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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Apocalypse! Advice issued for the end of the world.
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
There were some good ideas on this thread not so long ago, particularly if the advice is Party! (Like there's no tomorrow).
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
It is fast approaching, and me not sure what the Mayans consider good behaviour for a happy afterlife. Or is it only the physical cosmology we are to be concerned with? Best to cover all the bases. Feast, orgy and prayers for the final few minutes.
To whom it may concern, You are the best of all possible god(s). I have been ever so good/naughty as you have prescribed. I look forward to the wonderful delights of your afterlife/getting tortured/being devoured first, as a devoted follower of __________. {Please fill in name(s)}
Sincerely, lilBuddha
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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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Ceannaideach
Shipmate
# 12007
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Posted
Packing tape on the windows in the X shape.
Also at the moment apocalypse is unleased you should be prepared by holding your nose and sticking out your tongue.
Or at least that's what the Doctor suggested for a nuclear blast.
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"I dream of the day when I will learn to stop asking questions for which I will regret learning the answers." - Roy Greenhilt OOTS
Posts: 199 | From: Shakespeare's County | Registered: Nov 2006
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Starbug
Shipmate
# 15917
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Posted
Keep a few shovels handy. I believe they are very useful for lobotomising zombies.
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“Oh the pointing again. They're screwdrivers! What are you going to do? Assemble a cabinet at them?” ― The Day of the Doctor
Posts: 1189 | From: West of the New Forest | Registered: Sep 2010
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Olde Sea Dog
Shipmate
# 13061
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Posted
Stock up on toilet paper, you'll need it.
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Even a stopped clock is right twice a day.
Posts: 67 | From: The C of Consciousness - California | Registered: Oct 2007
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LeRoc
Famous Dutch pirate
# 3216
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Posted
Whisky. Definitely whisky.
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I know why God made the rhinoceros, it's because He couldn't see the rhinoceros, so He made the rhinoceros to be able to see it. (Clarice Lispector)
Posts: 9474 | From: Brazil / Africa | Registered: Aug 2002
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roybart
Shipmate
# 17357
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Posted
Patience. A good book (not necessarily THE Good Book). A change of underwear. Ear plugs. A second opinion.
[ 10. December 2012, 00:54: Message edited by: roybart ]
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"The consolations of the imaginary are not imaginary consolations."
-- Roger Scruton
Posts: 547 | From: here | Registered: Sep 2012
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Timothy the Obscure
Mostly Friendly
# 292
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Posted
The US government, having a less acute sense of irony than HM's, has just plunged its head into the sand.
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When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion.
- C. P. Snow
Posts: 6114 | From: PDX | Registered: May 2001
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la vie en rouge
Parisienne
# 10688
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Posted
I realised a while back that I received excellent Apocalypse training from, of all people, the Girl Guides.
All those people who've spent their lives blowing out zombie brains on video games? They gonna get eaten. OTOH, I spent years in the Guides learning useful skills like camping and setting fire to stuff. I'll have no problem heading to the hills. ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Rent my holiday home in the South of France
Posts: 3696 | Registered: Nov 2005
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
quote:
To quell fears, the UK organisations have issued detailed, if tongue-in-cheek, advice.
A London Fire Brigade spokesman advised: "Fit a smoke alarm on each level of your home, then at least you might stand a chance of knowing that the end of the world is nigh ahead of those who don't.
"If you survive the apocalypse you'll be alerted to a fire more quickly should one ever break out."
The AA warned: "Before heading off, take time to do the basic checks on your car and allow extra time for your journey.
"Local radio is a good source of traffic and weather updates and for any warnings of an impending apocalypse. Should the announcer break such solemn news, try to remain focused on the road ahead and keep your hands on the wheel."
![[Killing me]](graemlins/killingme.gif)
What a country! Yeah, as an official announcement, that probably wouldn't fly here. We have waaaay too many po' mouthed boneheads. There actually would be people listening to their AM stations for news of the Apocalypse. And there really would be a raid in the stores on smoke alarms. Although on the other hand, that might not be a bad thing.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
I too was a Girl Guide and I am ready for anything, with my copy of How Girls Can Help To Build Up The Empire: the Handbook for Girl Guides (facsimile of the original 1912 edition) to hand. The shovel is in the garage, but I can get to it without going outside the house in the event of a zombie attack.
