters in history were Tall!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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Yet again you have deliberately played a post which prevents me from taking due offense. I can find nothing whatsoever to complain about in your contribution to this thread, for once, and I feel quite indignant that this means that I am prevented from following the rules as stated in the OP.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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I feel you are being rather short-sighted smudgie. Some references may have been above your head but we all face such challenges from time to time and we need to make an effort to rise to the occasion. This is what stepladders are for.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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Well, I for one have never yet faced a challenge that went over my head (come to think of it ,I never face things over my head, it gives me stiff neck). I rather find that for some inexplicable reason all references, hints and allusions seem to be aimed at about 3 feet lower.
Posted by Enigma (# 16158) on
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I cannot believe that anything can be aimed 3 feet lower than my lowest. You must spend all your life aiming things intended for short people like me directly into a hole. What use is that?
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
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See here, Enigma, if you have vertical challengability issues I'm sure you can find a paranoia roolz ok thread somewhere on the ship. I'm so upset you've mmmade mmy mmouse all stcky.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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How cruel! Making fun of people who have a speech impediment. They're probably very sensitive about it and are crying quietly in a corner.
Posted by Stick Monitor (# 17253) on
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Are you trying to insinuate that people with speech impediments are so emotionally retarded that they habitually hide their feelings?!
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
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For the last time, people, could you please pay attention to which thread you're posting in‽ Asking questions is somewhere underneath this one; would it really kill you to look?
[ 14. August 2012, 22:09: Message edited by: Ariston ]
Posted by Stick Monitor (# 17253) on
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If you must lecture people on which threads to post questions then please start by taking the plank out of your own eye.
[ 14. August 2012, 22:46: Message edited by: Stick Monitor ]
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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So, now you pick on carpenters... Who work with planks.....
Riiiggghhhht.... What have they ever done to you?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Right, and what about pirates then? All day long, plundering the seas, evading the Queen's men, striking dashing poses as the wind blows the feathers in their hats. Weary work as it is. But having to do it walking around with a peg leg, one eye and a hook,* not to mention having a parrot or monkey shitting on your shoulder. Now you take their planks away and give them to carpenters. Carpenters! Enough to make one take the pardon and become honest...
*Which might be where the missing eye went.
[ 15. August 2012, 00:27: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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When did monkey or parrot shit become an aid to male grooming? You must have a low opinion of women in seafaring towns if you think they will be charmed by the 'dashing pose' of a man with shit all over his coat.
[ 15. August 2012, 00:57: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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I dunno. My mother told me that being shat on by a bird was good luck. This could be a man with prospects.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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First it was carpenters.
Now it is a man with prospects... A gold prospector, I presume.
You folk pick on perfectly innocent men, with interesting careers, and rip them apart.
What is wrong with you all, I ask?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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It is positively astounding how much offense you folks manage to squeeze into the brevity of only four posts! Carpenters, pirates and monkeys. And worst of all: dashing men in feathered hats. And please not that my cute companion is by no means a parrot. It belongeth in fact to a unique and incredibly precious species called "penguin". Flightless, brainless but pretty and good-natured.
But what's worst: You do not desist from posting questions despite a perfectly clear (in fact amzingly clear, given its author) admonition from our clownish circus host AA not to do so.
Can't you read?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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I can't see what you're offended at in the previous post. You've attached yourself to Rowen's offendedness instead of producing your own. You may think it's clever to let someone else do all the hard work then swan in at the end and take credit for it. But it isn't.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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You are definitely right when you say that swans are not clever - as right as Sylvander is wrong in describing penguins as brainless. Though any penguin who choses to sit on that pirate's shoulder is clearly the exception that proves the rule.
But I dispute your assertion that there is anything whatsoever wrong with letting others do the hard work. Why re-invent the wheel? Are you expecting people to replicate work on a voluntary basis or to claim overtime for so-doing?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I am SHOCKED by the use of nasty four letter words in the post above - surely we all know that it is properly displayed as w*rk!
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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I've seen some sneering at liberals and south bank religion before, but refusing to even type Southwark is taking the biscuit.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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I'm no great fan of the sneering-at-liberals party but to accuse them of taking all the biscuits is uncalled for. Is there evidence to substantiate this claim? Can you produce the biscuit barrel?
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
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Where was this sneering-at-liberals party and why was I not invited? I always seem to be missed out of these things. Kindly update your guest list!
If it's still going, maybe I could make it for the last half hour - what's the dress code?
[ 15. August 2012, 19:12: Message edited by: Starbug ]
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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I bet they took that, too, in order to give it to some fo fat reigner going by the name of Diocoloss or so. Typically offensive you did not even consider that obvious explanation. Or not?
Starbuddie, you were in too much haste. Please go back and dress properly after repenting for the crosspost.
Much obliged.
[ 15. August 2012, 19:16: Message edited by: Sylvander ]
Posted by Stick Monitor (# 17253) on
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It's diakonos actually. Didn't they teach you koine at theological college? And what have you got against this precious ministry anyway?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Diacolossus or diakinesis or whatever, who on earth is that? Some enormous leaping Welshman? Please avoid such obscure name-dropping unless you're willing to explain yourselves.
Posted by Stick Monitor (# 17253) on
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I am NOT schizophrenic!
[ 15. August 2012, 21:51: Message edited by: Stick Monitor ]
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
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Excuse me, do I need to introduce you to my great-great-great-(skip a few)-great grandfather, Dafyd Llewellyn the Leaping? Six-foot-and-a-half he was, and just a bit hot-tempered. For once, I'm not that offended, but if you run into any rather jumpy ghosts spewing spectral phlegm each time they try to talk, well, you brought it on yourself.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Funnily enough, I think I once met Dafyd. I'd just clocked off after a hard night's wailing and, dear oh dear. Can't you do something about him? You earthbound types may not worship your ancestors these days, but at least you could try to keep them under control. Don't you think?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
.... I'd just clocked off .....
Well that says it all, doesn't it? Working to rule I suppose. Not prepared to do anything outside contracted hours. Just pass the buck, blame someone else and bugger off home. Typical
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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Exploitation of the workforce! You can tell you're management! Squeezing every last ounce of blood, sweat and honest toil out of your workers and expecting them to smile and thank you for it.
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
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Oh here we go, offensive misattribution of a hierarchical structure when it's actually a socialist plot of communistic anarchists with enough clichés and hair gel to last a lunchtime.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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I am extremely upset. Until I expanded your post on my phone, I thought you were talking about 'offensive masturbation'. Do try to anticipate these things, it put me right off my cocoa. But now to bed, on my own tonight...
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
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That post is going to be highly offensive to many people involved in this thread. Kindly don't dismiss obnoxious wankers out of hand. They have feelings too. Frequently, in fact. And strongly held ones at that.
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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Why dismiss anybody? Why not let them all in, as we follow Christ's inclusive role model.....
But there you go, dismissing anyone and evrything in sight.
Typical.
I thought this was a religious website..
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Rowen:
Typical.
Typical of what? I am happy to take exception at whatever it is you are mithering about but I like to know where to focus my outrage. Please be more specific.
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
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Oh My! Now we're insulting mothers by calling them mithers! I am outraged on behalf of all of the maternal persons who might read this!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Oh, how precious are we, needing a "focus" for our outrage?
Look to see how many preceding you are outraged and offended without even understanding what was said, and you wish it more narrowly defined.
No prophet! How dare you post your drivel whilst I am composing my brilliance.
[ 17. August 2012, 16:34: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
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lilBuddha:
How dare you be brilliant when I am such a dim bulb and a loser! I am outraged and deeply wounded, feel even more of a loser, and am so offended I slapped myself.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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If you are dim, NP, so be it, but please don't compare yourself to bulbs. Only this spring, I spent a happy afternoon with my daffodils, throwing around thoughts on the impact of current neurology on questions of personal identity and free will, while the onions in my kitchen can be eye-wateringly witty. Now root vegetables are another matter. Are you a dim swede?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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I am not offended (or surprised) you speak to vegetables. Theirs is likely the only conversation you can comprehend.
I am offended by your racism. Tell me, is it all Scandinavians, or just the Swedish? Though they are offensively tall, they are no worse than the rest of you pale people.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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Prince Charles has a lot to answer for. Talking to vegetables is OK in moderation but expecting them to engage in conversation is going way too far along the road to the funny farm.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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Why shouldn't farms be funny? Don't cows deserve comedians or sheep deserve a laugh? It's bad enough that these farm animals are, like the proletariat, exploited by the human bourgeousie, but you would also deny them their entertainment? Or maybe it's the possibility that satire against their human masters might raise their consciousness that you're afraid of?
Farm animals of the world unite. You have nothing to lose but your pens!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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And then faithful old Boxer gets carted off to the knackers. Great.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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You just had to remind me didn't you? Just when I was getting over it.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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Why the waterworks? It's not as if somebody's told you that Bambi's mother didn't just go to sleep.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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You. Nasty. Souless. Fucked-up excuse for a film ending spoiler. How the hell DARE you? Do you have some wort of cybernetic scrying device that tells you who has seen what film and how far? Some of us might as well take out our Blu-Ray collection and use it for skeet shooting, now!
(And I don't believe ti for a second. She was just asleep. Nope, shut up, she was just-- LALALALALA! can't hear you! You flippin' glass-half emplty cynic.)
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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I simply have to take offense at this uncontrolled outburst of vindictiveness about those who have wort. What precisely do you have against herbalists? I have a variety of wort, all beneficial to mankind in some shape or form, and I object to your snide comments and foul language directed at my fellow wort-owners, especially as it would seem to be an unprovoked attack. Perhaps a little appplication of wort would calm your obviously tortured spirit.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I must object to the reference to Kelly having a, and I quote, "tortured spirit" - I'll have you know that her spirit is triple distilled and most carefully filtered - she mixes it herself in her very own bath!
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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And what about those who prefer showers, like me?
Willfully ignore us, why don't you?
Long live the shower-ists in the world today!
God has a special purpose for us.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Baths? Showers? You bastards. Selfish, heartless bastards, don't you know the world is desperately short of clean water? Billions don't have it at all, wars are looming over it and here you are, fouling this precious, life-giving stuff with your bodies and slooshing it down the plughole. Join the unwashed alliance today. Come to our rally and bare your armpits for hydro-responsibility. Unite! You have nothing to lose but your friends!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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How dare you associate the name of a fine trade union with your filthy campaign? I suppose you want to abolish pit-head baths for the miners and all other workplace washing facilities. This is a dirty tricks campaign - a conspiracy by government lackeys.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Government conspiracy, is it? Someone needs to loosen their tinfoil hat a bit, let the blood flow. Now, now; calm down, relax and go back to eating your paste.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
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Since when were tinfoil hats used to stem blood loss, anyway? Hardly the most appropriate dressing. Looks like someone needs some first aid lessons!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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quote:
Originally posted by Starbug:
Looks like someone needs some first aid lessons!
Arrghh.
Yes, my cards have expired, Yes, I have scheduled a renewal training class. Yes, I am a big old flake who let it slide. Thanks for rubbing it in, Mom.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
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How dare you insinuate that I could be old enough to be your mother? I am not that old. Just because I use anti-wrinkle cream (which hasn't worked, by the way - total rip-off!) and dye my hair, it doesn't mean I'm old. I may be ever-so-slightly the wrong side of 30*, but that's not old. Well, is it?
*OK, then, 40.**
**All right, 45.
[ 19. August 2012, 20:07: Message edited by: Starbug ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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45? 45? Are you a tree?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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lilbuddha, kindly stick to jokes you don't have to explain. What do you mean, "a tree"?
Understand I live in the land of sequoia sempervirens. Around here, a 45-year-old tree is the equivalent of a zygote.(Got your back, Starbug.) Got any 1500 year old trees lying around? Talk to me when you encounter some.
I myself am ageless, so such silly references to temporal age mean nothing to me. Not even meaningful enough to be offended over.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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sigh No mind jokes for you then either.
back to the offendedness
Oh, special trees have we now? Simply because they are old? (certainly does not work for people, BTW) What of more efficient trees such as the coconut palm? Which, by 45, have been producing delicious nuts for decades. Bananas can be had within a year. Which would you rather chew on? Coconut, banana or redwood?
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
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Bananas are a herb, not a tree. What do they teach children in school these days? Or is it that you disdain herbs and are trying to boost trees by giving them the credit for anything good. Next thing you'll be telling us that potatos grow on trees.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Oh for heaven's sake, another pedant. Yes, strictly, a tree should have a central, lignified trunk but to most people it's just a very big plant. I can't imagine any neighbour calling the banana trees in my road (Yes this is London, life gets weirder) anything but that. Trees. Big plants.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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You what?! You let your banana trees out in the street? In London? Where they can get run over? Clearly you should b not be left in charge of trees. Or herbs. Come to think of it I'd need many reassurances to entrust you with a yuccw palm or even a match. I am offended social services haven't been alerted yet at this blatant case of floral neglect
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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So, London gets banana trees. What about the rest of us? Where are the banana trees in Huddersfield or Grimethorpe or Leeds? Considered too good for the likes of us I suppose.
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
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Are you implying that certain denizens of northern industrial towns might be inclined to clamber around in banana trees were the facility available to them? That's racist, that is!
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
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I'm offended at the implications of your inference, and the restraint of tropical tree climbing in northern locales. To call it racist escapes the point entirely. Trees of the World Unite, you have nothing to lose but your fruit!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Why, you capitalistic little shit-stirrer, you.
From The Bible (Wikipedia):
quote:
The United Fruit Company was frequently accused of bribing government officials in exchange for preferential treatment, exploiting its workers, paying little by way of taxes to the governments of the countries in which it operated, and working ruthlessly to consolidate monopolies
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
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My sister is called Ruth, and now you seem to advocating a ruthless society.
How could you?
My own sister a commodity to be disposed go?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Rowen, if you bothered to parse what you read, you would see that I am aiming my bitter bile at a ruthless society. I am very clearly advocating a ruthful society. Stop trying to get a certain Admin Emeritus down here to kick my ass.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
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I am shocked, shocked, that you suggest that our own beloved dear Ruth is without merit. I am positive she merits something... not sure what, but definitely something.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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Why, she merits ME of course! She merits to be treated and wooed like a lady which means first thing in the evening she needs to be rescued from the coarse company of YOU lot. I have just the now given orders to water the armour and polish the donkey. And once I have found the Ikea-manual for the 15-foot wooden spear and shield I shall immediately ride to her rescue.
That'll be a gallant night!
