Ship of Fools: Euphemisms

Thread: Euphemisms Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by glockenspiel (# 13645) on :

I wonder if we could build up a whole dictionary of euphemisms between us, a handy guide for the young plain-thinking person ...

I'll go first ...

"I'm working from home" = I'm not working.

[ 13. February 2013, 20:11: Message edited by: Ariel ]

Posted by Meerkat (# 16117) on :

"I'm working from home" = "I got so drunk last night I dare not drive this morning"

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

"That is a very intresting point of view." = You are insane.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

"I hear what you say" - and I'm going to ignore it.

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

"With respect ..." = I have no respect for you whatsoever

[ 21. January 2013, 12:20: Message edited by: Spike ]

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

"We must learn lessons from this" = a report will be published, soon to gather dust lying on the shelf.

Posted by Trudy Scrumptious (# 5647) on :

"We need to have the conversation around this" (my current least-favourite bit of jargon) seems to mean:

"We have no intention whatsoever of doing anything about this, but we would like to go through the motions of pretending to listen to your opinions."

Posted by TeaAddict (# 14946) on :

"Whilst we value your contribution to this discussion..." = "Butt out, you do not know what you are talking about"

Posted by AberVicar (# 16451) on :

"Let's unpack that, shall we?" = "WTF are you talking about?"

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

"I'll take that into consideration"--no, I won't, and why were you fool enough to bring it up in the first place?

Posted by Sighthound (# 15185) on :

'We must ensure that this never happens again.' = This is a highly embarrassing event. It will happen again, but we hope that by that time you will have forgotten this time and not conclude that we are a bunch of incompetent clowns.

[ 21. January 2013, 14:19: Message edited by: Sighthound ]

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :

"I'm afraid I have to disagree." = "I'm delighted to tell you how wrong you are."

Posted by Sighthound (# 15185) on :

'Urgent reform is needed' = We need to make the service cheaper and worse so the rich can pay less tax.

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :

A classic example of this sort of thing comes from Evelyn Waugh's novel Scoop.

"Up to a point, Lord Copper." = "You're wrong, boss."

Posted by TeaAddict (# 14946) on :

"We aim to improve service by relocating key functions to one location" - "We are laying off loads of staff to cut costs so the MD can continue to pay for his little darlings private school fees"

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

"Whilst we value your contribution to this discussion..." = "You think that, you are clearly an idiot, so we are now more justified than ever in pursuing our original intentions"

Posted by Lord Jestocost (# 12909) on :

"as such" = "at all".

Posted by Niminypiminy (# 15489) on :

"Can you run that one past me again" = I stopped paying attention to you.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

A business phone answered by computer: "Please listen carefully because we've enhanced your menu options" means "You will have to listen about 50% longer because we've crammed more finicky menu garbage into the old menu garbage".

Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on :

I'll do it tomorrow = well as tomorrow never comes, you have no chance of me ever doing it

Posted by TeaAddict (# 14946) on :

"Working in partnership with..." - "Hired by..."

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

'That's a brave decision' . And an incredibly stupid one.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

Card placed in hotel rooms: "To conserve water and protect the environment against harm from detergent waste, we will launder your sheets and towels only if requested" = "To increase the profit margin of our parent company, we aren't going to be bothered changing your linen and towels."

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

"Please listen carefully as our menu options have changed." = We have removed the option to speak to a real person and lessened your chances of actually receiving any useful information.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

"Please hold whilst we connect you with a operator." = Please hold whilst we connect you to a person who will have no training or information remotely useful and no authority to help even should they work it out.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

A variant on the above:

"All our operators are busy at the moment, however your call is important enough and we will endeavour to answer it as soon as possble" = they've chucked out their switchboard people, put in an automatic answering system and diverted their calls to a Call Centre.

Companies who really believe that your call is important answer within two rings.

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

At a job interview:

"Thank you for comning in" = You haven't got the job.

[ 21. January 2013, 17:04: Message edited by: Spike ]

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

Or from the Obituaries:

Convivial Bon viveur = habitual drunkard.

Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on :

'This child has challenging behaviour' = This child's behaviour is terrible and they are a pain in the neck.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

"Thank you for choosing to travel with us today" = I know there's no choice of train operator on this route but I've got to say this; at least your fares help to pay my wages so I'm grateful for that.

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :

We need to help the public to manage their expectations. = We are going to do what we have planned, we are taking no notice of anything the public have to say, and they are going to have to put up with it.

[ 21. January 2013, 18:32: Message edited by: Penny S ]

Posted by Pia (# 17277) on :

I'm in essay-marking mode - a fine mode for euphemism. Some of my faves are:

"You have a good understanding of the text" = Retold the story, but didn't answer the question.

"Try to make your quotations work for you" = Don't try to hide the fact that you don't know what you're talking about by quoting vast tracts of secondary sources at me.

