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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: I am freaking out....
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BessLane
Shipmate
# 15176
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Posted
When I was 21, I had a very bad infection that I was told rendered me sterile. This was ok with me, I don't want kids. My husband doesn't want them either...
Flash forward to me being 45, and I feel weird, and I'm late - at first I think peri-menoapuse, but then I feel kind of OFF. Long story short, two store bought tests and one at the docs office say I'm preggers. My husband is on the road, and this is NOT a converasation I want to have on the phone. And this is NOT NOT NOT a situation I want to be in anyway.
I'm scared as hell, conflicted as hell and all I can say is "holy shit, really?!?"
At my age, it may be a false alarm, but crap....
Support, help, advice please....
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It's all on me and I won't tell it.
formerly BessHiggs
Posts: 1388 | From: Yorkville, TN | Registered: Sep 2009
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
ADVICE: Give it time. There is nothing that needs to be done right this moment except to make yourself feel better (say, by calling a friend). Everyone freaks at that news, even those who expected and wanted it. Treat yourself with the same kindness and patience that you would anybody who just suddenly lost a loved one. You are in no shape to think today or probably tomorrow. Don't force yourself to. You have time. Take it.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Nicolemr
Shipmate
# 28
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Posted
Hugs and support. No advice except what Lamb Chopped said, try to treat yourself gently and soothingly. Good luck with whatever you decide.
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On pilgrimage in the endless realms of Cyberia, currently traveling by ship. Now with live journal!
Posts: 11803 | From: New York City "The City Carries On" | Registered: May 2001
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
As someone who's childless-by-choice I'm not in much of a position to offer advice either, but what Lamb Chopped said makes perfect sense to me. Look after yourself, and know that you've got prayers and support from all of us here.
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
{{{BH}}}
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Golden Key
Shipmate
# 1468
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Posted
{{{{{{Bess}}}}}}
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Blessed Gator, pray for us!
--"Oh bat bladders, do you have to bring common sense into this?" (Dragon, "Jane & the Dragon")
--"Oh, Peace Train, save this country!" (Yusuf/Cat Stevens, "Peace Train")
Posts: 18601 | From: Chilling out in an undisclosed, sincere pumpkin patch. | Registered: Oct 2001
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
(((Bess)))
Do you have long to wait for your husband to be back home? Focus on being nice to yourself till then.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Earwig
Pincered Beastie
# 12057
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Posted
What everybody else has said, and hugs from me as well - (((Bess))).
Posts: 3120 | From: Yorkshire | Registered: Nov 2006
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Raptor Eye
Shipmate
# 16649
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Posted
A shock to the system in more ways than one, may God be with you and give you peace and strength.
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Be still, and know that I am God! Psalm 46.10
Posts: 4359 | From: The United Kingdom | Registered: Sep 2011
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Meg the Red
Shipmate
# 11838
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Posted
Been there, Bess. Turned out to be a false alarm, thanks be, but I will certainly never forget feeling like I'd been hit by a speeding semi. What LC said - and many, many hugs from me.
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Chocoholic Canuckistani Cyclopath
Posts: 1126 | From: Rat Creek | Registered: Sep 2006
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BessLane
Shipmate
# 15176
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Posted
My husband gets home tomorrow (I hope) for the weekend and I've been rehearsing the conversation in my head.
I'm already sick of being scared and sick of crying and sick of biology in general. I go Wednesday to the Ob/Gyn to get an ultrasound and blood work which, I'm told, will give me a yes or no answer.
Y'all, at my age, I'm set in my ways. It's maybe selfish, but I don't want any of my life to change. A child would be a huge huge huge change. And I'm 90% positive what my husband's reaction will be. And I'll be the 70 year old woman at some kid's college graduation.
Thanks so much for the support. My closest friend here is a man, and he's the last person I can talk to about any of this. Just pray for me...
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It's all on me and I won't tell it.
formerly BessHiggs
Posts: 1388 | From: Yorkville, TN | Registered: Sep 2009
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Lyda*Rose
Ship's broken porthole
# 4544
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Posted
Yes, I would definitely keep this to yourself and your husband- you don't need the neighborhood weighing in on your private thoughts at this time.
Keeping you in my prayers.
