Thread: Scene 14: Flight to Egypt and Grand Finale Board: Nativity Play / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Flight BA 145 from Gatwick

So we've had many visitors to the Holy Infant, or rather we would have if they had bothered to turn up. Tuh, you can't get the cast these days. Well here is a chance to redeem yourselves, get onstage, sing a tongue-in-cheek song and all bow at once - the Grand Finale!
 

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Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :
 
Ladies and gentlemen
Young children and old
We've not yet finished
There's more to be told.

Mary and Joseph
And their precious twins
Remain in great danger
And fear for their skins

For Herod's still uttering
Bloodcurdling curses
And the Narrator's still writing
Quite dreadful verses.

And though Mary's a mother
And also a wife
She has now found
There's two men in her life.

Brian is helpful
Thoughtful and kind
Joseph's a selfish
Male chauvinist swine.

On this hard issue
She must decide
And at the same time
They've got to hide.

So watch with us now
Closely attend
The thrilling action
Right through to the end.

And don't forget, boys and girls - when Herod appears you should shout, "Boo, Hiss", and if it looks like Mary and Joseph and the twins are in danger you should shout, "He's behind you."
 

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Posted by Sheep 1 (# 3671) on :
 
Wanders on stage hoping to find some hay, or perhaps a teacake.

Baaaaaaaa
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary gazes around her at the stable, which is now beginning to feel very much like home. They seem to have been here a long long time. It will be nice to go home soon and get properly settled into the Carpenter's shop. And to spend some time with Joseph... after all, they are newly wed and haven't had a moment to themselves all week. Hmmm... speaking of Joseph, where is he???
 

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Posted by Angel 1 (# 3661) on :
 
hello everyone, at last I am here, the final scene may begin. . .

A
 

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Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
<The scene is Herod's palace. Herod is passing on orders to his Evil Henchman>

Right.

I think we've wasted enough time.

Get your men together and march them into Bethlehem. Every boy under two years old is to be slaughtered. No ifs, no buts. I don't care whether they're rich or poor, black or white. I'm totally non-discriminatory, I am.

Search every house, every hovel, every inn, every cow-shed.

I want him dead.

There must be no mistakes.
 

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Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
But boss, what if I can't tell how old they are? Or if they're male or not?

People don't tend to go in for that 'blue for a boy, pink for a girl' stuff anymore.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary rises and checks on the babes. Both are awake, Jesus thoughtfully chewing his toe, Lavinia thoughtfully chewing the head off Eyeore. Mary smiles at them, each such a little miracle. She casts an eye around the stable. No sign of Joseph. Straightening her blue nightie, suddenly remembering the audience and slipping her blue fluffy dressing gown on quickly, , she walks over to where he slept the night before.

What's this note????

Mary - got a bit of moonlighting.
Need the cash really for the journey home.
Make a start on the packing, will you, and tidy up a bit.
See you later.
Joe
 

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Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
If you can't tell, kill them anyway.

Better safe than sorry.

Get going! You'll be late otherwise.
 

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Posted by Angel 1 (# 3661) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Herod:
<The scene is Herod's palace. Herod is passing on orders to his Evil Henchman>

Right.

I think we've wasted enough time.

Get your men together and march them into Bethlehem. Every boy under two years old is to be slaughtered. No ifs, no buts. I don't care whether they're rich or poor, black or white. I'm totally non-discriminatory, I am.

Search every house, every hovel, every inn, every cow-shed.

I want him dead.

There must be no mistakes.

---

quote:

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Originally posted by Herod:
If you can't tell, kill them anyway.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 1:
May I help, I've got experience!

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quote:

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Originally posted by Narrator:
Boo, Hiss

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Damn, I'm scared.

Oh no, I'm not actually.

My mistake.
 

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Posted by Sheep 1 (# 3671) on :
 
Wanders over to the twins, nibbles at a bit of Eeyore's stuffing that Lavinia has dropped.

Catches an evil glint in Lavinia's eye and thinks better of it. Deposits stuffing back in Lavinia's manger and backs off nervously.


 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary glances round the stable again

*sigh* We seem to have accumulated quite a bit of junk. I'm not sure what we're going to do with half these presents. Car boot sale, I suppose... raise the money for a decent double baby buggy or something.

I suppose I ought to get packing.

Picks up baby Jesus and Lavinia and nurses them serenely
 

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Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
(Donkey comes in with a nice stuffed "Donkey" for Baby Jesus and puts it in the cradle)
There now little guy, enjoy it!
Hiya Mary! You've got the place really lookin' nice in here!
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Not bad, is it? I shall be sorry to leave it really. But we're off back to Nazareth later today. I don't know what we're doing for transport, so you'd better hang around.
 

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Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Herod:
Get your men together and march them into Bethlehem. Every boy under two years old is to be slaughtered. No ifs, no buts. I don't care whether they're rich or poor, black or white. I'm totally non-discriminatory, I am.

Search every house, every hovel, every inn, every cow-shed.

I want him dead. There must be no mistakes.

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*From side of stage*
That man really has a personality problem.

Obviously been the wrong end of sand being kicked in his face...the runt of the litter turned megalomaniac.
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
*theme from 'johnny Briggs' starts playing

Well I couldn't think of anything else. Just think of it as a kind of moment musico surrealeo.
 

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Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
Well, I could go over and check out the Budget Rent a Wreck and see if they've got something big enough for all this stuff. Wow, we've got a lot of (edited for children)!
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Not bad, is it? I shall be sorry to leave it really. But we're off back to Nazareth later today. I don't know what we're doing for transport, so you'd better hang around.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 1:
Oooh, Herod, I know where they are!

Do you want me to tell you?

---

quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 1:
Oooh, Herod, I know where they are!

Do you want me to tell you?

A

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Little sneak
 

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Posted by Sheep 1 (# 3671) on :
 
Deftly pops open the Pringles while Mary and Donkey peruse the honeymoon brochure.

Munch
 

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Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Evil Henchman:
The jeeps continue to speed along the dusty tracks, coming closer by the minute to the 'little town'...

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quote:

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Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:

quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 1:
Oooh, Herod, I know where they are!

Do you want me to tell you?

A

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Little sneak

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quote:

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Originally posted by Donkey:
Cruise! I love it, when does the boat leave!

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quote:

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Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Just Joseph and me

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quote:

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Originally posted by Evil Henchman:
The jeeps continue to speed along the dusty tracks, coming closer by the minute to the 'little town'...

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quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 1:

quote:

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Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:

quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 1:
Oooh, Herod, I know where they are!

Do you want me to tell you?

A

---

Little sneak

---

big pink blamange.

silly made up thing

person only given a part to keep her out of trouble

you want me to go on?

---

Jumped up little but of fluff

Thinks she's nasty just cos the goth angel lent her black eyelines and nail polish.

Couldn't hurt a fly - all mouth and no action
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Nah, there's no rush. Joe won't be back for ages...
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 
Deck the halls with boughs of holly...

Enter a rather 'carolled- out' Director. She is starting to wish that she hadn't had that sixth mince pie.

'Tis the season to be jolly,
Tra-la lala laaa la la la
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
whispers from next to the Myrrh Mary - I think we can sort this Herod man out. You know I was given as a present to one of your twins... well if some one would like to take me up to the rafters (have we got an Angel spare?) perhaps they could drop me on Herod's head - I'm quite heavy you know... Alternatively I could just dance with him. (Sure to put him off for a while)
 

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Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Scent of Pringles wakes up Rudolph. Sniffs around.

Baaaaaaa!
 

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Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Director:
Deck the halls with boughs of holly...

Enter a rather 'carolled- out' Director. She is starting to wish that she hadn't had that sixth mince pie.

'Tis the season to be jolly,
Tra-la lala laaa la la la

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quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 1:
Think pyramids, water and mummies. . . .

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel 1:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel 1:
Oooh, Herod, I know where they are!

Do you want me to tell you?

A

---

Little sneak

---

big pink blamange.

silly made up thing

person only given a part to keep her out of trouble

you want me to go on?

---

Jumped up little but of fluff

Thinks she's nasty just cos the goth angel lent her black eyelines and nail polish.

Couldn't hurt a fly - all mouth and no action

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Director:
Deck the halls with boughs of holly...

Enter a rather 'carolled- out' Director. She is starting to wish that she hadn't had that sixth mince pie.

'Tis the season to be jolly,
Tra-la lala laaa la la la

---

*Detaches one of her many hip flasks and offers it to Director*

Hair of the dog?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Mother Mary:
All we'd need is for someone to babysit the babies.. and they don't need a lot of looking after - well, one of them doesn't, anyway, and we'd just not have to tell anyone about Lavinia, she looks sweet enough when she's asleep.

---

I'm waiting for it - in a minute she's going to ask me to kid sit.

Well I don't do kids, and I don't bibbity bobbity boo.


 

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Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
I like the double accomodations, see, a room for you and Joe, bunk cribs for the twins, and a stall for the donkey. But how are we going to get to the Nile?
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
I was wondering whether the Fairy Godmother might like to have some quality time with her Godchildren.... but then I remembered, that Sweet Henchman... you know, that nice Mr Herod's helper... he volunteered to help out if I needed a hand with the children. What do you think? I think he left his mobile number - shall I give him a ring?
 

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Posted by Angel 1 (# 3661) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Mother Mary:
I was wondering whether the Fairy Godmother might like to have some quality time with her Godchildren.... but then I remembered, that Sweet Henchman... you know, that nice Mr Herod's helper... he volunteered to help out if I needed a hand with the children. What do you think? I think he left his mobile number - shall I give him a ring?