"Refer to the text under consideration more closely in future" = Do you even know what the text under consideration was meant to be?

"Please pay attention to sentence structure and punctuation" = I couldn't understand a word you wrote.

"Neat presentation" = You used a fancy font... and that is the only good thing I can find to say about this piece of work.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

"The hotel is 5 minutes from the beach" - if you run like an Olympic sprinter you might make it in 10.

"The hotel is 10 minutes from the beach" - you need a car.

"The hotel is conveniently situated for the airport" - it's out of town and the noise of the planes will keep you awake.

"The hotel is in a vibrant city area" - forget any idea of going to sleep, the ultra-loud music from the clubs, bars and passing drunken tourists will see to that.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

"The hotel room has a city view" = "Your window faces the back alley of the building on the next street over."

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

Fun-loving = promiscuous

Ladies man = lecher

Does not suffer fools gladly = evil-tempered bully

Posted by Pia (# 17277) on :

"No offence, but..." = I am about to say something deeply offensive

Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on :

hotel is 10 minutes walk from the city = the city boundaries that is - go to end of tram route and 500m up a mountain (happened to me in austria)

Posted by claret10 (# 16341) on :

In school report

Popular child = I can't think of anything positive to say about your child, they talk too much and do little work

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pia:
I'm in essay-marking mode - a fine mode for euphemism.

Feel free to add:

"A well constructed piece of work" = Boring and unpersuasive. Do you know how to use verbs?

"Sophisticated and scholarly" = Lots of long sentences with subordinate clauses and extraneous matter preventing easy comprehension.

Posted by Angloid (# 159) on :

Revision of Fares = Over-inflation Increase.

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :

For your greater convenince ....

....Look, it's more conveninet for us, and we frankly don't give a toss how it affects you.

Posted by tessaB (# 8533) on :

A useful one for when you have a manager who actually believes all that management bs -
'That would be a really good initiative, however I feel it is too important to rush.' = That is complete cobblers and I am going to ignore it until -
a - You forget about it
b - You get enthused about some other stupid idea or
c - You come to your senses (this is very unlikely)

Posted by Signaller (# 17495) on :

Road Works = It doesn't.

Posted by Traveller (# 1943) on :

"This initiative is designed to motivate and encourage staff" = We will load more crap onto your workload and expect you to enjoy it.

"The department has been downsized"* = We have fired half the staff and told the rest they are lucky to have a job at all, never mind that they now have twice the workload and no more money.

* If you want to be really euphamistic, then "rightsizing" is better, more motivational and even more encouraging!

Posted by Latchkey Kid (# 12444) on :

"We are restructuring." You are about to be fired.

"We have to let you go" We know you don't want to go so we will push you out

"I'll make that a priority" Number 100 is about the bottom of my list.

[ 22. January 2013, 01:24: Message edited by: Latchkey Kid ]

Posted by Latchkey Kid (# 12444) on :

"Your child is trying" S/he is very trying.

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :

"I'll let you go now." = "I don't know how to shut you up so I'll pretend that it's you who needs to get away."

Posted by Cryptic (# 16917) on :

I want to support your project = but I'm not going to (Used that one myself today [Two face]

)

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :

"Let me get back to you on that." = "I lack the courage to turn you down right now."

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

I sense a theme, roybart. [Biased]

Posted by Timothy the Obscure (# 292) on :

The client must take responsibility for their own recovery = If the client doesn't have the same goals we do, they're a treatment-resistant psychopath.

Posted by Latchkey Kid (# 12444) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Signaller:
Road Works = It doesn't.

"End Road Works" - Although there weren't any

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Firenze:
Or from the Obituaries:

Convivial Bon viveur = habitual drunkard.

In a similar vein, I'm always struck by how many young men who die are fun-loving or larrikins or something. This is usually a euphemism for the fact that they died doing something stupid.

Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :

new lower fat version = new higher sugar version.

Posted by ExclamationMark (# 14715) on :

"Lessons have been learned ...." = "we won't get caught that way again"

"Confirmed batchelor" .... Daily mail speak for "Gay"

"We understand that ...." Newspaper speak for "We don't know but are flying a kite for what we think or guess is going pon"

"pub grub" = "we've got a microwave but we've disabled the ping!"

"traditional pub" = "half empty cesspit with a miserable landlord"

Posted by ExclamationMark (# 14715) on :

"newer, better formula" = "we make more money"
"reduced packaging" = "we make more money"
"own brand" = "we make more money"
"special offer" = "we make more money"
"reduced price" = "we make more money" (It went up last week and now down but not to the price it was originally)

A pattern emerging? The whole food and advertising industry is talking out of its backside

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

You've made me think of another one.

$x.99 = $(x+1)

Posted by Thurible (# 3206) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Angloid:
Revision of Fares = Over-inflation Increase.

