Thread: Cancer SUCKS Board: Hell / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :
 
I just heard today of yet ANOTHER friend who has had recurrence of cancer. She is refusing any more treatment. I can **** in AS, and I will, but here I want to scream at the injustice.

And to express myself


[Cancer SUCKS]

[ 13. February 2013, 00:12: Message buggered about with by: comet ]
 

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Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :
 
Pete,

I have seen the Big C take the lives of people who deserve to live wonderful, happy lives.

There is nothing good about a disease that turns the human body against itself and causes only pain and sorrow.

And, there is nothing that allows us to see the resilience and bravery that a human soul can have like people coping with cancer. God bless their souls.
 

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Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Yea and amen to what both of you said; I lost a colleague to cancer a couple of weeks ago and my brother-in-law nearly four years ago (both in their fifties).

Either of them could have been nominated for Nicest Man On The Planet - why doesn't cancer take the scum-bags instead of the nice people?

PS I know this is Hell, but for your friend, Pete.
 

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Posted by Palimpsest (# 16772) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by PeteC:
I just heard today of yet ANOTHER friend who has had recurrence of cancer. She is refusing any more treatment. I can pray in AS, and I will, but here I want to scream at the injustice.

And to express myself

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I'm sorry to hear this PeteC. The injustice is hard to bear.
 

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Posted by Niteowl (# 15841) on :
 
My mother lost not one but two of her friends to cancer this week. I hate this disease with a passion.
 

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Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
Support.

Support.
 

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Posted by Squirrel (# 3040) on :
 
My sympathies. I've not only seen cancer's effect upon people, but I've had it. 18 years ago I lost my mother to tobacco-induced lung cancer. Not only did that make me despise the disease, but also the scum that market a product that causes it, knowing how highly addictive that product is.

Then 6 years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. I had surgery, and have been cancer free since then. Nevertheless I know that it very well may recur, in which case the goal becomes not curing the disease but slowing its progression. Several times I have had dreams that cancer is actually a being following me. It's scary stuff.

I know this isn't much, but I suggest getting involved, whatever way you can, in the battle against cancer. I just don't mean sending a check to some charity, but doing something like volunteering at an oncology hospital, or urging local politicos to support anti-smoking legislation. Doing so won't save your loved one, but will help you deal with that sense of powerlessness that many of us who have faced the disease have faced.
 

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Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :
 
Pete, and all affected. I've lost three friends to melanoma in recent years. It's supposed to be rare, for fuck's sake.
 

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Posted by Emendator Liturgia (# 17245) on :
 
Squirrel, thanks for the honesty of your posting. But, as you have shown, the Big C can be beaten, provided you get it early and have good medical service.

I've only just been diagnosed with prostate cancer - fortunately they have diagnosed it very early and I have one of the best urologists around in Australia on my team. Next Tuesday I'm being assessed for brachytherapy which has a lot better results with a lot less complications than surgery or external radiation therapy.

I appreciate all the support I receive, both online and around me.

As for melanoma - often the sins of our youth catching up on us way past the time when we were youths - in places like Australia, with all ouu long hours and months of sunlight and all of our anglo-celtic skins, it is a big killer. Again, too many people don't have issues attended too early enough. Maybe your area needs a an education problem of the risks and prevention? SLIP-SLOP-SLAP! Slip on clothering and hats, slap on sun cream (UV 30+), and sit under shade. Its almost a mantra here.

[ 19. November 2012, 20:26: Message edited by: Emendator Liturgia ]
 

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Posted by verticordian (# 17428) on :
 
Cancer is a jerk. For something that starts as such a little thing, it is such a massive massive evil and deserves to go hang
 

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Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :
 
Just today, I was told that a beloved member of our congregation has less than a month to live. He is mentally slow, and is a sweet and caring soul. He had watched is dad die of cancer, and has been terrified of having the same thing happen to him.

His family have opted not to tell him how bad it is.
 

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Posted by Serviette (# 17182) on :
 
My bestest friend died last Thursday from a massive heart attack probably caused by the cancer treatment - at one stage he had both prostate and bowel cancer. He suffered so much
I've decided if I get cancer I won't bother with treatment.
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Welcome to the ship, Serviette. And sorry to hear of your loss.

All I can say is that, although my brother died of Cancer, the fact that he did go through several lots of treatment first enabled him to see his children at least partly grow up, more than if he'd given in at the first sign. So there can be good reasons for going through treatment, even if it doesn't work for everyone.
 

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Posted by Evangeline (# 7002) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Emendator Liturgia:
Squirrel, thanks for the honesty of your posting. But, as you have shown, the Big C can be beaten, provided you get it early and have good medical service.

I've only just been diagnosed with prostate cancer - fortunately they have diagnosed it very early and I have one of the best urologists around in Australia on my team. Next Tuesday I'm being assessed for brachytherapy which has a lot better results with a lot less complications than surgery or external radiation therapy.

I appreciate all the support I receive, both online and around me.

As for melanoma - often the sins of our youth catching up on us way past the time when we were youths - in places like Australia, with all ouu long hours and months of sunlight and all of our anglo-celtic skins, it is a big killer. Again, too many people don't have issues attended too early enough. Maybe your area needs a an education problem of the risks and prevention? SLIP-SLOP-SLAP! Slip on clothering and hats, slap on sun cream (UV 30+), and sit under shade. Its almost a mantra here.

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All good advice EL BUT not all that helpful for people battling the disease now, plus early detection isn't always possible and neither is prevention. IMO sometimes this prevention and detection message is overplayed to the detriment of sufferers-it's as though you only die of cancer if you didn't act to prevent it or quickly enough to stop it. THat makes me mad because it's not true.
 

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Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
Since when were we trying to be helpful?
 

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Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :
 
If I had wanted help, I would have gone to All Saints. This is a RANT, cupcakes.

Rant away. Be helpful in that other place.
 

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Posted by Amazing Grace (# 95) on :
 
Fuck you, cancer.

Fuck you on Vanessa's behalf. She is gone and we will miss her.

Fuck you on Corrie's behalf. We are hoping that we can keep her. But you still suck.
 

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Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Cancer sucks, bigtime.

Almost exactly two years after getting my first diagnosis of breast cancer - and going through months of chemo and surgery and radiation - I have my second diagnosis of breast cancer.

This is a different kind, and early stages, but dammit! I'm still on painful, tiring maintenance drugs from the first one! (And right before the holidays... again.)

Pete C, I'm with you on this one.

Ross
 

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Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
(great to see you, Ross!)
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
FUCK.
 

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Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
(Good to see you, too, Comet!)

Yeah, Kelly, I had the same thought.
 

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Posted by Amazing Grace (# 95) on :
 
ROSS!
 

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Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
Oh , Ross. Been thinking of you recently.
 

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Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
Cancer, you bastard. Leave my friends alone.
 

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Posted by Spiffy (# 5267) on :
 
Today's FUCK CANCER is brought to you by the letters OHP (Oregon Health Plan), who finally got off their asses and stopped demanding more and more financial information from my friend who was all, "I have no finances, I told you that last week, and the week before, and the week before--" and have approved her for 100% coverage of all medical bills ONE DAY before she begins chemo. And by the letter A, who's no longer in remission and gets to start the fun all over again.

Again I say, FUCK CANCER.
 

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Posted by The Rhythm Methodist (# 17064) on :
 
When I first looked at this thread, I fondly imagined I wouldn't be posting on it. But that was more than a week ago. On Tuesday, a dear lady in our congregation was diagnosed with this evil disease....and yesterday, the short straw fell to my own mum. I felt great sympathy for you guys posting on here, but I could have done without experiencing the empathy.
 

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Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
My dear friend S has just had a double mastectomy and is waiting to hear the verdict on type, virulence, and ongoing treatment.
 

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Posted by Jemima the 9th (# 15106) on :
 
Cancer sucks. Too tired to be angry though, even in Hell. More weary resignation, and overwhelming tiredness.

Tell you what though, a very large FUCK YOU indeed to the whole "pink culture - we're fighting, we're doing something, here wear a pink ribbon, buy a We're fighting breast cancer car sticker, drink rose wine once a year and pretend you're doing something important to stop people getting breast cancer, we must keep fighting and we must keep positive" people.

FUCK YOU.
My mother's dying because she hasn't fought hard enough, is she? She's in pain because she didn't wear a ribbon, never bought into that crap, never thought positively enough? It's not a fucking battle. If there's a war going on, it's between cancer & medicine, with the people who've got cancer somewhere in the middle. Don't you DARE make her somehow complicit in this.

Fuck you and the pink sparkly horse you rode in on.
 

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Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Jemima the 9th:
we must keep fighting and we must keep positive

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I found that line about staying positive and fighting particularly invidious when I saw a friend believe it hook, line and sinker. To challenge it would be to become their enemy, but I watched them exchange their peace and sanity at the end for a bit of false hope that evaporated to leave guilt and confusion. I still don't know what I should have said or done.
 

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Posted by Left at the Altar (# 5077) on :
 
The whole "keep positive" thing is totally unhelpful.

It's a sideline to the Blame the Victim thing. "Oh, s/he died? Not positive enough". It's bad enough to have cancer, without feeling pressure to overcome it.
 

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Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
I agree absolutely - it makes the "fighter" into a saint if they "win", or a moral reprobate if they "lose". That's just wrong. And we don't use this rhetoric about other diseases (or, indeed, conditions where it may be more applicable).

Havng said that, I buried someone who died at the age of 37 after several bouts of cancer since the age of 8, the treatment of which had included the loss of her legs. Apparently she was particularly susceptible to cancer due to a genetic defect, and knew it woud get her in the end.

She most certainly didn't "fight" it - nor did she let it "define" her life, which she could so easily have done. She was a true inspiration.
 

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Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
I lost my Dad and my Mother-in-law to cancer. My Dad was a stoical sort, and he took it as one of those things, watched the cricket through most of his last summer, was grateful for pain relief and what turned out to be a fairly peaceful death. My mother-in-law fought it, as she fought anything else she regarded as wrong and unjust. She used all the pain relief going but she carried on fighting and cancer killed her too. Both died about six months after diagnosis.

You may as well "fight" drugs or "fight" poverty. You can do something about it, you can mitigate its worst effects, but anyone who suggests we should "fight" cancer doesn't know enough about cancer, fighting or people.
 

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Posted by Josephine (# 3899) on :
 
My kids' aunt was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer about a year and a half ago. She had surgery and chemo, and was cancer-free. But it's back now. Which I knew to expect, at some point. But, damn, it's hard when it happens.
 

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Posted by Caissa (# 16710) on :
 
Our oldest son's former kindergarten teacher has breast cancer. A good friend of mine had a brain operation to remove a spot of cnacer, after having had metastatic breast cancer that went to her liver.

Fuck Cancer.
 

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Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Crap... Just had an email from a friend confirming what was suspected, that she has breast cancer. She's only 40 and with two children, same ages as mine.

[ 19. December 2012, 08:31: Message edited by: Lucia ]
 

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Posted by drnick (# 16065) on :
 
In the last five years four of my closest relatives (both parents, an aunt and an uncle) have had different types of cancer. Two have died, one is in remission, and my mother is currently having chemotherapy. Clearly that's not an unusual story. As for fighting, it's not a metaphor I find helpful. I prefer to think of raging against the dying of the light.
 

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Posted by FooloftheShip (# 15579) on :
 
Cancer seems to be about to claim my mum's best friend. Fuck it. A lovely woman who will be missed by many.

Fuck it a thousandfold. All over again.
 

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Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :
 
Cancer sucks. It kills good people who help other people. It is indiscriminate. It is an asshole.
 

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Sometimes it even attacks the asshole. Nasty. Especially when it then goes on to attack all the other parts of the digestive system, bit by bit.
 

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Posted by Morlader (# 16040) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Chorister:
Sometimes it even attacks the asshole. Nasty. Especially when it then goes on to attack all the other parts of the digestive system, bit by bit.

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Yes, I know, I KNOW.
 

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Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Damn. I came to catch up; now I'm crying again.

I have beaten my second bout of breast cancer. (There won't be a third; I had a double mastectomy.) My chest looks like northern France immediately after World War I. This cancer was a 10 cm tumor, but it was contained, and it is history. No chemo, no radiation this time.

But I'm still fighting the first, metastasized cancer. My oncologist: "When - if - it comes back, it will be in the liver or the lungs, the bones or the brain."

The odds are in cancer's favor, 60% against a 40% chance of my being alive in three years and eight months. I asked him if I should be saving for a long retirement, or if I should take the trips I've been putting off since I had children. He said, "If there's a trip you really want to take, I would take it now."

Fuck you, cancer.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Dear (((((Ross))))
 

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Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
Seconded and a hug from me too.
 

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Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :
 
Prayers for a fighter from a cancer survivor. God be with you.



And yeah, cancer sucks.
 

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Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on :
 

 

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Posted by Heavenly Anarchist (# 13313) on :
 

 

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Posted by Trisagion (# 5235) on :
 
Dear Ross
 

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Posted by FooloftheShip (# 15579) on :
 
And K, a friend of a friend, appears to be succumbing to the return of a brain tumour in his earlyish 40s.
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Ross. praying.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
God damn it.
 

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Posted by Gee D (# 13815) on :
 
Prayers for all cancer sufferers, especially Rossweisse; and for our dear friend D, in her last days.
 

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Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
Fuck cancer. Fuck dealing with others pain. Fuck work.
And fuck having to help organise a wake for a friends mum.
Fuck it. No one gets out alive. But it doesn't have to be so damn messy.
 

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Posted by Wild Organist (# 12631) on :
 
I haven't even played for the funeral of my very best friend yet - that's Friday - and another good friend has been diagnosed as terminally ill.
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
Fuck you for taking away a 15 year old boy's dad this week.
 

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Posted by FooloftheShip (# 15579) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by FooloftheShip:
Cancer seems to be about to claim my mum's best friend. Fuck it. A lovely woman who will be missed by many.

Fuck it a thousandfold. All over again.

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quote:

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Originally posted by FooloftheShip:

quote:

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Originally posted by FooloftheShip:
Cancer seems to be about to claim my mum's best friend. Fuck it. A lovely woman who will be missed by many.

Fuck it a thousandfold. All over again.

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5 weeks later and the end is imminent. FUCK IT.

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It won. Everyone who knew her has lost so much.
 

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Posted by gel (# 17567) on :
 
Cancer was such a deteriorating disease. I mean many people died and suffered. When you are being diagnose with such illness you will just end up waiting for your time to say goodbye to your love ones. so sad
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Shit. Sorry to hear that.
 

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Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
cancer sucks sucks sucks sucks FUCKING SUCKS
 

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Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on :
 
My apologies for what follows; it will be extremely un-Hellish. I lost my mum to cancer when I was 17. The truth that cancer often takes so much from people before it takes their life is evident in so many posts on this thread.

However this thread has made me a little angry as it is time we talked about what cancer can't do. The following is a poem I came across many years ago, I know nothing of the author, except that he had cancer himself.

Fuck you, cancer. You are a complete bastard.

quote:

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Cancer is so Limited

Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot eat away peace
It cannot destroy confidence
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot shut our memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot reduce Eternal Life
It cannot quench the Spirit
It cannot lessen the power of the Resurrection

Rob Muncy

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AFZ
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Actually, that's amazingly timely, AFZ.
 

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Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 

quote:

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Cancer is so Limited
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple love
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot eat away peace
It cannot destroy confidence
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot shut our memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot reduce Eternal Life
It cannot quench the Spirit
It cannot lessen the power of the Resurrection

Rob Muncy

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AFZ [/QB][/QUOTE]
Perfect - thank you!

One of the hardest phrases to enunciate in the whole language must be "I've got cancer". Fortunately, cancer has always been something that other people get, and I can deal with that.

Until last Wednesday, that is. Then I had to learn to say "I've got cancer" before the tears stopped me. I can do it now. I can also say, "I've got cancer, but it hasn't got me!" I'm not sure who's going to win this one, but it will be a hell of a ride before it's over. A lot of stuff that was just words has come into sharp focus, and I've already dumped a lot of baggage. I've learned that to be held in the prayers of others is to be comforted in a unique way that helps to comprehend God's closeness. That's all I need and ask for from my friends. And to hell with cancer!

One of my friends earnestly encouraged me to read as much as I could about it. I gave up after about 30 seconds, not wishing to throw up on the keyboard. Googling "cancer jokes" turned out to be far more helpful.
 

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Posted by Meerkat (# 16117) on :
 
You are added to the long prayer list of friends and family who have been targeted by cancer. May God be with you.
 

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Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :
 
I've had cancer. I survived 11-12 years ago.

God be with you always. Go to the prayer thread too, and don't be afraid to ask there too. The prayer-warriors are indeed just that.
 

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Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
Thanks, everyone. Hang on to your hats - we're off!
 

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Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
One of my friends earnestly encouraged me to read as much as I could about it. I gave up after about 30 seconds, not wishing to throw up on the keyboard. Googling "cancer jokes" turned out to be far more helpful.

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quote:

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My wife's star sign was Cancer which is somewhat ironic given how she died.


She was eaten by a giant crap.

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quote:

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Originally posted by alienfromzog:
My wife's star sign was Cancer which is somewhat ironic given how she died.


She was eaten by a giant crap.

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Ehhhhhhm.....?
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Or possibly a giant crab. Though giant crap is quite possibly funnier.

Anent the reading thing - I would advise against. Check out basic, informative stuff from some sober source such as Macmillan or the NHS, then leave it. Do not feed the imagination the stuff of either unfounded hope nor unfounded despair.
 

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Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Firenze:
Or possibly a giant crab. Though giant crap is quite possibly funnier.

Anent the reading thing - I would advise against. Check out basic, informative stuff from some sober source such as Macmillan or the NHS, then leave it. Do not feed the imagination the stuff of either unfounded hope nor unfounded despair.

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Oh bollocks.


Buy yeah, Firenze is right, be careful of sources. There is a research that demonstrates how uninformative the print media can be in terms of cancer (I know, I wrote some of it...) but moreover the inaccuracy of the internet is not just a cliche.

AFZ
 

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Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
Just heard from a Chinese friend that "crisis" comes out in Chinese as "dangerous opportunity". I like that. The deal with the oncologist is that she can handle the dangerous bit, and I'll grab the opportunity. It's starting to feel a bit like nude bungee jumping over a crocodile swamp (No - I haven't tried that before, either).
 

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Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
And now you're going to take Iain Banks. You utter bastard.
 

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Posted by Kyzyl (# 374) on :
 
Roger Ebert, great movie critic of the Chicago Sun Times, has died due to a recurrence of his thyroid cancer. He was 70. Too fucking young IMO.

[ 04. April 2013, 20:17: Message edited by: Kyzyl ]
 

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Posted by The Midge (# 2398) on :
 
I spent long nights listening to my mum hacking away because of lung secondarys. I have to watch my dad crumpling under the strain of trying to care for her.

Then we have to tip toe round the tumourous elephant in the room because it is not possible to acknowledge that mum is dying.
I fucking hate it. The fear, the pain and the anxiety.

Thanks for the Muncy quote AFZ. It is help me through this.
 

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Posted by Trudy Scrumptious (# 5647) on :
 
Found out about 2 years ago that a college friend, who was a bridesmaid at my wedding, had thyroid cancer, which she had been told was highly treatable. I sent a concerned email wishing her all the best and didn't think much more about it till a year or so passed without hearing from her (we were only in touch about once a year or so anyway). Since she's one of those people who eschew Facebook and other online forms of communication, and used email only under duress, I sent her an actual letter on paper this Christmas asking how she was doing, only to get a lovely handwritten note back saying that unfortunately, her thyroid cancer turned out to be a not-very-treatable kind and after surgery, radiation and chemo had all had no effect, the doctors had declared her terminal, but that she was comfortable and functioning fairly well at the moment (though having lost her voice due to surgery). She said she didn't know how much time she had left -- and didn't want to know.

She wrote me that letter on March 2, and I replied a couple of weeks later. I didn't hear anything back. This morning her husband called to tell me she died on Sunday. She was 50 and leaves behind her husband and a nine-year-old son. I don't know why there's not at least a fucking law that you can't die till your kids are 18. I mean, seriously, God, would that be too much to ask?

