Thread: Hell: What I did on shore leave Board: Limbo / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
Who stooped the lowest in efforts to self-medicate due to effects of posting withdrawal? And why should we allow you back onboard now?

[ 10. March 2003, 01:33: Message edited by: Erin ]
 

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Posted by Arietty (# 45) on :
 
I was embarassed by the new feature which names visitors to the Ship.
 

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Posted by Louise (# 30) on :
 
I edited lots of 16th century poetry and helped dispose of the European gin mountain.

What European gin mountain you ask?

Exactly.

L.
 

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Posted by Willyburger (# 658) on :
 
I spent time browsing a very large Christian site based here in the States. Lots of ooey-gooey fellowship and exhortation. Not much to challenge the brain. Any post in that direction usually earns one a 'scriptural' admonition. Very un-Ship-like.
 

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Posted by AndT (# 1901) on :
 
I graduated



which was nice

and
 

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Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
Stayed up too late playing Black and White. Naughty David!

But on the plus side I got sunburnt at the Gay Pride Festival in DC last week, and joined a bear club!
 

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Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
I stayed in the bar, and helped to found SOFA.
(Ship Of Fools Anonymous)
And put feathers and squirty cream on the men-folk.

jj
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
I sat on my front porch and drank gin and read trashy novels.

When small children got too close, I threw rocks at them.
 

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Posted by Siegfried (# 29) on :
 
I worked my butt off w/out appreciation for a company that thinks we all should be making here in the Silicon Valley the same as the folks in Texas make (yeah, right!), and getting surly.
So watch out!!
 

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Posted by mysticlisa (# 2867) on :
 
I groomed my dog... well... I almost finished.

~owner of a very hairy Lhasa Apso, lisa
 

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Posted by Shoehorn with Teeth (# 2420) on :
 
I tried to glean enough intellectual stimulation from movies and Sunday school to keep my brain happy.
I ate all the ice cream I could.
I annoyed my sister.

You got a problem with that?
 

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Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
I strolled the docks every day. I wistfully read the log, a fair copy of which is kept in the Virtual Admiralty building. By careful rationing, I still had some of kerygmania to read when the wigwags signalled that the ship had been sighted in the Channel, headed for Shelmerston!
 

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Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 
My house is lovely and tidy. The washing basket is empty and the only ironing to be done is the stuff that was dried yesterday. My garden is no longer a jungle.

How ever my computer died just before the ship went off-line, and because of the bank holidays it took over a week before all the parts came to re-build. (Well actuall all that remains of the old computer is the DVD, the CD cutter, and the floppy drive.)

bb
 

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Posted by starbelly (# 25) on :
 
I watched lots and lots of football.

Neil
 

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Posted by Nunc Dimittis (# 848) on :
 
I played - wait for it - Solitaire.

When I had done that ad nauseam, I played Free Cell.

And now I am moving on to TV...
 

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Posted by The Machine Elf (# 1622) on :
 
I went to the south of England and got rained on for a week, except for the two fairs I went to (Kingston Green Fair with Chukovsky, and Strawberry Fair with some other friends and relations).

Then I grew a beard.

TME
 

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Posted by chukovsky (# 116) on :
 
I got rained on in the south of Italy.

No really.

I was therefore forced to spend lots of time inside listening to talks on infants' brains and lots of time in the bar discussing infants' brains, and discovering that grappa is not good for mine.

Then I got home and discovered exactly how much I have to do before I leave for Kenya in a week's time.
 

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Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :
 
I posted elsewhere , chatted in the cafe, surfed the web for O.T commentaries (yes, really - could we have a halo smilie, please, hosts)and wrote.
 

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Posted by Esme Weatherwax (# 1176) on :
 
I tried hard to hide from the Jubilee - very difficult given that our chruch turned royalist on the Sunday (nearly walked out in protest )
Tried to avoid the world cup but gave up. Even I've taken to shouting at the TV for England to score
Spent some time on single sites trying to find out if there are any interesting 40 something single males out there with similar interests - failed miserably (most want Kylie look alikes to breed with )
Got "squiffy" at the Globe, Brentford a couple of times to commiserate - good place for live music by the way
 

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Posted by Cliona (# 2035) on :
 
I co-founded SOFA with jedijudi, smudgie and jon in the cafe and had a pillow-fight.

I found I could get into the cafe in work.

I also made a new best friend and had a wonderful time finding out lots about myself and God.

Then I moved back in with my parents en route to my own new place.
 

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Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
I pined for the Ship. I checked back occasionally incase, you know, something had changed. I read posts on the Lifeboat. I was relieved then to have legitimate reasons to visit the Ship, such as edit profile, read new faqs, see new smilies.

I played Civ 3 *a lot*.

In desperation, I went out and visited a friend (half a dozen times).

I even visited my family about half a dozen times (Very desperate).
 

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Posted by George in Montreal (# 153) on :
 
I spent the period cruising around the Caribbean. A dirty job, I know, but someone has to keep providing the payroll for all those employees. Sitting on a veranda watching the stars did a pretty good job of helping me forget the Ship of Fools bulletin board.

Now all I have to do is figure out where the nifty little pictures come from...
 

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Posted by The Advocate (# 2054) on :
 
Kept praying.

Thought about how I could improve expressing my faith in a more natural and appropriate way.

Watched too much T.V.
 

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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by George in Montreal:
Now all I have to do is figure out where the nifty little pictures come from...

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Go into your profile and check out the avatar option.
 

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Posted by daisymay (# 1480) on :
 
Wrote and handed in an overdue essay.

Attended the gun salute in Hyde Park and palace firework display which were actually for my birthday , nothing to do with the other royalty.

Met up with fellow-shipmates in Berkeley Square.

Avoided the whole football thing (I'm not English).

Cheered on Lennox Lewis beating up Tyson.
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
I co-founded SOFA - not as an addict, of course, but in a supervisory capacity.
I tacked the ironing mountain.
I was nice to the kids.
I got broadband (and had no Ship to test it out on )
You should let me back on board because I was the last non-host to post before the boards went down and one of the first to post on leaving dry dock....
 

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Posted by Aardvark (# 2295) on :
 
Watched football and jubilee stuff, and went to bed before midnight most nights.
 

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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
Smudgie is the only one who has noticed that this is a two-part question, folks! So Smudgie is moving into a nice comfy cabin on an upper deck, and the rest of you need to apply yourselves, here:

Why should we let you sorry people back on board?!?

-Ruth (hoping no one thinks to ask what she did for two weeks ...)
 

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Posted by starbelly (# 25) on :
 
because you love me....

Neil
 

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Posted by Shoehorn with Teeth (# 2420) on :
 
Because today is my birthday. Really.
 

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Posted by fatpanda (# 2709) on :
 
Went to bed early!!
And actually contributed to some of the other forums I am a member of!
And cut the grass


Glad the ship is back!!!!
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
Well, Ruth, you should let me back on board because, if you don't, you'll be the only person to host Hell until Nightlamp gets back from vacation.