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
Kindle! I've got three versions of the Bible in it plus the LOL Cat version. That's gotta count for something. ![[Angel]](graemlins/angel.gif)
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by leo:
My advice is to take a good book to read - the queue for passport control to get into Heaven is likely to be very long indeed.
Go to Hell instead. I'm told they let in anybody.
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Adeodatus
Shipmate
# 4992
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Posted
The great thing about an Apocalypse this close to Christmas is that if you buy tinfoil to make a protective hat, and then the Apocalypse doesn't happen, you can use the foil to cook your turkey in at Christmas.
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"What is broken, repair with gold."
Posts: 9779 | From: Manchester | Registered: Sep 2003
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
The great thing about an Apocalypse this close to Christmas is that if you buy tinfoil to make a protective hat, and then the Apocalypse doesn't happen, you can use the foil to cook your turkey in at Christmas.
Instructions.
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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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jbohn
Shipmate
# 8753
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Joan_of_Quark:
There's always this:
CDC zombie preparedness
Or, if you like, in graphic novella form...
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We are punished by our sins, not for them.
--Elbert Hubbard
Posts: 989 | From: East of Eden, west of St. Paul | Registered: Nov 2004
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Adeodatus
Shipmate
# 4992
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:
quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
The great thing about an Apocalypse this close to Christmas is that if you buy tinfoil to make a protective hat, and then the Apocalypse doesn't happen, you can use the foil to cook your turkey in at Christmas.
Instructions.
For a moment I was expecting instructions on how to cook a turkey.
Seems to me the Ship has missed a marketing opportunity here. We could've been churning out SOF anti-apocalypse tinfoil hats by the thousand.
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"What is broken, repair with gold."
Posts: 9779 | From: Manchester | Registered: Sep 2003
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ProgenitorDope
Apprentice
# 16648
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Posted
(1) Cardio, (2) Double tap (3) Avoid bathrooms (4) Seatbelts.
Posts: 50 | Registered: Sep 2011
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Why, this is Hell nor are we out of it
[ 21. December 2012, 07:02: Message edited by: Firenze ]
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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Heavenly Anarchist
Shipmate
# 13313
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Posted
I've just realised that it won't end today but tomorrow as we're in different time zones. An extra day!
That's assuming it all goes down at midnight.
[ 21. December 2012, 07:35: Message edited by: Heavenly Anarchist ]
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'I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.' Douglas Adams
Dog Activity Monitor
My shop
Posts: 2831 | From: Trumpington | Registered: Jan 2008
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
Well I never did! Last time we had an apocalyptical scenario like this I just happened to be in the one place thought to be safe, (Iona). I'm on sacristy duty this weekend, so if The End Of The World could kindly hold off until approximately 2 pm this afternoon, I shall be safely ensconced in church setting up. With a plentiful supply of candles, bibles, incense, linen which could at a pinch be utilised should the heating systems fail. Food provision? No problem! I have access to the secret stash of sweeties that are handed out at the monthly All Age Service birthday slot.
Oh, and I'm an ex Girl Guide and proud patrol leader whose group was awarded the Wooden Spoon for Best Cooks, District Camp, Shere 1972. I'm sorted.
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Galloping Granny
Shipmate
# 13814
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Posted
How can we tell whether we are in the same time-space continuum we were in yesterday, if the new one and the old one are identical?
GG
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The Kingdom of Heaven is spread upon the earth, and men do not see it. Gospel of Thomas, 113
Posts: 2629 | From: Matarangi | Registered: Jun 2008
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Chapelhead
I am
# 21
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Miffy:
I'm on sacristy duty this weekend, so if The End Of The World could kindly hold off until approximately 2 pm this afternoon, I shall be safely ensconced in church setting up. With a plentiful supply of candles, bibles, incense, linen which could at a pinch be utilised should the heating systems fail. Food provision? No problem! I have access to the secret stash of sweeties that are handed out at the monthly All Age Service birthday slot.
Probably safe from zombies, too.
Or is it vampires?
![[Confused]](confused.gif)
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At times like this I find myself thinking, what would the Amish do?
