Ship of Fools: Scene 10: Shepherds visit

Thread: Scene 10: Shepherds visit Board: Nativity Play / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :

You're not coming in here smelling like that!

So last night we met the shepherds, who incredibly enough were on a hillside, with sheep, and washing their socks - as the prophecies in the Christmas carols foretold. Unfortunately they ended the night by getting sloshed with the host of angels, so lets hope they get to the right place at the right time tonight...

Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :

Hark the herald angels sing
They to shepherds great news bring.
Told to men most rude and wild
Of the birth of the Christ child.
Told to simple men, not wise
God had come in human guise.
When the shepherds heard the same
They at once arose and came

Hark the herald angels sing
Glory to the new born King.

Thought their pints had just been poured
They at once their beer abjured
They left off their evening drinking
Came to Beth'lem without thinking.
They only cared that they might be
Here at his nativity
Brought along the sheep as well
(They're very close as you can tell).

Hark the herald angels sing
Glory to the new born King.

Ale they drink to great excess,
Ale their hardships do suppress.
And they're fond of barley wine
But hearing of the birth divine
They at once thought they must fly.
To reach the stable they must try,
So come they now, and full of mirth,
To greet the God of all the earth.

Hark the herald angels sing
Glory to the new born King.

But let us not miss one more thing
An angel with the blackest wing.
From head to toe in darkest cloth
There's no doubt that she's a goth.
What can be her purpose here
Can it be to cause great fear?
Let us listen to her tale
And then buy her a pint of ale.

Hark the herald angels sing
Glory to the new born King.

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

Several hours ago...

Brrr. Cold. Purple. Purple? Purple?? PURPLE????

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

[Even Lowlier Shepherd crawls out from under the table and looks up at the horde of angels and winces.]
Is it morning already?

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

That's right -- blame the angels!

(Heaves heavy sigh, pulls out Flaming Sword, points drunken/hungover shepherds in the right direction.)

Do their socks ALWAYS smell this bad?

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

[Sheep 3 sings along:]

Baaaa -ba-ba-ba-baa-baa-baaaaaaaaaa
Baa-ba-ba-baaaaaa, ba-ba-baaaa-baaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Now let me try to get this staright. first I was washing my stuff.

Then some illuminated ladies arrived.

Then there was a long bit about a gift for a baby.

And then...there was a magic pub...

And now?

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

Right.. I think we shepherds need to act like the sheep and get ourselves in synch. Shall we go in order of seniority, top to bottom?

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
...And now?

And now, off you go to worship and adore the newborn king. And you might give a nod to his Evil Twin while you're at it.

But first, take a bath!

I trust you've already checked with the gift registry?

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Mary hurriedly pushes several bags of Christmas shopping out of sight behind a bale of hay and assumes her serene look. She has also assumed a new blue dress and a somewhat slimmer figure within it

Well, that was a peaceful night, wasn't it Joseph, darling?

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

BVM, my dear! What a lovely dress. It really brings out your eyes.

We've got some shepherds straggling along near here, planning to worship and adore, etc. You ready for them, or shall I make sure they get cleaned up first?

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

A gift?

Will beer do?

seems to be plenty left over!

Or, we could just party again...hair of the dog, eh?

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
A gift?

Will beer do?

It might for the Evil Twin, although I believe she prefers vodka.

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

Where did I put that sheep I wrapped up?

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Angel 6:
BVM, my dear! What a lovely dress. It really brings out your eyes.

We've got some shepherds straggling along near here, planning to worship and adore, etc. You ready for them, or shall I make sure they get cleaned up first?

Glances at the Little Lord Jesus asleep in the hay

Oh, I think there's a well outside, they might just want to smarten up a bit first.

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Now, I was washing my clothes last night. Where did they go?

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:
Where did I put that sheep I wrapped up?

Careful -- I understand PETA is monitoring this nativity play.

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Well, that was a peaceful night, wasn't it Joseph, darling?

Hastily disposes of "Bowling For Columbine" ticket stub, and sits on bale.

Indeed it was, dear! And look at little Jesus...

so peaceful!

[Love]

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Aside to angel (Or sober up, at least) [Roll Eyes]

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

Dunno about the laundry. And it looks like we drank all the vodka. How about some whiskey?

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Aside to angel (Or sober up, at least)

They're a bit overly odoriferous, it's true. Right!

(Dumps shepherds in well, washing off assorted sheep byproducts, dye jobs, shepherd byproducts, etc., and leaving them at least marginally sober as a special bonus.)

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

glug...splutter...dang!

What be you a doin of?

I 'as a bath once a year, whether I needs it or not!

And this ain't bath night!

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Now, I was washing my clothes last night. Where did they go?

Oh sorry - clothes were they?

Threw them in the recycling bin as rags [Embarrassed]

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

[Sheep 3 trots up, carrying a bit of one of the robes which the sheep ripped off the sleeping shepherds last night (hint - remember?)]

Baaaaaa.

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
...And this ain't bath night!

Excuse me, you comic git, but you are going to meet your Lord and Savior, the New-Born King, and you WILL be CLEAN before you are admitted!

This is your deodorant. It is your friend.

(Honestly, the things we angels have to do in the line of duty...)

[Angel]

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

[ELS comes up out of the water spluttering!]
If I wanted to be baptised, I'd have gone to the Jordan and waited 30 years for John the Baptist!

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Joseph darling, there seems to be rather a noise outside. I wonder what it could be! I hope they don't wake the baby!
Look, isn't he lovely?

I think he's about ready for a nappy change. Would you do it this time, sweetheart? Hmmmm?

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
Oh sorry - clothes were they? Threw them in the recycling bin as rags

I hope you've not lost that ferret skin coat I lent him

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd:
If I wanted to be baptised, I'd have gone to the Jordan and waited 30 years for John the Baptist!

Well, this way you're ahead of the game, and you didn't even have to take a number. Count your blessings, Mac!

[Angel]

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:

quote:
Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
Oh sorry - clothes were they? Threw them in the recycling bin as rags
I hope you've not lost that ferret skin coat I lent him

That's what it was - it's out the back there as I thought it would make good polishing cloths

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Well, then, I wants a new coat!

Otherwise I sues!

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
That's what it was - it's out the back there as I thought it would make good polishing cloths

What say we direct them to the Salvation Army used clothing emporium? They've got a special today -- teatowels, 10 for a denarius.

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Well, then, I wants a new coat!

