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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Spiritual Direction?
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mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
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Posted
Hi Folks
I'm just-about familiar with the term 'Spiritual Direction'. A friend has used it when describing a weekend Ignatian retreat, and I have read on here of people describing discussions with their 'spiritual directors'.
Who are they? How do you find one? Are you one? Assuming they don't want to become your therapist, how does one set up what is, and is not, to be the focus of your time together? Does one pay? How often does one meet?
I'm a Christian and a member of a church, though for reasons I think I had best leave alone, it would be very unlikely that my minister would feel himself able to perform this kind of a role. (There's another question. Do ministers ever perform this kind of a role? In what denominations?). I'm attracted by the idea of confession - is this ever part of the set up? Presumably this means director and directee are best initially unknown to one another?
OK, enough questions. Please expand on this OP if you feel I've ommitted something important.
Thanks
Mark
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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
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Rowen
Shipmate
# 1194
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Posted
I am a parish minister. Somewhere in my life I mentioned I had done a SD course, and had given it in the past. Ditto professional supervision. A parishioner asked if I would be her SD, and I agreed to a 3 month trial... After that, we would see...
Not all clergy give spiritual direction. Not all want to, or are trained in it, or have gifts and skills therein. Not all SDs are trained. Some develop the spiritual maturity needed to just go ahead. But I did a course.
We meet once a month. Said parishioner is a counselor. She has professional supervision also BUT sometimes, especially if her work impinges upon her spirituality, we discuss work issues. As I am a trained social worker, from a previous work life, we sometimes discuss other issues in her life, especially if they impinge upon her spirituality. Not all SDs would do either of these processes.
We do not use formal process (eg Ignatian or whatever). We begin to talk about her last month, and how God and she are getting along. When she wants to explore an issue, we stop and do so.
Some things we have discussed...
Her prayer life.
Her sin and confession
Grief and God.
Her family's devotional life.
Celtic spirituality and her.
Times of emptiness and loneliness.
Estrangement from God.
Her husband's life threatening illness.
Death.
The new puppy.
Hildegard of Bingen.
Symbols of hope in her life.
Personality type- hers, mine, the worship we engage in on Sundays...
After discussion, we pray. Sometimes we sit silently for a while. Sometimes she cries. We laugh a bit. All this is fine.
After 6 months now, we are committed to this relationship. Some SDs do it F/T, and need payment. As a minister, I charge nothing, but she bakes me a yummy cake whenever we meet. Mind you, I give her hens' eggs from the flock.
We keep everything confidential. I see her regularly around church and village. We don't discuss SD things therein, especially when I join the family for dinner.
Does this help in understanding SD?
Not all SDs do it like me.
I am a minister in the Uniting Church in Australia.
Out in remote, rural Oz, one doesn't get much choice in life. My client certainly knew me before we started the SD relationship.
[ 15. November 2013, 21:49: Message edited by: Rowen ]
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"May I live this day… compassionate of heart" (John O’Donoghue)...
Posts: 4897 | From: Somewhere cold in Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2001
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Barefoot Friar
Ship's Shoeless Brother
# 13100
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Posted
I've not been a spiritual director, but I would like to be. I think I have some basic qualifications, but I'm not nearly as good as some people I've met. Still, I think that I could be a good fit for the right person.
I would like to take some formal training. Some day, when I've finished seminary, I want to go to the Academy of Spiritual Formation that my denomination (United Methodist) offers. It's quite expensive, and it's a two-year commitment, but I have heard a lot of good things about it and I think it would be very helpful. There will undoubtedly be some seminary classes I can take on the subject as well.
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Do your little bit of good where you are; its those little bits of good put together that overwhelm the world. -- Desmond Tutu
Posts: 1621 | From: Warrior Mountains | Registered: Oct 2007
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aig
Shipmate
# 429
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Posted
Who are they?
Some are clergy, some are lay people. They may have done accredited courses or have fallen into it as Rowen describes.
How do you find one?
In the Church of England Dioceses usually have someone who will help you find one. Look on their websites - often under 'spirituality'
Are you one?
No - but I suspect I may become one.
Assuming they don't want to become your therapist, how does one set up what is, and is not, to be the focus of your time together?