That alone should be enough to have you groveling at my feet.
 

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Posted by Esme Weatherwax (# 1176) on :
 
Ruth, I should be on board because you all deserve to have me
Anyway, I'd only stowaway and nick your choccie biscuits and beer
 

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Posted by daisymay (# 1480) on :
 
You should let me back on board because I also did the ironing and all my sea-togs are now immaculately pressed.

And I spent hours eating by the computer till I found all the new smilies.
 

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Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
You should let me back on board because I'm asking you really nicely, and saying "please".

<grovel, grovel> Please! Please let me back on board!

jj
 

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Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
I helped my sister-in-law with her new baby, checked my e-mail and the Ship once while I was gone, only to discover that the boards had been closed!
Upon my return home, I promptly made my long overdue second contribution to the Organ Fund (which should earn me readmission to the Ship), spent some time reading through "threads I hadn't ever gotten around to", went through withdrawal symptoms (yearning for new posts, hoping to find one even though I knew it was impossible), checked out the Yahoo site and wished for the vomiting smilie (what a horrible format!), began playing Free Cell again (during a former period of Free Cell addiction I started a spreadsheet to keep track of the games I had won), realized I had no life anymore and actually began the attack on the maple saplings (Norway maple seedlings here in New England are considered a noxious weed) and started to remove the quackgrass which has taken over my front flower bed, but this has been interrupted by rain, and finally got sick with a sore throat/sinus infection something and therefore missed the actual moment when the boards re-opened.
 

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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by tomb:
Well, Ruth, you should let me back on board because, if you don't, you'll be the only person to host Hell until Nightlamp gets back from vacation.

That alone should be enough to have you groveling at my feet.

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tomb, I'm not altogether stupid - I will not only allow you back on board, I'll arrive at the Colorado shipmeet bearing the gin I have owed you for lo these many ages.
 

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Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
Ruth, I adjure you to permit me to return to the ship. Cats' lives are at stake! (see the cat thread in dead horses). And I beseech you personally as one gentlewoman to another.
 

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Posted by The Mid (# 1559) on :
 
I drank. You'd miss me.
 

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Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
I had a fantastic long weekend in London, saw lots of the Jubilee celebrations, went to the theatre to see a musical, sat in Covent Garden eating Italian food and people watching. I got accepted to do a PhD starting this October. I chatted far too much in the Cafe where I too had a pillow fight and got to ride a Shipmates shiny new bike! I tided my house, walked my dog, tended to my parent's tomatoes while they were sunning themselves in France...
I also got really cheesed off with the weather.

If you have no good reason to let me back on the boards - I have a case of wine and some really nice food that Mum and Dad bought me back from France and I am willing to share it!
 

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Posted by Olorin (# 2010) on :
 
I watched the Jubilee pop concert from Hyde Park, then the Jubilee parade next day from my bed with a whopping hangover. Following weekend, I got my hands dirty on someone else's fishnets
Made friends with them afterward .
Other than that, looked for a job and watched my savings evaporate.
I should be let back on board because you are all too demure & ladylike without me.
 

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Posted by Dyfrig (# 15) on :
 
I sold my soul to the devil.

Why should you let me back on? Because without me there wouldn't be any interesting or stimulating threads in Hell, would there, dear?
 

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Posted by Beethoven (# 114) on :
 
Well, I didn't do anything very interesting. Some work, although not much , some shopping , several days off work not feeling well & looking after an unhappy Baby B Ooh, and I got a copy of my book 'cos it's been published at last!!

I should be let back on because... (this is like those Balloon debates - I'd always be the first one out 'cos I can't think of any reason to justify my continued existance!)... umm... otherwise I'd have to do my job!
 

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Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
I did a lot of work.

And you need to let me back on, because if not, I will have to keep on doing lots and lots of work, and eventually explode.

Please ?
 

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Posted by Sean (# 51) on :
 
Went to:
Carlisle
Hadrian's Wall
Traquair House (& Brewery)
Loch Lomond
Oban
Mull
Iona
Tobermory Distillery
Oban Distillery
Glasgow
Lindisfarne
Durham
visited Umbrella & her chapels (& various animals)
Lincoln
Cotswolds
Hook Norton Brewery
visited Beethoven & Bethany
Salisbury
Old Sarum
& Stonehenge
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
You must let me back on board Ruth because I have just paid a load of money to the organ fund. I also have a very clever hole-drilling device which is very effective on ship's hulls.......
 

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Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
I posted a lot on Mudcat (see my profile for link).

You should let me back on because somebody needs to keep Fr. Gregory honest! (just kidding, Father!) (no I'm not, RuthW!) (Yes, I am, Father!)

Reader Alexis
 

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Posted by JonathanMy (# 1246) on :
 
I learned powerpoint (another stage of selling out to the world of Gates), gave two talks in La Roche-Posay (near Poitiers) (found out two hours before I was due to leave that it had springs supposed to be good for skin condition, and was probably the first person in history to leave with worse eczema than when I arrived) had two days off in lieu of being there over bank holiday,
watched Argentina game and worried about my celing when Becks got the penalty. Went to Matisse Picasso at the Tate (really really good),
the West End meet (nice to meet people) and sang
evensong at chapel choir reunion (forgot how much
hard work singing an evensong is.

Don't have a clue why you should let me back
 

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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
Okay, here's where you stand so far:

Smudgie gets a nice comfy cabin for being clueful.

tomb gets his pick of cabins and all the gin he can swill because I'm not stupid.

JonathanMy gets his pick of cabins right behind Smudgie and tomb because his answer indicates that he truly understands the nature of grace (and its source ).

jedijudy gets a decent cabin, but not very convenient to the johns, because grovelling is good, but shouldn't be overdone.

jlg and Chorister are allowed back because monetary bribes are always welcome, but they have to room together on account of being so blatant.

Dolphy gets a nice cabin despite being blatant because wine and food are even better than money.

Mousethief's sojourn onboard will depend entirely on his ability to keep tabs on Fr. Gregory AND on ...

Esme Weatherwax, who gets the cabin furthest from the galley, and who will be tossed overboard along with Mousethief if he can't keep her from nicking the food Dolphy brought along.

Starbelly, Shoehorn with teeth, daisymay, and Sophie Aubrey are assigned hammocks in the forecastle until they learn not to be so dang nice in hell. daisymay will do everybody's ironing until further notice (no starch, please).

Beethoven and Schroedinger's cat are assigned to the engine room (thought you'd get out of work, huh?!), but Schroedinger's cat gets to order Beethoven around down there simply because he had the nerve to use the throbbing heart smilie in hell.

The Mid and Olorin will need to re-apply. Smugness is so unappealing.

Dyfrig, you call "festering community spirit" interesting and stimulating??? You will be allowed to stay on board IF and ONLY IF you get the johns cleaned to my satisfaction and you don't sing or incite others to sing. One note, even the merest warble, and I'll have you keelhauled.
 

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Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
But Ruth, it says right in my signature that I am a badass!
 

