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Source: (consider it) Thread: Alternative Olympics 2012
Jane R
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Over in the Olympics thread, I suggested that sedan chair racing should be included as an Olympic sport, with each country carrying its head of government... this led to a very interesting tangent on which countries would be likely to win, based on the weight of their Governing Body [Devil]

So this is a thread for proposing alternative Olympic sports. How fast would Usain Bolt be over 100 metres if he had to carry an egg and spoon? If synchronised swimming is in, why not ballroom dancing? Why can't the weightlifters lift something interesting for a change, instead of just big chunks of metal?

The idea is that you propose an alternative sport, with rules (which may be refined and commented on by others). I'll begin with...

SEDAN CHAIR RACING RULES:

A team of four athletes carries a fifth person (who is sitting, without a safety belt, in a chair fastened to two carrying poles) in a 400-metre flat race. A test of strength, speed, teamwork and (on the part of the fifth team member) faith.

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Sioni Sais
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Supermarket Trolley Sprint (and Relay)

A standard supermarket trolley (ie, one with at least one wonky wheel) has to be unhitched using one of those coin-locks then pushed 100 metres.

In the relay the trolley has to be locked in after each stage, whereupon the coin is ejected, then the coin is used to release the team's next trolley.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Imaginary Friend

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Given that MacDonald's are sponsoring the Games, I suggest:

Big Mac eating.

It kinda introduces itself, and is related to competitive hotdog eating. (For a different take, try this link - hi-freaking-larious!) There is the sprint event in which competitors must eat ten Big Macs in a straight race, and the endurance event in which the participants must down as many Big Macs as they can in ten minutes. Ketchup optional.

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"We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately, the game was played on grass."
Brian Clough

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the giant cheeseburger
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Ikea Billy Cart racing

Phase 1: teams of three shall construct a billycart out of standard flat-packed products available from Ikea, which shall be brought to the assembly area direct from the nearest Ikea store still packed in their boxes. Construction starts on the firing of the start pistol, and the clock stops when the team's driver (who may not construct) boards the billycart and is pushed out of the team's pit box.

Phase 2: the driver completes a time trial on a downhill course three times. The driver may not touch an Allen Key, and if the cart falls apart while they are on the course the other team members may come and rebuild it so the driver can continue. Only the two best times for each team shall count, allowing it to fall apart once without penalty.

Result: the time for phase 1 is added to the team's two best times from phase 2 and the team with the fastest total time (construction plus two downhill runs) is the winner. If the driver is killed, a thirty second penalty shall be added to the team's total time.


Possible variation 1: a similar event could take place at the winter games, just like there is hockey at the summer games and ice hockey at the winter games. The cart/sled would be required to record times on the giant slalom course, the ski cross course and the bob run.

Possible variation 2: a biathlon version could be created, with the driver shooting paintballs at another cart (drawn in pairs) while it is on the course, with the two teams then swapping and the first driver being allowed to fire up to the same number of shots that were fired at them. Time bonuses would be awarded for scoring hits.

[ 02. August 2012, 13:28: Message edited by: the giant cheeseburger ]

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balaam

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25 metre crowd surfing.

One athlete performs a stage dive. The rest of the team have to transport that person 25 metres to the back of the hall without them touching the ground. Carriers are not allowed to move whilst carrying. Time penalties for each time the carried person departs from a horizontal position.

I was going to suggest Mayoral zip line descending, but GB is obviously weak at this.

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Firenze

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Sofa Racing.

Since most of the Uk population are sat on settees most of the time, we should have a pool of talent for this. A team of three sit on a sofa with castors and propel it sideways with their feet. For maximum speed on cornering, the team lean back so that it tilts and travels on two wheels ( but not too far back, obviously).

The ideal track surface would be parquet flooring.

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Imaginary Friend

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I think a cross-country version of that would be quite entertaining.

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"We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately, the game was played on grass."
Brian Clough

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the giant cheeseburger
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quote:
Originally posted by Imaginary Friend:
I think a cross-country version of that would be quite entertaining.

As would a ski jump version.

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If I give a homeopathy advocate a really huge punch in the face, can the injury be cured by giving them another really small punch in the face?

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Jane R
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In other news, the IOC has just received the following proposal:

FIRST DAY OF THE SALES

This exciting contest calls for the combined skills of all-in wrestling, kick-boxing, sprinting and weight-lifting. Contestants must fight their way through a revolving door and have ten minutes to amass the greatest number of bargains from different counters in a traditional department store - and return to the exit with all their limbs intact.

Edged weapons are not allowed.

