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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Living with ADHD
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ToujoursDan
Ship's prole
# 10578
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Posted
I thought about posting this on the depression support thread but think it is different enough to have its own thread.
A bit about my background:
I come from a family where depression is very common. My mother was institutionalized with severe depression after a few suicide attempts before she passed away naturally.
I've always had trouble with constant fatigue (mental and physical); difficulty starting and executing complex tasks; poor attention to detail; difficulty tracking conversations; poor short term memory; difficulty remembering appointments. etc. My notetaking and organizational skills were poor. I had difficulty keeping instructions I understood in mind when doing things. I would read books and articles but get very little out of them. I couldn't watch TV without doing something else as well. I couldn't enjoy movies, or church or anything fully because I would get restless and I wanted to move on. I always had sleep problems because my mind would constantly race, which made it difficult to relax. I even had trouble communicating clearly because I couldn't organize my thoughts and the random thoughts I constantly had would interfere with the conversation I was trying to have.
The feedback I got from others throughout my life (and from my own inner voice) was that I am lazy, lethargic, sloppy, forgetful and disorganized which killed my self-esteem. As much as I resolved to do better, I simply couldn't.
I always knew there was something wrong with me but for many years thought it was depression. That's what people in my family get. I tried all the common anti-depressants, went through weeks of taking them (as one does to ramp them up to full effectiveness) and then realized, with my therapist du jour, that they weren't effective. I would then drop out of therapy and try to live with it. I wasn't truly depressed and had no desire to harm myself, had a circle of friends and was somewhat functional, so I thought there was nothing that could be done.
It wasn't until a few years ago, when I started a job that had a higher workload and required a lot of attention to detail that these symptoms became a huge problem. At one point, my boss, who I liked and respected, gave similar complaints as above during a feedback session. I started researching different ways to improve focus and concentration and came across some articles on ADHD (Attention Deficit and Hyperactivity Disorder) that described my symptoms to a "T". It was like a light bulb went on. THIS was my problem, but I didn't recognize it as such so when I'd go into therapy, I'd talk about the poor self-confidence, fatigue, sleep problems, guilt and shame, etc. along the lines of someone who must have depression and my therapists would respond in kind.
So I went back to my GP, described the symptoms I had and the trouble they have caused me throughout my life and asked if I could get a referral to get tested for ADHD. I got evaluated by a psychiatrist and it turned out that I have moderate-to-severe ADHD with a subtype of Primary Inattentiveness (which means the hyperactivity symptoms are not severe). My problem (to put it in an overly simplistic manner) isn't so much a lack of serotonin, but a lack of dopamine, so SSRI based anti-depressant drugs weren't effective.
When I went onto Adderall it was like night and day. 45 minutes after taking it, for the first time in my adult life the random racing thoughts subsided. I felt like I'd left a room full of people having loud conversations all at once, and had entered a quiet, peaceful tranquil space. My mind was calm, and instead feeling weird, I was relieved.
I started rereading several books I knew I would enjoy just to get everything I could out of them. I stopped reaching for my iPhone every time it dinged; I could go hours without looking at it at all. I could go to the theatre, take road trips, sit through rehearsals, wait in line without getting antsy. And without the barrier that my constant racing, frenetic mind created, I could absorb instructions, information, music, conversations, everything, like I was not able to do before. The constant fatigue is gone as well.
I struggle with the side effects of the drug, though. I live with constant dull headaches and dry mouth, occasional random twitches and dizziness. But at least right now, the trade-off is worth it.
I don't know if there are any other diagnosed ADD or ADHD sufferers on the Ship but thought it would be beneficial to exchange stories and talk about coping mechanisms.
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"Many people say I embarrass them with my humility" - Archbishop Peter Akinola
Facebook link: http://www.facebook.com/toujoursdan
Posts: 3734 | From: NYC | Registered: Oct 2005
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
Hey ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
I was diagnosed with ADHD aged fifty.
It explains a LOT!
