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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Bullied at work
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Francophile
Shipmate
# 17838
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Posted
A friend of mine has had to leave a job she has been in for about 30 years after being bullied by a younger, female manager. My friend is in her 50s and vastly experienced but has a quiet, diligent personality and not great at standing up for herself in the rough and tumble of working life in the modern "organisational" structure of constant change.Her mental health was suffering. I am distraught for her. I cannot believe that any organisation worth its salt could not have helped her in her distress and that she has become "wastage" to them in this mean way. The working world can be an evil and toxic environment behind all the soft furnishings and soft language. I'm screaming inside for my friend.
Posts: 243 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Sep 2013
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Taliesin
Shipmate
# 14017
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Posted
This is truly awful and I feel for you and your friend.
I expect a passing host will gather this thread up and take it to all saints very shortly, and there you will get some support and hopefully helpful advice.
Take care, and keep praying.
Posts: 2138 | From: South, UK | Registered: Aug 2008
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
It happened to me. I was deputy headteacher and advanced skills teacher. The head started bullying me when I had just suffered a bereavement and had a hysterectomy (ie I was vulnerable)
I brought a complaint of bullying and harassment and (after a long, long inquiry) the head had to go.
But it took a toll on my mental health and I have lost my trust in people at work. I also 'downsized' and lost a large salary and job I loved.
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif) for your friend.
The worst thing about bullying at work is the fear it causes. So friends can't stick up for you because of fear for their own jobs.
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Francophile
Shipmate
# 17838
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Posted
I know that bullying can be used as an excuse for poor performance or personality clash between colleagues but, honestly, if you knew my friend you'd realise that this was not the case. She is the hardest worker I know, but never blows her own trumpet. She is gentle and introverted and kind. I suppose that kind of personality might rile some folk who get perverted pleasure from attacking the vulnerable. Like stealing sweets from a babe. My anger is not against the individual ( she clearly has her own issues in life) but against an organisation which cannot prevent this happening. My friend is a gentle Christian woman and would not, even with persuasion, have wanted to go down the harassment complaint route. Not that I am saying that that isn't the best way, it just wasn't for her. She went away quietly. The organisation seem oblivious to what they have lost. Its so unfair.
Posts: 243 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Sep 2013
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Suze
Ship's Barmaid
# 5639
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Posted
I'm dealing with this just now and about to go back to working with a manager who has been bullying me. We're six months down the line from me raising issues and I now need to evidence the relationship has broken down beyond redemption. There's really no other way to deal with it other than either going through the long, difficult process of grievance or leaving. I feel for your friend, her situation is exactly whati hope to avoid but I fear it may end up that way despite my best efforts.
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' You stay here and I'll go look for God, that won't be hard cos I know where he's not, and I will bring him back with me , then he'll listen , then he'll see' Richard Shindell
Posts: 2603 | From: where the angels sleep | Registered: Mar 2004
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Galilit
Shipmate
# 16470
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Posted
What makes me cry in anger and frustration as well as identification is that workplaces cannot prevent this kind of thing. Only after the event you can (sometimes, technically) go to some kind of process of redress and even then you have no guarantee it will work out potively for you. And anyway how could you go back to a workplace after that? And other people there do see what is going on and know its not right but do (can do?) nothing.
Prayers for your friend.
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She who does Her Son's will in all things can rely on me to do Hers.
Posts: 624 | From: a Galilee far, far away | Registered: Jun 2011
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Pyx_e
Quixotic Tilter
# 57
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Posted
For those reading this who are being bullied: Keep a Log! Start now, note everything. Time and date.
Fly Safe, Pyx_e
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It is better to be Kind than right.
Posts: 9778 | From: The Dark Tower | Registered: May 2001
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Jengie jon
Semper Reformanda
# 273
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Posted
Firstly your friend is not alone, she is one of many thousands (millions) of people who are bullied at work every year. As I am in a peculiar position at work (I am tangential to the power structures) there was a time when it felt as if I was hearing tales of bullying every other week from the victims. However, every victim seems to think it is peculiar to them.