At the risk of a tangent, our local bus company recently revised its fares and a return is now 10p cheaper!

Thurible

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

"We would like to apologise for any inconvenience this may have caused" = We've probably broken a service contract but these weasel-words ought to keep us out of the courts.

"I apologise sincerely if anyone has been offended" = If you've been offended it's your own fault for being over-sensitive and I'm only saying this because I've been told to do so.

[ 22. January 2013, 12:27: Message edited by: Sioni Sais ]

Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on :

A real one from my old employer -

"headcount reduction"

What made this one particularly funny or sad, depending on your point of view, is that the Global Managing Partner went on a charm offensive to all the offices worldwide to explain said headcount reduction. Some of the French people had no idea what he was talking about.

The native English speakers explained it later. I think the official translation we gave them was "they're going to fire a load of people" or "you're all for the chop".

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by la vie en rouge:
A real one from my old employer -

"headcount reduction"

What made this one particularly funny or sad, depending on your point of view, is that the Global Managing Partner went on a charm offensive to all the offices worldwide to explain said headcount reduction. Some of the French people had no idea what he was talking about.

The native English speakers explained it later. I think the official translation we gave them was "they're going to fire a load of people" or "you're all for the chop".

I expect it sounded a bit too much like the Reign of Terror to some.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

quote:
Originally posted by ExclamationMark:
"traditional pub" = "half empty cesspit with a miserable landlord"

Ah, you must mean the Cherry Tree pub at Yaxley on the A140 between Ipswich and Norwich. Since the sign blew down in a storm and had to be replaced it also offers "stamps!"

But I suspect its tongue is firmly wedged into its cheek!

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

If you are applying for a job where the description says, "We are looking for a self-starter who can work independently.." it means, "Nobody will be training you, you're on your own."

If someone tells you they "have a home based internet business" it means that they sell crap on ebay.

Posted by Angloid (# 159) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:

quote:
Originally posted by ExclamationMark:
"traditional pub" = "half empty cesspit with a miserable landlord"
Ah, you must mean the Cherry Tree pub at Yaxley on the A140 between Ipswich and Norwich. Since the sign blew down in a storm and had to be replaced it also offers "stamps!"

But I suspect its tongue is firmly wedged into its cheek!

Tangential, but that reminds me of a roadside pub in Yorkshire that was actually called Fawlty Towers. We stopped there because we assumed they were sending themselves up and it would really be quite nice. Actually Basil would have been ashamed of it. It was freezing cold, nobody smiled or hardly even spoke, there was no decent beer and the only food on offer were sliced white-bread sandwiches with plastic cheese.

Posted by Trudy Scrumptious (# 5647) on :

When a not-terribly-successful student asks me for a reference letter for college or university, I have a stock sentence I use which goes something like:

"X is capable of very good work and I believe he can succeed in a post-secondary program if he is highly motivated."

I assume anyone working in an admissions office will catch on that the key word in that sentence is "IF" and that the unwritten part of the sentence is:

"....but I have never actually seen this happen."

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

'You will be lucky to have X work for you'. If you're not so lucky however...

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:
"The hotel is 5 minutes from the beach" - if you run like an Olympic sprinter you might make it in 10.

"The hotel is 10 minutes from the beach" - you need a car.

"The hotel is conveniently situated for the airport" - it's out of town and the noise of the planes will keep you awake.

"The hotel is in a vibrant city area" - forget any idea of going to sleep, the ultra-loud music from the clubs, bars and passing drunken tourists will see to that.

It's a "quaint" place to stay= small, old and overpriced.

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :

Posted by Trudy Scumptious:

quote:
When a not-terribly-successful student asks me for a reference letter for college or university, I have a stock sentence I use which goes something like:

"X is capable of very good work and I believe he can succeed in a post-secondary program if he is highly motivated."

Letters of recommendation are especially dicey. Sometimes you can decline to write one on the grounds that you don't know the person well enough to comment. But, how can you say this to someone you've been involved with daily for a year or two? That's when I found myself saying "I'll be happy to" = "you've backed me into a corner and I have no other choice."

Which brings ways to fudge comments on essays and student evaluations.

"a very interesting/original interpretation/approach" = "clueless and/or off-the-wall"

"X participates actively in discussion" = "though what he/she says is rarely relevant to the topic being discussed."

_______________________

Happy memories [Smile]

= glad I don't have to do THAT any more.

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :

This reminds me of the chore of writing school references for my roll class of around thirty or so girls. Some were easy to write,most weren't. "X is punctual and has a good attendance record. She will do well in a job which suits her abilities." This really means mum sent her to school every day because she was a pain to have around the house and that she has few abilities or inclinations likely to be found on any job description.

