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Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
(Inspired by a tangent on the Celebrity Death Pool thread)

The recorded voice on the DC metro can get downright bossy and paranoid when passengers hold the doors open.

I haven't been on the Metro in a long time, but previously the recording was much more terse: "Doors closing." However, if the motorman had to open and close the doors multiple times in rapid succession to let passengers get unstuck, the voice could become rather disoriented. It would say "Power on weekends" when it was super-confused.

So are there any public transit recorded voices you are aware of that are particularly interesting, humorous, overdone, underdone, etc.?

[ 15. September 2016, 13:23: Message edited by: Firenze ]
 
Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :
 
Well, there's the garbled messages you get on many metro systems. Very difficult if you're in an unfamiliar town and unsure of your stop-- and really disarming when the garbled voice sounds urgent: "brrrgrert! ameggret! pregggert! right now!!!"

And then there's the ridiculously loud public address system used for fire drills at the univ where I work. Faculty are told when the drills are coming but told not to warn our students (so it's a true drill)-- but we're supposed to give them a series of very specific instructions for exiting/ lining up/ taking roll during the drill which are pretty much impossible to do when this loud screetching is going on. I've finally decided to ignore the advance warning and give them the instructions in advance. I'm sure our neighbors appreciate these loud bombastic blasts in the middle of their tranquil afternoons as well.
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
We used to get a two and a half minute "[Train company] welcomes you aboard" message that covered all bases including "If you become aware of any suspicious items or people acting suspiciously please contact a member of train crew or British Transport Police." Who were, of course, never available.

It drove me mad as they insisted on playing this at full length and volume every other stop until I used to beg it almost at the point of tears "Please, please don't welcome me aboard."

There were far too many announcements until recently, and a typical journey would include, "Keep your fingers out of the doors, mind the gap, be sure to take all your possessions when leaving the train, take care as you step from the train to the platform, please have your ticket ready as ticket barriers are in operation and thank you for travelling with [train company]". Sometimes we used to get a cheery train crew member who insisted on itemizing every single thing on the refreshment trolley.

Once on the platform you were admonished to stand behind the yellow line, not to run, not to cycle, not to smoke, to use all available doors when boarding, let other passengers off first, not to feed the pigeons, not to give money to beggars, and to put the handbrake on prams and pushchairs.

This was all on top of the actual train announcements telling you that the 16.30 was late again but would stop at every station from Penzance to Aberdeen.
 
Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :
 
Singapore MRT announces "doors are closing", which to my ears sounds like a sort of existential declaration that somewhere, some doors are closing, rather than these particular ones necessarily.

It also announces "please mind the platform gap" in three languages. The Malay version is "birhati hati ruang platform", which to an English ear sounds like "happy happy something platform". For a while you wonder why some happy offer on the platform is reserved for Malay speakers.
 
Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :
 
Oh and Burnley Tescos has entered family folklore, though the announcement is no more:

quote:
Please Prepare to Push your trolley Off the End of the conveyor

 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
On London's District Line some years ago:

"Stand clear of the closing doors" (doors closed and then reopened).

"Stand clear of the closing doors" (doors closed and then reopened again).

"Now take your foot out of the door. Thank you". (Doors closed).

And the automated announcements on the Central Line:

"This is a Central line service for .. Hainault via Newbury Park. The next station is .. Tottenham Court Road, change for the .. Northern Line". (I can do the tiny hesitations but not the strange variations in pitch).

And a letter the "Guardian" this week: "Yesterday I was on a train to London Bridge which stopped abruptly outside New Cross Gate. The driver announced that there would be a short delay due to 'scheduled loitering'. Clearly too late in the year for the wrong sort of snow and too early for leaves on the line".
 
