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Source: (consider it)
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Thread: Kids! Discussing your post-toddler and preteen.
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
This is to fill a needed gap between babies and toddlers, teens, and Special Needs - all of which have their own threads.
Have at it!
[ 07. August 2013, 08:27: Message edited by: PeteC ]
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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mark_in_manchester
not waving, but...
# 15978
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Posted
well...kids in Manchester are 5 11/12, and 8. I just gave up my job, and have been looking after them over school holidays - just entering week 3. Lots of trips - Granny (200 miles), sis (140 miles) and mate's near the sea tomorrow for 3 days.
I have to say that since I am no longer feeling like shite about my job, we are all getting on a whole lot better. They soak up time with them like nothing else, love you for it, and I no longer want to sell them into slavery.
Let's hope the missis keeps her job...
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Having just been ambushed by a load of local 6-11 year olds with water pistols I reckon slavery is too good for them!
I may not have helped things with my response of going to get my own pressurised water thingy in order to retaliate.
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Huia
Shipmate
# 3473
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Posted
Well, I reckon the preschooler I heard bellowing in the local mall could be attatched to a ship as a foghorn - I've never heard a kid make that much noise.
I sort of admired it in a way, while being very glad I wasn't related or a neighbour.
Huia
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Charity gives food from the table, Justice gives a place at the table.
Posts: 10382 | From: Te Wai Pounamu | Registered: Oct 2002
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birdie
fowl
# 2173
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Posted
Ooh, I meant to start this thread, but, y'know... events....
Anyway. Currently on the table in the birdie household:
Exhibit a: 8 and a half year old boy, who can be emotionally very volatile (has a lot to deal with, one way and another), and when upset, has a tendency to dig his nails into his arms, try to hit himself and similar. Has been described as a 'very noticing sort of child' by others.
Exhibit b: good friend H who has a history of depression, and very visible self-harm scarring.
Noticing Boy has unsurprisingly noticed scarring, and wants to know how it happened.
My concern is how to talk about it in a way which does not open this up as a possible Thing He Could Do when he's angry or upset. I'm determined to be truthful with him and not try and find a way of explaining it away, but my concern is that if I say something along the lines of 'at times when H has felt very sad or upset, she has hurt herself', he might make the connection with how he feels and the things he does sometimes, and then I'll have to hide all the kitchen knives.
Any bright ideas?
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"Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness."
Captain Jack Sparrow
Posts: 1290 | From: the edge | Registered: Jan 2002
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Jenn.
Shipmate
# 5239
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Posted
Birdie, no bright ideas but would talking about it as part of illness/depression help?
Posts: 2282 | From: England | Registered: Nov 2003
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Chorister
Completely Frocked
# 473
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Posted
Speaking as someone who used to do such things, I can only offer reassurance that he will probably grow out of it, like I did. Nobody noticed and nobody talked to me about it. It was just one of those things.
It might be worth looking at the child health section in your local library, though, if you are concerned and want to help. Last time I looked in mine, they had some rather good child development books, written by health professionals with proper credentials, with reassuring suggestions. That or the NHS online problem solving pages.
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Retired, sitting back and watching others for a change.
Posts: 34626 | From: Cream Tealand | Registered: Jun 2001
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Curiosity killed ...
Ship's Mug
# 11770
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Posted
Be honest, but describe the depression as taking over H so that she does things she would not do normally - chemical imbalance of the brain, possibly? And that when she is well she probably doesn't recognise these things as something sensible to do.
And talk to him about frustration and feeling angry with himself and what things would work to help him overcome those feelings? Kneading dough, pinging elastic bands around wrists, tearing paper up into tiny pieces, chopping wood, banging nails into something?
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Mugs - Keep the Ship afloat
Posts: 13794 | From: outiside the outer ring road | Registered: Aug 2006
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birdie
fowl
# 2173
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Posted
Thanks, I think that talking about it specifically in the context of an illness will be helpful. We do talk about his anger and how he expresses it as an ongoing sort of thing but I don't want to connect that with the self-harm thing.
His behaviors when angry or upset aren't concerning me too much just at the moment, my concern is more that it might escalate if he make the connection with cutting.
So you're right, talking specifically in the context of depression is the way forward I think.
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"Gentlemen, I wash my hands of this weirdness."