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Posted by Dyfrig (# 15) on :
 
Clearly, Ms W, your promotion has turned into something of a power-crazed asshat.

(picks up loo-brush, adopts warbling Spike Milligan voice)

#If I ruled the world, every day would be the first day of Spring....#
 

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Posted by Cliona (# 2035) on :
 
But Ruth, what about me, what about me? Am I allowed back on?

I have no idea why I should be, except that I'd hate to leave you to the wrath of smudgie and her cushions.

Oh, and I could dish some lovely gossip.

(Can't believe you left me out. Hrmph. Maybe I'll go away anyway.)
 

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Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Oh Ruth - thank you so very much for my 'nice cabin'.... you are more than welcome to share in my wines and foods... I can't bribe you with any money since I am stoney broke - but is there any chance of a stereo in my cabin? PLEASE?
 

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Posted by PaulC (# 2256) on :
 
All this begging and pretty pleasing... far too nice for Hell. Makes me wanna Here are just one or two of the things I did to amuse myself while the ship was down:

1. Ingratiously invited myself to enough dinners and barbeques over Jubilee weekend that I didn't have to prepare myself a meal for four days.
2. Became disillusioned with life and blamed God.
3. Snapped at my relatives.
4. Stuck hot pins into a flaming effigy of my ex-girlfriend (tricky, but worth it).
5. Ignored all the chores. I now have a lawn that is 4 feet tall and the kitchen smells like something died in it.
6. Sat around the house in my bathrobe all day.
7. Went on a 24 hour TV bender.
8. Racked up an overdraft buying stuff I don't need and will never use.

Basically you shouldn't let me back on, as I'm evil, bad-tempered, foul-mouthed and I hate you all for abandoning me.
 

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Posted by Abu Wuza (# 614) on :
 
Reading, reading, reading. Nothing uplifting of course.

And my shiny new avatar should be enough to tell you why [speaking ex cathedra] I shall be admitted to the boards. [/ex cathedra]

Nice to be back.

AW
 

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Posted by splosh (# 2743) on :
 
Hmmm lets see. In no particular order I:

i. Finished my theory chapter.
ii. Played about with liquid nitrogen and helium.
iii. I played hockey sevens (and lost!)
iv. I went to a Punk party in a fair too short skirt
v. I rowed in a regatta, and got sunburnt
vi. Avoided football at all costs

Why should I be allowed back on the ship, have you seen what I can do with liquid nitrogen and ice-cream mixture?

(p.s. I am also handy to have around, as I have spent three years perfecting the art of soldering )
 

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Posted by Chad (# 624) on :
 
I....

• took a trip to an internet-free part of Scotland,
• climbed mountains in Scotland,
• solved a murder mystery,
• fell asleep up a mountain,
• went to a wedding and bounced on the bouncy castle,
• saw Bend It Like Beckham,
• started watching Big Brother,
• broke wind up a mountain on a windy day - I couldn't hear anything - everybody else could - but you probably didn't want to know that
  

..and it would be nice if you would let me back on board because I'm a nice chap in the cafe. I try and bring food whenever I visit and often volunteer to get drinks or do the washing up. oh, and I'll try and keep the windipops under control
 

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Posted by nicolemrw (# 28) on :
 
i found another site to post on to keep me busy.

you should let me back on cause i'm a librarian and i know a lot of things.


 

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Posted by Stoo (# 254) on :
 
I got a life, and don't actually want to come back on board.

For that reason, you should give me the biggest and most plush cabin in existance, just to really piss off all the people who really want it.

Remember, i won't be using it, and nor shall anyone else.
 

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Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
Why should I let be back on board? Whoever suggested we had a right to it? I think it would be for friendship's and love's sake.
 

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Posted by daisymay (# 1480) on :
 
Come on....I can't, won't do everyone's ironing. I know what shipmates are meant to do to look after themselves - my grandad was in the Royal Navy when sailing ships went round the Horn, and he not only did his own washing, but knitting and embroidery too.

I'll accept the hammock, though, thanks.

And if I do some ironing and everyone's underwear is nicely starched????

It's definitely not anything I've done that's causing so many shipmates to be scratching themselves in embarassing places...
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
I posted on another Christian chat board...pined for SoF...

Ate more beer-can-chicken-bbq (we had Memorial Day in the States and then Father's Day...bbq time)

and then I took some liberties.

*my obsession with food is pathetic since I am dieting at the moment...sorry*
 

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Posted by Shoehorn with Teeth (# 2420) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by RuthW:
Starbelly, Shoehorn with teeth, daisymay, and Sophie Aubrey are assigned hammocks in the forecastle until they learn not to be so dang nice in hell.

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quote:

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RuthW:
Okay, here's where you stand so far:

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Hey, what about me!?! Last I checked, (until Erin deleted the thread) I was tied to the mainmast with one of those damnable cats torturing me and Sophs chortling over a cat o' ninetails. I guess that leaves me running loose and I'll have to sack out in the lifeboats.

You need me -- someone has to keep the cats from breeding like rats!
 

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Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Thank you! Thank you RuthW! <grovel, grovel>

***no! I'm not going to grovel***

<But, but, I can't help it, my cabin is so much nicer than sleeping on the plank like I used to...>

I think it's Willyburger's fault that the Cats thread was eliminated. Maybe he should just sit tied up to the mast until he quits being mean to cats.

jj
 

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Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Willyburger:

quote:

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RuthW:
Okay, here's where you stand so far:

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Hey, what about me!?! Last I checked, (until Erin deleted the thread) I was tied to the mainmast with one of those damnable cats torturing me and Sophs chortling over a cat o' ninetails. I guess that leaves me running loose and I'll have to sack out in the lifeboats.

You need me -- someone has to keep the cats from breeding like rats!

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quote:

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Originally posted by Sophie Aubrey:
Mr Burger, to you I am Mrs Aubrey. And, should you happen to be....<snip>

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Hmmm, that studied hauteur, the fascination with ropes and whips. Might I suggest a thread in Purgatory in which you might feel at home?
 

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Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
*tsk* Now, I wonder what thread in Purgatory that might be? I just can't think!
 

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Posted by Willyburger (# 658) on :
 
Oohh, sorry Chast. I just realized that my remarks might promote the propogation of cats -- neutered or not -- across the boards. And at Internet speeds, no less.
 

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Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 
I like cats, actually. I thought you were referring to my leather thread, which I'd love more people to read and reply to, of course, as it seems to be just sitting there, alone and forlorn.

O, my poor leather thread! Pining, it cries out, "When shall I be read again, to the joy and wonderment of all?"

Yes, when?
 

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Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by RuthW:
Dyfrig,..You will be allowed to stay on board IF and ONLY IF you get the johns cleaned to my satisfaction and you don't sing or incite others to sing. One note, even the merest warble, and I'll have you keelhauled.

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Ruth, that is racial abuse! Dyfrig is Welsh, and he can't help but have a song in his heart, on his lips or anywhere else that the fancy takes him!

