Ship of Fools: Well done thou good and faithful servant (not)

Thread: Well done thou good and faithful servant (not) Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

What do you think St. Peter will say to you when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Posted by TomOfTarsus (# 3053) on :

To a Hindu fellow: "You again!"

(we need the smiley that ducks as rock passes over him...)

Posted by Spiffy (# 5267) on :

"Holy ****, you made it!"

Posted by Anglo Catholic Relict (# 17213) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Chorister:
What do you think St. Peter will say to you when you arrive at the Pearly Gates?

Welcome home. [Smile]

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :

If it truly is the pearly gates, heaven etc., then probably something along the lines of "You should never have believed that Tom Wright".

Or, something similar to Spiffy's: "That was a close-run thing..."

Posted by South Coast Kevin (# 16130) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Stejjie:
If it truly is the pearly gates, heaven etc., then probably something along the lines of "You should never have believed that Tom Wright".

Ha ha, I was just wondering what Tom Wright would make of this thread!

Posted by cattyish (# 7829) on :

"You're in for a surprise; look who's here!"

Posted by Drifting Star (# 12799) on :

I'm hoping for this.

"Well done, good and faithful servant. You failed in everything you set out to achieve with honesty, integrity and a good deal of kindness and grace."

I'm working on it.

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :

Pete, wouldn't you rather be in Hell, greeting all your friends?

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

"Yes, Can I help you?"

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

He'd take one look at the stairway to Heaven I'd been climbing up and declare 'You've bought it!'

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :

"... and on the other side of that wall are the Roman Catholics. They don't know the rest of us are here yet"

Posted by nickel (# 8363) on :

Don't know. I'm hoping to go in by the kitchen door, because that's where most of my loved ones will be hanging out. So if it has to be pearly gates and St Peter, I'd like him to say "Yup, free pass for Nickel. Just over there, down the side garden and up those steps. You'll find everyone in there." That would do.

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

"Must you park that noisy thing there?"

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

"We had bets on whether you would ever learn or not. I won."

Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on :

"Tell you what, I'll give you front seats when the next atheist arrives here. I promise you, you'll love to see the look on their faces!"

Posted by Rowen (# 1194) on :

Sit down, and I will get you some tea. With milk?

Posted by rugasaw (# 7315) on :

The elevator down is that way.

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

"Well, I guess that, under rule 503(c), we technically have to let you in, though I, for one, wasn't too happy about it. Voted against you, just so you know. Congratulations, I guess. You get the seat next to Jerome for all eternity. You know, not to sway your decision or anything, but you do have your choice of afterlives; it's not too late to commit an unforgivable blasphemy or two. Just a hint."

Posted by Leaf (# 14169) on :

"As if. Next!"

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

"surprise! We knew you'd enjoy the other place so much, so..."

Posted by Graven Image (# 8755) on :

We have been waiting a long time for you to get here.

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :

"Lovely Day for a Guinness"

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

"We got a pool going as to how long it will take you to find something to bitch about here."

"And play faster, Wright."

Posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger (# 8891) on :

"Round the back door for you"

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust -
If the Devil won't have you, the good Lord must.

<followed by a long sigh>

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Welcome! You can walk around anywhere you like, but don't go on that little cloud there. It's being kept especially for the ex-gays. We haven't had any yet, but it's being kept just in case.

Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on :

"Hello there, all your ideas about God have been exactly right."

To the next conservative evangelical coming in: "Hello there, all your ideas about God have been exactly right."

To the next woolly liberal coming in: "Hello there, all your ideas about God have been exactly right."

To the next high-candle Catholic coming in: "Hello there, all your ideas about God have been exactly right."

To the next atheist coming in: "Hello there, all your ideas about God have been exactly right."

Etc...

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

"Ah, you must be here to fix the computers. Just a moment, and I will get someone to look after you."

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

"Sorry, I don't seem to have any record of you on my list. Are you sure that's how you spell your name?"

Posted by Marvin the Martian (# 4360) on :

Hey dude, here's a cider. The pool's that way, the bar's over there. And don't forget the daily entertainment when we all take the piss out of all the fundie bastards who thought none of us would be here [Big Grin]

Posted by Stercus Tauri (# 16668) on :

Nice try, dreamer, but you can't join our choir either.

Posted by Scots lass (# 2699) on :

A loooong look over the glasses to make sure I really am that person.

"I always thought you were taller. And your hair wasn't that colour after all. Interesting. Come on in."

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

Who are you?

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

"Hey, how do you like my Pearly Gates? Ain't they the campest thing you ever saw?!?!"

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

<tangent> Can't think why Bill and Melinda passed up on naming one of their weans... </tangent>

[ 03. August 2013, 11:37: Message edited by: Firenze ]

Posted by Jengie Jon (# 273) on :

I suspect the lines something along the lines

The kettle is over there if you want a cup of tea help yourself, by the way you are on praise duty next Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and for all eternity. While you at it would you mind sorting out the fire precautions for the use of candles at Pentecost.