Otherwise I sues!

I'd have sued by now if wardrobe had expected me to wear that lots of rags

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
I'd have sued by now if wardrobe had expected me to wear that lots of rags

Fortunately for the play's budget, shepherds have little or no fashion sense.

Love YOUR dress, darling!

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Well, then, I wants a new coat!

Here, Chief, have this purple thing I was given last night. I've a spare one.

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Angel 6:

quote:
Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
I'd have sued by now if wardrobe had expected me to wear that lots of rags
Fortunately for the play's budget, shepherds have little or no fashion sense.

Love YOUR dress, darling!

Oh thank you so much - purple is so in this season.

Gives a twirl

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Thanks, Dep.

I likes the black lace on it!

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Angel 6:
Fortunately for the play's budget, shepherds have little or no fashion sense.

Love YOUR dress, darling!

aside, to Angel 6
What about mine? I really do think blue suits me, don't you? This one was a real bargain, half price if you bought two more to go with it!

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Angel 6:
shepherds have little or no fashion sense.

Well, looks like we're not the only ones? [Killing me]

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

Right then.. are we all here?

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
...I likes the black lace on it!

As I was saying about shepherds and their fashion sense -- or lack thereof....

[Angel]

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:

quote:
Originally posted by Angel 6:
Fortunately for the play's budget, shepherds have little or no fashion sense.

Love YOUR dress, darling!
aside, to Angel 6
What about mine? I really do think blue suits me, don't you? This one was a real bargain, half price if you bought two more to go with it!

Actually you should get your colours done - that shade makes you look washed out.

Try a deeper hue or leave blue to the experts

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

So, run this by me again:

we has to visit some bird with babies?

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:
aside, to Angel 6
What about mine? I really do think blue suits me, don't you? This one was a real bargain, half price if you bought two more to go with it!

It's gorgeous -- but I already complimented you! See above:

quote:
BVM, my dear! What a lovely dress. It really brings out your eyes....

And it's just wonderful the way your girlish figure has come back so perfectly, and so swiftly! Nothing short of....well....miraculous! (You go, girl!)

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
So, run this by me again:

we has to visit some bird with babies?

That's what the angels said...

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Er... Joseph.....

....darling......

....nappy!....

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :

Wanders up to the shepherds. Not sure if he recognizes these guys. They're so ... clean.

Baaaaaaaa!

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
So, run this by me again:

we has to visit some bird with babies?

(Angel 6 sighs again, still more heavily; we all have our crosses to bear -- or will, in another three decades or so -- and the Comic Git is one of mine. Egad.)

The Mother of God, with the Son of God, and her bozoid husband AND the Evil Twin.

Have you got the presents?

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Joseph?

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Angel 6:

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
So, run this by me again:

we has to visit some bird with babies?
(Angel 6 sighs again, still more heavily; we all have our crosses to bear -- or will, in another three decades or so -- and the Comic Git is one of mine. Egad.)

The Mother of God, with the Son of God, and her bozoid husband AND the Evil Twin.

Have you got the presents?

Holding up a bottle of whiskey Yup! Right here!

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep:
Wanders up to the shepherds. Not sure if he recognizes these guys. They're so ... clean.

Baaaaaaaa!

Right, Rudolph. Could you and your chums help to herd the shepherds? Thanks ever so!

Mary, should I nudge Joseph with the Flaming Sword? That usually has a salutary effect on things like nappy-changing willingness.

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Why are we visiting babies? I got babies at home. Noxious instruments of the devil, with a vent at both ends!

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Angel 6:
Have you got the presents?

Holds up Sheep 1, neatly wrapped, with a piece of tinsel hanging from each ear

Found it!

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd:

quote:
Originally posted by Angel 6:
...Have you got the presents?
Holding up a bottle of whiskey Yup! Right here!

That'll do for the ET, but what have you got for Ickle Jesus?

And just a warning: no drumming.

[ 18. December 2002, 21:41: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

Something about being King of Kings and Lord of Lords, Chief. Or, at least I think that's what they said before they started up with those Hallelujas.

Posted by Wardrobe (# 3675) on :

Just popping in for a second. Any shepherds need new bathrobes or tea towels?

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Why are we visiting babies? I got babies at home. Noxious instruments of the devil, with a vent at both ends!

Would you prefer to visit Herod? I think I saw the Evil Henchman lurking about a minute or two ago...

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Wardrobe:
Just popping in for a second. Any shepherds need new bathrobes or tea towels?

In the nick of time! We were just going to run them through the thrift shop. Anything will do, as long as it's clean.

[Angel]

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Between serenely gritted teeth Joseph darling.... We are expecting visitors. I need to get myself presentable. And there's something very evil in one of those nappies, so would you kindly sort it... sweetheart... TODAY?

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Oh! A King eh?

I'm a republican!

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd:
Something about being King of Kings and Lord of Lords, Chief.

If they're royal gifts, shouldn't we be giving them to the butler for safe keeping??

Posted by Wardrobe (# 3675) on :

Here you go. I've lost track of shepherds, so here are 6 tunics, 6 robes, 6 tea towels, and some string. You folks will have to sort out who gets which bits.

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

quote:
said by Angel 6:
Right, Rudolph. Could you and your chums help to herd the shepherds? Thanks ever so!

[Sheep 3 locates nearest shepherd, lowers head, runs and butts.]

Baaa.

*thump!*

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Oh! A King eh?

I'm a republican!

One more word along those lines, and it's off to Herod with you. I hear his children are ready for a new plaything.

I'M a libertarian, but we're all monarchists for this one!

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Voice now serenely dangerous

Joseph????

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 locates nearest shepherd, lowers head, runs and butts.]

Baaa.

*thump!*

Good show, Sheep 3! Keep it up!

And I think Mary could use a bit of help in getting Joseph to do his daddy duty, if there's anyone in the flock to spare for a minute or two.

[ 18. December 2002, 21:43: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

sings

The people's flag is palest pink
And not as red as you might think!
We go on strike to raise the wage
Of shepherd, ass and even mage!
Our lowly work we hold most dear
A crowd of angels brings us cheer!
The middle class ca kiss my ****
I've gone to see a King at last!

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

*Rubs eyes*

Is it my imagination or is one of those there sheeps purple?

Saves dying the wool I s'pose

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

[Sheep 3 takes aim at CCS, lowers head....]

Baaaaaaaaaaa.