I notice that I didn't make the list of people getting cabins, or being sent to the engine room. I must admit that I snuck back on which the ship was in dry dock, and reclaimed my old cabin. You remember, the one with the jacuzzi, and the endless supply of chocolate and gin. You are welcome to stop by any time.

bb
 

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Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
*sighs*

Well, the naughty signature didn't work, nor did my exchange with Mr Burger. (and for the record, I still don't know what a dominatrix is, or why people keep mistaking me for one. Neither the Captain nor Dr Maturin will tell me, but they are on their way to Mr Burger's house to demand satisfaction...)

What can I do to obtain a cabin?
 

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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
I'd suspend myself for my racist attitude toward Dyfrig, but he called me a power-crazed asshat. Worse, he attempted to sing. Well, he's gurgling with the barnacles now. Let it be a lesson unto all of you.

babybear has taken care of herself, and we like to reward initiative.

Sophie Aubrey, you are not now nor have you ever been a badass. It appears I should have let Olorin back on board after all, as you seem to be terminally demure. Hope you're getting used to the hammock.

Chad and nicolemrw will be joining you in the forecastle, for reasons that should be obvious.

Dolphy: Don't. Push. It. First it'll be a stereo, then a TV, then room service. Shyeah, right.

daisymay, you're starting to catch on. You can abandon your hammock in favor of a bunk on one of the lower decks, and you need only do my ironing. Don't even think about starching my underwear.

Holy Father, I recommend you try out Stoo's cabin, since he won't be using it. It's got its own private bathroom, which should be useful next time you wish to speak ex cathedra.

Cliona, the ship virtually runs on good gossip. I'm putting you in with sophs - I expect a full report on those liquid nitrogen and ice cream concoctions and any cat o' ninetail action.

Willyburger, if the cats aren't breeding like rats, the rats will be breeding like bunnies. As far as I'm concerned, you can stay tied to the mast. If you break free and sophs can't catch you, you can have a lifeboat.

ChastMastr, you and PaulC will be rooming together. You have much to learn from him regarding the ways of hell. Pay attention. Take notes. Wax on, wax off. (Paul, I hate to do this to you, but to make it up to you, I'll let you bring all that stuff you bought on board. Please do us all a favor and keep the soldering iron hidden from sophs at all times.)
 

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Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
*putting her hand up through the grating of the fo'c'sle, and waving furiously to attract attention*

Is it badass enough if I correct the hellhostess? It is Splosh who knows how to solder, not sophs. And the exchange between myself and Mr Burger was concerned partly with his calling me sophs. While sophs is a feline sympathizer, she was not involved in arranging a condign punishment for him.

(wonders to self---how can I arrange for Olorin to come on board? He is the most delightful and wicked rakehell of my acquaintance.)
 

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Posted by Willyburger (# 658) on :
 
Well, then, I *do* apologize. I was merely employing a diminutive, not intentionally confusing you with another shipmate. Memory doesn't serve now that Ship's complement is well over 2800, especially as I've been distracted with ropeburn and splinters from the mainmast.

RuthW, since I've managed to slip the surly bonds of Miss Sophie, I'll gladly take your offer of accomodations in the lifeboat. Might I trouble you for a nice feather pillow and blanket?
 

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Posted by Abu Wuza (# 614) on :
 
Thankyou Ruth, the cabin's OK (unless Stoo decides to turn up after all), but do you think anybody will mind if I sing ex cathedra in the shower? I have a nice, rich tenor voice.

AW
 

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Posted by Stoo (# 254) on :
 
not in my shower, you don't.

and i expect rent.
 

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Posted by Dyfrig (# 15) on :
 
#La-da-di,
la-dah, la-da-d-#

Phwor! :gag:

tomb - is this one of yours?
 

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Posted by Chad (# 624) on :
 
Hey, I made it to the forecastle, even with my wind breaking up a mountain habits... Sorry about that Sophie and Nicolemrw.

Must try harder at being nasty..
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
Why is babybear in My cabin; why are there little islands of matted bear fur floating in My jacuzzi; and where's my gin?
 

---

Posted by Olorin (# 2010) on :
 
Twannnnnng! *sound of whalebone ricochetting around ship*
Cough, gasp, cough. Thanks Sophie, brilliant idea to smuggle me onboard inside your corset. A bit squashed, but comfy with grrrrrreat handholds. Did you injure anyone with your corset?
Think that ruins your goodie girl credentials though.
Now, how to peruade, bribe, embarress or bully the 'demurely-deranged' RuthW into letting me stay? Hmmm.....

Aha,.....RuthW... What did YOU do while ship was in dry dock, eh? Something suitably reserved & demure as you had to face real people in the real world for once.
 

---

Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 
Your cabin?! The cheek of the guy! Get back under your rock you wrinkly, scaley gin-pickled hellion.

bb
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
Don't start on me, you tick-infested furball. I'll pitch your chocolate into the bilgewater.
 

---

Posted by Esme Weatherwax (# 1176) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by babybear:
[QUOTE]You remember, the one with the jacuzzi, and the endless supply of chocolate and gin. You are welcome to stop by any time.

bb

---

Did someone mention chocolate and alcohol in the same sentence? Never mind being miles from the galley...
 

---

Posted by daisymay (# 1480) on :
 
Ta muchly Ruth.

But I'm suspicious that a bunk may be more stuffy and sick-making than my hammock. If so, your undergarments may return to you rather smelly.

I have left a neat pile of freshly ironed and starched underwear under the hammock hooks for the rest of you.
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
(wonders how to look suitably affronted at the liberties Olorin has taken with her, but is wearing wide smile instead, forcing emergency use of fan to hide mouth)
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
Ruth .... Ruth!...... RRRUUUUUTTTTHHHH!

There is a MAMMAL in my cabin!!

She has drunk ALL my gin, and there are chocolate wrappers all over and, and,

OMIGOSH! There's water EVERYWHERE! The filter on the jaccuzzi is clogged with hair!!

It's spilling over. The Ship is sinking. I'm dying! I'm no trailor trash amphibian! I'm not used to conditions like this.

You have GOT to Do.Something!
 

---

Posted by babybear (# 34) on :
 
Ruth, could I have a quiet little word with you?

I am most concerned with the mental state of one of your hellions.

I was relaxing in my lovely jacuzzi, then a very drunken creature stumbled into my cabin. The door between the bathroom and my cabin was closed, so I didn't realise that it was someone entering my cabin. I must admit that I was rather worried about all the crashing around, but I put it down to someone moving into their new cabin.

When I had finished my ablutions I wandered into my cabin, only to find a hideous monster sprawled across my waterbed. It was quite a shock seeing a gin-sodden amphibian in snoring repose.

I tried to rouse the beast (I had been planning on having a little nap before dinner). However, with all of his trashings around he managed to pierce the waterbed! Thankfully at this point he ran off, screaming about fur-balls and Orthodox mammaries.

I am now left with a very sodden cabin, and a very deflated bed. Stoo very kindly lent me his spare hammock, but it is very difficult for a small bear to climb into a hammock.

