quote:

---

Originally posted by piglet:
and resorted to using a gamp, sire.

---

I had to Google gamp . So, now I know
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
but Dublin with Biddy Mulligan
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
... who sold fruits and the tastiest filberts.

A young Archimandrite named Theo...
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Had a fondness for women named Cleo.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
He had to resist
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
His wish to insist
 

---

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :
 
Which was hard, for he loved them con brio

A poet addicted to sonnets
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
Had a fondness for girls in poke bonnets
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
He would write each an ode
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
In a top secret code
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
That they couldn't decipher, doggone it!

The bishop was walking his beagle
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
When the dog got scooped up by an eagle.

[ 06. May 2014, 01:29: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 
"Doggone!" quoth the Bish,
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
The dog thought, "I'm no fish",

[ 06. May 2014, 04:55: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
"And I thought fishing here was illegal!"

While strolling one day through the park
 

---

Posted by MrsBeaky (# 17663) on :
 
I espied a tree with no bark
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
'Oh, p...lease!' said the tree,
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
"don't make fun out of me!"
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Having no bark's not a lark.

When singing one day in the choir
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
the music got higher and higher
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Stained-glass windows shattered
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
The altar cross clattered
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And the bats all flew out of the spire.

A grey pussycat called 'Vanilla'
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Modelled her style on Godzilla
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
She'd claw you to pieces
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
That tasted like Reese's
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
At underground clubs in Manila.

A heretical pastor named Wally
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
liked to drink Bolly & Stolly
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
As he said 'kiss the bride'
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
His muttered aside
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Was a terrible booze induced folly.

There was a chef so determined and bold
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
He served plums that were thirty years old.
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Their texture was coarse
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
with gorse as a sauce
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And a luscious green topping of mould!

A whisky based cocktail, well shaken
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and flavoured, just a little with bacon
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Will peel off the paint

[ 08. May 2014, 15:06: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And make strong men faint
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
And even the dead will awaken

A bishop in apron and gaiters
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Was peeling a mound of potatoes
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
With every spud
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
which he cut, there was blood
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
which he fed to his pet alligators!

There once was a boy from West Ealing
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who woke up with a terrible feeling
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
He groaned, "Never again!"
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Will I eat a game hen
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
That flew from the pot to the ceiling.

A lady from York bought a horse
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
with reins and side-saddle, of course.
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
She rode it in style
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
For a third of a mile
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And everyone thought she was Norse.

A pirate who sailed out of Biscay
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
sailed on for a year and a day
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
If he'd had G.P.S.,
 

---

Posted by Porridge (# 15405) on :
 
He'd have reached the U.S.,
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Instead of on the Isle of Cathay.


There once was an inventive chippy*


* deliberately ambiguous - UK usage would allow either a chip shop (sells fish and chips) or a carpenter.
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
Who liked to wear rose red lippy,
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
He hammered and sawed
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
'cause the fish wasn't thawed
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
(This poem has got rather trippy!)

Last night on the news they announced
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
That UKIP all others had trounced
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Twas heard from Mr Farage
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
On his Dutch canal barge
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Ere his shipmate upon him had pounced.

Espying a fish out of water
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I opened my hand and I caught her
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
took her to the pond
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
waved my magical wand
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
to reunite her with her daughter.

Whenever I'm in Drumnadrochit

[ 13. May 2014, 15:45: Message edited by: piglet ]
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I take some of your hair in my locket
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
For I'm trained as a barber
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And work near the harbour
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Next door to the Gerbil and Sprocket.

One night, when out on the razzle
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I danced myself into a frazzle
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
First a waltz, then a tango
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
Then a rest for a mango
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And plenty of 'bling', to dazzle.

A ginger moggie called Brian
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
had delusions of being a lion
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
He paced and he growled
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Which was more than allowed
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
But you can't say the cat wasn't tryin'!

The Altar Guild was in a tizzy
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Morning, noon, night they were busy
 

---

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
They starched and they starched
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Until they were parched
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Their reward was Prosecco - its fizzy!

A woman with morals inferior
 

---

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
Once met an old monk from Siberia
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Queried he, "Art thou saved?"
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
She said, "Yes - I've behaved!"
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Albeit from motives that were somewhat ulterior.

One day, being in need of a plumber
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I contacted 'Dumber and Dumber'
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
Now my taps won't turn off
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
and I bathe in a trough
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But never in middle of summer.

There was a young lad from Chicago
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Who thought he was Dr Zhivago.
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
He galloped the steppes
 

---

Posted by Tree Bee (# 4033) on :
 
And worked on his pecs
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
- the pictures are under embargo.

A bishop too short for his mitre
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
reached for his ciggies and lighter
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
The shelf was too high
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
so, with a sigh,
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
He sucked in his chest a bit tighter.

While swimming one day in the Thames
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
It started to rain M&Ms
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
It rained for so long
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and the current so strong
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
I was drowning in sweet, coloured gems.

A mermaid who only spoke French
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
got friendly with a freshwater tench
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
When she stroked his wet scales
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
He replied, "les fiançailles!"
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
The wedding was quite an event.

There was a man from Aberystwyth
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Who married his cariad from Machynlleth
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
He said 'O, my Myfanwy!...
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
...can we? Oh can we?
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
... fly to Wales on a big hippogriff?

There was a bartender named Charley
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Whose breath reeked of overripe barley.
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
And the smell of stale hops
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
repelled all the fops
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Who went home and toked up to Bob Marley.

Someone else can start the next one.
 

