Ship of Fools: Asserting the equality of women's pee

Thread: Asserting the equality of women's pee Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Chamois (# 16204) on :

There we were in Heaven, having an interesting chat about making compost, and up comes the idea that women's urine is not suitable for activating a compost heap because our hideously dangerous hormones may contaminate the vegetables and affect some man's potency.

I am SICK AND TIRED of this bloody nonsense. If you men would just get a grip on yourselves and your desperate fear of women WE WOULD ALL BE A LOT BETTER OFF. These stupid idiot things men think up to restrict women's legitimate activities and assert that female bodies and their products are not as natural and normal as male bodies make me
[Projectile]

And I'm certainly going to carry on peeing on my own compost heap. Even if it does threaten some silly little man's precious and fragile masculinity.

FUCK OFF the whole lot of you

[Mad]

Posted by passer (# 13329) on :

Normally at about this point I make an excuse and head out to the garden (or the garage if it's raining) for a couple of hours.

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

<Pictures Chamois sitting on the compost heap happily having a pee .... >

erk!

[Paranoid]

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :

quote:
Originally posted by passer:
Normally at about this point I make an excuse and head out to the garden (or the garage if it's raining) for a couple of hours.

Could I join you? Asks he wistfully.

Posted by Doc Tor (# 9748) on :

You could always apply Science!™ to your anger...

...and you'd find it likely that estrogenic hormones disrupt male (not just humans, or even mammals) endocrine systems through the water system, but that it's also likely that estrogenic hormones are rapidly destroyed by microbial action within temperate soils.

My advice would be to dig it well in during winter and spring, and wash all produce in fresh water.

Posted by passer (# 13329) on :

quote:
Originally posted by PeteC:

quote:
Originally posted by passer:
Normally at about this point I make an excuse and head out to the garden (or the garage if it's raining) for a couple of hours.
Could I join you? Asks he wistfully.

But of course, Pete. I have a half dozen bottles of Abbot Ale, and we can pee out of the window - won't do any harm.

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

I don't remember being asked to eat anything from your garden.

However, if you do invite me to eat something from your garden, I would be glad to do so.

May I assume your compost heap is in a rather private area?

Posted by irish_lord99 (# 16250) on :

I'll do you one more... you can come piss on my compost heap anytime you want! [Big Grin]

Posted by Evensong (# 14696) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
You could always apply Science!™ to your anger...

...and you'd find it likely that estrogenic hormones disrupt male (not just humans, or even mammals) endocrine systems through the water system, but that it's also likely that estrogenic hormones are rapidly destroyed by microbial action within temperate soils.

If this is true (and I haven't the foggiest whether it is or not), then is just shows our superiority over the male species Chaomois. We're stronger. [Angel]

Unless of course, their hormones in their pee disrupts our endocrine systems......

[Paranoid]

....in which case the point seems rather moot.

Posted by Silver Faux (# 8783) on :

Being a man, if I don't get a grip on myself when I pee, as Chamois suggest/demands, I might miss the compost heap entirely.
I can write my name on it, which women can't do.
If I eat beets first, I can write my name in neon.
If I drink enough water, I may be able to pee over the top of the compost heap.
Which women can't do, as far as I know.
My apologies to Marvin for pissing on this Hell thread.

[ 02. June 2012, 13:34: Message edited by: Silver Faux ]

Posted by Silver Faux (# 8783) on :

By the way, Chagas is a tropical/sub-tropical diesease spread by an insect which bites sensitive areas, poops a parasite into them, and goes merrily on its way.
When the "host" scratches the itch, the parasite enters the "wound."
Apparently, 20,000 people die of it annually, mainly in Latin America and the southern regions of North America.
The insect likes to bite human faces, but also happily munches on sensitive nether regions.
Peeing on a compost heap might bring on a close encounter with Chagas.
Wouldn't that piss you off?

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

You are ALL sick.

Go to McDonalds ya freaks.

AtB, Pyx_e

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :

Don't worry, Chamois, there'll always be a place for you on this man's fishing boat.

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Silver Faux:
Being a man, if I don't get a grip on myself when I pee, as Chamois suggest/demands, I might miss the compost heap entirely.
I can write my name on it, which women can't do.

Wrong!

You have clearly never heard of the shewee.

Posted by Snags (# 15351) on :

Whereas I have never heard of a woman who can reliably and successfully use a shewee

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Snags:
Whereas I have never heard of a woman who can reliably and successfully use a shewee

You have asked?

Posted by ken (# 2460) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Doc Tor:
You could always apply Science!™ to your anger...

And you'd find that both men and women have both supposedly "male" and "female" hormones. Women have more of some hormones, men more of others, but we all have the same ones. We differ in the ways our cells respond to the same hormones.

And because there is a large variation between individuals in the amounts of sec hormones they have - in fact a huge variation - a man who releases lots of sex hormones may have more supposedly female hormones than many women do. And vice versa.

And because the quantity of sex hormones produced by women tends to decline faster in middle age than the quantity produced my men, men in their fifties and sixties quite often have more so-called female hormones than women of the same age do.

And you'd also find that all the birds and the bees and the little furry animals and the creepy-crawlies have hormones too. (Though invertebrates have different ones from us). And plants have hormones. And ferns even release their sperm into the soil in large quantities where they swim around. So its all going on out there whether you piss in your garden or not.

