Ship of Fools: Star Wars Episode 7

Thread: Star Wars Episode 7 - The Magic Kingdom Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

News is out that Disney has bought Lucasfilm and is to make a third trilogy of StarWars films.

The script for the first of these films has been leaked to Ship of Fools offices.

--------------------

Words on Screen A long time ago in a galaxy far,far away

STARWARS

More words, scrolling into the distance

Episode VII The Magic Kingdom

After the defeat of the Galactic Empire the universe has returned to a time of prosperity and peace. The Jedi Knights, have been refounded and act as an intergalactic benevolent police force.

Scene 1 - Black background showing star scape.
A round, long grey object enters from bottom centre of the screen. It grows larger to fill the screen. Camera pulls back to reveal a flying elephant with oversized ears. Elephant flies off screen.

A TIE Fighter enters from left of the screen. The camera pans to follow it down to a blue/green planet where the TIE fighter enters the atmosphere and flies through the atmosphere over a heavily wooded landscape to put down next to a fairytale castle.

Scene 2 - Inside the Castle
A door opens to show Princess Leia (Played by Snow White) and Jar Jar Binks (Played by Goofy to save on make-up) Being ushered into a room by three stormtroopers. The stormtroopers remove their helmets to reveal Huey, Dewey and Louie.

Music: Imperial March.

The door at the opposite end of the hall opens on its own. In strides a figure dressed entirely in black, with a black cloak that reaches the ground. His face is covered by a mask and there are laboured breathing sounds. On his head is a black helmet with two large circles on the side.

Darth Vader: (In Mickey Mouse voice) Princess Leia, you are in my power again.

Leia: Lord Vader, how did you survive?

Vader: The dark side of the Force is strong.

Leia: You won't get away with this.

Vader turns on his light saber. It glows red.

---------

Over to you.

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

(Apologies to a Heaven Host for mis-spelling lightsaber.)

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

(I'd like to contribute but at the moment my response to this news belongs in hell. gimme a day or two)

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

Princess Leia picks up a broom and holds it out defensively. The music changes to The Sorceror's Apprentice.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

At this point the action stops during a ballet sequence featuring domestic utensils of all kinds, a comic cook and a family of chipmunks.

[ 31. October 2012, 13:35: Message edited by: Firenze ]

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

This is not the thread you are looking for.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by comet:
(I'd like to contribute but at the moment my response to this news belongs in hell. gimme a day or two)

Oh, come now. Disney cannot cock-up Star Wars more than Lucas already has.

Posted by art dunce (# 9258) on :

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:

quote:
Originally posted by comet:
(I'd like to contribute but at the moment my response to this news belongs in hell. gimme a day or two)
Oh, come now. Disney cannot cock-up Star Wars more than Lucas already has.

Trudat.

I guess Princess Amidala of Theed will be added to the Disney princess line up with Cinderella and Snow White? Maybe Jar Jar Binks will star in their remake of 'Song of the South'.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

Disney has already made figurines.
Warning: possibly NSFSWF!

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:

quote:
Originally posted by comet:
(I'd like to contribute but at the moment my response to this news belongs in hell. gimme a day or two)
Oh, come now. Disney cannot cock-up Star Wars more than Lucas already has.

now you're just challenging them.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

Too good to not post.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Disney has already made figurines.
Warning: possibly NSFSWF!

Dumbo Yoda - brilliant [Big Grin]

Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on :

But getting back to the movie script....

quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
At this point the action stops during a ballet sequence featuring domestic utensils of all kinds, a comic cook and a family of chipmunks.

Once the domestic utensils ballet finishes:

Vader, grimly: I find your lack of plates distressing.

But, then he looked around and realized that Leia has used the distraction to escape the castle through a convenient window and run into a nearby forest.

Scene 4 -- In The Forest

Vader chases after her, but trips on a vine and falls noisly to the ground. A rabbit pops up his head.

Thumper: Kinda wobbly, huh?