---

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
Someone else can start the next one
for i'd rather not have too much fun
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
It stresses me out
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Well, then:

There once was a stressed-out old Shipmate
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who took on too much on his plate
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
He pondered and wondered
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
He raged and he thundered
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Then gave up and went out on a date!

There once was a young lass called Lynn
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
Who thought she was fat but she's thin
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
She started a regime
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Of pickles in cream
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Which her pastor condemned as a sin.

A tourist got lost in the Alps
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And encountered a cache of fresh scalps.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
all neatly arrayed
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
by the Church Lads' Brigade
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Which gave him a fit of the 'palps'!

There was a small dog from Gibraltar
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
who swam all the way over to Malta
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
where he found a cute bitch
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
concealed in a ditch
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
But being dogs they avoided the altar.

It's May and there's still ice on the lake
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
So this morning some dashing young rake
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Showed off his new skates
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
To his mum and his mates
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
But found out too late they'd no brake.

Strumming one day on my dulcimer
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I turned up the stove to a full simmer.
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
The strings all got burnt
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And the lesson I've learnt...
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
is of hope, I haven't a glimmer!

When walking the broad streets of fife
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
He goes hand in hand with his wife
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
their kids are there, too
 

---

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
With their pet kangaroo
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
Called Keith, originally from Fife.

Last Sunday the Dean caused a commotion
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
He was spotted with calamine lotion!
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
As he mounted the pulpit
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
His dress quite decrepit
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
he remembered he should be in Coton

There was a ventriloquist from Filey
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Whose demeanor was really quite smiley,
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
His dummies, however...
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
whatever the weather
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Frowned disapprovingly at young Miley.

There was a young girl went to Huddersfield
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
(I have a horible feeling that the last line of this might end in 'udders feeled')
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
She loved to roll over in a muddy field
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
She rolled into a cow
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
(yes, the udders are getting closer, unless someone will be kind enough to prove me wrong...)
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who was udderless -- wow!
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Now star of a freak show in Petersfield.

The thunder was loud and quite frightening
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
and the air was electric with lightning
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
A little white mouse
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
scuttled into my house
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Just as the weather was brightening.

For this year's late May Spring Bank Holiday
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
decided to be a bit risque
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
Took off all my clothes
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
put a ring in my nose
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And had a quick roll in the hay.

For the weekend I have a big plan
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
which involves not a quiche but a flan
 

---

Posted by Imaginary Friend (# 186) on :
 
Volovants, dainties,
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Presented so quaintly
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And all to please . . . guess who . . . a man!

When trimming the garden last weekend
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
A motorbike roared round the bend
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
He pulled into a skid
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
into the compost he slid
 

---

Posted by DangerousDeacon (# 10582) on :
 
Now he knows that the road was a dead end.

There was a young theist from Sydney
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
who donated his precious left kidney
 

---

Posted by Spike (# 36) on :
 
But the one on the right
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
he held onto tight
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
[edited for top of page]

There was a young theist from Sydney
who donated his precious left kidney
But the one on the right
he held onto tight ---

Because he wanted to keep it, di'n't he!

There was a young lass from New Jersey

[ 26. May 2014, 15:39: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who never ate chocolate from Hershey.
 

---

Posted by Dal Segno (# 14673) on :
 
She said "It tastes weird...
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
And gets stuck in my beard,"

[ 26. May 2014, 21:53: Message edited by: Doublethink ]
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
"And makes quite a mess of my fur, see?"

My mother wears nothing but plaid
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
Stripes or polkas drive her quite mad,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
She's fine with a kilt
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Or a tartan-themed quilt
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Except when she visits Baghdad.

Father Oscar said something profound
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Each time he walked on hallowed ground
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But he held his tongue
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
When the church bells were rung
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
By an oath he was legally bound.

A strapping young laddie from Yonkers
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Who was nice, but his friends were all plonkers.
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
He bought them ice-creams
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Then formed two teams
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who spent the whole day playing conkers.

There was once a sweet girl from Newmarket
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who drove a car, but couldn't park it.
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
She got stuck in reverse
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but even worse
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
She uttered at last, "Oh, go f--- it!"

Last weekend I stayed at the Hilton
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Where they served the most terrible biltong,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
The one just outside New Milton
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Sorry, scrub my offering!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Last weekend I stayed at the Hilton
Where they served the most terrible biltong,

With chips and baked beans
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Next to roast human beings,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
On a bed of what looked like Wilton!

When crossing the Forth Bridge by train
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I thought I was going insane
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
I'd been headed for Brisbane,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
via Paris and Lisbon
 

---

Posted by Starbug (# 15917) on :
 
But ended up back here again!


I once knew an old man named Burt
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
With whom all the young ladies would flirt,
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
For despite his great age
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
He could always upstage
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
All the lads, when he took off his shirt.

A fading old belle from Kentucky
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Always thought herself not very lucky.
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
The boys who came courtin'
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Wasn't into cavortin
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
'Cos her garden was often quite mucky.

There once was a shipmate named Ken
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
whose clock stopped at twenty past ten
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
His post count was mighty
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
His eloquence sprightly
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
We'll miss him, and say "Remember when...?"


Someone else can start the next one!
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
They say that on most nights in Blighty
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
Where the girls are attractive, though flighty,
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
For the price of a gin
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Or a glass of French vin
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
They'll give you a glimpse of their nightie.

An exhausted young dad of quintuplets
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
wrote verse in very bad couplets
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
'til on one sleepless night,
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
His wife replied 'Right'
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Just be grateful that they're not nonuplets.

A radiant young maiden named Carys
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
wed a Scot who wove tweed on Harris
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
As he sat at his loom
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
He had a feeling of doom
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
So took the next flight down to Paris!

