Ship of Fools: Dear cow-orker

Thread: Dear cow-orker Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Gwai (# 11076) on :

Dear delightful person I am lucky enough to do professional business with,

I understand that you are going on vacation next week. Bully for you buddy. I’m glad you’re trying to get ahead on work since the rest of us will still be here next week. But that’s just the thing, those of us who will be still slogging away next week aren’t feeling super-sympathetic about your plight.

Also, while we’re at it: the time you just spent calling me complaining that I don’t write enough notes to the vendor? You could have written 8 notes in that time, four times the number of notes you wish I’d written. Seriously you are a complaint and a half right now. Just shut up.

P.S. You admit that re the notes I’m “damned if I do and damned if I don’t.” Once you notice that, it’s a good time to shut up instead of going on to belabor the point again.

Anyone else have fun co-workers?

[fixed title to better reflect the voices in my head.
-comet, Asshole Hellhost]

[ 11. November 2013, 20:14: Message edited by: comet ]

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :

Don't look at me. I'm retired. Have no pity for you young folk. I put up with that shit for 30 years.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Gwai:

Anyone else have fun co-workers?

Currently only fellow students, but I have a screeching martinet of a Spanish instructor, who is baffled by her own syllabus. Which would be fine, if she didn't take her mistakes out on us by piling up more work. I call her my "Reina de Dolor" (Queen of Pain.)

I worked with this really really evil woman once-- she was so awful that when she talked about going to confession and chatting with her priest, I had to wonder how she dare sit in church without lightning insurance. I mean, she had to be lying her face off in confession.

The day after my biological father died, she came up on me grieving in the staff room and offered me the following solace:

L. So, did you know your father?
Me. No. he left us when I was three. He never kept in touch with us. I only got up the nerve to call him two years ago.

L. Did you ever try to visit him?

Me:(around lump in throat) He lived in Alabama. I was saving up to meet him.

(pause while she made fake sympathy face.

L. (sighing) Well, I am glad that I am close to my father. I am glad I made the effort to keep him in my life and be close to him. I am glad my family values our relationships and doesn't just give up on them. Even if my father was a million miles away, I know I would be a good daughter and stay connected with him.

I bet if you put her soul under a microscope, it would look like a little scrap of decayed lichen. Rarely have I met someone who devoted so much energy to backstabbing and trash talking sabotaging and needless competing. She-- BRRR! working with her was like sharing a staff room with Elizabeth Bathory.

[ 01. November 2013, 04:57: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

Posted by Taliesin (# 14017) on :

[Eek!]

no one can compete with that. Shesh... guess I'm lucky really...

Posted by Stoo (# 254) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Taliesin:
no one can compete with that. Shesh... guess I'm lucky really...

Pah. There's a guy in my office who, for the past 3 days, has been whistling the first two lines to 'Give me Joy in my Heart' every 10-15 minutes.

Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on :

My co-workers are all excellent! I pity you who are not in such a situation.

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

My last boss was one of those sugary sweet types who would stab you in the back as soon as you turned round - and then swear it wasn't her!

The most satisfying bit of our relationship was this year, 15 years since I retired when she tried to befriend me on F*ceb**k.

[Big Grin]

Posted by BessHiggs (# 15176) on :

I'm lucky now, I've got great co-workers, but in the past I've had some doozies.

At one restaurant I worked, they hired the daughter-in-law of the shift manager to be a server. The shift manager was no prize, but the DIL took the cake. She suffered from 'pretty girl syndrome', you know, the thought that she was far too pretty to actually have to work. She'd show up late, when she bothered to show up at all, she'd be so stoned and/or hung over that she'd have to take a nap in the break room before she could take any tables and she was dumb as a stick. One day, she topped up all the pancake syrup containers with worchestire sauce instead of syrup. Of course, she did this on a friday night, so saturday morning during breakfast, folks kept sending their pancakes back to the kitchen saying they didn't taste right. Pandemonium ensued and we had to dump, wash and refill 25 syrup containers in the middle of breakfast rush. Of course she didn't help, and claimed it wasn't her fault, I mean how can you tell the difference between the two jugs of brown liquid - other than reading the freaking label? And we couldn't get rid of her cause her MIL protected her. She finally got fired when she got busted for selling coke in the parking lot, while on shift, and the owner couldn't really turn a blind eye to swarming cop cars etc.

Posted by art dunce (# 9258) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Stoo:

quote:
Originally posted by Taliesin:
no one can compete with that. Shesh... guess I'm lucky really...
Pah. There's a guy in my office who, for the past 3 days, has been whistling the first two lines to 'Give me Joy in my Heart' every 10-15 minutes.

