Thread: Making peace with a perceived problem Board: Oblivion / Ship of Fools.
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Posted by Graven Image (# 8755) on
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Have any on the ship learned to let go and just live with something they once perceived as a problem?
I have learned to not only live with my naturally curly hair, but now I enjoy the ease of caring for it, and even the way it looks. As a young child I was taught that I must, "Control" my hair, and for some reason I kept it up through adulthood. After years and years of jells, creams, special shampoos, heating irons and such one day I just gave up and let it curl. It is such a relief to just wash my hair and go after all those years of struggle I sure wish I had done it earlier in life.
Posted by Palimpsest (# 16772) on
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Sometimes it's other people who define it as a problem. Hair is funny because I've heard people with straight hair complain about not having curly hair and people with curly hair bemoan not having straight hair. I have curly hair, and the concern these daysis more about having enough left.
The biggest problem that turned out not to be a problem was going from being a homosexual to being an out gay.
Posted by L'organist (# 17338) on
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Lack of height in a family of tall people.
Seriously - A great-grandmother of 6' 3", average height of my mother and her sisters 5' 11", average height on father's side 6' plus.
Over both sides of the family my cousins range from 5' 9" (female) to 6' 10". As for me, I'm only 5' 6".
I still grit my teeth when siblings and cousins refer to me as 'the changeling'.
Posted by Jane R (# 331) on
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So you're the only average-sized person in a family of giants, then?
My problem when I was a teenager was that I didn't like the colour of my hair. I wanted to be red-haired, or blonde, or black-haired - anything but brown!
Eventually I got used to having brown hair. I was telling a friend about this sometime after I became reconciled to my hair colour, and his reaction was 'why didn't you dye it?'
Not the point. Underneath, it would still have been brown.
Posted by Caissa (# 16710) on
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I never enjoyed being underweight. Time took care of that problem.
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
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I was raised to have a sense of shame at not being able to write cursively. I once told a remedial-writing teacher that I never did, and she recated with muted outrage. "A student your age? That is INSANE."
Eventually, I had a conversation witn an uncle who didn't write cursively either, and he seemed like a successful enough guy, so I figured it was something you could live without. Years later, I asked someone why it was considered important to write cursively, and they said, quite non-chalantly, "Well, it's just quicker." (Whereas my teachers made it sound as if writing cursively were the equivalent of observing the incest taboo or something.)
Not to be unheavenly, but I have long had the impression that much of what school teachers hold near and dear is based on flavour-of-the-month faddism. I suspect that my remdial teacher had once heard some pedagogical theorist deliver a lecture about how "If a student is going to survive and thrive in a modern democratic society, it is of the utmost importance that he learn the skill of joined lettering. Our schools have for too long neglected this crucial acquisition."
Posted by Schroedinger's cat (# 64) on
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My lack of spirituality.
I am not a traditionally spiritual and meditative person. I hate silent retreats. My spirituality is different - often "urban".
I used to think that it was a problem that I had not developed to the level of finding quiet meditation inspiring. These days, I have come to accept that I am who I am, and my spirituality is a reflection of who and where I am.
In the end, I will learn from others where I can, but I won't necessarily emulate them. I will find God where I find him.
Posted by Stetson (# 9597) on
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quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
My lack of spirituality.
I am not a traditionally spiritual and meditative person. I hate silent retreats. My spirituality is different - often "urban".
I used to think that it was a problem that I had not developed to the level of finding quiet meditation inspiring. These days, I have come to accept that I am who I am, and my spirituality is a reflection of who and where I am.
In the end, I will learn from others where I can, but I won't necessarily emulate them. I will find God where I find him.
I feel like I could have written the above.
No joking, but these days I find that I come closer to encountering God on the Ship than anywhere else in my life(*). And of course, this is hardly a quiet and meditative place.
(*) Granted, this probably says as much about me as about the Ship, but still...
[ 25. September 2014, 17:49: Message edited by: Stetson ]
Posted by doubtingthomas (# 14498) on
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quote:
Originally posted by Graven Image:
I have learned to not only live with my naturally curly hair ... As a young child I was taught that I must, "Control" my hair...
You are clearly a different age from me ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
I was a teenager in the eighties, and everyone loved my untamable curls - except me...(after all, I was the one who got hurt by the brush every day!)
Fortunately that has sorted itself with age - it has gone down to pleasantly wavy all by itself.
Posted by nickel (# 8363) on
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I'm trying, right now. Problem: someone (not me, and the only other inhabitant is dear husband so it must be HIM!) never leaves the hand-towel by the sink. It always ends up elsewhere. So a few weeks ago I gave up: after drying my hands, I put the towel on the far counter. If you can't lick'em, join'em! Recently dear husband has remarked that the hand towel is never where it's supposed to be. Ha! however, it is small stuff and I no longer sweat it, at least not very much. (Besides which, within a year we'll be downsizing to a home with a much smaller kitchen so no matter where the hand towel ends up then, it'll be much closer!)