When driving myself around Bath
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
I was thinking of Sylvia Plath,
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
I got slightly depressed,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and needed a rest
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And a cure from a homeopath.

While dining in old San Francisco
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
I ordered a big plate of Crisco
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
With some lard on the side,
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
It came breaded and fried
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
With a plate of dessert from Nabisco.

They say when you're in New Orleans,

[ 30. May 2014, 22:02: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
You'll be surrounded by darlings*

__________

* Rhymes with Orleans when pronounced as they do down there.
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
Don't address them as "luvvie"
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
To them you think you're above thee
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
Though to others it may seem quite charming.

(My, that was hard work... )

This evening it's stir fry for tea
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Lest by chance you are stung by a bee.
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
Keep the fly swatter handy
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
If the pests should get randy
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And buzz onto a crispy snow pea.

An ant once went off to explore
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
(He'd a fancy to reach the earth's core)
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But on leaving the hill
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
He found, with a thrill,
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
A boat rigged with sails, but no oar.

While nibbling on toast spread with Stilton
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
for breakfast when I stayed at the Hilton
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
I realised that cheese
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Had fallen on my knees
 

---

Posted by Chorister (# 473) on :
 
Where I had my kilt on.

Now the Embro trams are running
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
but they can't get even one in
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I'll stick with my bike
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Or my thumb to hitch-hike
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
But from climbing up Rose Street, I'm done in.

My computer contracted a virus
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
when I searched for that young Miley Cyrus
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Twerking Pope Francis
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
The nuns got their chances
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
To write it all down on papyrus.

While walking my cute little poodle
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
My wife and I stopped to canoodle
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
just by the duck pond
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
When along came a blonde
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Eating a stinky Pot Noodle

In the long summer nights of New Hampshire
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
we sat eating our bread and our jam, sire
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
When a firefly glowed
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And distant cows lowed
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And we sang jolly songs round the camp fire.

A bearded old sailor from France
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
was stranded in Perth with no pants.
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
But his ultra-long whiskers
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
stopped lascivious friskers
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
From taking a quite risque chance.

There was a young lad from Milwaukee
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
Who sang in a voice thin and squawky
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
There was a young lad from Milwaukee
Who sang in a voice thin and squawky

But as he grew older
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And the weather grew colder
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
He stopped singing and just played hockey.

A pious young nun from Atlanta
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
Published her memoirs in Granta.
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But the Brits thought this belle
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
had no story to tell
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
So she drowned all her woes in orange Fanta.

My wife can be seen on Page 3
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Posing topless hugging a tree
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
To the one who thus snapped her
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
I say 'You're a cad sir'
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
"She is usually found hugging me."

The remarkable Vicar of Kew
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
"She is usually found hugging me."

The remarkable Vicar of Kew
 

---

Posted by Banner Lady (# 10505) on :
 
Found himself in a clerical stew
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
His last sermon, you see,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
was about Zebedee
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
And in so doing, he jumped on a pew.

I once knew a boy from Tintagel
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who strained 'neath the weight of his satchel
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Muttered he: "Oh, these books!"
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
As the crowd gave him looks
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
Though his strain was more put-on than actual.

May I break with tradition and post the first two lines? It's a limerick that Tom Driberg set for his friend Constant Lambert, and Lambert finished it (while giving a piano recital!) and I've always wondered how he might have done it.

The Bishop of Glasgow and Galloway
Preferred Artie Shaw to Cab Calloway
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
Neither liked him
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Nor yet young Tim
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Put his book of Pensées by Pascal away.

The altar guild ladies were vexed

[ 06. June 2014, 16:12: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
They couldn't decide what was next
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Breaking Bad or The Wire
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
or maybe The Choir
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Or readings from Semiotext(e).

My boyfriend wears wretched cologne
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
'cos he thinks he's a young Al Capone
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
So high does he reek
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
That our friends cannot speak
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
'Cuz his fragrance is so overblown.

An old couple named Elmer and Edith

[ 07. June 2014, 00:51: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
dined on cold tea and warm bara brith
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Breakfasted on laverbread
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
like heroes they fed
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
on crempog, Welsh cakes, cawl and forthwith.


There once was a cyclist from Paris

eta a slightly better rhythm

[ 07. June 2014, 11:47: Message edited by: Curiosity killed ... ]
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Who had a most terrible pain in the Arris
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
So he jumped in the Seine
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But alas, 'twas in vain
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Though it got him a gig with Chuck Barris.

There once was a drunken old brawler
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Known widely as a pub-crawler
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
He once had a fight
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
When horrendously tight
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
And was sent out to sea in a trawler.

There once was a diligent church worker
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
Whose priest was summat a twerker
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
He'd hop on the altar
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Really, he didn't oughta
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
To remove every last little lurker.

There was once a fair maiden from Bognor
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
Who cooked great spaghetti bologna
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But her use of hot peppers
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And items from various lepers
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 

quote:

---

There was once a fair maiden from Bognor
Who cooked great spaghetti bologna
But her use of hot peppers
And items from various lepers

---

Combined, made her spectacles fog more.


On Pentecost, the vicar wore red panties
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
red girdle and various fancies
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And to top it all off
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
He hired The Hoff
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
To dance the fandango in scanties.

[ 09. June 2014, 17:35: Message edited by: Doublethink ]
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Next line, Doublethink?
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Oops, sorry the dipsy host cried,
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I feel like I've let down the side!
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I've emptied the GIN
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and opened a tin
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Of biscuits, but on the stale side.

