Ship of Fools: Snatches of overheard conversations

Thread: Snatches of overheard conversations Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Egeria's post on another thread sparked this off:

quote:
I am often cheered by snatches of conversation that I inadvertently overhear. These can be funny:

"Biceps? I don't have biceps." (Male student in the weight room)
"Yeah, I pushed out my first draft...Yeah, you have to organize your thoughts and all...it's hella'nnoying! " (Female student outside the locker room) I have to say, I've got a sneaking sympathy for that woman, as I'm now preparing a paper for publication--I know just how it feels.

Or endearing:
"That lab on Wednesday was the coolest thing I've ever done! " (Female student in locker room)
"Your mom and your dad go cycling together? That's awesome! " (Male student to friend near campus)

Or mysterious:
"He was supposed to give a lecture, but he sent a lookalike instead!" (Grad student to colleague at academic conference) I'm still trying to figure this one out. I suspect I know who the subject is.

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

And some overheard remarks that have lingered...

"Toby has a dong the size of Great Britain."

"The things I'll always remember about Maurice are his hatchet face and pencil moustache."

Do add your own scraps of enigmatic, amusing or just plain surreal overheard conversations...

[ 01. February 2013, 05:25: Message edited by: Ariel ]

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

as a bartender I get this all the time, as I'm constantly on the move past various conversations. I have a few from today and will post more later.

"...and that duck knocked me down on my ass in one shot. never saw it coming."

a) "you seriously had sex in the church? you're so going to hell!"
b) "yeah but I went to confession right afterwards!"

"well, I told you not to stick your finger in that end of the dog..."

Posted by Adeodatus (# 4992) on :

This one's stuck in my head from nearly thirty years ago. An exasperated middle-aged man walking down the street talking to his friend -

"I mean, how the hell do you lose an anaconda?!"

Posted by Reuben (# 11361) on :

“A nine mile walk is no joke, especially in the rain.”

Posted by Kaplan Corday (# 16119) on :

A couple of young women were obviously discussing the relationships of common acquaintances, and as they passed me one of them solemnly remarked, "Of course, she thinks the sun shines out of his arsehole....".

I have heard the expression often since, but on that first occasion I thought it was priceless.

Posted by Baptist Trainfan (# 15128) on :

I remember reading of someone who overheard an academic, walking down a Cambridge street with another don, say, "And thirty-ninethly ...".

But I suspect that not all conversations there are as erudite.

Posted by Earwig (# 12057) on :

I wish I could remember the whole conversation - I was on a bus, sitting behind a young woman who was telling her friend on the phone about her latest hairdressing shift.

They obviously shared a dislike of one particular colleague, inspiring the line "I'm not being rude, but she looks like a pig."

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Reuben:
“A nine mile walk is no joke, especially in the rain.”

I suspect you didn't overhear that one yourself, but perhaps a famous rabbi shared it with you.
[Biased]

Posted by ExclamationMark (# 14715) on :

Overheard on a crossed phone line (on conference call), 2 young ladies talking about their respective nights out .

"It was like being in the room with an octopus, arms everywhere"

"He came close then he kissed me and stuck his tongue in my ear .."

The call ended there. Cue hysterics EM, Office Supervisor and 2 members of staff (all 3 girls). One said I think I've met the octopus guy ...

Posted by Carex (# 9643) on :

Older woman, coming to a decision after some deliberation, informed her companion as she walked past our table:

"I don't think I'll have a happy family today."

I was struck that someone could make such a conscious decision about their family, then I looked down at the menu and saw the "Happy Family" plate...

Posted by HughWillRidmee (# 15614) on :

Heavy snow overnight which continued all morning; 0930 and all ten staff have struggled into an office in a Somerset market town. Five weather-related conversations crescendoing across the room. Lovely but apparently straitlaced, married, late-twenties Office Manageress (who had hitched a lift into town on a 4wheel drive tractor) to convent educated office junior as four conversations paused for breath - "Well, don't you ever wake up and see six inches in front of your face?" It didn't take long for her to cotton on to the facial contortions surrounding her: and then realisation dawned like a slow motion car crash with colour by london post box and music by the Westminster Central Hall organ.

