Thread: Scene 1: Mary has a visitor Board: Nativity Play / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Highly-flavoured Gravy

The setting is Mary's house, somewhere behind the old market. Mary is home, being a dutiful young lady...
 

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Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :
 
Ladies and gentlemen,
Young children and old
We've a story to tell,
A tale to be told.

Of a young girl
Mary her name
An angel appeared
And told of her fame

By God she was blessed
To be the one
He had decided,
She'd have a son

And so we see Mary
And great Gabriel
This joyous fact
About to foretell

Listen and watch
Ears and eyes use
As Gabriel gives
This wonderful news
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
*general home-making noises with Radio 3 in the backround ... percussion, can you rattle those pots and pans a bit please?*
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Mary rushes on stage, adjusting her blue dress and straightening her hair after being locked out of her dressing room until the last minute. As the spotlight hits, she slows to a sedate walk, wanders across and sits down on a handy bench in the garden and smiles sweetly at a little bird / parrot singing softly in the trees. A hush decends.
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Looks at her watch, takes walkman out of her pocket and slips in the latest Madonna CD, gazes round the garden looking sweet and demure
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[a sheep wanders on from stage left and attempts to eat the garden scenery]

Baaaaaaa.

*munch*

Baaaaaaaa.
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
*sneaks Mary some bird food to feed the parrot during this unexpected lull in the action onstage*
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
*small red dragon wanders on stage and smiles shyly at Mary and pats sheep*
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
gold enters stage left

Walking like an egyptian

hand movements matching. Exits stage right
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 
Rushes in white faced

Oh my goodness, I am so, so sorry folks. There's been a rather nasty accident in the dressing room. Someone ,who shall be nameless forgot to go before they came out.

Oops!- You've already started?

Err.. um.. Back in a minute. I think I need a drink.
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
O Mary, how the sun shines bright
Upon your crisp white veil
Its sunny now for March alright
We were expecting Hail
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
*pianist breaks into 'Walk Like An Egyptian', stops abruptly after a glare from the Musical Director*
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[frightened by the appearance of the dragon, Sheep3 panics, runs around stage looking for escape, and knocks Mary off the bench.

Exits stage right]
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
You look just like an angel, love
your blue dress fits you great
I love the plastic halo
and I'd say you have lost weight
 

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Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
Angel? Is that my cue?

*rushes on stage, and narrowly avoids tripping over hem of her white nightie*
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
Oh fear not little sheep don't fear
don't shake your woolly tails
we won't have chops for tea tonight
although I come from Wales
 

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Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :
 
<From the prompt box>

Pssstt.

Where's Gabriel?

Where the frig is Gabriel?

<Takes slug of whisky from bottle>
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Hmmm..... maybe I'd better move into the shade, I think the sun is causing me to hallucinate.

takes out her blue shades and dons them and moves under a tree. *shouts*

YES MUM, I'VE DONE THE WASHING UP, MADE MY BED AND I'M JUST WRITING JOSEPH A LOVE LETTER, IF THAT'S OK WITH YOU!

Sits back and closes her eyes
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Pssst, horns. Are you ready for a regal fanfare? Good, I'll go for a drink then, just play it when the big white guy with the wings appears...

*dissapears*
 

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Posted by Tour Manager (# 3670) on :
 
I have a garbled (gabrieled?) message on the voicemail in the Magic Tour Bus which might be from Gabriel. Do you want me to play it to the assembled multitudes and/or Mary?
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
*oops - sneaks Mary a quill and some writing paper*
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
And lo what light comes down on us
what, Mary, doth afright thee?
It is but - my friend don't fuss
an angel in a nightie
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
mmm - must do something about this interlude... Ahh, I know..

with feather bower (gold of course) Gift of Gold walks in from back of stage right, takes Mary's hand and begins to walz with her

This is the best I can do... now just follow my lead...
 

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Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*wanders on stage, jumps on mary's lap and starts to purr*

purrrrrrrrrrr.......
 

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Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
*pushes herself forward*

I can be Gabriel!! Please sir please!I know all the lines! And I even practiced them at the rehearsal...

And I've sort of got the costume....
 

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Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :
 
<From the prompt box>

Well, he's got a mobile, hasn't he? Couldn't he at least text Mary a message?

<More Whisky>
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
walzes around the stage with a gift of gold and a slightly perplexed expression
 

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Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*having been pushed of mary's lap when gift of gold pulled her up, the stable cat stalks around the stage trying to trip people up*
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
kicks cat

sorry!!
 

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Posted by Tour Manager (# 3670) on :
 
Fourth Angel - the message from Gabriel seems to be for you. Here you are

*passes 4th angel mobile phone*
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 
Whatttt?!

Gabriel!

I just knew that this would happen.

Rushes offstage towards the dressing room from where ominous shouting and crashing noises are to be heard.
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Oh darn it, a waltz...I don't know - anything by that Straus geezer!
 

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Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*stable cat hisses at gift of gold and shreds his leg*

hiissssss......
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
pssst - here, kitty, kitty.....come get your toys and a treat backstage.
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Kicks cat surreptitiously behind the curtains in passing

hey, I thought the director said no mobiles on stage????
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
Delicately turns Mary under arm and curtsies. Leaves stage left.

dunno if that helped, but it was fun!
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
gasps for breath
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
Mary when the sun's less bright,
and when it's hard to see
you need no candle for writ-in'
cos flames come out of me
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
goes off to find stable cat to give lecture about gender differences and why Dogs were a good plan..

Her leg, her leg! (I don't ant to scupper my chances at the after show party!)
 

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Posted by Tour Manager (# 3670) on :
 
#joyful mobile phone ring melody, preferably Christmassy#
 

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Posted by Angel 1 (# 3661) on :
 
walks on stage, talking loudly into mobile, suddenly realises that she has taken a wrong turning, looks round at the audience, and announces with a surprised look on her face

oops! sorry everyone - hang on, isn't gabriel supposed to be here?



scurries off
 

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Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
*takes mobile*

Gabe? Wassup mate? Oh.. really?

*turns to cast*

He got held up. Something to do with a war in the heavenlies and having to help out his mate Mike.

*turns back to phone*

Look for a virgin? Well they're going to be thin on the ground aren't they? Oh, and she's wearing blue. OK.

Glances around
Anyone here admit to being a virgin?
 

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Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :
 
<From prompt box, in loud whisper>

Mary, you'll just have to busk it for a bit - can't you tell some jokes or something?

<Yet more whisky>
 

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Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*stable cat diistainfully ignores stage manager, goes back to winding around mary's feet*

pruuuutttt???
 

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Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
<off-stage>

God... amateurs... I'm surrounded by amateurs...

<swigs from hipflask>
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Points to blue dress

Richard Branson aint got nothin' on me, baby!