Captain Jack Sparrow
Posts: 1290 | From: the edge | Registered: Jan 2002
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would love to belong
Shipmate
# 16747
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by birdie:
Ooh, I meant to start this thread, but, y'know... events....
Anyway. Currently on the table in the birdie household:
Exhibit a: 8 and a half year old boy, who can be emotionally very volatile (has a lot to deal with, one way and another), and when upset, has a tendency to dig his nails into his arms, try to hit himself and similar. Has been described as a 'very noticing sort of child' by others.
Exhibit b: good friend H who has a history of depression, and very visible self-harm scarring.
Noticing Boy has unsurprisingly noticed scarring, and wants to know how it happened.
My concern is how to talk about it in a way which does not open this up as a possible Thing He Could Do when he's angry or upset. I'm determined to be truthful with him and not try and find a way of explaining it away, but my concern is that if I say something along the lines of 'at times when H has felt very sad or upset, she has hurt herself', he might make the connection with how he feels and the things he does sometimes, and then I'll have to hide all the kitchen knives.
Any bright ideas?
Hi Birdie. I'm an emotionally very volatile 56 year old who sometimes (well, often ![[Frown]](frown.gif) ) behaves like your wee one, but I don't self-harm and never have, so I don't think you need to worry ![[Smile]](smile.gif)
I suspect your lad is just needing a bit of attention when he is upset. We all need that. As I understand it, self cutting is a solitary activity when internal pain becomes too much to bear and the only relief is found in subjecting oneself to physical pain. It is not attention-seeking behaviour.
I would give your son lots of hugs and reassurance when he behaves as you describe. I am sure you do.
I would be honest with him when he asks questions about your friend. Knowing about self cutting isn't going to make him do it.
Posts: 331 | From: Lost and confused | Registered: Oct 2011
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comet
Snowball in Hell
# 10353
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Posted
2 years before they slept through the night for all three of mine, Gwai. mom says I took two years, also.
sounds totally normal to me. sorry.
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Evil Dragon Lady, Breaker of Men's Constitutions
"It's hard to be religious when certain people are never incinerated by bolts of lightning.” -Calvin
Posts: 17024 | From: halfway between Seduction and Peril | Registered: Sep 2005
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Leorning Cniht
Shipmate
# 17564
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Posted
Our experience was rather like Comet's. Nobody slept through the night on a regular basis until their two-year-old molars had come in.
Posts: 5026 | From: USA | Registered: Feb 2013
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lily pad
Shipmate
# 11456
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Posted
Birdie, it might help to find a physical way to calm down when angry. My mom used to banish my brother to the drum set in the basement for 20 minutes - he was a young teen at the time. He would go down furious and come upstairs sweating, exhausted and calm as could be.
While I am not a mom and the first to say I may know nothing at all, at camp, when kids have been quite angry, we've gone for a silent walk or have run around the outside of the dining hall a few times - depending on the level of upset - and the physical exercise somehow is very helpful in calming down.
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Sloppiness is not caring. Fussiness is caring about the wrong things. With thanks to Adeodatus!
Posts: 2468 | From: Truly Canadian | Registered: May 2006
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Gwai
Shipmate
# 11076
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Posted
Thanks, comet, Leorning Cniht. That really is what I wanted to be told. My mother says we all slept through the night at no more than half his age and asks about it often enough that I feel a little deficient.* That and I hear from enough smug parents whose kids sleep brilliantly that I began to wonder if I wasn't fooling myself that Gremlin was normal. He is certainly more attached to me than the average child his age, but that's because I wore him like 6 hours a day until he was like 6 months old (Then went back to work full time!) So it's good to know that's not why he's getting up.
*She is not passive-aggressive, and almost assuredly does not have any idea that she makes me a bit anxious about it.
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A master of men was the Goodly Fere,
A mate of the wind and sea.
If they think they ha’ slain our Goodly Fere
They are fools eternally.
Posts: 11914 | From: Chicago | Registered: Feb 2006
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North East Quine
Curious beastie
# 13049
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Posted
My first slept through the night, more or less, from 3 months. The second, who had a reflux, was still getting a 2am feed at age 2.
I think grandparents forget a lot of the minor things. My mother was adamant that we "never had a cold" and couldn't understand why my kids were frequently snotty-nosed. I'm sure she'd just forgotten; why would anyone bother to remember how often their children were sniffly?