Ruth, does your hellion often go on benders? Does he often stumble (and crash) into other people's cabins, and what is this fixation with Orthodox mammaries?

bb
 

---

Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
Well I didn't recheck this thread because I assumed it would be full of pathetic no-lifers regaling each other with their sad attempts at integrating back into normal life - and then grovelling very grovellingly to be let back out. AND I WAS RIGHT!

So. I have to be allowed back on board because I have it on good authority that O'Kief is a little worn after functioning as the sole Ship's parrot, and I'm rustling up a few of us to help him out on rota.
 

---

Posted by Esme Weatherwax (# 1176) on :
 
Nooooo...I got pipped to the post and missed out on the gin & chocolate.

Anywaone got any more alcohol & food stashed away they'd like to share (says she with a threatening look in her eye and body language that says "don't mess with the management"
 

---

Posted by Cliona (# 2035) on :
 
Hey Sophie - come into my cabin with me and sophs and Olorin can hide under the bed...

If nothing else it'll give us a start for the gossip we've promised.

(Now Olorin, give Sophie her corset back. It does nothing for you )
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by babybear:
Ruth, could I have a quiet little word with you?

I am most concerned with the mental state of one of your hellions.

I was relaxing in my lovely jacuzzi, then a very drunken creature stumbled into my cabin. The door between the bathroom and my cabin was closed, so I didn't realise that it was someone entering my cabin. I must admit that I was rather worried about all the crashing around, but I put it down to someone moving into their new cabin.

---

quote:

---

bb continues with her maunderings
When I had finished my ablutions I wandered into my cabin, only to find a hideous monster sprawled across my waterbed. It was quite a shock seeing a gin-sodden amphibian in snoring repose.

---

quote:

---

babybear continues her little fiction
I tried to rouse the beast (I had been planning on having a little nap before dinner). However, with all of his trashings around he managed to pierce the waterbed! Thankfully at this point he ran off, screaming about fur-balls and Orthodox mammaries. I am now left with a very sodden cabin, and a very deflated bed.

---

quote:

---

babybear concludes her whinge
Stoo very kindly lent me his spare hammock, but it is very difficult for a small bear to climb into a hammock.

---

Oh, that is rich! I saw her in that hammock. Trussed up like sausage beginning to go bad in the shop. (Did you know that her fur--what's left of it--is turning green? From the damp I daresay. Mammals. No hygiene.) And that is not a small bear. I have seen Volkswagens with fewer cubic inches.

But Ruth, I, too, have found new quarters. One of the yardarms has just a speck of dry rot in it, enough for my toe claws to get purchase. I spent a very pleasant evening hanging by my feet, flapping in the breeze.

And I'm happy to report that it gives me a better vantage from which to perform my hosting duties. Not only can I watch the Shipmates by day, but it's much easier to pick up their infrared signatures after dark. So something good has come of this fiasco.

Now if you can just find where she's hid the gin.
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
First order of business: Dyfrig, it has come to my attention that there is a much coveted first-class cabin in serious need of cleaning. Once you've finished coughing up barnacles, see to it right away. And it had better be spick and span when you're done, because I'll be moving in directly.

Pope Abu Wuza (first Pope from a predominantly Muslim country?), I believe I have previously gone on record as forbidding singing in hell. So keep it down, or you'll be joining Dyfrig on loo duty. Or you'll be keelhauled. Or I'll just give you over to tomb's tender mercies - not something you want to experience when he's been out of gin for more than 24 hours.

Willyburger, show some initiative - steal your own feather pillow and blanket.

daisymay: if you don't like the bunk, pick out a lifeboat. Not Willyburger's - there's already been entirely too much disastrous cohabitation aboard ship (see below).

Coot, what do you and your little coterie of avian pals plan to do on the ship? Given the recent inter-class (kingdom, phylum, class ... let's not get this wrong) contretemps we've experienced, I am hesitant to complicate things any further by allowing multiple birds on board.

tomb: DRY ROT?!?! After we spend TWO SOLID WEEKS slaving away at the ship's upgrade and upkeep (and up a few other things as well, but we won't go into that), you discover DRY ROT? You couldn't have noticed this while we were beavering away (yes, a mammalian metaphor, deal with it) in drydock? Perhaps if you'd had a sober moment ... Nevertheless, I realize that like many of the great ones, you do some of your best work while in your cups, so I regret to inform you that the ship's stores are devoid of gin at the moment. I can let you have some of my private stash, on two conditions: 1. Don't drink all of it. 2. Don't let babybear anywhere near it.

babybear: I worry about the mental state of all hell's denizens, really, I do. But you are weighing heavily on my mind at the moment. I realize you've had a shock, but you must do something about your look. The whole matted thing may resolve itself into proper dreads, but I doubt it.

Finally. Miss Aubrey. It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a whalebone corset, must be in want of a wife. As Olorin is lost to all notions of decency and honor, and as you have behaved in the most indecorous, not to say wanton, manner, I am persuaded that the two of you must be married at once. You have been compromised in the most grievous fashion, and your credit will not otherwise survive the blow. Cliona, you must arrange the matter - do whatever is necessary. (Oh, and Miss A: you are still not a badass.)
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
Ah, Ruth, would that it were just a matter of a maiden's misstep, led down the primrose path by a charming rogue!

Alas, some years ago, Jno Aubrey RN and I stood before the altar and contracted matrimony. His absence, on naval duties, and the fact that he has a wandering eye himself, will not, I fear, make of him a complaisant husband.

I know not if Olorin would be prepared to elope with me. The other possible step would be a bill of divorcement presented to the ship's parliament. I fear a humble gentlewoman who has led a retired life does not have the honor of acquaintance with any member of parliament.

Covered with shame (but still gleeful), I await further developments.
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
As Mr. Aubrey is the injured party, you will have to await his decision. Are you prepared to face a charge of criminal conversation? Will Olorin stand by you (and be named in the suit!) if you do face such a charge? Somehow I think not - charming he may be, but steadfast and reliable he is not.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Ruth thank you thank you for my nice comfy cabin... and what a wonderful view! The stereo is working well, hope it's not too loud for you other shipmates. (not 'cos I don't want to disturb you, but why should you get the benefit of it too?) Reception on the TV is excellent, considering, and room service too? Thank you. Sorry I didn't thank you sooner, but I've been too busy enjoying the unaccustomed (but well deserved) luxury... Hey Cliona, just look at this sofa!!!!

Just one small favour... Could Dolphy just pop up here for an afternoon a week? I know she's well experienced at scrubbing the decks and could keep the floorboards looking pristine. It's the least I could do for my friend. Oh, and could Sophie come in morning and evening to feed the cat? (just trying to imagine Olorin in a suit).
 

---

Posted by Willyburger (# 658) on :
 

quote:

---

RuthW:
Willyburger, show some initiative - steal your own feather pillow and blanket.

---

I already tried. Everything is gin-soaked and covered with clots of brown fur.

quote:

---

RuthW:
daisymay: if you don't like the bunk, pick out a lifeboat. Not Willyburger's - there's already been entirely too much disastrous cohabitation aboard ship (see below).

