Ship of Fools: Guns and Ammo

Thread: Guns and Ammo Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.

To visit this thread, use this URL:
http://forum.ship-of-fools.com/cgi-bin/ultimatebb.cgi?ubb=get_topic;f=70;t=027283

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

*looks up*
No, this isn't Purgatory! This is definitely Heavenly.

As I was driving to my parents' home today, I saw a pickup truck by the side of the road. Great! Now I could finally get one of those yummy watermelons folks have been selling (usually on the other side of the road).

As I drove nearer, my heart sank. The sign on the pickup read "Guns and Ammo". [Waterworks]

I felt tricked! Betrayed! Disappointed!

This is not the only time I've had my hopes set for one thing, only to get something entirely different.

Once, I went to my friend's for a light lunch. She was going to have angel food cake, so I suggested topping it with frozen strawberry sauce I had made earlier. We were eagerly anticipating a sweet treat, but when I opened the package, out came the tart cranberry sauce that had also been in the freezer. Yes, we laughed, but we were so disappointed.

So, does anyone else have a tale of anticipating one thing and getting an inferior substitute?

Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on :

It looked like chicken but seemed muddy and fishy on the plate. Bones weird too. If you bash a large lizard and put it in the freezer for the dog, please label it.

Posted by Sioni Sais (# 5713) on :

Many years ago we were on holiday in Cornwall and the people we were staying with planned to serve fresh mackerel one evening.

The mackerel must have been tipped off, because the boats came home that morning with a poor catch. There was no mackerel to be had between St Ives and Newquay.

I'm sure Muscadet isn't the recommended accompaniment to the sausage and mash we had instead.

Posted by Zappa (# 8433) on :

One of my colleagues tells the nightmare story of raiding her daughter's freezer one evening ... and very soon afterwards becoming disoriented, breathless and paranoid.

She was rushed to hospital by another daughter. There the alert doctor became a little suspicious: exactly what sort of cookies does your daughter keep in the freezer?

[Paranoid]

Posted by Lyda*Rose (# 4544) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Zappa:
One of my colleagues tells the nightmare story of raiding her daughter's freezer one evening ... and very soon afterwards becoming disoriented, breathless and paranoid.

She was rushed to hospital by another daughter. There the alert doctor became a little suspicious: exactly what sort of cookies does your daughter keep in the freezer?

Ah, yes. Funny cookies.

I remember once in days of yore spending an afternoon with friends who specialized in -cough- baking. I made the mistake of sating my sweet tooth on "green" oatmeal cookies. Those buggers were potent! [Eek!]

And instead of going with my friends to see The Empire Strikes Back I spent several hours getting over the nausea and then sleeping it off on their guest bed, while they happily headed out to see the flick.

Never again. [Disappointed]

Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :

One Christmas shortly after my son was born, we decided to visit my husband's family in Vancouver with the new infant. I had a Christmas Eve service to do, so we booked an early flight Christmas morning that got in just after noon, so we'd have time to check into our hotel before heading over to the in laws for Christmas dinner. We checked into our flight, checked our bags, then were informed our flight had been delayed an indeterminate time. We spent the next four hours waiting, but finally our flight was called. Only a slight change in plans we thought-- we'll just go straight from the airport to the Christmas dinner.

Flight leaves LAX, has a scheduled stop in Seattle-- where we are told a blizzard has come and the flight cannot continue. We are stuck there in Seattle on Christmas Day, not a thing was open, and we know not a soul. Instead of dinner, we ended up eating sandwiches from a gas station vending machine.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

A few Thanksgivings ago I had made reservations at a restaurant for myself, my elderly father and his lady friend. When we got to the restaurant, we discovered that it had gone out of business between the time I had made the reservation and Thanksgiving day.

We drove around endlessly trying to find another restaurant that was open and could take us without a reservation. No luck. Finally we found one, but there was a long line waiting to get in and my father didn't feel he could stand for the length of time it would take for us to get to the head of the line.

We ended up picking up three frozen turkey dinners and a frozen pumpkin pie at Walmart and taking them to my father's apartment.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

I went through a 2-3 month period when, every time I went in a long drive to go ti a favorite restaurant, it would wind up closed. Like, forever. Disheartening.

Posted by BroJames (# 9636) on :

When I was at college it was not an unusual occurrence for a student from overseas to spread their breakfast toast lavishly with the chocolate spread in large jars on each table, only for their expression to change dramatically as they experienced their first taste of Marmite!

