Ship of Fools: What your spellchecker thinks you should be saying

Thread: What your spellchecker thinks you should be saying Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Whether you have auto-correct or just a spell-checker offering suggestions, sometimes the results are humorous. Share them here so we can all laugh with you!

Just now in Keryg, my spell checker (in Firefox) thought "midrash" should either be "mid-rash" or "mishmash."

Rather insulting to the Rabbis, who may or may not have had rashes for an equal duration before and after they wrote their "nonsense". [Biased]

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

Many years ago, when personal computers and their software were much more primative, my spellchecker wanted to replace "Bach" with "bitch."
[Eek!]

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

...and probably would have replaced "primative" with primitive"!
[Hot and Hormonal]

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

You get similarly amusing results with the computer-generated subtitles on TV, which you can see on the big screen in any Wetherspoon's pub. One, reported in the press a while ago, was "The Arch Bitch of Canterbury".

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :

I sent an SMS to one son re binoculars for one of his children. I didn't check message and received a puzzled reply saying "Bionic???"

Posted by BessHiggs (# 15176) on :

I learned quickly that my current phone wants to use "Tom" instead of "too". So when i text my husband "I love you too" I always make sure to double check before sending. His name is NOT Tom [Smile]

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

The iPad had me leaving, instead of weeds, weddings to rot in a bucket.

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Steve H:
You get similarly amusing results with the computer-generated subtitles on TV, which you can see on the big screen in any Wetherspoon's pub. One, reported in the press a while ago, was "The Arch Bitch of Canterbury".

You also get them with the closed captioning on many internet videos.

Moo

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

I see a lot of those "auto-correct" images online, and I always wonder if they're fakes. I don't have a cell phone at all, much less a "smart" one, but I can't imagine why it should try to replace a perfectly valid word with a different one.

Do people really find that sort of thing happening often?

Posted by angelfish (# 8884) on :

I have an overweight friend called Heather, and unfortunately my phone's predictive text changed her name to Heavier. No, i didn't read it before i sent it. [Hot and Hormonal]

Posted by Miffy (# 1438) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
Many years ago, when personal computers and their software were much more primative, my spellchecker wanted to replace "Bach" with "bitch."

Reminds me of my church newsletter editing days, when the spellchecker tried to change the name of a certain visiting VIP to "Lord Raunchie!"

Posted by Drifting Star (# 12799) on :

quote:
Originally posted by churchgeek:
I see a lot of those "auto-correct" images online, and I always wonder if they're fakes. I don't have a cell phone at all, much less a "smart" one, but I can't imagine why it should try to replace a perfectly valid word with a different one.

Do people really find that sort of thing happening often?

Yes - really. I don't ever use auto-correct systems, but predictive texting can save a lot of time. You do have to concentrate on what you're seeing though. I don't often text, and when I do my phone looks at previous usage and always suggests that the word 'have' should be followed by the word 'chocolate'. [Hot and Hormonal]

That's something that doesn't get mentioned on the outrageous (supposed) examples that do the rounds of the internet - most predictive texting is based on the previous usage of the phone owner...

Posted by tessaB (# 8533) on :

But when I sign off on texts to my children my phone always wants me to say 'love nun'. In what parallel universe is nun a more common word than mum? Maybe I should try mom? No, just couldn't do it.

Posted by Antisocial Alto (# 13810) on :

My Android phone has Swype typing where you just swipe your finger across the screen to each letter of your word in turn, and it figures out which word you're trying to type. If it can't guess, it suggests several alternatives from its dictionary. When I tried to type "you" it suggested "Yid". WHAT.

Posted by Steve H (# 17102) on :

I once had a mobile which did predictive texting in a number of different languages. I had great fun switching it to French or Italian, typing in a well-known poem, and accepting all its suggestions. Mind you, it was pretty bizarre in 'English' mode, as well.

Posted by WhyNotSmile (# 14126) on :

quote:
Originally posted by tessaB:
But when I sign off on texts to my children my phone always wants me to say 'love nun'. In what parallel universe is nun a more common word than mum? Maybe I should try mom? No, just couldn't do it.

Mine does this too! The other word it doesn't like is "card", which requires me to cycle through at least 5 other words, including "barf" and "bard", before it's suggested.

Posted by Lothiriel (# 15561) on :

A number of years ago, I was writing the new members' column for our church newsletter. A new family had an unusual last name ending in "-ard". My spellchecker thought that this family should be called "the Dullards".