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Imaginary Friend

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If the modern pentathlon was all the skills required of a military officer, then this is all the skills required of a concerned citizen of a consumerist society. Love it! [Big Grin]

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"We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately, the game was played on grass."
Brian Clough

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Firenze

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quote:
Originally posted by the giant cheeseburger:
quote:
Originally posted by Imaginary Friend:
I think a cross-country version of that would be quite entertaining.

As would a ski jump version.
There was found to be a problem with breaking springs on landing. But early trials down the bobsleigh run have been very promising, and it's hoped to have it the Winter Olympics in time for Sochi.
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Og, King of Bashan

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Tug of War used to be an event, which made me wonder a few months ago, who would be the favorite today? I guess they actually do have international tug of war, and the Netherlands is a frequent champion. But if it became an Olympic event and countries started focusing on it, I would say it would be dominated by either countries like China and the USA, who have lots of people and money to throw at such sports, or countries with lots of weightlifters who couldn't make the squad in their original sport (Turkey, Greece, Kazakhstan). Or maybe that would be the ticket for Samoan Olympic gold.

In the winter Olympics, I have always thought that if you want to be considered the best skier in the world, you should have to ski in flat light like the rest of us. No more waiting for the sun to come out. Unfortunately, that would probably increase the fatality rate in the downhill, so I don't see that one making the program.

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"I like to eat crawfish and drink beer. That's despair?" ― Walker Percy

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Schroedinger's cat

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Mayor dangling. We win.

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Jane R
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[getting back to First Day of the Sales]
quote:
If the modern pentathlon was all the skills required of a military officer, then this is all the skills required of a concerned citizen of a consumerist society. Love it!

Oh dear, I missed one. I should have said that whilst fighting through the revolving door, running around the store and trying to snatch the best bargains each contestant has to send a tweet and answer at least two text messages. Bonus points will be awarded for wit and coherence.

There - that really IS all the skills required in a modern consumerist society...

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Og, King of Bashan

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quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:
...each contestant has to send a tweet and answer at least two text messages.

If they added this element to the steeplechase, I would definitely watch. I would expect a few more of these.

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"I like to eat crawfish and drink beer. That's despair?" ― Walker Percy

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Sioni Sais
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1500 litres. A mass participation event for teams of 150. Each has to drink ten litres of the Official Olympic beverage. Time penalties for any upchucks.

This could be just the thing for the coaches, officials and support staff, who otherwise get no chance of winning a medal.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Og, King of Bashan

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quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
1500 litres. A mass participation event for teams of 150. Each has to drink ten litres of the Official Olympic beverage. Time penalties for any upchucks.

This could be just the thing for the coaches, officials and support staff, who otherwise get no chance of winning a medal.

The track team at my college (and I am sure at most colleges) did a "beer mile" at the end of the season. Four laps around the quarter mile track. At the end of each, chug a beer. Sounds like a similar event.

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"I like to eat crawfish and drink beer. That's despair?" ― Walker Percy

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Enigma

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Cherry Stone Shooting
(A sport for those whose bodies let them down but have perfect control of their mouths)
The aim is to place cherries in mouth and uncover as many stones as possible in the space of 2 minutes, then spit them in the direction of a very small target receptacle. The winner is the one with the most stones successfully targetted.
Competitors may employ various techniques for this but it must be done in seemly fashion else disqualification on grounds of abhorrence may ensue.

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Who knows? Only God!

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Chorister

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Synchronised thurible twirling.

Full tat (with lace) to be worn at all times during the competition. Extra points given for full 360 degree turns.

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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

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St. Gwladys
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quote:
Originally posted by Og, King of Bashan:
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
1500 litres. A mass participation event for teams of 150. Each has to drink ten litres of the Official Olympic beverage. Time penalties for any upchucks.

This could be just the thing for the coaches, officials and support staff, who otherwise get no chance of winning a medal.

The track team at my college (and I am sure at most colleges) did a "beer mile" at the end of the season. Four laps around the quarter mile track. At the end of each, chug a beer. Sounds like a similar event.
This sounds like Swansea University's Mumbles Mile - a race along the seafront from the campus to the town of Mumbles, stopping off at every hostelry along the way...

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From "New York Girls", Steeleye Span, Commoners Crown (Voiced by Peter Sellers)

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Starbug
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The Antisocial Pentathlon, which consists of:
- Spitting on pavements (higher scores if it hits someone)
- Stepping backwards without looking
- Sneezing without a hankie
- Synchronised litter dropping
- Shouting into a mobile phone - preferably on a bus

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Sioni Sais
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Track cycling needs livening up, and not just to give GB some opposition. I suggest we dispose of the other wheel and introduce the unicycle slalom.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Imaginary Friend

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Or do a pursuit race where one team goes clockwise and the other anticlockwise.

