Ship of Fools: That's not my bishop

Thread: That's not my bishop - his tat is too lacy Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

Some of you may be familiar with this series of books for small children. In the series a mouse searching for his pets rejects a number of animals before finally coming across the right one.

I'm sure all of us here on the Circus could propose new subjects for the series. The format is the first person announces a subject using the formula:

That's not my A - his/her/its B is too C.

The next four people repeat the formula and then the sixth poster concludes the book by discovering the right thing: That's my A! - his/her/its B is so C.

For example, if the subject is bishops, they might finish

6. That's my bishop! - his public pronouncements are so thoughtless.

So:

1. That's not my bishop - his tat is too lacy.

[ 21. July 2012, 09:13: Message edited by: Dafyd ]

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

2. That's not my church, it smells funny

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

Sorry: I didn't make the rules clear.

Items 1 to 5 will all start:
'That's not my bishop - his ... is too ...'
Item 6 will start:
That's my bishop - his ... is so ...'
And then we go back to 1 with

That's not my church - its smell is too funny.'
And so on for churches. Clear as mud?

[ 21. July 2012, 09:48: Message edited by: Dafyd ]

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

OK, sorry -

2. That's not my bishop - he's wearing the wrong purple

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

3. That's not my bishop, his crook is too crooked.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

4. That's not my bishop - his pectoral cross isn't ostentatious enough

Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :

5. That's not my bishop, his mitre is too mighty!

Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :

6. That's my bishop - on a plane to another country!

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

1. That's not my church - the heating is too warm.

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

2. That's not my church, the hymns are too jolly.

[ 21. July 2012, 16:58: Message edited by: Amos ]

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :

3. That's not my church - strangers are being greeted!

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :

That's not my church - there's too many young families

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

5. That's not my church- all the women are wearing fancy hats.

Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on :

6. That's my church. It's closed.

[ 21. July 2012, 19:16: Message edited by: justlooking ]

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

1. That's not my vicar, his cotta is too lacy.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

2. That's not my vicar - she is getting her hands dirty

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

3. That's not my vicar - his language is far too modern. [Devil]

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

4. That's not my vicar- she's chanting on key.

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

5-Not my vicar—those aren't 4-inch heels.

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :

6. That's my vicar - his money's in my bank account [Razz]

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

1. That's not my hymn book - it is a paperback and too floppy

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

2. That's not my hymnbook - its pages are too waxy.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

3. That's not my hymnal- it has hymns -erm, praise songs- written after 1982.

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

4) That's not my hymnal, there's nothing in it by Fred Kaan OR Fred Pratt Green. [Snigger]

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

5) Not my hymnal either, it's got nothing in Swahili.

Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :

6. Thats my hymnbook, part of a job lot of 300 off Ebay for 50p and has someone else's church name on!

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

1. That's not my Bible, its cover is stainless steel.

[ 22. July 2012, 17:30: Message edited by: Amos ]

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

2 That's not my Bible, it uses American spelling

Posted by Pulsator Organorum Ineptus (# 2515) on :

3. That'ʃ not my bible: itʃ font hath too modern an aʃpect.

[ 22. July 2012, 17:41: Message edited by: Pulsator Organorum Ineptus ]

Posted by Jane R (# 331) on :

4. That's not my Bible: its pictures are too cartoony.

[ 22. July 2012, 18:25: Message edited by: Jane R ]

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

5. That's not my Bible - it has only 66 books

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

6. That's my Bible. Its weight is so thumpy.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

1. That's not my choir - they are singing on tune.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

2. That's not my choir, they are wearing mufti.

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :

3. Thats not my choir - they're too young

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

3. That's not my choir - they know how to process!

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

5. That's not my choir, there's more than two tenors.

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

6. That's my choir - they never talk to anyone else in the congregation.

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

1. That's not my post-church coffee - there aren't any home-made wee buns.

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

2. That's not my post-church coffee - it's still warm enough to drink.

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

3. That's not my post-church coffee -- there are actually people staying around talking to one another!

Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on :