*thump!*

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

I hopes my song shows I'm a monarchist now! I'm afeard of Herod!

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

Are we there yet?

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Ah, Fairy Godmother... just the person...
Perhaps you could be of assistance with the babies for a minute.
Joseph seems to have.... left the stable for a moment.
Do the twins a quick nappy change, there's a love!

Just wait till I get my hands on that husband of mine!

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :

Rudolph moseys over to a stack of whiskey bottles, starts drinking from one of the bottles.

Baaaaaaaa {*burp*}

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Is this it? The shed out back of the Crown?

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Ah, Fairy Godmother... just the person...
Perhaps you could be of assistance with the babies for a minute.
Joseph seems to have.... left the stable for a moment.
Do the twins a quick nappy change, there's a love!

Just wait till I get my hands on that husband of mine!

Me nappies? Is this in the script?

I wondered what that awful pong was - just thought it was the drains blocked.

Ok - Pampers? Baby wipes? Talc?

I ain't got none [Help]

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 takes aim at CCS, lowers head....]

Baaaaaaaaaaa.

*thump!*

You know, Sheep 3, I think we can work together! Well played!

[Angel]

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

Strides casually into stable.

Sorry Mary, were you calling? Thought I'd go catch up on the score. They have widescreen TV in the inn! Pity they're all Roma SPQR supporters.

$%^& gloryhunters.

Anyway, what do you want?

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

FG, we agreed on terries, on environmental grounds. They'll just need a quick wash through...

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

Oi - she's a job for you

Got out of that - phew

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Blimey, the bottom must of fell out of the kingin' business, if they gets born in a shed!

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Ah, Joseph... a timely entrance!
F**tb*ll indeed!
We will have words about that later, my love.
Once you've helped the Fairy Godmother change the babies' nappies.
It'll be a bonding experience! [Big Grin]

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
...Ok - Pampers? Baby wipes? Talc?

I ain't got none

Angel 6 produces the necessary equipment -- all of the above, plus a little Dutch courage -- handing it to FG with a bow, then strides off with Flaming Sword in hand to find Joseph. Probably nipped off to the pub....

Sheep 3, care to join me for some carpenter-herding?

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

Smells a bit.

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

Nappies, eh? That doesn't really sound like my bag, baby. Tell you what - I'll sing to the little guy, and you can do it instead.

Clears throat.

#Oh Danny boy, the pipes, the pipes are calling
From glen to glen, and down the mountain side
The summer's gone, and all the flowers are dying
'Tis you, 'tis you must go and I must bide.

But come ye back when summer's in the meadow
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow
'Tis I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow
Oh Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so...

etc.#

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

[Sheep 3 starts to follow Angel 6, but notices Joseph returning to the stable]

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa.

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:
Smells a bit.

YOU should talk!

Okay: shepherds clean and awaiting their entrance, nappies changed, Joe retrieved from the pub...good.

I have to go out and schlep a cherub now. Sheep 3, can you keep an eye on the shepherds? See you later!

Angel 6 flies off with a certain sense of relief...

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

*sniff* I think this is the place...

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

a) His name isn't Danny
b) Have you been drinking?
c) There's plenty more dirty nappies where that one came from, so you'd better learn to enjoy it, Joey, or I'm off with the next good-looking shepherd who comes through that door....

(Hmmm..... not much chance of that!)

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

You first, Chief...

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

Oh, alright then. And no, I haven't been drinking.

Not much, anyway. And would you stop with the threats to abandon me? You're my wife now, in case you've forgotten. I've always thought: "What God hath joined, let no man put asunder."

Notices little Baby Jesus listening attentively.

Well, at least he listens. Can't imagine where he got that trait from...

{sigh}

Holds nose.

Now, what do I have to do, exactly?

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Well, if this is where Kings get born, not long 'til the republic, so that's a blessing!

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Joseph.. there's only one way to learn... so get practising!

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Enters stable

Good,er, evening your majestyship!

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :

Puts down the whiskey bottle. Not the kind fit for a King, that's for sure. Stares at shepards, keeping a good eye on these guys. [Paranoid]

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

Oooh ! Ahhhh !

(Errr, is that right?)

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

[Sheep 3 sidles up to shepherds]

Baaaaaaaaa

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Gentlemen, welcome!

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Joseph.. there's only one way to learn... so get practising!

Mutters darkly and glowers for a bit.

Right, well, I don't suppose there's any point in postponing the inevitable. Now, let's see: how can I make this easy for myself?

Hmmm.

Walks over to manger, picks up Jesus. Walks over to water bucket. Dunks Jesus in bucket.

He looks clean enough now...

Returns Jesus to Mary. Beams at Mary.

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 sidles up to shepherds]

Baaaaaaaaa

Mint sauce

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

doffs his tea-towel headpiece We come to worship and adore the baby. Not sure which one, though...

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 sidles up to shepherds]

Baaaaaaaaa

Errr, would you like a sheep? [Roll Eyes]

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:
Oooh ! Ahhhh !

(Errr, is that right?)

I dunno!

Um, we has come to um..

See you!

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

[Roll Eyes]

Do I have to do everything myself? Honestly!

Look, take the gentlemen's coats.. I think they're here to see the babies.

Oh, talking of which, where is Lavinia anyway?

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

Takes coats.

Hi guys! Any of you brought some bee-

Looks nervously at Mary. Thankfully, she's distracted by Jesus' halo.

{whisper}

Any of you fellas got some beer?

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

[Sheep 3 goes up to manger, looks at Baby Jesus]

Baaaaa.

[Sheep 3 looks in manger to see if the jingle bell with the blue bow is still there.]

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

I heard that!

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :

Follows shepherds into stable. This place looks awfully familiar.

Sees Blessed Mother, nose glows.

Hope she recognizes me. Of course, I wasn't purple the last time I was in here.

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
Any of you fellas got some beer?

{whisper}

I think the purple sheep has got some Black Sheep

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :

After a day of eggnog lattes at Starbucks, I was never off my head, unlike the rest of you. So I am all ready and excited about the Great Visit to Bethlehem Maternity Hospi- ah Stable.
I had my hair cut and coloured at the salon, changed tea-towels and planned my gifts.
I will be the fulfilmment of 2 Christmas carols.

I will play my drum for them, pa rum par par rum, and Mary and her baby will smile and nod at me at me...

Secondly, asking what can I give him, it will be revealed that I will give them my heart-
(of love I suppose, not in a literal sense.)

