|
Source: (consider it)
|
Thread: God goes on holiday
|
Simon
Editor
# 1
|
Posted
Joke submitted by realblender:
With the summer coming round, God is busy in Heaven trying to find a suitable holiday destination. After much deliberation, he asks St Peter what he thinks.
"How about Mars?" suggests Peter.
"No," replies God, "too hot."
"Pluto?"
"No, too cold."
"Earth?"
"Earth? Earth?! I went to Earth over 2,000 years ago and got some bird up the duff and they're STILL talking about it!"
[ 08. July 2005, 11:50: Message edited by: Simon ]
Poll information
This poll contains 2 question(s). 100 user(s) have voted.
You can't view the results of this poll without voting.
| |
--------------------
Eternal memory
Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
|
Posted
quote:
and got some bird up the duff
I'm starting to think that to me more offensive jokes are more funny. The first time I heard this joke this line was rendered as "and knocked up some Jewish bitch"--more offensive and much funnier, IMO. Though it might also be the very English idiom used in the OP; having to translate this part of the punchline delays its effect and makes it less funny to me.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Simon
Editor
# 1
|
Posted
Yes, we did get a version of this which had the "knocked up some Jewish bitch" line, but I preferred this one as the phrasing overall made God sound more exasperated.
--------------------
Eternal memory
Posts: 3787 | From: London | Registered: Mar 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
IngoB
Sentire cum Ecclesia
# 8700
|
Posted
I agree with RuthW, "knocked up some Jewish bitch" turns this into an actually funny joke. As it is, it's terribly lame in a British way...
--------------------
They’ll have me whipp’d for speaking true; thou’lt have me whipp’d for lying; and sometimes I am whipp’d for holding my peace. - The Fool in King Lear
Posts: 12010 | From: Gone fishing | Registered: Oct 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Trudy Scrumptious
BBE Shieldmaiden
# 5647
|
Posted
Translating the punch line certainly delayed the effect for me. Because, you know, I don't picture God speaking with an English accent.
[ 07. July 2005, 01:27: Message edited by: TrudyTrudy (I say unto you) ]
--------------------
Books and things.
I lied. There are no things. Just books.
Posts: 7428 | From: Closer to Paris than I am to Vancouver | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Simon:
Yes, we did get a version of this which had the "knocked up some Jewish bitch" line, but I preferred this one as the phrasing overall made God sound more exasperated.
God sounding exasperated isn't very funny. Of course he's exasperated, he's always exasperated with whatever silly thing we're doing. I've heard zillions of jokes that say little so than God is fed up. If we didn't tell such jokes more often, it would get a smile of recognition from me--yeah, I bet we bug the crap out of God.
But God being rude about Mary is really funny to me partly because it's so unexpected. I actually laughed the first time I heard this joke, and most of the ones here have only made me smile, if that.
Also, I'm fast deciding that when it comes to religious jokes, rude is good. The "Jewish bitch" version of the joke doesn't offend me, but I know it's rude, and since religious people are supposed to be nice and God is especially supposed to be nice, if he's made out to be rude in a joke, it's funny.
[typo]
[ 07. July 2005, 05:57: Message edited by: RuthW ]
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
|
Posted
This one is the most offensive and least funny one that I have read so far. If the term "Jewish bitch" had been used I would have found it even more offensive.
Gremlin has just asked why it is offensive to me. My gut feeling is that it makes a mockery of salvation. If "Jewish bitch" had been added it would have also been racist and sexist.
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
|
Posted
What does "bird up the duff" mean? A bird flew up his rectum? I can't be offended or amused when I don't even understand the jargon.
--------------------
This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
|
Posted
At first glance...
I normally like jokes about God having feelings, etc. (As in the wonderful film, "Two of a Kind", with Olivia N-J and John Travolta.)
But the attitude in the joke would be more suited to Zeus.
--------------------
Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Mr Clingford
Shipmate
# 7961
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
What does "bird up the duff" mean? A bird flew up his rectum? I can't be offended or amused when I don't even understand the jargon.
Oh come on, it means he got some tart preggers!