Posted by The Rhythm Methodist (# 17064) on :

That school reference jogged a memory, of when my French teacher dropped me in the cart for truancy. When my parents read on my report that he "couldn't get enough of my company", they just knew I hadn't suddenly become socially desirable.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

'Deceptively spacious accommodation' - poky

'Good decorative order' - paper still attached to the walls

'Exciting project for a first-time buyer' - total wreck

'Needs some work ' - eg indoor plumbing

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

Malarkey! : Your most recent statement stank like the excrement of a cow's husband!

Posted by Sighthound (# 15185) on :

'Boutique hotel' = Over-priced boarding house with delusions of grandeur.

'Gastropub' = Pub selling small, expensive portions of pretentious food.

'Residential area' = Place where the person in question lives, where no cars should park, and no traffic should exceed 15 mph. As opposed to every other street that he drives down.

'Fish restaurant' = Fish and chip shop where you can buy fish other than cod and haddock.

'Up-and-coming area' = Slum with skips outside some of the houses.

Posted by Alaric the Goth (# 511) on :

On train information monitors, or heard from station announcers (automated 'cause it's cheaper than employing soemone to actually speak):
'On time': up to 5 minutes lates (sometimes more)
'Delayed by about 5 minutes': 'at least 10 mins late)
'Delayed by around 15 minutes': 'half an hour late'
'Unknown delay': 'the local B & Bs should be contacted'
'We apologise for any inconvenience caused by the overcrowding on this service': 'sorry you've been made to play 'sardines' for the last half an hour but we don't have enough serviceable stock, so there'

Posted by Oferyas (# 14031) on :

On Ebay....
"Stunning" = not the worst piece of tat on here

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

Also on eBay: "very rare" = I haven't been bothered to look how many others like it are out there, but I'd like to think it's a genuine antique even though it prbably isn't.

Posted by Oferyas (# 14031) on :

'Very rare' in a context of plants for sale on Ebay = 'I had to look up how to spell this name'.

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

As many of you know, I work as a driving instructor. A retired driving examiner told me that they have their own jargon. When they say "I'm pleased to tell you you've passed" they actually mean it, but when they say "You'll be pleased to know that you've passed" what they actually mean is "I think your driving is pants, but you've just about scraped through because, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't quite find anything bad enough to fail you"

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

On TV newscasts: "See breaking news? Twitter us." = "You don't actually expect us to do any newsgathering, do you? We're far too busy thinking up vapid dialog to fill the time between commercial breaks."

Posted by Wesley J (# 6075) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:
On TV newscasts: "See breaking news? Twitter us." = "You don't actually expect us to do any newsgathering, do you? We're far too busy thinking up vapid dialog to fill the time between commercial breaks."

My thoughts exactly. [Roll Eyes]

Posted by Oferyas (# 14031) on :

When we were looking for our dream home here in France we entered the optimistic rose tinted world of English Estate Agents desperate for a sale commission in bleak times.

One house we saw was described as 'roof needs some attention'. The hole visible in the accompanying photograph was alarming enough, but the charred and blackened ivy on the adjacent wall confirmed that the hole had been caused by a serious house fire.......

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

I have actually seen, though it was some years ago, some estate agent's particulars which included the ominous phrase 'just the thing for a DIY enthusiast'. There was a photo, but even its poor quality and blotchiness couldn't conceal that one of the windows was missing.

Another euphemism:-
"Your call is important to us" = 'we don't care enough about you to pay someone to talk to you, so f**k off'.

[ 24. January 2013, 08:41: Message edited by: Enoch ]

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Enoch:
I have actually seen, though it was some years ago, some estate agent's particulars which included the ominous phrase 'just the thing for a DIY enthusiast'. There was a photo, but even its poor quality and blotchiness couldn't conceal that one of the windows was missing.

Reminds me of the details of a house we saw years ago, described as being in a "sylvan setting." When we saw it the garden was so full of huge trees there was virtually no natural light in the house and there was moss covering the paths and drive. [Eek!]

"I'm not criticising but..." = "I'm criticising."

Nen - who has had the latter comment directed at her more than once. [Disappointed]

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :

'I must follow that up....' = just not now; or not for a long time. Or ever.

'I'll come back to you on that....' = just not now; or not for a long time. Or ever.

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :

'I'm not being funny but...' = yes, you are, actually.

Posted by Amos (# 44) on :

'It is with heavy heart' = pious Christian about to put the knife in.

'I would venture to say' = old-fashioned bishop making a firm statement.

'Are you going to wear that outside the house?' = 'I am your mother, and that dress looks like a very skimpy nightgown.'

'You're looking well' = you have put on weight

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

"Might I possibly suggest ..." = headteacher or boss making a pronouncement that must not be ignored or contradicted.

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

"Are you sure you're not putting on weight dear?" = "Are you pregnant and not telling us?"

