Thread: Praying to win the lottery Board: The Laugh Judgment / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by Simon (# 1) on :
 
This joke submitted by Scot:

A Jewish man goes into the synagogue and prays. "O Lord, you know the mess I'm in, please let me win the lottery."

The next week, he's back again, and this time he's complaining. "O Lord, didn't you hear my prayer last week? I'll lose everything I hold dear unless I win the lottery."

The third week, he comes back to the synagogue, and this time he's desperate. "O Lord, this is the third time I've prayed to you to let me win the lottery! I ask and I plead and still you don't help me!"

Suddenly a booming voice sounds from heaven. "Benny, Benny, be reasonable. Meet me half way. Buy a lottery ticket!"

[ 05. July 2005, 10:13: Message edited by: Simon ]
 

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Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :
 
Like the one with the man on the roof, the flood, the boat, the helicopter.

Funny because it hits home.
 

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Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
Loved this one.
 

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Posted by Triple Tiara (# 9556) on :
 
Oi vey Ian - just when I was agreeing with you about the first joke!

Simon - these jokes belong in the humour equivalent of dead horses.
 

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Posted by Simon (# 1) on :
 
I know, Triple Tiara... but we have to start somewhere. I'm sure you can send us something better to post here.
 

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Posted by Ian Climacus (# 944) on :
 
dons sackcloth and ashes

peddling backwards...: to be fair, TT, I'd just read the first one. This was better. Perhaps not saying much!
 

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Posted by Foolhearty (# 6196) on :
 
Mildly funny. It's a familiar joke and the punch line is predictable. It's not offensive because the quality played on is so human -- you could substitute "Methodist" or "Swedenborgian" here without any real change to the joke. It isn't making a comment on the protagonist as a member of his religion; it's making a comment on his humanity.
 

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Posted by jlg (# 98) on :
 
A nice middle-of-the-road inoffensive* joke suitable to any sermon/homily/preaching. Has that essential ingredient of a pious but clueless person, which makes everyone in the congregation laugh because they, of course, would never be so stupid. But it still makes a valid point.

*Assuming the one telling the joke isn't wrong about which ethnic group to use for the main character.
 

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Posted by Emma-Jean (# 7165) on :
 
I've also heard this one where the man is Mennonite. Most jokes that are told about both Jewish people and Mennonites have something to do with money. I always got the impression that it was because the guy was too much of a penny pincher to pay for a ticket. Anyway, I've heard it a million times.

EJ
 

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Posted by RuthW (# 13) on :
 
It was sort of funny the first time I heard it, but I've heard it a zillion times. My views are probably also colored by my dislike for the lottery. It's kind of funny as a send-up of people who pray for change in their lives but won't lift a finger to help themselves, but I don't think that's really any stupid or more silly than spending money on lottery tickets.
 

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Posted by AdamPater (# 4431) on :
 
Funny the first time, but that was a while ago.

I felt a tad uncomfortable at it being about a Jewish guy; I'd have been more at home laughing at a Catholic or a Baptist or an Anglican, because I are one.
 

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Posted by Flausa (# 3466) on :
 
I didn't find this funny at all. Maybe because it represents to me the worst of all those bad, jokey sermon illustrations: the minister's trying to be funny, but I rather he just not bothered.
 

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Posted by Mousethief (# 953) on :
 
I was yawning way too hard to be offended.
 

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Posted by CorgiGreta (# 443) on :
 
I think the "joke" is blatantly anti-Semitic. Any humor therein would flow from the Jewish man being either incredibly stupid or incredibly stingy. Which one fits the stereotype?

It is no joke. It is disgusting.

Greta
 

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Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :
 
It works fine with no particular faith, ethnicity or denomination attached, and that's the way I've usually heard it. Then it's more about the 'sit back and let God do it' approach - like the aforementioned helicopter one.
 

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Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
What RuthW said - lots of people want God to help but do nothing to put themselves in a position where He can help them. Applies as much to this situation as it does to atheists hitting their thumb with a hammer and invoking our Saviour.

It wouldn't be anti-Semitic if money jokes weren't so often about Jews.
 

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Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
Only works if you tell it about your own. As told by a goy who has no idea that Jews don't drop into synagogues to pray for stuff, it's ignorant and plays on all the Jews/money/stinginess stuff. And it's ancient.

Mind you, there are hundreds of good-bad old Jewish jokes. I shall cite only two, both from impeccably kosher sources.

In a small village in the Ukraine towards the beginning of the last century, a terrifying rumour was spreading: a Christian girl had been found murdered. Realizing the dire consequences of such an event, and fearing a pogrom, the Jewish community instinctively gathered in the synagogue to plan whatever defensive actions were possible in the circumstances. Just as the emergency meeting was being called to order, in ran the president of the synagogue, out of breath and all excited. 'Brothers!' he cried out, 'I have wonderful news! The murdered girl is Jewish!'

It was a dark and stormy night, and Mendelson, an old man, knew the end was near. 'Call the priest!' he said to his wife, 'Tell him to come right away!' 'The priest?' Max, you're delirious. You mean the rabbi!' 'No,' said Mendelson, 'I mean the priest. Why disturb the rabbi on a night like this?'

