Ship of Fools: Sod the stores which lie.

Thread: Sod the stores which lie. Board: Hell / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Today I went to two major national stores in my town, each of which had claimed on the web that their branch stocked the item I wanted. In fact, they didn't. One staff member whined that "it's because we're a small branch". So why, when I googled that branch, did the item come up as available? The other branch no longer stocked the item, but still had in-store signs directing me to it. A slightly sneery, contemptuous worker in this one. No wonder Amazon doesn't die.

B&Q, Homebase, may your CEOs die of man-eating lice. May your balls (for you sure ain't women) shrivel painfully and your legs refuse to support you so you crawl on your bellies like the saurians you truly are. Eat ordure.

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

I was going to respond that it can be very difficult for large multi-nationals to keep track of their thousands of stores and know what was in each.

Then I realised what a load of fucking hogwash that was, that they must know what they were currently stocking in each branch. I have worked on systems that can manage this, 10 years ago. The problem is not saying they stock stuff they don't, it is saying they are out of stock when they still have 1 left.

So jacobsen, I am completely with you. This is not good enough.

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

"We tried to deliver your goods but you weren't in".

Dear collosal-store-named-after-a-river,

Fuck right off with that. Just be honest and say "We said we were going to deliver your goods today but we gave the driver far too many parcels to deliver, and in the end he was too knackered to continue and went home. Sorry about that. We'll try again tomorrow."

You see? Far less rage-inducing.

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
"We tried to deliver your goods but you weren't in".

Yeah, we got that one at work this past week from UPS. During business hours, when we're staffed. I didn't say anything to the delivery guy when he did show up the next day, though, as he was in one of the vests they issue to temporary workers and looked about 12. Poor schmuck.

Posted by Jane R (# 331) on :

"We tried to deliver your goods but you weren't in."

I've had several variations of this, including:

"We rang the doorbell and ran away very fast before you could answer the door"

"Your parcel was too heavy to carry so we left it at the Post Office"

and, most annoyingly

"You didn't tell us what your Safe Space was, so we lobbed the parcel over your back gate and left it there" - in the open, on a Friday, when we had just gone away for the weekend. By the time we got back on Sunday the books inside the parcel had been pulped. We sent the parcel back and complained (obviously) but would it really have killed them to leave it with one of the neighbours?

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

TV news periodically shows security cam footage of delivery people purposely mishandling packages, and of thieves grabbing packages from doorways.

Posted by no prophet's flag is set so... (# 15560) on :

Simple solution: stop buying things.

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

np--

Well, unless you're totally self-sufficient (house that you can repair with materials from the earth; your own pure water source, and a way to make any other beverages you want; large enough garden to feed your household; if you're a carnivore, animals to hunt or to raise; make your own shoes; need no store-bought medicines; can make your own clothes, thread, buttons from materials on hand; make your own bathroom tissue or a substitute; don't need chocolate [Paranoid]

; never break anything; no need for Internet, telephone, public water and light--in short, are totally homesteading, back-to-the-land, "Mother Earth News" magazine, "Back To Eden" remedy using, "Five Acres & Independence" following, "Whole Earth Catalog" memorizing, blissfully happy person), you're gonna need to buy or barter some things.

[ 06. December 2016, 03:38: Message edited by: Golden Key ]

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:

"You didn't tell us what your Safe Space was, so we lobbed the parcel over your back gate and left it there"

Could have been worse, I suppose. Or there's my mother-in-law, who lives a 5 X Court, and now knows the family at 5 X Road round the corner quite well, as they are delivered parcels for each other on a regular basis.

[ 06. December 2016, 04:08: Message edited by: Leorning Cniht ]

Posted by Arethosemyfeet (# 17047) on :

The joy of living here is that so long as the parcel makes it to the island and has my name on it it will get to me. Heck, a lot of parcels and letters not addressed to me that have a tenuous connection to me also make it.

Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Leorning Cniht:
Could have been worse, I suppose.

Yeah, could be a link to nothing! [Eek!]

quote:
Or there's my mother-in-law, who lives a 5 X Court, and now knows the family at 5 X Road round the corner quite well, as they are delivered parcels for each other on a regular basis.

We get other people's mail at work quite frequently. When it belongs to our near neighbors, I take it to them. No one ever brings us misdelivered mail, though, so I wonder if stuff is just getting tossed out.

no prophet's flag is set so...: [Roll Eyes]

Posted by Latchkey Kid (# 12444) on :

Coming home from a holiday we needed to bring a gift and we were shown a store that specialised in pralines. We bought a gift tin, but when we opened it at home the tin simply contained a cellophane packet of their pralines and a lot of empty space. Looking up their catalogue we found that the packet would have cost $20, whereas they charged $50 for it to be in a tin.