I am bitterly disappointed that you have not thought yourself of inflicting this insuperable chance of merriment on the poor lonely girl. Is really the tiniest wee bit of thinking too much to expect?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I am speechless. You want to report me to Social Services with a trumped-up allegation of banana-tree neglect, and now you're proposing (not a word I should use, perhaps, with the likes of you) to polish a donkey?? There are many things you could do with a donkey, and I'm sure you have, but polishing is quite definitely beyond the pale. It's the RSPCA for you, me lad.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
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I know of no law against polishing donkeys. It may not be usual but that doesn't make it wrong. Surely what matters is that the donkey isn't harmed in any way. Assuming the use of suitable products I can see no ill-effect from a donkey's looking spruced up and shiny. No doubt the gallant knight got his donkey polish in Ikea when he went to buy the self-assembly spear and shield. He just wants to look his best for his gallivanting. Why spoil his fun?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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You are defending Sylvander?! Please do not encourage him.
Side note: hadn't thought of the animal cruelty angle. Figured "polish the donkey" was some sort of euphemism.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by justlooking:
Why spoil his fun?
Her.
I am sure you meant to write "her". If you want some private tuition on the proper use of the common English pronoun, I'm your man. We could then progress to the improper use of an uncommon German pronoun. I promise it is all very instructive.
Now, THAT is a subtly innuendoed youphemism, little Bud. Your post by contrast made me shiver.
And not with antcipassion.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
I am deeply offended that you have seen fit to invent a fine sounding new word without consultation with me. Though honestly what ants do in moments of flagrant delight may be of limited interest to a wider public.
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
Flagrancy? How dare you advocate flagrancy! Next it will be fragrancy and vagrancy! And flouncing. You are leading down a terrible, dangerous and frivolous path towards burlesque which will only encourage the moral slide of Circus into immorality. Oh my, am I offended!
Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on
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I am offended to the very centre of my nipple tassles. How can you badmouth burlesque! I may have to write to the right reverend Liza about this....
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Untorque your panties, hun. What good is sitting alone in your room? Come hear the music play...
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
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Kelly, how would you know about BL's knickers? Are you hitting on more ladies than Sylvie? This is a Classy Establishment, and none of us have to stand for your ill behavior.
Plus, we really don't need another one of you turning this into the dating thread, thank you. The Circus is not a pickup joint.
[ 22. August 2012, 01:44: Message edited by: Ariston ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Classy Establishment?
Well, I suppose it was until you came along and joined in!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Don't kick a guy when he's down, Wod, he's wallowing in envy that I get more female attention than he does. Nowhere to go but up, but still.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
To be fair, I do get the impression he is a bit more, um repressed than you are.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
To date, Evensong has never complained. So there.
[ 22. August 2012, 03:12: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
The term you're looking for is "decorum." Or "propriety." Don't you know the meaning of "propriety?"
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
And he's so bitterly envious that he just STEPS RIGHT OVER ME. Your witness, God.
( I refuse to fan-gush over one of my favorite movies of all time. Don't bait me.)
[ 22. August 2012, 03:16: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on
:
Sweetie. Chill. I KNOW you're not used to being stepped on. But I'm kinda offended that you're offended by that. Let's hear it for the sistahood who triumph through submission...
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
And there you are, adding chilli to the thread without asking everybody if we all like it. Some of us don't like chilli, thank you very much. Please check first in future before adding condiments.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Quite. Next thing you know, it will be extra garlic and parsley and those stupid edible flowers and the whole thing will end in madness.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
End in madness? Have you not been paying attention? This thread was conceived in madness, has steeped in madness; glories, revels and wallows in madness. Every participant is certifiably insane!*
Ariston wanders around in his clown pyjamas, thinking himself a dishwasher; Kelly types half her posts with her nose as she is restrained in a straight jacket; Syllie acts a combination of Cyrano de Bergerac and Don Quioxte. We have a nutter who thinks herself a wailing spirit or gaseous emission, another who thinks she is a penguin! She jumps in the neighbors' pool, splashing about, naked save for black and white paint, then wanders town begging for fish! Really quite embarrassing. The saddest is the geez, um, pensioner who thinks himself an ex-pat in India. Spends his days sitting atop his toy elephant, reliving the days of the Raj. Though, to be fair, he might have been there, given his age...
Anyhow, this place is a veritable asylum, and you say might end in madness.
*Excepting, of course, myself.
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
I am offended that I was not mentioned in lilBuddha's listing of insane people. Not even included generically or in a way that I could at least believe I was included.
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
WE are the insane ones? Which is more credible: to believe that the lot of us are nutters going around in penguin body paint (etc.), or that you're the one with the hallucinations?
It'll all be allright soon, dearie. I know of a good, safe place where you can take a little vacation for a spell. Shhh now. I know, it's hard work being the Buddha, but you can do it when you get back.
Now doctor, about those delusions of being a major religious figure . . .
[ 22. August 2012, 15:44: Message edited by: Ariston ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
We have a nutter who thinks herself a wailing spirit or gaseous emission
You calling me a fart? You want to come outside and say that??
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Well, the air might be more pleasant (depending on how long the 'gaseous emissions' have been building up inside).
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Before I'm sectioned under the Mental Health Act, lilB, could you resolve something? Your sig says 'formerly lilB' but on my screen, right above those extraordinary, gorgeous horns of yours, you are still 'lilBuddha'. For those of us who might still just be teetering on the edge of insanity, this is very unsettling.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Wasn't me, Starbug!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You double post here, taking up valuable bandwidth, to tell us what you're not? If you're totally vacuous, then, clearly, it would be preferable if you left posting on this thread to those of us of more substance. Me, for example. I am of considerable substance.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Shut up, Smudgie.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Beanie, that sig thing pissed me off, too. I promptly sent an Irate PM to articulate my feelings. What did you do? Whinge in front of all of us. Well done!
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Okay Bunbun. Let's get something straight, appliance clown to errant lagomorph. You do not get to tell the penguin to shut up.
Ever.
Do I make myself clear?
Furthermore, that intentional double posting? Yeah. I don't think I need to go into further detail. You know how some people are scared of clowns, like that ghastly one IF had last H&A Day? If you were wise (which, I've noticed, you aren't), you would be one of them—because this clown is watching you in the creepiest way possible.
You've offended us for the last time. Be ready.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I am simultaneously insulted and aroused. That was masterful. Um, in an offensive way.
(Off to sort out confused feelings. Damn your eyes.)
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
. . .
The appropriate end to this thread is all-out thermonuclear war, not "and then they all fucked."
I swear, all the flirting. I really don't think the thread has been moved to the long-lost T&T board, do you?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Once again: Kelly<<< Californian. To you it's flirting, to me it's the kind of honest expression of my true self that only fifteen thousand dollars worth of EST classes can by. This dogged lack of cultural sensitivity is getting old.
Oh, by the way? Theta clear, mofo.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Not only is a sentence ended with a preposition but it is one that makes no sense!
Oh, I see - it is a typo! It should have been "buy" - what a shame you didn't spend some of that money on learning basic English - or even how to use the preview button!
Lest you be offended by what I say let me assure you that I say all this in the spirit of love.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh, are you serious? "Spirit of Love"? Isn't that the title of Chapter One of "How To Be a Christian and Still Be Really Insulting"?
Let me tell you what you can do with your spirit of love. You can fold it five ways and shove it where the sun won't hit it.
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
I am offended by the incoherence and sticky affectation you offensive people are engaged in.
And I am further offended about the comment about prepositions. But if you insist, I will rewrite my first sentence:
"I am offended by the incoherence and sticky affectation you offensive people are engaged in, you ninnies!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Ninnies? That's the best you've got?
Thou lump of foul deformity; thou churlish, clay-brained clotpole. Toffee-nosed, malodorous pervert. Alright, you are likely not a pervert, but I love the way that flows. Point is get creative, even if you must steal it, yeah?
Ninnies, I show up for that? what's the world coming to then, yeah? this is the legacy we leave for the next generation? Disgraceful, it is.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Surely it is better to age disgracefully than it is to age gracefully? Just think how many Shipmates there would be left if you eliminated all the disgraceful ones!
In fact of all those that participate in this thread I think only I would remain - but then I am pure.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
It is annoying when people don't finish their sentences. You claim to be pure, but pure what? Pure genius? Pure evil? Pure-as-the-driven-snow? Pure comedy? You're telling us nothing.
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Ninnies? That's the best you've got?
I am offended that because I am using a computer that you could not hear the sneering and obscenely drawn out way this would sound if I'd said it to you directly. Nor can you hear me upchuck and belch in your direction.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Much better, np!
Not good, but better. Like the effort, though. To be fair, you are in fast company. WW, for instance, reeks of decay and pure malevolence before typing a word. I am offended by him as he approaches his keyboard.
[ 23. August 2012, 13:31: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by justlooking:
It is annoying when people don't finish their sentences. You claim to be pure, but pure what? Pure genius? Pure evil? Pure-as-the-driven-snow? Pure comedy? You're telling us nothing.
Wrong as usual, Justlooking. Wodders was so put out that AA is a dishwasher, he decided to go one better and become a
digital radio.
As for you, lilB, you continue to confuse us with your phantom name change. Do we take this as a lame attempt at irony?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Not certain what you're on about, old Bean.
[ 23. August 2012, 14:12: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Despite my sharing your bemusement I take offence at your responding to a leapfrog. It only encourages them.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Even an old bean can sprout, lilB, so much in my case I have to watch my back in Chinese restaurants.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
[gamus interruptus]
{Ok, quit trying to throw me off my game, lilb, won't work...]
Ooops, bottom of thread vertigo. Y'all planned that, didn't you?
[ 23. August 2012, 19:43: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
I am offended that none of the last 6 posts express any offendedness. I am doubly offended that there appears to a love-in going on between at least 2 of you complete with titillation and marthambles. And endearments! I am offended by the endearments most of all!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Well, I never! no prophet, the secondary sexual characteristics of your shipmates are not fodder for this thread, you pervert! And I am not aware who Miss Mbles is, but she is not a participant on this thread. And I am sure she would be as offended as I.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Well, I never!
Clearly.
(Someone had to say it.)
quote:
no prophet, the secondary sexual characteristics of your shipmates are not fodder for this thread, you pervert!
OK:
1. Speak for yourself.
2. You do realize that by phrasing that the way you did, you are pretty much opening the door for people to start discussing primary sexual characteristics? And who can we thank as the thread plunges down Smut Falls?
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
Marthambles is the state of being over heated. I am offended that our little buddy lilBuddha is over heated and now needs an ice bath. Further I am offended that some of you are falling for smut. Obviously you are friends of that Not-So-Hairy-Naked-Prince who offended nearly everyone except those of you who are not offended.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Dear Lord, must we bring that up everywhere?
Can't we talk about cantaloupes, or Swingline staplers, or anything else?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
no prophet referring to cantaloupes is what started all this. Never heard a stapler as a euphemism. How does that work?
grabs stapler, scratches head. hmm. pushes down, top springs back up. well , maybe. pushes down a little harder, sproing! stapler explodes, sending staples flying over everything, wasted before they can be put to use.
Oh, right, now I get it. Kelly! Shame on you, dirty minded girl.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
How irresponsible.
Now I have a staple impaled in my foot.
Waddling with a limp.
And it's all your fault.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
1. The haiku thread is elsewhere.
2. That. scans. horribly.
(Staggers off to nurse bleeding eyes.)
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am desolate that you should lambast poor Smudgie so...
...I wanted to do it!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Kelly, 'bleeding' comes from 'bloody' which comes from 'by Our Lady' and when all's said and done, this is a Christian website. 'Sodding eyes' or 'fucking eyes' would be preferable, notwithstanding that either would require one of them to hop over your nose. How big is your nose? Come to think of it, you'd have to lie on your back for this to work. And come to think of it again, eyes aren't a sexual characteristic, secondary or otherwise, so maybe they wouldn't be up for it. I'll mull it over.
[ETA] All will never be said and done. Now I get it!
[ 24. August 2012, 07:08: Message edited by: Bean Sidhe ]
Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on
:
I am SO offended that you began a diatribe about sexual innuendo without including me. And ITTWACW!
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
In their defence, BL, I think they did it with good intentions, mistakenly taking you as being innocent of any such thing - I think it is pretty darned offensive of you to point out their lack of vision in this way.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Lack of vision? Some of the things this thread has caused me to envision make me want to rip out my visual cortex. I nearly want to convert, just so I can pray for the visions to stop!
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Wait, the Buddha converting? As the head of a major religion, I'd think you'd have more conviction in your teachings—and the confusion it'd cause your followers. After all, we don't want a repeat of this incident, do we?
Compassion on your fellow beings indeed.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Now if that isn't faithist, I don't know what is. You think that all Buddhists ought to be convicted? What of, precisely? As far as I know there isn't a law against shaving your head (even down as far as the skull) or sitting with your legs crossed or even wearing saffron - though I did think the other day that there should be a law against one particular group of about a hundred Buddhist monks being in front of me in the queue for the icecream stall on a very hot day. BUt in general I find Buddhists to be a very law abiding faith group. Free the Buddhists, I say - they are innocent.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
While I would agree that selling Buddhists into slavery is wrong, I do not see that giving them away free is any better.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Who's getting all this free stuff? No-one's offered me a free Buddhist.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Buddhism is intrinsically free, haven't you got that yet?
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
See, but it was a "free Buddhists to good homes" deal. Emphasis on the "good homes" bit. Whereas some of us are willing to take our Bihkku on walks, feed it, brush it, and give it the occasional koan, other people just can't be trusted with that responsibility. I mean, there's a lot of work involved, and not just for Pure Land or Rinzai practitioners; even your run-of-the-mill Buddhist from the local ashram will need more attention than some people (like you) can handle. I'm sorry, but it hurts and offends me to see poor, neglected stray monks off on the side of the road, abandoned by their former masters.
Remember, a Buddhist isn't just for Vesak. It's for life.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
At first, I was offended by you lot. However after some reflection, something we do well, I determined I was a hypocrite for feeling so. And now, I must give you thanks. For today, I free my pet Christians. It is bittersweet, as I was given some of them as a young child. It was a learning experience at first, I must admit. Keeping the different breeds in different pens, cannot mix the fundamentalist with the RCCs, the fundamentals will turn rabid. Different feeds for each, unleavened wafers and wine for the RCCs, the High church CofEs demanding battenberg... I will have to confess I lost a few at first. That was embarrassing. Turns out they do not flush like goldfish. Father was quite peeved at needing to call the plumber. I did have such fun playing with them, though. Learned bunches about debate. Also about pointless diatribe.