 

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Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Will someone be my friend? All of the other sheep just laugh and call me names. They won't even let poor Rudolph play any sheep games.
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Ooops, sorry, got my lines a bit wrong there....

erm

I am she that hath known no man.
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
eek - casualties already!

In the absence of First-aider applies Mr Men plaster to Gift of Gold's leg wound.
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
This Joseph seems a little grim
but life's a bitter cup
the light of romance grows more dim
even angels stand you up
 

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Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
*peers closely at the Virgin Mary*.

Oh! So you are! It even says it by your name and all.

turns back to phone

Gabe? I've found her! Gabe? Hello? Hello?

I think we've lost the signal!
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
could have been me you know - blue dress - nice smile, innocent looks...

shouts from off stage
I've got a perfectly decent Blue Dress

Instead I'll just have to settle for looking expensive. Cuh!

[But not 'perfactly dencent' spelling, alas...]

[ 09. December 2002, 20:42: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Slightly suspicious that other cast members might wish to usurp her reputation as maiden of this parish, Mary wanders over to Angel 4, turns round, turns the collar down at the back of her blue dress and shows the Angel the name tag sown in the back

See, Virgin Mary, it says.

What do you mean, it says "Hussy Susan" ? Ah...drat.....I hate it when I have to wear my sister's hand-me-downs!
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
clears throat

perfectly, that's what I meant.
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
A gentle silence soft unfolds
a rev'rent hush descends
we wonder what this strange plot holds
tho we know how the story ends
 

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Posted by Tour Manager (# 3670) on :
 
#debadub debadub debadub#

(the mobile phoning attempts are playing havoc with the PA system)
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Herod:
<off-stage>

God... amateurs... I'm surrounded by amateurs...

<swigs from hipflask>

---

Ahem!

What did I say to you all before curtain up? Yes! No drinking.

And what did I say would happen if you did?!
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
oh angel from the heavens above
to your words she'll say Amen
so bring your message of heavenly love
go text her once again
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Mutters to herself

Hmmmm....... getting boring around here.... wonder what Joseph's up to.
 

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Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*still winding around mary's feet*

mrrrrrut? mrrrrrut?

*hoping to be peted*
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
not yet Mary!!
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Shall we have a game of Musical Bumps?
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Still pondering

I'll just send him a text, see if he's still on for tonight. No-one need know. I mean, it's a shame for all this mistletoe to go to waste.
 

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Posted by Angel 1 (# 3661) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Herod:


<swigs from hipflask>

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quote:

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Originally posted by Herod:
<off-stage>

God... amateurs... I'm surrounded by amateurs...

<swigs from hipflask>

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swipes hipflask from Herod

And I told you that I've got the franchise on refreshments. Have a medicinal coffee instead. Do you want Scottish medicine in it or French medicine...? 2.50 please love. Dark in here, innit? Whaddya mean shush? Oh, have you started?
 

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Posted by Tour Manager (# 3670) on :
 
(wanders off muttering in the general direction of Magic Tour Bus, clutching several mobile phones, pagers, filofaxes, walkie-talkies, carrier pigeons and other communications devices, not to be seen again for the duration)
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
(preparing kennel carrier for Stable Cat)...

*will the next cast member who goes on stage please catch that cat!!!*
 

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Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :
 
enters confidently, stage left, avoiding director's eye

OO Arr!

Now I be a shepherd from Bethlehem way
Just popped up to Nazareth here for the day!
I just come to see if there's any sheep
To rustl...take back 'ome with me
To have and to keep!
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
HEY MARY, GOT UR TXT. SEE U HAVNG A WKD TIME WITH ANMLS N GOLD. Y U DNCE WTH GOLD, HUH?

IM NOT HAPPY.


 

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Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
Fixes Mary with a suitably angelic glare

Look. I've got a message for you from Gabriel. And the line's still all staticky, but I think he said something about a baby. Or it could have been maybe. Something like that. Does that help you any?
 

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Posted by Tealady (# 3713) on :
 
Anyone else want a cuppa while we're waiting? Or a meat pie?
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Oh how lovely to see you shepherd. Have you a message for me?

You're welcome to that sheep over there, as long as you don't mind taking the cat too.

Watch out for its claw......oh! Too late. Who had the Mr Men plasters?????
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
And if you think all this hanging around
is starting to feel a bit odd
Mary is showing us something profound
For she knew how to Wait On God
 

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Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :
 
I'll have a shepherd's pie, please!
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Tealady:
Anyone else want a cuppa while we're waiting? Or a meat pie?

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Tealady:
Anyone else want a cuppa while we're waiting?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Gift of Gold:
Ooo, that would be lovely. can you slip a bit of brandy in my coffee please.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
IF I C U 2NITE, ITS MAR NOW, 9 MNTHS SHD TAKE US TO XMAS. AN XMAS BABY.

---

Errr ... I think you are meant to be keeping yourself pure, Mary. Where's a chaperone when you need one?
 

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Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*to sheep, warily*

mrrrrw?
 

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Posted by Tealady (# 3713) on :
 
And a large scottish medicinal cappuccino for the narrator...
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
Now if you wonder why this is slow
my browser is to blame
Flood control is causing me woe
(but i'll try very hard not to flame -
tis hard for a dragon you know...)
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
MARY, U BEEN HANGING WID DEM LIBRL THEOLGNS AGAIN? U R A VIRGIN, AND U STAY A VIRGIN!

SHEESH!
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Hmmmmmm my mobile's ringing.

TXT FROM GOD

DAD NOT JO.. W8... GABE ON HIS WAY...GONE TO CAF BY MSTKE....LOTS OF LUV...GOD
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[sheep3 noses around tealady's cart searching for something to eat]

*snuffffff*
 

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Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :
 
A little domestic now seems to be brewing
Poor Joseph, the texter - what's Mary been doing?
It never pays shepherds to meddle in rows
I'll just take me sheep and be off to me 'ouse

And as for the fortune I said I'd give Mary
She's off on a journey and in with a fairy
Not to mention the twins, the sheep and the cat
The oxen the asses the magi and that!

There are some fortunes it's best to keep stumm
Especially the one's where a Virgin's a mum -
So I'll just nip back to Old Bethlehem Town
In time for a quick one, down at the Crown.
 

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Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
shouts into phone

Oh! Gabriel! I can hear you now. It's.. what? Say that again? You what? Ohhhh... Really? How's the Almighty going to manage that then? I know, I know... what? You're breaking up again..

Turns back to Mary

He says I've got to tell you that the Power of the Most High will Come Upon You and the Spirit of the Lord will Overshadow you.

Which means it's going to be God's baby, I think.
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Ooo-er!

Not sure I like the sound of that!

What's Joseph going to say???

Oh nooooooooooooo... more to the point... what on earth is my mother going to say??????????


 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
Oh Shepherd your rhyme makes such excellent sense
And Mary is in such a stew
Poor Joseph's suspicions are making him tense
I say, could you get me one too?
 

