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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Thinking of going back into full time ministry as a newly single mum?
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PriestWifeMum
Apprentice
# 17200
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Posted
Very long story, very short: I am an Anglican priest (most comfortable in low church settings), did a full time curacy before going NSM to have my 2 children(the youngest will be going to school in Sept 2014). I haven't been in full time ministry for 5 years. My husband left 3 months ago and I'm thinking of going back into stipendiary ministry, with the idea of starting a post in autumn 2014.
So, has anyone out there done this with young children, or know people who have? Any thoughts etc? And when do I need to start applying for posts...and honestly, will churches REALLY want me?
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http://priestwifemum.wordpress.com/
Posts: 13 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2012
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aig
Shipmate
# 429
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Posted
I don't have any helpful comments but I wondered if you are on Facebook? There is a specific group for clergy mothers and you might get some very helpful responses there. PM me if you want further information on this.
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That's not how we do it here.......
Posts: 464 | From: the middle bit at the bottom slightly to the right | Registered: Jun 2001
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Avila
Shipmate
# 15541
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Posted
No useful experience to offer but I guess you are looking at this from a couple of angles.
Firstly the practicalities of ministry and sole charge of small people, it is one of the most flexible jobs for school runs and sports days but evening events are probably the most tricky if at your vicarage then babysitting not needed.
Then it is work load plus home work load, with no-one to share any of that. I don't have the family situation but did have to consider health energy limits.
The other side of the issue I hear in your opener is how people will react to a single mum, to you being separated towards divorce.
That shouldn't be an issue but sadly is in some places. You would have to get used to people asking or telling - so decide what the official edited version is, what you are happy to be known? It is often better to give enough to stop the speculation versions but need to protect you and family's privacy too.
You may find some grumpy horrible stuff, but ministry can come with that anyway. You will find a lot of people willing to love, care and help - letting your congregation minister to you is important for them and you (a lesson I needed to learn).
And you will find that your situation will help others to know that they are welcomed by God too - even with the play dough scattered kitchen tables and whatever else. And a reminder that Christian lives aren't any less complicated and messy than anyone else's.
Prayers with you on your reflections and journey of ministry whether formal or otherwise.
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http://aweebleswonderings.blogspot.com/
Posts: 1305 | From: west midlands | Registered: Mar 2010
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SvitlanaV2
Shipmate
# 16967
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Avila:
The other side of the issue I hear in your opener is how people will react to a single mum, to you being separated towards divorce.
Wouldn't it be better to get the divorce out of the way first? It's said that divorce is one of the most stressful experiences one can go through, so at such a time you surely need to be receiving support rather than offering it to others. Secondly, as a mere layperson I'd find it a bit odd to be listening to sermons about love, forgiveness, unity and all that pious stuff from someone whose family was being formally dismantled at the same time. It would make more sense coming from someone who was at the other end of the process. Their return to the ministry would then come across (and easily be explained) as a fresh start.
Two ministers at churches I attended went through divorces, but the process marked a transition. They were Methodists who were stationed elsewhere when their marriages broke down.
Posts: 6668 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012
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Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
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Posted
Unless money was a serious problem, I would be looking at a very part time job that was flexible to accommodate school hours.
The last thing the kids need now is both parents abandoning them.
Please keep your children foremost in your mind.
There is no more important a job than parenting.
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a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
I would not regard a mother returning to work once the youngest started school as "abandoning" her children.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
I agree with NEQ - and I certainly think a single mum needs some sort of life outside being a parent or she will atrophy and have less to offer as a parent.
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Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Evensong
Shipmate
# 14696
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by North East Quine:
I would not regard a mother returning to work once the youngest started school as "abandoning" her children.
Full time work?
And ministry full time is full time ++
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a theological scrapbook
Posts: 9481 | From: Australia | Registered: Apr 2009
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
We don't know anything about PriestWifeMum's family set-up for the very good reason that it's none of our business. She might have a helpful granny nearby, her former husband might be having the children for part of the week, she might have a good support system generally. She's decided that it would be feasible for her to work full time once the younger child starts school. If she wanted parenting advice, presumably she'd have posted in the parenting thread. As it is, she's posted asking for advice re returning to full time ministry.
[ 17. August 2013, 14:59: Message edited by: North East Quine ]
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Good luck with the return.