Posted by Snags (# 15351) on :

Boogie, not often, but I know a few who have tried and reported their findings, asked or otherwise.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

OK, two things:

1. What kind of knuckle-dragging moron passing for a scientist believes that, after 1-2 million years of evolution (depending who you ask), in which only about 200 of those years involve people using toilets, the earth's biosystem hasn't learned to cope with human female pee?

2. For God's sake, don't get anyone started about peeing in the shower. People flip right the hell out over that.

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

Women's pee? Load of old cock.

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

There are only two kinds of people in the world.

People who admit they pee in the shower

and

dirty rotten liars.

I think the whole fight about hormones in urine is a tempest in a peepot.

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

quote:
For God's sake, don't get anyone started about peeing in the shower. People flip right the hell out over that.

My wife and I have taken to showering together, perhaps this is why the hair on my legs has stopped growing.

AtB Pyx_e

Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
You have clearly never heard of the shewee.

And right now I'm wishing I hadn't.

Posted by Silver Faux (# 8783) on :

It's how people who lisp call hogs, Balaam.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

She sits among the cabbages and peas...

In the city where I live, up until quite recently (historically speaking) you would be quite grateful if the compost heap was the only place drenched in piss (Gardy loo!). It has variously been used for tanning leather, fulling cloth, washing the face and cleaning the teeth (note the presence of 'urea' in certain skin creams to this day).

So, be Piss Proud. Widdle on your veggies to your heart's content (though maybe steer clear of the globe artichoke) and dinnae get your knickers in a twist.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

I once heard a theory that it was how Stradivarius treated the wood which gave his violins such a wonderful sound -- but I assume that was his own (male) pee.

Posted by Jahlove (# 10290) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Silver Faux:
Being a man ...
I can write my name on it, which women can't do.

We r in ur compost heaps, writing our names

[Razz]

Posted by St Deird (# 7631) on :

I've never found it difficult to pee standing up, even without a "urination device".

They're called hands. You use them to direct the flow of urine. Messy, but practical.

Posted by Nicolemrw (# 28) on :

This has got to be one of the stranger hell threads ever.

Is pee really that good for compost? I would never have thought of it.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

quote:
Originally posted by leo:
Women's pee? Load of old cock.

And you're a piss artist.

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :

No one would want to pee in the compost if they already had lots of the proper chemicals with the right pH and all, ready to hand, for free. But, why bother going to buy the stuff when your kidneys can make urea and stuff?

Save the money to buy a good beer so you can make some more free urinary heap-activator.

Why am I suddenly thinking of Uriah Heep?

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Nicolemrw:
This has got to be one of the stranger hell threads ever.

Is pee really that good for compost? I would never have thought of it.

Apparently Gardeners' Question Time on Radio 4 swears by it.

Posted by Grammatica (# 13248) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:

quote:
Originally posted by Nicolemrw:
This has got to be one of the stranger hell threads ever.

Is pee really that good for compost? I would never have thought of it.
Apparently Gardeners' Question Time on Radio 4 swears by it.

It's the major alternative to phosophate rock, and mining phosphate is an environmentally messy business. So definitely there's something to be said for urine as fertilizer.

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

One of the compost books I recommended on that heavenly thread mentions the idea that female urine is no good, but only to dismiss it. What nonsense! piss is piss. The late, Sainted Lawrence Hills, doyen of organic gardeners, called it "Household liquid compost activator".
Grammatica - compost activator, not fertiliser.

[ 03. June 2012, 05:54: Message edited by: Steve H ]

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jahlove:
URL=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_urination_device]We r in ur compost heaps, writing our names[/URL]

TMI!

Posted by fletcher christian (# 13919) on :

Now I'll be looking at all my neighbours and wondering when and if they squat on the compost heap every day. Can't say it's an image that puts women in a better light.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by fletcher christian:
Can't say it's an image that puts women in a better light.

That comment makes me want to pee on every leaf pile I come across. Why should I give a shit what light someone puts me in?

Posted by Barnabas62 (# 9110) on :

I love the Ship!

This thread is communal comedy genius at work. A rant to raise laughter levels and endanger keyboards from spluttered coffee - all around the world.

God is good. You naughty people, you. Thanks.

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Barnabas62:
I love the Ship!

This thread is communal comedy genius at work. A rant to raise laughter levels and endanger keyboards from spluttered coffee - all around the world.

God is good. You naughty people, you. Thanks.

This is hell - you're supposed to call people pathetic wankers and tell them to fuck off, not congratulate them!

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

quote:
This is hell - you're supposed to call people pathetic wankers and tell them to fuck off, not congratulate them!

Who pissed on your chips?

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:

quote:
This is hell - you're supposed to call people pathetic wankers and tell them to fuck off, not congratulate them!

Who pissed on your chips?

That's more like it! [Devil]

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
2. For God's sake, don't get anyone started about peeing in the shower. People flip right the hell out over that.

Jeez, it's the same drain [Roll Eyes]

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

My compost heap isn't doing well just now, I thought it was just a case of the wrong worms ...

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

That male urine and female urine have slightly different composition is a basic biological fact. Deal with it.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
2. For God's sake, don't get anyone started about peeing in the shower. People flip right the hell out over that.
Jeez, it's the same drain

Tell me!