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Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
MARY, OFF 4 A KEBAB. IF NETHNG INTRSTING HPPNS, LEMME KNO. HEARD RUMOURS OF ANGELS FROM SHEPHERDS, BUT TOTALLY UNBELIEVABLE!
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
*strains of the Welsh national anthem fill the air, in an electronic sort of way, from a small red phone behind Welsh dragon's left ear*
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
TXT 2 JO. 2NITE'S OFF. GOT DATE WTH GOD. SORRY.
BLSSD AM I AMNG WMN, AN ALL THAT.
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fourth Angel:
shouts into phone

Oh! Gabriel! I can hear you now. It's.. what? Say that again? You what? Ohhhh... Really? How's the Almighty going to manage that then? I know, I know... what? You're breaking up again..

Turns back to Mary

He says I've got to tell you that the Power of the Most High will Come Upon You and the Spirit of the Lord will Overshadow you.

Which means it's going to be God's baby, I think.

---

Thank goodness! Some action around here at last.

<Reaches thoughtfully for her third medicinal brandy>
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
*Looks embarrassed soppy grin looks at phone *

Mary, Mary, I think it's another one for you...
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
*plays medley of children's TV themes to get into the mood*
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Yes, yes... what does it say? What does it say?
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Joseph:
HEARD RUMOURS OF ANGELS

---

I didn't know Graeme Kendrick was in this.
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
hands phone over...

MARY MARY WHAT IS THIS I HEAR MY GIRL?
U R IN BIG TRBLE
A BABY?
Y DIDN'T U TELL US?
WE R HERE 4 U
ALWAYS
BUT I WILL NOT HAVE U LYING TO US
+ THAT JO SEEMED SUCH A NICE BOY
WHAT WILL YR FATHER SAY
YOU NAUGHTY NAUGHTY GIRL

ST ANNE (MUM)
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Oh 'eck! Who told her!!!!!!!
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep3 finds an oatcake on the tea cart and begins eating it]

*munch, munch*

Baa.
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
*hummmm...medicinal brandy. Ah, Tealady, do you have anything that would medicinally dose these animals?*
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Are people stil trying to catch the cat? Do you want me to play some Keystone Kops music?
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Now, how exactly am I going to explain THIS one!

Hmmmm Thinks for a minute

MUM ITS OK
BBY NOT JOS
GOD CAME UPON ME
GABE SED SO
& THE SHPHRD IN THE GARDEN
I DO B PURE STILL
HONEST

Hmmm, wonder if that'll do the trick
 

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Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*stable cat is looking very cute and innocent*

mrrrrrtt?
 

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Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
<off-stage>

Remind me not to put this in my autobiography.

Damn it all! Now my headache's back!

Tealady! I need that flask back, now!!!
 

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Posted by Tealady (# 3713) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep3 finds an oatcake on the tea cart and begins eating it]

*munch, munch*

Baa.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tealady:
If people have a really bad dose of the, er, flu, I do sell BOTTLES of medicine. 15.00 each.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gift of Gold:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Joseph:
HEARD RUMOURS OF ANGELS

---

I didn't know Graeme Kendrick was in this.

---

Cue orchestra, please...

Musical Director? Listen up!!


Herod, I'll have that medicinal tea flask, thank you very much.

Stop making such an ugly face, dear. I'm saving you from yourself you know.
 

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Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 
*Whispers loudly - that girl don't know the meaning of good*
 

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Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Oh Fairy Godmother, how could you say such a thing???

 

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Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Director:
Herod, I'll have that medicinal tea flask, thank you very much.

Stop making such an ugly face, dear. I'm saving you from yourself you know.

---

Ruddy jumped up little...
 

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Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Awwww, the cat doesn't want to play with me. Does anyone else want to be my friend? Oh, look, there's a dragon.

Nose glows

Can you do that, too, Dragon?
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
whispers - what do you mean, do tell...
 

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Posted by Dragon (# 3669) on :
 
Well, something has happened of import tonight
And Mary's expecting forthwith
The angel's non appearance was a bit of a fright
and I'm off for a quick pint with Mith
(aka Chief Comic Shepherd, but easier to rhyme )

exit Deviantly Rhyming Alternative Generator of Narrative
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Oh Fairy Godmother, how could you say such a thing???

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep:
Awwww, the cat doesn't want to play with me. Does anyone else want to be my friend? Oh, look, there's a dragon.

Nose glows

Can you do that, too, Dragon?

---

I wouldn't do that if I was you...
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep3, suddenly spooked by tealady's prolongued gaze, bolts onto stage from stage right, and exits stage left, knocking over Mary on the way]

Baaaaaa!
Baaaaaaa!
Baaaaaaaa!
 

---

Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Oh Fairy Godmother, how could you say such a thing???

---

Easy - I knows how you landed that part *winks*

---

I was typecast! You know I'm staid and respectable.
 

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Posted by Sheep 2 (# 3714) on :
 
Sheep 2 wanders on to the stage and decides to help Sheep 3 devour the oatcakes and whatever else is on the tray.

*crunch, crunch*

Baaaaaaaa.
 

---

Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Oh Fairy Godmother, how could you say such a thing???

---

Easy - I knows how you landed that part *winks*

---

I knew it...
 

---

Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Herod:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Director:
Herod, I'll have that medicinal tea flask, thank you very much.

Stop making such an ugly face, dear. I'm saving you from yourself you know.

---

Ruddy jumped up little...

---

Tch!

Temper, temper!

It'll all end in tears, you know.
 

---

Posted by Sheep 2 (# 3714) on :
 
[ Sheep 2, not really knowing what is going on, just stands there stupidly and stares at everyone ]
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
pours contents of 5 flasks of medicinal flu medicine over a large bowl of tasty cat food, and the remaining oatcakes on the teacart.....
 

---

Posted by Tealady (# 3713) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Spare Shepherd:
But I do sell chocolate on the side for a reasonable price....

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Virgin Mary:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Oh Fairy Godmother, how could you say such a thing???

---

Easy - I knows how you landed that part *winks*

---

I was typecast! You know I'm staid and respectable.

---

That's not what I heard backstage

Rumour had it from the casting couch that a bowl of cherries, a meringue and a can of evaporated milk were involved along the way
 

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Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
Hey, hang on.. don't we get the first big group singsong now? The Highly Flavoured Gravy one? I've been practicing my Glo-ooooo-ooo-rias specially!

*whispers to Mary* Besides, we've got to spin this out until tomorrow, haven't we?
 

---

Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
I think this is the cue... but where's the musical director. Do you think he's done a runner?

I have my triange. I could *ting*
 

---

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Whispers: ok chaps, 'Highly Flavoured Gravy' - on page 4...
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Musical Director:
Whispers: ok chaps, 'Highly Flavoured Gravy' - on page 4...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
I does great banging I does

---

So I've heard - with 3 wishes as well...
 