Posts: 6414 | From: North East Scotland | Registered: Oct 2007
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jedijudy
Organist of the Jedi Temple
# 333
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Posted
My kids never slept through the night until they were over two years.
I did want to punch the lights out of mothers who had tiny babies sleeping all night while my toddlers were partying. But that was just my exhaustion wearing me down! ![[Biased]](wink.gif)
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Jasmine, little cat with a big heart.
Posts: 18017 | From: 'Twixt the 'Glades and the Gulf | Registered: Aug 2001
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Polly Plummer
Shipmate
# 13354
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Posted
Our no.1 son had bad colic every evening, but when he eventually quietened down he slept through.
No. 2 was quiet in the evening but woke us up in the small hours every single night till he was two.
And that's why we didn't have any more!
Posts: 577 | Registered: Jan 2008
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
Ahem. A gentle reminder that babies and toddlers and rugrats have their own thread called Sallorets which I found languishing on Page 3. We also have threads for special needs kids - which is here.. As for teens, there was one somewhere, but it might have disappeared in the last thread emetic. Do feel free to start another.
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
The teens thread is here.
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Panda
Shipmate
# 2951
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Posted
Any suggestions for dealing with instant anger eruptions in a nearly 9-yr old boy. He is the oldest of 3, very bright and often very loving, but also quite single-minded and competitive. He's much better than he was at not getting angry generally, but twice in two weeks he's hit or shoved hard someone who accidentally hit or knocked into him.
There was no time for counting to 5, or analysing the situation, or thinking through or anything - it was just an instinctive reaction - 'I've been hit, I must hit back.'
No-one hits him, but he does generally run at higher temperature than his brother and sister, getting more annoyed more often than them.
Hard to know how to react, other than making it clear how displeased we were with his behaviour. He knows he shouldn't have, but I really doubt there was any thought process involved at that moment.
Posts: 1637 | From: North Wales | Registered: Jun 2002
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would love to belong
Shipmate
# 16747
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Posted
I don't think you can do much more than you're doing Panda.
It may sound a bit OTT but perhaps a wee round table discussion with your boy, yourself and the wronged sibling/friend during which the wronged party can explain how the cause of the incident was accidental and the pain/hurt they felt and both parties can apologise for the accident and the retaliation. This would drive home to your son that his action has caused pain to someone else (i know it was done without thinking but this might have some effect on future thinking beforee action)while at the same time not singling him out. It might drive the lesson home without causing the lad too much shame.
[ 08. August 2013, 16:58: Message edited by: would love to belong ]
Posts: 331 | From: Lost and confused | Registered: Oct 2011
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Doublethink.
Ship's Foolwise Unperson
# 1984
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Posted
Possibly exposing him to accidental touch in a safe setting - so it's less startling, e.g. some sort of team sport. In other words, rather than avoiding the situation, exposing him to it regularly so he gets used to it.
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All political thinking for years past has been vitiated in the same way. People can foresee the future only when it coincides with their own wishes, and the most grossly obvious facts can be ignored when they are unwelcome. George Orwell
Posts: 19219 | From: Erehwon | Registered: Aug 2005
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Haydee
Shipmate
# 14734
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Leorning Cniht:
Our experience was rather like Comet's. Nobody slept through the night on a regular basis until their two-year-old molars had come in.
Friends tell me a dash of whisky in the bed time hot chocolate worked a treat - for the children as well
Posts: 433 | Registered: Apr 2009
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Haydee
Shipmate
# 14734
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Posted
Birdie - I had to explain my scars to my older daughter, and did in the context of illness and depression. It helped that the local library had a book for children about having a parent with depression, which reassured her that this was reasonably common and not something she needed to worry about. Perhaps check out the library and see if they have anything useful.
Posts: 433 | Registered: Apr 2009
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Uncle Pete
Loyaute me lie
# 10422
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Posted
It'll soon be autumn. The little beggars will be back in school and causing grief to parents.
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Even more so than I was before
Posts: 20466 | From: No longer where I was | Registered: Sep 2005
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
...or, as is the case here with a neighbour's youngster, falling over and breaking limbs!