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Steve H:

quote:
Originally posted by Jahlove:
URL=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_urination_device]We r in ur compost heaps, writing our names[/URL]

TMI!

How did you manage to fuck up a perfectly good URL?

It was fine when you started out. Wanker.

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Tell me!

Just did!

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

I'm getting the suppressed verse from Annie Get Your Gun

...I can bio a way better mass
I can piss flowers right out of my ass
No you can't
Yes I can....

Posted by Inger (# 15285) on :

There's women's pee, and then there's women's pee.

Posted by Mary LA (# 17040) on :

What about men who eat asparagus in spring and then pee green with a stinky old-socks pee? They should be barred from the compost.

Far more men than women react to the consumption of asparagus by exuding volatile compounds such as

Methanethiol
Dimethyl sulfide
Dimethyl disufide
Dimethyl sulfoxide
Dimethyl sulfone

In other words, sulphurous men.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

That may be perfectly correct. Just so long as we don't confuse pee being equal with pee being the same. Because it isn't.

Posted by Honest Ron Bacardi (# 38) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Inger:
There's women's pee, and then there's women's pee.

That's probably the link to read to see where all this nonsense is coming from. It probably didn't start off as anything to do with normal sex hormones, but artificial ones, specifically ethynyl estradiol (EE2), which is effectively a xenobiotic, and passes to a large degree unchanged through normal sewage treatment plants.

So my advice to chamois is - if you are not on the pill, piss away! If you are though, just remember to wash your veg. thoroughly first. Around 500 changes of water should do the job.

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mary LA:
What about men who eat asparagus in spring and then pee green with a stinky old-socks pee?

When our kids were little we got them to eat asparagus by telling them their pee would stink if they ate it.

Posted by Honest Ron Bacardi (# 38) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mary LA:
What about men who eat asparagus in spring and then pee green with a stinky old-socks pee? They should be barred from the compost.

Far more men than women react to the consumption of asparagus by exuding volatile compounds such as

Methanethiol
Dimethyl sulfide
Dimethyl disufide
Dimethyl sulfoxide
Dimethyl sulfone

In other words, sulphurous men.

Oi! I saw that! Not everyone can do the smelly pee thing 'cos they don't have the right enzymes. And not everyone can smell the results either. But neither is sex-related.

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
That male urine and female urine have slightly different composition is a basic biological fact. Deal with it.

No-one doubts it, but there's no basis to the belief that women's piss is any less effective a compost-activator than men's. Also, "deal with it" is a horrible neologism.

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

quote:
Originally posted by PeteC:

quote:
Originally posted by Steve H:

quote:
Originally posted by Jahlove:
URL=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_urination_device]We r in ur compost heaps, writing our names[/URL]

TMI!
How did you manage to fuck up a perfectly good URL?

It was fine when you started out. Wanker.

I'd've edited it if you twats gave us a reasonable time to edit. All but one of my other forums have no limit on the time, and the other one that does gives you 15 minutes.
Wanker.

[ 03. June 2012, 12:10: Message edited by: Steve H ]

Posted by Inger (# 15285) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Honest Ron Bacardi:

quote:
Originally posted by Inger:
There's women's pee, and then there's women's pee.
That's probably the link to read to see where all this nonsense is coming from. It probably didn't start off as anything to do with normal sex hormones, but artificial ones, specifically ethynyl estradiol (EE2), which is effectively a xenobiotic, and passes to a large degree unchanged through normal sewage treatment plants.

My thoughts exactly.

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

So now the male fish are saying to the female fish

"Don't worry honey. You won't get pregnant."

Posted by Inger (# 15285) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mary LA:
What about men who eat asparagus in spring and then pee green with a stinky old-socks pee? They should be barred from the compost.

Far more men than women react to the consumption of asparagus by exuding volatile compounds such as

Methanethiol
Dimethyl sulfide
Dimethyl disufide
Dimethyl sulfoxide
Dimethyl sulfone

In other words, sulphurous men.

As far as I'm aware, this is not so much a question of how you metabolise certain compounds as whether you can smell the result. I can detect instantly when I've eaten even a very, very small amount of asparagus. My husband can't detect anything in his own pee.

How often do you get a chance to smell other people's pee?

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Inger:
How often do you get a chance to smell other people's pee?

Depends on whether you're into water sport!

Posted by Mary LA (# 17040) on :

Well, suppose it is a fine spring morning and as a urine-empowered woman I go out to admire my compost heap and there is the dear man shaking his willie and the compost heap honks like mad and has a luminous dong-like green tinge on top and he says,'Don't you dare widdle on this, you are the wrong gender.'

Hypothetical twaddle of course.

Although I once went into a unisex toilet after a large asparagus-eating man had just exited.

Posted by Sighthound (# 15185) on :

Apparently when they were desperate for saltpetre during the (British) Civil War, to make gunpowder, one source was to dig under the 'women's seats' in churches. Of course, in those days sermons were rather long and churches were not provided with WCs.

I kid you not! Male urine is apparently useless for this purpose as it has a different chemical composition. But it was useful in the textile trade.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

One wonders whether different ingredients are needed if the purpose of the compost heap is, in fact, to grow asparagus.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Steve H:
I'd've edited it if you twats gave us a reasonable time to edit. All but one of my other forums have no limit on the time, and the other one that does gives you 15 minutes.