---

Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*stable cat sniffs delicatly at bowl of catfood, sesative nose easily discerns added nastiness. stable cat attempts to bury the offending mess under the rug*

hackt-pft!
 

---

Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Hey, Gloria. I think that's your cue!
 

---

Posted by Sheep 2 (# 3714) on :
 
[ Sheep 2 suddenly stops staring at the audience and ambles over to Mary, nibbling on her robe.

Baaaa.
 

---

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Hey, Gloria. I think that's your cue!

---

Er .. we couldn't afford Gloria Estefan...
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 
(Angel 6 comes skidding in, having been unavoidably detained at the office, adjusts halo, fluffs wings and pages frantically through the Hymnal)

What number are we on?
 

---

Posted by Sheep 1 (# 3671) on :
 
Sheep 1 suddenly realises she'd better hurry up to stand any chance of scoffing any oat cakes with this greedy bunch around, and rushes on stage whilst still tying up her woolly blanket

These oat cakes are a bit dry, think I'm gonna need something medicinal to wash them down.

Oh, and make sure Rudolph doesn't get any.
 

---

Posted by Jesus' evil twin (# 3702) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Jesus? Jesus? What sort of a name is that????

I thought "Ebenezer" had a nice ring to it, or "Brian", or "Sid".

Hey, anyone got any chocolate, now I'm eating for two?????

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel 6:
(Angel 6 comes skidding in, having been unavoidably detained at the office, adjusts halo, fluffs wings and pages frantically through the Hymnal)

What number are we on?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jesus' evil twin:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Jesus? Jesus? What sort of a name is that????

I thought "Ebenezer" had a nice ring to it, or "Brian", or "Sid".

Hey, anyone got any chocolate, now I'm eating for two?????

---

HEY!! That's THREE, Mommy Dearest!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
...Looks like you may be doing a solo

---

Well, it's about time.

(Sings stunning version of all "Messiah" female vocal solo Christmas bits, complete with Joan Sutherland-style interpolated cadenzas/mad scenes. Curtsies as the crowd goes wild with delight.)

Thank you! Thank you!

(Hands spare bouquet to BVM, bows offstage to await next cue.)


 

---

Posted by Sheep 2 (# 3714) on :
 
[ Sheep 2, finding Mary's robe tasteless, butts her in the back. ]

Baaaaaa.
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Hey, what do you mean, make sure Rudolph doesn't get any oat cakes?

butts Sheep 3 and Sheep 1
 

---

Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sheep 2:
[ Sheep 2, finding Mary's robe tasteless, butts her in the back. ]

Baaaaaa.

---

Oy! What do you mean, tasteless? I thought it was a lovely shade of blue. And I thought minis were all the rage.
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 
Am I too late with the banging?
 

---

Posted by Sheep 1 (# 3671) on :
 
Butt out, Rednose!
 

---

Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
*lets Angel 6 do her thing, then pipes up.*

The Angel Gabriel from Heeeeeeeea-ven came.

breaks off..
He didn't though, he called on his cellphone instead. Anyone up for a lyric rewrite?
 

---

Posted by Jesus' evil twin (# 3702) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Virgin Mary:
Hey, hold on one bloomin' minute. God didn't say anything about twins!!!!!

---

Fine, I see where I stand here. Redheaded stepchild, indeed. You just wait until I'm born.
 

---

Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*all the high notes being sung have inspired the cat*

yooooooooooowwwwll!!!!
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Jesus' evil twin:
...Redheaded stepchild, indeed. ...

---

I dunno....looks more magenta from here.

(Tosses spare bouquets to sheep, in the hopes that they'll stop chewing on the BVM's bathrobe.)
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
Furry shepherd stumbles in stage right, out of breathSorry I'm late, locked in dressing room. Have I missed anything?
 

---

Posted by Sheep 2 (# 3714) on :
 
[ Sheep 2, startled by the cat's yowl runs blindly into Rednose. ]

Baaaaaaaumf!!
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Musical Director:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
I does great banging I does

---

So I've heard - with 3 wishes as well...

---

Don't hold you breath sunshine.

I know how to bibbetty bobbetty boo you know
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 wonders about those strange noises made by the other sheep, they sound sort of like humans.]

Baaaaaaa.

[Sheep 3 resumes eating the scenery.]
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Oh yeah, sheep 1! I'll make sure you don't get any of the highly flavored gravy!
 

---

Posted by Sheep 1 (# 3671) on :
 
Sheep 1 gives Rudolph a one-cloven-hoofed salute and stomps off stage in a huff
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
*loud whisper from low, stage right* --

"Goldie. You're stealing the thunder, lassie. Confusing the ironic foreshadowing and all that Get back *here* right *now* so we can make our entrance proper later on..."
 

---

Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Can somebody PLEASE do something about these sheep?????
 

---

Posted by Sheep 2 (# 3714) on :
 
[ Sheep 2 calmly begins munching on the boquets. ]

*munch, munch*

Baaa.
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
Here sheepy. Here sheepy sheepy. Here sheepy.
 

---

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
*throws a large net on stage and catches the sheep*

Now if you lot dont behave I'll get the mint sauce out...

Where were we? Can we have a checklist of the plot please...

- Mary established as being pure and virginal
- Message from Gabriel
- Message to Elizabeth

And please remember, this scene doesnt end until 8pm tomorrow...
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Glad that troublesome sheep 1 is gone, Rudolph quietly munches on the last of the oat cakes.
 

---

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
*sends more chocolate onstage to feed the second twin*
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
I've not got the hang of this shepherding thing yet
 

---

Posted by Sheep 2 (# 3714) on :
 
[ Sheep 2 starts struggling wildly, kicking the other sheep. ]

BAAAAAAAAAAA!
BAAAAAAAAAAAA!
BAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:
I've not got the hang of this shepherding thing yet

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Virgin Mary:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel 6:
(Angel 6 comes skidding in, having been unavoidably detained at the office, adjusts halo, fluffs wings and pages frantically through the Hymnal)

What number are we on?

---

Quick, quick... it's Highly Flavoured Gravy , number 624 I think...

Looks like you may be doing a solo

---

quote:

---

I've not got the hang of this shepherding thing yet

---

Pssst, Deputy Chief Shepherd ... it's easy really. You just have to poke your crook like this at the red-nosed one.
 

---

Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
And can somebody PLEEEEEEEEEEEEASSSE do something about that cat??? It's upsetting the babies!
 

---

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
*consults props list*

Aren't any weapons of mass destruction called for soon in this scene? I could send one onstage to take care of that cat......

(No animals were or will be harmed in the enacting of this production of Nativity Play....)
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 
Right - union rules* state I should not hanging around for more than an hour and that hour has over run.

Picks up wand and musical instruments

I'll be back tomorrow but in the meantime I'm heading to TV centre to see a man about a rather large role tomorrow and would appreciate an early night.