This is agreed between you. If they are good they will talk about this at the start.
Does one pay?
Not usually in the C of E if they are clergy or Religious.
How often does one meet?
That depends - most people start off about monthly and settle into ~ about two monthly slots.
If they are a priest, confession is always possible. There are divided views about your SD also being your confessor. Mine is.
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That's not how we do it here.......
Posts: 464 | From: the middle bit at the bottom slightly to the right | Registered: Jun 2001
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
A while ago I bookmarked this link from Worth Abbey. They link to a pdf from the Retreat Association, which may answer some of your questions. You'll see that mostly, it depends on the individual, and the kind of relationship that's most suitable for both them and their spiritual director.
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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LutheranChik
Shipmate
# 9826
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Posted
I had a spiritual director for a couple of years...I wanted to discuss matters of spirituality and my own lay ministry with someone who wasn't my pastor. At the time the ELCA didn't have many internal resources in the area of spiritual direction. And even Googling "spiritual director" and "retreat center" I wasn't having much luck finding anyone less than two hours away from where I live and that wasn't a little whoo-hoo for me theologically. But one day, while visiting the website of an Episcopal church in a nearby college town I found out that that tiny congregation had actually gotten an endowment for spiritual formation activities outside their normal church schedule, and organized both one-day retreats and spiritual direction from a couple of graduates of the local RC diocese's program. The program was donation based, with suggested donations per session. So that's how this Lutheran wound up going to an Episccopal church to meet up with my RC spiritual advisor...yay, ecumenicalism!
We would regularly meet at that church, or e-mail one another, and my sd also lent me books and other resources. At our first meeting -- which can be a little uncomfortable, sort of like a first date, or visiting a therapist for the first time -- he tried to get a feel for what exactly I was looking for in terms of spiritual direction, while I was trying to discern if he was the right person for me.
I mostly enjoyed my experience. Because he and his wife, also a spiritual director, were also involved in other aspects of lay ministry I sometimes felt that our sessions turned into "shop talk" and relationship talk that wasn't particularly deep or enlightening; but, again, it was nice to talk to someone who wasn't my pastor, not in my church or in my denomination but who was part of a similar tradition, who was empathetic but detached (in a good way) and objective.
I became ill during our time together, and was unable to drive to our meetings, and between that and my stepping back from my church activities I finally ended our relationship, albeit on a positive note.
If I had to do it over again, I think I would seek a female sd, and I think I would focus more on my personal spiritual formation -- prayer, other spiritual disciplines; having an accountability partner to help me with those things. We would touch on them with my sd, but for whatever reason we seemed not to delve too deeply into those waters.
Since then, our synod (regional division of our denomination, roughly equivalent to a diocese in other systems) has brought a spiritual director, a Dominican nun, on staff, and has been encouraging clergy especially to seek spiritual direction, go on retreats at regional Dominican and Franciscan centers, etc....laity not so much. It's not that it's privileged information or that the synodical resources are not also available to laypeople, but there doesn't seem to be an interest; or the ever-popular "We've never done anything like that before."
I miss it, especially now that DP and I have left the church we were going to and are attending another where we're both avoiding getting too involved in the group dynamics just yet because of the Sturm und Drang we experienced at the other place. I feel like I need to re-anchor my faith in personal disciplines but would like some help doing so, and again I'm not sure that the new pastor is the person I would go to for that.
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Simul iustus et peccator
http://www.lutheranchiklworddiary.blogspot.com
Posts: 6462 | From: rural Michigan, USA | Registered: Jul 2005
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Zacchaeus
Shipmate
# 14454
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Posted
I have had three spiritual directors at different times of my life. They great for keeping me on track and saying 'where is God in all of this.' Maybe suggesting spititual practises and reading.
However I do find it best that they are not in the same church as me..
Posts: 1905 | From: the back of beyond | Registered: Jan 2009
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
Hello Mark.
Who are they?
Clergy or lay, religious - we have a number of communities, Anglican and RC in our diocese and they're often a good place to look.
How do you find one?
Ariel's suggestion to contact the Retreat Association is a good starting point. Word of mouth - ask around. Contact your local Anglican Diocese - most have some kind of spiritual direction 'matchmaking,' service, usually found under spirituality, discipleship, vocation and ministry or similar on the diocesan websites. Anyone can use it, however, regardless of denomination and certainly down our way we're seeing more of an ecumenical feel both to people training and offering themselves for this ministry.