Don't let us keep you from them. No, really.

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :

In WW1 trenches, men quickly discovered that urine soaked cloth covering the face countered the effect of Chlorine gas.
Piss can come in handy in most unexpected ways .

But ladies ? No, please do not pee on your compost heaps . It's most unladylike, and besides any thing that risks us men not being able to sire lots of little brats is quite out of the question.

< quickly posts [Razz]

, to avoid in-coming flying crockery >

With the global human population standing at 7 billion and rising, anything that suppresses male potency has got to be counted as a good thing .

Posted by EtymologicalEvangelical (# 15091) on :

quote:
Originally posted by rolyn
Piss can come in handy in most unexpected ways .

Apparently so.

Although I'm not sure about taking the piss quite so literally!

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :

Eeeeechh !!
Think I'll stick to the apple juice if you don't mind.

Suppose she would make some fellow an inexpensive date . Puts new meaning to a 'night out on the piss'.

Posted by Barnabas62 (# 9110) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Steve H:

quote:
Originally posted by PeteC:

quote:
Originally posted by Steve H:

quote:
Originally posted by Jahlove:
URL=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Female_urination_device]We r in ur compost heaps, writing our names[/URL]

TMI!
How did you manage to fuck up a perfectly good URL?

It was fine when you started out. Wanker.
I'd've edited it if you twats gave us a reasonable time to edit. All but one of my other forums have no limit on the time, and the other one that does gives you 15 minutes.
Wanker.

Moron! And a rude,fumble-fingered moron to boot. [Mad]

[There. Will that do? Sorry and all that, but I really don't do Hell very well [Hot and Hormonal]

]

[ 03. June 2012, 15:29: Message edited by: Barnabas62 ]

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jahlove:

quote:
Originally posted by Silver Faux:
Being a man ...
I can write my name on it, which women can't do.

We r in ur compost heaps, writing our names

That is an unnatural device and, thus, must be forbidden by the RCC.

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Steve H:
I'd've edited it if you twats gave us a reasonable time to edit. All but one of my other forums have no limit on the time, and the other one that does gives you 15 minutes.
Wanker.

There's a button that says "Preview Post". Try using it.

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sighthound:

I kid you not! Male urine is apparently useless for this purpose as it has a different chemical composition. But it was useful in the textile trade.

As in the transportation of urine from Newcastle to soak Tweed fabric in? So I've heard anyway. The wee was used to do something useful to the Tweed, but the downside was the special odour in the places where Tweedy-wearing people gathered, especially if they'd just come in from the rain.

If true, I wonder how they gathered it and who from? [Paranoid]

Posted by leo (# 1458) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:

quote:
For God's sake, don't get anyone started about peeing in the shower. People flip right the hell out over that.

My wife and I have taken to showering together, perhaps this is why the hair on my legs has stopped growing.

AtB Pyx_e

Too much information (re the wife, that is).

As for leg hair, I think it is the wearing of trousers that causes increasing baldness. Try doing your parish visits in a frock

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

I never knew wearing trousers caused baldness. Next time I see a balding guy I'm going to tell him to skip all the Rogaine and just wear a kilt.

Posted by Chamois (# 16204) on :

Comedy rant? Gardening is SERIOUS STUFF!!!

Don't think you can beset me round with dismal stories about artificial hormones. I live in a city where at a conservative estimate every drop of water that comes out the tap has been through 5 sets of kidneys already. Chances are, one of these sets belongs to a woman who's on the Pill. My own pee that's been through the compost has got to be safer than that - at least I know where it came from.

Evensong and Firenze, right on, Sisters! Gardening women of the world unite! We hold these rights to be inalienable: Life, Liberty and the Pursuit of Horticulture.

So, without fear or favour, affection or ill-will, I shall stand proudly upright on my compost bin (purchased at a good discount from my local council - Save Waste Compost At Home) and Pee for Victory.

And to all you chromosomally-challenged men cowering in your garden sheds I say just one thing: you can take your pathetic inky dinky Y chromosomes, wrap them round your necks and choke yourselves with them - if the fragile little things don't break.

So there.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

Gives a whole new dimension to the idea of a Bog Garden.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Firenze, may I just say you are blossoming on this thread?

What's in your fertilizer?

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

Chamois, peeing for right, truth, justice, and tasty veggies since 1987.

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :

quote:
Originally posted by leo:
... I think it is the wearing of trousers that causes increasing baldness. Try doing your parish visits in a frock

I think you'll find that the wearing of trousers causes frontal baldness. Frocks go with the bald patch at the crown. That's (obviously) why so many of you blokes in frocks have silly hats to complete the ensemble.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Honest Ron Bacardi:
It probably didn't start off as anything to do with normal sex hormones, but artificial ones, specifically ethynyl estradiol (EE2), which is effectively a xenobiotic, and passes to a large degree unchanged through normal sewage treatment plants.

So my advice to chamois is - if you are not on the pill, piss away! If you are though, just remember to wash your veg. thoroughly first. Around 500 changes of water should do the job.

That at least makes sense. An artifical chemical compound affecting things makes sense.