Back before I was self-employed I worked with a guy who continually whistled the beginning of "Sunshine of Your Love" by Cream until a co-worker snapped and yelled, "that ain't a damn whistling song!"

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

Most of my co-workers are ordained, they make all the previous posts look like amatuers. God Bless Them.

Fly Safe, Pyx_e

they of course consider me to be saint

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Dish.

Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on :

Of late a co-worker who seems to think I don't know what I am doing. So tells me I have fixed a bug, when I say that I haven't. I think I know what I have fixed. And had to be told several times that something was impossible. He seemed to believe that if he asked another way, the answer would be different.

Who would express a desire to learn a Javascript Extension system. I realised this would be a problem when it became clear that he had no idea about how basic Javascript worked: "setTimeout - where is that defined?".

Really, I have worked with so many idiots. I don't like working with idiots.

Posted by Og, King of Bashan (# 9562) on :

At a summer job, I had a co-worker who was one of those exhausting people who had a loose hold on the truth. He generally didn't lie about anything that mattered, but came up with all sorts of stories about how he was a licensed ghost hunter with a degree from UC-Berkley in paranormal studies (no such department) and owned loads of crap (multiple mining claims and over 500 Geiger counters). I think he might have been somewhat delusional.

At any rate, one Monday, he came up to me and asked me to cover for him the next day. I asked him what was up, and he told me that he had purchased a used hearse off of e-bay the night before. The hearse was located in Cincinnati, and he had already purchased a one-way, non-refundable airline ticket for the next morning. He was planning on picking up the hearse, and driving it back to Denver (an 18.5 hour drive) in time to be at work on Wednesday.

Had he told me why he actually needed the day off, I would have been a lot more likely to cover for him. But I was so offended that he actually thought I was going to buy this crap that I shot him down.

Posted by basso (# 4228) on :

quote:
Originally posted by art dunce:
Back before I was self-employed I worked with a guy who continually whistled the beginning of "Sunshine of Your Love" by Cream until a co-worker snapped and yelled, "that ain't a damn whistling song!"

My dad told me that at some point in his USMC career he had the bunk above a harmonica player.

The only tune the guy knew was Bolero.

Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on :

quote:
basso: My dad told me that at some point in his USMC career he had the bunk above a harmonica player.

The only tune the guy knew was Bolero.

I'm not sure how this applies to this situation, but do you know that this was once chosen as the best tune to make love to?

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

Ahh! Those first 3 bars.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

quote:
Originally posted by LeRoc:

quote:
basso: My dad told me that at some point in his USMC career he had the bunk above a harmonica player.

The only tune the guy knew was Bolero.
I'm not sure how this applies to this situation, but do you know that this was once chosen as the best tune to make love to?

I've never understood that. It would put me to sleep. [Roll Eyes]

Posted by LeRoc (# 3216) on :

quote:
Lyda*Rose: ]I've never understood that. It would put me to sleep.

Personally, it isn't my favourite either. Much too short.

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :

It reminds some of us of this and this which was the inspiration for the first "this". Both were produced when I still had the physical capacity to produce hormones, and rhythmic strains of the repetitive beat seemed timed timed to what we imagined. Alas, since then. In so many ways.

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

quote:
Originally posted by LeRoc:

quote:
Lyda*Rose: ]I've never understood that. It would put me to sleep.
Personally, it isn't my favourite either. Much too short.

Braggart.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

See, the fact that the bulk of my career has been in childcare means my stories could easily turn Dickensian.

I worked for one day in a toddler class with a crazy woman. A kid was running full tilt across the playroom floor, which was covered with blocks He slid on one, and I caught him on the fly and gently told him in his ear that he needed to walk or he'd trip. He toddled off.

I turned back to the other kids but out of the corner of my eye saw the other teacher leading the first kid back to the block area-- she was making him say sorry to the blocks for stepping on them.

Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pyx_e:
Ahh! Those first 3 bars.

Must be an up-tempo version.

quote:
Originally posted by Lyda*Rose:
Personally, it isn't my favourite either. Much too short.

You mean you're still struggling with the the bra straps?

[ 02. November 2013, 11:23: Message edited by: mdijon ]

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Maurice Ravel, the inventor of rock'n'roll.

I don't suppose we can move on? Unless someone wants to talk about your horrible co-worker who was caught doing the 'bolero' in an inappropriate location?

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Well you could offer an opinion on my tiny little effort, O Hellmaster, just to reroute things. Seriously, making a two year old apologize to blocks? Nobody smells the crazy on that one?

She was a side character in my nephew's personal comedy routine for weeks after that.

Also, mdijon-- you do realise you planted your quote on the wrong person, right?

[ 02. November 2013, 12:06: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]

Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Also, mdijon-- you do realise you planted your quote on the wrong person, right?