Well it is over now, I realize keeping such pets is not the best thing. Though they do not seem capable of functioning on their own, I do worry they might injure themselves or each other. I shall release them seperately, in different areas.
Do any of you know of wildlife rehabilitation facilities which might be able to help them prepare for independence?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
OK, Public Service announcement: I do not respond to blatant attempts to craft Quotes File entries.
...
...
Dammit. (excuse me for a minute.)
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
I am offended and saddened. I came to share and offer thanks, and am accused of playing for laughs. What does it say of you, that you would think such? I'd thought better of you.
Well, alright, I hadn't thought better of you, but I had hoped better.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You hoped better of our dear, beloved Kelly? She isn't good enough for you just as she is? We love her, warts (yes every single one of them) and all. Her faults, foibles, weaknesses and failings make her the Kelly we all know and we wouldn't have her any other way (except, perhaps, in a good stew if we were really hungry). Stop measuring her against perfection and start accepting her just the way God made her. Not everyone can be a penguin.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Smudgiekins, I am aghast at your implication that anyone might wish to be a penguin - it is something that has ever occurred to me, nor, I am fairly sure, to the vast majority of Shipmates.
I reckon you're on your own there, sweet chips.
Posted by kankucho (# 14318) on
:
Sweet chips??? Uurgh! That's almost as offensive as salted caramel and chocolate pretzels!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
You do not like sweet/salty combinations? You culinary heathen.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
culinary heathen.
Culinary snob.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Culinary redneck! What's snobbish about contrast? I love chilli jam, and grind pepper onto fruit - wondrous on strawberries. I drew the line, though, at Earl Grey chocolate. Had to try it, but...
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Would you kindly aim that into a bucket or a commode or something, instead of straight on my ears?
[gameface off] Smudge, oddly enough you post was just what I needed to hear today. [gameface ON, and BRING IT!]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Now I'm doubly offended.
First off, my bucket of fish now has copious quantities of beany-vomit in it. You've put me right off my supper.
And as if that wasn't enough, my finely crafted post was taken as "just what you needed to hear"
which is so not in the spirit of the game.
So if I'm doubly offended, do I get double the points?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Smudgie, how can you chastise poor Kelly like that? We all know she's emotionally constipated. Just for once she opens her heart to you, and you make a specious point that it's not in the 'spirit of the game' - had she not said, clearly, 'gameface off'? Avians are supposed to be warm-blooded, I suggest you get medical help before yours freezes in your veins.
As for my vomit, most people have found it untypically wholesome - I am, after all, a bottle-a-day Toilet Duck addict. It can't have been worse than your fish if they'd spent hours in a bucket. I know you're far from the frozen south, but surely you could have got yourself a fridge by now? Dead or alive, they must have been crawling.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Beanie beanie beanie, your scattergun attitude to the relationships of pronouns is giving me a hernia. Is it the penguins, the vomit, or the little fishies that are crawling? Whatever. Your knee fetishes fail to titilate and that failure in itself is an offence/offence to an old man who likes his titilations ... talk about thwarted expectation.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am shocked that you refer to yourself as old - if you are old then what am I?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Being a feckless layabout, Wodders, I'm sure you're wearing well. Just stay out of the sun and purge regularly.
Zappa, please concentrate. My use of 'they' eliminates two of the three possible objects you mention, making elaboration redundant. There is, after all, only one penguin on this thread, probably on the entire ship, though she does make enough noise for a whole raft of them. And when did I mention knees? Either my memory's failing or you're having one of your phases again. Hold fast, it'll soon pass.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Dear Bean, how shocking that you should feel the need to remind Zappa about his medication quite so publicly - wouldn't a PM have done?
Mind you he has owed me one for days and I'm still waiting...
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
How important does Zappa think he is, that a head of government must act as his personal assistant? Good Gods, man, the daft codger already thinks he is two different musicians, don't inflate his ego further.
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
You know what, lB? Jesus thinks you're a jerk.* One doesn't mock St. Zappa—nor those under his patronage—lightly.
And, before anyone gets any ideas, my mockery is always extremely serious and most deserved.
*NSFW . . . or, well, anywhere anyone who can be offended at all can hear.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
I am horrorrized that you would think anyone on this thread would have an idea. Though I might have had one once, but I didn't inhale.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I say this as a friend, Ariston, that's exactly the way RooK began talking before uncontrollable megalomania took over. Demigodhood might look pretty from a distance, but how do you know who your real friends are when you are surrounded by minions?
[@Zappa. You Dare?? YOU DARE????]
[ 26. August 2012, 21:39: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
As a minion myself, I take umbrage at the suggestion that Ariston should cast me off like a worn jacket. It's all very well talking about friends in such a cavalier manner - you do so so thoughtlessly that I can only assume you must have one already. But think of poor people like the masterful Ariston who has not the slightest chance of fulfilling that ambition. And while I gain a good income of the occasional kipper as a reward for my honest minionhood, I'll thank you not to be quite so disparaging of the services I provide.
Meanwhile, you could redeem yourself by noting the numerous causes for offense in Zappa's post.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Smudgie! Ariston does so have friends, some of them aren't even imaginary.* And the rumours that he needs bribe even his imaginary companions are completely unfounded, even if highly probable.
*or so I've heard. I'll choose to believe this unlikely thing until I see evidence to the contrary.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
And what is wrong pray tell about having an Imaginary Friend? I have staked my life on my Imaginary Friend™. I know Him as My Personal Lord and Saviour™. He pays my bills. Washes me in His Blood™ and (somehow) thereby makes me whiter than snow. He Heals my ingrown toenails and makes sure nasty libruls and atheistic persons Go South™. I am so offended I may even cry. Or pout.
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
To both of you: not only do I not need to bribe my co-host, but, last time I checked, he's not Jesus. The implication that we should be patterning our lives after him—and that, contrary to a certain Eccles thread, buying our Sunday Best from chelseamegastore.com—is, quite frankly, both offensive and more than a little disturbing.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I don't know what they do in your church, but in my church the choristers wear robes. They do not wear Chelsea tops. There are many choristers who know how to wear proper ceremonial vestments throughout the country and you should not be including them in your rash generalisations.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Not one myself but I'm related to several Chelsea supporters, and find your suggestion that wearing their strip will bring one out in a rash... not highly offensive, but sufficiently so for me to draw it to your attention. I'm sure the Chelsea shirt is made from the finest, non-allergenic fabric. If you developed a rash after wearing one, you really should consider alternative causes. Did you have unprotected sex during the preceding weeks? Perhaps you should visit an STI clinic without delay.
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
Did your mother not teach you that it is at least very impolite and at most highly offensive to ask questions about someone's sex life?
And to compound the offence, you are asking impertinent questions about STIs. Please cease casting nasturtiums immediately.
[ 28. August 2012, 16:17: Message edited by: kingsfold ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Nasturtiums, of course! Highly allergenic. Dafyd, do you grow nasturtiums?
Thank you, Kingsfold. I buy your sliced bread every day.
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
No dear, you're thinking of Kingsmill, not me.
I can forgive you for not thinking of me, but to suggest that I'm a loaf of bread?? Pah.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
ON behalf of my avian relations everywhere I would like to express my disappointment that you do not seem to realise what an honour it is to be mistaken for a tasty bit of stuff.
Unless, of course, you are just upset that you weren't mistaken for a kipper.
[ 28. August 2012, 17:47: Message edited by: Smudgie ]
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Smudgie:
Unless, of course, you are just upset that you weren't mistaken for a kipper.
I'm deeply offended that you would use this expression, seeing as that "kipper" is a rude word for penis in some dialect.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
NP, once more I'm put off my cocoa just as I'm ready to get my head down. Does 'kipper' in this usage refer to a fishy odour around a man's nether parts? Or is it 'kipper' in the sense of 'one who sleeps'?
Kingsfold, I won't be offended that you called me 'dear'. Not this time.
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
NP, once more I'm put off my cocoa just as I'm ready to get my head down. Does 'kipper' in this usage refer to a fishy odour around a man's nether parts? Or is it 'kipper' in the sense of 'one who sleeps'?
No sure I completely understand. Kipper means about the same thing as "weiner" when not referring to food. I don't think it refers to an odour. Kipper is part of the vocabulary that also contains kybo, slough, burgoo, bluff, porch climber, gotchies, nip. Scottish English combined with Ukrainian and Russian drinking buddies so far as I know. Canadian prairie talk.
And I'm offended that you think fishy describes the odour to which you refer.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
A bit rude, then, no prophet. You'll be forcing her to remember how very long it has been since she formed those memories. And how her low standards might be more the culprit.
Shame on you, np.
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
I am offended that you blame me when it was not me who used the 'k' word first. I am also offended that I have caused you to believe I am shameful, and I probably am. Which makes me even more offended, and offensive.
Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on
:
I have a very sensitive nose, and can smell a bad argument from half a world away. This line of nonsense is particularly rank. Deeply offensive. *Sniff*.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Banner Lady - I am appalled that you should be posting under the influence of that white powder - and so blatantly!
Tell me, do rolled up Australian bank notes work as well as American ones?
[ 29. August 2012, 05:12: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
You're insinuating that Banner Lady snorts flea-powder? You think she has an infested ferret up her nose? Or is it bicarbonate of soda you're talking about... she bakes in there? I told you to keep out of the sun, you're cracking up.
[ 29. August 2012, 20:47: Message edited by: Bean Sidhe ]
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
And what would you know about BL's nose? Are you saying it's big? Dearie, if you can't be nice (or at least compliment her eyes!), then don't be anything. The rest of us here do expect a certain degree of civility.
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
I am offended that you think the rest of us expect a certain degree of civility. This is an offence taking thread. How can we possibly be offended if people are civil, bless your little heart?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Ariston, honeybuns, I said nothing about the size of BL's nose. I'm sure it's quite slender and refined, but it's amazing where a ferret can insert itself.
As for you, NP... well as for you, that says it all.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
And what, precisely, do you mean by that? Perhaps you are thinking of my undoubted wit and charm, perhaps you are thinking of Smudgie's penchant for raw herring [a tasted shared, incidentally, by many of my Dutch friends], perhaps you are talking about Ariston's gauche behaviour or no prophet's lack of prophesy - how can we tell unless you enlighten us?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
This is going too far, WW! First civility and now this. I do not want to be lah-dee-dah-enlightened. Some people, really!
You know what I want and until I get it I see no reason why you should get enlightenment. Why, I asked first!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Sylvander:
I do not want to be lah-dee-dah-enlightened.
(Puts fingers inears)
Stop the tuneless humming. It's so annoying. You have no idea. I want to put my fist through my monitor, but I'd have to take my fingers out of my ears..
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Stop the tuneless humming. It's so annoying. You have no idea. I want to put my fist through my monitor, but I'd have to take my fingers out of my ears..
What!? Don't you have feet?!!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Are you suggesting Kelly leave her computer in favour of Syllie being allowed to tunelessly drone on? Perhaps you are drawn to Syllie's psychotic sibilance.
And joking with a rabbit about missing feet?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I don't know... if a rabbit lost extremeties through reckless axe-swinging, which seems highly likely in this case, that could be very funny.
Whoops there goes another rabbit paw
Grab saltpetre, cure it to the core
Whoops there goes another rabbit paw charm!
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
Hardly a Very Vegetarian refrain !
I urge you to pawse
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Look, I can quite cope with poetry which doesn't rhyme. What I do struggle with, however, is poetry which doesn't scan. Besides which, this isn't a poetry thread. I oppose your lack of prose. Content fine - structure rubbish.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
That was poetry? Ye gods! What an offense that attempt is. Hosts, please remove that post to an external hard drive and burn it!
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
Call those proper prose barnacle and buddha once ?
Think budgic and karmic consequences !
[ 30. August 2012, 15:26: Message edited by: beachcomber ]
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
Let's just leave budgies out of it, shall we? They are cute and innocent little birds and have done you no harm at all.
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
cheap cheap
(what on earth is 'flood protection for this function ? Why have n't insurance people gotten hold of it?)
Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on
:
So now beachcomber is budgie-smuggling?
Do you have any idea how offensive that is to us antipodeans? Do you realize on how many levels that is just WRONG. Someone call the fashion police, my eyes are bleeding...
Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on
:
Banner Lady
I have to say that almost the entirety of your post is offensive.
Firstly your reference to the so-called ;fashion-police' is deeply disrespectful to our boys (and girls) in Blue (or black, actually) who daily serve us by keeping our streets safe. To compare some bizarre fashion critics to the thin blue line that protects us all is despicable in the extreme.
And secondly, as if that was not enough, you pretend that such can make your eyes bleed. People who suffer from Oculus bleedingus would no doubt be deeply hurt to read your words (if indeed they could read...)
I demand a full and immediate apology.
AFZ
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Listenup, alienzigzog ... greed is unforgivable. While one could easily take offence at some drivel, it's offensive to take offence or even offense at all drivel. Greedy greedy greedy. What is left over for those of us who are move level-headed and, as the good St Paul encouraged us to be, slow to take offence? Do you think you can hog-zog it all? Why not just write-off the entire 35 pages with one pontification and leave the rest of us untouched by all but the most benign of good pleasure?
Hmph.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Your hypocrisy is offensive, Zappa. You praise the concept of being slow to take offense, and yet you zapped poor Zoggy with your diatribe in less that twelve minutes which is hardly snail's pace in comparison to many.
Practise what you preach, dear man. And the more practice and the less preaching the better
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Pingu, Zapz there is a preacher. Preaching, not practicing, is what he does. If he cuts back on the preaching, he does nothing but post on silly forum games in his unemployment.
So ask yourself two simple questions:
1. Do you feel bad for implying he should be out of a job?
2. Do you feel bad for clogging up the Ship with Zappaisms?
Don't come back until the answer to both is "yes."
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
You're implying that this is a 'silly forum game'?
Fie on you, it's no such thing! As lilB has pointed out more than once, and for that matter exemplifies daily, this is an insane forum game.
As such, it's the perfect companion to a life of preaching. I'm sure a little time here puts Zappa in exactly the state of fantasy, weirdness and sheer incomprehension he needs to compose a sermon.
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
Cut the cr- er jargon
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Beachcomber, I am offended that your post is completely incomprehensible. Could you not have made it easier to understand for those of us who are more hard of thinking?
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
Starbug, I am offended that you are offended by my advanced expressiveness and lucidity. Being hard of thinking is surely no excuse. What would Wesley have done ? (I should like to be further offended by your combination of star and bug -but find it irrisistable, considering the planetary atmosphere you evoke.)
[ 31. August 2012, 12:42: Message edited by: beachcomber ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Beachy, you base your philosophy of life on a character from the telly? And not a particularly wise one.