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"Dear God, whose name I do not know - thank you for my life. I forgot how BIG... thank you. Thank you for my life." ~from Joe Vs the Volcano
Posts: 21377 | From: CA | Registered: May 2003
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Oscar the Grouch
Adopted Cascadian
# 1916
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Posted
Hi Bess
First of all, the (hopefully) obvious platitude....
As much as you are (quite naturally) panicking now, try to remember that the fear is worse than the reality. When your husband gets home, sit down and talk about it. I am sure that you will find that it won't be as bad as your imagination is making it to be just now.
Secondly, my Dad was into his 40's when he got married. He was nearly 50 when I was born and well past 55 when my sister was born. I also know of plenty of other people who had similarly "ancient" parents and it didn't do them any harm, either. Of course - if you ARE pregnant - it will be an enormous shock to the system for both you and your husband. But don't worry about how you will be when Junior reaches graduation. The chances are, you won't be the oldest Mum there!
Please don't let fear overcome you.
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Faradiu, dundeibáwa weyu lárigi weyu
Posts: 3871 | From: Gamma Quadrant, just to the left of Galifrey | Registered: Dec 2001
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Lucia
Looking for light
# 15201
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Posted
Just adding my too...
Posts: 1075 | From: Nigh golden stone and spires | Registered: Oct 2009
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jacobsen
seeker
# 14998
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Posted
And mine
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But God, holding a candle, looks for all who wander, all who search. - Shifra Alon
Beauty fades, dumb is forever-Judge Judy
The man who made time, made plenty.
Posts: 8040 | From: Æbleskiver country | Registered: Aug 2009
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
Being childless by choice, I can understand some of what you're going through. You're in my prayers.
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
We also had our son a generation later than everyone else. But that has had a hell of a lot of advantages to it. God keep you all.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
(((Bess)))
for you, whatever you decide.
[ 04. April 2014, 16:26: Message edited by: Jane R ]
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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churchgeek
Have candles, will pray
# 5557
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Posted
((( Bess ))) May Christ give you his peace that passes understanding.
[ 04. April 2014, 18:27: Message edited by: churchgeek ]
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I reserve the right to change my mind.
My article on the Virgin of Vladimir
Posts: 7773 | From: Detroit | Registered: Feb 2004
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Kelly Alves
Bunny with an axe
# 2522
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Posted
Amen. Wow, talk about a surprise.
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I cannot expect people to believe “
Jesus loves me, this I know” of they don’t believe “Kelly loves me, this I know.”
Kelly Alves, somewhere around 2003.
Posts: 35076 | From: Pura Californiana | Registered: Mar 2002
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Amos
Shipmate
# 44
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Posted
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At the end of the day we face our Maker alongside Jesus--ken
Posts: 7667 | From: Summerisle | Registered: May 2001
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An die Freude
Shipmate
# 14794
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Posted
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"I too am not a bit tamed, I too am untranslatable."
Walt Whitman
Formerly JFH
Posts: 851 | From: Proud Socialist Monarchy of Sweden | Registered: May 2009
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by BessHiggs:
I'm already sick of being scared and sick of crying and sick of biology in general. I go Wednesday to the Ob/Gyn to get an ultrasound and blood work which, I'm told, will give me a yes or no answer.
That's good - you'll then know what you are dealing with. Not knowing is far harder.
for you
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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QLib
Bad Example
# 43
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Posted
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Tradition is the handing down of the flame, not the worship of the ashes Gustav Mahler.
Posts: 8913 | From: Page 28 | Registered: May 2001
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Mrs Shrew
Ship's Mother
# 8635
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Posted
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"The goal of life is not to make other people in your own image, it is to understand that they, too, are in God's image" (Orfeo)
Was "mummyfrances".
Posts: 703 | From: York, England | Registered: Oct 2004
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Jack the Lass
Ship's airhead
# 3415
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Posted
Bess
I had a baby 4 months ago, at the age of 44, and was similarly worried about being the old granny at the school gates. I've been pleasantly surprised at how many other older mums there are, some older than me.
It's been a massive life-change, and there've been tears and tantrums along the way. But we're still here, and I wouldn't be without her. It's hard, but not impossible. Rest assured of my prayers, Bess.