She would not have approved of me saying Fuck Cancer. She was a genuinely sweet, warm, generous, lovely person who probably never said Fuck in her life. But on Linda's behalf, Fuck you, Cancer.
 

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Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :
 
She might not have approved, but I bet she was glad for those who cared for her and understands how you feel.

Similarly frustrated for my wonderful college pastor who is only in her 60s and does such amazing work. Her cancer has come back and is taking so much of her energy. Even if she does beat it--and it is a nasty aggressive kind--it is wasting so much energy that it does not deserve. And if she heard me say it, she'd probably feel the need to be pastoral to me like the dear wonderful woman she is, so yet another reason to say it here: Fuck cancer.
 

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Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Its not yet a year since I lost my other half.

We were fed a load of BS about "good years" and "bad years"; about "control" and "quality of life".

We were told 12 years.
More honest medic friend said (to me only) that'll be 8.
We didn't get 3 years: 9 reasonable months and 22 months of ghastliness.

The last 18 months were a living nightmare: keeping the children on an even keel through GCSE results/ AS exams/ university choices and visits/more exam results/A level revision.

The last doctor told me to find a nursing home "for at least another 6 months" on Thursday afternoon: my beloved died less than 36 hours later.

Even the funeral had to be fitted around the A level exam schedule.

SUCKS!
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Fuck.
 

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Posted by 3rdFooter (# 9751) on :
 
Fuck you Cancer. You stole my friend..

Bastard. Bastard. Bastard.


For Joy
 

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Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
When thread themes collide...
 

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Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :
 
Iain Banks.

Fuck, fuck, fuck.
 

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Posted by Josephine (# 3899) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Trudy Scrumptious:
I don't know why there's not at least a fucking law that you can't die till your kids are 18. I mean, seriously, God, would that be too much to ask?

---

My kids' aunt had pancreatic cancer. She wanted to live until her son graduated from high school.

She died today. He's still got two years to go.

Fuck cancer.
 

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Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :
 
Resurrecting this thread to rant on behalf of AM, partner of R, who is currently in her second lot of heavy-duty chemo for a brain tumour.

Fuck Cancer!
 

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Posted by roguewavefan (# 17767) on :
 
I was recently diagnosed with Chronic Myeloid Leukemia. The chemo is doing more harm then good. Since it is a "chronic" form I will be on chemo the rest of my life. Cancer sucks.
 

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Posted by Herrick (# 15226) on :
 
My sister in law died earlier this, aged 50, from breast cancer. She left a son and daughter in their early twenties and a loving husband.
Last week I received a diagnosis of a basaloid squamous cell carcinoma in the right tonsil and a lymph gland.
The only symptoms have been a persistent ear ache and a sore throat. Before they do the radiotherapy I have to have five perfectly good teeth pulled out and a feeding peg inserted into my stomach. I am angry (especially about the teeth) at doctors, god and the whole world. I do smoke and drink but the cancer was caused by HPV, not my lifestyle. I also have to have chemo. I am scared about the treatment and about how poorly I'll feel during it, according to the doctors. I've received conflicting information and prognoses; frustrating to say the least.
 

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Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
Cancer sucks. I paid a visit today to a woman who has been given six months to live. She is grieving for her son who died, also of cancer, ten years ago. 'The world feels so solid,' she said, 'and then you put your hand through it, and it's all just like tissue paper. Everything just goes, like that.'

Then I came home to a phone call from one of our beloved children whose partner is, again, being wheeled onto the oncology ward. The tumours in her brain are growing again. We have to see if they can be stabilised with spot radio-therapy. Or something like that. The child is being brave and cheerful, but says, 'If the news isn't good, we're going to need a lot of support.'

Cancer SUCKS.

[ 31. July 2013, 20:25: Message edited by: Amos ]
 

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Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on :
 
Fuck you cancer. Fuck to hell and back, and the only reason I'm letting you come back is so you can fucked to hell a second time when you think it's all over.

My housemate's mum died last night. She's fucking beside herself.


 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Preach it.
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
For work and friends colliding.
 

---

Posted by Martin PC not & Ship's Biohazard (# 368) on :
 
Rossweisse.
 

---

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :
 





 

---

Posted by Anglo Catholic Relict (# 17213) on :
 
For Brian, who died in March of liver cancer.



For Ann, who has liver cancer.



For all here.


 

---

Posted by Jemima the 9th (# 15106) on :
 
Oh for God's sake.
Fuck it all to hell and back again. The pain, never well enough controlled. The indignity. The lack of control. The not taking a sleeping pill in case you fall over so you're up all night sobbing with said pain. The useless feckin' hospice (hospice, for God's sake!) staff who don't know how to cope with someone who doesn't fit the nice cosy schedule they have for you.
Gah. Just gah.
 

---

Posted by Nissarte (# 17822) on :
 
Adding my prayers to yours, and requesting one for me, too [pushy new arrival emoticon!].
Have lost loved ones to this monster, also. So, yes, FUCK cancer to hell. May it - and its many varieties (especially the incurable and recurrent types) fuck off to the far side of fuck.

Les Minimes
 

---

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :
 
Welcome to our little scow on the web, Nissarte. I see you've already dropped by the welcome thread, which is great. Also please read and take to heart the 10 commandments and board guidelines for each place.

if you're indeed a long-time lurker, you'll know the way of things around here. just in case - be cautious posting in Hell! we're a straight-shootin' bunch of lovable dickheads with very little social skills.

And as Firenze said over at that much friendlier place, put your link in your sig! otherwise we'll swat ya for advertising.

welcome aboard, and yes - FUCK CANCER!

comet
Hellhost
 

---

Posted by nickel (# 8363) on :
 
I can't know what my friend was thinking a week or so gone, but I'm blaming cancer. Or chemo. Either way fuck cancer, because he was strong before that.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
If anyone ever recommends Interferon Alpha treatment for melanoma, make sure that you and they fully understand the possible side effects, the risks that come with them, and the importance of close monitoring during the treatment. It would be a serious pissoff to survive the cancer but not the treatment. I was there a few weeks ago.
 

---

Posted by Herrick (# 15226) on :
 
Fuck the side effects of chemotherapy. Fuck the side effects of radiation therapy. Fuck cancer. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.
 

---

Posted by NJA (# 13022) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by PeteC:
... She is refusing any more treatment....

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by NJA:

quote:

---

Originally posted by PeteC:
... She is refusing any more treatment....

---

The treatment obviously hasn't worked.
May I ask what drugs / procedures she had & for how long?

This video says "medicines", especially anti-biotics may well be the cause of much cancer.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by NJA:

quote:

---

Originally posted by PeteC:
... She is refusing any more treatment....

---

The treatment obviously hasn't worked.
May I ask what drugs / procedures she had & for how long?

This video says "medicines", especially anti-biotics may well be the cause of much cancer.

---

Comet got there first, but you really had to dredge up that one, eh? You are a turd - actually you are a dog turd lurking on someone's lawn to laugh at those unfortunate to step in it

I crap on you,
 

---

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :
 
I have an urge to march over to that woman's house and feed her THIS particular germ to see if we can replicate the famous experiment that demonstrated conclusively how a germ caused a disease.

Get the fuck off my lawn and come back when you understand science.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I think NJA serves an important scientific purpose on this thread [and, it has to be said, elsewhere], viz:

Not all little bits of Primordial Slime grew up to sensate beings.
 

---

Posted by cygnus (# 3294) on :
 
I lost a young friend to cancer this week- just a kid, really- 26 years old. He was such a sweet kid and put up a brave fight, but it was too much for him. Nobody should have to go through what he did. Life (and death) is so unfair sometimes.

RIP Jesse
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Cancer, keep your hands the fuck off of a 10-year-old boy.

Fuck leukemia.
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
I am thoroughly fed up with the number of times cancer has hit my choir - we only number 25 and it is getting far too regular - in many cases not even chance for their voices to ever get that old. Find your own angels for the heavenly choir and stop nicking ours!
 

---

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
You took my cousin at 18, I never ever got to know her. Leave my brother the fuck alone you piece of lymphoma trash!
 

---

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
We raised the roof with Parry's 'I Was Glad' this afternoon for a dear and brilliant colleague who died of a brain tumour earlier this year. I'd have been sitting with my grate frend S--fashion-model, lawyer, maker of champagne cocktails--but the chemo leaves her too tired and her immune system's too fragile for crowds, so I sat with her sad, stony-faced husband instead.
Fuck cancer.

[ 23. November 2013, 16:56: Message edited by: Amos ]
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
A couple I know lost their 25year old son tonight. He was in my son's Scout troop, so my son lost a friend. This young man had fought the good fight; chemo, isolation, transplants from his brother. But a viral infection got him last week, and there was no recovery. Fuck you, leukemia.
 

---

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :
 
MY nine year old granddaughter was diagnosed with leukaemia today. Treatment started minutes after diagnosis and she will be in hospital at least another week. I echo the sentiments of others here.
 

---

Posted by Herrick (# 15226) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Crap. My friend was treated for an aggressive type of brain tumor 5 years ago. However it looks like it is back again and they are waiting to see what treatment can be offered this time. We were lulled into a false sense of security that things had been stable for so long. It is such a blessing that she has survived this long. But all the same, CRAP.

[ 21. February 2014, 07:50: Message edited by: Lucia ]
 

---

Posted by betjemaniac (# 17618) on :
 
My mum died on Monday morning aged 62. I went home to visit the parents on Saturday night and ended up there until yesterday. She bloody knew, but nobody else thought it was even close.
 

---

Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Caissa (# 16710) on :
 
My condolences, Betjemaniac.

My mother seems to being do well after her radiation treatment.

[ 21. February 2014, 13:50: Message edited by: Caissa ]
 

---

Posted by Meg the Red (# 11838) on :
 
As I just posted on the prayer thread in AS, my nephew's mum has found out her breast cancer is terminal. This is a woman who retrained herself and moved her children and mother to a new country after she became a young widow. This is a woman who flew from NZ to Canada to attend her son's wedding immediately after her second round of chemo; wig and all, she was the life of the party, bubbling over with joy even though her only son had moved so far away. As soon as she got home, she started participating in fundraising runs for cancer. She was fine at Christmas. Now she's got a matter of weeks to live, and won't get to meet the grandchild my niece is expecting.

Fuck you cancer for taking this beautiful, remarkable woman and for orphaning my nephew. Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.

[ 01. March 2014, 23:16: Message edited by: Meg the Red ]
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
That's another relative lost to cancer below the age of 50. On both sides of the family, several with abdominal cancer - from age 20s to 40s. We've had enough of it now.
 

---

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
Dear friend's emailed to say that the cancer's returned, and is terminal, and that she's in horrible pain. Fuck cancer. Fuck it to hell.
 

---

Posted by guinness girl (# 4391) on :
 
I fucking hate fucking cancer. Three people I loved have been taken in the last four months by it - two of them young. It can fuck right off to hell.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Herself's little nephew is in Intensive Care - the chemo, etc. he had last year gave him a matter of months of remission. He's only 6 or 7.

We are all just so sad.
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
News stories of miracle cure tablets don't really help - even if they're ultimately the answer, they will be years coming on to the pharmacy shelves and only increase the sense of helplessness that nothing can be done NOW for those already suffering.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chorister:
News stories of miracle cure tablets don't really help - even if they're ultimately the answer, they will be years coming on to the pharmacy shelves and only increase the sense of helplessness that nothing can be done NOW for those already suffering.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chorister:
News stories of miracle cure tablets don't really help - even if they're ultimately the answer, they will be years coming on to the pharmacy shelves and only increase the sense of helplessness that nothing can be done NOW for those already suffering.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by orfeo:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Chorister:
News stories of miracle cure tablets don't really help - even if they're ultimately the answer, they will be years coming on to the pharmacy shelves and only increase the sense of helplessness that nothing can be done NOW for those already suffering.

---

It also doesn't help when you cite a story as a 'miracle cure' story when the wording of the story doesn't suggest anything of the kind.

---

It's why every scientist/doctor I know hates the trade press—they leave out the actual importance of what's been found, overhype the most speculative results of what could be done with the research, and totally distort the rest.

Or, to put it much more elegantly…

[N.b.: test your punctuation, not just your links, when previewing posts!]

[ 21. March 2014, 01:07: Message edited by: Ariston ]
 

---

Posted by Antisocial Alto (# 13810) on :
 
Just learned that a beloved church lady of my acquaintance has a large cancerous mass on an internal organ. She is mother and grandmother to many, both biologically and honorarily, and we would need twenty people to take over the amount of work she does for the church.

FUCK YOU, CANCER.
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
Damn cancer to hell for scaring me nearly to death this month.
 

---

Posted by rugasaw (# 7315) on :
 
Fuck Cancer to Hell. Damn mother fucking cancer. I have one student whose mother died of cancer earlier this year. Another student whose mother is at deaths door because of cancer. And I have another student who is currently being tested for cancer.
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
... and then there's my stepfather, with pre-cancerous Barrett's everywhere. I hate this.
 

---

Posted by St Everild (# 3626) on :
 
Cancer is fucking horrible. That is all.
 

---

Posted by JoannaP (# 4493) on :
 
When I moved to London, Ken was one of the Shipmates I was most looking forward to meeting but, although we have both attended a couple of meets, I never really got the chance to talk to him. Bugger.
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
One of the worst things about cancer is that it takes people who are intelligent, capable, active, with lots to contribute, and just cuts straight through their lives. So much left unfinished, unable to come to fruition.
 

---

Posted by Yangtze (# 4965) on :
 
I saw Ken today. Barely recognised him. Cancer really does suck.
 

---

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
You bastard. Now you've taken one of our best.
 

---

Posted by Kittyville (# 16106) on :
 
And the insidious, sneaky ones like pancreatic cancer seem somehow worse than the others. It took my father, too. Vile, filthy disease.
 

---

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :
 
Fuck cancer.

That is all.
 

---

Posted by kentishmaid (# 4767) on :
 
Cancer - go chase yourself, you evil parasitic git.
 

---

Posted by iGeek (# 777) on :
 
Hubbie's oldest, a coordinator in one of the nation's busiest Level 1 trauma centers emergency room (so he see's the worst that can happen) is starting treatment today for esophageal cancer.

He's 33.

Sonofabitchin' cancer.
 

---

Posted by Japes (# 5358) on :
 
For taking up residence in the brain of a lively, caring, original one-off, with everything to live for and look forward to, stubborn, amazing 18 year old, and killing him within five months - Cancer, hell is well and truly where you belong.
 

---

Posted by FooloftheShip (# 15579) on :
 
C, who I would very much like to have known better and has been a stalwart of many choirs in this area, is about to be carried off by a secondary brain tumour.

Someone got a rusty farm implement handy?
 

---

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 
Cancer has now taken two of my friends inside 48 hours. To say it sucks is a rank understatement .
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
marv.
 

---

Posted by Nicolemr (# 28) on :
 
Someone I care about deeply has just been diagnosed with lymphoma. Damn it all to hell.
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
You insidious hiding gutless shit. Fuck you and the failed remission. Leave my family alone.
 

---

Posted by Persephone Hazard (# 4648) on :
 
I am half-convinced (and sort of quoting my best friend here, too, but goddamn it she's right) that half the fundraising adverts for cancer charities you see are designed to make people who have lost loved ones to cancer burst into tears in public spaces.

Not that I'm crying much at the moment. Except when I am. This is all so odd.

But Cancer Research UK can pretty much just fuck off.
 

---

Posted by Tubbs (# 440) on :
 
Cancer needs to know that the third time is not the charm. My mother in law doesn't need you and neither does the rest of my family. Or anyone else come to that.

Tubbs
 

---

Posted by Alicïa (# 7668) on :
 
Recently found out my father in law has cancer & feeling sad and angry that he or anyone should suffer this. Cancer! Do one you evil snivelling bastard, no one wants you around!!!

[ 12. June 2014, 07:17: Message edited by: Alicïa ]
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
Mum.
 

---

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :
 
Prayers for all.



I count myself fortunate. I just cleared a possible second hurdle. Maybe it will get me in the end, but not this time.
 

---

Posted by Tubbs (# 440) on :
 
Thank you cancer for fucking off and leaving my dad alone. Now, please stay fucked off.

Tubbs
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
A hearty amen to that.
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Evil cancer has taken another friend - a chap whose sister and I were big mates when I still lived at home.

He was only 48. Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck.
 

---

Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on :
 
Arrived back from holiday to find a letter from a friend telling me that her husband had died from bile duct cancer in April, and this was the first time she'd felt able to tell me.

Fuck you cancer, and fuck you again and again.

AG
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
And now it's my brother-in-law.
 

---

Posted by Qoheleth. (# 9265) on :
 
Add to the list C diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer, married to A for only 20 months.

And this in a congregation with at least four other members already undergoing chemo/radiotherapy.

[ 12. July 2014, 20:55: Message edited by: Qoheleth. ]
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Now it has claimed Ken. RIP friend. You were far too young.
 

---

Posted by DonLogan2 (# 15608) on :
 
How cathartic this will be.

I never knew how much I should have appreciated my mother in law until she goes and gets her second and terminal case of bowel cancer. It allows people to say good bye and sort things out, but then it slowly corrupts the body internally and externally.

An awful way to go and I am hopeful that during this time when she was hooked up to the "driver" she had no pain and slowly drifted into God`s hands. Thank you for giving me my lovely wife and in turn my lovely daughter and I`m sorry you had to go so horribly.

Cancer does indeed suck!
 

---

Posted by lily pad (# 11456) on :
 
For Don, who will never have to deal with cancer again. Sometimes that is just the best thing to be able to say. He will be deeply missed.
 

---

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :
 
Miss 9, diagnosed with leukaemia on New Years Day, was helping her dad make chocolate brownies this afternoon. Chief help consisted of licking the beater . She did such a good job of this that I jokingly said it didn't need a wash. She missed the joke completely and told me it had to be washed as she was cytotoxic. From a nineyear old.
 

---

Posted by iamchristianhearmeroar (# 15483) on :
 
Fuck cancer. Found out last week that my uncle's bladder cancer is inoperable. I don't know what this means in terms of prognosis, but it doesn't sound good. Fuck that and fuck his GPs for not acting properly on the symptoms he presented *for years* that were indicative of bladder cancer. Fuck.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
At a funeral yesterday for a lively, lovable young woman who had inoperable lung cancer; metastasised to the brain; never smoked; three small children. Too much anger, too much grief to be able to make sense of this.
 

---

Posted by lily pad (# 11456) on :
 
Missing my mom - it's been ten years today - feels like ten minutes. for a cure for cancer.

[ 10. September 2014, 13:18: Message edited by: lily pad ]
 

---

Posted by ChastMastr (# 716) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Caissa (# 16710) on :
 
Within the hour, I will be attending the funeral of our oldest son's kindergarten teacher. She died of complications from cancer. Cancer fucking sucks.
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
My friend and fellow-chorister J. is going into hospital this week for surgery following the diagnosis of thyroid cancer, which is just the most recent in a whole load of lemons thrown at her by Life.

She's a school-teacher and a singer: she needs for her throat to work.

Sodding cancer.
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
For 207 families.
Three months.

Fuck you cancer.
Fuck you death.

In our remembering.
In our tears,
in our laughter
and in our living,
you have lost.
Fuck you.
 

---

Posted by Celtic Knotweed (# 13008) on :
 
Saw a friend on the way home this evening and discovered that a mutual friend who I used to, and she still does, work with, has stage 2 cancer of the fibia. Damn.

Until last week she'd thought it was just her sciatica acting up.
 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
Aaaaaaauuuuuggggggggggghhhhhhhh!






Please pray for Barbara. This sucks!
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
Noted, always noted.
Even when the bones are conflated, noted.
 

---

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :
 
So far this year, cancer has:

• Screwed with the head of the long-term partner of one of our church members, to the extent that even when he heard the prognosis was good, he couldn't accept it and killed himself;
• Revealed itself to have been masquerading as a bad back for another of our church members, when it fact it was an 18cm tumour;
• Killed my aunt (just heard this evening).