Oh, it is a happy day indeed.

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Does the little chappy need 'is nappy changed?

Cos my Gertrude has taught me 'ow to do that!

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

I wasn't drunk! [Smile]

It is a purple sheep! [Big Grin]

This season's fashion accessory no doubt

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :

pa rum pa rum pum rum pa pa rum pum pa pa pa pa pum pum pum pum pa pa

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Does the little chappy need 'is nappy changed?

Cos my Gertrude has taught me 'ow to do that!

Oh Mr Shepherd... would you????

Not so serene whispered aside to JosephSee, that's what a real Dad is like. Watch and learn!

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Bloomin' 'eck, that middle-class twit's 'ere agen!

Belt up!

Babies don't need no racket!

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

Turns to Mary.

Nothing wrong with asking them if they're bringing cheer, is there?

Turns to shepherds.

{much quieter whisper than last time}

Think I covered that one quite well. How about cigars? Anyone got some Pringles? But remember: be discreet - it's her time of the month, or something.

Takes a swig of Black Sheep.

This stuff isn't half awful! You guys drink this? Next, you'll be telling me you eat sheep plop and get your jollies with ewes.

Oh. Sorry. Didn't realise...

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Spare Shepherd:
asking what can I give him, it will be revealed that I will give them my heart-
(of love I suppose, not in a literal sense.)

Stage whisper:
Watch out for the evil twin, or it'll be more than a heart of love you end up sacrificing [Eek!]

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

WHO ON EARTH IS PLAYING THAT DRUM???? DON'T WAKE THE BABIES, YOU.... ooops, serene smile ... your drum playing is lovely, maybe you could save it for later. [Big Grin]

[Not quite perfect UBB code unfortunately...]

[ 18. December 2002, 21:48: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

holding up the bottle of whiskey We brought this for the baby.

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

pass 'im over, Ducks!

There, what a fine big boy he is!

Deftly changes nappy, handing soiled one to andgel hovering nearby

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:

Takes a swig of Black Sheep.

This stuff isn't half awful! You guys drink this?

Not only is that man an MCP but he doesn't know real ale when he drinks it [Mad]

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Now, would you like me to sing to 'im? I knows lots of good songs!

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Now, would you like me to sing to 'im? I knows lots of good songs!

Well, I was going to sing "ickle Jesus"

Clears throat

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Now, would you like me to sing to 'im? I knows lots of good songs!

No Chief, you're not singing "Nine and twenty virgins came down from Nazareth"

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :

Because it is Christmas, the Spare Shepherd speaks to the Baby Jesus in (pig) Latin, but provides translation for those who didn't go to a nice middle-class secondary school....

"Eholdbay, Onsay ofway Odgay... Iway ivegay ouyay ymay earthay inway away indkay-ofway Atinlay, ichwhay akesmay emay ooklay
othbay ovinglay andway everclay.

Ohway andway umblehay."

(Behold, Son of God... I give you my heart in a kind-of Latin, which makes me look both loving and clever.
Oh and humble.)

pa rum pa pa rum pum pa

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Now, would you like me to sing to 'im? I knows lots of good songs!
Well, I was going to sing "ickle Jesus"

Clears throat

*looks round for music director who seems to have taken the evening off*

[Help]

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

That 'is name then, is it?

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Smiles at little drummer boy

Be careful, sonny, don't let your poor arms get tired with all that drumming. Why not let me look after the drum for you?

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :

Ok Mary, take the bloody drum. It was giving me a headache- I was just playing it because of the carol.

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

ickle Jesus, I mean?

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Spare Shepherd:
pa rum pa pa rum pum pa

[whispering to Chief] I told you you shouldn't have let him go to that male identity campout!

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Now, would you like me to sing to 'im? I knows lots of good songs!
Well, I was going to sing "ickle Jesus"

Clears throat
*looks round for music director who seems to have taken the evening off*

Wot? No Music?

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :

But Ickle is a funny Christian name....

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Not amongst the WORKING CLASSES it's not, Spare Shepherd!

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :

(Btw, I am a female shepherd, and believe in genderless emplyment. If say, um, Jesus were born a woman, he would understand.)

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

No no no, "ickle" as in "childishly simple rendering of the word 'little'" His name is Jesus, and this is Lavinia...

Erm... anyone know where Lavinia is?

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Was that the girl-demon-baby they gived me to mind? I were a tisey bit drunk, but I fed her alright. She drank quite a drop of me ale...

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :

(I prophesy that Jesus may grow up into a middle- class feminist, but I may be mistaken... surely he will have a long life and many children, and a cute wife....)

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Joseph... where's Lavinia?

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

I always wondered why Spare Shepherd was reluctant to shower with us... [Eek!]

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :

Music? You want music? I was asked to provide musicians - nobody said anything about music.

You'll have to pay extra for that.

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :

Well, um Deputy, that's because you never actually took showers..... being but simple country folk....

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

Maybe Herod got her?

Here's hoping...

Sinister laugh.

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

I knew she were a nancy...

Spare Shepherd that is, not the demon-baby

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Musical Director:
Music? You want music? I was asked to provide musicians - nobody said anything about music.

You'll have to pay extra for that.

No you're there to make sure the music is good not.....well....

*I hate that little drummer boy meself*

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :

Last time I saw the little girl, she was chasing after a lambkin.

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

[Sheep 3, bored, idly noses around the stable]

Baaaaaa.

[ 18. December 2002, 22:01: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
Maybe Herod got her?

Here's hoping...

Sinister laugh.

No, no, no.... not my sweet little Lavinia!
How could you even joke about such a thing?
The prospect is to hideous even to contemplate.
Poor poor poor Herod!
Let's hope Sven escapes OK!

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :

Chief, how did you know my middle name was Nancy?
Aren't you a clever old thing?

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Spare Shepherd:
being but simple country folk....

Now you're confusing me with the Chief. Just because I had a poor upbringing. You middle class types... [Mad]

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:
Baaaaaa.

BAAAA!

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Spare Shepherd:
Last time I saw the little girl, she was chasing after a lambkin.

Really? I seen 'er in the bar, spewing up. That jedi knight give 'er me to mind, but I got bladdered. I left 'er on the floor.

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Musical Director:
Music? You want music? I was asked to provide musicians - nobody said anything about music.

OK, who stole my post?
I meant to say....

Yes dear, we'd noticed!