And Beans dear, you have confidence in your capacity to ascertain the level of derangement in ones perceptions of reality? You are incapable of comprehending the level of derangement in ones perceptions of reality!
on a side note, this entirely disproves the much lauded psychological theory, "It takes one to know one"
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
once and future lilBuddha I am appalled that you of all people should accuse me of base tv-ism like that. You, you .. trogladyte !
By the way -which telly character do you mean ?
(Did John of Shanghai have his own show ?)
[ 31. August 2012, 15:59: Message edited by: beachcomber ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Now, now, do not deny your muse.
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
I am offended that you used the word "now" twice in a sentence, which also conveys patronization doesn't it now?
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
I am miffed I can't feel offended at this right now
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Writing such a long post ... in a game??? Do you think we've all got hours to waste reading all this stuff?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
BC, long ago on an offence thread far away, I counselled a newcomer thus:
If you are offensive, we will be offended.
If you are not offensive, we will be offended.
If you take offence, we will be offended.
If you do not take offence, we will be offended.
If you say anything at all, we will be offended.
If you say nothing, we will be offended.
In short, grumbling that one can't feel offended doesn't cut it.
lilB, horny as ever... derangement is essentially in the eye of the beholder. Denial may not be diagnostic, but it is to be expected. Which disturbs me nothing like as much as your (one's?) apparent unfamiliarity with the apostrophe.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Below the Lansker:
Writing such a long post ... in a game??? Do you think we've all got hours to waste reading all this stuff?
If you're spending time on this silly thread... yep!
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Below the Lansker:
Writing such a long post ... in a game??? Do you think we've all got hours to waste reading all this stuff?
When I wrote this post, it was in response to Bean Sidhe's, and for some reason, it appeared before it, unless the software corrects itself, in which case I will look a proper fool. I cannot tell you how upset I am.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
BC, long ago on an offence thread far away, I counselled a newcomer thus:
If you are offensive, we will be offended.
If you are not offensive, we will be offended.
If you take offence, we will be offended.
If you do not take offence, we will be offended.
If you say anything at all, we will be offended.
If you say nothing, we will be offended.
In short, grumbling that one can't feel offended doesn't cut it.
Nice how you managed being a show-off and a know-it-all at the same time. Any other lectures to deliver, Oh Wise One?
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Feel free to ignore me, why don't you?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
How can I ignore what I have not seen? Did you not see the time stamp clearly visible to the rest of the world that points this out? Are you just picking a fight? You wanna step outside? Why I oughta...
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Welcome, Below the Lansker! Is that a location, or some kind of quilt and you post in bed?
Kelly, if only... there's so much more I could say! Life is cruelly short, isn't it.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Kelly, Kelly! What are you teaching our newcomer? Put that bloody axe away, a stiletto or a cup of hemlock would be far more appropriate.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
Welcome, Below the Lansker! Is that a location, or some kind of quilt and you post in bed?
Kelly, if only... there's so much more I could say! Life is cruelly short, isn't it.
It's a location, as anyone with a passing acquaintance with wikipaedia would be able to tell you. As to the arrangement of my boudoir, I am outraged that you should want to pry into my inner sanctum.
I am ignoring the bunny girl ... see how she likes it.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I pass Wikipedia on the other side... too pissed off with students who copy and paste from it, including the errors.
Watch out for the axe.
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
Thanks BS. I am however offended by your ax grinding and the ambiguity of your BS
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
BC, long ago on an offence thread far away, I counselled a newcomer thus:
If you are offensive, we will be offended.
If you are not offensive, we will be offended.
If you take offence, we will be offended.
If you do not take offence, we will be offended.
If you say anything at all, we will be offended.
If you say nothing, we will be offended.
In short, grumbling that one can't feel offended doesn't cut it.
lilB, horny as ever... derangement is essentially in the eye of the beholder. Denial may not be diagnostic, but it is to be expected. Which disturbs me nothing like as much as your (one's?) apparent unfamiliarity with the apostrophe.
How wery offensive !
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
The quality of offense has fallen greatly. Brevity would be fine if it managed to convey information. Beany provides soooo much to be offended by, there should be something you can point to. Very offensive that you condescend to play the game, but cannot be bothered to type more than 3 words.
[ 31. August 2012, 22:35: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Now Buddhette, if you're going to complain about how others post, would you please refrain from sticking animated smilies in your complaint? It gets ever so tiresome whenever Kelly quotes files everything you post.
Oh, and you and Bunbun need to get a room already. I have to read it, and it's making me ill.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
As far as I can see, lilB and I haven't had much interaction in the last few pages, Which means Ariston must be talking about that weekend in Saint-Tropez.
Which is none of his business.
Posted by tomsk (# 15370) on
:
We cheese nun office bus highness?
I had an aunt who had to enter a convent after being caught on the top deck of a bus having stolen cheese from the office she was working at. Thanks Kelly Alves for raking up a traumatic time for the tomsk family.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
I pass Wikipedia on the other side... too pissed off with students who copy and paste from it, including the errors.
Watch out for the axe.
For the sake of the Stars, Mitt Romney and All Things Important in the Ordering of the Universe™, would you cut out the drivel about Real Life and get on with being offended.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Personally I am offended at any mention of R**l l*fe - that is something I try to avoid at all costs!
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Why can't you just say it as it is? Why all the coyness and blanked letters?
... and don't get me started on bl**dy asterisks ...
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Asterix is not bloody. He may get into lots of fights, but he resolves them by punching people without breaking the skin. He doesn't do any permanent long-term damage. Really, he's a role model for resistance fighters everywhere.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Dafyd:
Asterix is not bloody. He may get into lots of fights, but he resolves them by punching people without breaking the skin. He doesn't do any permanent long-term damage. Really, he's a role model for resistance fighters everywhere.
*ahem* I don't see offence here. In fact I see a radical absence of offence. Like R.S. Thomas' fast and disappearing God I see the residual vestiges of offence, except less so. It's sort of like the residual vestiges of a chimera of offence. In fact it's so bloody inoffensive and inoffended that I am offended to the max.
[ 01. September 2012, 10:07: Message edited by: Zappa ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
And who, Zappa, made you Offence Monitor? DWGAF?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Bean dear,
Somewhere in the cavernous, cobwebby recesses of your cranium, you do have at least a solitary synapse capable of completing a connection? Am I alone expecting at least a modicum of effort?
A sudden realization: I mostly likely am the sole participant for whom insane is a pretense. The rictus grins make more sense now, and here I thought it a function of your cumulative social ineptitudes. Apologies for that.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
A synapse is a connection, between axon and dendrite. Perhaps what you meant was 'solitary neuron', but then for a solitary neuron to attempt a connection would be as fruitful as one hand trying, zen-like, to clap. 'Single neuron' might dispel some of the neurological and logical confusion here, but on your performance so far I'd advise you to leave well alone. Presh, are those horns growing roots into your brain?
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
I am offended that these posts are so much cleverer than mine. I don't even understand half of it.
(Word count : more than three)
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Come now, Beanie; even you know well enough not to mock lilBuddha's teachings. Seriously, you think something might be Zen? From a Buddha? Next thing you know, you'll be telling us to kill lB on the road.
And Beachbum, welcome to offense. If you understood the other half, you'd explode from the sheer rudeness and offensiveness of everyone else's ramblings.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Call yourself a philosorapter? I suppose that is what you think gives you the right to be sooooo condescending to the Beanster? You assume that none of us know the first thing about Buddhism, eh? Well, just remember, 'assume' makes and ass of you and me, but not me in this case.
Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on
:
You live in a CASE?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Under the Lansker, to boot. Incidentally BTL (that's sooo close to BLT, I suggest you don't loiter in sandwich bars) I checked out Lansker on Wonkypedia and you seem to have misled me, there wasn't anything - though I found the answer elsewhere.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Is there no aspect of one's personal life off limits here? Last night my bedroom habits, tonight my domestic arrangements ... what's wrong with living in a non-conventional dwelling, a not entirely fixed abode?
Btw, wikipedia lists Lansker as Landsker - tbe more mainstream spelling, which I am far too intellectual to use.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Unconventional is fine. Living in a case below a fastidiously spelled lansker is... well, a little bit posey? In a who-shall-I-ask-round-and-impress-them sort of way?
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
And why did you not think to invite me? Am I not worth impressing? Here I am, aaaalllll aaalloooonnneee, and you don't even spare a single thought to knocking my socks off.
I see how it is. Hmph!
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on
:
I resent the fact that you are talking about knocking socks about.
They deserve to be treated with respect, even though they lead an udignified life... In fact, that could well be why they deserve our unabashed support.
I treat MY socks properly, thankyou very much.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Now how selfish is that?
My socks need a bit of care too, you know.
You care for your socks alone and as a result I am running around in an Inverary pair because you negligently allowed one of mine to wander off.
Socks this shape don't come cheap, you know.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Ok, first:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
A sudden realization: I mostly likely am the sole participant for whom insane is a pretense.
Now, is that not the cutest damn little thing you ever did see?
Back to the current high level of offense: rest assured I am taking notes on those who are blithely admitting they have socks. Multiple socks, yet. Shameless.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Kelly called someone else Shameless - I think I am amazed as much as I am offended!
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
Kelly called someone else Shameless - I think I am amazed as much as I am offended!
Get with the game, dude. Shame is so pre-post-modern. Offence is where it's at. I'm offended by your retrospectivity.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
WW's interest in old fashioned eye glasses is none of your concern. That Elton John and Dame Edna attempted an intervention after seeing them is WW's private shame, not for you to splash all over a public website. Thinking you're Murdoch now are you?
BTW, all the decent countries still do shame.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Well, I've bought a pair of allegedly 'retro' glasses and they seem fine to me. Pinky mauve and egg-shaped, and I know I'm laying myself open to your sneering but 'shame is for losers'. My spiritual trainer told me that. Anyway, I have to stand by Wodders here. Wodders? Oh for fuck's sake... somebody, help me get him up?
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
... and I know I'm laying myself open to your sneering ...
You got that right.
quote:
My spiritual trainer told me that. Anyway, I have to stand by Wodders here. Wodders?
Your spiritual trainer? Would that be what the rest of us call the Vicar/Minister/Priest? And as for the implication that poor Woderick is a gin-pickled lush unable to maintain the perpendicular, well, I'm shocked.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
No, no, no, this sort of trainer. that she talks to them should be of no surprise.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Truth is, lilB, his shoes were neither here nor there
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Where were they then? Please be more specific. Such wishy-washy ambivalence is highly offensive.
[ 02. September 2012, 19:23: Message edited by: Starbug ]
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Does everything need to be spelled out in black and white? Can't you deal with ambiguity and indefinition?
I thought this was the site of Christian unrest?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
BLT, ambiguity is not the same as ambivalence. You need to get these things right, just in case...
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
This obsession with the right is what's causing uncertainty and expense in the USA and probably why Pussy Riot spend their time singing nice songs to Mary in big churches. But never mind. You know ... carry on sycophantically grovelling to the ghosts of Genghis Khan.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Me, grovel to Genghis Khan? What an offensive suggestion. Actually I wailed for him. In error, as it happened, I'd been given the wrong file. Too late to save him when they told me, he popped his clogs the next day. Changed the course of history, that did.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Um. Have one of the small green tablets. It'll help. I am deeply disturbed, offended and otherwise bothered that you're having these illusions, but the Ship can do that to you. You'll be alright in a millenia or so.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Do not listen to Zappa! He has been hanging about with that drug peddling tramp Alice again. You will behaving all manner of hallucinations, which is fine for Zappa as he never had much hold on reality in the first.
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
LB, every neighbourhood has a 'Slack Alice' or a 'Lily-Bless-Her' and a bit of eyebrow-raising and tut-tutting is in order, but certainly not such vulgar invective as you have produced. As for drug-pedelling, ladies of this persuasion rarely use anything stronger than sweet sherry. Zappa is clearly continuing a long tradition of clergymen who have sought to minister to such ladies and it is disgraceful to put such a tawdry interpretation on his pastoral visits.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Every neighbourhood has a 'Slack Alice' or a 'Lily-Bless-Her'???
Speak for yourself, jl - I can assure you with all the vehemence at my disposal that my neighbourhood is not frequented by such raddled old tarts as you describe. I'm just glad you've never invited me round for dinner, as I would be afraid of sullying my virtue in the moral quagmire to which you have so clearly become accustomed.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
If there's any of that Raddled Tart left, please can I have some? Still hungry after dinner. I'd be happy to sully what's left of my virtue for the sake of some soggy pastry if you don't want it. More custard, please!
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
I am pretending not to find this hilarious - and am offended by excess of tarts apparently aboard (make what you will of it).
Surely custard is a red-herring or bone of contention.
You should surely be held custardless in custardy.
Arrowroot anyone ?
[ 03. September 2012, 17:54: Message edited by: beachcomber ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Pretending not to find this hilarious? We'll have no pretence in here, if you don't mind. Genghis knows that. And lilB, you think she doesn't really have horns? Insane cackling. The lights go out.
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
Pretending not to find this hilarious? We'll have no pretence in here, if you don't mind. Genghis knows that. And lilB, you think she doesn't really have horns? Insane cackling. The lights go out.
I am deeply offended that this is funnier and with clever references - unlike mine ! But I shall pretend otherwise to try to keep face.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by beachcomber:
... this is funnier and with clever references - unlike mine
Oh Beanie, you're so clever, and you know how to weave cultural references into your posts ![[Snore]](graemlins/snore.gif)
Puh-leeeze, enough sycophancy already. How can you possibly respect someone with a name that reminds one of a vegetarian bombe surprise ?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
VEGETARIAN??? I'm a red-blooded carnivore, I'll have you know. Partial to bacon sandwiches, so watch it.
Beachcomber, do fuck off with the grovelling. Is there a backbone in there? I want to get my teeth into it.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I'm assuming of course that your post wasn't ironic. If I'm wrong there, it was still lame, but at least it was offensive.
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
VEGETARIAN??? I'm a red-blooded carnivore, I'll have you know. Partial to bacon sandwiches, so watch it.
I am offended that your ship name contains the work "Bean" rather than "Bacon" given this reference to carnivorism and sandwiches. Everything is better with bacon!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
So you are wanting her to be a bacon elf? Or perhaps you wish her to be called beans with bacon? You, sir, are exceedingly strange.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
"Strange"= "freethinking individualist unfettered by social constraints." So sad that you don't know that.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
So sad that you hog the top of a new page with you maternalistic hogwash. Honestly. You could spout something more uselful than an obscure algebraic formula.