I'd say that the ministry is (potentially) one of the most flexible careers for a flexible parent.
What might suit you best would be a curacy, rather than a PinC job.
On the other hand, being your own boss is more likely to mean that you can schedule the job around your parental responsibilities.
What you need is an old-fashioned au pair - someone who lives with you and the children as an honorary "elder daughter" - she can take a share with the school run, shopping, bits of housework, etc.
Alternatively, you may find an older person who is looking for something to do during the week - a sort of granny-figure?
Good luck!
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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Avila
Shipmate
# 15541
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:
quote:
Originally posted by Avila:
The other side of the issue I hear in your opener is how people will react to a single mum, to you being separated towards divorce.
Wouldn't it be better to get the divorce out of the way first? It's said that divorce is one of the most stressful experiences one can go through, so at such a time you surely need to be receiving support rather than offering it to others. Secondly, as a mere layperson I'd find it a bit odd to be listening to sermons about love, forgiveness, unity and all that pious stuff from someone whose family was being formally dismantled at the same time. It would make more sense coming from someone who was at the other end of the process. Their return to the ministry would then come across (and easily be explained) as a fresh start.
Two ministers at churches I attended went through divorces, but the process marked a transition. They were Methodists who were stationed elsewhere when their marriages broke down.
But they were presumably in a church appointment whilst it was happening to them. Moving on as we regularly do anyway does give a new start but divorces happen to serving ministers, as do family deaths, pregnancy, kids going off the rails and all kinds of other complexities of life, some good some bad, some happening to them, some that they will get blamed for regardless.
A minister going through a divorce who has been eg adulterous, or violent or.... I would expect to be set aside . But someone who is on the other side, or a different situation - I wouldn't have a problem with their integrity to preach, even on love and forgiveness etc, in fact their preaching might have more honesty in it than the pious stuff simply because they are wrestling with making sense of it - as are many in the congregation even if over different issues.
Personally reaching as one who lives with depression brings a different aspect even when not actively referred to, preached as one healed will have a different aspect - but I don't feel I have to wait until then to have something to offer.
Each person needs to discern, with God, with those around them, and within the church systems as an ordained person what is appropriate, when, where, and how.
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http://aweebleswonderings.blogspot.com/
Posts: 1305 | From: west midlands | Registered: Mar 2010
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PriestWifeMum
Apprentice
# 17200
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Posted
Wow, some of those comments hurt! Thank you to those who were more loving. Remember there's a real person here...
OK, some clarification to the critics, not that it's really any of your business:
* I'm not at fault and do not want a divorce and have refused to divorce him, despite having many grounds. I'm still, somehow, hoping for reconciliation. I happen to have forgiven him and keep on doing that every time he hurts me. Does that make me good enough for you? Do you need a perfect priest or will you settle for a human one? If you read your Bible you'll see that most people in it had character flaws and, hey, God used them anyway...
* Yes, money is a huge issue. I'm currently on income support and it will end when my youngest goes to school. I'm then expected to find work. Personally I'd love to stay at home with my children. Guess what? I looked at other jobs, part time etc and God has said, No. Go get into full time parish ministry again. Sorry if that offends you, you know, following what God is saying even though it's costly?
Sorry for getting grumpy here, but, you know, I'm a real person with real feelings who never thought I'd be in this position and never wanted to be. I do not need to be judged - that's God's job, ok?
Thank you to those who have been more supportive. I'm really looking for ideas on how to manage, what type of parishes to look for etc. Anyone who's had experienceof this or has had a single parent clergyperson in their churchand how it worked for them.
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http://priestwifemum.wordpress.com/
Posts: 13 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2012
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jugular
Voice of Treason
# 4174
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Posted
A colleague of mine had a marriage break down - she and he are both priests - and she had the unenviable task of setting up a new household, finding an income and coping with the grief all at once. This was compounded by the reality that the couple both had to leave their existing ministries because they were co-Rectors.
She found that a ministry in hospital chaplaincy was a relatively 'safe' environment. Her home life was not under scrutiny, she generally worked a set number of hours, and she worked as part of a supportive team. Ten years later, she is back in parish ministry, but her 7 years in hospital chaplaincy were part of her healing I think.
Might a Chaplaincy be possible for you?