So fuck you, cancer, and all the horrible, horrible ways you hide yourself and unleash misery.
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I really would like to know what God was thinking when he allowed cancer to come into being.

My sister, who has never so much as looked at a cigarette let alone smoked one, was successfully treated for lung cancer over a year ago, but it has returned and has probably metastasized -- test results still pending. She is 64 years old and so will not qualify for Medicare until next year -- meanwhile she can't quit her job because that will be the end of her health insurance, and she can't afford to go on COBRA.

She is an unwed mother with a 25-year old son who has Asperger's syndrome and has yet to find a job or his place in the world. He is a very bright boy, very handsome, but is totally dependent on her. If anything should happen to her before he can come to terms with himself, I shudder to think of the consequences.
 

---

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 
Miss Molly died of lung cancer although she had never smoked.

Moo
 

---

Posted by storage jars (# 14021) on :
 
hmm, yep. Cancer sucks. (oh hello, btw ship of fools, I haven't been here for AGES).

My experience of cancer this year has been "interesting". In March I was given a clean bill by my oncologist after being under surveillance for 9 years following treatment for lymphoma in 2005.

Unfortunately I was back on oncology's books within 2 months when I was diagnosed with a different type of cancer, sarcoma. I think I must've set some sort of record there for bouncing back. Must've missed them too much at oncology? :-P

Anyway, it just seemed to me like yet another example of how ridiculous life can be. I just have to laugh, if somewhat grimly! I'm coping with this by realising that it's a glass half-full situation: I could have died in 2005, yet I'm still here now.

And I can genuinely say I'm not angry at God,
He's not forgotten me, ignored me, laughed nastily at me or told me to get lost. He's still there and has answered prayers throughout this year. I am so grateful for our huge, loving, eternal God. THIS is what gets me through this.

Thanks for listening. God Bless.
 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
FUCK, FUCK, FUCKETY FUCKING CANCER. IT'S KILLING MY FRIEND.

(AND THANK YOU, YES, I KNOW I'M SHOUTING)
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
I am so tired of fighting. But I have to keep fighting. No surrender!
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
please please fight. Wish I could fight with you...
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
You are, you do, LC!
 

---

Posted by DangerousDeacon (# 10582) on :
 
Mum has just been diagnosed with cancer. Prognosis is not good.

Fuck it. Fuck it. Fuck it.
 

---

Posted by Evensong (# 14696) on :
 
My 81 yo mum too DD. But prognosis good with treatment. for you and your mum and fam.

Weird disease. Is it mostly a symptom of living longer? I mean I know younguns get it but that's more unusual isn't it?

Or do we just live in too toxic a world?

Weird.

[ 18. December 2014, 11:05: Message edited by: Evensong ]
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Evensong, having devoted a considerable amount of thought and research to that very question, I would say that cancer has come to the foreground because (a) people are living longer, for a variety of reasons; (b) we have mostly wiped out infectious disease (for the moment - I think we're going to see a major epidemic or two very soon, because we've overused antibiotics, and the ones we're about to need with all the superbugs are not in the pipeline and will not be available); and (c) we've made astonishing progress with heart disease.

But we all have to die of something. Right now, cancer has the advantage. May we keep making progress. (And may someone put some money and muscle into getting those new antibiotics!)
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Amen. (I'm on a second round of them as we speak.)
 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
As a change from serious discussion:


FUCKITY FUCKITY FUCK FUCK FUCK.
 

---

Posted by Meg the Red (# 11838) on :
 
Uncle Pete, having just attended the funeral of a wonderful woman who died 2 goddamn weeks after her cancer diagnosis, I can only say "Ditto".


 

---

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :
 
Fuck. Just heard cancer has taken the wife and sister of one our church members on the same night, within half an hour of each other.

It can just piss off and... don't really have the words right now.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Out of a dozen people on a committee at my parish who were tasked with figuring out just what said parish wanted in its next rector two years ago, four of us have had cancer, three of us Stage 3 or higher, and the other one stage 2. Two of us have had it twice in that time; we are now both Stage 4.

I'm bracing myself for the bills - and, of course, it's a new year, so Monday's infusion and appointments will be in my deductible. I'm trying to decide what to sell in order to pay it without going into my retirement savings (just in case I someday need retirement savings).

Cancer sucks harder than a Dyson.
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
This is probably not the place for a rant about the US health care system, and I don't have to tell you, of all people, but my word, that is so wrong.
 

---

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
I had that thought as well. Infuriating and dishonourable.
 

---

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:


I'm bracing myself for the bills - and, of course, it's a new year, so Monday's infusion and appointments will be in my deductible. I'm trying to decide what to sell in order to pay it without going into my retirement savings (just in case I someday need retirement savings).

Cancer sucks harder than a Dyson.

---

To echo RuthW & RooK, I don't think it's wrong to make a profit from a vacuum cleaner but it's definitely wrong to make a buck out of a deadly illness.
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I'm remembering my brother-in-law, R., who died aged 56 six years ago today of evil cancer.

Fuck cancer.
 

---

Posted by Ferijen (# 4719) on :
 
Fuck you cancer.

For J, who had the all clear from kidney cancer last year, but has gone from 'bad cough' to leukaemia diagnosis overnight this week. Self employed, so despite the wonders of the nhs, is going to be financially screwed. Not that it matters, but great, generous, community minded bloke.

He's in the room next door to the one my mum spent six weeks in several years ago; I bloody well hope it's the same positive outcome.
 

---

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :
 

Chris was such a bright spot in the world. She was always helping people, she always had a brilliant smile. Now she's gone because of that evil disease.

Chris turned 53 less than a week before she died.
She suffered terribly. It's so not fair.

It never is, is it?
 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
In memoriam deuce2. Fellow shipmate. My brother. April 28, 1941-December 17, 2008. Never forgotten, always loved.


 

---

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
Thinking of Deuce, Pete and you.

Huia
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
God bless, Pete. I remember your brother. It was good to have him on board with us for that little while.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
Yesterday we lost a fine minister, strong preacher, and a good friend to many, to cancer. No words to describe this waste; just anger. Please don't try to tell me this was part of God's plan for him or anyone else.
 

---

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
My sister's sister-in-law lost both her husband and brother-in-law (his brother) last week to cancer; her own brother (my brother-in-law) died of cancer six years ago, and her son is in remission from it.

I can't begin to imagine how she's feeling at the moment.

Fuck cancer. Just fuck it.
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
Mum is really crook.
I do end of life conversations daily.
But not in my family dammit.
 

---

Posted by To The Pain (# 12235) on :
 
Lost a uni friend of my brother's on Friday, in her mid thirties.

Someone so beautiful and fun did not deserve all that pain, no-one deserves that.
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Fuckety fuck fuck fuck.
 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
My cousin, Bill, one of the few close to me in age: diagnosed with myeloma.

How often can you say FUCK?

FUCK to the power of 100 is not enough
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
I didn't even know steroid psychosis was a Thing. I'm finding out, and we're only halfway through chemo.
 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
Bill collapsed, into a delirium, last Thursday. The doctors think that he may have viral encephalitis. Test results will be available next Thursday. In the meantime, he is surviving, still in a delirium, recognising no one. His children have been flying in.

I am shocked and angry Please pray for Bill.
 

---

Posted by Celtic Knotweed (# 13008) on :
 
My ex-colleague A was in remission. She went to the docs a few weeks back as she wasn't feeling well. Found out yesterday via a friend who still works in that department that the cancer is back and the prognosis is terminal.
 

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Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :
 
Buried another one today. Fuckit.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
I'm in a cancer support group (most of us are Stage 3 or 4), and most of the others seem to be in a really bad way lately. One woman isn't even 30 years old yet, and she's on her third round of chemo. Dammit.
 

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Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Lost another acquaintance to fecking cancer this weekend. She put up a brave fight, but lost.
 

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Posted by Helen-Eva (# 15025) on :
 
Good friend from church - N - turns up at my office yesterday. He's in a right state because he's just had to go to a hospital to say a final goodbye to a young man he's watched grow up and helped with school work and known since ever. The young man is 35, has bowel cancer and has days to live. This sucks.
 

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Posted by Jenn. (# 5239) on :
 
M-i-l died Friday. One of the most wonderful women I've had the privilege to meet. Bowel cancer diagnosed 3 years ago this month. Fuck cancer.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Oh, Jenn, I'm sorry.
 

---

Posted by Doublethink. (# 1984) on :
 
Two many people with diagnoses lately
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
The understatedly brilliant St. Louis Post-Dispatch columnist Bill McClellan has been diagnosed with liver cancer, which is never remotely good. Kyrie eleison.
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
NOT coping with the cancer situations in my family. Why the fuck can't I do anything to help?
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Well, LC, you live far away, for starters. (I pray for your family every day, if that's not too unHellish a statement.)
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Thank you, God bless you! and I've not forgotten the other thing...
 

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Posted by alienfromzog (# 5327) on :
 
At the risk of further unHellishness, I want to refer everyone to this post of mine some while back. I can take no credit for the words, they're not mine but it's what I have to offer.

Cancer is so cruel but, but...

AFZ
 

---

Posted by earrings (# 13306) on :
 
Got my final chemo next Monday. Then scheduled for radio after that. Would like to feel sometime that my body is mine again. My experience has been something of a roller coaster
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Ah, chemo. Isn't wonderful drugs can effectively combat cancer - while giving you constipation and incontinence, rashes, vertigo, crawl into a ditch tiredness, the shakes and very possibly a few other diseases.

Fire with fire sometimes.
 

---

Posted by earrings (# 13306) on :
 
Firenze wrote

quote:

---

Ah, chemo. Isn't wonderful drugs can effectively combat cancer - while giving you constipation and incontinence, rashes, vertigo, crawl into a ditch tiredness, the shakes and very possibly a few other diseases.

Fire with fire sometimes.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by earrings:
/QUOTE]So resonates, having not felt ill at all before diagnosis (breast cancer picked up on a screening mammogram) to then have to be made ill to get better is a bit bizarre. I'm sure there is space for theological reflection there some of which I have done on my blog, but weird nevertheless

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by earrings:
So resonates, having not felt ill at all before diagnosis (breast cancer picked up on a screening mammogram) to then have to be made ill to get better is a bit bizarre. ...

---

quote:

---

...chemobrain is such a thing. I have a lovely compression sleeve to combat lymphoedema. Joy and rapture. But last chemo tomorrow

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by earrings:
Stercus tauri chemobrain is such a thing. I have a lovely compression sleeve to combat lymphoedema. Joy and rapture. But last chemo tomorrow

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Uncle Pete:
But FUCK CANCER and support those who have it.

---

Darn right there. My daughter's close friend has just had it diagnosed as returned after the "late" removal of a malignant mole ---like in several major organs.

You know we're talking about people who follow heath advice,(staying off fags etc.), we're talking about folks just turned 30yrs for Christ's sake. And yes, I know young children, even babies get it as well.

Cancer does earn itself a ticket to Hell, simply for just the way it stalks.
 

---

Posted by MrsBeaky (# 17663) on :
 
First a dear friend (my husband was his best man) goes down with Lymphoma and then just as he emerges from his stem cell treatment his lovely wife is diagnosed with breast cancer.
They have two boys under ten and are respite foster carers to many other children.
It just stinks, it really just stinks
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
And fuck the cancer that led to my stepfather having a very painful treatment which we have just discovered gave him a silent heart attack. Did I mention he has to have this treatment several times over the next year or two?
 

---

Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :
 
Total head-fuck. Just as we are celebrating the fact that Dad is still in remission and will be in remission over Christmas - yay! - the doctor suggests running tests to check for a different cancer. Just to be thorough, you understand, probably nothing there....
 

---

Posted by Landlubber (# 11055) on :
 
And my husband has been diagnosed with a brain tumour which, they warn us, could very well be high grade. The operation to remove what they can is booked and we expect the results of the tissue analysis by Christmas Eve. God help us all.
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
I'm so sorry, that's awful.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Landlubber:
And my husband has been diagnosed with a brain tumour which, they warn us, could very well be high grade. The operation to remove what they can is booked and we expect the results of the tissue analysis by Christmas Eve. God help us all.

---

 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
That is hard. Very hard.

But my experience suggests that the initial diagnosis always assumes the worst case.

I find you just have to try and live in this day, this moment.

((((((((((❤️))))))))))
 

---

Posted by Landlubber (# 11055) on :
 
Thank you all. We are talking to each other and are surrounded by love and offers of help, but I need to howl and swear and I am glad of this place to do it. I am very bad at living in the moment and some virtual crockery throwing might bring me back to it.
 

---

Posted by ThunderBunk (# 15579) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Landlubber:
Thank you all. We are talking to each other and are surrounded by love and offers of help, but I need to howl and swear and I am glad of this place to do it. I am very bad at living in the moment and some virtual crockery throwing might bring me back to it.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Landlubber:
...some virtual crockery throwing might bring me back to it.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Moo:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Landlubber:
...some virtual crockery throwing might bring me back to it.

---

You might also try some real crockery throwing. Go to a thrift store, buy some cheap plates and start heaving.

Moo

---

In the store? That would be very satisfying, especially while wearing a 'I have chemo brain' T shirt. They wouldn't dare arrest you.
 

---

Posted by Landlubber (# 11055) on :
 
Well, there's an idea. I did think I'd need a very good friend indeed to let me smash plates in their garden, even if I provided the wine afterwards!
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Firenze:
...my experience suggests that the initial diagnosis always assumes the worst case....

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Firenze:
...my experience suggests that the initial diagnosis always assumes the worst case....

---

...which it often is. But not always!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Landlubber:
Well, there's an idea. I did think I'd need a very good friend indeed to let me smash plates in their garden, even if I provided the wine afterwards!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Huia:
Words aren't enough to express some emotions.

---

Couldn't agree more.
 

---

Posted by Landlubber (# 11055) on :
 
6 weeks of chemo and radiotherapy together followed by 6 months of chemo alone for Mr Ll.

Before he descends into that pit, I'd just like to thank all of you for whom this is, or has been, your daily reality for standing with me here through the waiting.
 

---

Posted by Celtic Knotweed (# 13008) on :
 
One all-user email round work late on Tuesday to say that A had died. Another yesterday with the date/time of memorial service and a request for no flowers, just donations to the hospice she was in or a charity she always supported.

She wasn't even 40
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Even pits have a geography: some bits are not as bad as others. The skill of the doctor lies in balancing the fallout from the toxicity of the drugs with a tolerable day to day life.

Look for the easings: accommodate the tough bits. Do what you can with what each moment brings.
 

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Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :
 
I am not disregarding that this is Hell, but I believe that Firenze is right. I speak from plenty of family experience, tha latest of which is Miss M, my young granddaughter. Hit it hard and often is medical policy here, and deal with the consequences as they arise.

Firenze is also right with her estimation of support, even knowing others are there.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lothlorien:
I am not disregarding that this is Hell, but I believe that Firenze is right. I speak from plenty of family experience, tha latest of which is Miss M, my young granddaughter. Hit it hard and often is medical policy here, and deal with the consequences as they arise.

Firenze is also right with her estimation of support, even knowing others are there.

---

Difficult territory with no easy answers and definitely no advice. Enough to say that the treatment can take you to another hell beyond the cancer. The friends and the hand-holding are the strongest grip you can have on life while this is happening.
 

---

Posted by Baker (# 18458) on :
 
I just found this thread.

It's been not quite a year since my mother went to the ER with a bowel obstruction that required surgery. Lots of body scans.

It was discovered she had a patch on her lung and spots on her spleen. Two different cancers! The lung was treated with radiation and seems to have been halted. The spleen was nastier, lymphoma which can be sneaky. So the spleen was taken and Mom had three seesions of chemotherapy.

No recurrence so far. I'm greatful that it was caught so early, that gives us hope. Mom is depressed that most of her hair was lost, but the falling out has stopped and now the places that were patchy seems to have "haired over"

Mom is almost eighty four and doesn't want much more aggressive treatment, so I hope that sucky cancer doesn't recur.

Her own mother was a breast cancer survivor, having a mastectomy at the age of ninety-one, and living to just short of one hundred and eight years old. Good genes there.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
I'm fucked up at the moment dealing with my sister's news. Her CA-125 has gone up several points, which AFAIK means cancer recurrence--this when they never got the fucker down to single digits with chemo like they expected to in the first place. She has had a repeat scan which looks good, but of course won't catch microscopic metastases, if any are out there (as the fucking CA-125 suggests).

She has been avoiding researching her cancer, not wanting to freak out, but now she's getting contradicting messages from her doctor and nurse and therapist, and earnest exhortations from mother to "get out there and do something, get a second opinion, join a clinical trial, do something!" which she is not in any emotional shape to handle.

I mentioned she might as well use me, as the PhD at least taught me how to do research, and it's no good keeping a dog and barking yourself. So she's sent me a bunch of paperwork and it turns out to be about the worst kind of ovarian cancer there is--aggressive, fast-moving, resistant, and nasty-sneaky about metastasis.

Basically everything's wide open now--she could conceivably be cured, or she could be in for a long haul, or ... not.

And fuck all this. She's the girl who did everything right--no risk factors whatsoever, squeaky clean health, no genetics, way too young, why the fuck? While I sit here, older than she is, with a moderate collection of risk factors, apparently cancer free.

This is so fucked up.
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
I wish my siblings had geographical/physical/emotional capacity to help me with my parents.

And every day I see carers who care so much better than I can.

Fuck cancer.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
LC. Patdys. Lord.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
Today, cancer succeeded in sucking the life out of Toronto's memorably crazy former mayor, Rob Ford. He was only 46. I wonder how history will judge him? Crazy, I think, but not evil.
 

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Posted by Niteowl (# 15841) on :
 
I found out that 2 fairly close friends died of cancer along with another acquaintance. These were really good people - the kind that make the world worth living in. Fuck cancer to Hell!
 

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Posted by earrings (# 13306) on :
 
When I was going through breast cancer treatment last year I knew 8 people who were at a similar stage. That's not people I met through the treatment. Stats in Britain are something like 55,000 women and over 300 men diagnosed each year (and the male figure is rising year on year). Although for many, and I hope for me, having had everything thrown at me, breast cancer is not the worst to have, the levels are shocking.
 

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Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
I Was told an account just yesterday of someone known who had breast cancer which ended up terminal. The stats are truly awful and the way it takes folks is effing horrible. Those on this roller coaster and those doing the caring deserve a bloody medal.

What can be said other than prayers in heaven for improvements in treatment, and curses in Hell for the existence of this wretched thing.

[ 31. March 2016, 10:34: Message edited by: rolyn ]
 

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Posted by mertide (# 4500) on :
 
Brother-in-law's funeral yesterday, died much too young from prostate cancer, leaving a young family. Damn it.
 

---

Posted by Ferijen (# 4719) on :
 
Fuck you cancer. Just heard that J has died. Early fifties, leukaemia, over a year of treatment,

One of life's genuinely good guys.

Fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck.
 

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Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :
 
FUCK YOU cancer for now taking my friend's female inner parts and making her go thru radiation and fear...along with her loved ones and family.

This is for B...

FUCK YOU!!!
 

---

Posted by Celtic Knotweed (# 13008) on :
 
Mum told me on Sunday that Dad's older brother has bladder cancer (may be gall bladder, my brain was a little frazzled that day). Already had the surgery, now on heavy chemo and radiotherapy, since it was a rather aggressive one.

Good side is, the longest wait he's had in all this was the week to get the GP appointment that started it all rolling! Bad side is, this is on top of his wife dying last summer. Plus both my paternal grandparents died of cancer, as did one of Dad's sisters, so it just feels a bit AARRGGHH right now.
 

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Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
You're taking the Tragically Hip?!?!

FUCK
YOU
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Totally!

Kind of impressive that they are doing a farewell tour in response.

[ 30. May 2016, 15:00: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
 

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Posted by HughWillRidmee (# 15614) on :
 
I don't know if this has been said - in case it hasn't......