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:

quote:
Originally posted by Leorning Cniht:
Could have been worse, I suppose.
Yeah, could be a link to nothing!

That's quite appropriate, really [Smile]

Here is the link I intended to post.

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

Our parcels are regularly left in our bins, usually the card recycling one.

They leave a note 'parcel left in blue bin'

[Eek!]

[ 06. December 2016, 06:30: Message edited by: Boogie ]

Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :

We've had that once. They picked the wrong day though, and a perfectly good smoke detector was immediately recycled within 2hrs of delivery, presumably along with the cardboard packaging that it came in.

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

The new form of democracy is called spending. Vote where you will.

Preferable don't vote/spend it just encourages the capitalist regime.

Of course no one is prepared to say the Crimson King has no clothes for then our nakedness would be seen.

Render up to B&Q what is B&Q's

Pyx_e

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

Pyx_e!!! [Axe murder]

I was just thinking, nay imagining earlier today that I'd just seen you'd posting in Hell; it was not so, and yet here you are.

What clearer sign of an interventionist God could one hope for?

Nice to see you back!

Posted by Nicolemr (# 28) on :

Hey Pyx_e! Good to see you among the posting!

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :

I didn't recognize him without his old avatar. Good thing he was mentioned en-post. Cheers Pyx_e!

Tins you say? I bought my husband a summer sausage, long Swiss cheese bar, and chocolate bar all to make an unhealthy, snack box type present for him. Then I started cruising Walmart, looking for a rectangular tin to put them in. I found three gigantic two sided racks of tins, small, medium, large and a dozen different seasonal scenes on the outside. All round, no rectangles.

I also found endless rows of wrapping paper and ribbon but no name tags. I've been looking for tags for three years now, having to make my own out of old Christmas cards.

Walmart is usually so clever about product placement, too! It would break its heart to know I wanted to spend more money and couldn't.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
I started cruising Walmart, looking for a rectangular tin to put them in. I found three gigantic two sided racks of tins, small, medium, large and a dozen different seasonal scenes on the outside. All round, no rectangles. I also found endless rows of wrapping paper and ribbon but no name tags.

I think a stationers, if there is one left that Walmart has not put out of business, could satisfy you on both counts.

Posted by Piglet (# 11803) on :

My gripe isn't about careless delivery, but about non-delivery. On the 5th of November, I ordered a coat from the web-site of a high-street chain, and on the 23rd I got an e-mail saying they'd cancelled the order because it was out of stock.

If it had been out of stock when I ordered it, surely the web-site wouldn't have let me order it? And why did they take nearly three weeks to tell me?

May they rot.

Posted by Mr Clingford (# 7961) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
Today I went to two major national stores in my town, each of which had claimed on the web that their branch stocked the item I wanted. In fact, they didn't. One staff member whined that "it's because we're a small branch". So why, when I googled that branch, did the item come up as available? The other branch no longer stocked the item, but still had in-store signs directing me to it. A slightly sneery, contemptuous worker in this one. No wonder Amazon doesn't die.

B&Q, Homebase, may your CEOs die of man-eating lice. May your balls (for you sure ain't women) shrivel painfully and your legs refuse to support you so you crawl on your bellies like the saurians you truly are. Eat ordure.

Well I hope you didn't give the staff any grief for errors that are nothing to do with them. We get enough shit from rude, condescending customers without them giving us aggro for events done by others hundreds of miles away. Most people are fine.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mr Clingford:

quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
Today I went to two major national stores in my town, each of which had claimed on the web that their branch stocked the item I wanted. In fact, they didn't. One staff member whined that "it's because we're a small branch". So why, when I googled that branch, did the item come up as available? The other branch no longer stocked the item, but still had in-store signs directing me to it. A slightly sneery, contemptuous worker in this one. No wonder Amazon doesn't die.

B&Q, Homebase, may your CEOs die of man-eating lice. May your balls (for you sure ain't women) shrivel painfully and your legs refuse to support you so you crawl on your bellies like the saurians you truly are. Eat ordure.
Well I hope you didn't give the staff any grief for errors that are nothing to do with them. We get enough shit from rude, condescending customers without them giving us aggro for events done by others hundreds of miles away. Most people are fine.

Best is to haul the store manager down from his or her ivory tower and ask them why the item isn't in stock. They will be better placed to tear a greater or lesser strip off the appropriate Head Office drone.

On an unHellish tangent, they may well be able to reduce the price of an alternative, so as to get you to return - don't forget to ask.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:

quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
I started cruising Walmart, looking for a rectangular tin to put them in. I found three gigantic two sided racks of tins, small, medium, large and a dozen different seasonal scenes on the outside. All round, no rectangles. I also found endless rows of wrapping paper and ribbon but no name tags.
I think a stationers, if there is one left that Walmart has not put out of business, could satisfy you on both counts.