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We’ve got to act like a church that hasn’t already internalized the narrative of its own decline Ray Suarez
Posts: 2599 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2003
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jugular
Voice of Treason
# 4174
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Posted
I feel I should mention that the colleague above had four children.
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We’ve got to act like a church that hasn’t already internalized the narrative of its own decline Ray Suarez
Posts: 2599 | From: Australia | Registered: Feb 2003
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PriestWifeMum
Apprentice
# 17200
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by jugular:
A colleague of mine had a marriage break down - she and he are both priests - and she had the unenviable task of setting up a new household, finding an income and coping with the grief all at once. This was compounded by the reality that the couple both had to leave their existing ministries because they were co-Rectors.
She found that a ministry in hospital chaplaincy was a relatively 'safe' environment. Her home life was not under scrutiny, she generally worked a set number of hours, and she worked as part of a supportive team. Ten years later, she is back in parish ministry, but her 7 years in hospital chaplaincy were part of her healing I think.
Might a Chaplaincy be possible for you?
I have thought about it. the stumbling block is the on-call element. You have to be able to get to the hospital/prison within 1 hour. I'm not sure how I'd be able to do that in the middle of the night with no-one to look after the children?
Plus I do feel that God is calling me back to parish ministry.
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http://priestwifemum.wordpress.com/
Posts: 13 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2012
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Surfing Madness
Shipmate
# 11087
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Posted
As someone who is divorced, knowing that there are people who are divorced involved within the leadership (in the broadest Sense) has helped me greatetly to settle in my current church and see it as a safe space. We naturally gravitate towards people with common experiences. Remember what you therefore have to öfter (especially to single parents) who often feel on the edge of church.
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I now blog about all my crafting! http://inspiredbybroadway.blogspot.co.uk
Posts: 1542 | From: searching for the jam | Registered: Feb 2006
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PriestWifeMum
Apprentice
# 17200
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Surfing Madness:
As someone who is divorced, knowing that there are people who are divorced involved within the leadership (in the broadest Sense) has helped me greatetly to settle in my current church and see it as a safe space. We naturally gravitate towards people with common experiences. Remember what you therefore have to öfter (especially to single parents) who often feel on the edge of church.
Thank you - I'm starting to think that's why God is calling me back in. I now understand what it is to rely on benefits, what it is to be a single parent, what it takes to keep forgiving when you keep getting hurt...probably other things too.
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http://priestwifemum.wordpress.com/
Posts: 13 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2012
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Avila
Shipmate
# 15541
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Posted
You are the only one who knows God's call to you, and those around you can help you discern the way forward.
Ministry is a strange role - the list of things that could or even ought to be done would take more hours that probably exist. On the other hand, whilst there are fixed points there is the potential to shape ministry around our own personal range of gifts - and being a mum is part of that. If your children attend the local school then the school gate is a significant pastoral ministry/chaplaincy - and one that I and others without children don't have a natural access to.
Ministry is not about the hours worked but the effective use of the time offered. All the being/doing balance stuff. Yes it could take all your waking hours, but equally it is possible to be effective on less hours because of the riches that coming from all aspects of your being.
Yes the time whilst separation/divorce are new and raw will be stressful they will be stressful wherever you are and whatever you are doing.
I know one Methodist single mum of a currently young child - in that case it was a family linked adoption so also a complex situation for the church folk to get their heads around.
Yes she has practical challenges, but it doesn't seem to have got in the way of doing ministry. and one church member has got very involved as a kind of adoptive extended family (the minister being way too far from blood family to have their practical support)
I am also aware of an Anglican priest who had served not too far away but moved on before I arrived. I have heard about her because she was loved and appreciated for her ministry. But the comments (from a single source I should point out) did comment on her being a single mum of a teenager, in her case a never married mum, the reference being to how she moved on from a misspent youth.
So the welcome was there but still the interest in the story. I can't recall the specifics of the comments but remember feeling that it was totally genuine in the love for her and yet one of those back handed compliments as the family info bit was so irrelevant to the conversation.
So you will have to deal with junk from people, and you have had a taste of it here. And yet I am sure there will be a variety of parishes that would willingly welcome your gifts, and the particular gifts you bring as a mum, and as someone who is facing the pain that many in the community face.
