Ship of Fools: wedding favours

Thread: wedding favours Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Rosalind (# 317) on :

I am puzzled by the trend for 'wedding favours', ie gifts to take home from a wedding. What experiences do other shipmates have, other than a chunk of wedding cake and sugared almonds? Ans do wedding favours add to the specialness of the day? What about coules.... do you feel you need to offer commemorative gifts to your guests?

Posted by Eleanor Jane (# 13102) on :

Just don't, is my advice!

We had baggies of sugared almonds just 'cos, but I wouldn't suggest the couple and their families invest in anymore more substantial that those or something similar.

I've been to heaps of weddings and I think the most I was given was my initial embroidered by the bride and in a little frame. Heaps of effort from her and a nice keepsake/ useless bit of clutter for us (delete as appropriate).

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

Never heard of it. Can you expand what it means? When I read the title I assumed it alluded to inappropriate behaviour with a bridesmaid, but I'm sure that's not the case [Devil]

Posted by Mrs Shrew (# 8635) on :

A friend who got married last year put kinder eggs (chocolate egg with a toy in) at every place, but that's the closest I have seen.

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

It seems to be an American thing, as so many wedding trends seem to be - like Save The Dates. Not knocking Americans here, by the way - in a country made of immigrants with no uniting wedding tradition, it makes sense to invent wedding customs such as favours, particular wedding etiquette etc (sort of like how Halloween became so popular in the US because it was a holiday the different immigrant groups could unite in, because of the relative lack of religion involved).

When my best friend married, she had little chocolates by each name as a favour, but as I was a bridesmaid I had a different gift.

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

I missed the edit window, but also - most wedding websites are US-based, as are things like Pinterest. A lot of UK brides are going to be picking up on US trends from there (and getting annoyed at not being able to get married outdoors, no doubt!).

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

This was the first page that popped up when I Googled, to show some samples of the silly things brides are just suuure their guests are going to want to treasure forever. Because THEIR wedding is the most momentous event in the history of the world, all of the guests will feel that way as well and want a memento to remind them of it forever. [Roll Eyes]

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

A lot of wedding planning sites/magazines make out that your guests will be SOOOO OFFENDED if you don't give them such tat!

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
... not being able to get married outdoors ...

Quite right too. This trend for getting married in Silly Places is playing silly-buggers with the livelihoods of decent, hardworking, underpaid organists like my husband.

[Devil]

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

I had a few wedding favor 'trinkets' that I kept, just in case the bride and groom came to my house. They never did. So, the gewgaws went to the thrift store.

I'm sure they cost quite a bit of money. I would not have minded had they saved that for an extra treat for themselves later on. Or whatever. [Hot and Hormonal]

Anyway, to anyone who is considering inviting me to their wedding...no trinkets! Really!

Now, little food items are lovely to take home to the kids who couldn't go to the festivities. In fact, I remember my parents presenting us with little paper cups filled with nuts and mints. It was enough of a treat that we didn't mind not going to the wedding!

Oh, D-U and her hubby had little gauze bags with M&Ms (which is both of their initials), so nothing to clutter up the house, and it was still special.

The only good favor is an edible favor.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
This was the first page that popped up when I Googled, to show some samples of the silly things brides are just suuure their guests are going to want to treasure forever. Because THEIR wedding is the most momentous event in the history of the world, all of the guests will feel that way as well and want a memento to remind them of it forever.

I could go for the personalized lip balms. Use 'em up and toss 'em out. No clutter. And no calories. Neato. [Cool]

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

a friend of mine had cases and cases of pint glasses etched with a nice profile of them both fishing and a little saying: "happiness is not in things, it is in us" (kind of ironic, I guess) which was nice to take home because it was useable and not so personalized to them as to make it cheesy. I enjoyed that. that's the only wedding favor type thingie I've ever seen.

weddings up here are (generally) lower-key. often outdoors. involving potluck style food and lots of music and people dressed in anything from black tie to hip waders.

I've noticed the younger crowd is definitely going for the bigger and more expensive show style weddings (as opposed to community party style) and I think it's a loss.

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
This was the first page that popped up when I Googled, to show some samples of the silly things brides are just suuure their guests are going to want to treasure forever. Because THEIR wedding is the most momentous event in the history of the world, all of the guests will feel that way as well and want a memento to remind them of it forever.
I could go for the personalized lip balms. Use 'em up and toss 'em out. No clutter. And no calories. Neato.