Back to my original point-- Genus homo has been around for about 2 million years, and homo sapiens has been around for about 200 thousand. the overwhelming bulk of that time, we were all peeing on bushes, every man, woman, and child. Yes, I understand, there are differences but there is just no goddamn way you can tell me that female urine would have somehow crazily evolved to become toxic to the ecosystem that produced it! That prehistoric women were going around strafing bushes willy nilly. We would have never made it to the agricultural age.

Posted by Nicolemrw (# 28) on :

For that matter what about female animals peeing in the wild?

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Firenze, may I just say you are blossoming on this thread?

What's in your fertilizer?

Currently, a rather nice Cremant de Limoux. (I'm not sure who's pissing on the vines of southern France, but keep up the good work.)

Posted by Silver Faux (# 8783) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Nicolemrw:
For that matter what about female animals peeing in the wild?

I think I dated one of those briefly, back in high school.

Posted by BessHiggs (# 15176) on :

Well, after reading this thread, I feel so much better about whizzing in various commercial corn/bean/wheat fields over the past few years. Perhaps I can get my farmer friends to hand over a little kick-back. Or maybe start a nice little part time gig. I have a very efficient bladder, and unlimited access to hop flavored diuretics... [Biased]

"Will Pee for a Fee"

Posted by Sober Preacher's Kid (# 12699) on :

It's been pissing down rain here the last few days. Should I have checked if it was a male rain or a female rain? How would one tell? [Paranoid]

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chamois:
I live in a city where at a conservative estimate every drop of water that comes out the tap has been through 5 sets of kidneys already.

Move.

Posted by Sober Preacher's Kid (# 12699) on :

Sydney, Melbourne and Brisbane are the same way, nu? Comes with living in a dry place and having to share.

Aqua Vitae indeed.

Posted by irish_lord99 (# 16250) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:

quote:
Originally posted by Chamois:
I live in a city where at a conservative estimate every drop of water that comes out the tap has been through 5 sets of kidneys already.
Move.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Silver Faux:

quote:
Originally posted by Nicolemrw:
For that matter what about female animals peeing in the wild?
I think I dated one of those briefly, back in high school.

And I bet you have lovely memories.

Posted by Sober Preacher's Kid (# 12699) on :

If If male and female pee is the same, then that must be why the stick says I'm pregnant.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Nobody is saying they are the same, buddy, we're just saying women's piss is not napalm.

ETA: There's a Chuck Palahniuk novel I'd love to read.

[ 04. June 2012, 04:05: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

Posted by Bartolomeo (# 8352) on :

I believe a further discussion of women peeing on men should occur in F&S.

Posted by Bartolomeo (# 8352) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chamois:
There we were in Heaven, having an interesting chat about making compost, and up comes the idea that women's urine is not suitable for activating a compost heap because our hideously dangerous hormones may contaminate the vegetables and affect some man's potency.

None of this is factual. Urine doesn't "activate" a compost heap. It is typically a sterile solution containing many of the same nutrients as the decaying organic matter making up the compost heap. Few hormones would make it from the compost heap into the vegetables.

Women who don't wash their hands before passing the peace would prove to be a greater source of hormones to men.

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

Stats show that most women do wash their hands, so worry not.... though given our anatomy there is normally no reason an unwashed hand would expose you to, er, hormones.

Why did i get into this thread?!!

I liked the shower peeing one too.... [Paranoid]

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

It really is a subject of universal import.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
It really is a subject of universal import.

I can see the investigative report now. Urine: Do You Know What's Happening To Yours?

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Bartolomeo:

quote:
Originally posted by Chamois:
There we were in Heaven, having an interesting chat about making compost, and up comes the idea that women's urine is not suitable for activating a compost heap because our hideously dangerous hormones may contaminate the vegetables and affect some man's potency.
None of this is factual. Urine doesn't "activate" a compost heap. It is typically a sterile solution containing many of the same nutrients as the decaying organic matter making up the compost heap. Few hormones would make it from the compost heap into the vegetables.

Urine is called a compost activator because it's high in nitrogen, which give the bacteria which start the composting process off something to work on, and start multiplying rapidly. Other good compost activators include grass clippings, comfrey leaves, and nettles, especially young ones. You can also buy compost activators, which come in the form of a powder, but when various activators are available free, they're a waste of money. 'Activator' may not be, scientifically speaking, the strictly correct term for them - I suppose it's really the bacteria themselves which are the activators - but it's the standard horticultural term. You are possibly confusing two separate vocabularies, a bit like insisting that courgettes are not vegetables but fruit. In the botanical vocabulary, they are, but from a culinary point of view, they're vegetables, because that's how they're used.

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Stats show that most women do wash their hands, so worry not.... though given our anatomy there is normally no reason an unwashed hand would expose you to, er, hormones.

You don't wipe, then?

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Nobody is saying they are the same, buddy, we're just saying women's piss is not napalm.

Don't piss on my compost heap and tell me it's raining.

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chamois:
Comedy rant? Gardening is SERIOUS STUFF!!!
And to all you chromosomally-challenged men cowering in your garden sheds I say just one thing: you can take your pathetic inky dinky Y chromosomes, wrap them round your necks and choke yourselves with them - if the fragile little things don't break.

So there.

I know gardening is serious stuff cos I live with someone who takes her gardening very seriously .

As for sweeping statements against the male populous might I suggest taking those two great fat X chromosomes, parking them over the edge of the compost bin and letting go of all the sweet pea you wish.
After that go indoors, select a pillow and imagine the whole male population is inside and punch the living f**K out of it .