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"My body is a temple - it's big and doesn't move." (Jo Brand)
wiblog blipfoto blog
Posts: 5767 | From: the land of the deep-fried Mars Bar | Registered: Oct 2002
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Graven Image
Shipmate
# 8755
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Posted
Having read your posts over the last few years, I know that you are a strong and capable women. I am very sure you will handle what ever is to come with great wisdom and grace, even as you have a holy melt down now and then. Prayers of support.
Posts: 2641 | From: Third planet from the sun. USA | Registered: Nov 2004
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
Me, too.
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Japes
Shipmate
# 5358
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Posted
And me.
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Blog may or may not be of any interest.
Posts: 2013 | From: Somewhere in the middle | Registered: Dec 2003
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BessLane
Shipmate
# 15176
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Posted
Here's where we are at now...
Had an extremely difficult conversation with my husband about the whole thing. Actually the first real conversation we've had about the subject since we were both in our 40's when we married and never intended to have children. The fact that I believed I was unable helped there. We decided, after a lot of talk and tears to wait until after I saw the doc to make any kind of decisions.
He left for Nashville for the week on Sunday morning, and on Sunday evening, I started having some pretty awful cramps. Monday morning, I was bleeding pretty heavy (sorry about being graphic...) and have been since then. The doc examined me, and did blood work, and I'm scheduled for an ultrasound next wedensday but she seemed pretty confident that nature was taking its course and the pregnancy was over.
I'm hoping she's right, even though that sounds horrible, but I'm also emotionally even more messed up about this whole ordeal. It's like the only reason I've got this plumbing is to make babies. And even though I don't want to make one, the idea that I may have had another human being growing inside of me - however briefly - is staggeringly huge. And then the idea that most likely, there's not one growing there any more is also huge. I'm relieved, sad, and confused. And I feel so isolated since other than my husband and my best friend, no one I can talk to and cry on knows about this. Hubby's out of town and my best friend is a man and I'm not sure how comfortable either he or I would be having a conversation about my reproductive bits. Plus, no offense to the gentlemen, but men tend to focus on "fixing" things and there's nothing about this situation that can be fixed.
So all y'all don't know how important your support has been. I can't cry on any of your shoulders, except through this flawed medium, but it really helps to know that somewhere, there are folks care and will listen and say prayers and offer good, sensible advice, and let me rage and let me mourn.
Thanks you all so very much.
(And just a couple of weeks ago, I was bragging to a buddy that my life was nice and stable and boring...that'll teach me to tempt fate ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif) )
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It's all on me and I won't tell it.
formerly BessHiggs
Posts: 1388 | From: Yorkville, TN | Registered: Sep 2009
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
I'm so sorry--what a major upset this all has been for you. Be kind to yourself, and your husband too. Will pray.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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infinite_monkey
Shipmate
# 11333
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Posted
Sending you all warmest thoughts and strength. The particulars of human pain are always so individual--I can't pretend to have experienced anything "like" your situation. And yet pain and complicated feelings are so universal--my heart reaches out to yours because of that, because I can imagine that your pain "feels like" mine.
I wonder if your male friend can be of help, then--just a person, in real time, listening to you say, "this sucks, and can't be fixed." I dunno if that kind of compassionate, non-action-oriented listening is his forte: I just know I wish you had access to it, somehow, in person, and I'm glad you find comfort in having it here. Because you do. Many are pulling for you. All the best.
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His light was lifted just above the Law,
And now we have to live with what we did with what we saw.
--Dar Williams, And a God Descended
Obligatory Blog Flog: www.otherteacher.wordpress.com
Posts: 1423 | From: left coast united states | Registered: Apr 2006
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
What a horrible situation, Bess.
Give yourself time - you will have lots of hormones swilling around that will be affecting you hugely and will take a while to work through your system, so be kind to yourself.
Also, if you're losing a lot of blood the blood loss will make you feel washed out, along with the early pregnancy hormones, so be prepared to be exhausted as well as emotional.
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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Heavenly Anarchist
Shipmate
# 13313
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
What a horrible situation, Bess.
Give yourself time - you will have lots of hormones swilling around that will be affecting you hugely and will take a while to work through your system, so be kind to yourself.
Also, if you're losing a lot of blood the blood loss will make you feel washed out, along with the early pregnancy hormones, so be prepared to be exhausted as well as emotional.