Posted by Cottontail (# 12234) on :

Walking down a street in Edinburgh city centre, a man was standing waiting with a beautiful Red Setter on a lead. A woman and five year old girl were walking towards me, and I saw the girl gaze at the dog in wonder. Then she turned to her mother, and just as they passed me, said in a voice of great awe: "Daddy was right, mummy. They do come in red!"

[ 02. February 2013, 08:58: Message edited by: Cottontail ]

Posted by Gussie (# 12271) on :

Woman very loudly to her friend as I passed them in the High St 'It hurt so bloody much I thought I might as well have my belly button done as well.'

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Cottontail:
Walking down a street in Edinburgh city centre, a man was standing waiting with a beautiful Red Setter on a lead. A woman and five year old girl were walking towards me, and I saw the girl gaze at the dog in wonder. Then she turned to her mother, and just as they passed me, said in a voice of great awe: "Daddy was right, mummy. They do come in red!"

They must do something to little girls, my earliest memory is from my third birthday, the first time I saw an Irish Setter.

During my years in England I loved to eavesdrop on the bus. My person to person conversations didn't go well as my West Virginia accent was the funniest, weirdest thing in the world to British people -- to some Americans, too.

I'll never forget this line. It struck me as the most English thing I'd ever heard, "... going to me cousins wedding. Thinking of wearing me pearls but shouldn't like to be overdone."

Posted by Anna B (# 1439) on :

Some years ago my husband and I lived in an apartment building with very thin walls. One night we overheard a man and a woman having sex. During a pause in the action, the woman remarked loud and clear:

"Well it IS my birthday, you know"

Posted by Pegasus (# 1966) on :

"And then they're kidnapped by two lesbians called Marx and Lenin!"

Overheard in a cafe many years ago, and I still ponder it.

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

After church on Sunday, I found myself walking downstairs behind a woman on a cell phone who was apparently apologizing for not getting a message sent/texted to her during the church service. She said,

quote:
I was in a box of concrete walls

which makes sense in the context of a cell phone call, but it was a rather odd way to hear a Gothic-style cathedral described!

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

quote:
Originally posted by ExclamationMark:
Overheard on a crossed phone line (on conference call), 2 young ladies talking about their respective nights out .

"It was like being in the room with an octopus, arms everywhere"

"He came close then he kissed me and stuck his tongue in my ear .."

The call ended there. Cue hysterics EM, Office Supervisor and 2 members of staff (all 3 girls). One said I think I've met the octopus guy ...

These remind me of, respectively, a Velvet Underground quote ("He was like an octopus, arms all over the place" - "The Gift") and a Pixies quote ("...he said, sticking his tongue in my ear..." - "I've Been Tired"), that I would've had a hard time getting the latter out of my head during the rest of the conference!

This one isn't overheard - it's a weird conversation I participated in, but I think it's close enough to share here.

I was walking home one day - a 6 mile walk home from the school I attend - and came across a man who was heading to his car from whatever building/business he'd just been in.

I smiled, he said hi.

Me: "How ya doin'?"

Him: "Better than most! No one's shootin' at me!"

Me: (Confused but forcing a happy tone into my voice) "That's good!..."

Him: "I can breathe easy!"

...and then he got into his car. I sat down on a bus stop bench to jot it down, thinking, "Wow, up till this point I had no idea most people were getting shot at!"

Posted by snowgoose (# 4394) on :

Two favorites, both from university cafeterias (and both 30-plus years ago):

"They put it in a subterfuge to separate the light stuff from the heavy stuff"

"It was that kind of music like they play for the British Grenadines"
(Is that why we all them redcoats?)