I have used many coping mechanisms over the years without knowing it. I tried Ritalin after my diagnosis and it really did help me to focus, but I hated the side effects, especially the dry mouth.
Ritalin is a stimulant of course (many people think it's the opposite) and coffee has a similar, if far less potent effect.
Now that I'm retired the ADHD is far easier to manage - as I can crash and burn without affecting anyone else.
I was a school teacher for 35 years - the best job of all for an ADDer - you are never bored and you understand the antsi kids from the inside. I became an Advanced Skills Teacher for behaviour managgement because I knew how to deal with the neurologically different kids. Get them sorted and you have the whole class sorted!
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
The thing I hate MOST about ADHD is butting in to conversations and people's sentences.
I know why I do it. My poor executive function and poor working memory mean I would totally forget what I was going to say if I don't say it immediately. I try now to have a pad and pen and write it down - it doesn't really help the flow of conversation, but it helps me to listen sometimes!
On the up-side I'm very good at making people laugh and can have room fulls of people in stitches in no time. This because ADDers are risk takers of high magnitude and do so in humour too. We have a natural sense of comic timing which simply works.
![[Yipee]](graemlins/spin.gif)
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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MSHB
Shipmate
# 9228
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
The thing I hate MOST about ADHD is butting in to conversations and people's sentences.
There's some overlap with Asperger's here. Butting in and also the task switching problems and sleep issues and so on are all common on the autism spectrum.
I think around 40% of Aspies also meet the criteria for ADHD. It is a significant proportion, anyway.
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MSHB: Member of the Shire Hobbit Brigade
Posts: 1522 | From: Dharawal Country | Registered: Mar 2005
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ToujoursDan
Ship's prole
# 10578
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
The thing I hate MOST about ADHD is butting in to conversations and people's sentences.
I used to do this as well. And I'd often say something that wasn't part of the conversation and would get weird looks. After, I'd beat myself up.
The drug definitely helps with the focus and concentration; I also spend an hour each evening doing meditation to further take control of my inner voice.
To supplement the Adderall, I started taking L-Tyrosine and Magnesium supplements (in the evening, hours after I've taken my last pill for the day). L-Tyrosine also boosts Dopamine and the Magnesium tabs help with some of the side effect, particularly the headaches.
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"Many people say I embarrass them with my humility" - Archbishop Peter Akinola
Facebook link: http://www.facebook.com/toujoursdan
Posts: 3734 | From: NYC | Registered: Oct 2005
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Fineline
Shipmate
# 12143
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Posted
There is a lot of overlap with Aspergers. I have Aspergers, and I have fatigue and difficulty organising and getting things done (executive dysfunction) and also interrupting (which I think is difficulty with timing, from what I've read of the research).
I have developed a lot of strategies over the years. The most important one is to make sure I have enough sleep, and not feel guilty about needing and taking more rest than most people seem to. I have at least one day a week in bed, in silence and dark, as a rest from sensory overload.
For organisation, I find it really helpful to write down my thoughts and feelings each day - I write about one thousand words a day. When my thoughts are in my head they aren't focused and they flit around and I feel chaotic, but when they're on paper (or a computer screen) I can see them and organise them, and also work out what I need to do.
Because I get overwhelmed with tidying my house, I have found a strategy that works quite well for that. I tell myself that I will tidy away (or throw away) ten things. These can be little things, like a receipt on the floor that needs throwing away, and it doesn't take long, and once I've done ten things, I will do another ten things, and continue till I've done a hundred, and then more if I want. It makes it manageable, otherwise I get overwhelmed and distracted by all the many many things that need tidying.
I have found listening to binaural beats really helpful too. Theta waves seem to work best for me. They slow and calm my mind, so it's not racing and confused, and they help with sensory overload.
Getting a regular massage also helps with sensory overload, as do baths and swimming, although I'm not sure to what extent that applies to ADHD - it's a common thing in autism, though, to find pressure calming.