Secondly there are organisations that are set up to help. There is for instance National Bullying Helpline and there is also Bullying UK.If she was/is in a Union then she should also try to see if they will not provide someone to listen. The first step whatever route she takes is to have her experience of being bullied validated.
Jengie
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"To violate a persons ability to distinguish fact from fantasy is the epistemological equivalent of rape." Noretta Koertge
Back to my blog
Posts: 20894 | From: city of steel, butterflies and rainbows | Registered: May 2001
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Francophile
Shipmate
# 17838
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Posted
Thanks Jengie.
The worst aspect of this situation is that my friend has resigned. Although I (and other friends) have been aware of the situation for at least 2 years, we (or at least I) were not aware that she had reached the point of resigning and did not know until after the event. It has hit me hard. I am fearful that her working life (at least, earning life) is over. Getting a new job in your 50s is not easy, especially after being in the same organisation since your 20s.
The particularly shocking aspect of the situation is that the employer is a famous academic institution which prides itself in its openness, liberalism, research record, blah blah blah. But yet it cannot protect one of its older employees has given long and loyal service to generations of students.
[ 28. October 2013, 09:44: Message edited by: Francophile ]
Posts: 243 | From: United Kingdom | Registered: Sep 2013
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Suze
Ship's Barmaid
# 5639
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Posted
I can understand her resigning without saying things have got that bad - it's hard to admit you're struggling at the best of times and the most confident of people get worn down by bullying. If I had known then what I know now in terms of how much actually trying to get bullying properly addressed would take out of me, I would have resigned - I'm now not in a position to leave easily so I'm stuck in a fairly difficult process.
Depending on when she resigned and whether she said anything about it at the time there may be options open to her in terms of legal action but regardless, most grievance policies apply to staff who have resigned so she could still raise a formal grievance and have the organisation address the bullying behaviour. Whether she can be bothered given she's decided to leave is quite another thing.
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' You stay here and I'll go look for God, that won't be hard cos I know where he's not, and I will bring him back with me , then he'll listen , then he'll see' Richard Shindell
Posts: 2603 | From: where the angels sleep | Registered: Mar 2004
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L'organist
Shipmate
# 17338
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Posted
Many years ago I was bullied working for a national religious organisation.
According to codes of practice the ultimate "buck stops here" person I should have been reporting it to was the person doing the bullying.
Everyone in the organisation knew this person was a bully - they used to joke about it.
Nothing was done about it, ever.
They still work for the same outfit and are now in a position of national importance.
Me? I got out - I thought before it got to me too much but 6 months after leaving I was diagnosed with PTS. When I left I handed over a file to the head of HR and to the Chairman - nothing was done.
I'm told by friends who still work for the same outfit that his personal rate of attrition is still running at 2-3 people a year...
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Rara temporum felicitate ubi sentire quae velis et quae sentias dicere licet
Posts: 4950 | From: somewhere in England... | Registered: Sep 2012
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LutheranChik
Shipmate
# 9826
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Posted
I was in a bullying situation at my last job. Without getting into individuals and specifics, there were a couple of managers within the organization who ruled by fear, intimidation and both private and public belittling. The atmosphere became so bad for me that it began affecting my physical and mental health alike, and my DP pleaded with me to just quit before things got worse. I did; and my health improved almost immediately.
Interestingly, after I left, other employees began leaving as well -- simply quitting as I did, or taking early retirement. (DP said I was like the canary in the coal mine.) Other employees who had been experiencing particular harassment were summarily fired, and a couple of them filed suit for wrongful dismissal. (Hard to prove legally in a right-to-work state, which gives you an indication of the strong feelings involved.)
Since then the organization has had a major administrative upheaval, I've heard, and is struggling. I keep running into former coworkers who say, "I'm so glad I got out of that place." I found out that my supervisor was one of the casualties of the latest intraoffice drama.
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Simul iustus et peccator
http://www.lutheranchiklworddiary.blogspot.com
Posts: 6462 | From: rural Michigan, USA | Registered: Jul 2005
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mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
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Posted
quote:
The particularly shocking aspect of the situation is that the employer is a famous academic institution which prides itself in its openness, liberalism, research record, blah blah blah. But yet it cannot protect one of its older employees has given long and loyal service to generations of students.