---

quote:

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Originally posted by Mother Mary:
I was wondering whether the Fairy Godmother might like to have some quality time with her Godchildren.... but then I remembered, that Sweet Henchman... you know, that nice Mr Herod's helper... he volunteered to help out if I needed a hand with the children. What do you think? I think he left his mobile number - shall I give him a ring?

---

quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 1:

quote:

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Originally posted by Mother Mary:
I was wondering whether the Fairy Godmother might like to have some quality time with her Godchildren.... but then I remembered, that Sweet Henchman... you know, that nice Mr Herod's helper... he volunteered to help out if I needed a hand with the children. What do you think? I think he left his mobile number - shall I give him a ring?

---

Yes Yes Yes!

---

No No No!

DON'T DO IT, Mary!

(Somebody's been rewriting the script here, and I intend to find out who).
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary goes across to pick up her mobile phone to ring the Sweet Henchman, but as she reaches is, it begins to ring

TXT FROM JOE

MARY
HAD DREAM
HEROD ON TAIL
BOOK FLIGHT 2 EGYPT
QUICK
WILL CATCH U UP
WHEN I GET OUT OF THE PU..
WHEN I FINISH THIS JOB.
LUV JOE
 

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Posted by Angel 1 (# 3661) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Director:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel 1:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
I was wondering whether the Fairy Godmother might like to have some quality time with her Godchildren.... but then I remembered, that Sweet Henchman... you know, that nice Mr Herod's helper... he volunteered to help out if I needed a hand with the children. What do you think? I think he left his mobile number - shall I give him a ring?

---

Yes Yes Yes!

---

No No No!

DON'T DO IT, Mary!

(Somebody's been rewriting the script here, and I intend to find out who).

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quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 1:
Yes Yes Yes!

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I hate yes people...

Stop sucking up to them you little twerp in a nightie.

It'll only make give them more feelings of their own self importance
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Will you look at that?
We're obviously made for each other, Joe and I
He has had the same thought as I did.
Book a flight to Egypt, he says.
Right... babysitter it is... we're off on honeymoon. Somebody make a start on the packing will you?
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Now, where could I find a cheap flight to Egypt?
 

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Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
[Knock, knock]

[shouts] Anybody at home?
 

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Posted by Angel 1 (# 3661) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel 1:
Yes Yes Yes!

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I hate yes people...

Stop sucking up to them you little twerp in a nightie.

It'll only make give them more feelings of their own self importance

---

Twerp?

Showing your age luv.

A
 

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Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
Right, I'll start with my suitcase, then Joe's, hay, wait a minute, you can't leave the babies here!! There'll be plenty of time for you two in Egypt, I'll make sure of that, I may even watch them for you, but remember to book me early, I have a feeling that big things will happen for me in Egypt!
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
[Knock, knock]

[shouts] Anybody at home?

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I recognise that voice!

Brian... how lovely to see you!!!!
 

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Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
Yes ... lovely to see you too. First you abandon me, then I end up with 40 days and 40 nights hitch hiking across the desert. Kettle on?
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Oh Brian, you were sleeping so sweetly, I hadn't the heart to wake you when Joseph turned up in the limo. Besides, he's not a man to be tangled with when he has his buzzsaw at the ready.

Here, have a coffee.

I was just going to book a flight to Egypt. Any ideas who does cheap flights from here to there? I would check on the internet, but it hasn't been invented yet.
 

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Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Jeep pulls up outside a house. Henchman and Legions jump down. Henchman knocks on the door.

Open up in the name of the King!

A little old woman gingerly opens the door. The Henchman pushes past her.

Any children/grandchildren in the house?

The woman shakes her head in fear. Henchman turns to the legions.

Search the place! Tear it apart!
 

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Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
Brian, good to see ya! How's the car? Running by any chance?
 

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Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Right... babysitter it is... we're off on honeymoon. Somebody make a start on the packing will you?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Mother Mary:


I was just going to book a flight to Egypt. Any ideas who does cheap flights from here to there? I would check on the internet, but it hasn't been invented yet.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel 1:

quote:

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Originally posted by Mother Mary:


I was just going to book a flight to Egypt. Any ideas who does cheap flights from here to there? I would check on the internet, but it hasn't been invented yet.

---

I could find one for you?!

A

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quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 1:
Twerp?

Showing your age luv.

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I could say something stronger dear but this is a family show
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
I had thought of flying Virgin, what do you think?
 

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Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 


Can't a man enjoy visiting friends and having a cup of coffee. Mary, are you *sure* you paid your TV license?

[slips Baby Jesus under the table where he cannot be seen, and places mug of coffee on table ]

Donkey, em ... I traded in my car for a 4 seater turbo prop. Thinking starting up an airline ...

Brianair
 

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Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
Ok, obviously mary you need more of a hint.

Hey MD cue Walk Like an Egyptian (again)

Gold gets up and does the old time Eygiptian walking like an Egyptian things in a circle around Mary, complete with hand movements and belly shake

Do you get it now? Or do we have to spell it out in words of one syllabil?
Cue dream for Joseph me thinks
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Brianair? That rings a bell. Do you do cheap flights to Cairo, by any chance?
 

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Posted by Angel 1 (# 3661) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Director:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel 1:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:


I was just going to book a flight to Egypt. Any ideas who does cheap flights from here to there? I would check on the internet, but it hasn't been invented yet.

---

I could find one for you?!

A

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Mother Mary - DON'T LISTEN TO HER!

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no-one ever does.
A
 

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Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
If I can fill a plane I'll fly anywhere. You are responsible for all airport tax, insurance, onflight refreshments ...

You get the idea.
 

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Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Jeep pulls up alongside another house. There are soft toys in the window. Henchman doesn't bother knocking this time. She barges in, her sword drawn.

The stage goes black, and there are several screams, two infant-voices, and one woman sobbing violently.

The lights come up to see the Henchman leaving the house, wiping her sword.

Onto the next one, boys.

I can see this scene being replayed in years to come - a visitor going from house to house, all in one night, leaving little 'gifts' for all the little children...

Muhaha.
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
You don't take small children, do you?
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
(Ooops, I was talking to Brian, not the Sweet Henchman yet! )
 

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Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
You don't take small children, do you?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
If I can fill a plane I'll fly anywhere. You are responsible for all airport tax, insurance, onflight refreshments ...

You get the idea.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Evil Henchman:
Jeep pulls up alongside another house. There are soft toys in the window. Henchman doesn't bother knocking this time. She barges in, her sword drawn.

The stage goes black, and there are several screams, two infant-voices, and one woman sobbing violently.

The lights come up to see the Henchman leaving the house, wiping her sword.

Onto the next one, boys.

I can see this scene being replayed in years to come - a visitor going from house to house, all in one night, leaving little 'gifts' for all the little children...

Muhaha.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
Small children can travel for a small supplement as long as they sit on a parents lap.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Director:

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
If I can fill a plane I'll fly anywhere. You are responsible for all airport tax, insurance, onflight refreshments ...

You get the idea.

---

Ahem!

<Consults script. Yells into wings...>

Calling Pilot, calling Pilot. Come in Pilot.

No answer

OK then...Will Mr S Pilot, last heard of in a small and rather doubtful bar down the road from the theatre, kindly contact the Directors of tHe SOF Nativity Play, NOW!

---

....where he will hear something to his advantage.
 

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Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
Sitting slumped in a downtown Bethlehem bar, Capt. P. Pilot keys into his mobile...

CHAIRMAN BRIAN... JUST REFUELLNG PLANE FOR 2NITES FLIGHT 2 IBIZA. NO PASSENGERS SHOWD YET (AS USUAL). AW8 YR INSTRUXIONS. PONTIUS
 

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Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
Em ... only in an emergency.

In reality depends upon the fee.
 

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Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Jeep pulls up alongside the inn

Innkeeper!

How many children do you have staying in your hotel?

The innkeeper breaks into a cold sweat. "Um... there're none actually in the hotel as such.", he replies.

Legions - search the inn. I'm off for a fag round the back of this cattle shed here.
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 wanders in, looking for something to eat. Noses empty Pringles can.]

*baaaaaaaaaa*
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
Em ... only in an emergency.

In reality depends upon the fee.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
Small children can travel for a small supplement as long as they sit on a parents lap.

---

What about godmothers?

I enjoy sitting on laps I do
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
How much, then... Bethlehem to Cairo?
 

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Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Leans against shed

Tiring work, this mass-slaughter.

Drags deeply on cigarette
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
# Virgin Mary, sweet and mild ... #

em ... ... thats a txt excuse the ringtone
Pesky customers, never trust a startup!

txts back CHANGE OF PLAN, KEEP FILLING HER UP, WE'RE GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE, PLAN FOR CAIRO.
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pontius Pilot:
Sitting slumped in a downtown Bethlehem bar, Capt. P. Pilot keys into his mobile...

CHAIRMAN BRIAN... JUST REFUELLNG PLANE FOR 2NITES FLIGHT 2 IBIZA. NO PASSENGERS SHOWD YET (AS USUAL). AW8 YR INSTRUXIONS. PONTIUS

---

I knew someone had rewritten the script!

Got you!

Ibiza indeed!

(Don't know what they teach them in school nowadays).
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
# Virgin Mary, sweet and mild ... #

em ... ... thats a txt excuse the ringtone

---

 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
What's that I can hear beeping inside this shed?
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
# Virgin Mary, sweet and mild ... #

em ... ... thats a txt excuse the ringtone
Pesky customers, never trust a startup!

txts back CHANGE OF PLAN, KEEP FILLING HER UP, WE'RE GOING SOMEWHERE ELSE, PLAN FOR CAIRO.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Director:
OK then...Will Mr S Pilot, last heard of in a small and rather doubtful bar down the road from the theatre, kindly contact the Directors of tHe SOF Nativity Play, NOW!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Evil Henchman:
Leans against shed

Drags deeply on cigarette

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Hold on a minute, Brian. Would you believe the stupidity of it, someone smoking right next to the barn with all this hay lying around. Where is Health and Safety when you need them?