While swimming one day in the ocean
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
I saw blue whales cause a commotion
 

---

Posted by roybart (# 17357) on :
 
The waves that that they made
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Made me very afraid
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
So to stay on the beach, that's my notion.


While wandering deep in the forest
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
I was knocked in the air - Mini-Morrised!
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But to my surprise
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
I spied with my eyes
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
it was an Austin, and the driver a florist!

When cycling on down the main road
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
I very nearly ran over a toad
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
It croaked out a warning
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
at four in the morning
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but sadly it croaked it in code.

A lovely young maiden called Sue
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
cooked her stepmother in a fondue.
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
When fully she'd melted
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Poor Sue was pelted
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
With toast bits all coated with goo!

There was a young lad from Poughkeepsie*


______

* po-KIP-see
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Whose girlfriend was terribly dipsy
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
All through Dutchess County
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
she kept scoffing Bounties
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
So much that she almost got tipsy.

There's nothing to watch on TV
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
he said with inordinate glee
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
But if I can find the remote
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and the bones of a goat
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
I can summon a ghost in my teepee

When walking the streets of old Durham
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
My thoughts weren't entirely pure, um
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I puffed up to the castle
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
With a red sequinned tassel
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
to scope out young maidens and lure 'em.

I'd say that that the typical Shippie
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
On their shoulder does have a big chippie
 

---

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :
 
And under their hat
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
There's room for some "tat"
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Cos they still live the life of a hippie.

Whilst driving down a one way street

[edited to fix boldfacing error]

[ 13. June 2014, 00:11: Message edited by: Amanda B. Reckondwythe ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I noticed a cow with one teat.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Says I to the cow
 

---

Posted by Lucia (# 15201) on :
 
Please tell me how
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Did you and your giant bull meet?

One summery day in Fitzrovia
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
a guitar, being plucked by Segovia
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
All of a sudden a string
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Gave a terrible ping
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and flew up in the air and right over yer

There was a woman from Northumberland
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who spent most of her time down in slumberland
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
With the help of some pills
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And an evening of thrills
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
She had a sleep-over in Cumberland.

The bell-ringers met in the tower

[ 14. June 2014, 23:43: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And, raising their fists, shouted "Power!!"
 

---

Posted by Lietuvos Sv. Kazimieras (# 11274) on :
 
So loudly they tolled,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
both the young and the old
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and the noise could be heard in The Gower.


One afternoon I heard bells ringing
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And as I went on my way singing
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
They were ringing the changes
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
And it went on for ages
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
with some of them "dong"ing, some "ding"ing.

Yesterday was the first day of Trinity
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
It will seem to go on 'til infinity
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
(beat to the punch)

[ 16. June 2014, 14:56: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 

 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Yesterday was the first day of Trinity;
It will seem to go on 'til infinity.
(Beat to the punch.)

What? White vestments at lunch?
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Said I, "For that I've affinity"

Whilst watching a test match at Lord's
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I got grass stains upon my new cords
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but the great MCC
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
Took pity on me
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And let me wear their sandwich boards.

A waggy tailed dog from Hong Kong
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
was delightful, apart from the pong
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
An old joke did he pose
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But he did have a nose
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And, thank God, did not linger for long.

A lady who lived in the sticks
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Through experience knew all the tricks
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
All the men formed a queue
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
and began sniffing glue...
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Just to give their libidos some kicks.

Said Lucifer, after the Fall...

[ 17. June 2014, 23:50: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I will, yes will, go to the Ball
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
With a gun-toting cat
 

---

Posted by kingsfold (# 1726) on :
 
a crow and a rat
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And enough masks to deceive them all!

A marmalade cat from the alley
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
with the dog from next door became pally
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
They "made music" in bed
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
or so it is said,
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And their offspring seemed crafted by Dali.

(Someone else can do the next one. Not 'cuz I'm a killjoy, but just 'cuz I don't want to monopolize the privilege of writing first lines.)

[ 18. June 2014, 17:07: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
A genial teacher named Stetson
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Kept his whole class in detention
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
As the children wrote lines
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
He sampled fine wines
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And lectured on Kant and George Jetson.

(And since one good turn deserves another...)

There once was a lover of Truth
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Who analyzed Micah and Ruth
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But Job hurt his head
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
when he fell out of bed
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
which his wife considered uncouth.

A bishop went into a pub
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
Which, sadly, had run out of grub
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Said His Grace, "Bless my soul!"
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
"I'll make do with a roll."
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
So he sat with a beer and a sub*.

*Submarine roll.


While walking one day round the shops
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
I was tailed by a couple of cops
 

---

Posted by Alaric the Goth (# 511) on :
 
One officer said
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
"He looks wrong in the head!"
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
His hair's like a pair of old mops


A grumpy old girl from Tasmania
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Was jealous of her sister who was brainier
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
So the one who was dumber
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
went and married a plumber
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
With whom she found she was so much more zanier.

A jolly frog who came out of the pond
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
met a princess, with whom he did bond
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Croaked he: "Kiss me, my sweet."
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
It will be such a treat
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And our kids will have hair greenish-blond.

A skeezy old crooner in Vegas
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Looked around and said, "What? No bodegas?"
 

---

Posted by georgiaboy (# 11294) on :
 
So where to get gin?
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
And generally sin...
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
In this city of all the lost wages.

There once was a lass from Cancun,
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who cavorted stark naked at noon.
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
With dangly bits quivering,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
the watchers all shivering
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
As they gaped at the midday full moon.