Other hunting grounds. Retreat houses may be able to advise. Or if you ever get an opportunity to take part in a Week of Guided Prayer (retreat in daily life), or Open Door retreat, we hang out there as well. Maybe your area holds a prayer or spirituality day, like the Bible Reading Fellowship one each summer in Oxford? Ask around at that.
Are you one?
Yes
Setting up the focus of your time together.
As the others have already mentioned - within the first couple of meetings. This is something I'd be opening up discussion about with enquirers in an initial no ties, trial, 'try before you buy' meeting. It's really helpful to explore our mutual expectations at this stage as it's a useful indicator as to whether we can work together. Though both parties need to leave room for mystery and the spirit to move! And change! Incidentally, spiritual direction is most definitely not a substitution for therapy. Though confusingly enough, you may well find directors with a counselling or therapy background.
Payment?
It varies, some charge, some don't. I don't ask for any at the moment though that may change. It's a vexed question - elicits varied responses amongst directors and directees.
Frequency of meeting
Every six to eight weeks, sometimes slightly longer. I've very occasionally met with my director at shorter intervals, usually during a crisis of some kind.
Can ministers offer direction?
We've a good number of ministers in our direction network. However, it's good for confidentiality's sake and to enable you to bring whatever you want into a 'safe space,' for your spiritual director not to be your parish priest or pastor. I mean, suppose the person you want to have a good old moan about IS your vicar!
Confession?
If ordained, yes, I think. Hopefully somebody like Angloid will be along in a minute and can elaborate on this one.
Happy hunting!
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Adam.
Like as the
# 4991
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Posted
A little history of my time in spiritual direction.
I found my first SD through a kind of clearing house that a local church (not mine) ran. Eventually, when I entered seminary, we were required to have spiritual directors and were helped to find one. I'm currently on my fourth. I've had one lay man, one religious sister, and now two priests in a row. I paid the first, the second viewed it as part of her job (she had a campus ministry assignment were I was studying), the third my community paid (he was Jesuit who did SD full time), and the fourth is a fellow community member so there'd be no point engaging in payment (we practice common purse).
My first one was initially unknown to me. My second too, although I chose her based on a few sentence description from a list of suggestions we were given. My third didn't know me, but I'd heard him preach so felt like I knew him a little. My current one I had had a class with a couple of years earlier and I knew (because of how the program was structured) that I wouldn't be having him again. So, we were known to each other. I do like to integrate confession into spiritual direction (and that's the main reason I'd only look at priests if I ever needed a new one).
We meet monthly. Last year, I worked at our undergraduate seminary and we required our undergrad seminarians to see their director every three weeks. Given they were only going to be seeing them during the semesters, that worked out to be about 12 times a year too.
The focus of your time together can vary immensely. My first director did a lot of teaching, as my prayer life really wasn't developed at that point, so direction involved a lot of 'school of prayer' type stuff. Since then, it's more been a case of processing what's go on in my life being particularly alert to its spiritual dimensions.
I do expect standard professional confidentiality. We clearly demarcate what parts of a session are under the seal of the confessional, which is much stricter. This would mean that I would never want to choose someone as a director that would put them in a problematic double relationship. No-one who had evaluative responsibility over me could serve in that capacity, for instance.
I actually have been on a spiritual director's course, but haven't had an official directee yet. I'm fine with that. It's actually a rule that I can't advertise for a year as I'm in so much transition (this doesn't count I hope!), but I could accept someone that comes to be of their own initiative.
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Ave Crux, Spes Unica!
Preaching blog
Posts: 8164 | From: Notre Dame, IN | Registered: Sep 2003
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mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
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Posted
Thanks so much for taking the time to compose your replies, folks - I'm finding lots of helpful thoughts in them all.
Ariel said:
quote:
A while ago I bookmarked this link from Worth Abbey.