Posted by no prophet (# 15560) on
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quote:
Originally posted by Schroedinger's cat:
I hate silent retreats.
That's an agreement here. I pray better with an axe in hand chopping wood. Or just about anything not involving just sitting and trying to be deep or otherwise spiritual.
Posted by la vie en rouge (# 10688) on
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Being crap at competitive team sports.
I have exactly no hand-eye coordination. My brain sees a missile approaching and has absolutely no idea where it is headed. School PE was misery. *Everything* we played (tennis, netball, rounders…) involved missiles.
As an adult, I have discovered that (a) I’m actually ok at running (no flying projectiles involved) and (b) the ability to throw and catch is highly overrated and much less important to daily life than my PE teacher tried to make me believe.
Posted by Karl: Liberal Backslider (# 76) on
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quote:
Originally posted by la vie en rouge:
Being crap at competitive team sports.
I have exactly no hand-eye coordination. My brain sees a missile approaching and has absolutely no idea where it is headed. School PE was misery. *Everything* we played (tennis, netball, rounders…) involved missiles.
As an adult, I have discovered that (a) I’m actually ok at running (no flying projectiles involved) and (b) the ability to throw and catch is highly overrated and much less important to daily life than my PE teacher tried to make me believe.
Tell me about it. Tennis teachers go on about where to place the ball in the opponent's court; it's as much as I can do to get it "in" at all when serving, and when not serving making contact with the ball at all is a major challenge, never mind actually returning it. As for returning it to a particular part of the court, you might as well ask me to fly to the moon.
Posted by Fineline (# 12143) on
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Ah, lots of things - one might as well make peace with them, after all, if they are there to stay.
Big knobbly knees, inability to recognise faces, being socially awkward, not being able to drive. And having a preference for silence and solitude (perhaps the opposite of SC's perceived problem - people have tended to see me as unsociable and hermit-like. But it's who I am and so there's no point pretending to be otherwise.).
Posted by Fineline (# 12143) on
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Also - exactly what le vie en rouge said, except I don't run. I swim, and love it. No flying projectiles, no competition - just swimming up and down the pool by myself.
Posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger (# 8891) on
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quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Lack of height in a family of tall people.
As for me, I'm only 5' 6".
I still grit my teeth when siblings and cousins refer to me as 'the changeling'.
Remember - the best things come in small packages.
Posted by Boogie (# 13538) on
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Arthritis.
My joints hurt, often, but I can live with it and ignore it - no problem.
Posted by leo (# 1458) on
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So can I - except when sciatica comes in its wake occasionally.
[ 26. September 2014, 18:46: Message edited by: leo ]
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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quote:
Originally posted by Boogie:
Arthritis.
My joints hurt, often, but I can live with it and ignore it - no problem.
Yup.
I discovered when I got my oral surgery last year that I an pretty tolerant to pain. I was prescribed painkillers and would forget to take them until I was cranky and fatigued-- then I would have to stop and ask myself if I was in pain. I am so used to being kinda achy that I didn't realize pain was making me act funny.
[ 26. September 2014, 19:04: Message edited by: Kelly Alves ]
Posted by Firenze (# 619) on
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But, Lord Crist! whan that it remembreth me
Upon my yowthe and on my jolitee,
It tikleth me aboute myn herte roote.
Unto this day it dooth myn herte boote
That I have had my world, as in my tyme.
But age, allas, that al wole envenyme,
Hath me biraft my beautee and my pith!
Lat go, farewel, the devel go therwith!
The flour is goon, ther is namoore to telle,
The bren as I best kan, now moste I selle;
Yup.
Posted by Jade Constable (# 17175) on
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quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Lack of height in a family of tall people.
Seriously - A great-grandmother of 6' 3", average height of my mother and her sisters 5' 11", average height on father's side 6' plus.
Over both sides of the family my cousins range from 5' 9" (female) to 6' 10". As for me, I'm only 5' 6".
I still grit my teeth when siblings and cousins refer to me as 'the changeling'.
Average height for women in the UK is 5'4-5'6 so you're definitely the taller side of average. I'm 5'1, mum is 5 foot nothing (though I wouldn't be surprised if she was 4'11), sister is 5'2 or thereabouts so we're all needing stools to reach top cupboards in our house, except for my dad
Posted by Horseman Bree (# 5290) on
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Posting to add my name to the list along with Schroedinger's Cat, Stetson and no prophet.
3 out 4 are Canadian. Is this something to do with "too much geography"? The wide open spaces of the Prairies or the endless waves of spruce across the rest of the landscape tending to make church ritual rather blah?
Posted by jedijudy (# 333) on
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quote:
Originally posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger:
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Lack of height in a family of tall people.
As for me, I'm only 5' 6".