Snort! What a mistake to make. I know this is hell and so on, but on this occasion no offense intended Lyda*Rose.

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

quote:
Seriously, making a two year old apologize to blocks? Nobody smells the crazy on that one?

Blocks have feelings too, you blockhating blocksist, bastard. Plus someone has to screw with little boys heads and make them hate women, never too young to start that! Someone has to start the ball rolling to the self fulfilling prophecy of her life.

Posted by Mad Cat (# 9104) on :

I had a co-worker who got me made redundant. She really didn't like me.

I then worked for a woman who groped me on a work night out. She liked me a bit too much. (*)

I then had a run of good luck and worked with some great people. Currently I am in a small and close knit department of supportive and experienced people. The fly in the ointment is Probationary Teacher who is completing her training with us this year.

I am a pretty laid back person, and to get on my nerves, you have to try quite hard. Probtionary Teacher gets right on my fucking tits. The rest of the team is in awe. I am coming to terms with my role as department Wanker Budgie: if I fall off my perch, we know we're dealing with a premiere league arsehole.

Chief among the misdemeanours of Probationary Teacher: talking like she knows what the fuck she's doing (we've all been probationers and we all know exactly how little of a fuck she knows what she's doing); saying "I told you so" to the longest serving member of the department; suggesting that the previous teacher of the classes she had was less than diligent in handing over (he was a friend of ours, and you couldn't get more diligent); opining about the great lesson she just taught; and finally, sitting in my chair in the staff base.

Now, I never thought I'd be someone who was bothered about someone sitting in my chair, but..... We have a small base, and each person has a usual chair. I worked out which was the free one when I joined the department. The student who is on placement with us worked out within minutes of arriving that she should pull over an extra chair. Probationary Teacher once sat in Senior Colleague's chair, and has never done so since. I was properly pissed off when she not only sat in mine, but spread her stuff over the actual designated probationer's chair so I couldn't sit in it. [Mad]

I can't decide if it's lack of social intelligence or a calculated snub. I think she overheard me complaining yesterday so we'll see if she does it again. Otherwise I might have to stop being so Scottish and say something to her face.

(*) Actually, she knew I'm not gay and would not welcome her advances. She was just being abusive.

Posted by RooK (# 1852) on :

I worked with Sarkycow.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

Well played, padre, well played.

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

I had a point in my working life where I was the One After.... Like the place everyone turned their head when I went to the Ladies - turned out my predecessor used to shoot up. The day I started was the day her case came up for Possession and Supply. Then I got a job as a singleton librarian - second person to hold the post in the organisation. The first had a habit of bursting into tears and rushing off to see the CEO.

So, all in all, I looked pretty good in comparison.

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

my coworkers are lovely. it helps that I don't work WITH them very much, just wave as we fly by.

my students, though? Teenagers are uniformly myopic whiny little assholes. and yet... somehow charming.

little shits.

Posted by Pyx_e (# 57) on :

quote:
Originally posted by RooK:
I worked for Sarkycow.

There I fixed it for you.

Posted by Sarkycow (# 1012) on :

You called?

Posted by Jonah the Whale (# 1244) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Stoo:
There's a guy in my office who, for the past 3 days, has been whistling the first two lines to 'Give me Joy in my Heart' every 10-15 minutes.

So many three digit member numbers on this thread. We are truly blessed. But Stoo has been really suffering if he can't remember that the tune is "Give me Oil in my Lamp". Maybe a couple of years volunteering as Sunday School teacher would help refresh the memory?

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

Oh great. Now that you've corrected the title, the tune is springing to life inside my head.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Og, King of Bashan:
At a summer job, I had a co-worker who was one of those exhausting people who had a loose hold on the truth. He generally didn't lie about anything that mattered, but came up with all sorts of stories about how he was a licensed ghost hunter with a degree from UC-Berkley in paranormal studies (no such department) and owned loads of crap (multiple mining claims and over 500 Geiger counters). I think he might have been somewhat delusional.

At any rate, one Monday, he came up to me and asked me to cover for him the next day. I asked him what was up, and he told me that he had purchased a used hearse off of e-bay the night before. The hearse was located in Cincinnati, and he had already purchased a one-way, non-refundable airline ticket for the next morning. He was planning on picking up the hearse, and driving it back to Denver (an 18.5 hour drive) in time to be at work on Wednesday.

Had he told me why he actually needed the day off, I would have been a lot more likely to cover for him. But I was so offended that he actually thought I was going to buy this crap that I shot him down.

One in every crowd. Every success they have is shinier than everyone's, every trouble they have is worse than everyone's...

Posted by Sarkycow (# 1012) on :

I reckon my current co-workers are the worst. Constantly demanding my time and attention. Competing over who can be the loudest in whatever they do. Assuming their wishes should come ahead of my needs. I do everything for them, and get nothing in return. In fact I've taught them everything they know.