"Are you sure you're not pregnant" = "you're putting on weight".

"Bubbly" = "fat and loud, something like Nessa on speed".

"This box is collected from at intervals during the day" = "This box is emptied once a day sometime around the last collection time on the plate, if you're lucky".

[ 25. January 2013, 08:29: Message edited by: Enoch ]

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

A film billing itself as a "comedy-drama" is not funny enough to be a comedy but not substantial enough to be a drama.

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

Another familiar one from the news this evening.

"Negative growth" = "shrinkage"

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

"Strong language" = weak plot

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

"non-representational" = "can't draw".

"representational" = "boring and derivative".

"original" = "ridiculous".

"imaginative" = "tells fibs".

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

On eBay

'Very rare'
= Quite common, but I hope you are not aware of this.
= If you have not noticed the hundreds of others listed.
'Limited Edition' = Production was eventually ended.
'High quality' = the highest quality 2nd rate, third world knockoff you'll find. If you do not look to hard.

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pia:
"No offence, but..." = I am about to say something deeply offensive

In a similar vein, when people are replying to something you've said/written/posted on facebook, and begin with:
"I don't know..." = "Oh, I do know, and you're dead wrong. I'm going to inform you now, but I don't want you thinking this is a debate; I don't want to hear your reply."

quote:
Originally posted by ChaliceGirl:
If you are applying for a job where the description says, "We are looking for a self-starter who can work independently.." it means, "Nobody will be training you, you're on your own."

And quite likely, there's nobody left who understands the job you're interviewing for.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

In job advertisements the phrase "Able to work effectively at all levels in the company" will mean "You'll work with the directors and CEO but we're going to pay you a clerk's wage".

Posted by St. Sebastian (# 312) on :

"Bless your heart!" = F off

For those of you not from the American South, "Bless his/her heart" is also used before or after gossiping about or savagely insulting someone. Sometimes to take the sting out, sometimes to put a thin veneer of Christian civility over the unchristian thing you are about to say or just said. That usage isn't really a euphemism except in the broadest sense, but I thought I'd share it, anyway.

Posted by glockenspiel (# 13645) on :

All excellent entries into the 'dictionary', folks - keep 'em coming! (btw, that was a euphemism for, 'Any old waffle will suffice to get this back up to the top of the heaven board ...')

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :

quote:
Originally posted by St. Sebastian:
"Bless your heart!" = F off

For those of you not from the American South, "Bless his/her heart" is also used before or after gossiping about or savagely insulting someone. Sometimes to take the sting out, sometimes to put a thin veneer of Christian civility over the unchristian thing you are about to say or just said. That usage isn't really a euphemism except in the broadest sense, but I thought I'd share it, anyway.

When gossiping about someone who is not present,this is frequently preceded by 'He/she means well...'

Moo

Posted by Snags (# 15351) on :

"I don't want to be [rude][critical] ..." - but it's not going to stop me*

"Share for prayer" - gossip wildly

*Guilty of doing this myself, sadly

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Snags:

*Guilty of doing this myself, sadly

Wouldn't worry about it, Snags. This whole thread constitutes about 95% of my everyday conversation. Without these phrases, I'd probably have nothing to say. Or no way to say what I want to say... [Big Grin]

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Snags:
Guilty of doing this myself, sadly

= It was OK for me to do it, but not for you.

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe:

quote:
Originally posted by Snags:
Guilty of doing this myself, sadly
= It was OK for me to do it, but not for you.

Sound of a drum-roll followed by clash on the high-hat [Cool]

Posted by Snags (# 15351) on :

[Razz]

to Miss Amanda

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

In a workplace:

"We need to think outside the box."= "We have run out of ideas and our old ideas didn't work."

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

My favourite little bit of Quaker-speak is when Nominations Committee bring forward the name[s] for various posts and someone then says "Ah, that isn't a name that would have occurred to me." which, being interpreted, means "over my dead body!"

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

quote:
Originally posted by ChaliceGirl:
In a workplace:

"We need to think outside the box."= "We have run out of ideas and our old ideas didn't work."

True, but can anyone tell me where this box is to be found? And can you think outside it on days when there is no blue sky to be seen? Anyway, the elephant will probably force you out of the room before you've got that far, going forward. At least one doesn't need too much strength to push an envelope - but how do you know that you've chosen the right one? Perhaps it's iconic.

[ 28. January 2013, 14:43: Message edited by: Baptist Trainfan ]

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Baptist Trainfan:
how do you know that you've chosen the right one?

When "Management is pleased to announce . . ." (= my way or the highway).

Posted by Thyme (# 12360) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:

quote:
Originally posted by Snags:

*Guilty of doing this myself, sadly
Wouldn't worry about it, Snags. This whole thread constitutes about 95% of my everyday conversation. Without these phrases, I'd probably have nothing to say. Or no way to say what I want to say...