A doctor of dubious rep
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
For surgery never would prep.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
His hands were so foul
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
all his patients would howl...
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Then come down with a bad case of strep.

A clever young lad from Berlin
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Who thought his father was Merlin
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
cast spells in the street
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
threw a dog off its feet
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But got bored and instead took up curlin'.

On a bright sunny day in July
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I was given a hot apple pie.
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
With ice cream, vanilla
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
And scent of gorilla
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
I asked of the smug chef, "Oh Why?"

There was a young man from Dunblane
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Who really was a terrible pain
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
He had no idea how to scan

[ 23. June 2014, 14:15: Message edited by: pimple ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Neither anapest nor iamb
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
but at tennis the kudos he'd gain.

'Tis the season for strawb'rries and cream
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
In Atlanta, add humidity and steam
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
But what we all have in common
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Be it bishop or shaman
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Is that it hurts when we're hit by a beam.

A lizard from Cornwall one day
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
for his train ticket he could not pay
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
You see, he had no pockets
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
So he strapped on his rockets
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
And shouted, "Up, up and away!"

The vicar once said to his wife:
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
You're not really the love of my life
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
That honour would go
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
to my mate named Joe Blow...
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
I wish he were my trouble and strife!


There once was a young legionnaire
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
There once was a young legionnaire

who had a date with a girl from Bel Air
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
They went dancing and dining
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Till the sun started shining
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
And for each other, forever, did care

There once was a tax man named Alan
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Who'd a secret hankering to be Batman
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
But when donned in his cape
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
he thought it a jape
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
As it made "Batman" rhyme with "Alan."

A silly old scrivener named Bob
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
was known as an 'orrible slob!
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
he never washed dishes
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
And slept in bed with dead fishes
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And abluted with corn on the cob


At Wimbledon a Brit called Andy
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
Found a girl who was rather randy,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but being a gent
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
He kept to his tent
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Reading the sayings of Gandhi.

There once was a lass from Grasmere
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
That won the 'rear of the year'
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Her parents were proud
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
She stood out from the crowd
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
'Twas a grand derriere without peer.

Said Nessie, while swimming the Loch...
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
"I'd fancy a tune by old Bach."
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
"But I can't go aground"

[ 29. June 2014, 09:42: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
As I mustn't be found
 

---

Posted by Pewter (# 16308) on :
 
"I'll keep Haydn down here 'round the clock"


I said to my local Barista
 

---

Posted by Tree Bee (# 4033) on :
 
Keep doing that, you'll get a blister,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
he laughed in my face
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And sprayed me with mace
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
That's no way to treat your own sister!

A retired old lady from Gwent
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Went to live in an old army tent
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Where to her great surprise
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Had to share with two guys
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
And which brought her deep, lasting content.
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Ooops!

A juvenile lout from Skegness
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
Was over sure of his football prowess
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
He played in bare feet
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and his feet got quite beat
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
His toes were a hell of a mess.

There once was a lady of Spain,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
whose lumbago gave her a pain
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
So a hunky masseur
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
who called himself Fleur
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Recommended she walk with a cane.

A feisty old geezer named Fred
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Took his son-in-law out to the shed.
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
He bound him like Isaac.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and shipped him to Vizag
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
but when he arrived he was dead


A man reincarnated as a tiger
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
swam lazily down the Niger.
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
He mostly dog-paddled
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And occasionally straddled
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
... the globe, as he landed in Riga.

It's July, and the sun shineth hotly
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
over nations both purebred and motley.

[ 01. July 2014, 15:40: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
We'll need Factor 30
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
It's July, and the sun shineth hotly
over nations both purebred and motley.
We'll need Factor 30
Or a long-hemmed skirtie
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and a trip, perchance, out to Botley.

When riding my bike out to Beaulieu
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I passed a man dressed like a Coolie
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
He asked me the time
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and I answered in rhyme
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
It's a quarter til three, or two.

It's humid and hotter than Hades
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But do not go bare-chested, ladies!
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
'Why not?' went the cry
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
From some male passers-by
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
"It's not the conservative 80s!"

I once saw a horrible photo
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
of a pianist, playing con moto
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
With a plink and a plonk
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Skiing down Mont Blanc
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Screaming "Help! Help!" in fright'ning falsetto.

The star-mangled banner was sung by
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
two untrainable dogs and a young guy
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
They howled side by side
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
"May God help us" they cried
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
For it's only a bee that we're stung by.

There was an old nun who, at matins,
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Wore undies made of silks and satins.
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
The rustles she heard
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
As the priest read the Word
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Sounded like someone dropping the paten.

The footballer flopped on the field
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Definite foul he meekly appealed
 

---

Posted by balaam (# 4543) on :
 
what the referee missed,
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
(he's a bit Brahms and Liszt)
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Was the bag of used banknotes, all sealed.

One night when gazing at St Pauls
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I dreamed of Niagara Falls.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
When I came to myself
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I was dressed like an elf
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Who could fly and walk through the walls.

One evening while sipping a GIN,
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I balanced a cherry on my chin
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
I had the glass upon my head
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
While I lay on the bed
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
the lemon twist I threw in the bin!

When cycling one day through Dumfries
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I was disturbed by a long skein of geese
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
They waddled past, honking
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and I, with deep longing


[nice try, piglet ]
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Wondered where I'd lost my hairpiece


Whilst cycling in the Tour de France
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I led them a right merry dance
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I pushed at my pedals
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
but was weighed down by my medals
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and soon could no longer advance

One day buying bread up in Yorkshire
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
A butcher said, "How 'bout some pork, sir?"
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
I settled for Ham
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
But then had to scram
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
For someone was stealing my Porsche!