4. That's not my post-church coffee... It's not the cheapest brand in the shop.

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

5 That's not my post-church coffee, it's in styrofoam cups.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

6. That's my post-church coffee - the children have already eaten all the biscuits

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

1. That's not my organist - the hymns are too fast

Posted by Morlader (# 16040) on :

2. That's not my organist - he's moved his foot off the CC pedal.

Posted by Ultracrepidarian (# 9679) on :

3. That's not my organist - he's too successful at keeping the choir boys under control.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

4. That's not my organist - his wife isn't taking all the solos

Posted by ElaineC (# 12244) on :

5. That's not my organist - he's refusing to play Bach

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

6. That's my organist- everyone is staying to listen to her postlude. The coffee can wait.

[ 23. July 2012, 14:06: Message edited by: Lyda*Rose ]

Posted by Anglo Catholic Relict (# 17213) on :

1 That's not my Cathedral - there is a gate, a turnstile and an entry fee.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

2. That's not my Cathedral - it has a pointy spire.

Posted by ElaineC (# 12244) on :

3. That's not my Cathedral - it's got modern stained glass

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

That's not my cathedral - there are no bosses in the ceiling

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

5.That's not my cathedral - they don't use incense

Posted by Jane R (# 331) on :

6. THAT'S my cathedral - it has a female dean.

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

1. That's not my church's website - the pictures on it have been taken within the last five years!

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

2. That's not my church's website- the calendar is up to date.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

3. That's not my church website - the service details are correct

Posted by St. Gwladys (# 14504) on :

4. that's not my church website - you can findit too easily

Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :

5. That's not my church's website - its information is so relevant.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

6. That's my church website, but that's the last vicar but three

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

1. That's not our collection - it's taking so long!

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

2. That's not our colection - there's WAAAAY too much money there

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

3. That's not our collection - there's no option for direct debit!

[ 24. July 2012, 01:17: Message edited by: Cryptic ]

Posted by Anglo Catholic Relict (# 17213) on :

4 That's not our collection - there's folding stuff in it.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

5. That's not our collection, the numbered envelopes are all for this church, (none for the church that's no longer part of the team)

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :

6.
That is our collection, usual smattering of steel washers.

Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :

1. That's not our Sunday school, the kids are enjoying it too much.

Posted by ElaineC (# 12244) on :

2. That's not our Sunday school, there are too many kids.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

3. That's not our Sunday School; it's way too quiet....

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

4. That's not our Sunday School. It's not chaotic at all.

Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :

That's not our Sunday school - its attendance is too predictable.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

6. That's our Sunday School - the leaders are leading the action songs and the children are sneering

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

1. That's not our PCC, it ends before 9 pm.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

2 That's not our PCC - they make decisions

Posted by ElaineC (# 12244) on :

3 That's not our PCC - they have a secretary

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

4. That's not our PCC - they take turns to speak

[ 24. July 2012, 18:22: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :

5
That's not our PPC, the chairperson keeps order

Posted by Anglo Catholic Relict (# 17213) on :

6 That's our PCC - the Vicar spends over an hour playing new Mass settings on the piano, for us to 'choose' from.

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

1. That's not my flower arrangement - those lilies are too vulgar. sniff

Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on :

2. That's not my flower arrangement - no Venus Flytraps!

Posted by Celtic Knotweed (# 13008) on :

3. That's not my flower arrangement - they grew in a garden.

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :

4. That's not my flower arrangement - those flowers are so real!

Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :

5. That's not my flower arrangement - its peonies are too ant-free.

[ 24. July 2012, 20:46: Message edited by: Leaf ]

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

6. That's my flower arrangement! I recognize the greenery from the churchyard!

[ 24. July 2012, 21:40: Message edited by: Amos ]

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

1. That's not my Eucharist, there are individual cups.

Posted by Anglo Catholic Relict (# 17213) on :

2 That's not my Eucharist - the wine is red.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

3. That's not my Eucharist - they are gathering around the Holy Table

Posted by cosmic dance (# 14025) on :

4. That's not my eucharist - they're memorialists.

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

5. That's not my eucharist -- it's Real Bread™

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

6. That IS my Eucharist- we offer it to anybody, Real Presence and all.

[ 25. July 2012, 02:26: Message edited by: Lyda*Rose ]

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

1. That's not my praise band - they have electric guitars

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

2. That's definitely my praise band: I recognise all 32 Kazoos!

Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :

3. Thats not my praise band, but could I have it please, we don't have a praise band...

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

That's not my praise band, it's got an amp and it knows how to use it.

Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :

5. That's not my praise band: they don't think they're rock stars.

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :

6. That's my praise band: the lead singer seems to be trying to perform oral sex with the microphone [Disappointed]

[ 25. July 2012, 15:53: Message edited by: kingsfold ]

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :

That's not my church, the building is [way] too accessible.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

2. That's not my church, the pews are far too comfortable.

Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on :

3. That's not my church, it has a kitchen! And a nursery! And a school! And a playground! And a chapel! And a children's chapel! And two choir rooms! And a suite of offices! And an elevator! And the elevator goes to the Upper Room!

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

4. That's not my church, there's a projector and screen with the words to "Shine, Jesus, Shine" on it!

Posted by cosmic dance (# 14025) on :

That's not my church - its just had a new heating system installed.

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

That's my church - the draught is so bracing.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

1. That's not my altar, it has an earthenware chalice there

Posted by Wet Kipper (# 1654) on :

2. That's not my altar - there are no grooves to drain the blood from the animal sacrifices.

Posted by Morlader (# 16040) on :

3. That's not my altar - it's right against the East wall.

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

4. That's not my altar - it has no reredos.

Posted by Niminypiminy (# 15489) on :

5. That's not my altar - it has electric candles on it.

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

6. That's my altar! It came from Ikea!

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

1. That's not my bible study, everyone is being polite.

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

2. That's not my Bible study, nobody's discussing sports teams.

Posted by cosmic dance (# 14025) on :

3. That's not my Bible Study - people are allowed to have different interpretations.

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

4. That's not my Bible study -- there's no one trying to impress others with his great knowledge

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

5. That's not my Bible study! Nobody's yet brought up tribulation or the End Times!

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

6. That's my Bible study- someone brought cheese, crackers, and wine!

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

1. That's not our church ceiling - it doesn't leak.

Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on :

2. That's not our church ceiling.... There are no cobwebs up there

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

3. That's not our church ceiling - I can't see the little sponge ball that got lodged in the rafters five years ago.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

4. That's not our church ceiling - it doesn't have a helium balloon released by a toddler at the pram service on Ascension Day*

* it's how you ascend Christ, or was until I got banned from doing it.

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

5. That's not our church ceiling - the bats are too house-trained.

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

6. That's our church ceiling, it's simple and beautiful.

quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
or was until I got banned from doing it.

That sucks!

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

1. That's not my statue of the Blessed Virgin, it looks like Charlie Dimmock.

[ 26. July 2012, 13:59: Message edited by: Amos ]

Posted by ElaineC (# 12244) on :

2. That's not my statue of the Blessed Virgin, it's not weeping.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

3. That's not my statue of the Blessed Virgin, it is Charlie Dimmock. (But why's she standing in that niche?)

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

4. That's not my statue of the Blessed Virgin, she's grinning like a mad woman!

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

5. That's not my statue of the blessed virgin; she's covered in brightly painted plaster and being carried around the church grounds on a litter.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

That's my statue of the Virgin Mary - she has the baby Jesus on her lap and a cat at her feet

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

1. That's not my church bulletin - the information in it is all correct!

Posted by cosmic dance (# 14025) on :

2. That's not my church bulletin - the graphics are not all Clip Art!

Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on :

3. That's not my church bulletin - the spelling and grammar are correct.

[ 27. July 2012, 07:29: Message edited by: Rowen ]

Posted by Niminypiminy (# 15489) on :

4. That's not my church bulletin - none of the items is a slightly reworded repetition of the front page.

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :

5. That's not my church bulletin - it's not online.

Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :

6. That's my church bulletin - its layout is so eye-paining.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

1. That's not my stained glass window- you can recognize its subject.

Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :

2. That's not our stained glass window - it hasn't had a brick thrown through it.

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

3. That's not our stained glass window - it's purely decorative.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

4. That's not our stained glass window - the subject is religious

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

5. That's not our stained glass window - it's behind the organ.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

6. THAT'S our stained glass window, where the light at the equinox shines through the figure of Christ to make a spectacular light show!