---

Let's not be hasty. Since good blankets are in such short supply, a friendly game of snugglebunnies would keep the chill away. (can you say 'snugglebunnies' in Hell?)
 

---

Posted by Olorin (# 2010) on :
 
Sophie! You are married? You never said you wicked wench you.
This complicates things a fair bit. You never mentioned marriage, but I may be persuaded. Perhaps I could host a naked mud-wrestling contest for all those interested? Hmmmmm
 

---

Posted by Qlib (# 43) on :
 
I'm not telling you how low I stooped in my efforts at self-medication - mind your own damn business! Though I will say I noticed quite a few people hanging out in the bar more than usual (and trying to start fights). Of course, I couldn't possibly mention any names - or shall I say that I won't as long as I get a nice outside cabin.

As for why you should let me back on board. Well, I may be a pacifist (not a very good one, still practising, don't push your luck) but the young people I work with aren't. And a group of them will be on your side of the pond very shortly. Now, CA may be weird, but there can't be many people there who look like Jane Austen. So let me back on board or I'll send the boys round - OK?
 

---

Posted by daisymay (# 1480) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Willyburger:

quote:

---

RuthW:
daisymay: if you don't like the bunk, pick out a lifeboat. Not Willyburger's - there's already been entirely too much disastrous cohabitation aboard ship (see below).

---

Let's not be hasty. Since good blankets are in such short supply, a friendly game of snugglebunnies would keep the chill away. (can you say 'snugglebunnies' in Hell?) [/QB]

---

Great, Ruth. No more sickness.

I'll stick to my own lifeboat thanks. I'm just nipping off ashore to top up my camping equipment - a nice mummy-shaped sleeping bag, a tarpaulin in case it rains, and a Tangria stove is going to be useful. If you're chilly, Willyburger, a hot chocolate might be on offer; bring your own mug.

How's your ironing, Ruth? The next lot should smell sweeter if I can keep Willyburger from snuggling up in it.
 

---

Posted by Crœsos (# 238) on :
 
While the Ship was in drydock, I was away on holiday. I was travelling in Korea and attending World Cup games. I got to see Spain play South Africa , the U.S. play Poland , and Korea's second round win against Italy ! That was a wild game and wild crowd, though I was momentarily tempted to sell my ticket on the black market once I heard what the Koreans were willing to pay for them. (Over £1000, according to rumor.)
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
I think there is an urgent need to make a respectable woman of our Sophie. Though I feel sure that poor innocent Olorin has been lured in, it is now essential that he make an honest woman of her, especially with Olorin Junior on the way. Dyfrig, couldn't you and Moth come up with some legalese way of forcing his hand? Sue for breach of promise or something? The Captain could marry them, couldn't he?
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
The bill of divorcement must come before the House before it rises for the summer! The Admiral, for such I fear my injured spouse is, having hoisted his flag as a Rear Admiral of the Blue, is also an MP; so we must divide the House before he arrives. I have had a recent advisement he is even now posting home from Mr Burger's estate, having thrashed him thoroughly. I fear what may happen as his blood is still up!

*turns pale, dashes for the railing*
 

---

Posted by Willyburger (# 658) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sophie Aubrey:
I have had a recent advisement he is even now posting home from Mr Burger's estate, having thrashed him thoroughly. I fear what may happen as his blood is still up!

---

Oh, was that the Gentleman who was at the door around lunchtime? Yes, I remember him. He was playing with my new puppy. His name is Cerberus and he's very friendly.

When you see him next, do tell him to drop by again. He left in such a hurry, he forgot his overcoat and his left shoe.
 

---

Posted by Olorin (# 2010) on :
 
Smudgie:

quote:

---

Though I feel sure that poor innocent Olorin has been lured in, it is now essential that he make an honest woman of her, especially with Olorin Junior on the way.

---

. Poor certainly, but less of the innocent please . Olorin Junior! Am very good with kids. But I do feel rather thrust upon by events & other people's opinions. If she is married to a Homicidal Admiral's Rear, how will anyone get Parliament to issue a divorce. On what grounds anyway? Non-consummation?
Smudgie: why are you & RuthW convinced that I have breached anything of Sophie's (apart from her hymen) or that I led her anywhere that she was not moist & eager to explore? RuthW

quote:

---

charge of criminal conversation

---

quote:

---

silly Olorin said
I do feel rather thrust upon....

---

I suspect the inverse is true, but far be it from me to try to drag you out of the Freudian quagmire you have inserted yourself into....
 

---

Posted by Qlib (# 43) on :
 
Too much of Rears and Vices, I think.
 

---

Posted by Cliona (# 2035) on :
 
I fear I may cause some consternation among the present ship's company as I cannot concur with Ruth's request for me to be of service in the proceedings, being as it is that it would be against my own interests. Olorin says:

quote:

---

Am very good with kids.

---

This is quite true. He has been a wonderful father to our triplets, Lucy, Lily and Lucas. I must ask Mrs Rear Admiral Aubrey to refute her claims, and send my errant husband back to me. Continuation of her quest would only compound problems.

Olorin, I will forgive you.
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
When lovely woman stoops to folly,
And finds too late that men betray,
What charm can soothe her melancholy,
What art can wash her guilt away?
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
<jj holding large bag of popcorn and a Coca Cola>

**munch, munch** ####sl-l-lurp###

*!urp!* oops, excuse me.

I don't seem to remember coming to an "R" rated movie today???

Oh well. **munch, munch**
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sophie Aubrey:
When lovely woman stoops to folly,
And finds too late that men betray,
What charm can soothe her melancholy,
What art can wash her guilt away?

---

Not a damn thing, dearie. No matter what she does, the boys'll still think she's a slut. And they won't care that she's sad after she put out. But you already knew that, didncha?
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
In the morning mist, a cloaked figure settles herself into the ship's smallest boat. In pity for her tears, a young midshipman has agreed to take the mystery lady ashore and see her safely to the Ursulines, where her shame can be concealed by convent walls.
 

---

Posted by Nightlamp (# 266) on :
 
*Yawn* some one has been reading to much Patrick O'Brian and Alexander Kent on shore leave.
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Hey Jude, better be afraid...
That is my popcorn that you're munching.

Sophie, I'd give up on the convent idea if I were you. They have their standards, you know. I think you should restore Olorin to his former owner (and think yourself lucky you had such a narrow escape) and allow me to bring up your child. I, as a paragon of virtue, am well placed to raise the child to escape the sordid background of its parents.
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Well excuse me for complaining but how is it that Smudgie gets a stereo?! I asked so nicely for one... but nothing! And dear Smudge - if you are going to listen to yours at that volume, at least have the decency to listen to real music not that that you play night after night! And another thing - who stole my box of wine?!
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
Your box of wine??! Saints preserve us, we have a Philistine aboard!
 

---

Posted by Edward Green (# 46) on :
 
Perhaps she meant case ...
 