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
...or in Little J's case, suffering from migraines again and In Trouble with the head because the repeated absences are ruining the school's OFSTED rating and the head doesn't seem to believe that migraine is a genuine illness ![[Mad]](angryfire.gif)
Got new glasses for her a couple of days ago - hopefully these will fix it. No migraines so far...
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
quote:
Originally posted by Jane R:
...the head doesn't seem to believe that migraine is a genuine illness ...
What a twallop of a headteacher! He is welcome to experience a few of mine and then say that!
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
Thanks, Wodders (it's a she, btw).
Actually I'm not sure what the head thinks - some of the things she says seem to suggest she thinks Little J is malingering, but a couple of weeks ago we dragged her to school while she was having a migraine and the head sent her straight home again. I think what she'd really like to do is expel Little J so we aren't messing up her figures any more; I haven't seen any indications so far that she actually cares about Little J's wellbeing.
I should be calling her Middle-sized J really - she's just turned 10 and is in her final year of primary school, which is part of the problem. There are some high-stakes government tests at the end of the year and the school is judged (and possibly condemned) on how well the pupils do in them.
I don't see how it helps anyone to have her in school when she's too ill to concentrate on her work, though.
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Panda
Shipmate
# 2951
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Posted
I had my first migraine in school when I was about 12 - I sat staring into space wondering what the pretty flashing lights were, and then when it hit I couldn't even lift my head off the desk for the pain, much less open my eyes. Deep sympathy to Little/mid J.
Posts: 1637 | From: North Wales | Registered: Jun 2002
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Tree Bee
Ship's tiller girl
# 4033
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Posted
Daughter Erin missed a lot of secondary school due to migraines.
I'm convinced it was caused by her not drinking as she didn't want to use the school's loos.
May not apply here, but worth checking on drinking levels.
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"Any fool can make something complicated. It takes a genius to make it simple."
— Woody Guthrie
http://saysaysay54.wordpress.com
Posts: 5257 | From: me to you. | Registered: Feb 2003
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
Jane, it's not just to do with SATS. IIRC schools are marked down by Ofsted for less than 100% attendance, and can't get an 'Outstanding'. And now it's heading that 'Good' isn't good enough... ![[Roll Eyes]](rolleyes.gif)
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Jane R
Shipmate
# 331
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Posted
Humpf. Should I be writing to my MP to complain, then? Because that's ridiculous. No school is ever going to achieve 100% attendance, even if they aren't hit with a measles epidemic.
It may not do any good of course; the whole idea behind OFSTED inspections seems to be to set schools up for failure. 'Outstanding' means 'We looked as hard as we could but failed to find anything to criticise'.
I was toying with the idea of writing to my MP about Michael Gove anyway.
(thanks for the advice, Tree Bee, but it's not dehydration - she has a water bottle in the classroom and her teachers are reminding her to keep taking sips from it).
[ 15. November 2013, 09:09: Message edited by: Jane R ]
Posts: 3958 | From: Jorvik | Registered: May 2001
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Sarkycow
La belle Dame sans merci
# 1012
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Posted
Gove and his crusades are ridiculous. What OFSTED are being told to do is ridiculous. Every week a new 'priority' comes out, and there's a new way of doing something, or new target group to focus on, etc.
My personal favourite recent OFTSED story (I am married to a teacher,and friends with a whole bunch more) is that after the OFSTED inspector had observed someone's lesson he said sorrowfully "That was outstanding, but unfortunately I can't give you that grade because you didn't promote or evaluate childrens' spiritual, moral, social or cultural development. I can't see how you would do that in this maths lesson, but it's one of the criteria for an outstanding grade..."
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“Just because your voice reaches halfway around the world doesn't mean you are wiser than when it reached only to the end of the bar.”
Posts: 10787 | Registered: Jul 2001
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Welease Woderwick
Sister Incubus Nightmare
# 10424
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Posted
Here is a toast to the "promotion ... of childrens' spiritual, moral, social or cultural development" in 2014 and a prayer for those doing the promoting!
![[Votive]](graemlins/votive.gif)
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I give thanks for unknown blessings already on their way.
Fancy a break in South India?
Accessible Homestay Guesthouse in Central Kerala, contact me for details
What part of Matt. 7:1 don't you understand?
Posts: 48139 | From: 1st on the right, straight on 'til morning | Registered: Sep 2005
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