I'm just going out there to tell him ... doesn't he know there's a mother and two small children in here, one of them the Son of God at that! We don't want an accident now, do we?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pontius Pilot:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Director:
OK then...Will Mr S Pilot, last heard of in a small and rather doubtful bar down the road from the theatre, kindly contact the Directors of tHe SOF Nativity Play, NOW!

---

OK, OK. And it's P Pilot, if you don't mind.

---

No problem.

Quite catchy that, 'P Pilot.'

<Hums gently under her breath>

P the Pilot, can he fly it!

P the Pilot...

all together now...
 

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Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Hey!

My cigarette's gone out! And I'm wet!

Really not happy about this.

Draws sword and turns the handle of the shed door...
 

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Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
NO MARY! - Everyone hide!

[curles up behind the manger]

(there is a manger ... isn't there???)
 

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Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Thank you Fairy Godmother... would you mind going out and fetching the terries back in, though? They should have been soaked clean enough by now, thank goodness.
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3, annoyed by the lack of Pringles, leaves the stable, and head-butts, at full speed, the first person she sees]

Baaaaaaaaaaa.

*thump* *whomp*
 

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Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
Ha! Very Good Fairygodmother! I like it! Do it again!!
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
NO MARY! - Everyone hide!

[curles up behind the manger]

(there is a manger ... isn't there???)

---

PROPERTIES!!!!

 

---

Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
<Henchman's mobile phone rings>
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Evil Henchman:
Hey!

My cigarette's gone out! And I'm wet!

Really not happy about this.

Draws sword and turns the handle of the shed door...

---

*Leans against door with her full weight*

Lucky I chose sumo wrestling rather than yoga at nightschool
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary notices the babies haven't been fed recently. She picks them both up and takes them conveniently behind a haybale...

[ 22. December 2002, 21:47: Message edited by: Director ]
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
Capt. P. Pilot reads text from Sir Brian and shakes his head wearily. Texts back...

CAIRO? NOT ON MAP YET. HOW ABT GIZA? GOOD 4 PYRAMIDS. PONTY
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
txts P Pilot

JUST BUYING U SOME TIME ... TOLD THEM U'D TAKE PAYMENT - TAKE WHAT U THINK IS FAIR ; )
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 remembers that she came to the stable to retrieve a couple of bells so she could go to rehearsal. Returns to stable, trampling on Henchman, lying in the mud, in the process.]

Baaaaaa.
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Henchman answers the phone, and walks into the stable

Hello?
 

---

Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
(follows out after sheep, does some extra trampling.... runs back into the stable)
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
The children are both, needless to say, totally silent... even Lavinia.... while their mouths are otherwise engaged
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
Oh Moses! [covers mobile to suppress ring tone]

txts CAIRO / GIZA, SAME PLACE INNIT?
 

---

Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
Henchman?

How's the murdering going?
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Slouches in moodily from Wardrobe. Leans up against the outside of the shed and eyes the Evil Henchman up and down. Pointedly

You smell funny.
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Evil Henchman:
Hey!

My cigarette's gone out! And I'm wet!

Really not happy about this.

Draws sword and turns the handle of the shed door...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Donkey:
(follows out after sheep, does some extra trampling.... runs back into the stable)

---

Go for it, Donkey!!

(This is more like it!)
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Since Henchman doesn't seem to stay down, Rudolph butts him one more time to make sure.
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Shoos away the angel-thingy

Er, not bad boss... not bad!

Sheep bleats
 

---

Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
(looks stupidly like a normal donkey, noses about in manger, looks up at henchman)
HeeHaw!
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Serene voice whispers out from behind haybale...

So, how quickly do you think you could get us there? And have you got room for the luggage?
 

---

Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
How many kids you done so far?

<Hears sheep and donkey>

Wait a minute, where are you?
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 

quote:

---

Shoos away the angel-thingy

---

Pulls herself up to her full height of five-foot nothing and spreads her purple wings. Safety pins jangle randomly from some of the feathers. She happens to be between henchman and the shed door.

Don't shoo me, you nasty little man.
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
In a stable - I heard noises.
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
Capt. Pilot texts Sir Brian from taxi on the way to Bethlehem's "Gatwick" airport...

NO, FRAID I MUST CORRECT U. GIZA = SEVRAL MILES OUTSIDE CAIRO. FLIGHT WILL B FRM TERMINAL 5. FINE ABT THE MONEY :-)
 

---

Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
(comes up to henchman, begins to nose into pockets looking for Pringles, starts to take a bite out of henchman....!)
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Black Angel leans forward until her face is near Henchman's mobile. Long and slow, she wolf-whistles down it. That should get him into trouble
 

---

Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
A stable???

You're supposed to be out killing children! Stop wasting everyone's time and get onto the house calls!
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
[attempts to smother mobile as it rings away again]

[whispers across to Mary]

how many of you are flying?
 

---

Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 
<Tries out another little ditty>...

Pilot P,
Pilot P,
Pilot P and his...ummm? Errr?

Come on folks - Join in!
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
[attempts to smother mobile as it rings away again]

[whispers across to Mary]

how many of you are flying?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
So, how quickly do you think you could get us there? And have you got room for the luggage?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
[attempts to smother mobile as it rings away again]

[whispers across to Mary]

how many of you are flying?

---

Well, so far there seems to be the two children, the donkey, the fairy godmother, me and Jos... Looks round stable ..er.... you! Oh, and the luggage, of course.

---

Oh what a tangled web we weave...

Double tch!
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Looks up at Mary, sadly.

What? No sheep?
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Turns to donkey and grins broadly.

We did good.

*double take* *splutter*
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
How do we get there ... em ... I would suggest the 44 from Jerusalem Road, every 7 minutes. Takes about 15 mins to get to the airport.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
How do we get there ... em ... I would suggest the 44 from Jerusalem Road, every 7 minutes. Takes about 15 mins to get to the airport.

---

Bus? You're suggesting we go by bus?
 

---

Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
By this time Gold has made her way up to the whispering gallery and manovered along the lighting rig, gets in position and lets go

AAAARRRRRHHHH!!!

phew - gosh I got him - seem to have made quite an impression on Henchman's bottom.

11.5 stone of gold - that's a lot of gold
 

---

Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
So, how quickly do you think you could get us there? And have you got room for the luggage?

---

Luggage will be no bother

%thinks% Just hope P Pilot know's what he's doing!

.

---

P the Pilot, can he fly it!

P the Pilot...YES HE CAN!
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Well, so far there seems to be the two children, the donkey, the fairy godmother, me and Jos... Looks round stable ..er.... you! Oh, and the luggage, of course.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep:
Looks up at Mary, sadly.

What? No sheep?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Director:
P the Pilot, can he fly it!

P the Pilot...YES HE CAN!

---

Methinks the Director's been overdoing the spirits yet again

Another hip flask?
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
Meanwhile, at the 5-star King Herod Hotel on the outskirts of Bethlehem, Capt. Pilot has stopped his taxi to collect Miss Besom, Brian Air flight attendant, and her luggage. The taxi roars off again with them both in the back seat, heading for the airport.
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Gift of Gold:
seem to have made quite an impression on Henchman's bottom.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Black Angel:
Saunters into the shed, pauses for a moment to top-up her lipstick, then announces

I'm coming too. And the purple sheep.

Fairy Godmother, can't you do that finger-clicky thingy?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Well, so far there seems to be the two children, the donkey, the fairy godmother, me and Jos... Looks round stable ..er.... you! Oh, and the luggage, of course.

---

4 seater including the Pilot ... hmmm ... the donkey could go as luggage for a very reasonable charge.

---

What? Hold or hand luggage. Properties! Have you a tape measure handy? I'm not sure if Donkey fits the standard measurements for Brianair.

It is a cheap airline, after all.
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
TXT 2 JOE

FLIGHT BOOKED
WAS GOING VIRGIN
BUT BRIAN IS HERE
OFF TO AIRPORT
C U THERE
IF U CAN TEAR URSLF AWAY

LUV MARY
 

---

Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
is there room for a gift of gold? after all I am a very special present for JC
 

---

Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
(Donkey gets up out of the straw rubbing his butt) Ouch, that hurt! Everybody O.K.? I think she's gone!
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
Damn, I think everyone wants to come ... Fairy ... see that wish you owe me ...
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Somehow I think you'll come in very handy, Gold. I'll try to persuade the pilot to accept Frankincense and Myrrh as payment instead... I hear aromatherapy is getting quite popular these days.
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
Damn, I think everyone wants to come ... Fairy ... see that wish you owe me ...

---

I did say didn't I - OK here goes

One luxury Lear jet seating all who want to come along for the ride coming up

*Waves wand*

*Airfix model jet falls onto stable floor*

Ooops - try again

OK that should be ready for Pilot P

NOW CAN YET GET A MOVE ON?
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 

quote:

---

Could grant 3 wishes though

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel 1:
There's a script?!

---

Do you mind!

The writer never gets any credit. Now, what can I do to Angel 1 in the end-of-scene recap?
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:

OK that should be ready for Pilot P

NOW CAN YET GET A MOVE ON?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Donkey:
(dragging suitcases into order for getting the heck out of there, mumbling to himself)
Boy, kicked in the line of fire and not even a "thank you" while the gold gets all the glory...