I would have found 'Jewish bitch' offensive, though, for the same reasons as bb.
--------------------
Ne'er cast a clout till May be out.
If only.
Posts: 1660 | From: A Fleeting moment | Registered: Jul 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Flausa
Mad Woman
# 3466
|
Posted
Part of making a joke or humour work is knowing who your target audience is. By putting in a distinctly British phrase, the target audience for this joke was narrowed considerably. "Jewish" and "bitch" are much more universal words, though I probably would have cringed if they were used, because deep down I still have a problem with "bad words."
As jlg said elsewhere, it would have hit a button in it's alternate form, whereas in it's posted form, it was just lost in translation.
Posts: 4610 | From: bonny Scotland | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
|
Posted
I prefer 'bird up the duff' to 'Jewish bitch'. The impact of hearing ppl using those words as curses and wishing violence towards ppl due to ethnicity or sex has been to great for me to enjoy them accentuating a faux characteristic of God.
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
babybear
Bear faced and cheeky with it
# 34
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
What does "bird up the duff" mean?
"Bird is used when one is looking upon the fairer sex with a slightly more carnal eye. It's not quite at the stage of treating women as objects but the implication is certainly there."
Up the duff means to make pregnant.
Posts: 13287 | From: Cottage of the 3 Bears (and The Gremlin) | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Anselmina
Ship's barmaid
# 3032
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by TrudyTrudy (I say unto you):
Translating the punch line certainly delayed the effect for me. Because, you know, I don't picture God speaking with an English accent.
I understand what you mean. God with an American accent wouldn't work for me. As credible as Morgan Freeman was in 'Bruce Almighty' ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif) !
The 'Jewish bitch' reference is interesting. In my growing-up environment 'bitch' was always one of the worst things you could call a woman (after the other obvious words). And because it was gender specific it was one of the best ways you could show that you despised her as a woman. But I agree with those who feel the terminology would have made the joke stronger.
--------------------
Irish dogs needing homes! http://www.dogactionwelfaregroup.ie/ Greyhounds and Lurchers are shipped over to England for rehoming too!
Posts: 10002 | From: Scotland the Brave | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Lurker McLurker™
Ship's stowaway
# 1384
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by TrudyTrudy (I say unto you):
Translating the punch line certainly delayed the effect for me. Because, you know, I don't picture God speaking with an English accent.
He does in old Hollywood films.
--------------------
Just War Theory- a perversion of morality?
Posts: 5661 | From: Raxacoricofallapatorius | Registered: Sep 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
The Scrumpmeister
Ship’s Taverner
# 5638
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Lurker McLurker™:
quote:
Originally posted by TrudyTrudy (I say unto you):
Translating the punch line certainly delayed the effect for me. Because, you know, I don't picture God speaking with an English accent.
He does in old Hollywood films.
Precisely.
God speaks Latin with an English accent, as his Blessed Mother taught him, her being a Good Catholic Girl and all.
More seriously, "some Jewish bitch" really wouldn't have worked for me either, as the insult of "bitch" would have been purely gratuitous and not at all contributory to the joke in any way. "bird up the duff" works well, although now that our transatlantic friends have pointed out that they don't use the expression, I can see how it could be lost somewhat on them.
--------------------
If Christ is not fully human, humankind is not fully saved. - St John of Saint-Denis
Posts: 14741 | From: Greater Manchester, UK | Registered: Mar 2004
| IP: Logged
|
|
Alaric the Goth
Shipmate
# 511
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by babybear:
quote:
Originally posted by Mousethief:
What does "bird up the duff" mean?
"Bird is used when one is looking upon the fairer sex with a slightly more carnal eye. It's not quite at the stage of treating women as objects but the implication is certainly there."
'Bird' in the slang sense of 'young woman' derives from Middle English 'burde' meaning 'seamstress', if that makes anyone feel better about the word!
Posts: 3322 | From: West Thriding | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
starbelly
but you can call me Neil
# 25
|
Posted
"Up the duff" is a phrase I would never use, its a vulgar expression really, it suggests a sexual act had taken place.