* National Union of Film Fairies (NUFF)
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
noises off:BAAAAAAAAH

Ferret smiles, wiping his lips...

There, that's sorted out that one
 

---

Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
Right - union rules* state I should not hanging around for more than an hour and that hour has over run.

Picks up wand and musical instruments

I'll be back tomorrow but in the meantime I'm heading to TV centre to see a man about a rather large role tomorrow and would appreciate an early night.

* National Union of Film Fairies (NUFF)

---

Fairy Nuff
 

---

Posted by Fourth Angel (# 3647) on :
 
Babies? Already? I thought we were waiting for the appearance of O'Keefe the Parrot as the Holy Spirit to do the.. um.. dove thing?

*grabs some of the chocolate and starts munching*.

Ooops! I've got chocolate stains all down my nice white nightie now!
 

---

Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
8the cat, disgusted by mary's last outburst (after all, she was only trying to help the music) stalks off to go sleep on a pile of costumes backstage*
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel 3:
...Lots of frosty lagers for the thirsty throng .... (They smile angelically and rise slowly and unsteadily towards the proscenium arch on hidden wires. Angel 3 almost gets stuck halfway but is finally dragged off by the stage crew. Will they get an encore?)

---

Of COURSE they get an encore.

First, however, they ship off the cat to the vet.

Then they perform, by popular demand, a rather ribald version of "The Twelve Days of Christmas." To tumultuous cheers, they each grab a couple of pints of frosty lager and retire to the wings to look for further scene-stealing opportunities -- there's only so much sheep-antics one can take.

The few, the proud, the angelic...
 

---

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel 6:

First, however, they ship off the cat to the vet.

---

Thank you, Oh Master Playwright in the Sky!

Now, where has that Brandylady gotten off to? I could use a sip!
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 


Not doing that again!
 

---

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
*rushes to Deputy Chief Shepherd with a bucket*

Rats! Too late!

Where is my cleanup crew?
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by chief stage manager:
Now, where has that Brandylady gotten off to? I could use a sip!

---

Well, couldn't we all -- but here, have one of our frosty lagers. (One of our corporate sponsors is Sam Adams, so it's good stuff, too.)

(gives a delicate, angelic belch)

[Fixed quote italics]

[ 09. December 2002, 23:02: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

---

Posted by Sheep 2 (# 3714) on :
 
[ Sheep 2 peeks between the curtains, wrinkles her nose at the mess, and hastily retreats upon recieving the Musical Director's glare. ]
 

---

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
I've noticed that there are several members of the case imbibing ... and that the horn section have things stuck in the ends of their instruments that are definitely not mutes, even though they are the right shape...

What is going on here?
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 wanders onto the stage, stares at the audience.]

*sheep plop*

*sheep plop*

Baaaaaa.

[Exit stage right]
 

---

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :
 
Back in a tavern in Bethlehem

Hi, dragon me mate, I've got a few in
Much needed I reckon, after where you've bin
Cavorting with angels can build up a thirst
But it's worse for that Mary - she's got to give birth!

So sit yourself down 'ere
With a nice pint of ale
It's a wonderful tavern
For suppin' and tales!
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 
There is a fine tradition of Biblical imbibing. Don't worry -- we're angels; we're not affected.

And the orchestra is used to playing while soused.
 

---

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Well make sure there is some Opening Night Ale left for the US as Oz shipmates when they arrive...
 

---

Posted by Passer-by 3 (# 3711) on :
 
[Enters stage left, exits stage right]
 

---

Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
I'll have a glass of appletize please, while I'm waiting... and another bar of chocolate, seeing as I'm eating for three (allegedly)

A brightly coloured parrot, with one or two white feathers glued on in strategic places, swoops down from the lights and tries to land on Mary's head. She waves her arms frantically!

Aaaaaaaaghhhhhhh...gerrroffff!

Bloomin' bird, taking liberties.

Where's that cat when you need her?
 

---

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
*After cleaning up sheep plop x 3, Deputy Chief Shepherds' left behind , washing her hands with alcohol prep pads from First-aider's Crash Cart, and handing Virgin Mary more chocolate and a glass of appletize* -

announces to Director - I'm taking my dinner break now, be back in an hour.
 

---

Posted by Sheep 2 (# 3714) on :
 
[ Sheep 2, getting really bored backstages, ambles over and butts the sleeping cat. ]

Baaaa.
 

---

Posted by Wardrobe (# 3675) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sheep 2:
[ Sheep 2 suddenly stops staring at the audience and ambles over to Mary, nibbling on her robe.

Baaaa.

---

Listen, future seat cover. You mess with anyone's costume and you become a costume. Get it?
 

---

Posted by Wardrobe (# 3675) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Stable Cat:
8the cat, disgusted by mary's last outburst (after all, she was only trying to help the music) stalks off to go sleep on a pile of costumes backstage*

---

Who left their costumes in a pile? If you can't take care of your things they will be taken away. God invented hangers for a reason, you little snots.

And cat, if you shed on the clothes, I'll have you looking like Mr. Bigglesworth by morning.
 

---

Posted by Sheep 2 (# 3714) on :
 

Sheep 2 glares witheringly at Wardrobe and mutters in a growling, very unsheeply-like manner: Just try it.
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
[Light appears on corner of stage]

Princess Leia, nice lady.

[Stares into space]

She just appeared for tea with my mum this afternoon.

[Staring ...]

[Thoughts of Leia]

Told her about lots of exciting things that are going to happen - I didn't manage to catch most of them. Something about a saver - must have been from the Halifax or something. Nice woman. It'd be nice if nice people could call on everyone.

[Staring, star...]

Oh, was this light for someone else, sorry.

[Rushes off stage left]
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Musical Director:
Well make sure there is some Opening Night Ale left for the US as Oz shipmates when they arrive...

---

And the Angel (6) said unto them, "Fear not! For behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy: the fridge is FULL of lager, ale and stout (and Diet Coke for the wimps), and the truck's coming by again tomorrow morning."

And suddenly there was with the Angel (6) a multitude of the Heavenly Host, praising God and saying, "All riiiiight! Who's got the bottle opener? Oh, are these twist-off caps? Glory to God in the highest!"

And it was good.
 

---

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
OK, glad to have sorted that out Angel 6. I'm taking a bottle and going to bed. In fact I'm taking several bottles and going to bed. The orchestra have worked out a rota, so there should never be any less than 4 musicians on the bandstand at any one time.

Although I use the word 'musician' in the loosest possible sense...

