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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Wit & Clever Comments needed
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Dormouse
Glis glis – Ship's rodent
# 5954
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Posted
We have a dear French friend who is always trying to speak English...For his birthday we thought about giving him some hand decorated plates, with a "Learn English While You Eat" theme...but not seriously.
However we need some clever/funny/witty things that we could write: I wondered about "cod" proverbs (A bird on the plate is worth two in the bush..As you can see I need help!
Who better than my clever, witty SoF friends!? Can anyone offer any ideas?
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What are you doing for Lent?
40 days, 40 reflections, 40 acts of generosity. Join the #40acts challenge for #Lent and let's start a movement. www.40acts.org.uk
Posts: 3042 | From: 'twixt les Bois Noirs & Les Monts de la Madeleine | Registered: May 2004
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QLib
Bad Example
# 43
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Posted
The best examples of wit are probably not so good for teaching everyday English. E.g.
May the piece of cod pass all your understanding.
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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
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Spike
Mostly Harmless
# 36
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Posted
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation.
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"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing
Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
I thought this thread was a plea from the Heaven Hosts for more quality posting. ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
I'll have a think. Meanwhile, these two spring immediately to mind:
People in glass houses need curtains.
Abstinence makes the tart grow blonder.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
You can't hang a man with a wooden leg.
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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St. Stephen the Stoned
Shipmate
# 9841
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Posted
People who live in glass houses
Should draw blinds when removing their trousers.
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Do you want to see Jesus or don't yer? Well shurrup then!
Posts: 518 | From: Sheffield | Registered: Jul 2005
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shamwari
Shipmate
# 15556
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Posted
I've made up my mind. Don't confuse me with the facts
Posts: 1914 | From: from the abyss of misunderstanding | Registered: Mar 2010
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Jonah the Whale
Ship's pet cetacean
# 1244
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Mrs S:
You can't hang a man with a wooden leg.
Welcome to the Ship Mrs. Intrepid. What a splendidly clever first post. Too clever for me unfortunately - I don't get it.
Posts: 2799 | From: Nether Regions | Registered: Aug 2001
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Diomedes
Shipmate
# 13482
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Posted
'You can't tell a sausage by his shiny skin.'
'The time to look after cheese is when you've got it!'
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Distrust simple answers to complicated questions
Posts: 129 | From: Essex England | Registered: Mar 2008
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
You have to use a rope!
(thanks for the welcome, Zappa - I'm a long-time lurker finally tempted to tread the boards)
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
If at first you don't suck seed, buy a parrot.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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SvitlanaV2
Shipmate
# 16967
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Posted
Learners of English often have difficulties with phrasal verbs. These are verbs that have two (or more) parts, one of which is an adverb.
Examples:
to take up
to bring out
to go after
to get over
etc. etc. And each pair often has several meanings.
Some decorated plates with some sample 'witty' sentences using these phrases might be helpful. (You'll surely find more examples of phrasal verbs on the net.)
Posts: 6668 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
There's always the rules of cricket if you want to seriously tax their understanding of English....
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
People who live in glass houses shouldn't.
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713
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Posted
Has your friend got round 'The cat with nine lives lives here'?
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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"
(Paul Sinha, BBC)
Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
quote:
The Intrepid Mrs S: You have to use a rope!
Darn, I was going to post that
Welcome to the Ship!
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
Well, it did come from the Dutch side of the family
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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Mary Marriott
Apprentice
# 16938
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Posted
What about recording the shipping Forecast for them and burning on to a CD ?
That would be something to enjoy now and to grow on them ! ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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'We have to be ready to move forward' she said. 'Maybe this is not how we are meant to be for ever.' (Mina in Skellig)
Posts: 32 | From: the half way house | Registered: Feb 2012
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SvitlanaV2
Shipmate
# 16967
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:
Learners of English often have difficulties with phrasal verbs. These are verbs that have two (or more) parts, one of which is an adverb.
Examples:
to take up
to bring out
to go after
to get over
etc. etc. And each pair often has several meanings.
Some decorated plates with some sample 'witty' sentences using these phrases might be helpful. (You'll surely find more examples of phrasal verbs on the net.)
Or, strictly speaking, a phrasal verb is: 'a combination of a verb and a preposition, a verb and an adverb, or a verb with both an adverb and a preposition, any of which are part of the syntax of the sentence, and so are a complete semantic unit.' (Wiki).
Posts: 6668 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012
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The Intrepid Mrs S
Shipmate
# 17002
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Posted
A friend in need is to be avoided?
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Don't get your knickers in a twist over your advancing age. It achieves nothing and makes you walk funny.
Prayer should be our first recourse, not our last resort
'Lord, please give us patience. NOW!'
Posts: 1464 | From: Neither here nor there | Registered: Mar 2012
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passer
Indigo
# 13329
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Gamaliel:
One man's fish is another man's poisson.
Nice!
Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
Posts: 1289 | From: Sheffield | Registered: Jan 2008
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Loquacious beachcomber
Shipmate
# 8783
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Posted
If you plan to print the words of wisdom on dinner plates, perhaps try "If you can read this, you have finished eating your vegetables."
Or, you could go highbrow, with Brainy quotes.