Same - am I the only person who is forever losing lip balm? Same with gum (personalised gum would be a pretty good favour for after a wedding meal, actually).

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
Same with gum (personalised gum would be a pretty good favour for after a wedding meal, actually).

wedding gum

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

quote:
in a country made of immigrants with no uniting wedding tradition, it makes sense to invent wedding customs such as favours,

Sorry, but this silly trend has nothing to do with the US being a "nation of immigrants." It's about consumerism at best, and about competition and one-upmanship at worst.

My theory is this: Somewhere around twenty to twenty-five years ago, parents who threw birthday parties for their children got somehow suckered into providing "goody bags" to send home with the children who attended. Fancy paper bags with candies and trinkets, most of which got thrown out. Now this generation of goody-bag children has grown up and is getting married, and they've simply adapted the "goody bag" to grownup tastes. And based on the responses above, it sounds like the stuff is still getting thrown out.

[ 09. January 2013, 05:02: Message edited by: Mamacita ]

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

Well forgive me for trying to find a slightly nicer explanation than 'consumerism' [Razz]

I didn't realise party bags/goody bags were so recent? I don't know, a little 'thank you for coming' gift doesn't seem that silly to me but I think it's been taken to silly levels. Something cheap like a little tube of loveheart sweets or M&Ms is fine. Wedding favours of some description can't be *that* recent.

Posted by M. (# 3291) on :

No, I remember party bags at children's parties from when I was growing up, 45-50 years ago.

Usually sweets, a piece of birthday cake, perhaps a few trinkets.

I've never heard of 'Save the Dates', though, Jade Constable. Are dates in danger?

M.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

I don't remember party bags from children's parties when I was growing up back in the 60s, that must have come in later. I do remember my parents being given a beautiful little blue and silver casket of sugared almonds as a wedding favour, but this was overseas and an Orthodox wedding so the traditions were different anyway. I don't remember any wedding favours from any of the family weddings we went to.

Posted by Zacchaeus (# 14454) on :

Back in th 80's when most of my friends were getting married, a net bag with 5 sugared almonds in was given at a lot of weddings.

Each almond was supposed to represent something but I've forgotton what now.

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

quote:
Originally posted by M.:
No, I remember party bags at children's parties from when I was growing up, 45-50 years ago.

Usually sweets, a piece of birthday cake, perhaps a few trinkets.

I've never heard of 'Save the Dates', though, Jade Constable. Are dates in danger?

M.

Save The Dates are sort of pre-invitations - when people have the date for the wedding fixed but not all the details, so guests can save the date in their diaries (hence the name). Really, just another expense for engaged couples to buy.

And even when I was a child in the 90s, party bags were just a piece of cake, a balloon and a lollipop/penny sweets - but maybe I just knew thrifty parents.

Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on :

Not that I'm expecting that anyone *has* to do this, but I was very touched when someone did…

A few months ago I played the cello at someone's wedding with a couple of other musicians. There were also sign-language interpreters for deaf members of the bride's family. The couple gave us all fairly sizeable gifts (perfumes - the bride works for a perfume company so gets them less expensively than the general public, but still pretty extravagant).

Like I said, I don't think anyone should feel obliged to give gifts like that if they don't have the budget for it, I certainly didn't expect it, but nonetheless I was very touched that the couple had gone out of their way to thank people who made the day special for them.

Posted by To The Pain (# 12235) on :

The last couple of weddings I have been to have had small and inoffensive favours - one couple gave out small jars of sweeties (and individuals they knew well got a mixture that leaned heavily to their favourites, which I thought was very thoughtful) and another had little 1" button badges with various disney and wedding related images that meant those who cared could collect a whole set! I think there were Lovehearts at each place setting at my brother's wedding. Another wedding a little longer ago used sunflower seedlings as placeholderes and favours. Unfortunately mine failed to thrive (I'm rather a danger to plants, I'm afraid) and a house move later in the summer finished it off.

I have also heard of couples making small jars of jam or chutney to give away and I quite like that idea.

I think the important thing about favours is to remember that they won't mean anything near as much to your guests as they do to you so they should be inexpensive and require as little effort as possible.

Posted by sophs (# 2296) on :

Instead of hiring all the vintage china for my wedding, at a price of God knows what, I've gone for buying them myself over the year and we will have a washing and packing station for people who want to take their china away with them. The way I see it working is that some people will take nothing, and some people will take a whole tea set!