Posted by the gnome (# 14156) on :

One Saturday, I was enjoying the view from the top of the hilltop tower in a nearby park when a family with two small boys arrived and sat down to have a quick snack. The mother reached into her pack and pulled out a package of cookies, opened it, and handed one to each of the boys. The older one, who couldn't have been more than four years old, looked at his cookie and said, nostalgically,

"Hey! I remember these! I used to really like these when I was little."

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :

I overheard this on a bus in New York City when I was living lo these many years ago:

A young couple, sitting behind me, with the gentleman inquiring as to the lady's possible sexual inexperience (and you have to imagine a profoundly Noo Yawk accent punctuated with gum-snapping):

"Voigin? Nuh-uh, I been deflowid."

Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :

These two are both those "long dinner table falls silent and one conversation carries on" type of overheard:

"So, Mungo, what's your real name?"
"It's Mungo."

"Then the gluey stuff oozed out of my drawers and its ruined all my tights."

The latter turned out to be a woman bemoaning her difficulties with a self-assembly chest-of-drawers.

Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :

Two women behind me on a bus, discussing another person:

"It was when she was working for the National Society for the Prevention of Children."

(for non-UK readers: the NSPCC is the National Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Children)

Posted by Niminypiminy (# 15489) on :

On a train from Leeds to Bradford:

'You know that Woody Allen, well, he puts his neuroses into his films.'
'Ooh, that's disgusting !'

I felt like I'd managed to get into an Alan Bennett screenplay.

And overheard on a bus by a friend:

'Well, I don't like to speak I'll of the dead, but she had meat during the war .'

(Edited to correct spelling)

[ 07. February 2013, 08:49: Message edited by: Niminypiminy ]

Posted by chive (# 208) on :

Over the years I have had some interesting next door neighbours. I remember the day I overheard an argument which included the line, 'I knew you'd get sacked when you nicked that laptop.'

Also at work I overheard a drunken couple having a vicious row. It included the most offensive insult ever - 'You're a slag, just like your mother.'

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
"Then the gluey stuff oozed out of my drawers and its ruined all my tights."

The latter turned out to be a woman bemoaning her difficulties with a self-assembly chest-of-drawers.

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :

Years ago, and not first hand, but in a ladies' changing room:

Assistant: I thought you said you were a size 14.

Customer: I am, but a size 16 fits me.

This week at lunch with two girlfriends we may have been guilty of being the overheard ones. I was relating to them how Nenlet2, who's studying psychology, had attended a two-hour lecture on the orgasm. One of my friends said (in a slightly less modulated tone than mine) "What is there to say for two hours about orgasms?" The older lady who was sitting on her own at the other end of the table got up and left... [Hot and Hormonal]

Nen - can't help smiling... [Biased]

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

You hear, and see- a lot of crazy stuff on public transit.

I heard on a bus a guy talking to his buddy: "I have this waterbed , you know, and my girl..she just jumps into it with her earings, and I'm like, 'Are you kiddin' me??!'"

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

While walking past the church secretary's office many years ago, I heard: "The people you see when you don't have a gun."

I don't think it was aimed at me. [Razz]

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

quote:
"What is there to say for two hours about orgasms?" The older lady who was sitting on her own at the other end of the table got up and left...

Really? I would have stuck around longer.. [Snigger]

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Nenya:

This week at lunch with two girlfriends we may have been guilty of being the overheard ones. I was relating to them how Nenlet2, who's studying psychology, had attended a two-hour lecture on the orgasm. One of my friends said (in a slightly less modulated tone than mine) "What is there to say for two hours about orgasms?" The older lady who was sitting on her own at the other end of the table got up and left...

Nen - can't help smiling...

We so gotta hang out.

Posted by Augustine the Aleut (# 1472) on :

In a noisy restaurant on Elgin Street, some years ago, during a brief few seconds of silence, a voice which did not modulate itself quite in time: "and that's when I discovered what mattress handles were really for"

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

I'm reminded of a similar scenario to A the A's - I was in a noisy restaurant in Dublin with a group of friends from Belfast. During a badly-timed lull when we were reckoning up our bills one of my friends said in a far-too-audible voice, "Anyone got any Monopoly money?"*

* derogatory term used in Northern Ireland for the old Irish currency (now replaced by the euro).