Dollar Tree! They have tins of all shapes and sizes spilling onto the floor!

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :

Thanks Kelly! While I'm there I'll look for your mom's velveted name tags.

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

You two stop it.

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

That wouldn't be some junior hosting, would it?

[Disappointed]

Posted by The Rogue (# 2275) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mr Clingford:
Well I hope you didn't give the staff any grief for errors that are nothing to do with them. We get enough shit from rude, condescending customers without them giving us aggro for events done by others hundreds of miles away. Most people are fine.

The problem is that the people who are responsible are not contactable - they hide behind the customer-facing staff. Is it surprising that some frustrated customers are frustrated? I do not condone giving anyone a hard time who doesn't deserve it.

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
That wouldn't be some junior hosting, would it?

No that would be a joke. You humourless buffoon.

[ 27. December 2016, 20:08: Message edited by: Pyx_e ]

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

Pfft.

Posted by Robert Armin (# 182) on :

A couple of months ago I ordered a couple of books from Amazon. After a few weeks, when they hadn't come, I checked - and they were listed as "Delivered". So I rang up, and they were logged as having been posted through my letter box, which they most certainly had not been.

When I pointed this out Amazon agreed to send replacements. Two days later the books arrived - and a week later they arrived again. What???

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Robert Armin:

When I pointed this out Amazon agreed to send replacements. Two days later the books arrived - and a week later they arrived again. What???

Amazon probably did two things - sent you a replacement, and told the shipper there was a problem. At which point, the shipper found the parcel in the back of the truck / warehouse / whatever and said "oh shit" and delivered it.

Posted by Cathscats (# 17827) on :

Got a whole free coat from Superdry this way. Ordered, did not arrive. Questioned why the delivery tracking had it in Cologne, Germany, as this was somewhat out of the way. They apologised and sent another, which arrived on the same day that the original one covered all those extra miles and also turned up. So I duly returned one, but when I found they had issued a refund I decided that this had gone far enough, and accepted it as a (lavish) tribute to my inconvenience. Customer support (excellent) and dispatch, and possibly finance departments simply did not communicate.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Cathscats:
Got a whole free coat from Superdry this way. Ordered, did not arrive.

Well, half a coat wouldn't have been much use. [Devil]

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

We got a bus to the Asda north of the city to get £60 worth of bargains but, despite what their website said, none were in stock and the people in charge didn’t know when they’d restock- we got another bus to the south of the city and got everything we wanted at the other Asda store – a round trip of 16 miles – 3 ½ hours – that’s worth less than £20 per hour – I could earn more in that time.

Posted by deano (# 12063) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
Today I went to two major national stores in my town, each of which had claimed on the web that their branch stocked the item I wanted. In fact, they didn't. One staff member whined that "it's because we're a small branch". So why, when I googled that branch, did the item come up as available? The other branch no longer stocked the item, but still had in-store signs directing me to it. A slightly sneery, contemptuous worker in this one. No wonder Amazon doesn't die.

B&Q, Homebase, may your CEOs die of man-eating lice. May your balls (for you sure ain't women) shrivel painfully and your legs refuse to support you so you crawl on your bellies like the saurians you truly are. Eat ordure.

B&Q again!

I need a simple glass shelf, 800mm x 200mm x 10mm £12 in the old money.

They sell them. They are on their web site, but only as a click-and-collect item.

Fair enough, I can have it sent to my local branch to pick up, which one of their big "Extra" type stores.

But no. It has to go to a banch in Sheffield!

Why can't a click-and-collect item go to any store? I mean, what kind of business requirements were gathered to put that sort of design in place? Didn't someone in B&Q's head office say, "Hey! hang on a tick, isn't that requirement a bit stupid?"

Twaaaarrrrrrtttttssss!!!

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

Are you sure they're not giving you the run around because they hate you and everything you stand for?

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

One answer to that question surely takes us to the "Conspiracies" thread!

Posted by deano (# 12063) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
Are you sure they're not giving you the run around because they hate you and everything you stand for?

Yes, possibly but when I told them who I was on the Ship, the store manager said "oh, does that fuckwitted twat Doc Tor still post on there?"

When I replied in the affirmative he said "The cunt. And no you can't have a shelf".

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

I don't mind what he called me, just as long as you didn't get your shelf.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
Are you sure they're not giving you the run around because they hate you and everything you stand for?

People have to get their jollies somehow. I doubt B & Q are unique in the real or apparent persecution of deano.

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

It may be deano, but forcing anyone to go to Sheffield is a bit much.

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