Posted by cosmic dance (# 14025) on :

6. That's my stained glass window - everyone hates it except the artist.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

1. That's not my curate - she is doing what she's supposed to

Posted by Evangeline (# 7002) on :

2. That's not my curate, she's female.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

3. That's not my curate- uh, curate?

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

That's not my curate - she loves her egg.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

5. That's not my curate - the children aren't shrinking away from him

[ 28. July 2012, 15:20: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

6. That's my curate! And don't he scrub up nice!

Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :

1. Thats not my bible, its well-thumbed

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

2. That's not my bible, it's not purple.

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

2. That's not my Bible—there aren't any random bulletins in it.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

4. That's not my bible; there's too much highlighting in it.

Posted by lily pad (# 11456) on :

5. That's not my Bible - everyone knows Jesus spoke in red words!

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

3. (Since we seem to have missed it). That's not my Bible: it doesn't start with a letter to King James.

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

6. That's my Bible! It rolls up on two sticks!

[ 28. July 2012, 22:05: Message edited by: Amos ]

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

1. That's not my church pew - it has a door to shut yourself in

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

2. That's not my church pew, there's nowhere to put my hymn book, service booklet, parish notes, giving envelope and flyer for the quiz night.

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

3. That's not my church pew -- all the books are in the rack, right side up and facing the right direction.

Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :

4. That's not my church pew - it's comfortable.

Posted by cosmic dance (# 14025) on :

5. That's not my church pew - it has tapestry covered kneelers.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

6. THAT's my church pew, with the names of countless bored children scratched into it!

(And I didn't get the numbering wrong at the top of the page - if you backtrack, you will find the real culprit [Smile]

)

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

1. That's not my jumble sale - the toys are too intact.

Posted by Niminypiminy (# 15489) on :

2. That's not my jumble sale - there are things you'd want to buy

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

3. That's not my jumble sale - you don't have to wash your hands after handling the merchandise.

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

4. That's not my jumble sale - the books hold together when you open them.

[ 29. July 2012, 19:44: Message edited by: Bean Sidhe ]

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

5. That's not my jumble sale - it smells of freshly washed clothes

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

6. THAT's my jumble sale: If I didn't want this stuff, nobody else will.

Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :

1. That's not my church library - it has too many religious books in it.

Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on :

2. That's not my church, it has candles.

Posted by Niminypiminy (# 15489) on :

2. That's not my church library - someone has been borrowing the books

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

3. That's not my church library, it's systematically organized.

Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on :

(get it right this time, ass)

4. That's not my church library, all the book spines are facing outwards.

Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :

5. That's not my church library - there's no Rick Warren books in it.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

6. THAT's my church library - all that's left of it is a sign on the door, because it's been turned into a storage room.

Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :

1. That's not my church visiting group: they will visit people not already their friends.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

2. That's not my church visiting group - they haven't got 100 people to visit in too little time.

Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on :

3. That's not my church visiting group - they exist!

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

4. That's not my church visiting group, they haven't washed their hands!

[ 31. July 2012, 18:59: Message edited by: Amos ]

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

5. That's not my church visiting group! They call ahead before a visit.

[ 31. July 2012, 20:29: Message edited by: churchgeek ]

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

6. THAT's my church visiting group, prayed over every Sunday by the entire congregation, before they go out to those not well enough to make it to church.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

1. That's not our youth group fundraiser- it isn't a car wash.

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

2. That's not our youth group fundraiser - they're not just selling candy bars at coffee hour.

Posted by Niminypiminy (# 15489) on :

3. That's not our Youth Group fundraiser - we haven't got a youth group

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

That's not our Youth Group fundraiser - there' nothing fit to eat here.

