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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Praying to win the lottery
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Simon
Editor
# 1
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Posted
This joke submitted by Scot:
A Jewish man goes into the synagogue and prays. "O Lord, you know the mess I'm in, please let me win the lottery."
The next week, he's back again, and this time he's complaining. "O Lord, didn't you hear my prayer last week? I'll lose everything I hold dear unless I win the lottery."
The third week, he comes back to the synagogue, and this time he's desperate. "O Lord, this is the third time I've prayed to you to let me win the lottery! I ask and I plead and still you don't help me!"
Suddenly a booming voice sounds from heaven. "Benny, Benny, be reasonable. Meet me half way. Buy a lottery ticket!"
[ 05. July 2005, 10:13: Message edited by: Simon ]
Poll information
This poll contains 2 question(s). 149 user(s) have voted.
You can't view the results of this poll without voting.
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Eternal memory
Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001
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Triple Tiara
Ship's Papabile
# 9556
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Posted
Oi vey Ian - just when I was agreeing with you about the first joke!
Simon - these jokes belong in the humour equivalent of dead horses.
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I'm a Roman. You may call me Caligula.
Posts: 5905 | From: London, England | Registered: May 2005
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Simon
Editor
# 1
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Posted
I know, Triple Tiara... but we have to start somewhere. I'm sure you can send us something better to post here.
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Eternal memory
Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001
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Ian Climacus
Liturgical Slattern
# 944
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Posted
dons sackcloth and ashes
peddling backwards...: to be fair, TT, I'd just read the first one. This was better. Perhaps not saying much! ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
Posts: 7800 | From: On the border | Registered: Jul 2001
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Foolhearty
Shipmate
# 6196
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Posted
Mildly funny. It's a familiar joke and the punch line is predictable. It's not offensive because the quality played on is so human -- you could substitute "Methodist" or "Swedenborgian" here without any real change to the joke. It isn't making a comment on the protagonist as a member of his religion; it's making a comment on his humanity.
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Fear doesn't empty tomorrow of its perils; it empties today of its power.
Posts: 2301 | From: Upper right-hand corner | Registered: May 2004
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jlg
What is this place?
Why am I here?
# 98
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Posted
A nice middle-of-the-road inoffensive* joke suitable to any sermon/homily/preaching. Has that essential ingredient of a pious but clueless person, which makes everyone in the congregation laugh because they, of course, would never be so stupid. But it still makes a valid point.
*Assuming the one telling the joke isn't wrong about which ethnic group to use for the main character.
Posts: 17391 | From: Just a Town, New Hampshire, USA | Registered: May 2001
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Emma-Jean
Shipmate
# 7165
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Posted
I've also heard this one where the man is Mennonite. Most jokes that are told about both Jewish people and Mennonites have something to do with money. I always got the impression that it was because the guy was too much of a penny pincher to pay for a ticket. Anyway, I've heard it a million times.
EJ
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"It is important to remember that for every oxidation there must be a corresponding reduction, and vice versa. When 4 electrons are formally removed from ethanol... they do not simply vanish" - Dr. Hultin
Posts: 422 | From: Winter-peg | Registered: May 2004
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RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
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Posted
It was sort of funny the first time I heard it, but I've heard it a zillion times. My views are probably also colored by my dislike for the lottery. It's kind of funny as a send-up of people who pray for change in their lives but won't lift a finger to help themselves, but I don't think that's really any stupid or more silly than spending money on lottery tickets.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
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AdamPater
Sacristan of the LavaLamp
# 4431
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Posted
Funny the first time, but that was a while ago.
I felt a tad uncomfortable at it being about a Jewish guy; I'd have been more at home laughing at a Catholic or a Baptist or an Anglican, because I are one.
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Put not your trust in princes.
Posts: 4894 | From: On the left of the big pink bit. | Registered: Apr 2003
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Flausa
Mad Woman
# 3466
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Posted
I didn't find this funny at all. Maybe because it represents to me the worst of all those bad, jokey sermon illustrations: the minister's trying to be funny, but I rather he just not bothered.