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
The tube announcement is usually "We will be held here to leave at our scheduled time" or "We are being held to regulate the timetable"

The Central Line splits in a couple of places and sometimes the train destination gets changed, cue irritated passengers all disgorging at Leytonstone - which is not a station people choose to visit any more given the choice. We then all try to pile into the next train going home. The best plaintive cry as to why they should squeeze on was from some young dad saying, please, 3 year old daughter at nursery, needs collecting at 6pm. (It was Guides night and I also had to get home.)
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
In New York City, the 14th Street station on the Lexington Avenue line has a platform that is curved rather than straight. To lessen the gap between platform and train, the platform has panels that move out when a train enters the station, and move back in when it leaves.

There used to be a recorded voice of a woman who announced in a very heavy New York accent: "Please stand clear of the moving platform as trains enter and leave the station." But the recording is no more. Commuters are used to the platform moving, but I imagine it startles tourists.
 
Posted by M. (# 3291) on :
 
A colleague got to work late once because of 'bovine incursion' on the line.

M.
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
Oh and Burnley Tescos has entered family folklore, though the announcement is no more:

Please Prepare to Push your trolley Off the End of the conveyor
Caution! You are approaching the End of the Conveyor! [Ultra confused]

Our Tescos still does this. Elsewhere, "Surprising item on scale" at the self-service checkouts always makes me smile. I want to look round and see what it is - a double bed? set of false teeth? live octopus?
 
Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by M.:
A colleague got to work late once because of 'bovine incursion' on the line.
The standard phrase in French is the delightful and eighteenth-century-sounding divagation de bestiaux which roughly translated would be something like "straying of beasts".
 
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
Leytonstone - which is not a station people choose to visit any more given the choice.
OI - don't you knock Leytonstone. I used to live there.

My train line has recorded announcements that always announce the last station Northbound as "Bidford", not "Bedford". I cannot tell you how much it irritates me.
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
On our line the announcer misread "Cholsey" while recording, so now every day we're told the train goes to "Chosely."

There used to be an announcer at one station who had some kind of speech impediment, so announcements tended to be along the lines of:

"Cuzzers plafform two stan bind yella lines train foxfud cumnin fankew."
 
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
Not an announcement, but near Halifax (Yorkshire) a sign at a level crossing that read "Wait while train passes" caused long hold ups, which were not solved until the Powers That Be realised that "while" has the same meaning as "until" in those parts of Yorkshire.
 
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
There's someone who's realised the tragic futility of human existence who calls the stations on the Prague Metro. 'Eep Pee Pavlova' sounds like a suicide note.

There was a similarly depressed voice in the lift of an Italian hotel. The announcement about approaching the fourth floor had all the plangency of 'I will now sing for 10 minutes and then stab myself'.
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
Many years again I was on a train going from London to Scotland. We were running a little behind time, and the conductor announced, "We are now approaching Carnforth station. We are currently running approximately ten minutes late. This is due to delays incurred before reaching Carnforth". [Confused]
 
Posted by Pulsator Organorum Ineptus (# 2515) on :
 
I was mildly irritated by the announcements on a trip to London last weekend.

On the way there, the guard announced, after each departure, that "myself and the on-board crew welcome you to this Virgin Trains service to London". I told my friends that, quiet carriage or not, I would scream if the guard on the return journey said that every time. Fortunately, he didn't ... but the catering bloke did.
 
Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :
 
The worst one I have ever heard (in French):

"Ladies and gentlemen, it has become necessary to cut short this flight. We are going to attempt to land at the nearest airport. Your safety depends on your calm and your cooperation. Thank you" [Ultra confused]

(a good landing is one you walk away from)
 
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
A friend claimed that years ago before the advent of broadcast announcements, the guard on the local train (greater Glasgow area) would go down the train shouting 'A' youse in here for oot there, get aff'.

[ 17. April 2016, 08:16: Message edited by: Firenze ]
 
Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
One particularly bad journey on the Tube the driver, who after a few stops and starts announced: "Ah, now, we've got another red signal. Who knows why. We may get told by the controllers soon and I'll tell you what's going on when I know myself."