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :

Mine isn't really a remark, and is a bit difficult to recreate in words.

The other day on a bus, I was sat behind two elderly Jamaican ladies, one of whom was telling the other why she was late. It was all in the most beautiful rich accent and full of patois - she really brought the story alive, with vivid humour.

I love listening to people who have strong accents or use a lot of their particular dialect - it sometimes feels like I've stumbled on a play being performed.

It also made me realise that I've been in London a long time. Twenty years ago I wouldn't have understood a word!

[ 08. February 2013, 06:42: Message edited by: Gill H ]

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :

Here's some "snatches" of conversation that I wish I could rip from my memory.

Overheard at the YMCA last year:

"Well, yes, but he's very patient with me. I love to straddle him when he's sitting down, that way I can look in his face and we can watch each other come!"

And this...

"My tits just jump up and down in the water and it feels so weird, but good!

"Yeah, I know! One time I moved over to the jets in the hot tub and let them pulse right in my cooze..."

Shortly after this, I let my YMCA membership expire! [Projectile]

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

Today, I was walking to the post office (which involves walking on part of a sidewalk that circles a lake, which people who work nearby like to use for exercise on their lunch breaks). A group of men and women caught up behind me. The man who spoke must not have enjoyed reading much:

Him: "...then I realized the speeches are worthless. You can skip a large portion of the book by skipping the speeches."

Lady in the group: "Yeah, but sometimes I read just for the sake of reading. I'll read a cereal box if it's in front of me."

(I will too. [Hot and Hormonal]

)

Posted by Meerkat (# 16117) on :

Following (sort of) GillH's post... some years ago I took a taxi across south London... the driver was white, aged about 55... and spoke with a very strong Jamaican accent! I thought he was playing silly-buggers but as it was consistent, I twigged that it was genuine. It turned out that he had been born in Jamaica and had only moved to London about 10 years previously. [Smile]

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Meerkat:
Following (sort of) GillH's post... some years ago I took a taxi across south London... the driver was white, aged about 55... and spoke with a very strong Jamaican accent! I thought he was playing silly-buggers but as it was consistent, I twigged that it was genuine. It turned out that he had been born in Jamaica and had only moved to London about 10 years previously.

Sort of like this ?

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

Outside an expat bar in Korea, about ten years ago. A young woman, maybe mid-20s and wearing a t-shirt indicating she had spent time on a kibbutz, is talking to an East Indian guy, roughly the same age. To get the full effect, you have to hear her talking in an airy, sing-song voice, with each of the pertinent words emphasized for impact.

"Oh, you're from India? I was in India last year. It was fascinating. In India, I saw LIFE...and DEATH. And WEALTH...and POVERTY. And LOVE...and HATE."

And so on and so forth. The Indian guy just kinda smiled and nodded along politely.

[ 10. February 2013, 17:24: Message edited by: Stetson ]

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

It was Alanis, wasn't it? [Snigger]

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Gill H:

I love listening to people who have strong accents or use a lot of their particular dialect - it sometimes feels like I've stumbled on a play being performed.

Changes the flavour of a story, an accent. Love 'em, but unconsciously mimic. So much so at times people speak to me in languages I do not speak and will not believe I do not understand.

Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on :

Overheard at the bus stop while I was waiting for my parents to arrive from the airport on Friday night: "yeah, I know, my Dad sent a thousand euros but it's all gone, and now he's really pissed and he says he's not sending any more… my new glasses were 240 euros but I told him 300 so tomorrow I'll have 60 euros… I had to buy metro tickets and then I bought a drink so now I've only got 10 euros left..."

I'm not surprised her Dad wasn't sending any more. [Eek!]

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

"RooK's away, lets play"

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