Posts: 4610 | From: bonny Scotland | Registered: Oct 2002
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mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
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Posted
I was yawning way too hard to be offended.
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This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
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CorgiGreta
Shipmate
# 443
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Posted
I think the "joke" is blatantly anti-Semitic. Any humor therein would flow from the Jewish man being either incredibly stupid or incredibly stingy. Which one fits the stereotype?
It is no joke. It is disgusting.
Greta
Posts: 3677 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Gill H
Shipmate
# 68
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Posted
It works fine with no particular faith, ethnicity or denomination attached, and that's the way I've usually heard it. Then it's more about the 'sit back and let God do it' approach - like the aforementioned helicopter one.
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*sigh* We can’t all be Alan Cresswell.
- Lyda Rose
Posts: 9313 | From: London | Registered: May 2001
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
What RuthW said - lots of people want God to help but do nothing to put themselves in a position where He can help them. Applies as much to this situation as it does to atheists hitting their thumb with a hammer and invoking our Saviour.
It wouldn't be anti-Semitic if money jokes weren't so often about Jews.
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
Only works if you tell it about your own. As told by a goy who has no idea that Jews don't drop into synagogues to pray for stuff, it's ignorant and plays on all the Jews/money/stinginess stuff. And it's ancient.
Mind you, there are hundreds of good-bad old Jewish jokes. I shall cite only two, both from impeccably kosher sources.
In a small village in the Ukraine towards the beginning of the last century, a terrifying rumour was spreading: a Christian girl had been found murdered. Realizing the dire consequences of such an event, and fearing a pogrom, the Jewish community instinctively gathered in the synagogue to plan whatever defensive actions were possible in the circumstances. Just as the emergency meeting was being called to order, in ran the president of the synagogue, out of breath and all excited. 'Brothers!' he cried out, 'I have wonderful news! The murdered girl is Jewish!'
It was a dark and stormy night, and Mendelson, an old man, knew the end was near. 'Call the priest!' he said to his wife, 'Tell him to come right away!' 'The priest?' Max, you're delirious. You mean the rabbi!' 'No,' said Mendelson, 'I mean the priest. Why disturb the rabbi on a night like this?'
Since the first one was so sick, here's a third, and this one's from the Talmud itself, (Bava Batra, 23b)
The Mishnah states: If a fledgling bird is found within fifty cubits of a dovecote, it belongs to the owner of the dovecote. If it is found side the limit of fifty cubits, it belongs to the person who finds it. Rabbi Jeremiah asked: If one foot of the fledgling is within the limit of fifty cubits, and one foot is outside it, what is the law?
It was for this reason that Rabbi Jeremiah was thrown out of the House of Study.
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001
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The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Flausa:
I didn't find this funny at all. Maybe because it represents to me the worst of all those bad, jokey sermon illustrations: the minister's trying to be funny, but I rather he just not bothered.
It isn't amusing in the slightest. The only offence is that it masquerades as a joke.
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If Christ is not fully human, humankind is not fully saved. - St John of Saint-Denis
Posts: 14741 | From: Greater Manchester, UK | Registered: Mar 2004
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radclyffe hall
Shipmate
# 4560
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Posted
This is a joke about expecting God to wave his magic wand when we ask for something and as such is fun. Unfortunate choice of Jewish protagonist for reasons previously stated, it would be more convincing with an evangelical. (one who needs to win the lottery but can't bring themselves to buy a ticket - how ironic)
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I have the blues badder than a blind, bald, one-legged man sitting alone on a Mississippi veranda nursing a three-string guitar, an empty bottle of Jack Daniel's and a grudge
Posts: 247 | From: the mysterious east | Registered: May 2003
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Jonah the Whale
Ship's pet cetacean
# 1244
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Posted
I couldn't remember hearing the joke before (probably my bad memory) and thought it was quite funny. I did wonder why the guy had to be Jewish, since it would work with any faith, but then again why not? Then, when someone mentioned it might be the Jewish stereotypical stinginess I thought maybe I shouldn't have put a 1 on the offensiveness poll. Then again, perhaps it was sexist - why shouldn't it have been a woman? Perhaps I'm naive, but I assume people would tell the joke about someone of their own faith. If I was re-telling the joke I would start off: "A guy goes into a church..." But then, nobody laughs when I tell them. Must be something about my delivery.
