Thread: can someone tell me where the TV remote is... Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.


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Posted by badger@thesett (# 16422) on :
 
as I want to change the channel and can't find it.

any suggestions please
 

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Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
You **would** have to switch to the Forbidden Channel, wouldn't you? Didn't you realize that once tuned there, the set would emit an ultrasonic beam that would vaporize your remote? NOW what are you going to do?
 

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Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
It's where you put it

The likeliest place is down the back of or underneath some furniture. Even if you find it you are doomed, as the panel over the battery compartment, and the batteries, will be nowhere to be seen.

There. You may as well not bother.
 

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Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Have you tried looking in the fridge? You never know where you might have put it in a moment of absent mindedness....

Failing that, in the olden days we got up from our chairs, crossed the room and pressed a button on the TV to change channels. Maybe you could go all retro and try that?

[ 29. June 2012, 17:56: Message edited by: Lucia ]
 

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Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :
 
You don't need it - wall to wall football and Wimbeldon is all that's on offer

But if you have to watch TV you'll find the remote under the pile of magazines on the floor - where you left it
 

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Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :
 
badger@thesett, would you mind clarifying the purpose of this thread? I'm sure outlining the rules of the game will help others join in.

Imaginary Friend
Circus Host
 

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Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :
 
It's sitting on top of the TV. Because TVs nowadays don't have very good controls on them, and you have to use the remote. But when your grandfather was visiting last week, he couldn't stand how you were just flipping through channels from the sofa. "In my day, we had to get up and go to the TV and turn dials and things!" Remember him saying that? Before he left, he set your remote on top of your TV so you'd have to get up and go to the TV at least once. He feels you need the exercise.
 

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Posted by Jane R (# 331) on :
 
Unfortunately, while you were escorting your grandfather to the door a battered blue police box materialized next to the TV. A young man wearing an eccentric collection of clothes leapt energetically out, looked around and leapt back in again. As he turned to go back inside he knocked the remote control down behind the TV. It is now covered with fluff and cobwebs, but this serves you right for not cleaning behind there. If you want it back you will have to move most of the furniture in the room to get at it so you might as well do the spring cleaning while you're at it - Grandad's plot to force you to exercise more is working!

The TARDIS dematerialized as you tripped over the cat on your way back into the living room. You were too busy cursing the cat to notice.

[ 29. June 2012, 19:45: Message edited by: Jane R ]
 

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Posted by Og, King of Bashan (# 9562) on :
 
Give your dog a belly rub. If the volume starts going up, you should have it back in a day or two.
 

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Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on :
 
It is in the cell phone charger. The real question is: Why is the cell phone sitting on top of the TV?

quote:

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Lucia wrote:
Failing that, in the olden days we got up from our chairs, crossed the room and pressed a button on the TV to change channels.

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Press a button??? Dang! In my day we had to turn a dial--and sometimes two if you wanted a station in the UHF range.
 

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Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
When I lose mine, it's usually being sat on by a generously-proportioned teddy-bear called Quite Large Bear, who lives on the sofa.


 

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Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :
 
After discussion, the hosts have deemed that this thread is better suited to Heaven. Hold onto your hats....

Imaginary Friend
Circus Host
 

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Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :
 
Did you know that TV remotes are the germiest spots in the house?

erk!
 

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Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on :
 
..especially when they get thrown in the bin. Which is where your remote is now. You picked it up with yesterday's newspaper and other debris and put the lot in the bin. It's covered in wet coffee grounds, banana skins and the remains of your dinner. You'll need rubber gloves and some antiseptic wipes.
 

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Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :
 
If your TV is like ours, the remote can't be on top of it because the screen is only 1/4 inch wide. That's why the sound is so bad and you were having to watch with your hand on the remote as you constantly scrolled the sound up and down from a ten to a fifty. By the time you staggered to bed it was molded into your hand and didn't fall out until the middle of the night. It's in between the headboard and mattress.
 

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Posted by Smudgie (# 2716) on :
 
My usual response when the Smudgelet asks me that question is: "I haven't the remotest idea". For some reason, this always results in "Oh, Mu-u-uumm!"

You know it is down the back of the sofa, don't you? Bet you've taken off every cushion and rummaged around amongst the crumbs and dust bunnies in increasing desperation. You end, considerably richer from gathering of lost coins, but still despondant that you can't change channel and the sofa is refusing to regurgitate its prey.

As you remove the remains of last week's pizza from under your fingernails (I'm describing your sofa's contents, not mine of course ) Glance over at the telly itself. What's that black thing perched jauntily on top of the box? Hmmm? Hmmmmmm?
 