---

quote:

---

quote:

---

There's a script?!

---

Do you mind!

The writer never gets any credit. Now, what can I do to Angel 1 in the end-of-scene recap?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
For that wish ...could I have,a limo to the airport with ...an appeltise for Mary, a double Scotch for me, a carrot juice for the donkey and whatever you want.

---

*Strech limo appears outside the stable - engine running. Chauffeur gets out and helps load luggae into boot along with donkey and sheep*
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
Capt. Pilot stands on the tarmac scratching his head and looking at gleaming luxury Lear Jet on runway. To Miss Besom:

Blimey! And I thought we were in the crappy old Cessna four-seater tonight. C'mon, hon... we've just time for a quick bite to eat. I could eat a horse. Or even a pantomime donkey.
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Once more the action (action?) is interrupted by the ringing of Mary's mobile

TXT 2 MARY

GO ON WITHOUT ME
I WILL CATCH UP

LUV JOE
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
Right - everyone into the car - lets go.
 

---

Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
Ah, Mary, thanks! (munches carrot down in two swallows, gets the luggage already for loading into the plane, various toys, mangers, assorted sheep, drinks)
My wish is your command, well, in so far as a donkey can do it!
 

---

Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Donkey:
(dragging suitcases into order for getting the heck out of there, mumbling to himself)
Boy, kicked in the line of fire and not even a "thank you" while the gold gets all the glory...

---

but of course!
Would you like a dance Donkey - maybe that will make you feel better...
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Black Angel runs out to the limo, jumps in and starts bouncing up and down on the leather seats. She explores every button: The windows go up and down; the seats start warming and the radio switches to something with a really obnoxious beat. Leaning back she announces,

Class.
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary serenely races to the car, carrying a baby in each arm. She smiles sweetly at Brian, in the hope that he will bring the rest of the luggage and squeeze it into the boot for her

Egypt, here we come!
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
Leaves luggage for the Chauffeur and closely follows Mary into the limo
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Now where next?

glances at alpha to omega

According to my map, lots of children live on the main route to Bethlehem Royal Airport.

Turns jeep around and heads off in the direction of the airport.
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 
*Nips into Limo and makes a start on the ready stocked bar*

Champagne anyone - we need to wet the babies heads so to speak
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
Mary glances at limo driver, thinks she recogises him from somewhere. It's the stripy tea towel and ferret-like looks...
 

---

Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
(Donkey looks around Bethlehem)
Mary, I need to go, there's a cute little four hooved thing here, says she just can't live without me, maybe I'll catch up with you all later?
Tell Joe 'Hi!" when you see him, yu' all take care on that trip heh?
Donkey gets out of limo, and waves goodbye...
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Hold on... I've forgotten my mobile....

Mary runs serenely back into the stable, places the babies down on the hay, and ferret's about to find her mobile. Eventually she finds where she put it down in the manger. She spots her copy of Pride and Prejudice under the manger too, and frantically stuffs it into her pocket. She picks up the baby Jesus and runs back out to the limo.. there isn't a moment to waste!

Wait for us!
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
Where to, folks. Going on holiday are we?

Been a lousy day today.

Are the sheep coming?
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
Chauffeur finishes loading luggage and gets in drivers seat, Limo speeds off towards Bethlehem "Gatwick".

Terminal 5 driver. Take your time.

[note to Director: cast a Limo driver next year ]
 

---

Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
<Meanwhile, back in the Palace>

You know, I don't feel very well Cough. I think I'm coming down with a cold or something.

Cough, cough
 

---

Posted by Wardrobe (# 3675) on :
 
Note to actors: before leaving the theater, please toss your costumes in one of these bins. The gray is for normally soiled items, the red bin with the biohazard waste symbol is for the really gross stuff soiled with sheep plop, shepherd barf, and the like. Your pay will be docked for the cost of any items not returned by close of business Monday.

Thank you.

 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Evil Henchman:
Jeep pulls up alongside a large building. Henchman gets out and reads the sign over the door.

"Bethlehem Day Nursery. For ages five and under."

Awww, what the hell, it is Christmas, after all.

Rumages around in the boot, and pulls out her trusty bazooka. Retreats to safe distance.

Ready... aim... fire!

The Day Nursery disappears into a pile of rubble.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Fairy Godmother, as I am so slim and you are so.... well, er, you need room to stretch your legs, I'm sure. You can go in the front!

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
Fairy Godmother, as I am so slim and you are so.... well, er, you need room to stretch your legs, I'm sure. You can go in the front!

---

**Remembers last night. Hopes Fairy Godmother won't realise who is driving** NOOOO!
 

---

Posted by Gift of Gold (# 3668) on :
 
peanuts anyone? Pass the champers Blackie...
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
I'm quite comfy here thanks

---

Phew!
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 
*Thinks to self - that driver looks familiar from somewhere*
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Jeep pulls up behind very slow-moving vehicle

Bloody typical.

Honks horn

Hey! Just because you have a limo doesn't mean you can hog the fast lane! Get out of the way, grandad!
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
(sighs) Another prat on the road. Well if he thinks I'm letting him past he's had it.
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Drives into the tailgate of the limo

Heh!

Does it again
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
I don't know.. the youth of today, no patience any of them. Just ignore that car behind us, driver. We pay our taxes, we have just as much right to the road as he does.
 

---

Posted by Sheep 1 (# 3671) on :
 
Stretches out contentedly on the floor of the limo, having slept off the Pringles. Joins Rudolph in the hunt for the Black Sheep.

Baaaaaaa
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
Hang on folks, I'll put my foot down. Anyone got a mobile to ring the Centurions?
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Evil Henchman:
Drives into the tailgate of the limo

Heh!

Does it again

---

Tsk... can't he see the "babies on board" sticker in the back window????

Oh no, we haven't got one of those stickers, have we?

Hold on a moment Penny drops ... in fact, we haven't got one of those babies! Where's Lavinia?
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
See's a red light ahead

Oh dear
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 
I wish that the lousy road hog of a driver behind us was in a robin reliant rather than a jeep.

Anyway - only posey idiots drive jeeps in the city

*Flash of light behind limo finds Evil Henchman riding on the back of a large red breasted bird which looks very reliable*
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
sees red light

Don't let them things stop me!

FLASH!
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
What the?!

Ditches bird and runs up alongside the limo, which seems to be pulling to a stop at the lights.
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Sticks her head out of the window and pulls faces at the driver of the jeep... errr... robin.
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 
*Thinks - I'm sure I recognise that voice from the other night*
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Sees passing motorcyclist. Jumps him, and steals the motor bike. Follows the limo

Bloody road hogs... gonna have words with this wise-guy!
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
TXT 2 JOE

SEEM TO HAVE FORGOTTEN BABY
LEFT IN STABLE
PLEASE PICK UP EN ROUTE
C U BOTH THERE

LUV MARY

Slightly distracted by events in the limo, Mary taps away at her mobile and clicks on "send", absent mindedly choosing a number from her directory

Ooops, I hope I did send that to Joseph. I don't know whose name is next to his in the directory.
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
Hey driver - how far to the airport?
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
Makes sharp right at lights, down alleyway. Crosses road with smoking tyres. Knocks over market trader's barrow, scattering fruit everywhere

Aha! Every good production needs a car chase. And to think this is only my Sunday job

[ 22. December 2002, 23:45: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

---

Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
Cough, cough

God damn! I swear this cold's getting worse...

<Phone beeps>

What's this?

A text?
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
Hey driver - how far to the airport?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:
Makes sharp right at lights, down alleyway.

---

Ooops, sorry Brian!
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
Mary!!!
 

---

Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
Well, well cough well!

It seems she's left the baby behind after all!

This is a turn-up for the books!
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
Turns down another alleyway, through garage and makes classic exit through plate glass window. Unfortunately, car is too damaged to continue.

Drat!
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Grabs Mary's mobile phone and texts to Herod

HNCHMN GOOFNG OFF
RACNG MOTRBIKE
NOT KILNG BABYS

LUV BLKANG
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
Sorry about that, folks.
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary serenely clambers out of the wreckage of the car and straightens her blue dress. She hold the still-sleeping baby Jesus safely in her arms

I do hope Joseph got my text about Lavinia!

What now, chaps?
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Walks up to limo and knocks on the window.

Do you know how fast you were going, sir?
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
My Limo!!! Fairy!!!
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Uncertain of what to do next, the BVM gets back into the car to await developments.
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Evil Henchman:
Do you know how fast you were going, sir?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
Hey look folks, theres Terminal 5 across the road, lets go.

Charges across the road to look for the gate

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Evil Henchman:
May I see your driving license?

---

Errr, that may be a problem. I've got a sheep driving licence. Will that do?

Thinks, something odd about this guy
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Taking advantage of her position, Mary serenely slinks out through the open door, unobserved by the henchman. Confident that the Godmother is more than capable of taking care of the baby Jesus, she hides under cover of a handy piece of canvas... then runs like a bolt out of the blue, dodging behind trees and road signs (well, she has regained her figure remarkably well), following Brian for the gate to the terminal.
 

---

Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Waddles out of limo, sees airport in distance. Wonders if they have any Black Sheep, or any Pringles there.

Baaaaaaaa!
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
ignoring the phone, and getting very suspicious

Everybody out of the car, now!

And stay where you are!
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary hesitates one moment...

The Luggage!!!
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Hey - come back here!

Starts running after the escapees

Damn this phone!
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
In a rare decisive moment, Mary decides to leave the luggage. After all, she has Joseph's credit card, and Egypt's great for shopping
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 
*Looks back and sees driver with policeman - it don't look good.