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
(Apologies to a Heaven Host for mis-spelling lightsaber.)

Vader looks up, surprised...

enter, stage right, beautiful doe with large brown eyes

Vader: Mother! Mo-o-o-ther?

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Yeah, I'm not sure what Lucas is thinking, either. Retiring, fine. Selling the franchise, probably unwise. Selling it to DISNEY? Say WHAT?!

I know he's supposed to have creative control, but how often does that ever really work? I realize he wants the StarWarsverse to continue; but, being a fictional universe, it will continue whether or not real people create new episodes.

Plus new movies may mess with the myth--and Lucas specifically created it so we'd have "a myth for our times". (He was buddies with mythologist Joseph Campbell.) And, while there are some good things in the later SW movies, I think he should have stopped with the original three.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

There have been only three Star Wars movies.

Posted by monkeylizard (# 952) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Disney has already made figurines.
Warning: possibly NSFSWF!
Dumbo Yoda - brilliant

That's Stitch (from Lilo & Stitch) not Dumbo. Stitch is also The Emperor.

My eyes are bleeding after looking at that picture.

[ 01. November 2012, 17:26: Message edited by: monkeylizard ]

Posted by monkeylizard (# 952) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
And, while there are some good things in the later SW movies,

Besides Mace "Snakes on a MotherF'in Starship!" Windu, I can't think of any. [Big Grin]

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
There have been only three Star Wars movies.

Arguably only two. That said, people who were teenage boys at the time will acknowledge the first half of Return of the Jedi.

Posted by art dunce (# 9258) on :

The only thing I liked about the prequels was Ewan McGregor as Obi Wan but I have a soft spot for him after 'Little Voice'.

Posted by Hedgehog (# 14125) on :

And, once again, getting this thread back on script:

quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:
Vader looks up, surprised...

enter, stage right, beautiful doe with large brown eyes

Vader: Mother! Mo-o-o-ther?

The maternal doe looks at him compassionately.

Maternal Doe: I think you have mistaken me for somebody else.

Vader angrily springs up from the ground and draws his lightsaber menacingly.

Maternal Doe: Strike me down and I will become more powerful than you can imagine.

Vader (turning off lightsaber): Oh, no. Not making that mistake again.

Thumper: Besides, my mother always told me that if you can't say something nice, don't say nuffin' at all.

Vader, puzzled: What in the name of the Force does that have to do with anything?

The Spirit Form of Yoda appears next to him, sadly shaking his head.

Yoda: Into the 7th film and sensible dialogue expect you still? Learn will you never?

Vader: Yoda!

Thumper and Maternal Doe, together: Oh-di-lay-ee-oh!

Vader: Not YODEL. Yoda!

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

Mufasa's Ghost Here I am. And don't say 'yo'. It makes you sound like you're trying to get down with the kids.

Vader Who are you? And why do you sound just like me?

Mufasa's Ghost I am, as you put it, your da. Anakin, I am your father.

Vader NOOOOOOOOO!!!

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

Mufasa's Ghost Yeah, you're right. Actually, I am you. The good man who was Anakin Skywalker. In an alternate universe, I was not seduced by the dark side.

Vader [Confused]

Let me get this straight. You're me, but better. So, how come you sound like me now and not like me before I became a Sith Lord?

Mufasa's GhostYou hear my voice through the Force. Besides, I like this voice better than the whiny one I had before you chose the Dark Side.

Posted by Mullygrub (# 9113) on :

As long as Boss Nass turns up to sing "Under the Sea", the Emperor is reincarnated as a Sociopathic Cacaelia, and Luke loses the ability to speak when he gets his mertail turned into a pair of legs, I'm okay with it.

Posted by Palimpsest (# 16772) on :

So when the song "When you wish upon a Death Star" get sung in this movie?

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

I believe that's in the remake of Episode IV.

Posted by Pancho (# 13533) on :

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
There have been only three Star Wars movies.

Movies, schmovies. I can't wait for the new rides at Disneyland.

