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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: special needs at church
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squidgetsmum
Apprentice
# 17708
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Posted
Hi all,
I wondered if anyone here had any experience of dealing with children with special needs at church, who might be able to share their experiences?
I have a toddler, the Squidget, who is 2. The Squidget is bright, funny, and happy - but he also has hearing issues, Hyperacuasis, which gives him a massive intolerance to some sounds. I have this too, but as an adult it's easy for me to walk away and to deal with it - he also has a slight speech delay, so communicating can be hard! Church can be quite crowded and there's no crèche, and some noises really do bother him. On the other hand, he actually chooses to be at church - I offered him the chance to go swimming today, which he loves, and he told me he wanted to go to church to "love God"!
His hearing issues can cause problems at church. He panics, can be very loud, and very distressed. We do try and take him out when this happens, but the only easy place to go is outside, and it's getting cold!
Today it was worse than usual, and it didn't help that some bigger kids, who come without parents, were winding him up a little too. It wound up with a lady making a rather personal attack on me - granted, she didn't know Isaac's issues, but neither do I want to explain them when someone is yelling!
I obviously want him to go to church - but I'm also acutely aware that I don't want to disrupt worship for others all the time. Most of the church are very supportive - but I do know it causes a problem!
Does anyone have any experience of anyway I could make this easier for all concerned?!
Posts: 13 | Registered: May 2013
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Francophile
Shipmate
# 17838
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Posted
Hi there squidgetsmum. This seems a very unhappy situation for you and for your little one. It seems that squidget enjoys going to church, despite the difficulties, and that's great.
Is there perhaps a quiet room where you can take squidget if it all gets too much? From what you say, it appears probably not. I wonder if you approached someone in the leadership and explained squidget's difficulties, it might be possible for an easily accessible quiet room, with some quiet toys maybe, to be made available?
Posts: 243 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Sep 2013
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Josephine
Orthodox Belle
# 3899
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Posted
Have you talked with the priest/pastor? That's something that I probably didn't do enough of when my kids were little. If you can, make an appointment with the pastor, explain your child's situation and needs, and ask for advice and support for how to handle it. When you've got your pastor behind a plan, when someone who doesn't have a clue says something rude, you can respond with "Pastor/Father/Reverend wants us handle it this way. Thanks for your concern."
Consider, too, how much you want to share with the parish about your child's needs. Sometimes it's helpful to have some sort of announcement made. Sometimes not. Again, something you can discuss with the pastor.
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I've written a book! Catherine's Pascha: A celebration of Easter in the Orthodox Church. It's a lovely book for children. Take a look!
Posts: 10273 | From: Pacific Northwest, USA | Registered: Jan 2003
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squidgetsmum
Apprentice
# 17708
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Posted
Hi guys,
Thank you. We're in a bit of an interregnum right now, which is a real shame - our old priest had a daughter with special needs, so I know he would have been helpful! Having said that, having blubbed all over a churchwarden and a deacon today, I'm feeling much more reassured that this is her feeling, rather than that of the church!
x
Posts: 13 | Registered: May 2013
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Often people feel it's better to hide a child with special needs at the back of church where they can't be seen and where they can be rushed out of church if they cause a bother. Parents at our church tend to adopt a bolder approach which seems to work better - they sit right at the front, where the child can see what is going on at all times. There is a play corner where they can go if they get overwhelmed, or in the vestry, or outside. But generally, because they can see what the priest is doing at the front, they are taking it all in and therefore don't need to go out to calm down so much. YMMV of course, depending on their particular needs.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Smudgie
Ship's Barnacle
# 2716
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Posted
A tip from my workplace.
We carry a card. It explains that the young person we are with has specific special needs and that we are helping them according to their needs and our training. It gives them contact details for someone they can talk to if they are concerned, but basically its purpose is to say "Don't worry, the situation is under control, even if you don't really understand what's happening and it seems distressing to you".
I wonder if carrying something like this (maybe with Josephine's excellent suggestion for wording) might be a useful tool to shut up unhelpful people - just shove it in their hand and then you don't actually have to engage in conversation with them, you can concentrate on helping your little one.
Is there any way of predicting the times when the noise might become distressing for your boy and either making this a good time for a toilet trip or helping him be prepared for it happening?
As for the older kids - this is a long shot but I've seen it work! - maybe target one of them (preferably the ring leader) and take him into your confidence, encourage him to be a "Buddy" for your little one, bring a gift that Isaac can give him as a thank you at the end of the service for sitting with him/playing with him/helping him. I've seen kids in this situation take on the "Big brother" role and rise to the occasion, carrying the others with him. Of course, that can't be guaranteed, but it might be worth considering. In my experience as a teacher, kids tend to be really supportive of children with special needs as soon as they begin really to understand what the problem is and how they can help.
Above all, do persevere for as long as your son wants to be there. One thing's for sure, God rejoices in his presence ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Miss you, Erin.
Posts: 14382 | From: Under the duvet | Registered: Apr 2002
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aig
Shipmate
# 429
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Posted
I did some research into parents experiences as part of my theology degree and sadly your experience is common. The key feature when things worked well for parents (and children) was the attitude of the clergy. So I would agree with Josephine - talk to your clergy. There are good resources available to help - a lot relate to autistic spectrum disorders but they are equally useful for quirky and sensitive children. The National Autistic Society have a really good advice sheet called 'taking your child to a place of worship' which covers a lot of issues. If you want a list of other resources - pm me.
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That's not how we do it here.......
Posts: 464 | From: the middle bit at the bottom slightly to the right | Registered: Jun 2001
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