I think that most people assume that God did not actually have sex with Mary, so that is where the shock value lies.
Neil
Posts: 6009 | From: High Wycombe, Buckinghamshire. | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by babybear:
Gremlin has just asked why it is offensive to me. My gut feeling is that it makes a mockery of salvation.
I don't see that at all. Honest.
It's just a joke about Mary getting pregnant by God, which I'm sure we all agree was what actually happened 2000 years ago...
--------------------
Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
dj_ordinaire
Host
# 4643
|
Posted
The incongruity of God being a galactic lager-lout looking for a resort to hit made me smile. ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
[snippy tangent] But Mars is colder than Earth people! Should be Venus, surely? [pedantry over]
--------------------
Flinging wide the gates...
Posts: 10335 | From: Hanging in the balance of the reality of man | Registered: Jun 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
sharkshooter
Not your average shark
# 1589
|
Posted
I would have considered it much more offensive if I had understood it as well. That is a phrase I have never heard before.
--------------------
Let the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart, be acceptable in thy sight, O LORD, my strength, and my redeemer. [Psalm 19:14]
Posts: 7772 | From: Canada; Washington DC; Phoenix; it's complicated | Registered: Oct 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Caz...
Shipmate
# 3026
|
Posted
Don't really find it funny, or offensive.
It's just there.
--------------------
"What have you been reading? The Gospel according to St. Bastard?" - Eddie Izzard
Posts: 1888 | From: here to there | Registered: Jul 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
|
Posted
This one is rather good. It is not anywhere near as funny in print as it would be if the right person (some of my friends who are a bit gregarious fit the bill) told it after a few pints at the pub.
--------------------
Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Eliab
Shipmate
# 9153
|
Posted
I think 'bird' funnier than 'Jewish bitch'. There is an English stereotype (completely untrue, of course) that we just go on holiday to behave badly and get pissed and shagged (US - drunk and laid). The word 'bird' fits that idiom perfectly. God is talking about some incident of casual sex that the human race have taken out of all proportion. That's funny. If God referred to a 'Jewish bitch' he's just being nasty. That's only funny if the joke has some reason for God's spite (as the Judas, Judas one has).
--------------------
"Perhaps there is poetic beauty in the abstract ideas of justice or fairness, but I doubt if many lawyers are moved by it"
Richard Dawkins
Posts: 4619 | From: Hampton, Middlesex, UK | Registered: Mar 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Newman's Own
Shipmate
# 420
|
Posted
Part of why I prefer "bird up the duff" is that it gives the impression of the entire joke told in a particular idiom (whether one pictures a pub in Essex or a taxi driver in London, and so forth.) I can just hear the interchange in dialect - "Pluto? Nah, too cold..."
God indeed speaks English - but, working class kid that I am, I find it very funny to picture God (who, after all, was not upper class in the Incarnation) speaking in the idiom of the 'rough around the edges,' preoccupied lower classes. This reminds me of the rare, cheap little outings and holidays my parents would take with their siblings - "There? Oh, it's so damp. What about there? That's the place where the plumbing did not work last time."
--------------------
Cheers,
Elizabeth
“History as Revelation is seldom very revealing, and histories of holiness are full of holes.” - Dermot Quinn
Posts: 6740 | From: Library or pub | Registered: Jun 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
welsh dragon
Shipmate
# 3249
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:
The 'Jewish bitch' reference is interesting. In my growing-up environment 'bitch' was always one of the worst things you could call a woman (after the other obvious words). And because it was gender specific it was one of the best ways you could show that you despised her as a woman.
That's interesting, same here. My Welsh mum would never have used "language" that involved sexual parts or functions as swear words, but bitch was the most potent insult for a woman that could be uttered, and would be used rarely and with a lot of feeling and venom.
Though I do remember a long discussion on the Ship in which many people seemed to think it was an okay word to sling around, and had fewer unpleasant overtones, apparently. It seems that in the States it can mean something like "moan" or moaner, perhaps.
Posts: 5352 | From: ebay | Registered: Aug 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Sir Kevin
Ship's Gaffer
# 3492
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Back-to-Front:
God speaks Latin with an English accent, as his Blessed Mother taught him, her being a Good Catholic Girl and all.