It was nicer than a tube of sweets, optional so people don't get tat and anything else can be sold on Ebay!

Posted by Roseofsharon (# 9657) on :

Younger Son is getting married in the summer - so far they haven't mentioned wedding favours, and if they do I will stamp firmly on the notion. I've never seen them at any wedding I've been to, surely the order of service/place cards/menus are memento enough?

They have sent out Save-The-Date notifications, and this seems a sensible idea to me, as they need to get this in guests diaries before holiday arrangements clash.
Luckily this is their do, and although we and the bride's parents are being consulted during the planning and have our parts to play in the big day itself (I'm bringing along my U3A choir to sing and am making the wedding cake), all the organising is being done by the couple themselves.

Aren't weddings a performance these days?

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :

quote:
Originally posted by piglet:

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
... not being able to get married outdoors ...
Quite right too. This trend for getting married in Silly Places is playing silly-buggers with the livelihoods of decent, hardworking, underpaid organists like my husband.

Obviously God agrees. He swiped these two out of his airspace!

Posted by Beautiful Dreamer (# 10880) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
Well forgive me for trying to find a slightly nicer explanation than 'consumerism'

I didn't realise party bags/goody bags were so recent? I don't know, a little 'thank you for coming' gift doesn't seem that silly to me but I think it's been taken to silly levels. Something cheap like a little tube of loveheart sweets or M&Ms is fine. Wedding favours of some description can't be *that* recent.

I agree with you, actually. I don't care if a wedding I go to doesn't give 'favors' (and the only people I know of who would are snobs), but I see them as a 'thank you for sharing our special day with us' gift. At my wedding, we got some inexpensive miniature Coke glasses (the 'old-timey' kind) and filled them with M&Ms. It was a small wedding, so it didn't set us back much. It's not that we thought our wedding was hugely important so much as that having our friends and family around made the day all the more meaningful.

I agree that the cost and effort some people go to when planning weddings is ridiculous. But then, I didn't have my wedding mentally planned out by the time I was ten like some people I know. I knew what I wanted my *marriage*, to be like (my parents'), but not the *wedding*. But YMMV.

[ 09. January 2013, 12:25: Message edited by: Beautiful Dreamer ]

Posted by St Everild (# 3626) on :

One of the nicest wedding favours I ever had was a heart shaped lavender bag. It did have a Cash-type label with the happy couples names on...but when it is in your linen cupboard you don't see that, and I do love the scent of dried or fresh lavender. So, a lavender bag or sachet would be an option...but I really don't think you need them at all. It's just another way for companies to get moneys out if people.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

My son and daughter-in-law gave little bags of jelly beans. I'm not really in favour as it's an extra expense and a faff, but that said, I did enjoy eating the ones I was given!

Posted by mrs whibley (# 4798) on :

My cousin gave little packets of seeds (it was spring) - I got sunflowers and they brightened up the whole summer!

Posted by Edith (# 16978) on :

I've just made 35 small jars of piccalilli and 35 small jars of tomato chutney for my daughter who is getting married in July. It should be nicely matured by then and everyone will know what a clever Mummy she has and hope she has inherited the cooking gene.
I think small favours are fun idea, just as long as you can eat it.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

Favours can be a nice touch for a small wedding, but I think it is a ridiculous added expense for a large one. My daughter loves gourmet chocolate, so she had a couple of heart shaped chocs at each place setting. No dessert - just wedding cake, coffee & the chocs for 40 people. That worked well.

I know one couple who courted over many cups of tea; so at their wedding reception they had odd teacups on each table, that they had collected and made into candles. The guests could take them home afterwards.

But I've been to just as many where there were no favours and a good celebration was still had by all. I suppose if you have someone who wants to give these or make them as a token of joy, it would be callous to refuse. I just feel sorry for anyone who feels pressured to have to do it. There are now whole books published on "Wedding Favor Ideas". [Roll Eyes]

[ 09. January 2013, 19:25: Message edited by: Banner Lady ]

Posted by Curious (# 93) on :

On a school exchange in France in the early 70s I attended a wedding and everyone was given cones of sugared almonds as they left the church.

More recently I received seeds which was lovely, with a handwritten label. But like others, I wouldn't feel upset if there was no keepsake - weddings are far too OTT and pricey on the whole.