I still grit my teeth when siblings and cousins refer to me as 'the changeling'.
Remember - the best things come in small packages.
Yup. One of my friends calls me
"fun size".
Posted by Kelly Alves (# 2522) on
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Hee! ![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
Oh, I have no depth perception. I have adapted to it so completely that I often forget that I have no depth perception-- so I will giddily climb up a step ladder with no fear of heights, then have to feel my way back down step by step.
I was watching a street cleaner go by the other day, and I realized I could never do that job as I would not be able to sense where the cars were, and would probably be scratching them up left and right. Or I would be overanxious about hitting one and leave big patches of waste along the gutters.
Posted by Patdys (# 9397) on
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Bunny with a crocheted axe.
For me I had to let go of career aspirations when I elected to work in a 'holding pattern' job, do some study for fun and watch my kids grow up a bit.
The funny thing was is that having let it go, was about the time things started to escalate work wise. And the study for fun is key to underpinning my current work.
All of this whilst on board here BTW.
Posted by Heavenly Anarchist (# 13313) on
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I am 4 foot 11 and whilst I may not be able to reach the top shelf at the supermarket it does mean I have lovely upright posture
(I have a library kick stool (bright red) in the kitchen and it is one of my favourite things).
Posted by PeteC (# 10422) on
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A long time ago, I realised that, despite my fantasies, I would never be a fireman or a star at anything I wanted to be. I decided that I would have to find something I could do fairly well and do my best at it. Have I ever failed? Yes, and quite spectacularly. As will be evident to anyone who has read my posts here. In real life, I maintain a front. Even my successes have me quaking inside, waiting for exposure as a fraud.
It almost never happens, of course. So I keep striving to do my best, to be the best me I can be.
Posted by cattyish (# 7829) on
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Before I got married I was convinced that my life would be incomplete unless I had children. We had some serious discussions about it and agreed that we would start a family once I'd finished my professional training. It hasn't worked out that way. I'm 39 today and I'm perfectly happy to borrow other people's children. I am auntie and godmother to a collection of lovely children and young people, and I get the chance to talk to young people at church and as a member of a school chaplaincy team. I can see now that if I had children of my own I'd have less time to give my godchildren.
Cattyish, enjoying a day off.
Posted by Fineline (# 12143) on
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quote:
Originally posted by Kelly Alves:
Oh, I have no depth perception. I have adapted to it so completely that I often forget that I have no depth perception-- so I will giddily climb up a step ladder with no fear of heights, then have to feel my way back down step by step.
Same here, which is one reason I don't drive. Although I was never even aware I had no depth perception until I was tested for Irlen lenses, so I guess it was never a perceived problem for me. I always feel my way on ladders and stairs, so I can't imagine a different way of doing it.
Posted by Fineline (# 12143) on
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Also, happy birthday, Cattyish.
Posted by cattyish (# 7829) on
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Thank you Fineline It is a good day of sunshine, gardening, chocolate, tea and church drama practice.
Cattyish, about to put her Interflora delivery in a vase.
Posted by Fineline (# 12143) on
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Sounds lovely, cattyish - chocolate and tea are always a good combination.
Posted by Gussie (# 12271) on
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I'm hard of hearing , something that doesn't bother me at all, I like being able to turn off my hearing aids in noisy places and ignore the world. It's been known to bother other people though....
Posted by Kitten (# 1179) on
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quote:
Originally posted by The Phantom Flan Flinger:
quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
Lack of height in a family of tall people.
As for me, I'm only 5' 6".
I still grit my teeth when siblings and cousins refer to me as 'the changeling'.
Remember - the best things come in small packages.
I'm tall, and have come to loathe that expression over the years
Posted by piglet (# 11803) on
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quote:
Originally posted by L'organist:
... I'm only 5' 6" ...
In the most literal sense, I look up to you - I'm only 5'2".
Posted by Jane R (# 331) on
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Sorry about the 'giants' quip, Kitten. ![[Hot and Hormonal]](icon_redface.gif)
I am 5'6" myself (same height as L'organist, on the taller side of average) but have always thought of myself as tall because I spent most of my time in primary school being the tallest in the class. I stopped growing when I was about 12, but I've gone on thinking of myself as tall. It was quite a shock, in my late teens, when I noticed that most of the boys and a few of the girls in my year were taller than me. I still have to keep reminding myself that I'm not (that) tall.
Posted by lilBuddha (# 14333) on
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Height and hair.
Mind of its own, my hair. Sorted it right out with clipper set to low. Only downside is mum. "You have such lovely hair when you let it grow"
As for the height, not sure when it stopped bothering me. I would say it simply became unimportant. My friends would say where my height stops, my attitude begins.
Posted by Sir Kevin (# 3492) on
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My grammar school kids think I'm tall, but 5'10" is the average height for a man my age. They must be comparing me to female classroom teachers...
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