Echoing what Curiosity said, your hormones will be all over the place at the moment and your body and mind have been through a lot of trauma. Do get some time to rest, both physically and emotionally.
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'I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by.' Douglas Adams
Dog Activity Monitor
My shop
Posts: 2831 | From: Trumpington | Registered: Jan 2008
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Lucia
Looking for light
# 15201
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Posted
from me too
Posts: 1075 | From: Nigh golden stone and spires | Registered: Oct 2009
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ecumaniac
Ship's whipping girl
# 376
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by BessHiggs:
I'm hoping she's right, even though that sounds horrible, but I'm also emotionally even more messed up about this whole ordeal. It's like the only reason I've got this plumbing is to make babies. And even though I don't want to make one, the idea that I may have had another human being growing inside of me - however briefly - is staggeringly huge. And then the idea that most likely, there's not one growing there any more is also huge. I'm relieved, sad, and confused.
You don't know me, I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I wanted to say: It's ok to be relieved. Your feelings are your feelings, and they aren't right or wrong to feel.
And in case there's anyone else reading this in any sort of similar situation, I also want to say that it's also ok to fully explore all your options. None of them will be ideal, but they are there.
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it's a secret club for people with a knitting addiction, hiding under the cloak of BDSM - Catrine
Posts: 2901 | From: Cambridge | Registered: Jun 2001
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
It is totally understandable to be relieved, sad, and confused after such huge, life changing possibilities were rushing through your body and emotions.
Most of all - be kind to yourself, you have been through the mill, physically and emotionally.
for you.
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Tubbs
Miss Congeniality
# 440
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by ecumaniac:
quote:
Originally posted by BessHiggs:
I'm hoping she's right, even though that sounds horrible, but I'm also emotionally even more messed up about this whole ordeal. It's like the only reason I've got this plumbing is to make babies. And even though I don't want to make one, the idea that I may have had another human being growing inside of me - however briefly - is staggeringly huge. And then the idea that most likely, there's not one growing there any more is also huge. I'm relieved, sad, and confused.
You don't know me, I'm just a stranger on the internet, but I wanted to say: It's ok to be relieved. Your feelings are your feelings, and they aren't right or wrong to feel.
And in case there's anyone else reading this in any sort of similar situation, I also want to say that it's also ok to fully explore all your options. None of them will be ideal, but they are there.
THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thinking of you and yours at this time.
Tubbs
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"It's better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool than open it up and remove all doubt" - Dennis Thatcher. My blog. Decide for yourself which I am
Posts: 12701 | From: Someplace strange | Registered: Jun 2001
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BessLane
Shipmate
# 15176
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Posted
Again thank you all so much...
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It's all on me and I won't tell it.
formerly BessHiggs
Posts: 1388 | From: Yorkville, TN | Registered: Sep 2009
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Nenya
Shipmate
# 16427
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
It is totally understandable to be relieved, sad, and confused after such huge, life changing possibilities were rushing through your body and emotions.
Most of all - be kind to yourself, you have been through the mill, physically and emotionally.
for you.
This. I have not posted on the thread before but I have been watching and praying, and will continue to do so.
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They told me I was delusional. I nearly fell off my unicorn.
Posts: 1289 | Registered: May 2011
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luvanddaisies
the'fun'in'fundie'™
# 5761
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Posted
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"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover." (Mark Twain)
Posts: 3711 | From: all at sea. | Registered: Apr 2004
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Curiosity killed ...:
What a horrible situation, Bess.
Give yourself time - you will have lots of hormones swilling around that will be affecting you hugely and will take a while to work through your system, so be kind to yourself.
Also, if you're losing a lot of blood the blood loss will make you feel washed out, along with the early pregnancy hormones, so be prepared to be exhausted as well as emotional.
Yes, this. Also, hormones don't play fair and you can't predict how they will affect you. So be gentle with yourself and know that lots of us are praying for you.
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
I'm holding you and your husband and all in the Light, Bess.
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Graven Image
Shipmate
# 8755
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Posted
Continued prayers and cyber hugs. ((((((( ))))))))
Posts: 2641 | From: Third planet from the sun. USA | Registered: Nov 2004
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