Every man has a (roughly) one in eight chance of prostate cancer; unless his father or brother has been so diagnosed in which case it becomes two in eight. If two such kin are sufferers the chance is five in eight - 6-4 on!

My son and my nephews have been advised to have annual PSA checks from age 45. Unfortunately not the best of tools but apparently all there currently is. Sometimes there are no symptoms (nor abnormal PSA scores) until stage 4 but checking is still the only sensible option.

A year ago the chair of a committee fostering high-quality education in the county was diagnosed with a cancer which kills 95% of sufferers within twelve months of diagnosis. A dedicated, caring and highly-respected person, a wife, a full-time teacher and a parent to two teenagers.

A couple of weeks ago I thrice in half-an-hour observed a lady sobbing in the hospital coffee-shop. Subsequently she was leafing through Macmillan leaflets: as no-one else was around I spoke to her - turned out she had a mastectomy two years ago and went through the horrors of chemotherapy. That day she'd been in for an Ultrasound scan to determine if a shadow was simply an infection; the outcome was an appointment for a CT scan the next day! She wasn't too concerned about explaining the situation to her fourteen year old daughter, she was having difficulty composing herself so that she could pick up her five year old son from school. She's thirty-seven and had been "clear" long enough for the cruel deception of hope to make her even more emotionally vulnerable.

Yes cancer SUCKS, but it isn't capable of wickedness - that requires sentience. Allowing evil to happen to others when one can prevent it - that's wicked. I cannot work out why intelligent people persist in pretending that being a god magically absolves an (almost certainly) imaginary being from being the repugnant, repulsive puppet-master that is exposed by its behaviour.
 

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Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
I get Fuck cancer.
I get Fuck God for cancer.
I get (sort of) Fuck theodicy.
I do not get Fuck people's spirituality. It is part of their being, their intactness. I see a lot of death from cancer. I wouldn't underestimate the value of spirituality*.

*Spirituality may or may not correspond with religion.

And I am over cancer. Too many, too young, too incessant.
 

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Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by HughWillRidmee:
I cannot work out why intelligent people persist in pretending that being a god magically absolves an (almost certainly) imaginary being from being the repugnant, repulsive puppet-master that is exposed by its behaviour.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:

quote:

---

Originally posted by HughWillRidmee:
I cannot work out why intelligent people persist in pretending that being a god magically absolves an (almost certainly) imaginary being from being the repugnant, repulsive puppet-master that is exposed by its behaviour.

---

We aren't pretending. We really believe in a good God, just as surely as we believe in damn horrible fucking EVIL cancer. (Why yes, I've had three cases among my immediate family this year, thank you, and three-four more among others I love. This isn't theoretical for me.)

If you think there is a God, then you can yell at him. If you think there is no God, then you can get on with whatever works for you. But it makes no sense to try to blame what you consider a non-existent being for evil behavior--and then to blame those who trust in this supposedly nonexistent being for their faith.

How is it hurting you? Why tell us we are pretending, and blame us for it to boot? If we actually WERE pretending, it would be so much easier to give up the paradoxical question of WHY and just settle into atheism. But we can't. Because we aren't pretending. It's real. And we're stuck with the conflict. Sucks to be us, right?

So why make things worse?

---

Preamble

Firstly – I’ve been away and first read this a couple of days ago. I slept on it before starting to reply. (my brain seems to work better when I let it get on with the thinking rather than trying to direct it).

Secondly – I wasn’t seeking to be offensive – just as you believe in a good god I believe that people who do so are usually pretending (making a claim which is untrue). I did not, and would not, mean to imply that this is (generally) a conscious deception. I know many people, including close family, who clearly and undoubtedly genuinely believe that there is a loving, caring and good god – and more, many think (they say “know”) that they have a “personal relationship” with this deity.

Thirdly – Although this is not the first draft it is probably not exactly what I mean it to be – I think (hope?) it may be possible to improve it by exposing my thoughts to critical assessment.

If you think there is a God, then you can yell at him Venting can be helpful in releasing tension – I don’t think you need to have a concept of god(s) to do so.

But it makes no sense to try to blame what you consider a non-existent being for evil behavior--and then to blame those who trust in this supposedly nonexistent being for their faith. Blame? – from whence cometh blame? I am, for a reason, unable to understand something that other people do, that’s all.

I am not blaming god – it seems to me that those who believe in him must accept that he is, actively and/or passively, accountable for everything that happens – at least if they believe in a god who a) started everything and b) knew how it was going to play out before he started it.

Since I don’t believe in him the most I can say is that, were such a god to exist, it would be demonstrating qualities which don’t equal “good” in my understanding of the word.

If you knew that I caused my partner physical and/or emotional pain (or allowed others to do so even though I could prevent it), if you knew that I allowed situations to occur where harming her was inevitable and if you knew that I could make her life so much better than it is (like cure her arthritis) but refused to do so – would you consider me to be “good”? Even if I told you that I love her, that I wanted to share eternity with her and that I’m incapable of doing wrong – would you believe me? Would you really think me “good”?

But you believe that your god is “good”.

I fail to understand how that is possible. Not the “good” – the “believe”!

I know some people can compartmentalise conflicting elements of their life in order to avoid the consequences of cognitive dissonance – I don’t seem able to do so. Is that what it takes?

I, frankly, don’t understand how you think that I’m blaming believers for anything. I’m admitting to a lack of understanding, I’m perplexed. I think that there is an unbridgeable gulf between such belief and what I see around me. If someone can bridge that gap – great; so far all I’ve ever been offered is, in differing guises, that I’m not capable of understanding so I shouldn’t try. Actually that’s where I am, I’m not capable and I’ve stopped trying – because I came to what, to me, is the only possible rational outcome – non-belief in the existence of a logically impossible being.

How is it hurting you? Belief in things that are needless, without foundation and rationally impossible harms us all. It harms the individual, it harms the individual’s family, it harms the individual’s friends, their acquaintances, their immediate social environment, humanity and the universe. (Ask and I’ll offer justification for each of those claims). Such belief also exposes human beings to mismanagement by those who will use our evolutionarily developed frailties to make us dependant, to steal our time, our emotions, our effort and our money and to control the many for the benefit of the few. Yes, I accept that superstitious belief is not the only way this happens – but two wrongs never made a right did they?

Why tell us we are pretending, and blame us for it to boot? If we actually WERE pretending, it would be so much easier to give up the paradoxical question of WHY and just settle into atheism. But we can't. Because we aren't pretending. It's real. And we're stuck with the conflict. Why, because I think you are pretending – not deliberately but pretending none-the-less. We know that the human brain survives by telling us(itself) stories which we think are real, memory is a story hung on a few “bullet points”; we maintain our sanity by using techniques such as confirmation bias to avoid facing reality/the pain of cognitive dissonance and therefore further embed our preconceived preferences.

Once we have an investment in an idea, as with a person or a business venture, we, as all successful con-men know, naturally seek support for it and ignore that which disagrees with our preferred version of reality. Religion is learned, based on our inherited survival traits; it suborns behaviour developed as a protection and turns it to work against us – rather like the war-time double agent or, perhaps more appropriate to this thread, the hi-jacking of necessary and normally beneficial cell-division processes which then lead to cancer.

I’m not sure what you mean is “real”. Your belief perhaps? – but belief is, by definition, not real - it’s belief. We believe that we are in love with someone, we are convinced, we have no doubt, we tell everyone who will listen that we have found our one-true-love; and then a traumatic event occurs and we realise that the person we loved is not the person we loved. That we loved an image (aka a pretence) which, jointly, we had crafted to satisfy our emotional needs and that the real person was not capable of matching the fantasy figure we had so totally invested in. There are grounds for suggesting that religious devotion is akin to romantic love.

I suspect that religious conviction is due to our natural (for the majority at least) desire to give and receive love being re(mis?)directed to a fantasy figure which will (can?) never let us down. A figure whose characteristics are so malleable that it fits our deepest needs. As we become ever more invested, we are more and more prepared (not prepared perhaps – more like subconsciously able to submit to the need to?) to compromise our critical thought process in order to maintain the imagined worth of our investment.

Yes – the investment is real – that doesn’t mean the concept in which we invest is though – does it?

Sucks to be us, right? Yup. I dealt with it by jumping down off the fence – I appreciate that it is not easy and that the tendrils of the indoctrination that I received as a child are insidious. Even now in my dotage the consequences of my upbringing sometimes have a malevolent influence on me and those I associate with. Fortunately my home was sufficiently fundamental that the inconsistencies were plain to me even in my early teens, but I’ve a sibling (better educated, better qualified than I) who is still entrapped by the nonsense we were force-fed.

So why make things worse? The implication is that by stating that I think religious belief requires pretence I somehow made things worse for those affected by cancer?

Worse for who? – the cancer sufferer who may, in extremis, be tempted to forgo scientific processes and rely on prayer? How can anything make the “There’s good news and there’s bad news” (been there) better? The friends and family who are suffering and whose cognitive dissonance adds to the distress already felt?

I know that people can get temporary relief from the belief that ”we’ll all meet up in heaven” etc. but that is only because they have been frightened into submission by the irrational, illogical and unsupported ideas of god(s)/heaven/hell/sin/redemption. Remove the fear and death becomes a comfort, a natural passage into non-existence outside memory and imagery. Why continue the error when removing it would be so much better – we could provide people with a broken leg a lifetime supply of wheelchairs but usually we try to mend the leg.

I know how it feels within the bubble - I was there once – a long time ago; for me the view from outside is liberating, is truly awesome and is a heck of a lot more fun. I’d like for everybody to experience the personal freedom (and yes – the responsibility also) that comes from stepping through the wall of the bubble – encouraging those inside to remain trapped would be immoral wouldn’t it?
 

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Posted by nickel (# 8363) on :
 
I am expecting to hear bad news from a dear sister -- her lab report is expected no later than Tuesday. From the symptoms she's shared there's not much hope it's anything but an aggressive cancer. So spending a last day or two praying for a good lab report, but expecting to need a "fuck cancer!" card. If not Hallmark, maybe Etsy? Damn x3 at least.
 

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Posted by Landlubber (# 11055) on :
 
Nickel and sister for you during the waiting (which might need a place of its own in hell)
 

---

Posted by HughWillRidmee (# 15614) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by nickel:
I am expecting to hear bad news from a dear sister -- her lab report is expected no later than Tuesday. From the symptoms she's shared there's not much hope it's anything but an aggressive cancer. So spending a last day or two praying for a good lab report, but expecting to need a "fuck cancer!" card. If not Hallmark, maybe Etsy? Damn x3 at least.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Hughwillridmee, why are you insisting on dropping this cowpie in the middle of a thread focusing on cancer? We've had the "God is a jerk" discussion a zillion times both in Purg and in Hell; and we've had "believers are idiots" just as often. Go start your thread there. Don't hijack this one.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by HughWillRidmee:
I'm seriously interested in why intelligent people believe things that, to me, are irrational - after all it could be me that's wrong.

---

Getting the feeling that your belief in the statement 'it could be me that's wrong' is not entirely sincere.

And why interested only in what 'intelligent' people believe? By whose classification is 'intelligent' being defined? And are the 'unintelligent' (eg, those of a lower IQ) of less worth in terms of their value judgements and articles of faith/non-faith?

Don't get me wrong. I share some of your questioning. Many people of faith express exactly the same doubts and conflicts. Many people lose their faith because of experiences with illness. In fact, I'd go so far to say that 'intelligent' people of faith ought to be severely tested in their belief in a good God by such things, if they have any depth to their faith at all.

But I do smell the farty hint of an 'if you're supposed to be so smart how come you're stupid enough to believe in obvious crap' seeping out of some of the corners of your post. Having serious and conscientious efforts at holding one's life together in the face of the death of loved ones labelled as 'usually pretending' and then qualifying this with the further comment that believers are even too stupid to know they're pretending to themselves is just all kinds of wrong.
 

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Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
I've started a new thread so we can focus on cancer here.

For the 6 year old girl with whom I shared jokes, who can no longer hug her mum. And the four weeks of daily sitting and struggling with pain, physical and existential.
For the parents, 60, 70, 80 years old who have sat with their children and watched them die.
For the 33 certificates this month.

Fuck you cancer.
 

---

Posted by Gamaliel (# 812) on :
 
I looked at this thread with trepidation. My wife has been diagnosed with incurable cancer.

They can treat and control it but not cure it.

We are one of many. So many.
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Hate those bastards.

They can take the future, but they can't take now.
 

---

Posted by SvitlanaV2 (# 16967) on :
 
Gamaliel, I'm very sorry to hear about your wife.

I really hate cancer. Far too much of it in my family.

[ 10. August 2016, 00:07: Message edited by: SvitlanaV2 ]
 

---

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :
 
Well , that does suck. My best wishes to you both.
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gamaliel:
I looked at this thread with trepidation. My wife has been diagnosed with incurable cancer.

They can treat and control it but not cure it.

We are one of many. So many.

---

Gamaliel, I am so sorry. May it go well.
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
Ah, shit.
Come and rail with us.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Yeah, for real.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gamaliel:
I looked at this thread with trepidation. My wife has been diagnosed with incurable cancer.

They can treat and control it but not cure it.

We are one of many. So many.

---

But you have every right to curse and swear and yell at it - it deserves it. Remember (quoted from an earlier thread):

Cancer is so limited that:

It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit
 

---

Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :
 
Very sorry to hear that Gamaliel. Prayers for you and your wife.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Gamaliel, nothing that I can say can plumb the depths of sorrow, but prayers for you both and your family
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Mate.
 

---

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:

Cancer is so limited that:

It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot corrode faith
It cannot destroy peace
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot suppress memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot steal eternal life
It cannot conquer the spirit

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gamaliel:
Thanks folks.

It means a lot.

Firenze, can I steal your quote?⁴&

---

Gladly. It is one crash course in mindfulness.
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
So sorry about your wife, Gamaliel.
 

---

Posted by Landlubber (# 11055) on :
 
for the whole Gamaliel family.

Gamaliel, if needed, may howling or swearing here give you the strength to go back to do everything you need to do.
 

---

Posted by Nick Tamen (# 15164) on :
 
for your wife and for you, Gamaliel.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Well my friends. I'm having a scare And my blood pressure may reveal the all clear at the autopsy!

First thing tomorrow THE EXAMINATION! Not for the first time. Talk of cameras in IMPOSSIBLE places.

And when I say scare, I am almost paralysed with fear Not enough to stop me typing unfortunately.

One day at a time and all that. With theory meeting reality. Fascinating!

Night, night.
 

---

Posted by Nick Tamen (# 15164) on :
 


Praying that you can sleep, Martin, and that all goes well tomorrow.
 

---

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :
 
They can use extra Vaseline if you ask nicely... good luck, old man.
 

---

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
That sux Martin. Hope it goes well for you.

Huia
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Thanks guys. 95% reassuring but still jittery after a night from this place. The BP down, heartrate & O2 normal. Bloods & pee taken.

THE DRE!!!!!

My 2nd. The 1st was about 6 years ago. I had to bite my lip as afterwards the very good looking male doctor said something positive (... not that) and I wanted to say 'Oooooh doctor, you say the nicest things.'. He looked a tad old school. Not like Andre Romelle Young. Mentioned it to my counsellor who was relieved I hadn't.

Keep taking the antibiotics. Results in a week and camera work to follow even if inconclusive.

So I won't die today. Of whatever it is. Most likely nothing apparently. Rarely inoperable bladder cancer, I was told with a smile when I said I assumed that, being the worst case.

The joys eh?

One day I'll be right.
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
A Winners' Dinner last night in that all of us have either survived/ are surviving with cancer. But melancholy in speaking of all our contemporaries who have not, or look unlikely to.

I THAT in heill was and gladnèss
Am trublit now with great sickness
And feblit with infirmitie:—
Timor Mortis conturbat me
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Firenze

I talked to God a lot through the night, including surreally in an open manner - I try to do adult-adult, interspersed with the Jesus prayer! Being grateful, seeking courage, deciding on I'd rather be more briefly comfortable than less briefly uncomfortable, whittled away if it comes to it - telling Him that I feel like I believe in Him, that the Jesus story works, but I have no confidence at all in the resurrection, in my threatened existence being more real than this.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Martin60 and Firenze plus scream and rant!
 

---

Posted by Gamaliel (# 812) on :
 
Bugger ... (perhaps not the right word when we're talking about insertions ...) but I am sorry to hear this Martin60.

I've got to go for a standard check-up now I'm gone 55 to check that I haven't got bowel cancer and the prospect doesn't fill me with glee. I hate medical appointments at the best of times and tend to faint at needles and tubes.

I hope I'm in the clear, though, I wouldn't want us to become Cancer Couple, even if it would provide even closer solidarity with Mrs Gamaliel as she undergoes chemo.

Her hair's beginning to fall out now and she can get depressed and - understandably - very upset. The Gamalielettes continue to be a source of joy and strength and they've been helping their mother choose wigs and chemo hats.

Yes, it's grim, but I haven't felt the need to shout and holler down here yet. That may yet come ...


 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gamaliel:
I've got to go for a standard check-up now I'm gone 55 to check that I haven't got bowel cancer and the prospect doesn't fill me with glee. I hate medical appointments at the best of times and tend to faint at needles and tubes.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Thanks guys. 95% reassuring but still jittery after a night from this place. The BP down, heartrate & O2 normal. Bloods & pee taken.

THE DRE!!!!!

My 2nd. The 1st was about 6 years ago. I had to bite my lip as afterwards the very good looking male doctor said something positive (... not that) and I wanted to say 'Oooooh doctor, you say the nicest things.'. He looked a tad old school. Not like Andre Romelle Young. Mentioned it to my counsellor who was relieved I hadn't.

Keep taking the antibiotics. Results in a week and camera work to follow even if inconclusive.

So I won't die today. Of whatever it is. Most likely nothing apparently. Rarely inoperable bladder cancer, I was told with a smile when I said I assumed that, being the worst case.

The joys eh?

One day I'll be right.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gamaliel:
Ok, that's reassuring.

I think the idea on this thread is that we give cancer Hell, rather than one another.

---

Indeed.

You know what they call a long black flexible tube with an arsehole at each end?

A colonoscope.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Well. Slightly elevated PSA. Therefore a referral in a month. To check for prostate and bladder cancer. Back to numbering my days again It'll have been the booze and fags.

A week ago last night, Sunday, what came in to relief (what a cruel word!) for me is that I have faith in God, but not in the resurrection. Which is absurd I know. So I prayed about it just now, which I rarely do on my knees, eyes closed, but hey, the anxiety is high. A few tears in the shower before. What do we do about my 86 year old mother who lives with us? My poor wife is a head teacher with years to go. I'm the carer. If I'm gone in a year or so, she would have to give up her job to deal with my deteriorated mother. Loss upon loss in parallel with loss.

What to pray for? The sure and certain hope of the resurrection. Not for magic. But even that ... seems unreasonable, to ask for the peace that passes understanding along with all my fears and anxiety, when so many don't have that option.

To ask for the headspace of faith, the confidence of faith, the courage of faith.

Does anybody mind my sharing this here? I always thought that I would.

I went to bed bemused by evil, Evil rather, the demonic realm, Satan the Devil. That that is all so integral to Jesus' story, the gospel, including Jesus' post-resurrection discourse. Yet it is so unreal to us now. As is the afterlife. As are all claims to me but the minimal, deconstructed, postmodernized ones of Jesus.

And yet ...

I had a particularly lurid night of dreams in which I felt hypnopompically complicit. No, I don't put that down to transpersonal evil, but it's all in the strange turbulent stream of life. As the three days of bleeding had stopped after last Tuesday, half way through the antibiotics, I was far less anxious. Then after the night of bad dreams in which I was bad and a phone call from the doctor the anxiety is fired up.

And all the anecdotal evidence (there is more; how can I put it, a strong, intimate correlation) and elevated PSA has coalesced to sit in my gut, as it may well for the rest of my days

Thanks guys.
 

---

Posted by Nick Tamen (# 15164) on :
 
Martin.
 