Posted by Twilight (# 2832) on :

When I was about six my father and I were eating in a restaurant when he offered me a bite from the scoop of ice cream on his plate. It was mashed potatoes. You think you can trust people.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
he offered me a bite from the scoop of ice cream on his plate. It was mashed potatoes.

Oh, Lord, you've brought back a memory! When I was a teenager, I holed up in my room for hours on end listening to music and reading (no smartphones in those days). If my mother wanted to, say, bring in some clean laundry to put away, she'd knock on the door and say "It's melting!", as she knew I loved ice cream and would open the door for that, but probably not for clean laundry.

Posted by Lamb Chopped (# 5528) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Twilight:
When I was about six my father and I were eating in a restaurant when he offered me a bite from the scoop of ice cream on his plate. It was mashed potatoes. You think you can trust people.

Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on :

I can top that.

I went to one of my church potlucks when I was a teenager, and loaded my plate with what I thought was mashed potatoes.

Lutefisk.

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

Poor Kelly! [Frown]

In elementary school, I was the fruit and spinach eater. The other students would pass theirs to me since they really didn't like such things. The canned plums were especially tasty.

One memorable day, almost all the kids at my table gave me their plum-looking things. They were gigantic black olives, and when I took a big bite, my whole body rebelled. (I hate olives!)

Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on :

I sympathise JediJudy, I also hate olives and have never forgotten the day I was offered a tub of what I thought were dark glace cherries only to discover they were black olives when I bit into one

Posted by Jane R (# 331) on :

I've never been able to face eating an olive since the day I bit into one thinking it was a grape...

I must like the taste, because I like cooking things in olive oil. But the actual fruit - bleurgh.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

And I thought I was the only person on earth who is repulsed by the taste of olives! I've mistaken them for grapes too, much to my regret. I'm getting so I can't even stand olive oil.

Posted by piglet (# 11803) on :

quote:
Originally posted by BroJames:
... spread their breakfast toast lavishly with the chocolate spread in large jars on each table, only for their expression to change dramatically as they experienced their first taste of Marmite!

You mean you weren't kind enough to point out their mistake before it was committed to their unsuspecting taste-buds???

[Eek!]

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by BroJames:
When I was at college it was not an unusual occurrence for a student from overseas to spread their breakfast toast lavishly with the chocolate spread in large jars on each table, only for their expression to change dramatically as they experienced their first taste of Marmite!

You know the one unforgivable sin? You have committed it.

Posted by cliffdweller (# 13338) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
I can top that.

I went to one of my church potlucks when I was a teenager, and loaded my plate with what I thought was mashed potatoes.

Lutefisk.

otoh, when we were in a fancy buffet restaurant in Zambia that catered to tourists (during a touristy break from our ministry there) my 6 year old loaded his plate up with nshima (nat'l staple), which also looks just like mashed potatoes. A waiter quickly rushed over to let him know it wasn't potatoes. Since son had already spent almost a month in Zambia and absolutely loved nshima, he assured the waiter that was what he was hoping for, to the delight of the wait staff.

Sometimes you get Lutefisk, sometimes you get nshima. Nshima is definitely the better deal.

Posted by Jengie Jon (# 273) on :

quote:
Originally posted by lilBuddha:

quote:
Originally posted by BroJames:
When I was at college it was not an unusual occurrence for a student from overseas to spread their breakfast toast lavishly with the chocolate spread in large jars on each table, only for their expression to change dramatically as they experienced their first taste of Marmite!
You know the one unforgivable sin? You have committed it.

Now I did that, but I played it entirely straight. I and the other Brit at the table had been delighted to find Marmite at the breakfast table. Something that savoury can make a welcome change from all the jam. The American to whom we addressed this thought it was Brits having a joke; we had just put it on toast such as people do who are familiar with it. The advice to spread it lightly was promptly ignored.

Jengie

Posted by Ferijen (# 4719) on :

When frozen and covered in ice, I have managed to confuse home made chicken stock and apple sauce (puree) looks very similar.

One makes an excellent dessert. One doesn't.

Just this week I went to the back of the fridge to find something which suspiciously looked like a portion of mashed potato which I'd put into a see through container several weeks ago. In fact, it was buttercream icing, which has a rather longer shelf life and went beautifully with the cakes I'd just mdae...