If they give Space Mountain a Star Wars theme it'll be the Best. Ride. Ever.

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :

No surprise to anyone who has been to the patks, where Disney has had Star Tours rides for years. Star Wars Weekend at Walt Disney World is a huge event. And versions of the characters played by classic Disney characters have been around for years too. My favourite is Goofy as Vader - just the thought cracks me up.

Now, if they brought in a cantina, I'm there!

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pancho:

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
There have been only three Star Wars movies.
Movies, schmovies. I can't wait for the new rides at Disneyland.

If they give Space Mountain a Star Wars theme it'll be the Best. Ride. Ever.

As long as they do not replace the Hitchhiking Ghosts with these clowns.

Posted by Pancho (# 13533) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Gill H:
No surprise to anyone who has been to the parks, where Disney has had Star Tours rides for years...

Indeed. Star Tours is a great ride. It's located conveniently near Space Mountain, too (at least at Disneyland, I don't know about Disney World) and it's not the only Lucasfilm themed ride at Disneyland either. The Indiana Jones Adventure is awesome. It's the first ride to go on when you get there because it's not far from the entrance and the lines are looooong.

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
As long as they do not replace the Hitchhiking Ghosts with these clowns.

If they replace them with Jar-Jar Binks, it'll make the Haunted Mansion truly scary.

Posted by art dunce (# 9258) on :

Han Solo as Andy's toy.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

(Just bumping this thread up, in the light of renewed interest)

quote:

Origianlly posted by Polly:
This may be a thread for Hell depending on ones point of view but Star Wars was part of my childhood and I still have a lot of affection for it.

The original trilogy was and is in my view a timeless wonderful story.

The Prequels had their moments but not a patch on the originals.

I watch the animated Clone Wars series with my daughter and we love it. She also loves Story Wars lego and I happen to enjoy playing with her and her lego!

Last week the announcement that Disney have bought Lucasfilm and plan to carry on the Star Wars films was for me both exciting and an 'oh crap' moment.

The writer of Toy Story 3 will pen the next film. So there are possibilities it could be good. Note I said could be.

So what do folks think? Has the Force long left or is it still strong?

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :

If I may ask a silly question. I've never seen any of the Star Wars films. Should I start with the three 'originals' or with the more recent prequels? [Confused]

[ 11. November 2012, 19:11: Message edited by: Starbug ]

Posted by Ruudy (# 3939) on :

You must star with the original three Episodes IV, V and VI. Then move to I, II and III.

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

You start with the three originals.
The second two prequels fall just about into the watch if nothing else is on category; the first prequel not even that.

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :

Pancho - in Walt Disney World. Star Tours is in Hollywood Studios rather than in the Magic Kingdom. Indiana Jones has a stunt show there but not a ride. (I have heard great things about the Indy ride in California!)

At Disneyland Paris, Star Tours is near Space Mountain. Star Tours is in French (Anthony Daniels voiced C-3PO himself as he speaks French). Space Mountain has a Jules Verne theme and is steampunk-ly beautiful. It's the only Space Mountain to go upside down!

(And if this thread doesn't bring Chastmastr out of hiding, nothing will...)

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Starbug:
If I may ask a silly question. I've never seen any of the Star Wars films. Should I start with the three 'originals' or with the more recent prequels?

Watch the original Star Wars with Mark Hamill, Carie Fischer, etc. Watch The Empire Strikes Back. Both of those are good movies. The Return of the Jedi is mostly good, the Ewoks being the hardest thing to stomach. If you at all enjoy the story, the writing and the universe created by these movies, do not see the prequels. However, if you have a strong masochistic streak...

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

I was so disappointed with the first two prequels that I never saw the third, despite being a big fan of the first trilogy. The Empire Strikes Back has to be one of the best SF films ever.

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

If Donald Duck doesn't have a starring role, I am boycotting the film. He is one of my favourite actors because he has never been miscast: he is as responsible an uncle as he is incomprehensible!