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :

IMO, and agreeing with what a number of others have said, the only good favour is an edible one - and one designed to be eaten at the table, not one that needs to be transported home and given cupboard room in the kitchen. They are in the same category as party bags and equally unnecessary - you invite people to celebrate a wonderful, personal, family event with you, give them an excuse to dress up in their glad rags, feed them wonderful food (often twice in the same day in the case of a wedding, with an evening dance and/or entertainment) and are still expected to provide something as well as the invitations, orders of service, place cards and menus that they can have as keepsakes. Ridiculous. [Roll Eyes]

Nenlet1 got married last year and was all for favours, and I was deeply resistant. We settled finally on bowls of mini eggs on the tables (it was Easter weekend) and these went down very well.

Nen - Grumpy Old Woman.

Posted by Galloping Granny (# 13814) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jedijudy:

Oh, D-U and her hubby had little gauze bags with M&Ms (which is both of their initials), so nothing to clutter up the house, and it was still special.

So did our son and d-i-l, for the same reason. But they were coloured silver (to match the decor) with a teeny-weeny photo of the two of them on each one. Done up in little silver coloured boxes with a silver ribbon bow on them. All done by d-i-l's mother, who clearly believes in high style for weddings.
Actually, I found mine in my otherwise unused bag in the wardrobe just the other day, three years after the wedding. We should eat them...
(Says GG, whose wedding 'breakfast' was sandwiches and cakes in the church hall, with the youth group for waitresses.)

[ 10. January 2013, 07:49: Message edited by: Galloping Granny ]

Posted by Earwig (# 12057) on :

Oh, I quite like favours - if they're edible or plantable. I don't expect them, but it's a lovely way of remembering the wedding afterwards.

I've had wedding chutney as a favour, and a heather seedling. One wedding (where I was chief bridesmaid) I helped make dozens of little paper boxes, into which we put an acorn from an ancient oak for guests to plant. No idea how many people did, but I thought it was a sweet idea.

Posted by Beautiful Dreamer (# 10880) on :

A few years ago I was in the wedding for a couple of friends from university. Since it was a small group and the couple are big music lovers, they made mix CDs of songs that were meaningful to them, with 'explanations' in the CD fold-in they put in a jewel case. Handmade, personal and the only costs they had to she'll out were for the CDs and cases themselves, and maybe extra paper and ink or printed labels. Much better than the candles and shot glasses I've seen people pay through the nose for.

It was so frustrating planning my wedding that the favors were small potatoes, but it was all worth it...do we have a 'wedding stories and tips' thread here?

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Beautiful Dreamer:
A few years ago I was in the wedding for a couple of friends from university. Since it was a small group and the couple are big music lovers, they made mix CDs of songs that were meaningful to them, with 'explanations' in the CD fold-in they put in a jewel case. Handmade, personal and the only costs they had to she'll out were for the CDs and cases themselves, and maybe extra paper and ink or printed labels. Much better than the candles and shot glasses I've seen people pay through the nose for.

It was so frustrating planning my wedding that the favors were small potatoes, but it was all worth it...do we have a 'wedding stories and tips' thread here?

See, I would use a shot glass or a candle - I wouldn't necessarily like music that someone else had picked!

Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
A lot of UK brides are going to be picking up on US trends from there (and getting annoyed at not being able to get married outdoors, no doubt!).

You can't get married outdoors?

[ 10. January 2013, 19:59: Message edited by: jbohn ]

Posted by Gracious rebel (# 3523) on :

quote:
Originally posted by jbohn:

quote:
Originally posted by Jade Constable:
A lot of UK brides are going to be picking up on US trends from there (and getting annoyed at not being able to get married outdoors, no doubt!).
You can't get married outdoors?

The places where marriages can take place in the UK are listed here.

Posted by Scots lass (# 2699) on :

You can have a religious ceremony anywhere you like in Scotland - a minister I know has done ceremonies on the beach. Of course, it's a bit weather permitting...

Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on :

I learn something new every day. Thanks.

In the U.S., I can't think of anywhere that it would be specifically prohibited by law to hold a marriage, assuming one could find a willing officiant.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Area 51? [Biased]

Posted by Beautiful Dreamer (# 10880) on :

Jade, it's not that I don't like candles and shot glasses; I'd get more use out of those too. My point is that I've seen trinkets on 'wedding websites' and in catalogues that cost about four times as much as they should simply because they came from one of those sites. I think some count on brides and grooms buying these things because someone told them they "had to"('your guests will be offended!' ) rather than either making gifts themselves or not giving trinkets at all.