*Waves wand and turns policeman into toad*

There - always wanted to do that to a man
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
txts P Pilot

PLANE READY TO GO? ALMOST THERE - WAIT 4 US.
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Spots the baby

Hey!

That's a boy! Bring him here, in the name of the King!

Draws sword. Phone keeps ringing
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Mother Mary:
In a rare decisive moment, Mary decides to leave the luggage. After all, she has Joseph's credit card, and Egypt's great for shopping

---

Hey Brian... do we have travel insurance?
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
Shepherd quickly opens boot and throws luggage, spare sheep and donkey on to luggage trolley that just happens to be there. rearranges tea towel to look like airport uniform

'Scuse me. Must get these to T5. flight about to leave.
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Takes one flying leap and, black lace trailing behind her, rugby tackles Henchman. Sword and phone scatter, bouncing through the rubble. Grabbing the phone, she waves it frantically in Henchman's face.

It's for you-hoo
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
On finding herself changed into a toad, the Henchman drops the sword and the phone

Ribbet?!

Luckily, the effects are only temporary, and soon wear off. Upon her return to normality, she answers the phone whilst chasing after the party.

Hello?
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
Capt. Pilot hears mobile bleeping with new message, but then the battery dies. He jumps as the Terminal 5 tannoy booms out...

Look. Brian Air Flight 666 can't wait for ever, you know. Gate 22. Get there NOW!
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
Looks back and to his horror see's Mary and Fairy being chased by a sword weilding man. Takes a photo on his digital camera for the authorities and waits for Mary and the Fairy to run past before dispersing the whole bag of spare ball bearings for his Cessna over the floor behind them.

Keeps running towards the gate
 

---

Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
WHERE THE FRICK ARE YOU?!
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
Mary - gate 22, keep running!
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Runs for the gate, heels skittering unpredictably on the ball-bearings. She manages to keep her feet and catches up with Mary. Grinning wildly,

Most exciting Christmas I've ever had. Beats Christmas telly and jigsaws with the grandparents hands-down.
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Oh Brian.. what a hero!

Come on Fairy G, I can see the plane ahead...

She and the fairy run at top speed towards the waiting aeroplane and dive serenely through the open door.
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
I've found the baby sir!

I'm chasing the family now!
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
staggers into terminal with luggage
NAF666 please? Gate 12. OK...
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
Catches sight of party of people and animals running towards him at Gate 5.

Must be them.

Sees Sir Brian.

Sir Brian, sir. At your service.

[ 22. December 2002, 23:16: Message edited by: Pontius Pilot ]
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Good show, Black Angel!
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Leaps into the plane followed closely by a small flock of multi-coloured sheep.
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
[Dives through door and slams the hatch shut just as Black Angel slips in]

Hi there P Pilot - great to meet you at last - best get in the air quick - some weirdo out there.
 

---

Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
The baby is in a stable in Bethlehem, fool!

I got a text from his mother meant for his father!

I've been trying to ring you for nearly half an hour!

GET BACK TO THAT BLOODY STABLE!
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by A very naughty boy:
Mary - gate 22, keep running!

---

Gets to Gate 12. Looks at departure screen.

Drat!

ties donkey to front of trolley Go!
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
Yes, sir Brian. However, there's the small question of payments for tickets first.

Slams aircraft door in Henchman's face.

I mean, there's two children, two sheep, one fairy godmother, one Virgin, plus you, Sir Brian... that makes 4 humans, 1 animal and a... hmmm.

Looks Fairy Godmother up and down.
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary slips into a window seat and fastens her seatbelt..adjusting it a little as she has lost soooo much weight!... and takes the sleeping babe off the Fairy Godmother to nurse in her arms

Sorry Fairy Godmother, I think this seat's taken. Now, where's the stewardess? I could murder an appletize.
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pontius Pilot:
Yes, sir Brian. However, there's the small question of payments for tickets first.

Slams aircraft door in Henchman's face.

I mean, there's two children, two sheep, one fairy godmother, one Virgin, plus you, Sir Brian... that makes 4 humans, 1 animal and a... hmmm.

Looks Fairy Godmother up and down.

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pontius Pilot:
Looks Fairy Godmother up and down.

---

Do your job and get us out of here sunshine

*Some people think they run this place*
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
At least, that's the complete list on the manifest... Do we need to open the door again for the other members of the party?
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Glances out of the window at the wrecked car, its boot sprung open to reveal the luggage strewn around

Oh no! I think we left the gift of gold in the boot. Will a slightly chewed Eeyore do?
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Glares at Pilot, her lip wobbling.

I am an Angel of the Lord. Sort of. And Gabriel will be very cross if you don't get us out of here!
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 
Fairy Godmother it's me! rearranges towel back to shepherd mode

Gosh, I must be desperate!
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pontius Pilot:
At least, that's the complete list on the manifest... Do we need to open the door again for the other members of the party?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:
Fairy Godmother it's me! rearranges towel back to shepherd mode

Gosh, I must be desperate!

---

My Shepherd

My hero
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
Opens door to let in Black Angel. Turns to Mother Mary.

Frankincense and myrrh did you say? That'll do nicely. We'll wait for the driver.
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Motorcycle pulls up outside the stable. Henchman jumps off, sword drawn. The sound of distresed sheep and cattle is heard from inside.

Hmmm... what's going on in here, then?
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
It's OK, Pilot... the driver's here. Let's go!
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Pontius Pilot:
Smiles professionally at Fairy Godmother.

Please sit down, madam. If you lower the armrest, you can make use of both 13E and 13F, you know.

---

Why thank you for that information - did anyone ever tell you you'd be great in the diplomatic corps?

*Gives him a look that would turn most men into quivering jelly*
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Raises one finger tentatively

I hate to spoil the party atmosphere. But Henchman's going back to the stable. Where you left one of the babies.

Where Joseph is going to be pitching up. Expecting beer and pringles.

More importantly, did you pack the right kid?!?
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
Expertly taxiing luxury Lear Jet to the end of the runway. Over the tannoy:

Miss Besom, prepare the Martinis... I mean the doors, and cross-check. Let's get this baby off the ground.
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
I suppose I ought to text Joseph and make sure he's got Lavinia all right... but no, I can't use my mobile in here, can I? I am sure it will be OK.. he does love her really you know.
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Enters the stable to find a small child suckling off a cow in extreme agony. The child seems to be holding on using nothing but her teeth.

With her hands, the child is plucking wool out of the fleece of a nearby sheep.

What have we here then?

At the approach of the henchman, the child lets the animals go, and glares at the visitor.

Aren't you a pretty little girl then?

Ow! That's my finger!

The child clamps her teeth onto the Henchman with a vice-like grip.
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Turns to Pilot.

How are you at air-shed rescue?
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
And besides... he's got his buzzsaw. He's more than a match for any evil henchmen, any day.
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
Pretty damn good, actually, Miss... er... Angel?
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
Holding up small child

Hmmm... I can see great potential for you!

Picks up the baby and puts her in the side-car
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 
*Snuggles up close to shepherd*

You know you and I could make a great team - just think of the great romantic partnerships:

Richard Burton and Elizabeth Taylor
Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston
Kermit and Miss Piggy.....
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
Pushes lever-thingies forward and jet leaps forth down the runway...
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
... and soars into the sky over Bethlehem.
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Turns a fetching shade of pale. The green tinge suggests that for once it might not be the make-up...

Ooohhhhh. I so much prefer flying myself.

Wraps her wings around her miserably.
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary clutches the baby closely to her, pondering their narrow escape. She feels safe and warm, and somehow confident that all will be well for Joseph and Lavinia. Her eyes begin slowly and serenely to close
 

---

Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
<Back in the palace>

Cough, splutter

God... is this blood I'm coughing up?

I really feel quite rough here.

Hack, hack

My head...
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
*Convenient of Fairy G and the shepherd to sit in the private area!*

Pulls curtain around their area of the cabin
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
Kermit and Miss Piggy.....

---

Do I look like a small green frog! I'm a ferret, stupid!

Presses call button

Errr, are there any spare seats at the back?
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
Adopting smoothest, suavest voice for the traditional cabin announcement...

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome on board Flight 666. Unfortunately I've just received word from air traffic control at Cairo that the airport has closed early for Christmas. I'm sorry to say that we have been diverted to our original destination of Ibiza, the world's clubbing destination of choice. Brian Air will of course accommodate you in one of its luxury hotels on the island while we transfer you back to Cairo. We'll be cruising this evening at a height of 20,000 cubits. The weather in Ibizia is pleasantly warm at 88 degrees fahrenheit, with a gentle south-westerly wind. I'll now leave you in the capable hands [voice falters] of Miss Besom, your flight attendant. We know you have a choice, so thank you for flying with Brian Air.
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary slips off her blue shoes and settles comfortably....
 

---

Posted by A very naughty boy (# 3677) on :
 
Ibiza, splendid. Some time on the beach on the way to Cairo. Just as well Mary has kept her figure!

Sits down next to Mary, leans on her shoulder, and falls into a silent, peaceful sleep
 

---

Posted by Black Angel (# 3676) on :
 
Slackens off her corset lacings. It doesn't seem to help.

Ohhhh my. I think I'm going to be...

Rummages frantically in seat-back for the customary paper bag.
 

---

Posted by Mother Mary (# 3799) on :
 
Mary opens one eye, smiles serenely, and goes back to sleep
 

---

Posted by Fairy Godmother (# 3695) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:
Do I look like a small green frog! I'm a ferret, stupid!