This series of announcements got steadily more hilarious as the journey wore on. IIRC when we got far enough in to connect with other lines the announcement went something like "The next station will be []. Doors will open on both sides of the train. And if you've got any sense you'll change to another line where you might actually get somewhere."

The really frustrating announcement is that "All lines are running well" when I know, because I'm standing on the platform with a 20 minute delay waiting for a tube train, any tube train to arrive, it's a lie. That service usually runs every 6 minutes. But that's living at the end of the line. To keep the service running through Central London if there are delays the ends of the line get skipped to bring the service back to the timetable.
 
Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
Not an announcement, but near Halifax (Yorkshire) a sign at a level crossing that read "Wait while train passes" caused long hold ups, which were not solved until the Powers That Be realised that "while" has the same meaning as "until" in those parts of Yorkshire.
I travel through Halifax on occasion and I am unaware of level crossings in the area. This is probably apocryphal. But you are bang on about the local understanding of while.
 
Posted by Galloping Granny (# 13814) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
Oh and Burnley Tescos has entered family folklore, though the announcement is no more:

Please Prepare to Push your trolley Off the End of the conveyor
Caution! You are approaching the End of the Conveyor! [Ultra confused]

Our Tescos still does this. Elsewhere, "Surprising item on scale" at the self-service checkouts always makes me smile. I want to look round and see what it is - a double bed? set of false teeth? live octopus?
The game at self-service checkouts is to do each step before the voice tells you to:
"Place your item on the bagging area" – "I have already"
"Please take your change" – "I have already"
Score one point for each time you beat The Voice.

GG
 
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
Driving to work in Oxfordshire, and listening to Radio 4, instead of "Travel,"I keep hearing "Trouble as it happens". Surprisingly accurate, as it happens, most days at least.
 
Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Galloping Granny:
The game at self-service checkouts is to do each step before the voice tells you to:
"Place your item on the bagging area" – "I have already"
"Please take your change" – "I have already"
Score one point for each time you beat The Voice.
My game is to beat The Voice at the cards-only petrol pump such that it doesn't address me at all.
 
Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on :
 
Ladies' loo, my old church.....

Attached notice on wall read "Please do not jump off the toilet. Thank you."
I used to wonder why it was there, and why one couldn't jump. What would happen if you did, and which part of the loo was best for jumping off?
 
Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
A few years ago we went on a walking tour in the south of Ireland and then took a fairly lengthy bus trip to Dublin. All of us took to repeating the announcement "stand clear, luggage doors opeRATin'" which occurred at every stop. It did become rather tiring after the 14th time.

I have also wondered exactly what security does with the unattended luggage in airports which the overhead speaker tells us about every 10 minutes so that we can't nap.
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
I have also wondered exactly what security does with the unattended luggage in airports which the overhead speaker tells us about every 10 minutes so that we can't nap.
Probably what they do at railway stations:

"Luggage left unattended may be removed without warning or destroyed or damaged by the security services."

The last bit is usually said with something approaching relish.
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
OK, this is nerdy, but for anyone who's ever wondered about recorded announcements on the rail network, here you go. Everyone else should just scroll past.
 
Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
OK, this is nerdy, but for anyone who's ever wondered about recorded announcements on the rail network, here you go. Everyone else should just scroll past.
[Eek!]

I do occasional voiceover work and had always aspired to do the safety announcement on some form of transport. My dream came true when I did the one for a ferry company serving the Channel Islands. Sadly I didn't get to travel on the crossing on which it featured before the company went out of business.

[ 17. April 2016, 17:46: Message edited by: Eutychus ]
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
I do occasional voiceover work and had always aspired to do the safety announcement on some form of transport. My dream came true when I did the one for a ferry company serving the Channel Islands. Sadly I didn't get to travel on the crossing on which it featured before the company went out of business.
Was it something you said? [Ultra confused]

[Miss Amanda will get her wrap.]
 
Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :
 
I seem to recall having to read the duty-free offers on whisky too. Perhaps they weren't attractive enough.
 