Since the first one was so sick, here's a third, and this one's from the Talmud itself, (Bava Batra, 23b)
The Mishnah states: If a fledgling bird is found within fifty cubits of a dovecote, it belongs to the owner of the dovecote. If it is found side the limit of fifty cubits, it belongs to the person who finds it. Rabbi Jeremiah asked: If one foot of the fledgling is within the limit of fifty cubits, and one foot is outside it, what is the law?
It was for this reason that Rabbi Jeremiah was thrown out of the House of Study.
 

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Posted by Back-to-Front (# 5638) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Flausa:
I didn't find this funny at all. Maybe because it represents to me the worst of all those bad, jokey sermon illustrations: the minister's trying to be funny, but I rather he just not bothered.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Amos:

Since the first one was so sick, here's a third, and this one's from the Talmud itself, (Bava Batra, 23b)
The Mishnah states: If a fledgling bird is found within fifty cubits of a dovecote, it belongs to the owner of the dovecote. If it is found side the limit of fifty cubits, it belongs to the person who finds it. Rabbi Jeremiah asked: If one foot of the fledgling is within the limit of fifty cubits, and one foot is outside it, what is the law?
It was for this reason that Rabbi Jeremiah was thrown out of the House of Study.

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This one is the funniest so far.
 

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Posted by AdamPater (# 4431) on :
 
I liked all three of Amos', but especially the first and last. Both of them are funny because they're skirting around anguish.
 

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Posted by Glimmer (# 4540) on :
 
How can it be offensive? It works with all kinds of 'targets' eg Jewish, Irish, Cannucks, Newfies, Poles, Scots, Rednecks, Kiwis, Georgians etc Of course, always better delivered by a 'target' themselves. BUT it also works on no particular target eg "My friend Duane/Clarence/Tracy etc"
 

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Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
God help us. Will someone explain in words of one syllable to Glimmer why Gentiles making jokes about Jews which turn on matters of money is generally considered offensive?

And now for another joke. I'm afraid I love this one, which probably means you all will hate it:

On a train in czarist Russia, a Jew is eating a smoked whitefish, wrapped in paper. A Russian, sitting across the aisle, begins to taunt him with various anti-Semitic epithets. Finally, he asks the Jew, 'What makes you Jews so clever?' 'All right,' says the Jew, 'I suppose I'll have to tell you. It's because we eat the head of the whitefish.' 'Well, if that's the secret,' says the Russian, 'then I can be as clever as you.' 'So you can,' says the Jew, 'And, as a matter of fact, I happen to have an extra whitefish head with me. You can have it for five kopecks.' The Russian pays for the fish head and begins to choke it down. An hour later the train stops at a station for half an hour. The Russian leaves the train and returns as the whistle blows. 'Listen, Jew!' he says, 'You sold me that whitefish head for five kopecks. But I just saw a whole whitefish in the market here for three kopecks!' 'See?' replies the Jew, 'You're getting smarter already.'
 

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Posted by starbelly (# 25) on :
 
Hostly Jester hat on

Just another reminder (of what I fear will be many) that if you have a joke please enter it via the link at the top of this board, otherwise it won't get entered into the competition.

If our panel of (so called/self styled) comedians like it we will start a new thread!

Thanks
Hostly Jester hat off
 

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Posted by Amos (# 44) on :
 
Do you mean that any joke posted has to be entered into the competition?
 

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Posted by Amorya (# 2652) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by radcliffe hall:
This is a joke about expecting God to wave his magic wand when we ask for something and as such is fun. Unfortunate choice of Jewish protagonist for reasons previously stated, it would be more convincing with an evangelical. (one who needs to win the lottery but can't bring themselves to buy a ticket - how ironic)

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quote:

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Originally posted by Amos:
Do you mean that any joke posted has to be entered into the competition?

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Does not have to be, but would be nice to enter all the best ones and give them some discussion, and perhaps an air freshener for yourself...

Neil
 

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Posted by The Coot (# 220) on :
 
The Jewishness of the man praying is an unnecessary and retrograde accretion. Takes an easy ride on the stereotypical money-focussed Jew.

I first heard this joke as 'A man praying...' and it was used in context to give me a little nudge to do practical things as well as pray. As a joke, I found it funny because of the shared experience aspect. Who hasn't at one time said: 'I never win anything' etc. then when challenged admitted to not often buying tickets.

I enjoyed the idea of God really wanting to help, but being frustrated and unable to because we don't give him the opportunity.
 

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Posted by themanwiththegingerhair (# 9691) on :
 
I didn’t really draw a link between the bloke being Jewish and money problems as everyone has money problems (it isn’t about being tight). Maybe people are just being a little overly PC or maybe I’ve just heard it so many times before with other religions.

Maybe the bloke posting the joke was Jewish. Lighten up guys.
 

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Posted by Zeke (# 3271) on :
 
Welcome to the Ship, ginger!
 

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Posted by Metapelagius (# 9453) on :
 

quote:

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Maybe the bloke posting the joke was Jewish. Lighten up guys. - Ginger

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