Ship of Fools: Just Bring Yourselves

Thread: Just Bring Yourselves Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

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Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

But you don't know if they mean that, do you? Most of us, if we are invited to a party, are happy to contribute to the enjoyment. A plate of food, a bottle of booze, a small gift, etc is no big deal.

However I find myself in an interesting predicament. Tomorrow night the cook at our favourite Thai restaurant has invited us to join her Christmas party there. It is her way of thanking her regular customers. We know she is Buddhist. She does not want us to bring food or drinks. But what should we take?

Anyone else struggling with The Appropriate Thing to take to a celebration?

[Confused]

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

Flowers?

Posted by mdijon (# 8520) on :

Even I can spot that it would look bad to turn up with a plate of spring rolls at that do.

Flowers sounds good though. Or what about a box of Christmas crackers?

Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on :

Flowers sound good - perhaps a small poinsettia plant?

Posted by Gill H (# 68) on :

There is an advert in the UK which suggests what to bring when you're told 'don't bring a thing'. Apparently the answer is a box of cheap chocolates...

Personally I like the poinsettia suggestion.

Posted by cattyish (# 7829) on :

Home made truffles? 115g of double cream (>50% fat content) warmed on a medium heat until it just bubbles and is forming a skin, poured into 250g of milk or 200g of dark chocolate chips which are just warm enough to begin to melt (about a minute on full power in my microwave).

Stir vigorously in the centre of the bowl for about 2 to 3 minutes or until very smooth. A plastic spatula helps. If desired, add a few drops of food flavour or 3 tablespoons of liqueur and stir in well. Set in the fridge overnight.

Pick out little bits about the size of a cherry tomato, lay on greaseproof paper and roll into balls. A melon baller is good for getting bits about the right size. Coat with cocoa powder, icing sugar or more chocolate plus chopped nuts.

Cattyish, taught by a clever brother.

Posted by Jengie Jon (# 273) on :

This recipe for truffles is superb.

I have made it for several years and got nothing but compliments from those who have received presents containing them.

Jengie

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

I don't think chocolate is much appreciated as a treat in Thai culture - the fat content is too different. And apart from the fact that I am hopeless in the kitchen, I simply won't be going along with anything edible in my hands in case she finds this insulting.

Mind you, the truffles sound yummy and I would love to nip round to sample some at YOUR Christmas parties. The cook does love gardening - often grows her own vegetables, and will sometimes send out the bill under a small plate of beautifully arranged fruit in season.

I like the poinsettia idea. Her restaurant has red and gold decor, so that could work well. She also loves bright colours.

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :

I like the flower idea best, too.

While were talking about party dilemmas, may I ask for ideas about how to turn down an invitation?

A member of my book club has offered to host our annual Christmas party. I don't want to go and there will be fourteen others so I know I'll barely be missed, but I have to call and decline and I just have no idea what to say.

[Help]

Posted by Pigwidgeon (# 10192) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:

A member of my book club has offered to host our annual Christmas party. I don't want to go and there will be fourteen others so I know I'll barely be missed, but I have to call and decline and I just have no idea what to say.

Can you just say that you have other plans? (Those plans might be to stay at home with a good book, but you don't have to explain.)

Posted by Rev per Minute (# 69) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Banner Lady:
But you don't know if they mean that, do you? Most of us, if we are invited to a party, are happy to contribute to the enjoyment. A plate of food, a bottle of booze, a small gift, etc is no big deal.

However I find myself in an interesting predicament. Tomorrow night the cook at our favourite Thai restaurant has invited us to join her Christmas party there. It is her way of thanking her regular customers. We know she is Buddhist. She does not want us to bring food or drinks. But what should we take?

Anyone else struggling with The Appropriate Thing to take to a celebration?

This may be a 'bloke thing', but if people say that they don't want us to bring anything then I tend to believe them - and take nothing.

My knowledge of Thai culture is non-existent so I don't know what might or might not be appropriate, but if you feel you must take something then pick a celebratory item. While flowers are good, is there anything that you know your friend likes?

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Pigwidgeon:

quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:

A member of my book club has offered to host our annual Christmas party. I don't want to go and there will be fourteen others so I know I'll barely be missed, but I have to call and decline and I just have no idea what to say.

Can you just say that you have other plans? (Those plans might be to stay at home with a good book, but you don't have to explain.)

Thanks, Pigwidgeon, I love "other plans," and used it a lot back in my dating days. It had just the right balance of face saving politeness, with discouragement toward repeat offers, but in this case, I don't think it will work.

We all agreed on the party date months ago, and I was looking forward to it, when it was going to be at our usual restaurant.

The trouble is this woman lives way out in the country. Her directions included phrases like "gravel drive," and "the front steps," that are sort of terrifying to me because I walk with a cane. My left leg is extremely wobbly, even on flat, hard surfaces. Then someone piped up with, "Can we bring anything?" and our hostess said, "Oh, that would be lovely!" So I'm picturing carrying my gift for the exchange and a covered dish in my left hand, while my cane is slipping around in my right hand over the gravel and then climbing steps without railings.

At this date, if I tell our hostess I have other plans she will think she's been put in second place to something else. If I tell her the truth she'll be full of helpful ideas like sending her husband out to help me in. I've fallen flat on my face three times since my leg injury and all three times were when men were helping me. Bless their hearts.

I'm looking for a really good lie.

