Thread: What it REALLY means Board: The Circus / Ship of Fools.
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Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
Straightforward example:
"I'm not racist but..."
"I am about to say something racist."
I think this works best if the each poster provides the original expression and the subsequent explanation.
Also, one entry per post, but of course you can do multiple posts.
So...
"Come on, we're all adults here."
"Quit complaining about my gratuitous lewdness."
[ 25. May 2016, 16:33: Message edited by: Stetson ]
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on
:
"Of course, I respect your right to say whatever you wish".
=
"I've already decided not to listen to a word you say, as I think it's utter claptrap".
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
"We don't live in a democracy anymore."
=
"No one voted for the party I like."
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on
:
"We are glad that justice has been done".
=
"We're really glad that he was found guilty and sent to jail".
(Presumably linked to: "There's no justice in this world" = "He was acquitted").
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
"I need your undivided attention."
=
"What you are about to hear will be mind-crushingly boring."
[ 25. May 2016, 18:03: Message edited by: Stetson ]
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on
:
"And so to sum up..."
=
"I plan to preach for another 20 minutes."
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
We have to be fair to everybody....
=
Why should we be fair to you?
[ 25. May 2016, 19:07: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
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A quick question
=
An unbelievably complex question, preceded by an endlessly long preamble
Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on
:
"I don't mean to be critical, but"
=
I'm about to attack your efforts, your intelligence, and/or your appearance
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on
:
"I feel God is saying to me ..."
=
This is something that I want, but it is so tenuous that I need to have divine justification for it.
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
"Finally, a church that preaches the gospel."
=
"Every sermon is about sodomy."
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Let me clarify -
=
Listen, while I obfuscate beyond hope of elucidation.
[ 26. May 2016, 12:55: Message edited by: jacobsen ]
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
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"What I really mean to say is"
=
"I am about to repeat my previous question, word for word"
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
"I understand what you say"
=
"And I shall ignore you entirely"
Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on
:
"What an interesting combination of flavours."
=
It was absolutely horrid.
Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on
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"I've never thought of it like that before."
=
What substance were you taking when you thought that up?
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
:
The company will be exploring new ways to serve its customers better.
=
Expect massive layoffs.
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on
:
By a politician on TV: "Before I answer that, I'd just like to say ..."
=
"I have absolutely no intention of answering your question and I'm not going to be swayed from my briefing".
(Linked to "Let's be very clear on this, Jeremy ..." = "I'm pretending to be your chum and I'm never going to give you a straight answer").
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on
:
In an academic discourse: "Clearly, therefore ..."
=
"I'm making a huge illogical leap here which has no basis on the empirical evidence I've cited but which is utterly necessary for proving my thesis. I'm actually hoping that you won't notice but, if you do, please jump with me!"
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
:
"The attitudes toward sex in that culture are so much more rational than ours."
=
"It's easier to score over there."
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on
:
"The lads showed real character out there"
=
"We lost the match but the result would have been even worse for us if the players hadn't taken every opportunity to impede play".
Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
"I'm making a huge illogical leap here which has no basis on the empirical evidence I've cited but which is utterly necessary for proving my thesis. I'm actually hoping that you won't notice but, if you do, please jump with me!"
Bonus marks for lining it up with a page break.
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on
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Indeed! ![[Overused]](graemlins/notworthy.gif)
Posted by Sipech (# 16870) on
:
"You suggest something."
=
"I know exactly what I want but I'm not going to tell you. I'm going to force you to guess repeatedly, vetoing all your wrong choices, until you finally learn to read my mind."
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Sipech:
"You suggest something."
=
"I know exactly what I want but I'm not going to tell you. I'm going to force you to guess repeatedly, vetoing all your wrong choices, until you finally learn to read my mind."
Do you know my wife then?
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
I care.
=
I don't give a shit, but will say anything to get off the hook.
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
"You are your own worst enemy"
= Prepare for some bullying
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
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Everyone knows . . .
=
How can you be so stupid as not to know . . .
[ 28. May 2016, 03:22: Message edited by: Amanda B. Reckondwythe ]
Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on
:
quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
The company will be exploring new ways to serve its customers better.
=
Expect massive layoffs.
Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on
:
(From a politician): "We're all in this together."
=
"You're all in this together - we're just fine with our international portfolios and expense accounts, but we're going to tax you until the pips squeak."
Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on
:
Lessons will be learned
=
We're a public body which has been caught with its pants down: we're immune from prosecution so if we say we're going to learn lessons and keep our head down Joe Public will forget about it until the next time it happens.
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on
:
"It's the right thing to do"
=
Trust me, I'm a Tory.
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
"We're all in the same boat"
=
So I'll steer while you row.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
I am interested to have your opinion...
=
...so that I can ignore it while saying that you were duly consulted.
Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on
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I'll get right on it [by an employment agency after seeing your resume].
=
Let's face it: you're unemployable.
Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on
:
We'll keep your resume on file."
=
"...in the trash bin."
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on
:
(On the subject of employment agencies)
"We have the most exciting opportunities just for you"
=
Another job has come in, the computer matched some words with your CV.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
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On the subject of job applications -
You are obviously very experienced
=
You are too old.
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
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I NEVER would have spoken to my father that way!
=
Wiah I could've, though. Miserable pr**k.
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
:
Years ago, I had this exchange with a lawyer friend:
Me: "You should tell X you'll take [his unsolicited opinion] under advisement."
L.: "But that's lawyerease for 'shove your opinion up your ass.'"
Me:" ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
"
She wound up following my advice.
[ 19. August 2016, 16:58: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
"If I've told you once, I've told you a thousand times"
=
"I have lost the ability to influence your behavior."
Posted by mousethief (# 953) on
:
"No Shoulder Driving"
=
"We acknowledge that there aren't enough lanes to accommodate the traffic on this stretch of road."
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
The meeting will be short.
=
The meeting is a face-saving exercise which will change nothing.
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on
:
"There's something I want to talk to you about"
=
"You're really not going to like what I'm about to say but I've at last summoned up the courage to say it".
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
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He's alright in small doses.
=
The smaller, the better.
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
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We need to speak.
=
You need to listen.
Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on
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"I'm just sharing this so you can pray..."
=
"Here's a really juicy bit of gossip I heard..."
Posted by bib (# 13074) on
:
With respect I must disagree
What is really meant is: I disagree totally and have no respect for you.
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on
:
"I have a mandate"
means
"I can now behave like a dictator"
Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on
:
"All lives matter."
=
"Well, all but those."
Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on
:
Congratulations to the winning team
=
We hate them. May they die in agony.
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