I'm quite sure that'll make you feel a whole lot better.
[Biased]

Posted by Rosa Winkel (# 11424) on :

It's ironic that the pissing function is nicknamed as the "waterworks" when the [Waterworks]

smilie is written (when you look) with the word "waterworks" in it. Therefore I can only conclude that the op was a satire on the writer's own self-piteous victimhood myth.

Posted by Mary LA (# 17040) on :

Went into the old nuclear laboratory at the bottom of my handbag and fished out my bolt-upright-pissing device and napalm activator. Compost heap is blooming and steaming away.

Should we start talking about why menstrual blood is so good for roses or would the men present feel excluded?

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mary LA:

Should we start talking about why menstrual blood is so good for roses or would the men present feel excluded?

Is it? How interesting! I never knew that!

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

Among countless other benefits - according to this book.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mary LA:
Should we start talking about why menstrual blood is so good for roses or would the men present feel excluded?

So, let me get this straight. You've got a women-only monopoly on roses, but you get all outraged at the idea that men might be better with compost heaps?

Suddenly, all those complaints about how feminism is a one-way thing that lets women have men's roles, but men can't have women's roles, is starting to make sense.

Posted by Mary LA (# 17040) on :

Orfeo, I don't know that male urine is better on compost heaps, I think any urine is a good idea.

And feel free to bleed on my gallica roses. For all I know, menstrual blood may not be any better than ordinary ho-hum run-of-the-mill fresh blood although the iron in menstrual blood may be what roses crave.

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :

I always felt the battle of the sexes was interesting , but my goodness the battle of the the body fluids is so much more so .......

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mary LA:
Should we start talking about why menstrual blood is so good for roses or would the men present feel excluded?

Does it turn them red, and make them bloom once a month?
vaguely related joke:

SHE: How many pre-mentrual women does it take to change a light-bulb?
HE: I don't know. How many?
SHE: Five.
HE: Why five?
SHE: BECAUSE IT JUST FUCKING WELL DOES, ALL RIGHT?

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mary LA:
For all I know, menstrual blood may not be any better than ordinary ho-hum run-of-the-mill fresh blood although the iron in menstrual blood may be what roses crave.

I'm not sure I'm that happy with the idea of blood-craving plants. Particularly ones with really sharp thorns. Attack of the Killer Hybrid Teas - don't say you weren't warned.

Posted by BessHiggs (# 15176) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mary LA:
Should we start talking about why menstrual blood is so good for roses or would the men present feel excluded?

Whereas my father-in-law asked my husband to ask me to avoid going near the truck garden during "my time" because it is a well known fact that a woman on her period will kill cucumbers if she so mmuch as walks by them. [Eek!]

I may kill the little fuckers by stomping on the plants but I doubt the powerful ju-ju of my menstrual cycle is going to cause one lick of difference in the crop yield.

[ 04. June 2012, 13:48: Message edited by: BessHiggs ]

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

Is anyone else thinking of Audrey in the Little Shop of Horrors?

Posted by Inger (# 15285) on :

quote:
Originally posted by BessHiggs:

quote:
Originally posted by Mary LA:
Should we start talking about why menstrual blood is so good for roses or would the men present feel excluded?
Whereas my father-in-law asked my husband to ask me to avoid going near the truck garden during "my time" because it is a well known fact that a woman on her period will kill cucumbers if she so mmuch as walks by them. I may kill the little fuckers by stomping on the plants but I doubt the powerful ju-ju of my menstrual cycle is going to cause one lick of difference in the crop yield.

Some years ago I heard an interview on Radio 4 with a sausage maker. He declared that he never employed women in the actual sausage making, because it was a well-known fact that a menstruating woman would turn the sausage mix sour.

This was before I'd discovered SoF. I might well have started a Hell thread about it otherwise.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

Must have something to do with the shapes of particular food items? Bananas affected also?

Posted by OliviaG (# 9881) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
Is anyone else thinking of Audrey in the Little Shop of Horrors?

Yep, already singing along. "I'm a mean green mother* from outer space!" And you mean Audrey II, of course. OliviaG

Posted by Inger (# 15285) on :

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Must have something to do with the shapes of particular food items? Bananas affected also?

Good point! I never thought of that.

[Big Grin]

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Nicolemrw:
For that matter what about female animals peeing in the wild?

Don't know about the wild - but my German Shepherd bitch's urine certainly left very dead looking circles of grass in the lawn - whereas my current dog - a male's does not do quite the same damage. [Paranoid]

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Must have something to do with the shapes of particular food items? Bananas affected also?

Or in Marvin's case mushrooms.

Posted by ken (# 2460) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Must have something to do with the shapes of particular food items? Bananas affected also?
Or in Marvin's case mushrooms.

[ur=http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Phallus_impudicus]Like these ones?[/url]

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

Oh, to be able to edit posts.

I think the implication was that bananas would no longer curl up. Of course, the opposite might be true as well.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:

quote:
Originally posted by Nicolemrw:
For that matter what about female animals peeing in the wild?
Don't know about the wild - but my German Shepherd bitch's urine certainly left very dead looking circles of grass in the lawn - whereas my current dog - a male's does not do quite the same damage.

At last! Real science!