(yes, this does depend on how you pronounce Yorkshire/Porsche, though I contend they rhyme better with one another than 'sir' does with either! )

I once met a girl from New Brunswick
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who tampered in church with a nun's wick.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
The flame flickered wildly
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
She was spanked ever so mildly
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
By a being that they call old Nick


Last night I saw the Argies beat the Dutch
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Though their goaltender walked with a crutch.
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
It was pretty boring stuff
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Everyone had had enough
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
We really couldn't care much.

A German, who lived in Brazil,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
went bathing one day in a rill
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
It's better than soccer
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
when sent to the locker-
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
when warm it's quite simply brill!

When cavorting one day with some nuns
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I noticed their shapely young buns.
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Preferring the Sapphic
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
a sight pornographic
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
That involved some novices with guns!

When doing my laundry today

[ 12. July 2014, 14:29: Message edited by: Welease Woderwick ]
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
I showered myself with soapy spray,
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Then lewdly I wrestled
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
With succubi nestled
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
In folds of my best lingerie.

A devilish rascal named Lou
 

---

Posted by Pearl B4 Swine (# 11451) on :
 
Had two different girlfriends named Sue.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But he wasn't sure which
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
Had transmitted the itch
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
So who had caught what from who.

There was a young gentleman from Froome
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
who was really a prophet of doom
 

---

Posted by mousethief (# 953) on :
 
He predicted one day
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
we'd all turn out gay
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
from early exposure to Zoom.

A bride getting quite sloshed at her wedding
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
(^sorry, editing error, wrecked the scan)

A bride getting sloshed at her wedding
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
had no idea where she was heading
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
She traversed the dance floor
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
trampling both rich and poor
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Skidded, and landed head first in the bedding.

There was a jumping flea from Belize
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who landed on doggies with ease.
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
He proceeded to bite 'em
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
'Til they wished God would smite him
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and all the while spreading disease.

The Bishop whilst pouring out tea
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Felt her hand upon his knee
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
he said, with aplomb
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
"Ma'am, I cannot keep calm..."
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
...after Vespers tonight, are you free?"

While singing the Howells Te Deum
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I picked up some bongos to play 'em.
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
The rest of the choir
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
was really on fire...
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
and the upshot was absolute mayhem.

There once was a poet who tried
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
to take a Dead Horse for a ride
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
With archbishop Sally
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
with whom she was pally
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And Cardinal O'Malley

[x-post with WW!]

[ 15. July 2014, 14:31: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Only one thing to do: tan her hide!

There was an old goat named O'Reilly
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
Who was hairy, capricious and wily.
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
He ate handbags and shoes
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
we crossposted, but Oscar's is more original-go with that!
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Sorry! I saw you had posted and deleted mine. And now I've forgotten what it was...
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
He ate handbags and shoes

whilst reading the news
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
I think we maybe need a recap (well I do anyway):

There was an old goat named O'Reilly
Who was hairy, capricious and wily
He ate handbags and shoes
Whilst reading the news

with a co-presenter called Kylie.

On the feast of St. Swithin, 'twas hot

[ 16. July 2014, 13:18: Message edited by: piglet ]
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
which meant forty days more on the trot
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
The bishop was sweaty
 

---

Posted by Cameron PM (# 18142) on :
 
His sermon quite petty,
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
There was no-one to listen, so what?

There was once a crab in a shop
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who said of crab stew, "What a flop!"
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Eat beef, pork or lamb
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
or an omlette with ham
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but don't send mw for the chop!

When marching on Carthage from Rome
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
I found a distressed fishing gnome
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
His rod had gone droopy
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Which made him loopy
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
Show me the way to go home.

It hasn't stopped raining all day
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
The farmers can't be making their hay
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
they make cider instead
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
in vats poisoned with lead
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
Now they're all with the fairies away

Dodgy alcohol turned up on ebay
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
The label looked a bit risque
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But let's face it: when quaffed
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
It'll turn the brain soft
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Shabaly weeboo nooglooboo jarweeway.

Whilst riding my bike up the Alps
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I fell off and cried, "Halp! Halps!"
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
A wandering fraulein
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
exclaimed "oh, nein! Nein! Nein!"
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Then added mine to her collection of scalps.

An ant under an elephant's foot
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Thought it really could be kaput
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
But the pachyderm tiptoed
 

---

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
Thus distributing it's load ,
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
The ant scurried, shouting "W00t! W00t!"

Why God made mosquitoes, I don't know
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Perhaps it was only for show.
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Was it all a mistake?
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
God's benevolence fake?
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Though scratching's good when bites itch so.

A tot dropped her ice cream on the mud
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
The tears from her eyes began to flood
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
But the ants cried, "Hey nonny!"
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
It's vanilla and honey!
 

---

Posted by Cara (# 16966) on :
 
Who cares that it's covered in crud!

While watching the cricket one day
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Geoff Boycott passed by my way
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
I said 'You just got a duck'
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
He blamed it on luck
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
I shrugged and walked quickly away.

A screechy old alto named Gladys
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Performed whilst eating a haggis
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
As she boiled up some neeps
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
She dropped into a sleep
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Fell down, and broke through the lattice.

A tempestuous tenor named William

[ 21. July 2014, 03:11: Message edited by: Mamacita ]
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 

quote:

---

Originally posted by Welease Woderwick:
but don't send mw for the chop!

---

Gibberish does not scan, Wodders!
 