Posted by Off Centre View (# 4254) on :

quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
I was so disappointed with the first two prequels that I never saw the third, despite being a big fan of the first trilogy. The Empire Strikes Back has to be one of the best SF films ever.

Revenge of the Sith is actually ... not that terrible. The space battle at the beginning and some set pieces are really good, though much of the acting is kind of flat (Palpatine chews the scenery pretty fantastically though).

I definitely agree that The Empire Strikes Back is several magnitudes of awesome and one of the best SF films around. It subverts so many cliches (the heroes basically lose and go on the run), and it starts with a big battle then gets smaller and more personal toward the end (with that massive revelation...)

I'm hopeful about the Disney purchase. The prequels sadly showed that George Lucas had run out of steam, and they would have been better served by another director. Disney seem good so far in buying in good talent and getting better mileage out of their properties.

Posted by monkeylizard (# 952) on :

The Empire strikes Back is the best one because it's the one Lucas had the least to do with. He didn't write it, co-write it, or direct it. How he managed to pull off the Star Wars (aka Episode IV) himself I'll never know. Everything else he does pretty much sucks. He should stick to production and financing and leave the actual film work to people with talent.

With Raiders of the Lost Ark, Lucas wrote the story, but Lawrence Kasdan* wrote the screenplay and it had a talented director (Spielberg).

While I hate Disney for being faker than a fake thing that is artificial, getting Lucas away from Star Wars is probably a good thing.

*Suprise surprise....Kasdan also co-wrote The Empire Strikes Back with Leigh Brackett.

Posted by Taliesin (# 14017) on :

I never knew Lucas had nothing to do with Empire... that was the movie that defined my teens.

When I saw he'd sold it for 2.5 billion pounds I just thought - bastards. All that money. More than the national debt of a couple of countries.

And Disney will churn out something cheesy that bears no resemblence to anything, so what was that for? People will watch anything.

I'm pleased to hear that Harrison Ford is refusing to touch it with a bargepole. Poor old Mark Hamill, it destroyed any career he might have had, being in this can only go badly. And as for Carrie Fisher, is she on the wagon these days? Her book was amazing, really brilliant (Postcards from the Edge) but I haven't heard anything about her for ages.

Posted by Taliesin (# 14017) on :

looks like Harrison may be in the picture... but I'm not sure who asks whom if they are nuts...

Posted by monkeylizard (# 952) on :

I didn't say Lucas had nothing to do with Empire, just that he had the least to do with it out of all 6 films. On all the others he was either writer, co-writer, or director. He did none of those on Empire.

He did produce it, so he would have been involved in things like schedules, finances, and marketing. He was probably also involved in high-level creative stuff like general story direction, but not details like camera positions, special effects, or dialogue.

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :

There was a good post by Peter David (writer of Spiderman, Hulk and other comic/SF related things) on his blog, which I can't seem to track down at the moment, about the purchase of the Star Wars franchise . Disney already owns Marvel, and has done for a while. Apparently the Disney business model is just to let the talent get on with it. There's been little effect on the work of Marvel in either comics or films. Although in this case it might be best if someone does intervene between Lucas and the next Star Wars film.

Best Bit of Star Wars I: the trailer. I was so excited. Bastard. [Mad]

[ 12. November 2012, 22:44: Message edited by: ArachnidinElmet ]

Posted by Mullygrub (# 9113) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Off Centre View:
Revenge of the Sith is actually ... not that terrible.

Except for the entire final act. And then some.

For example:

quote:

Stupidangstyjediadolescent: "You turned Padme against me!!"
Ewanwhosavedthenewtrilogy: "No, Anakin, you did that yoawself!"

Although, they may have paved the way for the Disney touch with:

quote:

"She died of a broken heart!"

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

Disney units success seem to depend on who is controlling that unit. John Lasseter, creative head of Pixar, is not the current creative director of Disney Animation. Currently he seems to be having a positive effect. If they hire the right people to run it, new Star Wars could be amazing. I am moderately hopeful.