Posts: 2799 | From: Nether Regions | Registered: Aug 2001
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Triple Tiara
Ship's Papabile
# 9556
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Posted
I once heard a comedian describing Christianity as Judaism without the jokes - now that was funny!
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I'm a Roman. You may call me Caligula.
Posts: 5905 | From: London, England | Registered: May 2005
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Peronel
The typo slayer
# 569
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amos:
Since the first one was so sick, here's a third, and this one's from the Talmud itself, (Bava Batra, 23b)
The Mishnah states: If a fledgling bird is found within fifty cubits of a dovecote, it belongs to the owner of the dovecote. If it is found side the limit of fifty cubits, it belongs to the person who finds it. Rabbi Jeremiah asked: If one foot of the fledgling is within the limit of fifty cubits, and one foot is outside it, what is the law?
It was for this reason that Rabbi Jeremiah was thrown out of the House of Study.
This one is the funniest so far.
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Lord, I have sinned, and mine iniquity.
Deserves this hell; yet Lord deliver me.
Posts: 2367 | From: A self-inflicted exile | Registered: Jun 2001
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AdamPater
Sacristan of the LavaLamp
# 4431
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Posted
I liked all three of Amos', but especially the first and last. Both of them are funny because they're skirting around anguish.
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Put not your trust in princes.
Posts: 4894 | From: On the left of the big pink bit. | Registered: Apr 2003
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Glimmer
Ship's Lantern
# 4540
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Posted
![[Smile]](smile.gif) How can it be offensive? It works with all kinds of 'targets' eg Jewish, Irish, Cannucks, Newfies, Poles, Scots, Rednecks, Kiwis, Georgians etc Of course, always better delivered by a 'target' themselves. BUT it also works on no particular target eg "My friend Duane/Clarence/Tracy etc"
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The original, unchanged 4540.
The Temple area, Ankh Morpork
Posts: 1749 | From: Ankh Morpork, Dorset | Registered: May 2003
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
God help us. Will someone explain in words of one syllable to Glimmer why Gentiles making jokes about Jews which turn on matters of money is generally considered offensive?
And now for another joke. I'm afraid I love this one, which probably means you all will hate it:
On a train in czarist Russia, a Jew is eating a smoked whitefish, wrapped in paper. A Russian, sitting across the aisle, begins to taunt him with various anti-Semitic epithets. Finally, he asks the Jew, 'What makes you Jews so clever?' 'All right,' says the Jew, 'I suppose I'll have to tell you. It's because we eat the head of the whitefish.' 'Well, if that's the secret,' says the Russian, 'then I can be as clever as you.' 'So you can,' says the Jew, 'And, as a matter of fact, I happen to have an extra whitefish head with me. You can have it for five kopecks.' The Russian pays for the fish head and begins to choke it down. An hour later the train stops at a station for half an hour. The Russian leaves the train and returns as the whistle blows. 'Listen, Jew!' he says, 'You sold me that whitefish head for five kopecks. But I just saw a whole whitefish in the market here for three kopecks!' 'See?' replies the Jew, 'You're getting smarter already.'
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001
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starbelly
but you can call me Neil
# 25
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Posted
Hostly Jester hat on
Just another reminder (of what I fear will be many) that if you have a joke please enter it via the link at the top of this board, otherwise it won't get entered into the competition.
If our panel of (so called/self styled) comedians like it we will start a new thread!
Thanks
Hostly Jester hat off
Posts: 6009 | From: High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire. | Registered: May 2001
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
Do you mean that any joke posted has to be entered into the competition? ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001
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Amorya
Ship's tame galoot
# 2652
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by radcliffe hall:
This is a joke about expecting God to wave his magic wand when we ask for something and as such is fun. Unfortunate choice of Jewish protagonist for reasons previously stated, it would be more convincing with an evangelical. (one who needs to win the lottery but can't bring themselves to buy a ticket - how ironic)
Yeah, that'd work.