Posts: 9123 | From: Near where I was before. | Registered: Aug 2001
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kingsfold
Shipmate
# 1726
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Chapelhead:
quote:
Originally posted by Miffy:
I'm on sacristy duty this weekend, so if The End Of The World could kindly hold off until approximately 2 pm this afternoon, I shall be safely ensconced in church setting up. With a plentiful supply of candles, bibles, incense, linen which could at a pinch be utilised should the heating systems fail. Food provision? No problem! I have access to the secret stash of sweeties that are handed out at the monthly All Age Service birthday slot.
Probably safe from zombies, too.
Or is it vampires?
Never mind Zombies or vampires! That list of essentials pretty much guarantees I'm safe from my family too ![[Snigger]](graemlins/snigger.gif)
Posts: 4473 | From: land of the wee midgie | Registered: Nov 2001
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by kingsfold:
quote:
Originally posted by Chapelhead:
quote:
Originally posted by Miffy:
I'm on sacristy duty this weekend, so if The End Of The World could kindly hold off until approximately 2 pm this afternoon, I shall be safely ensconced in church setting up. With a plentiful supply of candles, bibles, incense, linen which could at a pinch be utilised should the heating systems fail. Food provision? No problem! I have access to the secret stash of sweeties that are handed out at the monthly All Age Service birthday slot.
Probably safe from zombies, too.
Or is it vampires?
Never mind Zombies or vampires! That list of essentials pretty much guarantees I'm safe from my family too
I said "sweeties," you two, not garlic!
Mind you, chewing on a few cloves of that would have much the same effect.
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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kingsfold
Shipmate
# 1726
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Posted
Sweeties? Garlic? Makes no difference.
It's the bibles, candles and incense that keep me safe from my family...
Posts: 4473 | From: land of the wee midgie | Registered: Nov 2001
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sebby
Shipmate
# 15147
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Posted
We can always rest in the assurance that if anyone 'knows' when the End will come, then that is when it will not, and these posts show that just about all Shipmates agree.
We are told that it is not known even to the Son, but only the Father.
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sebhyatt
Posts: 1340 | From: yorks | Registered: Sep 2009
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Graven Image
Shipmate
# 8755
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Posted
Is anyone there, or am I the only one left?
Posts: 2641 | From: Third planet from the sun. USA | Registered: Nov 2004
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lilBuddha
Shipmate
# 14333
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Posted
Just popping back to check, and yes, it is just you. Should not have been napping.
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I put on my rockin' shoes in the morning
Hallellou, hallellou
Posts: 17627 | From: the round earth's imagined corners | Registered: Dec 2008
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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427
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Posted
I'd forgotten this was upon us. I do hope it holds off till after midnight. We have friends coming round to a meal and it's sherry trifle for pudding. I'd hate it to go to waste.
Nen - domestic goddess.
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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
Posts: 1289 | Registered: May 2011
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
Apparently the 'yoots' are taking this as a very good excuse to have an Apocalypse Party.
Then again, I think I remember a Party thrown because of Thursday following Wednesday. Or something like that.
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by kingsfold:
Sweeties? Garlic? Makes no difference.
It's the bibles, candles and incense that keep me safe from my family...
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Adeodatus:
quote:
Originally posted by Lucrezia Spagliatoni Dayglo:
British authorities have insisted they are prepared for the looming apocalypse and have issued advice on how to cope.
I'm relieved that things have improved since Leicester city council was forced to admit it was unprepared for a Zombie Apocalypse.
This seems a little unfair on Leicester city council, they did say that they could use elements of their emergency plan ...
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
So when is the world next scheduled to end? I was washing my hair and missed it this time.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
I had assumed it was really just that they ran out of space on their calendar. A few thousand years in the future should be enough for any calendar designer really, you have to stop somewhere.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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rolyn
Shipmate
# 16840
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Posted
Could this be the end of End of the World predictions ?
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Change is the only certainty of existence
Posts: 3206 | From: U.K. | Registered: Dec 2011
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roybart
Shipmate
# 17357
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Posted
Originally asked by Chapelhead:
quote:
... can we predict when end of the world predictions will end?
When ...
... this ...
... thread ...
....ends?
![[Help]](graemlins/help.gif)
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"The consolations of the imaginary are not imaginary consolations."
-- Roger Scruton
Posts: 547 | From: here | Registered: Sep 2012
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Firenze
Ordinary decent pagan
# 619
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Posted
Good point. Let's close it and find out.
Firenze
New Heaven and New Earth Host
Posts: 17302 | From: Edinburgh | Registered: Jun 2001
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