---

Posted by sabine (# 3861) on :
 
Martin, I so feel for you right now. May the Holy Spirit be at your side as you walk this path.

sabine
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Martin. Nothing I can say, but
 

---

Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :
 
Martin, you aren't in miracle-needing-territory here. The odds are still good. I'll pray too though.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
You guys are AWESOME. Thank you for letting me wimp out here. I can't with my family obviously.
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
{{{{{{{{Everyone}}}}}}}}

Re colonoscopies: I've had one. IME, the prep (cleaning-out process, over several days.) was much worse than the procedure. They put me completely out. I'd met the doc previously and trusted her, and we'd talked over various concerns I had. She took my concerns seriously, which helped a lot.

Around here, they won't let you go home on your own, not even in a cab. If you don't have someone you know who can pick you up and take you home, sometimes there's a medical ride service available, for which there's a charge. Sometimes, the doctor's office can arrange a discount.

FWIW, YMMV.
 

---

Posted by Latchkey Kid (# 12444) on :
 
I have had colonoscopies every 5 years for the last 15 years. The preparation system cleanout is still the worst part, but now definitely more palatable (sic).

Praying that things go well for you Martin60.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
Martin - fight the good fight; also the other one. We are with you. Three years ago I was on a similar trip and vented here a quite a few times among people who didn't know me - one or two, perhaps - but who could just be be part of what felt like a safety net. The dreams and hallucinations under extreme stress seem to be part of the package: I don't know any antidote to them except perhaps to occupy the mind by keeping as busy as possible - not always easy. I had some unlucky medication interactions that might have been partly to blame, so that's something to look out for.

I still don't believe that prayer on its own makes cancer or anything else go away, but I do know with certainty that it helps you gather the strength to deal with it, and it gathers the people to help you do that

Colonoscopies... I've just had my sixth. Anyone done better than that? That's something that has improved a lot since the old BOHICA procedure.
 

---

Posted by SvitlanaV2 (# 16967) on :
 
Martin60

Gosh, that's very tough. Those are the two cancers I've seen here at home. I hope and pray things will work out well for you and your family.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Well, the urgent referral came today, for scan, X-ray and CAMERA UP THE WILLY!!! A week today.

My anxiety levels went ape, just less than a raving ab-dab. Cried in the shower. A bit like the 8 second meltdown the doctor allows himself in Lost. Talked to God because I know He'll understand ... Posted on Kerg. Theology that ends with Jesus' ascension just don't work no more! But I filled the forms in and just finished making my observations, which I started before going walkies and interacting with my excellent Muslim neighbours, The Ahmeds at Number 7. Met two Triangle friends in the park, one a frail alcoholic church volunteer and the other a robust guest. That all got me out of myself.

And finishing off my layman's clinical observations and correlations to the conclusion that I reckon I have prostate cancer at least has left me quite positive here! Feeling quite chipper. It's most weird. Monday-Tuesday, after the shock of the PSA reading, I calmed down quickly too. I had to keep telling myself 'You are dying you know!'. I'll be able to keep it from the missus until Saturday night ... Let the reader understand. I might just have to man up and NOT tell her. Know what I mean?

If anyone wants to get Hellish with my self indulgence here, please do. Really.

Off to get some super glue and clock up another 6K paces to my 10K a day minimum. Only 8K yesterday, but I did paint the shed. Ruined a pair of shorts and a nice blue T-shirt. Ijit. And broke the wife's Russell Hobbes slow cooker pot and lid by using it as a weight on the George Foreman Lean Mean Grillin' Machine. Ordered the bits. Do they do prostates? Averaging 12K a day this month.

I haven't been this fit for years! My weight is at its lowest for at least four. And that's not due to cancer. That may change And I did smile there. One must. I won't be smiling next Wednesday morning that's for sure!

The real blow is what do we watch now that we've watched all four seasons of Homeland on Netflix?

Top of my bucket list: next summer walk up the Rio Chillar from Nerja to Frigiliana. If I'm spared that long, I will. And to top that, I want to climb Gran Sasso after peeing in Il Duce's toilet.
 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
Martin - camera up the willy is NOTHING. Just ask for valium and shut your eyes is what I do. It certainly isn't as uncomfortable as a catheter

All the best. The fact that they are doing it stat is a good thing. The longer you wait the worse it gets.
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Settle yourself. Cameras up the chimney and willy are pretty common. Had 'em both. I still pee standing up. And even if it's the BIG C, they don't do much for prostate anyway. Get yourself from green tea or some other recommended vile liquids after. The most they do is carve a bigger channel for urine to freely flow such that you get up less frequently to pee at night, or perhaps kill the prostate off by giving you hormones, or planting little radioactive seeds in the stupid thing. But most of the time it is "watchful waiting", which means they have probed your junk and then they declare "nothing to see here folks, move on home".

I have no idea of the situation where you live, but urologists aren't busy enough here (the one speciality with quite enough consultants) and it seems they haven't pulled on a dingle-berry they haven't wanted to rotor-route out.

I recommend that when they offer you the drugs for the procedure, you request a double. It's always good to ask if beer is an acceptable part of the liquid diet before hand.

X-posted with Pete. I like fentanyl myself, as a surgical drug it's the best.

[ 14. September 2016, 16:42: Message edited by: no prophet's flag is set so... ]
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Ah Hell, I was just out clocking up 12K and planning Ward's Stone for October with muh boys.

Now you're telling me I'll see Xmas?

I didn't take drugs for the camera darn uh frote. I wish I bloody had.

A double Valium on the rocks then? Will I be able t walk home?
 

---

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :
 
Don't forget to ask for the DVD.
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
I'd personally avoid watching the DVD myself, but you do want the TV remote and to use it to direct and torment the household as long as possible with your plaintive wails of pain. The pain may be real or fake. The point is to use it man. Manipulate others with your suffering. Real or otherwise. You can make them watch the DVD as an aid to manipulation of them.

It doesn't matter if you can walk home. Get them to wheelchair you to the door of the hospital and carry you to the car. You need to plead complete disablement and milk it all very hard for about 3 days, until those who are waiting upon you hand and foot catch you walking without wincing and you get tired of moaning.

I'm sure I'm advising one or more of the 7 deadly sins here, and that's the point. Sin hard and long, man. Enjoy it!
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
I mean, here I am wimping out and all you real men out there have been dah-ing about this for years.

I will die of SHAME for being such a wuss here before the BIG-C gets me.
 

---

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
No one dealt the big C can ever be called a wuss to my way of thinking.
Just hope things... Well you know, turn out
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Martin, Martin, Martin, 60, 60, 60 - of course you can wimp out. Just pretend other things some of the time. You know - be yourself, but if that isn't working, be someone else.

I expect you have the usual lumpy mouldy festering mango between the pee and poo equipment. You may have "weird cells" or something else of that ilk. That's the generic findings my friend. Probably not full blown devils with pitchforks roasting your testicles to then eat them up, and preparing for a second course of sausage or tripe. But it will fine whatever the findings are.

We are all terrible wimps, crying like babies, wanting to suck the milk of human kindness at Jesus's big maternal tit of love. It's okay, do that for a while, then do the pretend, like break something (preferably something you don't need, like or want, and isn't anyone else's). Or throw stones. Or scream (though in a low pitched manly voice).
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Ha. Wait til they start excising your giblets through more orifices than you knew you had (plus a few extra they punch for the purpose).

These are not the cancers to worry about. Believe me. There are much, much, much worse.
 

---

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :
 
Martin - always be yourself. Unless you can be Batman. Then always be Batman.
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
Or Carrie Matheson.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
I mean, here I am wimping out and all you real men out there have been dah-ing about this for years.

I will die of SHAME for being such a wuss here before the BIG-C gets me.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
I mean, here I am wimping out and all you real men out there have been dah-ing about this for years.

I will die of SHAME for being such a wuss here before the BIG-C gets me.

---

3 years ago I lost my Bro in Law to prostate C. No shame Martin No shame. And the bastard hasn't got you.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
S T says it for me Martin. Whatever it takes to get through mate.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Feeling diffident to say the least about expressing myself this way on this thread. Hijacking Hell for my CBT. Perhaps I should bugger off to All Saints, but neither Prayers of the Faithful nor Praise and Thanksgiving cover it. I don't feel very faithful - the worst for I don't know how long, ever in a sense, this is uncharted territory - and do not believe that God (whom I only now reach out to because of the Jesus story which took a battering this week on Kerygmania, a battering I gave it) changes the laws of physics for our personal convenience. I don't want anyone praying for that. I could nonetheless praise Him and be thankful regardless, so maybe that's the thread to go to. As long as I can express it like this?

The All Saints threads are full of people going through hell. I don't want to add to it with my doubt.

Talking of which: whichever way one looks at it, with or without meaning conferred by the existence of God, reality is very strange indeed. The realisation I had recently that physical reality is infinite and eternal regardless of God is the 'problem'. This is Purgatorial I realise. Where the Hell should I go with this?

It means that our infinitesimal anthropocentric story, including the Incarnation, is that. Is that God is truly, as ever, infinitely vast and deep and full of such infinitesimals.

That if He is, He is that AND truly omnipresent, immanent throughout infinite creation.

And the only evidence that He is, is IN the Jesus story.

SO, I realised in the park, I cannot know. Therefore I must be kind regardless. I must take Pascal's wager in that regard. It's not that I might as well believe. It's that I might as well be a decent human being. HAH! Who then will save me from this body of ... death?

Time to hoover for the weekend. And see what I will say at Triangle tonight when asked in the circle what I have to be grateful for this week. What I dread is people offering to pray for magic. That I have to carry them all in that. Ah well God has a funny sense of humour that's for sure.

There's always Waving, Not Drowning I suppose.

[ 16. September 2016, 14:34: Message edited by: Martin60 ]
 

---

Posted by sabine (# 3861) on :
 
Martin, I don't really think there is one way to pray or one way to carry the burden of life's troubles. Each one of us is stumbling through our time on earth as best as we can.

And we are reaching out to God (or not) as best as we can.

I'm glad you feel safe on the Ship and on this thread to let us all share your experience with you in love.

Many blessings; I will carry you in my heart today.

sabine
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
You guys are bloody WONDERFUL.

And yeah, Carrie Matheson is the greatest warrior. She pulled Saul back from giving up and killing a child in the process.

Triangle went well. It did my faith good. I had to encourage everyone. Cuh. Fuh.
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
No one is wonderful here. What do you mean accusing people of CBT? Of being helpful. WTF!! This is burning truth via lies and deceit.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
May have posted this before. It was good during some dark times.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
I'm multiply ... embarrassed. Ashamed. So many people here have been here before me and been stoic. Apart from those myriads I've ignored on All Saints.

And what an ijit I'm being about discovering that God is a tad bigger than I thought, as if that dilutes Him homeopathically across the infinite eternal cosmos which He immanently pervades and transcendently encompasses.

He was more real to me when the universe felt like a one off half way through eternity. And that it was empty but for us because of the foolishness of Fermi's paradox. So there was only one Incarnation and an angelic realm is more allowable.

I found I need a local, tribal, small, personal God, mysterious beyond THE finite universe.

How silly. How childish.

Fermi's paradox is resolved by the limits of technology, materials science, physics, economics. The materials necessary for a space elevator cannot be synthesized. The galaxy crawls with life and the distances are utterly insurmountable for physical communication, just theoretically feasible for detection. By spectroscopy.

Each of the practically infinite number of sapient species in our bubble must have had an Incarnation.

Which makes God ... complex. Especially as the Son.

There are infinite practically infinitely inhabited universes.

There always have been.

If there are angels and demons they must be local. To our world. To each world. Of the infinite worlds. The accounts of them are of very localized creatures that are not eternal. They don't do parallel processing, any of the omnis by far. But they are 4D.

Why should I give them the time of day? Jesus did. Big time. After His resurrection in Mark.

Just musing. Tell me to muse elsewhere.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Mused off to Purg. The musing is a heightened consequence of existential threat, the suction of cancer, but is a point of departure.

What remains is that there are a lot of very courageous people here and there have been much more. I keep thinking of Ken.

Off to check on a very nicely fruiting Tree of Heaven.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
You BASTARDS! They drove a whole BBC Inside Broadcasting Unit up my WILLY!!!
 

---

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :
 
Some people, eh? Just remember: that's someone's fetish.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
You BASTARDS! They drove a whole BBC Inside Broadcasting Unit up my WILLY!!!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
You BASTARDS! They drove a whole BBC Inside Broadcasting Unit up my WILLY!!!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Feeling diffident to say the least about expressing myself this way on this thread. Hijacking Hell for my CBT. Perhaps I should bugger off to All Saints, but neither Prayers of the Faithful nor Praise and Thanksgiving cover it. I don't feel very faithful - the worst for I don't know how long, ever in a sense, this is uncharted territory - and do not believe that God (whom I only now reach out to because of the Jesus story which took a battering this week on Kerygmania, a battering I gave it) changes the laws of physics for our personal convenience. As long as I can express it like this?

---

Martin, I'm so glad you didn't post your story in All Saints. I rarely go there, (it's just not me,) yet I needed to hear something like this right now and it did me bunches of good. As you say, it's uncharted territory and fear of the unknown is a big part of the Big C-fear. No I don't have a prostate or a willy, but WebMD, to whom I had turned for a reassuring, "It's probably lactose intolerance," turned on me and told me that if I answered "Yes," to 6 out of 8 "Do you have this?" questions for something much worse, I probably did. So now I'm waiting for that first GP appointment that you said was step one on your first post here.

Somehow it's good to know that I wont have to make a lot of decisions, but can just go for the tests ordered, one by one, wait for results, in the hands of the doctors, with optional crying in the shower.

Of course I'd far, far rather you didn't have this going on at all, but I really appreciate your sharing. I eagerly await your (our) "It was nothing serious!" post.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Twilight. It does give one a bit of a workout in all emotional directions for sure! If I could plot mine on a graph it would look like a seismograph reading. Keep us posted. Let it ALL hang out, this is Hell dash it all.
 

---

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
Twilight, I am hoping you are badly mistaken, that you missed the paragraph that said, This only occurred in Stone Age Outer Mongolia or something. But then I try to stave off the realisation of bad things.

This whole thread makes me want to stamp my foot and shout, "If I were God thinks would be better organised."

But I'm not.( just as well really, things would be even more stuffed up than they are).

Please do let us know.

Huia
 

---

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
You BASTARDS! They drove a whole BBC Inside Broadcasting Unit up my WILLY!!!

---

I don't even have one, I'm crossing my legs.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Huia, I always awfulize, rationally I say. I find the anxiety and fears attenuate, whether they are realised or not. Paradoxically I don't anticipate events until they happen. I get numb until they happen. But I internally tell their story, extrapolate to them, explore and weigh them. I have to. I don't imagine what they will feel like. The imagining of them is horror enough. Lying in bed thinking that the hour glass is running out is enough. I have to think all the contingencies. The first night I got to being comfortable, dignified, painless was paramount. Non-negotiable. If that couldn't be obtained, I'd refuse nutrition and even ask to be put in a coma. That helped believe it or not.

God can do nothing more or less.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
Dear Dr ******, Please do not ever use the 'R' word - remission - in front of me again, or I will hit you. It will hurt. Remission is a threat; it means there is someone standing behind me with a gun, and I don't know if it's loaded or not. Try using the phrase,"No Evidence of Disease", or NED, which is accurate and unambiguous. I don't mind being a ned; it's a lot better than cancer.
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
How does anyone get through cancer without having an anger-stroke. Bad tempers and strokes run in my family so that's one reason I don't get as frightened as some people do when it looks like the Big C. Deep down, I just don't think that's the bullet with my name on it.

But still. The delays. We're told so many stories about the importance of catching cancer early yet the powers that be, the receptionists on permanent power trips, have no...sense... of...urgency... at...all.

Three times in my life I found breast lumps, went straight to my doctor, had him say, "Hmmm, better get that biopsied," Only to wait months for the surgeon's schedule to fit me in.

This time my symptoms are in a less sexy area so I'll spare you, but they started about two months ago, after one month of waiting for them to go away, I called my doctor, after two weeks, I got in to see him, he sent a referral for a test and said I would be called in a few days. After four days I called the number he gave me in Cincinnati and they said, "Yes, we have the referral and we'll be calling you with your appt." I called back after four more days and the grouch who answered said I should have been calling some other number. I called that number and the answering machine said, "This is the clinic at the hospital, please leave a message." I left a message but of course haven't heard back and the thing is -- I have no idea what clinic in what hospital or even what city I'm talking to. I live about an hour away from Cincinnati, Columbus, Dayton and Chillicothe and we get referred to any and all of those hospitals from our local doctors.

The good news is that all my symptoms are gone now. I should be very grateful and really I am, but the stroke risk is high today, as ever, and it's many on behalf of some of you guys.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Twilight that''s really grim
I pray you get your appointment soon
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
I WRITE to everyone concerned. I explain them all to each other. The NHS is brilliant in an emergency but a tad less joined up after that.

NEVER wait.

Phone and email are USELESS. Write. Copy all parties.

Tell us everything Twilight.
 

---

Posted by Latchkey Kid (# 12444) on :
 
NT died last month - ovarian cancer
LB died the night before last - multiple myeloma
P will die before Christmas - pancreatic cancer

A difficult few months.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Latchkey Kid for strength and peace
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Well. Here we are again. Second PSA test results abnormal, 6.5 (whatever that means, again I think) in 9 weeks. You guys are the first to know Haven't the courage to Google Biopsy Tuesday.

Life is going to get complicated for a while!
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Sorry Martin
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Dunno why, but that makes me smile Doone. Thank you.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
(is this allowed in Hell?)

Anyhoo....all the best, Martin. It's not just cancer that sucks, it's the waiting to find out as well (but you knew that).

IJ
 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
Prayers are always allowed on this thread. Here is one for you.


 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
Fuck brain mets.
Fuck confusion.
Fuck having to break my parents hearts and look for alternate accommodation.
Fuck cancer.

And I add my angry prayer Martin.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
I love you guys, I really do.

A fear filled night, not as bad as two months ago. You can only take so much dread. After a while it's boring. Told me BIL at a party last night as he was pissed and boring in on how other things are going - being my mother's carer. Told the missus this morning as she was busy preparing the party yesterday. She compartmentalizes like a bloke! Files it away and gets on, which is actually comforting. I won't tell me mother till I'm dead.

The missus thought something was up because I had the occasional look of dread about me. I never leak knowingly. But everyone was going on about how hard it must be losing my job and looking after my mother and I usually bluff it out but I didn't have the energy because that wasn't at the top of the spike. So BIL took me out for a ceegar. Despite this going on since September 4th the missus forgets about it, which is good. I had until the final check that everything was all right said it wasn't yesterday.

Och well.

I thought of a good line for when I'm in the hospice to the question, "How're you doing?": "It should be "How're you dying?" I think", or may be just "How'm I dying? Just fine thanks.".
 

---

Posted by Nick Tamen (# 15164) on :
 
Martin
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Martin (Braveheart)

IJ
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Oh, Martin.
 

---

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
Shit Martin, crying over my keyboard is going to cause something to short circuit or something.

Planning one-liners for the hospice shows me that while your body may be sick, your mind remains uniquely you, that is something I've always appreciated in your posts.

Huia

 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
I'll be so embarrassed if I'm alive in six months.

A year would be unforgivable.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Patdys, Patdys. Whose brain mets? One of your folks?
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Here's hoping for Martin's big day of embarrassment! May his face be red as a ripe tomato as we all tease him unmercifully, all day long.

 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:

I thought of a good line for when I'm in the hospice to the question, "How're you doing?": "It should be "How're you dying?" I think", or may be just "How'm I dying? Just fine thanks.".

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
I'll be so embarrassed if I'm alive in six months.

A year would be unforgivable.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
I'll be so embarrassed if I'm alive in six months.

---

That's okay. The rest of us will be thankful.
 

---

Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
(whatever that means, again I think)

---

It's not very high to be honest. If it's cancer it's very early. Either way you will be here in 6 months and 1 year and I'll bet you 5 pints at 1:10 odds for both time points.