I don't find that at all surprising - I recently resigned from an academic job in circumstances which were not entirely dissimilar, though my immediate management was merely a bit ineffective (hands tied, I think) - the real nastiness was higher up. Elsewhere I saw nightmares.
It's tough if one is looking for benign-parent behaviour within an organisation. I had it once, and thrived in it. If I work again (I'm 42...), I'll be looking for this before worrying about the nature of the role or the salary - though God knows how one sniffs out such safety from outside an organisation.
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"We are punished by our sins, not for them" - Elbert Hubbard
(so good, I wanted to see it after my posts and not only after those of shipmate JBohn from whom I stole it)
Posts: 1596 | Registered: Oct 2010
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Arethosemyfeet
Shipmate
# 17047
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Posted
If memory serves, in the UK at least, if you are forced out of a job by bullying then you may have been subject to constructive dismissal and entitled to compensation for lost earnings.
Posts: 2933 | From: Hebrides | Registered: Apr 2012
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by mark_in_manchester:
It's tough if one is looking for benign-parent behaviour within an organisation. I had it once, and thrived in it. If I work again (I'm 42...), I'll be looking for this before worrying about the nature of the role or the salary - though God knows how one sniffs out such safety from outside an organisation.
It's what my brother has done all his life. One sniff of nasty/clueless managers and he simply leaves.
He is a highly skilled engineer so never has a problem finding new work. In fact, he was tired of the faceless bosses of the company he works for - not unkind, just distant. So he has now gone self employed.
Few of us have such choices 'tho.
I think it's a major problem in any organisation that the sociopaths (or those who are not sociopaths but have little empathy or people skills) are the ones who rise to the top. Then the culture becomes bullying and the minor bullies thrive. ![[Frown]](frown.gif)
I think Education and the NHS are two prime examples.
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
Arethosemyfeet said: quote:
If memory serves, in the UK at least, if you are forced out of a job by bullying then you may have been subject to constructive dismissal and entitled to compensation for lost earnings.
That's true, but if you have been forced out of your job by bullying then you may be unequal to the stress of going through the process of making a formal complaint against them and trying to get compensation. A friend of mine was more or less forced out of a temporary job by a sexist line manager. She had them bang to rights for sexual discrimination - the boss of the company actually admitted IN WRITING that he'd have given her a permanent job if she'd been male - but she couldn't face the hassle of taking them to court, because that would have prolonged the agony and she wanted to put the whole experience behind her.
for your friend, Francophile. Like Mark I am saddened but not surprised; this kind of thing happens in academia all the time, judging by my own experience of working in higher education.
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Caissa
Shipmate
# 16710
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Posted
Other than being in the military reserves where bullying is rampant, the only job I experience bullying in was the summer job I had at 17. I was working as a summer employee at the Port of Saint John. My supervisor tended to ride all of the summer students pretty hard. After a month of taking this "abuse", I responded to the last straw with a 5 minute tirade in which I used every variation of the F-word known and probably a few that I had invented. The bullying stopped and I went on to work there as a summer student for 6 years.
Posts: 972 | From: Saint John, N.B. | Registered: Oct 2011
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Drifting Star
Drifting against the wind
# 12799
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:
A friend of mine was more or less forced out of a temporary job by a sexist line manager. She had them bang to rights for sexual discrimination - the boss of the company actually admitted IN WRITING that he'd have given her a permanent job if she'd been male - but she couldn't face the hassle of taking them to court, because that would have prolonged the agony and she wanted to put the whole experience behind her.
This is the problem - at the moment the fight against bullying depends on those who are least able to take it on. It needs to be taken on by those who observe the bullying but are in a position of at least some strength.
While everything in me screams 'injustice' when someone like Francophile's friend resigns, I also know that she has almost certainly done the best thing for her own peace of mind. It's not right, but it is pragmatic and sensible for her, and I hope she is really enjoying waking up in the mornings and knowing that her life is her own again.
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The soul is dyed the color of its thoughts. Heraclitus
Posts: 3126 | From: A thin place. | Registered: Jul 2007
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