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http://aweebleswonderings.blogspot.com/
Posts: 1305 | From: west midlands | Registered: Mar 2010
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aig
Shipmate
# 429
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Posted
I was a member of a parish where we had two full time curates who were single mothers (both of them had children who were teenagers). One had never been married and the other was divorced. As far as I could tell - nobody in the parish was troubled by their previous relationships - there were plenty of single parents and divorced men and women in the congregation. They were accepted as what they were - Christians responding to God's call on their lives in faith and trust.
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That's not how we do it here.......
Posts: 464 | From: the middle bit at the bottom slightly to the right | Registered: Jun 2001
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SvitlanaV2
Shipmate
# 16967
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Avila:
So you will have to deal with junk from people, and you have had a taste of it here.
Is that a reference to me? Rather harsh, if so! I wasn't discouraging Priestwifemum from returning to the ministry. My comment was more about the timing. We're free to disagree with each other.
We lay folk sometimes put the clergy on a pedestal. We often expect them to be 'role models' of good living, or whatever. I agree that it's unwise, but I feel that the clergy themselves are a bit ambivalent about this. On the one hand, their leadership role and distinctive sense of calling requires that they're viewed, and view themselves, somewhat differently from other Christians. On the other, they want to be able to make mistakes and have problems without other people showing any particular interest in these. I don't know we can be rid of this paradox without getting rid of the clergy/laity divide entirely.
I fully agree that we all have to do what we think is best for us, and what we believe God wants of us.
Posts: 6668 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012
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Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by PriestWifeMum:
quote:
Originally posted by jugular:
A colleague of mine had a marriage break down - she and he are both priests - and she had the unenviable task of setting up a new household, finding an income and coping with the grief all at once. This was compounded by the reality that the couple both had to leave their existing ministries because they were co-Rectors.
She found that a ministry in hospital chaplaincy was a relatively 'safe' environment. Her home life was not under scrutiny, she generally worked a set number of hours, and she worked as part of a supportive team. Ten years later, she is back in parish ministry, but her 7 years in hospital chaplaincy were part of her healing I think.
Might a Chaplaincy be possible for you?
I have thought about it. the stumbling block is the on-call element. You have to be able to get to the hospital/prison within 1 hour. I'm not sure how I'd be able to do that in the middle of the night with no-one to look after the children?
Plus I do feel that God is calling me back to parish ministry.
I think you have hit the major problem you will face right there. And the one you will need to sort out before you can serioulsy think about parish ministry. The question of who will mind the children when you have to work unsocial hours?
Most clergy I know work at least 3 night per week, many of them outside of the vicarage. And Many of the hours they work are outside of school hours. You will need to find flexible child care before you can do anything.
I know three single clergy mothers, two became single parents after they were ordained, and both have one child, who at the time of the marraige split was quite young (the oldest was infant school age).
They both found it very difficult as neither have family close by and had to rely on friends and parishioners. One managed to stay in parish ministry the other didn't.
The third had older children who were past the baby sitting stage, she is still in fulltime parish ministry.
The issues about what parishioners will think of your family circumstances are a bit of a red herring nowadays. Different family circumstances are well accepted these days even by most church members. There are divorced clergy, clergy on second marriages, etc etc If a prarish has strong views about things like divorce you will know before you apply anyway - so will know not to!
Also as you say it does give you an insight when it comes to other peoples problems. And can make you seem mroe accessible to talk to to some people.
As far as I can see the hurdles to overcome in order to get into parish ministry, will be the practical that any single parent has to think about - who picks the kids up from school, who minds them in the holidays, who stays at home with them when they have been vomiting all night... However you will have the added strain, that you will need to cover unpredictible hours of the day and evening...
Posts: 1905 | From: the back of beyond | Registered: Jan 2009
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PriestWifeMum
Apprentice
# 17200
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:
quote:
Originally posted by Avila:
So you will have to deal with junk from people, and you have had a taste of it here.
Is that a reference to me? Rather harsh, if so! I wasn't discouraging Priestwifemum from returning to the ministry. My comment was more about the timing. We're free to disagree with each other.