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

5. That's not our youth group fundraiser; the kids are doing it for themselves.

Posted by Balaam (# 4543) on :

6. That's not our youth club fundraiser, there's nothing covered in dark blue icing.

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

I'm going to assume we can all invert Balaam's last post, and start a new one:

1. That's not my cassock, it fits me!

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

2. That's not my cassock, it hasn't been cleaned in forty years!

[ 01. August 2012, 20:36: Message edited by: Amos ]

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

3.That's not my cassock, all the buttons are there!

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

4. That's not my cassock, the back hem isn't hanging down where I've stood on it trying to get up.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

5. That's not my cassock - there's a manky hanky in the pocket.

Posted by Jane R (# 331) on :

6. THAT'S my cassock - I recognise the wax stains.

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :

That's not my organ - it's got a Zimbelstern

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

2. That's not my organ - it doesn't have pipes

Posted by Enigma (# 16158) on :

3. That's not my organ - it doesn't whine.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

4. That's not my organ, it doesn't have a decorated case.

Posted by Rosa Gallica officinalis (# 3886) on :

5. That's not my organ- that's quite a jolly tune!

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

6. That's my organ! I just got blasted out of my skin!

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

[tangent]

quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
4. That's not my organ, it doesn't have a decorated case.

That is gorgeous!
[/tangent]

New one, hopefully one we haven't done yet (but if so, I'm sure we can do 6 more):

1. That's not my baptismal font - you could fit a person inside it!

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

2. That's not my baptismal font- it's not a hunk of Sedona red rock.

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

3. Not my font—it doesn't have a cheap glass bowl in the bottom to cover the leak.

Posted by Rosa Gallica officinalis (# 3886) on :

That's not my font- it's plug isn't a wine bottle cprk.

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

5. That's not my font - the water in it has actually been blessed!

Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :

6. Thats my font, the kids are floating boats in the water!

Posted by Celtic Knotweed (# 13008) on :

1. Those aren't my bell-ringers - the practice has started on time.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

2. Those aren't my bell-ringers - we ain't got no bells!

Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :

3. Those aren't our bell-ringers, they never ring on a Sunday!

Posted by Morlader (# 16040) on :

4. They aren't our bellringers - they've come down for the service.

Posted by Rosa Gallica officinalis (# 3886) on :

5. Those aren't my bell ringers- they're drinking lager

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

6. Those are our bell ringers - rushing off to ring at another church after ringing here

Posted by Rosa Gallica officinalis (# 3886) on :

1. That's not my projector- it's showing the words of the right verse.

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

2. That's not my projector - the color balance is right.

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

That's not my projector - there's no 'Fatal Error' message.

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

4. That's not my projector - er, what projector?

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

5. That's not my projector - the people there know how to set it up and run it

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

6. That's not my projector - it doesn't suddenly start itself up halfway through the service even though I've set it on "stand-by".

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

1. That's not my worship song - its vocabulary is too varied.

Posted by Rosa Gallica officinalis (# 3886) on :

2. That's not my worship song- there's no key change in the last verse.

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

That's not my worship song - we know the tune

Posted by justlooking (# 12079) on :

4. That's not my worship song, it's not 'Shine Jesus Shine'

Posted by Arethosemyfeet (# 17047) on :

5. That's not my worship song, I don't disagree with its theology!

Posted by cosmic dance (# 14025) on :

6. That's my worship song - it's singable, grammatical and theologically acceptable!

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

1. That's not my thurifer - he's being timid with the smoke

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

2. That's not my thurifer, you—wait, you mean there's actually a person in the middle of that smoke cloud?

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

3. That's not my thurifer - he's set his alb on fire.

Posted by Morlader (# 16040) on :

4. That's not my thurifer - he can't deal with the bumble-bee in the thurible.

(Refering to a real incident when *our* thurifer had to do just that... Most of the congo didn't notice his rapid unscheduled disappearance and reappearance, though we in the choir did. Respect!)