Posts: 2375 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2006
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Fineline
Shipmate
# 12143
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Posted
Also making sure your bedroom is really dark at night helps with sleep. And burning lavender aromatherapy oil.
Posts: 2375 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2006
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
Black out blinds or blackout curtain liners are fab and definitely worth the investment.
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Caissa
Shipmate
# 16710
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Posted
I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 7. I took medication until I was 19. Self-medicated ith alcohol during most of my 20s. Have used coping skills for the last 20+ years. I am most susceptible when I am tired. Our oldest son has Aspergers syndrome. I may have a ghost of AS myself.
Posts: 972 | From: Saint John, N.B. | Registered: Oct 2011
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
Suggestions for coping from the other side would be good too - I find myself dealing with someone who I (pat non-doctor diagnosis hat on) suspect has ADHD or some form of higher function autistic spectrum disorder at work, and they are really very difficult to deal with. They're obviously very clever, and incredibly (no, insanely) keen, but have absolutely no concept of time, no patience, no thoughts for others people things or feelings, and after a week and a half the workplace already want to throttle them. Obviously that's not on, so how do we deal with them and keep our sanity as well?
AG
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
Sandemaniac, be crystal clear: state why you have a problem with whatever is being said and keep saying it, until they work out the rules for this workplace.
"So-and-so will be unhappy if you use that equipment because in this workplace (the rule is) we have our own kit and we keep it how we need it. If you want this equipment, this is how you obtain it and this is your bench space / cupboard space."
"That sounds a brilliant idea, but I cannot do it now as it will take 5 hours and it's 15 minutes before home time, but I may be able to do it in the morning, if we can reorganise ... / we can plan it in for next week ... ."
"You do realise you upset so-and-so there? They are upset because ... "
It can sound very rude as you have to dot i's and cross t's, and we don't do that normally, we normally mutter and murmur and glower from a distance and hope the message gets across.
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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ToujoursDan
Ship's prole
# 10578
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Posted
Agree with Curiosity. Be very clear. Get used to having to repeat yourself. Many ADHD suffers have the same problem I did before medication. They have a loud inner monologue that can drown out information from the outside world.
People with ADHD are often very overwhelmed by complex tasks, so breaking them down into smaller pieces is very helpful. Set deadlines on those chunks of work that have to be done. It turns a mountain into something manageable.
Distraction reduction is also effective, whether it is putting someone in a quiet room, helping them manage email and phone interruptions, etc.
Many people with ADHD understand that they are different and often struggle with self-esteem. So if they miss an important detail or make a silly mistake, coach any criticism diplomatically.
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"Many people say I embarrass them with my humility" - Archbishop Peter Akinola
Facebook link: http://www.facebook.com/toujoursdan
Posts: 3734 | From: NYC | Registered: Oct 2005
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balaam
Making an ass of myself
# 4543
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sandemaniac:
Suggestions for coping from the other side would be good too - I find myself dealing with someone who I (pat non-doctor diagnosis hat on) suspect has ADHD or some form of higher function autistic spectrum disorder at work, and they are really very difficult to deal with. They're obviously very clever, and incredibly (no, insanely) keen, but have absolutely no concept of time, no patience, no thoughts for others people things or feelings, and after a week and a half the workplace already want to throttle them. Obviously that's not on, so how do we deal with them and keep our sanity as well?
AG
If they are aspi or high functioning autistic they probably don't pick up on hints. Tell them directly, suggest, no say, things that would help them to fit in. And if they throw a paddy, give them time to work through the anger (this could be days).
On the other hand they might not be like me at all.
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Last ever sig ...
blog
Posts: 9049 | From: Hen Ogledd | Registered: May 2003
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Sandemaniac
Shipmate
# 12829
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Posted
Thanks, everyone. Let's see what can be done...