(Unfortunately alcohol increases the risk of cancer but it reduces heart attacks and strokes, so balances out. In theory you could drink all 50 pints on one day and polish yourself off instantly but you won't win so the bet won't harm your health.)

Take it easy.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Sheesh. I get the dreads twice in three months and you all go 'Dah'. And I get a Mars Curiosity rover with auger driven up my willy again on Tuesday.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
And Patdys, Patdys. Tears, shaking my head. You told us about this before I recall. And again. The useless bloody tears mate.
 

---

Posted by Landlubber (# 11055) on :
 
Martin - prayers today and through yet another wait for results. (Patdys and parents, praying for you, too.)
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Yes, it's Tuesday. I hope Martin's camera up the willie procedure is accompanied by the lovely anesthesia I had with camera up the colon. My husband says I asked the doctor the same question three times and told all the nurses they were beautiful. Yes, I'm one of those, "I love you, man," drunks.

Prayers for Martin.
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Stomach. They thought it was GERD (which means acid leaks from tummy to esophagus, gastro esophagus reflex something). Now they want a scope down to take a look. I don't like the word "neoplasm". Which is what they think they're looking for now. Had the barium swallow, which is chalk that coats the guts and allows xrays. They saw something, which I hope is the frog in my throat swam down for a minute.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
no prophet's flag is set so...

Keep telling the story here.

Until I bleed again or the PSA ramps up in a six month, they won't wheel this out.
 

---

Posted by Jamat (# 11621) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
no prophet's flag is set so...

Keep telling the story here.

Until I bleed again or the PSA ramps up in a six month, they won't wheel this out.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Until I bleed again or the PSA ramps up in a six month, they won't wheel this out.

---

Could be worse...
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Doc Tor:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Until I bleed again or the PSA ramps up in a six month, they won't wheel this out.

---

Could be worse...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jamat:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
no prophet's flag is set so...

Keep telling the story here.

Until I bleed again or the PSA ramps up in a six month, they won't wheel this out.

---

Hey Martin,
You are a brave man. Not much comfort when the body falls apart. This is not all saints of course but angry thoughts and prayers at the plague!
Jamat

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
"I'll always be a part of her. Bitch bit me!". My niece wasn't ...

---

Not surprised. Disgraceful way to talk about your niece.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
And there was me thinking you are quite the gentleman Martin

[ 17. November 2016, 18:00: Message edited by: Doone ]
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
Stomach. They thought it was GERD (which means acid leaks from tummy to esophagus, gastro esophagus reflex something). Now they want a scope down to take a look. I don't like the word "neoplasm". Which is what they think they're looking for now. Had the barium swallow, which is chalk that coats the guts and allows xrays. They saw something, which I hope is the frog in my throat swam down for a minute.

---

They "saw something?" See, that makes me mad. They told you they saw something but they wont tell you exactly what for awhile. They should have just pretended total ignorance until the results come back. Jeeze.

I've had GERD (gastro esophageal reflux disease) for a few years now and it's tolerable so long as I don't do anything crazy like eat something with flavor. Every time my doctor suggests the tests you're having I say, "No no no no no, it's not that bad, I shouldn't have even mentioned it, don't bother yourself," and so on.

Let us know when you hear something.
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
No_prophet, we've been there all the way in my family, and I'm on that road personally myself. It's no fun, but even if they do find something (damn neoplasms) there is stuff they can do to try to reset the esophagus, which I did not realize from my google searching. So be of slightly better cheer.
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
This morning I have read the last two pages. No prayers from me of course , but many thoughts and hopes for outcomes that can be coped with. I understand the fears etc having had cancer many years ago.
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by SusanDoris:
This morning I have read the last two pages. No prayers from me of course , but many thoughts and hopes for outcomes that can be coped with. I understand the fears etc having had cancer many years ago.

---

Thank you, SusanDoris."Having had cancer many years ago," is one of the most encouraging phrases in the language. I was in the dentist chair, once, while waiting for a breast biopsy to come back and my hygienist causally said she had, had breast cancer a few years ago and it was really no big deal. I just loved her for that, because it wasn't the cancer I feared so much as the "big deal."
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Double posting to say I just got a call saying my polyps were negative and I don't have colon cancer after all. I feel a peculiar lightness of being rather like falling in love. Can't wait till Son gets home from work so I can tell him. He was ten times more worried than I was. Hubs, on the other hand, had forgotten all about it and couldn't imagine why the hospital would be calling me of all people. Our family in a nutshell.

I'm a little embarrassed, as Martin thinks he will be after it's all over, but I embrace the embarrassment, in fact I sort of love the embarrassment and look forward to sharing it with Martin and No Prophet and anyone else who is the least bit worried.

Prayers for all and thank you for letting me fret here.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Twilight
 

---

Posted by Helen-Eva (# 15025) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by SusanDoris:
I understand the fears etc having had cancer many years ago.

---

I also had cancer quite a few years ago, which I mention to try to add more encouragement.

Prayers for Martin60 and Patdys and family.
Hurrah for every medical development that improves the odds.

[ 18. November 2016, 21:14: Message edited by: Helen-Eva ]
 

---

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Twilight:
Double posting to say I just got a call saying my polyps were negative and I don't have colon cancer after all.

---

YES

Stay that way.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Twilight. I can't breathe. And not because of fear. I just made an 'umph' noise and cried. Bloody self-piteous projecting wimp.

[ 18. November 2016, 23:35: Message edited by: Martin60 ]
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Ken is the act to follow for me. A bloody hard one.
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
Me too, Martin, I will always miss Ken.
Thanks everybody.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
You're all bloody frauds, who the hell here HASN'T had or got a cancer scare or worse had their heart torn out by it? You're frauds because before I came along going AAAAAAARRRRRGGGHHH!!!!! OH GOD NOOOOO!!!!! you were all frightfully British about it.
 

---

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
YaY Twilight

Such good news.

Martin, I've had breast, cervical and uterine cancer scares. At no time could anyone have accused me of having a stiff upper lip, and although I'm a bit embarrassed about that I would probably react in the same way again.

I am just thankful for remaining relatively healthy and having had loving friends who have supported me through those times, and the compassionate medical staff I encountered.

Huia
 

---

Posted by ThunderBunk (# 15579) on :
 
My friend Debbie is being torn apart watching cancer tear her father's last days or weeks apart. Metastases everywhere.

Please God may the end come soon.

And fuck you so very much, cancer.
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Thanks for the posts. Lost lots to this. Thinking of them. In no particular order. 1988 best friend. 2011 best friend. 1996 uncle. 1968 grandmother. 2007 mother in law.

Daughter has flown home for a bit. We spent some time in the cemetery which holds many of them. I weirdly like cemeteries. They are comforting.

I should hear something by end of next week. Not going to church. Too much noise there. Better is contemplative quiet. Pandemonium is the capital city of Hell in Paradise Lost. I didn't understand until just now.
 

---

Posted by ThunderBunk (# 15579) on :
 
No Prophet......., prayers continuing during your vigil.
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
Yep.
 

---

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Patdys:
Yep.

---

Why is that stick man humping Cancer?
 

---

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :
 
Fuck you, cancer, for taking the life of a four-year old boy at the school I'm a governor at. For making a family go through all that apin and grief and see someone they must have so many hopes and dreams for taken from them in such a cruel manner - just fuck you.

 

---

Posted by Mad Cat (# 9104) on :
 
Ma Mad Cat has a tumour in her right lung. This after a mastectomy 8 years ago (apparently unrelated).

The radiotherapy left her with little appetite, labarynthitis and generally debilitated. The chemo started a month ago, and seemed manageable until last week: it's knackered her blood, and as a result she's had shingles on top of the labarynth-shite-is.

I've decided the tumour will be called the Donald, and that it will fuck the fuck off by being destroyed by mad fucking chemicals.

Yes, that's how this is going to work. Fuck you, the Donald. Fuck you very much.
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
So they don't know what it is. Default: gastritis. Risk for further abnormalities. Just watch it.

So it is B.S. Like the prostate and bowel B.S. I've had scares for before. The stomach one comes closer to home as this clearly runs in the family tree.

So I have a softer version of:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Twilight:
They "saw something?" See, that makes me mad. They told you they saw something but they wont tell you exactly what for awhile. They should have just pretended total ignorance until the results come back. Jeeze.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Ken is the act to follow for me. A bloody hard one.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mad Cat:
No, I'm offspring.

Pa is doing his best to pretend everything's okay. My job is to allow everyone to acknowledge that everything, or, scratch that, lots of things, are shite and in no way okay. I'm working the Job look, and sitting on the ashes cackling.

Aha. Behold the shiteness.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by rolyn:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Ken is the act to follow for me. A bloody hard one.

---

I don't want you to follow it Martin. I know that is me being selfish.

---

That is embarrassingly nice.
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
Funeral is over.
Mum died with grace and peace.
We have mourned her and honoured her.
And it was good.

And on behalf of our friends, our family and I,
screw you cancer.
You failed.
You did not destroy mum.
She died, but with integrity, poise and love.
And it is good.

My prayers for our shippies.
 

---

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :
 
Prayers for you and your family, Patdys, and may your mum rest in peace.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Patdys
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Patdys:
She died, but with integrity, poise and love.

---

That's such a blessing, both for her and for you and your last memories.


 

---

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Patdys:
You did not destroy mum.
She died, but with integrity, poise and love.
And it is good.

---

What an amazing woman.

for the family and friends she left behind.

Huia
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
Some optimistic theologian once suggested that for every pain there will come an equal and opposite blessing. If there is a blessing on its way to counter chemo-induced anxiety and brain fog, it is far over-effing-due.
 

---

Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on :
 
Found out at the weekend that, just when we thought he was out of the woods after pneumonia in December, my 86-year old father has an untreatable tumour on his oesophagus. The timing just seems to make it feel all the more sickening. I know he's got to go of something sometime, but...

AG
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Hello darkness my old friend ...
 

---

Posted by Jamat (# 11621) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Hello darkness my old friend ...

---

Not over
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
There are sometimes some little nuggets in the darkness. Like "don't buy any green bananas" said by Earl who loved bananas to his wife who didn't eat bananas. And no, Earl wasn't alive long enough after that to eat them if she'd bought them green. She died this week. I have tell my father who knew them both for 65 years (he's 90). Who I took to have more bits of him carved off and sent for pathology. Is it squamous or melanoma. Which I took rather seriously, until he mentioned that Melanoma was trumpy's wife, and we both laughed and laughed and settled that trumpy was bleeding bowel cancer. (probably you had to be there...)
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jamat:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Hello darkness my old friend ...

---

Not over

---

Thanks Jamat

I'd love to splurge all, but I don't want to piss anybody off or worse depress them I've probably done both right there!
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Hello darkness my old friend ...

---

Probably said this before somewhere, but I try to convince myself and anyone else who'll listen that this thing is an adventure; not a journey. We didn't ask for it, we didn't plan it and we sure as hell didn't buy the ticket. We don't know where it's going or how it will end. That's more adventure than journey by my reckoning. So we curse, we pray and we hang on. I find the cursing particularly helpful; clears the mind ready for the praying.
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Doc Tor:


We've all got to go of something, mate. I was coming back from Parkrun on Saturday morning - a nice healthy activity - and was almost run over on a Zebra crossing. That would have been ironic.

---

After my colon cancer worries were all gone, I went to the dentist for a routine root canal and, just as he was finishing up I had an allergic reaction known as an angioedema. My lips swelled to the size of lemons, the pressure turned my nose straight up, and the whole area from nose to under the chin turned a solid, matt black. My dentist told me to go home and apply ice then return three hours later to finish the root canal. Only after I returned, much worse, did he send me to the hospital where they all flew around, giving me shots and saying they never saw anything quite like it. They said my blood pressure was well over 200 and that people die from this if the swelling reaches their throat. I should never have been home alone for those 3 hours.

Anyway, after staying in hiding for a month I'm fairly normal now, but for a bit there, I looked like I was turning into a Rottweiler.

We just don't ever know what's around the corner. I know it made me go right off my diet.

-------------


Prayers for Martin


 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Hello darkness my old friend ...

---

Probably said this before somewhere, but I try to convince myself and anyone else who'll listen that this thing is an adventure; not a journey. We didn't ask for it, we didn't plan it and we sure as hell didn't buy the ticket. We don't know where it's going or how it will end. That's more adventure than journey by my reckoning. So we curse, we pray and we hang on. I find the cursing particularly helpful; clears the mind ready for the praying.

---

It was worth repeating ST. Thanks.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Twilight, thank you. You've been through the wars!
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Tracked down my same-aged cousin today, who is in palliative care with metastasized ovarian cancer. She has been estranged from family since the mid-1990s. I was moved to call all of the hospitals and located her on the first call! My thought was "why not", the worst is that she would hang up or eff me off. None of the above. Talked for more than an hour. She is "being made comfortable" she said. We will hopefully talk again in 2 days. Shades of my best friend who died 7 years ago - yes, of cancer. We agreed to talk in 2 days, but he had the temerity to die instead. (Still a little piqued at that boy!) What was I thinking to say "2 days"?! I'll call tomorrow I think.

No-one will be with when she dies, can I activate her siblings? Should I go? It's 2 plane rides and about 6 hours to fly. Bloody big country!

She filled me on the estrangement, about which I'd had only the other side. Maybe it will be possible to have her talk to her sibs, my cousins? Time is short, though not having talked to her myself for almost 8 years, I didn't ask about the prediction for when to die.

What a thin edge to walk on, what a cliff face below.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
For caring and trying
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Have I opened Pandora's Box? Her brother is going to call. They have only argued in the past 30 years. I an either creating additional hell or trying to bring light. Don't know which.
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by no prophet's flag is set so...:
Talked for more than an hour.

No-one will be with when she dies, can I activate her siblings? Should I go? It's 2 plane rides and about 6 hours to fly. Bloody big country!

She filled me on the estrangement, about which I'd had only the other side. Maybe it will be possible to have her talk to her sibs, my cousins? Time is short, though not having talked to her myself for almost 8 years, I didn't ask about the prediction for when to die.

What a thin edge to walk on, what a cliff face below.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
Some optimistic theologian once suggested that for every pain there will come an equal and opposite blessing. If there is a blessing on its way to counter chemo-induced anxiety and brain fog, it is far over-effing-due.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
Some optimistic theologian once suggested that for every pain there will come an equal and opposite blessing. If there is a blessing on its way to counter chemo-induced anxiety and brain fog, it is far over-effing-due.

---

Repeat. I want my old brain back. It may not be a very good one, but it's the only one I ever had, and they don't give out replacements.

---

That theologian was a shithead. And a Pollyanna. You have my deepest sympathy. I don't, yet, have cancer, so I can't sympathise with your exact situation, but about ten years ago I started gestating something and much the same thing happened. Of course many far more immediately obvious changes in my person and my life have ensued as a result, but it's my old brain I miss the most, and after a decade, I'm pretty sure it's not coming back. Is the joy of a child an equal and opposite blessing? No.
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Update on cousin. She died about 12 hours ago. The estrangement from her family ebbed and flowed over the last month. Did what I could. Very tired today.

I don't like the arranging of a post-death email and facebook. But perhaps she is more modern than I.

Ovarian cancer is apparently a sneaky thing. And a nasty thing.
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
I have not been a regular reader of this thread, but I have wondered during the past few weeks whether I'd be joining it! I have had confirmation today that a small breast lump shows ddefinite signs of cancer. I had mammogram, ultra-sound and biopsies two weeks ago. The grade and level are low and I am to take tablets - some kind of hormone I think - for three mnonths and then they will see how things are. I had a lumpectomy on the same side 30 years ago, and, well, I'm still here and very fit, so I'll just keep on tap dancing to keep up the fitness!

A close relative has been having multi chemo-therapies during the past year, but he retains a positive and philosophical attitude.
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
P.S. I have now read all the posts on this page. No prayers from me of course( ), but lots of sympathetic thoughts ...
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
My best wishes SusanDoris
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
Thank you, done.
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
Oh dear, just noticed the lack of an o!!
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
I thought you were just finished with your thank yous, Susan Doris.

I've has three, "looks like cancer," breast biopsies that weren't anything much. I'll be hoping yours are the same. Remember no doctor wants to be charged with missing something, so they err on the side of over caution. Anything odd they want to take out and look at, after awhile, in my case, they were taking out and looking at scar tissue from the last time. Heh.

Fingers crossed.

[ 04. May 2017, 14:53: Message edited by: Twilight ]
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
[twilight

Thank you! I have started taking Letrozole, so hope it works at containing and/or reducing the lump.

At tap class this morning, they all gave me a hug so I needed the extra tissues I had with me, but after that we had an active, fun hour of dancing, then went off for a coffee as usual.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Friends like those are priceless
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
SusanDoris x

Well, the second outing, or inning, of the BBC Inside Broadcasting Unit on Monday was 10x less traumatic as it just wasn't as unexpected. I still gabbled at the high point. Nothing new there. CT to follow up in some weeks.

But TODAY! Today it's Edward II all over again. They'll hear me in Berkeley Castle. I'm not just talking THE EXAMINATION, but a Mars Rover biopsy UP THE ARI/E/S!

They're going about all this arse backwards if you ask me.

A tad unintegrated, but they mean well.

[ 11. May 2017, 10:05: Message edited by: Martin60 ]
 

---

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :
 
So. Is it Curiosity or Opportunity?
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Sodding Moby Dick! 12 harpoons UP THE ARSE! You bastards. I've got to blame someone. I know how one of that pair of chocolate rabbits feels now.

Curiosity x Pequod
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
The ultimate Mafia sanction is buckwheats. Termination with eXtreme PrejuDice. Unfortunately I've survived.
 

---

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :
 
Pfft. God bless you, Martin, and all who sail in you.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
That bastard Ahab's got it coming. I know where he berths the Pequod now, Leicester General.
 

---

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :
 
So the last time I posted on here was because cancer had taken a 4 year old boy at school. Now it's taken one of the longest serving teachers as well. When they went back to school after the Easter holidays she seemed fine: then she collapsed from what was thought to be a stroke but which turned out to be a terminal brain tumour. She was given up to 3 months, but didn't even last one of them.

I suppose tears in the playground are inevitable in school life: but they should never have to be shed for something like this.

for the cancer
for her family, friends, colleagues and pupils.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Oh Stejjie

[ 14. June 2017, 08:32: Message edited by: Doone ]
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
Oh, crap. That sucks.
 

---

Posted by anoesis (# 14189) on :
 
I took my eight-year old to a specialist's appointment a couple of days ago. An appointment I had to push our GP to request, and which we waited six months to get. I expected five minutes and a polite brush-off. What we got was three-quarters of an hour of examination and note-taking, consulting with colleagues, the ordering of many tests, and at some point the phrase 'possibly a tumour' was uttered. I am not thinking too straight right now.
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Dear God please no.
 

---

Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :
 
oh, anoesis, you must be so worried. You are in my prayers.
 

---

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :
 
Hugs and prayers for you, anoesis. Many prayers.
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
for the youngster,
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Lots of prayer for you and your son
 

---

Posted by Pangolin Guerre (# 18686) on :
 

 

---

Posted by mark_in_manchester (# 15978) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on :
 
Thankfully pneumonia got my Dad on June 6th before the cancer could.

He'd have been 87 today.



If your youngster has half the fight in him that Dad had even at his age, anoesis, he'll do just fine. Sending you Dad's share of my thoughts, now he no longer needs them I'm damned if I'm wasting them.

AG
 

---

Posted by anoesis (# 14189) on :
 
Thanks, guys. Though I do have a son, this is actually my daughter we're talking about here. Perspective is returning, with the passage of days. Nothing more to report, at the moment. It is good to have some support, I am keeping mum in RL until after tests as I see no point in stressing out extra people unnecessarily.
 

---

Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on :
 
Balls, sorry, I even checked to see if you'd mentioned gender, and still got it wrong...

AG
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
a, so sorry and God be with you and your daughter and whole family

[ 21. June 2017, 10:31: Message edited by: Doone ]
 

---

Posted by Gamaliel (# 812) on :
 
Oh shit ...