Posted by comet (# 10353) on :

Twilight - how about pseudo-truth? I use it when my anxiety screams out "don't go there!" I say things like, "I'm just not really up to going" or, "Things have been so busy lately, I just need to carve out some time just for me". or even, "I have some things I need to work on at home and I can't put them off any longer!" and you don't have to say that those things are petting the cats or finishing your latest book.

not a lie, exactly, but avoids that whole need in some people to fix your problems for you. and if you're vague enough, they'll usually say they TOTALLY understand, even though they do not. but they feel they've had a bonding moment with you and there's no hard feelings.

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

You could always say "I'm sorry, i won't be able to make it" and when she asks why, say, "i'm afraid I'm too embarrassed to say." This will spark intense curiosity but manners will forbid her to pry (much). Just keep saying it till she quits.

Alternately, say "I'm not well and I don't feel up to talking about it."

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :

Second Comet's suggestion: 'thank you. I 'd love to. But I find I can only do so much (and I've already squandered this week's energy on disco dancing til 3 in the morning with a Brazilian escapologist). OK, maybe leave out the last bit. But it's not untruthful to say that actually something is beyond you - one of the privileges of age.

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :

All right! Thanks you all! I knew the creative minds of the ship could help me with this. I'm definitely going to practice saying, "I'm just not up to it," or the more British, "I don't feel equal to it," that I read in a book one time and really liked. I feel so relieved, you have no idea. [Yipee]

Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on :

I just got invited to a largish potluck. Happily, I was able to say "So sorry - at that time, I shall be having breakfast in India."

I would have declined politely had it been possible to do so by saying. "I am so sorry, but I had other plans for that evening". Nothing is a lie in that statement.

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Twilight--

I agree about "not up to it". If you feel you need something to back that up, go to http://www.invisibledisabilities.org and look up "Spoon Theory". It's a great object-lesson story, using a handful of spoons to illustrate how much energy you have to spend. Comes from the author's own experience.

Banner Lady--

I'm not sure what you should take, if anything. But many Buddhists are vegetarians or vegans. Most chocolates include animal products (e.g., milk). If the chocolates would be for her, personally, there might be some awkwardness.

YMMV.

Posted by Og, King of Bashan (# 9562) on :

Banner Lady:

I agree that flowers would be nice. But if you really want to thank the owners, keep going to the restaurant, and maybe order a nicer bottle of wine or cocktails before dinner next time. That's really what this dinner is about- they want to say thanks for regularly coming to our business, and please know that we really value your repeat business.

Posted by HCH (# 14313) on :

Consider bringing a printout of something amusing found on the Internet.

Perhaps bring photographs?

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
I agree about "not up to it". If you feel you need something to back that up, go to http://www.invisibledisabilities.org and look up "Spoon Theory".

Sorry GK, I couldn't see a link for that. Are you able to link to it directly?

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :

B4 informed me that taking something "growing" to a Buddhist was definitely the most appropriate sort of gift. We duly arrived with a small red poinsettia in a green glazed pot. (Thank you shippies!)

The cook is married to an Englishman, so the evening was a delightful mix of culture. The huge table of Thai finger food was followed by the most enormous Christmas cake I've ever seen (4 hours in the oven, the cook informed me). My Englishman gave it 10/10 on taste. And when photos of the cook holding this confection were demanded by her appreciative guests, she looked down at it and said, "But it needs something to decorate the top if you're going to take photos."

One red poinsettia flower from our gift provided the perfect garnish. Please all give yourselves a pat on the back - you did good!

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :

That's fantasic, Banner Lady, I love it when threads like this have an ending.

Here's where I found Golden Key's spoon theory. Very useful analogy. Thanks.

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Ariel:

quote:
Originally posted by Golden Key:
I agree about "not up to it". If you feel you need something to back that up, go to http://www.invisibledisabilities.org and look up "Spoon Theory".
Sorry GK, I couldn't see a link for that. Are you able to link to it directly?

Sorry!

Could've sworn they had a copy there.

This should work:

http://www.butyoudontlooksick.com/wpress/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/

That's the HTML version, with a link to a PDF. If, for some reason, that doesn't work, there are many other copies online.

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Gaaa, sorry. Didn't see that Twilight had posted the link.

{Crawls into deep hole with chocolate and a good book.}

Posted by Ariel (# 58) on :

Don't worry GK, that's fine - thanks for taking the time to sort the link out!

Posted by Sparrow (# 2458) on :

quote:
Originally posted by PeteC:
I just got invited to a largish potluck. Happily, I was able to say "So sorry - at that time, I shall be having breakfast in India."

I would have declined politely had it been possible to do so by saying. "I am so sorry, but I had other plans for that evening". Nothing is a lie in that statement.

Really? Where in India? I have just got back from there!

(Tummy hasn't recovered yet though) I will spare you the appropriate smiley.

[Roll Eyes]

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Banner Lady:
I don't think chocolate is much appreciated as a treat in Thai culture - the fat content is too different. And apart from the fact that I am hopeless in the kitchen, I simply won't be going along with anything edible in my hands in case she finds this insulting.

Not sure it would be the fat content. Not from a cuisine which uses coconut milk. But you are correct, i think, no food items.

Gill H,

Cheap chocolate is acceptable only if there is no better chocolate available.

Cattyish and Jengie Jon, thank you for the recipes. I Love you both.

Oh, too much?

Posted by ChaliceGirl (# 13656) on :

A plant, or a small jar candle is always nice.

Posted by Golden Key (# 1468) on :

Re candles:

Unscented are best. Many people hate certain scents and/or are allergic to the chemicals used.

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Gill H:
...Personally I like the poinsettia suggestion.

So do I and lots of other people: also, our Knights of Columbus chapter at my local RC cathedral sells them to raise money for charity.

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