---

Just remember I could turn you into one at any time sweetie

But right now I think you'll be my perfect prince

Kissy wissy
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
As she drives back to Herod's palace, the Henchman hands her knife to the baby to play with.

You know, you've awoken these strange feelings within me. My friends used to talk about this back in school. While I was out behind the bikesheds, kneecapping teachers, they'd be talking about boyfriends and babies.

I think I...

Oh, My God!

I think I've become broody!

What's your name, then baby?
 

---

Posted by Evil Henchman (# 3705) on :
 
No answer?

I think I'll call you...

Hmmm...

Baby Henchman?

No.

Henchtoddler?

No.

Oh, I know.

I'll call you Magdelene!
 

---

Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
This is not good at all...

I really feel quite ill.

Perhaps some sleep will help me feel better.

<vomits violently>

Ugh...

I'm sure that shouldn't be red...
 

---

Posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd (# 3698) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Deputy Chief Shepherd:
Errr, are there any spare seats at the back?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Fairy Godmother:
right now I think you'll be my perfect prince

---

Grimaces

Well, nobody's perfect!

Relaxes in FG's arms as plane flies off into the sunset...
 

---

Posted by Pontius Pilot (# 3700) on :
 
They clear Province of Judea airspace. The autopilate kicks in. As the dark sea slips away far below, Capt. P. leans back in his seat and...

zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
 

---

Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
'Come fly with me, come fly lets fly away...'
 

---

Posted by Passer-by 3 (# 3711) on :
 
[Enters left pushing trolley full of airline meals, one of those inflight air-hostess ones. Exits right, continuing to push aforementioned trolley]
 

---

Posted by Chief Wise Man (# 3674) on :
 
Fade-in flashback to bus. CWM, WM2, Phil and Wise Guy are standing in Circle of Power (TM). A faint light is glowing in the midst. They raise their hands as a keening, sound swells in crescendo]

Herod's such a nasty guy
Herod needs to slowly die
So we're hexing him, this we see
He's gonna die from STD's

Fade transition to Herod in physical distress, a perplexed and terrified expression on his face as he's just had a hallucination
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 wanders on stage, carrying two of the jingle bells (the E5 and F5) and wonders where everyone is]

Baaaaa.

*jingle, jingle*

[Settles down to chew her cud and wait for something to happen]
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 plays with her jingle-bells, just to relieve the boredom.]

*jingle*

*jingle, jingle*

[And if a little sheep brain is bored, you know it's truly boring.]
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 noses about the set, hoping to find some remains of teacakes, Pringles, or eggnog.]

*sniff*

*jingle*

Baaa.
 

---

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
In Bethlehem, meanwhile, Joseph has just returned to the stable.

Looks like Mary's gone. Well, at least she took the brat as well as Jesus. Half expected her to dump that nasty little Lavinia on me.

What's this? A note on the table? Let's see:

"DEAR JOSEPH,

HAVE GONE AHEAD, AS PER PLAN. GOT EVERYTHING, BAGS AND CARD INCLUDED. YOUR CARD.

LOTS OF SERENE LOVE,

YOUR DEAR BVM"

"Card"? I wonder what she could mean by...



My AMERICAN EXPRESS!

Joseph sprints from the stable to the airport. Buys concorde ticket to Cairo.

My dear wife will be so pleased with me for sparing no expense in insuring that I'll be at her side soon. And I will be so pleased when I have that credit card safely back in my wallet.

Joseph is soon reclining in a luxurious concorde seat, dreaming of pyramids. And blissfully unaware that his wife is on her way to Ibiza.

With another man.
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Joseph is also amazingly unaware that Sheep 3 has gone along on this trip as part of his luggage.]

Baaaaa.
 

---

Posted by Joseph (# 3666) on :
 
Has vivid dreams of stinky wool. Wakes.

Stewardess, some Pringles please.

Receives Pringles.

Mmmm, tasty. *crunch*crunch*crunch*

Goes back to sleep,
unaware of the sheep.
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 eases out of the under-seat carry-on space and eats the Pringles which spilled when Joseph fell asleep.]

*munch, munch*

baa
 

---

Posted by bee_of_good_cheer (# 3672) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Herod:
<Back in the palace>

Cough, splutter

God... is this blood I'm coughing up?

I really feel quite rough here.

Hack, hack

My head...

---

stands waiting outside the palace with a pitchfork and wheelbarrow, waiting for nature to take it's course. thinks of all the lovely humus this lot will make.

passes the time singing a pete seeger ditty:

"Worms, water, sun, will have their way,
Returning me to common clay
All that I am will feed the trees
And little fishies in the seas.
When radishes and corn you munch,
You may be having me for lunch
And then excrete me with a grin..."
(*words by lee hays)
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 notices that the seat next to Joseph is empty, and looks much more comfortable than the underseat carry-on space.]

Baaaaaaaaa.

*snuggle*

*jingle*
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
(Pops out stage left, displayng jazz hands)
Any trouble I can cause?
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
(checks armpits, Exits stage left)
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[As Sheep 3 drowses in the cushy comfort of the Concorde seat, she wonders if perhaps that nice angel with the eggnog will show up again.]

Baaa

*lick lips*
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 
Angel 6 hears the cry of Sheep 3, materializes on Concorde bearing buckets o' eggnog.

Here you go, Sheep 3, old buddy. Drink up!

[ 23. December 2002, 10:59: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 
As Joe is passed out, Angel 6 has a nice natter with Sheep 3.

Well, Sheepie-baa, the Play is winding down to an end here (do you think we'll make it to eight pages again?), and soon we'll all go our separate ways.

I've been thinking -- you are a sheep of uncommon valor. (Nice work there with the Evil Henchperson!) It occurred to me that, perhaps, instead of going back to the hillside with all those silly gits in teatowels, you might instead like to sign on with the Heavenly Host. We could use a brave and woolly mascot like yourself. And you'd get unlimited eggnog.

What d'you think?
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 greedily begins drinking the eggnog, but abruptly stops and looks at Angel 6 accusingly]

Baa?

[ 23. December 2002, 11:00: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sheep 3:
Sheep 3 greedily begins drinking the eggnog, but abruptly stops and looks at Angel 6 accusingly]

Baa?

---

I beg your pardon? It DOES have double rum in it.

And I'm sure that you could obtain still more from the flight attendant. The Concorde is, after all, entirely First Class.
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
Isn't the cast gonna assemble and sing, "Consider Yourself" or something?
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
or how's this...Chitty-Chitty Tour Bus pulls up alongside Concorde to the tune of the Who's "Magic Bus"
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 
I'm waiting for the rest of the Heavenly Host to show up so we can do our prize-winning medley of Christmas carols (as arranged by David Willcocks, of course -- the HH is not only Anglican in its liturgical and musical outlook, but as traditional as all get-out).

Pours Sheep 3 another bucket of high-test eggnog.
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Reassured by Angel 6, Sheep 3 happily drinks the eggnog.]

*lap, lap, sluuurrrrrrrrrp!*
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 
Where IS the Heavenly Host? Am I going to have to go harrow the Cafe again?


 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 
So, Sheep 3, howzabout it? You want to be our mascot?

I should also mention that you'll get to wear a way cool mascot blanket with the Heavenly Host crest on it. And the accommodations are totally awesome.


 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
just tried. nobody home
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Fortified by the eggnog, Sheep 3 attempts to sing]

Ba BAAAAH Ba Bah BAAH Bah....
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
(giggle)
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
Wait, the sheep is getting drunk? I want on that plane!
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
EIGHT PAGES! EIGHT PAGES! EIGHT PAGES!
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 seems to hear a voice from somewhere...it makes her nervous.]

*sheep plop*

Baaaa
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 
Angel 6 summons the flight attendant to clean up the sheep byproducts.

EIGHT PAGES! TWICE IN A ROW!

Oh, your Brits start out strong enough, but it takes the North American contingent to bring matters to an intelligent close!

Heavenly Host sings patriotic medley, concluding with a rousing rendition of "God Bless America," with fireworks -- outside the plane, needless to say.
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 
Okay, perhaps I spoke rashly in using the modifier "intelligent." One gets carried away in the heat of the moment, don't you know.

Besides, I just passed the magical 100 post mark for the Play!


 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
(pulls up to window of concorde and winks at sheep 3)
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
(glancing dwon in surprise) how'd i get to 178?

Anyway, let's concoct a little sign-off scenario to take us to page 9
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wise Guy:
(pulls up to window of concorde and winks at sheep 3)

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 winks back, because she has over 200 posts]

Baaa

---

quote:

---

Anyway, let's concoct a little sign-off scenario to take us to page 9

---

We seem to have lost the rest of the cast, so I suppose it's up to us, innit?

Summons Heavenly Host, at full strength. Flight touches ground in Egypt, where Mary and JC are already through Customs. The Holy Family is reunited, except for Lavinia, and that's all right. As Holy Family checks in at lovely four-star hotel, Heavenly Host sings -- and audience joins in. Yes, we know it's the Nativity Play, but everyone seems to think that nice Mr. Handel wrote the "Hallelujah Chorus" as part of the Christmas section. So, wotthehell:

Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah!
Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
For the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth!
Hallelujah! vamp as needed

(Miraculously, everyone sings in tune!)

And so, as the golden evening brightens in the west (soon, soon to faithful warriors cometh rest), we see the Holy Family settled for the nonce, Herod perishing painfully, the Evil Henchperson bonding with Lavinia, the Jedi Knight ripping off her fake beard in relief, the Equity Deputy collecting dues, the shepherds going back to sleep (except for the one claimed by the Fairy Godmother, who gets to live with her Happily Ever After, Or Else), the wise persons returning to their astrolabes, and the sheep free at last. The Heavenly Host sings one last astonishing Christmas medley. And the Orchestra is out of the theater before the bows are finished.