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TODAY'S SPECIAL - AND SO ARE YOU (Sign on beachfront fish & chips shop)
Posts: 5954 | From: Southeast of Wawa, between the beach and the hiking trail.. | Registered: Nov 2004
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Spike
Mostly Harmless
# 36
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Posted
See a pin and pick it up
All the day you'll have a pin
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"May you get to heaven before the devil knows you're dead" - Irish blessing
Posts: 12860 | From: The Valley of Crocuses | Registered: May 2001
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Tree Bee
Ship's tiller girl
# 4033
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Posted
Honeymoon salad - lettuce alone.
Bean salad - I don't care what it's been, what is it now?
Give peas a chance.
Crudities - bum, willy, toilet (crediting Victoria Wood)
Sorry, I'll stop now!
[ 12. April 2012, 18:49: Message edited by: Tree Bee ]
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"Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple."
— Woody Guthrie
http://saysaysay54.wordpress.com
Posts: 5257 | From: me to you. | Registered: Feb 2003
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Theophania
Shipmate
# 16647
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Posted
There's grammatical frivolity along the lines of
"Bill, where Tom had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had more marks from the examiner."
though I'm not sure how much use that is in real life...
Posts: 78 | Registered: Sep 2011
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jbohn
Shipmate
# 8753
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Posted
"If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there."
"When the mind goes, just forget it."
"If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."
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We are punished by our sins, not for them.
--Elbert Hubbard
Posts: 989 | From: East of Eden, west of St. Paul | Registered: Nov 2004
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HCH
Shipmate
# 14313
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Posted
Actually a honeymoon salad is "lettuce alone without any dressing" (my mother's definition).
Posts: 1540 | From: Illinois, USA | Registered: Nov 2008
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Joan Rasch
Shipmate
# 49
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Posted
If your bread falls on the floor butter-side up, it means you have buttered the wrong side. ![[Razz]](tongue.gif)
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* A cyclist on the information bikepath
Posts: 509 | From: Boston, MA USA | Registered: May 2001
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
"Common sense is not so common." She might enjoy Voltaire in his original English.
"Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one." E. B. White
And "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." Oscar Wilde
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
Someone PM me when the wit starts please.
AtB Pyx_e
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840
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Posted
There's none so blind as them that won't listen.
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Change is the only certainty of existence
Posts: 3206 | From: U.K. | Registered: Dec 2011
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by jbohn:
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - get it out with Optrex."
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
Someone PM me when the wit starts please.
AtB Pyx_e
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
Someone PM me when the wit starts please.
AtB Pyx_e
Well, we got half a dose right there.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Balaam:
quote:
Originally posted by jbohn:
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - get it out with Optrex."
That was © Spike Milligan from Small Dreams Of a Scorpion.
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Dormouse:
..For his birthday we thought about giving him some hand decorated plates, with a "Learn English While You Eat" theme...
Actually, if it's slip decoration, you're limited to about three (short) words anyway - writing with liquid clay is Not Easy.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
However many times you string along the word "fish," it makes a grammatically correct English sentence. You could illustrate it to be helpful.
I will be helpful by constructing a dialogue on the subject:
Person A: "Fish fish."
Person B: "Do they now? What do they fish?"
A: "Fish fish fish."
B: "That makes sense, I suppose! What are those fish who are fished by other fish up to?"
A: "Fish fish fish fish."
B: "I should've known. Well, what do they fish?"
A: "Fish fish fish fish fish."
B: "I see. Should I even ask?"
A: "Fish fish fish fish fish fish."
B: "Go away please."
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
Give a man a fish and he will thank you, teach him grammar and he will become a pedant.
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Silver Faux:
... "If you can read this, you have finished eating your vegetables." ...
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
Paraphrased from a "complete these proverbs" article in my old primary school's magazine:
He who laughs last ... gets into trouble
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Dormouse
Glis glis – Ship's rodent
# 5954
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Posted
Thank you for these ideas, Folks...I'm really not sure quite what to use yet, but I'm enjoying reading your suggestions anyway!
--------------------
What are you doing for Lent?
40 days, 40 reflections, 40 acts of generosity. Join the #40acts challenge for #Lent and let's start a movement. www.40acts.org.uk
Posts: 3042 | From: 'twixt les Bois Noirs & Les Monts de la Madeleine | Registered: May 2004
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
If I said you had a beautiful foodstuff*, wouuld you hold it against me ?
*sausage / banana / floret / rack / mousse / pear / etc
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Enoch
Shipmate
# 14322
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Posted
Some get priority. The others get food.
(with thanks to the late Peter Sellers)
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Brexit wrexit - Sir Graham Watson
Posts: 7610 | From: Bristol UK(was European Green Capital 2015, now Ljubljana) | Registered: Nov 2008
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Scarlet
Mellon Collie
# 1738
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Posted
Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.
Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.
Never fight an inanimate object.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
(All courtesy of P. J. O'Rourke ~ my favorite)
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They took from their surroundings what was needed... and made of it something more.
—dialogue from Primer
Posts: 4769 | Registered: Nov 2001
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Niminypiminy
Shipmate
# 15489
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
People in glass houses need curtains.
Or perhaps
People who love in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
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Lives of the Saints: songs by The Unequal Struggle
http://www.theunequalstruggle.com/
Posts: 776 | From: Edge of the Fens | Registered: Feb 2010
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
Holding a mousse against you could prove to be awafully messy ...
And I can't see the point of it.
[ 17. April 2012, 11:33: Message edited by: Baptist Trainfan ]
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Marvin the Martian
Interplanetary
# 4360
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Posted
A møøse once bit my sister...
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Hail Gallaxhar
Posts: 30100 | From: Adrift on a sea of surreality | Registered: Apr 2003
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