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

5. That's not my thurifer - she doesn't overdo the charcoal!

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

6. That's my thurifer - stand too close and you'll cop the thurible in the gob!

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

1. That's not my pulpit - its steps are too high.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

2. That's not my pulpit - it's not got carvings on it

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :

3. That's not my pulpit - it's wooden.

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

4. That's not my pulpit - it's front and center!

Posted by Arethosemyfeet (# 17047) on :

5. That's not my pulpet, someone's using it.

Posted by AristonAstuanax (# 10894) on :

6. That's my pulpit- it's got Jack in it!

Posted by Cod (# 2643) on :

1. That's not my lectern - the eagle is too shiny.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

2. That's not my lectern - it is an eagle

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

3. That's not my lectern, you can see over the top of it.

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

4. That's not my lectern -- the microphone works.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

5. That's not my lectern; it doesn't wobble alarmingly when you touch it!

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :

6. That's my lectern! It's all alone because the speakers are wandering soo far away from it!

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

1. That's not my baptismal font - it doesn't weigh half a ton!

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

2. Tha's not my baptismal font--it looks like it was actually made for the purpose. [Devil]

Posted by Loveheart (# 12249) on :

3. Thats not our baptismal font, we don't have a swimming pool

Posted by Philaret (# 17261) on :

That's not our baptismal font - it's way too clean inside

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

5. That's not our baptismal font - it's hasn't got steps to climb

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

6. That's our baptismal font: the sculpted cover on it is so heavy that we only use it once a year.

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

1. That's not my PA system, I can hear every word of the sermon.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

2. That's not my PA system - there's no feedback from the lighting circuit

Posted by Cod (# 2643) on :

3. That's not my PA system - the warranty is still valid.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

4. That's not my PA system, it's lovely and quiet.

Posted by lily pad (# 11456) on :

5. That's not my PA system, it can be controlled from the back, you know, where people actually can hear if it is working.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

6. That's my PA system, it's channelling the local radio station through the pulpit mic giving the sermon some unfortunate background music....(true)

[ 12. August 2012, 19:01: Message edited by: Banner Lady ]

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

1. That's not my verger, he's in mufti.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

2. That's not my verger - she's prepared to touch the sound system

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

3. That's not my verger - I don't have one. (:

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

4. That's not my verger - he's grumpy and unhelpful.

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

5. That's not my verger, she's wet behind the ears.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

6. That's my verger - he carries a wand.

(I chose the last one - someone else's turn....)

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

1. That's not my churchyard - the grass is cut short

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :

2. That's not my churchyard - there is grass!

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

3. That's not my churchyard - the cigarette butts are too clean.

Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :

That's not my churchyard - it wasn't designed to deter grave-robbers.

Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :

5. That's not my churchyard, we meet in the local primary school.

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

6. That's my churchyard, where sheep may safely graze.

[ 14. August 2012, 21:29: Message edited by: Amos ]

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

1. That's not our church kitchen, it has hot water!

[ 15. August 2012, 03:33: Message edited by: Banner Lady ]

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

2. That's not our church kitchen - look there is a cooker

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :

3. That's not our church kitchen - The floor covering is easy to clean

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

4. That's not our church kitchen, it's on the same side of the road as the church!

Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :

5. That's not my church kitchen, there's no passive-aggressive power struggle being waged.

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

6. That's our church kitchen - the pans are so black.

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :

1. That's not my church door - it has funny cage doors to keep out the squire's dogs

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

2. That's not my church door—the left one actually opens without using heavy machinery.

Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :

3. That's not my church door, there's no graffiti scrawled on it.

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

4. That's not my church door - it's closed.

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

5. That's not my church door - it's red.

[ 16. August 2012, 01:26: Message edited by: Mamacita ]

Posted by Cod (# 2643) on :

6. THAT's my church door! It's closed and locked!

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

1. That's not my theology textbook - its sentences are too short.

Posted by ElaineC (# 12244) on :

2. That's not my theology textbook - its well thumbed.

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

3. That's not my theology textbook—it only has seven volumes.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

4. That's not my theology textbook, I can actually understand it.

Posted by Cod (# 2643) on :

5. That's not my theology textbook: it's been opened in the last ten years.

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

6. That's my theology textbook - it has "For Dummies" in teh title!

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

1. That isn't my service bulletin -- it isn't full of boring notices.

Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on :

2. That is n't my notice sheet it's too informative.

[ 30. August 2012, 17:26: Message edited by: beachcomber ]

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

3. That isn't my pew sheet, there are no mistakes.

Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on :

4, That isn 't my ship post - it contains no mistakes for Chorister kindly to correct !