We lay folk sometimes put the clergy on a pedestal. We often expect them to be 'role models' of good living, or whatever. I agree that it's unwise, but I feel that the clergy themselves are a bit ambivalent about this. On the one hand, their leadership role and distinctive sense of calling requires that they're viewed, and view themselves, somewhat differently from other Christians. On the other, they want to be able to make mistakes and have problems without other people showing any particular interest in these. I don't know we can be rid of this paradox without getting rid of the clergy/laity divide entirely.
I fully agree that we all have to do what we think is best for us, and what we believe God wants of us.
I do understand what you were saying earlier - if I wanted my family dismantled and refused to forgive him but then preached on marriage for life and on forgiveness, then I'd not be living it out.
You're right, clergy are expected to be an example, there are supposed to be higher standards for us. We're supposed to aim high for ourselves. But it's also quite amazing what can happen in a church when the priests are honest about their struggles,rather than trying to hide them. It's amazing how God can work through our flaws and use even our failures and make something wonderful from them. That's what redemption is all about.
You see I intend to be honest, upfront about my situation, with any church I interview for. I had actually ruled myself out of ministry when all of this awfulness in my marriage came to light. I had told myself that no-one would want a priest with a broken family and a broken heart. But God has been helping to mend me and has told me to get back into ministry and part of me still can't believe that anyone would want me, but I want to be obedient to God. So I need to make sure my own ministry is open, honest and that I'm not pretending to be better than I am. And maybe, there'll be other in the church I end up in, who will see that and feel more able to be open about their own struggles too, not trying to hide.
BTW I can thoroughly recommend reading "The Wounded Healer"
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http://priestwifemum.wordpress.com/
Posts: 13 | From: UK | Registered: Jul 2012
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PriestWifeMum
Apprentice
# 17200
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Zacchaeus:
Most clergy I know work at least 3 night per week, many of them outside of the vicarage. And Many of the hours they work are outside of school hours. You will need to find flexible child care before you can do anything.
I know three single clergy mothers, two became single parents after they were ordained, and both have one child, who at the time of the marraige split was quite young (the oldest was infant school age).
They both found it very difficult as neither have family close by and had to rely on friends and parishioners. One managed to stay in parish ministry the other didn't.
The third had older children who were past the baby sitting stage, she is still in fulltime parish ministry.
The issues about what parishioners will think of your family circumstances are a bit of a red herring nowadays. Different family circumstances are well accepted these days even by most church members. There are divorced clergy, clergy on second marriages, etc etc If a prarish has strong views about things like divorce you will know before you apply anyway - so will know not to!
Also as you say it does give you an insight when it comes to other peoples problems. And can make you seem mroe accessible to talk to to some people.
As far as I can see the hurdles to overcome in order to get into parish ministry, will be the practical that any single parent has to think about - who picks the kids up from school, who minds them in the holidays, who stays at home with them when they have been vomiting all night... However you will have the added strain, that you will need to cover unpredictible hours of the day and evening...
Yes, my main practical concern is childcare. Actually evenings aren't a huge problem, most things can be done from the vicarage and getting a babysitter a couple of nights a week is possible...but...yes, it's what happens when the children are sick and I have a funeral etc, or during the school holidays (esp Christmas and Easter). I'm wondering whether team ministry makes those things easier or harder?
[ 20. August 2013, 04:24: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
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SvitlanaV2
Shipmate
# 16967
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Posted
Priestwifemum
Thanks. That makes a lot of sense.
Posts: 6668 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012
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Belle Ringer
Shipmate
# 13379
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by PriestWifeMum:
Yes, my main practical concern is childcare.... what happens when the children are sick and I have a funeral etc, or during the school holidays (esp Christmas and Easter). I'm wondering whether team ministry makes those things easier or harder?
You have these same problems in any job, with far less flexibility to arrange work times around childcare needs or take the kids to work (to the funeral).
If God is leading you to parish work, don't let any practical concerns stop you; only ask how others handle the issue, to give you some ideas.
Posts: 5830 | From: Texas | Registered: Jan 2008
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Avila
Shipmate
# 15541
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:
quote:
Originally posted by Avila:
So you will have to deal with junk from people, and you have had a taste of it here.
Is that a reference to me? Rather harsh, if so! I wasn't discouraging Priestwifemum from returning to the ministry. My comment was more about the timing. We're free to disagree with each other.