*wanders off muttering under his breath*
 

---

Posted by bee_of_good_cheer (# 3672) on :
 
a meteor streaks out of the sky, trailing bits of sweet clover, rugosa rose petals and alfalfa. as it nears, it appears to be a cerulean and gold 1971 harley davidson 'lectraglide driven a wild-haired apparition in baby blue leather. the heavenly scooter roars over the heads of shepherds on yonder hill, circles round the stage twice and parks by the tea cart,revving the engine and leaving a small pool of oil.

pulls manure shovel out of left saddle bag. unloads sheep treats from right saddle bag.

whispers to shepherd and stage manager:

"be of good cheer. i bring equipment to tidy the stage and comfort the sheep"

goes to work, humming 'born to be mild'....
 

---

Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
Hmmmm.... excuse me... I know this is my scene and all that, but could you lot just sort of carry on without me for a bit.

I have been practising my lines all day, after a very stressful dress rehearsal last night, and I didn't sleep too well. I'm just popping into the dressing room for an hour or two for a snooze... and I'll take the parrot with me. If I'm not back in twenty hours, send a search party.
 

---

Posted by Phil the Wise Guy (# 3678) on :
 
"Yo! Yo! Yo!"

<flicks cigar ash and raises his sunglasses>

"Where's dis Jesus, king o da Jews, we bin hearing all dis ruckus about? We bin followin' dis cat's star from afar, an' lemme tell ya, dat camel saddle ain't no innerspring mattress, capisce?"

<scratches his behind>

"I mean, King Herod gonna get his panties in a major wad if dis Jesus muscles in on his King gig. I mean, dis Jesus cat gonna be in it up to his little baby patootie if Herod's wise guys take Him on a little ride, see?"

"Anyway, we brung da little guy some stuff, its-- what da hell goin' on here? What's dat cat doing? What's wit' dat sheep?"
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3, having finished chewing her cud, ambles over to the Wise Guy and stares.]

Baaaaaaa.
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 gets distracted and wanders off the stage and into the audience]

Baaaaaa.
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Evil Henchman strides on stage waving a scroll

"Alright, listen up you horrible lot. There's gonna be..."

Breaks off to listen to Director's hurried whisper from the wings.

"Whaddya mean I'm in the wrong scene? Didn't I read the script? What script? Stupid writer's over there somewhere drunk - has been for the last month. Oh, Herod doesn't send me til later. Alright then."

"People, listen up. I'll be back later. Carry on with your miserable lives."
 

---

Posted by Jedi Knight (# 3686) on :
 
Jedi Knight sits on a hay bale and tosses her lightsaber handle in the air and catches it....2539 times without missing.

*scratch, scratch* This beard is sure itchy. Glad I'm not a guy IRL.

Here kitty kitty.
 

---

Posted by Jedi Knight (# 3686) on :
 
Oops! Sorry! I thought that since Evil Henchman was here, I was supposed to be, too!

Exit, stage right...
 

---

Posted by Techie1 (# 3688) on :
 
<stage whisper> What do you mean can I hook up the PA to a cell phone??? Now??? He's calling from where???
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 wanders across the empty stage, nibbling at scenery.]

Baaaaaaa.

[Exits stage left. Settles down next to a pile of costumes where Stable Cat is sleeping. Chews cud for a bit. Falls asleep.]
 

---

Posted by Jesus' evil twin (# 3702) on :
 
What the he...? What is this? Oh, her bladder!

*kick*
 

---

Posted by Lowly Shepherd (# 3693) on :
 
Looks like I got here just in time. Right where's this baby. I need to measure him up for a nice matinee jacket.

I am am a Lowly Shepherd
I knit things all day long
And when the sheep give me their wool (Baa )
I sing a happy song
 

---

Posted by Angel 2 (# 3710) on :
 
Enter Angel 2 stage left

"So where is everyone else? All I can hear are the snores of assorted people and animals. I'm here and ready to start."
Whispering from the wings

"What do you mean they started without me? and there's been some singing."

Smiles at audience, take a big breath to swell her not inconsiderable chest and breaks into "The Holy City" (offkey) then waits in vain for the rapturous applause.
 

---

Posted by Gabriel (# 827) on :
 
I'm Here - I'm here at last! Now, do you still want me to do my "fear nor" speech or am I way too late?
 

---

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :
 
Noting that the sheep seem to be in mad disarray, the Spare Shepherd calls them over to a spot back stage for a bite to eat - vegemite sandwiches... and they can listen to her sing that great Australian folk song... "Waltzing Matilda"- about a bad man who steals, kills, cooks, and then eats a she...er...er... an animal...

[They do spelling lessons backstage as well I've heard...]

[ 10. December 2002, 07:54: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

---

Posted by Angel 3 (# 3687) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabriel:
I'm Here - I'm here at last! Now, do you still want me to do my "fear nor" speech or am I way too late?

---

I don't know Gabriel - wot are you like? The Fairy Godmother appeared and defended our rights as Members of Equity (and the Angels Union). Angel 4 sang a song, and Angel 6 sang a solo, then Angel 6 and humble self sang a duet, then we sang an encore and ribald "12 Days of Christmas", then we handed out lots of beer and then Angel 2 sang a song despite the space time continuum....

O lay it on us, Boss Angel. Except Mary's gone to bed with a headache and taken the parrot....
 

---

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Look, Gabriel, the guys in the Orchestra have worked really hard to learn a Holy and Regal Fanfare just for you. But so far we've been limited to comedy versions of Christmas carols. If we play the tune, can you just say the line please? We'll edit it together in the cutting room later ... oh, this is live ... er ... take it away guys!

*several half-asleep or half-drunk horn players perform a fanfare that sounds like the Arrival of the Queen of Shambles*
 

---

Posted by Strings (# 3652) on :
 
Sorry all,

I got unavoidably detained without access.

Isn't it about time we had some more music. And what's "Onward Christian Soldiers" got to do with it? How about " A Virgin most pure"? That sounds as though it's about where we are.

Ah yes, best get instruments out... How about an A, someone?

< sounds of violin being tuned, then assorted strangled plinks as the mandolin is also tuned>

AH, that's better. Introdcution anyone?

[smug smile - bet you didn't spot that one]

[ 10. December 2002, 09:50: Message edited by: Director ]
 

---

Posted by Angel 2 (# 3710) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gabriel:
I'm Here - I'm here at last! Now, do you still want me to do my "fear nor" speech or am I way too late?

---

I say "Go for it Gabe", you could alwys wake up Mary and that strange bird.

Or I could sing another song.

Cries of "No, no, anything but that!" are heard fom the audience.
 

---

Posted by Camel driver (# 3655) on :
 
Just to point out that I have a small herd of camels here, ready to go as soon as that star appears.

The fact that we're about nine months early just shows the amount of planning that's gone into this trip
 

---

Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Camel driver:
Just to point out that I have a small herd of camels here, ready to go as soon as that star appears.