FINIS
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
Ok, cast, crew, and most gracious audience, this ones for you...

Wise Guy fires up jets and with several deftly executed dips, climbs, and barrel roles, skywrites "HAPPY CHRISTMAS, EVERYONE!!!"in glow-in-the-dark script against the night sky

By the way, how about that great reveiw last night?
 

---

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
(Decides that getting to page nine would be a worthy goal to work toward. Besides there's still a lot of work ahead after the Grand Finale and bessie seems to be the only stage hand around....

Everyone's asleep, I suppose and I can't find any eggnog.)
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
ba ba BA ba
ba ba BA ba!
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
HI PHIL!!
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by chief stage manager:
Everyone's asleep, I suppose and I can't find any eggnog.)

---

Here you go! Do you want the regular double-strength or the special end-of-run quadruple same?




[ 23. December 2002, 11:04: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

---

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
Oh, wait - there are still some cast members awake!
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
Y'know? that was a pretty damn good ending...

curtain calls?
 

---

Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 stares at Stage Manager]

Baaa

*sheep plop*
 

---

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wise Guy:

By the way, how about that great reveiw last night?

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sheep 3:
ba ba BA ba
ba ba BA ba!

---

Decides getting to nine pages is a worthy goal. Gives Sheep 3 some more eggnog -- she's a terrific colleague! Decides that what these boards REALLY need is a sheep smiley.


 

---

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 stares at Stage Manager]

Baaa

*sheep plop*

---

Oh, how sweet....you really care.
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by chief stage manager:
I'll have a quadruple, thanks! Halleluia!

---

Here you go, in your own personal SuperGiantSlurp-a-Gallon souvenir cup!

Decides that what these board really need is an inebriate smiley.



[ 23. December 2002, 11:05: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
(a thrilled audience claps, cheers, jumps to their feet...)

Bravo! BRAVO! Author, author!
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wise Guy:
Y'know? that was a pretty damn good ending...

---

Smiles modestly.

Oh, it was nothing really!

The curtain calls would have gone on longer, but aside from the orchestra stampeding, the audience did too. And of course the entrance of the fire trucks sort of brought down the house.

But we were terrific!

Gives Flaming Sword one last wave, for dramatic effect.



[ 23. December 2002, 11:05: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

---

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel 6:
Here you go, in your own personal SuperGiantSlurp-a-Gallon souvenir cup!

Decides that what these board really need is an inebriate smiley.

---

Yes, we do....

[Drinks eggnog and begins to cheerfully shovel up sheep plop]....I'll miss this when the play is over....
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Angel 6:
Decides that what these board really need is an inebriate smiley.

---

You might have something there...

[ 23. December 2002, 11:06: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

---

Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wise Guy:
(a thrilled audience claps, cheers, jumps to their feet...)

Bravo! BRAVO! Author, author!

---

I thought there wasn't one.....
 

---

Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
Boy, we're all just bolloxing up the code tonight aren't we?
 

---

Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Wise Guy:
You might have something there...

---

quote:

---

Originally posted by chief stage manager:

quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
(a thrilled audience claps, cheers, jumps to their feet...)

Bravo! BRAVO! Author, author!

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I thought there wasn't one.....

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quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 6:

quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
You might have something there...

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Of course I do.

(Aside: HOW many more posts do we have to go to push this thing to nine pages?)

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quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 6:
(Aside: HOW many more posts do we have to go to push this thing to nine pages?)

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17 more, I think.

I'm so ashamed to be participating in this padding. Feels like stuffing the ballot box.
 

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Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
ROSSWEISSE!!!
 

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Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by chief stage manager:
about 16.....

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Right-ho.

More eggnog?

vamping as needed

[ 23. December 2002, 11:07: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

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Posted by Wardrobe (# 3675) on :
 
Oops, too slow. Now even more embarassed.
 

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Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
...Ah, such memories willl never die...

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quote:

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Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 wonders why all this is happening on the Concorde and when the plane is going to land]

Baaaaa

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We've landed; you just slept through it -- that and the grand sing-along finale. You're living on a lovely golf course now, and the idiot shepherds are far behind you.

More eggnog?
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
It's been a nice experience for me as well. I usually dislike Christmas and take the holiday season very downcast. My coworkers are wondering why I'm so cheerful this year. I have a wonderful secret.....SOF Nativity Play.

I want to thank everyone, too. (((Hugs all around)))
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 also points out that number of posts, not length of posts, determines the page spillover.]

Baaaa

*head-butts nearest poster*
 

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Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
It's not padding, it's Curtain calls.

any how, on to my thank you list. I was really grateful to WG2 for covering my fainting spell the other night, and for carrying on so gamely when the bus took flight...

Rudolph, you will always have a place in my heart...

Sheep 3..your plop saved the day...
Herod...thanks for the chocolate, you CHUMP.
 

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Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
ROSSWEISSE!!!

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quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 6:

quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
ROSSWEISSE!!!

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Starts; looks around guiltily.

WHAT?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Wardrobe:
With everyone gone, I'm going to have a heck of a time retrieving all the costumes. Well, the missing items aren't coming out of MY paycheck, I'll tell you that....

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quote:

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Originally posted by Wardrobe:
With everyone gone, I'm going to have a heck of a time retrieving all the costumes. Well, the missing items aren't coming out of MY paycheck, I'll tell you that.

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Same for the props. I'm missing weapons, jewels, incense, palm pilots, wands. Absolutely no one returned their props to the table as they left the stage.
 

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Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 also points out that number of posts, not length of posts, determines the page spillover.]

Baaaa

*head-butts nearest poster*

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quote:

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Originally posted by chief stage manager:
I want to thank everyone, too. (((Hugs all around)))

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Hugs back atcha! And more eggnog!

And, incidentally....we BROKE ANOTHER RECORD! We're at NINE! Let's hear it for the late-to-bed Norteamericano contingent!



[ 23. December 2002, 11:09: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

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Posted by chief stage manager (# 3658) on :
 
Blood barf will be a challenge for the stage crew.

Not to mention a dead body....
 

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Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
It's not padding, it's Curtain calls.
...

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quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 6:
Hugs back atcha! And more eggnog!

And, incidentally....we BROKE ANOTHER RECORD! We're at NINE! Let's hear it for the late-to-bed Norteamericano contingent!

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Another round of eggnog.
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 nuzzles up against the Wardrode, in a feeble attempt to imitate Stable Cat]

Baarrummmmppt...Bapppprrrt.
 

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Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
I'm getting low on inspiration , so I will bid you all adieu...

(collects up some of the unopened Kahlua bottle props and saunters offstage, picking up one of the many bundles of roses that the audience has scattered on stage. Stpos, takes one last bow, exeunt.)
 

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Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by chief stage manager:
Blood barf will be a challenge for the stage crew.

Not to mention a dead body....

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quote:

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Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 nuzzles up against the Wardrode, in a feeble attempt to imitate Stable Cat]

Baarrummmmppt...Bapppprrrt.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
I'm getting low on inspiration
<snip>

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quote:

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Originally posted by chief stage manager:
Another round of eggnog.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 6:

quote:

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Originally posted by chief stage manager:
Blood barf will be a challenge for the stage crew.

Not to mention a dead body....

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Time to tiptoe out and leave that to the owners, I think....?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Wardrobe:

quote:

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Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 nuzzles up against the Wardrode, in a feeble attempt to imitate Stable Cat]

Baarrummmmppt...Bapppprrrt.

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Nice fleece. Next time you're sheared, can I call dips on your wool?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
Oh, golly! I come back for the hugs!!

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quote:

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Originally posted by chief stage manager:
(*sigh* I'm just sorry I missed seeing Pontius Pilot.)

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Oh, HE scarpered off in mid-flight-to-Egypt! The Heavenly Host had to land the plane...drat these amateurs!

Sheep 3, are you feeling better? I'm not sure I can propel this thing to ten pages by myself. And -- eek! -- LOOK at the time!
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 notices some people lurking at the back of the stage and goes around to nuzzle them (and offer some eggnog, courtesy of Angel 6)]

Baaaa

*nuzzle Even Lowlier Shepherd*
 

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Posted by Wardrobe (# 3675) on :
 
Gotta go. Law & Order's on. Gotta have your priorities straight!
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
Baaaa

*nuzzle Mamacita*
 

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Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 
G'night, Wise Guy.

(Sternly) About TIME you showed up, ELS!


 

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Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
(GRUMBLE GRUMBLE)

Well, screw that, I guess..
 

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Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 


We just can't seem to say goodbye...
 

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Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
We just can't seem to say goodbye...

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quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 3:
...I suppose it's too late to direct the audience to the T-shirt concession in the foyer. There's always the movie rights....I wonder who'll be playing me?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
I will also be available in the lobby to sign copies of Wiseguy: a life of wiseassery

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Shouldn't that be "wiseassishness"?


 

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Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
So where is it they usually have the post-play party where you stay up all night and wait for the first reviews to come in?
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3 noses around for something to eat and discovers a bit more eggnog hidden behind the scenery.]

Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

*lap, lap, sluuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrp*
 

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Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
Sheep 3, if you persist on getting drunk around me, you're gonna find yourself in trouble
 

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Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
So where is it they usually have the post-play party where you stay up all night and wait for the first reviews to come in?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
Sheep 3, if you persist on getting drunk around me, you're gonna find yourself in trouble

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Not while I'm around. This Flaming Sword is NOT a prop!