It is in reading a book by the current abbot of Worth, that I've started thinking about all this. As a total layman, in 25-odd years I've rarely done more than exchange after-service pleasantries with any of my (generally, I presume very busy) ministers - but I certainly need guidance. So this new avenue looks quite hopeful, to me.
cheers
Mark
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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
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Rowen
Shipmate
# 1194
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Posted
In a tiny country village, one knows the doctor, the minister, the spiritual director, the grocery shop staff, the counsellor.... all very well. Choice is great, but not always possible or necessary. A professional knows this, understands this, and hopefully shapes his/her practice around this.
In parts of Australia, towns have several hundred kms between them, so travelling elsewhere for anything is not always an option. I am fortunate. It is an hour to my next town, by car, and that is where my SD lives.
If this means your minister is also your SD, talk about boundary and confidentiality issues at the very beginning. Don't go further if the answers don't suit.
[ 17. November 2013, 19:11: Message edited by: Rowen ]
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"May I live this day… compassionate of heart" (John O’Donoghue)...
Posts: 4897 | From: Somewhere cold in Victoria, Australia | Registered: Aug 2001
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Ethne Alba
Shipmate
# 5804
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Posted
Many Anglican Diocesan Offices will provide one with lists of spiritual directors and there's no need to prove one's Anglicanism first!
fwiw, I would never (ever) use my own parish priest as a SD. Way too much to expect boundary-wise...on both sides...+ well, it's a bit like meeting one's gynaecologist in Morisons.
Posts: 3126 | Registered: Apr 2004
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mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
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Posted
That's funny. A fellow congregant of ours (actually, the 'other white guy' - we get called by each other's names all the time, but you know, they all look the same... ![[Two face]](graemlins/scot_twoface.gif) ) is an obstetrician; he was on duty during the birth of kid-in-manc #2, but had the grace to stay outside the room. I take your point regarding boundary concerns.
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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
I've had bits and pieces of spiritual direction, here and there.
None of it was especially formal: several sessions with a Christian pastor, and short-term direction on Christian and Buddhist retreats. Plus a grab bag of other occasions.
IME, it was helpful for getting out some of my spiritual frustrations and particular needs. The directors gave me input and suggestions, and usually some emotional support. The directors also learned from me.
A couple of things to keep in mind:
--Sometimes, a therapist may be more appropriate for your particular needs.
--No director or therapist is going to be perfect. They won't understand everything, they'll have bad days, etc. It's ok to speak up when that happens.
--Depending on what needs you have and what resources are available, you might find it works better to work through your issues on your own, with the help of a book. I've found helpful volumes in with Self-Help, Christian, Buddhist, Meditation, and Spiritual books. Some have daily practices, and some are mini retreats to do at home.
(I've crammed a reading list into my profile. All are books that have helped me spiritually at various stages in my life. YMMV.)
Oh, and IIRC, (Buddhist) Insight meditation teacher Sylvia Boorstein has a home retreat book called Don't Just Do Something--Sit There!
Good luck! ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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Miffy
Ship's elephant
# 1438
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ethne Alba:
it's a bit like meeting one's gynaecologist in Morisons.
Ethne, that just has to be one for the Ship's quotes files. Marvelous! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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"I don't feel like smiling." "You're English dear; fake it!" (Colin Firth "Easy Virtue")
Growing Greenpatches
Posts: 4739 | From: The Kitchen | Registered: Oct 2001
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Ethne Alba:
fwiw, I would never (ever) use my own parish priest as a SD. Way too much to expect boundary-wise...on both sides...+ well, it's a bit like meeting one's gynaecologist in Morisons.
Many years ago, I met mine in church -- in the pew ahead of me! (And I'd always thought he was Jewish.)
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
I think it is worth pointing out that in historic English NonConformity that much of the ministers role was under stood through Richard Baxters The Reformed Pastor and that the role of the minister in that was very much that of quite clear religious direction of those that belonged to his congregation, through regular family catechism by the minister. This was not in England about church disciplinary matters although admittance to communion did require a knowledge of the Christian faith. Thus there is not the same boundary between cleric as ceremonial officiant and cleric as spiritual direction in Non-Conformity. It would at least be seen as polite to inform your minister if you did start receiving spiritual direction from someone else.
Jengie
p.s. it should be also said that there is a long tradition of those not called to the ministry of Word and Sacrament participating in this ministry as elders or deacons. Odd wording as some are, and some are not ordained.
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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