Posted by savedbyhim01 (# 17035) on :

At least more Star Wars movies, there will be.

Lucas was doing nothing with the franchise, so by selling it, it can now go forward. Looking forward to seeing what Disney does with it.

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

quote:
Originally posted by ArachnidinElmet:
Best Bit of Star Wars I: the trailer. I was so excited. Bastard.

I so agree
[Waterworks]

Welcome to shipmate status, Arachnid.

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :

quote:
Originally posted by balaam:
Welcome to shipmate status, Arachnid.

Ooh, many thanks Balaam. I thought that the sea-sickness didn't seem as bad today [Big Grin]

Incidentally, does anyone know if Disney bought just the rights to the Star Wars films? What happens to ILM (Industrial Light and Magic - the special effects unit) or was this separate already?

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by ArachnidinElmet:
Incidentally, does anyone know if Disney bought just the rights to the Star Wars films? What happens to ILM (Industrial Light and Magic - the special effects unit) or was this separate already?

A lot of movie companies use ILM, AIUI. I think even Star Trek used them, so, I would guess that the purchase does not include those particular magicians.

Of course, I have been known to make mistakes. From time to time.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

And this would be one of those times. [Big Grin]

ILM went to the Mouse as well.
Lucas has gone into semi-retirement. I suppose counting his money is sufficient a hobby for the present.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
Disney units success seem to depend on who is controlling that unit. John Lasseter, creative head of Pixar, is not the current creative director of Disney Animation. Currently he seems to be having a positive effect. If they hire the right people to run it, new Star Wars could be amazing. I am moderately hopeful.

That should read - is now the current creative director of Disney Animation.

Posted by monkeylizard (# 952) on :

LilBuddah is correct. Disney bought the lock stock and barrel when they bought Lucasfilm.

Lucasfilm is the parent company of the following so they're included in the deal:

LucasArts
Lucas Books
Lucas Learning
Lucas Licensing
Lucas Marketing
Lucas Online
Lucasfilm Animation
Lucasfilm Animation Singapore
Industrial Light & Magic
Skywalker Sound

THX is no longer part of Lucasfilm, so Disney won't get that one piece of Lucas' empire.

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

I learn something new every day! [Biased]

Posted by Pancho (# 13533) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Gill H:
At Disneyland Paris, Star Tours is near Space Mountain. Star Tours is in French (Anthony Daniels voiced C-3PO himself as he speaks French). Space Mountain has a Jules Verne theme and is steampunk-ly beautiful.

Cool. I like the whole steampunk aesthetic.

Disney has done well with the Marvel Comics movies so that's a good sign for any future Star Wars films.

Posted by Mullygrub (# 9113) on :

God, I love The Oatmeal

Posted by Hugal (# 2734) on :

Yes Marvel has survived intact. The Muppet have also done very well out of being part of Disney. They are still as anarchic and wild as ever.

Posted by Pancho (# 13533) on :

I was reading a fascinating bit of cultural history (5 Amazing Things Invented by Donald Duck. Seriously.) where I found out the Disney-Lucas connection goes back further than I thought. It seems that Scrooge McDuck inspired the entire opening sequence of Raiders of the Lost Ark:

quote:
Spielberg has openly admitted that both the idol Indy is stealing and the boulder that chases him afterward came from the 1954 Uncle Scrooge comic The Seven Cities of Cibola, written and drawn by seminal Duck artist Carl Barks.

<snip>

George Lucas delivered the second half -- the hall of arrows and the hostile natives chasing Indy through the jungle afterward -- or rather, Scrooge McDuck did, in his 1959 comic, the Prize of Pizarro.

Unlike Nolan, Spielberg and Lucas have publicly admitted their love of Scrooge McDuck, and were more than willing to give all credit for their greatest creations to a cartoon duck.

[ 25. December 2012, 21:19: Message edited by: Pancho ]

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