Posted by Ricardus (# 8757) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
Not an announcement, but near Halifax (Yorkshire) a sign at a level crossing that read "Wait while train passes" caused long hold ups, which were not solved until the Powers That Be realised that "while" has the same meaning as "until" in those parts of Yorkshire.
I travel through Halifax on occasion and I am unaware of level crossings in the area. This is probably apocryphal. But you are bang on about the local understanding of while.
FWIW my Dad was brought up in Doncaster and tells a similar story.
 
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
My local railways station is at Aluva [Larger Local Town] but the recorded announcement thing, in three languages, was done by a non-English speaker sitting at a computer stringing the bits together and instead of Aluva [pronounced Al-oo-wa] the English bit says All Aboard - it still grates after living here over 8 years.

Also, for some reason, most of the ATMs here, for their English language bit, have a recording of a woman with a lovely soft Edinburgh accent - but we are in southern India!
 
Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
When I live in Rotorua in the 1980s I used to catch a bus north to Auckland. The buses always went through Hamilton, which was a hub for buses going all over the upper North Island. I used to love hearing the place names because the man reading them either had Maori as his first language or grew up in a home where it was spoken.

There was a softness and musicality in his voice that is rarely heard in people who learn it later in life.

Huia
 
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on :
 
Not speaking Czech, we got confuddled by the announcements on the Prague tram system for a while. We eventually figured out they were saying, “This stop is X. The next stop is Y.” Prior to that we kept catching the final word and getting off a stop too early.
 
Posted by leo (# 1458) on :
 
our newer buses have anouncements - good for blind people - but text to speech recognition results in odd pronunciations - 'Cotham' sounds like 'Goddam'.

Places with long names get abbreviated. 'Shire G.'

A Uni. hall of residence becomes 'Willsal'
 
Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :
 
Leaving Glasgow Queen Street, the live announcement included "please remember that nail varnish is banned on all trains". I queried this with the person sitting opposite and apparently there had been incidents (plural)involving spilt polish when women had been painting their nails on the train.
 
Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on :
 
I don't travel much on London's Victoria line these days, but when I did a year or two ago, there was frequently a Rastafarian announcer who would wish peace on everyone, tell them to have a lovely day and spread love.

There's also a guy at London Bridge who I puts on a voice that I can only describe as that of the host of the Restaurant at the End of the Universe in the original radio series of H2G2.
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
About 20 years ago I was on a very full London Routemaster bus.

The (Asian) conductor exhorted the standing passengers to "please adjust yourselves correctly inside the bus".

[ 18. April 2016, 11:58: Message edited by: Baptist Trainfan ]
 
Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
Oh and Burnley Tescos has entered family folklore, though the announcement is no more:
quote:
Please Prepare to Push your trolley Off the End of the conveyor
I wonder if it was the same bloke who did the deeply annoying moving-walkway at Belfast Airport, with an extra-strong emphasis on the word "PUSH".

You'd have thought he was encouraging someone in the process of giving birth. [Snigger]
 
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
Leaving Glasgow Queen Street, the live announcement included "please remember that nail varnish is banned on all trains". I queried this with the person sitting opposite and apparently there had been incidents (plural)involving spilt polish when women had been painting their nails on the train.
You would have thought that warnings against "Buckie" or "Electric Soup" were more likely. Are these things of the past?
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Many years ago I had the pleasure of being on a train to Portsmouth when the tannoy crackled into life and a voice said:

"The trolley will be coming through the train."

Long pause.

"For the porpoise of dispensing refreshment."
 
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
It wasn't God walking his porpoise out again?

Talking of animals, I do remember the Irish holiday rep in Minorca trying to interest us in an evening of flamingo dancing. (If only).
 
Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :
 
Decades ago, hubby and I were on our honeymoon in Hawaii, when we decided to take a helicopter tour of Maui. The blades of a helicopter are so loud that you can't really hear each other talk, so we wore headphones that allowed us to hear the pilot pointing out different features. But the way the PA system worked, his sentences were chopped up and interspersed with static in a way that sounded a lot like Darth Vader. It gave everything he said, no matter how mundane, an ominous quality-- so that when he said

quote:
"There are over... 50 species of fern... on the island"
I was just sure the next sentence would be

quote:
..and all of them are out to kill you!

 
Posted by molopata (# 9933) on :
 
Just yesterday our Basel - Bern connection was delayed for 20 minutes because "the train crew has not appeared". This was quickly downgraded to a "technical fault" in the following announcement.

Lest this compromises the legendary reputation of the reliability of Swiss trains, I hasten to add that this was a trans-border German ICE composition. (Let us conveniently dismiss the small detail that the crew is replaced by Swiss when it crosses into Basel.)
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
Talking of animals, I do remember the Irish holiday rep in Minorca trying to interest us in an evening of flamingo dancing. (If only).
You should have gone to the Bahamas instead.
[Big Grin]
 
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
The Hayden Planetarium in New York City used to (don't know if they still do) have an announcement that went: "Smoking is not permitted inside the Planetarium. Persons found smoking will be taken outside of the building."

I always felt like adding, ". . . and shot."
 
Posted by Ricardus (# 8757) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by la vie en rouge:
Not speaking Czech, we got confuddled by the announcements on the Prague tram system for a while. We eventually figured out they were saying, “This stop is X. The next stop is Y.” Prior to that we kept catching the final word and getting off a stop too early.
IIRC the platform announcements on regular Czech stations state both where the train is coming from and where it is going to. E.g. 'The train from Budějovice will arrive on platform 1 in ten minutes, heading for Prague via string of Czech names', thus causing any tourists who are heading for Budějovice to leap out of their seats and peer round in confusion.
 
Posted by Tukai (# 12960) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:


Also, for some reason, most of the ATMs here, for their English language bit, have a recording of a woman with a lovely soft Edinburgh accent - but we are in southern India!
Ah ha! The Scottish lady. We had her for a while in Fiji, though she's gone off air now.
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
Might this be the tentacles of RBS or HBOS reaching across the world?
 
Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
[slight tangent]

I've heard it said that Scottish accents are regarded as nice and comforting, and that the purest form of English is found in an Inverness accent.

I was born in Inverness, so no bias there whatsoever ... [Devil]

In fairness, I was only there for six weeks, most of it spent in an incubator, which isn't quite long enough to pick up an accent. [Biased]

If I had a fiver for every time someone's said "I love your accent", I could probably retire.

[/slight tangent OFF]
 
Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
Leaving Glasgow Queen Street, the live announcement included "please remember that nail varnish is banned on all trains". I queried this with the person sitting opposite and apparently there had been incidents (plural)involving spilt polish when women had been painting their nails on the train.
You would have thought that warnings against "Buckie" or "Electric Soup" were more likely. Are these things of the past?
*Casts mind back* Actually, I think drunks on trains are on the decrease. Or perhaps I'm just getting older and drunks are more interested in annoying younger women. The last pissed group I saw on a train was a hen party, and I think they were on the prosecco.
 
Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Piglet:
[slight tangent]

I've heard it said that Scottish accents are regarded as nice and comforting, and that the purest form of English is found in an Inverness accent.
I've been thinking for a while that this thread needs the immortal Burnistoun Eleven sketch (warning: NSFW language, if you can understand it).
 
Posted by Chamois (# 16204) on :
 
Originally posted by Sipech:

quote:
I don't travel much on London's Victoria line these days, but when I did a year or two ago, there was frequently a Rastafarian announcer who would wish peace on everyone, tell them to have a lovely day and spread love.
He's still there at Victoria station. A couple of months ago my Victoria line train went through the station one morning in rush hour when the District Line was suffering from "minor delays". You'll have to imagine the Caribbean accent, but his announcement went something like this:

"I'm telling you, people, the District Line is sick this morning. It's sick, sick, sick, you hear what I'm saying? So you'll all need to find another way to get where you're going. But if you're lost don't worry, you come and talk to me and I'll help you out."