My wife has it but she's in her 50s. 8 years old. No, please, no.

I hope they can do something anoesis. I really do.
 

---

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
Good for you on pushing for the appointment anoesis. Even if you're not telling many people in your life, I hope you tell enough so you can have support.

Huia
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
anoesis
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
prayers for Anoesis, her little 8 year-old girl, Gamaliel's 50-something wife, Martin, everyone who has it and everyone who's worried about it.
 

---

Posted by Nick Tamen (# 15164) on :
 

For all.
 

---

Posted by Cottontail (# 12234) on :
 
Adding my prayers to all the others, anoesis.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Checking my e-mail this afternoon I found a message from an old and very lovely friend telling me that he was given a terminal diagnosis of bowel cancer last week and he is already in a hospice. He said that he and his partner of the last 40 years are going to enter into a Civil Partnership in the next few days.

I am a bit devastated.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
WW
 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
and holding you in Light, dear friend.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
All so sudden! What a sad shock for them and WW.

 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 


I just enjoyed a ScanFest, a regular part of my life these days. The brain MRI was unchanged - the tumor they zapped last year remains shrunken, without any new friends, which is good - but the bone scan revealed that the cancer that metastasized from my breast has moved into another bit of my spine. It won't change my treatment; we may do more radiation.

It's all very tedious, but I'm still here.
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
I'm so sorry. But glad to see you here.

Since I'm on this damned thread, my sister is finishing up (we hope) her second round of chemo for the ovarian, and has been put on one of the 15K$ drugs to boot. The good news is she has apparently reconciled with my brother, so I won't have to listen quite so much (I hope) to my mother telling me how awful it is that she can't have them both for Thanksgiving, and did I know K probably will be dead by next year anyway. Which is AFAIK not true, but every time she says such a thing it just sort of destroys me. And she wonders why I don't call so often...
 

---

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:
I'm still here.

---

You'll never be gone from these annals, Ross. You are legend.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Oh, dear...
 

---

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
Well, yes. It's like that, too.
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
WW

Ross - dammit. But you are one tough cookie.

LC's sis and all who post or pray here
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
I'm ornery, anyway.
 

---

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:
I'm ornery, anyway.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:
:
It's all very tedious, but I'm still here.

---

You know, I had assumed you weren't. And I was sad about that. You're one of those people that have crossed my life only tangentially, and made a bigger impact than might have been expected, for all that. However tedious it is, I'm glad you're still here.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Storage jars for you and the other four
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Thank you, anoesis. I'm glad to be here.

Tomorrow I'll see the radiation oncologist and learn whether the docs want to zap the new cancer spot or not.

And a friend/neighbor's mother has been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. That's more lives turned upside down - but with pancreatic, it probably won't be for long, dammit.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Dammit indeed!
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
On Friday there was a gathering of friends and family to remember the good life of one of my brothers (a non-believer like most of my family!)a kind and caring man, who died at the beginning of July after living for nine years with treatments and remissions. Still doing a bit of DIY a couple of months earlier. He is much missed.

I saw the Oncologist at the end of July and after three months on Letrozole, she says to continue with it as the breast lump seems to have become ... and I think she used the word 'squishy'!! ...which shows that the pills are doing what they should. I thought that would probably be the case, and thought the next appointment would be three months, so when she said six months I thought that was quite promising.
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 
Susan--

I'm sorry about your brother, and glad your own meds are working well.

Take care.
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
Reading and praying with just a bit of cursing cancer for all.
We are all poorer for its malicious influence.

Damn it to Hell.
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
Golden Key - Thank you for your words.

Patdys - I agree with you.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
So sorry about your brother, SusanDoris, but very happy to hear your own hopeful news.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Selfishly glad you're still here Rossweisse. Keep it up.


SusanDoris.
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
Doone - Thank you.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Selfishly glad you're still here Rossweisse. Keep it up.


SusanDoris.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by SusanDoris:
Doone - Thank you.

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Selfishly glad you're still here Rossweisse. Keep it up.


SusanDoris.

---

Well, curiosity means that I have to ask if you could please explain the layout of your post! A comment to Ross Weisse, then two blank lines then my name. I quite understand that as an ancient person, I've probably missed something!

---

It's an understated acknowledgement SusanDoris. Sorry for the lack of clarity. Should have added a candle or two.

[ 07. August 2017, 09:55: Message edited by: Martin60 ]
 

---

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :
 
Do candles in Hell have to shine even brighter than usual?!
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
Martin - thank you for reply. Not sure that I would have seen the candles actually!!
 

---

Posted by Kyzyl (# 374) on :
 
Ross, I'm glad you're ornery. But then I knew that waaay back on AOL in another century.
 

---

Posted by Rosa Winkel (# 11424) on :
 
For storage jars and all others
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Thank you, Kyzyl.

I have to return to the hospital for another set of MRIs on Wednesday. Dammit.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Best of luck with those MRIs - I've one due at the end of this month. Fun, aren't they?



IJ
 

---

Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
I had my first MRI last week, on my knee. Damn, those things are noisy. The earplugs they gave me were worthless.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
My first MRI took me by surprise - I didn't realise how LOUD the noise would be!

After a little while, though, I began to (sort of) enjoy what sounded like a cross between heavy metal and something by Arvo Part....

IJ
 

---

Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
I have a friend who has had several brain MRIs, and she has learned to fall asleep.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Wow. That's some achievement!



Another way of using a potentially unpleasant experience in a positive manner.

IJ
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
I actually find that MRIs and other scans provide a good opportunity for purposeful prayer. The earplugs are a necessity with an MRI, though.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
It's a good opportunity to recite poetry; not so good for composing it. Some odd things can go on in your mind while it's happening, but they sometimes offer a sedative, though I'm not sure if that's a good idea - haven't tried it yet.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Earplugs, yes indeed, though I find they only help to shut out the noise.

I'm glad, though, that others find MRI scans give them time for positive thoughts, prayer, etc. etc.


IJ
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by SusanDoris:
Martin - thank you for reply. Not sure that I would have seen the candles actually!!

---

Indeed! I didn't hear the smile, doesn't your software say 'votive'? Or do the colons (!) interfere. How does your personal Steven Hawking say 'colonvotivecolon'?
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
After three hours in the MRI coffin, I think I may have a hint of understanding what it's like to be shell-shocked - even with earplugs and headphones.

But although the cancer has indeed spread higher into my spine, it's not the cause of my lower back pain; that's a fractured bone in my sacrum. There's nothing to be done for it, but at least it's not life-threatening, unlike the cancer. We take what we can get.
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
Rossweisse

Oh dear, I am so sorry to hear that news.
For the lower back pain, is there some kind of support brace you could have?
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:
After three hours in the MRI coffin, I think I may have a hint of understanding what it's like to be shell-shocked - even with earplugs and headphones.

---

What torture! I thought my last, 45 minute, session was about as long as anyone should have to ever tolerate.

So sorry about all of that.



 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Rossweisse
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Three HOURS.....!!



So sorry to hear of the added spinal problem.



IJ
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Hell might possibly be eternity in an MRI machine.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Yes, with the rhythm changing suddenly every so often, just as you're getting used to it...



IJ
 

---

Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :
 
I knew someone who recovered from an illness that put them through a period where most of their brain had stopped working and they needed naso-gastric feeding. They recovered and, unsurprisingly, couldn't remember anything about their illness or time in hospital apart from the last week before discharge.

But they did remember being put in a tunnel with a very loud thumping noise. It's clearly an experience that makes an impression.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
It certainly does!

But, like many things in life, it's what you make of it. Now that I know what to expect, I'm not scared or apprehensive (though I was first time round, more because of fear of what the scan might reveal, than the actual mechanics). On the contrary, I find the experience interesting, and, hopefully, informative. Perhaps I should get out more....

Of course, I'd rather not have had a brain tumour, with the collateral brain damage (slight, but noticeable), but at least it turned out not to be cancerous.

IJ
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
My tumor was in the cerebral cortex, which happens to be involved with music. That seems particularly unfair, given the central role that music has played in my life. (I find that I have trouble counting - but I can tell when others are off.)
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
Still hoping that it's the result of toxic chemo and not old age, I also have trouble counting. For no reason that I can figure out, I can keep count better in French, as when doing laps on the track at the gym and things like that, though it's not quite as demanding as music, of course. (My French stinks, but there's enough of it left for that).

[ 24. August 2017, 02:13: Message edited by: Stercus Tauri ]
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
I meant counting beats, in music - other kinds of counting are fine. I used to be a professional opera singer; now I sing only in church choir, but it's still important. Sorry for the confusion!
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
None taken.
 

---

Posted by Gamaliel (# 812) on :
 
My wife's chemo and cancer has been debilitating but not painful so far. She very tired but otherwise, now she is on the chemo tablets rather than the intravenous system, things have been better and bearable.

This evening,she suffered greatly and it was hours before she could sleep. She was in tears and wishing it were over, wishing herself dead ...

This is the first time it's been like this. I feel helpless. I also wonder whether this will be how it is from here on in ...
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
Gamaliel...
 

---

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :
 
(((Gamaliel and Mrs Gamaliel))). Also for strength and wisdom and relief.

And to all cancers. My family has seen too many so Again.

[ 04. September 2017, 02:53: Message edited by: Lothlorien ]
 

---

Posted by MaryLouise (# 18697) on :
 
Thinking of you, Gamaliel.
 

---

Posted by Gee D (# 13815) on :
 
Yes, indeed.
 

---

Posted by anoesis (# 14189) on :
 
Oh, that's awful. I am so sorry to hear that. I truly hope that it was a bad day, and not the new normal...
 

---

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :
 
Pain relief, that's all I'm going to say.

Good luck.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Gamaliel and Mrs Gamaliel
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
((The Gamaliels))

I have my next appointment with the neuro-oncology team next Monday, following last week's MRI scan. I'm hoping there'll be no problem re the brain tumour, but I am aware that I have a small lump on one lung. Quite what's happening with that, I know not - at the moment...

IJ
 

---

Posted by Palimpsest (# 16772) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:
After three hours in the MRI coffin, I think I may have a hint of understanding what it's like to be shell-shocked - even with earplugs and headphones.

---

Perhaps they can use the technology invented for CT scans;
CT Scanner Accessorfies

And good luck with the treatment.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Oh, Gamaliel.

Bishops Finger:

Thank you, Palimpsest.

I'm having serious fatigue problems, which I shouldn't have, because my bloodwork is good. I don't have time for this crap, but sometimes it's hard to push on through.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Rossweisse, Gamaliel and Bishops Finger

[ 05. September 2017, 12:40: Message edited by: Doone ]
 

---

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :
 
Yes, for you all.

More crappy news from the school where I'm a governor: I've already mentioned on this thread the little lad who died from a brain tumour last year, and the teacher who died suddenly in the spring, again from a brain tumour. Now we've heard over the summer that the headteacher has been diagnosed with acute myeloid leukaemia and is currently in isolation in hospital undergoing intensive chemotherapy.

She is very positive and that positivity is being reflected in the school, but it's yet another big blow after all the crappy cancer-related news over the last year at the school. Everyone's just in shock about it, really.

again.
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
For everyone at the school, especially the Head
 

---

Posted by Gamaliel (# 812) on :
 
Indeed ...

Update on Mrs Gamaliel. More tests required. The cancer has been stable but may now be active again. Perhaps a different form of chemo required ...

All is not lost though. The battle continues. For now.
 

---

Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :
 
Mr & Mrs G: in my heart and prayers

for all her battling this awful disease

for hours in MRI tunnel- egads.

Lord, hear our prayers.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
G.

Bishops Finger.

I get blood results next week. I'm away and not going to bother till I get back. For a year they've just got worse every time.

[ 08. September 2017, 17:45: Message edited by: Martin60 ]
 

---

Posted by Doone (# 18470) on :
 
Everyone here
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
There's hopeful news in the use of the Zika virus (of all things) to treat glioblastoma, and other new treatments are being discovered and developed. The question is always whether they'll come along soon enough for a particular patient, and whether they'll work on that person.

We have to walk in hope. And, to keep this at least semi-Hellish, cancer does suck.
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
It sucketh mightily.

My sister has finished her second round of chemo and has been put on Zejula for life or until she can't tolerate the side effects. The nurses say if she makes it through the first month it'll be much better.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
I don't know that one. What are the side effects?
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Not as bad as rhubarb gin.
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
From memory, just about everything. GI problems and leukemia (! rare, though) are what sticks in my mind.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Not as bad as rhubarb gin.

---

I wish I'd heard you say that four years ago when I was doing the toxic chemo performance. A hellishly unfunny experience otherwise.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
The only things worse than the effects of having chemo are the effects of not being able to have chemo.
 

---

Posted by Pomona (# 17175) on :
 
A friend has an aggressive stage 4 cancerous brain tumour, discovered while on holiday on a break from her PhD studies. She's 25. Devastatingly unfair, particularly as cancer has stalked her family before. Fuck cancer.

A mix of and .
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Dammit, Pomona. I'm so sorry.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
((Pomona's friend)) - hope she'll pardon the liberty...

and indeed.

IJ
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Not as bad as rhubarb gin.

---

I wish I'd heard you say that four years ago when I was doing the toxic chemo performance. A hellishly unfunny experience otherwise.

---

I utterly inadequately apologize.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
My PSA's down to 7.2 - another six months without the perineal biopsy! That's used to wake the dead.
 

---

Posted by Brenda Clough (# 18061) on :
 
A friend of mine was diagnosed with oral cancer at the beginning of this month. She went into surgery last week, and they took out most of her tongue and 14 lymph nodes. All of these were discovered to be malignant. In one week she has moved from state 1 to stage 4 cancer. She is ferociously writing as fast as she can, beating off the nurses in hopes of finishing her novel before the chemo and radiation flake her out. She has refused to consider death.
The only thing I can think of to do is to solicit prayers for her over in Heaven. (She lives on the West Coast so there is no chance of seeing her.)
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
It's the speed with which some cancers operate that's really scary.

One of my neighbours, some years ago, went to the doctor about a cough he couldn't shake off. Apart from that, he was (apparently) fit and active, and only in his mid-60s. After a short while, lung cancer was diagnosed, and three weeks later, he died. That was one aggressive bastard of a cancer, no?

IJ
 

---

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
I have, only last week, been told of a 54-year old woman (the daughter of a former church member) who had a scan in the New Year which was fine - she had had a tumour in her breast years ago. Then, just this month, she was diagnosed with an aggressive liver cancer and died a fortnight later. Horrendous.
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
Yesterday I went for a brought-forward apt from January. I wanted to know much more about why an op was not recommended. It seems that the breast tumour is not doing anything, except shrinkiing a bit, and not going anywhere, so I am reassured that it is better to take the Letrozole. She (the doctor) said that after a year or two, I could be discharged as an out-patient. Always with the option of an op if things change. Sort of good news I suppose!
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
That seems to be the usual best outcome SusanDoris. One year, month, week, day, hour, moment at a time.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Indeed. No one knows the day or the hour when it will rear up and bite us again. But I've become pretty aggressive about bugging my docs when something feels wrong.

(Get your flu shot, everybody!)
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
Martin60 and Rossweisse

Thank you for posting. I think that having cancer certainly makes one appreciate each new day just that little bit more.
Having this thread to post on is a good thing.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Yes, indeed.

@Rossweisse - Yes, Ma'am! My GP's first flu clinic is fully booked, so hopefully I'll get a place in the next one.

IJ
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by SusanDoris:
...Having this thread to post on is a good thing.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Bishops Finger:
...My GP's first flu clinic is fully booked, so hopefully I'll get a place in the next one.

---

quote:

---

Get your flu shot, everybody!

---

I was thoughtfully given both my seasonal flu shot and my 10-year tetanus booster - because I was in the hospital anyway, getting a CAT scan to ensure I merely bruised my spleen instead of rupturing it when I separated my shoulder, broke my shoulder blade, broke rib #3 and bruised 4 others, and collected a concussion. #mountainbikingisfun

Still infinitely better than cancer. Fuck cancer.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Oh, yikes, RooK. That sounds awful. Are you doing better now?

I got my flu shot on Monday, ahead of the crowd. One bright side to living with Stage IV cancer: My internist's office reserves a dose of the super-duper flu vaccine for me when it comes in, and someone calls and asks me when I'm coming in for it. They don't mess around.
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Bright side!
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Doc Tor:
ISTM that Hell is the only place you could have this thread, because fuck cancer.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Bright side!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:
Are you doing better now?

---

Well, it's only been a few days, but I'm confident that I'll be back to risking life and limb on my bike in 6-8 weeks. BUT, it is awfully annoying that the very elbow that caused the splenic hematoma needs to continue to grind against it because my shoulder is immobilized. Feels rather like sporting a massive black eye, and getting to have the goon's fist continually grating in your face for weeks afterwards.

Still better than cancer. Fuck cancer.

[ 28. September 2017, 23:11: Message edited by: RooK ]
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Nice bike!

I am reminded of how (mostly) fortunate I am in the health department when I go in for my regular ScanFests (bones, brains, innards) seeking after tumors. One of the many, many forms shoved at me each time is a solid page, in 11-point type, of Things You Might Have, from heart problems to diabetes to prostate (not my issue) to lung issues.

Really, all that I have to complain about at this point (knock on wood - my skull will do) is a mild case of rosacea (you can't be too rich or too thin, but you can be too fair-skinned), a worsening case of scoliosis, and... Stage IV breast cancer, metastasized to my sacrum, hip, and cerebral cortex. (We zapped the last of these, but it left me having trouble counting when singing. I'm working on it, though, and it seems to be getting better. And I'm still singing, although I don't think I want to solo anymore.)

But I'm still working (part-time now), I'm still traveling, I'm still driving, I'm about to rediscover what it's like to live independently, and I am daily reminded of how many people have things worse than I do.

Deo gratias for all good gifts. Still, cancer sucks massively, and that's an understatement.
 

---

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
Fuck cancer, it killed both my parents.

Some people just take things for granted. A woman I overheard was complaining that she had to go to the other side of town (maybe half an hour by car) for a free mammogram because it interrupted her life. I was sooo tempted to interrupt and ask how much breast cancer would interrupt her life.

I've only ever had benign lumps, but I remember the uncertainty and the fear, and the support from so many people.

for everyone posting on this thread, whether for themselves or others.

Huia
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Bishops Finger:
In an increasingly isolating world, these points of human contact are welcome.

---

My friend has just come out in public after a four month round of chemo followed by dangerously low white count, followed by more chemo etc.

His first outing was to our book club where, with tears in his eyes, he thanked all of us for the cards and phone calls and said that, for him, the very worst thing about cancer was the feeling of isolation.

Yesterday he came over for lunch, where he found sitting up at the table too uncomfortable, so he ended up eating in the recliner where he got so comfy he stayed for four hours, just so happy to have a change of scenery and people to talk to. I was near tears a few times just seeing how much human contact means to a gregarious, retired teacher who lives alone.


 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
What awesome people.


Except Rook of course.
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
I was just wondering - does anyone here know where I could find statistical data on number of women with breast tumour who are on Letrozole and are 'doing well'?? I thought I would try phoning the ONS next week as it would be interesting to know.
 

---

Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by SusanDoris:
I was just wondering - does anyone here know where I could find statistical data on number of women with breast tumour who are on Letrozole and are 'doing well'?? I thought I would try phoning the ONS next week as it would be interesting to know.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Nicolemr:
...This sucks, sucks sucks.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Firenze:
Thing I have learnt in the last couple of years:

- What's true for one's not true for another
- It's usually best not to know
- Sufficient onto the day is the evil thereof

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by SusanDoris:
The various links have all sorts of information, but statistics seem to be elusive. For me personally, knowing all , with no euphemisms or softening of facts is what I want to know. It would be something of a shock, but I'd rather face the shock and deal with it. I had an aunt who did just that. I hope I could follow her example.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by mr cheesy:
Of course, you'd need to discuss this with your doctor to understand exactly how it relates to your situation.

---

And so I have, and continue to do.