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :

5. That isn't my news sheet, it doesn't contain the same notices as last week's.

[ 31. August 2012, 19:35: Message edited by: Lucia ]

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

6. That isn't my pew sheet, it isn't full of annoying clip art.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

That's my pew sheet - it has the same notices asking for volunteers 8 weeks running!

(Please remember that no. 6 each time should be a positive rather than a negative response. If unsure, read again the OP rules. Chorister, Host)

1. That isn't our reader, he's a man.

[ 01. September 2012, 11:13: Message edited by: Chorister ]

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

2. That's not our reader—you can understand what they're saying.

Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on :

3. That isn't my dosette box it's empty.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

Don't know where the dosette box came from - or even what it is! So:

4. That's not our reader - she started in the right chapter. (As one of ours didn't, last Sunday).

[ 01. September 2012, 18:02: Message edited by: Baptist Trainfan ]

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

beachcomber (and others who are not sure what to do), it's always a good idea to read the OP to check you understand how to play the game - please do this before continuing.

Thanks, Chorister, Host

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
(Please remember that no. 6 each time should be a positive rather than a negative response. If unsure, read again the OP rules. Chorister, Host)

My mistake. I apologize.

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

5. That's not my reader, he's remembered his glasses.

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

6. That's our reader, with the deep voice and gorgeous accent *sigh*

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

1. Those aren't my choir stalls - they're not wobbly.

Posted by Below the Lansker (# 17297) on :

2. Those aren't my choir stalls - they're close enough to the organ for us all to keep time.

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

3. Not my choir stalls—they're set up in front of the preacher so you can't see what's going on.

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

4. Those aren't my choir stalls, you can see the choir!

Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on :

5. That can't be my choir they are too tuneful, discrete, and barely noticeable before the grandeur of Iconostasis.

(And nearly all present a mere 1 1/2 hours into service !)

[ 03. September 2012, 19:45: Message edited by: beachcomber ]

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

6. Those are my magnificent choir stalls, built for a choir of 50 - with just three choir members rattling around in them!

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

That's not my thurible - it's only got a swing of ten feet from side to side.

Posted by beachcomber (# 17294) on :

That's not my antidoron its too small.

[ 08. September 2012, 16:54: Message edited by: beachcomber ]

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

Sorry - I should have numbered this

no.1

quote:
Originally posted by jacobsen:
That's not my thurible - it's only got a swing of ten feet from side to side.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

2. That's not my thurible, it's been used more than once in the last 15 years.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

3. That's not my thurible - I used mine for smoking haddock.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

4. That's not my thurible (suppresses horrified shudder) - we're BAPTISTS!

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :

5. That's not my thurible - it's clean and not coated in several years worth of brown gunk

Posted by Tubbs (# 440) on :

(6) That's my thurible. I made it myself out of tin cans using the instructions in the Sue Wallace book.

Tubbs

[ 10. September 2012, 11:46: Message edited by: Tubbs ]

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

1. That's not my altar, the bloodstains have vanished!

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

2. That's not my altar, it isn't made of wood.

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

3. Not my altar, it hasn't got an ego.

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :

[nice one, Ariston!]