---

Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on :
 
A tempestuous tenor named William

Said to all and sundry I'll kill him
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But of whom did he speak?
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
The bod chewing a leek?
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
[new page]

A tempestuous tenor named William
Said to all and sundry I'll kill him
But of whom did he speak?
The bod chewing a leek?

Or a Pythonesque draughtsman called Gilliam?

It's July, and the sun shineth hotly
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
A great time for going to Botley

(Look it up. Just outside Southampton)
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
But as the mercury rises
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And a t-storm surprises
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
We'll all end up a bit motley.


A very slow snail from Le Mans
 

---

Posted by pimple (# 10635) on :
 
Didn't realize his smartphone was on
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
as he slagged off his coach
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
and puffed on a roach
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
That he blagged from a slug called Jean.
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
Ooops!

A repressed young evo named Esther
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Found a handsome young man who would test her
 

---

Posted by Leorning Cniht (# 17564) on :
 
On her biblical learning
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
And erotic yearning
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
that should never be left just to fester!

Whilst dining on cold Shepherd's Pie
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
With my friend the tsetse fly
 

---

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :
 
I found, to my dismay,
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
There a dead 'roach lay
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
But I gobbled it up by the by.

In the office the air con packed up
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
we're all seeking iced water to sup
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
But the water cooler has failed
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
So out we've all bailed
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And gone down to the pub. Hiccup!

A grumpy old codger called George

[ 24. July 2014, 14:01: Message edited by: Raptor Eye ]
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
On candy and pastry would gorge.
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
His expanding waistline
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Went beyond the base line
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
So a new bed for him had to be forged.

When thunder and lightning do strike
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
You don't want to be on yer bike.
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
but standing under a tree
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
(crouch, hug your knee)
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Good advice when you go for a hike.

When walking from Bristol to Bath
 

---

Posted by Albertus (# 13356) on :
 
My mate said 'You're 'aving a larf!'
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
...but your feet'll be sore
 

---

Posted by Curiosity killed ... (# 11770) on :
 
if you walk for much more
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Dressed in high heels and a scarf.

One day, when walking the dog
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I fell head first into a bog
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
My clothes were bespattered
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
my confidence shattered
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
So I went down the pub for a nog.

A swanky young toff from the City
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
had neither compassion nor pity
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
But he raked in the pounds
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
which he hid in a mound
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
His treasure abounds in the kitty
 

---

Posted by bib (# 13074) on :
 
I'm having a short Winter break
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
in a hut by the side of a lake
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
there's snow and there's ice
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
And plenty of mice
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
but, alas, very few snake.

In the days when Victoria reigned
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And children were regularly caned
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
for the slightest infraction
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
or just for some action
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
In the days when Victoria reigned
And children were regularly caned
for the slightest infraction
or just for some action
the terror was always unfeigned.

There once was a Serb with a gun
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
Who thought it was oh so much fun
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
To shoot all the lightbulbs
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 
This looks like verse !

Let us give it a temporary romp on Verseworks

Doublethink
Circus / Verseworks Host
 

---

Posted by Doublethink (# 1984) on :
 

quote:

---

There once was a Serb with a gun
Who thought it was so much fun
To shoot all the lightbulbs

---

quote:

---

A drooling old dog in the park
Blagged his way onto Noah's old ark.
Though he'd only three teeth

---

Two above, one beneath,
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
All the creatures were scared by his bark.

A hangman, while tying a noose
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Was struck by a wandering moose
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Around the neck of Robert the Bruce
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
That doesn't seem to fit the rhyme scheme. I propose this instead.

The moose was knocked out
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
by a heck of a clout
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Delivered by Robert the Bruce!

A steaming locomotive called Stan
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Got lost between France and Iran.
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
It filled up its tender
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
Then went on a bender
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
and the Reverend Awdry got banned

A tortoise arrived at St Pancras

[ 09. August 2014, 22:14: Message edited by: jrw ]
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Feeling a bit tired and cantank'rous
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
He got on the wrong train
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Tried to leave it, in vain
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
All of which turned him quite rancorous.

A lifeboat out on a manouver
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Ran aground so they just couldn't move her
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
They sat on the sand bar
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Thinking is this au revoir
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
Floated off, and set sail for Vancouver.

While singing an anthem by Gibbons
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I sliced my choir robe into ribbons
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
Then I took an old cassock
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
A mattock and hassock
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
And threw them at old Mrs Simmonds!

There once was a prophet from Barnsley
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
So totally lacking in charms, he
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
Would fart during Matins
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
in English or Latins
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
'Twas said they could hear him in Derby.


Once my donkey had started to bray
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
as his nosebag had too little hay
 

---

Posted by Full of Chips (# 13669) on :
 
When I saw his long face
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
I donned frilly lace
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
While the horses all cried, "Neeigh! Neeigh!!"

Right now, my heart is too heavy
 

---

Posted by Full of Chips (# 13669) on :
 
To cruise round the town in my Chevy
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
I'll travel by boat
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
To sow my wild oat
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
But first I shall just have a bevvy.

I once knew a being called Mork
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
who was king of the double-fast talk
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
He sputtered to Mindy
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
"Gooooood Mooooooorrrrrrning!" (so windy!)
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
and as "Mrs. Doubtfire" wore a frock.

Once again, it is misty and foggy
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
And my head is feeling quite groggy
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
So the hair of the dog
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
will cure me of grog
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
But the world remains uncured and smoggy.

In my garden I've found jimsonweed
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
The plant to get a 'high' indeed
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
They say that it's toxic
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
'Twill cause septic shock -- ick!
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
One moment - I'm planting the seed.