So happy you said this Anselmina. I have been thinking the same thing. [Hot and Hormonal]

(About me of course - not you, I don't know you [Help]

Posted by Anselmina (# 3032) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Thyme:

quote:
Originally posted by Anselmina:

quote:
Originally posted by Snags:

*Guilty of doing this myself, sadly
Wouldn't worry about it, Snags. This whole thread constitutes about 95% of my everyday conversation. Without these phrases, I'd probably have nothing to say. Or no way to say what I want to say...
So happy you said this Anselmina. I have been thinking the same thing. (About me of course - not you, I don't know you ).

No, but now you'll be able to recognize me by my conversation should we ever happen to meet!

Especially if I start that conversation with something like: 'My, what a brave choice of colour that is!' [Big Grin]

Posted by Thyme (# 12360) on :

And I reply "Thank you, it's so refreshing when people are not shy about making comments."

[Killing me]

All this is making me listen to the things people say in a whole new way. I feel called to solitude and silence.

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

There was a discussion on R4 this morning about Orwell's Politics and the English Language. It reminded me of a job advert (genuine) I saw recently a senior management position. Here are some phrases from it.:-

"- "aligned and effective strategies";

- "the most effective models for achieving corporate priorities and responding to emerging needs";

- "deep rooted strategic partnerships and relationships";

- "identify and make the most of existing and potential synergies";

- "take a lead role in optimising and growing the use of our organisation’s resources by creatively using risk managed partnerships, collaborations and commercial ventures to best deliver the key services needed by customers";

- "ensuring that significantly improved outcomes for customers are secured"

= We are a collection of complete craphounds looking for someone just like us.

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

"That could do with some more debate" = There's absolutely no way I would let that happen.

Posted by cheesymarzipan (# 9442) on :

One I used in an email the other day:

"We should be able to commence work on this later today"

= If we manage to finish the work other people have already given us before you

(silently: if you'd sent us the information when you were supposed to, you'd be out of my hair by now)

Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :

"What a good idea!" = Never mention that again. Ever.
"What a good idea! We could..." = It's my idea now.

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

quote:
Originally posted by ChaliceGirl:
In a workplace:

"We need to think outside the box."= "We have run out of ideas and our old ideas didn't work."

In a(n Episcopal) church, it means either, "Why are we still using the Prayer Book?" or, if the person saying it is new clergy, "We did this in [seminary/the last church I was at] and I'd like to impose it here."

Posted by Charles Read (# 3963) on :

Long ago an older cleric told me that when a bishop asks you to take on a church with these words:

"This is a challenging post for a young / creative / dynamic priest"

what they mean is:

"This is a church in one hell of a mess and only an inexperienced priest would accept it because anybody else wouild have been around long enough not to worry about saying no to the bishop."

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :

The issue is being referred to a committee = we are going to put it off forever as it is one for the too hard basket.

Posted by glockenspiel (# 13645) on :

"Well if I don't see you over Christmas, have a good one" = I don't want to see you over Christmas.

Posted by Snags (# 15351) on :

"Thank you for your feedback" - kindly sod off you swivel-eyed lunatic.

Not that I've just received the above, oh no.

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

Telling the truth in love = really putting the knife in.

Posted by glockenspiel (# 13645) on :

[From women] ... "I will" = But maybe I wont
"I wont" = But maybe I will
"I might" = I definitely wont

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

quote:
Originally posted by glockenspiel:
[From women] ... "I will" = But maybe I wont
"I wont" = But maybe I will
"I might" = I definitely wont

How unwonted.

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

Having heard the Governor of the Bank of England being interviewed today, I was reminded of another.

Quantitative Easing = some sort of financial jiggery-pokery that involves printing money that doesn't exist and encouraging inflation.

[ 07. February 2013, 20:55: Message edited by: Enoch ]

Posted by hanginginthere (# 17541) on :

This hurts me more than it hurts you = this hurts you more than it hurts me

Your secret is safe with me = the whole office (congregation, staff room, whatever) will know your secret by lunchtime

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

"I'll pray for you" = "I've heard quite enough about your self-centred and petty problems and I really don't want to get involved. However, in the unlikely event that I actually remember this conversation beyond the next ten minutes, I might briefly mention your name before God - but don't count on it".

[N.B. If uttered by a peculiarly saintly person, these words may be understood in their literal sense and the above comments will not apply].

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

"I'll pray for you" = "Don't expect any concrete action, from me at any rate".

Posted by Enoch (# 14322) on :

"Great Parliamentarian" = recently deceased or retired pompous windbag, who never fulfilled his (usually his) promise and spend 2-3 decades on the back benches.

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

"I'll pray for you."= "I can't think of anything else to say."