He's definitely one of the most popular platform announcers on London underground.
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
Yes, I've heard him too. He used to enliven my wife's journey to work. Long may he flourish!
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
Actually, I think drunks on trains are on the decrease. Or perhaps I'm just getting older and drunks are more interested in annoying younger women. The last pissed group I saw on a train was a hen party, and I think they were on the prosecco.
They might have
more difficulty in the future ...
 
Posted by Cathscats (# 17827) on :
 
Once at Edinburgh Haymarket station I heard the tannoy announce that the next train on platform 4 would be followed at once by another so the first one would go right up the platform. "Will passengers for X kindly make their way further up the platform." No one moved. The voice resumed "I said up the platform. That means right away there where youse can see the gorse bushes. If you want the train you need to get there before it gets here!"
 
Posted by M. (# 3291) on :
 
Baptist Trainfan, Chamois, put me down as a mishog, then. I cannot stand the bloke. The last thing I want when I'm battling with the District Line in the rush hour is someone being loud and cheerful. Just do your job and let us get to ours.

M.
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
I've always assumed that this song was based on a real announcement somewhere. Does anyone know?
 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by M.:
Baptist Trainfan, Chamois, put me down as a mishog, then. I cannot stand the bloke. The last thing I want when I'm battling with the District Line in the rush hour is someone being loud and cheerful. Just do your job and let us get to ours.

M.
You probably wouldn't enjoy the Toronto Airport baggage handler (I've met him both times that I've flown home from there) -- he goes through all of the standard instructions for checking baggage and going through security but as sort of a rap and with a great sense of humor (I guess "humour" since it's in Canada). Why not put a smile on people's faces while doing what would otherwise be a boring job?
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
From time to time we get a genuinely amusing announcer on the train. I guess he's probably just as bored with the standard nanny-type announcements as we are. I wouldn't want it every night but a sprinkling of humour now and again does go some way and it's nice when most of the carriage breaks into laughter. (The rest still have their earphones in or ears welded to their mobiles.)
 
Posted by georgiaboy (# 11294) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I've always assumed that this song was based on a real announcement somewhere. Does anyone know?
Don't know about source, but I first heard it in 1958 in my first year at Northwestern University in Evanston, IL, USA. (Sung to me by a female student who learned it from her father. She only had the first two stanzas, however.)
 
Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :
 
Purely fictitious, of course, but I loved the airport parking instructions in the 70s era parody Airplane!

quote:
P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
The white zone is for immediate loading
and unloading of passengers only. There is
no stopping in the red zone.

P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
The red zone is for immediate loading and
unloading of passengers. There is no
stopping in the white zone.

P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
No. The white zone is for loading and
unloading, and there is no stopping in the
red zone.

P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
The red zone has always been for loading
and unloading, and there is never stopping
in a white zone.

P.A. SYSTEM (female v.o.)
Don't tell me which zone is for stopping
and which zone is for loading.

P.A. SYSTEM (male v.o.)
Listen, Betty. Don't start up with your
white zone shit again!

 
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
Purely fictitious, of course, but I loved the airport parking instructions in the 70s era parody Airplane!
So did I -- in the thread that led Miss Amanda to start this thread!

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Sorry, one more continuation of the tangent, just to suggest that Los Angeles should employ these two.

 
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on :
 
“Please allow passengers off the train first. Please allow passengers off the train first… Oh go on then, cram yourselves in like sardines. See if I care.”
 
Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
I've always assumed that this song was based on a real announcement somewhere. Does anyone know?
I can recall seeing signs in railroad toilets asking passengers not to flush toilets while the train is in the station. Given the fact that the toilet contents went directly onto the track beneath, this was a very sensible sign.

Moo
 


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