Well sorted. I agree. Quite funny as well as mildly offensive, though I might've said: got some tart preggers or up the spout, though that might seem archaic...
--------------------
If you board the wrong train, it is no use running along the corridor in the other direction Dietrich Bonhoeffer
Writing is currently my hobby, not yet my profession.
Posts: 30517 | From: White Hart Lane | Registered: Oct 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
|
Posted
Mildy funny, and only slightly offensive.
I first heard the joke when I was very young – at the age when the whole idea of pregnancy (or sex) was funny, so thought it a good joke then, but it’s worn a bit thin.
I’d have found it a lot more offensive if it had used “Jewish bitch”, because of the racist/sexist overtones. If the punchline had included “Jewish bitch” then the joke would have been the use of a rude word, and using rude words to be funny is just too ![[Snore]](graemlins/snore.gif) . It would have been the joke equivalent of one of those “rudest ever outtake shows”, that consist of actors getting their lines wrong and saying “fuck”. How many times can you see that and still find it funny?
I think I’d have found it funnier of God had just said “got some girl pregnant”, as the colloquial language just sound odd to me.
--------------------
Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Liopleurodon
Mighty sea creature
# 4836
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by dj_ordinaire:
The incongruity of God being a galactic lager-lout looking for a resort to hit made me smile.
[snippy tangent] But Mars is colder than Earth people! Should be Venus, surely? [pedantry over]
I'm so glad someone else pointed that out. It may sound pathetic but the big CLANG in my head about the factual mistake just ruined the joke for me. Could it possibly be changed? (smiles sweetly)
--------------------
Our God is an awesome God. Much better than that ridiculous God that Desert Bluffs has. - Welcome to Night Vale
Posts: 1921 | From: Lurking under the ship | Registered: Aug 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
|
Posted
I think that one of the things that, for me, makes this joke score low on the offensiveness scale is that it is so absurd – the idea of God going on holiday. It’s such a ridiculous idea that it doesn’t seem anything like an attack on religion.
--------------------
Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Belisarius
Lord Bountiful of Admin (Emeritus) Delights
# 32
|
Posted
I don't think "Jewish" is necessarily anti-semitic, but descriptive (if the Nativity had taken place in Gaul, "some French bitch" would have been used, etc.).
As with "bird up the duff," I do think a cultural gap exists. When used in real anger, "bitch" has the same connotation in the US, but more often it's a throwaway--the female equivalent of "asshole" (gender-specific but not sexist).
Of course, using the idea of God being rude and jaded for a joke can be offense enough.
[Typo and rewording]
[ 10. July 2005, 18:11: Message edited by: Belisarius ]
--------------------
Animals may be Evolution's Icing, but Bacteria are the Cake.
Andrew Knoll
Posts: 8080 | From: New York | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Chapelhead*
Ship’s Photographer
# 1143
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Belisarius:
I don't think "Jewish" is necessarily anti-semitic, but descriptive (if the Nativity had taken place in Gaul, "some French bitch" would have been used, etc.).
Yes, it's descriptive, and not necessarily anti-semitic. But I think what makes it potentially racist in this context is the linking of it with "bitch". There's a certain implication that Jewish females are bitches, making the comment both racist and sexist.
--------------------
Benedikt Gott Geschickt!
Posts: 7082 | From: Turbolift Control. | Registered: Aug 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
|
Posted
I don't think it necessarily carries those connotations over here, Chapelhead--"Jewish bitch" is stronger language than the phrase in the OP, but the degree of offense depends on how the phrase is delivered. If a non-white person referred to me as a "white bitch," how I would take it would depend entirely on who said it and how they said it. A friend could say this in a joking way and I wouldn't blink. With a stranger I might not be sure whether or not they were joking, and if the tone indicated they really meant it, I'd be offended.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
Soror_Mystica
Apprentice
# 9285
|
Posted
Curiously, I found this one both mildly amusing and slightly offensive, thereby rating each as 2. I had not heard it before and it was slightly funny because the punch line was, for me, unexpected and whiney in a charming sort of way. It was offensive to me because of the implication that God had casual sex for pleasure and it was unexpected that the Mary conceived as a result. At the risk of spelling things out too much, God is not selfish and, under the joke’s scenario, the Blessed Virgin Mary would only be 2:3.