[ 10. February 2013, 01:47: Message edited by: ChaliceGirl ]

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :

"Well, don't dwell on it" = Stop talking about the bad thing that's happening to you.

Posted by Anna B (# 1439) on :

Now here is a serious question. I once belonged to a church where one of the members would always mention "children at risk" during Prayers of the People. Am I right in thinking that "children at risk" is a euphemism for "children living in poverty"?

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Anna B:
Am I right in thinking that "children at risk" is a euphemism for "children living in poverty"?

Hard to generalize, but without any other cultural input I'd interpret it as meaning children in abusive situations.

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :

In the UK there is an official distinction between: children on the at risk register - thought to be at risk of neglectful, emotional, physical or sexual abuse - and "children in need". This is a category that includes children whose parents may be significantly disabled and are therefore young carers, or who are themselves significantly disabled and in need of extra support.

I imagine extreme poverty would fall within that definition in theory - but it is believed that everyone in the UK has access to the minimum money and shelter needed, so a poor family that was failing to provide adequate food or clothing for their children would end up with them on the at risk register under the neglect category.

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Enoch:

There was a discussion on R4 this morning about Orwell's Politics and the English Language. It reminded me of a job advert (genuine) I saw recently a senior management position. Here are some phrases from it.:-

"- "aligned and effective strategies";

We want methods that work.

- "the most effective models for achieving corporate priorities and responding to emerging needs";

We want methods that work when things change, too.

- "deep rooted strategic partnerships and relationships";

We don't want you to piss off our allies.

- "identify and make the most of existing and potential synergies";

Try not to have more than one set of people doing the same thing.

- "take a lead role in optimising and growing the use of our organisation’s resources by creatively using risk managed partnerships, collaborations and commercial ventures to best deliver the key services needed by customers";

Sub-contract as much as possible so we can save money.

- "ensuring that significantly improved outcomes for customers are secured"

Make sure the sub-contractors don't fuck up.

= We are a collection of complete craphounds looking for someone just like us.

= We are a collection of complete craphounds looking for someone just like us.

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Anna B:
Now here is a serious question. I once belonged to a church where one of the members would always mention "children at risk" during Prayers of the People. Am I right in thinking that "children at risk" is a euphemism for "children living in poverty"?

Yes, also can mean children whose behavior may lead them to be on the wrong side of the law, or close to dropping out of school.

Posted by Percy B (# 17238) on :

I guess this point is not exactly a euphemism, rather coded talk.

Years ago 'a friend of Dorothy' I remember being used to mean he is gay. I don't quite know the reason but I also seem to think Dorothy in question was of the Wizard of Oz. (over the rainbow, perhaps? Maybe not!)

Now as I remember it it was just used for men, I don't recall it being used of lesbians, nor, come to think of it do I remember a lesbian equivalent.

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Percy B:
I guess this point is not exactly a euphemism, rather coded talk.

Years ago 'a friend of Dorothy' I remember being used to mean he is gay. I don't quite know the reason but I also seem to think Dorothy in question was of the Wizard of Oz. (over the rainbow, perhaps? Maybe not!)

Now as I remember it it was just used for men, I don't recall it being used of lesbians, nor, come to think of it do I remember a lesbian equivalent.

Yes, a lot of gay men love Judy Garland for some reason.
I haev heard these in reference to lesbians:

Fan of the LPGA
Melissa Etheridge fan
Ellen DeGeneres fan

Posted by Palimpsest (# 16772) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Percy B:
I guess this point is not exactly a euphemism, rather coded talk.

Years ago 'a friend of Dorothy' I remember being used to mean he is gay. I don't quite know the reason but I also seem to think Dorothy in question was of the Wizard of Oz. (over the rainbow, perhaps? Maybe not!)

Now as I remember it it was just used for men, I don't recall it being used of lesbians, nor, come to think of it do I remember a lesbian equivalent.

Friends of Dorothy is a pretty common term these days. The Wikipedia Article claims that "a friend of Mrs. King" e.g. a queen was a British coded phrase.

I wonder about the preface to the rhyme Oranges and Lemons

Gay go up and gay go down,
To ring the bells of London town.

Posted by Palimpsest (# 16772) on :

There is a euphemism among older Jewish men to refer to Jews such as themselves as "Canadians".
e.g. They don't get many Canadians as customers.

I had a discussion with a Canadian non-jewish friend who told me he had been in conversations where the phrase was used that way and had to protest that the term "Canadians" had only one meaning.

Posted by Moo (# 107) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Palimpsest:
I wonder about the preface to the rhyme Oranges and Lemons

Gay go up and gay go down,
To ring the bells of London town.

AFAIK, 'gay' has had the meaning 'homosexual' for less than fifty years, at least as far as widespread usage is concerned.

Moo

Posted by Percy B (# 17238) on :

quote:
Originally posted by ChaliceGirl:

quote:
Originally posted by Percy B:
I guess this point is not exactly a euphemism, rather coded talk.