---

Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
OK Clever clogs - I DID mean case and not BOX! But since the wine was in a cardboard box and not in a case, you can understand my wording!!!
Anyway, who's got it? I want it back.
 

---

Posted by Stoo (# 254) on :
 
I should imagine that the type of person who steals a box of wine is not the same type of person who would still have it in their possession.

<Burp>
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Willyburger:
[QUOTE]Oh, was that the Gentleman who was at the door around lunchtime? Yes, I remember him. He was playing with my new puppy. His name is Cerberus and he's very friendly.

---

No, no, he looks like this.
 

---

Posted by Willyburger (# 658) on :
 
CM, that thing looks like it'd be kitty chow in no time.
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
Yo! Smudgie! Check it out! I just popped another bag of popcorn. And! I have Hot Tamales !! I do share, you know.. All you have to do is ask! Have a Coke, there's plenty.

Look! Doesn't the person playing Sophie look real?? How do you think she cries on cue like that?

Oh, did you bring any chocolate with you??

<munch, sssslurp>

jj
 

---

Posted by JoyfulNoise and his Parrot, O'Kief (# 2049) on :
 
Anyone want some spare dampers then?
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
Pale and interesting, a feeble form languishes on a chaise longue in the convent garden.
 

---

Posted by Cliona (# 2035) on :
 
Meanwhile, back on board, a young harrassed mother of three toddlers thinks exasperatedly of tying them to the mast to stop them running about, wondering all the while just where this man who's great with kids has got to. Obviously, she did nothing to drive him away, being as it is that her father owns the largest fishnet stocking factory in the world.

Perhaps the other woman was too enticing for this poor, fickle man-creature.

Or perhaps he's gone ashore to seek his fortune for his ever-growing family.

Or *gasp* maybe he's followed the small boat carrying his forbidded love and is now in hiding in the convent, dressed, no doubt, in a suitable disguise?
 

---

Posted by Olorin (# 2010) on :
 
Cliona, darling how nice to see you. Sorry I've been away, got tied up sniffing around. Had a slight accident I'm afraid with girl with flirty ankles (flighty thing, lots of tears doncha know), it seems that the 3 'ells might soon be having a new brother or sister. Terribly sorry old girl, rather let the side down by letting things stay up too long. You see she had fishnet ankles, and well........ that's how you caught me.
Seems the foolish chit has got herself locked up in a convent as a 'Maggie' as they say in old Ireland. Bit of a prison sentence really, so I am going to need your help to do the dashing thing and rescue the dashed girlie. I'll need a dozen pairs of your finest fishnets to make ropes, the baby changing board to surf on, and a pair of your pregnancy knickers to use as a sail.
I have my own mast, so away to the rescue.....
 

---

Posted by blackbird (# 1387) on :
 
attended too many graduation and freshman orientation events, and filled out more financial aid and health forms than i care to think about.

also spent the night at Hampton Beach and saw Tower of Power, though, and that was my reward. but even that pales slightly when compared to getting back on-line today, the very day my husband drove off with both daughters for the week to visit his family (someone has to mind the dogs, right? )...so here i am requesting permission to come aboard on my first night alone!
 

---

Posted by Cliona (# 2035) on :
 
Now what should a lady do? I am torn between indignation that the father of my children should ask my help for rescuing his paramour, and the idea of any poor woman being condemned to do others' dirty laundry, even for nine months.



The truth is, I love both of the others in this love triangle - but what is in my best interests?

And please, won't someboldy think of the children?

Please - friends and kindly voyeurs - vote your preference here:

a) Will I give Olorin the supply of fishnets he asks for?

OR

b) Will I leave Sophie to the caring hands of the nuns?


 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
I almost hesitate to mention this, but a gentlewoman's honor requires me to note that I am not in fact laundering. My gentle birth and education, not to mention my charm and family connections, have prompted the Reverend Mother and the sisters to provide me with invalid boarder status.

After a few days of strengthening drinks, and bland but highly nourishing meals, clad in sensible maternity attire, and forbidden all occupation but a dawdle 'round the garden morning and evening, I am about to scream with boredom!

Please, dear shipmates! An angry husband, a lovable rogue, or a completely new conquest----vote me something to do!
 

---

Posted by Cliona (# 2035) on :
 
Dear Sophie,

As it seems we are being left to our own devices here, what do you say that we set up home together for our little ones, leaving the men out of the picture for the moment? Obviously, somebody has to think of the children, and as Olorin is already dumping me with the triplets, I can't imaging he'd be more reliable with only one...

And so, as you are a gentlewoman, and I am rich (well, it's my father's fortune, but hey) let's get our own cabin and wait for the new conquests together, shall we? We'll at least be able to have some good conversations.
 

---

Posted by Sophie Aubrey (# 2339) on :
 
From the Mother Superior of the Ursulines

To whomever Mrs Aubrey's fate may concern:

We regret to announce that Mrs Aubrey, just three months after giving birth to a fine baby boy, so far forgot her gentility, and the maternal behavior to be expected of even a Scarlet Woman, as to leave us and her infant. In the dark of a very stormy night, she made her way down to the docks. We hear from seamen that she attempted to engage an immediate passage, but was declined on the grounds of the danger. In the headstrong manner we had learned to expect of her, she then appropriated a small boat, rowing into the teeth of the storm, despite all pleas from bystanders. In the wind, rain, and high seas, it is almost certain that she drowned. A piece of whalebone from her corset washed up on the beach. We are preserving it as a cautionary relic. May we appeal to any one who may be disposed to forgive an infant its mother's sins to adopt her little son?
 

---

Posted by Cliona (# 2035) on :
 
Oh my!

Olorin, Olorin, your love is gone...her boots no longer by the door...returns no more

Poor, distracted woman. Why didn't you rescue her before this could happen? Typical man...procrastinator!

And now look - a small, helpless infant at the mercy of the nuns. What do you say, oh wayward one, should we give him a home and try to bring him up to be a credit to the mother who bore him? Of course, I could find it in my heart to care for him, poor little thing.

Dear Mother Superior, send us the child. And, if ever you should hear from Sophie again, please tell her to come and visit.
 

---

Posted by sophs (# 2296) on :
 
errr...Cliona seeing as i'm still in the same cabin as you we could both look after Sophie's little boy...and if Oroin is still here then i guess he could help....(provided he keeps to the mothers wish and calls me and Cliona "Miss") and isn't that a little boat just visible of the port bow?
 

---

Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
(Jedijudy, quick,*sniff* pass me the hankies.*sniff* I need at least half a *sniff* dozen *sniff*. Oh, and another tub of vanilla icecream while you're at it! )

Mother Superior, perhaps I should offer to take in the poor little waif. He would be brought up in a respectable home, ignorant of the errant ways of his wayward parents. Cliona is, I'm sure, a loving mother to her fatherless offspring but cannot offer the same care and nurturing that I can lavish upon the small child (not to mention the small velvet pouch of jewels hidden in his bootees). Send the child to me by return of post and I shall raise him as my own.
 