AG
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"It becomes soon pleasantly apparent that change-ringing is by no means merely an excuse for beer" Charles Dickens gets it wrong, 1869
Posts: 3574 | From: The wardrobe of my soul | Registered: Jul 2007
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Fineline
Shipmate
# 12143
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Sandemaniac:
Suggestions for coping from the other side would be good too - I find myself dealing with someone who I (pat non-doctor diagnosis hat on) suspect has ADHD or some form of higher function autistic spectrum disorder at work, and they are really very difficult to deal with. They're obviously very clever, and incredibly (no, insanely) keen, but have absolutely no concept of time, no patience, no thoughts for others people things or feelings, and after a week and a half the workplace already want to throttle them. Obviously that's not on, so how do we deal with them and keep our sanity as well?
Do you have reviews/supervision, where the person's supervisor talks to them about how they're doing? What has worked best for me in the past was being in a workplace where we all had regular individual supervision sessions. My supervisor would talk to me, ask me how things were going, so I had a chance to state my own perspective, and she would tell me what I was doing well, and give me positive feedback, and then would bring up a couple of instances where I'd said something which had seemed rude. I would be surprised, explain I hadn't meant it to be rude, and she would explain why it seemed rude, and why it could hurt people's feelings.
With me this worked, at that time, but it's also possible that some autistic people might see it as the other person's problem - that if they didn't intend offence, then the other person was in the wrong to take offence (this has been my attitude when I was a lot younger, and is still the attitude of some autistic people I know). In this case, you have to be really explicit that, regardless of intention, this behaviour is not acceptable. Don't do it in an angry or aggressive or even over-authoritarian way, because this can cause an autistic person to get overwhelmed, frightened and defensive. Just in a calm, friendly but firm way.
If you don't have supervisions, then what has worked for me informally is when people set clear boundaries, in a firm, calm, friendly way. Do it in a clear, direct way - don't make snide comments, or try to put them down, and don't make a huge deal of it, but just tell them. If they overstep a boundary, let them know. They probably don't have a clear idea of what is appropriate or not, so it helps to have people clarify.
Posts: 2375 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2006
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Fineline
Shipmate
# 12143
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by ToujoursDan:
People with ADHD are often very overwhelmed by complex tasks, so breaking them down into smaller pieces is very helpful. Set deadlines on those chunks of work that have to be done. It turns a mountain into something manageable.
And if it's ASD, it can be really helpful to write down the list of tasks, or ask the person to write it down themselves. If someone tells me a list of things to do, I get overwhelmed and can't keep it all in my head - I need it visually. I personally will write it down myself - i will tell the person I need to write it down, but that is something I've learnt to do over time. Not everyone will think to do that. And it's useful if it's in some kind of order - I get a bit overwhelmed with sequencing, and if someone tells me to do something when they've already told me to do something else, I can panic, because I don't know which one I'm supposed to be doing at that moment.
You could ask the person if they find it easier to have instructions spoken or in writing. It's quite common in workplaces to ask people what their learning style is. And just observe as well - because everyone's different. See what sort of thing throws the person into a flurry and what sort of thing enables them to work well and calmly.
Posts: 2375 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2006
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MSHB
Shipmate
# 9228
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Fineline:
If someone tells me a list of things to do, I get overwhelmed and can't keep it all in my head - I need it visually.
My brain is so busy when I am meeting a new person that I have no spare capacity for remembering their name. I am too "blinded" by trying to interact with them to be able to use any tricks to memorise their name.
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MSHB: Member of the Shire Hobbit Brigade
Posts: 1522 | From: Dharawal Country | Registered: Mar 2005
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Fineline
Shipmate
# 12143
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by MSHB:
quote:
Originally posted by Fineline:
If someone tells me a list of things to do, I get overwhelmed and can't keep it all in my head - I need it visually.
My brain is so busy when I am meeting a new person that I have no spare capacity for remembering their name. I am too "blinded" by trying to interact with them to be able to use any tricks to memorise their name.
Me too. But I'm okay with saying 'Sorry, what was your name again?' after talking to them for a while. People generally don't seem to mind that, if you do it in an apologetic way. Lots of people seem to forget names. Prosopagnosia is more embarrassing - I don't recognise faces (not even those of my own family, if out of context), which people generally don't seem to understand, so I have to be more subtle in finding ways around that!