No one else will do - my other co-worker is apparently not good enough to have these insane and constant demands made on them.

And they don't even notice, let alone understand, sarcasm. Though at least the senior of the two can finally spot when I'm teasing her.

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

I believe I've worked in a very similar field, Sark. I recognize it all too well!

Posted by W Hyatt (# 14250) on :

Ah, but admit it - deep down you love them like they're your family.

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

good thing, too. 'cause the pay sucks.

benefits are outstanding, though.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Sarkycow:

And they don't even notice, let alone understand, sarcasm. Though at least the senior of the two can finally spot when I'm teasing her.

Sarcasm is best delivered at the end of a large pointy stick. If the stick is of metal and has been in a fire for a while beforehand, so much the better.

(nb, the stick isn't to maim or injure, just to get their attention)

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :

If the stick is metal and heated in a fire make sure you wear insulating gloves, you don't want to end up with an injury!

Posted by cheesymarzipan (# 9442) on :

When you ask me a question (about a thing I haven't really looked at), and I give you an answer based on 'this is generally the case', don't say 'but that's not what it looks like'. if you want my opinion ask for it, if you have your own then shut up and let me get on with my own work!

Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on :

I swear the compliance officers exist just to see off what is left of my fragile sanity.

I am working for a new partner who just arrived in the firm and we have to do money laundering checks on every single one of the clients he has brought with him. The compliance haven't opened a single one without sending the forms back and making a fuss, including some bloody great listed companies. I'm convinced they spend their whole day sitting around coming up with the most original excuses they can think of for not opening a client file.

If you hear that someone has got on the train, gone to London and set fire to the compliance office, it was me.

Posted by cheesymarzipan (# 9442) on :

Now THAT would be an original excuse... 'all the files were destroyed in a fire'

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :

Don't rush to complain about compliance people.

A very dear friend lost a senior job in compliance over precisely the scenario you describe: a shedload of new clients who got taken on with a new director.

Compliance looked at them and their records, also did some basic checks - this was just before integrated WWW facilities - and found enough on 3 people to merit investigation; this yielded 99.999% proof that the clients concerned were (a) definitely money laundering, and (b)probably involved in gun-running.

On reporting findings all hell broke loose. New director jackbooted around, physically threatened 2 most senior compliance staff. After 3 weeks when compliance wouldn't budge my friend was "made redundant".

They got huge satisfaction when it later emerged that (a) 2 of the 3 dodgy clients were imprisoned for arms smuggling, and (b) the director concerned then failed to satisfy the regulators they were a "fit and proper person".

Posted by orfeo (# 13878) on :

quote:
Originally posted by cheesymarzipan:
Now THAT would be an original excuse... 'all the files were destroyed in a fire'

In many circumstances these days, the first question would be 'so why didn't you have contingency plans with electronic backups on a server in a different location?'

Posted by duchess (# 2764) on :

I met with a former boss. He has let me know he will actually create a job for me, should I come to work for him. He asked me in a roundabout way about my former supervisor, I'll call her "S" for Sunshine. She works for him doing the equivalent of my job. I would be ABOVE HER in title if I came over to his side. To be fair, I don't think she'd want all the responsibilities I might have at her age.

S at the time I knew her was a very emotional older woman. She had a fun side to her (I went and saw Boston and another concert with her and others)...but she was emotional to the point of gossip and also going overboard yelling.

She decided to try to fire me 2 times. I let him know about the firing thing, that she couldn't do it.

I then highlighted that (truthfully) I learned everything I know about a particular type of sales from her. And that she comes into work like clockwork everyday, you won't find a harder worker. That I appreciate she said things to my face instead of stabbing me in the back like others at the time, at that place.

So karma is a bitch.

[edited to add more stuff.]

[ 23. November 2013, 17:06: Message edited by: duchess ]

Posted by Ariston (# 10894) on :

Still can't beat the greeting I once got from a former coworker:

"Hey Ari, it's been a while! Still doing your boss's job for him?"

Posted by Eutychus (# 3081) on :

quote:
Originally posted by LeRoc:
My co-workers are all excellent! I pity you who are not in such a situation.

I recognised another self-employed person when I see one.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Eutychus:

quote:
Originally posted by LeRoc:
My co-workers are all excellent! I pity you who are not in such a situation.
I recognised another self-employed person when I see one.

Too true, many wage-slaves on the other hand don't actually mind a lame duck on the team, because when the time comes for cutbacks, there's some redundancy protection. Managers too, so that they don't have to go through too much soul-searching. Of course, if there is any kind of relationship between the manager and the lame duck, then the lame duck gets to select the next one out.

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