--------------------
"We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately, the game was played on grass."
Brian Clough

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Sioni Sais
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quote:
Originally posted by Imaginary Friend:
Or do a pursuit race where one team goes clockwise and the other anticlockwise.

Simplifies things no end. To decide the winners, measure the point at which the riders collide.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Firenze

Ordinary decent pagan
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While riding penny-farthings.

And none of this Lycra and aerodynamic helmets: boots, knitted socks, knickerbockers, a tweed jacket and - on account of all the falling off - a stout bowler hat.

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balaam

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quote:
Originally posted by Starbug:
The Antisocial Pentathlon, which consists of:
<snip>
- Shouting into a mobile phone - preferably on a bus

Extra points for the quiet carriage on a train.

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Schroedinger's cat

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Backstreets slalom. You have to drive your car along a narrow back street, parked with cars at various parts.

At some point, another car comes the other way.

Extra skill points for larger cars. A mini scores 1, a roller scores 10. This is done as a handicap, so you start with this many seconds down.

--------------------
Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
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Sioni Sais
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quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
Backstreets slalom. You have to drive your car along a narrow back street, parked with cars at various parts.

At some point, another car comes the other way.

Extra skill points for larger cars. A mini scores 1, a roller scores 10. This is done as a handicap, so you start with this many seconds down.

We have the perfect course at the bottom of our road! It's about 200 yards, narrow, undulating, bumpy, cars on both sides parked at odd angles plus a skip or two and for a month or so each year a part of it is coned off for gas/water/electric/cable TV work. At last, there's a use for it.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Hoagy
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Elephant Polo

Yodeling ( Texas or Alpine ) ( Winter or Summer Sport )

"Splat the Rat"

Cross Dressing- 3 day event-Indoors and Outdoors

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Og, King of Bashan

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As a solution to Shamwari's complaints about the technology behind the bicycles, how about a bicycle race where the racers are handed a $80 bicycle purchased from a random Craigslist poster, to ride as purchased.

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"I like to eat crawfish and drink beer. That's despair?" ― Walker Percy

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Firenze

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Chris Hoy would still win.

But why stop with bikes? Bamboo poles for the vaulters, cinder tracks, everybody competing in gutties and kharki drill shorts, wooden rowing boats, all swimming events in the nearest available pond. Commentators keep saying its Britain's most successful games since 1908 - so why not wind back the technology until then?

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Hoagy
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Synchronized Parachute Jumping

Extreme Street Running

Blindfold Barn Dancing

Musical Chairs ( individual & team events )

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Timothy the Obscure

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quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
Backstreets slalom. You have to drive your car along a narrow back street, parked with cars at various parts.

At some point, another car comes the other way.

Extra skill points for larger cars. A mini scores 1, a roller scores 10. This is done as a handicap, so you start with this many seconds down.

Better--parallel parking. The one who can park in the smallest space, closest to the curb, with the fewest back and forth movements wins. Points deducted for visible scratches in the paint of any of the cars.

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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
  - C. P. Snow

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Hoagy
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Synchronized Hula Hoop Dancing

800 meters Pogo Stick race

Freestyle underwater swimming

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Imaginary Friend

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quote:
Originally posted by Hoagy:
Musical Chairs ( individual & team events )

Ooooh - now that's got potential. Style points could be awarded for artistic ways of getting into and out of the chair, as well as general rhythmic movement while the music is still playing. The only question in my mind is whether to allow it to be a contact sport - musical chairs can get quite boisterous, right?

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"We had a good team on paper. Unfortunately, the game was played on grass."
Brian Clough

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Sioni Sais
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quote:
Originally posted by Imaginary Friend:
quote:
Originally posted by Hoagy:
Musical Chairs ( individual & team events )

Ooooh - now that's got potential. Style points could be awarded for artistic ways of getting into and out of the chair, as well as general rhythmic movement while the music is still playing. The only question in my mind is whether to allow it to be a contact sport - musical chairs can get quite boisterous, right?
Make it non-contact, like basketball isn't.

As for parallel parking, the space can be shortened to make it more difficult and give time penalties too. Just like in show-jumping.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

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Pre-cambrian
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Human Cannonball Gymnastics. Plenty of opportunity there for in-flight somersaults and other acrobatics. Obviously penalties would still be incurred for taking a step forward on landing.

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"We cannot leave the appointment of Bishops to the Holy Ghost, because no one is confident that the Holy Ghost would understand what makes a good Church of England bishop."