The fact that we're about nine months early just shows the amount of planning that's gone into this trip

---

<Which remark is met by a frosty glare from the Director, who is standing in the wings surrounded by several tons worth of black bin bags full of you-know-what.>
 

---

Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
The Virgin Mary slips back onto the stage, dressed in blue nightie (down to the ankles, of course), blue fluffy dressing gown, blue slippers and with a parrot (dressed in white) sitting on her head

*ahem*

waits for silence

waits a bit longer for silence

gives up and starts anyway

His humble handmaiden is grinning with glee,
There's no other woman as blessed as me.
The whole world will wonder my pureness and piety.
(I'm the only one here to show signs of sobriety!)
His strong arm will guide me and brighten the gloom,
For blessed am I and the fruit of the loom.
(Ooops, sorry, meant to say "Fruit of my Womb")
His name will be Jesus, I couldn't be gladder!
Despite his twin sister who's just kicked my bladder

er... ....excuse me a minute!

rushes offstage
 

---

Posted by Virgin Mary (# 3653) on :
 
returns, looking much relieved

God's singled me out 'cos I'm virgin and pure
and pretty and gentle and modest, what's more.
I'll sing and I'll dance and I'll turn cartwheels too.
But not now as I'm off to get changed for scene 2

Curtseys and runs back offstage, leaving a rather perplexed looking parrot behind her
 

---

Posted by Miss Ship of Fools 2002 (# 3718) on :
 
Do you want to just pop into this woolley jumper dear? I just saw you singing and dancing around in your nighty and i'm worried that you might catch a bit of a chill. It's not even flannelling, but a one of those polyesters if I'm not mistaken... and even if you've got some fluffy slippers on, it's hardly outdoor wear.

This is one of Geoff's jumpers, I knitted it for him a few Christmases ago but i'm sure he won't mind you slipping into it. The moss green and brown stripes go quite well with the blue. (I had to learn all this colour co-ordination business for the padgent you know!) We can't have you coming down with a cold when you've got such an exciting time ahead! Better take a lemsip for good measure.
 

---

Posted by Tour Manager (# 3670) on :
 
(making a brief appearance from within the Magic Tour Bus holding a phone in one hand and a bedgraggled bird in the other)

(Stage Whisper)Madam Director? I've got Gabriel on line one and some kind of parrot-dove-carrier pigeon here to send another message to Mary. There seems to be some trouble with incompatible transatlantic mobile phone standards. I could always try tying a message to one of the sheep otherwise. Please, direct, us!
 

---

Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Tour Manager:
(making a brief appearance from within the Magic Tour Bus holding a phone in one hand and a bedgraggled bird in the other)

(Stage Whisper)Madam Director? I've got Gabriel on line one and some kind of parrot-dove-carrier pigeon here to send another message to Mary. There seems to be some trouble with incompatible transatlantic mobile phone standards. I could always try tying a message to one of the sheep otherwise. Please, direct, us!

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Groan!

We'd best go for the sheep option.

Pooper-scooper! Get yourself down here, now!!

< Wanders off to where Tealady is waiting with another medicinal brandy>
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Hang on, I'm getting a wire from Gabriel now ... I'll read it out.

MARY PREGGERS STOP HOLY SPIRIT DID IT STOP SORRY CANT MAKE IT TILL LATER - BUSY HAVE TO STOP

Does that make sense to anyone?

*I think now is the time for the 'X Files' theme, seeing as no-one has a clue what is going on...*
 

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Posted by angel 5 (# 3696) on :
 
wanders around asking everyone she can see what's going on...
 

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Posted by Assorted Strings (# 3652) on :
 

quote:

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poste by the Musical Director:
*I think now is the time for the 'X Files' theme, seeing as no-one has a clue what is going on...*

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quote:

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Originally posted by Director:

quote:

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Originally posted by Camel driver:
Just to point out that I have a small herd of camels here, ready to go as soon as that star appears.

The fact that we're about nine months early just shows the amount of planning that's gone into this trip

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<Which remark is met by a frosty glare from the Director, who is standing in the wings surrounded by several tons worth of black bin bags full of you-know-what.>

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quote:

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Originally posted by Director:
We'd best go for the sheep option.

Pooper-scooper! Get yourself down here, now!!

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*I suppose that's me, since no stage hands have yet to be seen in this theatre. ...readies pooper scooper for inevitable sheep incontinence....*

I only have one layette set for Virgin Mary's baby Jesus...and they are saying the second one is to be a girl..

Director, I have to go shopping for some pink booties and stuff. The sooner the better - the way this play is unfolding, I don't dare wait til Scene 8!
 

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Posted by Camel driver (# 3655) on :
 

quote:

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Just to point out that I have a small herd of camels here, ready to go as soon as that star appears.

The fact that we're about nine months early just shows the amount of planning that's gone into this trip

<Which remark is met by a frosty glare from the Director, who is standing in the wings surrounded by several tons worth of black bin bags full of you-know-what.>

wups... sorry!

~ puts down large mocha latte. attaches farm wagon to trailer hitch, hops on harley, pushes the thumb-kicker and roars backstage. lifts black bags of sheep leavings with one hand and tosses em into wagon. winks a thanks & roars off to deposit into compost heap in the garden of eden. ~

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[Shouts] And don't forget my commission, either!

[clears throat]

Now, if anyone would like to have a camel ride in the meantime - great fun for the kiddies, honestly - just wander outside where my assistant will be happy to relieve you of your money with menaces... sorry, with promises of hours of fun (minutes, anyway)

We'll have to be back for Scene 3, but plenty of time to be taken for a ride... sorry, to go for a ride

[Look, I don't get Equity rates for this, I've got to support my wife and family somehow. What's wrong with a little private enterprise?]
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 eludes the Director by climbing into the Tour Bus.]

Ba.

*sheep plop*
*sheep plop*
*sheep plop*

[Sheep 3 begins nosing around the Tour Bus, looking for something to eat, nibbling on various costumes and personal items left scattered around.]
 

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Posted by bee_of_good_cheer (# 3672) on :
 
~ employs little gold manure shovel, deposits plops in wagon and grabs alfalfa brownies from saddle bag. ~

hey sheepie

here's treats!
 

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Posted by Lowly Stage Hand (# 3648) on :
 
having totally failed to make it to the performance so far , the lowly stage hand desperately tries to make amends by collecting the pooper-scooper from the chief stage manager, and trying to surrepticiously clear up the sheep's mess without the audience noticing.

Standing by ready for any further little 'oopses'
 

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Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
<a scream of despair is heard off-stage>

Oh, for *&%*$'s sake!

There are sheep in my dressing room!

WHY are there sheep in my dressing room?

Where in God's sweet name is the director?

DIRECTOR!!! GET IN HERE NOW!!!

(This'd never have happened when I was in RADA)
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Intrigued by the bee with the grassy-smelling brownies, Sheep 3 is following bee_of_good_cheer off of the Tour Bus, when sudden screaming from one of the dressing rooms cause Sheep 3 to bolt.]