Posts: 2375 | From: England | Registered: Dec 2006
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Lamb Chopped
Ship's kebab
# 5528
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Posted
I have that (face blindness) and have taken to warning all my new acquaintances so when I walk right past them in the street, they don't get mad at me. So embarrassing.
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Er, this is what I've been up to (book).
Oh, that you would rend the heavens and come down!
Posts: 20059 | From: off in left field somewhere | Registered: Feb 2004
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MSHB
Shipmate
# 9228
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Fineline:
Prosopagnosia is more embarrassing - I don't recognise faces (not even those of my own family, if out of context), which people generally don't seem to understand, so I have to be more subtle in finding ways around that!
I have difficulty recognising acquaintances if I meet them in a different context from where I usually meet them. I may realise that I have met them before, but have no idea what their name is or where I met them. But that never applies to friends or family. With the acquanaintances, I just have to play along, say non-committal things, and hope I can work out who they are or where I met them.
E.g. I met a woman in the street on Wednesday who obviously knew me and who looked vaguely familiar, but I couldn't place her (and couldn't remember her name - that can take years). I realised later that she has come to my church quite a few times recently with her husband, who I would recognise if I met him somewhere different.
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MSHB: Member of the Shire Hobbit Brigade
Posts: 1522 | From: Dharawal Country | Registered: Mar 2005
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St Deird
Shipmate
# 7631
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Posted
*waves*
Hi! I was diagnosed a decade ago (when I failed an entire semester of uni), and spent about a year on Ritalin before going med-free again. It gave me the space I needed to institute a bunch of systems to make sure I wasn't as hopelessly stuck as I had been.
I think it also helps that I know what's wrong, now. I'm less likely to get horribly lost in the car (because I can say to myself "You're just going panicky and making bad decisions. Stick with the travel plan you already had."), and less likely to beat myself up for being lazy if I do something badly. Plus, I know how much effort paperwork takes for me, so I congratulate myself enthusiastically for knowing where my bills are (even though I haven't paid them yet), and feel no guilt about paying someone else to do my taxes.
I'm rather nervous right now, because I'm pregnant - and this kid is going to throw a whole lot of new chaos into my life. Not sure how my coping mechanisms are going to cope...
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They're not hobbies; they're a robust post-apocalyptic skill-set.
Posts: 319 | From: the other side of nowhere | Registered: Jun 2004
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Piglet
Islander
# 11803
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by MSHB:
... I have difficulty recognising acquaintances if I meet them in a different context from where I usually meet them ...
You don't need to have ADHD to suffer from that - I've quite often been embarrassed by meeting acquaintances or colleagues out of context and wondering where I've seen them before ... ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
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I may not be on an island any more, but I'm still an islander.
alto n a soprano who can read music
Posts: 20272 | From: Fredericton, NB, on a rather larger piece of rock | Registered: Sep 2006
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Boogie
Boogie on down!
# 13538
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by St Deird:
I'm rather nervous right now, because I'm pregnant - and this kid is going to throw a whole lot of new chaos into my life. Not sure how my coping mechanisms are going to cope...
They do, they do
I have ADHD, and so does my eldest son. He wasn't diagnosed 'till he was at university - he seemed totally normal to me. The fact that he never stopped moving, climbed everything and jumped over everything just caused me to think he was really clever. He was crawling at 5 and a half months, pushing his wheeled trolley at six months and walking at 10 months. The photos look strange now - such a tiny baby crawling around!
We did clash rather when he was a teenager - with both of us tending to speak first, think later. He was such a risk taker, but so am I so I let it go most of the time. We get on great now and love each other's company.
[ 21. August 2014, 14:23: Message edited by: Boogie ]
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Garden. Room. Walk
Posts: 13030 | From: Boogie Wonderland | Registered: Mar 2008
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