[I've never seen a bigger mess of a post in all my born days...]

[ 18. December 2002, 22:04: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Really? I seen 'er in the bar, spewing up. That jedi knight give 'er me to mind, but I got bladdered. I left 'er on the floor.

Can't keep out of that bar can you? We're supposed to be worshipping the Holy Child (and Evil Twin) not the Demon Drink

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

Said by BVM:

quote:
Poor poor poor Herod!

Baa?

[Sheep 3 backs off nervously, upsetting Joseph's beer in the process]

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :

Well, at least I was doing some darn good worshipping- heart, drum, Latin and all...

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Really? I seen 'er in the bar, spewing up. That jedi knight give 'er me to mind, but I got bladdered. I left 'er on the floor.
Can't keep out of that bar can you? We're supposed to be worshipping the Holy Child (and Evil Twin) not the Demon Drink

Look, that were a while back. Before we got the news from the shiny people!

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Picks up baby Jesus from the manger and nurses him tenderly
You're a good little boy, you are... Who's mummy's handsome little man, then?

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 backs off nervously, upsetting Joseph's beer in the process]

Don't worry sheep - I wasn't going to drink any more of that muck, anyway.

Pats sheep on head.

What I'd give for a Screwdriver right now...

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:
Can't keep out of that bar can you?

Actually, I think I need a decent drink.

{Whispers to Joseph}

Your round?

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

[Sheep 3 goes over and nudges Rudolph]

Baaaa

*nudge*

Baaaaaaaaaaa

[Sheep 3 notices the whiskey bottles and gives up.]

[ 18. December 2002, 22:06: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :

*breaks into 'Screwdriver' by the White Stripes*

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:

quote:
Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:
Can't keep out of that bar can you?
Actually, I think I need a decent drink.

{Whispers to Joseph}

Your round?

I'm in!

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:

What I'd give for a Screwdriver right now...

Oh Joseph, you are such a darling! [Love]

I just happen to have one in my handbag. How thoughtful of you to fix the broken hinge on the door. It is a bit draughty in here!

Posted by The Cow (# 3656) on :

<rouses himself from behind a bale of hay>
mumbles: Nnnggh! This udder is uncomfortable.

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :

Looks over at Sheep 3

Baaaaaaa?

Looks up at Christ Child

Baaaaaaa! [Love]

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

So, we done here then? We could pop next door, see if the little girl's where I left her?

Posted by The Cow (# 3656) on :

<looks around, sees Ickle Lord Jesus asleep in his mother's arms>

I'm just going to try something:

<wanders over to Mary>

Moooooo!

<The baby awakes, but Ickle Lord Jesus no crying he makes>

Hmmm, I thought so.

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Excuse me... but wasn't there a bit of adoring meant to be going on here?
And what about presents? I distinctly heard something mentioned about presents!

Posted by The Cow (# 3656) on :

How about some milk??

No, I guess you don't really need it.

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by The Cow:

<wanders over to Mary>

Moooooo!

Hello cow! Would you mind most awfully lowing somewhere else, please. The baby may make no crying, but you didn't half make me jump..

(and I haven't had chance to do my pelvic floor exercises yet! [Embarrassed]

)

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

{sigh}

Fixes hinges. Then sneaks out through door.

Time passes.

Returns with a tray laden with exotic tails. Signals to shepherds.

Psst!

Hey, over here! These are on me!

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :

Presents? Presents?

I thought there was something I was meant to do

Christmas - and I've forgotten to buy folk their pressies...

This'll never do [Help]

May be some pre-Christmas sales bargains to be had if I'm quick

Byeeeeee

*Wanders off clutching credit cards and money in search of large shopping centre*

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

We gave Joseph the beer!

Where's the wrapped sheep?

Oh, and you got a drum!

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Excuse me... but wasn't there a bit of adoring meant to be going on here?
And what about presents? I distinctly heard something mentioned about presents!

I offered you the whiskey when we came in--do you want it?

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

Mmmm, these exotic tails are good. Now excuse me one moment.

Leaves. Returns. With exotic COCKTAILS this time.

Anyone want a drink to wash down those delicious tails?

Posted by Angel 1 (# 3661) on :

right, seeings as I missed out on last nights booze up, where's mine?

A

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :

and my gift of love....

Don't you value intangible things, Mary?

Posted by The Cow (# 3656) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Hello cow! Would you mind most awfully lowing somewhere else, please. The baby may make no crying, but you didn't half make me jump..

Blushes terribly at the admonishment

quote:
(and I haven't had chance to do my pelvic floor exercises yet! )

Goes beetroot coloured at the mention of pelvic floor exercise and beats a hasty retreat behind a hay bale

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

No thanks, Poncey, middle class drinks. I'm off next door.

Excuse me lady, I'm done visiting here! Very nice little king you've got there. Shame I'm a repub... sorry, tactless of me!

I'll bring the little demon-girl baby back if I see her!

exit

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Spare Shepherd:
and my gift of love....

Don't you value intangible things, Mary?

Hmmm... yes, I will treasure them in my heart... but I was rather hoping for some new clothes for the babies. Can't any of you knit? A nice pair of purple booties for Lavinia would have been nice, I mean to say, you've got the wool!

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

[Sheep 3 starts looking around for Even Lowlier Shepherd, who is supposed to have a box of tiny jingle bells attached to cerulean bows]

Baaa.

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
We gave Joseph the beer!

Oh, and I forgot to mention, Joseph has given up the demon drink so he won't be needing that!

Serenely upturns the tray of exotic tails and cocktails Sorry!

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
No thanks, Poncey, middle class drinks. I'm off next door.

No problem. All the more for me!

Emits a restrained belch. One must watch one's manners in such a setting.

Still, things'd be better with some nice little snacklets. Anyone got some snacks?

Posted by Angel 1 (# 3661) on :

fine. I'll go and get my own. see if I care.

A

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
We gave Joseph the beer!

Oh, and I forgot to mention, Joseph has given up the demon drink so he won't be needing that!

Serenely upturns the tray of exotic tails and cocktails Sorry!

That didn't half look deliberate...

[Mad]

Posted by Sheep 1 (# 3671) on :

Staggers in, having managed to eat most of the wrapping paper but still dizzy from trying (unsuccessfully) to eat the tinsel attached to her ears

Catches sight of ickle Jesus sweetly sleeping, wanders over to manger

Baaaaaaa

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
We gave Joseph the beer!