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
:
And you could learn to spell.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Zappa could learn to spell. He simply chooses not to, as an expression of his unfettered freethinking individualism. You, it seems, want to impose the social constraint of spellcheck on him. When oh when are you going to quit the dark side, La Vie?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Sew, krazi, cenyle rambuling iz phree-thincing ant pour spelin iz indlevedulaism? Ewe peple Arrgh nughts!
If the convulcated thouroughfares of your rationaless trains of thoughtfulness were promulgated to their end distrationations, they wood still end in a neveplace of unthoughtfulosity.
Argue with that!
*note to the aggrieved hosts,** I will never do this again. Spell check, and my final shred of sanity fought hard against this one.
**by this I mean chorister and imaginary friend.
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
That's it. Next time I see you on the road, you're dead. I realize this is for "taking offense," but "where none was intended?" After that display of egregiousness, after that sadistic evil inflicted on the world, and after the fact you showed your general inability to read the top of the page, well . . .
Look out. You're goin' down—all the way to Naraka.
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
Spouting, learning, spelling, egregiousness, and then Naraka. You all have offended me on this page. Actually I haven't a clue what you're all on about (particularly about what a Naraka is), but it ain't your medications!
And as for strangeness, I prefer the term nonordinary. Hrumpf.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
I resent the implication that, simply because you 'don't have a clue what you're all on about', as you put it in your charmingly demotic manner, we should lower the elevated tone of our intercourse. The dread expression 'dumbing down' springs to mind here, but I intend to rise above the common herd on this as on so many matters.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
You must think yer mighty special, with them high falutin' words you're throwing around there like beads at Mardi Gras. Them's as wisest use plain talk.
[ 04. September 2012, 19:51: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
The mad axe-bunny sounds as though she's just wandered in from the prairie. Are we in a Western? Please use the Queen's English. Or at least the spitoon in the corner.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Y'know, Smudgie's kid once told me (and I quote) "You have the cutest accent!"
Guess who's opinion I am gonna hold in esteem, his or yours? Got it in one.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
That's what I say when I use my spittoon? 'Got it in one.'
Took practice, mind.
[ 04. September 2012, 20:34: Message edited by: Bean Sidhe ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
OK, that's gross.
And I'll have you know I have never used a spitoon in my life. I spit on the sidewalk, as God intended. Makes a lovely floral pattern.
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
:
Spitting, bunnies, falutin, cuteness, queens and intercourse. What???!!! With all of that, where in the Jesus-Mary-and-Joseph do you sailors get off?!
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
'scuse me, pardon me, coming through
Ariston, I post to brighten your day and inform you of your success. You accomplish your goal every post of yours I read. A bit like your RC readers who may now forgo Purgatory when they pass on. Outstanding service you have provided for us, Good show!
ETA: When I thought you lot could not disgust me more....
[ 04. September 2012, 21:07: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Will you quit polishing his ego, please? Will you just stop?? Some poor fluffer is losing her paycheck somewhere because you can't quit. Shame on you.
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Shut up, bunny! I could get used to the ego-polishing, but no, you just can't take it, can you? Don't want to see anyone else happy, don't want anyone else to have the attention, don't want to share the minions—look, if I'm the only one who knows how to make Zen threatening, then of course I'm the only one who gets showered with affection. You'll either have to learn how to keep up (ha!), or just deal with it. Don't go around expecting me to sacrifice just to make you feel better.
Also, we go from spit gags to, well, sucking gags. I don't even have to fake the outrage and offense with you lot.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
[Game face off] I wasn't aware it was a sucking gag. Other than the fact it revolves around someone who--
[/ahem]
Look since when have I ever used to word "minions" to describe my dear, beloved shipmates? Nor would I ever, because that is the kind of thing a self-impressed, , chest-beating small fish with a Napoleon complex would say. (not naming names, but accept my offer to check yaself.)The truly evolved are the most humble. And I, my friend, am the most humble person here. ![[Cool]](cool.gif)
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
You're kidding. You're kidding, right?
No, you're not. Oh dear.
Kelly, that word. "Humble." You keep using it. I do not think it means what you think it means.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
It took you an hour and fifteen minutes to come up with that?
Obviously your fluffer hasn't taught you efficiency. Practice makes perfect.
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
1. Speaking of fluffers, I was doing something else during that hour fifteen.
2. Speaking of efficiency, well, you fill in the blanks.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I'm flattered that your first thought afterward was to race right back to the boards and snarl at me, but I don't think that was very gentlemanly.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh just get a room you two and be done with it!
My fault, I suppose, for mentioning disgust. You had to see if you could carry it farther, hmmm?
It was an insult! I gave Ariston. Did not think I was being subtle, my fault again for giving too much credit to your cognitive abilities.
Ah, perchance you knew this and are merely using it as an opportunity to begin the awkward Leporidae-Ludificor mating dance.
It is an interesting ritual, rarely observed. He begins by slowly circling her on his tiny bicycle, whilst she chews a carrot and drops pellets on the ground beneath his wheels. He honks his tiny horn, she wiggles her nose and drops pellets. He then initiates a series of seemingly clumsy, awkward tumbles; crashing into nearly every object possible. She hops confusedly and drops pellets. It can go for hours until even these dimmest of species realize they are mutually interested. The actual act is over in a brief flurry of colour and fur, culminating in his tiny, tiny flower squirting prematurely whilst she lets off piercing shrieks and drops pellets.
Then the offspring. Floppy eared, furry clowns and clumsy red-nosed rodents. Even less cute than they sound.
[ 05. September 2012, 05:40: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
(quietly hands over Nobel Offense Prize to LilB and hangs head.)
Sandbagger.
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
I am so tempted to just close this thread now before it jumps the shark again. Get out while the gettin's good.
Also, I'm offended you have me riding a tiny bike. I'll have you know my Schwinn is very much full-sized, thank you!
PS: Kelly, you never had the Nobel Offense Prize. Heck, I'm not even sure you were a serious contender. Nominated a few times out of sympathy, sure, but face the facts, Flopsy: those two tickets to Stockholm just aren't in your future.
[ 05. September 2012, 05:45: Message edited by: Ariston ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Ariston:
I am so tempted to just close this thread now before it jumps the shark again.
...and then you plant the biggest chunk of bait I ever saw one line later. You're trying to get me in trouble, aren't you?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
quote:
Originally posted by Ariston:
I am so tempted to just close this thread now before it jumps the shark again.
...and then you plant the biggest chunk of bait I ever saw one line later. You're trying to get me in trouble, aren't you?
Oh and I am ignoring your attempts to pit me against my sister in offense, LilB, who I like much more than you.
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Kelly, you don't need my help to get your sorry ass in trouble. Don't blame me when it's all your fault!
Also, pitting you two against each other? Please. I can take the both of you at the same time.
Bring it.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
"You first, Hon!" (sidles out back door.)
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Come back here, you coward, and get what's comin' to you! You know, I really do find it offensive that you run away and hide as soon as things start getting to be too much for you to handle, coward.
I think I need a new hat. A hat with bunny ears and a fuzzball tail. Heeeeeerree bunny. Here tasty bunny.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Ariston:
I am so tempted to just close this thread now before it jumps the shark again. Get out while the gettin's good.
Or, perhaps, out of fear.
If I did not have a headache bigger than the both of your mis-placed egos combined, I would show you what you truly have to fear. But I must away to a quite, dark place for the moment.
Perhaps later then, if you have the courage to leave open this thread.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I think it's really cute that you think you'd get close enough to even singe my whiskers you big talker you.
Cummon, man. COME ON!!!
[Jeezuz, this is turning into WWF ]
(It's about time you showed up. Sic 'im!)
[ 05. September 2012, 06:11: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Seriously, lB. I'm offended that you're letting your so-called "headache" get in the way of taking offense. I mean, I thought you had some dedication, I thought you had some nerve, but really—letting the rodent do all the work for you? How could you? It's not like she's really up to it anyway!
Speaking of the rodent, this is taking offense. Insults are in 3B; getting your ass handed to you, 4C. I think you'll find what you're looking for in one of those rooms, not here. Again, I don't see why I should have to put up with you if you can't even bother to pay attention and stay on topic!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh, so I should follow your example? quote:
Originally posted by Ariston:
Kelly, you don't need my help to get your sorry ass in trouble. Don't blame me when it's all your fault!
Also, pitting you two against each other? Please. I can take the both of you at the same time.
Bring it.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Here I am, back from a hard day on the coal face, looking to blow off steam with a decent torrent of offendedness, and all I find is a love-in and mutual disadmiration society crawling up one another's legs and dredging up long dead innuendo in endless perichoresis. It's hard to summon up even a mild concern, let alone a decent offence, while you all slither around each other in an orgy of sterilized self-satisfaction.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Sheesh, you people can really piss me off... I've just caught up with this and now I'm laughing so much I'll be good for nothing today. AND you got me googling 'fluffer'.
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
:
I'm sorry to see such a blatant undercurrent of Ophidiophobia in your post, Zappa. When are you people going to get over the whole apple thing?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
You have it in the term 'whole apple', Firenze. Eve and Adam had to bite it... only a snake could eat an apple whole. Ancestral snake-envy, that's what it is.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
So quiet here. Is everyone fluffing? That's disgusting.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
The implication that somebody like me might be "fluffing" when actually I have been having my afternoon nap is way beyond offensive!
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Given that, in my culture of upbringing, the verb 'to fluff' was synonymous with the verb 'to fart' - which was, my late headmaster assured me before caning me for so doing in the dormitory after lights-out, a perfectly acceptable Anglo-Saxon verb - I am somewhat nonplussed that you are not sufficiently capable of multitasking to the extent of performing both functions simultaneously, and am deeply wounded that your admission of subfunctionality has let the male side down badly
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am shocked, offended and disgusted that Zappa appears to have two sides to him whereas I am only and eternally male.
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Oi! Eight-eyes! You're really one to complain about people having multiple sides! Go take a look in a mirror or four before criticizing others, okay—it might help if you removed that forest of logs you've got impeding your vision first, though.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Blimey, dude, the greenhouse effect is bad enough without WW chopping down entire forests of his eye-wear. I want my grandchildren and polar bears to have a future thank you very much.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
But you just admitted to proudly being a source of greenhouse gasses...
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Arrgh! I had the beginnings of a beautiful, pithy post; one which would have had Zappa and WW (and Ariston peripherally) skewered! And it is gone!
I could see it, nearly formed. It was ever so clever and just a tiny bit evil, truly a potential masterpiece. I reached to grasp it and poof gone... It had cattle, gaseous emissions, the carbon footprint of not being courteous enough to die...(I did say evil, yes?) All that is left is a decaying framework and a bitter smell. Appropriate as that is given the subjects, it is disappointing.
Apologies all, you would have laughed heartily.
I think I need to lie down and sob quietly.
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
Oh, you are so taken with your own cleverness, aren't you. But your pride was your downfall, which is fitting.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
/game face off
You made me laugh so hard, I hurt. Hoist by my own petard.
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
Which probably constitutes an offence in its own right
[ 07. September 2012, 15:26: Message edited by: kingsfold ]
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
I find all mention of petards and hoisting offensive, especially in /conjunction -
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
I am offended that you couldn't even spare the time to finish your post. Short attention span or did the doorbell ring mid- rant?
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Have you never heard of ADHD - Attention Deficit HyperacWOW! Did you see that butterfly?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
K' SpifFy is the official ADHD shop steward around here. Be sure and contact her about paying your du-WOW! NEIGBOURS ARE PLAYING SALSA!
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Godalmighty why don't you check your spelling?
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Ok ok. SEN teacher's here, let's all settle down. Kelly, please don't do that. Now, have you all had your meds this morning?
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
Starbug etc have you forgotten your Finnegan's Wake ? -
[ 08. September 2012, 10:34: Message edited by: beachcomber ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Personally I think it particularly unfair to wake Finn again on a Saturday, even if it is getting on for lunchtime. Sometimes these hard-working teenagers need their sleep and Saturday is the only chance they get to catch up after all those industrious hours spent studying until late in the night. Shocking, it is, that you remind not only Starbuck to wake poor Finn again, but you rope in cetera as well. Bullying, that is.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Fionn is no teenager, he's hundreds of years old, even though he is dead. Or sleeping. If the damn horn could be found, we could figure it out. He seems a young one as he sucks his thumb. Only does so 'cause he's dumber than a fish if he does not. How are fish wise, then? They are dumb enough to be caught easily. Look at the bears in Alaska, just stand in the river and catch the stupid things. Bears are supposed to be smart, but grumpy. You would be grumpy too standing in old water all day. Which does not seem very smart. Neither do Smart cars. If you've any number of people or goods to ferry, for the trouble and cost, you might as well have used a bus or lorry. Hugh Laurie is a terrific actor and musician. Does an American accent so well, most of the poor dears think he is one of them. He is British. What constitutes "British" is a popular recurring theme here on these boards. Robert Plant has a song called Ship of Fools. He is English. And British. The difference of which is argued here quite a bit. Arguments can be fun, except when they are not. Which sometimes happens here as people don't always know how to have fun. Fun is important in life, but sometimes one needs to be serious. People who are serious all the time are easily offended. You lot are very offensive even though you are not very serious. Sirius is the brightest star in the night sky, the sun being the brightest in the day. Though many people forget the sun is star, though alternately.......
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Good grief, it's the tangent monarch. Get back on track, will you? This thread has a theme and Finnegan's Wake ain't it.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Never. NEVER. Interrupt someone when they are on a caffeine rant. There but for the grace of God (and a much needed trip to Peet's ) go I.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Kelly, I told you not to do that. Now you'll have to wash your hands again.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
BS - who made you Head Prefect?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
(Get out of the way, I'm leading the revolution.) YEAH! Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Finnegan's Wake? No, no, merely a more cogent example of ADHD than previously presented.
Like playing chess with dim children, this is.
Caffeine rant? I need no stimulant for my insani.., um, genius! Too much fraternization with clown boy has addled your mind.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
I made it perfectly clear I was passing his sorry ass off to you. No backsies.
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
oh dear ! You lot got all worked up. Play nively.
I am off ended that hot only did you Wake Finn but now there be consequences which Ull (y) sees-
ere long I'd say.
(I enjoyed the so called tan gent offensively).
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
(Get out of the way, I'm leading the revolution.) YEAH! Who do you think you are, telling me what to do?
I'm the frigging teacher if you please! I s'pose you model yourself on
this kid. (Watch full-screen!)
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
No violence! No violence!
(Fagin)
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Fagin???!!! Fagin???!!!
I suppose you think we all had a privileged upbringing like you and went to Eton and Harrow and Winchester or some other hoity-toity Lord Snooty Academy for Young Fascists?????