Posted by WhyNotSmile (# 14126) on :

I have a client who seems to be a very bad speller; and too lazy to proof read. Last week we got an email from him saying:

quote:
Look at [website] on of there edemas will be enough I know you don't have the program

We still haven't figured it out.

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

quote:
Originally posted by WhyNotSmile:
I have a client who seems to be a very bad speller; and too lazy to proof read. Last week we got an email from him saying:

quote:
Look at [website] on of there edemas will be enough I know you don't have the program
We still haven't figured it out.

One of their demos?

But I like edemas better. (And it could have been enemas!)

Posted by Oferyas (# 14031) on :

Ceefax once reported a fire at Trago Mills, but actually wrote Tragic Mills, the shop there was ever thereafter known as 'Tragics'.

Older spellcheckers used to offer startling alternatives to 'sexagesima'....

Posted by mrs whibley (# 4798) on :

A early version of MS Word (for DOS, natch) used to replace my real name with 'chirpiness' - which was quite sweet!

Posted by Adeodatus (# 4992) on :

A friend of mine used to swear his spellchecker kept wanting to change "the Venerable Bede" to "the Venereal Bed".

Posted by WhyNotSmile (# 14126) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

quote:
Originally posted by WhyNotSmile:
I have a client who seems to be a very bad speller; and too lazy to proof read. Last week we got an email from him saying:

quote:
Look at [website] on of there edemas will be enough I know you don't have the program
We still haven't figured it out.
One of their demos?

But I like edemas better. (And it could have been enemas!)

Demos! Yes! I like edemas better too, though. And I wonder how badly you have to mis-spell 'demos' to make the computer think the most likely word is 'edemas'.

Posted by Beethoven (# 114) on :

My smartphone is apparently clever enough to learn new words if I use them frequently enough. Sadly, my typing on it is so bad that it now corrects 'tge' to 'Tge' rather than 'the' [Roll Eyes]

Predictive text on my previous phone offered its selections in alphabetical order, which I didn't realise at first. This meant I'm likely to have texted our babysitter to cancel a regular arrangement on the grounds that 'Mr B is good tonight' rather than 'home' [Hot and Hormonal]

Posted by Sandemaniac (# 12829) on :

As ever when this topic surfaces, I cite the spellchecker that tried to substitute labia for Latvia...

AG

Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :

One of the classics I got from a friend of mine was "I managed to kill her - on our first date too!"

Posted by Robert Armin (# 182) on :

In a recent piece of Coursework a student informed me that Romeo and Juliet contained "dramatic ironing". Now that's a production I'd like to see.

(My phone also prefers "nun" to "mum". Mine's a Samsung - is that the same for the rest of you?)

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Robert Armin:
In a recent piece of Coursework a student informed me that Romeo and Juliet contained "dramatic ironing"

Romeo was pressing his suit?

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

I have to look out for this the most with Dragon voice-to-text software. Sometimes it seems to act like a Delphic oracle. In one memorable instance it supplied "incompetent management" for "innovative management".

The problem is that all the words it provides are real ones, so they aren't caught by a spell-checker. I'm not sure my clients would appreciate the oracle's insights though, so I have to proofread extra carefully.

In other news, try as I might I can't get my smartphone to stop auto-correcting il ("it", or "he") in French to "I'll". This leads to frequent Knights-of-Ni moments when texting ("don't type that word!")

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:

quote:
Originally posted by Robert Armin:
In a recent piece of Coursework a student informed me that Romeo and Juliet contained "dramatic ironing"
Romeo was pressing his suit?

Posted by Celtic Knotweed (# 13008) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Robert Armin:
(My phone also prefers "nun" to "mum". Mine's a Samsung - is that the same for the rest of you?)

Mine's a Nokia, and has the same annoying habit. Sometimes it's simpler to just turn predictive off for 2 or 3 words (shortcut key in 1 corner cycles through all the options quickly).

Must mention the spellchecker that my brother and I had problems with. Both writing reports (and his dissertation) for our respective MSc's, and it insisted that 'boreholes' ought to be 'brothels'... Thankfully we both switch autocorrect off for important work. *looks for a relieved smiley*

[ 28. May 2012, 19:01: Message edited by: Celtic Knotweed ]

Posted by Yangtze (# 4965) on :

Mine always trys to autocorrect "its" to "it's". Most infuriating

Maybe autocorrect is to blame for the rise in the grocer's apostrophe.