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Posted by Dormouse (# 5954) on :
 
It'll be in the last place you look...
 

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Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :
 
It won't be down the back of the sofa (though it might be under it). Abandon logical thinking. Try the bathroom, the top of the fridge, or any mess of discarded clothes and towels on the bedroom floor/in the laundry bin.

Was there a small child in the vicinity last time you used it? If so, get the child in to help you with your inquiries, and search their bed, before giving up and buying a replacement device.
 

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Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :
 
FOUND IT!!

It's gathered with friends to form a giraffe. Now to find where they all went ...
 

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Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on :
 
I can't help as I am the tidy sort of person who never loses the remote.

Now where is my USB memory stick...
 

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Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
I expect Mr Nen has it. He's always got ours.
 

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Posted by Paddy O'Furniture (# 12953) on :
 
If you're some creepy weird guy in the emergency room of your local hospital, the t.v. remote was up your... yeah, and the doctors would then ask you how it got there. Most dubious explanation? You were channel surfing, felt dizzy, tripped over the cat and the remote got wedged up your... yeahhhh.
 

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Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :
 
It's on the third planet in the solar system of things that go missing. First is the planet of "lost" socks, actually the home of socks known for their sturdy independence and their dislike of their mates. They leave through a worm hole in the drier. Second is the planet of ball point pens, to which they hitchhiked in order to live a particularly ball point life style. Or did until Zaphod Beeblebrox got there and went into the used pen biz. And the third is where remotes of all kinds have set up a Republic of Liberty From the Tyranny of Human Fingers and Dogs' Mouths. Unfortunately, that planet's worm hole opens up both to and from Earth unexpectedly, and at any given time either humans or remotes are lamenting over where the remote is. Just wait. It will reappear behind the cushions where you already looked twenty times. Be kind to it.
 

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Posted by badger@thesett (# 16422) on :
 
Thank you for your suggestions so far, in response,
I haven’t used the forbidden channel as trying to fill my mind with ‘good’ stuff though maybe that is why it is hidden from me, to stop me watching any TV, having not found it I don’t know whether the batteries are in it though I have found some batteries that will fit, when I went to the fridge I got side tracked into eating and annoyingly the TV has no buttons to push, and I wouldn’t mind it stuck on football, like me my TV is thick so I the digibox and DVD player on top though no remotes can remotely be seen on or near it.
I did hear some strange grinding sound and thought I saw some blue out of the corner of my eye but thought it was the duvet on the chair, will have to be quicker if I want to catch the doctor, pity he didn’t take the cat then I wouldn’t have fallen over it, horrible creatures, but now there is no dog or cat in the flat though so I tried rubbing the belly of my visitor but they gave me a funny look.
Have now looked under the tiger as no teddy bear but no sign of it, now if it was the badger it could be inside it but not sure where that is, maybe it eloped with the remote, though if it has that many germs it will be good for it as will build up good tolerance.
Now checked the bed and headboard and not there, I tended to use the mute button to stop being defended by the adverts, twice as loud as the programmes... grrrrr.... but anyway I tried asking my mum but she only had hers over 200 miles away so not a lot of use. Expectantly looked for it under the cushions, hoping to find some money as that would be nice but nothing and I am still waiting to find the last place I look, as it wasn’t in the bathroom, or bedroom and haven’t had any small children to eat recently so no joy there, I did find my USB sticks though am not sure what is on them and pressing them did nothing to the TV. I then asking Mr Nen but got no answer, probably as he is not here and I don’t know him and the text message I just received wasn’t from him.
I haven’t yet tried the hospital as pretty sure I didn’t sit on it and there is no pain down there, now I am wondering how to get to the third planet in the missing things solar system as it hasn’t reappeared and I promise I will be kind to it if and when it reappears

Any other ideas please
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Dormouse:
It'll be in the last place you look...

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What's the alternative, searching for another hour after it is found.

And anyway, has anyone considered that it might not want to be found? that its disappearance is a form of protest of some sort? Badger, have you had some sort of falling out with your remote recently?
 

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Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :
 
Have you prayed to St Anthony yet
 

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Posted by Japes (# 5358) on :
 
St Anthony, please return badger@thesett's TV remote.

St Jude, if you are not too busy, could you give St Anthony a hand please. Tricky things, these missing TV remotes.

St Clare, as patron saint of television, would you also be so kind.

Amen.
 

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Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Japes:


St Clare, as patron saint of television, would you also be so kind.