---

Posted by Miss_Molly (# 2339) on :
 
A plump woman pulls herself out of the water, and struggles onto the strand at the Isle of Wight. She wrings out the hem of her dress, combs her wet hair with her fingers and pins it up again. Resolutely she sets off for Smudgie's house...
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
**sob** Here you go Smudgie. *sniff* *sniff*
Would you like some chocolate sauce for your ice cream? <dabbing eyes> This is better than "I Am Sam".

Does that soggy woman look a little "lost" to you?

jj...weeping not so quietly
 

---

Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
Something really hellish better happen on this thread soon, or I'm sending it to Heaven.

And where has that bear with the mildewed dreadlocks got to?
 

---

Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
Actually, Tomb, your warning there was pretty hellish.




Alexis
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by tomb:
And where has that bear with the mildewed dreadlocks got to?

---

Who, me?
 

---

Posted by Esme Weatherwax (# 1176) on :
 
Sorry I've not been around for a while but I went landward for a bit to get some supplies seeing as I've been banned from the galley.

So now I'm set up for the voyage:

Real ale for liquid refreshment(Blacksheep, Gales HSB and Waggledance)

Bacon, white sliced bread and brown sauce for the butties (smuggled frying pan and camp stove into berth)

Coffee by the bucket load

Cheese and onion crisps (plus pork scratchings)

and not forgetting Belgian chocolate (because as we women need it).

Now - who do I share it with and why?
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 
Well, first thing you have to do, Esme, is see if Ruth will let you back aboard. Then you can begin sharing comestibles.
 

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Posted by jedijudy (# 1059) on :
 
For my 800th post, I would like to kick BabyBear and Tomb both out of their cabin, clean it, de-scale it and vacuum up all those hairy tumbleweeds floating around.
I need the hot tub for my sore ankle.
The few bottles of gin I found hidden in the cave-like structure,I shall sell to the highest bidder and use the funds to buy clean sheets ! Yuck.
So, go away. I can't hear you, so don't bother yelling.
No you can't have my cabin. I'm saving that for whoever wins my heart at Tigglet's Dating Agency.
Go away.
Now.
jj
 

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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
Nice try, jj, but Dyfrig's already got the place all cleaned out for me, and I don't plan to share. I hear they're having fun over in the lifeboats, though.

Esme, providing I get my usual cut of the ale and the chocolate, you may of course reboard the ship. The butty makings you may keep to yourself - food with the word "butt" in it somehow has never appealed to me.
 

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Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
OK Tomb, you want something hellish... here goes!

I am really angry that Smudgie gets away with listening to Meatloaf all bloody night long; I mean there are some of us who would actually like to get some sleep... and I'm sick of all the waterworks going on here... throw the children overboard and let's get back to some form of normality here... whatever normal is.

Why hasn't my cabin been cleaned? Who has got my 'case' of wine? - I was obviously far too nice in asking for it back... if it's not returned I shall be doing a Ship search... and I warn you, I have a gun and a very evil dog who needs some raw meat.
 

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Posted by Esme Weatherwax (# 1176) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Dolphy:
I have a gun and a very evil dog who needs some raw meat.

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Keep your dog away from my bacon or I'll make him choke on a pork scratching...

Anyway - why should you have your cabin cleaned? Some if us do it ourselves
 

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Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
For your information my dog is a 'she' !!!

And as for cabin cleaning, well I scoured it from top to bottom six days ago before I went on holiday... but have come back to find it wrecked... who's to blame?!! (my dog is champing at the bit here.... watch out all... raw flesh for supper tonight!)
 

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Posted by Esme Weatherwax (# 1176) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Dolphy:
For your information my dog is a 'she' !!!

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That figures - although at first I did think she was a he with bits missing....

Now where did I put that bottle of "Dog's Bollocks"?
 

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Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
HA HA! She has always been a she... although she now has bits missing...

Where is my cabin cleaner?!!

And more to the point - where is my case of wine?!
 

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Posted by Stoo (# 254) on :
 
finders keepers, losers weepers.
 

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Posted by tomb (# 174) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Dolphy:
OK Tomb, you want something hellish... here goes!

I am really angry that Smudgie gets away with listening to Meatloaf all bloody night long; I mean there are some of us who would actually like to get some sleep... and I'm sick of all the waterworks going on here... throw the children overboard and let's get back to some form of normality here... whatever normal is.

Why hasn't my cabin been cleaned? Who has got my 'case' of wine? - I was obviously far too nice in asking for it back... if it's not returned I shall be doing a Ship search... and I warn you, I have a gun and a very evil dog who needs some raw meat....

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Sweetheart, I really don't give a damn about your offspring, your histoires de amour, or "your" cabin. I have been hanging by my toenails from the yardarm and don't need no stinkin' cabin. I haven't had gin in days. After a dicey spell when the withdrawal hallucinations caused me to do Unfortunate Things to several apprentices (I was nice to them), I am back to Normal. From my inverted perch, and with the stupendous clarity of infrared vision untainted by alcohol, I am now quite able to distinguish Shipmates from Food.

I don't have your damn wine, and even if I did, it would probably be inferior for my palate. If the bear hair in the cabin bothers you, Hoover it, then Spray. And there's nothing wrong with the bed that a little Lysol and a flit gun won't fix.

Neither your gun nor your dog frighten me. The last time someone shot me, I Ate Them. I'm sure your dog is a very nice little puppy and will run away when it sees me. If, on the other hand, it's a vicious sociopathic beast, I'm sure we shall get along famously.

And dearheart, what makes you think I want "something Hellish?" I am hellish, and that's all the validation I need or desire ) beats chest and knocks off a handfull of scales).

Yours sincerely
tomb
 

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Posted by Dolphy (# 862) on :
 
Dearest Tomb,
Thank you for your kind words! I have no sympathy for the fact that you haven't had a gin in a while and quite frankly I wouldn't even contemplate sharing my wine with you.
May your toe nails rot and drop off.
Most sincerely,
Dolphy.
 

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Posted by Olorin (# 2010) on :
 

Havinnng surfed off on the babyboard to rescue an apparennntly distressed (bloody womennn, huh!) Miss Molly from the wicked & evil nnnunnns and get my latest offsprinnng back, I find myself in a compromisinnng positionnn. Againnn.
Reachinnng the nnnunnnnnnery, I prepared to swash some buckle & leapt gloriously over the 8' wall but unfortunnnately my fishnnnet rope severed on the razor wire and I crashed headfirst through a stained glass window to lannnd atop the Mother Superior just as she was sayinnng the last prayer of Matinnns. She was nnnot impressed and spouted forth ( ) some unnngodly curses uponnn my me.
So, I am nnnow trussed up in the bell tower by my ownnn (well, my wife's) fishnnnet stockinnngs. They have tied me directly onnnto the mainnn bell and every hour on the hour I get struck and rinnnnnnnnngggggggggg.
Oh, nnnnnnnnooooooooo, it is nnnnnnnnnnnnoooooooooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnn.
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
Olorin! Have you dropped a clanger?
 

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