Different medications also have different side effects, and different people are affected by them (yes!) differently. But I'm hoping it never comes to tamoxifen for me from what I've heard about it.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
One or two of the meds I'm on now have the potential side-effect of 'death', so it's as well to read the small print, along with talking to one's GP and/or consultant!



IJ
 

---

Posted by mr cheesy (# 3330) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Bishops Finger:
Sensible advice, but I guess most of us with cancer, tumours, etc. have actually thought of that ourselves.

IJ

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:
But I'm hoping it never comes to tamoxifen for me from what I've heard about it.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by mr cheesy:
From the link I posted above:

The 5-year Disease-Free Survival (DFS) rates were 84% for letrozole and 81.4% for tamoxifen.

There is some other information, but that seems to be the overall message.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
...I want to know as much as I can.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:
I'm sorry to hear that, Moo. (It affected a friend of mine so badly that she gave up on it after just a couple of months.) I'm hoping my Ibrance pills keep working for me, since tamoxifen is one of the possibilities my oncologist has mentioned if/when it stops.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
My sister prefers not to. She delegated her research duties to me...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
...I want to know as much as I can.

---

So do I. Some of the women in my cancer support group would rather not; each to her own taste.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
I'm not dead yet either, but the early odds were against me making it this far. Now what? I think I'll just carry on not being dead for a while longer, as I still have a couple of projects to finish.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
What can you actually do with those numbers? After 5 years, will you be 84% alive? If 16 people out of 100 will be dead, how do you know which group you are in? You don't know, and I find this approach really unhelpful.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stercus Tauri:
I'm not dead yet either, but the early odds were against me making it this far. Now what? I think I'll just carry on not being dead for a while longer, as I still have a couple of projects to finish.

---

A very sensible philosophy!
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
God speed. What are you doing next year?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Uncle Pete:
My cousin, Bill, one of the few close to me in age: diagnosed with myeloma.

How often can you say FUCK?

FUCK to the power of 100 is not enough

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by anoesis:
I took my eight-year old to a specialist's appointment a couple of days ago. An appointment I had to push our GP to request, and which we waited six months to get. I expected five minutes and a polite brush-off. What we got was three-quarters of an hour of examination and note-taking, consulting with colleagues, the ordering of many tests, and at some point the phrase 'possibly a tumour' was uttered. I am not thinking too straight right now.

---

Thanks all for your responses and prayers. Time for an update. We have had all the tests, and the follow-up appointment with the specialist just last week. There is no further talk of a tumour, and no abnormalities on the x-rays ordered. In addition, her adrenal glands apparently function as expected. However, for some reason, she is carrying around in her body progesterone levels that (I've just remembered this from tests of my own - I had trouble getting pregnant) - are well above baseline even for a post-pubertal female. What exactly this means for the future, I don't know*, but it seems we can be confident there is a future.** Anyway, thank you all so much for extending a hand to me, out of your own darkness.

* I was told she is likely a carrier of congenital adrenal hyperplasia.

** I was further told she might want to consider genetic testing before starting a family, so I presume this is at least seen to be a possibility.
 

---

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
It was good that they finally took you seriously and that there isn't a tumour, the rest sounds kind of puzzling. I suppose you just keep an eye on her and get any further tests as needed.

At least having had this result you shouldn't have to push so hard in the future.

Huia
 

---

Posted by Nicolemr (# 28) on :
 
Some good news! My ex-lover and very dear friend who is undergoing chemo for non-Hodgkin's lymphoma has been told is all goes well he is on track for being in remission by the end of the year!
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
I'm glad to hear such good news from you, Nicole!
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Spouse of colleague, child of another colleague. Just heard about both today. Child is flown to neighbouring province because of rarity and seriousness. Colleague's spouse is awaiting oncology determination. ictus oculi, gloriae finis mundi to which I say spero di no. Which what we said in school latin, "in the blink of an eye, the glories of the world end(?!); I hope not." And then we said "fuck".
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Dammit, Prophet.
 

---

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:
I have been amazed by some of the things I would have said, pre-cancer, that I could never handle - but which I just deal with now, almost seven years into my new normal. One's perspective does change.

---

Rosweisse, thank-you for that comment. I have never had cancer, just a breast lump that was removed and some symptoms of another cancer that were misleading, but I have worried about how I would handle it if I had to.

I hope I would handle it with a similar attitude to yours.

In New Zealand there is a Maori expression Kia Kaha which translates as "stand firm", or "be strong", but it has overtones of respect for and recognition the dignity of the the person.

Kia Kaha Roseweisse.

Huia
 

---

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
and that should read Kia Kaha Rossweisse

Apologies for the wrong spelling, I picked it up to late to edit
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Huia:
... Kia Kaha Rossweisse ...

---

Thank you!
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Colleague's spouse: "cancer is widespread". "Palliative treatment to improve quality of life for the months which are left." Organizing driving to cancer centre and will have to get on to the meals. Denial and catastrophe in the same minute. The wrong people at the wrong time.
 

---

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
A few days ago here we were talking about how many of us appeared to be getting away with it. Then S was told that the tumour had started growing again; last night L was rushed to emergency with an apparent sudden change in her latest recurrence; J died just this morning, not of the cancer, but from the side effects of chemo. Merde. But I'll have my regular check-up next week and will probably be pronounced NED again. Now some cursing and then perhaps some praying.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Kia Kaha.

Thanks, Huia - a lovely phrase, with its positive overtones.

IJ
 

---

Posted by MrsBeaky (# 17663) on :
 
A dear friend, a man who married later in life and is father to two boys under 10 has just heard his cancer is back.

And the 11 year old grandchild of some other friends died on Saturday from the recurrence of a brain tumour.

I honestly have no words.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 


IJ
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
My sister's CA-125 has gone up enormously, and the worrying spot on her liver is much enlarged. I don't think the Zejula is working. They want to do a liver biopsy and have scared the shit out of her with the standard warnings delivered at the wrong time--on a day when they'd already given her the wrong results twice ("Oh what a great scan--you're clear--oops, we missed this whacking great bit here" and similar false good news about the number).
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
What do I do, besides pray? This bloody thing is moving so quickly, compared to other cancers. I'm not in Calif. and can't take her to doc, etc.

And I'm going bonkers with my mother dumping all her own fear and anxiety on me, and particularly now that she's fixated on my sister's drinking, which my mother can't stop worrying about and which she thinks is far more than I think it is, though I could be wrong. But my mother was married to an alcoholic.... Me, I don't see that her life is likely to be long enough to make alcoholism a very significant risk. I'm more concerned about possible drug interactions....
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Oh, Lamb Chopped... I've been wondering where you were, and worried that this was why. Prayers ascending.
 

---

Posted by MaryLouise (# 18697) on :
 
(LC) and sister.
 

---

Posted by Cathscats (# 17827) on :
 
For Lamb Chopped and her family.
 

---

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 

 

---

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :
 
Not sure how I failed to make that a hyperlink.
Randall Munroe groks things.
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Hang in there Lamb Chopped! All any of us can do is the best that we can. The rest is out of our control.
 

---

Posted by Niteowl (# 15841) on :
 
for Lamb Chopped and family
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Oddly enough, the eclipse (which I saw from my front yard) was one of the things I was living for, too. And now I'm planning on seeing the next one, even though I'll have to drive for it. No surrender!
 

---

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:
Oddly enough, the eclipse (which I saw from my front yard) was one of the things I was living for, too. And now I'm planning on seeing the next one, even though I'll have to drive for it. No surrender!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Moo:
Right on, sister!

---

Thank you! (I applied to adopt another cat today, too. Of course, the Junior Child has promised to care for the felines should anything untoward occur to me.)
 

---

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
(((everybody)))
 

---

Posted by Mili (# 3254) on :
 
Just found out my cousin's 3 month old baby K. has been diagnosed with ALL Leukemia and a tumor on his pancreas My cousin is the type of 'crunchy' mother who feeds her older child organic food and doesn't use any chemicals when cleaning her house etc. but her baby has still got cancer, just before Christmas and nothing I read about it sounds good. I wish there was something more I could do than pray.
 

---

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
That is AWFUL news.
 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Kyrie eleison.
 

---

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :
 


Having been through several years of ALL with granddaughter, i send sympathy and prayers for all.

Mili, I hope her mother does not feel she has failed. This can happen to any child, regardless of care etc.

[ 21. December 2017, 21:47: Message edited by: Lothlorien ]
 

---

Posted by Mili (# 3254) on :
 
I hope so too. She has suffered from depression in the past and is a great mother, but almost overcareful with her children's care (not bad, just worries a lot over doing the right thing). I'm praying she can stay strong, but no one would blame her for not coping well given the circumstances.
 

---

Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
Mili- .
 

---

Posted by Landlubber (# 11055) on :
 
Mili, cousin and baby
 

---

Posted by Landlubber (# 11055) on :
 
Cancer and its recurrences suck. My beloved husband died after Christmas. All of you here living with this taught me to try to help him live, not wait to die. Thank you.

Those of you who ask for prayer, here or elsewhere on the boards, be assured I do pray. Others I do read and please know that I do so while you weep or curse or carry on living.
 

---

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 
Landlubber

Moo
 

---

Posted by Uncle Pete (# 10422) on :
 
So sorry Landlubber

Of your mercy please pray for Claude-Yves, beloved uncle and Parrain of my very dear niece. His body, which fought off cancer three years ago, is now riddled with cancer nodes everywhere, and on nearly every available organ. He is in palliative care.


 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
Landlubber

Much sympathy and condolences. I hope you have all the practical help you need to get you through all that needs to be done, and thereafter the warmth of family and friends.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Landlubber.

Claude-Yves. May he at least be free from pain.

IJ
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
For Landlubber.

For Claude-Yves.

For all in this unpleasant boat.
 

---

Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
my prayers also.
 

---

Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Really sorry to hear that Landlubber - I was wondering how you were getting on (and remembering your reaction to the ASMS service).

Prayers for everyone else posting/posted about here.
 

---

Posted by MaryLouise (# 18697) on :
 
Landlubber

Claude-Yves
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 
Chec-up today. Tumour smaller. No other problems, so Consultant said keep on with Letrozole. Next apt in six months, and then if all still going well, discharge. That sounds okay to me!

Ongoing good wishes to all here
.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Brava, SusanDoris! (Ah, yes, Letrozole...)

[ 10. January 2018, 22:09: Message edited by: Rossweisse ]
 

---

Posted by Landlubber (# 11055) on :
 
Thank you, all.
Claude-Yves and all who love him
SusanDoris: have a good six months and a good review next time!
Curiosity killed: you will not be surprised to hear that we are planning a very simple funeral here (although we hope for some good singing at a thanksgiving service later).
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
I'm awaiting the results of this morning's bone scan, and hoping the cancer hasn't advanced too much. (I've been at this so long that everyone from the woman at the check-in to the techs knows me from earlier visits.)
 

---

Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
Ross

Susan

Claude-Yves

Landlubber

All, and anyone I've missed (sorry)
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
& thanks for all of your courage, to all for your courage.

[ 15. January 2018, 21:43: Message edited by: Martin60 ]
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
I just heard that the cancer has progressed further in my bones. Now I'm waiting to hear what that means to me.
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I am so very sorry to hear that, Rossweisse.
 

---

Posted by Nicolemr (# 28) on :
 
Oh Rossweisse! ((hugs))
 

---

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
Rossweisse - More hugs and more prayers.


 

---

Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
Rossweisse
 

---

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :
 
Dear God.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
For some reason, the word "progressed," in this context, bothers me. The cancer spread. How is that progress?
 

---

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Landlubber (# 11055) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
for Rossweisse.

May that further 'progress' (yes, odd word) soon be arrested.

IJ
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Rossweisse - your capacity for irony at this time is inspiring.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
I find that a snarky sense of humor is invaluable in dealing with these things.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 


IJ
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Colleague's husband died this morning in palliative care; we became friends in these weeks. He was frightened and then not any more. I'm at work because what else is there to do until asked.


I'm carrying around "cells" myself, whatever that means via their phrase "watchful waiting". Been wondering if somehow creation required a devil.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
I am sorry to hear it, no prophet, but grateful that he wasn't afraid at the end.

Cancer (as I have no doubt said before; I find that I repeat myself lately) is the devil.
 

---

Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
for colleague's husband. RIPARIG.

As you say, best carry on as per usual.

Re 'cells', and 'watchful waiting' - IANAD, but this is a sensible option, if said cells are not actually doing anything harmful.

It's certainly true of some brain tumours, such as meningiomas, many of which are not in themselves malignant. It's only when they start having adverse effects, e.g. seizures, that action needs to be taken, if they haven't been diagnosed earlier. If they have been diagnosed, but are not being naughty, then a 'watching brief' is maintained.

IJ
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Update: I spoke to the oncologist, who told me that the cancer has progressed sufficiently to be a concern. (I'm having a CT scan and a brain MRI in February.) He's changing my meds (the good news there is that I was scheduled to have the Shots from Hell tomorrow, and now I never had to suffer them again).

And when I asked if I should return my new little cat while she's still young and cute enough to be easily adopted, he said no: "I would not plan on an imminent demise." (I do like his way with words.)

Has anyone here had any experience with tamoxifen?
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
Tamoxifen was taken by another friend's wife. We blamed it for giving her another 2½ years of life.

Thanks for the comments re what I posted.

I am trying to determine if 8 cups of tea is too many today, and may I please have several more. I suffer from the delusion that tea cures many ills.
 

---

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :
 
My sister had an unusual type of breast cancer diagnosed first in 1997. Several operations and radiation treatmentslater, it has been discovered that only tamoxifen keeps it away. Every time it has been stopped, the cancer returns , so tamoxifen is taken every single day of her life even if that is another twenty plus years.
.
It does produce an extremely hot flush every evening on the dot of 9:00 pm, even is sister has no idea of actual time.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Yes, tamoxifen is well-known for its propensity to cause hot flashes. But I'm glad to hear it works so well.

I find it a little amusing that unbearable hot flashes were the chief reason I was put on hormone replacement therapy, which has been associated with breast cancer.
 

---

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:
Has anyone here had any experience with tamoxifen?

---

My mother took tamoxifen for five years following her treatment at age 60 for breast cancer (lumpectomy and radiation only, as it had not spread to her lymph nodes). She says it gave her hot flashes, and she thinks it may have contributed to the uterine cancer that was removed when she was 70. She is now 81, and her doctor is not at all concerned about a possible recurrence of cancer.



Edit due to X-post: HRT was implicated in my mother's breast cancer as well.

[ 16. January 2018, 21:04: Message edited by: RuthW ]
 

---

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :
 
I took tamoxifen for more than four years after removal of a stage 1 tumor from my breast. I stopped taking it about ten months ago.

While I was taking it I had hot flashes, but I was having those before I started taking it. After I had been taking it a few months, the doctor specifically asked me whether I had muscle aches and digestive problems. I didn't at the time, but I developed them after about three years. They have continued even though I'm not taking it any more. I'm hoping they stop eventually.

Moo
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Thank you, Ruth and Moo.

My oncologist did mention the possibility of uterine cancer, but said he wouldn't recommend a hysterectomy - just yearly pap smears, which I get anyway.

I shall see how it goes (she said, as if there were a choice...).
 

---

Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Just stop it will you!
 

---

Posted by SusanDoris (# 12618) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Martin60:
Rossweisse - your capacity for irony at this time is inspiring.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:
Update: I spoke to the oncologist, who told me that the cancer has progressed sufficiently to be a concern. (I'm having a CT scan and a brain MRI in February.) He's changing my meds (the good news there is that I was scheduled to have the Shots from Hell tomorrow, and now I never had to suffer them again).

And when I asked if I should return my new little cat while she's still young and cute enough to be easily adopted, he said no: "I would not plan on an imminent demise." (I do like his way with words.)

Has anyone here had any experience with tamoxifen?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by SusanDoris:
It certainly is. All best wishes, Rossweisse.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rossweisse:

quote:

---

Originally posted by SusanDoris:
It certainly is. All best wishes, Rossweisse.

---

Thank you!

As for hot flashes, yes, Letrozole will do that.

I'm going out of town tomorrow for a couple of weeks, and my oncologist isn't starting me on the Tamoxifen until after I get back. A vacation from meds!

---

As a self-appointed expert in the field of consumer oncology, I have two pieces of thoroughly tested advice: If your body allows you to do it, a glass of wine every day makes you happier and therefore annoys the cancer; and don't ever lose your sense of humour - feed it and exercise it as often as you can. Or, as my mother in law always advises - Carry on! I know; some days it isn't so easy.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Oh, I always have my glass (or two) of red wine.

When I was 22, I was borderline anemic. My internist at the time said, "I hate to put you on iron pills at your age. Do you like red wine?"

When I replied in the affirmative (duh), he asked how I'd feel about having a glass with my dinner every night. I allowed as how I could probably manage that. I have done so ever since (except when I knew I was pregnant, or was on meds where it was not advised), and I have never been anemic since. I think it's one of the reasons I'm still around. It's a great little analgesic, too.

And snark helps me deal with all the crap as well.
 

---

Posted by Dormouse (# 5954) on :
 
Still waiting for the results of the analysis of "suspicious" cells removed with the sentinel node during my lumpectomy...Will I just need radio/hormone therapy or chemo too? 26th January will bring an answer to that.

for all who are affected by this bastard disease, be they sufferers, have loved ones who are suffering, or lost someone to it.
 

---

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :
 
I have "cells" in a male plumbing location. One of the problems is that those who tell you about them differ in delivery of the info. It's the change that is important as I understand it. If the doc or other who talks of it does not recall well, hasn't done a thorough comparison, or if it is another person I can get a little excited and not positively.
 

---

Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Dormouse

NP
 

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Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :
 
My brother-in-law was diagnosed today with advanced mesothelioma. He has a long course of both radio and chemotherapy. He was a truckdriver of many types of transport. For sometime, he took demolition rubbish to the tip. This incuded loose asbestos in the times when its danger was underestimated.

[ 02. February 2018, 05:37: Message edited by: Lothlorien ]
 

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Posted by Cathscats (# 17827) on :
 
My very dear friend tells me that she has multiple myeloma. It is in her lungs and chest and has broken her sternum and some ribs. And now she has a blood clot in the area as a reaction from chemo. At Christmas she was a healthy woman with a slight chest pain. Truly this disease stinks.
 

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Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
Dear God. Every heartbeat is ahead of the game.
 

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Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Martin60:
Dear God. Every heartbeat is ahead of the game.

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Indeed.
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
So, I have been asked to post on this thread (a rare venture into Hell for me!) on behalf of the opening poster.
Cancer does indeed suck! And it has struck our dear Uncle Pete again. He is in hospital as I write and awaiting laparoscopic surgery on Saturday for colonic cancer.
 

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Posted by Bishops Finger (# 5430) on :
 
Dear Lord....

for Uncle Pete, and his medical team.

for others mentioned here (yes, I know this is Hell, but prayers can be heard even from here).

IJ
 

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Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Oh, no.

for Uncle Pete.
 

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Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
Thanks Smudgie.

Fucking cancer.

Thinking of you Uncle Pete

Huia -pissed off with the universe.
 

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Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :
 
Hit back, Pete - hard!


 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
As you may have seen from the other threads, the news is that Uncle Pete has taken a turn for the worse after what seemed to be a successful operation. He is unconscious and on a ventilator with multiple organ failure. It does not look good.
 

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Posted by Rossweisse (# 2349) on :
 
Oh, no. May God give him healing, in whatever form that healing may take.
 

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Posted by Huia (# 3473) on :
 
To borrow from Wodders - holding Uncle Pete in the Living, Loving Light
 

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Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on :
 
Death does not destroy relationship.
Those we love live on in our heart.


And Damn, damn, damn.
Prayers for all. For life and relationship.
And beloved shippies.

Please keep us updated.
 

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Posted by MaryLouise (# 18697) on :
 
Pete
 

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Posted by Celtic Knotweed (# 13008) on :
 
for Pete.
 

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Posted by Martin60 (# 368) on :
 
If I were Pete, I'd want to wake up on a summer green river bank, feeling GREAT.
 

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