Amen.

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Genius!

 

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Posted by Beethoven (# 114) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by badger@thesett:
Expectantly looked for it under the cushions, hoping to find some money as that would be nice but nothing...

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Well, there was your mistake, right there. If you expect to find something down the settee cushions, that guarantees that it won't be there, whether money, remotes, or children's socks.

Anyway, I know where it is. It's eloped with our DVD remote. Been gone 2 weeks now...
 

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Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on :
 
Remotes never go missing together.

To stop watching TV in order to watch a Bluray film takes 4 remotes.

1. To switch the cable box off
2. To change the TV from receiving from cable box to Bluray
3. To operate the Bluray player
4. To operate HiFi for good sound quality

quote:

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Originally posted by birdie:
Ours is usually in the bread bin. I don't know why.

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quote:

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Originally posted by birdie:
Ours is usually in the bread bin. I don't know why.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Firenze:

quote:

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Originally posted by birdie:
Ours is usually in the bread bin. I don't know why.

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It's hungry?

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No, more likely it's just loafing around.
 

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Posted by BalddudeCrompond (# 12152) on :
 
Gotta love the universal remotes.....they always operate 24 of the 25 functions you need, with the 25th missing one being something crucial like Power or Volume....
 

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Posted by Zacchaeus (# 14454) on :
 
Oh no 3 days into this thread, and I was sure that the mystery would have been solved.

How can I go to sleep now.............

Have you searched the bathroom?
 

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Posted by Zacchaeus (# 14454) on :
 
Dirty linen basket?

Do you have a garage? I once found a missing item on a shelf in the garage, where it had no right to be.....
 

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Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on :
 
I once dropped a remote into a shoe,then took the shoes upstairs where they belonged. Have you looked inside all your shoes, no matter which room they are in?
 

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Posted by Beethoven (# 114) on :
 
Or the washing machine. I once put a load of bedlinen in, then wondered 5 minutes later what the clanking noise was. The mystery was solved as soon as I looked at the machine - I could see both the TV and DVD remotes merrily swirling round.

Somehow they both survived their bath - although I was rather glad Mr B was away at the time so didn't wonder where they were for the 48 hours they were sitting in the airing cupboard...
 

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Posted by Enigma (# 16158) on :
 
Mine came to church with me once in my handbag. I can't imagine how it got there but I only noticed when I got it out to put it on silent before the service.
 

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Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on :
 
Find mine in the freezer once... It still worked.
Then there was the time it had closed itself up in my cutlery drawer, which was a strange place for it to run to.
 

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Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Enigma:
Mine came to church with me once in my handbag. I can't imagine how it got there but I only noticed when I got it out to put it on silent before the service.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Sioni Sais:

quote:

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Originally posted by Enigma:
Mine came to church with me once in my handbag. I can't imagine how it got there but I only noticed when I got it out to put it on silent before the service.

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Why not? Handbags contain everything else.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Enigma:
Mine came to church with me once in my handbag. I can't imagine how it got there but I only noticed when I got it out to put it on silent before the service.

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quote:

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Originally posted by Enigma:
Mine came to church with me once in my handbag. I can't imagine how it got there but I only noticed when I got it out to put it on silent before the service.

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love this story!
 

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Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :
 
Found it yet and if you have, where was it?
 

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Posted by Enigma (# 16158) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by Zacchaeus:

quote:

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Originally posted by Enigma:
Mine came to church with me once in my handbag. I can't imagine how it got there but I only noticed when I got it out to put it on silent before the service.

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did you try and make a call on the remote then?

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No I tried to stop it bleeping and got the wrong appliance out.
 

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Posted by Beethoven (# 114) on :
 

quote:

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Originally posted by bib:
I would invite kids round but tell them they can't watch tv as you've lost the remote. It will be found in minutes (voice of experience)

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Clearly our mistake is in having a second DVD player (in another room). Instead of finding the remote, the Opuses just use the upstairs player instead...
 

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Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :
 
I just read this joke elsewhere on the 'net (it's been around a while, and I doubt it's copyrighted):

quote:

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'Cash, check or charge?' I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
'So, do you always carry your TV remote?' I asked.
'No,' she replied, 'but my husband refused to come shopping with me, and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally.'

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quote:

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Originally posted by Beethoven:
Or the washing machine. I once put a load of bedlinen in, then wondered 5 minutes later what the clanking noise was. The mystery was solved as soon as I looked at the machine - I could see both the TV and DVD remotes merrily swirling round.

Somehow they both survived their bath...

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