Alas! my mobile has died
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
perhaps it shouldn't be fried
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
Or put in the wash
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
Are we talking bosh?
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Alas! My mobile has died
Perhaps it shouldn't be fried
Or put in the wash
Are we talking bosh?
Aha - it's the charger I've spied!

There's a crack in the sidewalk ahead
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
If I step on it, mother is dead.
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
Consumed by a bear
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
But did not compare
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
To my uncle, who melted in bed.

"Avast!!" said a pirate asea
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
There's a sea monster waiting for me.
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But I ain't afraid
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
With my trusty blade
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I'll destroy him in time for my tea.

'Twas Day Thirty-Nine on Noah's Ark
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
when the two dogs both started to bark
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
For they had a strong hankering
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
Before the ark's anchoring
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
To go for a romp in the park.

A long-necked young turtle called Jude
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
did something that many thought rude
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
The birds and the bees
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Got down on their knees
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
And gave thanks for Jude the Rude Dude.


This board is approaching its end
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
Before it drives us all round the bend
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
We'll say, "Farewell, goodbye!"
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
And give a quiet sigh
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
My hanky to all I would lend.


But this thread is not moribund
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
It seems very fit and fecund
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
so back whence it came
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
But that would be a shame
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
Just like an unused cummerbund.

One day, whilst preparing for Greenbelt
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
I saw something to make my heart melt:
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
A bunch of shipmates
 

---

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :
 
with cups, spoons and plates
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
And their loave which were mostly of spelt.*

*akind of ancient flour of corn.

'Tis not yet the very last day!
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
There's still time to come here and play,
 

---

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
But keep a wary lookout
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
Something scary's about
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
So while the sun shines, let's make hay!

So let's hail Poetry, that heav'n-born maid *


*Apologies to G&S
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
Now our anchor is safely weighed
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
we'll rhyme and we'll scan
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
The best that we can
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
In the Circus, where it's usually played.

There was once a large puppet called Charmless
 

---

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
Who, despite his size, was quite harmless
 

---

Posted by Penny S (# 14768) on :
 
But his strings became tangled
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
and his speech was all mangled
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
And his hands with the wear were quite palmless.

The nights are now drawing in
 

---

Posted by Nenya (# 16427) on :
 
And I wonder, would it be a sin
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
To turn on the heating
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
before Quaker Meeting
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And pour them a wee sip of GIN?


And here, it is hot, damp, and stormy
 

---

Posted by Chesterbelloc (# 3128) on :
 
The Ship's biscuits are mouldy and wormy
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
so to dunk in our drink
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
We rinse it first in the sink
 

---

Posted by TheAlethiophile (# 16870) on :
 
And pass the strange taste off as gourmet.

There once was a plumber from Norwich
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
There once was a plumber from Norwich
Found a pipe that was chockfull of porridge

(Edited for top of page)

[ 23. August 2014, 08:04: Message edited by: Firenze ]
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
With his runcible spoon
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
And a shapely spittoon
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
He consumed the whole lot, mixed with borage.

A bicycle rider called Joe
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
fell of his bike in the snow
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
as he picked himself up
 

---

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
he broke his cup
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
And shattered the bike with one blow.

My feline friend is lost
 

---

Posted by Full of Chips (# 13669) on :
 
I sent her through the post
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
But she will return
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
without any concern
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And I'll pay the handling cost.

A lounge lizard asked "What's your sign?"

[ 25. August 2014, 00:26: Message edited by: Stetson ]
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
I said: "Taurus - cusp Aries - what's thine?"
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
"Leo," I cooed
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
The crowd booed
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
But I know that I'm just divine.


To my gorgeous young postman I sing
 

---

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :
 
In the voice of a Crosby named Bing.
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
I wished on the moon
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
That he'd come back at noon
 

---

Posted by Firenze (# 619) on :
 
But he's been moved to the office at Thring.

While lunching on dal and chapati
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
I'd a thought that was a bit naughty
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
about a young nun
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
who had wicked good fun
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
As she saw strange shapes in her patati.

A rapper with a gravelly tone
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
swapped his mic for a traffic cone
 

---

Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on :
 
with a red flashing light
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
that lit up at night
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
And he rapped out a working class drone.

The dinosaurs died, but oh why?
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
Was it meteors, dropped from the sky?
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
A deadly disease?
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
A plague of fleas?
 

---

Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on :
 
Or some servings of rancid plum pie?

Said Pilate, in jest, "What is truth?"
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
As he had trouble finding some proof
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
"please answer me this"
 

---

Posted by jrw (# 18045) on :
 
"If I lived in Diss"
 

---

Posted by Oscar the Grouch (# 1916) on :
 
Would storks ever nest on my roof?

When I opened the door of my car,
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
the sheep in the seat just went "baaa"
 

---

Posted by pjl (# 16929) on :
 
I said 'Are you a ewe'
 

---

Posted by Raptor Eye (# 16649) on :
 
She munched on my shoe
 

---

Posted by Welease Woderwick (# 10424) on :
 
The conversation was not going far!

When catching a train south from Hull
 

---

Posted by jacobsen (# 14998) on :
 
We bounced off a rail squatting bull
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
Then turned left at Goole
 

---

Posted by Mamacita (# 3659) on :
 
And jumped in the pool
 

---

Posted by ArachnidinElmet (# 17346) on :
 
and now we are using a scull

My guitar string just broke with a twang
 

---

Posted by rolyn (# 16840) on :
 
When giving it a pluck with my fang ,
 

---

Posted by QLib (# 43) on :
 
My tweeter caved in
 

---

© Ship of Fools 2016


UBB.classic^TM 6.5.0