Oh, and I forgot to mention, Joseph has given up the demon drink so he won't be needing that!

Serenely upturns the tray of exotic tails and cocktails Sorry!

That didn't half look deliberate...

Posted by Angel 1 (# 3661) on :

If I'm going to be ignored I'm off. I'll go and cause havok elsewhere.

the fallen angel gives them all (except the nice girl twin) an evil stare and stomps off

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

Mary dearest, can you hear that faint whining sound?

I think there's a mosquito in here.

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 starts looking around for Even Lowlier Shepherd, who is supposed to have a box of tiny jingle bells attached to cerulean bows]

Baaa.

Box? What box?

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
Mary dearest, can you hear that faint whining sound?

I think there's a mosquito in here.

Aghhhhhh! Get it away from me, get it away... nasty bitey thing! Don't let it near the baby. Do something about it!!!! [Eek!]

Posted by The Cow (# 3656) on :

I'm off too. Having a cute baby sleeping in my trough is one thing, but having his mum pouring alcohol all over my straw?! If you ask me she's getting a bit uppity. I blame the hormones. And the pelvic floor muscles.

<exits stage centre>

Bump

Bugger!

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:

quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
Mary dearest, can you hear that faint whining sound?

I think there's a mosquito in here.
Aghhhhhh! Get it away from me, get it away... nasty bitey thing! Don't let it near the baby. Do something about it!!!!

Takes nailgun from Mary's handbag. She seems to have quite a few of his tools in here.

Right, Mr Mozzy, let's see what you're made of.

*BLAM*
*BLAM*
*BLAM*
*BLAM*

Hm, sorry about that, Mary. Didn't mean to nail your dress to the wall.

But look! I got the mosquito too.

They always did call me "Fearless Joe Marksman" at the synagogue school. Looks like they were right!

[Smile]

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd:

quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 starts looking around for Even Lowlier Shepherd, who is supposed to have a box of tiny jingle bells attached to cerulean bows]

Baaa.
Box? What box?

[Sheep 3 refreshes ELS's memory:]

quote:
Spoken by Sheep 3 to Sheep 2 in previous scene:
I think the first thing we need to do is nibble off all these cerulean ribbons and jingle bells that are plaited into my fleece.

I can hardly be stealthy going *jingle jingle* all the time.

and

quote:
ditto:
It was very nice of bee_of_good_cheer to put them in, and they do look pretty, but yes, the *jingle jingle* has become annoying.

Why don't we put them in this box, and perhaps Even Lowlier Shepherd (he's very nice, not like the others) can give them as a gift to the baby. I notice that the Baby Jesus liked the one I put in the manger.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Joseph, dearest... GET THOSE NAILS OUT OF MY BEST DRESS! [Mad]

Honestly, do you think Simon is made of money? He'll dock the cost of this dress from your wages, you know.. and we need every penny you can earn to keep Jesus and Lavinia in the manner to which I would like to become accustomed. I mean, there'll be piano lessons, horse riding, ballet for Lavinia, karate for Jesus, school uniforms, Christmas and birthday presents (all on the same day, poor kids), school trips....

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Re-enters, carrying spitting bundle

Is this what you were looking for?

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

Mary dear, I think you're getting ideas above your station. Jesus will be helping me in the workshop as soon as he's slightly bigger than my smallest mallet, and Lavinia will stay at home to clean the floor, help prepare the food and engage in other activities suited only to women.

And I don't want to have to discuss this again.

Honestly, "karate" and "ballet"! How ridiculous.

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Re-enters, carrying spitting bundle

Is this what you were looking for?

Is that the stable cat?

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

Feels rather drowsy.

Mary, I'm not sure I can stay awake much long- [Snore]

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

er, no ma'am it's the other baby.

I found her chewing the glasses in the bar...

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :

Does anyone know how the theme tune to 'Married With Children' go?

Ah, that's it:

'Love and marriage, love and marriage,
Go together like a horse and carriage...'

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :

Hey, make sure that bundle watches where it's spitting!

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
Re-enters, carrying spitting bundle

Is this what you were looking for?
Is that the stable cat?

Er no, it's the other baby.
I found her chewing glasses in the bar.

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :

Evil Henchman enters singing:

Ding dong merrily in hell
In Beth'lem kids are screaming
Ding dong merrily in hell
King Herod is a-scheming

Glo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ria
The angels all are falling.
Glo-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-o-ria
The angels all are falling.

Posted by Jesus' evil twin (# 3702) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mother Mary:
I mean, there'll be piano lessons, horse riding, ballet for Lavinia, karate for Jesus, school uniforms, Christmas and birthday presents (all on the same day, poor kids), school trips....

Look, woman, I don't know what crack you're smokin' here, but in my former life I studied ballet for eight years, and there is NO WAY IN HELL you're ever getting me into a leotard, tights, or a tutu.

That's just the way it is.

quote:
Originally posted by Joseph:
Lavinia will stay at home to clean the floor, help prepare the food and engage in other activities suited only to women.

You're gonna be old and decrepit one day, bucko, and dependent upon me for food and medicine.

[ 18. December 2002, 23:14: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Serenely drops a squawking Lavinia into Joseph's lap, together with a bottle of milk

I'm not breast-feeding thatone, so you're going to have to start getting used to sleepless nights, Joseph darling! Now, if you'll kindly avert your gaze, 'ickle Jesus and I are just going to sit quietly behind this haystack and have supper.

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sheep 3:

Why don't we put them in this box, and perhaps Even Lowlier Shepherd (he's very nice, not like the others) can give them as a gift to the baby. I notice that the Baby Jesus liked the one I put in the manger. BAAAAAAAAAAAAAA.

Oh.. THAT box. Er.. hmm. I had it a moment ago.

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

There now, go to mummy!

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
There now, go to mummy!

Daddy. I think you meant "Daddy" [Big Grin]

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :

Stares long and hard at Joseph.

Nope, he definitely meant "mummy".

Posted by Jesus' evil twin (# 3702) on :

My mommy doesn't want me. I feel so unloved.

[Waterworks]

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

You know I love you. Daddy loves you too... I can remember him saying that when you were still an itty-bitty foetus growing in mummy's tummy. I carried you for nine months, it's Daddy's turn now! Smiles sweetly at her darling daughter He wants some quality time with you.

Posted by Jesus' evil twin (# 3702) on :

I think it's more like he wants to turn me into his cabin wench.