Give a thought for us horny-handed sons of the soil who had to put up with a state education ...
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
You horny handed ignoramus, don't you even watch popular musicals?
Oliver!
[ 08. September 2012, 18:05: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on
:
Who knows How your hands got so horny ?
(great clip)
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Oliver... popular???
... and musical???
My offensometer would be completely off the scale at this point, if it weren't for the fact that you show exquisite good taste in incorporating into your signature the bons mots of the intellectual behemoth that is Judge Judy.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
How patronising. Get off my planet.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
YOUR planet? Move over, squeezeboxer, there are a few others of us here you know. And some of us are teachers. We rule!! Ask Plato. And Kelly STILL hasn't washed her hands.
[ 08. September 2012, 19:42: Message edited by: Bean Sidhe ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
You are responsible for molding our youth?! No need to worry about global warming, the decline of civilization will precede any havoc wrought by changing climate.
Kelly, that was beyond the limit, I must have satisfaction.
Pistols at dawn, be warned.
Well, I don't really wish to shoot anyone so no pistols. And dawn comes sooo early in the day. ( stoopid sun) Aha! I shall send your description and a ticket for a San Francisco flight to Syllie.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Beane, I will never wash my hands, goddamn it. NEVER. I can only hope my flora will attach itself to some of you and grow you some class.
LilB, I am a fencer and you know it. YOU demand satisfaction? I demand a kidney on the end of my foil. En-freaking- garde.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Moulding our youth? It's all I can do to keep their personal hygiene in order. Kelly!! I saw that! You see? And as for dystopian visions of banality, you must be so young... don't you know Orwell was writing about 1948? History, history, ancient history. Global warming, which here, perversely, amounts to chilly summers with interminable rain, is all that's new - as my leaking roof testifies. Speaking of which, do you know any good roofers? Or failing that, you have some spare buckets? Useful is such a rare quality here.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Funnily enough, Kelly, I was thinking about fencing. I joined a class at college, was told what I lacked in style I made up for with aggression, still pondering that. At least you and lilB could dress like they do now, like Imperial Stormtroopers with flashing lights and whatever which at least looks cool. Can I be a second? I'm not fussy whose, but I'm with lilB about dawn so let's have a civilised start time. Oh, and do gel before you shake hands.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
Kelly!! I saw that! You see?
(Flings cucumber across the room and hides under blanket, peeking around room to look for hidden cameras)
(Miserably) Here in the USA we have the 14th Amendment, which protects a person's privacy...
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
If your Constitution had been written properly in the first place, it wouldn't need amending. The beauty of our Constitution is that it isn't written down, so nobody knows what's in it.
[ 08. September 2012, 22:09: Message edited by: Starbug ]
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Including you, Starbug. Get back to your nest of rotting timber.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I fail to see the logical path from Starbug's ruminations on constitutionality, and her being a beaver. I've even scrolled back to see if I've missed something that could account for this, but found nothing. Please explain, obscurity is so unsettling.
Note to Kelly's guests: pick the cucumber out of the salad before you eat.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Obscurity is the gaps in which creativity germinates. For heaven's sake don't limit us to your lineo-logical myopia.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Wrong, Zappy one. Creativity burns brightest in chains, try writing an episode of Hollyoaks. Mind you, if I'm right, they'll reject it.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Are you suggesting Zappa be put in chains?!
What's he done to deserve that? Oh, you're thinking of the incident involving the goat and the motorcycle. That was consensual, well, the goat did not complain. Seemed happy even, sidling up to Zappa after as if he wanted another go 'round. I understand it did take quite a bit of cleaning and disinfecting of the leather seats, especially the "residue" left in the sidecar.
Reprehensible, yes, but deserving of chains? Perhaps a note to the AAPS and a review of Zappa's license. Or the goat's license, as he was driving. And the way he drove, one could forgive what Zappa did in the sidecar. The real criminals here are the government, giving a license to the goat! It is Australia, yes, but the goat clearly did not study driver's safety.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Shame it was a goat and not a sheep. Chains or not, there might have been a Wordsworth Classic in that... 'A Vroom with a Ewe'?
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Goats and motorcycles? A Vroom with an Ewe? For the love of Mike, can we get this thread back on track and the focus swivelled to where it should be ... i.e., on me ?
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Or an operetta - Ewe are my heart's delight, perhaps? See how you've lowered the tone of the thread. I'm ashamed of you.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Lowered the tone is an understatement. I've had to get a mining permit to be allowed to dig deep enough to simply find the thread.
Wordplay such as that should be severely punished.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
See what you've done? You've brought this whole thread to a standstill with your silly wordplay. You should be ashamed.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Right, Starbug. Instead of just mouthing off, do something. You hold the arms, I'll sit on the legs and Smudgie can wield the cat.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I took my cats to the vet this morning. Getting them into the carry-box when they knew what was coming, THAT was wielding a cat.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Wielding your cats?! Treating them as weapons? How disgraceful, disrespectful and disreputable. Have you no manners? Have you no class? Have you no respect for your mothers? Surely you were taught not to play with your food in such a manner. Besides being uncouth, the excitement releases enzymes which ruins the meat.
I kid, I kid! One does not eat cats.
far too stringy and gamy...
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
lB, there are some books one may skip without incurring disrepute. There are some, however, that to have not read, to have not understood, to not have put into daily practice—well, no civilized person should have to stand for such uncouth behavior.
Clearly, if you think cat is gamey and stringy, you need to acquaint yourself with that great classic, 365 Ways to Fix Cat.
Posted by St Deird (# 7631) on
:
Since when it is okay to skip any books? If you ask me, all right-thinking people should read every book they encounter.
We never skipped books in my day...
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Skipping is the sign of true internal happiness. How dare you disparage it in such a way. I'd love to be able to skip.
(By the way, can I put this cat down now? It's heavy and the fur is getting up my nose!)
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I'm offended that you should speak in public about shoving cat fur up your nose - kindly keep your unnatural practices to yourself!
Either that or co-write Campbellite's next recipe book - 101 More Ways to Skin, Cook and Serve a Cat
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
The only thing to shove up a nose is a digit. Let's be honest about it. Smudgie is just looking for an excuse to pick the fur out with his claw.
Sorry, her claw
[ 12. September 2012, 12:41: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Penguins only have claws on their feet, have you ever seen a penguin's feet? Could anyone, even a penguin as perverse and degraded as Smudgie, find it in themselves to push any part of one of these up their nose?
Anyway, I'm not sure penguins bend that far. Are you suggesting Smudgie gets another penguin to pick her nose for her? That would be beyond disgusting.
[ 12. September 2012, 15:02: Message edited by: Bean Sidhe ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am shocked, offended and disgusted that you think there is a limit to Smudgie's depravity!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Of course there's a limit! We just haven't found it yet.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
I would have thought we were over this imperialist presumption that parts of the world don't exist until they are found by us.
It wasn't lost. It was always there.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Ermmm... I was saying something exists even though we haven't found it. Being offended by the opposite of what I actually wrote is stretching the remit just a little, wouldn't you say?
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Well, that's just great - now Beanside gets to say what we can and can't be offended by. Time you learnt we live in post-modern times when the text means what the reader says it means, not what the writer says. I am offended beyond belief that you want to impose the fascism of authorial intent on the rest of us.
TO THE BARRICADES !!!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Well, Bacon Sarnie, I'm fine with that. If Dafyd is offended by his own reading of the text, he's offended by himself - and quite right too.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Bean, me old fruit, what is this pre-revolutionary emphasis on right? Can it be that you envisage a complementary wrong? That is so century before last that it merits listed status as an ancient monument of thought, if thought we can call it. Get real. There is neither right nor wrong, only convenient and inconvenient. Ask any politician.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Jacobsen, this cynicism about our politicians is so typical, and so offensive. The burden of responsibility borne by our lawmakers, constantly preoccupied by our welfare, holding the fate of our nation in their hands - assailed by journalists as cynical as yourself... knowing that a fickle electorate may throw them into oblivion regardless of their endeavours, their sacrifice... and all for such paltry rewards. I have to tell you, I am glad I am typing this because I am too tearful, too choked to speak.
However, I must thank you for inspiring a new sig for me, paying appropriate tribute to these extraordinary public servants. It should appear below.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I am most muchly disappointed that after the axed rabbit, we now have another member of the female species intent on changing her sig more frequently than other people change lovers. Where are your morals? Your manners? Your modesty? And most importantly: your taste! For where the bunny occasionally picketh quotes from decent shipmates (well, the *one* decent shipmate) you just follow the shallow mainstream celebrity culture. What's the world coming to?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am SHOCKED and APPALLED!
What do you mean there is a decent Shipmate?
I have been here for years and never has any one of them appeared to me to be in the least approaching decency!
Oh, sorry, I get it now. You meant me, didn't you?
Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on
:
At last. You're back. Do you realise that it's been two weeks since you last posted on this thread? And you didn't so much as let us know you would be missing.
ETA: Bloody crossed posts!
[ 14. September 2012, 13:27: Message edited by: kingsfold ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh my! kingsfold, typically when someone misses Syllie, it means the brick they threw is now crashing a window. You appear to have used a different meaning. Don't you realize, to him, that is tantamount to a marriage proposal?
"kingsfold and Syllie, sitting in a tree, k-i-s-s-i-n-g. First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes.." Ye Gods, I nearly lost my lunch, the thought of little Syllies running around in big floppy hats and nappies, chasing kitty.
Run, kingsfold, run!
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
lilBuddha, you gotta be on some register or other, suggesting that the Syllie babes should run round in the sun without protective hats. Have you no sense, no feeling, no awareness that upon this new generation rests the responsibility for paying our pensions? If you had your way, we'd all be paying lifelong maintenance for them and their flash fried brains.
Oh, my blood pressure.....
[ 14. September 2012, 14:22: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Thank you, lilB, I've just had my supper then lost it again because of the imagery you use.
Have you no consideration for the more sensitive of us?
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Are we somehow supposed to be interested in your "senior moments"? What are you expecting us to do - look for where you absentmindedly left your supper? Can't you get paid carers or something?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Well, I wondered at what new depths to which Pingu might have sunk and now she is insulting her elders and betters!
You know the old saw about could God make something so heavy that God herself couldn't shift it? Well, I wonder if there are depths to human depravity so deep that Pingu would sink there?
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Sink? Sink? Now, while Pingu has said some inexcusably horrible things on this thread, but, you sir, have gone too far. What are you implying about the doubtlessly svelte penguin that you think she would sink, hmmmm? A gentleman keeps such thoughts to himself, or, better yet, has them not at all.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
My my, Ariston - what are you up to, preening up to Smudgie all of a sudden? 'Doubtlessly svelte'??? Have you forgotten those feet? I'll bet you haven't. There's something you want more than a shapely ankle and pretty toes, isn't there? Well take care, mister. We're watching you.
[ 14. September 2012, 16:39: Message edited by: Bean Sidhe ]
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Beanside, why is it that whenever you post, the tone of the thread plunges inevitably towards the carnal?
If only you could maintain the Elysian heights of moral and discursive purity to which I am sure all decent-thinking contributors aspire.
Perhaps you would find a more conducive milieu were you to open a sort of second-level thread (and take the axe-wielding bunny girl with you).
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
BtL,
Your words would ring more powerfully if they came from possession rather than lack. Purity is not a virtue if it is the only choice you have.
BTW, Beanie is only impure by intent, by opportunity she is pure as the driven snow.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Nah lilB, I'm pure by intent but impure in my dreams...
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Bean Sidhe:
I'm ... impure in my dreams...
As they say on Radio 1 (or so I am reliably told by the 'hip and happening' amongst my friendship circle), "Let's not go there."
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Please don't.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Please don't what?
Shoot me? Kiss me? Make rissoles for supper?
Can you be a little clearer, I find the lack of clarity most disturbing and upsetting.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Wodders, please read for comprehension. Your ditzlike flitting from topic to potential topic is almost as bad as Pingu's depth plunges. You know what this thread about. Or don't you?
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
I understand that what you want is not a little clearer so much as a little carer. Please be more concise and practically minded in the drawing up of you wish list. (I am offended you are not).
And, dear lilB, I wish to stress that contrary to your assumptions I won't mount tanta, whether marriage's in the offing or not. We haven't been introduced.
Would you however consider invviting her to tea next time I pop in to submit a proposal to you, I might just be persuaded.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Miss! Miss!
Jacobsen is crossposting!
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Don't be silly, Syllie. I just got there first. In this life you have to accept coming second, or in your case, third, fourth or fifth or nowhere. Let's face it, you've had lots of practice. Get over it.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Sylvander needs no encouragement to "get over it" - that thought never seems to be far from his puerile mind. I am offended that you so glibly undermine all our hard work to civilize and purify the lad.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I am aghast that a penguin has the gall to suggest that other shipmates may need civilising and purifying! Even if it was Sylvander, and let's face it he needs it more than most, but for a penguin to have the brass neck to point it out is beyond credulity!
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
I am offended that you suggest that my neck is made of brass. I am gold, old man. Pure gold
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
'Old man'??? So now Wodders is a doddering old codger shuffling about in worn slippers and wheezing his way into church on a rickety old zimmer frame? My outrage is only tempered by the fact that his advanced senescence means that he won't really understand the cruel jibe contained in your post.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
I object, you shall hear from my solicitors, Messrs Sue, Grabbit & Runne - I do NOT own worn slippers! They are quite unnecessary in this climate!
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Our National Health Service certainly has its problems and I'm not saying it's perfect but it does take care to ensure that mobility aids provided for the frail and elderly are robust and fit for use. If you have seen WW using a rickety and worn out zimmer frame he did not get it through the approved channels and I would not wish to speculate on his reasons for obtaining such an appliance.
ETA cross-posted with the 'invalid' himself. But I'm leaving it in.
[ 15. September 2012, 11:04: Message edited by: justlooking ]
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
BTL - you clearly are commenting about the Weasel without actually knowing him. My accurate description is based on personal knowledge.
Weasel - I am shocked to hear that your slippers are unworn. If you don't wear them, why not give them away to a worthy recipient.
Justlooking - I can find nothing to take offence at in your well reasoned post, except perhaps the arrogance of leaving a cross post in place even though WW had weaselled his way in first.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
Smudgly! You know the Willie Woddel personally? Oh, how could you do this to me? I am swivelling between offended, astounded, hurt, amazéd, envious and jealous! Nay, I better be all three just to make sure.