When I was planning my wedding, it seemed as though a lot of the advice I was getting from some people was less about what I really wanted and more about trying to fix the mistakes that were made in *their* weddings through mine. If that makes sense. When you're coming at it completely clueless, it gets overwhelming.

[ 10. January 2013, 21:42: Message edited by: Beautiful Dreamer ]

Posted by gog (# 15615) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Zacchaeus:
Back in th 80's when most of my friends were getting married, a net bag with 5 sugared almonds in was given at a lot of weddings.

Each almond was supposed to represent something but I've forgotton what now.

Number of children the couple will have

Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Nenya:
I you invite people to celebrate a wonderful, personal, family event with you, give them an excuse to dress up in their glad rags, feed them wonderful food (often twice in the same day in the case of a wedding, with an evening dance and/or entertainment) and are still expected to provide something as well as the invitations, orders of service, place cards and menus that they can have as keepsakes. Ridiculous. .

fwiw, in the US it's rarely twice-- one nice dinner, maybe with a cocktail reception before, is all there is.

Indeed, back in the day when I got married, a meal wasn't even the norm-- it was cake, mixed nuts and some nice mints with some sugary punch in the church fellowship hall, served by the church ladies of course.

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by cliffdweller:
Indeed, back in the day when I got married, a meal wasn't even the norm-- it was cake, mixed nuts and some nice mints with some sugary punch in the church fellowship hall, served by the church ladies of course.

Exactly! Whatever happened to that old-timey (and very inexpensive) type of reception?

Flowers were also whatever was blooming in the garden.

Less money, less stress.

Posted by Palimpsest (# 16772) on :

I have never been to one, but some regions have a tradition of cookie buffets. (metered Paywall) I think that they've become a trendy Martha Stewart sort of thing, but there's still a sense of it being home made.

I did make the centerpieces for a friends wedding in an aquarium. They were jelly jar aquariums with candy fish floating on the walls, brown sugar sand and chocolate shellfish and gold coins on a marzipan reef. Fortunately most of them got snagged for taking home.

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:
This was the first page that popped up when I Googled, to show some samples of the silly things brides are just suuure their guests are going to want to treasure forever.

I had never heard of them either, but the things on this site look like kids party tat!

Posted by Frodgey (# 8890) on :

As I am getting married in May, this subject has come up.

I accept that I am not that involved in much of the detail of the wedding day (the colour of my waistcoat has been specified, reception venues have been discounted for reasons I did not quite understand.....), but when it comes to the favours we are in total agreement.

We both love growing things - so the women will be getting a small lavender plant and I will be giving the men each a starter bonsai tree. These things will not be too expensive (as a percentage of the overall cost it will be minute....).

I feel that they should say something about us - but with the clear understanding that the receivers will not necessarily feel the same about the gifts. It is our wedding after all.

For me if only one person keeps his tree or her lavender alive more than a year I will be happy (and/or have added a lavender hedge and many trees to our garden).

Posted by Zacchaeus (# 14454) on :

quote:
Originally posted by gog:

quote:
Originally posted by Zacchaeus:
Back in th 80's when most of my friends were getting married, a net bag with 5 sugared almonds in was given at a lot of weddings.

Each almond was supposed to represent something but I've forgotton what now.
Number of children the couple will have

Thinking back one was meant to be for health one for wealth and one for fertility, but I can't rememebr what the other two were for..

Posted by Spiffy (# 5267) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Zacchaeus:

quote:
Originally posted by gog:

quote:
Originally posted by Zacchaeus:
Back in th 80's when most of my friends were getting married, a net bag with 5 sugared almonds in was given at a lot of weddings.

Each almond was supposed to represent something but I've forgotton what now.
Number of children the couple will have
Thinking back one was meant to be for health one for wealth and one for fertility, but I can't rememebr what the other two were for..

Snacking whilst waiting for your entree.

Posted by Zacchaeus (# 14454) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Spiffy:

quote:
Originally posted by Zacchaeus:

quote:
Originally posted by gog:

quote:
Originally posted by Zacchaeus:
Back in th 80's when most of my friends were getting married, a net bag with 5 sugared almonds in was given at a lot of weddings.

Each almond was supposed to represent something but I've forgotton what now.
Number of children the couple will have
Thinking back one was meant to be for health one for wealth and one for fertility, but I can't rememebr what the other two were for..
Snacking whilst waiting for your entree.

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