I've always heard this one with an Irishman, playing up the stereotyped stupidity. That way makes me laugh more than this version does. (I know it's completely un-PC to admit that!)
Amorya
Posts: 2383 | From: Coventry | Registered: Apr 2002
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starbelly
but you can call me Neil
# 25
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Amos:
Do you mean that any joke posted has to be entered into the competition?
Does not have to be, but would be nice to enter all the best ones and give them some discussion, and perhaps an air freshener for yourself...
Neil
Posts: 6009 | From: High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire. | Registered: May 2001
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John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
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Posted
The Jewishness of the man praying is an unnecessary and retrograde accretion. Takes an easy ride on the stereotypical money-focussed Jew. ![[Disappointed]](graemlins/disappointed.gif)
I first heard this joke as 'A man praying...' and it was used in context to give me a little nudge to do practical things as well as pray. As a joke, I found it funny because of the shared experience aspect. Who hasn't at one time said: 'I never win anything' etc. then when challenged admitted to not often buying tickets.
I enjoyed the idea of God really wanting to help, but being frustrated and unable to because we don't give him the opportunity.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
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themanwiththegingerhair
Apprentice
# 9691
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Posted
I didn’t really draw a link between the bloke being Jewish and money problems as everyone has money problems (it isn’t about being tight). Maybe people are just being a little overly PC or maybe I’ve just heard it so many times before with other religions.
Maybe the bloke posting the joke was Jewish. Lighten up guys.
Posts: 28 | From: Birmingham | Registered: Jul 2005
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Zeke
Ship's Inquirer
# 3271
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Posted
Welcome to the Ship, ginger!
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No longer the Bishop of Durham
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If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? --Benjamin Franklin
Posts: 5259 | From: Deep in the American desert | Registered: Sep 2002
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Metapelagius
Shipmate
# 9453
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Posted
quote:
Maybe the bloke posting the joke was Jewish. Lighten up guys. - Ginger
Sheltered life, perhaps, but I have only ever heard this joke once before. On the radio, BBC. Retailed by a chap called Lionel Blue. A rabbi, I believe ....
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Rec a archaw e nim naccer.
y rof a duv. dagnouet.
Am bo forth. y porth riet.
Crist ny buv e trist yth orsset.
Posts: 1032 | From: Hereabouts | Registered: May 2005
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Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
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Posted
One of my friends (native of Kerry) tells this same joke with the man's being Irish. Tom could tell any joke with a higher than average hilarity factor, but it's especially funny because, first, it's not unusual for those in financial straits to pray to win the lottery (I remember seeing testimonies in religious magazines such as "I had no money to pay my electric bill, then I prayed to Pio and won the numbers"), and second, that people can be so preoccupied with their need that they forget the practical.
This stale joke should not be offensive except that, as Amos noted, it could be taken as anti-Semitic - Lord knows we all are aware of what happened to the Jewish money-lenders some centuries back, and how that attitude did endure. It is not especially funny, but could be moderately so if it were, for example, an Irishman telling it about another Irishman (or if it simply were reduced to 'a man prayed to God...')
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Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
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CorgiGreta
Shipmate
# 443
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Posted
The version I first heard was even worse. The Jewish man offers to give God a percentage of the winnings, and the percentage increases with each prayer.
Greta
Posts: 3677 | Registered: Jun 2001
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Orb
Eye eye Cap'n!
# 3256
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Posted
You might as well just say "God isn't going to do everything (or maybe even anything) for you, so shut up and do it" and not bother with the "joke".
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“You cannot buy the revolution. You cannot make the revolution. You can only be the revolution. It is in your spirit, or it is nowhere.” Ursula K. Le Guin, The Dispossessed
Posts: 5032 | From: Easton, Bristol | Registered: Aug 2002
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