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Jane R
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I propose Literary Croquet - rules according to either:

a) Lewis Carroll (using mallets in the shape of flamingos rather than actual live flamingos, for reasons of animal welfare)
b) Jasper Fforde (the volunteers for the tea party would of course have their ticket money refunded and any medical expenses met by the Olympics Committee, if competing in a country without an NHS)

Well, if lawn tennis is in why not croquet?

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Chorister

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Hide-and-Seek. Well it was one of the games organised in the Paignton Olympics by my 6 year-old twin relatives yesterday, so it must be right.

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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.

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Pre-cambrian
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quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
1500 litres. A mass participation event for teams of 150. Each has to drink ten litres of the Official Olympic beverage. Time penalties for any upchucks.

There was an annual event called the Gross Olympics at college. Eating rounds were interspersed with pints of beer rounds. Two upchucks meant disqualification. Some eating rounds were just hard going, like the packet of dry cream crackers. I think the most common cause of upchucks was the tub of margarine round.

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Og, King of Bashan

Ship's giant Amorite
# 9562

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quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
As for parallel parking, the space can be shortened to make it more difficult and give time penalties too. Just like in show-jumping.

Having an audience always makes it harder, so that would already be a factor. Maybe you could up your difficulty score by simulating parking on the driver's side on a one-lane one-way street during rush hour. Even more bonus points for avoiding bicyclists participating in the road race.

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Posts: 3259 | From: Denver, Colorado, USA | Registered: May 2005  |  IP: Logged
Ariston
Insane Unicorn
# 10894

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quote:
Originally posted by Og, King of Bashan:
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
As for parallel parking, the space can be shortened to make it more difficult and give time penalties too. Just like in show-jumping.

Having an audience always makes it harder, so that would already be a factor. Maybe you could up your difficulty score by simulating parking on the driver's side on a one-lane one-way street during rush hour. Even more bonus points for avoiding bicyclists participating in the road race.
Oh, and points off for violating laws of your host country. Games are in the States and you park on the driver's side of the street? Points off. Park near a fire hydrant pretty much anywhere? Points off, and you get to unpark with a boot. Games are in Italy? Points off unless you hit a pedestrian—assuming she's not a nun/old lady, in which case you're taken out and shot.

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Hoagy
Apprentice
# 12305

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@ Imaginary Friend.."The only question in my mind is whether to allow it to be a contact sport - musical chairs can get quite boisterous, right?"

I could envisage problems in the "Mixed Doubles Musical Chairs" with "gentlemen" doing what comes naturally and prone to standing up and offering a seat.


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Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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quote:
Originally posted by Og, King of Bashan:
quote:
Originally posted by Sioni Sais:
As for parallel parking, the space can be shortened to make it more difficult and give time penalties too. Just like in show-jumping.

Having an audience always makes it harder, so that would already be a factor. Maybe you could up your difficulty score by simulating parking on the driver's side on a one-lane one-way street during rush hour. Even more bonus points for avoiding bicyclists participating in the road race.
One of the audience should be the very proud owner of one of the cars you are trying to park between.

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Chorister

Completely Frocked
# 473

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While you're thinking up new ideas, there's always 'Google games' - visit the Google site where there seems to be a new Olympics game every day. [Smile]

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Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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I'm not sure whther to post this here or on the 'real' Olympics thread but the Liturgical Dance competition starts today.

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Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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Bandwagon Jumping.

I wonder if Messrs Cameron and Johnson will advocate providing sporting facilities at state schools like those at their alma mater?

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331

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Has Boris ever actually met a child? Teenagers could probably cope with doing two hours PE a day, but most five-year-olds simply do not have the stamina. And does he really think that football is twice as important as the three Rs - literacy and numeracy only get an hour each...
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001  |  IP: Logged
Sioni Sais
Shipmate
# 5713

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quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:
Has Boris ever actually met a child?

He talks to himself, that should do.

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"He isn't Doctor Who, he's The Doctor"

(Paul Sinha, BBC)

Posts: 24276 | From: Newport, Wales | Registered: Apr 2004  |  IP: Logged
Schroedinger's cat

Ship's cool cat
# 64

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I think you are mistaking Cameron and Johnson as people with sense.

They make statements about things that they think will be popular to improve public opinion. Ignoring the fact that they are normally responsible for the problems in the first place.

They enjoy telling other people what they should do, despite the fact that they have no idea what they are talking about, because their situations are different.

Boris's contribution to the games has been enjoying his freebie seats and getting stuck on a zip wire. Camerons will be to take all credit for the games, despite the fact that Labour put in most of the work to make it happen.

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Blog
Music for your enjoyment
Lord may all my hard times be healing times
take out this broken heart and renew my mind.

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