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
 

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Posted by Assorted Strings (# 3652) on :
 
Herod,

Isn't it about time we had a break for, well, food? Maybe you could, y'know, kinda catch and cook one of those sheep....

Well, you did said they were penned in your dressing room. I mean, they're captive, aren't they?
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 leaps off the stage into the orchestra pit, scrambles out the other side and runs into the audience.]

Baaaaaa.
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.
 

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Posted by Tealady (# 3713) on :
 
Right dearies, just a couple of things I wanted to point out.

1. I have confiscated all the lager, stout and other alcoholic beverages from the green room, where they were being sold without my permission. With the profits from the sales of 'medicinal coffee' I have now set up a bistrot in the Green Room, called Cafe Vert. Unless the director stops me, I'm going to be serving alcohol as well as coffee - look at it this way, bossman, at least they're still in the building... I will also still be bringing the tea trolley round. Any complaints and I'll be having a quiet word with The Evil Henchman, catch my drift?

2. If you need anything from Cafe Vert and I don't appear to be here, my lovely assistants Sven and Samantha will serve you. They're very efficient, but not very talkative, as most of the Brits here will know.

3. Lamb burgers 2.50, Lamb chops and mash 4.50, sausages (lamb) onna stick 1.50, mutton stew 2.50. The camel driver may be interested in sheep's eyeballs, 50p each. Don't ask no questions, alright?
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Tealady, in preparation for tonights new Scene, may I purchase 'all the lager, stout and other alcoholic beverages' you have. Just send the bill to the Director, OK?

And is it true, o purveyor of the finest comestibles, that you are negotiating to open a drive-thru McDonalds for when the travelling cast members arrive? May I suggest that in the drive-thru lane we install a sheep-dip. Some of those animals are beginning to smell fruity...
 

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Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Evil Henchman knocks respectfully on Herod's door.

"Hey Mister Bossman, you want me to remove that sheep? Sure thing. I think the tealady'll do you a nice swap, sheep for more alcohol? Yes sir."

Evil Henchman herds stray sheep out of Herod's dressing room, and down the corridor in the direction of the Bistrot.
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Evil Henchman:
in the direction of the Bistrot

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I take it a Bistrot is where they serve hooved animals, rather than a Bistro where they serve humans?

But onto more important matters! We need shepherds, and quick! For I am going to make a shepherds pie ... er, I mean ... we need them backstage ready for the next scene (only 4 hours to go!)
 

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Posted by angel 5 (# 3696) on :
 
help i'm stuck........

heeeeellllppppppppp

i wanna get down....but i cant....waaaaahhhhhh
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Herod:
<a scream of despair is heard off-stage>

Oh, for *&%*$'s sake!

There are sheep in my dressing room!

WHY are there sheep in my dressing room?

Where in God's sweet name is the director?

DIRECTOR!!! GET IN HERE NOW!!!

(This'd never have happened when I was in RADA)

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Excuse ME!

I shall pretend I didn't hear that!

You are being a Mr Grumpy face, aren't you? A few sheep never hurt anyone.

Now, if you can be a good boy for the rest of the scene...
 

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Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :
 
*the stable cat stretches luxeriously. it was a nice long snooze. now its time for food*

prrrrrrt? mrrrrt?
 

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Posted by bee_of_good_cheer (# 3672) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by angel 5:
help i'm stuck........

heeeeellllppppppppp

i wanna get down....but i cant....waaaaahhhhhh

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~ unhitches farm wagon, jumps on harley, revs engine loudly and speeds to the starry expanse. (POW ! backfiring a little... sorry! ) ~

hey now, young angel. hop on the back and we'll have you down to earth in no time. mind the pipes.. they're awfully hot.

~ tucks wild hair into back of jacket to preserve angel 5 from a face-whipping. ~

hang on, angelgirl. we're off!
 

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Posted by angel 5 (# 3696) on :
 
angel 5, who is now safely back on earth, avoides both directors and the chief angel...

angel 5 runs to hide in a dressing room
 

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Posted by Jesus' evil twin (# 3702) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by chief stage manager:
I only have one layette set for Virgin Mary's baby Jesus...and they are saying the second one is to be a girl..

Director, I have to go shopping for some pink booties and stuff. The sooner the better - the way this play is unfolding, I don't dare wait til Scene 8!

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quote:

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Originally posted by Tealady:
Lamb burgers 2.50, Lamb chops and mash 4.50, sausages (lamb) onna stick 1.50, mutton stew 2.50. The camel driver may be interested in sheep's eyeballs, 50p each. Don't ask no questions, alright?

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I might have to have a little talk with my friends in PETA about this!
 

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Posted by Tealady (# 3713) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Musical Director:
Tealady, in preparation for tonights new Scene, may I purchase 'all the lager, stout and other alcoholic beverages' you have. Just send the bill to the Director, OK?

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quote:

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And is it true, o purveyor of the finest comestibles, that you are negotiating to open a drive-thru McDonalds for when the travelling cast members arrive? May I suggest that in the drive-thru lane we install a sheep-dip. Some of those animals are beginning to smell fruity...

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quote:

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I take it a Bistrot is where they serve hooved animals, rather than a Bistro where they serve humans?

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quote:

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Originally posted by angel 5:
angel 5 runs to hide in a dressing room

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quote:

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Originally posted by Jesus' evil twin:
Better rethink that pink, bucko, or you're in for it once I get out of here.

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quote:

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Originally posted by chief stage manager:
I catch your drift. No problem. Oh, Wardrobe Mistress....can you die this lot of infant clothing a nice shade of purple, maroon or lavender for the girl twinette?

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Dark purple with black lace sounds good. Goth baby togs.
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
Note to director(s)

I'm afraid that tonights performance will be lacking something, as the gift will be unavalable due to Belly Dancing practice. I hope you will cope without me, don't know how, but I'm sure you'll get through..

Yours
Goldie (locks*)
*optional
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Wardrobe:
Dark purple with black lace sounds good. Goth baby togs.

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That should be perfect!


 

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Posted by Assorted Strings (# 3652) on :
 
Well, toodle-oo all for the night. See oyu tomorrow!

Any chance of a music list, so I know what to practise? (Practise? Me? )
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Assorted Strings:
Any chance of a music list, so I know what to practise? (Practise? Me? )

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List? From me?
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 returns to the stage via the orchestra pit, knocking over some music stands and accidently stepping on a violin]

Baaaaaa.

[She then disappears backstage, still searching for Lowliest Shepherd.]

Baaa. Baaaaa.
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 
Ladies, gentlemen and assorted hangers on... <glares at stray sheep>

We will now be having a short break. Drinks available in the bar, no shoving please.

Kindly refrain from making annoying slurping noises with your kia-ora, and may I remind you that popcorn fighting is a bannable offence.

The next scene will commence in approximately twenty minutes.
 

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