Jengie

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :

Hopefully (and to quote C S Lewis)

"The term is over: the holidays have begun. The dream is ended: this is the morning."

Posted by The Rogue (# 2275) on :

You've got the "mug" tattoo on your forehead. Can you just hold these keys for a few moments while I pop to the loo?

Posted by FooloftheShip (# 15579) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:
I suspect the lines something along the lines

The kettle is over there if you want a cup of tea help yourself, by the way you are on praise duty next Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday and for all eternity. While you at it would you mind sorting out the fire precautions for the use of candles at Pentecost.

Jengie

Which perversely proves the veracity of my observation that going to church is mostly intended to prepare us for the other place, just in case.....

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :

"How's it hanging?"

Sorry! My roommate told me that that's what she prayed for her first prayer when she was an adult and joined a really cool church. The preacher said to just talk to God as if He were a friend you hadn't seen in a long while and ask Him anything. Presumably, you could ask Pete too?
[Killing me]

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :

Ooops! I messed up my previous post. Forgive me, won't you, St. Peter and Shippies? I'm sick with a bad cold and really should be in bed and not attempting any kind of semi-intelligent discourse with anyone...

will return when healthy... snuffle snuffle groan.

Posted by The Rogue (# 2275) on :

I thought that was a good one.

ETA That is my response to The5thMary's posts, not what I thinks StP will say to me as I have already given my ideas on that and I have no intention of turning up twice.

[ 03. August 2013, 19:35: Message edited by: The Rogue ]

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :

I can't even imagine pearly gates, much less a 2,000 year-old St. Peter. But if it turns out I'm wrong, I'm pretty sure the greeting will consist of the Gatekeeper rolling his eyes, heaving a soulful sigh and muttering, "There goes the neighborhood."

Posted by churchgeek (# 5557) on :

"Hey, you're gonna love these..." (Files through his record collection and hands me a stack, including whatever Johnny Cash has been up to these last few years, among others.) [Cool]

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :

Passport please. Do you have anything to declare? Are you carrying any drugs, contraband, fruit, alcohol etc. Did you pack your own case and do you know what is in it? Did you apply for a visa to enter Heaven? Please stand over there while we investigate your right to enter.

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :

"In case you didn't know, we're universalists. You're bunking with Stalin."

Posted by Lord Jestocost (# 12909) on :

"Replay? Y/N"

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Lord Jestocost:
"Replay? Y/N"

One of my favourites so far!! [Big Grin]

Posted by Haydee (# 14734) on :

[Killing me]

On the part of St P

Posted by Palimpsest (# 16772) on :

Is there a despair squid involved?

Posted by Stejjie (# 13941) on :

In addition to what I wrote above, I've a strong feeling it'll be something like "Look, can you just stop reading the Ship, put your tablet down for a moment and pay attention, please...".

Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on :

"You're down for Purgatory for a few years - let's see - wait a minute - I think there's something on the paper, no, it really is that many zeros after the 1..."

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :

"OK - a few bits of information for newcomers before you're allowed in.

First: God. Well, she's black"

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

Second: you're in the room next door to your earthly worst enemy. You did say you believed in forgiveness, right?

Posted by DonLogan2 (# 15608) on :

"No, I am very sorry but the Jews were right..."

(Apologies to Rowan Atkinson)

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

3. You are wrong. Exactly what areas you were wrong on is for you to find out, but start from that assumption.

And you will never guess who else is here......

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

"Welcome to Pearly Gates Luxury Suites. May I see your ID and credit card please?"

Posted by Sighthound (# 15185) on :

I hope he will say: 'Your family and greyhounds are in suite 211385. Here is a plan marking the location of the library, the model railway club and the queue to interview Richard III.'

[ 11. August 2013, 18:20: Message edited by: Sighthound ]

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sighthound:
I hope he will say: 'Your family and greyhounds are in suite 211385. Here is a plan marking the location of the library, the model railway club and the queue to interview Richard III.'

There's Richard III and a model railway, are you sure this is heaven, check the library: If it's full of Barbara Cartland novels you'll know where you are.

Posted by argona (# 14037) on :

OMG! Well, actually yours too. Listen, maybe I can fix you a plea bargain.

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :

You see, that hardly hurt at all. Now just take that corridor on the left... through the Purgatory section...how long? With your mobility, could be longer than most. Would you like to borrow a buggy?

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

"Hello, Piglet - do come in. Will, Orlando and Tom have been looking forward to you joining the Tudor Choir, which meets on Monday evenings (ruffs optional), and the Gilbert & Sullivan Society (Wednesdays) is looking for someone to play Angelina in their forthcoming production of Trial by Jury. Both rehearsals are followed by drinks and nibbles at the Eternal Wine Bar. Ah, Master Cranmer, I don't believe you've met Piglet ... "

[Big Grin]

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :

"Welcome to my cloud. It used to be really lovely and quiet up here, but recently everyone has been sending up all their Internet junk...."

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

...or possibly...

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