Years ago 'a friend of Dorothy' I remember being used to mean he is gay. I don't quite know the reason but I also seem to think Dorothy in question was of the Wizard of Oz. (over the rainbow, perhaps? Maybe not!)

Now as I remember it it was just used for men, I don't recall it being used of lesbians, nor, come to think of it do I remember a lesbian equivalent.
Yes, a lot of gay men love Judy Garland for some reason.
I haev heard these in reference to lesbians:

Fan of the LPGA
Melissa Etheridge fan
Ellen DeGeneres fan

What is th LPGA?.

Posted by Palimpsest (# 16772) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Moo:

quote:
Originally posted by Palimpsest:
I wonder about the preface to the rhyme Oranges and Lemons

Gay go up and gay go down,
To ring the bells of London town.
AFAIK, 'gay' has had the meaning 'homosexual' for less than fifty years, at least as far as widespread usage is concerned.

Moo

The term "gay" to mean an immoral person, a prostitute, womanizer or other "moral degenerate" goes back several centuries further. While the wide spread use of the term gay as meaning homosexual is only fifty years old ( Gay Liberation Front and such), the coded use of the word goes back earlier, at least the 1920's.

[ 17. February 2013, 18:14: Message edited by: Palimpsest ]

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

What is th LPGA?

Ladies Professional Golf Association, known for having its share of lesbian members.

Posted by Mama Thomas (# 10170) on :

What about "Has a great face and a nice personality" for really obese?

A "bit of a perfectionist" for needs treatment for OCD.

Heard those recently, even though they're old as the hills.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

"She's a handsome woman" = "She has a face that could stop a clock."

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :

Teacher euphemisms:
He's a super kid = He will make your life a misery for at least six months, as he did to and I will be able to look all smug and superior in the staff room wit h me knowing you can't admit to hating him and you knowing that I know.

They're a smashing group = Don't turn your back on them, don't go into the stationery cupboard, and bring a chair and a whip for all Friday afternoons and last days of term.

The Deputy Head is very supportive = because, like the rest of us s/he knows the Head is completely useless.

Posted by Swick (# 8773) on :

He/she has a great personality = fat and/or homely

From our church minutes: "A lively discussion took place" = it was a screaming match.

At a church potluck: "I would never thought of that combination" = really gross

I don't know if this counts as a euphemism, but in New England if someone says that the food is "not bad," means it's really very good.

Posted by ecumaniac (# 376) on :

quote:
Originally posted by churchgeek:
when people are replying to something you've said/written/posted on facebook, and begin with:
"I don't know..." = "Oh, I do know, and you're dead wrong. I'm going to inform you now, but I don't want you thinking this is a debate; I don't want to hear your reply."

Oh so that's where I've been going wrong? When I want to communicate that someone has posted something wrong, I simply write "Incorrect." and then I write the correction. Been getting an awful lot of pushback when I do that, hmmm.

quote:
Originally posted by Snags:
"Thank you for your feedback" - kindly sod off you swivel-eyed lunatic.

So true, I use that line all the time!

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

"I'm not the most politically correct guy in the world." = "I am a screaming bigot."

"You'll either love him or you'll hate him." = "You'll hate him."

(That last one is not mine, some famous writer was quoted as making that translation.)

[ 20. February 2013, 23:53: Message edited by: Stetson ]

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

SAID IN POLITICAL DISCOURSE...

"I think we need to hear more from people who have been previously shut out of the discussion." = "My viewpoint doesn't get the attention I think it deserves."

That one goes across the spectrum.

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

"He's in between jobs."= He's unemployed.

"I mis-spoke."= I lied.

Church/work minutes: "The topic was discussed,a lengthy conversation ensued."= The minute taker was too lazy to write down every detail of the conversation.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by ChaliceGirl:
Church/work minutes: "The topic was discussed,a lengthy conversation ensued."= The minute taker was too lazy to write down every detail of the conversation.

Alternatively: "No-one resisted the opportunity to rattle on at length, but no decision was made".

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Ah. I know that as "After some discussion, it was agreed to defer consideration of this point to a later meeting" = "After a lot of waffle, rambling, and tangential but fascinating anecdotes we realized that we were about to run out of time so galloped through the rest of the agenda. We're not planning on coming back to this particular point any time in the near future."

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Not sure if this qualifies as a euphemism, but, in exchanges like this....

A: So, am I correct in understanding that [whatever the idea under discussion is]?

B: Well, that's a bit of an oversimplification, but you've got the basic idea.

...Person A has basically explained the idea perfectly, or at least as well as it needs to be explained for the purposes of the discussion, so B's bit about "oversimplification" is unneccessary, and probably just a passive-aggressive attempt at maintaining the upper hand.

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