Angel 6, defender of helpless sheep
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 

quote:

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Fortunately or otherwise, the venue having shifted to North America, we can find a bar that's open until 4 a.m.,

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[Sheep 3 ponders this and wonders which state she is in and how she got there from Egypt/Ibiza/wherever ]

Baaa?
 

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Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 
(Pours remaining eggnog into sheep dish for Sheep 3 to slurp up; waste not, want not.)


 

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Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 6:

quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
Sheep 3, if you persist on getting drunk around me, you're gonna find yourself in trouble

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Not while I'm around. This Flaming Sword is NOT a prop!



Angel 6, defender of helpless sheep

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(..but she did wink at me...)
 

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Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Sheep 3:
[Sheep 3 ponders this and wonders which state she is in and how she got there from Egypt/Ibiza/wherever ]

Baaa?

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quote:

---

Originally posted by Sheep 3:

quote:

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Fortunately or otherwise, the venue having shifted to North America, we can find a bar that's open until 4 a.m.,

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[Sheep 3 ponders this and wonders which state she is in and how she got there from Egypt/Ibiza/wherever ]

Baaa?

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quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
(..but she did wink at me...)

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A likely story. That's what they all say!

(Notes that flood control is an even bigger pain than usual when one is trying to achieve a new world's record AND get to bed at a halfway-decent hour!)
 

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Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
This toast is brought to you by..the number TEN!

Raises eggnog cup.
 

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Posted by Angel 6 (# 3709) on :
 
aaaaaand.....WE DID IT!

Ten pages! Review THAT, Sir Stephen!

Good night, Merry/Happy Christmas, God bless!

Angel 6, all done in


 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:

quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 6:

quote:

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Originally posted by Wise Guy:
Sheep 3, if you persist on getting drunk around me, you're gonna find yourself in trouble

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Not while I'm around. This Flaming Sword is NOT a prop!



Angel 6, defender of helpless sheep

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(..but she did wink at me...)

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[Sheep 3 tries to remember if she really did wink at Wise Guy.... thinks that there were extenuating circumstances.]

Baaaaaaaa
 

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Posted by Wise Guy (# 3707) on :
 
Happy-Merry--have a nice night, y'all
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[Sheep 3, once again abandoned on the set, settles down to chew her cud.......]

Baaaa

*chew, chew*
 

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Posted by Rudolph the Red-Nosed Sheep (# 3667) on :
 
Back on the flight to Egypt, Rudolph sleeps peacefully, after emptying the airplane's kitchen of all available Black Sheep ale and eggnog. Wonders what this new place, Egypt, will be like, hopes their bars stay open until 4:00 AM. Dreams of frolicking in green fields, playing with the Christ child as he grows up. Also dreams of having his own Christmas special next year, The Adventures of Rudolph the Purple Red-Nosed Sheep, saving Christmas from a certain Evil Twin.


 

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Posted by Angel 3 (# 3687) on :
 
"Bloody barf"? Well I told Herod it would end badly. First the blood and then the worms...
Next year - I shall be taking control...Well no point in hanging around.

Merry Christmas everyone. Joy and peace to all!
 

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Posted by Donkey (# 3752) on :
 
(enters stage right)
Hay, like to thank you all for coming. I've just got to say a "Wonderful Job" to BVM for her great performance night after night after night after, well, you get the idea.
I'm just looking out at the audience here, and would just like to say a moments silence here, for the empty chair in the front row.
(Donkey bows head, stands silent..............)
Hops off stage, goes over to chair and cords it off with gold rope.
This one is yours Molly.
(Donkey wanders off up the aisle, takes a last look at the stage, and leaves.)
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
[While chewing her cud, Sheep 3 overhears some fellow called Giles Fraser talking. Seemed to make sense, even to a sheep brain.]

Baaaa

*chew*

[ 23. December 2002, 11:14: Message edited by: Musical Director ]
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
*chew.....chew................zzzzzzzzzzzzzz*
 

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Posted by Sheep 3 (# 3663) on :
 
*jingle*
 

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Posted by Herod (# 3649) on :
 
<Ahem, it's not over 'til the fat lady sings (or something like that)>

<Herod shuffles on stage right. He is wearing a dressing gown, reading a scroll and coughing violenlty>

I feel quite ill - not too hot,
How inconvenient this is!
<Peruses scroll>
And now I read here in the plot,
I die of syphilis,
(Bloody scriptwriter - may he rot-
He really takes the...)

<Herod grabs his nether regions, a sudden look of fear and pain tear across his face. For a prolonged moment, he freezes, utters a barely audible moan, and keels over face down on the floor. A short burst of the Hallelujah Chorus is heard as the lights dim slowly.>
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 
*Staggers onstage reeling under weight of numerous shopping bags and 10 lb turkey. She is followed by a hopeful looking black, motheaten cat.*

All sorted, at last!

I deserve a little something for all that. Where's Fairy Godmother?

?

?



What do you mean? I missed it?!
 

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Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by chief stage manager:

quote:

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Bravo! BRAVO! Author, author!

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I thought there wasn't one.....

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Another critic.
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Narrator:

quote:

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Originally posted by chief stage manager:

quote:

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Bravo! BRAVO! Author, author!

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I thought there wasn't one.....

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Another critic.

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Ignore her, Narrator. You are obviously destined for great things!
 

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Posted by Assorted Strings (# 3652) on :
 
Meanwhile, in the orchestra pit, the much maligned band strike up the finale....
 

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Posted by Director (# 3664) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Assorted Strings:
Meanwhile, in the orchestra pit, the much maligned band strike up the finale....

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Ooh?!

*Logs on again, I mean looks up from her shopping at mention of finale.*

Anyone for a sing-song?

All together now, 1-2-3.....
 

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Posted by Passer-by 3 (# 3711) on :
 
Enters stage right, exits stage left.
 

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Posted by Assorted Strings (# 3652) on :
 
The story seems to have had the required happy ending, so....

Always look on the bright side of life... de dum, de dum, de dum, de dum...
 

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Posted by Baby Jesus (# 3729) on :
 
Sadly puts the nice bell with its cerulean bow back on the props table in the wings. Many apologies to the chief stage manager for not giving it back in between scenes, but it was fun to play with...

*last jingle*


 

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Posted by Angel 1 (# 3661) on :
 
comes back, realises that her evil mentor (Herod) is dead of something nasty (she's glad she didn't get too close). She decides that maybe she changed sides too easily.

I'm gonna be good again!



A
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Angel 1:
I'm gonna be good again!

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quote:

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posted by musical director;
Everyone is either drunk, dead, or otherwise absent.

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It's worth a try! I'm just trying to get a few more gratuitous posts in, as I've missed most of the action so far!

Anyhow, don't be shy, Passer-by 3, I've got a triangle here you can play. Or a drum (I nicked it off one of the shepherds).
 

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Posted by Passer-by 3 (# 3711) on :
 
[Enters stage right, walks to centre of stage, dings triangle (Do triangles 'ding'?). Exits stage left.]
 

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Posted by Passer-by 3 (# 3711) on :
 
[Enters stage left, walks to centre of stage. Starts to do a little dance. Remembers she can't dance. Exits stage right.]
 

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Posted by Assorted Strings (# 3652) on :
 
Hooray! Hooray!

Ah well, nearly time for the final curtain. Wonder if I'll get to take a bow. Or maybe, in true orchestra tradition, I'll just head for the nearest pub. Anyone coming for a drink?
 

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Posted by Passer-by 3 (# 3711) on :
 
[Enters stage right, bows.

Waits for audience applause.

Continues to wait.

[Silence]

Exits stage left, still waiting]
 

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Posted by Equity Deputy (# 3673) on :
 
Dashing on stage before curtain down - just wanted to say I'd been here. Thanks to a great cast and crew!

cheers from Boston
 

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Posted by Musical Director (# 3651) on :
 
Well I may not have stopped drinking for the last two weeks, but the pub sounds good. Now I've just got to negotiate my way out of the orchestra pit around all these empty bottles...
 

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Posted by Narrator (# 3680) on :
 
We’ve heard how Mary was given a message
(Gabriel sent a text).
How she would bear the Son of God
And Mary was most perplexed.

She went to see her cousin Liz
Who was also expecting a boy.
Hearing Mary’s most strange news
They, both of them, leapt for joy.

Joseph was rather put out by this
But to him an angel did come.
The angel told him to take care
Of Mary and her son.

Wise men from the utmost East
A wondrous star did see.
They set off without a clue
How to find Galilee.

At Caesar’s decree Joseph and Mary
Went up to Bethlehem town
There she gave birth, and in a rude bed
The Christ child and twin she laid down.

The wise men came to Herod the Great
And told him what they had seen.
Herod thought up a wicked plan
For he was evil and mean.

Shepherds upon the hills nearby
Saw an Angelic throng.
They came to where the Child lay
And worshipped him in song.

The Kings arrived, all led by a sheep
And the Christ child they beheld,
As he peacefully slept in a stable, rough
While his sister screamed and yelled.

Then others came to see Mary’s son
And worship the new-born King
For never in all the history books
Had they heard of such a thing.

The Magi set off home again
They went a different way
Herod tried to capture them
And they only just got away.

Herod was still exclaiming oaths
Of how the child must die.
But with the help of Brain and Pilate
The family to Egypt did fly.

And now that our story has all been told
We hope that you’ve not been offended
But if you have, just think of this
- At least it is finally ended.

Now to all you girls and boys at home
Our story comes to a close
We hope that you’ve enjoyed the tale
And for a sequel? Well, who knows?

Thank you, and good night


 

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