Posts: 19 | Registered: Apr 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
lapsed heathen
Hurler on the ditch
# 4403
|
Posted
quote:
When used in real anger, "bitch" has the same connotation in the US, but more often it's a throwaway--the female equivalent of "asshole" (gender-specific but not sexist).
Asshole is gender specific ![[Eek!]](eek.gif)
Dickhead, maby; or is their something about women in your part of the world you'de care to share?
--------------------
"We are the Easter people and our song is Alleluia"
Posts: 1361 | From: Marble county | Registered: Apr 2003
| IP: Logged
|
|
Zeke
Ship's Inquirer
# 3271
|
Posted
As noted before, in the USA "bitch" (or "bitch and moan")used as a verb means to complain about stuff. It's kind of like the Yiddish "kvetch" but a bit stronger, and it can be used for either sex.
I think the idea of God going on holiday is very funny, though the way I originally heard it is "got some girl pregnant" which I prefer. True that it trivializes the Incarnation and diminishes the character of God, which I find slightly offensive but not extremely so.
--------------------
No longer the Bishop of Durham
-----------
If men are so wicked with religion, what would they be without it? --Benjamin Franklin
Posts: 5259 | From: Deep in the American desert | Registered: Sep 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
John Donne
Renaissance Man
# 220
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by RuthW:
I don't think it necessarily carries those connotations over here, Chapelhead--"Jewish bitch" is stronger language than the phrase in the OP, but the degree of offense depends on how the phrase is delivered.
That's interesting, Ruth. Because most definitely here if I heard the words 'Jewish bitch' it would probably be prefaced by 'Fucking' (Similarly, 'Fucking Jew boy'), because her/his ethnicity is being pointedly mentioned, so there is denigration both of the person and their ethnicity (which equals racism).
I can see Bel's point though, she couldn't really be anything other than Jewish being in Nazareth and all...
Posts: 13667 | From: Perth, W.A. | Registered: May 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
RuthW
liberal "peace first" hankie squeezer
# 13
|
Posted
If someone prefaced it with "fucking" here, you'd know they meant to be offensive. Mentioning ethnicity isn't automatically a bad thing here--there's no ethnic or racial majority where I live, so more and more these terms are just descriptors until proven to be otherwise.
Asshole is usually applied to men and not women in the US. I have no idea why.
Posts: 24453 | From: La La Land | Registered: Apr 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
mousethief
Ship's Thieving Rodent
# 953
|
Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Coot:
I can see Bel's point though, she couldn't really be anything other than Jewish being in Nazareth and all...
Except Samaritan. Or Roman. Or Greek. Or Syrian. Or Egyptian. Really, there are history books about the Roman Empire at that time which might help you here.
--------------------
This is the last sig I'll ever write for you...
Posts: 63536 | From: Washington | Registered: Jul 2001
| IP: Logged
|
|
themanwiththegingerhair
Apprentice
# 9691
|
Posted
It made me laugh.
I wouldn't have laughed if it was "knocked up some Jewish Bitch" for all the reasons mentioned plus being "knocked up" is too close to "knocked about" which would take the edge off the joke whilst it was being interpreted in my brain.
Posts: 28 | From: Birmingham | Registered: Jul 2005
| IP: Logged
|
|
Orb
Eye eye Cap'n!
# 3256
|
Posted
Neither offensive or funny, because it is set in heaven (a timeless place) yet he says "over 2000 years" and just seems to be logically inconsistent to me. I hate jokes that are logically inconsistent.
--------------------
“You cannot buy the revolution. You cannot make the revolution. You can only be the revolution. It is in your spirit, or it is nowhere.” Ursula K. Le Guin, The Dispossessed
Posts: 5032 | From: Easton, Bristol | Registered: Aug 2002
| IP: Logged
|
|
Printer-friendly view