Posted by ken (# 2460) on :

I gave up years ago and always write "its" now. Life's too short to bother about upsetting authoritarian schoolteachers.

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :

It's perfectly easy to put the apostrophe in its proper place.

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :

I have spellchecker but not autocorrect. That would drive me nuts, especially since my spellchecker thinks that the name of the town where I live is not an acceptable word.

Moo

[ 29. May 2012, 11:33: Message edited by: Moo ]

Posted by Yangtze (# 4965) on :

quote:
Originally posted by ken:
I gave up years ago and always write "its" now. Life's too short to bother about upsetting authoritarian schoolteachers.

Well my phone would annoy you then with its instistance on it's.

[tangent]Personally I find the apostrophe useful in making meaning clear in both reading and writing and nothing to do with authoritarian schoolteachers at all. [/tangent]

Posted by Galloping Granny (# 13814) on :

My software simply underlines words to indicate that it would prefer US spelling. And ignores something like 'wold' when I meant to write 'would'.

But when I tried to use the spelling/style function when I was doing the church newsletter, it objected to the word 'service', insisting that the word 'serve' was preferable. If I'd written that communicants came forward to be serviced it wold have had a point...

(See what I mean there?)

GG

Posted by Matt Black (# 2210) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:
I have to look out for this the most with Dragon voice-to-text software. Sometimes it seems to act like a Delphic oracle. In one memorable instance it supplied "incompetent management" for "innovative management".

Ah, Dragon! Very good at coverting ':' into 'cola'!

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Apparently my husband is going to be singing a work by a Norwegian/American composter. An earthy little number, obviously.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

The spellchecker in Dreamweaver, which we use to edit the MW reports, regularly wants to change negative contractions to their positive root, e.g. can't > can; didn't > did; wouldn't > would; etc.

It also wants to change Reckondwythe to recondite. I've often been accused of being that.

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

I wish I knew how to switch the bloody spell-check off: I prefer to spell words correctly (British usage) and it "corrects" it!

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

What application? In most you should be able to switch the dictionary from American English to British English, if you really want to keep up the illusion.

Posted by rhflan (# 17092) on :

My iPhone used to try to change 'Em' (my wife's name) to 'Wm' (which I guess is supposed to be short for William or something).

Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sir Kevin:
I prefer to spell words correctly (British usage) and it "corrects" it!

I'm not sure that British English is definitively correct these days. But what is undoubtedly true is that anyone who wishes to pass themselves off as being from the Home Countries should demonstrate a good working knowledge of the laws and orthodoxy of cricket. Without that you are truly on a sticky wicket.

Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on :

King Cnut. I don't think there is a spellchecker on the planet gets that one.

Posted by longing (# 17154) on :

If you want an uncontrollable laugh out loud belly laugh, visit http://www.damnyouautocorrect.com - it's occasionally rude, but consistently hilarious.

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

Welcome longing! I have tears in my eyes from laughing at that site! (Spent WAY too much time there!)

jedijudy
One of the welcoming Heaven Hosts

Posted by Liberty (# 713) on :

Thanks longing.

Now I have something to do (between soccer games) in the next few weeks. That site is so funny.

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

I've turned off autocorrect after too many embarrassing moments. a few good ones from memory:

"I'll be right over after I lick up Heather"

"We need to talk about Fergus of God" (meant to be the play Agnes of God)

(from my son) "I'm hanging out at Mickey Mouse" (meant to be Mikhail's house)

and my worst - I'm sorta kinda affiliated with a band called Denali Cooks. Autocorrect will suggest words you have used often in the past. so, I once posted from my phone on Facebook that I was "off to see the Denial Cocksuckers again!"

I deleted it quick but not before the drummer saw it. He now calls himself cocksucker#4.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by comet:

I deleted it quick but not before the drummer saw it. He now calls himself cocksucker#4.

I like him.

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

he's good people.

Posted by longing (# 17154) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
Welcome longing! I have tears in my eyes from laughing at that site! (Spent WAY too much time there!)

jedijudy
One of the welcoming Heaven Hosts

Thank you! Glad you likes the site - it's worryingly addictive!

Posted by Mrs Badcrumble (# 5839) on :

I tried to text my sister with 'I'm on my way' but instead claimed 'I'm omnipotent'.

One of my faves off Damn you autocorrect was a text saying 'Great news! Grandma's homosexual!' which was meant to say 'home from hospital' !!

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