While only last week you went to great lengths to forget mobiles, fill up in-boxes and waer your magick invisibilty hat for days on end, all to avoid meeting me for an innocent cup of tea in my hotel near Kings Cross, you are apparently quite happy to personally acquaint yourself with gentle old men who barely five posts away confessed to walking about with naked feet!
It is a bit shocking, is it not, now?
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Well, Silly, we all know that you like to wave it in the breeze. Let's not jib at unclothed pedal extremities. Your hypocrisy is repellent, and you obviously can't count.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Hypocrisy is no repellent. I assure you that the midgies bite the unjust as well as the just. Much as it is fitting for the hypocrites to suffer from midgie bites, we need their tourist pounds as much as we need the sincere tourist pounds. We need the hypocrite pounds more, as there are more of them. If the hypocrites come thinking that they need no other repellent they will come away disappointed and we won't get repeat custom.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I stood on my scales this morning, Dafyd, and there were definitely more hypocrite pounds than I needed. Out, out damned hypocrites! I do NOT weigh that much!
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Oh no, not Shakespeare, bowdlerised! Bean, how could you! Lower and lower sinketh the standard....The grass withereth....
I am rapidly losing the will to live.
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
:
So bowdlerising St. James, Keats, the Psalms Isaiah and the Book of Common Prayer is all right, is it? Good grief! Pass me the hemlock!
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Pimple! There are philosophers who read this thread! Please refrain from making hemlock references—they/we are still just a bit sore about that late unpleasantness.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Ariston,
I post to quiet your fear. It is only the great thinkers who are considered dangerous enough to be forced into those circumstances.
You are safe. Very, very safe.
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
you have to accept coming second,
I understand this is what gentlemen do ... I am glad to say that nobody so far complained.
quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
or in your case, third, fourth or fifth
Much as I appreciate your attempt at lionisation, let me remind you that the art of flattery, dearest, lies in finding just the right, not the greatest possible measure of exaggeration. Come round for a cup of cocoa and I'll teach you.
But more importantly, lilB, what is all this talk of hemlock and soaring philosophers? I don't get any of it, but it sounds like offensive and inane babbling, so please stop it.
And if there is another great thinker on this ship, I am mighty offended that we haven't been introduced to each other yet. Bring her round for a cup of hot chocolate, please.
[Now, if only the rest of your errors could be fixed as easily as your bad code . . .
-Ariston]
[ 16. September 2012, 13:55: Message edited by: Ariston ]
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
That's right - the kind of prejudicial bulls' faeces that imposes silence on a good slice of extroverted fear. Let it rip, I say. S.C.R.E.A.M. ... some artists make a lot of publicity (if not much money, though subsequent owners have) out of a good extroverted, manic and cathartic scream.
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on
:
Oh come on ... how did no fewer than many* posts pop up when I thought I was responding to the last one. Bugger youse'all, I say, becuase youse'all are offensive. Where did youse'all pop up from, anyway? Huh?
* or at least one ... but that stretches my maths to the limit
[ 16. September 2012, 07:14: Message edited by: Zappa ]
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
:
Spelling, young (wo)man, spelling! We, the great antiquated, are allowed our senior moments. You sir, or madam, have not yet earned them. Mind your manners, child!
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
oh aged Pimple, three quarter centuried as you may be, knock it off. Pompous, or what? You may have learned your spelling in the glory days of Tom Brown, but things 'as changed since them days, me old china. I won't say grow up, as growing any older might push you off the edge, but do calm down.
Lovingly, j.
(Pure passive aggression - I'm really extremely offended.)
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Young? Woman?! Zappa is neither, as someone who has been here as long as you should know. He is I believe, by his own admission, more than qualified to have such moments. There are trees who once shaded under him. He gave violin lessons to Nero! He is co-inventor of the wheel. Well, a version. His was square and did not catch on, but he was first. He officiated the burial of the Red Lady, and taught art in Australia.
There, Zappa, I have defended your honour.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
lilBuddha, are you seriously suggesting that Zappa had anything to do with that chap's testimonials? I am shocked! So to malign the gentle, innocent Zappa, fluffy bunny personified, who sheds tears over rebuking the most hardened of shippies. Oh, lilB, I wonder at you, indeed I do.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
How dare you use a euphemism like testimonials in such a manner on a family board - we know there was no innocent intent there so don't try to pretend!
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
How dare you imply that there is a guilty intent? Every intent is innocent until proved guilty. My record is stainless, with neither caution nor conviction. Would you have preferred a reference to the family jewels?
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
You mean to say that you are apathetically reckless when playing your records? What a thing to admit here! (You might find vinyl a better material for your LPs, by the way. Steel tends to be a bit.. you know... solid. Unless you're into heavey metal)
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Steel a heavy metal? How dare you!
Surely for that you would need Uranium or, at the least, a nice lump of lead! They build ships of steel, and they float!
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
:
Who do? Thank you for reminding me of the reduced circumstances of our poor out-of-work shipbuilders. Go and pick on someone your own size, why don't you?
Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on
:
Isn't there enough bullying, harrassment and general lack of niceness around without inciting Wodders to go and find someone to pick on? Is he a bishop or something?
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Come on, chaps, give Wodders a break before he bursts into tears. No, Smudgie, not a broken leg.
Fluffy bunnies of the ship, unite! You have nothing to lose but your scuts.
![[Devil]](graemlins/devil.gif)
Unless Silly manages to get his mitts on you.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Are you actually insinuating that the paragon of virtue that is our dear Welease Woderick is susceptible to something so base as incitement? My flabber is truly gasted by the mere suggestion that he who is a model of rectitude and bonomie might be dragged towards such depths of moral turpitude as you delineate in your unworthy aspersions.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
If you had bothered to employ a spellchecking device, you would have known that the correct spelling is 'bonhomie'.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Starbug, you are offended by BtL's spelling? Is that not a bit ridiculous? It is his total lack of coherence I find much more offensive. How can his spelling be criticized when we cannot be sure in what language he posts?
quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
You have nothing to lose but your scuts.
Unless Silly manages to get his mitts on you.
ISTM, that is exactly what Syllie is after.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Starbug:
If you had bothered to employ a spellchecking device, you would have known that the correct spelling is 'bonhomie'.
Were I posting in modern French, you might be right.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
Perhaps if you were more concerned about the spelling of blt you would have got it right. It is bacon, lettuce and tomato, not bacon, tomato and lettuce. And I wouldn't be surprised if you spell tomato 'tomatoe'.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Just to clarify...
I do not recall giving anyone permission to abbreviate my nom de ploom and reduce me to a mere acronym, let alone to a bacon sarnie with pretensions to higher things. Organic lettuce and hand-reared tomatoe's are not enough to turn a sow's ear into a silk purse.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Neither, as you so helpfully demonstrate, is being allowed to post here.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
What is a lansker that btl is below it? Phrases begining with beneath spring to mind.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
OK, I get it now. It's "let's all pick on the noob" day, isn't it?
I think you'll find I'm big enough to rise above it.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
Excuse me, I think you'll find it's "p.p.p.pick on the penguin" rather than "pick on the noob". If anyone's being victimised here, it's me. It's always me. It's all about me. I mean, even you're doing it, making your heightist joke about being big enough to rise above it. So if you're going to join in with these bullies, at least you can be honest about it.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
We should look on the poor, heightist dears with pity as it is jealousy which drives their jibes. They are sensitive about being less intelligent, though they should not be. It is not their fault the blood takes sooo long to reach their brains that it has lost nearly all its oxygen. And we needn't mention their looks. Their stretched out, long faces, gangly torsos, ungraceful limbs, large clown-like feet. We more efficiently built folk should be more generous to those less fortunate.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Why, LB, I had no idea you were a short-a**e. Those horns must be so out of proportion.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Très amusant. Were I not a better person, I might say that must make you a big, well, I'll not go there. Besides, perhaps it is only long and droopy.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
You'll not go there??? Yet again a farrago of obfuscation, evasion and pusillanimity. Why is it that no-one on this thread is capable of taking the bull by the short and curlies?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
See, there you go, you piss the bull off , then jump over the fence as it charges at the rest of us. Wottaguy. Or gal. Never asked.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
Very much a guy ... as is abundantly clear from my virile posting style. Do not let the veneer of my sophistication and polished wit blind you to my manly charms, Big Ears.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Below the Lansker:
Big Ears.
You know, I find sass so alluring in a man.
Usually.
Watch your step, cowboy. I thought I told the intern "no ear jokes" in the pre-interview.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Virile, BtL? I would describe your post as short, quick and spasmodic. Frequently prematurely, erm, posted.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh dear God, am I invisible? Am I not here? Et Tu, lilB?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Apologies, Kelly, just playing with the new toy. Not sure it will last very long. Besides, you're a bit easy lately. By that, I mean easy target, yes I did. Far be it for me to impugn your virtue, even though you do proudly live in the second most wicked American city.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
Y'know, to one - ie me - who's been called lately for allegedly impure intentions and carnality, this is all a bit rich... could we maybe get this thread back into the strait and narrow? And no, that is not any kind of innuendo. You think this is 'Carry On Offending'?
Now there's a thought...
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
And you, lilB, toying over Bacon Sarnie with your big horns and your skeletal snout, no wonder Kelly's insecure. Get your priorities straight, girl.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Gosh, you lot are missing the obvious - by a very long way! Come on, get a grip! If Kelly is insecure just tighten the straps - that is sure to make her secure enough!
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Wodders, there's a private board for discussing that kind of thing. Given the fact that someone always pitches a fit whenever tightening the straps comes up in Purg—and that some of us like this part of the Ship to be a peaceful and tranquil respite from the nit-picking and backbiting—could you please not mention That Sort of Thing here? I think you might end up offending Flopsy's delicate sensibilities, giving lB ideas, and/or exciting Sylvie.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Apologies, Kelly, just playing with the new toy.
Can I just pause to lay a hand over my heart and admire the Erin-ness of this comment?
OK, Bozo, what are you doing up there relegating people to the fetish ghetto? Some of us like to let our freak flag fly high, you know!
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
At last we see KA in her true colours. If I get you as my secret santee, you can expect a brand new set of brass bound leather restraints.Would you like a buthcher's hook thrown in for good measure? What's your view on prunes?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
A butcher's hook?? Good Lord!
Worse than that, not a mention of chocolate. And you should be so lucky as to "get me."
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Oh dear. She's expecting us to mention chocolate in every post now. A regular queen of the board, is she? So high and mighty now, with only me and Bonehead for competition. Bunbun, it's time you toned it down a notch or two. We don't exist to serve you, mmmkay?
Shoot da wabbit, shoot da wabbit . . .
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
What a typically American response, immediately bringing firearms into everything! Some of us find such behaviour to be the height of bad taste!
...and surely gassing rabbits is far more humane.
Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on
:
No, you don't exist to serve the bunny (unless it happens to be on a platter with kipper garnish) but you seem to have forgotten to serve me. Where's my chocolate, serf?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
It's okay, ignore me, I don't mind - though I do believe it demonstrates a lack of breeding!
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
Hosting fez ON!
Things are getting a bit slow around here. Dull and repetitive, even. I'm just a bit miffed you lot haven't been able to pull out the real gems of offense, the kinds of things that, back in the old glory days of early summer, made this thread what it was. So, I'm going to have to close it . . . eventually.
I'll make you lot a deal you seem unlikely to keep. I'm not willing to let this thread die on a low note, but rather in a blaze of feckin' glory; if it must be closed, and it must, I want to see the best any and all of you can do. None may know the hour or the number on which I'll close this, but, disappoint me, and it will happen; keep the "brilliance" coming, and it stays alive.
Now let's see if you're up to this.
Host fez off.
[ 19. September 2012, 02:21: Message edited by: Ariston ]
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
A bit slow? Dull and repetitive? Moi? The most engaging and effervescent creature who ever set finger to keyboard? And the glory days were in early summer, i.e., before I signed up? I don't want to sound self-obsessed here, but this is obviously all about me, isn't it? Clearly, it has been decided by the inner cabal that this is 'pick on the fat boy' day, and there was I thinking that this was a caring, sharing, open and inclusive website.
PS. Change the headgear, that fez does nothing for you.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
BTL, a fez was the trademark of the comedian the late Tommy Cooper. I leave you to draw the inference. Get some cultural references if you can. U-tube would help.
And while I'm on the subject, it's not at all about you. It's about KA and her fetishes. I may not share them,but I will defend to the death - preferably yours, - her right to strut them.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
My fellow offendees, I must apologise. For if I had not displayed such a brilliant, shining torch; your weak, will-o-the-wisp marsh lights might have seemed all the more bright.
Yes, Ariston, concentrate on their feeble efforts, but think not of what this thread means to them.
Did you know Kelly serves as an example to inner-city youth? An example of what not to become, yes, but important example none the less. And she rescues abandoned orphans. Fagin-like, to be sure, but in this economy any employment is good, yes? I could go on with her many accomplishments, and mention that her City officials have taken note, (the Police, to be specific.) but this list is long. And this thread, of which you will rightfully show no mercy, is her only bright spot. The only thing which keeps her going. But close it.
And dear Wodders. Did you know he leads a pensioners group? Keeps them active. Well, leads may not be the correct term. Whilst meandering about the grounds, one of the others pointed to Woddders and said "'ere, 'es got three heads, follow him." To which Wodders, pointing to the empty air behind him replied, "Yes, follow him!" Then pottered off to a corner, mumbling. Still, they get their exercise. And this humble thread, this is where his random banging on the keyboard brings him. (It is, random, right? Surely cannot be purposeful.) But think not on that, close the thread.
What of Beanie and the penguin? Where are they to find friends if not for here? (By friends, I mean people willing to type on the same thread as they, but beggars and all that.) Such delusional, cranky oddities of strange odour can find few wishing to approach them. And you will take away their only refuge? Right, not important to show Christian charity here. End the thread.
Poor Syllie, where will he chase women unwilling to associate with him? His massive collection of restraining orders keep him from getting closer than telescope range of any woman IRL. (Any female creature at all, to be honest) And to be fair, he performs a valuable service. There are some here who would be difficult to stomach pursuing even virtually, but Syllie soldiers on.
But think not of what an even more sad, pathetic life he will lead after; close the thread.
Poor Zappa, his only respite from careening around the countryside, chauffeured by a mad goat, is here.
They do their best to amuse, even kingsfold made me once. Really more a polite half-smile, but we do not have an emoticon for that.
No mercy for poor newbie, BLT? Where else can such delusional ramblings be accepted. Oh, right, the rest of the board. Bad example.