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Lavinia darling, as you grow you will learn that not all men are perfect, and some less so than others. We may have our work cut out, daughter dear, but I think between us we can help Daddy learn a thing or two about relationships. We'll make a new man of him yet. It may have been a quick wedding... just aisle, altar, hymn... but I think it may be prophetic. [Angel]

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Erm...can I go now? I did find her, after all.

It's just... she's run up a bit of a tab at the bar, like.

I don't know if you could see your way clear to popping in...?

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

And he is very good looking, after all [Love]

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chief Comic Shepherd:
It's just... she's run up a bit of a tab at the bar, like.

I hope that was milk she was drinking [Disappointed]

Never mind, I'm sure Joseph will settle up....when he wakes. [Roll Eyes]

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :

Evil Henchman sings some more:

God damn ye merry gentlemen
Let all things you dismay
For Jesus Christ's evil twin
Was born upon this day
To save us all from stable cats
And an'mals in the hay

O-o tidings of blo-odshed and pain,
Blood shed and pain
O-o tidings of blo-odshed and pain.

[ 18. December 2002, 23:29: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

And she..er...chewed up quite a few glasses...

And ate the sawdust off the floor

See, if no-one pays, I'll be barred! [Waterworks]

Posted by Even Lowlier Shepherd (# 3691) on :

[ELS gives Lavinia an odd look]
Isn't she a mite young to be talking already? And shouldn't she have one of those glowing gold nimbus-thingies about her head like ickle Jesus there does, rather than a black glow?

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Lovely song, dear, but would you mind keeping it down a bit... the babies need their sleep and so do I. It's been a very tiring day, you know.

Maybe you could do something helpful like take this bucket of nappies to the laundrette. Thanks awfully. [Big Grin]

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

[Sheep 3 moves to a spot in the stable which places Baby Jesus between herself and the baby with the black nimbus.]

ba

Posted by Chief Comic Shepherd (# 3660) on :

Right, I'll be off then

Glances uneasily at Lavinia

I'd keep her...tied up...if I were you.

Don't leave her with the other one, plase, missus!

She's....uncanny

exit

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

The Blessed Virgin snuggles the infant Lavinia, still fully swaddled, into the arms of the sleeping Joseph. She places baby Jesus in the snug blanket of clean hay which a kindly angel has placed in the manger. A sideways glance at the Evil Henchman, however, unsettles her and she thinks better of it, lifts the baby Jesus once more into her arms and looks for a comfortable bed of hay to settle down on for the night.

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :

Evil Henchman grins broadly, and sings a quieter song:

Silent night.
Holy night.
Herod's here
Out of sight
He'll find Jesus wherever he's hid
Though the wise men won't tell on the kid.
Today will be your last day.
Today will be your last day.

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

[Sheep 3 looks askance at Evil Henchman; she lowers her head, runs and butts]

*THUMP*

Baaaaa

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

[Having butted Evil Henchman, Sheep 3 realizes it would be wise to go look for some nice grazing on a remote hilltop somewhere.]

Baaaaaaaa

*trot, trot, trot*

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :

Reaches for small chainsaw and revs it up.

You want the fur on your back removed in stripes?

Oh good [Big Grin]

Sets to work shaving the sheep in horizontal stripes.

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Snuggled up with the baby Jesus, Mary turns a conveniently deaf ear to the Evil Henchman - a skill which she is working on perfecting for use with her beloved husband - and sings softly to the little boy

'Ickly Jesus sweetly sleep, do not stir
Henchman's plans will not get fur

(OK, well, it nearly rhymes, and it's late, and I did give birth to twins just recently, you know, so what do you expect??? Miracles????)

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

Returns from the bar

Is that a chainsaw? Is that one of our sheep?

Glances across at Lavinia

WHAT'S THAT!

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:
Glances across at Lavinia

WHAT'S THAT!

It's OK, shepherd, it's my husband.

[ 19. December 2002, 00:02: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Penny drops

Hey, don't talk that way about my itty-bitty, sweetie-weetie little daughter. That's my Lavinia, that is! Isn't she beautiful?

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :

Evil Henchman croons:

Little Jesus drugged asleep,
You won't wake,
You will die for Herod's sake.
I will kill you, kill you, kill you.
See the dagger shining bright
This may well be your last night.

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

Errr, yesss, of course [Paranoid]

Unique is the word that springs to mind

Posted by Jesus' evil twin (# 3702) on :

I will need your name.

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Mary snuggles Jesus closer, a sense of foreboding making her feel uneasy... or maybe it's just that Joseph hasn't shut the door properly. A thought suddenly flits across her memory

Here, you said you'd help with this. Off you go! See you in the morning! And thanks for being such an angel [Big Grin]

Hands the Evil Henchman the bucket of soaking terry nappies and a scrubbing board

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

I'm sorry about Lavinia's, by the way... I'm a bit worried about that baby's digestion, you know. But you'll cope.

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :

Wakes with a start.

Wha... I must have fallen asleep. Well, all the shepherds have gone. Should probably urge all these stragglers to leave too.

Oh, hello Evil Henchman. Time you left, I think.

Spin-kick.

Right, now to shut the door.

*click*

Good night, Mary! Good night, Jesus! And... well, good night... Cyril. I mean, Lavinia.

[Angel]

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

Oh Joseph. My hero [Love]

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :

Is it time for 'Goodnight Kiss' by Geri Halliwell?

I thought not.

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Musical Director:
Is it time for 'Goodnight Kiss' by Geri Halliwell?

I thought not.

Aside to the orchestra pit Sorry, Mr Musical Director, but you should know that Joseph is the only man for me. I'll wave goodnight to you, though, if you like. Waves serenely, then settles down to sleep

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :

Spots Sheep 3 while heading back to the fields. Suppresses smile at her horizontal shearing.

Well, it serves you right. Headbutting everyone you see. I told you it would get you in trouble one day. [Big Grin]

Posted by Chief Angel (# 3706) on :

*Chief Angel creeps in, knowing full well that she's REALLY late this time...*

Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee;
Blessed art thou among women
And blessed art the fruit of thy womb Jesus;
Holy Mary, pray for us sinners
Now and at the hour of our death

[Angel]

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :

Runs out of the stable, passes Sheep 3. Sees Sheep 3's unusual new look.

And I thought I was the weird-looking one. [Razz]

Runs away and frolicks in the fields.

