Thread: Wit & Clever Comments needed Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.


To visit this thread, use this URL:
http://forum.ship-of-fools.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=70;t=022095
Posted by Dormouse (# 5954) on :
 
We have a dear French friend who is always trying to speak English...For his birthday we thought about giving him some hand decorated plates, with a "Learn English While You Eat" theme...but not seriously.
However we need some clever/funny/witty things that we could write: I wondered about "cod" proverbs (A bird on the plate is worth two in the bush..As you can see I need help!
Who better than my clever, witty SoF friends!? Can anyone offer any ideas?
 
Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
The best examples of wit are probably not so good for teaching everyday English. E.g.
May the piece of cod pass all your understanding.
 
Posted by Spike (# 36) on :
 
If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs, maybe you just don't understand the situation.
 
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
I thought this thread was a plea from the Heaven Hosts for more quality posting. [Biased]

I'll have a think. Meanwhile, these two spring immediately to mind:

People in glass houses need curtains.

Abstinence makes the tart grow blonder.
 
Posted by The Intrepid Mrs S (# 17002) on :
 
You can't hang a man with a wooden leg.
 
Posted by St. Stephen the Stoned (# 9841) on :
 
People who live in glass houses
Should draw blinds when removing their trousers.
 
Posted by shamwari (# 15556) on :
 
I've made up my mind. Don't confuse me with the facts
 
Posted by Jonah the Whale (# 1244) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Mrs S:
You can't hang a man with a wooden leg.
Welcome to the Ship Mrs. Intrepid. What a splendidly clever first post. Too clever for me unfortunately - I don't get it.
 
Posted by Diomedes (# 13482) on :
 
'You can't tell a sausage by his shiny skin.'

'The time to look after cheese is when you've got it!'
 
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by The Intrepid Mrs S:
You can't hang a man with a wooden leg.
Welcome!
 
Posted by The Intrepid Mrs S (# 17002) on :
 
You have to use a rope!
(thanks for the welcome, Zappa - I'm a long-time lurker finally tempted to tread the boards)
 
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
If at first you don't suck seed, buy a parrot.
 
Posted by SvitlanaV2 (# 16967) on :
 
Learners of English often have difficulties with phrasal verbs. These are verbs that have two (or more) parts, one of which is an adverb.

Examples:

to take up
to bring out
to go after
to get over

etc. etc. And each pair often has several meanings.

Some decorated plates with some sample 'witty' sentences using these phrases might be helpful. (You'll surely find more examples of phrasal verbs on the net.)
 
Posted by Gamaliel (# 812) on :
 
One man's fish is another man's poisson.
 
Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
There's always the rules of cricket if you want to seriously tax their understanding of English....
 
Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
People who live in glass houses shouldn't.
 
Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
Has your friend got round 'The cat with nine lives lives here'?
 
Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on :
 
quote:
The Intrepid Mrs S: You have to use a rope!
Darn, I was going to post that [Biased]

Welcome to the Ship!
 
Posted by The Intrepid Mrs S (# 17002) on :
 
Well, it did come from the Dutch side of the family [Biased]
 
Posted by Mary Marriott (# 16938) on :
 
What about recording the shipping Forecast for them and burning on to a CD ?

That would be something to enjoy now and to grow on them ! [Smile]
 
Posted by SvitlanaV2 (# 16967) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:
Learners of English often have difficulties with phrasal verbs. These are verbs that have two (or more) parts, one of which is an adverb.

Examples:

to take up
to bring out
to go after
to get over

etc. etc. And each pair often has several meanings.

Some decorated plates with some sample 'witty' sentences using these phrases might be helpful. (You'll surely find more examples of phrasal verbs on the net.)
Or, strictly speaking, a phrasal verb is: 'a combination of a verb and a preposition, a verb and an adverb, or a verb with both an adverb and a preposition, any of which are part of the syntax of the sentence, and so are a complete semantic unit.' (Wiki).
 
Posted by The Intrepid Mrs S (# 17002) on :
 
A friend in need is to be avoided?
 
Posted by passer (# 13329) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Gamaliel:
One man's fish is another man's poisson.
Nice!

Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder.
 
Posted by Silver Faux (# 8783) on :
 
If you plan to print the words of wisdom on dinner plates, perhaps try "If you can read this, you have finished eating your vegetables."
Or, you could go highbrow, with Brainy quotes.
 
Posted by Spike (# 36) on :
 
See a pin and pick it up
All the day you'll have a pin
 
Posted by Tree Bee (# 4033) on :
 
Honeymoon salad - lettuce alone.

Bean salad - I don't care what it's been, what is it now?

Give peas a chance.

Crudities - bum, willy, toilet (crediting Victoria Wood)

Sorry, I'll stop now!

[ 12. April 2012, 18:49: Message edited by: Tree Bee ]
 
Posted by Theophania (# 16647) on :
 
There's grammatical frivolity along the lines of

"Bill, where Tom had had "had", had had "had had"; "had had" had had more marks from the examiner."

though I'm not sure how much use that is in real life...
 
Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on :
 
"If you don't know where you're going, any road will get you there."

"When the mind goes, just forget it."

"If at first you don't succeed, try again. Then quit. No use being a damn fool about it."

"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."


[Smile]
 
Posted by HCH (# 14313) on :
 
Actually a honeymoon salad is "lettuce alone without any dressing" (my mother's definition).
 
Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
"Life is short. Eat dessert first."
 
Posted by Joan Rasch (# 49) on :
 
If your bread falls on the floor butter-side up, it means you have buttered the wrong side. [Razz]
 
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
"Common sense is not so common." She might enjoy Voltaire in his original English. [Biased]

"Genius is more often found in a cracked pot than in a whole one." E. B. White

And "Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go." Oscar Wilde
 
Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :
 
Someone PM me when the wit starts please.

AtB Pyx_e
 
Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
There's none so blind as them that won't listen.
 
Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by jbohn:
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - get it out with Optrex."
 
Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
Someone PM me when the wit starts please.

AtB Pyx_e
[Razz]
 
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
Someone PM me when the wit starts please.

AtB Pyx_e
Well, we got half a dose right there.
 
Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Balaam:
quote:
Originally posted by jbohn:
"Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder."
"Beauty is in the eye of the beholder - get it out with Optrex."
That was © Spike Milligan from Small Dreams Of a Scorpion.
 
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Dormouse:
..For his birthday we thought about giving him some hand decorated plates, with a "Learn English While You Eat" theme...
Actually, if it's slip decoration, you're limited to about three (short) words anyway - writing with liquid clay is Not Easy.
 
Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :
 
However many times you string along the word "fish," it makes a grammatically correct English sentence. You could illustrate it to be helpful.

I will be helpful by constructing a dialogue on the subject:

Person A: "Fish fish."
Person B: "Do they now? What do they fish?"
A: "Fish fish fish."
B: "That makes sense, I suppose! What are those fish who are fished by other fish up to?"
A: "Fish fish fish fish."
B: "I should've known. Well, what do they fish?"
A: "Fish fish fish fish fish."
B: "I see. Should I even ask?"
A: "Fish fish fish fish fish fish."
B: "Go away please."
 
Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :
 
Give a man a fish and he will thank you, teach him grammar and he will become a pedant.
 
Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Silver Faux:
... "If you can read this, you have finished eating your vegetables." ...
[Killing me]

Paraphrased from a "complete these proverbs" article in my old primary school's magazine:

He who laughs last ... gets into trouble
 
Posted by Dormouse (# 5954) on :
 
Thank you for these ideas, Folks...I'm really not sure quite what to use yet, but I'm enjoying reading your suggestions anyway!
 
Posted by Think² (# 1984) on :
 
If I said you had a beautiful foodstuff*, wouuld you hold it against me ?

*sausage / banana / floret / rack / mousse / pear / etc
 
Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :
 
Some get priority. The others get food.

(with thanks to the late Peter Sellers)
 
Posted by Scarlet (# 1738) on :
 
Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is.

Drugs have taught an entire generation of Americans the metric system.

Never fight an inanimate object.

Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.

(All courtesy of P. J. O'Rourke ~ my favorite)
 
Posted by Niminypiminy (# 15489) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:


People in glass houses need curtains.
Or perhaps

People who love in glass houses shouldn't throw stones
 
Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Think²:
If I said you had a beautiful foodstuff*, wouuld you hold it against me ?

*sausage / banana / floret / rack / mousse / pear / etc
I have some problems here:
(er, donuts, anyone?)

Actually I'm sorry - I just don't want to go any further. [Hot and Hormonal]
 
Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :
 
Holding a mousse against you could prove to be awafully messy ...

And I can't see the point of it.

[ 17. April 2012, 11:33: Message edited by: Baptist Trainfan ]
 
Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :
 
A møøse once bit my sister...
 
Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:
A møøse once bit my sister...
Was it a radio-active møøse? If so what super powers does she now have?

AtB Pyx_e
 
Posted by DangerousDeacon (# 10582) on :
 
Not so much cod advice but a truism:

"If you lend twenty dollars to someone and never see them again, it is money well spent."
 
Posted by Dormouse (# 5954) on :
 
Thank you for your ideas...they have been great fun tro read, but possibly a bit too complicated and off-the-wall for Gilles. In the end I decided to go with English idiomatic phrases about food, which Gilles could learn as he ate (!) I used: don’t spill the beans…that’s a different kettle of fish…you are as nutty as a fruitcake...it’s a piece of cake…don’t cry over spilled milk…you are the best thing since sliced bread…
You can see photos of the finished articles here They're not brilliant, but a bit of fun!
Thanks again for all your help.
 
Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
quote:
Originally posted by Tree Bee:
Give peas a chance...
US bumper sticker:
VISUALIZE WHIRLED PEAS
 


© Ship of Fools 2016

Powered by Infopop Corporation
UBB.classicTM 6.5.0