And you, Ariston. What will you do after closing the thread? Is entertaining at children's parties enough for you? Are your solo, unattended, poetry slams sufficient? Your epic, philosophical soliloquies in the park (before the police haul you in to "sleep it off") to the pigeons and drunks, are they sustaining? Are you truly willing to let one more thread escape your meandering tiny car as it careens around the ring?
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Well, lilB, am I nothing and no-one? Why is there no mention of me in the cataloque of losers you just posted? Am I to be air-brushed out of the thread, ignored, invalidated, and history rewritten to boot? Well may you grovel in feigned subjection to Ariston, mouthing passive aggressive platitudes whilst picking your nose with one hand and scratching your bum with the other. We know you are an adept multitasker, but at what to you multi? Tell me that.
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
What Jacobsen said. With knobs on.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Am I to have mentioned everyone who has participated on this thread? How much time do you think I have?
Besides, I did mention you both, obliquely, in two paragraphs.
And Starbug, keep your knobs out of this, it is a family thread.
[ 18. September 2012, 21:42: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
No, Horny One, no-one would expect you to mention everyone who has participated in the thread, only the most scintillating and perspicacious of the contributors, as indeed you have done.
However, your post would have met with more general approval had you apportioned your attentions in a manner more commensurate with the true value of those posters considered worthy of your consideration. Modesty forbids me to name names, but when a recent arrival to the boards is allotted a mere two lines, whilst Flopsy, Ole Man Wodders, Silly, Beanside and Pingu merit at least five, then I have to wonder at your ability to appreciate true worth.
What is truly offensive, though, is your blatant attempt to curry favour with "Just like that" Ariston. Yes, I can see that egos have to be massaged and noses have to be browned, but a whole paragraph?
[ 18. September 2012, 22:04: Message edited by: Below the Lansker ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
On the one hand, I totally agree-- the level of show-off in Budhette's post made me have to put on a layer of 60 SPF sunscreen just to sit in front of my monitor.
On the other hand, who the hell are you, new fish, greenhorn, johnny -come -lately, mister "73 posts and I own the runway", to point this out to the rest of us?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Show Off?! It would help if any of the rest of you lot had anything to show.
Button your shirt back up, Wodders! That is not what I meant.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Show Off?! It would help if any of the rest of you lot had anything to show.
OH! It's like that is it? I got something to show you,sister...
(Kelly generates mana to materialize rhetorical 900- pound THANG which she then throws down on the table. WHAM. Table breaks. Splinters fly. Women faint. Children cry.)
Happy now?
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
No, Kelly, I'm really not. That was a nice table, too. Sure, you summoning half-ton whatsits is better than BS or Hornbones busting open their shirts and asking Syllie if he sees anything he likes, but only marginally.
Seriously, I liked that table. Now where am I supposed to eat?
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
:
Eat? You? In the presence of Shipmates?
That, if I may say so, is a completely scandalous suggestion. You will eat on the floor from the little bowl marked Philosopher - that is where you will eat!
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
And why was it I heard that last sentence in a Nazi accent, Wiffwaff? "Zu vill EAT from ze bowl ve haz marked fur ZU!" I don't take kindly to being ordered around, even by three-headed idols; I have no idea how Art Spiegelman would have drawn you as a polycephalic cat, but, even then, we would all recognize you for what you are.
Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on
:
So you mention the Nazis, but do you mention Stalin? No? Why is Stalin so often overlooked? Was he not a dictator? Did he not work hard putting in the hours sending millions to their death too? But after that selfless effort sacrificing his name for posterity does he have a bit of recognition? An equivalent of Godwin's Law? No, he doesn't. Just ignored, cast away out of the collective memory.
We demand more equal representation for Communist dictators.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
Oh, so dictators are only about killing and oppression, then? Why must you enforce the negative stereotypes? What of the good dictators like Garibaldi and, um, well he's the only one at this point, but more could happen.
And what about these Dictators? or do you hate music? Well, do you punk? or, well, in this case not Punk, but you understand...
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
You say punk in this offhand way, like everyone on the planet won't know exactly who you are talking about.Even over the internet one begins to get a sense of the raised eyebrow and the elbow to the ribs.
1. Who you callin' a punk, punk?
2. All I have to say about that.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
"... one begins to get a sense of the raised eyebrow and the elbow to the ribs ..."
Hardly surprising is it, Bugsy, when you use such appalling grammar?
"Who you callin a punk punk?" Perhaps you have some additional learning need or linguistic lacunae you wish to share with us? Loth as I am to throw my weight around (you all know me well enough by now to realise that it simply isn't in my nature), I really feel empowered, nay entitled in this case, to express the collective malaise of all contributors of taste and sense.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Oh, goody, we have a representative of the Borg on board. So honored.
Listen, you and the mouse in your pocket can keep your opinions to yourselves. "Collective malaise" my foot.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
:
I might add, superficially naff but in truth quite wholesome buttie, that in trying to leap onto your high horse, you left an apostrophe behind - unlike the bunny. Contempt for the demotic is, in any case, the last refuge of yer mediocrity, innit.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Do I spy some little black round things? Could they be licorice sweeties? Lavender seeds? Ah no - Flopsy's been round. Remember to sprinkle some on Ariston's breakfast cereal, won't you?
I am still offended, and, as ITTWACWS, it's outrageous that no-one has even offered to pray with me on the subject.
(mutters to self -- perhaps I should have posted in Hell - at least one is not ignored there, and the flames are warmer than the coldth on this thread.....)
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
:
Who is this Borg you speak of? Are you referring to an inferior version of Star Trek? Kindly leave this thread to the purists among us. There is but one Captain and his name is James Tiberius Kirk. All the others are but tawdry copies of his brilliance. Who else could insert... a... pause... between... each... word... in... such... a... meaningful... way...? Sheer genius!
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Thanks for reminding me of your foot, Kelly, I need some luck right now. That axe looks heavy, shall I hold it for you? Just for a moment?
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
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Oh, great, that's all we need. The thread has been hijacked by inadequates and social misfits. Resistance is futile.
(exits to find anorak)
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
aside to fellow posters I thought he was an anorak...
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Don't be unkind, he's just looking for a soulmate.
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Oh and Ariston, don't think I missed that remark about busting my shirt open for Syllie. You think rabbit poo on your sugar puffs is all you have to fear?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Lov.ing. the crosspost orgy. (Lansker, does my punctuation annoy you? Good.)
Beanie, how typical is it of you to wade umpteen posts back in the thread and bring up the dormant topic of your breasts? Did you notice how (Sorry, but I have to say it) nobody cared the first time?
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
:
I'm starting to feel a little queasy now... what with the references to Beanside's exuberant, heaving poitrine, Cottontail's little currants bring liberally sprinkled all over the thread and jacobsen's endless jeremiads about being the target of everyone's studied ignorance, I think I may need a sniff of the sal volatile.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Jeez, Valmont, will you can it with the decorative Frenchisms? A dribble of crème fraîche does not a gourmet meal make.
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
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Seeing as you've been shitting all over everyone's dinner, I hesitate to ask what you think would make one, copraphage. Also, seeing as we ran Frenchie* off a few pages back, I don't think anyone left gets to complain about misplaced Gallicisms.
Of course, I've yet to hear any real bon mots from anyone either, so we can't talk about well-placed Gallicisms.
*Well, and EtaEvo, but he always breaks the left-hand alignment, so good riddance to him.
**Oh, and BS, Syllie's still waiting. I'm having to listen to his bad love "poetry." Just take one for the team and show off the girls so I don't have to hear him keep trying to rhyme "lady" with "baby."
[ 20. September 2012, 01:07: Message edited by: Ariston ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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All that cantankerous horseshit leading up to your real agenda. Cute.
Listen, if I am even going to consider a request of that nature, it better be made politely and humbly, and preferably after dinner and dessert with a fine fume blanc accompanying.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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I hate it when people don't complete their sentences!
Are we supposed to be telepathic?
Now I realise you are only a little rabbit with brains smaller than your front teeth but accompanying what?
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Oh the grammar's fine and you know it. Go pick on Syllie.
Posted by tomsk (# 15370) on
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The Grandma's not fine, actually. She's rather poorly. So insensitive.
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on
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Pardon another comment about the standard of English used here but surely if your grandma's rather poorly I would think insensitive would be the last term to describe her - perhaps you meant insensible.
It really would make life a lot easier if people here were more precise about their meanings and didn't burden me with having to correct them all the time!
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Who died and made you Noam Chomsky? It's not like we're submitting this thread for peer review. And good thing, because with the pathetic content we got going, grammar is the least of our worries.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
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At last, an admission from Flopsy that her contribution, and I use the term loosely, is pathetic. There, there, little one. Go add further nutrients to the breakfast board.
[ 20. September 2012, 09:36: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Listen here, Miss Æbleskiver, wait, Æbleskiver? That is like a second-rate doughnut, a third-rate beignet. They don't even come with chocolate! A proper beignet, hot and drizzled with chocolate, mmmmmmmm heaven. Anyhow, how did you get to be Miss Æbleskiver in the first? Enter a sexist contest, did you? Parade around in an indecent swim costume, tell the judges your favourite vegetable is the banana, and "I wish for world peas, even though I do not care for peas in general, except for grandmum's mushy peas, 'cause she put sugar on them for me, 'cause I don't like peas. But world peas is good, everyone says, so that is what I wish for." What was your talent, pray tell? Juggling Æbleskivers and playing the nose flute whilst riding a unicycle? Actually that takes a lot of coordination, but that is not the Point! The point is you are setting women back years just so you can win a few quid and a lifetime supply of Æbleskivers.
ETA: Now I've done it, mentioned women riding unicycles. Now Ariston is going to overheat.
[ 20. September 2012, 10:28: Message edited by: lilBuddha ]
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
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May you be forgiven, Miss Horny, for your cultural and gastronomic ignorance. Whilst appreciating your belated recognition of my humble (note irony) existence, was it really necessary to denigrate one of the taste sensations of the western world? Has a lifetime of world weary grass so blunted your perceptions that you can only feel your taste buds tingle when the sheer vlugarity of chocolate smothered blinys are on offer? Get back to your thistle strewn paddock and eat thorns.
As for needing to compete - please don't assume that we are all like you. Brown nosing judges, or anyone else, for that matter, has never been a pastime of mine. But then, you've got the nose for it.
[ 20. September 2012, 10:59: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on
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I am completely offended that my work-supplied keyboard doesn't do fancy-shmancy foreign lettering, like lilBudda's.
*stomps off to beat the crap out of an unsuspecting IT technician*
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Leave the IT bod alone Starbug. LilShowoff just spent an hour researching doughballs and their variants, then copied and pasted from Wiki. Of course you wouldn't think of that.
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
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That was deliberate. That was unforgiveable! That was so way, waay, way over the top - drawing attention to Starbug's alleged thoughtlessness. Isn't it a central tenet of the ship that shippies are thoughtful until proved otherwise?
I'd go on, but I'm too upset. You, of all people, Bean!
[ETA to add two more "ways". Hope you appreciate my restraint.]
[ 20. September 2012, 15:30: Message edited by: pimple ]
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Oh the grammar's fine and you know it. Go pick on Syllie.
I am funny that way but I prefer people to pick their own noses.
Each to his own, as you Anglo-Saxons say, no? It's why God handed out one each.
PS: Uh?? Where do all these other intervening posts come from? Did I stop reading when my name was mentioned? got distracted, sorry. Multi-tasking men...
[ 20. September 2012, 15:57: Message edited by: Sylvander ]
Posted by pimple (# 10635) on
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Don't give me that. You just thought my post was too feeble to get annoyed with. There are peope like you all over the ship. Don't get irony, subtelty ublety subtelly sluttlbey oh ***** to hell with it -NO Ididn't say that!
[ 20. September 2012, 16:15: Message edited by: pimple ]
Posted by Sylvander (# 12857) on
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You arr zo annoying! Vot is zis "irony" ?
Komm pleass teatsch me.
Sank you.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Oh, baby, that is so unfair. You know what it does to me when you go all Third Reich like that.And you know it is a really bad thing to happen to me in public, you rascal. And here I am sipping an iced coffee at Starbucks and having to restrain my girlish gasp so as not to scare the baristas.
Please be kind.
Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on
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Hi guys! I'm back! Smarting from some of the acerbic critique aimed at me by the obviously challenged (though not auricularly) Psychobunny (NOT).
What truly astounds me is the sheer amount of free time at your disposal to contribute so much (quantitively, not qualitatively) to the thread. Are any of you making a valid contribution to society? (Note to Big Ears, coffee consumption does not count) Is this what I pay my taxes for? Has this thread now become occupational therapy for the distressed and deranged?
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Below the Lansker:
Has this thread now become occupational therapy for the distressed and deranged?
Surely this is the only explanation for your presence, yeah?
Oh, and Bunny Girl, you were restraining your gasp? I thought surely you would be restraining the baristas.
What has happened to our Kelly? Do your best to set an example and they turn on you, becoming all proper-like and leaning towards respectability. A shame really.
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
What has happened to our Kelly? Do your best to set an example and they turn on you, becoming all proper-like and leaning towards respectability. A shame really.
Please Hornbone. Learn to read for comprehension. None of us are turning on Flopsy, but turning Flopsy on.
[ 21. September 2012, 02:18: Message edited by: Ariston ]
Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on
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Count me out. I just want that foot.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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No, no you do not. If you knew what that foot has been... <shudder> Were it just a foul, unwashed, thoroughly stanky foot, {and it is all of that) it would be awful enough. However the things she does with it, the places she puts it, the people, nay creatures, who allow her to do so...It makes the skin crawl, the eyes cease to function, the nostrils seal themselves shut. I will no longer stomach her within a 2 miles of me. You will think I exaggerate, as indeed I did before I saw. Oh gods, what I saw. I was blind from shock for nearly a week after.
Lucky rabbits foot? Lucky to never encounter it.
Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on
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Giant clown shoes and Host Fez ON, mothafuckas!
That's IT. NO MORE. Hornskull and Flopsy, just get a room and do the deed already, okay? Same goes for you, Syllie, and . . . well, everyone.
This thread has been a disgrace, a violation of every single damn commandment we could have come up with—especially, Horny One, number six. This has gone on long enough; I rather suspect I'll have to get the admins involved to clean up the mess. Even with my abuse of host powers, I can't finish this one off.
You lot are an utter disgrace. All the offensive insults, all the awful puns, all that flirting—"and then they all fucked" is probably going to be the epitaph in Limbo for this one.
Shame on all of you, and good riddance.
Goddamn thread fucking CLOSED.
AristonAgamemnonAstuanax, Almighty Circus Host of Certain Death
[ 21. September 2012, 03:06: Message edited by: Ariston ]
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