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

Two one-liners for the price of one:

quote:
Originally posted by Honest Ron Bacardi:
just remember to wash your veg. thoroughly first.

A typo here could have been disastrous.

quote:
Originally posted by leo:
That is an unnatural device and, thus, must be forbidden by the RCC.

As long as you're open to the possibility of urinating sitting down, I think it's okay.

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:
Two one-liners for the price of one:

quote:
Originally posted by Honest Ron Bacardi:
just remember to wash your veg. thoroughly first.
A typo here could have been disastrous.

For perfectly innocent reasons I've been watching a 'Sticky Vicky from Benidorm' youtube video before I clicked on this thread - I can't say how much this post resonated with that experience.

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:
on't know about the wild - but my German Shepherd bitch's urine certainly left very dead looking circles of grass in the lawn - whereas my current dog - a male's does not do quite the same damage.

My old dog can no longer lift his leg, so he pees girlie-style, plenty of scorched grass here!

eta - Can I say how I am enjoying using the word 'pee' here? It was considered very rude in our household so it feels naughty to me.

[Big Grin]

[ 05. June 2012, 10:06: Message edited by: Boogie ]

Posted by Mary LA (# 17040) on :

The word 'pee' does have a naughty sound. I went out just now and looked at the places where my dogs pee on the grass and there is no gender difference between the bleachiness of patches, perhaps because all three of them like to pee on the same spots over and over again.

Presumably the bleaching relates to the ammonia content and the frequency of peeing. So we should take care to pee all around the compost heap and not just in the same corner.

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

The word "pee"
Is slightly naughty, and very twee.
What's amiss
About calling it "piss"?

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Steve H:
The word "pee"
Is slightly naughty, and very twee.
What's amiss
About calling it "piss"?

Haha - piss was even naughtier in our household!

Posted by Inger (# 15285) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Steve H:
The word "pee"
Is slightly naughty, and very twee.
What's amiss
About calling it "piss"?

Not as twee as "wee"...

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

All right, then:

The word "pee"
Is slightly naughty, and very twee (but not as twee as "wee").
What's amiss
With calling it "piss"?
(Or even, if you're very brash,
A "slash".)

Posted by Mary LA (# 17040) on :

Love it! You couldn't give us a clerihew about poo?

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :

Not in Hell you don't! If you want to play rhyming games go to the Circus!

PeteC
Hell Host

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:

quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Stats show that most women do wash their hands, so worry not.... though given our anatomy there is normally no reason an unwashed hand would expose you to, er, hormones.
You don't wipe, then?

To quote Shakespeare:

"Nay, sir, I [do wipe but] am not such a fool but I can keep my hand dry."

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Mary LA:
Love it! You couldn't give us a clerihew about poo?

Poo
Is slightly naughty and very twee too (and thus a fit subject for a clerihew)
I prefer to call it
Shit.

(Yah boo sux, PeteC.)

[ 05. June 2012, 17:21: Message edited by: Steve H ]

Posted by Janine (# 3337) on :

I feel quiet thanks for all the years of screwing up people's cucumbers and causing their compost heaps to rise up in rebellion and making their credit cards de-magnetize and all the other mischief I've apparently been up to since I Became Fertile 'way back in... goodness. It was sometime before the Bicentennial.

How powerful I have been, all along. What a fool I have been to look forward to menopause.

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Steve H:
(Yah boo sux, PeteC.)

Are you having trouble with a host post again? Take it to the Styx. Another one like that, and I will flag you for the Admins to deal with.

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

quote:
Originally posted by PeteC:

quote:
Originally posted by Steve H:
(Yah boo sux, PeteC.)
Are you having trouble with a host post again? Take it to the Styx. Another one like that, and I will flag you for the Admins to deal with.

Recovering well from the sense-of-humour bypass, are we?

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

Arguing with or ignoring official Host posts is not allowed, even in Hell.

You've been warned about this before and now you've run out of chances.

Spike
SoF Admin

Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
"Nay, sir, I [do wipe but] am not such a fool but I can keep my hand dry."

An ass. Not such an ass.

And yes, I am full of them.

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :

Kelly, I was reminded of that thread too.

Haven't felt quite the same about Jane Austen ever since...

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

Dang, did I do well screwing up only one word in that quote from memory! (Pats self on back)

If only I could remember what play it was from..... [Big Grin]

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

All this stuff about the benefits of peeing in the compost / bushes, if only PCCs had known: it would have saved them so much expense which arose from listening to the 'We need an indoor loo in our Grade 1 listed church, and we need it now!' (but are not prepared to stump up the money) brigade. Perhaps that's the secret which churchgoers for the previous 2,000 years all knew but didn't pass on to the present generation?

Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
Dang, did I do well screwing up only one word in that quote from memory! (Pats self on back)

Only given the context ass was a particularly fine word to screw up on.

quote:
Originally posted by Lamb Chopped:
If only I could remember what play it was from.....

Oh asinine lamb, a quick bright thing come to confusion.

Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:

quote:
For God's sake, don't get anyone started about peeing in the shower. People flip right the hell out over that.

My wife and I have taken to showering together, perhaps this is why the hair on my legs has stopped growing.

AtB Pyx_e

Are you sure she hasn't been spiking your shower gel with Veet?

Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Marvin the Martian:

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
2. For God's sake, don't get anyone started about peeing in the shower. People flip right the hell out over that.
Jeez, it's the same drain

And it's good for the environment - saves water.

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
For God's sake, don't get anyone started about peeing in the shower. People flip right the hell out over that.

Yup

Posted by passer (# 13329) on :

[tangent]

By word association I was reminded of this thread.

[/tangent]

Posted by Chamois (# 16204) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Janine:
I feel quiet thanks for all the years of screwing up people's cucumbers and causing their compost heaps to rise up in rebellion and making their credit cards de-magnetize and all the other mischief I've apparently been up to since I Became Fertile 'way back in... goodness. It was sometime before the Bicentennial.

How powerful I have been, all along. What a fool I have been to look forward to menopause.

--------------------

Makes you understand why women take up witchcraft, doesn't it? After putting up with all the shit, dance naked in the field at the right phase of the moon and maybe, just maybe, you'll zap some geezer's cucumbers to kingdom come!

And if it doesn't actually work, you can still scare him.....

[Devil]

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Zappa:

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
For God's sake, don't get anyone started about peeing in the shower. People flip right the hell out over that.
Yup

Awesome beyond all words.

To return to my original point, if female pee was really that toxic (minus additives), wouldn't somebody have figured that out long before now? Wouldn't we have stories on record about proletarian farm patriarchs marching their sullen wives out to the field to pee on the weeds? Because that would be the obvious outgrowth of such a discovery.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

quote:
Originally posted by passer:
[tangent]

By word association I was reminded of this thread.

[/tangent]

Thank you for that, passer. I just spent about an hour reading through it.
[Killing me]

Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
To return to my original point, if female pee was really that toxic (minus additives), wouldn't somebody have figured that out long before now?

If female pee led to male impotency (as per OP) them men who gave women oral sex would all become impotent. Don't see that happening. There bound to be some residue left in that area.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Balaam:

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
To return to my original point, if female pee was really that toxic (minus additives), wouldn't somebody have figured that out long before now?
If female pee led to male impotency (as per OP) them men who gave women oral sex would all become impotent. Don't see that happening. There bound to be some residue left in that area.

Ew. Just... EW. EWWWWW.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Like fellatio's a picnic.

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Like fellatio's a picnic.

The ants are hell.

Posted by irish_lord99 (# 16250) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Like fellatio's a picnic.
The ants are hell.

Somebody needs to bathe more! [Snigger]

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Balaam:
If female pee led to male impotency (as per OP) them men who gave women oral sex would all become impotent. Don't see that happening. There bound to be some residue left in that area.

Thank you for that delightful mental image. It will stay with me until dementia, Alzheimers or sweet, sweet death release me from its grip.

Also, my wife is going to kill you. Slowly.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

I love it when Marvin is my articulate alter ego.

EDIT: Except I don't have a wife.

[ 07. June 2012, 08:51: Message edited by: orfeo ]

Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
I love it when Marvin is my articulate alter ego.

Rather that than he start to disarticulate your ego.

Posted by Silver Faux (# 8783) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Like fellatio's a picnic.

Wasn't there a book and mini-series entitled Fellatio Hornblower?

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :

quote:
Originally posted by irish_lord99:

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Like fellatio's a picnic.
The ants are hell.
Somebody needs to bathe more!

Posted by Enigma (# 16158) on :

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this has been mentioned before but --- betroot!! Does not render us all equally at least pink-ish??

Posted by Silver Faux (# 8783) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:

quote:
Originally posted by irish_lord99:

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Like fellatio's a picnic.
The ants are hell.
Somebody needs to bathe more!

Not sure why there are all these one liners about picnics; for fellatio, I prefer to be sitting in a rocking chair, slowly, slowly rocking.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by mousethief:

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Like fellatio's a picnic.
The ants are hell.

Not to mention the cheese.

Posted by Tortuf (# 3784) on :

No words are adequate to the occasion.

None.

Eeeeeeewwww gets close.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Yeah, I'm gonna apologize and withdraw that one. The desire to squick orfeo out overcame me.

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

I could return the favour but the photos are private and I'm not THAT much of an exhibitionist.

Posted by Molopata The Rebel (# 9933) on :

[Eek!]

This thread gives a whole new meaning to "Pees be upon earth".

As long as you are all doing it in your gardens and not in my local swimming pool, I couldn't care less.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Now, there's a person with real perspective.

Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :

quote:
Originally posted by orfeo:
I could return the favour but the photos are private and I'm not THAT much of an exhibitionist.

Smeghead!

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Is there an ontological difference as well as a physical difference?

Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :

It depends I suppose whether there has been any laying on of hands...

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Mr Black raises an excellent point; the hormonal content of female pee-- probably male pee, for that matter-- may fluctuate according to their level of arousal. Now, who wants to get out their with a test tube and their best friend and gather some data for us?

Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :

Another...er...point: it is very difficult however for a male to pee when aroused; we come and go, but not at the same time.

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Mr Black raises an excellent point; the hormonal content of female pee-- probably male pee, for that matter-- may fluctuate according to their level of arousal. Now, who wants to get out their with a test tube and their best friend and gather some data for us?

Might sit that one out if you don't mind .

Heard of passion killing before, but that one surely beats them all.

Posted by Think² (# 1984) on :

Enough.

T²
Hellhost

UBB.classic^TM 6.5.0