I wasn't aiming at anyone in particular, more that Priestwifemum had herself commented on the ouch she felt. If anything it was the reference to returning to ministry as abandoning the children that ired me. Ministry doesn't need to be full time ++, It can be but we need to resist the workaholic mindset, even with all the hours God sends we cannot do all that could be done, so accepting that earlier and still having space to be, in family, as a person, means we actually have restoration and more to offer. (Even if the other bit of life is still work, it is a change of scene, and means clergy aren't expected to choose ministry or family)
Even in 2 parent vicarage/manse families the old workaholic mindset was very damaging, as seen in the family my sister married into. That is no longer the model we should have as clergy regardless of family situations.
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http://aweebleswonderings.blogspot.com/
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
I coped as a single parent with a young child by taking it in turns with other parents to collect children from school. So some nights I could be taking 6 children home and feeding them, but my child would be picked up the night I needed to be elsewhere. We organised a certain amount of sleeping over too - my child so I could go to things late, me staying over to babysit.
I missed every Good Friday Service for years, because I would be looking after all the children of friends who wanted to attend church. We quite often ended up making Easter hampers of biscuits and crafts to take home.
[ 19. August 2013, 20:33: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454
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Posted
I’ve been thinking about your team ministry question, does it make things easier or harder?
While, in my meanderings around the CofE, I have never a member of a church that was part of a team, but have seen a lot, and have friends who were in team churches.
I think your answer to that question is that it depends on the team. My observation is that teams work as well as the individuals in that team work together. I have come across teams that are organised in various ways.
One friend’s church team organised itself so that all the clergy did all of the work on a rota. My friend’s view of it was that she never knew who was going to turn up to take the service and so the church never got the chance to get to know any of the clergy. This situation would not help you as it wouldn’t give you a chance to get to know the congregations and so couldn’t build up a support network.
Other teams I have come across the clergy work very much like individual parishes with the clergy team members, just supporting each other for things like holidays and cover.
I have also come across other team where each member has responsibility for a particular area of work across the whole team.
And in one team I knew the team rector was a workaholic and pushed the rest of the team to be so too.
I am sure there are other ways that teams operate, so you would need to find out lots of background to the team before you made any decision.
Belle Ringer – there are many things in the clergy role that you can take your family to, but children to funerals is not one of them..
Posts: 1905 | From: the back of beyond | Registered: Jan 2009
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SvitlanaV2
Shipmate
# 16967
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Posted
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Originally posted by Avila:
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Originally posted by SvitlanaV2:
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Originally posted by Avila:
So you will have to deal with junk from people, and you have had a taste of it here.
Is that a reference to me? Rather harsh, if so! I wasn't discouraging Priestwifemum from returning to the ministry. My comment was more about the timing. We're free to disagree with each other.
I wasn't aiming at anyone in particular, more that Priestwifemum had herself commented on the ouch she felt. If anything it was the reference to returning to ministry as abandoning the children that ired me. Ministry doesn't need to be full time ++, It can be but we need to resist the workaholic mindset, even with all the hours God sends we cannot do all that could be done, so accepting that earlier and still having space to be, in family, as a person, means we actually have restoration and more to offer. (Even if the other bit of life is still work, it is a change of scene, and means clergy aren't expected to choose ministry or family)
Even in 2 parent vicarage/manse families the old workaholic mindset was very damaging, as seen in the family my sister married into. That is no longer the model we should have as clergy regardless of family situations.
I'm sure you're right on that. I think the set-up encourages these problems. But that's a topic for another thread.
Posts: 6668 | From: UK | Registered: Feb 2012
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
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Originally posted by PriestWifeMum:
Yes, my main practical concern is childcare. Actually evenings aren't a huge problem, most things can be done from the vicarage and getting a babysitter a couple of nights a week is possible...but...yes, it's what happens when the children are sick and I have a funeral etc, or during the school holidays (esp Christmas and Easter). I'm wondering whether team ministry makes those things easier or harder?
Coming late to the party, but you have identified the on-call problem. As a parent, of course, you are permanently on-call (and more so as a single parent, as there's nobody to share the load), and as a priest, you also have on-call duties.
Funerals are at least somewhat planned, but what do you do when a parishioner is close to death and asking for you?
In a team setup, other team members could back you up, whereas if you are the only priest in the parish, you're a bit stuck.
Basically, if you have an on-call job, you need to have on-call childcare.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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