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Evil Henchman:
Reaches for small chainsaw and revs it up.

You want the fur on your back removed in stripes?

Oh good

Sets to work shaving the sheep in horizontal stripes.

[Sheep 3 contemplates the stupidity of people who don't know that sheep have wool, or call it a fleece, but by no definition do they have fur. ]

Baaah.

[ 19. December 2002, 09:39: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :

*stable cat wanders in. wanders over to where bvm is holding baby jesus, sits and looks up with wrapt attention*

mrrrrrt?

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

Angel 6, returned from cherub-schlepping duties, surveys the scene and heaves another deep sigh, pulls out Flaming Sword, and sends Evil Henchman on his way. Miraculously heals Sheep 3, then passes out drinks to Angel 3, Lavinia and self.

Anybody else for a drink?
[Two face]

Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :

*stable cat walks up to angel 6*

mrrrrrrlllt?

(loosely translates to "i'll have some cream if you've got any")

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Stable Cat:
*stable cat walks up to angel 6*

mrrrrrrlllt?

(loosely translates to "i'll have some cream if you've got any")

But of course, small feline person!

Would you like that with or without Kahlua? Or I have eggnog, if you'd prefer to be seasonable in your refreshments. Your choice of brandy, rum or bourbon.

Pours out generous libation, idly wondering what weird alternate universe is working itself out in all this booze

[Angel]

Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :

*stable cat indicates that eggnog, only mildly alcoholic, would be very nice indeed*

mrrrrrrttttt!

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Angel 6:
Would you like that with or without Kahlua? Or I have eggnog, if you'd prefer to be seasonable in your refreshments. Your choice of brandy, rum or bourbon.

Pours out generous libation, idly wondering what weird alternate universe is working itself out in all this booze

*Collapsing with exhaustion and stress from a very late day at the jobsite, errands, and then church - plus being incredibly tardy for this scene...*

Please, I'll have an eggnog with brandy..no, you can make it with all three. [Frown]

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :

Now, having partaken of strong drink, I'll just read this scene backwards....

Posted by bee_of_good_cheer (# 3672) on :

still standing guard around the stable with the legion of harley-riding angels who've been playing cards all night. looking up to watch a brilliant light speeding heavenward. gazes longinly as it glimmers sweetly up up up into Father's waiting embrace...... [Tear]

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :

quote:
Originally posted by bee_of_good_cheer:
still standing guard around the stable with the legion of harley-riding angels who've been playing cards all night. looking up to watch a brilliant light speeding heavenward. gazes longinly as it glimmers sweetly up up up into Father's waiting embrace......

Amen.

*Quietly dims all house and stage lights* [Tear]

Posted by bee_of_good_cheer (# 3672) on :

[Tear]

hugs stage manager

Posted by Angel 3 (# 3687) on :

quote:
Originally posted by bee_of_good_cheer:
still standing guard around the stable with the legion of harley-riding angels who've been playing cards all night. looking up to watch a brilliant light speeding heavenward. gazes longinly as it glimmers sweetly up up up into Father's waiting embrace......

Cheers, Magi 1 - Godspeed and safe journey home!

Posted by Jesus' evil twin (# 3702) on :

quote:
Originally posted by bee_of_good_cheer:
still standing guard around the stable with the legion of harley-riding angels who've been playing cards all night. looking up to watch a brilliant light speeding heavenward. gazes longinly as it glimmers sweetly up up up into Father's waiting embrace......

Posted by Lowliest Shepherd (# 3650) on :

Oh Dear [Tear]

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :

Hushes the orchestra and cast for 1 hours silence on stage:

10:00am - 11:00am GMT

[ 19. December 2002, 09:51: Message edited by: Musical Director ]

Posted by angel 5 (# 3696) on :

the littlest angel looks up at the light from heaven, trying to see her friend...but slowly realises she doesn't need to look up, as her Auntie Molly is still with her...in her memory...

God Speed my friend...
'til we meet again.
[Tear]

Posted by Baby Jesus (# 3729) on :

Baby Jesus looks up at the newest bright star shining in the sky, and smiles at it

[Smile]

gurgle

*gentle jingle*

[Angel]

Posted by Spare Shepherd (# 3690) on :

Once I described the stars known as "the Southern Cross" to Molly. This constellation means a lot to those of us down in the southern half of the world. We decided that when she went to God, she could have a good and close look at them, close and personal, as it were. We talked about stars in general- and now she really is there, shining in our hearts all our days. And looking at stars and dancing across the heavens.

"What a lot of bright stars there are in the sky this Christmas"

Posted by angel 5 (# 3696) on :

a long time ago i spoke to molly and was upset and she told me to look at the stars, and hope...cos in Lord of the Rings Sam never looses hope as long as he can see the stars...

It was on a starry night
when the hills were bright
and our friend was sleeping
sleeping calm and still
and all the angels sang for her
the bells of heaven rang for her
as our father called his daughter home at last

Posted by Assorted Strings (# 3652) on :

"See the star, shining bright, in the sky this Christmas night.."

Posted by angel 5 (# 3696) on :

d'ya think that they have christmas play's in heaven?
With the real baby Jesus, and the Angels all singing, to welcome children home...
Happy Christmas!

Posted by Stable Cat (# 3657) on :

*stable cat makes one sad lonely little noise*

prrrrtt?

Posted by Passer-by 3 (# 3711) on :

[Enters, Exits]

Posted by angel 5 (# 3696) on :

the littlest angel sits on the floor, putting the cat on her knees and stoking her, crying quietly...

Posted by Baby Jesus (# 3729) on :

reaches out to littlest angel, with bell in his hand

*jingle?*

Posted by angel 5 (# 3696) on :

the littlest angel holds the baby Jesus' gently, and reaches up to any of the other cast members who are there...
in the semi dark stage lit by a bright star, they stay, keeping quiet and waiting for the time when the little baby comes again...

"to wipe every tear from their eyes"

Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :

The shepherds came, rough as they are
They'd no need to follow a star

They took a bath, for they did smell
They even had clean clothes as well

Then they did just as they were told
A gift was theirs, greater than gold

Gave the child a purple sheep
A treasure always he can keep

They all worshipped, both sheep and men
And the curtain falls on our scene ten.

Except a final word from me
My own tribute to Miss Molly.

Although I did not know you well
Like many others I can tell

Of the joy your presence brought
Of your kindliness of thought

Of happiness you brought our way

And of you now, we think and pray.

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