Posted by North East Quine (# 13049) on :

We had overseas visitors at a church get together. One church member was suppressing a cough with Fisherman's Friends. The overseas visitors didn't understand one person keeping a tube of sweets all to themselves and started to cast confused and inquiring looks at the packet. Whereupon the person with the Fisherman's Friends thought that perhaps they had a tickly throat, too, and offered the packet.

Much spluttering and spitting into hankies later, the misunderstanding was sorted out.

Posted by jbohn (# 8753) on :

If one is quite tired and hungry, one white powder (in more-or-less identical, unlabeled kitchen containers) looks pretty much like another.

Flour makes wonderful sausage gravy.

Powdered sugar does *not*.

Trust me.

Posted by Amanda B. Reckondwythe (# 5521) on :

I think that to this day my sister suspects that a container of cornstarch she discovered in my kitchen cabinet was instead a certain illicit white powdery substance.

Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on :

quote:
Originally posted by Jengie Jon:
The advice to spread it lightly was promptly ignored.

Jengie

Ah, yes, the proper marmite technique.
First, dip one's knife or spreader into the marmite, ~ 1cm. Tip the implement so to create a small mound, no more than half in height than it is long. Now, carefully keeping the blade level so not to spill, walk to the outside bin and deposit knife. Once back inside, call for a hazardous disposal team and order a new bin.
Last step, find something edible to spread on the toast.

Posted by burlingtontiger (# 18069) on :

The one that always caught me out as a kid was parsnip chips. They look like proper potato chips (fries)but are just a cunningly disguised root vegetable. It was enough to make a small boy cry - and it did I expect, on several occasions.

On the bright side, I quite like them now so long as I am fully informed of their identity in advance.

Posted by Niminypiminy (# 15489) on :

Years ago I went to Nice for a holiday at around Easter time with my mother -- who happens to be a very strict vegetarian. Things may have changed, but in those days the Nicois just didn't do vegetarian food, or not at a price we could pay. She had omelette after omelette after omelette.

Finally, she'd had enough. We decided to look for a pizza (even though she doesn't like pizza very much), and found what looked like a very nice little pizzeria in a backstreet. We saw, but thought nothing of, the star of David on the sign outside.

We went in, asked for a pizza. Terribly sorry, but it's passover and we absolutely cannot do pizza for you and, no, no pasta either. But do sit down and stay, we could make you a lovely omelette...

Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on :

When I was much (much!) younger, we were going to have a festival at our church. I was told the children were going to have horses to ride, and wouldn't it be fun? I didn't cry, even though I wanted to when I found these corralled at the church instead.

Posted by The5thMary (# 12953) on :

cliffdweller said:

quote:
We are stuck there in Seattle on Christmas Day, not a thing was open, and we know not a soul. Instead of dinner, we ended up eating sandwiches from a gas station vending machine.

When my sisters and I moved to a tiny city in North Carolina, we were Yankees and quite ignorant of the South. We arrived in town the day before the day before Thanksgiving and thought we'd go grocery shopping before the big day. Well, we got into our rented house and found out the electricity hadn't been switched on yet and wouldn't be for the next three days. So, no cooking for us! And, the next day we were shocked and dismayed to find every single grocery store and restaurant closed! We had to eat something...we were desperate. Our Thanksgiving feast? Hershey chocolate bars, graham crackers, Coca-Cola, and some potato chips. Eaten in the dark house.

Posted by RevMotherRaphael (# 18102) on :

A fellow religious of mine and I were lamenting the state of the parish church kitchen so I said I'd go out to collect a few things for it including a sponge, meaning one for washing up dishes, so you can imagine his disappointment when he came bounding into the kitchen expecting to find a sponge cake and finding nothing of the sort.
I made it up to him by baking his favourite cake the following day.

Posted by Lothlorien (# 4927) on :

Some years ago we had a student from USA boarding with us. She bought several kilos of mince meat and put it in freezer without any labels.

Knowing I was likely to have an influx of visitors for lunch after church on day, I thawed a pack and made meatballs. No one else seemed to notice or were perhaps too polite to comment.

It was ground kangaroo, complete with chunks of bone, sold as dog meat. I did not like kangaroo meat much then and still cannot eat it after that little episode. The rest of the family laugh at me and happily eat their lightly seared roo steak.

UBB.classic^TM 6.5.0