4. That isn't my altar, it's up against the wall.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

5. That's not my altar, it's been moved.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

6. That's my altar- Mavis has been left at it! [Biased]

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

1. That's not my church, it's open!

Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on :

2. That's not my church it's got comfy seats

Posted by ElaineC (# 12244) on :

3. That's not my church it's warm and draught free

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

4. That's not my church - the roof doesn't leak.

Posted by The Sainted Percy (# 17388) on :

5. That isn't my church, it's reredos is too Italianate!

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

6. That's my church, there's loud manic laughter coming from the choir vestry!

1. That's not our bellringing team, they are scared of heights.

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

2. That's not my bellringing team - they are drinking Lager

Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on :

3. That's not my bell ringing team they're too lively

Posted by Morlader (# 16040) on :

4. That's not my bell-ringing team, they're at the service.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

5. That's not my bell ringing team, they're getting it right.

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

6 That's my bellringing team - they've all got beards (including the men) and have no dress sense.

1 That's not my Church Treasurer - he's smiling

[ 03. November 2012, 14:56: Message edited by: Spike ]

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

2. That's not my Church Treasurer, he's agreeing expenses.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

3. That's not my church treasurer, he's handing out gold coins.

Posted by Bean Sidhe (# 11823) on :

That's not my church treasurer, he's making sure everyone can see what I'm giving!

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

5. Not my church treasurer—she's not making another pledge drive/stewardship campaign speech that may last longer than the sermon.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

6. Not my church treasurer - he's putting money in the collection.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

That's my church treasurer - he's busy working towards handing over to his successor!

1. That's not my vestry - it's far too big.

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

2. That's not my vestry - it's warm in there

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

3. Not my vestry—there are actually vestments in there, rather in the house of the Old Lady Who Can No Longer Drive, but has had them in her closet since before there was a church, and, now, be kind to her, she may give you the pink ones on All Souls, but we're all just fine with that because this is the church and we should be welcoming, and really, do any of us actually know the liturgical colors, okay, she's the only one who doesn't and she's judging us for messing it up anyway, but don't make a fuss dear, she's not long for this world anyway so we should give her her little thing to do, shouldn't we?

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

4. Not my vestry - there's no massive trapdoor leading to a crypt full of stiffs.

Posted by Dafyd (# 5549) on :

1. That's not my lay representative on General Synod - his air is too hot.

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

2) That's not my lay representative on General Synod, her speeches are too long.

[ 24. November 2012, 13:49: Message edited by: Amos ]

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Remember the form is to continue for five 'that's not....' before no. 6 being 'that's....' (if in doubt read the OP instructions again)

So, if we finish 'that's not my vestry' first and have Dafyd's very topical new idea next?

5. That's not my vestry, the notices are all up-to-date.

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

6. That's my vestry, there are so many cassocks, there isn't room for the wearers!

3. That's not my Lay Representative on Deanery Synod, his vicar is a woman.

Posted by Pia (# 17277) on :

4. That's not my lay representative on the General Synod, she actually represented the views of her diocese.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

5. That's not my lay representative at the General Synod - he was hoping for a trannie vote as the best compromise.

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

That's not my lay rep . . . wait, what? How old is this? Here, Hull, have our dead threads before the necromancers can get to it!

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Ecclesiastical folk, would you mind looking after this one for a while, rather than me lobbing it back at the mad frothing thing over in the playground.

Just for a day or two.

Ta.

Posted by seasick (# 48) on :

1. That's not an Ecclesiantics hοst, he's not brilliant enough.

[NB friends: posts that do not conform to the values of Ecclesiantics may be, erm, adjusted [Big Grin]

]

[ 12. February 2013, 08:16: Message buggered about with by: seasick ]

Posted by St. Punk the Pious (# 683) on :

2. That's not an Ecclesiantics ****; he doesn't own a copy of Ritual Notes.

Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :

3. That's not an Ecclesiantics ****; she hasn't heard of tat!

Posted by Jengie Jon (# 273) on :

4. That is not a Ecclesiantics **** she's too C*******.

Jengie
[fyi there is a long tradition of appointing low church types to Ecclesiantics ****ing]

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

That's my Ecclesiastics ****, she's pitching yet another dead horse off the edge of the Board.

Posted by ldjjd (# 17390) on :

1. That's not our sermon. It lasted over 15 minutes.

UBB.classic^TM 6.5.0