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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Christmas cracker jokes
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Chamois
Shipmate
# 16204
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Posted
We have had some good cracker jokes in the Chamoisian household this Christmas. Our favourite so far:
Q: How do you make gold soup?
A: Put in 24 carrots.
Any specially good (or specially dreadful) cracker jokes other shipmates would like to share?
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The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases
Posts: 978 | From: Hill of roses | Registered: Feb 2011
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Ariel
Shipmate
# 58
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Posted
The one I got from our office Christmas lunch this year is:
Q. "Why did the elf make his bed in the fireplace?"
A. "Because he wanted to sleep like a log."
Posts: 25445 | Registered: May 2001
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no prophet's flag is set so...
Proceed to see sea
# 15560
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Posted
Q: what did backwards Santa say?
A: oh, oh, oh!
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Out of this nettle, danger, we pluck this flower, safety.
\_(ツ)_/
Posts: 11498 | From: Treaty 6 territory in the nonexistant Province of Buffalo, Canada ↄ⃝' | Registered: Mar 2010
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marzipan
Shipmate
# 9442
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Posted
We had some pretty bad ones at our office Christmas meal, one I had to explain to my Spanish colleague was:
There's been reports of a big hole in the ground. Local police are looking into it.
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formerly cheesymarzipan.
Now containing 50% less cheese
Posts: 917 | From: nowhere in particular | Registered: May 2005
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tessaB
Shipmate
# 8533
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Posted
Q. What do you call a donkey with three legs?
A. A wonkey!
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tessaB
eating chocolate to the glory of God
Holiday cottage near Rye
Posts: 1068 | From: U.K. | Registered: Sep 2004
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Morgan
Shipmate
# 15372
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Posted
Q. What did the policeman say to his tummy?
A. You're under a vest!
Posts: 111 | From: Canberra | Registered: Dec 2009
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Wesley J
Silly Shipmate
# 6075
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Posted
They pulled some crackers on one or two of the BBC Radio 4 programmes I was listening to, and a few of the jokes were the same as we had in ours!
Thankfully, much groaning was had cracker-jokes-wise where I was - which I always rather enjoy as a group bonding experience. ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
One of those I care to remember:
- What do ghosts wear when it rains?
- Kaghouls.
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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)
Posts: 7354 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004
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Porridge
Shipmate
# 15405
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Posted
Must a Brits-only joke. Makes no sense to me.
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Spiggott: Everything I've ever told you is a lie, including that.
Moon: Including what?
Spiggott: That everything I've ever told you is a lie.
Moon: That's not true!
Posts: 3925 | From: Upper right corner | Registered: Jan 2010
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Mili
Shipmate
# 3254
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Posted
The joke in mine this year wasn't too bad:
Q. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants?*
A. In case he got a hole in one.
*I think they meant trousers not underpants though I suppose that could work too.
Posts: 1015 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
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Kittyville
Shipmate
# 16106
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Posted
Kagoul
Porridge, if you've missed out on the kagoul experience, I envy you.
Posts: 291 | From: Sydney | Registered: Dec 2010
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Mili
Shipmate
# 3254
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Posted
I was confused there for a minute wondering why ghosts would wear porridge. Obviously I'm a bit tired after the Christmas celebrations.
Posts: 1015 | From: Melbourne, Australia | Registered: Aug 2002
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Wesley J
Silly Shipmate
# 6075
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Posted
Wait - I've got another one, which I think is a classic:
Q: What is a ghost's favourite food?
A: Ghoulash.
![[Big Grin]](biggrin.gif)
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Be it as it may: Wesley J will stay. --- Euthanasia, that sounds good. An alpine neutral neighbourhood. Then back to Britain, all dressed in wood. Things were gonna get worse. (John Cooper Clarke)
Posts: 7354 | From: The Isles of Silly | Registered: May 2004
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Alan Cresswell
Mad Scientist 先生
# 31
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Posted
A question quite appropriate for most people I know
What do you give to a man who has everything?
Antibiotics
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Don't cling to a mistake just because you spent a lot of time making it.
Posts: 32413 | From: East Kilbride (Scotland) or 福島 | Registered: May 2001
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Brenda Clough
Shipmate
# 18061
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Posted
The title of this thread calls to mind a thoroughly American comment making the rounds: Don't call us crackers! We're Saltine-Americans!
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Science fiction and fantasy writer with a Patreon page
Posts: 6378 | From: Washington DC | Registered: Mar 2014
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jrw
Shipmate
# 18045
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Posted
Q: What football team did the baby Jesus support?
A: Manger-ster United.
Posts: 522 | Registered: Mar 2014
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Baptist Trainfan
Shipmate
# 15128
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Posted
Q. Why did the graduate student cross the road?
A. Because she was researching a dissertation on chickens.
Posts: 9750 | From: The other side of the Severn | Registered: Sep 2009
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Pigwidgeon
Ship's Owl
# 10192
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Posted
Q. How did King Wenceslaus like his pizza?
A. Deep pan, crisp and even.
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"...that is generally a matter for Pigwidgeon, several other consenting adults, a bottle of cheap Gin and the odd giraffe."
~Tortuf
Posts: 9835 | From: Hogwarts | Registered: Aug 2005
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Adam.
Like as the
# 4991
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Posted
Did you know that 30% of car accidents in Sweden involve a moose? I say don't let them drive.
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Ave Crux, Spes Unica!
Preaching blog
Posts: 8164 | From: Notre Dame, IN | Registered: Sep 2003
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Penny S
Shipmate
# 14768
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Posted
There was an erudite one reported in my paper from a pack of crackers reviewed by comedians.
Why did the chicken cross the Moebius strip?
To get to the same side.
Despite being fully stocked with crackers for the next few years, I was sorely tempted to buy the expensive lot to find out the rest of the jokes.
Posts: 5833 | Registered: May 2009
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